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Fish Hooks
Tale Of Sir Oscar Fish/Hooray For Hamsterwood Rant
Reviewed: 01/25/2011
Bea's Dream & Oscar's Nightmare Came True For Me.
So we begin the next episodes with a tale that starts off as Oscar is injured and whisked away to his own RPG land. Yeah; like I didn't see this one coming. Our second half of Fish Hooks looks at Bea going to the pet store version of Hollywood; Hamsterwood. Well; Bea surprised me before in Queen Bea; can she do it again? Yeah; let's rant on shall we...?!
The Tale of Sir Oscar Fish is written and storyboards are done by Ian Wasseluk. The story was done by Tim McKeon and direction done by William Reiss. Also to note that Jeff Glen Bennett and Rob Paulsen officially debut in this short for this series! Hooray For Hamsterwood is written and storyboards are done by Diana Lafyatis. The story is done by Jacqueline Buscarino and directed by C.H. Greenblatt. Diana started as an assistant animator for Harvey Birdman: Attonery At Law in 2000 and then it was The Chestnut Tree short in 2007 and Pups Of Liberty short in 2009. That's it. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. Also; this is Rob Paulsen's second Fish Hooks appearance. All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
The Tale Of Sir Oscar Fish: We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign: Swords. In a pet store?) as the hamster gnaw away at Bud and he trips and falls as a hamster eats at the screen. Well; they are at least mixing them up but this show the "put something on the wall and see if it sticks" because this would make more sense in Hooray For Hamsterwood. We head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as Oscar is sweating and shaking. See; he's in front of his peers on a stage doing the final exam on Public Speaking as we zoom out. Oscar's groaning is almost like he's having an orgasim. He then bounces away while looking at the audience stage right and we go to the scene changer in the locker room as Oscar stammers upside down coiled by Jocktopus. He gets shaken and bounced with the wussiest bumps this side of Getting Antsy. Another scene changer and it's sweating, flowers and chocolates. I betcha the girl in question is a certain clam with a sucky voice. I check the Youtube video....Nope, it's Bea. WHAT? The most obvious joke and they didn't go for it. Bea is putting her books in the locker called Fish Sci as Bea notices Oscar and Oscar bounces backwards liked fried fish. Whatever; this would have been funnier if the girlfriend was Clamantha.
So we head to Oscar's house as Milo is playing video games and making laser sounds. As I said before; as long as it sounds like lasers, gunfire noises are allowed in the new Disney. I see he's into Nintendo classic controllers as Oscar enters and Milo greets him. Man; these fish have better hearing than I do. Oscar yells that he's tired of living in fear and opens the trap door and walks down to his bedroom; probably to blog again. Or is he too fearful for that? Wonder if someone told him that blogging was corrupting his childish little mind too or called a drug? I know that makes me feel upset. Like I said before; Jack The Anti-Gamer one does have that certain type of influence on younger people. More so than the video games HE is condemning. Oh wait; he's writing in a diary under the blankets on the top bunk bed. Oscar has serious issues when even BLOGGING his feelings is too public to help him.
Oscar proclaims that he has problems; but not Sir Oscar The Fish as we head to the flashback sequence of Oscar's fantasies which is basically REPEATING THE FOOTAGE from the beginning of the episode; only with Oscar wearing armor and being confident. Then we see Sir Oscar bash a CGI eel (!!) with human arms and fins with a sword. Nice to see that "Double Standard" is still alive and well in the new Disney. I guess the fish hook is the machine gun of this series. Well; bullets do hurt more in water like punches; so I guess that's why they don't exist. He was awesome with the ladies as we see three girl fishes in colored veils, cone hats and dresses hugging Sir Oscar. Oh and he said without fear every time. This would have made more sense if it was an adult Bea and would be funnier if one of them was an adult Clamantha. Otherwise; it's just there to suck.
So we return to reality (no, not really) as Oscar wishes it were real as we go to pitch black (geez; it's too cheap to fade to black anymore?) as we return with the alarm clock sounds and Oscar is making love with a pillow. No, not really, but it's close enough for me. Oscar instantly wakes up and the clock reads 9:15 am as Oscar panics and drops to the ground shattering something that is made of glass (Huh?) off-screen. Bump was wussy and if that starts the angle I think it starts then Oscar truly has brittle bone disease. Anyhow; we see the School Bus driving on the road and then see Oscar chasing it with his backpack. Oscar screams for the bus to stop and then takes a sick MAN-SIZED bump into a stop sign and knocks himself silly and out back first onto the ground. HAHA! Now that is more like it guys. Oscar groans and then....
Fong: What you are about to see is a distortion of reality....POW! OUCH!
