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Fish Hooks
Fishing For Compliments: The Albert Glass Story/Big Fish Rant
Reviewed: 02/08/2011
Bea Needs To Fish For Some Heat After These Shorts!
Five more shorts left in Season one of Fish Hooks and we finally get to a true Albert Glass focus episode! Oh goody; I like Albert Glass and it's about time for him to shine other than being Jocktopus' piece of meat if you catch my drift. Then we move onto the next short as Milo decides to become the strong fish of death because he's weaker than Bea's acting. Yeah; let's rant on shall we...?!
Fishing For Compliments: The Albert Glass Story is written and storyboards are done by Carl Faruolo. The story is done by Justin Roiland and is directed by C.H. Greenblatt. This would be Oscar's second story I should point out. Big Fish is written and storyboards are done by Derek Evanick. The story was done by Ryan Ridley and directed by C.H. Greenblatt. Ryan started as an actor as Harold Ramis in Yacht Rock in 2005. Then it was Channel 101 (also did other various production roles), Acceptable Television (ditto), Successful Alcoholics, The Sarah Silverman Program, Toon Wolf, Modern Romance and Killed on The Fourth Of July (those last two are still in post-production). Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. He recently was a writer for Blue Mountain State and was co-producer for Nickelodeon Kid Choice Awards for 2008. That's it. This is also the fifth short where Clamantha doesn't speak. Truly a special day indeed! All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
Fishing For Compliments: The Albert Glass Story: We head to the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign of the day: Friendship Bracelets) as Bud is handling a bunny rabbit and then eats it. WHAT THE HELL? Then he pulls another rabbit out of his hat. Man; Bullwinkle must be crying in his beer after seeing that one. And the heat machine is still on as we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and into the hallway with the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE. Bea waves hello to Jumbo Shrimp, Shellsea, Fimberly and Koi Fish as Milo turns upside down. Then Bea greets Headphone Joe in the foreground licking the screen. Whatever turns you on Joe. And Clamantha bounces in of course acting crazy as usual as Oscar surprisely no sells this time around. We then go to the closeup as Oscar proclaims that everyone loves Bea as the deranged KERMIT THE FROG OF DOOM shows up and waves at Bea and then gets sucked up the conviently placed pipe. Even the teachers like her as Bea proclaims that her secret to success is to be nice at people. Ah; the old Teddy Ruxpin method of friendship; so there must be a Grubby in the mists somewhere. Anyhow; we head to the classroom as Mr. Baldwin has a purple doo rag on and does the peace sign right in front of the class. Oooookkkaayyyy; someone forgot his seanut butter coffee fix today. Mr. Baldwin does some lame moves and the classroom acts like they are dead complete with crickets. Esgormargot looks APPALLED though as Mr. Baldwin loses the doo rag as he is going to the swirly derby and needs extra tickets. He even offers to give them A's as a bribe. No one sells because they probably DON'T go to the Swirly Derby. I'm betting that it has something to do with flushing yourself down the toilet. Maybe Mr. Baldwin should ask Oscar about tickets since he's an expert on fish suicide if you catch what happened in Funny Fish.
Then Albert rises up as Mr. Baldwin sees this as a good sign; but Albert takes off his French cap to reveal a crown because it's Albert's birthday today. Oh; and he is going to hand out cupcake which he conveniently shows on a platter on his paws. Mr. Baldwin takes the banana yellow one of course as we see Albert hand out cupcakes to Fimberly, Milo and then Albert gets sick at the sight of Bea and flips over to Oscar and he gets a cupcake. Ah; we found our Grubby in the mists as Bea swims over to Albert. Did I mention that he has only three cupcakes on the platter throughout that sequence and only three on the platter even though Milo and Oscar took one and thus should only there be one left. Logic break #1 for the episode. Oh and we get logic break #2 for the episode as there are now only two cupcakes left as Bea greets Albert. Bea asks him about the cupcake since he does have two left and she thought they would share; but we see Albert with the mouth stuffed with cupcakes. Geez; Bea is so clueless to notice that her niceness is so damn false. Albert swallows whole and tells Bea that he doesn't like him and that he doesn't know why as he cannot put his fin on it. Oh come on Albert; don't be afraid to tell her how fake her Teddy Ruxpin routine is. Bea does her horrified face in response which involves showing four of her front teeth as the bell rings and Albert gleefully exits stage left. Everyone swims out except Bea who is carried out by Oscar and Milo as Baldwin continues trying to scalp for tickets but no dice. Come on Baldwin; you expect these classmates to do to a toilet suicide derby? I think even Oscar has gotten over that fetish. Baldwin begs for mercy and gets no response.
