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Fish Hooks
Milo VS. Milo/Everything But The Chicken Sink Rant
Reviewed: 10/19/2013
It's Milo VS. The Writers Now...
Welcome to Season Three of Fish Hooks. Also known as the Lame Chicken season as there is not much left to see anymore. So in these two shorts; Milo takes on Fish Hollywood for "defaming" him (as if Randy Pincherson hasn't done it to him already); and then we see Bea giving swimming lesson to a chicken who is more stubborn and difficult than Molly. Ummmm; yeah, we are really pushing it here. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Milo Vs. Milo is written and storyboarded by Neil Graf and Ian Wusseluk. The story is done by the directors, Darrick Bachman, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. Everything But The Chicken Sink is written and storyboarded by Dominic Bisignano. The story is done by the directors, Darrick Bachman, Craig Lewis, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. Dominic's resume is just plain weird: The Boy Princess: A Tragedie Most Monsterous (as a sound mixer) was his debut in 2007,then it was From Burger It Came, Mandorla, The Kool-Aid Wino, Dude; What Would Happen, I Live In The Woods, Kanizsa Hill (as body), Geromino & The Three Mikes (Dale) and the 2009 Astro Boy movie. Jean-Michel Basquiat: The Radiant Child is the most recent animation credit. Fish Hooks is the only appearance on the DTVA side of things. He has two acting credits, three sound editing credits, one music composer edit, two writing credits, one director credit, one camera credit and three animation department credits. Los Wild Ones and Bite Of The Tail are his most recent composer credits which he has four of them. That's it actually. All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does. Oh; look, Corey Burton is in the voice credits for the first short (Stage Manager and Narrator). Yipppeee! Or maybe not.
Milo Vs. Milo: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Evil Twins) as Bud is watching television of himself watching television in front of the tanks. Bud gets scared and we do a sequence of triple takes before going into someone's living room (I presume it's either Oscar's or Jumbo Shrimp's) as Milo appears blocking the television. Okay; that was good. I discover that it is indeed Oscar's as Bea, Oscar, Jumbo Shrimp, Albert Glass and Shellsea are on the sofa. Milo claims that he is picking the show tonight and Oscar thought that they were watching the show called Beached Whales of Orange County; which IS a witty joke, I'll give the writers that much. Albert just likes being included period; while Bea wants to see Trixie do something no one cares. Milo claims that there is a new show on television which is the new best show ever as we see in the television footage from Parasite Freight which is supposed to be Z-grade B&W footage from that movie. Everyone cheers on cue as Milo covers the orange screen of death which I betcha will factor into the finish later on as Milo give the big reveal and there is a House of Mouse style title card called the...wait for it...Milo Show. Oh sure; what were you expecting: The Bea...In Bed Show?! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm...Milo is so happy because they had his life story on the air. I remember the old days of forums and Usenet when someone claimed that someone sued Disney for putting their life story in cartoon form for real and that show was TaleSpin. That rumor has been debunked to the best of my knowledge and often is confused with the Prima Estate's lawsuit so it might have been because they thought Louie was a parody of Louis Prima himself. Ironically; he is because Jim Cummings is doing his voice there. Bea points out that this is stupid because just because they have his first name on it; doesn't mean that it's about blue fish Milo. In fact; the announcer already pointed out that hamsters are acting this; so it cannot be the real Milo. Can it?