Can it Fong; it's NOT reality! Get over it and let's move on. Oscar is in a square like forest which is no surprise considering how square Oscar is. Oscar gets up proclaiming that he missed the bus and he'll have to tell Baldwin about an excuse as he sees a castle in the background and a white seahorse unicorn. The unicorn speaks that he is a horse and neighs. She is voiced by Grey Delisle (Brianna in Kick Buttowski) as Oscar calls this weird wonders where he is as he sees what looks like Milo; but it's a hunchback wizard blue fish with a cone hat. Oscar panics and then opens his book to realizes that this is similar to Fishlantia. Okay; I'm calling the finish right now: Oscar gets kissed by Clamantha when he wakes up. Don't say I didn't warn ye. Oscar then accuses Milo Wizard of looking in his diary and Milo no sells it as well as the baby unicorn can vouch for him. Oscar then gets the LIGHTBLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he knocked himself out with the stop sign and he's in a dream and he gets to make his dreams come true as we see a page in the book of Adult Oscar marrying Adult Bea. So Milo is now Milo The Meek and Oscar is called Sir Oscar Fish The Brave. LAME-O Oscar! I prefer Sir Oscar Fried Fish The Square-IRO. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oscar blushes and then wants Milo to take him to the castle to see Princess Bea. Meek Milo agrees to and even wants to shine Oscar's braces to look his best. Oscar likes this and hopes he never wakes up as they float to the castle. Ummm; if you don't wake up Oscar; you are dead as we head back to reality (no, not really) as Milo pokes Oscar with a stick. Wait; wasn't Oscar face up before he was knocked out? Logic break #1 for the episode as Bea is worried because he didn't show up at school. NO?! REALLY?! Milo continues poking him with the stick and Bea tells him to turn his over and Milo sells and we see Oscar has gained a big ass nose. Oh wait; it's a fake Oscar (there are about three voices for him so I won't mention them here) as everyone screams and apologizes. Oh and this fake Oscar has a wooden spoon for no apparent reason I can think of. Milo takes a googly eyed face of Oscar on some broccoli and Fake Oscar blows it off. See; he thinks he has a good idea who it is as we see that Oscar actually tripped over him into the stop sign in the flashback. Okay; that was pretty good actually. Oh and logic break #1 has been popped out of the episode! We also find out that the real Oscar floated up to the surface and Bud comes over and fishes him out with the fish net of doom and Fake Oscar is shocked and appalled. So we see Bud carrying the fish (and Fake Oscar narrating) with the fish net and Oscar somehow revives and then Bud drops Oscar into the fish tank with a castle in it. Fake Oscar calls it weird. Ummm; yeah.
So we return to reality (no, not really) as he ends his story and goes back to sleep. Milo loves this because he's still alive; but Bea panics because he could be alone, curled in the fetal position wanting to die and sobbing as Bea goes into her over dramtic wooden acting (death references #1 & #2 for the episode) and please go back to Oscar before I whack her in the face with her own deadly red hair. Milo of course doesn't get the two clicks in the making of a clue that she wants Milo to die instead and does his brave stance and jackhammers a red/yellow background in the process. Dammit; I thought this show was above such lameness; Shellsea's disco backgrounds notwithstanding. Anyhow; they are ready to find their brother and Fake Oscar wants in. Whatever as we do the anime pan over to the Fishlantia as Milo and Oscar enter Freshwater Castle. We pan over to the subjects (Esgomargot, Albert, Koi Fish, King Stickler, and blowers Mr. Baldwin and Sticker's nurse all wearing period gear) as King Stickler is sitting on his throne literally. Dig the green cross at 4:41 of the video; I see that symbol is still allowed in the new Disney. I just wish Boom! read my rants on Ducktales and kept the pentagrams for the issue involving Magica Despell and Morgana. Stickler uses his spikes to read the scroll and Correlburg needs a public speaker and everyone panics. Milo calls it a fierce proposal as we get another cross at 4:57 as Oscar pulls on Milo. See; it's because he's Sir Oscar The Brave and he can handle this kind of crap. So he voluteers to do it and we see in the next scene him finishing his speech on the stage and the crowd pops for it. If this were a 22 minute episode; we would have the last minute of the speech included.
So we head to a fish tank as Big Ass Nose Oscar , Bea and Milo think they have found Oscar who apparently has his back turned. Sadly; Milo turns him around and it's Cyclops Oscar (this one is voiced by the same guy who voices the real Oscar). I think you know what that implies eh as Big Ass Nose Oscar likes it (while carrying the stop sign for no reason that I can think of); Milo and Bea sulk. So we head back to the throne as King Stickler as he wants Oscar to joust the Joustopus. Oscar agrees to the terms and if you don't know who plays the Joustopus; you have no business reading this rant. So we cut to Oscar outside on horseback with his candy cane lance (What is that? A rejected weapon for Tina Sometimes?) running towards Joustopus (Jocktopus looking more orange than usual) with his pink horse and candy cane lance. We do the old jousting spot from In Between The Lions and Oscar wins easily by bonking the side of the lance on Joustopus's head and he drops on his side on the ground with the wussiest bump since Oscar waking up earlier in the episode. Well; at least it's all in Oscar's dreams for Jocktopus to be buried; so it's all right. The crowd goes all huzzah which makes zero sense for that time period; but it's Oscar's dream so it makes perfect sense.
