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Fish Hooks
Break Up, Shake Down/Just One Of The Fish Rant
Reviewed: 02/14/2012
Please Shake Down One Of The Bea's; Please!
Well; it's been a fun ride batting around with the new Disney ball of yarn the last couple of years; but until Disney releases DVD's of Fish Hooks and Kick Buttowski to at least allow me to review the rest of season two of each show which I know is not going to happen (even though these shows are supposed to be the future of Disney), it looks like I'm done with this. Unless I decide to try out Phineas & Ferb (which is much, much more over than these two shows anyway) which are available on DVD (albeit select episodes). So this rant will be the last one featuring Milo, Oscar and Bea; with Bea battling sexism...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... And we have our first focus episode with Piranha and Jocktopus breaking up and causing more havoc. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Break Up, Shake Down are written and storyboards done by Derek Evanick. The story is done by Tim McKeon, Meghan McCarthy, Nick Confalone and Neil Dusedau. The story is directed by William Reiss and C.H. Greenblatt. Just One Of The Fish is written and storyboarded by Ian Wasseluk. The story is done by Tim McKeon, Meghan McCarthy, Nick Confalone and Neil Dusedau. The story is directed by William Reiss and G.H. Greenblatt. All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
Break Up, Shake Down: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Doomed Romances ) as we see Bud in casual gear with roses and chocolates. Sadly; you know he's just a stinkin redneck since he keeps wearing the same hat. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH in the hallways with Clamantha. Clamantha proclaims it's Friday and Piranha busts out of her locker looking pissed off. Okay; that was different at least. She yells; she rips Bo Gregory's slimed homework in two (Yeap; another contracted line from Esgormargot; thus proving to be the Zipper of the new Disney) . The Chovie twins play with Fimberly's hair and they are all shoved by Piranha and Fimberly does her usual faceplant spot. Piranha wants to MURDER him and logic dicatates that it's usually Milo or Oscar in these situations. Stickler yells on the PA that a big ass eel is going to break through the wall and that's just what it does; except Piranha MURDERS it on cue. HA! So we see the TRIO OF GOOFS in the hallway as Bea is looking for her lip balm and finds it; only for Piranha to come in and eat it before storming off. So; Milo didn't screw her, nor Oscar. And then we see Jocktopus doing his usual bullying on the two usual suspects; Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass. He squishes their heads together and then screws them while laughing. So Piranha grabs both victims and stuffs them into the trashcan. Oookkkkaaaayyy; this is really serious now. Jocktopus complains and Piranha claims that Jocktopus forgot something. Jocktopus sniffs his armpits while being confused before claiming that it's Monday. Piranha agrees with him but in a sarcastic manner because Jocktopus forgot that today was their anniversery of something and everyone is shocked as Jocktopus was supposed to shower her with gifts. Now if they were 18 years old; then this would be suspenseful; but they are 15 years old here so we all know what Piranha is talking about. It cannot be marriage since that would imply that this they are a child couple. And there is that pesky informed consent thing to consider too. Jocktopus remembers that she is a girl (That's a no-no Jocktopus) and Piranha blows him off calling him a heart breaker and punches the locker which somehow destroys the wall showing Mr. Baldwin in his undershirt ironing his shirt. What's wrong with that moralists of the world? Oh wait; I know...In their world; a man ironing a shirt is considered the woman of the house and men cannot be women because that implies that the man is submitting. Never mind that Baldwin is single and thus he's already domaniant since he has no partner to dominate or be submissive to. Bigots! As usual. Makes Jocktopus look enlightened by comparison.