So now we head back to a television set as we see two fish wearing helmets competing in the swirly derby (see my point about it; the water cyclone gives it away that it's a toilet) as Milo is stealing cable! Not quite; but he's playing the television antenna as Oscar cheers him on. Oscar proclaims that Milo got his satellite hat working again (so they are stealing digital cable then!) as Bea is cracking up doing that four tooth face. Bea cannot believe that Albert Glass doesn't like her. I can; but does Albert WANT to admit it? The announcer of the Swirly Derby by the way is voiced by Chris Parnell and according to the USIMDB: Born and raised in Memphis, Tennessee, Chris Parnell enrolled at Germantown High School where he took drama and auditioned for every play. In 1985, when he was a senior at Germantown, he was voted "Most Talented" by his classmates. Right after graduating high school, Chris attended North Carolina School of Arts in Winston-Salem, where he received his BFA in Drama. He later performed with the Berkshire Theatre in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, and the Alley Theatre in Houston, Texas. Afterwards Chris moved back to Tennessee and taught acting, film, and video at his own Germantown High School. He became bored, however, with teaching and moved to Los Angeles. Once in LA, he got a job at FAO Schwartz in Beverly Center, where he eventually became Operations Manager. During that time, Chris began taking classes at The Groundlings Main Company, where many "Saturday Night Live" (1975) cast members are discovered. Fate would have it that talent scouts from "Saturday Night Live" (1975) saw him and asked him to fly to New York for an audition. Completely surprised by his chances, he took the offer. To his amazement soon after he joined "Saturday Night Live" (1975) and became a featured player in the 1998-99 season. Parnell has since performed many impressions as NBC News' Tom Brokaw, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, Tom Hanks, Senator John McCain, and Eminem. Parnell has also appeared as a member of "Saturday Night Live" (1975)'s resident boy band "Seven Degrees Celsius," but his biggest claim to fame on the show was when he performed an unforgettable hardcore gansta rap fantasizing about a dream date with Britney Spears on Weekend Update. He spends most of his summers in L.A. where he owns his own car and apartment. He started with the short Decade of Love and the movie Shooting Lily in 1995/1996. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. He has 62 titles to his resume; not including three soundtrack, 15 self and 22 archive footage credits. 30 Rock as Leo Spaceman, Robot Chicken and the upcoming I Want My Pants Back as JB are his most recent credits.
Anyhow; Milo drops on his face as Oscar places Milo on the television set again. Here's a bright idea: Move the green rock about three feet in Milo's direction of pointing and then you don't have to break Milo's neck and back. Easy. Oscar and Milo proclaim that they like her and Bea shrugs it off as Milo admits that Albert never states anything bad to Bea and Bea is SHOCKED to hear that. Milo also admits that he doesn't understand why Bea is not liked by Albert since Milo calls Albert ghost baby. Well; maybe it's because Milo is HONEST when he calls Albert that and thus Albert doesn't get mad. We all know why Albert likes Jocktopus though don't we. And Oscar and Albert are basically one in the same; minus the panic attacks Oscar usually has. Bea is disgusted because there is no good reason for Albert not to like him and Oscar does the kissy-kissy I love you promo as Bea gleefully ignores him because to know Bea is to love Bea. Oscar claims he's guilty as Milo has a Krackpotkin plan for Bea: Hang out with Albert so that they know each other. Then Albert will know her and like her as Bea calls it a great plan. Remember that this is the same Milo who thought being a cowboy in Freshwater High would solve all bullying problems...oh; and hiring a ninja fish; cannot forget that. Oscar proclaims that he helped and Milo does some funny face while floating mumbling about a curse. Whatever guys; I don't get it.
