Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The web master has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the web master and no one else. The web master has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Fish Hooks
We've Got Fish Spirit Rant
Reviewed: 07/12/2011
It's Fish Butterbear VS. Fish Hoppo In The Ultimate Dumbing Down!
Okay; this is officially not the last episode of Season one of Fish Hooks (BOO!); there is currently at least one more as the season finale will be a spoof of High School Musicial is being planned for release in September (YAY!). So let's get down to the first 22 minute episode of Fish Hooks as it's Oscar having to save Clamantha's ass.....AGAIN! So; let's rant on shall we...?
This episode was written and storyboards are done by Derek Evanick and Diana Lafyatis. The story was done by Meghan McCarthy and directed by William Reiss and C.H. Greenblatt. Meghan has only wrote three other shows: Foster's Home For Imaginery Friends, Class of 3000 and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Pom Poms) as Bud cheerleads and does the splits and rips his shorts. Whatever. We head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and to the guidance counselors room headed by Ms. Lips who looks like an orange female squid with pink lips of course. And a spotted dress. Ms. Lips is voiced by Jennifer Coolidge and according to the USIMDB: She was born on August 28, 1961, in Boston, Massachusetts, USA. Her father, Paul Coolidge, was a plastics manufacturer. Young Coolidge was dreaming of becoming a singer. She attended Norwell High School and Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts, and earned her bachelor's degree in theatre in 1985. She moved to New York and joined the Gotham City improv group. Then, she headed to Los Angeles where she became a long-running member of "The Groundlings" comedy troupe. Coolidge made her television debut in a guest role on NBC's "Seinfeld" (1990), playing a voluptuous masseuse who won't offer her professional services to boyfriend Jerry in a 1993 episode. The following year, she had a regular gig on ABC's short-lived sketch series "She TV" (1994), then briefly became a cast member and writer on another short-lived sketch comedy series, Fox's "Saturday Night Special" (1996) produced by Roseanne. Coolidge made her big screen debut as a nurse in Not of This Earth (1997), then in the courtroom comedy Trial and Error (1997). Then, she appeared in small roles in several more feature films, and also continued her television work. Coolidge had her breakthrough role in American Pie (1999), as a boozed-up and sultry mom who seduces her son's classmate with the comment that she liked her scotch and men the same way: aged 18 years. She recreated the character in the sequel American Pie 2 (2001). Then, she reprized her role as "Paulette" opposite Reese Witherspoon in the "Legally Blonde" franchise. Although, she lost the part of "Lynette Scavo" on "Desperate Housewives" (2004) to Felicity Huffman, Coolidge graced several TV comedies as well, with major guest appearances on "Frasier" (1993) and "Sex and the City" (1998). Then, she landed a recurring role in the NBC sitcom "Joey" (2004), as "Bobbie Morgenstern", Joey's agent, appearing in 37 episodes over two seasons. Eventually, Coolidge emerged as a versatile character actress with her no-holds-barred approach to comedy and her vanity-free comfort with playing uninhibited, unappealing characters, and delivering lines with sexual innuendo. Her talent shines in a range of characters, from a gold-digging dog owner in Best in Show (2000), to a scheming wife of an elderly mogul in Down to Earth (2001), to an opportunistic mother in American Dreamz (2006). Coolidge's gift for altering her appearance and manner, as well as her mastery of timing, shines in her perfectly hideous performance as "Fiona", a wicked stepmother in A Cinderella Story (2004) opposite Hilary Duff, for which Coolidge won a 2005 Teen Choice Award. Her lasting collaboration with director Christopher Guest continues in For Your Consideration (2006). She began in 1993 on Seinfeld and She TV plus was the stupid girl in Bucket of Blood. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. She has 80 titles to her resume. Austenland and American Reunion (Take one guess who she plays) for 2012. She also wrote two episodes of Saturday Night Special in 1996.