Jocktopus "apologizes" and wants to go eat or something. Piranha no sells the apology (it sounded so hallow in every way; but Jocktopus' brain is hallow so whatever) and we get the explosive jackhammer background before it happens and Piranha then in Power Puff Girls slow motion yells that she is breaking up. Metal clanging, black background, shocked Jocktopus closeups ensue and then Jocktopus spirals out of control. Whatever; Piranha has no heat; so why should I care since she has been a bit player at best throughout most of this crap. Piranha proclaims that it's goodbye forever and storms off stage left. Oscar proclaims that they can cancel the fourth of July because the fireworks just started and you can tell that wasn't funny because Oscar's laughing at it was crappy. No one sells what Oscar is promoting. So we head to the lunchroom with Piranha sighing at her table and crushing apple/strawberry sauce packs with her fist to sulk over. We cut to Bea and the girls with their lunch trays as Bea claims Piranha must be crushed. NO?! REALLY?! Bea wants to talk to her; but Shellsea no sells because it's Piranha and she's violent see. Bea realizes that; but she's still a girl and they want her to know that they feel her pain. I was hoping that would happen to Bea and Bea sobs like a baby...in bed. More crushing sauce packs from Piranha as the girls come over and Bea does her "charming" (as in Z-Grade acting) promo about feeling terrible about her situation and wants to help her. Piranha sells for about ten seconds and then crushes another sauce pack right in Fimberly's face (this proving that Fimberly is the Mepps/Mad Dog of the new Disney). See; she was this way for at least 20 minutes. I get that using the word "like 20 minutes" means "at least 20 minutes" now. You cannot fool me pop culture freaks! Shellsea wants to leave; but Bea stops her. Fimberly consoles Piranha as she relates a story about her feret named Cody who foresaked her since he was supposed to go to the dance. We get a closeup/blur effect to imply that they were going to flashback; but Piranha's snoring stops that one cold. HAHA! Fimberly: The cure for insomnia. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She wakes up and Bea tries to explain that this should be taken as a sign of a brand new chapter. Piranha agrees and she goes all FemiNazi on us as she calls boys scum. Even Shellsea is taken aback from this which is funny considering the new Disney's attitude towards boys. Bea tries to plead with her that this is going a bit too far; but Piranha wants it to be all about her and wants the girls by her side so that they never look at a rotton boy again. All the girls gasp on cue except for Koi Fish who grunts. Yeah; Bea's plan is dying before her very eyes.
Bea tries to reason with Piranha but the PUPPY EYES OF DOOM and classical cancer music of doom make it too hard to resist wanting to make Nightflight's wishes come completely true. And just to break logic; she meows as Bea can only gasp and that's enough for Piranha to flip the table and embrace her new slaves....ERRRR...I mean, posse. Shellsea doesn't like this at all which is funny considering that she's a walking female stereotype. Piranha's embrace is enough to force the girls out of the lunchroom as Oscar and Milo are at a table noticing them. Milo calls them great; because boys are different and do not deal with such things. Too bad this is one of those times where Milo will be eating those words. And here comes Jocktopus yelling like a maniac; which is a lot less frightening than I had expected. And he's crying as he runs in; grabs Milo and Oscar and goes to the water fountain and takes a drink. Wow; I would have expected him to grab Albert Glass and Jumbo Shrimp before Milo and Oscar. He runs into his behind the wall hideout and flings them onto a green chair and then takes a paperbag and throws Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass out of it onto the chair. Then he takes a green director chair and sits down and wants to talk. See; he is crushed that Piranha is gone and he doesn't feel like clubbering anyone; even noogies don't help him. Jocktopus the bully is gone forever as he sobs like a baby. Milo tries to console him (oh boy; that is asking for trouble far beyond the reach of death now Milo) as Jumbo Shrimp gives him a blanket and Albert Glass pours tea into the cups. The boys suggest an all boys day out to clear their head; which Oscar clearly uses to force himself not to pull the trigger on the Bea/Oscar relationship (I have spoilers on that major story in the Review Line by the way). So we hit the montage and we swing on swings and play in the playground which means the Teddy Ruxpin Song of Doom plays. It's basically a montage on the boys playing with Jocktopus and the girls playing with Piranha (which includes a spot at Burger Bunny). Mr. Cool Steve Jackson gets chased by Piranha and not in a good way I might add. We roll down the hill; spit spitwads at boys, play Twister (oooooo), and do Piranha makeovers. The boys are having a lot of fun; while the girls are not since Piranha is a real bully and Jocktopus is a misguided soul.