Scene changer and we head to a photocopying machine (I think judging by one of the button being a infinity symbol) as Albert gets a green can of soda pop and he cannot open the tab. He struggles as Bea comes over; grabs the can and opens it for Albert....And then just as she is about to help pour it into his mouth; we see that Albert has teleported and Milo has taken his place. Come on; you cannot tell me that Albert planned THAT escape! That sounds like Milo shoving Albert away just to get a free soda to me. Bea asks for Albert and Milo honestly tells her that Albert run off yelling that he didn't want a girl he didn't like getting germs on his soda pop. Albert spirals away stage left looking like he's getting the Dropsy again. Bea is dumbfounded on that one. Okay; I'm calling the finish right there: The reason why Albert doesn't like Bea is because she has cooties. It's so obvious judging by the mannerisms. If so; my respect for Albert has dropped about three notches. Scene changer as we head to the lunchroom and see Albert at a table eating a real tomato, lettuce and whole wheat sandwich. We then see Bea waving hello to Albert as she proclaims that he loves to play the fiddle which Albert is in mortal fear and corrects her because he likes to play violin. So Bea invokes the HEART ARROW FIDDLE OF DOOM which has a busted string and has Bea and Albert's face and names written in black ink on the face of the fiddle. Albert is disgusted and no sells the bill of goods. Bea wants Albert to give it a try and Albert no sells. Well; my respect for him goes up a notch if he hates her because her acting is so pornish that it isn't funny right now. Bea gets on the table as she wants to show him her playing skills and it sounds like Don Karnage torturing Kit in Captains Outrageous; only with pornish orgasims. Albert then finally lives up to his name by overselling it and breaking his glass head as his brain and eyes float away stage right. Now THAT was funny.
Scene changer as we head into journalism class as Albert brings in a load of books bigger than his body weight and almost drops them; but here comes soft core porn babe Bea to the rescue! Bea also holds the green door for him and Albert walks out and actually thanks her. Then we head into the hallway as Bea is so giddy that I swear that I'm watching a G-rated porno movie. Bea takes it as being friends; and Albert blows it off because thousands of fish do it and saying thank you is the correct response to it. He's right you know; Albert is no Ken Hutchson by a mile (the guy who proclaimed that he would pull a man's arm off and beat it with the wet end if a man ever opened the door and lead him outside.) as he is no monster; get grossed out by Bea and exits stage left as Bea pulls her red hair out. Scene changer as we head to Shellsea's house (I think) as Koi Fish is doing Shellsea's hair as Bea exchanges notes about the situation. Shellsea then asks the obvious question: Does Bea even LIKE Albert Glass and Bea admits that she doesn't. Bea lays on the straw coffee table as Koi Fish groans and Bea panics because she hates being rejected by Albert Glass and it's driving her crazy. Oh god; this IS turning into Bea Stays In The Picture and I fear this one is going to get worse. Shellsea does the fin in the ears trick to end the craziness as it's time for an intervention.
See; according to Miss Disco; boys drive girls crazy as it's all natural. Yeah; taking advice about girls from a sexist stereotype, that will win Albert's heart there Bea. Bea and Shellsea sit down as they focus and do some heavy thinking. I think Shellsea trying to think is like me trying too hard to lose weight. Willing yourself is not going to solve your problem there. Shellsea squishes her head and then has a Krackpotkin plan as Bea thinks it's about grapefruit. If only Bea; if only as we see Shellsea flash three tickets to the Swirlies as Bea is surprised that she got them. Shellsea proclaims that she has her ways and we get the DISCO CLOSEUP OF DEATH just to amuse me. I'm amazed that the writers DON'T drive this down to the ground because Shellsea is over enough to do such a thing actually. Shellsea then gives Bea the golden sack as the fail safe in case Albert no sells her again. Bea thanks Shellsea for the plan and floats away as Shellsea calls it lovely as she puts her tongue to her teeth for about 15 seconds. Whatever Shellsea.
Scene changer as we head to the tank labeled Water Testing complete with test tubes and glass tubing. I didn't know Bud had a science lab? We zoom in as Albert Glass appears at the tube completely naked as a jaybird. I see Kick Buttowski is giving pointers in this episode. He hums a tune which causes the glass around him to shake. Then he throws the hat away and dives into the test tube in a cannon and relaxes. He sleeps and everything turns crimson with dramatic music as Albert sniffles as a way of snoring. Then the door bell rings and Albert jump cuts to him with a brown towel on (I think) his naughty parts (useless since we already saw him naked earlier) going to the tube shaped pipe with the green welcome mat. And here comes Bea to harass Albert once again. She is doing a special birthday party for him from his new best friend. Albert blows her off for walking in while wearing a towel. Bea then unveils the Swirlie Races tickets and Albert gulps and no sells and swims away forgetting his towel and now Bea sees him naked as a jaybird. Bea panics for about two seconds and then brings out the GOLDEN SACK OF STINK and she invokes....handcuffs? WHAT THE HELL? Am I watching soft core porn here? Bea and Albert are handcuffed together as Bea calls it a friendship bracelet. Oh lord shoot me now! Bea giggles like a soft core porn villain as Albert doesn't like this at all. I don't blame him. I thought Disney was above such degrading spots. Sure; I don't care what the actors of Disney do in their spare time (Memo to ADM: B.J. Ward was a former Playboy bunny and Neil Ross did narration for the same thing and they worked on TaleSpin. Not to mention the X-Rated stuff from some of the older WD-France animators. So the horse has been out of the barn for quite some time.); but don't be so blatant in bringing it into actual Disney content please to be shown to children for goodness sakes.
