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The Incredible Bulk
Reviewed: 03/26/2017
More Tedious Moments Than A WWE Scripted Promo!
Okay; we have another Pete scheme where Pete looks like an asshole; but this one is one of the more compelling schemes in the show, at least on paper. The plot for this episode is: Pete puts Goofy's life at risk when he puts him in a wrestling match with Bulk Brogan, a wrestling champ also known as "Myron a Fry Cook". At the end, Pete wins over Goofy, but gets more than he bargained for. And in the world of professional wrestling, this is par for the course. In a cartoon? Huh. So, how does this episode fare? Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Susan Maddocks, Bryan Sullivan and the late Bruce Talkington, who did story editing. Susan's resume: This story and Sim City Enhanced CD-ROM. Seriously. I have nothing on Bryan Sullivan. What in the world is with this show and all these rookie writers with three or less credits? The story was edited by the late Bruce Talkington. The animation was provided by Sunwoo Animation.
We begin this one with more blue in the title and at Goofy's property and we pan over to Pete's property and then zoom in as we hear Max making violent comments. They are clearly watching professional wrestling because I hear the word piledriver; which is now considered a banned move in WWE because it injured way too many people, and indirectly ruined Owen Hart's life. Head inside the living room as everyone except Peg is watching this wrestling match. Goofy and Pete are eating hotdogs and shooting the breeze as the male announcer proclaims that Mad Maddox has the Bulk in a Tibetan Thigh Twist. Chainsaw has Waffles in an ankle lock by the way for fun. Who says dogs are stupid? Who says cats are the only ones who are mean? Chainsaw and Waffles go wild on each other and Chainsaw does a back drop backwards. Explain THAT one, kids?! Chainsaw and Waffles chase each other while the kids watch in awe as the announcer is channeling Ed Whalen complete with the Earlobe of Agony Grip. I didn't know Rebecca Cunningham watched wrestling! Jump cut to Goofy putting mustard on the hot dog while the adults are talking with their mouths full. Pete tries to get another hotdog; but there are none left on the tray. Goofy grabs Pete's hand and pours mustard on it; proving that he was a better Eugene than Eugene ever was. Goofy bites Pete's hand; but when Pete hits the ceiling with alarms; he's selling his finger. Explain THAT one, kids?! The ceiling is broken slightly on the way down as Goofy calls Pete peaked. Which is a BS&P way of saying pissed. Goofy claims that it must be the food because the hotdog was a little off and Pete tells him to retreat to a neutral corner as Goofy claims that wrestling makes him hungry. Touche Goofy; touche. Pete bails answering that last one for me as we head to the kitchen with Peg cooking someone on the island stove in a frying pan. Death reference #2 ensues as Pete complains as he opens the fridge and sees a carton of milk, swiss cheese and a one bite apple. Pete is complaining about Goofy eating him out of house and home. This my friends is called psychological projection.
Peg has good for you items in the crisper and Pete blows it off because he wants something bad for him; because he's a heel. Pete asks who invited Goofy to the house and Peg gleefully answers that one for me. Also of note; the wrestling program is called Wrestling For Dollars. So is Goof Troop in the same universe as Darkwing Duck?! Of course not; because Stone Cold Troll Tad Stones said so! Personally; I'm glad TaleSpin in it's own world, because then it can be it's own show instead of being called a Ducktales wannabe like so many have called it. Pete proclaims that he wished he brought his eyes and kept his appetite home with his brain. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there, Pete? I wish Peg would say that at least once during this show. A bell dings and Peg declares the soft pretzels are done; causing Pete to mark out for them. I don't blame him; I love soft pretzels too. Pete walks into the living room with the plate of pretzels and wants to show off his eating skills. Then everyone minus Peg runs in, tackles Pete and we have the FCC FRIENDLY CLOUDDUST FIGHT OF DEATH! Over a plate of soft pretzels?! Wow; this proves wrestling makes you violent. Pete literally screams for help in this one and this causes everyone to bail; with Pete having one soft pretzel in his hands. Pete just looks stunned and then Chainsaw snaps him out of it by grabbing onto the soft pretzel as Pete and Chainsaw have a tug of war and choking match. Chainsaw finally gets the pretzel; bounces off the television set acting like he didn't even hit the television set and comes back for a second tug of war. Pete calls Chainsaw a weasel and I'm certain Disney will be getting a letter from Bobby Heenan's legal team very soon. Which by the way; Pete never said in the audio. It was Disney Captions saying that. DUMB! The pretzel has had enough and Pete and Chainsaw spring away in opposite directions and crash off-screen into wall. Goofy casually walks in and grabs the pretzel asking if Pete wants it. Goofy eats it and Pete runs in whining and opening Goofy's jaw in sorrow. Then we circle fade out for no reason at all...
