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Fish Hooks
Milo's Big Idea/Mascotastrophe Rant
Reviewed: 07/01/2011
Now All Milo Moments Cannot Always Be Good, Can't They?
HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYBODAY! So we continue on the aimless Season one of Fish Hooks as Milo has a big idea which Randy Pincherson actually steals. Why is he doing it and how does he know what Milo is doing? And is it revenge for Milo not throwing an awesome party? Our next Canada Day special short is all about Oscar and Milo basically redoing a plot sequence from Waiders Of The Wost Tweasure. Oh goody; Milo can just be himself in this outfit. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Milo's Big Idea is written and storyboards are done by Neil Graf. The story is done by Jacqueline Buscarino and directed by William Reiss and C.H. Greenblatt. Mascotastrophe is written and storyboards are done by Carl "Dillweed" Faruolo. The story is written by Justin "Fish Suicide" Roiland and Jacqueline "Spongeguard" Buscarino. The short is directed by C.H. "Can I Have a Second Opinion?" Greenblatt and William "Resses Pieces" Reiss. Yeah; my sarcasm meter is up to 11, so shoot me. Oh; and Rob "Narf" Paulsen is back doing two voices. All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
Milo's Big Idea: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Rainbow Wigs. Okay; now we are pushing it guys) as Bud is lifting two barking dogs as weights. Whatever sir. So we head to Milo's living room and a shot of the television as some thug has a makeshift gun. FINALLY; an actual gun has been discovered in the new Disney. They finally threw as a bone here. Although the thug seriously needs to reconsider dying his mohawk purple. Big fashion faux pas there guys. Sadly; it shoots red lasers though as Milo loves his giant screen television as he sits in the loveseat; but it's giving him a bad case of sunken eye syndrome. The heat is hurting him; so he rings the dinner bell calling for Oscar and his drinks. He also said please too; what a guy. Sadly; Oscar seems above such manners because there is no selling from him. Milo assumes that Oscar went out. Nah; he probably went downstairs to blog; or to the bathroom to escape via the toilet. One or the other; same thing basically.
Milo decides to get it himself and does the short arm move which never works. If he's watching a DVD; just push stop on the remote Milo. Then you can walk to the fridge and get the drink. It's simple enough; so make like Nike and do it. Milo then claims that he prepared for this; with his backup fridge which magically appears out of nowhere. Sadly; he forgot to park it NEXT to him instead of IN FRONT of the television. I know Milo is lazy; but this is stupid even by Milo's low standards. So he floats and pushes the fridge about six inches before returning to his seat and trying again. So Milo is a hypocrite, lazy and stupid. He might as well by Sara Palin's son. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm....Or not. And we REPEAT THE SPOT. Oh god Milo; not you too! Milo finally ponders it over and then grabs the fridge and puts it on his head. He opens the fridge and gets his juice which is grape flavored. So now BS&P has eliminated all carbonated soft drinks from the record. But the violent bumps and bodily fuild jokes still remain.
Milo calls this a hotdog as now he's stealing promos from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. And then I'm proven wrong again as Oscar and Bea enter the house through the door. So we have finally pulled the trigger on the Oscar/Bea date; or is this just another silly tease as usual? Then we do the most absurd secret handshake in the new Disney as we find out that it's a dance number. Yeap; it's still a tease. Oscar then floats over and notices the fridge on his head. Milo proclaims that it's his new invention: The Fridge Hat. Good enough I guess. Milo guzzles some more grape juice as Oscar is confused; so Milo magically creates two more fridge hats and puts them on Bea and Oscar's noggins. See; Milo explains the whole point of the invention in case the blind, deaf and dumb part of the fanbase doesn't get the obvious here. Bea proves that she is one of them as Milo wants them to try it out. So Oscar and Bea open their fridges and out comes one box of juice. They take it out and drink in stereo; and they love the invention in stereo. Bea asks how he got two extra fridges and Milo proclaims that he got so excited that he made 100 of them piled OUT OF NOWHERE. Oh; it's going to be one of those nonsensial episodes isn't it?
Oscar points out the obvious to us (lazy to the fridge; but excellent worker anyway) as Bea thinks a glue gun and something else will be perfect for her. Milo asks if they want to be in the fridge hat business and the two best friends forever (no, not really) want to sign up. Milo proclaims that it's time to sell these puppies as we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we head inside the hallway as Oscar and Milo put the finishing touches on their new booth. All the fridge hats are in boxes as Bea appears (complete with glorified shot of her ass) as she's ready to sell some fridge hats. Bea orders everyone into position as Oscar takes care of finances, Milo gets all excited and Bea handles the hard work. Geez; Milo is so lazy, he forget to say excitety which is his normal catchphrase. Oh; and the fridge hats they are wearing look like penguins which is ironic considering that penguins love to eat fish.
