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Fish Hooks
See Bea Ski/Night At The Loxbury Rant
Reviewed: 04/26/2013
See Milo Loxbury Ski Tonight!
Our next rant up for bids on the "New Disney Price Is Silly; But I've Seen Thousands Worse" is Bea skiing and Milo opening a club for his buddies at the Hokey Poke. The later is money; the former is opposite of money. So; let's rant on shall we...?
See Bea Ski is written and storyboarded by Joseph Johnston. The story is done by the directors, Maxwell Atoms, Noah Z. Jones, Darrick Bachman, Joseph Johnston and Craig Lewis. Joseph is Joe Johnston by the way. Craig Lewis started with the Powerpuff Girl's Christmas special in 2002. Then it was Grim & Evil, Johnny Bravo, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Saul Of The Mole Men, Young Person's Guide To History, Powerpuff Girls Rule!, and Adventure Time With Finn & Jake. Motorcity is his DTVA debut and this episode is his most recent credit. That's it actually. Night At The Loxbury is written and storyboarded by Audie Harrison and William Reiss . The story is done by the directors, Maxwell Atoms and Darrick Bachman. Audie does mostly visual effects stuff and started as an intern for Catdog in 1998. Visual Effect credits: Invisible Baby (most recent credit), The Mummy: Tomb Of The Emperor, The Golden Compass, Night At The Museum, Charlotte's Web 2006 version, The Ant Bully, Garfield & the sequel 2004/2006 edition, Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, and Jimmy Neutron the series among others. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. 14 animation credits, five writing credits, two storyboard, four director credits, three producer credits, one acting credit (Enigma as Park People) and 1 Cinematographer credit (The Last American). Darrick did story for Oscar's Secret Admirer in a previous rant. He started on Samurai Jack in 2003 and then it was Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Robotboy, Chowder, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, The Powerpuffs Rule!, and Sym-Bionic Titan. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut and most recent credit. He also was the production manager for Korgoth of Barbaria and was Billy in Before Turning The Gun. All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.
See Bea Ski: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Hot Chocolate) as we see Bud in winter gear and skis leaving the shop and heading to his car. He's got pink skis I might add and we head inside and see an icy mountain in the foreground. Then a close up of the vent making icy cold waves onto said ice mountain. We then pan southeast to a snowy mountain side and a ski lift as we see Jumbo Shrimp with Albert Glass in one ski lift chair; while Bea is with Shellsea in another ski lift chair doing her usual swear. Shellsea is wearing a SWANK white winter coat while Bea is wearing purple again. Bea claims that she doesn't know how to ski; but she can overwhelm it with her natural talent...in bed. Shellsea is snow crazy and they whistle and put their arms in the air. And I still don't really care as we pan over to Milo and Oscar as Milo is wearing a buffalo style hunting cap. Milo claims that he is working on his yodel and it's so hilariously bad that it's both better than Bea yodeling and the Rock slipping the tongue combined. So we see Albert and Jumbo Shrimp exchange notes on nothing of note and they dismount perfectly. Bea and Shellsea land the dismount; so Bea has so far not done stupid things. Milo dismounts from the ski lift; but the "book smart, common sense dumb" Oscar refers to his book on dismounting and he goes around the ski lift and then realizes that he screwed himself and he goes down the ski lift. So Escarmargot (out of nowhere) notices Steve Jackson doing figure skating (although we don't see Steve actually doing it) as the girls are all giddy to see it. Bea asks Milo to join; but Milo has other important things to do. Like in the next scene as he kicks the door open to the ski lodge. Why must every character in this show kick a door open every episode? So we see various denizens of the CGI animal world including a couple of ferrets, a elder lizard and a moose's leg; while Milo narrates about what people do at ski lodges.
