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Fish Hooks
Two Clams In Love/Peopleing Rant
Reviewed: 04/03/2011
Welcome to Milo Moment #1986!
Oh goody; it took 23 shorts to finally get us our first official Clamantha focused episode! I mean she has the most appearances as a guest character so it's only fitting that she gets the full treatment as apparently Clamantha is also even more clueless than Whacky Jackie too. Then from there; our next short features basically a reverse version of a famous Spongebob Squarepants episode where Spongebob plays with fishing fish hooks literally much to the disdain of Mr. Krabs (called Hooky). So it should be no who is involved in this one as apparently a major character might actually DIE on a Disney show. Will it happen? So let's rant on shall we...?
Two Clams In Love is written and storyboards are done by Alex Hirsch. The story was done by Tim McKeon and the short was directed by C.H. Greenblatt and William Reiss. Why doesn't it surprise me that the voice of Clamantha came up with this short? Peopleing is written, storyboard and directed by Maxwell Atoms. The story is done by Justin Roiland. All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
Two Clams In Love: We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign: Computer Repair) as Bud is on the floor with a dog bowl named Bud and a purple chew toy bone as Bud acts like a dog and pumps his arm like he's about to piss on someone's lawn. Whatever. We then go to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we head inside the wood working shop with Doctor Frog. Oh goody! Deranged Kermit is back! See Deranged Kermit couldn't get anyone to like journalism class; so he's now the teacher at the woodworking shop. Seriously; what union do these teacher's have? And how do I join THEM?! Fimberly floats in asking about the ways of the drill; but Deranged Kermit cannot respond to that question (calling her a boy which is downright creepy I might add) so he throws goggles on everyone. Headphone Joe gets one right in his eye despite missing him by about six feet. I guess the power of suggestion is powerful. Oh and one gets stick in Oscar's hair as usual as he is fixing something and here comes Clamantha Jaws style. No, really, I'm as SHOCKED as you are. And then she drops from above and smashes Oscar's work and we greet with the suckiest Granny voice in all of the land. Oscar panics, sweats and then looks parently pissed off as Clamantha just dropped in to say hello to her boyfriend. Oscar is flustered on that one because they are not a couple; driving his finger into his fin to force the point. So Clamantha gleefully ignores it because they are a couple since it's kissy-kissy time. Oscar panics as Clamantha remembers to spray the FRESHNER OF LOVE into her mouth. Well; if you are going to kiss someone against their will; at least have a mouth smell minty fresh.
Needless to say; Oscar bails and it's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE CLAMANTHA EDITION~! I betcha Hoppo is regretting every minute of not doing this in the Wuzzles on Bumblelion now eh? That leads to Oscar bumping into a shelf and getting a bucket of blue paint dumped over his head. Ummm; Oscar you know full well Disney is NOT going to release you from your contract to do The Smurfs movie. You are just showing off now. We zoom into Bea and Milo (with safety goggles on which in Milo's case may not be enough protection if you catch my drift) as Milo feels sorry for Oscar and Bea calls Clamantha's crush on Oscar sad now. Well; compared to Jackie The Stalker Wackerman; it is damn sad no matter how you slice it. So we continue the chase Pac-Man style now. I know this because Clamantha chomps on a cherry. Umm; no that wasn't a sexual reference like it was in uncut Outlaw Star. If it was; Clamantha; she would have said that Oscar's cherry has popped or something. So we go to the scene changer of doom as we return to Oscar's house as Oscar is in a panic while Bea and Milo sit down on the couch. Oscar proclaims that Clamantha is ruining his life. No?! REALLY?! Milo proclaims that Clamantha was up in his face this time (which has to be disturbing to literally see actually). Bea proclaims that Oscar is safe in his own home....and who do we see enter OUT OF NOWHERE to greet Oscar? If you said Clamantha; you win a free trip to Disneyland. No, not at all. Oscar panics as he wants to know how she got in and Milo and Bea notice the conviently placed trap door opened (oh come on guys! You cannot tell me Milo and Bea DIDN'T set up Oscar for that eh?) and escape as they abandon him to the kissy-kissy clam. What a shock?! I see they forgot Happy Birthday Jocktopus already and this one is less justified than the last one.