Oscar proclaims that Milo has an idea that helps everyone instead of hurting them. Bea shows off the fridge hats with her Z Grade Salespitch of Doom as all the fish not known...except for Koi Fish appear from the hallway. Bea's salespitch is so bad; it might as well come from Kick Buttowski doing a salespitch on the "Museum of Awesome". In other words; it's not awesome. Just like That 70's Guy. However; Oscar hears a noise and we see on a far shot to the football field with a booth called The Better Fridge Hat. There is a bigger crowd complete with Bo Gregory, Fimberly, Shellsea and Steve Jackson in the front as we zoom into a close up of the stage and if you cannot guess who stole Milo's big idea; you have no business reading this rant. Yeap; it's Randy Pincherson with a blue teddy bear fridge hat. Randy's salespitch is not much better than Bea's by the way which in karma terms means that Randy and Bea must marry each other. WHACK! OUCH! Ummmm...
I mean Randy isn't even trying to hide the fact that he stole it from Milo; the only difference is that it's the blue bear design. And I betcha that's the excuse he will use to justify it being an original idea HE made. Jocktopus hates warm juice and I cannot disagree with that. Milo float in and calls Randy out for trademark infridgement...ERRR... I mean infringement. I sometimes get those two confused. Randy counters with the note paper which indicates that Randy got the idea beforehand via an note that he gave to Milo on the idea. One problem: Since WHEN did Randy ever give a crap about Milo? Unless it was to gain some money from him and to pinch him. Bea actually defends Milo with her usual Grade Z pissed off mode; but Shellsea rightfully blows her off. Milo gets booed off the stage of course as Milo blows Randy off and Randy sezs his full name and floats away. Yeah; that'll convince me that you didn't steal the idea; sure Randy. The GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE float away absolutely pissed off as Oscar even want to commit violence on Randy. Of course you do since Randy wants to steal your true love. SMACK! POW! OUCH! Ummmm..... So Milo has a plan which is to come out with an even better idea.
Scene changer as we head back to the football field as Bea (still with the penguin fridge hat on) has stolen Randy Pincherson's stage! Yeah; that'll convince everyone that Randy STOLE your idea Milo. NOT! Bea introduces something great as Clamantha finally gets her contracted line in. The curtain opens and it's a fridge hat with a cute top hat on top. Oooooooooo. Riiiiiggggghhhhhtttttt. And everyone likes it as Fimberly gets her contracted line in along with Coach Richard Salmons. I see Steve Jackson has made another appearance and man; he looks like the smartes fish out there this time. And that is not saying much. Salmon throws his fridge hat down and breaks it and Albert Glass has his money out; but the truck honks and in comes Randy Pincherson selling a Better Fridge Hat with a top hat and mustache with eye glass piece on top. You know something; maybe if Randy wants to prove that Milo idea is dead maybe invent something that is actually USEFUL....Say; an ice depenser. Or even a bottle opener; or even a pop can tab lifter. This is the equalivant of pissing by putting lipstick on a pig. Now I've gone from liking Milo's product to not giving a damn about either one of them selling it. I'll walk up to my fridge thank you. Real smooth moves guys. Needless to say; the fish student all turn on Milo's product and decide to buy Randy's product. Jumbo Shrimp gets his contracted line in as Randy twinkletoes to the goofs and blows them off for having the same product; but selling nothing.
Milo demands answers to this outrage as even Bea wants to know how he knew. Randy feigns igorance of course and gets all kissy-kissy with Bea as he knows all about copyright law. And then in probably the best Oscar moment ever: He goes absolutely beserk and scratches Randy Pincherson~! GOOD FOR YOU OSCAR! He deserved that after trying to pinch you in Two Clams In Love. Oscar gets pumped up; but the parrot rings the damn bell before it can get really violent. So close new Disney; so close and yet so far. Time for class; say full name and float away like a little coward. Oscar tries to get all his hair back on his head after pulling it out as Milo proclaims that they need to find out how Randy knows all about this. Milo has a Krackpotkin plan: strap a video camera on his noggin. So we logically lead to Randy's house as he is watching television and enjoying it. Milo is at the door adjusting his camera. Geez Milo; the camera is in plain sight. You seriously think Randy Pincherson is going to fall for this crap? Bea and Oscar sadly think so as they are watching from Oscar's room. Randy opens the door to greet and if he falls for this then Randy can be safely written off as a good character. Considering Randy's tone of greet; it's clear that he isn't falling for it, so there is hope for Randy Pincherson. Milo claims that his car broke down and asks if he can come in and Randy sells it. Oh dammit Randy! We head into the water pipe as Randy asks Milo if he wants to see how the Fridge Hat Ultra is made. I guess How It's Made hasn't contacted him yet; and probably never will.