Ms. Lips is currently at her desk talking to Jocktopus about not punching with their fists; but with their words. Geez; didn't she get the memo about boxing? Jocktopus leaves without saying a word as Ms. Lips calls in the next student as she looks into her MIRROR OF VANITY which is purple with a star. Don't ask me why I care; I just notice these things. We get a close up of her adjusting her bow and looking sad as Oscar clears his throat to annoy me and the mirror is lowered to reveal Oscar looking like a complete tool with that big ass candy cane bow tie. Memo to Oscar: Ms. Lips is way too informal to be pulling off that crap. Case in point: She confuses Jocktopus's rage issues with Oscar's college chances. Although with that bow tie; Oscar does have ISSUES madam. Ms. Lips shows that her papers have issues as she throws one away; we get a cat's meow and shattered glass. With just paper? Riiiiggghhhtttt. She clears off the desk in such an informal way as she wants Oscar's transcripts; so Oscar takes them out of his briefcase since he made a copy of his own. Ms. Lips is only slightly less clueless than Doctor Frog and almost as deranged as Deranged Kermit. Oscar relates an early bird promo and Ms. Lips hasn't heard of it before. I see the selective hearing part of her brain is fully functioning I see. She goes through the transcripts and she's impressed by the A's and Oscar chimes in on having perfect attendance. I find that hard to believe due to some of the injuries this fish suffered as late as Diary Of A Lost Fish. Great attendance I might buy though. See; Oscar did this to get into a perfect college and a perfect future saying it in such a way that indicates the obvious dream sequence is about to grace our presence....and damn it to hell if I'm not right.
We head to the stage as a green fish in uniform is presenting Oscar wearing graduation gear which involves the bluest suit allowable by the FASHION POLICE OF LAW (a very long time since I said that in a rant) his diploma as the crowd gives him a tiny pop. Wow; even in Oscar's dreams; he cannot get the pop he so desires. We go into the crowd as the crowd actually gets their cue to pop louder and we see Bea in a wedding dress and flowers in between Bo Gregory (the first one she dated in Doris Flores Gorgeous) and Razor Von Doom (The one who saved Oscar in The Dark Side of Fish). Nice attention to detail there guys. Bea wants to marry Oscar; and Milo has won the lottery so he will never have to mooch off of Oscar again. I put 2:1 odds of the marriage happening within the next year and 10:1 odds on Milo winning the lottery at anytime in his life. Oscar's beaming smile is priceless as we return to reality (no, not really) and Ms. Lips channels Inspector Gadget and slaps three stickers into Oscar's hair. Oscar asks Ms. Lips about getting into the perfect college and she teases a yes and then admits that he won't. Of course he won't Ms. Lips (who is not related to Lips Almighty in anyway.) because then the episode would be over in three minutes. Did I just say.....Oh forget it. Oscar panics right on cue as Ms. Lips explains that the perfect college wants well-rounded students who engage in excellent grades and outside events such as clubs as Ms. Lips slaps another blue star sticker right on Oscar's forehead as Oscar asks about not being in a club. Ms. Lips responds by saying that he can always be in a mediocre state like she was since she turned out fine...and then we get a closeup of her ugly mug. Nice try guys; but she still plays on the beautiful stereotype no matter how close up you are. Get over your attempts to hide your sexism you vainglorious losers. That of course is enough for Oscar to run out of the office into the hallway with a FPS shot. Whatever.
Scene changer and we are in the hallway as Oscar, Bea and Milo exchange notes on the situation. The goofs want him to pretend and Oscar blows it off because he needs a written letter from a club captain that proves he went there. Bea proclaims that there are millions of clubs (no, not really. However; Bea is the master of hyperbole and not into obvious details like honesty and accuracy) as we head to the BBS OF DOOM which is named the club board. Lucky for Oscar; it's not the board where Jocktopus lists his next victims to pound on. Although if such a board exists; Oscar will have many years to wait until Jocktopus stops pounding on Albert Glass; his number one target. Milo suggests club #1 which is the "aquaculture" club (farm club; I cannot spell today) so we segue into a room where Bo Gregory (What a shock?) demonstrates the task of milking a cow as the Chovie twins are hanging on the udders of a CGI cow. Memo to moral guardians: Once you have been on a farm (like I visit my Grandparents way back when my grandfather was a farmer and a school bus driver); this is not shocking. You have a huge issue with sex and need to seek help. The Chovie Twins have fun; Oscar gets repulsed so we head back to the board as Bea offers the Map Club. So we head to a school room as Albert Glass is at the desk looking at maps with Jumbo Shrimp. One of the maps is a 1:1 scale (Riiiiggghhhhtttt Jumbo Shrimp. It clearly looks like the same size map as the one Albert was looking at.) as Oscar tries to walk in; but Bea stops him because the Map Club is so lame. WHAT?! You're the one who suggested it Bea! Oh wait; if Oscar joins then the episode is over in less than five minutes; and we cannot have that.
