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Lethal Goofin'
Reviewed: 03/12/2017
Which Is Why Safety Is So Overrated!
Well; after PJ and Max had the best episode in the series thus far, this is the follow up episode. The plot is this: Bullies beware! Max and PJ, new School Safety Patrolmen, are on the prowl. Oooo! So how does this episode fare? Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Mark McCorkle and Robert Schooley. The story was edited by Karl Geurs. The animation was provided by Kennedy Cartoons, Inc. and addtional services provided by Thai Wang Film Productions.
We begin this one with black letters on the episode title as we overlook the streets of Spoonerville. BS&P Alert: You can still show a "Drug Store" at this point, something Nintendo would edit out. The church with the cross on top is still there in the background as Max is monologuing as a car drives poorly through the street. Jump cut to a far shot of a school with only the flag animated and the backgrounds look so cheap that you swear you are watching Pickle & Peanut in 1992 now. Max is hiding behind a power pole (which has better artwork) as the bell rings. Max runs behind the bushes as he claims to have a badge. Is that badge something that allows him to gain sanity rights? Umm, no. Max claims that he had three quarters which he has in his hands now. Max claims that he has a serious problem with Tooth. Capitalization intentional because it's not Max's tooth, that's the name of the bully at the mailbox in front of the school who appears out of nowhere with no sign that he was there in the early shots. It's Kennedy Cartoons; they only care about movement, not about logic and reason. Tooth the bully of the day, has punk orange hair, red shirt, black pants and shoes. He also has a similar body type to the Greasers in Leader Of The Pack; so you know he's a bully. Tooth grabs a catnose kid with the same haircut; only the color is black, and he's smaller than Molly Cunningham; whom wears a cyan blue shirt, blue pants, white shoes and carries the world's tinest yellow lunchbox. Listen; just because the poor kid got a Gedo lunchbox; doesn't give you the right to bully him. You can bully Gedo all you want, though. Max claims that he would have been big for the Stone Age; so Tooth is a esteemed member of the Larson & Gary School of Self Defense. Tooth steals the lunchbox, opens it up and eats everything, except for some dimes which he collected. His motto: Pay up or get beat up! Shouldn't it be: Pay up or get beat down? That would make more sense, Max. So Max motions PJ and Pistol over as Pistol is talking a mile a minute and calls this so much fun. Yeah; I can hardly wait for the lawsuit from Peg that is sure to follow. Who would she be suing? You don't want to know.
PJ is already calling this plan stupid; and since it's Max coming up with it, it's a Krackpotkin plan if I ever saw one. Max claims that this is okay because Tooth is also stupid as he is shaking the poor kid by the ankle to get more dimes. Oh; and he's called Tooth because he has one buck tooth. Which would have been better as a name if he had no other teeth other than the buck tooth. DUMB! In comes Pistol riding on Max's shoulders while wearing PJ's coat on a tricycle with PJ following them. Pistol is all talk and lots of substance that would have been great if she wasn't talking at 210 words per minute. In a no surprise; Tooth grabs PJ first (because PJ did say that this was a stupid Krackpotkin plan and he was right.) and I think he's voiced by S. Scott Bullock as he asks where Max is. PJ goldbricks for a while as Pismax bicycles away as Pistol blows off Tooth. This leads to more examples of why Kennedy Cartoons doesn't care about internal logic and reasoning; thinking that movement is all that counts: Pistol bumps into a branch of an out of nowhere tree. Which by the way would be the second out of nowhere wooden object of the episode; next to the out of nowhere wooden power pole. People wonder why people like me think Kennedy Cartoons sucks: It's not the movement, side mouthing, shuffling feet that we hate. Hell; those are it's GOOD points! The bad points are terrible backgrounds, paper like background objects when in movement and violating the show's internal logic in every scene. When you start the episode; you show the bully, tree and wooden power pole (the latest one isn't so bad) in the proper order. You do not hide it and you do not show suspense just for the sake of it. It's called planning out your scene. But Kennedy doesn't do that because MOVEMENT~! PJ claims that Max cannot keep doing this as Max claims that Goofy should pay Tooth his allowance and cut out the middlemen. Not happening; because bullies often bully for power and control; not money. Even Tooth admits this and sounds like the worst impersonation of Patrick Star I have ever seen and Gargoyles hasn't even been started on yet.
