Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The web master has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the web master and no one else. The web master has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Fish Hooks
Happy Birthday, Jocktopus!/Bea Becomes An Adult Fish Rant
Reviewed: 12/10/2010
The Credit Writers Obviously Do Not Watch This Show!
So; I have two shorts of Fish Hooks left to do to end 2010. YAY! Oh wait, I mean D'OH! Anyhow; this first short is basically the first focus episode on Freshwater's resident bully Jocktopus; although he played a semi big role in Underwater Boy and made appearances in almost every short I have ranted on beforehand. And yes; my last rant before Christmas is a Bea focused episode combined with a "Spongebob gains acceptance" plot. The two most dreadful things I expected to hear in this short. Please don't let this episode suck much; that's all I ask. Let's rant on shall we..?!
Happy Birthday Jocktopus is written and storyboards are done by Derek Evanick. The story was done by Jacqueline Buscarino and direction is done by Maxwell Atoms. Bea Becomes An Adult Fish is written and storyboards are done by Niki Yang and William Reiss. The story is written by Jacqueline Buscarino and directed by Willian Reiss. Niki Yang started as animatic assistant in the television series Game Over in 2004. Then it's off to Family Guy, Random! Cartoons, Ape Escape, Slacker Cats, Adventure Time With Finn and Jake and Fanboy & Chum Chum. That's it. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. Also of note: Noah Z. Jones does voices in this short! My life is officially complete now. All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
Happy Birthday Jocktopus!: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (today's sign: free gift wrapping) as we see the redneck janitor sweeping the floor. Whatever sir. Anyhow we zoom into the top left to the SEA MALL OF DOOM as we see various fish (an old couple and a guy at a table) as we see the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE floating in as Milo asks the obvious question: Why the hell are they there? Thankfully; no prat falling on face occurs as Bea states that they are buying Jocktopus a birthday present. Apparently in this world: If you don't buy bully Jocktopus a good present; he will MURDER your ass! Oscar shows the note and his spelling is better than Baloo's believe it or not. he only missed two letters total in that birthday invitation. Milo asks where they are and Bea blows him off as they are near the potty store. I know this because there is a toilet and it sezs potty. So bathroom/washroom is now on the forbidden list; but potty isn't. That is just peachy. Anyhow; speaking of ADD, Oscar turns to his left and he gets the oversold shock look (as seen in Doris Flores Gorgeous) as we have a store called Bargains & Dragons. Now I thought he was in awe of the Robin Hood outfit; but it's the Level 87 Braces of Doom he is looking at.
That leads to the contrived dream sequence as Oscar is in armor looking like a strong knight as Bea is the stereotypical princess who apparently is impressed with Oscar's archery skills. I know this because there is a target of arrows hitting the bulleye while two red arrows miss by a mile. Then I realize that they are Bracers; not Braces. Doesn't anyone in creative know the difference between braces and bracers? Braces are what Oscar is currently wearing in his mouth; Bracers are gauntalets you wear on your wrists. This isn't rocket science folks. Logic break #1 for the episode thirty seconds in. Needless to say; Bea sezs nothing of note and we return to reality (no, not really) as Oscar is in awe over the Bracers; so Milo proclaims that they need to do some birthday buying as Milo and Bea leave while Oscar sulks with his MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH.
Scene changer and we are in the gift shop as Milo, Oscar and Bea are looking around. Well; Bea has something behind her back as she has the perfect gift for Jocktopus which is extra strength Roll On. Remind me never to accept gifts from anyone named Bea ever again. Milo brings out the OUT OF NOWHERE toilet brush and calls it a toothbrush. Remind me never to accept gifts from anyone named Milo ever again. Oscar naturally dislikes this because those gifts could make Jocktopus mad. NO?! REALLY?! I know I'm not thrilled when I get such gifts. Oscar asks what to give someone who you don't know what to buy. Short answer: MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Bea's answer: Professional Stylists. Whatever. Oscar corrects her and Milo and Bea call it lame. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Bea?! Oscar gleefully points out that it's lame to get their asses kicked and Milo shows off a naked butt; namely his. I would be offended if I gave a damn. This is the price you pay for getting rid of the violence in other cartoons guys. Oscar asks if they ever got punched in the kisser for giving money and the fish say no; so they agree on giving Jocktopus that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH.