Anyhow; we get the blinking stare down as we waste time with the "let's do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot. Oscar finally breaks the ice and Clamantha calls it all good. This goes on for a while until Clamantha brings out the minty spray because it's kissy-kissy time again. So Oscar panics and uses his laptop to counter and then Clamantha stops and she's got sparkles in her eyes. That's right folks; Clamantha is in LOVE with Oscar's laptop. Are we supposed to buy that Clamantha who is apparently a straight A student is THAT dumb and clueless to get sucked into a laptop that looks like a clam. I thought we were ABOVE such degrading humor that we saw in the Daisy comics in the 1950's?! Why do I get the feeling that this short is slowly turning into a hate crime? Oscar is not amused because it's a web cam and then he catches himself and calls it a web clam.....known as Webster The Clam. Oy vey; now Oscar is enabling this nonsense like the dork that he is turning into. I should get the voice out of the way now; Webster is voiced by Smith Harrison who appeared in just five productions: Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, Freshed Baked Video Games, Acceptable Television as an announcer, Ping Pong short and Squidbillies as Dr. Horny and the narrator. That's it. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut.
Clamantha calls Webster handsome as Oscar flaps the laptop and then he puts the laptop down on the coffee table and races down the trapdoor into the bedroom to inform Milo and Bea that Clamantha is in LOVE with a laptop. Oscar floats over to the computer on the desk and starts rapid typing as we see Clamantha on the screen. Milo and Bea get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLARITY on this as Oscar gets his freedom, Clamantha gets to be the victim of a hate crime and no one except the woman's movement gets hurt. Yeah; I made some of it up; but it's implied. So Oscar types and the laptop talks to Clamantha and Clamantha is in awe. Jackie might not always have the two clicks in the making of a clue; but at least she has enough sense to not be totally stupid. Sure; she doesn't always have enough foresight, but she still has enough foresight to notice what is going on around her. That's what made Jackie such an endearing character on Kick Buttowski; the best character in that show actually. This is rendering Clamantha into the "Gurls art dum" category at this point and I fear that it's going to get worse.
But then; Clamantha actually has second thoughts and thumps away because her love is with Oscar. Okay; this is an automatic improvement from the Daisy comics of the 1950's as Milo proclaims that Oscar is losing this battle. Milo shoves Oscar away and starts typing as slowly as possible in another "let's see if the kids laugh at it" spot which I do admit is pretty funny. This goes on and on as Webster sounds like a guy trying to read as slow as humanly possible. Bea is not amused by this either and I say to her: That's your own problem madam. Let Milo give me some entertainment to this hate crime already! Big pools of butt--ter. Oookkkkkkaaaayyyyy. Clamantha is stunned as Bea shoves Milo harshly away from the computer and Bea blows him off as a sexist. Projection much there Bea? So Bea types that Webster is sorry and that Clamantha hair looks great. Funny how Bea is supposed to be enlightened and yet she does what is normally constructed as sexual harassment nowadays. Clamantha proclaims that he's saying all the right things just to piss me off. Clamantha talks about Oscar running away and making bad noises as Webster asks if he can do this....and so Oscar insert the Polka Music Cd of Death in and we do the Fish Polka. Seriously; that is what music Oscar likes. I betcha The Crusher is wishing he didn't make polka THAT popular. Clamantha gets wiggle eyed complete with jackhammer pearl background. Whatever guys.