Tooth grabs Max from behind (so Tooth knows heel antics better than most modern cartoons) and shakes his ankles as various international objects come out which indicates that Max's pants also have Eleroo's pouch powers too. Max goes on and needs help as he yells and it's the worst yelling of help that I have ever heard. PJ yells for Safety as we see a catnose type kid wearing a scout's uniform with a baseball cap holding a stop sign in the middle of the street as his head is much bigger than his own body. The blue shirt kid who was bullied is walking across the street stage left, as if nothing had happened. We don't see him crying at all. Geez; what a hypocrite Kennedy Cartoons is?! The one time where movement would have made the scene better and they chose not to go for it! The Safety Patrol geek's name is Melvin as he runs onto the sidewalk, stops and takes out his orange whistle. He blows the whistle near the mailbox as Max calls The Safety Patrol the swift swords of justice. Geez Max; if I was a Safety Patrol member; I would be chewing you out for this mindless use of weaponary and defaming my group of it. Tooth lets go of Max and turns around; growling at Melvin. Melvin is freaked out and hides into the mailbox like a coward. Yawn. Max is shaken of his money and tossed onto the sidewalk taking a bump right into the mailbox because Tooth is a bully where the bystanders actually try to stop him, but fail. Geez; I wonder why bystanders never fight back in real life? Could it be that the ficitional characters tried and the bullies of the day in cartoons were like super villains with powers that make the bystanders powerless to stop them?! So PJ turns around and as I expected; PJ means "Pete Junior" if you are nasty. PJ walks over and stammers like an idiot because he's a coward who at least tries to stand up to bullies. Tooth calls him lardo and grabs him. One of the coins falls and rolls on the sidewalk as PJ points out that Tooth missed one. So we have a race as Max is overselling this matchup as rump Vs. chump. Well; that completely confuses me since Tooth and PJ are both rumps and chumps. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...
So the coin rolls in a circle on the sidewalk as PJ goes around to look as Tooth goes behind PJ and it's all....HERE'S MY ASS FOR YOUR COCK~! No; I didn't coin the phrase first, Chico Alvarez was the one who did during the first NWO Souled Out PPV review on Figure 4 Weekly. Tooth of course crashes face first into a tree which is clearly ON the sidewalk (Not to mention the fact that Tooth went backwards first and somehow changed positions off-screen)! Why you do this to me, Kennedy?! You wonder why everyone hates you so much?! Tooth staggers like a drunk and then we butt ass to ass with PJ as PJ grabs the coin. So yes; by luck, PJ just defeated Tooth the bully with ease without actually standing up to him. How lovely?! Tooth gets trashed head first into the trash can; with red flash effects that made the blow even more painful. That had to suck; Tooth probably hates life even more than he did before PJ butted asses with him. Even Max is calling this unintentional; so you know this was absurd as Pistol helps Max up and Melvin is so happy when he comes out of the mailbox. So we see another example of movement at the expense of internal logic: Tooth went through the bottom of the trash can which we didn't see in the previous shot; but no one cares because Tooth's legs were moving during this, so it's perfectly okay to completely ignore this logic break. Max goes over and hugs PJ for this as PJ shows him a quarter. Max is so happy because as Pistol states: PJ beat the bully. I love Pistol; but this was the definition of a slipping on a banana peel; that makes twerking sound like a squeaky clean dance. When PJ turns around; PJ's face goes back for a few frame as PJ is shocked to hear this. Pistol is overselling this and even PJ is telling her to shut up because he beat no one as Max claims that he begs to differ. I take PJ's side on this since PJ didn't actually intentionally hit anyone. Melvin grabs PJ and pleads for mercy as he's willing to cheer and fear him. So I'm guessing he's voiced by Candi Milo. PJ tells Melvin to get a grip. I think PJ needs to get one and stand up to Pete more often; but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Max breaks this up as PJ notices the LEGAL HAND OF GOD badge (which looks similar to the hand used in Gravity Falls) as Max continues his monologue about the battle for justice. Max has badge signs in his eyes as we head to Spoonerville Junior High and wouldn't you know it, the background improve by 500%. Jump cut to inside the hallway as the Safety Patrol has their own room with a door with a painted badge on the window. The head of the Safety Patrol is Douglas Twinkmeyer; also known as Twinkie in gym class; since he called all the shots. Max and PJ open the door and we see Douglas. And it just occured to me; take off the dog ears and change the hairstyle color and hair length and he looks like Bisk Potshred from Legend Of The Chaos God in youth form. Of course; Bisk was wearing different clothes as Douglas wears an almond shirt. Speaking of internal logic; Max and PJ are teleported into the office (minor; but annoying) as Douglas is so not buying that there is a crimewave among the school. Max begs to differ and calls the racket too organized since Tooth is a total spud. Yes; Max doesn't believe in the lone wolf theory at all, even though Tooth has been proven to be a lone wolf so far. Max claims that it's someone behind the scenes and there is a Mr. Big running the bullying racket. But if that's the case; then Tooth wouldn't believe in toxic manliness; so I doubt that very seriously. Douglas looks at his watch and proclaims that he doesn't need anymore Safeties. Which instantly gives him away as Mr. Big. Prove me wrong writers, prove me wrong! Douglas is voiced by Candi Milo, I do believe. Or April Winchell; since Peg is not in this episode, despite IMDB's claims. PJ claims that it's all right because the bully was beaten unintentionally. Which is in fact true. PJ keeps talking; so Max shuts him up with his LEGAL HAND OF GOD because they cannot beat the bully again to save their life unless they were official Safeties. Which only grants four points in football to the opposite team. Keep digging that hole digger, Max; you still suck. Douglas tsks them and claims that they are not Safety material. Geez; I wonder why not?!