So we go to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as they have a Happy Birthday Jocktopus poster in front which is spelled perfectly as we hear a shrieking girl's voice on the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS as we are in the lunch roon with Sunny (the blond hair gives her away) telling them not to be afraid because Jocktopus can smell fear. I don't know; I think it's what he ate before the gift exchange. AHHAHAHAHA! POW TIMES EIGHT! OUCH TIMES EIGHT! Ummmm..... Anyhow; Jocktopus is sitting on his throne with his birthday crown on as we see the single file line. Sunny is voiced by Maile Flanagan who started with Overnight Delivery in 1998 and then did little of note until the Astro Boy 2003 series as Matt and then got her big break as the lead character voice Naruto in Naruto (and it's specials and video games). She also appeared on Grey's Anatomy and was Geri O'Flanagan in 3Way (also wrote 11 episodes). Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. Rango and Transformers: Dark of The Moon are her most recent credits. She has almost 50 credits to her resume and did research for Super Surgery. The GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE (and crappy party hats natch) are inbetween a crab and a snail. Bea calls this a prison while Milo is hungry for ice cream and cake. I guess Jocktopus eats _fish cakes_. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW TIMES EIGHT! OUCH TIMES EIGHT! Ummmm.....We see a minnow fish enter as he has nothing but love and gives him money. Jocktopus licks the dollar bill and sticks it to his shirt as Sunny calls it totally worthless. Wow; this is no normal bully.
So Jocktopus really blows him off and pounds the minnow into a steaming pile of goo and get's stuffed into a paper box for someone's lunch as the minnow called it his money for college. What an idiot eh?! I have no clue who voices him so I'm guessing it's Piranchica who is voiced by Laura Ortiz who started with Sleeper Cell, In Justice, and Drake and Josh in cameos in 2005 before being Ruby in The Hills Have Eyes and was a teen attendent in Norbit. American Dragon: Jake Long is her DTVA debut and was also Jessica in Horton Hears A Who. Chillerama, Team Unicorn: G33K & G4M3R Girls, and Hatchet II were her most recent credits. She has only 17 credits to her resume. Jocktopus has the WRAITH OF THE JOCK on full blast because he hates getting worthless paper more than once. The GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE panic on cue as Oscar stuffs the money in his hair as Bea proclaims that she's too young to be punched and blames Oscar. Well; she does have a point there guys. It was Oscar's idea to think that money would buy Jocktopus happiness on his birthday. Jocktopus screams at the goofs as they stammer and then Milo and Bea turn on Oscar and Jocktopus grabs him and punches him in the eye. HAHA! That was priceless as Jocktopus replaces his party hat with his baseball hat and declares the party over because Oscar is now his property. This would have offended me if Oscar wasn't such an idiot in using money as an answer to everything. Otherwise; this is pretty funny.
Jocktopus carries Oscar out of the lunch room as Oscar protests the Bea heel turn all the way even hanging on the trim of the door for good measure. The doors slam (logic break #2) as Bea and Milo look at each other and then we cut to the hallway as Jocktopus carries Oscar with his football buddies in tow. He puts Oscar down (sadly for Oscar; not to sleep) as Jocktopus opens his locker and demands he get in. Oscar no sells because he cannot fit; so Jocktopus holds his breath, chants something silly and shrinks to 75% of his size and fits inside. Oscar tries the same thing; but it doesn't work so the football buddies stuff Oscar into the locker as we discover that it doubles as a workout gym. Well; this is not out of place since Jackie fit a fridge in Obsession For Kick. Jock proclaims that he enjoys paradoxes. I betcha he cannot spell it nor understand what it really means. He grabs Oscar by the shirt and corks up the fist as Oscar begs for mercy. You know something; seeing Jocktopus beat down Oscar is actually quite racist so I doubt Jock will punch him. And I'm right as Oscar is a problem solver type and Jocktopus holds back because he has problems figuring out which kids to beat up first. So Oscar offers to help as he brings out the OUT OF NOWHERE laptop and creates a program to randomly select kids for Oscar to beat up. If you cannot guess who the computer selects you have no business reading this rant. There are only three or four choices here and so for a better hint; here are the odds makers: Bea 2:1, Milo 2:1, Oscar 2:1, Atticus Glass 1:1.
