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Fish Hooks
Sixteen Clamandles/Science Fair Detective Mystery Rant
Reviewed: 06/09/2012
Sadly; she is still not legal enough to marry Oscar.
Just when you thought it was safe for New Disney and Old Disney fans alike; I finally found more new episodes of Fish Hooks to rant on. Six of them in fact. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Prepare to meet thy doom in the fish tanks of Freshwater....Okay; I'm done with the stupidity. My first rant in question deals with Clamantha's birthday; while the second episode is about science the old Scooby Doo way. Ummm; yeah. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Sixteen Clamandles is written and storyboarded by Carl "Dillweed" Faruolo. The story was done by Nick Confalone, Neal Dusedau, Megan McCarthy and Tim McKeon. Science Fair Detective Mystery (!!! Are we going to see Mister T in this episode now?) is written by Neal Dusedau with him doing story with Nick Confalone and it's storyboarded by Joe Johnston. Joe has been doing animation since 2001 with Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius and then it's Ant Bully, Transformers: The Game, and Open Season. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. The short Daffy's Rhapsody is his most recent credit. He has 24 animation credits, one storyboard credit, and three visual effects credits (Enchanted, Mr. Margorium's Wonder Emporium and Snow 2: Brain Freeze. No; it's not a Fanboy & Chum Chum movie so put the pitchforks down please guys!). All episodes are done in Flash; with CGI animals in the background. Heh.
Sixteen Clamandles: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Birthday Wishes. Wonder if one of them is for a birther? ) as Bud is staring at a cupcake on the floor with a sparkler candle lighted up. And that's all that happens. No explosion, no heat. I club BS&P! So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and we head to a classroom with a shot of Dr. Frog grabbing his long tongue in pain. Oh goody! Deranged Kermit is back! And he licks the CATCUS JACK OF DOOM and realizes that he is stupid. Yeah; having needles on your tongue is NOT the way to get a proper tongue pirecing. Only Milo is impressed (although it's hard to tell with Shellsea on anything) as he asks about kissing an Ezellia. Deranged Kermit talks about it as Bea pokes Oscar in the eye (and misses by three inches of course) as we are forced to hear Bea. Damn; I wanted to hear Doctor Frog's misadventures with needled objects and we have to lose that in favor of hearing Bea talk about Clamantha who is wearing a party hat, sash and has apparently stolen Bud's sparkler cupcake. She is also blowing the part flavors and wishes she was Molly. Yeah; she's the birthday girl, or more accurate, the birthday granny. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BOINK! OUCH! Ummmm... Oscar asks how Bea figured that one out and apparently Oscar has airhead syndrome again. Either that; or flushed toilet syndrome. It's hard to tell with Oscar actually. Oscar and Bea didn't give Clamantha a present see; and Milo at least remembered to be dishonest about it as he is still acting like he's more interested in Deranged Kermit's misadventures. See; he likes to see Bea smile and likes to poke Bea's non-existent nose. So Bea is not amused and asks the rest of the class about it and no one remembers. Fimberly does her usual melodramatic bullcrap about how awful you must be as a human being to forget someone's birthday. Listen Fimberly; if they saw you being so over the top about it, I would rather have people forget my birthday and celebrate on my own terms. It is MY BIRTHDAY after all. I mean; it's nice to have people remember it and send gifts; but come on! It's not the end of the world and anyone who has a birthday that thinks otherwise is showing how petty and greedy they really are. Evidence #1 of melodramatic BS from Fimberly: Kicking a pony in the face is equal to not sending a present for someone's birthday. False Equalivancy much there Fimberly?!
And thankfully; Shellsea shows some sense and decency by MURDERING Fimberly in the face with her white handbag. There are very rare times when violence is every effective and this is one of those times. Clamantha still blows (the flavor; not herself of course) as Bea huddles together with the other goofs with attitude that they must plan a surprise party for Clamantha so that it appears that they are pretending to not care about her instead of really not caring about her like a thoughtless friend. So all the kids minus Granny Clam...BOINK! OUCH! Ummmm...huddle together as Jumbo Shrimp wants to do catering while Shellsea wants to eat it. Koi Fish grunts and Albert Glass translates it to something dirty because it's not that kind of party and his giggling and face expressions are priceless. I mean that too. Bea proclaims that they need to run interference with Clamantha for the rest of the afternoon while the arrangement for the party is procured. Oh like we don't know who is going to be the one to deal with Miss Kissy Kissy. Oscar...run NOW! You are going to be ROOM FEED! Oscar realizes this and appoints Milo to do it instead and Milo is so stupid that he agrees to it. So then Deranged Kermit lies on the desk like a sexy fashion model and kicks his legs up like Bit in A Baloo Switcheroo as he wants to do what is going on. Thankfully we scene change before the kids decide to have to use Deranged Kermit's legs for frog legs for the party.
