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Fish Hooks
Legend of The Earth Troll/Parasite Fright Rant
Reviewed: 04/30/2011
It's The Legend of Albert Glass Alien!
So out next two short features the power of recycling and the dangers of encouraging Milo to do it; and where Milo is paranoid about parasites infecting his school and the dangers of watching too many scary movies. Umm; yeah. . So let's rant on shall we...?
Legend of The Earth Troll is written and storyboards are done by Ian Wasseluk. The story is done by Noah Z. Jones (!!) and Tim McKeon. The short is directed by C.H. Greenblatt and William Reiss. Well; it had to happen sooner or later that the creator would have one story. Jymn Magon did the same thing in TaleSpin; although he was story editor a lot more and Mark Zaslove wrote more episodes and he was co-creator with Jymn. Parsite Fright is written and storyboards are done by William Reiss and Niki Yang. The story is done by Justin Roiland and Jacqueline Buscarino & the direction is done by C.H. Greenblatt and William Reiss. Oh and one of the sciencists is voiced by....Jim Cummings. Our first MAJOR TaleSpin character voice appearance on Fish Hooks. Now when is Kick Buttowski finally going to get some TaleSpin voice love? All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
The Legend of The Earth Troll: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Recycling Center. Which begs the question: Plastic? Metal? or redneck jokes?) as we see a hamster floating by Bud as Bud stuffs the hamster into a turtle shell. For goodness sakes guys; TMNT is not being made right now. You would think that the DTVA writers would get it now that TMNT jokes didn't fly when the show was in the height of popularity and they don't now. The Hamturtle is placed in a glass tank and the Hamturtle run on it's wheel to the mass confusion of Bud. Whatever. We head to Oscar's house as Oscar is recycling and his acting is actually getting better and better. You can tell Noah is writing this episode when the newspaper Oscar puts in has the headline: Why Noah? Why?! I think everyone who dislikes this show is asking the same thing. I am too; albeit for different reasons. Oh and apparently; Oscar is recycling an oversized inflatable hotdog. I was hoping it was the inflatable hambuger Bud ate in an earlier short; just to pay it off. Oh and Oscar's recycling a heavy metal album too. Damn; I was hoping it was a written script too. See; it's Fish Earth Day (as marked on Oscar's calender (Sadly; it premired a few weeks BEFORE this; so the joke doesn't quite work out.) as Oscar claims Milo is missing on the fun. So Milo throws a can right in the face. HAHA! And it was a good shot and sell too. We pan over to Milo watching television and has a mess on the floor and pizza slices on the walls. He opens a can; takes a sip and throws the can away. Oscar protests this misuse of soda and Milo's reasoning is that the first sip is the best and then it's all downhill. That's what plastic bottles are for Milo. Then you can screw the top back on to preserve the taste.
Oscar points out the mess; so Milo throws a roll of paper towels on it and that pisses Oscar off. Oscar wants Milo to recycle since it's Earth Day today. Milo gleefully ignores him because he's watching Fish Hooks (I can tell by the opening theme song in the background when he's clicking on the remote. Even funnier; he passes that show so even MILO hates his own show. HAHA!); and he refuses to celebrate something without a magical being. That's non-religious codeword for God I should note. Oscar is confused as Milo is watching Pamela Hamster again as Milo runs down the magicals dudes like Fish Santa Claus and Fish Easter Bunny as he shows pictures on the wall with him and those magical dudes. Oh and one of the magical dudes is a picture of....wait for it...COREY BAXTER! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well; Kyle IS a decent worker; so the joke actually works. Milo apologizes in a partonizing way because as long as there is no magical dude he's not celebrating. Sorry Gaia; you are out of the running. It has to be a magical _dude_ see; not a magical _dudette_. Yeah; I know Milo is a bigot. What a shock?! Oscar ponders this over and proclaims that Earth Day does have a magical dude mascot. Milo blows him off course and Oscar sweats. Geez; let's see if Milo falls for it like he did with Doris Flores Gorgious. So Milo falls for it by proclaiming that the magical dude is the Earth Troll and Oscar invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH and agrees with it. Oscar of course screws it up by saying Earth Mole. Milo wants to hook up with the Earth Troll and Oscar tells him to do it himself because he only comes if you recycle. Milo realizes that that's the only thing he needs to do and he blitzes and starts recycling like mad. Oscar proclaims that it's working.