We return to a shot of the television showing a bell ringing. Jump cut to the two wrestlers in the ring. One of them looks like Mister T in green/purple dotted pants, brown boots and has a Jesse Neel-equse colored mohawk. The bigger one wears a purple mask like Darkwing Duck, wears blue trunks, red tights with a red singlet with vents like your average Hulk Hogan t-shirt; except in the front rather than the back and purple strapped shoes. The FASHION POLICE OF LAW would have a field day with these outfit, I swear to God. Myron is no-selling this mohawkish jaborni; especially when he jumps on top of him. Myron grabs him into a corkscrew like bearhug as we see the kids watching on looking bored; while Pete continues to complain about the munchies. PJ then simply says the title of the episode in reference to Myron the Bulk and calls him the most awesome wrestler there is. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't buy that for one second, PJ. Myron doesn't know how to work WWE main event style. No way he's the greatest of all time. Pete agrees with me because he claims that he was almost the wrestling champion in high school. This is laughable considering that the wrestling in school is vastly different from professional wrestling. Not to say that some of what happens in amteur wrestling cannot be applied in professional wrestling; but let's just say that it's a culture shock and be done with it. Max is in awe of this as Pete claims that he can whip any of those touch guys. Can you see toxic manliness strikes again?! I knew you could. Pete is thinking he's the alpha male; when he really is a Z-grade male at best. Pete claims that he can whip them with both liver spots tied behind his back. Ooookkkkaaayyyy. PJ wants Pete to teach him these moves as we see Goofy eating potato chips in a bowl. Wait; I thought they were out of junk food? Pete asks if Goofy wants to be his test dummy. Goofy ponders this over; but Pete grabs him anyway. Pete chokes Goofy and plans to do the clean and jerk; with Goofy as the jerk. Again; projection. Then the monkey wrench; where Goofy is used as a dumb bell. How fitting. Then we twist Goofy into knots and toss him.
Goofy is choking of course during this as Pistol is holding her hair impressed of Pete's lobster courage. Then a male voice screams that he wants a couch potato as Pete panics and flies, bonking into Goofy who has a pizza in his hands. Wait, what?! Where is Goofy getting all of this junk food?! Goofy claims Peg made the pizza. Wasn't she just crisping up veggies earlier? This makes no sense at all. We discover that The Incredible Bulk is the one cutting promos as he asks if someone is a victim of disrespect. Myron challenges anyone to get in the ring because he's the GOAT of this world. Yeah; sure, whatever. Bulk flexes his muscles for fun while screaming as the kids call this unbelievable, as in not believable. Goofy wonders if Pete can take him on and Pete is already trying to weasel his way out of this and wants to watch ice dancing. See; Sid was right all along about ice dancing being the worst thing in the Olympics. The challenge is for the person to last three minutes with him and he gets to rip the championship off his own spleen. OUCH! Just tattooing it to the spleen has got to hurt. Why is PJ calling Pete sir? Has PJ disowned his own father? TUNE INTO SOFT COPY TO FIND OUT~! PJ proclaims this is a way for Pete to make his wrestling comeback. Somehow; I think when he said "almost"; he meant, "Got squashed in the first round". In his own class as Max eggs this idea on. Personally; Pete getting squashed by The Incredible Bulk is amusing, but still NO BUYS~! Pistol raises Pete's right arm as Pete wants her to be modest. Not because Pete wants to be humble; it's because Pete has lobster courage times ten. Even Grubby has more actual courage than this loser. Pete sets Pistol down as he claims that the match is already set up because wrestling is not real. Okay; this is one of the stupidest spots I have ever seen in all of cartooning and I hope you have packed a lunch, because I'm going to explain why. Now; if you ever know professional wrestling, it is actually scripted and fake and with good reason since if it were real, there would be so many deaths and injuries that governments would ban it and never let it return. And promotors know this as well.