So we head to City Park as Clamantha hops on grass calling anything within her sight not alive. Then we see Milo on the wooden bench and she declares it alive. Milo asks why they never met together and Clamantha gleefully answers that one for me. Hint: It involves kissy-kissy stuff with Milo's nerd brother. Milo basically bleets the whole plan out and offers to go to the Hokey Poke for some grub. Clamantha asks if he's paying and Milo states that he's not. Clamantha agrees to go with him anyway. Yes; a straight A student like Clamantha is buying this whole plan despite the fact that Milo has basically blown his cover on the whole birthday. This is officially worse than Clamantha's adventure with a laptop being a clam. So we scene change to the kids swimming towards the fish tank where Clamantha's home is as Bea goes into panic mode and Shellsea blows her off. I don't blame Shellsea; it's not like Bea has ever been best friends with Clamantha anyway. This is clearly an attempt to trick us into believing that Bea is a good, kind fish. It doesn't work writers; you were better off if Bea was going to have a party...in bed. Thankfully; Shellsea whacks her with the handbag in the face because they are here. That's impossible! There's no maze hedges anywhere (as per in Two Clams In Love). Logic break #1 for the episode three and a half minutes in. So they make it to the door and ring the doorbell; the lewdest chime I have ever heard in my entire life. The door opens and out comes Clamantha's mother as Bea addresses her as Clam Mother. Very, very lame; and fitting coming from Bea actually. Mom is all Wednesday and such so Bea proclaims that it's Clamantha's birthday and Clamantha's mother panics as we see a crimson red blob with eyes and a mustache (I'm guessing that it's Clamantha's old man) and mother wants him to get back in the shell just we have guests. He blows her off because he wants the fish to wear shells too because it's all fair. Although seeing Oscar in a shell would be funny; instead of Bea reminding mother about the birthday and mother panicking some more. Then finally the old blob gets it and panics and we get the jackhammer explosion background again; because it's 2010 still.
So we head back to the Hokey Poke as we see Clamantha and Milo staring at each other at the table because this is the segment of "do nothing and see if the kids laugh at it" spot. Milo's face though does make me chuckle; so I'm not going to complain about this one. Clamantha sips her drink and we return to Clamantha's house. Koi Fish puts the girl's hair on as everyone is dressed like people from the Old Country. Bea calls this an old fashion polka party. Oh lord; if Clamantha likes this; no wonder everyone forgot her birthday. Albert Glass is floating with the balloon with glee; so at least someone is taking this silliness well. Everyone else not so much; most so Shellsea. Jumbo Shrimp is getting a RIIIII-COOOOLLLLAAAA moment as Bea proclaims that this will be the best birthday party ever. The old man bounces around naked as a clambird upstairs and of course there are no stairs in this house. Yeah; apparently the builders didn't have the foresight to install them knowing that the buyers would be animals who cannot swim. So we get the off-screen bump and here comes Clamantha's Dad for real as he isn't feeling well. See according to Mom; Dad is allergic to polka. Well; that increases my opinion of him by ten notches. Memo to Bea: Polka is fine if you were born before 1986. Remember that one for Mr. Baldwin's birthday. Bea is not happy to hear that as she claps her hand and it's a change of plans. So Mother decides to get all creepy on Oscar and Oscar sounds as awkward as anyone can be in this situation. Even creepier and logic breaking is the fact that there are wooden cravings on the ceiling declaring Clamantha's love to Oscar. Horror music ensues which is fitting as Mother spits out a map and addresses Oscar as "next of kin". UH OH! A certain angel fish is not going to like this. Anyhow; it looks like an obvious treasure map; but it's really a map to find the entire Clamantha clan(m) if you will. See they have no phone because they have no arms. But they have good strong tongues so what's her problem? Damn; I hate lazy clams. Very bitter to the taste.
