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Fish Hooks
Bea's Birthday Surprise/Fish Flakes Rant
Reviewed: 04/13/2013
What A Flake Bea's Birthday Present Is?!
Our next rant up for bids on the "New Disney Price Is Silly; But I've Seen Thousands Worse" is Bea is going to get a big surprise from Milo for her birthday and it involves Milo kidnapping Brandon Bubbler. Oh joy! That means more metallic singing with voice sweetner on the side. Oh well; it's the new Disney, I shouldn't be surprised. Then it is Milo wanting to be a model for a school calender; but his body is flaking like a fish. At first; I thought this was going to be a payoff angle to Bea Becomes An Adult Fish and somehow Barb was returning; but no. This is about Milo having body issues. I wonder if Oscar and Milo have daddy and mommy issues since neither of their parents are ever shown in this show. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Bea's Birthday Surprise is storyboard and written by Derek Evanick and Diana Lafyatis. The story is done by the directors of this short (you know which two), Derek Evanick, Diana Lafyatis, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. Fish Flakes is written and storyboards by Maxwell Atoms, Carl "Dillweed" Faruolo and Ian Wusseluk. The story is done by the directors, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.
Bea's Birthday Surprise: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Cartwheels) as we see Bud and the dogs cosplay Space Invaders, with Bud as the space ship. That might be the funniest one I have ever seen in this show. It ends with Bud getting shot and vanishes into some place in video game hell. HAHA! So we head to what I believe is the outside of Bea's house as Bea's parents are dragging Bea to the door. And yes; Bea has a purple blindfold on as we head into the dark room with the Bea family and then the lights come on and it's a birthday party. Did I spoil the obvious here? Oh well... Invites include Bo Gregory, The Chovie Twins, Hugh Edminston, Milo, Oscar, Shellsea, Escarmargot, Fimberly, Steve Jackson, Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass. I guess this is a bully free party. Bea is giddy as mother wants Bea to be happy on her birthday. She pets her on the head as Bea wants the adults to leave the room. Prick. Mom and Dad agree as they float off without as much as a stare. And Dad is still in LA-LA-LA land again. So we get together as Milo and Oscar are together with Milo having a nacho chip and chocolate cake in his hands, talking about the food. Milo tries to eat as Oscar asks him about getting a present for Bea and Milo spits food all over Oscar. HA! Yeap; Milo forgot to get her a present and after all this; Oscar is going to wish he NEVER asked Milo. Oscar shoves Milo away because he's not going to put his name on Oscar's card. Asshole.
So we see Bea on the couch as she is unwrapping presents and Bea got a Brandon Bubbler inflatable doll; which is a life size version proporational to the amount of hot air that is inside of him. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Escarmargot give her that present; which doesn't make any sense. Even less sense is Escarmargot hugging the inflatable doll; which indicates that the doll is a two woman man too. Strangely; Clamantha is not at this party for some reason. We cut to Milo looking all panicky and hopeless as Bea opens Shellsea's present off screen (which was inside a purple pink bag) and it's a Brandon Blubber T-shirt. Fimberly's present to Bea is an album of Brandon Bubbler called Acute. He's laying down on his back for this one; but no nudity is present. Idiot. Fimberly panics on cue; but Bea assures her that she doesn't have a vinyl record of it; which means her parents are more into recent technology than Kick Buttowski's parents! Fimberly claims that if she screwed up; she would cry, and then Milo shoves Fimberly and takes a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen because she's the bump machine. So Milo brings in a gray box and Bea opens it and it's empty. Milo justifies this by claiming that it's going to contain the most awesome present ever; and it's a unique present too. Milo does the martial arts zoom in with red background as he proclaims that his present is going to be...wait for it...A lock of hair from Brandon Bubbler. Oooooooooo... And Clamantha suddenly appears to be in shock as the rest of them. Bea thinks this is wonderful; but she loves the box. Sure you do Bea; you are only saying that because...Ummm...Let me get back to you on that.
Milo insists that he's doing it to prove that he won't forget this birthday and Oscar is coming along with him. Oscar sulks and agrees to it; and apparently, Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass are coming along on this task. Albert admits that he wants to get out because Bea's parents are creeping him out as Dad is playing on the piano guitar while Mom is trying her damnest to outclass Binky in the "bad singing department". She needs to sing a little more off key to pull it off though; but the effort is certainly there. Dan Chovie just stares at them wondering "When did she visit Binky Muddlefoot?". Milo proclaims that he'll be back before the party's over with Brandon Bubbler's hair and she can count on it before slamming the door shut. Bea waves good luck to them as Shellsea proclaims that he's not going to it and Bea knows. Oh; he's going to do FAR MORE than just that Shellsea; I like it. DISCO~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... So we scene change to a fish tank town (with one of the building having a sign called Eats) as we see the male babyfaces swimming as Oscar only went because he didn't want to make Milo look bad at the party; because they cannot pull this off since they don't know where Brandon Bubbler is. Milo brings out his smart phone (gray with speaker on it) and shows a picture of Brandon Bubbler without his shirt on. I know this because BS&P won't allow them to show it. And 20+ years ago; they allowed Cubbi to be totally naked in A Gummi By Any Other Name.