Back to the club board as Milo suggests the tennis club as we segue to Oscar getting whacked with about 100 tennis balls in the noggin. Bea suggests the chess club and he gets whacked with about 100 chess board pieces. I wouldn't be surprised if it was BEA who did that one since chess is SO lame too. There is also the anime club, French club (I'm guessing this is Hugh Edminston's club), Salsa club (Salmon/Baldwin duet anyone? And why not show these? You got 21 minutes to kill; why not built these ones up so Oscar can be knocked down to the last one which we know is going to be the cheer leading club since Clamantha is the focus character here according to the previews), the Hug club, Scuba Club (the most pointless club EVERAH~!), book club, break-fish club, and so on as Oscar is entombed in papers, junk and a CGI fruit hat just as Oscar pops from the carnage. Bea proclaims that she couldn't find any clubs for him ; but it's not hopeless yet. The BBS falls down and Oscar is totally framed so to speak as then we hear glass shattering and it's STONE COLD, STONE COLD, STONE COLD...Oh wait; wrong show as we see Clamantha in the gym circling an orange haired clam and they butt heads and slightly sell. Oh goody; the crappy voice champ is back from Two Clams In Love. Bea asks Clamantha what is going on and Milo asks why there are two of them and the other clams blows her off. Holy crap! Her voice sounds a million times better already. Clamantha introduces her arch nemesis from high school Clamanda. Wait; so Clamantha transferred to Freshwater?
Clamanda is voiced by Busy Phillips who started with Mindy in Saving Grace in 1999 and then Karen Carter in The Smokers in 2000. She was Kim Kelly in Freaks And Geeks, Audrey Liddel in Dawson's Creek, Denise Johnson in Love, Inc., Laurie Keller in Cougar Town and Doctor Hope Bobeck in ER. She also played the role of Kelli Ann in the move He's Just Not Into You. Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go is her DTVA debut believe it or not. She has 35 credits to her resume. The Reef: High Tide is her most recent credit. She also did story for the movie Blades of Glory in 2007. Anyhow; Clamanda proclaims that she is the champion of cheerleading at Clamness High School. Oh; and Clamanda calls Clamantha a troll. Well; she has a point since troll often stalk their desires. BONK! OUCH! Ummmmm.....Clamantha claims Clamanda stole the team from her as we go to the FLASH FLASHBACK OF DOOM (real drole guys. NOT!) as we head to the gym as Clamantha is leading the cheer with the other clams. Clamanda walks in and asks if they want Clamantha to remain leader and if so to raise their hands. The clams no sell because they don't know what a hand is. Clamantha screams badly (what did you expect from a sucky voice?) as we return to reality (no, not really). Clamanda tells her to get over and Clamantha projects and we have a clam brawl to waste some more time. Clamanda cannot wait for the All School Cheeroff and she's taking first place while Clamantha blows her off because she's getting a millionth place. So there are one million cheer leading teams in this event? That's awfully gutesy for Freshwater since Clamantha proclaims her team is going to win. Clamanda proclaims that she will embarrass herself and floats north.