So back to the Hokey Poke for more Milo and Clamantha having eyes for each other. Milo sips his drink and nothing else happens so we head back to the house as everyone is dressed up like circus clowns now. Fimberly is on the unicycle juggling red balls because she needs to do a MAN-SIZED bump on her face as per her contract. Mom comes in and informs Bea that Clamantha is allergic to the circus. I know why: She saw CIRCUS AFRO~! Watch the Madagascar 3 promos and you'll see why. If I ever see Chris Rock doing that in real life; a spot that implies how racist the writers really are; I'm going to scream. Bea is panicking and wants help from Shellsea who is eating the potato chip and keeping her word about screwing Jumbo Shrimp over. Shellsea's Krackpotkin plan is to basically have a themed part based on Oscar; because Oscar is Clamantha's kissy-kissy partner. This would have worked a lot better; if Oscar was the laptop and thus the parents liked him over Webster. Again; this is the problem when you diss old cartoons: you think nothing on them works and yet every successful cartoon has been inspired by the "out of style" stuff in some shape and form anyway. Then again most execs are in their element with just money; but have no creation skills and depend on grunts and suck ups to get the job done. Such is life I guess. Bea is giddy on this plan and I smell a flushed toilet in Oscar's future.
So we head outside as Oscar has the map and he notices the first house of doom which is a SWANK lady's red/pink boot with rhinestones on it. A Clamantha that has good taste? Hmmmm...NAH! So the door opens and we get various clams coming out as we get spots of Oscar going to a swamp with Cousin Gooey Duck (the turtle) coming out. Clams in a can, Clams at the beach and clams on mountain tops as they overweigh Oscar's hot balloon. Got that? Anyway; Cousin Gooey Duck is voiced by Kevin Zimmerman which sadly; there is no USIMDB listing (but he has a small website) since most of his voice acting and editing involves commercials. I think he did some voice acting for The Sims 2 and that is about it. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut and maybe his animation debut judging by the lack of credits outside of commercials. I think he has done at least 30-40 commericals either as an editor or a voice actor. He started is career in 1997 in case anyone wants to know. So we return to Clamantha's house (I think) as Oscar opens the door and his hair has suffered a little bit. His eyes go all saucer on us as he sees Bea with a cardboard cutout of him. Oh sure writers; rub it in that Oscar and Bea won't get...in bed...together. It's not like the ratings needed a tanking as it is. To be fair; this and the next rant have been the highest rated episodes since January. Horror music ensues as everything about the party is about screwing Oscar including Brocolli Oscars. Oscar then blows it off because it's not half as creepy as getting the Clamantha as he dumps out some clams from the bucket of water he was carrying (which came out of nowhere) and the family (including Cousin Gooey who looks like a cross between a clam and Jumbo Shrimp).
So Bea has her checklist and she even brought Oscar outfits which are even too tight fitting for her when she puts them on. Oscar proclaims that this is the first time he found Bea unattractive and Bea turns around and now Oscar got the old "Oh GOD I'm Dead" shuffle pose with CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS just to amuse me. HAHA! Finally; a funny spot and it only took seven and a half minutes to do it. So Mother and Gooey exchange notes which ends with Gooey spitting red jam onto his old man and he panics and is pissed off. He bounces over stage left; probably to MURDER Gooey as Bea has to swim in to stop it. Sigh. So back to the Hokey Poke for more eyeing crap. Chief comes in and gets Clamantha a plate of pie for the birthday girl; thus being the only one who is not dumb in this episode. Clamantha finally starts to speak as Milo proclaims happy birthday and Clamantha blows it off because it's not her birthday. D'OH! See; she wanted to dress up like a baker; and she got into the wrong outfit. Kind of puts the whole 1950's Daisy Duck thing into it's proper prespective; doesn't it? Clamantha starts the old waterworks (why does every Clamantha focused episode have to have her cry once?) as she wants to die of embrassment. I can just hear Oscar cheering for her death now; the nerdy vile bastard that he is. Clamantha asks if anyone else knows about this and Milo claims that it's a no (which is true in a certain way) and Clamantha breathes a sigh of relief and walks out because she's going to bake a muppet. Uh Oh! I would not want to be Deranged Kermit right now. Milo feels relieved and then gets the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY...