Scene changer as we head to the Swirlies which involves the audience sitting in an overflow sink and the competitors being in near a toilet. Damn; I am so good. We cut to a pink fish announcer in a jar of water announcing the point of this sport: prevent yourself from getting flushed. The competitors are all dressed in football uniforms as they dive in and swirl around in the toilet bowl. The big ass fish punches the little green fish in the face and he goes swirling down the toilet bowl as we quickly cut to the audience closeup before he goes down the drain. I club BS&P! We see in the front row; Oscar, Milo and Bea (with handcuffed Albert Glass who has managed to dress up since the last time. Man; that is going to scar him for life.) are in the front row as Milo cannot believe that she got tickets. Wait; there were only THREE tickets; so how did one of them get in? Albert is scared and rightfully so as this is too close to sexual imprisonment for my liking. Bea asks if he is having a good time and Milo and Oscar sell in response. So Bea stuffs their popcorn boxes into their mouths. What a mean spirited prick this Bea gal is?! Bea gives Albert the evil eyes as Albert stammers on the good time part.
Milo is stunned as Oscar unpops the popcorn box (How he did it without the popcorn sticking together; I'll never know) as he tries to talk to Bea; but Bea does the over dramatic be quiet on him complete with Giant Ass body and red explosion jackhammer background. Oh that is so LAME! What the hell is wrong with screaming SHUT UP here? Even if it is a cuss word; it is apporos here for the context of the situation. And Bea's acting sucked here by the way. Trader Moe would own Bea's ass in that department; seriously. Albert whispers for help just hanging around as Milo realizes that Bea has gone mad and it's time to save her for herself and mostly Albert as Milo and Oscar tackle Bea down to the sink floor. Good for them! I just wished they noticed that Albert was HANDCUFFED earlier. Milo rubs the butter popcorn on the handcuffs and releases Albert Glass from the bonds. Milo yells at Albert to run because he's free and Albert gleefully runs away only to slip and free fall into the toilet in A-grade slow motion overselling like R.J. Williams on speed. Like I'm buying that was unintentional on Albert's part; which is good because this episode needs someone to save it from being a DUD.
Albert swirls down the toilet and even goes down the drain. BS&P? What BS&P Mr. Weagle? Inquiring minds would like to know. Bea then proclaims that it's all her fault. NO?! REALLY?! Like the fact that you handcuffed Albert and forced him to come here against his will? So Bea jumps directly into the drain of the toilet as the announcer proclaims that crazed fans are jumping into the toilet and we need a plunger. Ummm; only one crazed fan and she's female there sir. Milo and Oscar are SHOCKED and HORRIFIED; but apparently Bea is the one who cannot be flushed (despite flushing most of the quality of this episode down the toilet due to porno crappy acting) as she swims upstream with Albert in tow. Albert is not amused as he wants to just accept him own fate. Milo panics on the sink and Milo shoves Oscar over the edge in a friendship shove. Geez; why not? The whole episode is bad now; might as well mercy kill it in a symbolic way.
Milo jumps down and uses Oscar as a surfboard which is cute to watch. Milo and Oscar dodge all except for the big ass fish who proclaims that if you cannot handle the swirly; don't jump in the swirly. I think Oscar can handle it just fine as the big ass fat throws Milo and Oscar towards the drain pipe; but Milo grabs onto Albert Glass while Oscar has Milo's paw. So Bea turns into SUPER FISH OF DOOM and swims upstream. Oh lovely; Bea is the new Aussie Stereotype. And people are SHOCKED when steet writes this series off from the start? The announcer loves it as the football swirly talent arrives and Milo screams that he's getting flushed. Bea states that they are not as she does the lame karate moves on the fish talent. Oh swell; she's got Monty (Super mouse powers), Drake Mallard (lame moves), Hoppo (diva) and Baloo (reverse sexism) all in one complete package. She is the ultimate anti-talent. And to think; I PRAISED her in Queen Bea. They all get dumped down the drain including...I cannot believe I'm typing this....A grandma fish in a wheelchair. Wow; we have officially reached rock bottom in this series.