Scene changer as we see Milo, Bea and Big Ass Nose Oscar (with stop sign of course) as Milo pokes at another fake Oscar and it's Four Eyes Oscar complete with silly raspberry. Milo and Bea don't like that one either so we go to the scene changer to King Stickler sitting on his throne again. He wants Oscar to do one more brave thing that he loves and so we logically cut to a castle with a long haired blond fish girl on top of it groaning like an idiot. I'm guessing this is Dee Bradley Baker voicing here. Her neck is stressed so Oscar grabs her by the hair and pulls her down onto the ground. See Nightflight; male on female contact violence is still allowed in the new Disney as in the old Disney. The Tangled Fish Princess proclaims that her back is broken (on that wussy bump? Yeah right?) and the crowd goes Huzzah. Whatever. That was too dumb because they are in water and the princess could have swim down easily even with a bad neck.
Scene changer as we see Bea notice a carriage and there is Oscar. Oh come on Bea! Like Oscar is going to stoop to Scrooge McDuck's low in Super Ducktales? Oscar got a lot more dignity than that. And yes; I'm ignore him committing suicide by flushing himself down the toilet in Funny Fish. Yeah; it's a baby with a pink bow and a yellow soother. Whatever guys as Milo and Bea sulk. So we return as King Stickler as he thanks Oscar for his brave work and Oscar pats him on the spiky shell. Milo claps and Oscar now wants the hand of the princess; but here comes Albert Glass looking paler than usual with a scroll and proclaims that the princess has been kidnapped. Wait; I thought the new Disney did away with that plotl because it always involves the prince sweeping the princess off her feet and BS&P notes say that's not allowed. Nightflight said it in doublespeak; so it must be true. Oscar proclaims that he didn't dream him as Albert proclaims that the Dragon Fish took her. Oscar refers to his book stammering that it makes sense because he's supposed to save the princess. Milo tries to inform him that he's never seen the dragon as Stickler states that he looks like Mrs. Fishington without the smile as we get the Kirby's Epic Yarn look of her with a red eyed fly buzzing around. Whatever; I am not impressed. Stickler proclaims that he'll be here all week and we get a BUM-CHING in the background. Sorry guys; that wasn't funny at all as Oscar doesn't care anyway because despite being hideous; it's his duty to slay the Dragon Fish and rescue the princess and the crowd goes Huzzah. Whatever.
Scene changer as we see Milo, Bea and six Fake Oscars (Jeff Bennett, Rob Paulsen, Justin Roiland etc.) are walking with him. I see baby Fake Oscar has gained three feet since we last saw her. One has his tongue stuck out and one has the face in the hair and looks like a deranged Bert from Sesame Street. They all call out for Oscar and then we break logic as there are about 15 fake Oscars calling him out. Whatever. So we cut back to the DANGEROUS DRAGON FISH CAVE FROM HELL which is basically DeadMan's Drop dressed up for Halloween. Which is only slightly better than what the crew of Tina Sometimes did to Kick's bunny hill. Oscar and Milo arrive on horseback as they notice the princess tied up against a column at the entrance of the cave and it's....Clamantha? Dammit guys; you ruined a possible funny ending? Why not have it be a fake Bea and then when Oscar kisses it; he wakes up to find out that it's Clamantha. This episode is officially dead now; it cannot be saved. Oh and Clamantha looks really ill judging by the sea green/blue color. Even Oscar doesn't like this; so at least he realizes this short is malfunctioning as Oscar tries mind switching and grunting but no dice.
Clamantha screams for help as Oscar tries the mind switch; but no good either. Which indicates that he's NOT dreaming anymore. So here comes Milo and Bea floating into the Fishilanta tank calling for Oscar. Milo complains about his feet hurting (despite having fins. IDIOTS!) as he wants to pick on the fake Oscars as being good enough. They float conveniently over to the cliff and then hear Oscar's whimper and they get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as they float over to Oscar and Oscar notices them. YAY! The short should be over in the next thirty seconds; but logic and reason doesn't exist in this short as it's time to CDS the episode because there are three minutes plus left! Oscar demands to know how they got in his dream and Bea tells him that it isn't a dream. Oscar naturally realizes that Milo the Meek isn't Milo and then panics like crazy hoping to push this episode past DUD.