Notice how; the more fake a promotion is, the less injury and death there is! Most people who laugh and mock pro wrestling don't mock it just because it's fake. It's because promotors have lied for decades that wrestling was a legit sport and 100% real. When comedians in talk shows mock wrestling, that's fine because their shows are at least real, or live to tape at least. When cartoons start invoking the same thing; it's awfully hypocritical of them because their show is not real either. It's like saying "wrestling is fake" in a cartoon containing furries and animals who speak. People with brains will point at that and say: "That's hypocrisy!!" and tune out. Animanics should have known better than this and they didn't! Kid won't care either way; because they are kids. Adults on the other hand will see right through this. Why? Because cartoons are fake by it's own nature. Wrestling can be real since it's mostly live action; but chooses not to because there is a dangerous risk of the profession being barred. There is no way cartoons are going to be barred unless they become truly pronographic and the bar for that is so high; you have to be on the level of hentai in Japan to pull it off. It's one thing to mock professional wrestling and calling it fake; because it often is. It's one thing to call out promotors for lying about it. However; when you are mocking something as fake and the show that is doing the mocking is a cartoon, that's projection and no one will ever take you seriously and think you are punching down for a cheap joke. Saturday Night Live can get away with this; cartoons cannot. That's my opinion on it at least. If you are cartoon; then wrestling should be more real because cartoons cannot die anyway unless the writer wants them to. So you can do stuff that would kill a man in real life; and the guy literally no sells it one second later. Because a cartoon is faker than wrestling is. Otherwise; what would be the point of squash and stretch which in real life would kill a man? My point exactly. So when someone tells you wrestling is fake in a cartoon (live action you can get away with this; since there is at least an illusion of reality that cartoon will never have); mock them for defending a cartoon. Also...
Myron The Bulk is voiced by Joe Piscopo and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Born in Passaic, New Jersey, Piscopo grew up in North Caldwell[1] and attended West Essex High School and was a member of the drama club "the Masquers".[2] He developed a reputation for never playing a part the way it was written. Graduating from high school in 1969, Joe went on to attend Jones College in Jacksonville, Florida. There he received his degree in broadcast management.[3] In the summer of 1980, he was hired as a contract player for Saturday Night Live. The show had gone through major upheaval when all the writers, major producers, and cast members had left that spring. The all-new cast bombed with critics and fans with the exception of Piscopo and Eddie Murphy; thus they were the only two cast members to be kept when Dick Ebersol took over the show the following spring. With the success of SNL, Piscopo moved to the wealthy borough of Alpine, New Jersey.[2] Piscopo was best known for his impressions of such celebrities as Frank Sinatra, although he feared for his life due to Sinatra's alleged Mafia ties. Piscopo thus rewrote the lyrics for a Sinatra sketch with the help of Sinatra lyricist Sammy Cahn, and recalled that "by the grace of God, the old man loved it."[4] Since January 2014 he has hosted "Piscopo In The Morning" from 6:00 to 9:00 AM, Monday through Friday on 970 The Answer (WNYM) in New York City.[5] He began his career on King Kong in 1976 in an uncredited role. Goof Troop is his DTVA debut and it's the only show he appeared in (he does appear in another episode later). Spring Break' 83 (Max's Father) and High Roads Low Roads as a Cop is his most recent acting credits. He has 29 Acting credits, 4 Writing credits, 5 Soundtrack credits, 4 Producer credits, 71 Self credits (Cavuto on Business, Freedom Watch with Judge Napolitano and Mornings with Maria Bartiromo are his most recent credits) and 14 Archive Footage credits to his resume.
So Pistol is in tears and accuses Pete of being a coward; so at least she knows that calling wrestling fake in a cartoon is a bad idea. We heart chickens in the background as Pete gulps. So we head to Myron's studio with the worst parking lot I have ever seen and the a banner of Myron, which shows Larson & Gary have created a six man tag team with George Zahorian. Oh; come on! You should have saw that one coming a mile away! So we head to the locker room as Myron is dressed up like a stereotypical chef as a short dog named Sparky (Frank Welker) is blowing off Myron for dumping him. Myron claims that he now has a restaurant to think about. Sparky reminds me of Vince McMahon in the sense of him being very paranoid about top star leaving the business to persue other hobbies. I think Chico Alvarez did a shoot on Vince about this very issue. So this episode was well ahead of the curve in that department on knowledge of the wrestling business. Sparky is wearing a red sweater, orange shirt, blue pants and shoes blowing off Myron and states that under Myron's contract, he works for Sparky until someone beats Myron fair and square in the ring. I wondered where Vince got the stips for Ric Flair's career threatening matches from. Sparky also says me, me, me; like Al Costello did on Lance Russel in Memphis wrestling in 1977. God bless Youtube; but to hell with their comments section! Oh; and Myron isn't allowed to lie down for anyone either. Shawn Michaels would be proud of this promotor as Sparky is also acting like the evil promotor, only in cartoon fashion. Yawn; Tom Renesto did this gig in 1985, it's not all that new even in 1992. Sparky orders Myron to put the greasy spoon down (which he has none) and fight with his sparring partners instead. Myron agrees and we scene change to the lobby of the arena as Pete is tip toeing inside and saying hello in a low voice. He's also terrible at practicing the fine art of not being seen, even though he is looking for someone.