Then the screen fizzles out and Oscar takes it as nothing as he opens the trapdoor on the happy couple and then panics as Clamantha is performing kissy-kissy stuff on Webster! Oh lord; it just got worse! Clamantha proclaims that this looks exactly what it looks like and Oscar pumps his fists in victory; catches himself and then REPEATS THE SPOT. Screw you Oscar Sexismtooth! Clamantha proclaims that she is madly in love with the laptop and bounces out proclaiming goodbye forever to Oscar as she slams the glass door which doesn't shatter. Clamantha asks about seeing Scrunchies (her favorite cereal natch) and Webster proclaims that this isn't boring at all as Clamantha bounces out like a psychopath talking about the parody to Lucky Charms. Oscar's face is priceless in his reaction. Oscar is in shock as he wants someone to pitch him and OUT OF NOWHERE comes Randy Twinkletoes Pincherman; but Oscar blows him off and Randy bails stage left. HAHA! The first funny spot of the episode at 6:00 even! Milo asks Oscar how it feels to be a free man and Oscar's fin are shaking and he doesn't know. Oscar scratches his curly hair and wants Bea to give him a beat on the OUT OF NOWHERE electronic keyboard and we segue into the next Teddy Ruxpin song. Milo does up the class level somewhat with the MEXICAN SAMBA SHAKERS OF DOOM. Oscar's picture of Clamantha is almost compeletely naked I should note. Webster gets shocked in the Hokey Poke as Clamantha sings to lower the class level somewhat back. Spilt screen duet singing ensues. I don't care; the song sucks and Clamantha singing makes it even more so. BS&P Alert: At the cinema; the movie is called Attack of the Killer Twist Endings. Shellsea gets her contracted appearance and Mr. Mussels and Richard Salmons get their contracted lines in while Oscar meditates surrounded by two candles and mats in the gym. BS&P Alert: So alcohol is barred from the new Disney I see as Oscar pops sparkling soda. We end with dancing on the screen and Clamantha doing her "I'm a clam" catchphrase. Whatever; let's move on.
So we head to the sunset near a cliff as Clamantha and Webster watch the sun set. Clamantha asks about the laser lines on the screen and Webster answers that he loves her and Clamantha proclaims that this makes sense. Oh lord; why do you test me so? It saddens me to see otherwise intellegent Clamantha having to be relentlessly stupid in order to make this plotline work. This would work a lot better with Fimblery if Milo had the issue with her. So we cut back to Oscar's CPU as Bea cannot believe how easy it is to make Clamantha look dumb. Okay; she didn't say that; but it's implied. Oscar wants a break from the CPU; so it's video games time. HAHA! So we head upstairs as the trio plays video games as Milo hits select and Oscar wants to hit Bea, so Bea smacks herself. HAHA! Bea is not happy with that; so we REPEAT THE SPOT AGAIN! HAHA! It's nice to see the writers find a way to bypass BS&P's mandate by having Bea hit herself voodoo style. It doesn't make sense; but since we cannot have sexism on DTVA, this will have to do. Bea asks about chatting with Clamantha; but Oscar tells her not to worry since Clamantha doesn't listen anyway. Milo does have a concern about introducing them to someone else; but who could she possbily introduce Webster to?
So we logically head to Clamantha's house which has a garden maze (which pays off the Pac-Man joke at least) which looks like a coo-coo clock as Clamantha is inside the house as she introduces Webster with a magic trick. The mother of Clamantha sounds like a middle age man; seriously. And she looks like a dead ringer to Marge Simpson; minus the glasses and the blue puffy hair is violet/pink now. The father is a middle age balding brown hair/mustache clam who spits and doesn't like Webster. Whatever dad. Clamantha swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (what the heck) as the dad is deaf, dumb and blind in one eye; proclaiming that he doesn't like what he sees. That makes him the smartest clam in the entire series right there. Seriously Alex; did you think Disney fans would NOT notice how problematic this episode is? Mom defends Webster because Dad is hungry see. Dad drops on his head which indicates the real reason why he's like that. Mom asks if he like Pie-ate-ta (I do not want to know what that implies) and Webster no sells. Since that is a no; we head to the dining room (with enough coo-coo clocks to bring as evidence of Clamantha's lack of sanity in general) as we have din-din. Dad is a flip-flopping pianoist (sorry sublimial fools; he clearly did NOT say penis at all; the extra o sound between pe and nis clearly gives it away) as he has changed his tune. See Webster doesn't talk back, hog the gravy; nor seduce him as Mom is smitten. Ummm; Dad just admitted that Clamantha's previous boyfriends were gay. Or at least one of them. I'm guessing it's Oscar knowing him. POW! OUCH! Ummmm....Clamantha wants to be excused and Dad is more than happy to grant her that wish.