We then cut to the ferrets as they are drinking hot chocolate while green sweater ferret (Rob Paulsen) talks about getting almost eaten by a lobster yeti. Milo steps in and blows it off because he's best friends with said lobster yeti as he shows a picture of him with the lobster yeti with a Thanksgiving turkey. Sadly; Rock Lobster Yeti is one of the few episodes from this season that I have yet to rant on. Green is impressed and buys him hot chocolate and a mug of hot chocolate comes Milo's way with lots of marshmallows. Milo drinks up as his chocolate is foamy. Green wants more stories and if Milo can keep up; he gets more hot chocolate. Milo loves it as we cut to outside on the ice pond as Steve Jackson is doing some figure skating wearing a SWANK blue bodysuit with a light blue body and dark blue neck. Think Kit's bodysuit from Stormy Weather without the white circle and thunderbolt. All the girls watch from the sidelines (Exception being Fimberly which once again; Fimberly continues her run of being the hopeless bump machine trope.) and we do the eye wash spot to lop off the obvious logic break of the episode. Thankfully; I didn't mention it. Shellsea proclaims that Steve Jackson can triple axle her everyday. That one make me laugh for no reason whatsoever. And speaking of Fimberly; we see Fimberly on skis off the ramp and she flips and does a picture perfect landing on the snow. Huh? Fimberly? Didn't bump this time? IT'S A MIRACLE~! They are treating her like a character for once. This is a special day! Bea is amazed as Fimberly wants to explain her background; but Bea cuts her off. Asshole! LET FIMBERLY TALK AND BE A DAMN CHARACTER BEA! Bea asks Fimberly to teach her how to ski and Fimberly agrees to it. Well; this is as close as we are going to get Fimberly getting an actual focus episode; so I'll take it.
So we head to the slopes as since Kick Buttowski is gone; they are playing the leftover heavy metal music as the ferrets from earlier are snowboarding, someone is digging out several fish stuck head first in the snow. Not unlike Adam Sessler's vision of Nintendo doing the same when Nintendo announced that they aren't having the E3 Conference. Funny how everyone is acting like Nintendo has foresaken E3 altogether when in reality, Nintendo has many smaller events planned for the show through Nintendo Directs and other such stuff. Plus; they are showing playable software at the show anyway. Even more amusing is that the big conference LAST YEAR was the same thing; except the big conference was all about Wii U software which all the critics bashed TO DEATH over. Look; I know Wii U is only doing slightly better than Vita was at that point of release; but you idiots have been bashing Nintendo for so long now; the crap is getting old. If you want one reason why I quit the dumbass rodeo; this is one reason why. So we see Koi Fish with skis crossed going down hard; while Shellsea is in the sock doing awesome without a care in the world. Anyhow; Fimberly and Bea are skiing together and Bea seems to be doing fine so far. This kinda kills the whole "Bea is a poor skier" angle right there. Bea proclaims that nothing can stop her natural talent...in bed. And she bumps right into a fat ass bunny on skis wearing a lot more purple than Bea was. Bea is down with her head in the snow which is a lot more fitting in terms of reality than Adam's imaginary "reality" of Nintendo doing the same. Fimberly helps Bea out as two bunnies wearing green and yellow winter clothes. The green one is the far bunny; the yellow/orange one is the thin one and she swears like Bea. We discover that the fat ass purple winter clothed bunny is none other than Hot Cocoa.
Hot Cocoa is voiced by Ana Gasteyer and according to the IMDB: Ana Gasteyer is best known for her incomparable work on "Saturday Night Live". During her six year stint, she created some of the most famous SNL characters including middle school music teacher Bobbie Moughan-Culp, NPR radio host Margaret Jo, Lilith Fair poetess Cinder Calhoun, as well as spot-on impressions of Martha Stewart, Celine Dion and Hillary Rodham Clinton. She returned to SNL as Margaret Jo in "NPR'S Delicious Dish" and the infamous "Muffin Top" sketch with Betty White, which Gasteyer created and wrote. On stage, she made her triumphant Broadway debut as Columbia in "The Rocky Horror Show." Since then, Gasteyer earned raves as Elphaba in "Wicked" on Broadway & originated the role for the Chicago production, earning a Jefferson Award nomination. Other New York theater credits include the Tony-nominated Broadway productions of "The Royal Family" directed by Doug Hughes, "The Threepenny Opera" with Alan Cumming and Jim Dale, Eve Ensler's acclaimed Off-Broadway hit "The Vagina Monologues" a nd Manhattan Theatre Club's hit production of "Kimberly Akimbo" by celebrated playwright David Lindsay-Abaire. Ana also she starred as Fanny Brice in "Funny Girl" at the Pittsburgh Civic Light Opera. Gasteyer starred to rave reviews as Fosca in Gary Griffin's production of Sondheim's "Passion" at The Chicago Shakespeare Theater, earning a Jefferson Award nomination for her performance. She also co-starred in the one-night-only star-studded Actors Fund benefit concerts of "Funny Girl," "Hair," and "A Centennial Celebration of Frank Loesser." Ana can be heard on the Actor's Fund Recording of Hair and the Reefer Madness Soundtrack.