Douglas salutes and stands on his chair as he claims that the force is made up of Spoonerville School's finest. The few, the proud, the...hello Chief. Yeah; Melvin comes in with about four other partol officers and Melvin instantly notices PJ and calls him the guy with the deadly rump. A nice word meaning ass by the way. PJ looks at the rump and asks if it's deadly as Max steps in and tells him to chill out. Yeah; deadly asses are the worst, Melvin. They are used for twerking; the most dirtiest dance in the history of cartoons. You can tell a moral guardian is reviewing the show when he freaks out at a dance which is basically ass bouncing into the hard camera. I can understand them being offended if we saw the ass as naked; but otherwise, I wouldn't want to go to their social gatherings. Douglas is not amused by these wannabes as Max decides (via monologue which begs the question: Is this episode being done in media res? Because if it is; this isn't working all that well.) to do a demonstration as Max points out that PJ's shoetices are untied. Which at least makes sense here; because PJ is actually wearing shoes because in I Only Have Ice For You; Kit used the same promo on Dumptruck; who didn't wear any, making Dumptruck look like a really stupid idiot. PJ of course looks down and we get the BUTT BOUNCE OF DEATH on the desk as Douglas goes flying and nearly suffers a concussion in the process. Somehow; this was nowhere near the wall; despite acting like it did. Again; Kennedy Cartoons foresakes logic for movement. I have been well past over mocking their movement gig at this point (all in the Hallow-Weenies episode rant) so, let's move on. Melvin says it all as Douglas puts two badges on the desk and apparently the two names they report to are Maple and Main for the first assignment. Which sounds like the names of street, so I assume that they are crossing guards now. Geez; I wonder if this is how Judy Hopps got on the police force in Zootopia? Well; one day, I will find out. Max grabs the badges as he salutes Douglas who falls on his back knocked out. Max claims that Douglas will not regret this. I somehow doubt it, Max.
So we head to Maple and Main street's crossing as Max and PJ are wearing navy blue shirts with sashes containing their badges on their left shoulders as PJ gets to wear a red baseball cap. Aw! There are three kids on the street; including the blue shirt kid who got robbed by Tooth earlier in the episode. Also; PJ is not wearing Mickey Mouse gloves in another coloring mistake. Granted; Sunwoo had the same problem last episode, so this isn't strictly a Kennedy Cartoons problem. So we see the three kids cross the street after PJ does a great crossing guard promo complete with twinkletoe fingers of doom. Max monologues that this is Dullsville, population: Max and PJ. Geez; I wonder why? Maybe it has something to do with keeping the two kids out of Douglas' hair because the Safety Patrol might be...I don't know...corrupt as hell? PJ waves as Max claims that crime fighting is in his blood; despite PJ claiming that he enjoyed this. Max is half lying here and I'll leave which is truth and which is the lie as an exercise to the reader. Max goes on about kids not buying milk because bullies stole his lunch money. What part of "This was an accident, Max!" do you not understand, Maxie?! PJ sheds tears as the sad cancer music plays; because we have to guilt trip the guy into standing up for a bully that PJ beat unintentionally. PJ sobs and admits that he is ready for this standing up to bullies stuff as PJ and Max walk down and we jump cut to to the local pizza place which looks like a castle motif with a queen holding a pizza while wearing Rebecca Cunningham's pants. Apparently; this is the first place in DTVA where leads are checked. So we head inside at the video arcade machines as the two kids from the crossing area are present playing video games. Max and PJ are hiding behind the one being played by a blond haired girl with a red shirt and a blue skirt. PJ doesn't see anything of note; but Max thinks there is a shakedown. Occam's Razor in DTVA says "no", Max. So we see Tooth poking the shoulder of a blond male wearing a blue shirt that exposes his belly, jeans and black shoes as he calls him Poindexter and has a business proposition for him.