So we head to the factory as we get the Clam Cheerleading Squad version of How It's Made from Randy Pincherson as he also shows his illegal alligator which seems to be in the tank for no other reason...Oh wait; Randy has set Milo up and he's pretending to allow Milo in because he's not fooled. So let's not write him off just yet. Milo seems very confused. He then pinches Milo's mouth and tells him to choose his words very carefully and demands answers on why he is here. Milo stammers and then Randy pinches the screen and Milo finally asks him if he stole the idea for the Fridge Hat and Randy....confesses?! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Milo is surprised and Bea and Oscar slap skin as Milo stammers some more and floats away stage left as Randy just lets him go. The alligator jumps up and wants to play a board game with Randy. Okay; now how dumb is that? This better be a setup I'm not aware of....
So we head back to Milo's house as the goofs sit in front of the giant ass television screen and turn it on and it's a puppet show? Yeap; Randy set them all up as he hacked into the feed (thus proving that he's a thief and a hacker) as Randy gives the screen the KISS OF DEATH for Bea and then we get the clam flourish and the screen goes to test pattern. Milo gleefully calls Randy a meanie as he sulks down to his room and gets on his computer to blog much to the surprise of Bea and Oscar. Bea looks at the screen and we find out that he has a website facebook page for his own fridge hat and it only has one follower which is Randy Pincherson. Yeah folks; Milo trusted Randy so much that he basically gave the invention away to him. Milo drops on his ass as he sulks about his fridge hat causing problems as it's stuck to his head and it rips the hair off. Oscar then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and figures that the fridges are defective. Wait; didn't Bea say to put superglue on them? So; otherwise; the fridges aren't defective due to the fridge hat being used after prolonged use; it's the glue. Yeah; it's the copout finish as Bea wants Milo to write one more blog entry as Hairless Milo goes over and starts blogging.
So we head back to the water pipe as Randy is watching television and he hears a beep as he twinkletoes over to his computer and sees the screen with Milo saying that this is his brightest idea yet. Randy proclaims that there is MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Sure there is Randy; it's the people wants their MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH back from you. So we scene change to the football field as Randy has apparently stolen the stage back from Milo as the crowd cheers for Randy as Randy takes the stage. Randy calls his invention incredible as Bea, Oscar and Milo float in wearing hooded sweaters and the SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. He then shows off the Fridge Hat Mini; only half the size as he wants then to take their hats off. I think you can guess what happens next when everyone takes the Fridge Hats off. One of the children gets on stage and pulls Randy's Fridge Hat off revealing his naked head. The GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE laugh at that one. Sure; it was Bea's idea to use glue and of course Randy takes all the blame. Why? I think we all know why; right Nightflight.
We get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE HAIRLESS FISH EDITION~! Sadly; Randy is cut off by the Six Clam Cheerleading squad as Clamantha (I think) sounds like an actual teenage girls' voice. For goodness sakes Alex Hirsh; why not use THAT voice instead of the usual granny voice you use for her. He gets buried in a clam tomb and we fade to black. We return as hairless Bea and middle pattern balding Oscar join Milo as Milo calls it his own ripoff. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So Milo brings out the Rainbow Wigs of Afro Love and puts it on his head. Yeah; they actually paid off the sign here despite the next one not being paid off correctly. Yeah; I did this one after Mascotastrophe; so shoot me. The children all buy it hook, line and sinker. After all; they need some hair after all. The goofs do the jackhammered Rainbow Fros as someone sings Afros in the background. Whatever guys. That ends the short at 10:20 approx. Not one of the good Milo Moments at all. * 3/4 (35%).
Mascotastrophe: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Weather Maps) as Bud is smelling something and he does the old basketball trick with the trash can. Man; that throw defies all logic and sense I should point out. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and inside the gym as we have basketball playing. Except it's like street hoops as it's only three on three. On one side; we have Bea, Fimberly and Koi Fish for the Freshwater Fish Hookers...POW! OUCH! Ummm....I mean; Fish Hooks. On the other side we have Gecko #1, Gecko #2 and Gecko #3 lead by their team's head coach. All of them are wearing fishbowls on their heads because they are floating and they are air breathing creatures. That's right folks; the babyface Geckos are back and they want revenge and/or death. I believe the head coach wants both since his team got hosed by Milo in Underwater Boy. So Gecko #1 throws the ball right into Koi's face; which bounces from the ref, Bea and Fimberly and defies gravity and reason swishing into the basket. We get a shot of the scoreboard as it's 100-98 in favor of the Geckoes. Wait; no timer? I don't get this fish logic at all. Plus; isn't bouncing the basketball off someone's head a foul or something? I know bouncing the basketball off their legs is completely legal in the NBA and a good way to fool them into getting an obvious turnover; but in the face?