Jocktopus also has problems with his arm because it gets tired after punching someone. Oscar has a solution for that which is the octogon shaped dice to allow him to select which arm to use before punching someone. Something tells me Jocktopus has beatdown Oscar before which indicates that Jocktopus is a racist bully on top of being just plain vile. Jock also has problems trying to come up with original lines when punching someone and Oscar offers to help him by creating cue cards for him (in which the pencil and paper come out of nowhere and probably will go the same place.). Jocktopus is so giddy that he will have to break him like he breaks his equipment as we zoom out to the room and Oscar is seriously (insert swear word here). Scene changer as we go to the hallway as Jock's football buddies are guarding the locker as Milo watches from the right corner. We cut to the corner as Milo cannot believe that they gave anyway Oscar like that. Well; that is a million percent improvement from Fanboy & Chumm Chumm's version of this plotline as Milo wants Oscar back. Bea wants to use the talents of a certain fish and if you cannot guess who that is; you have no business reading this rant. Bea wants all the trimmings for this Krackpotkins Plan as Milo pulls on the eye lashes and calls Bea a genius. Coming from Milo's mouth; I'm not confident in this whatsoever as we pan west to see Actticus Glass go to his locker and Jocktopus grabs him and damn I am so good. He rolls the dice; cuts the cue card promo and Mr. Glass calls it beautiful and then he gets whacked for his trouble. HAHA! Is anyone really surprised that the CPU picked a dork?
Jocktopus punches Mr. Glass good about five times (sadly, all the shots are off-screen so they are head shots) and Jock grabs Glass for the kill and here comes Mr. Baldwin with his seanut butter coffee proclaiming that he cannot punch his troubles away. I think some boxers would like to have a word with you Baldwin. Jock runs stage right as Baldwin blows off Glass for being in the hallways long enough and gives him a dentention slip before floating off stage right. Oh swell; the innocent over dork gets the dentention slip while Jock gets off scott free. Then again; this is the ADD era where teachers are outright heels because parents hate violence. But punching violence off-screen is perfectly okay. Scene changer and we see the football buddies guarding Jock's locker as we head inside to see Jocktopus pumping iron times four while blowing off Baldwin all the way thus turning Jocktopus into the Brad Buttowski babyface. On the other hand; Jock at least has heel heat so it's not a bad thing. Oscar is sitting at the desk with his equipment and calls it terrible. See; between sports and Piranhica (So the blond girl with the megaphone is Piranchia and the minnow who got beat up is Sunny?) he is having problems with Baldwin. Jock gets all steamed as the weights are making him mad as Oscar tries to calm him down. Oscar has a solution: Monitor the hallways so Jock can time his poundings without Baldwin being up his ass. Jock is giddy for that one that he drops a lot of weight. And I do mean a LOT of weight. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW TIMES EIGHT! OUCH TIMES EIGHT! Ummmmm.... Jock proclaims that he likes Oscar and Oscar is SHOCKED to hear that one.
So we see one of Jock's football buddies come in with Bea with a mustache and wearing a blue uniform and hat. Bea naturally blows her cover by proclaiming that it's a parcel and she's a delivery female which Oscar gleefully blows off. See Pop-A-Bear; wearing a mustache only in All's Whale That Ends Whale doesn't work. Nice to see the writers noticed that. Jock doesn't give a damn as Beat-trice (might as well go for the cheap shot while I'm on a roll here.) does this over the top backstory about being a post female as the box bounces behind Jocktopus towards Oscar. It opens in front of Oscar and it's Milo. Damn; I thought it was going to be Clamantha there for a second since she is supposed to be in this episode. Milo has three plane ticket and three passports (Riiiiiigggghhhhttttt. Like I'm buying that they can afford those.) and Oscar no sells because Jock is his new best friend. HAHA! See; he's still sore about being given away to Jocktopus as a present and Jocktopus is treating him better than Bea and Milo did. Milo pleads for mercy and Oscar closes the box and returns it to sender. Bea continues her boring story and Jocktopus falls asleep. Bea: The cure for insomnia. The parcel bounces back to Bea and apologizes for getting the name wrong (Riiiggggghhhhhttttt!) and sezs goodbye and floats out of the locker. She opens it and asks why only Milo is there. Milo tells her that Oscar has turned heel. No, not really since it was Bea and Milo who turned on him earlier. So this is a heel turn for Milo and Bea while a face turn for Jocktopus.