Now; if I was a compentant Safety Patrol officer, I would observe this until Tooth starts shaking him down for money. Therefore; that would prove that Tooth is a bully. Thankfully; Tooth is planning to make this kid pay up, but Tooth won't beat him up because he is a coward and is afraid of the deadly rump to the groin trick by PJ; so he brings in Nailz...Oh wait; wrong criminal. I mean; Nails who is even bigger than Tooth with brown punk hair, blue shirt, overalls and a cap on his head. Nails grabs Poindexter as Max claims that they aren't going to get away with this and PJ has already run out on this racket. Why doesn't that surprise me?! PJ actually is hiding on top of the golf ball on the arcade machine; so the video game is a golf game. Max claims that he's being the look out to assess the battlefield; which is hilarious because it's obvious what is happening here. Sin Tzu would agree that this is so obvious that if you cannot figure this out, you shouldn't be reading this rant, let alone knowing thy enemy and yourself. So the bullies grab the kid by the ankles and say "Make a wish". Ah; I wondered where this idea for this fanfic came from. Meanwhile; Max is stepping onto the arcade golf game trying to pull PJ down and Max is now forced to bail stage left because the model golf ball breaks and bounces down onto the ground. PJ rolls on golf ball as Nails and Tooth (If you are going to coin the phrase; you don't need the s in "Nails". Just Nail will do here.) panic and bail stage left. Poindexter claims that he's not human. Ummm; none of them are because they are anthros/furries. He's only half-human. And which one because PJ is certainly half-human, the other two are half-assholes. Max calls him the Bumpinator! And somehow this was more high class than the Dollarinator! Doctor Doofenshmirtz would be proud of this moment, I assure thee. Because this invention actually worked. So the chase continues down the steps as PJ bumps into Tooth and Nails and they tumble onto the ground off-screen and somehow; the rumbling does not break anything. Okay; I'm going to say that PJ is not wearing gloves now, which is odd because Max is wearing them for no reason.
Max comes in proclaiming that the worst nightmare is a Goof with a badge. I agree; ask Pete about Inspector Goofy and prepare to listen for a long while. PJ grabs Max and tells him that he cannot take it anymore. So Poindexter walks in with a pepperoni plus pizza and it's on the house for PJ because PJ is the Bumpinator. PJ is reading the pizza whole as the cheese and tomato sauce is dripping on the heels. SAFETY PATROL BRUTALITY~! Unintentional, yes; but still... Everyone cheers as Melvin appears in the same clothes only in a completely different color of green. Max is loving this as they are called superheroes. Doesn't this prick realize that many people today consider being a superhero as the worst thing on the planet now?! Football victory spot ensues as they are paraded outside the pizza joint as Bumpinators and Max declares themselves legends. Tooth and Nail(s) hide behind the castle in the foreground during this as we return to inside Douglas' office as Tooth and Nail(s) are arguing in shadow over who should tell Douglas first about this. Yip; Douglas is indeed corrupt. So the bully heels walk in and Douglas is sitting with his back to them at his desk chewing gum. He simply tells them to put the quarters on the desk and then get lost. Tooth claims that there is a problem with this as Douglas turns around counting coins while wearing gloves and sunglasses asking what this problem is. Tooth and Nail(s) claim that the Safeties are committing interference of his business model and Douglas blows them off because they are the two biggest bullies in the entire school. Douglas is flustered and proclaims that if the rookies want to turn up the heat then it's time to play hardball. So all softball games at the school are banned forever? Geez; I would love to see Douglas turn into a moral guardian while acting like the worst corrupt officer in history. Sadly; Douglas wants the shakedowns to increase as Douglas holds a pink pencil proclaiming that if the Bumpinators get in the way...Eliminate them by breaking their pink pencils in half. Oh wait; he means Max and PJ's bodies being broken in half, literally. That ends