Clamantha then proclaims that she is right since her team disappeared mysteriously....So we logically see the flashback as the entire cheer leading squad is doing well for itself and then gets scooped away by Bud's Green Fish tank net stick. How convenient eh? I betcha it was those damned Geckoes again wanting revenge from Bea's cheating in Mascotastrophe. Oh; and the cheer off is this week and she bites Oscar's head since she wants consoling. Oscar trips and pratfalls of course. Well; at least she didn't cry like a 1950's Daisy Duck this time. Clamantha proclaims that she needs a rag-tag group of students to cheer off so she at least has a fighting chance against Clamanda. Milo realizes that the cheer leading squad is a legit club and therefore Oscar could join it and get into the perfect college. Sadly; Milo's ADD acts up as he see Mr. Baldwin with a balloon and swims away stage left before he can complete his argument. Actually; Mr. Baldwin eating a balloon would be funny to see. And the balloon bursts off-screen of course as Bea tells Oscar that cheerleading is his last option. Oscar sulks and decides to join after all. Clamantha's reaction is as predictable as this episode. Oscar offers the paper to sign; but Clamantha eats the paper because she's not going to be taken advantage of. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Clamantha? Clamantha offers to sign the paper as long as Oscar helps her beat Clamantha. Oscar ponders this over....Wait; shouldn't he be doing all this BEFORE he decides to join in? Wouldn't THAT make more sense?
Oscar finally decides to join for real as Clamantha proclaims that two is a couple; but not enough for a cheer leading squad. So Bea takes out her cellphone and calls Shellsea as she is in her room with Fimberly, Escarmargot and Koi Fish having the message train. HAHA! Finally; an actual funny spot seven and a half minutes in. This is going to be a long episode; I just know it. Bea tells them to meet her on the football field in an hour as they are cheerleader now and she hangs up before Shellsea can respond. And Clamanda is somehow rude? Oh; and Milo is joining too as Milo's face is priceless with the broken red balloon. He's got the breast nipple grin I see as Oscar is not impressed. But he still cheers anyway for Oscar's college future. Then recoils and it's for Clamantha too as she cheers in a much more crappy fashion than the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE combined. No wonder she cannot beat Clamanda. That actually ends the segment right there at 7:37. Not a good start to this one.
After the commercial break; we return to the football field as we see everyone but Clamantha in cheerleading gear (which is MONEY with Milo most of all). Milo is doing pushups (and a lot better than he did in Big Fish) as he is enjoying this since he loves tights. HAHA! Then he rolls like a cannonball and nearly knocks over the girls in the process. Bea floats over waving goodbye to Milo as she tells Oscar to relax. She will get Oscar through this; but Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass walk in telling her that she can't. See; club policy indicates that you cannot be in two clubs at the same time. See; Bea is in the map club and Bea doesn't recall signing for it. However; Albert claims that she did as we logically head to the flashback in the hallway at the map club booth as Bea walks in as Albert shows Bea the clipboard and before he can say anything; Bea signs on the dotted line anyway. Yeah; we are supposed to believe that Bea is so blind and dumb that she would sign up without looking into it. At least that explains why Bea hates the map club. We return to reality (no, not really) as Bea claims that she thought they wanted his autograph. Even dumber is that had Bea just allowed Oscar to be in the map club; Oscar would have gotten exactly what he wanted in more ways than one. Then again; the episode would be over in six minutes. That is why idiot plots will always exist; because in reality if they didn't the episode would be over before it even begins. Bea wants to quit; but Jumbo Shrimp no sells because you cannot QUIT map club so she gets a compass (which he stole from Kit's grave I see) and the other kind of compass (also stolen from same grave) and a goofy purple/white leather jacket. She get pulled away as Bea proclaims that she'll find a way around this. Seriously; I hope she doesn't. We don't need stupid subplots in this episode.
Oscar groans on cue as Clamantha appears OUT OF NOWHERE with her easel (which she stole from Kick in For The Love of Gunther) and a pencil in her mouth. She proclaims that the key to beating the Saint Clamness School of Clams (I prefer that one anyway) is to do the formation known as the Cheeramid. A good name for such a generic cheer leading spot. I see Milo and Fimberly are on bottom which is fitting for some reason. Koi Fish is on top (not really; but close enough) while Shellsea, Esgormargot, Bea (!!!) and Oscar are the middle of the fish sandwich. Nerd stereotype, soft corn porn star stereotype, walking female stereotype and ill stereotype. The middle class in other words. Oh; and despite the fact that Bea has left; someone forgot to tell Clamantha that because Bea is on the map club team now; she should be erased already. Thankfully Oscar points out the problem and Clamantha scratches Bea from the picture and calls for the girls to get ready. So Milo is so ready that he grabs Filmberly and tells her to raise the roof as they put their fins in the air. Oscar groans as he struggles to get on Milo's and Fimberly's fins as Clamantha bounces around cheer leading and doing nothing of note otherwise. Then Esgormargot and Shellsea get on and manage to keep their balance. Then Koi Fish gets the Ren & Stimpy cringe spot by MURDERING Fimberly's mouth and braces. And then she manages to get up and stand on Oscar's head. Oscar should count his lucky stars that the curly hair deflected most of the damage. So Clamantha finally decides to bounce up and smacks Koi Fish right in the kisser and they all take a tumble. Shellsea is the only one who sells it and she does a piss poor job of it. Clamantha is upside down wondering what the hell went wrong.