Bea and Oscar cue the waterworks and it is so weak that Rebecca would see this and say: Damn; that was weaksauce. Bea cannot believe that she did that boring story for nothing. Actually Bea; that actually was useful as a sleeping aid for Jock. Milo consoles her as we go to the scene changer and see Jock doing pushups with Oscar at the desk. Jocktopus counting leaves A LOT to be desired I might add. Jock wants to MURDER someone because he's fresh and Oscar isn't amused as he goes to the computer and it spits out a picture of Milo and Bea. Damn; I'm so good I called it a mile away. Jock grabs the picture and tries to leave but Oscar stops him and asks nicely to skip pounding Milo and Bea. Wait; why does Oscar all of a sudden have sympathy for Milo and Bea after the lack of build up to justify Oscar wanting to sympatize with them when he did no such thing with Mr. Glass? I mean; his blowoff of Milo was pretty decisive on whose side he was on. So why does he have a change of heart now? There's no cue to indicate that. Man; this short was chugging along fine until now. Jock asks why and Oscar stammers before admitting that they are friends of his. Oscar wants him not to punch his friends as a favor as a friend and Jock blows him off because he's property see and floats off to MURDER Milo and Bea. Milo and Bea damn well deserve it too after their weakass attempts to get Oscar back after burying Oscar earlier. Oscar isn't liking this which is contrived of course.
Scene changer as we head into the hallway with Bea and Milo sulking. Milo wants to start a blog on being terrible friends and Jocktopus appears ready to give Milo and Bea a Bradley-equse pounding. Milo and Bea sell fear badly that even their teeth chattering is stiff as hell as Jocktopus decides to skip the cue card promo and just use all his arms for punching. I guess he threatened Oscar enough to stop him which would have given Oscar the justification. But since there's no cue; this makes no sense. Then Oscar gets in front of Milo and Bea and wants him to wait. Jocktopus yells at him while getting off death reference #1 for the episode because Oscar is killing the mood. Not quite Jock; more like killing the logic of turning on you. Oscar proclaims that he gave the wrong picture; so he gives the paper to Jock and Jock is confused so Oscar gives him the MIRROR OF VANITY and the picture is Jocktopus of course. Now that finish makes sense even if the buildup is crappy. Jock screams like a madman and blames Oscar for this; so the tentacles get a mind of their own and Jocktopus punches himself good. HAHA! He pulls his own hair as Jock calls him the worst birthday present ever. Maybe you should have took the damn money Jock.
Jock fires Oscar and the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE float off stage right as Jock continues to punch himself. Then Piranhica (the blond haired green fish we saw earlier) comes in and blows him off for embrassing himself; before calling him dreamy. Whatever madam. Scene changer and we see Milo and Bea in the living room of Oscar's house with a green JOKEY SURPRISE OF DOOM as Oscar is sitting in the chair as Oscar opens the box and it's the Level 87 Bracers of Doom he wanted earlier. Damn; I knew that would get involved somehow. Guys; it's Bracers, not Braces. Oh; and they shoot electricy for the two of you who care. Oscar asks if the Bracers make her want to see a movie and Bea is all confused as Oscar recoils on cue. HEE HEE! That ends the short at 10:08. So Clamantha doesn't appear for the first time ever? Someone who is doing the credit title cards is doing a piss poor job here. Decent short with a contrived climax; but it served the purpose it intended. ** 3/4 (55%).
Bea Becomes An Adult Fish: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign of the day: Daycare which actually makes sense in an animal context) as we see the redneck janitor playing with a blue toy car on the floor. I think that's the first time he has been given a voice in this series. So we head to Bea's bedroom. I know this because her bed is the same color as Shellsea. Bea floats in and puts her blue bag down on the floor and opens up the laptop as we see Shellsea on the screen. Bea asks if she's crazy and Shellsea calls her crazy. Bea talks about a boyfriend or I think it's about BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! since Bea speaks about 100 words a second and then another screen appears and it's Milo on chat as he explains that it is about boys. Want to know why Corey Baxter is a decent worker? Because he talks at a speed normal human beings can understand before getting annoyed. Bea calls her cute and uses the same DUBBED ANIME STYLE swear as we heard about eight times before (oh my gosh) as Oscar has his own screen and he's NOT amused.