the segment ten and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head to a crosswalk filled with kids on the sidewalk on the sky as it was 3:41 PM as Melvin comes in with the stop crossing sign. Max explains that he and PJ were working the day watching out of the after-school division. The mobile after-school division as Melvin gets whirlwinded during the school crossing. Jump cut to Max on a bicycle wearing a helmet with a siren on it. PJ is on the skateboard as Max claims that he tricked out the bicycle so his partner could ride shotgun. The skateboard is wrapped with rope on the bicycle so PJ can squash and stretch for no good reason other than to make Kennedy Cartoons look good while at the same time look careless in the eyes of most adult viewers. So they ride to a donut shop as Max continues monologues about proving everyone wrong about being everywhere at once. They stand near the back door of the donut shop and go in as they are not here to investigate a lead; they are here to buy donuts at the counter. PJ of course has the same problem Fanboy & Chum Chum have, only it's donuts flavors instead of flavored shaved ice as we hear children shouting outside because there is a disturbance. Max runs out with PJ; but PJ comes back in and drinks a conveniently placed carton of milk that was just there at first, then disappeared and then the female counter clerk simply puts it on the counter. Jump cut to the sidewalk as Melvin is being shaked down for money by Tooth and Nail(s) again. Geez; what is the definition of insanity, again? Tooth and Nail(s) taunt Melvin as Max and PJ ride in; and then Tooth and Nail(s) ride on skateboards bailing stage right. Max doesn't care if they have wings. Max and PJ chase the bullies as Kennedy's background animating is like cardboard; but I've seen much worse from this studio; so it's fine. PJ comes in and invokes the SIDE ASS BOUNCE OF DEATH on them and they go flying into the air stage right. So the heels land on the skateboard and Tooth and Nails land on each other. They ramp off a barrier and land in the shopping cart. So everyone rides into the supermarket as one of the denizens looks like the pig lady from TaleSpin.
PJ slides off the checkout counter for fun as the bullies bring down the tower of tin cans onto the floor as Max and PJ are forced to dodge them as PJ takes the cardboard setup to the face in the process. So we bring it around town as PJ grabs some cookie samples to eat on the rebound from that table and somehow loses the cardboard model in the process. I smell scene cut here. The bullies smack sacks of flour which at least don't have the XXX spot on them; which is a plus. Sadly; the flour doesn't stop goofballs as the shopping cart wheel breaks off. Imagine watching a DTVA G-version of World's Wildest Police Videos on Spike TV and you have a good idea of what this episode was shooting for in this scene. The shopping cart bumps over the counter into the weiners as Tooth bounces away into the back room; while Nails is stuck in the weiners. How embarrassing is that?! Scene change to the A/V room of the school as Nails is tied up to a chair with rope as PJ and Max decide to foist their version of the "good cop, bad cop" routine on Nails. PJ turns out the lights and bring in a spotlight borrowed from the A/V room, which is funny because they are in the A/V room already! Yeah; I'm not buying this. Max decides to hit him with the big question despite not asking him a single question during this. Max asks probably the easiest question of them all: Who is Mr. Big? Of course; we all know it's Douglas, but Max and PJ aren't supposed to know right now. This is one time where even as being a viewer, I feel ashamed for other viewers because they cry and complain and act like every character on the show should have psychic powers and know who Mr. Big is just because we the viewer see it. It's to me just an excuse to abuse our rights as a customer. It would make no sense for Max and PJ to know who Mr. Big is. Sailor Moon Cloverway dub kept shoving the cousins thing even though (a) none of the villains knew they were cousins and (b) cousins was a codeword for "partners" which Cloverway thought was codeword for "lovers", which the villains didn't know, nor cared anyway in the original version and even in the Viz dub.