Fimberly is not liking this as Bea claps to get the team psyched up and so Gecko #1 roars rather nicely to counter that. Koi and Fimberly hide from each other as Bea grabs the ball and dribbles it calling for Koi because she's their best player. So Bea dribbles to mid court and gets blocked by Gecko #1; but Bea passes it to Fimberly and it's gets bounced off her face (well; it's female on female contact so it's all okay according to BS&P) and it goes into Koi's hands as she dribbles to mid court with Bea yelling for her to shoot. Koi shoots from mid court and Gecko #1 jumps up and blocks it like a volleyball as it bounces out of bounds. As the late Gorilla Monsoon would say: Bea telegraphed that one from across the ring. So we get a sequence of Koi Fish trying to shoot and getting blocked again by Gecko #2 (which shows that they are Webby-equse females complete with Gedo bows); Koi Fish getting blasted in the face with a basketball again, and again sliding like she's on hockey ice and then she does the teeth chatter spot complete with Hanna Barbara teeth chattering sound effect and...you guessed it. Bea calls for timeout while making it look like she's serving a technical foul and the announcer (pink fish with white shirt) announces that the Fish Hooks have called their final timeout.
The announcer is voiced by Chris Parnell and according to the USIMDB: Born and raised in Memphis, Tennessee, Chris Parnell enrolled at Germantown High School where he took drama and auditioned for every play. In 1985, when he was a senior at Germantown, he was voted "Most Talented" by his classmates. Right after graduating high school, Chris attended North Carolina School of Arts in Winston-Salem, where he received his BFA in Drama. He later performed with the Berkshire Theatre in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, and the Alley Theater in Houston, Texas. Afterwards Chris moved back to Tennessee and taught acting, film, and video at his own Germantown High School. He became bored, however, with teaching and moved to Los Angeles. Once in LA, he got a job at FAO Schwartz in Beverly Center, where he eventually became Operations Manager. During that time, Chris began taking classes at The Groundlings Main Company, where many "Saturday Night Live" (1975) cast members are discovered. Fate would have it that talent scouts from "Saturday Night Live" (1975) saw him and asked him to fly to New York for an audition. Completely surprised by his chances, he took the offer. To his amazement soon after he joined "Saturday Night Live" (1975) and became a featured player in the 1998-99 season. Parnell has since performed many impressions as NBC News' Tom Brokaw, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, Tom Hanks, Senator John McCain, and Eminem. Parnell has also appeared as a member of "Saturday Night Live" (1975)'s resident boy band "Seven Degrees Celsius," but his biggest claim to fame on the show was when he performed an unforgettable hardcore gansta rap fantasizing about a dream date with Britney Spears on Weekend Update. He spends most of his summers in L.A. where he owns his own car and apartment. He started with Shooting Lily in 1996 as Phone Company Salesman. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. He has 66 credits to his resume; not including 22 archive and 17 self credits. 30 Rock, Mad Love, Archer and Funny Or Die Presents are his most recent credits.
Since all three Gecko players are voiced by new actors for rant purposes; I might as well get those voices out of the way now. Glasses Wearing Gecko is voiced by Greg Ellis and according to the USIMDB: Born in England, Greg is an experienced theater actor whose West End credits include the role of Rusty in the original cast of Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's New Starlight Express, directed by Trevor Nunn; the alternate Chris in the original cast of Miss. Saigon, directed by Nicholas Hytner; Out of the Blue, directed by David Gilmore and Bugsy Malone, directed by Mickey Dolenz of Monkees fame. Greg's US television credits include series regular, recurring and guest starring roles on shows including CSI: Las Vegas, The X-Files, Jake in Progress, Bones, Reno 911, We're With The Band, Star Trek: DS-9, Brimstone, The Division, Even Stevens and on the BBC, Bread, The Paradise Club and Brush Strokes. Greg has also be seen in the motion picture arena with roles in 20th Century Fox's Titanic, the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie starrer, Mr. And Mrs. Smith, and can also be seen in To End All Wars starring Robert Carlyle and Kiefer Sutherland and Red Roses & Petrol with Malcolm McDowell. However, Greg's talents don't stop there. An accomplished singer/songwriter, Ellis has performed for H.R.H Queen Elizabeth at Saint Paul's Cathedral. As well as performing on many album soundtracks, his recordings can be heard extensively throughout Europe where he has achieved 3 Top 20 singles. Most recently Greg teamed up with 80's pop icon Nick Heyward from the band Haircut 100 and together they have recorded an album entitled Open Sesame Seed. Greg can be heard in cinemas later this year as Harry Hold in Lions Gate's Foodfight with Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff and Eva Longoria, Shrek in Meet the Spartans and is also the voice of the loveable Nigel the ferret in Fox's Garfield 2. In addition, Greg's vocal dexterity can also be heard on numerous animated cartoon series including Scooby Doo, Bratz, Boondocks, Heavy Gear, Jackie Chan Adventures, Angry Beavers, Grim & Evil, Teen Titans, The Wild Thornberries, The Fairly Odd Parents, Ben 10, Atom, Invader Zim and The Mummy. He was also the voice of Hasbro's Action Man and is the voice of the Eagle comics super hero Dan Dare - Pilot of the Future in the animated series. He started his career with Madame Sousatzka in 1988 as Tarek. Phineas & Ferb as Jameson is his DTVA debut. He has 147 titles to his resume, including one writing credit. Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides as Groves is his most recent credit.