So Clamantha and Webster bail as we go to the next scene changer with a closeup shot of an empty bottle. Clamantha spins the bottle and the neck lands close to her; so she cheats by pointing it to Webster. So Clamantha does the honor of the kissy-kissy; but stops as Webster's screen indicates that he is running out of battery life. Now at this point; you would think that Clamantha would have gotten the fact that Oscar has double crossed her and that she has been making love with a freakin laptop; but instead she panics and we cut to Oscar playing video games as the cell phone rings...in his curly hair! Oscar picks it up and Clamantha screams that Webster is giving her the silence treatment for eight hour and Webster hates her. Oh my god Alex! I really hate you now you sick sexist! Even a mentally retarded girl would have figured this out by now. Clamantha screams and Oscar hangs up the phone as Oscar tells Bea and Milo that they have problems. No?! REALLY?!
So we cut to the hallway of Clamantha's house as Mom and Dad lead the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE down the hallway. See; Clamantha is screaming louder than usual and she will only talk to Oscar as Oscar is not happy to hear that as we jackhammer the DOOR TO HELL. Seriously; there is crimson red lights coming out of that door. Oscar gulps and opens the door and calls for Clamantha as we see Clamantha in the bed (which is basically a creepy girl baby doll with Clamantha sitting basically in front of her croch. Clamantha eats a tissue as her eyes are shot and she brawls in the most hilarious fashion possible. And I mean for ALL THE WRONG REASONS! Thankfully; we have less than two minutes left and the sensible thing to do is admit that Webster is just a laptop. Oh and her crying allows her to spit pearls out for fun and pain. I'll leave who gets the fun and who gets the pain as an exericse to the reader. Oscar wants to tell her that Webster is a computer; but Milo and Bea cut that one off so Oscar calls Webster a big fat jerk. Oh swell; we are going for the projection finish. We do the long speech about how it good to kiss and all that and calls her a paperweight. Webster doesn't deserve her because she has a heart of gold, Blah, Blah, Blah and Clamantha loves it as she sells it hook, line and sinker as she cuddles with Oscar. Oscar pets her and asks where Webster is. Clamantha proclaims that she literally dumped him into a revine. HAHA! Oscar doesn't like this at all as we see the laptop smashed on the floor of the petstop as the killer cat of doom sniffs at it and smashes it with it's paw. Whatever.
Clamantha proclaims that Webster broke her heart; so he broke his face. Okay; now the projection finish is understandable all things considered. Well played Oscar; well played. Oscar proclaims that she has a unique way of seeing the world. Clamantha proclaims that it's a wonderful thing and then....WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! How do I explain this? Okay; Oscar looks like a multicolored freak; Milo is a breakdancing hamster and Bea has a rainbow sweater on as they are in a rainbow world with unicorns and stars in the background. Yeah; WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! We thankfully fade to black before more damage can be done to my brain as Clamantha wants some kissy-kissy and Oscar panics like a mad man to end the short at 11:00 approx. I rate this as 0.6 Crying 1950's Daisy Ducks. Call it ** (40%) because hell; I feel generous.
Peopleing: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign: Catch Of The Day) as Bud walks in and beats his chest like Tarzan. Needless to say; Bud actually plays a real important part of this episode during this whole thing so he's just getting warmed up sadly. We zoom into the Hokey Poke Diner as we head to the island as the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE sit down and enjoy lunch. Milo has something extra special good for us today as he keeps annoying the Chief of the Hokey Poke who's trying to make a sandwich. See; the Chief has been in so many adventures (about as many as Monty's BS stories) as Milo has something to show and tell. He was in the Fish Army, King of the Ferrets and he retired since his fin got caught in the lobster crash. Actually; to be honest with you; Chief's sandwich making is a lot more believable than Milo's BS stories. Awesome boomerang throw by Chief as Bassy grabs it and probably gets her only contracted line in this episode. Man; Tress MacNeile is WASTED in this role. See Milo eats while explaining that he brings stuff out of the fish tank to show the Chief that he's cool too. Bea claims that being nice is the only way to make friends with fish. Geez Bea did you learn ANYTHING from Fishing For Compliments? Besides engaging in fish-napping, false imprisonment and misuse of sex toys?