So Milo calls her out while pointing his finger guns at Bea because she's jealous. Of course she is. She's the one who thinks she's a star...in bed. Anyhow; we start the show and it's basically a Flintstone sitcom with hamsters as two hamsters are sitting in the living room. The blond haired female mother is reading a magazine and wearing a cyan blue dress; while the female teenager is watching television and has purple hair, purple striped white shirt and purple jeans on. The door flings open and here comes Poppa Milo who is basically a cross between a hamster and Herb Muddlefoot without sandals on. He is break dancing in the background and giddy like a Fred Flintstone. Milo jumps onto the sofa as I discover that the wife of the family is called Williamina; which means that they are parodying the Flintstones here. I expect a Hanna Barbara running and twinkletoes sound effects here; or I'll be so disappointed at this parody. Williamina is voiced by Rachael MacFarlane who started with Johnny Bravo in 1997 doing various female voices; followed by bit roles in Powerpuff Girls, Dexter's Lab, Static Shock, Megas XLR, Samurai Jack, What's New Scooby Doo?, Family Guy, American Dad (as Hayley Smith which along with Family are her most recent credits) and became Mindy in Grim & Evil (even wrote an episode for them). He was also Numbuh 362 in Codename: Kids Next Door, and Chimera in Winx Club. Filmore as Luella Spear and Enid Quintara is her DTVA debut. She has 30 acting credits, one writing credit, one soundtrack credit and three other credits (Production Coordinator for Johnny Bravo, Evil Con Carne and Welcome to Eltingville) to her resume. I discover that the big guy is NOT Milo as Milo is lying on the floor enjoying himself as Bea claims that this is a typical sitcom and Milo tells her to shut up. HAHA! Let Milo take the big fall in this Bea; he's a big boy. I'm guessing the purple haired teen is Noelle (Rachel Macfarlane) and Daddy Hamster is really Harl. Ooookkkkaaayyyy.
So we exchange notes; I have not much of a clue what they are saying, but the guise of this is that Harl's boss is Mr. McGroucherson and he was fired; but can get his job back if he pull off a perfect dinner party for him. So Harl calls for "The Other Milo" as Milo is giddy as hell to see him. Now; I get that this is an idiot plot because we know that Milo's life story does not involve a purple haired female teen. Oscar and Milo are blood brothers; so the illusion is gone that this is NOT Milo's story. However; this idiot plot works because Milo is supposed to be a clueless idiot; Bea is not (South Pafishic). So out comes "The Other Milo" (David Shair who is basically David Shayne from Kick Buttowski) who looks absolutely adorable with the propeller blue/white hat; blue overalls and pink shirt. Basically; he dresses like a male version of Molly Cunningham; only with less spunk and spitfireness. And has vision problems. Milo is frowning again because he was screwed. Geez Milo; didn't Bea already tell you that just because your first name is on the cards; doesn't mean that it's about you?! Milo Hamster trips and falls down the stairs; which is actually so funny, that Milo is just jealous because he didn't think of it first. Sadly; all the bumps are off screen because moral guardians think that this would be mimicked. Never mind that the tripping was shown ON-SCREEN! Somehow; Hamilo (that's his booking name and I'm sticking with it) manages to get on his feet; twirl around and splatter into the birthday cake as everyone get cake on themselves. Memo to Harl: When a birthday cake is around; the law is that it always gets destroyed in a cartoon or a wrestling show (the live action version of a cartoon). No one is amused as Hamilo is proclaiming that he Milo-ed it again as he is covered in cake. Oscar calls Hamilo a total clutz and they love the show now. HEE HEE! Milo does this impressive turning of the head that makes him look like a zombie; and screams no about three times in a row. Milo blows it off because that is NOT Milo. Well; I do call him Hamilo so I can see why he's pissed off.