So Milo believes that Brandon is stationed at the Hotel D'Poisson which is the Fish Hotel. So we head inside the snobby hotel of doom as we are in the lobby seeing a blue fish in a tuxedo hammering on two black phones. Man; I have seen some racist spots in DTVA before; but nothing this racist. What did those phones ever do to this guy?! He is the conssair of the hotel and he's more annoying than most Nickeldeon adults. So the babyfaces enter as Milo sings a tune about getting Brandon's hair; but they are all stopped by the LEGAL HAND OF GOD. Conssair asks if they are guests of this hotel; which is a tell tale sign that they are going to get kicked out. Which would be funny to see since they are underwater. Two questions spring to mind: do the kicks hurt more in water and how can you kick someone out under water? Okay; so Milo is honest and waddles by; only to be cut off by Conssair demanding that the babyface leave at once. Milo acts all cocky and it's clear that Milo is trying to dare him into kicking him out. Milo then gets slapped ON-SCREEN (Huh? Isn't that forbidden BS&P?) in the face no less; and then gets kicked out; but only flies about five feet away before faceplanting. So the answers to my two questions are: yes and same as the surface, only a much shorter distance. Good to know. So Albert wonders how they are going to find Brandon if he's inside and they cannot even get it.
Jumbo Shrimp has a Krackpotkin plan and brings out from his Eleroo pouch; a magic blue stoned ring he got from a wise sage. I hope he didn't pay even a little for that sage ring. Apparently he got it from the mall and it gives them clear status like in Final Fantasy VI. Babyfaces sell it anyway in awe. Pfffttt. Jumbo Shrimp goes to the front door and proclaims that he'll create a distraction to allow the others to go up the stairs. Okay; here is the problem with this: This is way over planned. If the ring does make you invisible; then why not have Milo wear the ring and just walk into the hotel. It was Milo's idea to find Brandon Bubbler; so why not have him wear the ring? Probably because the ring is a fake and Jumbo Shrimp knows that he got snake oil. Oscar panics because he wonders if it makes the clothes invisible. So Jumbo Shrimp strips his clothes and pouch to reveal his underwear which is pointless since he's naked with the pouch on. He is being safe than sorry according to him. His defintion is so whacked that I'm not going to comment on it. So Jumbo Shrimp goes inside and yes; the ring is a fake. What a shock?! Jumbo makes it to the elevator and shakes a tree and does cartwheels (thus paying off the sign natch) as Conssair is not fooled at all. Jumbo Shrimp gets thrown out and apparently; he stole his pouch, ring and underwear on the way out. Jumbo Shrimp thinks Conssair has magical powers; but Albert Glass blows it off because they saw him the whole time.
So Jumbo Shrimp bails stage left for repairs (to his pouch and his self esteem) as Milo plasters his face against the door and sees Conssair on the phone and then we pan left to see three maids with a serving tray as Milo now has a Krackpotkin plan of his own. So we segue inside as the Conssair watches the four goofs with attitude acting like complete fools in maid outfits. I give 2:1 odds that Conssair sees through this; although that would make him look like a bigot. They float into the elevator and the elevator closes. I lose $2 from myself again as Milo proclaims that they did it and they MAID it while slapping skin with Jumbo Shrimp. Albert Glass realizes that there are at least 15 floors to check through as the gang agrees to split up. Milo and Oscar take the first floor; while Albert and Jumbo Shrimp go to the second floor. Milo tells them to call him if he finds Brandon Blubber. So the elevator door closes and the brothers of goofy description float to the door leading to room number fifteen. Milo knocks on the door and yells that he's the cleaning maid. Out comes the fish mother who might be Milo's mother with three crying babies. Milo calls this the wrong room and bails as he knocks on room number sixteen as we see a fatass version of Milo with glasses eating. Then the next room; which contains one of the fake Oscars from Tale Of Sir Oscar Fish. YAY! Then a black and red ninja fish; then the bully fish from Guys Night Out called Ice Pick, then a fish firefighter, then the vampire fish of doom, then a couple more fish and then a giant eyeball which is enough for the brothers of goofy description to scream and panic.