Oscar wonders why everyone looks familiar and the Fake Oscars proclaim that all fish look the same. I'm guessing this episode is a rib on the Economy of Characters; but it wasn't funny as finally the Dragon Fish and it's the dreaded Red Dragon kind. If it uses a Heat Laser than this episode will get past DUD. Not by much; but it's enough. The Dragon Fish roars and Sir Oscar turns coward and runs stage left panicking and stammering like crazy. Ron (I'm guessing it's him playing Milo the Meek) is voiced by Eric Laden who did cameos for Boston Public, The Nick Cannon Show, CSI: Miami and Navy NCIS before becoming Johnny Turnbull in The Toolbox Murders in 2004 and Cursed as Louie. Then it was Duck as Addict #4, Surface as George Owen, Mad Men as William Hofstadt and Generation Kill as Cpl. James Chaffin. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. He has 32 titles to his resume and his most recent credits are Highland Park, The Killing, The Defenders, Dark Blue and Big Love as Dr. Roquet Walker. Ron stops him at the pass. Why? Because he wants Oscar to save Clamantha from the Red Dragon silly. She might die (death reference #3 for the episode) as Clamantha speaks and Oscar blows her off thinking that she will be fine. That makes two of us; it's not like Clamantha cannot live through an explosion as demonstrated in Fish Sleepover Party. Oscar proclaims that he is not a hero and Ron takes Oscar's sword and proclaims that he must save the princess himself since he was taught how to be brave....and then he runs stage left like a scalded fish. Ummm; yeah. Oscar then realizes that the castle denizens put their faith in him and he must do it. But he needs help; so Oscar wants to distract the dragon fish while Milo and Bea get to rescue the princess and Ron Milo. See; he still cannot stand Clamantha as Bea and Milo sell.
Oscar jumps down from the cliff and grabs the sword from Ron Milo and then advances bawling his eyes out. Whatever Oscar. The Red Dragon Fish coils down in front of him and WHERE THE HELL IS THE CAVE? Never mind; as Oscar proclaims that he has him distracted as Bea floats over to the cave and Clamantha is as usual; enjoying herself being saved from certain death (death reference #4 for the episode. Wow.). Whatever as the red dragon fish continues to hiss and in comes Big Nose Oscar who so happens to be Ron (than who's playing fake Milo then?) and apparently bros stick together as THE ARMY OF FAKE OSCARS charge which there are 1000 of them at least. At least this makes more sense then the Viking Army Gunther used in Kick Out. The Fake Oscar Army surround the dragon fish and the dragon fish floats away like a scalded dog fish. Well; this is the one thing this episode got right at least as the Red Dragon Fish gets chased and then takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the OUT OF NOWHERE sign. Dammit; this episode needed a Deux Ex Machiana finish didn't it?
Oscar is SHOCKED as Bea and Milo come in and hug Oscar for slaying the dragon. Oscar isn't buying it because he really didn't do anything. Ummm; yes you did; you distracted the dragon enough to make the dragon look stupid. There's modesty and then there's Oscar. Ron hugs him complete with squeak sound because Oscar stood up to the dragon fish as the crowd of fake Oscars cheer and in comes Stickler and his nurse to thank Oscar for his services. Then Milo The Meek introduces Sir Oscar to a bouncing Clamantha and Clamantha is all bouncy and everything; but she bounces over to Ron as Ron scores a free girlfriend and gets a kiss and blushes. Okay; that makes sense as the crowd pops for that one. Oscar likes that and him, Bea, and Milo jump up and say Huzzah as that segue into a drawing in Oscar's diary as we return to Oscar's bedroom. Oscar REPEATS THE SEQUENCE as he proclaims that dreams can be real and we get both Milo yelling huzzah as Oscar slams the diary and we go pitch black with the Fairly Oddparents ending medieval style to end the short at 10:20. What a stupid dream this was and there was little good about it. What a nightmare indeed. DUD (0%). I only refrain from giving negative stars since the Fake Oscar army sequence made sense at least despite everything else not making sense.
Hooray For Hamsterwood: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign: Head Shots. WHAT THE HELL GUYS?!) as Bud is sleeping on the floor again snoring like an idiot. He needs some nasal strips STAT! Some pet with a motorcycle runs over him and Bud absolutely no sells it. Whatever. So we head to a slow zoom in on the living room of Oscar, Milo and Bea; and then jump cut to a shot of the television set with the checkerboard background and a hamster as they are watching Secret Teen Witch Hamster. Sorry guys and gals; I don't get the reference here. It sounds like a cross between new Disney and Sabrina The Teenage Witch; only with a hamster playing the lead role. I just realized something: In the opening song; I always thought the verse went: Gotta Sing An Octo-Tale. Which makes sense in the context of the series; but the verse really is: Gotta Secret I Can't Tell; which is boring and it reinforces the stereotype of the New Disney that every premise has the lead character doing a gimmick that he/she cannot spill to the public. I wish the writers would realize that Kit Cloudkicker had a secret not to spill for a good reason because he would be arrested and charged with terrorism and goodness knows what else. These gimmick characters don't have a good reason. Who cares if Hannah Montana is a singer? The announcer (Jeff Glen Bennett again) introduces the show and then we cut to a female hamster with a witch hat and pink anime hair on a spell book on a table looking at the mirror which has a reflection of a male hamster. The male hamster is Rob Paulsen in his second Fish Hooks appearance. So the witch dusts herself and she loses about 2 inches in height and Rob Paulsen makes a thinly veiled fat joke. I see male hamster found Rhinokey's book of good joke fixing and his heat machine too as Milo laughs it up. You know this show sucks when even I cannot laugh at that joke.