So we get the clock scene changer of doom (Watching the Wuzzles again Noah?) as we head to the bedroom as there are stacks of stuff that are sorted for recycling in containers and Milo looks tired. It's also sparkling as I see Sunwoo's sparkling can be done in Flash too. Good to know. Milo is giddy about waiting for the Earth Troll to come as he flops under the covers of his bed and gets all giddy about waiting for the troll. Oscar looks kind of evil and then we segue into a song as Oscar dresses up like an Earth Troll. Isn't it funny that the Earth Troll is made up of things found in the sea? Oh and he wearing coconuts for boobies which proves that Baloo doesn't have a monopoly when it comes to coconut bras if you catch my drift. Oscar acts like a bad superhero and flys off as we cut to Milo sleeping and drooling like an idiot. He then gets splattered with mud and Milo wakes up protesting this outrage. Okay; that makes sense as Milo swears in the usual style and it's Oscar The Earth Troll of Goofy Coconut Bras. Oh and Oscar is ironically using a power fan to create bubbles which completely contradicts the point of Earth Day in general. Milo is giddy and cute and he gets a Freshwater keychain as a reward which doubles as a bottle opener. So Oscar throws mud in his eyes and runs up the stairs like a scalded Earth Troll Fish. Ummm; yeah. Milo wipes the mud from his eyes and he's all giddy as hell. So Milo promises that he will be recycling forever so hew can always meet the Earth Troll. We then see Milo fall asleep and snore as Oscar is shown giving the double thumbs up. Sadly; we still have seven minutes left in the short so it's time to play CDS (Cartoon Duck Syndrome) on this episode.
So we go to the far shot of the tanks and it's morning as a rooster burps to indicate that it's morning. Whatever sir. I find it odd that Disney has a problem with a rooster doing the cocka-doole-doo spot despite allowing Disney Captions say "Cock crowing" in TaleSpin twice in the first volume set. Anyhow; we head to the ground as Milo is picking up trash to become put of his recycling gig. And we zoom out to see Milo is throwing it into the recyling dumpster as we are in the city and it's Teddy Ruxpin singing time. I perfer this over the Quack Pack nephews trying to rap. Heck; even Bea's rap was funnier than the Quack Pack nephews in Tasty Paste. We head to school as Milo rearranges French Maxwell Atoms's mouth from a frown to a smile. Esgormargot loses her plastic and she gains good hair. Milo stomps on cans as Jocktopus smashes cans into his face. Heh. Randy Pincherman and Shellsea paint the place green. Wait; isn't green paint toxic and a contradiction to Earth Day? Whatever Milo. Anyhow; we pan over to Oscar doing some recycle sorting as Bea floats in as Milo wants to make some awesome compost. Bea asks what the hell is going on? Ummm; it's Milo Moment #1997 Bea. We then see Milo running a bicycle of energy as Clamantha calls him crazy for recycling and they slap fins to tongue. I think Clamantha's animation is getting worse the more I see her actually. Bea wants to know who this Earth Troll is; and Oscar giggles in response. Oscar explains all while Milo recycles like mad as usual. Oscar then admits that he made up the Earth Troll and Bea is PISSED off. No; not because Oscar told a big fat lie; but because his performance was so awesome that he forgot to call her. Codeword: HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME IN ACTING?! Well; Miss Kane, that's what EVERYONE thinks of you. You seriously need to watch the Bratz movie again and this time without a PR agent pissing sweet lies in your ear like a religious right leader. Bea wants into his facade because she is a professional actress....in bed. WHACK! OUCH! Ummmmm.....