So we segue to a hallway which apparently is the first floor (since the numbers are single digits) which means Milo and Oscar are checking the second floor. That makes no sense. So they talk about girls and movies for a bit like a bunch of sexists and then Albert knocks on door number six and out comes an old fish lady with a yellow sweater on. The goof dorks ask about Brandon Bubbler and the lady hasn't seen him; but she needs help with the plumbing. Albert and Jumbo Shrimp almost blow their covers; as they are gentle maids. I don't think that is a good correction there as they head inside to the room's bathroom and Grandma floats out as the goofy dork are horrified because there is a horrible smell. They then find the toilet from the sky shot (illogical; but whatever) and it's so horrifying that it's evil. I don't get how a camera can be so evil? So Albert invokes the plunger (in the correct context for a change) and we plunge the camera crap down the drain and segue to the hallway with Milo and Oscar. So Milo knocks on room eight and the door opens and we get some sound and then slam the door. Oscar sits on the floor and proclaims that this is not working. Ummm; the whole point of this was to waste time so that the real plot would begin. Oscar proclaims that they are wasting their time because they have no idea if Brandon Bubbler is even here and Milo rants about being here because he doesn't want to ruin Bea's life...and we segue back to the party as Bea is dancing with Steve Jackson. Oh yeah; she's so going to hate you Milo Fishtooth. Steve spins Bea around like a top and they dance to their doom. Okay; I promise no more Smurf jokes so...
...we return to the hallway as Milo proclaims that he's not quitting yet as he knocks on door number ten and out comes Mr. Baldwin in a white robe. Which seems to be pink as both side notice each other right away. HA! Sadly; this only reinforces Mr. Baldwin as the only smart adult in this cartoon and even that isn't saying much. Milo hugs him and gets shoved away. You know better Milo; he does have a baby inside and we cannot have it damaged. Oscar asks why he is here and Baldwin states that his tank has been fumagated. What kind of nasty bugs could there be in a fish tank? And Mr. Baldwin is not liked by anyone because he couldn't stay for a weekend. Milo asks if he has seen Brandon Bubbler; and Mr. Baldwin has no idea what he is talking about. Well; I did say that it wasn't much in terms of IQ; so there you go. Mr. Baldwin does point out that Brandon wouldn't stay in an economy room and would be in a penthouse suite on the top floor. Oh SNAP!! Milo thanks Mr. Baldwin and the kids bail as the door leading to room ten slams itself and magically locks itself; as Mr. Baldwin has been screwed by the knob. How fitting?! So we scene change to the top floor hallway which looks rich and famous as the elevator opens and the goofballs are in awe. They head to the double doors as sadly; the writers didn't even bother to give the room a witty name like Bubble Hall; or something along those lines. Milo thinks this has to be where Brandon is and Milo knocks on the door and out comes a fish bouncer in a tuxedo wearing shades and a transmitter. He looks like the same one from Little Fish Sunshine; so Brandon must be here.
So Milo tries to explain (badly) that they are from housekeeping and then Milo seems to have zoom in fish eyes because he sees Brandon Bubbler lying on the bed watching television I do believe. Milo goes into giddy mode as he shoves the double doors open as we see the second cheese colored bouncer fish in plain sight as Milo brings out the tiniest purple feather duster he can find and it's time for some emergency dusting. He floats in as Oscar panics and then brings out his purple feather duster which is exactly the same size as Milo's. So we have Oscar dusting a lamp which he promptly shatters right in front of the bouncers. Methinks this was somehow not intentional until he kneels on the floor and wails.Yup; it's intentional as Oscar is running interference as Milo brings out the green scissors and we do the entire sequence of getting to Brandon Bubbler's locks IN SLOW MOTION; but Brandon Bubbler notices him right away. And yes; he is watching footage of himself on television. So Milo smacks into Brandon and knocks him out onto the carpet and then Milo makes a carpet bag out of it. Why yes folks; Milo is KIDNAPPING BRANDON BUBBLER~! Which would have been better if Brandon wasn't an airhead to begin with. Milo screams at Oscar to run and it's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE FISH KIDNAPPING EDITION~! That ends with the goofs entering the elevator and slamming it shut before the bouncers can stop the doors. So Oscar asks Milo about getting the locks and Milo proclaims that he did. Along with the entire body as we see that Brandon is still knocked out. Oscar is not happy to hear that; but Milo is thinking about Bea first. HA!