Milo gleefully ignores her while doing the group hug and calls for the Chief. Chief turns around as Milo proclaims that Chief has been outside the tanks more than him and then shows him his latest find which is....wait for it....an American penny. Well; that's pretty classy as Chief swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE and calls it a "people egg". See; people are born inside these "people eggs". And they all look like The President of the United States right? Bea calls that disgusting. Get the f*** out of my country you soft porn invader!! Yeah; I stole that one from phantomreader42 from Dispatches From The Culture Wars; so shoot me. Milo calls it cool and Chief is angry since they don't talk about people in Freshbrook. Bea states that their school isn't all that fancy. Riiiiiggggghhhhhttttt Bea. I'm sure there are school districts who would MURDER for a ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH. See; people are monsters which does have some basis of fact. I mean; how many times have you heard even people refer to law breakers as monsters? Answer: lots.....LOTS! See; when Chief was a blob fish he did a sport called Peopleing. See; Peopleing is basically fishing for people and Chief retired from it after an incident with Big Blue back in 1986. I see Chief was best friends with Mr. Baldwin. I wonder if they go to the same Village Fish People Store? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I wonder if they drink the same type of coffee too. Anyhow; Milo is in awe as Chief explains Big Blue as the dumbest, deadly people of them all. If you cannot guess who Big Blue is; you have no business reading this rant.
So we go to the FLASHBACK OF DOOM as Chief's face is plastered on screen as we see Chief in bed waking up and then jump cut to a rainy day (in a fish tank?) on his ship before the Hokey Poke was invented; as Chief is sitting down on his chair fishing....for people of course. He gets a bite and the struggle begins as Chief will remember this for the rest of his life as it's him against Big Blue....and no shock to anyone with an IQ higher than eight; it's Bud The Redneck Janitor. He growls badly as we return to reality (no, not really) as Chief is rendered speechless. HAHA! I'm guessing he just saw Fanboy & Chum Chum on the television somewhere. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh and that's how he get the hook on his left fin by the way; and he tells them to stay away from people. Bea and Oscar shake their hand in understanding; but Milo wants to do some peopleing. Chief states that he doesn't; tells him to be quiet and eat his mush and goes back to work. Milo is in dreamy land as Oscar is not amused while eating. Milo proclaims that the Chief is brave because when he had his accident last Fish October; he went crying home to his mommy in roundabout terms. Bea explains that the Chief's accident was not a potty accident. I do not get why toilet is not allowed; but potty is. Same thing basically; and potty is incredibly childish anyway. Milo ponders this one and goes to Oscar as he proclaims that friends should do something nice. HAHA! Bea is not happy with that one as Milo wants to get the Chief's fin back from Big Blue. Wow; this is three steps up from the Spongebob episode already! Yeah; it's useless to get the guy's fin back; but this actually has justification, altruism and all that stuff. Oscar channels the Chief; so Milo wants Bea to borrow five bucks because we are going Peopleing. I see Milo hasn't learned anything from Dollars & Fish; but that is still better than Bea not learning anything so there you go.
So we go to the scene changer of doom as Milo, Bea and Oscar are floating in the coral woods. Milo (with backpack) floats near to a cave as Oscar (with BS&P fishing pole) wants to go get a spatula for the Chief instead. They float past the stone cave as Bea asks if Milo has a cooler role model that doesn't inspire Milo into semi-deadly adventures (death reference #1). This coming from the same female who thought using sex toys on a cool dorky kid was a way to make Albert Glass like her. Milo asks who and Bea goes for the fish doctor. So we see a doctor's office as a green fish doctor is checking up on an old fish person on the table. He's green around the gills which is funny considering the doctor is green colored to begin with. Then Bea introduces us to role model number two which is Mr. Baldwin sucking algee from the purple gravel he spits out. If they think that is gross out humor; then the writers are truly idiots. I'm seen more offensive content in TALESPIN for crying out loud. You know; if Milo wants to prove that Chief is the coolest role model out there; invoke the Kit Cloudkicker card as being cooler and watch Bea and Oscar squirm like worms. Sure; Chief goes on semi deadly adventures; but he's NOT a terrorist like that 12 year old thug from 1990. Nor is he Jamie from 1986. Yeah; I stooped to using their bad jokes; so shoot me. At least it's better than most of Rhinokey's jokes. Bea then goes to role model #3; which is a deadly lurking cave fish (death reference#2). We then logically see Milo in front of a cave as a cave catfish MURDERS him when his back is turned. I see Bea has lost that round easily. When you have to go that close to Chief in terms of coolness; you are hosed. Milo opens his jaw and blows him off because he was talking to Bea and Dave The Cave Fish apologizes for it.