PJ then starts twerking into the hard camera during this. So modern cartoon critics; how do you explain this away?! This is 1992; and PJ is clearly twerking here. Personally; I'm not disgusted because in the 1980's during an episode of Mister T; there was a spot where two strippers came out of a birthday cake. Seriously! So; stop with the moral guardianish assholely, it makes you look like the Church Lady. One of the reasons why I no longer take most of The Mysterious Mr. Enter's reviews seriously is because Mr. Enter's entire routine is the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live. Now I do think Mr. Enter does understand what is satire and how it works. The problem is; he doesn't realize that he treats the Church Lady routine in his reviews like she's a documentary without realizing that the Church Lady is a satire of people like him. Plus; unlike the Church Lady, John has ZERO chrisma to pull it off. When the best can be said about Mr. Enter is: "Well; at least he's not Disneyphillip"; you have a major problem. And one day; I will deal with Disneyphillip's antics and his failures in passing a Turing Test at another time. Nails of course is ready to confess and wants PJ to sit down. So yes; even bullies like him hate twerking as he is about to confess when Douglas opens the door and slingshots a piece of gum in Nails' mouth. Check the uniform sleeve, I'm not fooled, guys. Max turns on the lights; and lights are so dim that it's either a DVD defect in the master, or Kennedy Cartoon doesn't know about how lights work. Max finds the slingshot. Why would Douglas drop the slingshot on the ground? This better lead to something; or I'm going to be annoyed. Max and PJ run out of the A/V room (BINGO!) as there is a trail of bubble gum left in the hallway. Do you suspect that this is a setup now? This leads to the locker room where Douglas is checking his locker and PJ bumps his ass into Douglas and he lands in the locker and the door shuts on him. Then Douglas slams the locker door open and smashes PJ in the head with it. CRINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGE! Douglas asks what is going on as he claims Max is working too hard since Max claims that he grabbed Mr. Big.
Douglas wants the Bumpinators to take two days of R&R as Max thinks it's reading and righting (Disney Captions claims it's writing and it probably is. But knowing this show; it's probably reading and righting as I said.) as he claims that he has Nails. So they returned to the A/V room and Nails is gone, which the chair is now a wheeling footstool, and the lights are normal now. Max claims that Douglas is behind them now; which Douglas tells them to go home and take a nap. Jump cut to outside the school as we zoom in and head to inside his office as he is in front of the desk chewing gum blowing bubbles while doing the Gruffi pose. Max monologues that Mr. Big had something to do with springing Nails. Geez; you THINK?! In comes a whimpering Nails and Tooth as Douglas goes into the shadows towards the window despite originally being shown in full color. Bad form there, Kennedy! Douglas is disappointed that he had to get involved as Nails (clearly voiced by Candi Milo now) on his knees begging for forgiveness and mercy while stammering like a stupid idiot. Tooth blames the Bumpinators for this; which is in fact true. Douglas proclaims that it doesn't matter anymore because he has enough quarters to own this town and begin phase two of his plan, and there is not a damn thing the Bumpinators can do about it, because it's all perfectly legal. Yeah; I'll bet! So we scene change to the Bumpinators putting red pegs on the town of Spoonerville as the entire town is filled with them. Geez; the petty crime wave is on full blast while no actual violent crime occurs. What a boring ass town this is?! Max ponders the pattern as Douglas comes in and tells them to take five as he'll take a crack on this and rearranges the pegs in cartoon fashion to an arrow pointing to a location of a building on the western end of Spoonerville. Problem is; Max calls this the "South Side of Spoonerville"! You couldn't just call it "West Side of Spoonerville". Was there a copyright issue that I'm not aware of?! So we head to the corner of Bleak Street and Nowhere Avenue. Pan up to a wooden scaffold againest the window of a building as we see Max looking on with binoculars as PJ is stuffing his face with food. Max blows him off because this is a stakeout, not pig out. Ummm; stake can be called steak; although that would have worked if PJ was eating steaks during this. He was not. Scene change to Max sleeping on the job as he bonks into PJ as the chicken leg bounces from his hand into the dumpster which PJ didn't like at all. Max tells him to be quiet as Tooth and Nail(s) drag Melvin below them.