So the elevator opens to the second floor as the bouncers notice them right away because they took the fish stairs. So the chase must continue as we segue to Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass wiping their hands in the hallway as Grandma thanks them for their service. And her room has changed from room number six to room number 19. How could anyone make such an obvious mistake like that? We hear Milo yelling at Albert and Jumbo and we bail again as Oscar explains to Albert that Milo unintentionally kidnapped Brandon Bubbler. Riiiiggggggghhhhhhhttttt Oscar. Like I'm buying that. Albert just acts blandish on as Milo wants to lose those dudes. Albert has a Krackpotkin plan as they float past the convenient serving platter on wheels. Albert tries to push it proclaiming that dinner is served; and it moves about an inch. HAHA! I see the water physics apply to pushing as well. Still doesn't explain how Fimberly went flying off-screen; but whatever. Albert bails into the elevator with the rest of the babyfaces and we play elevator music for a bit...Oh wait; let me rephrase that: It's the "do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot. Then the elevator door opens and the babyfaces try to exit; but the Conssair and his two bellhops in green uniforms block the way as Conssair repeats the same promo he cut from the start. Ummm; couldn't he say "Are you kidnapping my guest in this hotel" because that makes more sense. He orders the bellhops to attack; so Milo whacks them in the face on screen with the sack of Brandon Bubbler in it. Wow; they sold to Brandon Bubbler as an international object. Those two bellhops are so fired now!
The babyfaces all run out of the hotel stage left as the Conssair, two bellhops and the two bouncer all go after them. So we return to the party as Bea is talking to Shellsea now (Wow; she actually had enough fortitude to stop dancing with Steve Jackson. What a piece of work this Bea fellow is?!) feeling a little awful for Oscar and Milo not sticking around. Shellsea doesn't care and then we see the male babyfaces all come in with the carpet sack as Milo looks like he's panicking. He goes over and drops the sack as Bea is in glee about getting Brandon Bubbler's hair. Milo claims that it's close as he unwraps the sack and in golden light; is the real Brandon Bubbler. Bea goes nuts with glee as Fimberly wants to touch him and she does and Brandon stirs and wakes up as he is clearly not dead. So when it comes to airheads; punches hurt a lot less eh? Brandon panics and hides underneath a chair as Bea cannot believe that Milo pulled this stunt off. She asks why he was knocked out and Milo stammers like an idiot. Then in comes Brandon's guards and bellhops as they call Milo out. Milo is scared and then stops selling and cuts a promo that he admits that he's a kidnapper and he did it to give Bea a birthday present. Bea teases yelling at Milo for kidnapping BRANDON F'N BUBBLER; but she recoils and calls this the best birthday present ever. They hug as the gang forms a circle feeling in awe as the fish bouncer recoils and proclaims that Brandon Bubbler likes birthday parties as Brandon comes up from underneath the chair and stands on it with the microphone and we sing a metallic Teddy Ruxpin song of doom as everyone dances. Blink & Miss Moment: Angela is dancing in the foreground alone which shows that the Oscar/Angela relationship is officially over. Milo comes from behind Brandon and cuts a lock of hair with the scissor which is completely pointless since he already brought the guy over to the actual birthday party. Circle fade out to end the episode at 10:40 approx. Another fun Milo Moment as usual; but it also reminds me of how stupid the writers are when Angela is dancing alone instead of Oscar like it should be. Blame it on Bea; as usual. *** 3/4 (75%).
Fish Flakes: We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Hunky Calenders. Do rednecks have modeling issues?) as Bud is looking at the camera while a red spider slings a web; screams with glee and then swings away while Bud looks at the camera all this time. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and to the field as we see Clamantha addressing her cheer squad as we discover that the pink fish with tentacle hair is Tabathia. I know this because Clamantha makes a thinly-veiled fat joke on her. She is having an emergency meeting and while I am mentioning this: Who is the yellow fish on Tabathia's right? Clamantha brings out her tongue to hold a pink calender as it is called the Catch Of The Month. See; there is a modeling contest on who can be the best picture and the winner gets their picture on the Catch Of The Month calender. Okay; I don't get the logic of having a calender for just one month. How about 12 different fish for the entire yearly calender and call it the Catch Of The Year? That makes more sense. And then I counted: Milo, Oscar, Bea, Steve Jackson, Shellsea, Clamantha, Albert, Jumbo Shrimp, Fimberly, Dan Chovie, Ann Chovie and Angela make up 12 babyfaces already. So; the plotline would not work either way. Uh Oh! This is not good. I discounted Escarmargot because she would give up before the contest starts. Clamantha closes her mouth and tells them to give up because Oscar is going to win. Why do I get the feeling that this process is rigged?