So we head into the hallway with the boys as Jocktopus is loving life now and quite frankly; I like playful Jocktopus now. Sure; he still bashes nerds around; but it's out of playfulness rather than the usual malice he's known for. Jocktopus walks around the corner and proclaims that he doesn't know why he's so sad about, and then he sees the horror...OH; THE HORROR...Of Prinaha extreme makeover. HAHA! See; the new Disney has found a way to make the girls look weak without hurting their mandate. Don't listen to that pesky Nightflight who his name sounds like a conspiracy theory. Shellsea is pissed off; everyone else looks unemotional. Jocktopus is in tears and panicking like crazy as he runs away. The boys gasp in horror and follow Jocktopus in kind. Shellsea blows it off because that is the fourth boy who hated that outfit and gets on Bea's case. Methinks Shellsea likes being a female stereotype. After all; that outfit breaks the stereotype see. We cut to the door of the bathroom and out comes Piranha after relieving herself. She wants some rice and beans as Bea stammers, stumbles and fumbles over her words to imply that she's feeling better and she wants to get some rest. Piranha accuses her of abadoning her and Bea blows that suggestion off; looking like she's guilty of wanting to abandon her just like that. Piranha threatens to rip someone's face off and Bea counters with putting Fimberly in front of her and Fimberly continues cutting her promo about her relationship with Cody again complete with closeup and blur effects. Piranha falls asleep and snores as Bea tells Fimberly to continue talking about the relationship.
So we head back to Jocktopus's hideout as Jocktopus is crying tears and ink in his green chair as all the kids minus Fimberly and Piranha of course are exchanging notes on the situation. Jocktopus sips more tea as Oscar wants a time machine to go back to the past and fix this up. Milo of course cuts a promo about ruining the past and causing robots to take over the fish world which Oscar gleefully counters. Bea has a Krackpotkin plan in mind and suggests that they do the next best thing which is to recreate Monday so Jocktopus can have a second chance to kiss and make up with Piranha. The problem with this is that this involves making Piranha look really stupid because so far she has not fallen for anyone's brass tactics. So we cut to an outside shot of the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as the Lobster Nephews float around outside in the foreground and we return to the hallway as Fimberly continues her sob story with Piranha in a classroom as Piranha is sleeping in a wagon. Fimberly puts an alarm clock down on the floor and bails stage right. Piranha smashes the alarm clock on cue and she is pissed off. She demands answers to this outrage and we see Bea in the hallway as we repeat the sequence at the beginning of the episode; only this time the acting is more Z-Grade than before. You know what happens next guys. The acting has Piranha all confused as Jumbo Shrimp plays the eel and Albert plays PA announcer allowing Jumbo Shrimp to bust through and get punched in the face by Piranha. On screen. No impact stars. She thinks that yesterday was just a dream and today is Monday and the anniversary is still on. Yeah; like we are supposed to be buying this crap.
So we go to the trio as we repeat the same thing from the beginning of the episode with the eating of the lipstick and Bea giggles under her breath that this is working. Piranha makes it to Jocktopus (in a tux) as she is around to give Jocktopus the Nth degree; but he turns around and has chocolates and roses on retainer. Piranha cannot believe it and she is about to embrace Jocktopus as Shellsea breathes a sigh of relief along with the rest of the gang. Jocktopus calls this the best Tuesday ever. HAHA! Jocktopus cannot be dishonest even for a song as Piranaha is pissed off again and everyone gasps in horror. However; Piranha stops selling and embraces Jocktopus anyway because he really did care about her and was honest about it. Now that is a proper way to finish that plot device. The kids go awww; and then Piranha and Jocktopus decide to end the facade and start kicking ass and taking names. And not in the Sexy Reggie kind of way. HAHA! That'll shut up Bea's moral promo. That ends the episode at 10:40 approx. This was a wee bit contrived at the end; but otherwise, happy trails to the bully couple. *** 3/4 (75%).