Shellsea calls this seriously lame (strong words coming from an obvious female walking stereotype) and she leaves with the girls to check out the yearbook and mock boys who aren't in her comfort zone. Milo proclaims that college may just not be in Oscar's future and it echoes in Oscar's mind as we REPEAT THE DREAM SEQUENCE from the beginning of the episode; except that he's not accepted and everyone boos him out of the building as Bea marries an English teacher and Milo proclaims that they are out of toilet paper again showing an empty roll. Oscar is in deep pain as we return to reality (no, not really) and pleads that they can make this work as the girls somehow have teleport back. Wow; the power of Oscar screaming can warp anyone back against their will. Who knew. Oscar goes over to Clamantha and tells her that he might not have the athletic skills; but he does have organizational skills. He has a plan to stablize the Cheeramid and Clamantha gives him her blessing of course while trying to seduce him. Geez; what a shock that is? Clamantha spits out a notepad and pencil (Wow; she has the same properties as Eleroo now) and Oscar goes to work as Shellsea wants a burger and in a shock or all shocks; Milo kicks Fimberly in the face and she gets knocked out! Wow; didn't see that one coming at all. What's this law that forbids males kicking females butt on Disney programming? Because if there was; Milo just violated it. Oscar sketches and he thinks he's got it as Milo steals the notepad to take a look at it. And now he's pissed off because he's not in the Cheeramid and demands that Oscar fix it. He has a point there Oscar; it was Clamantha/Koi Fish that did most of the damage; not Milo. Oscar proclaims that it's supposed to be like that. Milo is pissed off and I AGREE with Milo on this one. Sadly; Milo is so irrational that he fails to point out the rational argument which was Clamantha should not be in the Cheeramid since she knocked it over.
Oscar does have a job for Milo to do as he gives him a pair of pom poms and he will lead the cheer leading squad into the building. Okay; that is a perfectly reasonable way to weasel Milo out of the Cheeramid. Milo hugs Oscar for it and bounces out stage left. Oscar asks for the girls to try again and they all sell poorly; so Oscar gets sharp and wants to hear some noise and the girls all sell better. Hey; an actual spot where a man orders a woman to do something. I thought that was banned in Disney. Doesn't this just show how shallow the echo chamber is at The Acorn Cafe? Even more so with Nightflight? Clamantha yells and Milo outdoes everyone complete with stomping fins in the stands. Heh. Oscar counts on cue and the Koi Fish is now on bottom with Esgormargot, Shellsea and Fimberly in the middle as Oscar gets up counting on Fimberly's head and she must be wearing some kind of shell hardening cream to no sell the fins of Oscar. Then Oscar calls for Clamantha to aim for right above his face. Clamantha proclaims whatever he said and bounces and Oscar grabs her on the rebound and they manage to stabilize the Cheeramid with some effort. Next time Oscar; tell her to aim just above your curly hair; or get stuck in your curly hair. Same thing basically. It's not like the spot is not a running gag anyway. Milo cheers in the stands and outclasses everyone in Freshwater High. On second thought; why not just enter Milo in the contest by himself? He could kick Clamanda's cheer leading in the ass easily with that butt bouncing. Oscar is amazed that he did it; so Clamantha ruins the victory by proclaiming that they have 72 more routines left and Oscar is SHOCKED and APPALLED as they tumble to the ground off-screen.