Dave The Cave Fish is voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson and according to the USIMDB: Well-known, king-sized actor and voice artist Kevin Michael Richardson was born in Bronx, New York. He is, perhaps mostly recognizable for his deep voice, which he use in many of his works. Richardson is a classically trained actor. He first gained recognition as one of only eight U.S. high school students selected for the National Foundation for the Arts' "Arts '82" program, later he earned a scholarship to Syracuse University. Kevin is well-known by various voice works, mostly villainous. He lent his voice to based-upon video game film Mortal Kombat (1995) as Goro, he was also in Matrix Revolutions (2003) as Deus Ex Machina, and made a brief appearance in Clerks II (2006)as police officer. To mention that he did a brief additional voices for mega hit Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009). He did voice in many animated films and TV series, such as "The Mask - The Animated Series" (1995), "The New Batman Adventures" (1997), "Pokemon" (1998), "Powerpuff Girls" (1998), "Voltron: The Third Dimension" (1998), "Family Guy", Lilo & Stitch (2002), as well as "Lilo & Stitch" TV series, "Codename Kids Next Door" (2002), Batman VS Dracula (2005)(V), where he voiced Joker, "Mummy The Animated Series" (2003), TMNT (2007)as General Aguila, "Transformers Animated" (2007) as Omega Supreme and Batman: Gotham Knight (2008), as Lucius Fox. He also did voices in such video games as Halo 2 (Tartarus), Kingdom Hearts (Sebastian) and others. He lives in Los Angeles and he likes to work in Manhattan.
He started with cameos in Herman's Head and The Human Factor in 1992. Hercules The Animated Series is his DTVA debut as Hepaestus and appeared in Recess as Mr. LaSalle, Tremendor/Behemor/Varg in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, cameo in Lloyd in Space, Merkus in The Legend of Tarzan, Prince John in House of Mouse, Uncle Oswage in Dave The Barbarian, Kim Possible as Sumo Ninja, The Proud Family as Omar, Anturai in Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!, Cobra Bubbles in Lilo & Stich The Series, cameos in The Emperor's New Sckool, P.P. Otter in Phineas & Ferb, and Kick Buttowski as Rock Calahan. Yeah; I did Box Office Blitz before this one; so shoot me. He has over 300 titles to his resume. Thundercats 2011 as Panthro and the new Mortal Kombat video game as an in game announcer is his most recent credits. He also did soundtrack for eight productions including Kingdom Hearts 2, Danger Rangers, The Boondocks and The Cleveland Show.