Scene changer as we head into Milo's bedroom as Milo is asleep and he got over his drooling problem I see. So Earth Troll and Earth Trolless splatter mud all over him. HAHA! Milo wakes up and he's giddy as Oscar Earth Troll of Goofy Coconut Bras is back...Oh; and he brought his little friend as we head to a makeshift stage as it's Mrs. Bea The Soft Core Porn Earth Troll. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHACK! OUCH! Ummmm....Oh come on Bea! You think you're little dance routine is ANYTHING but soft core porn? I mean; you're wearing the same exact outfit Oscar is wearing; including coconut bras. Minus the crown of course. Milo is confused as Oscar and Milo exchange pleasure thoughts and then we have logic break #1 for the episode as Bea seemly disappears without a trace. WHAT?! Oscar tries to leave; but Milo stops him because he wants a gift as a reward. So he get mud in his face as a reward. HAHA! Milo seems really sore as Mrs. Soft Core Porn appears OUT OF NOWHERE and has the microphone. Dear lord; please make Bea realize that she is NOT Hoppo and get over herself. Thankfully; Milo blows her off because he has more recycling to do tomorrow and he sleeps and snores. HAHA! Good for you Milo Fishtooth as Bea is PISSED.
Scene changer as the alarm clock rings and Oscar is asleep in his bed. He wakes up and then he realizes that the tank is filled only half way as he flops onto the ground. Milo arrives and proclaims that he's saving water by filling it only halfway. Okay; this kills the continuity that they were shooting for here. I mean; Milo was supposed to recycle; but the whole episode focused on Milo wasting stuff anyway. Oscar is groaning wondering what he has done. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as it's filled to the brim with recycling. We head into the hallway as Milo recycles and sorts like a madman. HAHA! I betcha Kyle is having a blast acting in this episode as I am. Bea floats in and asks about Mrs. Earth Troll and Milo proclaims that he hated her. HAHA! Memo to Bea: Milo likes magical "dudes" not magical "dudettes". See; make the joke and then pay it off. Nice to see someone in the new Disney is actually paying attention. Bea is PISSED off on that one as Oscar comes in panicking because he's recycling his old underwear to make new clothes. HAHA! Bea tells Oscar to tell Milo the truth; but Oscar proclaims that Milo won't even listen to him anymore and only to the Earth Troll. So Bea has a Krackpotkin plan in mind (and even calls him underpants boy. HAHA!) as we head to the hallway AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) (And before then we have a shot of the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM) as Milo continues his recycling path of rage. And here comes Oscar The Earth Troll with Goofy Coconut Bras again with Mrs. Soft Core Porn Star as Milo gleefully greets Mr. and blows off Mrs. HAHA! Bea is pissed off again. Oscar tries to talk to Milo to stop in roundabout terms; but Milo takes it as not doing enough and wants to join forces as he becomes Milo The Earth Recycling Troll of Coconut Bras. HAHA! Milo flies away as Bea blows off Oscar for not allowing him to be a slob. Oh sod off you Soft Core Porn Invader! WHACK! OUCH! Ummmmm....
Anyhow; we head into the city as the recycling piles up and we see Mr. Baldwin driving his 1986 Station Wagon. So Milo appears OUT OF NOWHERE and steals Mr. Baldwin's glasses because they can be recycled. So he leaves and Mr. Baldwin spins around the car and crashes into the glass as it does no damage whatsoever......for about three seconds and then the car explodes. HAHA! Nice one guys! So we head into the boy's bathroom as we see Mr. Zeus Mussels taking a leak behind the stalls. He wants the toilet paper as the opposite door opens and Milo runs out with the toilet paper because it can be recycled. Mussels proclaims that recycling is great; but he needs some toilet paper now. So we head back into the city as Oscar and Bea float in realizing that everything is recycled and that they are too late. Then Mr. Baldwin smacks in with a MAN-SIZED bump onto the pavement and tells them that it's not too late because Milo is interested in saving power. Bea and Milo get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and panic as we head outside the tank as Milo is need the kill switch of the power bar. Milo proclaims that he needs to do something big and dramatic to recycle. Oscar and Bea make it to the fish tank window and Bea calls Milo a....wait for it..... Recyopath complete with zoom in and ominous music. Yes he has Bea. So? He's a million times better this way.