PJ thinks Melvin is Mr. Big. You know what; I wish that Melvin WAS Mr. Big and Douglas was his big brother in this so at least we have a swevere that makes sort of sense here; but it's clearly not as this is a shakedown. PJ is giddy about this new aerial maneuver he was worked on. Let me guess; it's called "Hanging A Spigot"; right?! PJ then butt bounces into the hard camera yet again. Max tells him to cut down on the chocolate milk. More like cut down on the twerking, that's more like it. PJ flops and squashes Melvin into the trash can as Max comes down monologues that this is no crime. Because you see; Melvin was just selling them his Lefty McGruffin. Tooth claims that this is all legal as he shows Max the baseball card which is basically a Goofy clone doing a raspberry which in the windup for the pitch on the mound. Lefty McGruffin was a southpaw pitcher for the Spoonerville Sparrows. Max is screwed as he backs away from this and helps PJ up as apparently, someone had a camera (despite no one else being in the area) and we get the newspaper look spot against a green background as Max and PJ are considered Renegade Safeties. Because we cannot call them Bully Safeties since they are babyfaces; which is admitting that bullying is considered cool. So we head inside Douglas' office as Max and PJ walk in. Douglas shows them the newspaper as Max blows it off because it's a dirt sheet rag. Funny; most wrestler say that about Dave Meltzer's wrestling magazine and they still read despite claiming that it's full of crap. Douglas then proclaims that he's the editor and that's all he needs to call them a disgrace to the force ( BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as he grabs the sashes and puts them on the desk. Now if he just did that and we go to break; then it would be at least believable that the goofballs are a disgrace, but Douglas proceeds to whack the sashes with a wooden hammer. He's not even trying to hide that he's Mr. Big now. So PJ and Max walk out into the hallway towards the hard camera as the children look at them with disdain as Max monologues that they went from heroes to no badge nobodies, because they cannot admit that they were bullies here. To be fair through; we know that they aren't, but Douglas made them as such in storyline. This ends the segment sixteen minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head to the Queen Pizza Castle joint as they head inside and one of the little kids invokes MOLLY VIOLENCE on Max's ankle ten seconds into the monologue. HAHA! Max watches on and accuses Nails and Tooth of causing a reign of terror. Jealous much there, Maxie?! I mean; they are buying back Lefty McGruffin cards for quarters, which makes them get 15 cents profit. Who wouldn't engage in this trade and more importantly; how is it illegal? So PJ gives his Lefty McGruffin to the bullies as they go to the wooden tables as the kids all scatter away from every table; even the ones the goofballs were not siting down at. One of the clerks of course refuses to give them free pizza and just gives him the bill (as if she would do this anyway if they were heroes). Max pays cash and gets the pizza anyway as Max claims that this doesn't add up. PJ agrees in hoping that there would be one more free pizza before they were dumped as heroes. Max asks why the bullies would swipe all those quarters just to buy the world's most worthless card. In comes Pistol with a blank newspaper paper claiming that they are stars because Douglas got their good side. HAHA! PJ blows her off because he's moping. Max grabs the newspaper and notices that Douglas is not only th editor; he does everything in the newspaper. Including copying boy (that one is more important than...) and photographer, meaning Douglas took the photograph. PJ wonders why Douglas was in the shadows as Max facepalms himself realizing that this had to be a setup. So we replay the footage of earlier with Douglas being very tentetive about them joining the force in the first place, the slingshot and bubblegum trail leading to his locker; which was "coinicidental". Geez; this is sounding like the G-rated version of Forsenic Files now. Max then proclaims that Mr. Big is Douglas and PJ instantly blows it off because Douglas is the most respected student in the entire school. You cannot accuse the Safety Patrol leader; but Max blows it off as he walks out because this is personal now. Yeah, sure. So is your future criminal record.
So we head inside Douglas' office as Douglas has his bullies for backup as PJ wants Max to make sure that this is correct. PJ butt bounces the door open and in comes the goofballs with attitude as Max outright accuses Douglas of being Mr. Big as Douglas is blowing bubblegum. It pops into his face; and then he wipes it off and admits that he is Mr. Big; but it doesn't matter because no one will believe him anyway. Max calls this operation low as Douglas shows them the baseball card Lefty McGruffin; which PJ admits that he sold one. Max claims that Douglas is cornering the market with this as Douglas finally admits that one of the baseball cards is legit valuable and he brought the cards from the quarters during the shakedowns in order to find the one Lefty McGruffin that is worth big money. So Douglas claims that his morning went to the laundromat and it's the same pig lady clone we saw earlier putting the baseball cards into the washing machine as he wants the cards to be destroyed into oblivion; leaving the one card in his pocket; making it worth lots of money. Yes folks; he is manipulating the supply and demand of these cards and trying to up the worth of it through numbers. I think that is illegal. I mean; buying the cards back from students and giving them quarters is fine and dandy and legal; but this is racketeering, which is illegal Douglas. Maybe you should have read more legal books instead of framing Max and PJ in the newspaper, sir. Douglas laughs like a hyena as Max calls this plot sicker than Liveroni Day at the school cafe. PJ then blitzes and overturns the table causing papers to fly before bailing and leaving with Max out into the hallway. What was the point of that; since the three heels were going to go after them anyway?! I know what you are thinking: Why go after them if no one believes them? It's because real police officers take crime so seriously that they have to investigate and Douglas is so much a rookie that it isn't funny. Douglas wants them caught so he can silence them forever. As in, killing them!