Blue Rope Bow wearing Gecko is voiced by Jay Flats who started with a cameo in Boston Public as Belmont Hill Wrestler #2 in 2001. He then proceeded to mostly cameos and unusual movies like Pee Stains And Other Disasters, Beast, Driving To ZigZigLand and the Vampire's Dance. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. Greeting and Cream Soda videos are his most recent non Disney credits. He has 15 titles to his resume. He also was the producer of Greetings and did a stand in for Jay Mohr (!!) in Lonely Street in 2009. The Yellow Bow Wearing Gecko is voiced by Rob Paulsen by the way. Weird thing is that all three voice actors are male while the characters are clearly female. VOICE ACTING SEXISM RULEZ~! The head coach is voiced by the same guy who did the role in Underwater Boy.
So we go into the huddle as Koi wants to give up; but Bea won't let her and wishes that their awesome mascot was here as we go to the far shot of the entire basketball court as the announcer announces that the Freshwater Color Guard is here as the door opens and three fish with flag come in and pratfall on their faces. Whatever. Doctor Frog boos them on THAT one. When F'N Deranged Kermit has another sense to boo the obvious unfunny spot; you know this short is sucking. So the announcer finally announces the Fighting Fish Hooks' Mascot for real as we cut to a green door as Milo is wearing the ass part of the suit as he notices that the crowd is popping for them. Milo proclaims that he doesn't think they can keep this a secret for long. Oscar (the brains of the operation of course) blows him off as Milo counters that they do all work while the team gets all the glory. Sure Milo; whatever you say. Milo wants some street cred and does his usual squeaking face as Oscar blows that off. See; if anyone find out that he's on stage then he'll get stage fright and won't be able to perform again. Geez Oscar; what the hell is wrong with you? I mean you do a good job out there already. See their eyes are like +2 Elven Daggers. I think Oscar's role playing games are making him scared and he seriously needs to ditch them for a while.
Milo looks out the door and call this all not fair as Oscar grabs and yells at him to promise to keep it a secret between him, Oscar and Bea. Milo agrees reluctantly as we cut back to the Color Guard as the crickets chirping sound effect is in play. Ummm; you may want to check on the fish who did the pratfall guy. He might be....I don't know....dead or something. Thankfully; the doors slam open; using the power of suggestion to wake up the pratfall guard and everyone else in a flash and here comes the "mascot that was inspired by Baloo and Airplane Jane horse costume in Waiders of the Wost Tweasure". Oh and the mascot has a worm attached to it. If it talks; it's the same voice as the Gecko head coach. Everyone pops for that one. Best one goes to Deranged Kermit of course who does the mid air wiggle. And now we do the Fish Twist of Doom with spotlights. Here's the obvious problem: Everyone is too stupid to notice that we can clearly see Milo's fins on the floor. D'OH! Everyone gets their contracted lines in starting with Jumbo Shrimp who is sitting with his pouch as Albert Glass plays the “Roo”. Bea calls it perfect timing. Koi passes the ball to Bea as she proclaims that they NEVER lose with their lucky mascot. The Gecko coach is not amused; that sounds like my Grade five teacher on a bad day too. More dancing and then the mascot bounces off it's own head. Thank goodness for Oscar's hair for deflecting the damage away; or Oscar's brains would have been scrambled on that spot.
The mascot throws confetti as we see Dan & Ann Chovie blowing in mid air. And Oscar pulls a baby's cheeks on cue. Then the Color Guard runs in and the middle flag bearer pratfalls again on his face. Sadly; we don't get Deranged Kermit booing him again as the Gecko Head Coach curses the mascot. The Color Guard scatters away from the court as Bea gets her shot lined up. Ummm; guys, you aren't supposed to continue the game until the mascot gets the hell out of bounds. He can stay on the floor as long as he gets out of bounds and stays THERE. Anyhow; Blue Rope Wearing Gecko finally talks and it's clear that it's a man's voice. Oh man; you are telling me that the Geckos are bi-sexual or transgender; or both? Nothing wrong with that; but the voices aren't even trying to sound like a female. I hope there isn't a cheap cheating angle going on here. The mascot taunts him which would be fine if he did that OUT OF BOUNDS with the Geckos swinging and missing with his tail. It's the old ass wiggle by the way. Yellow Bow Gecko talks as well and she's has a much more defined male voice. So Bea throws the ball and whacks it with her fins. WHAT THE HELL?! According to NBA and FIBA rules (FAIRY GODPARENTS!): That's a football violation and a turnover. And wouldn't you know it, it bounces off the backboard and swishes into the net. And of course it's the winning three point shot as the crowd pops for it. What a bunch of cheaters these Fighting Fish Hookers are. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... I mean; Fighting Fish Hooks. Oh; and it's so intentional; Bea should also be ejected from the game. Celebration and confetti abound.