Just One Of The Fish: We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Shoulder Pads ) as Bud is watching the football game on his television set in purple and cheers. That allows the OUT OF NOWHERE white shirt wearing, green helmet wearing football player to tackle him down and pile on him. HAHA! Ah; the perils of redneck football. We head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and onto the football field. We see Pass get fumbled as he is tackled down by a CGI snail. Seriously; that is what happens. We cut to the sidelines with the cheerleaders cheering on and trying to do their hanging ladder spot; but it fails badly. We cut back to the field setting up 3rd down and long with Jocktopus as the quarterback under center. Bea screams at him to pass it to Fumble and Jocktopus passes it to Fumble and Fumble catches it with his face for the easy touchdown. I still do not get the rules of fish football. Bea bounces and tackles everyone in the stands including Shellsea. Someone is taking this way too seriously. If you want to do that Bea; do it...you guessed it. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Jocktopus is so happy that he's going to rip his own arms off. And that is exactly what he does much to the pleading from Coach Salmons. Jocktopus falls to the ground and Salmon yells what has Jocktopus done. Jocktopus claims that they grow back and they grow three baby arms. Ummm; yeah, I don't get it, I'm such an old fart. Salmon proclaims that it will take forever of them to grow fully back and he needs a new quarterback. Oscar suggests Bea should do it because she's made of pigskin literally; and we have Bea with pigskin to force the point. What a bunch of sexist thugs these writers are?! Shellsea calls it a mushraiser and Bea should use it. Okay; someone help me here. What does mushraiser mean? Oh wait; she meant hellraiser but BS&P RULEZ you know~! Bea floats off (with football uniform on I should point out) as we cut back to Coach Salmons crying and complaining about needing a new quarterback. Ah geez; what a whisy washy coach this Salmons is. Oh wait; never mind.
So Bea floats up from behind and proclaims that she is here to save the day and be the quarterback for next week's football game. Wait; so that last touchdown was in overtime? Okay; works for me; although the writers could have done a much better job explaining the situation there. Coach Salmon stammers like an idiot as he tries to weasel his way; using weasel words as the football team tackles each other on the field to explain that Bea is undersized. So? She's undersized; most good quarterbacks are undersized compared to the rest of the team since they are faster and avoided getting sacked better. It's also hard to take this sexism seriously since Bea isn't really good at anything other than her porno level acting skills and in Femimine Air; Rebecca was actually a very good business woman and thus we wanted to see the sexist males being put in their place; namely Coolhands Luke. Although at least here; we know Coach Salmons is gay and therefore his sexism is more profound and sickening when you consider the bigotry against gays throughout the ages. Coach Salmons is worried that she'll get crushed (which is possible mind you) and he calls the boys and tells them that this is a great game. Bea is SHOCKED and APPALLED in that order; as she deduces that Salmons won't let her play because she's a girl. She is not happy and parently pissed off of that. She is angry as she blows off Salmons and storms off. You know; if I were a smart girl, I would ASK Salmon if he is forbidding her to join because she's a girl. If he answers no without a moment's heistation then Bea is an idiot and should back off. If he answers no and weasels like crazy; or said yes outright, then he's a sexist and being pissed off is absolutely justified. Since Bea didn't ask; I have to take Coach Salmon's side that he's worried she is going to get hurt acutely. Then we see the boys on the field get MURDERED by Jocktopus's tentacles in a neat spot before cutting back to the stands as Bea is pissed off on Coach Salmons. Shellsea is HORRIFIED to hear that one and that face is priceless. She needs to do that more often; mostly on the character designers. You all know why; I don't have to explain it again.
Shellsea finds about seven ways to call it wrong, most involving pointing a finger. Oscar thinks this is so not fair because Bea is smart...in bed...talented...in bed...and pretty...in bed. Bea is confused..anywhere but in bed. Well; this is the last episode of Fish Hooks until Disney decides to put this show on DVD; so I'm going to lay the jokes on thick and fast. Anyhow; Oscar pours some OUT OF NOWHERE tea into the OUT OF NOWHERE tea cup and asks if she needs a drink. Bea thanks him; but blows it off anyway because she wants JUSTICE BABEE and prove that girls can play football as well as boys. Shellsea proclaims that she dropped something and Bea asks her about it. Shellsea claims it's her own jaw and we disco jackhammer to awe me because let's face it; Shellsea doing that is awesome. So we head to Mr. Baldwin's class as he calls his class sacks of sh**. I think he said sugar; but he was implying something else. Anyhow; he introduces the newest member of the class; who is Bea with a bad male voice and a mustache in football gear. Even Oscar is not fooled by this as Bea is now Hank. I see Bea has been watching Femimine Air again. That's horrifying. Anyhow; Bea is not here for no apparent reason Mr. Baldwin can think of. Now it would make sense that Mr. Baldwin is in on the whole thing; but I doubt it because that would make him smart and adults must always be stupid in the new Disney so kids cannot look up to them and grow a brain. Beahank (my official mock name for her) sits down and Milo greets him as Hank and Oscar blows it off yelling it at a volume to which Mr. Baldwin can hear it. Everyone ignores it anyway for logic break #1 for the episode. Beahank blows it off because she's Hank The Boy. Oscar mocks it and methinks he sees Beahank as a Boy Toy. Problem is Milo is the "toy" of this trio. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyhow; Oscar is going to keep her secret because they are best friends and they will support her tryout for the football team. Milo thinks Oscar is being a sexist because he believes that Beahank is really Hank. And Oscar gets flustered of course which Milo comments on too. Milo is so damn clueless; he needs a doctor, a sidebar and a brain transplant. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So we head to the football field as the football players are practicing and we cut to the sidelines with Coach Salmons looking at his clipboard. The TRIO OF GOOFBALLS show up as Beahank wants to try out for the football team. Coach Salmons just shakes his hand and Salmons accepts Beahank on the football team without a second thought. NOW; Bea's anger is justified; although she could have just asked the question earlier and it would have had the same result; but make Bea look smarter. What is that conspiracy theory Nightflight keeps bringing up again? Beahank gets it as Milo proclaims that he's glad Bea isn't here or she would be flipping her lid. And Oscar gets flustered again just to amuse me. He needs to do that more often; mostly to the writers for giving him such nightmares with Clamantha. So we head to the lunchroom as Beahank floats over to the table with her lunch to join the girls and we exchange pleasure thoughts; making sure to wink to the fans that we know it's Bea in disguise. Milo is at the opposite table and he's jealous of all this because Beahank has made the team and have all the lovely ladies. Wait; so Fimberly has recently dumped you Milo? If so; wow, you are dumber than Lips Almighty. So we head to the football field as the Chris Parnell announcer introduces the teams as Beahank and the football team crash through the name ring of the Freshwater Fighting Fish Hook(er)s. Milo is the water boy of course thus maintaining continuity from Water Boy early in season one. Their opposition is the Tetra Tech Titans who bust through the sign with some diffculty and they are one tenth the size and look like same fry. The Tetra Captain sounds like a 13 year old kid trying to act like a bully; but doesn't have the size to compete with anyone in a thumb wrestling fight; let alone a football game.
Tetra Captain is voiced by Maxim Knight who is a 13 year old actor who started in All For Melissa in 2007 as Little Jared. He then proceeded to do kid roles in movies such as Slaughter, Al's Beef, Ball Don't Lie as Sticky, and in the television series Falling Skies as Matt Mason. Special Agent Oso is his DTVA debut and he is the new Mowgli for Disney now (Kinect Disneyland Adventures). Trigger as Young Ryan is his most recent credit. He has 24 titles to his resume; not including 6 ADR credits: The Smurfs, We Bought A Zoo, Bridesmaids, and Leonie to name a few. The captain wants to flush the team down the toilet and the fans find that cute; including Oscar. Memo to Tetra: Oscar can damn well flush himself down the toilet thank you very much. POW! OUCH! Ummmmm.... Coach Salmons mocks them; but Milo goes for the throat right away. Well; you cannot argue with that logic. Yellow Eel referee blows the whistle and it gets lodged into his mouth and he swallows it. So we start the game as Beahank goes back to pass and tries to throw it to Fumble; but the ball dies right in front of her as she throws it. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE BEA GOLDFISHBERG~! No one is impressed as Beahank apologizes and the players are not amused. Milo blows off Beahank's throwing abilities. Second down and 10 and Beahank goes back to pass and throws it into the Tetra Captain's hands for the INT. HAHA! Someone forgot to tell the football players that the Tetra's lack in size; they make up for it in speed. And Beahank sucks like a sack of sh...ERRR...I mean sugar. He runs back all the way for the easy touchdown; remembering to thank Beahank for that one. HAHA! See my point about not taking Bea's anger seriously? She has no talent as a football player and it shows. Oh; and this episode gains 1/2* for the Tetra dance after he spikes the ball too. At least this scoreboard has a clock on it this time. Beahank gets hissed down by the football players and Milo does me proud by throwing apples at Beahank. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT! Sorry Peter and Son Griffin; Milo just outclassed you on the only spot I ever laughed at not involving the FCC episode in Family Guy. And the Stewie Griffin story OAV. Oscar is in shock that Beahank sucks. Shellsea even realizes that Bea was being a total idiot after all. Although; you have to admit; Bea wasn't crushed yet so Salmon is still WRONG on something.