And Milo comes in and proclaims that he is putting an end to this cheating and he'll be the winner. Who does Milo think he is: The one to win the Royal Rumble? It's the Fish Royal Rumble! And there are 13 contestents left! Who is the fishist one of all. TUNE INTO NITRO TO FIND OUT! Wow; it's been years since I recycled that joke. The cheerleaders don't sell so Milo yells for the DJ and we see Oscar trying to act all cool and he looks like an even bigger dork than he usually is. We scratch and twist turntables as Oscar is wearing pink Bret Hart equse shades. So I'm guessing that Oscar was on Bret's side during the Montreal Screwjob as we hit the Teddy Ruxpin hip hop song of doom. Not calling it. Fish Rockettes, superman flying, kangaroo bouncing and dissing the boys. Well; Randy Pincherson deserves it and maybe even Jocktopus, but Jumbo Shrimp is right that this is subjective. Shiny spoons, harvest moons (sadly; no farming involved with Bo Gregory sadly), and more play than a radio as he does some lame dance moves as the cheerleaders continue to no sell this. Milo does his bail as he's beautiful and wants the cheerleaders to stay beautiful like him. Still a no sell as Oscar drags the turntable on the table on the way out remembering to blow off Milo in the process. HAHA! That was the best part of that Milo Moment by the way. So we head to Oscar and Milo's bedroom as Oscar is on the computer while Milo is on the bed. Thankfully; he's not in bed. Yet. So Milo cuts a promo on getting his beauty sleep and Oscar points out that it's 3 PM in the afternoon. So? I usually sleep at 6 PM so it isn't too far off. Milo blows off Oscar because he needs lots of beauty sleep. YAY!
Then Milo goes on a rant blowing off Oscar for not understanding beauty and Oscar wants him to drop it; and then catches himself and demands answers to this outrage. And Milo falls asleep and snores. HAHA! I love Milo doing psychological warfare on Oscar; it certainly humbles his dorkiness down a notch. Oscar's face is priceless and I mean that in the nicest way possible. So we do the night to day sequence as a cock is crowing outside of Bud's Petstore (Sign: Good Mornings. I guess the Hunky Calenders sold out quickly.) as we head to the bedroom as Oscar comes down the stairs to inform Milo that grills are on the stove and he should come up while they are hot. Milo waves to him as we see a piece of Milo's fish skin (from the cheek; but from the face thankfully, which is negated by the fact that the animators give us a glorified shot of Milo's ass) on the pillow. Milo notices it and grabs it. He slowly goes to the mirror and looks in the mirror. Milo is shocked and appalled; so he tries to smack himself in the face on-screen. HAHA! Bea must be loving this somewhere (Remember the "Hit B" incident in Two Clams With Love) as Milo picks at it; and it flakes off another piece of skin.
Gorilla Monsoon: He must be sh**ding...I mean he must be shedding.
Milo panics like mad and then smacks himself again on-screen. Remember a time when BS&P wouldn't allow punches to the face? Milo tells himself to calm down and he'll put the piece back. Sadly; it flutters down like a piece of paper. Ummm; have you heard of superglue? Sometimes wrestlers use it after blading to simulate blood letting in the most realistic way possible. The funniest part is; even the most obvious blading can be covered up by the announcers by saying "He's attacking him with a razor blade! MY GAWD!!" Milo panics even more as he realizes that his face is falling apart and thus we get the CHILD CORRUPTING BALLOON OF DOOM showing Milo on the cover of the Catch Of The Month disappearing before his very mind. And then Oscar comes back down asking if Milo is all right and he turns around with his fin covering his cheek. Oscar claims that Milo was screaming and Milo goldbricks on cue as Oscar asks why his fin is over his left cheek. I would ask a slightly different question; but you are not supposed to know so HUZZAH! Milo claims that beauty type love to pose. So Milo floats upstairs as Oscar is confused about this beauty pose; but he tries it out anyway and it isn't too bad. Sadly; Angela doesn't care about him anymore so let's move on... ...to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and then pan over to the football field as coach Salmons is observing Bea blowing bubbles, Escarmargot carrying a ball, Randy trying to pitch what appears to be a blue jay on the ground.