I'm guessing the pink haired female hamster is Pamela Hamster who is voiced by Sabrina Bryan who started with Mrs. Santa Claus in 1996, and then it is King's Pawn, Driving Me Crazy, The Bold & The Beautiful as Alisa and then she got her Disney break as Dorinda in The Cheetah Girls films. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut and her most recent appearance. She has 15 credits to her resume as an actress; but has 61 PR credits and sings in Byou 2, Sydney White, Byou and The Hook Up Television Series. She also appeared in the...wait for it....Walmart Sound Check. Ummm; yeah. This would work better if her name was Sabrina Hamster since this is a parody of Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Idiots! Plus it's the voice actress' first name natch. Milo rolls on the ground laughing and Bea and Oscar sit on the couch not laughing. Bea asks about the show as Milo explains that it's about a hamster who gets magical powers for some reason as she faces the ultimate challenge of them all which is High School in over dramatics. I'm all for shows having a sense of humor about themselves; but when it is repeated in EVERY SHOW; it becomes a little sadistic. Bea calls the show compelling which shows how much it takes to amuse her. Which is not much as Oscar isn't amused and thus is the smartest one in the room. What a shock?! Bea loves the hamster channel as Oscar proclaims that Hamsters creep him out. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Oscar considering that he looks like a brown sea cucumber. That creeps me out. See; their bathroom is everywhere as Bea calls them cute. When you need a reason to strangle a cute bunny to piss off PETA; just invoke the Bea card.
Oscar invokes the Gruffi pose (well; he has the colors of feces to invokes that spot at least) as Milo proclaims that the pink anime haired hamster is Pamela Hamster the most famous actress around. Like I said before; her first name should be Sabrina. Or was Sabrina Bryan offended and refuse to do the short unless the name was changed? And what about Pamela Anderson's feelings about being parodied if that's what happened? We then cut to the television as Pamela is in science class with goggles and a chemistry set calling the class random. Here's a question: What the hell does "random" mean in pop culture talk context? Does it mean that science sucks? Does it mean it rocks? To me; random means that she has mixed feelings about the class which doesn't help me in anyway to understand her. And the heat machine is still on and I predict that like And...Action; that it will infect Milo before this short is over. Prove me wrong new Disney, prove me wrong. Milo is giddy and Bea invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH proclaiming that he has a crush on Pamela in roundabout terms. Milo stammers and tries to weasel his way out of that fact and Oscar blows him off because it's so obvious to anyone with an IQ of a paintchip. Which leaves Milo out of the running natch. Milo does the Gruffi pose and asks what if he does anyway. Court sezs he has guilt written all over his face as Milo proclaims that she's the same age as him. UH OH!
Bea gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and she's pissed off because Pamela has a television show and she doesn't. Which is ironic considering that she is one of the three stars on Disney's Fish Hooks. So I'm guessing she's pissed because Miss Bryan can ACT and Miss Kane doesn't place. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm....See; she wants to be a star (of sucking) and she's hard working (at sucking), dedicated (to sucking) and she's “Al Dente” (with sexy sucking voicing attached to it) and she has nothing to show for it (which is not sucking). I think we covered all the bases (of sucking) here. She then deduces that she is a terrible actress. Here's a note: When you need to insert a car crash sound into the background when someone is trying to act; she cannot act out of a paper bag. Which is par for the course with Miss Kane. She bawls worse than Rebecca ever did and floats to the couch as Oscar tries to console her. She's talented (to sucking) see as Milo is confused (to this sucking) as Oscar proclaims that she'll get her show someday. Milo then gets up and states that she can get it now because Milo is calling the Hamster Channel right now. Oscar panics because it doesn't work that way but Milo invokes the cellphone to screw Oscar's mind over. After a chatter phone call; Milo proclaims that Bea has been accepted and Oscar cannot believe this. Yeah; I'm certain Baloo is crying in his beer over the fact that he had to save an actress' backside (who wanted to create chaos and mayhem to give her heat) to get a part in a movie. Milo tells Bea that the Hamster Channel requires a fish and they are off to Hamsterwood BABEE~! Bea is liking this and I'm not so sure myself....