Other theatrical credits include the national tour of "The Real Live Brady Bunch," as well as productions of "The Odyssey" and "The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci," both directed by Mary Zimmerman. Prior to joining SNL, Gasteyer honed her comedy skills at The Groundlings, the famed Los Angeles improv-sketch comedy group. On film, Ana has been seen in "Dare," "Mean Girls," "The Women," "What Women Want," "Woman On Top," "Dick," and "What's The Worse That Could Happen?" Other television credits include "The Good Wife," "Chuck," Showtime's "Reefer Madness," "Frasier," "Just Shoot Me," "3rd Rock From The Sun," "NYPD Blue," "Mad About You," "Law & Order," "Party of Five," "Seinfeld" (the "Soup Nazi" episode), as well as guest hosting "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", "Live With Regis" and "The Rosie O'Donnell Show." Upcoming, she will be seen in the Tyler Perry produced film "We The Peeples" opposite Kerry Washington, David Alan Grier, Melvin Van Peebles and Diahann Carroll and in the next season of HBO's hit series "Curb Your Enthusiasm" opposite Larry David. She started as a production assistant for the New Adventures of He-Man in 1990. Yeah. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. Geography Club (Mrs. Toles), Peeples (as Mayor Hodge) and Rapture-Palooza (Ms. Lewis) are her most recent credits. She has 43 acting credits, three soundtrack credits, one other credit and 43 Self credits to her resume.
Hot Cocoa gets up and blames Bea for it. Bea actually apologizes (Good! At least she's taking responsibility for this outrage this time); but Hot Cocoa is pissed because she is Hot Cocoa and is the ski queen bunny of the slopes. Bea addresses herself (funny how someone bigger than she is; is making her look like a normal character instead of a "girl power" character she is slotted into) and admits that everyone has their faux pas. Memo to Bea: HC doesn't understand French at all because HC is offended that Bea called her rabbit paws fake which she shows her paws to force the point. HC talks about Bea's first time skiing; and apparently, there is an unwritten rule that Bea must ski on the slope where children must play. We pan over to see Dan and Anne Chovie on a toboggan sliding really slow down the hill and they are frightened. One group is making a snow fish and the other is shoveling out some fish. Bea is pissed off by this rule; so Hot Cocoa gets in her face and challenges Bea to a downhill skiing event at the triple black diamond slope. If Bea or her team mates win; then Bea can ski anywhere she wants. Bea proclaims that it is on BABEE~! HC and company leave as we see a weird face green fish with a shovel come over and warn Bea about doing this. Bea calls him a "random ski patrol guy" (Remember that it was Quack Pack that started this nonsense) and proclaims that this is not hard...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummm...And we segue to the downhill that is steep with plants sticking out sideways. Well; to be fair to Bea, this is her first time skiing. Kit would have this done in two minutes and watching Matlock from the lodge. Still; it's Bea, and not Kick Buttowski who claims to have done this well before Deadman's Drop. Bea isn't sure anymore...and we cut back to Oscar making it to the top again; ready to dismount, but the conveniently placed snowball crumbles and out comes Clamantha surprising Oscar so much that he forgets to dismount and goes around the ski lift. HAHA! Clamantha isn't even trying anymore; but that was still pretty funny. Even funnier; she bounces after Oscar and falls down the cliff.
So we head back inside the lodge as the ferret have apparently returned to the lodge while Milo is telling more stories of doom as a frog and raccoon have joined us along with the light blue anime haired fish and a purple haired fish that I do not care about at all. Milo finishes his story about the monkey king of doom which impresses the crowd. And then here comes the EVIL ONE himself. You know who he is; the one who thinks he's Kenny Powers. He wants answers to this outrage and he has the pinching claws on full blast this time. Still sore after losing in the Grandma Games Randy? Milo explains that he is getting free hot chocolate for this gig; so Randy puts his claw behind his back and comes back with the claw in a cast claiming that he broke his arm. Milo calls him out for it. Sadly; we know BS&P allows broken bones as Busy Bea's Rise Of The Machines. Randy claims that he broke his claw saving puppies from flying space zebra's. I am certainly going to get a verbal beating from Supermouse after this one. (Monty: Too right!) The fans turn on Milo and listen to Randy's BS stories that make Monty's BS stories look realistic in comparison. Flying space zebra's? Really Randy? The light blue girl steals Milo's hot chocolate just to rub it into Milo as Milo doesn't like this at all. What a Hot Cocoa Nazi she is?! And speaking of HC; we return to the triple black diamond slope as Koi Fish grunts and Escarmargot claims that they are doomed. Bea tells them to relax because despite the fact that this is an icy mountain of death; they have Fimberly as she slaps her back and Fimberly goes down the slope. You just know that the gimmick is coming and while Fimberly manages to dodge a lot of trees on her own; she turns her head towards Bea and she cannot WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE~! Why is everyone surprised that Fimberly took that bump? She's a gimmick trope; not a character. Despite the fact that she set a record for the longest time before doing turning into the bump machine. And she gets buried literally as I also expected the writers to do in this situation. The fish are shocked and appalled; more so than everyone was shocked that Mr. Iwata became the CEO of Nintendo of America. I refuse to comment any further on that story...