We see Steve Jackson in the foreground as we see Albert, Jumbo Shrimp, Milo (with black shades and a bandaid), Oscar, Jocktopus and Razor V. Doom in the stands. So Albert and Jumbo Shrimp are horrified as Razor thinks this is killing him inside. Whatever. Milo calls his bandage a bandage of courage. HAHA! I notice Fimberly is watching in the stand as Milo takes the shades off and proclaims that he got it in a fight. This prompts Jocktopus to call him out on it and Oscar is simply not buying that he fought a lion fish. Oh this better lead to Milo squashing a lion because if it doesn't then I'm going to be so disappointed. Milo claims that he beat up this lion fish in the bathroom while Oscar was dancing. Oscar has the Gruffi pose on and claims that it's Jazzorobics. What exactly is your point Oscar? Jumbo Shrimp asks who won which Milo decides to lay back. It's obvious Milo won because he's still alive see. So Milo float up and does some commentary on how he hurt more than the lion's pride to the glee of Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass; and to the horror of the rest of the peanut gallery. Sadly; we don't know what Fimberly's opinion was, but she's the bump machine so no one cares about her anyway. He smacks himself on the right cheek and his band-aid comes off and the handprint flakes off a snow angel spot on Milo's face. Okay; that one I'm going to let slide because it's different at least. Albert thinks he sucked the lion's face off as Oscar mocks him in response. Milo sees the handprint of his skin on the ground and panics as he puts it back on.
Everyone starts to bail from the stands (did the bell ring or something?) as Milo grabs Oscar and apparently; the janitor has a new version of Cookie Carpetner cousins which makes Oscar jump with glee. Speaking to the old farts: I was hoping Disney Interactive would take the hint and produce Cookie Carpenter Cousins as a real video game; but instead we got a Wayforward Shantae remake of Ducktales called Ducktales Remastered on Wii U's e-Shop. And to the TaleSpin fans/farts out there: Keep dreaming! Not going to happen. Personally; I want them to do a Grand Theft Auto style sandbox game for TaleSpin because that fits that show a lot more than Capcom's "SeaDuck suddenly uses guns" shooter and the other crappy platformers for Genesis and TG-16. But again; won't happen. They didn't care about it in 1990; they don't care about it now. The only reason it was awesome was because the staff was fighting for their jobs. No altruism in that production, no siree. Get over it and move on. And yes; we head to the janitor's room and Oscar opens the door...BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! On come on Oscar; you seriously fell for that obvious stunt? Milo jumps on Oscar's belly and yells that he's sorry for lying to him; but he has a man emergency which is like an emergency for men. Okay; good to know as Oscar blows him off for putting goop on himself and he wants to go to class. Milo counters that it's not a prank as he pulls the bandaid off and more loose skin is coming off. Oscar is repulsed and horrified at the same time. You know this is serious when this reaction in Oscar only occurs when Clamantha is wanting some kissy kissy.
Milo panics and rips off half of the scales off his face. He wants to know what should he do and Oscar proclaims that when he has problems, he turns to his best friend. Milo asks if it's him and Oscar sezs no. Of course not Oscar; because you are supposed to be Milo's brother. It's the internet see as Milo bails in glee while a piece of the skin falls on Oscar's face and he goes all upset over it. What a baby?! So we head to the library as we head to the desk as a couple of girls are talking about boys; and the female brown fish in a suit and tie blows them off because it's a library and that means shut up. She has brown hair with a ponytail and she has a name plate on her desk which means she's Bonnie Bunn-something. I'm guessing it's Bunnie or something along those lines. So the conveniently placed phone rings and she answers it speaking out loud like the hypocrite that she is as Milo comes in wearing a Dick Tracy like disguise. I don't see what the point this is because she's an adult and therefore is considered stupid so it cannot be to practice the fine art of not being seen; and it's not to cover his face because it fails since we clearly see the scar on his right cheek. I guess he wants to be Fish Tracy. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So Milo goes to the computer section of the library and we get the Fish Internet Search Engine again as Milo magically makes the words "teenage fish skin problems" appear on the search engine box.
Milo clicks and we get horrible shots of fish with skin problems. Ooookkkkaaaayyy! Milo should have added "treatments" to that search. Milo's accent almost makes him say "Oh my God" for real as he sweats like mad which cannot be helpful to his skin. Milo screams that he needs a doctor and he runs out of the library with a poster on his head which still doesn't cover the face and screams as I discover that the Bunn part includes an F. Bunnfish? Bunnfisher? Come on Fish Hook fans; I want to know what Bonnie's last name is. Bonnie blows off Milo as he goes out and then answers the phone again. I don't recall her hanging up on the last phone call she made. Oh well; my hearing must be dying on me. We do get a pan shot of the full plate; but it's so blurred on this cut that I have no idea what it says. So we head to outside the hallway to the School Dermatologist as we heard Milo panicking about his skin condition and demanding help. Apparently; we discover on the sign that the doctor is Dr. Shrimp. So this is Jumbo Shrimp's father or mother eh? Doctor Shrimp is voiced by David Shair who has done storyboard and storyboard revisions and was responsible for writing Spoiler Alert for the same show. That's it.We finally see Doctor Shrimp crawling on top of Milo as he/she is smaller than most tadpoles. It has to be Jumbo Shrimp's father (and weirdly enough he/she sounds like Doctor Frog/Deranged Kermit) which means Dr. Shrimp doesn't even know about Jumbo's misadventures with Larson & Gary. Yet. So Doctor Shrimp manages to smack Milo on his back and he crawls onto Milo's belly and chomps on more loose skin and scales. Milo pleads for help; but Doc proclaims that this is perfectly normal as all fish teenagers suffer from molting; or shedding as I call it. Sadly for Milo; this is going to take some time to heal as Milo panics again.