Everyone boos Beahank out of the building as Beahank cries his eyes out and Oscar consoles her. Beahank admits that she made a bad error in judgement and Oscar proclaims that that is called learning and we have one of the most awesome sequences of hugging I have ever seen in the new Disney. It's so sad to see this in hindsight because we know that the new Disney is seriously going to screw this one up. It's a really touching scene by new Disney standards and you cannot really blame Oscar for doing it even if Bea didn't earn it. Beahank wants to return to the game; but Oscar grasps her and keeps hugging her as Salmons claims that a hug a day keeps the demons at bay and then we have a spotlight on him (the scene is in semi darkness) and we hear screaming and an actual bullet sound?! YES! THIS IS A SPECIAL DAY~! Okay; now I'm sounding like Coach Salmons. That's actually refreshing. And then we hear Bea's voice (WHAT THE HELL?) and there is Bea with a pack of suits and cameras. SWEVERE~! Oscar is flabbergasted because that WAS really Hank. Wow; the writers pulled it off old Disney style. Sure; it was for comedy; but it worked. See; Bea doesn't stoop to that low; so she used her brains to get a pack of lawyers and threaten to sue Coach Salmons for discrimination more or less. Oscar seems more concerned with red screen looking up in disbelief with echoing voices and then shoves Hank aside. HAHA! Oscar just turned gay. Okay; he didn't. In hindsight; he would probably wish he was. Milo walks forward and asks why everyone was surprised since he said his name over and over. Bea is threatening to put an end to the No Girls Allowed policy and Coach Salmons doesn't know what she is talking about and Bea claims that Salmons thought she didn't have what it takes. Salmons answers that by telling her that she didn't have a helmet with her. Okay......
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy/girl! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Okay; I'm done. Yeap; Bea is a total asshole idiot. Safety first you know; we cannot encourage people to play and get concussions you know. We wouldn't want Bea's name to change into Benoit you know?! Bea apparently suffered a concussion while bumping into her posse at the beginning since she is confused as hell; so Salmons has to point it out again to force the point. The lawyers and company get it as Hank comes over and gives Bea his helmet which surprises Bea. Hank whines as he rips the shirt off and we see that he has huge muscles on his arms; thus a parody from the Spongebob episode where Spongebob grew massive arms to impress Sandy I do believe. No surprise there since everyone has been calling this show a clone for months now. Milo blows it off and shows two chickens kissing each other tatooed on his ass. HEE HEE! Clamantha comes over (where was she all this time? Kissing Oscar behind our backs?) and has a Krackpotkin plan for those massive arms. Remember the spot where the cheerleaders keep dropping on the ground because the biggest squid fish in the cheerleading squad cannot handle the fish if her life depended on it? Yeah; that is Hank's job now. And naturally; he's on bottom now, but he doesn't care. The Tetra captain taunts them because they are up 6-0 with about six seconds to go (in other words; they couldn't make the extra point) as Salmons tells Bea to suit up and she does; putting on the black eye lash as well. So Bea is at quarterback and we are doing the Sanford Shuffle routine. So Bea goes back to pass and lobs it towards the Tetra Captain; but Bea float over, MURDERS him and then gets into the end zone and kicks the extra point all at the same time for the narrow 7-6 win. Whatever, it's not like this world makes sense anyway. Sad; because we were hitting a mad groove throughout this episode too. Everyone cheers on cue as Bea spikes the ball as Jocktopus claps his baby arms in a neat spot. The gang all celebrate on the field as Zeus Mussels arrives in a panic because the all solo Madame Butterfly theatre guy pulled his groin muscle (Oooooooooo) and he needs a replacement. Bea raises his hand and Milo calls it hot dog while Oscar is flustered for no reason whatsoever. What the hell is wrong with Bea doing this? Oh wait; she's a Z-Grade actress; my mistake. That ends the episode at 10:40 approx. Outstanding episode; but that finish needs some logic work. Almost as good as Feminine Air. Almost. **** 1/4 (85%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; my ranting on Fish Hooks ends on a really good note. Break Up, Shake Down was perfectly fine as it showed a major difference in the