So the gang all ski down and then tangle into each other and do the big ass snowball rolling down the hill spot. Which is only designed to punish Fimberly because she literally pops up from her burial ground saying that she made it and no one can stop her from being a character. Sadly; the writers say "F*** YOU!" to her and the snowball crashes into her and we fade to black in a white out. So we return with the snow wiped off Fimberly's body from the FPS shot as the random ski patrol fish help out as Bea tries to console Fimberly as Fimberly tries to get up; but we get a crack as the RSPF scoops her up in a shovel and claims that it is a sprained fin. Funny how they toned down the injury despite the fact that BEA was the one who got her arm broken in Busy Bea. Someone at BS&P must have complained or something. Fimberly thanks him and we discover that his name is Shaun Whitefish. Oh goody; that means... Shaun Whitefish is voiced by Shaun White who is like Tony Hawk an extreme sports dude; only in snowboarding (as seen in a few Nintendo E3 press conferences during the Wii run.). He has 70 Self Credits; mostly for his snowboarding work. He was known as Shaun Palmer back in 2001 as his debut in the video game bearing his name. He did Howling For You as Shwight and is the exec producer for the television movie Cloud 9 which is his most recent credit. Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut. He is a multiple time gold medalist in snowboarding in the Winter Olympic Games in 2006 and in 2010; representing the USA. That's all you really need to know. At least they got someone who has experience in this field; unlike Kick Buttowski when they had Tony Hawk doing BMX bikes despite him being famous for skateboarding. Shaun warns them to give up because the Snow Bunnies are E-VIL~! Anyone who claims to be Hot Cocoa wearing purple must be evil and he knows it too as he leaves stage left with Fimberly.
So Bea does her usual "don't give up" speech...in bed. Koi Fish grunts and shakes her head as she wants no part of it. Wow; I thought Escarmargot would be the first one to give up here. She is the second because they are nothing without Fimberly. Bea refuses to quit because their talent is about to awaken...in bed. So we segue to Oscar looking on as the snowball of doom goes down the hill with all the girls as Bea proclaims that she was wrong. HAHA! I'm guessing Oscar didn't dismount here; but the focus is on the girls, so we head back to the lodge as Bea paces in front of the couch as she is the only one who is not injured as a result. Bea is still not giving up...in bed. The girls blow her off and leave as Shellsea wants a hot bath. Bea pleads for them to come back; but then we see Shaun looking flat as a board as he is sitting at the fireplace. He explains that they are smart and Bea is dumb...in bed. See; he had his dreams crushed by the Snow Bunnies despite his success as a snowboarding champion. And yes; they crushed him flat as a board and he's stewing over it and sulking. Bea is pissed off and shows her angry face...in bed. She storms out as Shuan pleads for her not to go because his tale was a cautionary tale. Ummm; not a good choice of words Shuan. It was more like a "What not to do." tale to me. Anyhow; we head back to the triple black diamond slope of doom as the Snow Bunnies have arrived on top and they claim that Bea has chickened out. However; Bea has arrived in the purple sock, blowing them off as Shuan trails behind. I'm thinking that Shuan is going to redeem himself here. The bunnies mock Bea on her friends; and then Shellsea arrives with her friends because they will still cheer her anyway. So HC mocks Bea again as the green clothes rabbit munches off her skis. Yeap; they are E-VIL~! Only evildoers like them would CHEAT TO WIN BEFORE the race even STARTS! So they mock the fish and ski down to start the race. Bea panics and asks where the skis are and Fimberly states that they are back at the lodge. Shuan turns around to get them; but Bea stops him because he's flat as a board and she suddenly gets inspired. Oh no; don't tell me she's...
......DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
Yes; she snowboards down the hill with Shuan Whitefish as the snowboard. Geez; this is worse torture and suffering than Albert getting handcuffed by Bea in Fishing for Compliments: The Albert Glass Story. Even worse is that Shuan is face down and Shuan calls this a terrible idea. Yeah; it's terrible, but kids don't care about you anyway, so you'll have to take it Shuan since Bea must be strong at all times. We cannot have the world thinking Disney endorses sexism now can't we. Now if Angela was doing this; this would be awesome. Or Jackie doing it to Kick Buttowski. Same catchphrase. Bea proclaims that it's too late...in bed. So we head outside the lodge on the foot of the mountainside as Milo proclaims that this is the grand finale as he is going to tell Randy and the rest of the lodgers a story so absurd and so BS that he'll get unlimited refills of hot cocoa for a solid life. If only that reward was true. Oh wait; that is the stipulation for this. Randy goes all pfft on us. So Milo relates a story about skiing the triple black diamond slope as the crowd goes oooo over that one. So Milo tells us all about how he skied down the slope and caught up to his European rival when then the NINJA BUNNIES OF DOOM appear (complete with sunshine shadow jackhammered background. Which is really neat?!) and they try to squish him on opposite sides. Milo goes all "oh no" as his friends slide in and throw snowballs at the ninja bunnies and then get into an epic swordfight which Milo demonstrates like Cubbi does often. The crowd is liking this; Randy isn't as Milo proclaims that one of his friends bopped on the head. But then something went wrong as his friends somehow crashed into the ski lift pole and that causes Oscar to fall and dismount off the ski lift. So I'm deducing that he's talking about Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass here. Oscar is happy and he yodels even better than Milo and we get the avalanche spot as Milo claims that he and his rival were surfing for their lives in a white wave of snow. Did I mention that Bea, the babyfaces and the heels are doing the exact same thing that Milo is telling in his BS story? Now THAT's projection!
So Milo continues telling this story and Oscar goes off the ramp and onto the ski lift chair again. HEE HEE! And so Milo continues as he is finishing the story and the entire crowd of people bail on cue from the rumbling as Milo is confused. They tease Milo getting buried; but the snow stops about a foot behind Milo and Bea is safe and sound. The girls run in and help Shuan Whitefish who is buried in the snow and asks if they won. Bea proclaims that she doesn't care if she won or not; because she made it. Hot Cocoa calls this incorrect as she blows off Bea because she's alive and she won so she gets to mock them. She walks backwards pointing the finger and laugh; but she doesn't see Milo bent over grabbing a stray nickel out of nowhere and she trips; turns into a giant ass snowball, and gets her friends as they tumble down another hill; and that is that for them. Shuan thanks Bea as he will persue his dream of being a snowboard; and Bea wants to go inside for drinks. Milo goes all hot chocolate on us and the girls, Milo and Shuan all walk off stage right. Escarmargot slimes on the snow of course as we cut back to Oscar on the ski lift sulking as we get a blow horn and that ends the episode at 10:40 approx. Fun episode with a neat finish; but damn, did Shuan Whitefish get buried as a character in this one. *** 3/4 (75%).
Night At The Loxbury: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Disco Fever) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Bud has a clipboard outside as all the cats are lined up on the carpet. Apparently; Bud has turned his pet shop into a night club. Whatever. We head inside and there are cats everywhere purring at the tanks as we zoom into the tank containing the Loxbury Club as mentioned on the sign attached to the building. The doors open and there is music, lights and Coach Salmons acting gay. Oh wait...POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Coach Salmons acting like himself; only looking more like a stereotype than he normally is. He points to someone in the club which he calls Patrica and loves her dance moves. He's wearing a prince's purple robe and oversized green sparkle rimmed glasses as Salmons is bushed. Sweatin To The Sexual Suggestive Oldes eh, Salmons? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Salmons is just being a dumbass as he whacks himself into the lamp post just to be Salmons and then no sells the shot and walks off. HAHA! So we head to the Hokey Poke as Chef is blowing off Coach Salmon who has apparently become the replacement for Nurse Fishington's fly spot. Sadly; Fishington has apparently trademarked her Kirby's Epic Yarn closeup; and then Coach Salmon turns upside down and dies. Bassy panics and sprays Fabreeze on the seat as the goofs with attitude walk in and Milo looks up and is shocked and horrified. He demands to know what the hell happened to Coach Salmons. He d...oh wait; he's alive and still brawling. Salmon has this amazing story as Milo has a mug of hot chocolate as Bassy leaves and Chef demands to know if he's going to order and Salmons claims that he will at some point. So he explains this whole thing and Salmons explaining anyway is hilarious as he mentions the Loxbury club and Milo, Oscar and Bea want to do; although Oscar doesn't know how to dance at all. Salmon loves them to go because he's clueless, so Chef tells them to go because he is getting a headache.