This leaves only Allabut (same voice as the announcer) as she gets in front of Bea. Oh; if Bea punches her lights out, we have the worse short in the entire Fish Hooks series. I check the Youtube video....Not quite as she uses Milo and Oscar as a whip and she gets whipped down the drain. Well; that's a slight improvement if nothing else. Oh and Allabut plugs up the drain allowing the babyfaces to climb out of the rising toilet water onto the toilet seat. This is the end of the Swirles as Bea has ruined it all for us. I don't think apologizing to Albert is going to save you Bea; but thanks for doing it anyway. Milo proclaims that Bea saved his life; but Albert still doesn't like her and has no offense as everyone in the audience boos her out of the building and here comes the mob as Baldwin floats down from a green umbrella blowing off Bea for ruining his first crack at life. Oscar points out the obvious and Bea has had enough of worrying about people liking her. Wow; the writers actually booked a proper ending for a change. Too bad there was too much crap during it.
Bea uncorks the MIRROR OF VANITY as she likes herself and Albert giggles as he likes her now. Bea is SHOCKED as her mirror breaks. See; Albert doesn't like Bea getting desparate about having everyone like her and it's so obnoxious. Okay; that saves Albert's heat as he offers her paw and we do a Grade B slow motion handshake as it ends with Albert cuffing Bea. HAHA! Everyone giggles as all the water finally flows out and they flop dead like fish out of water. HAHA! They flop into the bowl for safety and that ends the short at 10:37. Great ending, horrible episode as Bea whizzed away her heat from Queen Bea. Now she's officially Monty Drake in the worst forms possible. Albert Glass carried this episode; but he is no Kit Cloudkicker. Then again; that would be too much even for Albert to overcome. Call it * 1/2 (30%).
Big Fish: We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM and ballerina music (sign: gym) as Bud is dancing in a tutu and dances off-screen and shatters glass and makes the killer cat scream. Whatever. We zoom into the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we see Bea at her locker. She brings out the "stylish" workout mat and the purple headband because she is so stylish see. Bea floats stage left and Milo squashes her flatter than Alexender the Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Milo gets off and does his usual awesome promo because Oscar is studying somewhere; or really hiding from Clamantha's kissy-kissy stuff. I'm betting the later considering that Clamantha isn't speaking in this episode. Bea is grateful; but she needs to go workout and Milo gets all giddy. So Milo pushes Bea forward because it's time to go work out so to speak. So we head to the scene changer and see Koi Fish, Fimberly, Esgormargot and Shellsea (with matching sweat bands and different colored floor mats) doing streches as Bea tells Milo that this is an advance class. See; this could be tough for Milo and Milo backhands Bea lightly because he's got it all covered. You don't know the half of it dude. And Bea is SHOCKED when Shellsea accused Milo of being a spy in Fish Sleepover Party? Anyhow; we cut to Coach Richard Salmons (oh goody! The Samba master is back to amuse and annoy me all at the same time.) as he lifts his left tail up like so. Everyone sells and Milo does that one easily. So at least Milo has the basics all pat down. Then it's time to raise one fin into the air as Salmons raises his right fin. Milo sells that one easily as he is so getting on Bea's case. Then Salmons flips forward and walks on his right hand while doing the Hacksaw Jim Duggan chant (You know which one wrestling fans!). Anyone sells it; and Milo manages to do the flip right; but as he lands he breaks his right fin and faceplants. HAHA! Well; he did better than I expected him to.
He tries to lift his face up; but the right folded up fin screws him good and he face plants again. So Salmons decides to up the ante by doing curls with the left fin bringing the OUT OF NOWHERE dumbbell. Now that is so symbolic of both males in the room do you not think? Everyone sells it; but Milo cannot even lift the dumbbell from the standing position with both hands. Now Milo is just showing off judging by his struggling as Salmons does pinky pushups just to trump the showoff. This is a million percent improvement from Fishing For Compliments: The Albert Glass Story at least from the beginning anyway. And Salmon has gained a hand on the next shot just to show off his logic breaking skills. All the females sell the routine as Milo still cannot lift the dumbbell with his left hand. How about forgetting the dumbbell and doing everything else because that blue dumbbell seems to be one of those sold by Larson & Gary. Yeah; I finally brought that joke out of the mothballs. Milo grunts and then shows off his logic breaking skills by gaining human baby arms. HAHA! See; Milo working out is MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Bea doing it is opposite of money. Everyone is shocked as Shellsea said her contracted word of the episode and Milo finally stops and whines to Salmons. Milo asks why he cannot do that and Salmon pets him on the head before admitting that Milo is a sexist weakling in roundabout terms. HA! Speak for yourself there Richard Salmons. The girls all smile at this happening as Fimberly calls Milo's routine cute. Milo asks how to get strong and Salmons tells him to do his exercises and work hard and Milo is not happy to hear that. Geez; turn into me Milo; that's real smart. He panics and drops dead. HAHA!