And yes folks; we need to do a freaking subplot with Bea (since we cannot bury Bea for being stupid see. That would be sexist) as we head to the map club room as Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass are laughing at some silly map. Bea floats in and proclaims that she has done a terrible thing as she has hidden all the maps. Like I'm buying her Z-Grade soft porn acting skills here as Albert Glass and Jumbo Shrimp actually forgive her instead of kicking her out because she's part of the family see. HAHA! Nice to see that the males have grown a freaking brain here. Jumbo Shrimp wants to turn this into a quest in search of the Lost Maps of Bea. HAHA! They hold hands and giggle. Bea is not amused; so she draws on a paper of a map and shows them the map to find the other maps. Albert and Jumbo Shrimp proclaim that they are ready for the quest and so much for growing the brain as we segue back to the gym as Clamantha bounces again and we get the Teddy Ruxpin montage of cheer leading. Lots of exercise routines and bad singing ensue. Cute spot of Oscar at home on his computer looking for cheer leading on the Fish Search Engine. Fimberly falls and loses a tooth in the process. Trust me; this is the close we will get of actual realism in this series, so might as well enjoy what realism we can get out of it. More cheerl eading spots as the song ends and the fish all cheer with Esgormargot slimes the basketball court when dancing with Fimberly of course. Clamantha and Milo join in as she proclaims that the Cheer Off is coming and that ends the segment at 14:02. Well; we are improving at least thanks to the fact that they built up the thing nicely. But I could live without Bea though.
After the Youtube and commercial break (I know this since the G rating box is still on) as we head to the Cheer Off inside of a giant cage as the geckos and the hamsters have put their differences aside to cheer for the deaths of the clams and fish. Oh; at least I hope that was the case. We head to the blue stage as there is a huge acid trip like giant screen in the back that plays screen savers. I see someone was watching WWA. Oh; and the host of the Cheer Off is none other than Coach Salmons. Wait; this is taking place out of water right? So why is the host a fish? We get a closeup of Coach Salmons wearing a green suit and bow tie with a Gedo yellow shirt which is completely out of character for Salmons in general. And Salmons has the microphone and sings basically outclassing Hoppo in every sense of the word. Maybe Bumblelion had a point of doing the Spongebob Trick of turning on the engines to drown out Hoppo's singing after all. Or maybe not. POW! OUCH! Ummm....So we have birds, hamsters, geckos and a monkey team. The snakes and raccoons as Salmons proclaims that it's all right with him. Whatever; you're singing is much more amusing then the teams themselves. We finally cut to the Freshwater team with Clamantha as we do the eye washing machine spot (you know what that involves) as Clamantha has waited a long time of practicing for and they will do great. Then we hear Clamanda's voice as she leads her cheer leading squad of clams (with different colored hair which runs the anime color gauntlet.) as Clamanda mocks the team as per her contract. We exchange mockeries and Clamantha cannot do that one properly. Clamantha is hot and wants to MURDER Clamanda; but Oscar grabs her to stop that. The Freshwater teams bails stage left as Clamanda gets one more taunt in for good measure.
So we cut back to Salmons proclaiming that the Cheer Off shall now commence as the kid hamsters cannot spell to save their life with the letter cards. And speaking of not making sense: The CGI Animals cheer and Ms. Lips is leading them. Huh? Does that kill the CONTINUITY the writers were shooting for here? Whatever. We cut to the judge table as we have a gerbil, snake and a raccoon presiding. Oh; this is totally fair. NOT! Anyhow; Coach Salmon introduces the first act which is the Geckoes team and we do a disco techno Teddy Ruxpin song of doom as we see the cheers from The Geckoes, The Raccoons, The Parrot Formation, the Turtle Slowdown, and sadly; the Raccoon team sucks more than Freshwater did when Milo was part of the Cheeramid. Sadly; the birds screw up; the monkeys screech with the pom poms (making them the third place team by proxy); the judges are not amused by it all. We cut to the seats as Clamantha proclaims that the monkeys are pretty good. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Anyhow; Oscar wants to strech since they are up soon and Clamantha gets the educational line of the episode. Then she decides to jump off the chair and she lands with a crack on her clam fin funny bone which wasn't too funny. To her of course. To us; it was hilarious. HAHA! BOINK! OUCH! Ummmmm..... She calls it her clamankle which he claims she twisted; but the sound effect clearly revealed that it was broken. The cheer leading squad is SHOCKED and APPALLED and HORRIFIED by this. Milo screams badly on cue as Oscar asks if she can put any weight on the thing and tries to; but she breaks more bones in the Clamankle and screams. She does sound better when she screams actually.