So we go to the pet store shot and then pan over to the Hamsterwood tank; the largest tank in the entire pet shop with Hollywood music flourish. I'm sorry; but I'm biased since I saw A Star Is Torn and even Hush, Hush Sweet Charlatan; so whatever. Yeah; it's like Hollywood, only with Hamsters and green tubes. And all the hamsters look alike. I prefer Starrywood because they had more diverse species and better looking sets. Oh and one of the purple cars is a hamster ball as the bus arrives and out comes Bea, Milo and Oscar with backpacks. How in the world did they get there since the tank is right in the middle of the pet shop tens of meters away from the other tanks? Oh forget it; I should be used to nonsense logic by now. The eyes get doused by water from the water tanks as we see Pamela's star on the Walk of Fame flashed by Milo. Then it's off to the Taijama Hall (?sp) as we see a limo and see Bea in the hamster watching a hamster put his paw prints in the wet cement in front of a star block. Then we anime pan over to Milo using his ass to imprint on an empty block of wet cement. And he signs his name. Whatever Milo. Cut to rolling hamster driving the limo (which is pretty cute to watch at least) as we pan northwest to see the babyfaces in the Double Decker Red Bus of Doom as a Hamster (with chipmunk voice of doom) and a microphone doing the tour of Hamsterwood. Then we see on the sidewalk someone twisting their white dress and Milo flashes it with the camera. Oscar is keeping to himself and shakes like a leaf when a hamster smiles at him. Then again; the CGI guys are so cheap because these critters only do one emotion it seems: smile.
So we finally head to Hamster Studios (no relation to Hamster in Japan doing a Nintendo 3DS title) outside near the gate (with Hamster Studio written in purple letters and purple background) as Bea is so giddy. She's nervous as one of the hamsters (with the striped color bow tie) blows off the smell and both greet and meet; but the hamster won't shake her hand. Yeah; she's a fish all right sir and you are an hamster ass. He offers to show the babyfaces around the studio as we go to the sky shot of the stage lot as the bow tie hamster shows does the guided tour of the place by the green cart. This is like A Star Is Torn; but without the charm and killer actress to pull it off. They only show the pink trailer of The Hamster Witch Show Whatever which Milo flashes before we cut to the green room (which looks like a hamster prison) as Oscar and Bea enter and the bow tie hamster proclaims that he'll be back when they are ready to shoot and then slams the door and yells for someone to kill that fish smell. Oh and the seats are made of toilet rolls for the two of you who care. I'm guessing the bow tie guy is Mr. Nibbles who is voiced by Jason Alexander who started with Burning as Dave in 1981 and Seinor Trip as Pete. He then went on to E/R as Harold Stickley, Everything's Relative as Julian, Pretty Woman as Phillip Stuckey, Jacob's Ladder as Geary and then as George Costanza in Seinfeld. Aladdin The Series as Abis Mal is his DTVA debut although he was on Dinosaurs before this. He also appeared on Hercules the Series as Poseidon, The Legend of Tarzan as Zutho and House of Mouse as Hugo. The Fairly Odd-Parents live action movie as Cosmo is his most recent credit. He has 91 acting credits; although he has a lot of comic and self credits at 103, he produced Listen up, Agent Cody Banks and it's sequel, Bob Patterson and The Whitey Show. He also directed seven productions and did soundtrack for six others.
So we see Bea being giddy about being in a television green room as she calls this glamorous and Oscar is stammering to agree with her. Look on the bright side Oscar; no Clamantha (for just the fourth time in this series) and no hamsters present. At least for now anyway for the later. Oscar then wonders why she got a show so quickly and then realizes that Milo is missing. So we logically head back to the Secret Teen Witch Hamster trailer as Milo runs in all excite-ty as he would say. At least I understand what he means by that; unlike random. We then get a closeup as a security hamster is guarding a door which states that Hamsters Only Beyond This Point. And the security hamster is wearing a gray shirt to match the sign. Milo of course said it which is perfectly fine since it's a sign. Milo ponders over all this as we cut to costumes (helpfully labeled as such on the door) and the door opens and Milo is wearing a hamster costume. HAHA! Finally something awesome to watch after 1 1/2 shorts worth of crap thus far. So Hamster Milo walks in through the door and salutes the security hamster before slamming the door behind him. Yeah; these hamsters have the IQ of a moronic paint chip. When it hits that; it's time to sell. So we head inside as Milo is shocked to find Pamela in her chair getting her hair done by a red haired hamster with a pink dress with white spots. Pamela is worried addressing her as Yolanda who is voiced by Paula Jai Parker who started with The Apollo Comedy Hour in 1992 and Townsend Television. Then she appeared on Soul Train, Cosmic Slop, Roc, Pointman, Friday as Joi, Tales from the Hood as Sissy, and was Monique/Mia in The Wayan Brothers. Then it's the Weird Al Show, Snoops and Phone Booth as Felicia. The Proud Family as Trudy Proud is her DTVA debut and her character crossed over to Lilo & Stich The Series. She has 47 titles to her resume; not including eight self credits. King of the Underground is her most recent credit coming in 2011. Strangely; she should have been voiced by Edie McClurg since Edie has the hair to pull this character off.