Milo no sells as Bea and Oscar finally blow their covers and Milo is SHOCKED and APPALLED as he did all this for nothing. Oscar tells him that it's not true because craziness and recycling DO NOT MIX. I beg to differ Oscar. It takes a crazy person to see things others do not see. Like environmentalism; like entertainment; like Milo flying in Flying Fish. Milo takes off the disguise and admits that he wanted to hang out with a magical dude...and then the episode finally gets flushed down the crapper as the Earth Troll makes his appearance for real and it looks like a CGI troll from World of Warcraft with a bird nest on his head. The Earth Troll is voiced by Ozzy Osbourne and according to the USIMDB: Born in Birmingham England, after leaving school and having many odd jobs he ended up in a band with Geezer Butler. This group then split leading Ozzy and Geezer to join Tony Iommi and Bill Ward in a new band that went under several names (including Earth) that ended up being called Black Sabbath after a song of the same name that appeared on their first album (released 1969/70). He recorded several more albums with Sabbath despite the decline of his relationship with Tony Iommi, which after several break ups led to him leaving/being fired from the band in 1979. After a short time he launched a solo career with a line up behind him that varied immensely from album to album and tour to tour. During the 80's he was treated several times for alcoholism and was sued twice for the suicides of some of his young fans (cleared completely). Following his No More Tears album he declared he would tour for the last time. In 1991, on his last date he reformed briefly on stage with Black Sabbath for three songs. However a much talked about reformation tour fell through and Ozzy seemed to go into retirement, his bassist (Mike Inez) joined Alice in Chains and the guitarist (Zakk Wylde) formed his own band, Pride and Glory. Now however he is recording a new album and has said he intends to tour again. The album should be out in the summer of 1995 and the tour should be shortly after. Geezer Butler has now quit Sabbath (again) and rejoined Ozzy (he played bass for him on tour during the mid to late 80's) and should play on the new album. So yeah; Disney went out and hired a guy who used to bite heads off of bats. Although that really is not much different than seeing the guy from Kids in the Hall squishing human heads with two fingers. Yeah; not much difference at all. He only has about ten credits in acting give or take (although he has been in a lot of movies as himself though). He first appeared on Beat-Club in 1970. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debuts. He has 74 soundtrack credits, 156 Self titles, one producer, and several other credits. Wreckage of My Past: The Story of Ozzy Osbourne is his most recent credit; although he was Fawn in another Disney film Gnomeo & Juliet.
So the Earth Troll pets Milo on the head and gives him a keychain with a flashlight on it. I'm sorry folks; but this finish doesn't work at all if Jolly Molly Christmas Earth Day style was what the writers were shooting for. The episode is too comical to pull of any pathos whatsoever and no one is going to top Jolly Molly Christmas and certainly no one at the new Disney. So the troll tells him not to be crazy and that he can be found in a recycling bin as he disappears in a yellow laser beam into the box. Milo looks inside and pumps his fist for victory as it's time to recycle as the trio do the Recycle Globe Background with fists pumped to end the short at 10:52. Fun episode; terrible finish. At least the CDSing actually improved the episode; so I have found an exception to the CDS rule. And ironically; it wasn't a duck doing it either. *** 3/4 (75%).