Then Oscar's screen gets partially cut off by Fimberly as somehow; Milo's screen get moved to the bottom without any sequence to show that it moved. Koi Fish comes in and cuts off both Koi and Oscar equally. Koi must not like Fimberly for some reason since her eye gets cut off. Koi grunts of course and I'm betting Esmargot will cut her off. I check the Youtube video....Well; that would have happened if Bea's mother (who is a green fish with Oscar's hair and an apron and here's Edie McClurg's voice debut on this show.) as she Bea gets all pissy and locks the laptop in her safe because it's private. Here's a clue Bea: If your mother doesn't give two craps about your business and you lock a laptop that was probably bought by her; you are a jerk. Evidence #1: She seems more content in giving her a huge plate of cookies and Bea gives her the twitchy eyes and Gruffi pose. Bea's mother is AWESOME as she succeeds in annoying Bea which I approve. She may be dense; but Bea deserves it anyway, so who cares?
Bea blows her off because she's out of control. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Bea? Bea wants to go to the mall with her friends but her mom has a 5:00 curfew. Like I give a damn; I have to go to sleep at 7:00 pm sharp if I need to get up at 3:30 am in the morning to go to work. The nature of the beast after all. Bea sulks because it's totally unfair. I think it's perfectly fair and until she is over; the 5:00 curfew stays. Mom blows her off in the nicest tone possible and stuffs Bea in her pink PJ's that look almost as cool as Molly's. Be careful there Mrs. Goldfishberg because if you get over; you are going to be room feed because the LAW OF THE NEW DISNEY states that the adults can never get over the kids. Bea's Mom then stuffs her in bed and she wants to read a bedtime story called: The Tale of Little Peter Fishbits. Oh god; I want to hear that story, anything just to annoy Bea. She also has Baby Makes A Piddle (Where are these books sold? Because I want a copy of both of them.) on retainer just in case the first story isn't enough to really piss Bea off. Bea asks what it will take for her to live her life and Bea's mother tells her to get a job and be an adult; using the best echo I have ever heard because that is years away. She pulls on Bea's cheeks proclaiming that she loves her and floats off. Bea proclaims that she will become an adult as she goes to her safe and opens the laptop to tell Shellsea that there is a change in the Krackpotkins plan and she needs big ass shoulder pads STAT because the flower is about to bloom.
So we head to a really neat visual zoom in of the bus stop outside as we see Fimberly, Oscar, Milo, Atticus Glass, Shellsea, Koi, Esomargot, Jumbo Shrimp and for the sixth time in seven (despite being credited in all seven shorts thus far) shorts Clamantha waiting for the school bus. We then pan over and see Bea in the worst suit disguise ever. That smile is ultra ugly to say the least. Did Jocktopus beat her mouth up on the way to the bus or something? Did the punching start with Bea telling Jocktopus to go to hell or something? We also get the ugly closeup which might just well be from Milo's point of view judging from Milo's view of Doris Flores Goregous. Milo and Oscar are APPALLED as they mistake Bea for an old woman. Milo thinks she's confused as he floats over to Bea and calls her an old timer. Bea wants a cab instead and Milo gets all romantic in a Disney BS&P way. Bea then blows him off because she's Bea and Shellsea wipes off the makeup and blows her off as Bea looks beautiful. Well; at least they developed her character since Bea Stays In The Picture, I'll give the writers that much. Bea proclaims that she is now an adult; which is codeword for man child in my book. WHACK! OUCH! Ummmm.... Damn; that red hair doesn't taste like milk chocolate that's for sure. Milo is amused; but Oscar is confused as Bea explains that she's tired of the limits of being a teenager and is going into the real world to live her dream: Which is soft core porn knowing her. Clamantha uses her tongue to give her the thumbs up which is codeword for "She's gone; now Oscar's all mine to kissy-kissy!". AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The other fish do whirlwind spot and are generally impressed with Bea because she apparently has guts. No, not really.