So we cut to floor level with the head coach as he cannot stand that mascot. He should be pissing on the referee for about five violations of DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) in that last shot. The purple glasses gecko speaks and her voice is male. He wants to kidnap the mascot but the head coach blows it off because they don't know who it is. The head coach declares his usual revenge on the three girls as Koi and Fimberly throw Bea into the air in celebration. See; the championship has gone to it's final game. So Bea floats over to the mascot and winks at it while ribbing it. The crowd goes all ooooo on that one. Something tells me that was not a smart move. The dancing mascot goes all hyper as Milo has that look on his eyes that spells "I want my Milo Moment #2986" and he dances so hard and proclaims that he cannot be denied any longer and Milo's head tears through the ass. Milo proclaims that he is the hiney. Real subtle Milo; real subtle. The crowd notices Milo and Shellsea gets her contracted line in. In a major surprise; we see Clamantha beside her; but she doesn't speak. Milo pushes out of the mascot and runs to the girl players yelling that he's the mascot. Thankfully; Oscar is still in the mascot suit and thus no one know who he is. The stupid thing about this is that Milo's fins were showing the entire time and no one took NOTICE of that?
The crowd chants who is the head as well as Clamantha despite not hearing her voice at all. What's Alex Hirsh doing? Taking a smoke break or something? Oscar tries to run away stage left; but the suit slows him down just enough for the prat falling color guard to pratfall right on the back of the suit and Oscar pops out and is so BUSTED~! I would have more sympathy for Oscar if Milo had just stayed out of bounds during the game. Oscar slides out with the popped head and the crowd still pops for him. Well; at least they aren't laughing at him. Milo hugs Oscar like a teddy bear as he floats up to the middle of the court literally and the crowd still pops loudly for the two. Oscar's face tells the whole story. Oscar screams badly and pops from Milo's arms and runs out of the court....and then the crowd pops him. Well; except for Deranged Kermit and that was only because he forgot his cue on the color guard's second pratfall. At least I believe that was the case.
Anyhow; we cut to the bleachers as somehow the Gecko head coach was watching on and calls him a number jerk as he falls below the bleacher seats as he is beside Hugh Edminston. We cut to the outside hallway as Milo hears Oscar sobbing badly in the locker room across the hallway. Milo opens the door and tries to console Oscar; but no dice as Oscar blows him off calling him selfish again. Why? Milo did it for the fans; not for himself. You are clearly projecting Oscar. And it's not like Milo wasn't blowing his cover already with the fins. Anyhow; Oscar decides to quit being Milo's head as Milo gets his hiney ass joke again. Oscar at least sulks this time as he walks out and tells Milo that he's the mascot alone from here on out. What a scarey cat this Oscar fellow is?! No one was laughing at him; they were CHEERING him; just like they were cheering him when he was INSIDE the mascot.
Milo doesn't want to be a hiney as Oscar storms out of Freshwater High looking somewhat pissed off as Milo follows him pleading for mercy. Oscar turns around wanting to blow off Milo; but the lobster trap captures him as Milo is SHOCKED and HORRIFIED (in that order). Well; at least NOW Oscar has a justification to HATE Milo for exposing him; but that still makes Oscar a coward. The trap rises up and it's the Gecko Head Coach who has kidnapped Oscar! Well; it's nice to know that kidnapping is still allowed in the new Disney. Gecko Head Coach runs away stage left with such glee that I need to sucker punch him after this short is over. Not because he did anything wrong; but for being such a dick. Milo realizes the huge downsize to this as Oscar is being taken away and so.....
We head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we get the shot of the banner for the final basketball game. We head inside with the announcer as this is the last chance for Freshwater to cheat.....ERRR....win and they need all the help they can get. The announcer asks where the hell the mascot is (which is almost word for word with what I say here. Guess which word was changed.) as we cut to the Planters Pot School of Death with multiple flies and a desk lamp. And a cactus as we head down underground to the water cave below and we see Milo climbing up from the shoreline and he puts mud on his cheeks. It's now time to practice the fine art of not being seen. I see Milo has been playing Metal Gear Solid behind Bea and Oscar's back. Or watching old Rambo tapes. Same thing basically. We then see two Geckos talking to each other (Greg Ellis and Rob Paulsen) and they want to eat Oscar after the finals are over. Nice and classy guys as Milo blows up a blue balloon and attaches it to his ass.