Parasite Fright: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (sign: UFO Supplies. So that means the redneck is an alien? And is he illegal?) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Bud is playing with a purple UFO toy on a stick as he teases the killer cat with it. Whatever. We head to Oscar's living room as the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE are watching a Z-grade movie. Wow; you know your show has hit rock bottom quality wise when you need to resort to watching a Z-grade movie to make you look cool. Bea questions Milo's fortitude and Milo claims that he's a big boy now. You have to be a big boy to withstand a Z-grade movie without your head exploding. Today's Z-grade movie of the day: Fish Brain Parasites. Wait; that's not a Z-grade movie; that's only a B-movie. No Z-Grade director has the smarts to use parasites in a movie. Oh and it stars some fish. Okay; now it's Z-Grade as we go to a dark house on a dark and stormy weather as a Dad CGI fish tells Jimmy not to sleep because the parasites might get him. Somehow that's less contrived than most Z-Grade movies. Maybe it's the better pacing and the fact that we can hear the voices. The writers should have had Jimmy speaking from a six foot wall of concrete if they want that Z-Grade effect. The dad leaves and Jimmy falls asleep. The green non-scary aliens arrive from the window of course and giggles. Well; at least the writers are smart enough to show the contrived nature of the alien as if he was dangling from a piece of string. Dad returns and he finally acts like a Z-Grade voice as the alien invades the brain via a magic effects that is too B-movie to work in this episode. Dad's acting finally gets to Z-Grade level as Milo is sweating and holding his breath while Oscar and Bea no sell. This would have worked better if the movie was like Manos: The Hands of Fate. So we head to the lab of doom as the doctors examine Jimmy on a wall gurney as Scientist #1 and Scientist #2 exchange notes. Scientist #1 (who speaks second ironically enough) is voiced by Jim Cummings (the Stan Blather voice gives it away) by the way. He also seems to gain a leg as he kicks the gurney down and the second scientist addresses him as Louis. Wow; the credits people didn't read the script obviously.
Scientist #2 is voiced by Daran Norris (the Jimmy's Dad voice from Fairly Oddparents gives it away) who started with Hobgoblins and Vice Academy in the later 1980's. Most of his work is video games and anime so here's a sample offering: In anime he voiced characters in Bastard!, Cowboy Bebop (as Cowboy Andy), Digimon and Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex. In video games he was in Bushido Blade 2, .hack// series of video games, Front Mission 4, Xenosaga Episode 1, Star Ocean: Till The End of Time, True Crime: Streets Of LA, various Spiderman games and Ace Combat 5: The Unsung Wars. As a voice actor; he is most known as Cosmo in Fairly Oddparents, and Count Spankalot in Codename: Kids Next Door. Yes; a vampire who spanks kids. That's really funny. NOT! The Buzz on Maggie is his DTVA debut as Dr. Electric, WITCH as Tynar and The Replacements as Dick Daring. Big Time Rush, Transformers Prime, Generator Rex and The Fairly Oddparents television movie are his most recent credits. He has nearly 200 credits to his resume. He also worked on a television commercial for Kellogs Pop Tarts in 1996.
Scientist #2 orders Louis not to fall asleep while his eye comes out. I wouldn't want to take advice from a doctor who cannot heal thyself. And Louis has listened to me as he falls asleep. HAHA! This movie is not convincing guys. It's too professional to work. Scientist #2 curses the parasite as Milo screams like a girl...badly. While the other fish, no sell of course. See; the whole purpose of this is to make Milo look paranoid while Bea and Oscar think that Milo is being an idiot. The problem is that the movie is too professional to work and it justifies Milo's fright because of the professional level. That's why the blow offs of the movie by Bea and Oscar make them look too dumb to work. Oscar goes to his computer because he's going to do a bad review. Okay; that makes NO sense. A bad review would imply that the reviewer is going to write a review that is of poor quality; not imply that the movie was in poor quality. A negative review would actually be more accurate. Speaking of woo; Bea tries to leave because she needs eight hours of beauty sleep to show her pretty face. Yeah; because those nasty chemical makeups that have been tested on animals could never give Bea that pretty face. That face is ALL "natural". Scare quotes intentional. Oscar tries to go through the trapdoor; but Milo is paranoid to the gills. See; Milo is so paranoid about a movie that he wants to do a dog puzzle with the gang. The gang smiles and then leave to go to bed as Milo looks like a timid little fish rabbit. So we do a night to day shot with the sun rising faster than my body weight. And we get a cock crowing. Sorry Disney; but your captions team allowed it in TaleSpin and that spot was RIGHT THERE waiting to be targeted.