Oscar is in panic mode as we cut back to Coach Salmons and it's the Hamsterwood Fuzzy Hamster Warriors as the hamsters are on stage with their hamster balls. They dance perfectly as Shellsea is not exactly impressed with this as Esgormargot waxes about obstacles and wants to quit before embarrassing herself. Clamantha takes her side and wants to forfeit as everyone is upset beyond belief. Strangely; no mockery from Clamanda at all here as Clamantha spits out the paper and she signs Oscar the letter he needs to attend the perfect college. Oscar thanks her for it and is giddy as he is about to leave; but stops. Uh Oh! You just knew that they couldn't end the episode with Oscar being selfish and leaving now couldn't we? Milo's sobbing is downright hilarious I should note. Oscar looks up and gives the speech of his lifetime as he worked too hard to quit now; and sure he did this to get into college; but he caught something called spirit...not the ick as Esgormargot claims. Oscar offers to take the top of the cheer as Shellsea asks who will take his spot and we tease that it's going to be Milo in dramatic fashion. And then my spirits get crushed as it's Bea arriving in her cheer leading outfit. OH MY GOD NO! NO! NO! NO! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! You PC writers can go to HELL for all I care! Milo was PERFECT and didn't cause trouble with the Cheeramid. Let Bea run interference with Albert Glass and fail; but she has ZERO business being a cheerleader here. I don't care if it's sexist for me to say that. Milo saving the cheer leading squad is MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Oscar same thing. Bea is opposite of money. You want the damn money don't you new Disney? You had a perfect way to do it; and you let some feminist group screw you in the head? Screw this bull crap! And this episode was really starting to get into a groove too.
Oh; and let's not forget that Bea did cheer leading in a play once and claims to have this. Whatever Bea; you ruined the damn episode like you always do. The hamsters complete their routine and they are clearly in first place now. So Salmons introduces the Freshwater Fighting Fish Hookers....POW! OUCH! Ummm..I mean Fighting Fish Hooks as Oscar wants to try to do this and so we go on stage and you must be nuts if you think I'm going to call this. And we get the Teddy Ruxpin song in the background to further annoy me. Oh; and it's a remix version of the opening theme song in case you didn't notice. Milo is cheering on the sidelines while Clamantha is on crutches which go OUT OF NOWHERE and go the same place. Oh; and they nail the Cheeramid perfectly as Oscar grabs a pearl that Clamantha spits out. Well; that pretty much sucks the air right out of the episode. I seriously wanted to see Milo do this just for laughs. The crowd pops loudly for that one and the judges love it too. Don't get me wrong; this was mighty impressive for drama; but again, it denies a Milo Moment that I would prefer seeing rather than Bea sucking the meat missile with gusto. The gang all float over as Oscar is relieved that he didn't barf. Well; that makes you a bigger man than I am; because I threw up in my mouth a little. Mostly due to Bea's involvement; but still.
Of course there is still one more team left as it's the Saint Clamess School of Clams as they enter on stage and we get a male rap song? In the new Disney? Seriously guys; not a good idea here and this basically gives away the winner in advance too, as if the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT didn't do so already. Wait; a fire hoop? Isn't that a serious fire code violation there guys? If it was to show that Kit was a wuss in Stormy Weather; they have failed badly. Spitting pearls ensue and then it's the jackhammered background with the clams looking like a clam version of Pac-man. They then tell the audience in formation to look under their seats. Huh? And they check to see that it's money. Wait; isn't that the most obvious form of bribery in history or what? Final formation is really good though as the fireworks blare. Okay; I have the Hamsterwood in third (****), Freshwater in second (**** 1/2 in spite of Bea's involvement) and Saint Clamess in first (**** 3/4) according to my technical score card although I question the dollar bill spot near the end of the routine. The crowd and judges pop as Clamanda soaks in the cheers as usual. Coach Salmons proclaims that it was the greatest routine his eyes have ever seen. I cannot argue with that logic at all Coach.