As Milo is whining about not having any time; the door flings open and it's...Shellsea? She gets her contracted line in which involves pimples being popped. Milo proclaims that the only calender that he's going to be in is the ugly one as we zoom out while Milo screams. Now; the smart one would have figured out when Shellsea cut her promo that Milo isn't the only one with body issues. But we also have to remember that Milo has kicked Oscar in the face a dozen times in Fish Talent Show; so it takes a bit of time for this to sink in. Speaking of sinking; we head outside the tanks with Oscar on the high diving board wearing the most revealing male bathing suit ever. He's like wearing a purple thong. He's also wearing purple goggles and a red cap as he goes on about being on the high diving board and then we see Milo wearing a monk robe and startles him from behind. HA! Oscar blows him off as Milo yells at him not to look at him. Milo then goes on and on about running away forever because he looks hideous and he demands that no one go to look for him, and no one rallies for people to look for him and he'll be at the fish tank with the creepy castle. Ummm; Milo, you might want to scratch that last one; you just blew your cover before you had a chance to blow your cover. Milo finally stop rambling on and floats off as Oscar tries to tell him that he is not alone; but Milo doesn't hear it and we scene change to the fish tank with the creepy castle complete with thunderclaps. This petshop is one FDA sting away from being destroyed; let me tell ya!
So we zoom in to the creepy castle of doom as the creepy music was basically played by the same boom box used in Deadman's Drop (probably stolen by Milo from Bea's slumber party) as the music is not cheering him up and he throws the radio out of the window and it gets smashed and thus the creepy music died. Milo has a purple pocket mirror and he keeps going on and on about looking hideous as this episode is starting to depress me. Not in the same way Little Fish Sunshine did; but in a way that bugs me because Milo should have taken the hint by now. I mean he talks about being the only teenager with body issues and yet he was shown at least five different fish with the same issues HE HAS on the internet. He goes on about being in a secret castle where no one can find him despite the fact that he's yelling out loud and sure enough, here comes all the kids from Freshwater High, led by Bea. I hate to do this; but I have to side with Bea on this one, only because Milo's act is dumber than it should be. Sadly; no Angela in this one. Bummer. Oscar does the police officer promo to come out now because they followed his trail of dead skin flakes. Oh SNAP!! Milo blows them off as normal because he no longer belongs. Milo walks into the hallway and gets surrounded by purple spiders and purple bats. Then the dark entrance with millions of yellow white eyes appears and he runs out of the castle through the front door and does the Scooby/Shaggy spot with Oscar as the bats fly by. HAHA! Milo is miffed that they came to make fun of him and Bea counters that they are not as she points out that everyone has problems. Apparently Steve Jackson has two asses. HA!
Milo doesn't buy it because Steve Jackson always had 2 asses to deal with. One is Bea and the other is Bea. POW! OUCH! Ummmm....Yeah; that joke sucked...in bed. So Milo blows them off for pulling a fast one on him like a rubber band; so Bea proclaims that she has something to change his mind. And so Oscar brings out the turntable table and yes folks; it's the second rap song of the short. I am so not calling this as Albert gets MURDERED in the hallway by everyone as Oscar plays Superman with underwear and a red cape. Bea has an American Fish Flag with the fish replacing the stars. That's a big no-no guys! Oscar is on flute and Albert is on drums by the way. Shellsea proclaims that she's just a fish who apparently likes to torture Randy Pincherson, Piranhaica, Jocktopus, Ronnie and Razor V. Doom. Wait; I thought Razor was merely a misunderstood babyface who was a sexist...Oh wait; that's why Shellsea is tormenting him. Albert's singing is a lot better than 90% of the singing on this show. Mostly because Atticus' voice can not be easily sweetened. Albert's flaw is that he's see through. I can understand this being a problem with the censors; but I thought his problem was bullies. Bea claims that her flaw is that she's a drama queen which is perfectly accurate. Razor V. Doom's flaw is that he's too happy. He has a flaw of sexism and total contempt for irony from my vantage point. Oscar's flaw is that he's a super geek. No; your flaw Oscar is that you are inflatable, just like Clamantha's boyfriends. BOINK! OUCH! Ummmm.... Escarmargot's flaw is that she's slimy. Which is true; but her bigger flaw is that she's too legit to not quit.