Bea points out that there are lots of Milo in the fish world (and in the real world); but Milo of course no sells it because it might not be true; but points to Hamilo proclaiming that if he thinks he's going to drag his name through the mud; he's got another thing coming. Shellsea yells at Milo (I have no idea what she said; don't ask me) and Milo proclaims that he has been besmirched and he floats away stage right as we fade to black. It's difficult to take Milo seriously on that threat considering all the Milo Moments he has done in the past; thus making the "drag his name" through the mud thing quite not believable. So basically; this is the Disney version of Squirrel Jokes from Spongebob Squarepants. Milo pulls on the cord to let in light as he is at his closet cursing the fact that he'll have to wear the hamster suit again as we see it hanging from the coat hanger. So we get a sequence of him putting on the suit, zipping it up and then getting on a motorcycle and driving away. Okay; that looked awesome, but don't you need a driver's license to operate a motorcycle? I don't recall Milo getting his driver license in any episode; but then again, the fact that they are driving before the requirement age is kind of gone around the barn now. Besides; it's not like we haven't seen 12 year olds flying airplanes (giving mean look to Kit Cloudkicker...) anyway. So we head back on the Milo Show set as Williamina is trying the old "I'm not saying that your x" routine because she's dishonest. You just said he was clumsy despite trying to deflect the fact that he is a total clumsy on par with RVD and Ken Anderson. So we get rumbling as Noelle thinks it's an earthquake; and then Milo rips through the set door and get off the motorcycle calling this a "Milo Quake". The audience goes ooooooo in response as we discover that they are clones of the exact same hamster. That is a rib on TaleSpin's Bahgeera clones Mr. Khan has working for Khan Industries. The stage manager is shocked and appalled in the control room as Milo takes the helmet off and rants. And rants; and rants on about himself. Bea cannot believe that this is happening and Shellsea and Oscar gleefully answer that one for me.
See; the real Milo is not a clumsy clutz; but an awesome guy who breaks stuff on purpose because it's awesome. No Milo; you are an awesome clumsy clutz because you break stuff unintentionally which makes us feel for you as a fish. And you do awesome funny Milo Moments too. The crowd pops anyway; because pop culture geeks have the shortest short term memory in history. Hamilo wants answers to this outrage as Hamilo breaks character and goes over to the director guy ordering this production to stop right now. The stage manager (gray hamster with colorful bow tie- Corey Burton) no sells because this is live television and it cannot be stopped; so he tells him to go back on and keep the show going. Now if you recall earlier in the episode; the narrator (Corey Burton again) stated that this show was taped before a live studio audience. That simply means that they didn't use the heat machine to get a laugh. Most sitcoms do this; but when you don't hear that disclaimer; they are using a heat machine because the show isn't funny at all. It doesn't literally mean that the show is LIVE AS IT HAPPENS! What a stupid logic break?! I think Royal Canadian Air Farace did it in the manner The Milo Show did it in later years before finally hanging it up for good; and it was done a million times better than this show. So Milo rants about himself some more and I cannot take anything he said seriously wearing that hamster outfit even if I tried. Hamilo gets back on the set as Harl is taking this awfully well. And here comes Mr. Fish Stale; ERRRRR...I mean Mr McGrouchson who is confused at the hole in the wall; and sezs ding dong which prompts an instant laugh. I didn't laugh at all. Grouch is a brown hamster with white hair and a white mustache in a black business suit.
Willimina greets him as he walks in and shakes hands with Harl as he hopes this dinner party will be better than the ones where he does something with tissue paper which prompts a laugh. I didn't laugh because I have no idea what he is saying here. There are a lot of mumblers in this episode. Wonder if McGroucherson is from the Urban Wrestling Frederation (watch the Bryan & Vinny reviews because those are their most hilarious reviews to date)?! Hamilo is greeted; which we see Milo lounging on the sofa blowing him off and calling him Slim which the crowd goes ooooo again. Grouch is not amused either way as Hamilo and Milo get in each other's face because there can only be one Milo; and Milo proclaims that there is only one way of settling this feud and he looks directly into the hard camera and yells that it's a battle to the death complete with big face anger and jackhammer background. Albert thinks this is going to be good now. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. I discover that the guy with the bowtie is in fact Mr. Nibbles which shows how stupid I can be after spending four months ranting on Gargoyles. Anyhow; the stage manager informs Nibbles that ratings went up one full point and Nibble tells them to go to commercial. A note: Ratings typically don't come out until about two to three days after a show aired; not in the middle of the show! Nibbles comes on the set and tells the cast that as long as the ratings are high; Milo stays which Hamilo calls totally unfair. It's unfair all right Hamilo; because you suck! Nibbles calls it totally fair and I'm loving it because it makes him money. Nibbles leaves as we get the family gathering as he wants the family to make a good impression. Milo proclaims that this is his speciality as Hamilo blows him off claiming that the only good first impression he can do is with his ass in roundabout terms. Laugh ensues as Milo claims that they'll see about that which draws an ooooo from the crowd.