So the gecko judge (okay; he wasn't a snake) has the score card in his mouth and he twinkle toes in and gives it to Coach Salmons. Salmon reads it and the winner of the event is the Saint Clamness School of Clams as a hamster judge provides Clamanda with the small trophy as Clamanda mocks Clamantha again. The Freshwater School doesn't give a crap in the world as they have lots of pep to do an encore as Oscar is smoking. I cannot argue with that either. Clamanda blows them off because she's mocking them. Salmons then realizes that he has one more trophy left to give because it's bigger and more important than the one for most technically sound event. This one is for the most spirited routine of the event and if you cannot guess who wins this then you have no business reading this rant....Damn; I'm so good. Clamanda cannot believe it as the big ass trophy is lowered down and the Freshwater cheering squad cheers for victory.
I know, know; this means that winning the event doesn't mean anything; but in reality, Freshwater did win the event outright. Remember the context of a cheer leading squad is to pump the spirit of the players who play the game. While Clamanda's team did in fact put on the best performance; it didn't have half of the spirit of Freshwater. It was clearly apparent when they attempted to bribe the audience with money 3/4's of the way through the routine. In other words; as predictable as it sounds, Freshwater won the event in the correct context since Clamanda only cared about technical stuff and not giving spirit to the audience which is the whole point of being a cheerleader. See how obvious it is when you point out the context of something and how it makes this not a cop out finish. It's the right booking decision. Everyone pops including Ms. Lips who whacks some hamsters for fun. Clamanda bounces in and teases thinking about smashing the trophy and Clamantha's shell; but settles for mocking Clamantha as the cheerleading squad gleefully ignores her. She actually tries to smash the trophy with her head; but no dice as her friends have to pull her away out of the building before she does any more damage to her brain. Clamanda proclaims that it's not over yet as the crowd cheers anyway. We cut back to Oscar and Clamantha as Oscar thought it was a lot bit fun of cheer leading as Clamantha wants some kissy-kissy stuff and Oscar panics and runs away like a scalded fish stage left. Clamantha chases him (on crutches mind you) as Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass enter and everyone cheers and that ends the episode at 22:00 approx. Started off slow; but once Bea was out of the picture, it was really good, good finish, good ending and a great routine in spite of Bea's involvement. Sadly; this will NOT end Season One of Fish Hooks though. The High School Music spoof in September will though. *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; it wasn't the smooth epic I think the new Disney wanted; but it wasn't the epic disaster that the old Disney fans were expecting either. It turned out to be a really good Goof Troop-equse episode for the most part and the faces went over; so I really don't have much to say overall about the positives because the writers did write in a good finish and ending (nice to see that they finally got the smash the trophy bit down in spite of Clamanda's failure to succeed in that.). Oh and Clamanda didn't offend me one bit; so I'm a happy ranter on that front. I still would have not booked Bea to be part of the Cheeramid because they had been teasing Milo to replace Clamantha the whole time and I felt like it was a cheap cop out to please BS&P. It's not like they didn't book Bea out in Underwater Boy; so why not give Bea a subplot that doesn't connect and let us enjoy a good Milo Moment because those always seem to work more often than not anyway. The beginning felt kind of flat as they spent too much time with the routines at the end and not enough funny on the clubs Oscar was trying to get in to justify Oscar's ultimate decision to join cheer leading with Clamantha. At least the Clamantha/Clamanda fight was amusing; but changing two letters is not the most witty way to go either. Overall; a middling episode, but better than what could have happened.
So I will no longer be ranting on Fish Hooks until at least September as I made it clear that I want to return to the old Disney shows and start my work on the second half of the Gummi Bears episodes; beginning with The Magnificat Seven Gummies. I have had fun batting this yarn with Fish Hooks and the Vainglorious Bastard himself; but it's time to go back to shows that I grew up with. At least for the summer as there isn't anything new on the Fish Hooks front and finding Kick Buttowski episodes in English is a major chore. So......
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.