See; Pamela is worried because every boy she meets is the same old hamster and wants to meet someone who is unique and gets her. Yolanda tells her not to worry since there is a lid for every pot. Yeah; I don't get what she's saying either as she walks away. Milo has a Krackpotkin Plan and he walks over to Milo and Pamela is surprised as Milo pushes her mouth to be quiet and then we see Milo doing the splits and a ta-da with a whisper yell. Ooooooookkkkkkaayyyyyyy. Pamela swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (oh my goodness) as she has met that different hamster. You don't know the half of it as we get the MILO VISION OF DOOM of Pamela with crayon colored hearts and bad yellow teeth. Then we get a shot of Milo trying to do kissy-kissy which looks like he's trying to blow someone. EYOUCH! Before we can see if the PTC can go to their e-mail systems in disgust; we cut back to the green room because apparently; the episode was getting too good for Iger's school. Oscar and Bea are sitting on the toilet rolls as Oscars asks if Bea even knows what show they are on and Bea proclaims that she doesn't. However; it doesn't matter to her because she thinks they picked her because she's perfect for the part. It better be the G-rated version of soft core porno; or I'm going to be so disappointed. Bea's acting is so forced and jagged in that sequence it makes me wonder if that was intentional or not. Oscar tries to escape; but Bea stops him at the door. Why do you care for Oscar to be around? She's pissed off because he's not supporting her as this was her big dream. Geez; I thought it was because she wanted to pull the trigger on that long overdue date with Oscar. At least that was what I was hoping it would be. Bea excuses the hamster droppings in the corner though which hurts her creditability just a bit.
Oscar proclaims that he wants to support her; and then the cell phone rings and Oscar answers it. It's from Milo in the hamster suit as he proclaiming that he won't believe this. I agree; this is so unbelievable that it's NOT believable nor PLAUSIBLE. Oscar is not amused as the giddiness of Pamela in the background as he tells Bea that Milo is dating Pamela Hamster and Bea is all coy about it. We then hear Mr. Nibbles blowing off the smell again as he opens the door and Bea is up for her big stage debut as Oscar orders Milo to get back over here now as Bea proclaims that she is going to be famous with the usual bad acting from Miss Kane. The door closes as Oscar tries to say good luck to Bea; but no response anyway. Then the door slams open and Oscar is shocked as Milo appears in his hamster suit. Milo in hamster suit equals MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Bea getting her television show equals opposite of money. Milo tells Oscar that she got a ride back to the green room as he informs Oscar that she's shooting another television show. Oscar isn't amused and stammers (what a shock?) as they sit down and decide to watch Bea on television as Oscar finds the out of nowhere remote control of doom and clicks it. I think we all know where this is going....
We cut to the television shot as Pamela Hamster is already on stage (THE MAGIC OF HAMSTERWOOD BABEE!) with the microphone introducing our next show as we get a shot of the hamsters popping for her and it takes slightly more to amuse these hamsters compared to most of fans of Miley Cyrus. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm.....Milo is clapping with the hamster paws liking that Bea and Pamela are on the same show as Pamela introduces the show called I Dare You. UH OH! I think we know where this is going. See; this is a reality show where they pay hamsters real money to preform stunts you shouldn't. This would be PERFECT for Kick Buttowski and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Pamela introduces the next contestants who so happen to be Nancy and Greg Hamster who are wearing white and Hawaiian shirts. Greg is voiced by Rob Paulsen by the way; and I doubt Nancy has a voice. More from the canned heat as Pamela proclaims that they can win $10,000 if they can eat today's mystery item. If you cannot guess who it is; you have no business reading this rant. We cut to a platter on a cloth table and it reveals Bea tied up. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT ONE! I am so loving this now; it'll be sad when the hamsters don't win. Bea smiles and then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY on that one as Oscar and Milo panic. NO?! REALLY?!
So we see Oscar and Milo bail stage left as we see Greg (the white shirt hamster) proclaim that they need the damn money and he'll try to eat Bea. YES! YES! DO IT! DO IT FOR THE GOOD OF DTVA DAMMIT! Bea panics as she wants to talk to the producer as Milo and Oscar somehow magically teleport right behind the stage curtain. Oscar panics as Milo proclaims that it's $10,000. So Oscar has a plan as he'll untie Bea and Milo runs interference with his girlfriend Pamela. Milo claims that they haven't reached that level yet; but Oscar shoves him and does a MAN-SIZED bump face plant right on the stage in front of Pamela. Pamela is stunned to see him as Milo gets up and stammers like an idiot. Pamela is happy to see him as the crowd pops for that. We then see Oscar behind Bea as Bea is more concerned about Milo being in a hamster suit than her safety. Probably because he's leeching off her heat; which is just fine by me. More stammering from Milo as Milo proclaims that he has a nice time with him and Pamela is so delighted to hear that as there are more Aww's from the audience. Bea agrees to read the damn script first BEFORE she takes a part (good moral to know Bea) as Oscar is having zero luck with the knots. Who knew hamsters knew knots so well? Time for Huey Duck Knot Busting Skills (Copyright The Junior Woodchuck Guide Book - all rights reserved.) as Milo dances and gets with his bad self. Bea panics because that indicates that Milo is out of ideas and Oscar starts to panic. So Oscar has no choice but to carry Bea out and apparently she got to eat before the shoot because she squashes Oscar flatter than a pancake and the hamsters are SHOCKED AND APPALLED as they are so totally BUSTED! The snake and mouse are right; the fish are downright dumb. They are very stupid. And no one has learned anything; which is apporos for such a pointless short like this. Hinder has that effect on me.