We return to Milo curled in a ball on the couch still as Oscar slams open the trapdoor and notices Milo in his paranoid state. He asks Milo if he slept; while Milo counters with the same question. Milo proclaims that it was the best sleep ever. Maybe Oscar should watch Z-Grade scary movies more often with Milo if this is going to work. Milo goes over and pokes Oscar about three times. BS&P alert: Oscar sells it like he got poked in the eye; but the third poke was in the middle of Oscar's face despite Oscar having no nose whatsoever to poke. Milo is relieved that the Fish Brain Parasites didn't get him and CUE ONIMOUS MUSIC~! Seriously; that did play ominous music when Milo said Fish Brain Parasites. Oscar accuses him of being hung up by the lame movie. NO?! REALLY?! So Milo pokes him in the left eye despite missing by two inches. Damn; I wanted to see a good eye poke from the new Disney. Milo is zombified as he floats out. Did Oscar just use a swear from the 1980's? Oh my stars and garters indeed! Just not in the same context as Oscar though.
So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we head to Mr. Baldwin's class with all the Fish Hooks' kids sitting in their desk while Milo is still selling the paranoid look from earlier. Bea greets Oscar and then is SHOCKED and APPALLED at Milo's face. Oscar explains the obvious to us as I think Oscar should explain why he uses swears from Mister T: The Animated Series. I pity the fool who uses the phrase "Oh my stars and garters" in any context from 1991 onward. Oh wait.... POW! OUCH! Ummm....Milo claims that the movie is real. Well; the movie was not Z-grade; so Milo has a point there Oscar. Fish Brain Parasite was scary; just not in the way Milo thinks it is. Bea blows him off and then Milo pokes her on the cheek! Wow; in the immortal words of Wade from Kick Buttowski: Didn't see that one coming at all. That poke had the sound effect as if Milo was punching her in the face. Wow; I think the script clearance team has more guts than the Disney execs in 1986. Ponder that one for a while and groan. Milo proclaims that it's protocol and apparently we find out who infected Oscar's brain as she uses the same 1980's swear Oscar did earlier! Oh and the evil music played again on Fish...Brain....Parasites; or FBP. Also stands for Federal Bureau of Prisons which should take Bea away now for infecting Oscar's brain. Anyhow; Shellsea aka World's Most Obvious Female Stereotype (WMOFS) floats in and Milo pokes her about 20 times as Shellsea ignores him because she wants to pretend that Milo didn't break the no male on female contact rule in Disney. I don't think script clearance listens to that rule Shellsea. Milo takes it as Shellsea has the FBP...and cue ominous music. Well Milo does have a point there guys. She is unemotional; and the FBP must have gotten her to dress up as a female stereotype.
Milo is paranoid as hell as Mr. Baldwin arrives because the process of learning has to start as Milo floats over and pokes Mr. Baldwin in the nose about ten times. HA! I called that about thirty seconds before he did it actually. Mr. Baldwin thinks Milo will stop; but Milo is just getting started as he pokes Jumbo Shrimp and Jumbo Shrimp no sells. Here's an idea to defeat Milo: Show emotion! Or has Disney has a "Show no emotion unless you are the main characters" rule. He pokes Esgormargot and gets green goo as Esgormargot gets her contracted line in. Then it's time to poke Clamantha but Milo throws Clamantha so hard that she flies right onto the floor of the pet shop. Wow; I didn't realize Milo HATED Clamantha so much. I guess the crappy voice does have an effect on him. Milo orders Bea and Oscar to meet him in the secret hideout STAT and then he goes through the roof. Bea and Oscar have no idea how to respond. Oscar and Bea realize that they have no secret hideout as we jump cut to the hallway as Bea and Oscar are in front of the cafeteria doors and we get horns a blaring as the fish all bail from the lunch room. Bea and Oscar enter to see Milo standing on a table drinking a container of juice while invoking the FCC BLOWHORN OF DOOM (as used on Peter Griffin when he swore during the funny FCC episode in Family Guy. Maybe the only truly good episode Seth did) which leads to the darn my socks swear from TaleSpin and they do a spot where Bea sees his mouth move but no sound. So Oscar tells her that her hair smells like strawberry dream and then conveniently the sound stops and Bea gets all pissed off about Oscar commenting about her mouth. HAHA! So Oscar weasels his way out of it because Milo needs help. Judging by that sweat bead; Oscar needs the help.