Pete goes to the ticket counter as he calls and then claims that it's too late and is going home. The door beside the ticket counter opens and out comes Sparky to grab him and drags Pete into his office. So Pete is weaseling his way through this and Sparky probably is already wanting to sign Pete to be a future manager who takes bumps and hates being called a weasel. Pete The Weasel Heenan. I like that. DISCO~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... (Shellsea: Read the contract about using my disco jackhammer again. Most so; the fine print on the bottom concerning using it after Fish Hooks ended.) Sparky gives him a clipboard with the release forms and then bails into another office and closes the door. So Pete fills out the forms, and I did laugh when he said his ring experience was being married. So his high school wrestling experience was a lie all along. Why doesn't that surprise me? So one of the walls gets pushed in by a literal snow angel spot (not the Scooby-Doo one since those go through the object, this one didn't) as Pete is shocked. The door is open as Sparky calls Pete chubby and tells him not to worry about it. Yeah sure; Sparky. Someone does a snow angel into my wall; I would be deeply concerned. More so since I'm in a wrestling arena and signing paper to face the champion of the world. The champ is warming up as Pete continues to fill out the form as some jaborni screams and goes through the wall (that's a Scooby-Doo snow angel spot) and flies away from Pete. More screaming and only Pete can say mama. The lobster courage is clearly pouring from Pete's pours as Sparky comes back and yells at Pete and calling him Dumbo. That was a shoot comment and a half. Pete is now weaseling out of this and Sparky threatens to call an ambulence because Myron The Bulk hates quitters. Isn't that assault? This is enough for Pete to reconsider. Of course! Sparky takes the clipboard and notices that Pete failed to put in his name. Then Pete gets an evil chuckle and calls himself Goofy and spells it as Goofy is going to be goo to end the segment nine and a half minutes in. It's been a while since we had the first act end under ten minutes. Fun episode so far.
After the commercial break; we head to one of the most shameful shots of the backyard I have ever seen as Pete arrives and knocks on the back door. Pete opens the door and calls Goofy; Goof-lips as we see Goofy mopping the floor with trademark pink apron and Sunwoo sparking effects. Pete walks in; and the floor sparkles so much Pete slips and slides on it as they hold hands and start ice dancing; causing Sid Seixeiro to have a massive vein in his head which is going to blow any second now. Bonus points for the Iron Shiek reference, too! So Pete is protesting and they bonk into a fridge as food and frying pans (How ECW of you, show) fall on the goofballs. We discover that Goofy (in a mess) put too much wax on the floor. Why doesn't that surprise me? Pete grabs Goofy and threatens to murder him and Goofy asks what Pete is going to do. Pete then recoils and wants to laugh off this fiasco, and calls it harmless. I realize that this is a cartoon; but if this happened to me, I would nail Goofy. Assuming I didn't break my back in five different places before this of course. Memo to Pete: Your fake laugh sucks. So Goofy is confused as to why Pete would willfully come over here (because Goofy thinks getting food all over him is what Pete wants) as Pete butters up Goofy and wants him to come with him for a buffet basically. So we head outside in the backyard with all the babyfaces as Pete explains that he wrestles while Goofy is in a contest called "Eat Till You Beat". Can you smell the cowardice coming out of Pete; or do I have to spell it out for ye? The kids loves it and Goofy loves it; so Goofy shakes Pete's hand. Peg is not happy about this because this has to be bullcrap on Pete's part. Pete's fumbling over his words as he offers to be Goofy's eating manager as Goofy is awed at this moment. The kids offer to help; but Peg calls this smelling funny. Pete calls Peg a cashew, which doesn't impress Peg as Goofy will eat it anyway. Pete laughs like LB. So we head to the backyard for the eating and exercising montage; because you see, even in an eating contest, you must be trim and fit to be the best. When's the last time a 400 pounder like me won a professional eating contest?