...and we head back to Clamantha's house as everyone is playing games and having a great time at Clamantha's "birthday". Scare quotes intentional. Bea floats around and her cell phone rings and Milo is screaming in her face while following the bouncing Clamantha home. See; it's not her birthday and she wanted to dress like a baker; and she's almost home. Click. Don't you just love it when I'm right in staying out of other people's birthdays unless THEY want you INVITE you first? If that happened to me; I would knock everyone flat on their F'N faces. Bea panics as she huddles the girls together and wants the clam family to leave and Gooey no sells because it took him six months to get here. Oscar calls him out on it; and Gooey calls it in clam years. Bea ponders this over as Dad and Gooey yell at each other (an angle that is never explained at all; and just there to give Dad heel heat) so Bea takes a jar of jam and throws it onto Dad and it spills jam. Dad demands answers to this outrage and Bea praises Gooey for the awesome throw. So Dad gets pissed off and spits pearl right between the eyes of Gooey as Gooey blows him off and spit a pearl in Dad's face. Mom has had enough of this and orders all the clams to have a pearl spitting fight. I'm not making this up. Well; at least it doesn't involve wasting food; so I'm game. So chaos and mayhem ensue; so Oscar jumps into the middle of the birthday cake and somehow doesn't destroy it. Jim Cornette needs to teach Oscar the proper way to destroy an innocent birthday. Dad gets bonked on the head with a pearl again and it cracks the shell and he goes out naked again and orders everyone out because it's his house. Mom blows him off for getting out of the shell and everyone breaks through the door and bounces out.
Joey Styles: We just fixed that door!
The parents blow off the clams as Mom wants them to return for the holidays as Gooey squeezes through the broken door and causes absolutely no damage whatsoever. Wuss! Mom tells him to bring the cranberry log with him this holiday season and Dad hates it as much as Quack Pack soothsayers hate Wii U. So we see the carnage inside (which isn't all that much) as Bea proclaims that they did it..and Clamantha appears OUT OF NOWHERE just to break logic and reason. Bea goes uhhhhhh as Clamantha wants answers to this outrage. Then she sees the birthday cake and calls herself an idiot and we get the crying fest. I'm ranking this as 0.4 Crying 1950's Daisy Ducks; since it's mostly tears and not a water wave coming out of her eyes. Bea claims that it's NOT a birthday cake (I see Bea wants to win the White Lie contest to get Milo an XBOX 360. Asshole.); it's a baking cake for her work in baking so sezs Milo. I still don't get the point of this because until now; we never knew she was into baking. Oscar pops from the top of the cake hoping it's safe. To Oscar: Run NOW! You are ROOM FEED! Clamantha is so happy because it's an Oscar cake. I'm fine with this finish because it makes perfect sense considering who we are talking about. So Clamantha jumps up and we get an FPS shot of her slamming into a panicky Oscar and then quickly cut to Bea and Milo slapping fins and that ends the episode at 10:20 approx. Silly logic breaks aside; this was your average Fish Hooks love in. At least they tone down the dumbness of Clamantha a bit in this one. ** 3/4 (55%).
Science Fair Detective Mystery (Are we back in 1983 already?): We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Meddling Kids. Again to that Youtube commentator on the Disney Afternoon intro: If all of these cartoons are "Out of Style" then why do the new shows keep stealing plot devices and spots from them? Answer that for me! Defend your obviously debunked point; I dare you!) as Bud is like Sherlock Jones with a golden pipe and magnifying glass doing the twinkletoe spot from right to left. If they are shooting for Scooby Doo; then shouldn't he be dressed up like Freddy Jones?! Or at least not have a golden pipe in his mouth? So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and into the gym as there is "science" going on because it's the annual school science fair; the show where we pretend that we are doing science projects when in reality; we are only doing surveys to see how gulliable we are in not realizing that real science is much more complex than that. Ask Orac about it. Ask PZ Meyers about it. Just be prepare to listen for a long while. I do mean a LONG WHILE~! Fimberly proves my point by watching a cat video as her project and it shows Keyboard Cat~! Oh goody! Randy is pinching his claw again and he still wishes he was Kenny Powers. The Chovie twins throw up a rubber ducky and write on their clipboards claiming that it floats. What a shock that was?! So in comes Oscar with his science fair project when is contained inside the dark cover of doom and gulps as he sets it on his table. Then in floats Bea and Milo for the meet and greet. Milo wants a peek; so Oscar acts all Professor Buzz on us (from Baloo Thunder) as Milo is excited (but not excitedy sadly) as he wiggles his toes. Oh knock it off guys! He's a damn fish; get over yourselfs and learn some basic logic already. Oscar agrees that his toes are wiggling; but he's nervous as apparently anything makes him nervous. Here's a clue: You did help with the nervousness as Bea claims that Oscar will win; but Oscar isn't so sure. He has a point there Bea; I mean, Jumbo Shrimp has a FREAKIN Time Machine. How can you compete againest that? And that's not putting Keyboard Cat into play.