So we do a circle scene with Bea on her cellphone calling Shellsea as she's in a second circle proclaiming that she is disco mode right now. And she snores. Damn! I was hoping for the DISCO JACKHAMMER BACKGROUND OF AWESOMENESS from her! Fimberly is next and she is yelling as Shellsea blows her off and then Clamantha joins in yelling and Shellsea blows her off. And to my discovery; we discover what a disco nap is which is much more amusing than a disco stick from Lady Goo-Goo Gaga. You should of seen Mike Adam's meltdown on Lady Gaga when Orac from Respectful Insolance wrote about Mike's meltdown. It was comedy diamond! Anyhow; they head to the Loxbury with their duds and then they all run in and then three seconds later; they run out as Gunner bouncer fish chases them out. So we head to the Hokey Poke AFTER HAPPY HOUR as the gang all exchange notes and complaints. We discover that the Loxbury club is adults only which makes them better enforcers than the DMV. Fimberly shows off her Daisy Dukes which look like she watched too many Porkchop Cash matches from Mid-Atlantic Wrestling. Shellsea takes this well as she sips on a milkshake. HA! Bea wanted to dance and so does Milo as he ponders over a possible place for a teen club and a dance floor as he looks at Bassy mopping the floors and she blows off Milo for looking at her funny. Milo proclaims that it must have great food which Chef provides so Milo deduces that he wants to turn the Hokey Poke into a dance club. Chef yells no about five times as Milo runs down the reasons; until Milo mentions that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Chef sezs no and then catches himself and changes his mind. So it's on as everyone cheers on cue. And Albert drops upside down as we segue to the new Hokey Poke with a monster like theme and then go inside with rainbow lights and the kid babyfaces in their dance gear. I smell the Teddy Ruxpin Song of Doom commencing and it doesn't happen.
So we get head nodding as it doesn't feel like a club to Bea. Shellsea points out the flaw in this plan because they see each other everyday. So the fish proclaim that they should invite more fish; but Shellsea blows them off in kind despite that being a reasonable idea. So Milo proclaims that he has the best idea for this: Invite the salmon from the Loxbury Club to come to the club as a peace offering. Yeah; the same salmon that kicked you out of their club. So we scene change to outside of the Hokey Poke at HAPPY HOUR (oh boy!) as there is a huge lineup outside. I wonder why Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass didn't join up? Koi Fish is the bouncer for this party as she grunts as the salmon enter the Hokey Poke. A black scorpion tries to sneak in; but Koi sees through the worst disguise this side of All's Whale That Ends Whale and the heel is dejected and storms off stage right. HAHA! So we head inside as the salmon are bopping and nodding to the rainbow lights as "John Cena" Milo is dancing and rapping on stage; and he's already more awesome and more human than Cena could ever be. And Milo is an anthro fish. Ponder that for a moment. Shellsea is looking cool; while Bea is doing Karaoke and doing a horrible job singing. She sounds like the worst rap artist in history now. Oscar is excited about being around girls because we know the Angela relationship is dead now. At least in theory. Albert and JS do the robot dance and sound like geeks. Oh wait; that's their normal gimmick, my mistake. Clamantha gets to play the disco ball. HAHA! Take three guesses who suggested this and the first two don't count. Milo is sipping on the drink and hopes this never ends; and Chief comes in yelling that this must end. Apparently; he agreed to this idea; but the dancers are not buying anything. Wait; so there is no one at the Loxbury club who buys food and drink in the Loxbury Club (Chief called them a bunch of freeloaders)? That makes no sense.