I cannot think of anymore of note off the top of my head. Goofy is doing situps with PJ holding Goofy's ankles while Max is feeding Goofy fries. Anime background pan east to Pete's deck under the umbrella tree as Pete is on his lawn chair eating fries and claims that his mother loves him for all brain and good looks. I'm guessing the concussion angle has been ditched now by BS&P; since in earlier episodes, Pete would only mention his mother while being concussed. More training with Goofy on a treadmill staircase while Max uses the fishing pole with a line containing a chicken leg. Pan over with anime background to Pete roasting two chicken on a BBQ. You know Pete sucks when he required the only fan that ever loved him to blow air into his face during this promo. Scene change to the sky as Goofy is jumping while Max and PJ have a giant ass slingshot in the background and are using it to slingshot hamburgers, ala shooting clay pigeons. Pistol and Peg watch on as Pistol calls it fast food as Peg is not buying this crap and thinks Pete is up to something. So; it's nearly BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (Sunset) as Goofy is on the ground on his back with a huge tummy ache and a huge tummy to match it. Pete helps Goofy up as he cannot wait to train him some more tomorrow as Goofy groans; but otherwise accepts it. Pete shoves him down as Peg gets in his face about what to do in the meantime and Pete stammers like an idiot; but accepts doing something for him. Peg does a roundabout answer of asking Goofy what he wants to do and Pete decides to ask him. Goofy then proclaims that he's hungry and everyone is shocked and appalled. HAHA! Pete proclaims that he isn't humanitary. So we head to Myron's trailer which doubles as a restaurant as Goofy calls this his favorite food joint. I wondered why Goofy always rooted for Myron The Bulk and now I know why. Goofy smells the air as he, Pete and Peg come inside. Pete calls Myron's joint the smell of smelly gym socks which Peg elbows him in the back. Sign Peg up; she's already a better wrestler than Pete just on that move alone. Peg calls this great as Goofy wants them to meet Myron; as Pete is confused. So in comes Myron hugging Goofy and putting him in the most unconvincing bear hug ever. Myron is so happy to see him as Peg is impressed by this; while Pete jokes about the size of his apron. So we meet and greet and speaks French. Peg is giggling about it as he really cooks. Goofy introduces Pete as Pete and Myron shake hands. Pete claims that he knows him from some place as Myron asks if he loves wrestling and Pete says yes; prompting the always amusing EUGENE HANDSHAKE OF DEATH! Myron claims that he never saw him before and winks; so you know he's lying.
So we head to the island counter. Imagine a white trash trailer restaurant with Louie's counter island and you get the picture. Myron is serving up a dish called nuclear chili; and with those two words, I think you know where this is going now. Even Pete is questionning this; so you know this is problematic. Myron assures him that it's safe as long as you don't spill it on your clothes. That doesn't instill confidence in me, Myron. Goofy then does the Jim Cornette method of dealing with "shrimp" only instead of ketchup, it's black pepper. Peg panics on cue. What the hell is wrong with pepper, Peg?! Oh wait; Pete is going to sneeze and he does and goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as he destroys the chair and some of the floor. This does not fall under the "destroy people's properties with impunity" rule because Pete had no intention of doing that, and Goofy didn't know about Pete's sneezing gimmick. Pete sneezes up and whirlwinds into the ceiling fan. Then he sneezes and causes another Scooby-Doo Snow Angel spot right through the front door. Peg chuckles and proclaims that Pete has a problem with too much black pepper. Yeah; it's called Cartoon Sneeze Syndrome~! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Myron notices as Goofy wants dessert to go. HAYUCK! Not a bad plan, Goofy. Scene change to Pete's property as Goofy opens the door and walks out thanking Pete and Peg for the dinner treat. Pete has the Gruffi pose on and doesn't care. Peg cannot wait to see them in action as Pete weasels some more by making sexist comments about women and girls not being allowed at the manly competition. I shake my head in disbelief; that is so heelish of you Pete! I was just daring them to have Pete channel Jeff Jarrett (during the time when he was going back to WCW and lost to Chyna for the IC title in a Housekeeping Match; which was downright sexist and embarrassing even as it was intended.) as Peg pinches his cheeks and calls him a fooler. I wish she slugged him for that comment. Peg then proclaims that she reserved front row seats for the event and walks back in the house. Goofy loves this and Pete is now channeling me in saying that this is just peachy to end the segment nearly sixteen minutes in. Maybe it's because I like professional wrestling that I think this is a fun episode; but I'm enjoying this even without that.