Fimberly's flaw is being clumsey and she plays bump machine again while holding the sign upside down. When are we going to finally stop turning her into a bad trope? Clamantha's flaw is Clamantha. Umm; add "'s voice" to that and it's perfectly accurate. Koi flaw is Wuh. Translation: grunting. Apparently; Jumbo Shrimp's flaw is his teeth which is silly when you consider that Jumbo's main flaw is having no grasp of reality as seen in Bea's Birthday Surprise. Shellsea's flaw is that she's mean. I thought her flaw was no selling like Sandy Sweetcheeks. Or was it her being a walking female stereotype? I sometimes get those two mixed up. Steve's flaw is the same as Clamantha. I think his flaw is he's an airhead like Brandon Bubbler. Since Mr. Baldwin is in this song; his flaw is being unable to resist his seanut butter coffee. Milo proclaims that he enjoyed the song; but doesn't see the point of this. Bea points out that this was to show that everyone has major issues and shouldn't let them overwhelm him. Milo asks if they still love him in spite of his condition and the gang all agree that they will. Milo floats up and teasing blowing everyone off; and then rips off his monk clothes and underwear which completely rubs all the skin off of his body. Wow; he looks even more beautiful without the skin. Like Kit Cloudkicker without the baseball cap on. Everyone cheers and then all the skin and scales plop on them and they are repulsed by it. Hypocrites all of them. So Milo asks if this means that he'll be on the cover of the Catch Of The Month; and Clamantha blows it off because the winner has been anounced. And would it be shocking if I told you it was Steve Jackson?! That's a stupid ending. I would have booked it with Escarmargot winning because she's has more flaws than Milo ever did and this would allow the moral to save face while still making us laugh at Milo for not doing enough to win against ESCARMARGOT! Everyone giggles as Milo does the Gruffi pose and we circle fade out to end the episode at 10:40 approx. Much better than Little Fish Sunshine; but the ending was botched and Milo's act of hating himself is a wee bit too contrived to be believable. *** 1/4 (65%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Bea's Birthday Surprise was just another fun Milo Moment which took a little bit too long to setup; but once Mr. Baldwin came in the picture; the finishing sequence was great as Milo was his usual self (with girly voice); although I am saddened that he didn't call himself Milovia in that high pitched voice; which would have made the Gentle Maids angle complete for me. While I am no fan of Brandon Bubbler as a character; Milo kidnapping him was comedy gold. Conssair was downright annoying and he didn't even have the sense to payoff his promo cutting when Milo and company were about to leave with Brandon in tow. The ending was predictable and yes; I expect Milo to not be in jail for his actions, but that is par for the course in these new cartoons. There were a few animation mistakes and some of the logic was wonky (Fimberly flies off-screen; but the male babyfaces only land five feet in front of the door when they are kicked out?); but overall; a good episode with very little dumbassery from Bea. And yes; we did get the payoff of Bea dancing with Steve Jackson. Maybe this will lead to Bea/Steve now...
Vinny: I have no faith and I don't really care.
Yeah; it's too bad. Fish Flakes was basically the body issues episode and for the most part; they pulled this one off a lot better than they did with Little Fish Sunshine. Mostly because the modeling was basically thrown in the background while Milo's body issue took center stage as they should. However; Milo's act started off well; it became contrived by the time Oscar and company found him because the hint was easily right there in plain sight (as in Milo seeing the pictures on the internet should have triggered that he wasn't alone). Milo's acting was hilarious; but it was both in a good and not so good way and the ending was lame because they basically killed the entire moral of body issues by having near perfect Steve Jackson win. I would have had Escarmargot win the contest because that keeps the moral intact and we still get to laugh at Milo because despite all this; he still lost to a kid who has bigger problems than he does. It's not really that hard. And for goodness sakes; when are we going to get a legit Fimberly focused episode? I'm sick and tired of seeing Fimberly being kicked around like a football; or bump machine so to speak. Overall; this episode was good; but could have been better. So......
Thumbs in the middle pointing up for Bea's Birthday Surprise and thumbs in the middle for Fish Flakes and I'll see you all next time!