We hear a male teacher's voice ringing a bell and discover that the green gecko with a black dress, a kilt and red hair is female as well (Chris Parnell). Is there some kind of joke I'm not getting here? She's the head master Gecko teacher by the way as the Gecko run up the steps to class. Milo walks up and the headmaster wants him to halt. Milo squeaks his tail and that's enough for the master to praise his backpack. Everyone is so stupid for some reason here as Milo sneaks in the school as the master still rings the bell. I know the adults in the new Disney are dense; but come on! That's way too obvious guys. Milo scatters to a back wall as the giant ass Gecko with a sailor hat stomps in and doesn't suspect a thing. Milo calls it the hall monitor.
Anyhow; we cut to the head mistress as she has Oscar in her paws as she proclaims that the team will lose their spirits and Freshwater will lose the game. I see this as a fair trade actually since Bea cheated on the last second shot. Oscar calls her a monster. What a rotten homophobe this Oscar fellow is?! The mistress throws him into the OUT OF NOWHERE fishbowl which has television and a couch. This falls under the "you cannot only not torture kids; they must be kept comfortable at all times" rule as set in Quack Pack with Dewey in I.O.U. A U.F.O. You know how that show scarred me for life when I can remember that one after watching it only once. At least Oscar doesn't have the munchies like Dewey does. Oh; and there's Wi-Fi too; but it's all dial up as Oscar screams right on cue. HAHA! Geez; Wi-Fi is slower than wireless broadband already and to add it as dial up? That's REAL torture for a dork like Oscar. We cut to Milo finding the jail cell door as he rings the bell. Now how dumb do you have to be to install a DOOR BELL on a cell door? The mistress of course falls for it thinking it's the veggie pizza she ordered for him (Oscar's a vegan? I didn't know that.) as she goes to the door and Milo shoves her into the hallway proclaiming that one of her students is skipping class and he's the hall monitor of course. Well; both technically are in this case. The mistress tells Woga (WHAT THE HELL WERE THE WRITERS SMOKING?) to calm down; but the giant ass lizard with the sailor hat refuses to sell and growls bitterly.
So we cut to Oscar playing video games as Milo notices Oscar in the fishbowls and blows off the Geckos for being savages. HA! Milo admits that he was wrong in trying to give Oscar fame and fortune by blowing their cover during the last game. He is sorry for not taking his feelings into consideration. Oh please Milo; I commend you for trying to be the responsible one here; but Oscar seriously is the one who should grow a thicker skin. Come to think about it; this plot device was something I considered for a Teddy Ruxpin/Kit Cloudkicker crossover fanfic at some point during my writing career. Oscar keeps going and going as he wants Milo to do "the thing" and Milo doesn't like it at all. However; since he needs Oscar to forgive him; he does "the thing". OH MY GOD! HAVE MERCY ON US ALL! I'm not calling the "baby legs" gig at all. It sort of speaks for itself. And it's still classier than Gunther's full nudity in Kickin Genes. Be afraid old Disney fans; be very afraid. Oscar finally accepts the apology; but is still scared since everyone knows it's him. Milo proclaims that if they unite nothing can stop them. So Oscar is on top of the fish bowl now as Milo ponders an escape; so the head mistress runs in as she's being chased by the giant ass lizard with a sailor hat and they break through both walls. If only the Kool-Aid man wasn't copyrighted; since that would be the perfect time for him to appear to crack a joke. Milo thinks this works for him.
So we head back to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and the basketball court as the Geckos are naturally kicking Freshwater's ass. No, not really as the Geckoes lead 116-115. See; this is where the BS&P fingerprints are best shown: If the mascot is the reason why Freshwater wins their games; then why not show the score being a rout since both teams are females? (or at least in gender despite having male voices) And yet in Underwater Boy; the boys team was getting routed before Milo came in for the save. Why not show them in a close game for the same reason? My head hurts in this insect politics. Seriously it does. I'm sure the blog Black Run America would have a field day with conspiracy theories on this one too. We cut to Koi showing grave concern as Bea wonders where Oscar and Milo are; and the yellow bow Gecko sort of blows the cover and Bea gets on her case about it. Thankfully; the Gecko just licks her lips in slow motion as Koi and Bea call that disgusting. Riiiiiggggghhhhttttt Bea. Your soft core porn acting skills are disgusting. Then we hear Oscar's voice and Oscar IS HERE as the announcer addresses him as being naked. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER YOU DISGUSTING ANNOUNCER~!