So we head to the dinner table with everyone seated and some food present as Harl continues his food jokes at Willimina's expense as the crowd laughs. Milo gets on Grouch's case about having fun as Hamilo orders him not to answer it which Milo blows off because he is not the boss of Mr. Grouchypants. Actually; that should be his new booking name for this show as Harl claims that he is HIS boss and everyone laughs. Isn't it funny that this show is using the heat machine properly; but iCarly could not. Sometimes; less IS more. Milo claims that Grouchypants is having this dinner for the entertainment as he calls out three hamsters in anime colored hair and flower shirt with colored underwear as they rap and break dance. No one can accuse Milo of not coming prepared on the entertainment value; that is for sure. The crowd is popping for this as Mr. Nibbles loves it and the ratings. Milo and Grouchypants both raise the roof for fun which did make me laugh. Hamilo wants to meet Milo in the closet and Milo follows him because Milo is clueless to what is about to happen to him. So Hamilo points to the door leading to "the closet" as Milo enters thinking that there are nachos and then we see Milo noticing a dark semi empty room which has no nachos in it. Hamilo is at the door as he blows off Milo for trying to ruin him and thus he is going to lock him up in "the closet" so that all the fans know that it's Hamilo's face that the fans want to see and not Milo's face. Oooookkkkkaaayyyyy; he is jealous. Hamilo slams the door as Milo looks around and notices a flashlight. I should point out that the kids at Oscar's house are watching the whole thing unfold. Yeah; we are turning into reality television now as Milo notices that the flashlight has Hamilo's face on it. He shines the flashlight and notices that the guy has games, toys, and a theme park model named after him. All for a clumsy clutz?! That's whack! Milo proclaims that he must stop him at all costs now and then we hear engine noise and feel the rumble because you see; that "closet" is really the back of a mach truck. Would you shocked if I told you Hamilo is driving it and blowing off Milo for ruining him?
Anyhow; the hamster cage opens and out comes the model truck onto the floor of Bud's pet shop as Hamilo is stopping first at Burger Bunny to drop off the toys of doom which is a stupid idea. If you are going to off someone; off them off first; then go to Burger Bunny. Milo is buried in toys; but he finds the Hamilo FAMETHROWER OF DEATH (sic) and cuts a hole through the side of the truck. Milo climbs up proclaiming that this came in handy as we see Hamilo notice it and is not happy to see that. So he calls for autopilot and climbs up as a hamster comes out of nowhere driving the truck. This would have been funnier and most logical if the hamster was in the passenger side of the truck before this spot. So Hamilo climbs onto the top of the truck as Milo gets smoke blown in his face by the truck's exhaust as we finally get the BATTLE TO THE DEATH that we were all promised by Milo earlier on. Good! They are going to pay Milo's rage off. So Hamilo proclaims that they are head straight for the Burger Bunny because his evil plan is to bring toys and stuff to everyone and they'll remember Hamilo instead of Milo. That's a silly plan because he's ALREADY on television; so he's already won in some sort of way. Milo is a guest character at best; albeit a TaleSpin one shotter on the show that gets monster over with the hamster. So Milo invokes the JUICE BOX OF DEATH and throws it in front of the wheels causing the truck to tip over and slide on it's slide on the floor. Milo and Hamilo get onto the side and we fight as a turtle crosses the floor and then panics. It hides in it's shell; and causes the truck to flip again as Albert and company are not liking this at all. Shellsea's response: It's not real at all. Oh sod off you mean walking female stereotype! So out of nowhere; there are more turtles hiding in their shells (I think it's five for the front shot and four for the shot of the truck coming into the hard camera) as the truck flips some more as one rabbit runs away from the Burger Bunny and the truck crashes into the Burger Bunny.