After the commercial break; we head to the arena of doom AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as spotlights and cars are parked ready for Spoonerville's version of Wrestlemania. How sad that this town needs something like a professional wrestling event to make their town look like something most people would avoid driving to. So we head into the locker room as Pistol does the best ring introduction ever as Pete is dressed in the most ridockulous outfit that even Johnny B. Badd would see this and say: "Jesus; even I would never wear an outfit like that!". Dead skunk hairdo, purple furcoat, blue trunks, pink legwarmers and furry black boots; he looks like a cross between Skinner, The Hart Foundation and the Berserker. Pistol addresses Pete as Roadkill! Michael DePoli says: HUH?! Pete is scared to death because he is a cowardly catnose who talks like an alpha male but acts like a Z-grade male. Peg proclaims that he never looked more Pete in his life. I love shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments. Pistol and PJ made the costume, too! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Pete scratches himself because it itches a lot. Peg of course does the nicest "Bret screwed Bret" I have ever heard as Max runs in all excited. Goofy walks in clearly wearing padding in his belly with a yellow bodysuit with purple trunks and leather boots. He looks like a musclehead; without the muscle in his head. Max call him the threat to convenience stores known as Goofy The Golden Gullet. Geez; I know where this is going now; Pete switches with Goofy since Pete wrote on the application Goofy's name. So that means Goofy is facing Myron The Bulk instead of having the eating contest. That makes sense. It's cruel and heelish on Pete's part; but Pete is the number one heel of the show anyway. By the way; the stuffing in his suit is in fact snack reserves. I have never seen a guy who eats so much and not gain weight. Goofy is living proof that cartoons only make real people fat; but never the ones in storyline. He eats a chocolate muffin and smiles to the hard camera.
So we head to ringside which sadly has no announcer in the ring. I'm glad that WWE and Hanna Barbera have crossed over now; if only to show how to work a wrestling match into a cartoon without making it look like the cartoon is laughing at them instead of with them. Max deduces that the eating contest is the main event; which makes sense since the old addage is that you don't eat before you wrestle. Sadly; Goofy ate a muffin, so that's a bad sign for him off the bat. Goofy is eating a banana. Okay; here's a nitpick: Why is Goofy eating like Baloo and Tummi now? I realize that this is for storyline purposes; but I don't recall Goofy ever having such an acute case of the munchies like this. Is he smoking weed with some jaboroni named Shaggy or something? Pete tells him not to worry; he'll get his fill soon enough. We soon discover that Myron's wrestling name is Bulk Brogan which is an anagram for Hulk Hogan. That should have made him into an orange goblin or wear orange instead of red; then the full effect of amusement would come to me. Surprised Hulk Hogan hasn't sued Disney yet for name defamation; although since Disney is a big corporation, it might not be nearly as worth it as suing Gawker Media. Also; Disney doesn't do sex tapes either; unless it involves Pickle & Peanut. POW! OUCH! Ummm... Myron cheers with the crowd; but Max, PJ and Pistol boo him. Geez kids; Roman Reigns was only seven years old at this point; that's punching down on him! Pete smiles as the challenger as Peg hugs him and probably figuring plans to put him into the doghouse after this episode is over, forever. The announcer reveal that Goofy The Golden Gullet is the challenger to Bulk Brogan. I wonder if someone writing this was watching Ultimate Warrior promos and only Ultimate Warrior Wrestlemania VI promos?! Goofy is happy and gets into the ring as Pete proclaims right in front of Peg that this is revenge for eating him out of house and home and Peg of course is like a TNA referee and catches him right away. On second thought; Peg did to go to developmental and work on her WWE main event style.