Oscar thankfully stinks up the party because it takes more than a look to be an adult. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Bea blows it off as details. Well Bea; the difference between an adult and a child is that child ignores details and goes for the throat while the adult steps back and understands what the hell he/she is getting into. That's called _details_; which shows that you are still a child pretending to be an adult and it is only funny for a legit six year old instead of one who acts like one despite being double that age at least. Oscar proclaims that she doesn't have one and Bea proclaims that she'll find one. Oscar stumbles and fumbles with the words as Bea blows him off for being such a stink to the party because this is important to her. Wait; I thought the most important thing in her life was her porno recital. Man; Bea doesn't even know what her priorities are. Another sign of a man child for life. Oscar proclaims that he'll miss her. Memo to Oscar: As crappy as Clamantha's voice is; she isn't the demanding diva like Bea is. You can be the new Disney Bumblelion and be over so pull the trigger and shoot the relationship dead already! Everyone is in awe as Oscar calls it secretly. Wiki-leaks hands Oscar his ass 20 years later as Milo consoles him because they will hang out with Bea in the city. The taxi arrives OUT OF NOWHERE as Bea enters it; closes the door; said goodbye to them and the taxi leaves all in a span of five seconds. Milo likes all this.
So we head into the taxi as we see Cabbie who is a worm eating worm who has a green sweater driving a taxi. Cabbie is voiced by Fred Tatasciore who has over 255 credits to his resume and about 85% of them are video games. He started as a voice for A Gai wak in 1983 and was Gato in Naruto and in the 2007 TMNT movie. He also was a voice for the movie Team America: World Police as Samuel L. Jackson and did various voices in Robot Chicken, Ben 10 and Grim & Evil. The Emperor's New School is his DTVA debut as Pascha. Marvel VS. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds, Gears of War 3, and X-Men: Destiny are his most recent credits. He also appeared in the Inside: X series (mostly about prisons) documentaries, directed Disclaimer and did ADR for Wonder Boys and The Spiderwick Chronicles doing goblin voices. Cabbie proclaims that they have reached the destination which is City Central (LAME!) as the taxi stops and Bea floats out. Well; not really in the city because it's a picture of a city in the background as Bea sings..slightly better than Clamantha. On second thought; please turn Independent Woman into a rap because her singing straight up is worse.
Basically the song shows Bea reading a newspaper and getting the job at Fish Flakes; with CGI starfish in the background and the animation of them is contrived as usual. Apparently; being an office exec gives her powers to make Principal Stickler get rid of Milo and Oscar as we get logic break #1 as Oscar and Milo appear ten seconds after she is given the order. We get airplane riding, riding in the water version of Egypt, clanking green beer mugs (never mind that none of the fish can legally drink) and causing about $3,000 damage to the Freshwater High School. We hear Mr. Baldwin pleading for Bea to get him out of his job on the sky shot with the classmates jumping for joy. Thankfully; Barb throws down the STACKS OF PAPER OF DOOM on the desk to end the theme song which is the only amusing thing about the song. This is one of those things which would have been more effective if they didn't sing it. Kind of like the more recent Land Before Time OAV's.
Barb is voiced by Lauren Tom whose career started with a cameo in The Facts of Life and Reading Rainbow in 1983. She went on to mostly cameos and bit movies until she was Julie on Friends and Dot in Grace Under Fire. She then voiced Angela Chan in Superman 1996 edition. Teacher's Pet is her DTVA debut as Younghee (Series and Movie) and she was Candace on The Weekenders, Alice Kane on Pepper Ann, Kim Possible as Yoshiko, Karen on Fillmore!, WITCH as various, Jake's Mother in American Dragon: Jake Long, Tasumi in The Replacement and additional voices in Phineas & Ferb. Futurama as Amy Wong, Scooby Doo! Camp Scare and King of the Hill were her most recent credits. She has over 134 credits to her resume and did theatre work during the mid 1980's and even opera in 1999 with The Peony Pavilion at the Zellerbach Hall. Bea asks what it is and Barb gleefully points out the obvious and Bea pushes the papers away. That's a no-no Bea. It's made worse by Bea's checklist as I am losing patience with Bea in general. Barb continues to be a one track exec as there is only one policy at Fish Flakes which is....you guess it...work. Bea tries to explain her self-empowerment which should have got her fired in any other universe; but Barb only states one word which is....you guess it...work. Barb also calls her crazy and I agree with her as she takes Milo and Oscar and they are apparently booted out.