Apparently; Bea's knot comes undone for some reason as Pamela asks if Greg and Nancy want to do double the money and double the fish and Greg proclaims Nancy said that he will and Greg stalks the fish. YAY! At least this short is pleasing me; unlike the last short I ranted on hours before. The stalking includes creepy teeth and a golden knife and fork as Oscar looks ready to throw up. Bea then realizes her saving grace which is to allow Oscar to throw up. Ummm; SBS&P is NOT going to allow that spot to clear the script Bea. No way; no how. Thankfully for us; Bea acts like she's sick and drops dead. Well; that's the best I have seen out of Miss Kane. How sad indeed. See; she has an illness called the Ick (LAME Bea! REALLY LAME!) and the hamster finishing her off would be a blessing. If only Bea, if only. Oh and Oscar is infected too as Oscar looks around and does the worst selling ever of a cough. Something tells me that wasn't intentional either as Greg is not liking this as Bea turns into a fish zombie just to break logic (we knew this would happen; but we didn't want to admit it so) and the hamster bail like scalded dogs. Pamela stays beside Milo though as Pamela wants someone to do something and Milo stammers as he will get rid of the fish. Pamela worries that Milo will get sick and Milo proclaims that he'll love her forever. Okay; that scene was quite good as we cut to Oscar running towards the door with Bea and Oscar in tow. Pamela proclaims that she'll soon meet again as Mr. Nibbles arrives and blows off the fish and decides that he turn to the heel geckos. Considering that the geckos cannot play football to save their lives; this sounds like a good thing.
So we finally head to the living room as Oscar, Bea and Milo (still in hamster suit natch) are watching television again. Oscar is relieved that he doesn't have to deal with those pesky hamsters ever again. Bea proclaims that it's okay that she doesn't have a show...yet (I beg to differ Bea)...but she has the mad skillz to pull it off someday. Riiiiiigggghhhhttttt Bea. You do...in a foot fetish music video. We then hear the Newscaster who is voiced by Carlos Alazraqui who made his debut on DTVA on The Shookums & Meat Funny Cartoon Show as Spanish Bug. Other DTVA appearance include House of Mouse, The Proud Family, Handy Manny, Phineas & Ferb and The Replacements. He has 152 credits to his resume and he's famous for being that smart ass dog in the Taco Bell commercials starting in 1998. The ones where he orders the criminal to drop the damn Chalupa. Dan VS is his most recent credit and he also wrote episode for Rocko's Modern Life (and even voiced Rocko), Nice Meal, The Picture of You and The Last White Dishwasher. He was Mr. Weed in Family Guy and even Denzel Crocker in Fairly OddParents. The newscaster shows the footage from earlier (on channel 14 no less. I didn't think writers could count beyond ten which is still better than Ole Anderson's counting) as we zoom out to the cages and Oscar demands Milo take off that hamster suit. Why? He is soooo cute in it and he gets over; so shut up Oscar. Oscar gets freaked out by the splash water fade out to end the short at 10:20. Much better thanks to a good climax, finish and Milo in a hamster suit. Need I say more? *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
What a utter disappointment Tale of Sir Oscar Fish was?! The whole thing not being a dream would have been fine if Oscar was dazed so much that he saw delusions and illusions. It should have ended with what Oscar thought was Princess Bea getting a kiss from her whom is really Clamantha when Oscar wakes up. When Clamantha showed up before Oscar was supposed to be kissed; the episode was finished. The whole thing reeked of silliness; wussy bumps, a Deus Ex Machiana finish that went out of nowhere and went the same place and a boring ending. The only bump that was man-sized were the splats into the stop sign. The whole fake Oscar routine wasn't good; but it was short for the most part and the army of fake Oscar sequence was pretty cute against the Red Dragon Fish (who did nothing but roar just to make Oscar look even weaker); but was ruined with the BS&P finish. In other words; this episode was a complete waste of time and shows that Fish Hooks can suck and blow the meat missile with gusto if given enough drugs and stupidity to do so.
Hooray For Hamsterwood on the other hand was a pretty good short; although it took about halfway through before the episode got good with Milo's flirtation with Pamela Hamster in a hamster suit. That was money to my eyes; and then they topped it off with Bea being the victim of the hamsters through eating them. It certainly improved Bea's acting skills; more so her ability to look sick. I did like this short despite being no Star Is Torn; but time constraints hurt it badly; plus a few notable logic breaks and Oscar generally not selling well on the creepiness of the hamsters. Oh and the lack of emoting outside of smiles from the CGI Hamsters. Cannot forget that. So yeah; this short was good enough for me at least. Next up is Milo Gets A Ninja and Dropsey! So....
Thumbs way down for Tale Of Sir Oscar Fish and thumbs in the middle for Hooray For Hamsterwood and I'll see you all next time.