So Oscar tries to explain that this is getting absurd; but Milo no sells because they could be anywhere. Must be Corey Baxter's parole officers. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm.... Anyhow; we cut to the lunch counter as Albert Glass is talking to the orange lunch counter lady (wait; I didn't realize the fish was a CGI fish? I thought it was Flash drawn?) as he drinks up on his broccoli smoothe which turns him green and he throws the container in the trash can. Then he puts on the ALIEN SUNGLASSES OF NIGHT on. Oh yeah; this is not obvious in the very least; no siree. If you cannot guess what happens next; you have no business reading this rant. Oh and Albert giggles so hard his wig fell off. Milo is so much for wasting time that he panics so hard he puckers up on the word parasite much to the confusion of Bea and Oscar because it's obviously Albert Glass who is wearing shades and lost his brown hair. Bea squeezes Milo's mouth and tells him to choose his words carefully. So Milo screams parasite as Albert is confused. Apparently; Milo is having a poo-poo day (Wow; CPTR moment (Crap Past The Radar) from Albert of all kids?) and wants a high five; but Milo counters with the Gruffi pose. See; this would have been more convincing if this was the finish to the Z-Grade movie and thus justify Milo's response. Instead; this is OUT OF NOWHERE and goes the same place. Bea floats in and high five's Albert allowing Milo to do a sloppy version of Scooby to Oscar's sloppy version of Shaggy. And I do mean sloppy. Oscar tackles Milo down and accuses him of being infected with the crazy. So what? Milo being crazy is a million times better than normal Milo; so sod off and high five Albert like you plan to do just to up Milo's crazy levels.
Milo proclaims that he has no friends left as Albert turns around in a creepy moment and wants to raise Milo's spirits up. Milo blows him off and runs out of the lunch room as Albert proclaims that he'll raise his spirits up if it's the last thing he ever does and he floats out leading to the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE ALBERT IS A BRAIN FISH PARASITE EDITION~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm. I am so loving this and Albert is officially cool now. We have Milo hiding in the lockers for a while as Albert proclaims that he is going to get him. Albert finds him easily and Milo invokes the FIN STOMP OF DOOM on the locker and runs out yelling that he'll never be taken alive as the chase must continue. And Clamantha gets tossed away by Milo of course just to make me chuckle. We continue on as Milo's paranoia continues to worsen. Milo wipes the glass of the tank for no apparent reason; then it's a jump cut through the pipes, and it ends with Milo going into...wait for it...Mr. Sticklers office. Milo proclaims that Mr. Stickler will not believe this; and his doesn't....but he really does as we cue the ominous music and get a zoom in shot of the actual movie. Okay; I get that one and it's pretty funny. See; Mr. Stickler has had things stolen from the parasite and there's only one weakness as he gets the remote control and turns on the conveniently placed television set as we head back to the lab as the second scientist explains that air forces the parasites to leave their hosts. Yeah; too professional because that makes TOO much sense. Mr. Stickler tells him to come closer and pull his spike. Milo no sells and Mr. Stickler claims that he won't graphically fart in his face. Okay; he didn't say that, but it's implied. So Milo pulls the spike and the trap door opens slowly as we do a long sequence heading right to the window which so happens to be part of the model scuba man with the treasure chest in front of the school. Which makes no sense since they would have to go up about a foot in a hook shape to make that spot work.