Oscar rightfully blows him off and has his part of the costume. The geckos want Oscar kidnapped again; but another container bonks off the head (Riiiigggghhhttt! A paper container bonks like a can. Sure guys.) as Milo is on the other side with his ass part of the costume on. He asks if Oscar is ready as the crowd pops for Oscar and Oscar is dumbfounded at what to do. Milo states that they are cheering him because they know he can do it and that's enough for Oscar to be confident, grow the thicker skin and put on the costume. Now; THAT is the right booking decision, bad spots be damned. The two goof brothers jump up in slow motion as one of the geckos tries to grab them; but no dice as the two combine and explode with the same effects as Clamantha exploding in Fish Sleepover Party. Whatever guys.
Everyone is in awe as we get the turn around in midair in slow motion. Oh; and their arms are showing. Everyone pops loudly for that of course. The gecko cannot stand the LIGHT OF SPIRIT and I swear that they better not be in the same room as Gosalyn Mallard; or the spirit would make them explode like Clamantha for good. Bea orders Koi to take the shot and Koi does complete with martial arts zoom in...and naturally it goes in easily for the final three as the Fish Hookers...POW! OUCH! Ummm...I mean Fish Hooks win 116-115 to clinch the championship; which should be overruled by the Bud Olympic Committee due to the semi final game ending with the football violation by Bea. At least that is how I would write the ending; as a sort of twist. But that would render Bea weak and we cannot have that can't we. Halifax Rainmen; I now feel your pain.
Gecko cannot believe this is happening to him; and I cannot disagree with him. The teammates all bounce the mascot into the air along with Piranha, Steve Jackson and Hugh Edminston. The gecko team curses them and they'll get their revenge. Something tells me the sports committee for high schools in this world are corrupt. The head coach threatens that they will be back next year as both swim away due north. We cut to the mascot goofs as they wrap up the brains and hiney. And finally the worms speaks just as I predicted claiming that he's the brains of the operation. Oscar gleefully answers that one for me and we fade to black. Oh and the worm's name is Larry which the credit writers conveniently forgot as usual. That ends the short at 10:20 approx. Good finish, okay ending, okay beginning and bad middle. And let's not speak of the infernal "baby legs" sequence ever again. ** 1/2 (50%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; Milo's Big Idea was a pretty useless short and it only served to make Milo look stupid and Randy look more annoying than he already was. The storyline was solid enough and at least Randy was smart enough not to be dumb; but the whole finish and pay off made no sense. It was Bea's fault for having the things super glued in the first place (as mentioned in her earlier dialog about the Fridge Hat. Now the whole thing was about trademark law (not copyright law since that only applies to people not selling the product and it has limits. Trademark law is what you are looking for Randy and that has zero time limit.) which means nothing since there is no evidence Randy nor Milo applied for a trademark to begin with. So the whole thing was an exercise in pointlessness. Plus; I didn't care about the Hat Fridge (even the mini version) since neither of them made them better by adding useful things to it. It was all about mustaches and top hats. So a good job invention turned into a bad demographics invention. It does make a good dig on Disney's marketing from 1984-present I should point out. The Clam Cheerleading Squad was out of nowhere and the ending was cute; but dumb as per usual for Milo. Overall; a pretty bad short which is sad since it kills Milo's creditability as a character.
Another middle of the road episode for Mascotastrophe which is pretty disappointing to say the least. I really didn't buy that the fish were stupid enough not to notice Milo's fins nor Oscar's arms were clearly shown when they were in the mascot and the whole "Milo is selfish" thing doesn't work out here because it was clear Milo was doing it for the fans and not for himself. It clearly showed even more when the crowd popped for Oscar the moment Oscar's cover was blown. This rendered Oscar as a weak willed thin skinned dork. I also didn't buy his forgiveness either. When you ask Milo to do such a horrible sequence in order to be forgiven; he isn't forgiving him. Oh and once again; the writers did not do the research on basketball since in any other universe; Bea's three point shot at the buzzer wouldn't count on the count that she committed a football violation; and that the mascot was seen in bounds on the court several times annoying the Geckos. The rest of the short was all right and the finish was the right one and done the right way. At least Koi Fish won the final game fair and square despite not meaning anything due to Bea's cheating in the last game at the beginning of the short. And what is the point of giving male voices to the female geckos? I don't get it. It's not like they are butch girls or anything. They dressed up at stereotypical girls. So; overall a middling short. Next up is two more shorts Diary of A Lost Fish and the return of Randy Pincherson; then it's Good Morning Freshwater. After that; I hope this is the end of Season One with the full 22 minute episode; We Got Fish Spirit. So....
Thumbs down for Milo's Big Idea and thumbs in the middle for Mascotastrophe and I'll see you all next time.