Oscar hopes that this year goes better as we head to the flashback of doom and we get the Chibi Fish Hooks gang as Chibi Oscar pulls the cover and unveils a volcano. Everyone is in awe and inside the classroom. And it explodes in their faces. HAHA! Then we get Oscar (a little older) as he presents the braces of the solar system which also explodes into everyone (including Mr. Baldwin's) faces. Memo to Oscar: Maybe you shouldn't be using flammable stuff. Next up in the gym is tofu which also explode after a wobble. Is Oscar using ugotium or something? We head back to reality (no, not really) as Milo hugs Oscar and tells him not to worry about it. Milo claims that he's fourth on the smart pecking order behind Jumbo Shrimp, Albert Glass and the smelly guy with peanut butter. Methinks the smelly guy is going to be the real suspect heel in this episode; I'm calling it right now. Bea proclaims that he has his back and...Oh goody; Deranged Kermit is doing double duty today! He lands in Oscar's hair because it's been a while since something got stuck in Oscar's afro. We should only be so lucky that it's not a circus afro. Apparently Deranged Kermit loves the science inside Oscar's hair that Oscar has to inform him that it's not in there. Frog bounces off his hair and goes all what on us. This one is in the proper context; although I doubt it was intentional on Deranged Kermit's part. So Oscar decides to show him the project; going into the speech of doom and then the cover comes off and there is nothing...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! I wrote that thirty seconds before it happened I should note....oh wait; WHAT? I thought Oscar was going to show nothing. Apparently; it's a big ass potato alarm clock. It's funny that Oscar is not guarnteeing that this project will not explode and I betcha it explodes about ten seconds after he unveiled it. Nice sunrise background by the way...and the potato doesn't explode either. Damn; I was hoping this would lead into the mystery of why Oscar's projects explode over the years. Sadly; as Deranged Kermit is about to present the 1st prize blue ribbon to Oscar; the lights go out. Memo to Mr. Stickler: Stop getting energy and finance tips from Paul Haymen. Even I have to think Deranged Kermit couldn't pull this off. So footsteps sounds are heard for about ten seconds or so; then the lights turn back on and Oscar's project is gone. So Doctor Frog gives him a green F ribbon instead and Oscar screams no for about thirty second. What an asshole prick this Deranged Kermit is. That makes him prime suspect #1; or at least the accessory part of it.
Jocktopus takes a picture in the most out of character moment for him and Milo runs in and slaps Oscar in the face about three times to wake him up. Milo proclaims that they can figure this out; and then cries to Bea for help. Bea proclaims that the suspect is still in the room. Yeah; because they can somehow hide a GIANT ASS POTATO CLOCK in the room without anyone noticing it. When it comes to deduction, Bea sucks more than the Quack Pack nephews and that is saying something. So Bea asks Deranged Kermit for more time and Frog gives them until the end of the day to find evidence. Oscar is still upset because his project got stolen on the same day he finally got it to not explode. Bea tells him not to worry because they will solve this mystery as she has seen a lot of mystery dramas. Here is the problem with Bea here: Her deduction is that the person is still in the gym even though it's clear that the thief went out of the gym when the lights were out. So the easiest way to solve this is to see who is NOT in the gym and presto; you have your thief. Sadly; this is not what happens and Bea assumes that the thief is still in the room. Leave deductions to people who have brains like Oscar, Miss Kane. Bea claims that she is the perfect detective. Riiiiiggggghhhhttt Bea; like I'm going to take that seriously. Milo claims that he can make the perfect sandwich; which is a lot more belivable than Bea being a detective. Ponder that one for a moment and despair...