Anyhow; Stickler proclaims that he does it to get away from Nurse Fishington. I betcha we will get a Kirby's Epic Yarn shot of her before this one is over. Sadly; it doesn't happen as the rubber ducky is the button to drain the tank as Stickler gives Dinosaur Boy the right to count down and Milo counts down from 50. He gets to 39 before Stickler smashes his face against the rubber ducky as I can hear Ernie getting his lawyers on speed dial as we speak. Needless to say; we rumble outside as the cheer leading squad (with Clamantha on top natch) screw up somewhat by not screwing up on cue. Then we see the model pop the cork and we drain the tank. All hell breaks loose as Headphone Joe gets stuck in the drain and is drained out and we'll probably never see him again until the Economy of Character Syndrome takes over. Everyone splashes out of the school as Jumbo Shrimp stays in his desk playing with a radio atmosphere device. Whatever sir. Albert smashes against the glass and the green color leaves him as he gasps for water and flops down off-screen. Stickler proclaims that the parasite is dead (death reference #1) as Milo cheers. Then in a gaping logic break we somehow see Bea and Oscar float up to the window demanding answers to this outrage (Oscar invokes death reference #2). Dammit; I knew there was a fatal flaw to this episode somehow. Milo tells them not to panic and not to thank him as Stickler proclaims it's time to cork it up and move on to third period as the model blocks the drain and sprays water on the fish. Huh? I thought the finish would involve Stickler NOT having the foresight to install a water hose and thus Milo is screwed that it ends up being all just a dream. Oh damn; and this episode was chugging along so well.
So we head back to the couch as Milo proclaims that this is how he ended up being the hero of this story the end. Huh? So this was a BS story from Milo all along? It must be because Bea and Oscar are nicely not buying it. Bea proclaims that Milo is barred from watching any more B-Movies disguised as Z-Grade Movies. Or maybe just scary movies. Same thing basically. So Oscar has an alternative movie in mind: Rainbow Pony Picnic Land 2 (Take one guess which cartoon they are inspired here.). Milo is giddy as the goofs proclaim that there is nothing scary about ponies and they laugh it up.....for about ten seconds as two Z-Grade rainbow ponies zoom in and do B effects on Oscar and Bea's head and they are turned into pony zombies as Milo notices it and screams badly. Okay; that was a neat subtle joke by new Disney standards. We zoom into Milo's mouth and that is that at 10:36. Dumb; but still good enough for a laugh. The finish was stupid and the movie thing wasn't as convincing as it should have been. ** 3/4 (55%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Legend of the Earth Troll was a really good episode overall as for the most part it made sense and the whole Milo recycling gig was really funny to watch. Plus; I'm glad they finally found a way to write Bea in. Like It's A Wonderful Leaf; the episode was very comical and it was great for ten minutes; and then they blew it with forced pathos that did not work and used a character that no one cared about (the fake trolls were funnier than the real one) and Ozzy Osborne sounded terrible in his forced speech which I think Milo got with Oscar. Like I said before; it worked with Jolly Molly Christmas because the writers played it subtle and you were supposed to guess who provided the miracle in the end; plus the whole episode was buildup toward the killer finish with a character that people could have sympathy for in Molly Cunningham. Milo doesn't have that and is too comical to pull off. Plus; there was no guesswork here as we saw the troll. Overall; a fairly good episode and certainly no where near the embarrassment of watching Quack Pack.
Parasite Fright is one of those episode that could have honestly been better if they did just a few things differently. Overall; the episode was very good and Milo's selling was top notch. Plus; I liked the Clamantha tossing spots, Oscar's attempt to comment on Bea's looks while the blow horn was blaring and Albert Glass as an alien was pretty cool. However; the biggest problem was that the finish didn't make sense. I mean; there's Bea and Oscar floating on air for no reason which broke internal logic. Then they just refilled the tank which contradicted the point of the episode which was to make Milo realize how incredibly stupid he was in believing in a Z-Grade movie. What should have happened is what happens in Z-Grade movies: Have Stickler forget the garden hose and have Milo wake up realizing that it's all just a bad dream thus justifying Bea and Oscar to bar Milo from watching scary movies. It would have also helped if the Z-Grade movie was a lot less professional and had all the trademarks of a bad Z-Grade movie as I saw only a few in evidence sadly. So; the effect wasn't as profound as it could be. Overall; it was a solid episode, but those elements I mentioned would have made this another great Milo Moment. So that ends my ranting on anything until Mid June and my first one back will be the Fathers Day special: Ducktales: Treasure Of The Lost Lamp movie. Then I'll rant on Fish Hooks (starting with Pamela Hamster Returns), Kick Buttowski (if there are any episodes to rant on) and Gummi Bears.
Thumbs in the middle for Legend of the Earth Troll and thumbs in the middle for Parasite Fright and I'll see you all next time.