Pete then masters the art of lying heel and calls her a soup bone; which is fighting lingo for a punch. I wish Peg would unleash the SOUP BONE OF DOOM on Pete as Goofy goes into the ring and completely ties himself into the ropes. Probably for the best; since this cannot be anything else than a comedy match. No one is taking this seriously as a serious fight and Goofy is too stupid to figure out the difference anyway. Goofy untwists himself and lands on his belly right in front of Bulk. Peg invokes the pointy finger of death and accuses Pete of being up to no good. Peg clearly doesn't watch wrestling; nor wrestling psychology, even though Pete is a walking definition of a heel. Pete laughs in her face and tells her that someone must have goofed. Yeah; even in the end, always deny that it's you. Goofy stands up and notices that it's Myron as they shake hands in the ring. Wow; even if Goofy is treating this like a shoot; it is supposed to be a babyface VS. babyface fight, so them shaking hands makes sense actually. I wonder if Bryan Sullivan is related to Kevin Sullivan, who was a wrestler and a booker for wrestling. I wonder the same thing for Susan Maddocks, too. Because they are booking this really well for a cartoon, actually. Myron's shoelace is untied and I betcha that's the final bump as Sparky enters the ring to protest this outrage. Sparky yells at Bulk to wrestle him and calls him a big cheater. Geez; you are a bigger asshole than Mr. McMahon ever was and don't have the chrisma nor the freakish body to pull it off either! Besides; they didn't say they wouldn't wrestle each other; they just shook hands because both of them are babyfaces. I just love Bulk's promo of apologizing for beating the crap out of Goofy because it's the right thing to do. Which turns Bulk into the subtle heel; which Goofy accepts. So we break the ice as Goofy is put in a bearhug called the Brisket Squeeze. Can you imagine Vince seeing the names of these moves? At least it's not the Botox Injection or the Butterface Maker. Yet. He squeezes and a pie squeezes out of Goofy's muscles and splats into Bulk's face. Geez; why didn't Jim Cornette think of that?
Of course there is no referee as the announcer loves the move, so yes; there are NO DQ's in this match. So it's basically Umaga Vs. Santino on Monday Night Raw in Italy when Santino won his first championship in his very first match thanks to Bobby Lashley and three chair shots. This might be the comedy version of it; so I hope Goofy pins Brogan after three ham bones to the head by Peg. I wish that was the finish; but I know it will not be. Goofy goes low bridge as Bulk was distracted by untied shoelaces which I saw coming a mile away, so that is clearly not the finish. So Goofy is tying his shoelaces where Bulk is selling what appears to be an Indian Deathlock. Okay; this proves that Susan and Bryan have to be either former wrestlers; or sons and daughters of professional wrestlers, because this is too close to being actual professional wrestling now. Goofy is blowing off Bulk because untied shoelaces can be dangerous. Wrong! Goofy doing wrestling is far more dangerous than untied shoelaces. Peg threatens Pete to do a run in because if he doesn't help Goofy; he is going into the doghouse with Chainsaw tonight. See; I told you my promos on that would pay off. Even worse for Peg; she said this while GOOFY had the advantage. Memo to Peg: GOOFY IS WINNING THE DAMN MATCH~! To quote John Cena on Matt Striker: You stupid bastard! Pete then realizes that Goofy is winning and Goofy calls him Myron right on camera, so he's John Cena. You talk too much! You never shut up! Oh; you talk too much! Oh boy; you never shut...Oh wait; that's the Bubsy pilot; my mistake. Pete notices this and does his run in after all. Why not? It's no DQ! Pete is also wearing a tiger tail in the back; which confused me a lot more than it Peg was confused right there. So Pete walks in and pushes Goofy aside as he was cutting a promo like a smugass heel who proclaims that he will be set for life. He tells Goofy to take a tasty cake break and rubs his hands with glee. Okay; so it's going to be three snacks to the face by Goofy and Pete wins now. Yeah; whatever.