Milo forgives him and praises his lurking too. Milo is so damn generous to a fault. So we float some more as Milo proclaims that Chief is SUPER COOL~! So we head to the end of the tank at the exact same spot where Chief tried to catch big blue as we pan over to the door leading to the bathroom and out comes Bud as he has gained the power to shake the room. Okay; it's time to stop making deals with Larson & Gary there pal. Milo does his worst shock and awe face; just to amuse me. Bea points out the obvious to us as Bud walks in the background shaking the room. And he growls like Godzilla. Like I said before; time to stop visiting Larson & Gary there pal since you are one FDA investigation away from getting shut down; I swear to God! Milo panics and swears as he grabs both BS&P fishing poles and we jackhammer fury with the wide screen. Okay; that is the best jackhammer I have ever seen in the new Disney. Slow motion and Oscar has the digital red camera (sadly; not the one from The Wuzzles) and clicks it as Milo asks about how good the picture is. Oscar checks and he only got half of Milo's picture as the other half has Bea in it. Ooookkkkaaayyy; that is kind of screwy since there was no indication that Bea was ANYWHERE near the shot. Logic break #1 for the episode nearly six minutes in. Oscar calls it Bea-utiful which would have been funnier if the logic break didn't exist. Anyhow; Milo casts his line for real and the line attaches to the back flap of Bud's right ear. See; all left ears are for joke fixing. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Milo is giddy about getting him as Bea claps for victory and Oscar blows her off. I never thought I would be defending Bea here so...Oh sod off you cosplaying dork! Milo then gets caught and pulled away as I expected him to. Milo smashes his back against the tank as he wants another picture; before getting taken away. Stupid move by Milo: forgetting to pack the water tank we seen about eight times BEFORE this episode aired. Just want to point that one out as Bea and Oscar are SHOCKED and APPALLED (in that order). We get some surfing action as Milo crashes through into Headphone Joe's home as Bea and Oscar follow. Oscar takes a MAN-SIZED bump with his face into the speakers for fun as Milo crashes into Clamantha's house (now THAT was neat) as Clamantha wants to trash the house and the Clamantha family bounce on the table. I don't know why; but that was damn funny to watch. I never thought Clamantha would grow on me in spite of the sucky voice; but she has managed. Milo crashes and tilts the corn as Bo Gregory floats in proclaiming that his corn got tited. Wow; I didn't think they would find a way to get tits on a children's show; but then again, Ducktales got a veiled prison rape reference in Duckman From Aquatraz; so whatever. Milo crashes into the pirate's booty tank and somehow doesn't shatter the tank when he smashes into the camera. SOMEONE FIRE THAT TANK!
Milo pushes up as Milo is enjoying himself; but Bea and Oscar grab Milo by the tail fins after the anime background sequence. Bea wants Milo to let go of the BS&P fishing pole. If that means bringing in a real fishing pole; then I agree with her. Otherwise; I'm with Milo as he blows Bea off since he was told to do something nice and now they want him to throw in the fish towel. I personally do not want to know what a fish towel involves. Bea naturally blows him off and wants him to let go as Oscar panics as usual. Bea wants him to be himself since the Chief would like him better and Milo blows that off because he's not trying to be Captain Aqurium as the grip is slipped and Milo bumps up and over Bud's head as Milo grabs onto his name tag. Milo holds on for dear life as Oscar and Bea scream that they'll get help. Milo tries; but lands in Bud's shirt pocket and the goofs scream badly. Bea and Oscar proclaim that there is only one fish they can go to and they slam the conveniently place door into the kitchen of the Chief as we see Chief boiling an American penny. So he's the one leading the Tea Party then! It all makes sense...or not.
Chief blows them off as Oscar doesn't care about the penny (TRAITOR!) as he demands help. Chief calls that different and then asks who is Milo. I see Chief has Mr. Burns Syndrome which stopped being funny the exact moment Who Shot Mr. Burns ended. Scene changer of doom as we cut to Bud at the cash register sleeping and drooling with his feet on the counter. We cut to the pocket as Milo needs water and drying up fast. See what happens when you forget to pack that water tank beforehand? The pocket contains a pocket menu paper and a eaten chocolate bar which somehow hasn't melted in all those years. I'm inclined to call that one logic break #2 for the episode and be done with it. There are also three pennies which Milo mistakes as being the pouch of Bud (which is true in a sense I guess) as Milo struggles to climb up on the menu sheet. He dries up even more and flops back down into the pocket on his back. Milo needs water and closes his eyes as we fade to black and then fade to white.....
...and head into fish heaven (I guess by the anchors and WHEEL OF MORALITY) as the Chief (looking pink now) demands answers to those nasty noises. Milo is shocked to see him; but the Chief blows him off because he's imagining him since he needs water and his brain is going coo-coo. As opposed to any other time sir? Pink Chief challenges Milo to think the Chief can suck his thumb and grow a kitten's head mask. Ooookkkkkaaaayyy; this is Milo's fried brain mind. Makes more sense than the finish to the last episode I ranted on. The two goofs laugh their asses off for a while; before Chief gets serious because Milo is going to die since he tired too hard to make friends with an old grump like him. Milo asks if he did and we play confuse the goof for a while. Anyhow; this leads to a big embrace before he dies for good as we clearly see Milo in reality (no, not really) hugging the cotton of the chocolate bar. HA! Milo licks the pocket and it's so damp that Milo revives himself proclaiming that the Chief saved him. He is THAT generous folks. Milo rolls around cheering as we discover that it's Bud's greasy, watery armpit that saved his life. Whatever guys.