The truck explodes as there are flames everywhere; and Milo pulls Milo away from the carnage and sits him down on the ground as Hamilo revives. Hamilo wants answers as Milo pretty much states that the Burger Bunny and the truck exploded with everything. Hamilo cannot believe Milo would save him after all of this anger; and Milo proclaims that during the fight; he realized that it's not the name that makes the Milo; the Milo makes the Milo. Now THAT's an awesome moral there as Milo is awesome no matter what. Hamilo is so touched that he proclaims that he has earned the name Milo and then hugged. Awwwww! The crowd said it to; so that was a good booking decision there; both ways. So a yellow helicopter arrives and then drops a dinky neon green car onto the floor and the doors open to reveal Nibble proclaiming that the ratings are through the roof and he's going to make a new show starring the both of them. Hamilo and Milo jump for joy. Wait; where's the eye flush spot?! We head back to Oscar's living room as the kids pop for it and we get a dead signal and the announcer proclaims that a new show is on the horizon as we see it's an ad for the Milo/Hamilo show which involves bombs; lifejackets and motorboats. The bomb explodes in Hamilo's hands and does no damage whatsoever to him nor the boat. I CLUB BS&P! Milo proclaims that he Oscar-ized that one up as the motorboat (which is purple in color) rides into the sunset as they are fighting crime. Speaking of logic break; how the hell did they get the ad done so fast; the show Milo was in was thirty seconds ago! Anyhow; this show is called Milo & Oscar. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bea proclaims that this is so much like you and Oscar looks upset because he doesn't like it. It made more sense than Hamilo; so Hamscar is much more compelling at least. That ends the episode at 10:40 approx. Started off slow as the sitcom jokes didn't catch; but once Milo brought out the break dancing girls; it was great. *** 3/4 (75%).
Everything But The Chicken Sink: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Swim Lessons ) as Bud is chasing someone in a purple limo from right to left. Whatever guys. So we head to the tank containing the olympic sized swimming pool as we see a number of fish in the pool while Shellsea, Koi Fish and Fimberly are bathing on the grass on towels in front of the swimming pool. Koi and Shellsea are drinking coconut milk out of coconuts. They are wearing the exact same two piece bathing suit only in different colors. Fimberly looks like a nervous wreck for no reason that I can think of. Fimberly has no shades and thus gets herself set on fire by the hot sun and she dives into the pool. Sigh. Clamantha is being used as a beach ball by Albert Glass and Jumbo Shrimp in the pool. What a bunch of low lifes Albert and JS are today! Milo does this awesome slide move on the pan shot as he cannon balls right into Oscar who is wearing a red skull cap for the pool today. Bea has the whistle and she blowing it...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummmmm...She is teaching a black scorpion, a hamster and a butter fly to swim. Scorpionello screws up the butterfly stroke; by actually stroking the butterfly. HAHA! The snake uses the rattle tail prop spot to drive forward as we discover that Bea is running a swimming school. Okay; that at least is a noble effort from her; unlike her acting career. Oscar comes in from the wrong direction and blows off Milo who is underwater trying to grab his swimming trunks because there are ladies present. Bea is vain; but at least she is able to back it up here; so it's a win for her I guess. Milo then points to underwater as we see a chicken in the pool OUT OF NOWHERE. Oh lord; here we go. Bea panics and waves to the swimmers that class is dismissed and they swim away as Bea, Oscar and Milo dive underwear and then we head to the shoreline as it's clear that they won't animate the save because it's too boring. See; forcing Oscar to kiss the chicken on the beak in funnier. How? Because Milo is stuffing Oscar's mouth right into the beak hard and fast. Somehow; Oscar is not impaled because of it. Okay; I did laugh at this, even though I shouldn't.