So we scene change to near the bleachers as Bea and Milo look for clues and Bea's first deduction is that the thief turned out the lights first. Okay; that makes sense as Bea notices a big ass fingerprint on the wall near the lightswitch and a dirty hanky. Bea deduces that the hanky came from someone who has a cold as Milo calls the fingerprint a finprint (despite clearly being a human finger). Okay; there are only two suspects behind this: Bud or Escarmargot. I don't think I saw Escarmargot in the room; so it's got to be her. Wait; did Bea just use the word "perv"? You do realize that it's shorthand for "pervert" Bea; don't you? Milo puts the evidence in a plastic sandwich bag (PAYOFF!) and then throws into the OUT OF NOWHERE paper shredder. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE BEA! Bea blows him off and Milo is offended about her sifting through garbage instead of helping Oscar find his project. Bea dares him to come up with a better idea. Milo's better ideas is to use binoculars and spy on Shellsea and Fimberly watching Keyboard Cat again. HAHA! Yeap; that was a better idea. Oh wait; it's...Clamantha on binoculars. WHAT?! And yes; she wants more kissy kissy from Oscar as she looks at Randy and Frog. And then we see Milo getting in her face and he's pissed. He threatens Clamantha (not as much as Clamantha will get sued for gimmick infringement from Mirage Studios) with being future bait clam if she doesn't talk so Bea has to get in between them to break it up. BOO! HISS! I wanted to see bait clams and you had to act all...well..never mind. It isn't worth it anymore. Bea wants to do this without violence (which Milo isn't amused of and neither am I for that matter) as she relates Clamantha to her kissy kissy stuff with Oscar and asks if she knows how might have taken Oscar's potato clock. Clamantha has a vision and we go to the dream sequence of doom as Clamantha is bouncing in a white background while riding on a rainbow with...a unicorn. A WHAT?! THAT IS WHAT WE SAW!! I'm dying. She rides the pony towards the meadow and she sees the Oscar of her dreams: One who clearly has been swimming to Larson & Gary. If she wants that; then this relationship is going to have a very short shelf life; even if Oscar is GIDDY for her.
This dream sequence is AWESOME! I'm not even going to bother calling it. You have to see it for yourself. I was almost ready to explode in laughter watching this the first time. We end with the juggling spot and we return to reality (no, not really) with Milo daydreaming. See; violence is not a good idea a lot of the time. This is one of those times. Bea claims that none of this happened. Oh sod off you soft core porno invader! Clamantha then admits that Albert Glass stole the potato clock. Which means that he didn't and we all know it. Then we go to possible suspect #5 which is Bo Gregory who is at his locker as Oscar floats to him and wants another potato. Bo Gregory tells him not to worry as he opens the locker and out comes a portible garden. Yeah; that was something else. Oscar is in awe over this. Sadly; that awe turns to pulling hair out of frustration as he discovers that Bo Gregory has no potatoes ready yet and is still growing them. So then Jocktopus takes some pictures of Oscar because to him it relieves stress and allows him to make fun of nerds without resorting to violence. Ah; I see Jocktopus' future is to be a member of the Papparotizzi. Oscar screams as we get a photo sequence of Oscar swimming away like a scalded dogfish. So we head back to the science fair as we see Albert Glass at his chemical lab using test tubes of assorted liquids because he is the dork chemist see. Sadly; I don't think he has found a way to kill the bully out of Jocktopus. But he will...HE WILLL....Or maybe not.
Anyhow; he mixes chemicals to create red smoke and giggles as we pan down to under the table with Bea and Milo. Oh lord; Bea is really lowering herself on the dignity scale with this one. Bea doesn't want to play bad cop because it doesn't feel right. Oh come on Bea; you know you want to play bad cop...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummm...So both fish agree to play good cop...in...jail. Gotta mix it up sometime. So they float up and we exchange notes in the most dishonest way possible; by kissing Albert on the lips. Yes; that right, he got kissed and broke his test tubes in that order. We continue the good cop routine as Bea sees a wrinkle on Albert's brown vest and plucks it off his chest (he's wearing an undershirt; don't worry) and then brings out the out of nowhere iron and board and irons Albert's vest. Milo grabs Albert and puts him on the table and shows his awesome massage karate on his back as he speaks sweet nothings to him. He kneads him good and then we scene change to Albert relaxing under the umbrella tree with a lawn chair asking why they are so nice. He is willing to help them and then Bea goes EVIL all of a sudden (Finally! A use for her Z-Grade acting skills) as she demands to know where Albert hid his science project. Albert backs up claiming that he didn't do it and he swears to it on his bloody honor. I believe him; sadly Milo doesn't and they decide to torment him by stuffing cupcakes in his mouth. Nice payoff to the cupcakes from Fishing For Complienments; but that episode sucked so BOO HISS!