Scene changer as we see Milo, Oscar and Bea (Ah I see Oscar has avoided Clamantha's kissy-kissy if you know what I mean) at the lunchroom as Oscar blows off Milo for sticking his hand into his lunch. Milo groans and removes said hand from lunch as he complains about being little and weak and that there is nothing he can do about it. Little? He's a fat ass and bigger than Fimberly. Methinks Milo does protest too much here. Bea points out what Salmons said and Milo blows it off because he don't want to do all that hard work and stuff see. I see he's like me; only I don't flat out complain about it thirty seconds into lunch. Bea proclaims that Milo needs the proper inspiration and she feels a song coming on as she drags Oscar stage left and Oscar likes holding hands I see. Unless it's Clamantha of course. Milo slams his back on the table and it doesn't break thankfully. We then pan east to Jumbo Shrimp (his third talking appearance I might add) eating chocolate pudding as he overheard Milo's problem. He offers to help as he allows Milo to sit down and Milo sits down beside him. Jumbo Shrimp eats all the rest of the chocolate pudding to waste some time as this is the old "waste time and see if kids laugh at it" spot that doesn't catch. Shrimp licks his finger and then we travel away before Milo can even get a word in. Ooookkkkaaayyyy.
Scene changer as we zoom into the wrong part of Fish Town as Jumbo Shrimp and Milo float into a broken down alley town which could easily be someplace where Kit slept in before he met Baloo. Milo asks him as Jumbo Shrimp talks about science and stuff and apparently he does no hyperbole because his Krackpotkin plan for Milo will blow his mind complete with red explosion jackhammer background. Milo is shocked and swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (you know which one) as Jumbo Shrimp shows off his logic: fish grow to the size of their environments (no; they grow according to the size of their DNA idiot) and so Milo will grow inside the big tank which we zoom out and I am not impressed one bit. The big tank is next door from the tank they are in by the way as Jumbo Shrimp shows him a picture of him as a baby shrimp (with same orange backpack) as we go to the flashback sequences as we see shrimp Shrimp waddle into the big tank filled with white light and a red chair as he grew up to be Jumbo Shrimp as he comes out and lifts a big ass rock with ease. Too bad he is still too dumb to handle Jocktopus. Oh; and he didn't work out once. Oh MY JONAS! That tank is filled with steroid water! So Larson & Gary are buddies with Bud Pets! That explains Bud's weight problems and his redneck attitude then! This is a DEA drug bust just waiting to happen! Or maybe not. Milo is in awe as Jumbo Shrimp warns him to stay for exactly 5 minutes and three seconds; or there will be big consequences. Milo's eyes are too drugged to notice as Jumbo Shrimp waves farewell and walks out stage left. Milo floats into the BIG TANK OF STEROIDS (Let's be honest and call it for what it really is guys) into the white light and Milo sits in the red chair.
We then cut back to the outside of the big tank as we tick the seconds away for a while. The clock expires as we see Milo has gained no height; but about 100 pounds since last time. Milo walks out and is not impressed; until he starts lifting a big rock with ease. He drops the rock and then floats over and picks up another one and shouts like Tarzan. And then goes back and picks up the previous rock and gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he is biggie. HEE HEE! Sure you are Milo; and you are a walking drug sting waiting to happen too. Scene changer as we head to Oscar's living room as Oscar is at the digital piano while Bea proclaims that an inspirational song needs to start with something powerful. So Oscar plays the weakest tune this side of Bea's usual singing. She should just rap; that will give inspiration for Milo to be strong just to get the hell away from Bea in general. Oh; and Bea loves it (what a shock) as Milo comes in like a lion and Oscar and Bea are SHOCKED, SHOCKED I SAY! Yeah; a closeup Kirby's Epic Yarn look can SHOCK people, yes sirre! Oscar calls Milo a muscle thumb. Well; that's an interesting way of putting it Oscar. Milo thanks them because he's been working out for the past couple of hours. Yeah; working out them steroids for five minutes and three seconds and then walking home. Well; walking is good exercise; so it isn't a complete lie on Milo's part. Bea then proclaims that her attempt to write an inspirational song inspired Milo to workout is amazing. Yeah; kind of the power those water sacs have on ye. Bea proclaims that she is about to cry; but that segues into Richard Salmons saying it as Milo does the entire workout routine with ease. Even the females are taking this well which proves how much Treehouse Syndrome has effected Milo's brain. Although now it's replaced with steroids so I think this is the one time where you could make an argument for...POW! OUCH! Ummm...Okay; I won't bother. Richard Salmons does a flower promo as Milo calls this all hard work. Well; he's only lying by omission here as Fimblery gets her contracted line in for the episode and so does Shellsea as the females cheer him.