So Chief threatens to shut the place down if Milo doesn't make them buy food which is very uncustomer like. I see Chef is a member of the RIAA. Which begs the question: Ummmm...I don't have one right now so let's move on. Milo tells Chief that he'll figure a way to give him coin and then jumps on him in a panic states and climbs down Chief's back and goes to the center. He calls up the kid babyfaces as Jumbo Shrimp and Albert Glass have returned. Milo basically informs them that if they don't sell food to them; the place will be shut down. So why didn't you just charge money for admission? Everyone calls this really serious as Milo calls it Miley Serious. So; Miley Cyrus is returning to Disney? Probably not. Shellsea is relaxed as usual as she points to her head and ponder over a plan and tells them to wait for it. HAHA! At least she's doing something of note to make the kids laugh; so the joke has substance. Unlike the "do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" which is basically telling the kids to give them a laugh instead of doing something funny to justify the kids laughing at it. Her eyes almost turn into dicks; but Fimberly yells to stop that and Shellsea blows it off. Fimberly did you a favor there Shellsea. Then she dings and she has an idea that she basically does everything on credit; which allows her parents to buy stuff for free and there are no consequences. Remember a time when episodes talked about the consequences of inflation. Why do I have a sneaking feeling that this will be the exact opposite of such an episode? Milo loves it because he's a hot dog; or something. So we scene change to behind the counter as Milo and Chief exchange notes. Chief calls this all terrible as Milo asks Chief to leave for 90 seconds and he decides to. Milo then pops down and arises with a plug and plugs a wire to show a neon green sign that sezs "Order Now, Pay Later". Basically; the old fashion version of "Free 2 Play" games. And without fail; all the salmon rush to the counter.
Chief comes back and notices the customers all have arrived. Milo shows them and Chief has no idea how it happened; but he thanks Milo, tells him that he's fine with the club and uses the hook to make him scram. Milo is happy as a hot dog and swims back to the goofs with attitude. The problem is solved. So we continue the dancing as Clamantha is getting dizzy as a disco ball should be; and then we get Shellsea riding Fimberly as a horsey. HAHA! Yeah; she is treated like an animal; but that is a step up from being treated like a piece of meat. Besides; she's half fish anyway. So the salmon continue with the orders with Bassy as the salmon like lots of junk food and no salad. As opposed to normal teenage kids? So all the salmon call their friends and their neighbours and it's clear where this angle is going now. And then Salmons shows up with his smartphone as Patrica is going to join us on this dance floor. Milo is loving this too as he's talking with Coach Salmons. Then Coach Salmon panics because he sees the red sign "Order Now, Pay Later". Milo is confused about this free credit thing as Coach Salmons explains that salmons are stereotypical guys and gals who never pay the bills; which Salmons cannot explain like keeping CGI dolphins in his royal robe which they show up and do the noise of doom. And of course, Chief hears everything and he's not happy as he tries to steal back a treat from a girl salmon; but she grabs it and it's tug of war time. So Koi Fish is on microphone and all the salmon hear about the free food and enter into the Hokey Poke. Well; Chief has no one but himself to blame for that one. And quite honestly; I have zero sympathy for the salmon here because they are treated as a bunch of freeloading stereotypes here. So the whole place is filled up and we have a really obvious fire hazard going on; but it's in water. Then again; this is Fish Hooks and we know fire can be lit in water so...we get chaos and mayhem as Fimberly bumps for a million salmon because no one gives a crap about her. Except me.
Milo wonders what the hell he has done here. Actually; nothing Milo. It's the salmon that won't PAY through the nose. Milo goes over to the turntable to try to get Oscar even though we clearly saw Oscar in the crowd in the previous shot and turns it around and Fake Oscar returns only a lot uglier than normal. And we see Oscar bumping some more and then floating in hurt as the babyface wonder how to get the fish out of here. Now at this point; the smart thing to do is yell at the salmon to "PAY UP"! One of two things happens: either the salmon get it and go to the counter and pay Chief; or they run out of the Hokey Poke without paying. Either way it works. It doesn't matter either way because Chief isn't going to allow this to happen again since Milo screwed him over by lying to him about how he got customers. However; this is the new Disney and that's too predictable, because Coach Salmon proclaims that their main weakness is that they hate swimming upstream. So they are the stereotypical "casuals" everyone talks about existing in the video game world. Salmons brings out a green nature book to force the point. He opens the book and it shows stock footage of salmon jumping upstream. This is the first time I have seen stock footage in a Disney cartoon since the first episode of Quack Pack! Milo proclaims that he got them in this mess and he's getting them out of it. Then we discover that the Loxbury club is a few tanks away. So Milo loads up the food on the fish hook as we see Chief using a big ass fishing rod and he reels it up as the music and lights go dead on cue. The salmon hear a splash and look up as their party is going upstream. And all of them jump into the water and then into the air like a bunch of salmon as Coach Salmon is enjoying every single moment of this. Okay; this finish makes no sense; but it's awesome so it's a good payoff. It really doesn't matter because the Hokey Poke Club is out of business anyway. And yes; there is a otter with a bear head swiping at the jumping salmon, what a surprise?