Scene changer as we head to the corral woods as Oscar and Bea are floating with Chief with his BS&P fishing pole. We head to the edge of the tank as Bea does her usual over dramatic "acting" as Chief proclaims that a fish saved is a fish sandwich not sold. Good to know sir as he begins to cast his line and here comes Milo floating in....WHAT THE HELL?! How in the hell did Milo get back into the fish tank without that tank? Oh man; this short was chugging along great; and we have to ruin it with this gaping logic break? Like I said in Box Office Blitz; it's things like this that make me like Chuck Tately just a little more. Bea and Oscar are happy as they embrace as Oscar points out the obvious logic break; and so Milo explains that he got picked up by parakeet bank robbers once the parrot cops stop chasing them. Okay; that sort of lops off the logic break; but that hurts Chief's heat since he was supposed to SAVE Milo for real and thus justify the dream taking place in the first place! Idiots! Milo thanks Chief for "saving him" and apologizes for not getting the fin back. Chief then admits that he was born with the hook as Bea asks about the accident and Chief admits that it was a potty accident. Still cooler than the Aussie Stereotype though; so I'll live. Milo still thinks he's cool since Milo cried when he had it and Bea proclaims that he went on the trip for no reason and thus should just be himself. So Milo proclaims that going on dangerous adventures IS being himself. HAHA! I love it when Bea's own morals get thrown back into her face. So Chief proclaims that he likes being cool and offers shakes at the Hokey Poke. Oscar and Bea sell as this is their Milo. EWWWWWW!
So we return to the Hokey Poke as the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE slurp on shakes. Milo is first to talk as he thanks Chief for the free shakes and Chief blows him off because they are not free. So the kids laugh their asses off as Chief blows them off like a heel; so the babyfaces laugh louder as we head to the back window of the Hokey Poke as the American Penny opens up and out pops a gruesome sight....and we fade to black to end the episode at 10:30 before it can get any more gross. Terrible finish aside; this is another really good Milo Moment in a series of them and a big improvement on the Spongebob Squarepants formula since it gave Milo a purpose other than mindless stupidity. **** (80%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; what a stupid episode this was? The whole Clamantha falling in love with a laptop thing was just plain earnest and absurd to the point where it bordered on being on par with the infamous 1950's Daisy Duck comics in terms of sexism and downright cringe worthiness. At least the finish was apporos and the ending was Spongebob like; plus the beginning of Clamantha stalking Oscar with Jaws and Pac-man references was pretty funny plus something funny from Randy Pincherman of all people, so it wasn't a total write off. I just don't get what is so funny about an otherwise intelligent stalker with a crappy voice like Clamantha would fall for such an obvious trick. If this were Fimberly who we already saw fooled by Steve Jackson in Fish Floaters; this would work out better. In other words; just another average day in Fish Hooks.
Wow; Milo is really getting those good episodes (Dollars & Fish notwithstanding) lately isn't he? Well; this is basically the reverse formula for Hooky from Spongebob Squarepants in that it's the fish who hook the people and not the other way around. Plus; I like this one a lot better because the writers gave Milo a reason to do this dangerous adventures even if in the end it turned out to be the wrong reason and Chief was BS'ing the whole thing. Milo was great as usual, although I could have lived with a much more direct finish to give Chief the heat he needed to become a better character; but at least the logic break they used wasn't all that gaping thanks to Milo's dialog to justify it. And Clamantha's bounce the table spot was cute. Overall; a very good episode that had a good pace and made sense outside of the finish. So the next two shorts of Fish Hooks are probably the last two for Season One: Earth Trolling and Parasite Fright. So....
Thumbs down for Two Clams In Love and thumbs up for Peopleing and I'll see you all next time.