Albert swears that he didn't take Oscar's project; so Milo stuffs a plate of cupcakes in his mouth. Bea decides that Albert is telling the truth and proclaims that they failed. Well; Bea already fails at life so she just figured that out now. Okay. So we head back to the gym with Oscar and his books at the table proclaiming that he has two minutes to get a working project ready. Milo and Bea walk over to try to inform him that they failed; but Oscar takes it as they found the project and calls everyone to come and hear Milo and Bea say that they found his project. Did Oscar just drink out of the soapy water bowl again? Because he is about to hear a flushed toilet in his future in the next minute or so. At least I hope Oscar flushes himself down the toilet. Sadly; BS&P is an ass today; but they did the next best thing: Oscar drops dead. Bea and Milo float over to help him up as Oscar calls it no big deal and calls himself a failure for the rest of his life as he wears the green F ribbon which was stuck in his hair (okay; the joke is dead guys, move on...) and floats stage left sulking. Milo thinks that they are the worst best friends ever. No; you are the dumbest best friends ever. However; Bea doesn't want to quit (because she is the strong character see) and she has a Krackpotkin plan: which is to use the Scienctific Method. Oh my god! I realize that we need more sciencists; but there is no way you can get away with this on television. Not at all. Now if she said the Fish Science Method; then that's perfectly fine because it's not a real method and thus you can get away with a good finish. The real Sciencitfic Method is so complex and so time consuming that a three hour movie wouldn't even cover 1% of how this works in real life. This finish is going to suck harder than the finish to Yuppy Ducks; I swear to god. And it's obvious it's Jocktopus now because he's laughing at Oscar and taking pictures of his sulking.
Bea wants him to focus and think variable as they stare back to back and around with humming in the background and lots of science formulas. Oh lord. Everyone is staring that them as confused as I am. I don't blame them; this is so stupid. They seriously think that they can pull off this method within the next 90 seconds or so. These are the worst best friends ever now. They go over to Clamantha with pictures in her mouth as she farts. Good; at least someone thinks this whole deal sucks. Bea accuses her of trying to frame Albert despite Albert having no strength in his arm to move a giant potato. What about a vampire potato Bea? Just asking. Bea grabs the photos and they are pictures of Oscar caring for the potato clock as Bea goes over to Jocktopus and asks how he got interested in photography. Jock gleefully answers that one for me as Bea accuses him of bribing Clamantha to frame Albert so he can cover up the fact that he stole Oscar's potato clock; making sure to scream right in Jock's face for good measure. Jock blows her off; so Bea grabs Jock's tentacle and pushes it against the wall and it's a perfect match from the fin print. Yeah; Jocktopus is BUSTED! So he shows the potato clock magically OUT OF NOWHERE. Oscar floats in and wants to know why; so Jock shows him his picture book in that he was studying the effects of nerds psychology after getting their projects ruined. So; was Jock the one who made Oscar's projects explode? Sadly; we never know as he throws the dirty hanky away as Doctor Frog bounces in and awards both Oscar and Jock with first place. Jock and Oscar do a roaring pose..and Oscar's project finally explodes. Well; it did look like an actual time bomb; so there you go. Everyone is blasted as the episode ends at 10:20 approx. Good episode with a lame finish. They should have gone with my idea of Esgormargot being the culpit. *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we got two middling episodes for this rant. Science Fair I did like for the most part; but the finish was silly because they didn't have the evidence until Clamantha conveniently showed the pictures in her mouth and farted. And the whole science method is just silly. It's a lot more complex than that guys. And having Jocktopus as the thief is dumb because the cold hanky implied Escarmargot as the one who should have stolen the thing. Clamantha's dream sequence is very memorable so I cannot fault this episode much other than the breaks and the finish.Sixteen Clamandles was simply a much better version of Two Clams In Love; it was totally average, logic breaks hurt it a lot, and the whole Clamantha is so dumb is starting to annoy me as a viewer. In other words; fine enough episodes. Next up is the two big episodes involving Oscar and his NEW girlfriend Angela. Yes; the angel fish rises from the graves and breaks the hearts of the B&O relationship. Go cry for us B&B fans. So......
Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you all next time.