So Milo dumps the music and food into the Loxbury club which looks do different from an ordinary PG rated club; only with a lot of purple and pink as the salmon jump into the Luxbory club and dance on cue; and that is that. I predict that the ending of this will be the same spot Scrooge and company did in Down And Out In Duckberg and that is exactly what happens as Chief is ordering all the kids to fix up the Hokey Poke. Also Shellsea is nowhere to be seen. And who's idea was it to get the customers to buy food? Shellsea. And she got off scot free! I guess she used her unlimited credit line to pay for the repairs and Chief gave her a free pass on this. Oh wait; she didn't, my mistake. However; before this, there was one great payoff to all this: Milo tells Chef to stop reeling him in; but apparently, Chief has a automatic fishing line and it won't stop as Milo flips over Chief and is literally OFF THE HOOK~! HAHA! Bea and Oscar said it all there as Milo didn't mean it literally as he bounces off Bud's ear and then off-screen bump on the floor. Bud picks his ear and that is that. I loved that spot by the way. Milo is banging a board on the floor with nails with Oscar as he whines about being denied a party floor. Why not just party at home Milo? You and Oscar are the only ones who use the damn house anyway! Oh goody! Deranged Kermit is back and he was at this goofy dance club for frogs and Milo has a brain storm. Everyone yells at him no; but Milo doesn't care as he pokes his cheeks and we circle fade out to end the episode at 10:40 approx. I loved this episode despite the stereotypical nature of the salmon which lead to the absurd finish; but it worked and Milo got his Milo Moment OFF THE HOOK! And who's fault was it to create the "Free 2 Play" system? If you said Shellsea; you win the no prize and a sexist tag for life. DISCO~! POW! OUCH! Ummm... **** 1/4 (85%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; another set of really good episodes on Fish Hooks. Say what you will about the show being too much like live action Disney; there is enough difference between the two, and also; Fish Hooks is entertaining to me and really that is all I could ask for. See Bea Ski was a good example of this; it was a fun episode and for once Fimberly actually was a character for a few minutes instead of the usual ten seconds she is reduced to. Shuan's appearance was good and I like the poor guy; but really, I hated him being a snowboard for Bea to redeem himself because it was so goofy and made no sense. And Bea in the end didn't care if she beat Hot Cocoa which is a Dusty Rhodes type of booking name who was fine along with her buddies as heels. Milo does deserve bonus points for the best BS story ever because he telegraphed the finish without even knowing it, making his story believable in spite of the BS. Thus Randy is owned once again, and that's good. Oscar was Oscar. Bea was actually fine despite ruining Shuan White's face more than it already was, and the "I can't ski" thing was dead within thirty seconds of going there. Yeah; more girl power from Bea; but it made Fimberly into a character rather than a bump machine which is her normal position; so I will not complain about that. Night At The Luxbory was great; I enjoyed almost every minute of this episode: From Salmon's comedy gold promos, The Miley Cyrus joke from Milo, Shellsea's idea which managed to play into the ending, Doctor Frog's goofy appearance, to the absurd finish which make little sense; but it looked awesome and Milo paid off his off the hook promos in style as he bounced off Bud's ear. Still; the whole Salmons not paying stuff is completely out of nowhere and it was a contriveness for the chaos and mayhem that followed. And we finally discover what a "Disco Nap" is; thanks Shellsea. So we got two good to great episodes here and I'm happy as rain for it. So next up is the last two episodes left of Fish Hooks: Bea Dates Milo and Milo's Magical Shake. These ones will likely be shorter than usual since the footage is so blurry. Then I finish ranting until Fish Prom with Kick Buttowski and Brad's Room. In reversal mode. HOT DOG~! So......
Thumbs in the middle for See Bea Ski and thumbs up for Night At Loxbury and I'll see you all next time.