Anyhow; we DO IT AGAIN off-screen as Bea is wondering how a chicken got in her class because she didn't have a chicken in said class. We hear horns honking in the distance as we discover that this chicken is wearing Webby's bow on her head as a purple limo arrives; and out of the front door is a white chick wearing a top hat. A real male chick; not a slang term for female; brings out a wooden staircase to the back side doors as he proclaims to the pool partonages that his royal highness is here; who is Sir Louis Cluck. The door opens and out comes a cock...POW! OUCH! Ummmmm...Yeah; GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER GREGORY! Just because Disney Captions got away with it in TaleSpin Volume 1; doesn't me you can. So; out comes a rooster dressed up like a business man and he clucks. It's like Koi Fish; only with clucks instead of grunts. Bea wonder if this is his daughter as the chaffeur chick tells her that Clovie (the chicken who almost drowned; which still doesn't explain how she got into the pool in the first place) is an idiot and bites her legs often. Basically; they want Bea to teach her how to swim by this evening; or Louis (or Clovie) will write a bad review about her service on-line. Bea panics right on cue; but then recoils and proclaims that she will never let that bad review happen...in a waterbed. Louis clucks that this is a fat chance and Bea calls it awfully rude. It's not nice; but it's accurate. Someone should have said that everytime Teddy Ruxpin gets mad at Grubby for not being nice. So Louis and his chick chaffeur drive away stage left and crash right through the tank off-screen which Bea calls really rude. Apparently; Hoppo was the last person to teach the chaffeur how to drive. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Scene changer and we start doing the spotfest where Bea tries to teach Clovie how to swims; but fails everytime. Even getting in the water is a dumb idea as Bea has to save her; but Clovie panics and runs away. Now THAT was arm and leg movement Bea! BE JEALOUS! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...
Bea calls for Clovie; but she jumped over the tank and is long gone. Bea slumps as Oscar ribs on her about sounding like a chicken. Bea blows it off because this is serious. It sure is; it's seriously great to see Bea get screwed here. Oscar offers to do a fake ID of Clovie doing a positive review as Milo dresses like he did in Dollars And Fish as he is pimping and it ain't easy as Oscar blows him off. Wow. That's the first time I have heard the word "pimp" on a Disney show. And I suspect it will be the last. He looks like a sell out version of Brandon Bubbler only 50 pounds heavier now I have thought about it. Bea thanks them; but she wants to do this the honest way...on a waterbed. And then a purple seaghin shows up and it is not meancing at all; which means someone is hiding behind another disguise. I was fully expecting Clamantha here; but then I realize that she wouldn't dress up like an ugly fish; and then we discover that it's Zeus Mussels again. He claims that he wasn't eating hair from the bottom of the pool despite the fact that he has hair all over him. So Bea asks about Clovie and Zeus claims that she probably ran to the chicken tree because he knows a lot of stuff. Sadly; he doesn't know how to stop buying Beef Jerky using school funds which makes him corrupt in addition to being an idiot. So Bea tells Oscar and Milo to wait at the pool and if Louis shows up; then run interference until she returns with Clovie. Now; the problem with this is, even if she returns with Clovie; she still hasn't learned how to swim; thus Bea will get a bad review anyway. So we see the chicken tree; which is basically a built coat hanger type unit with chickens perched on it. Bea has arrived (with eye flushing equipment) as she climbs the chicken tree. We have a blond haired chicken and a clown chicken right on cue; along with a chick inside the mouth of a chicken. Whatever. So Bea climbs onto the branch and relaxes with an eye wash sequence as she notices a chicken with a green bow. She points out that she is not Clovie and then Clovie shows up behind it. Yeah; she hid behind a chicken. If she wasn't a chicken herself; that is tantamount to hiding behind a puppy. Okay?