You knew it had to be Pete against Myron since unless you are Hogan Vs. Warrior; face Vs. face doesn't work well. Bulk walks in and Pete wants to make him the blue plate special as he attempts an arm drag takedown and cannot get the guy over his shoulder at all. Oh; and Bulk's shoelaces are once again untied. Time to wear velcro Bulk; your shoelaces seemed to be gimmicked now. I refuse to believe that Sunwoo screwed up the logic in this scene. Pete shoulder blocks him from behind and his grunting is hilariously bad as Bulk is no selling and no moving on everything Pete throws him at. Okay; here's a massive logic break: The original stips of the match was to last three minutes and in order to win the match; you must rip the championship belt off his spleen (or waist; I can accept the spleen as a metaphor for waist). So; why isn't the belt around his waist?! Pete sits on the shoulders of Bulk and it's in perfect position for Pete to pant and if this were real wrestling, Bulk would do the Electric Chair move on him. Instead; Bulk grabs him and spins him into a tornado with his arm which is called the Cake Mix Spin. Perfect for cake making and not getting yourself dizzy like Airplane Spin's do. Besides; even Bulk knows that's Goofy's finisher and thus that would be gimmick infringement. Gimmick infringement is worse than real infringement in the professional wrestling world; leading you to burials and general bitterness from the buried souls. Goofy stands in the corner eating an ice cream cone telling Pete to wear him down. Pete is in the other corner as Bulk is doing the Ringpost Figure Four; only it's in reverse and Pete is hanging onto the buckles instead of his legs being tied to the ringpost. All of a sudden; being in the doghouse doesn't sound so bad, doesn't it Pete? Pete gets corkscrewed good as his spine is his favorite; which is only one and no one else cares anyway. Pete gets the Peppermint Twist; which is a double backwards hammerlock/wrist locks with Pete on his belly as his selling is so awful, I might just submit. It's now called the stuffed chicken wing as Goofy looks on and Peg appears to be going into the ring. Why? I have no clue.
Goofy looks on as the announcer tells us that it has never been broken. Goofy tells Myron that Pete has submitted as Myron proclaims that he hoped that he beat him so he could quit the business and run his diner in peace. Here's what the finish should be: Goofy runs over; whacks Myron in the head with the chicken leg, rolls Pete on top of him, and gets the pin for the win. Crickets chirp as Goofy has a Krackpotkin Plan because this is not what the finish of this match was. The finish of this match is: Goofy brainfarts; then brings out the dreaded BLACK PEPPER SHAKER OF DEATH and shakes black pepper on Pete's nose; Pete sneezes and twerks Myron onto his back and knocks Myron out. Pete sneezes and flies backwards squashing Myron with a splash and gets the pin despite no referee. Which doesn't matter because Myron's shoulders were down for more than three seconds anyway; so Pete wins the match thanks to Goofy and his black pepper. I guess even the writers felt my version of the finish was too stupid and would turn Goofy heel. But wait! This wasn't fair and square, right? So Sparky should run in and overrule this match and Myron wins by DQ, right? Well; hold that thought as Peg demands Pete apologize to Goofy for screwing him with his scheme and of course Pete refuses because he did Myron a favor and he's a hero. So Sparky walks in and tells Roadkill that since he defeated Bulk; he has to fight all the other masked wrestlers which was under his contract. Uh-oh! Pete pleads for Peg to tell them that he's not Goofy and Peg laughs it off and calls him Goofy pointing out that he signed it, he'll do it. Pete gets dragged off protesting and praying to his mother to save him; but none is forthcoming. Pete is such a perfect cowardly, crybaby heel. This is a perfect scheme for Pete actually. Goofy and Bulk eat hotdogs for fun as Goofy asks what is for dinner. Myron proclaims that he'll cook anything for Goofy as we head outside to a shot of the arena as Pete gets murdered like a jobber and Pete is screaming for help. Circle fade out to end the episode at 21:11. Bad logic break aside; this episode was awesome! **** 1/2 (90%).
THE REVIEW LINE
You know; when I first saw the writing team for this episode, I was very wary about the quality because I had no notes on the two writers working with Bruce Talkington on this. So; I felt this episode was going to suck a lot. Well; it didn't believe it or not. This episode was awesome; albeit not flawless. Sunwoo did botch a few spots and the stips were changed at the last minute (although it was for the better; it's still a logic break all the same) and some of the moves were lame; I enjoyed this episode and they didn't play it as a "wrestling is fake" thing; they played it up as if it were an actual wrestling show where it was sort of scripted; but the pain felt real (albeit it was way too cartoony to be taken seriously) and it made the scheme of Pete's wonderful. Pete got his comeupperance and even won the match to boot; helping Goofy's friend quit the business altogether and knowing how scummy the business is, Pete came off as the savior for a wrestler's career while still acting like a scumbag who got his at the end. Now if you don't love wrestling; then this episode isn't for you. But if you do; it's a much better take than 90% of the episodes who do this sort of stuff. Goofy was great as always and Myron was great as well. This is the kind of episode that I can mark out and love because I fully understood it. If you don't understand it; it's never going to be half as fun as when you do. Overall; wonderful episode that makes up for that awful E=MC Goof episode I reviewed earlier. So....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.