Now at this point; the short would over and Milo wins. However; since the whole point would go against the moral of taking steroids is bad we have to render Milo stupid since we have about four minutes left and Milo thinks that a little more in the fish tank would make him stronger. So we logically head to the TANK OF LIQUID STEROIDS as the egg ticker rings and out pops with considerable effort Milo. He bounces over as we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as Milo is pulling the CHEST OF DEMONS from the ground. I see Albert Glass and Steve Jackson have joined in; but still no Clamantha. Everyone is impressed as Albert Glass gets his contracted line of the episode. Milo likes this and takes it that he needs to get stronger and so we logically cut to...you guessed it. Egg ticker rings, Milo has more difficulty getting out but makes it anyway as he runs stage left. We then head to the hallway as Milo is punching lockers for fun. Oh my god; Clamantha has finally joined us meaning that she has appeared in every short but four of them. Dan & Ann Chovie, Jocktopus and his posse, Pirana, Bo Gregory and the French Fish guy from Doris Flores Gorgeous has also joined in to watch. Milo punches through the wall which leads to Mr. Baldwin's class. Mr. Baldwin is not amused; but I sure as hell am...
Joey Styles: We just fixed that wall!
Baldwin drinks his seanut butter coffee and apparently falls asleep off-screen as we cut back to the crowd with Bo Gregory getting his...you guessed it. He's strong as a baby duck now as the crowd cheers for Milo's strength or his death. It probably was both and might as well be both. Milo then gets inspired and please stop saying "HEY" every time Milo. It's rather annoying. If you cannot guess what he does next; you have no business reading this rant. I'm SHOCKED Oscar hasn't figured it out considering what happened in Dropsey. Damn; I'm so good. Scene changer and we head into the TANK OF LIQUID STEROIDS as Milo is sitting on the red chair in the light and his stomach growls. Milo proclaims that he shouldn't have the fish turkey for lunch (What do the writers think he is in? The LAND OF WUSS..ERR...I mean WUZ.) and he falls asleep. I see he spread seanut butter on this fish turkey too. He seriously needs to watch Suds from Spongebob Squarepants and learn not to use that substance. Just because it's funny for Mr. Baldwin to put it in his coffee doesn't make it good to use by teenagers. The egg ticker rings and Milo wakes up and he's stuck as he is so big ass that he fits the entire fish tank. I see Jumbo Shrimp wasn't committing hyperbole about his science this time around. Milo shatters the fish tank of steroids and drops on his face on the ground as we get the required Ghostbuster reference. It's STAY PUFF MARSHMELLOW MILO~! Made even more obvious when the sailor hat and blue scarf attach to Milo when he knocks the shelf down with his back. Milo slowly stalks down the shelves as we see the KILLER ROBO CAT OF DEATH from Fish Out of Water and Funny Fish as it panics and bails like a scalded cat stage left. Heh. Milo then climbs up the fishtanks and looks over Mr. Baldwin watching television in his green chair with his seanut butter coffee. He turns to his right and sees Milo climb up and looks stunned so much his blue hair falls out. Oooookkkkayyyy. It's time to lay off the seanut butter there sir.
So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we see Oscar and Bea float out. See Bea is so giddy because she wants to debut the most inspirational song in history complete with microphone. If there was ever a time where Milo destroys Bea's inspiration this is the time to do it. Oscar proclaims that he agrees with her because they make sweet music together and does the worst laugh this side of Butterbear. Bea is not amused as we hear the rumble off the microphone as everyone turns around and panics because here comes STAY PUFF MARSHMELLOW MILO~! Even Jocktopus is scared to death as everyone bails like fried fish. Milo yells that he needs help in the third person as we cut to the entrance as Principal Stickler and Nurse Fishington come out. Stickler hates navy boy monsters attacking his school and orders Fishington to sound the alarm. So Fishington throws Stickler into the column containing the conveniently placed red button of doom and we have alarm sounds. Good bumping from Stickler there too. Still a lot better than seeing the Kirby's Epic Yarn of Miss Fishington's ugly mug again. And here come the purple tanks and purple helicopter.