Bea sulks a bit as she wonder where they are taking them. If Wikipedia wasn't such a jackass; it would be to the baby room to become babies. Bea hates this because it is worse than homework and a window blind opens and a creepy worker (Fred Tatasgore again) proclaims that it's paperwork and jackhammers the point once to force the point. The window blinds come down as Bea has that look of confusion. So we go to the scene changer as Oscar and Milo are with Barb as she leads them to the Daycare Center. What is the point of this? Barb pushes them gently in because once mom (Bea) is done; they can meet again. Oscar tries to protest that she's NOT their mother (maybe having Bea call the Principal was NOT such a good idea after all) but Oscar is SHOCKED and Milo is giddy because it's paradise as we see baby fish floating around generally having a good time. One of the babies is blowing bubbles for fun as Oscar is horrified. Considering how much Bea sucks as a character; seeing Milo as a baby is actually funny. One of the workers (who is voiced by Noah Z. Jones) offers Milo a diaper and Milo puts it on. HEE HEE!
Scene changer and we head to the Fish Flakes boardroom as Barb has her beating stick on retainer in case Bea gets all independent and sucky again. Bea is silent as the fish workers all write down that there is only one conclusion from Barb that they need to produce more Fish Flakes. Even in this enlightened world; there is only one conclusion: that female CEO'S have just as a shallow one tracked mind as the males. True equality indeed; just not the way we envisioned it. The workers all pop for that one as Bea asks female worker about talking about fish flakes and the worker shhh's her and writes more papers with her pencil. Bea wants to talk about BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! and I say: NO! NO! NO! Leave that crap for Phineas & Ferb; they damn well need it. The worker wants her to shut up; so Bea wants to dance. Oh god; please No! Fire her ass now Barb! Even if she is the best worker in the business; having her try to become like Dancing For The Stars will bankrupt your company within three minutes easily. Did I just say...Oh wait; never mind. Sadly; everyone just shh's her in response. That was damn stupid as Bea gets all trampy again. Barb ends the meeting as her watch beeps and Bea takes it as a sign; so Barb calls for meeting #2 and Bea sulks again. And there are ten thousand more meetings to boot. HAHA! Hey; it's a small price to pay for her rapping in Fish Sleepover Party so I approve. Bea's eyes ring on cue as the workers pop on cue; so Bea's face drops like Bob "Big Head" Mackenzie on Royal Canadian Air Farce.
Scene changer and we head back to daycare as Milo plays with the babies in his diaper. HAHA! Milo stops playing as he motions to Oscar who is being stalked by a bull fish (similar to what my littlest brother did when he was three years old; and my jaw felt it too.) as Oscar is being freaked out. A note: freaked as a swear word is legal today'; but not legal in 1990. How about that? Oscar then panics as the baby grabs him by the tail with the BABY GRIP OF DEATH as Milo is amused. Like I said before; no one accused Milo of being the sharpest knife in the drawer that's for sure. Milo walks back giving the peace sign and then we jump cut to Milo laying on a blanket with the babies as it's nap time. We go to a scene changer in a hallway as Bea comes out and notices various workers walking into a room stage right and there is music and amusement as Bea calls this a party. Can you smell the screwjob coming; or do I have to spell it out for ya? Bea floats into the staff lunch room as the fish are preparing their lunch on plates as Bea gets all lippy literally. Worker #1 gives her a napkin filled with fish flake pie because they give out free food once a month to relieve the overstocking of fish flakes. I see that even in the fish world they have the same finanical problems that humans have. Yeah; too much like live action Disney. Bea takes it well; until Worker #1 stuffs his face and gets all gross much to Bea's disgust. HAHA!
See; this is how ADULTS eat pie; which isn't all that inaccurate all things considered. Bea looks like she is going to vomit since the workers are basically vomitting on-screen. EEEWWWWWWWWWW! I guess Noah was entitled to one obscene spot in this series and he picked this short to do it. Kind of like Kick being nude in Deadman's Drop and Stumped. Bea actually shows some class by floating stage left and vomitting off-screen. The worker wants her pie too; the greedy bastard. Strangely; she manages to not vomit when we see her blowing off the adults as being disgusting. I hope she never sees them in the Terry Garvin School of Self Defense; or she'll really have something to vomit about. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bea wants to hold herself together; as Barb comes in with stacks of paper and Bea at last gets the professional attitude down as workers panic about Bea's sloppy work and lack of pencils (these people never heard of a pen before eh? Some adults!) as Bea swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE on that one and then catches herself as she has her MIRROR OF VANITY as there are magically appearing bangs under her eyes and she blows them off.