So we get the Scooby Doo Chase Sequence The Laundromat Edition as we arrive at the Laundroplex, U-Wash Or Dry-Clean. What; you cannot dry clean stuff yourself?! I call BS on this. Mrs. Twinkmeyer has already walked out of the place and away on the sidewalk. PJ and Max panic as they head inside the laundromat as Douglas, Tooth and Nail(s) are standing in front of the working washing machine telling Douglas to try the back door next time. Max calls him disgusting and Douglas calls that a cheap shot. Geez; Douglas is so thin-skinned. I mean; you basically won now, Douglas. No one can stop you now; not even Max. And you got two heavies at ready. It's not like the adults care about these kids anyway. Max calls out Douglas's manhood for hiding behind Tooth and Nail(s) as PJ starting reving up. Projection much there, Maxie?! PJ rushes them and somehow bonks into them as they slides towards the Big Ben washing machine. PJ rushes them; but slips on a wet sponge on the floor (BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I CAN SMELL AGAIN!) as PJ bonks into the bullies; they go flying and slip into the rack of green dresses and they get carried away. Max is amused as they will be ready by Monday as he wants to sic PJ on Douglas; but PJ's ass is stuck in the washing machine and he's out for the rest of the episode. Jump cut to Douglas near the actual washing machine filling up with water on the clothes and the card as Douglas accuses Max of losing his nerve. Douglas taunts him as Max has the moment where he realizes that this is a team and he has to go in alone. Despite the fact that Max can easily take on Douglas with no backup; he still has to do the "make you look" spot in order to open the washing machine and grab the pink sack of cards; which have shrunk to a tenth of it's size since we last saw them. Max bails; but he has to pretend to run slower than Earl F'N Hebner and Douglas catches up with him. Tug of war ensues as the washing machine door is opened and the bubbles of water pour out like a pipe. The water wave comes up from behind just as Douglas calls this unfair and he gets swamped; forcing Douglas to let go. Water splashes on the sack; but Max takes out the cards -- all four of them -- and declares them A-OK! Yeah; what a wussy finish that was?!
So we end this episode with the stack of cards as the kids are cheering and getting them back. Personally, I would have booked it as the cards being counterfeited by Douglas and the real valuable one being stuck in the wad of cards during this; justifying buying back the cards after the bullies shaking everyone down with money, but I guess that would have been too much for this Disney set at the time. Max and PJ give the cards back outside as Max monologues the Dragnet promos as Tooth and Nails were sentenced to two weeks of "hard time" in detention hall clapping chalk board erasers; just like Baloo and Kit in Sheepskin Deep. They foolishly clap and cough as a result. Sadly; these two are too dumb to do it the Baloo way, so there you go. At least they won't be expelled. Jump cut to Douglas being photographed against a chalkboard of lines as Max claims that Douglas paid the ultimate price. Jailtime? Of course not; because we cannot have kids in jail, because that's exposing them to harsh realities. Personally; I would be fine with a Restortive Justice angle as part of this; but since nothing was actually destroyed he was sentenced to supervisor of Pistol's preschool as the preschool kids cheer for his arrival and Douglas now has the stop sign and Pistol talks a mile a minute on Douglas. Okay; this was funny as a punishment, so I'll let it go. Douglas uses the sign to protect himself as he's called Twinkie as the students overwhelm him as we circle fade out to end the episode and disc one of this volume at 21:17. I loved this episode in spite of Kennedy Cartoons trying to ruin every spot this episode tried. **** (80%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I liked this episode a lot as it was a different kind of episode from the usual "Pete Schemes on Everyone" plot that has been driven down to death at this point; so that was a win already. As a standalone episode; this episode was pretty well done booking wise. There were a few moments at the end where I felt that they could have tightened up the illegality of Douglas' actions (like instead of the crime being manipulating the amount of the cards, making it more towards counterfeiting the cards and unintentionally losing the real card; although I'm sure moral guardians would have screamed bloody murder for Douglas not going to jail; but it would make the Restorative Justice ending with Pistol even more funny than it already was). I also love that PJ really got to show his chops here; along with his ass and his twerking skills, only to have Max defeat Douglas in the most non-violent, non-sexual way ever, which made the finish look wussy. Max's monologuing was good as well; with a few funny moments in it. The only thing I didn't like was Kennedy Cartoons once again breaking internal logic and screwing up spots left and right. Overall; this was a really fun episode and a great change from the usual Goof Troop episode. If this were today; we would have seen this a lot more and get sick of it compared to the past where it was all "Pete schemes on everyone" plots which I have grown sick off even as an adult. So; next weekend, I'll be finishing up the remaining three episodes on this disc. So...
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.