kind of bullies Jocktopus and Piranha really are. Piranha was a true bully in the sense of the word since after breaking up; she turned into a FemiNazi in hating boys in general and used the fish as her play toys; while Jocktopus was rendered into a dumb, but lovable playful guy even with Albert Glass. It was really good in a sense because it showed some balance in the writing as well; since the girls looked rather weak willed in handling Piranha and it make the boys look strong when they handled Jocktopus. It really shows that Jocktopus isn't a bully as much as he is a misguided lost soul who cares about Piranaha; but doesn't know how to get away from her. The whole finish was a bit contrived as they had to render Piranha to be totally dumb to pull it off (when she wasn't acting that way throughout); but Jocktopus made it work; so I cannot complain. Just One For The Fish was probably one of the best Bea episodes ever, mostly because the episode was written well. It was very difficult to take Bea seriously on sexism; but the writers found a way to make a very convincing twist in the plot by making us think Bea had watch Feminine Air; or something being Hank, but then appearing with the lawyers. And then getting screwed when Salmons pointed out that she didn't have a helmet with her. Too funny, I laughed my ass off hearing that one. The finish was silly; but at least it almost had it down pat. Oh; and bonus marks for Milo pelting Hank with apples (which should have given away the fact that Hank was not Bea; nice subtle cue because it's still too funny either way) and Tetra Captain's dance in the end zone.
So that is that for Fish Hooks. Yeah; I only did six episodes for season two. I discovered that indeed Sixteen Clamandes did air last year; but only on Family Channel Canada no less. Damn! No matter; I'm too lazy to tape any of them at this point and my VHS tapes are crap by now so it would be hard to rant on them. It's five thumbs in the middle and one thumbs up for the season. Bringing the total to six thumbs up, 27 thumbs in the middle and 12 thumbs down. Oh well; what can you do? If this show makes it to DVD somehow; I'll rant on the rest of them since I still have Hairanoid and Bea's Commercial left on my "to do; but cannot at this time" list. There is still Power Play left from Kick Buttowski. If I am going to be doing any new Disney stuff; it's going to be Phineas & Ferb; or Kim Possible (I know it's not really new Disney; but it was on the cusp of it so..). It was fun watching Fish Hooks and a lot funner mocking them; but still I have to give Noah Z. Jones credit: A large chunks of the episodes were amusing and entertaining; so I cannot complain. And none of them have negative star episodes (thus far) so again; credit where credit is due. Noah is no Jymn Magon; but at least Noah is entertaining me; unlike some vainglorious bastard I know.
And now for some spoilers: Bea Dates Milo plot line states that Pamela Hamster breaks up with Milo; and Milo wants to be more than just friends with Bea. Now; I have yet to see the episode; but a lot of fans of this series were really pissed off of this because the show had been teasing the Bea/Oscar relationship for a long while and many wanted that relationship to happen. So Noah apparently pulled a Jymn Magon; and made the show jump the shark in the process (for those who aren't aware, many wanted Baloo and Rebecca to marry in canon; but Jymn blew it off because it would make the show jump the shark according to him. Needless to say; that got over REAL WELL with the fans. I have a better idea of doing this and keep both sides happy; and maybe I'll share it with people in 2015 or so.) because the fans were not happy about this. It is made worse by the fact that the Pamela/Milo relationship is dead as well. They had a perfect chemistry and a perfect way to end the series if need be; and they screwed it up! At least TaleSpin ended before that happened; so it still had a chance to be a grand finale. Fish Hook doesn't even have that. So there you go; Fish Hooks is now a lame duck show just like Kick Buttowski has been in the second half of it's season. At least Kick Buttowski will be likely canceled after the second season; so it can be put out of it's misery. So if I cannot make it to the office this week; I'll do Power Play and post it on Live Journal as a mini rant; then it's Ducktales two rants a week (sometimes three) until the end of that series as we are halfway through that one. So......
Thumbs in the middle for Break Up, Shake Down and thumbs up for Just One Of The Fish and I'll see you all next time.