She floats for a while ranting as she is near the daycare center and then notices the babies stuck in Oscar's hair. HAHA! So she runs into the daycare and removes them from Oscar's hair in an epic struggle. Oscar panics like crazy so Bea bitchslaps him about five times. If this doesn't get her fired then Fish Flakes is a slave shop. Oscar proclaims that Milo is in a diaper and Bea floats off. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The best part of this episode and she's going to ruin that too! DAMN YOU BEA GOLDFISHBERG TO HELL! Tug of war ensues as I win because they pop out of the daycare and Milo still has the diaper on. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE BEA GOLDFISHBERG! Bea asks if they are all right as Milo is okay; but Oscar's face pretty much sezs that he is going to need to see a shrink after this short is over. Evidence #1: There's a real baby on his back. Whatever guys; the continuity you are shooting for is dead so get over yourselves.
Bea is fed up as she pounds Barb's desk as she has major issues. Barb smiles hoping that one of them has something to do with her crappy personality. To Barb: Keep dreaming madam; keep dreaming. She brings out the issue form as she'll get back in 72 hours. Maybe. Bea pounds on the desk again as she proclaims that she quits and Barb asks on what grounds. Wait; why would you want her to stay? She's a crappy worker; I wouldn't ask her for a reason; I would grant the request and then throw a party for the workers behind her back just to make my life complete at least. Bea then proclaims that she's a teenager and she rips off the clothes and wants to get back to her life. Barb panics like mad because she'll be fired for hiring underage workers as she looks for a form; but cannot find one. Oh; what a lame ass finish this is as it is made worse as Mr. Baldwin enters and wants a job and Barb asks her age and he's not one day over 29 despite looking 50 years old. Barb hires her and we get the jump for joy jackhammer with yellow aura background. Whatever guys.
So we go to a far shot of the fish tanks as we zoom in and then cut to Bea's bedroom as she REPEATS THE EXACT SAME SEQUENCE from the beginning of the episode. Well; not quite as Bea talks about quitting the penthouse and loving life here as all the screens do not cut off each other; thus not paying off the joke earlier. And Bea is crazy. No, she's crappy, not crazy folks. Bea laughs as Bea's mom appears as Bea slams the laptop; but recoils before fully blowing her off. Bea admits that she loves home and she accepts the 5:00 pm curfew as she floats into the covers and Bea's mom kisses her on the cheek before exiting the bedroom. We head into Bea's living room as Bea's mother is talking to Bea's father (Noah Z. Jones- balding curly brown hair, grey fish, tie and glasses) on the couch as Bea's father has napkins of Fish Flake pie as they eat it and vomit. Ummmm; yeah whatever. Bea wakes up on the split screen shot and blows them off for being disgusting as that ends the short at 10:37. When even the vomiting scenes look classy; you have a problem. Just your average new Disney short. ** (40%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; Happy Birthday Jocktopus was decent and I really have nothing really bad to say about this short overall. It wasn't the knock my socks off episode that I expected; but other than a contrived climax of Oscar quickly changing his heart and the usual bad acting and logic breaks, it was a decent short. The finish was good and the right one for irony purposes. I'm also glad they didn't end it with Jocktopus in detention punching Mr. Glass' lights out. I do take issue with the credit writers because they keep getting the credits wrong since Clamantha was supposed to appear and she didn't. If you are going to list the voice credits; make sure you list the characters and voices that actually DID the episode. Otherwise; you are wasting a lot of people's time with it.
Well; other than the vomiting on-screen in Bea Becomes An Adult Fish, Bea continues her crappy streak of luck as a focus character in this series. Basically; quite a bit of logic breaking, CGI babies out of nowhere, no character development for the Fish Flakes organization and a lame ass finish on par with Kick Buttowski. In simple terms; Milo in a diaper = MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! Bea Becoming An Adult Fish = OPPOSITE OF MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! Also MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH = Mrs. Goldfishberg's dense routine and Denise Buttowski can BE JEALOUS! Overall; just another average new Disney short to end 2010. So we end up with a....
Thumbs in the middle for Happy Birthday, Jocktopus and a thumbs down for Bea Becomes An Adult Fish and I'll see you next time.