Finally; some bullet shooting guns in this show! I knew the old DTVA would infect them sooner or later. Oh wait; they have corks, never mind what I said. Marshmallow Milo gets corked and does a poor job selling them off his face. Bea of course points out the bloody obvious that it's really Milo. When the least over character does that; you know the adults in DTVA are total idiots. Stickler realizes his folly and calls the tanks and helicopters off. Damn; I wanted to see Plan B from Stickler as Jumbo Shrimp conveniently joins us and blows off Milo for not listening to him. I'm sorry; but Jumbo Shrimp is the one who OWNS the tank of steroids and he put Milo in grave danger so screw what Jumbo Shrimp thinks. Milo finally admits that he used the shortcut to get big and strong and he went way too far. Yeap; this is officially the FCC's anti-steroid. Too bad for the FCC; Milo as a steroid freak equals MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Bea writing an inspirational song equals opposite of money.
Anyhow; Milo apologizes as Jumbo Shrimp proclaims that there is only one way to reverse this and we segue into the gym as Milo is stuffed into a small fishbowl. Oh goody; we recycle the finish from Milo Gets A Ninja as Milo is stuck in the tank for 36 hours. Still less time than losing weight; so Milo is getting off really easy here. Milo asks what the hell he is going to do for 36 hours and Bea and Oscar decide to sick him the inspirational song of death. Oh god no; ANYTHING BUT THAT! Oscar breaks logic by bringing out the piano out of nowhere and Bea sings horribly. This makes Hoppo sound high class as Bea sings Bea inspired over and over about ten times as the techno beats are so weak; Lance Storm would point at it and say: Damn; that is a weak techno beat. Milo is not amused as we fade to black at 10:20 approx. Fairly decent episode marred by Bea's singing at the end. At least Milo got what he deserved for taking steroids to look cool which was the whole point of the short. *** 1/4 (65%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Fishing For Compliments: The Albert Glass Story could have been a good Albert focused episode and Albert Glass more than carried his weight in this episode with his overselling and awesome bathing scene. The whole Swirlies thing was a neat idea and Shellsea got her disco pose in to amuse me. Plus; the ending was ultimately the right one. However; none of these characters are ready to carry an episode on it's back if F'N Bea becomes the female version of Monty. She got more and more annoying as this episode progressed and it turned a decent episode into crap. The lowest point was the scene where Bea forced Albert to go and handcuffed him to herself. Considering that handcuffs are an example of soft porno; this was the kind of chained heat I didn't need to see. It also turned Shellsea into a FemiNazi which she doesn't need to be and it hurts her heat as a whole. Then Bea literally turned into super mouse near the finish; but thankfully Albert didn't buy the bill of goods; or this would have been a DUD and coming close to negative stars. So overall; Bea ruins Albert Glass' chance to shine outside of being Jocktopus' meat shield.
Yeah; Big Fish was an FCC-approved episode and an anti-drug message for 10 and a half minutes. I don't really care because Milo made me love this episode. Sadly; like Fishing For; Bea ruined the show's heat by padding on the inspirational song stuff that was not needed; padded the running time and when the payoff occurred; it was the worst singing and music playing ever. Techno is not Disney's strength I see. I actually felt sorry for Milo: Jumbo Shrimp is a complete joke of a character for cheating his strength by using liquid steroids in a fish tank (come on; like I'm buying it's sunlight guys) and put notions into Milo's head. And he's upset when Milo doesn't heed his warning about the tank? He should thank Milo for giving me some amusement as a Ghostbuster reference and at least giving me a chance to see if bullet shooting guns in an episode; which of course didn't happen, no thank you BS&P. Overall; I enjoyed it, but Bea's act is getting on my nerves more and more and erasing any good graces I had with Bea in Queen Bea. So next up is the final three shorts: The Dark Side of Fish, Fish Dollars and Fish Floaters to end season one which should all be up by the first week of March. So....
Thumbs down for Fishing For Compliments: The Albert Glass Story & Thumbs in the middle for Big Fish and I'll see you all next time.