The green bowed chicken allows Bea to talk to her by diving off the branch and probably killing itself. Bea is yelling at her for going missing and Clovie clucks as we discover that Bea can understand what the hell she is saying. Geez; Bea must have taken classes on grunting language because this is the second or third character in the series that she fully understands. Clovie doesn't care what Louis thinks because she refuses to go in as Bea wants her to return to the pool and prove her Dad wrong because it's all just a misunderstanding and that Dad really loves her. Sure he does Bea; he loves her...to fail. What part of "fat chance" do you not understand Bea? Which is surprising considering that you can understand Clovie without fail. Bea turns around after about a minute of clucking as Bea states that she doesn't only know about swimming; she knows about fathers and daughters as she turns to face Clovie and then we have a spotlight and darkness. Oh god; don't let her sing! No....NO......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! She has pink lips; a microphone and a piano solo going on. I'm not calling this BS. They also show her tongue doing The Rock's lalalala with the tongue. Damn; she is degrading him by the second now. We get the canned heat on that and Bea asks if they shall go and it's enough for Chovie to sell and agree to get the swimming lessons. So we head back to the swimming pool as we see Shellsea face down on the towel calling for Fimberly to spread suntan lotion on her back as we pan over to see Fimberly right on top of Koi Fish squirting suntan lotion and telling off Shellsea because Koi has a big back see. So we head back to the pool as Oscar has the Gruffi pose and blows off Milo for acting like a pimp. Oh sod off; you curly haired, freak of dorkiness. Milo has all these user names which indicates that he has been suspended from Fish Youtube about a dozen times due to copyright violations. Or something. So this goes on for a while as Oscar panics because one of Milo's handles is his own handle and it has personal information. Milo of course didn't keep it to himself after a large end around as usual. HAHA!
Then we hear the horn honking again as Louis Cluck's limo arrives as the goofs panic on cue. Milo proclaims that they must stall for time by making it appear that Clovie has learned how to swim already. So we scene change to Milo and Oscar building the most unconvincing model of a chicken this side of Darkwing Duck. Milo and Oscar are inside as Milo is the rower which is absolutely the dumbest decision in this forte as we see the head of the model chicken coming up. If Louis completely falls for this; then he is an even bigger idiot than Zeus Mussels. And we see the model chicken rowing on the lanes perfectly as Louis is clucking that this is a proud day for the Cluck family as he is looking on from the limo and asks for his golden bionculars on a stick. The chaffeur leaves and returns with them as Milo and Oscar are rowing. Milo thinks the chicken is not stable; and Oscar blows him off because the glue hasn't dried yet; thus it's not properly sealed. So we see the model chicken of doom fall apart before Louis' eyes as the chaffeur is pissed off that they used a chicken trick to trick a chicken. Louis somehow lands on the grass and Clovie has shown up with Bea as Louis is clucking off both of them for no reason. There's a conversation that I would like translated from chicken clucking to English. Or not. And then the model chicken begins to sink as Bea panics. Chovie suddenly jumps up (much to the pleas of Bea) and dives into the pool. And then we see that Clovie swimming with ease despite the fact that she has not learned one swimming lesson from Bea. Yeah. In other words; she was playing with her father's mind all along because she hates her dad for being a rich smugass and not letting her do anything; and then blaming others for her idiocy. If that is not the reason for this; then the writers have lost their minds.
So Clovis does the backstroke and pulls the beach ball away from the model chicken allowing Oscar and Milo to stop selling being crushed by it. Then they hop on her back and Clovie swims over to the edge of the pool and everyone cheers. Milo and Oscar make a joke about fish and not drowning; which Clovie blows off before the goofballs splash into the pool again. So Clovie gets out and we get hugs and a million thank yous just to rub it in as the chaffeur informs us that Bea is getting a great review despite doing absolutely nothing. He gives a red sack of "cash" (dollar sign on sack) as chaffeur and Louis climb into the limbo. Bea checks the sack and it's filled with corn. HAHA! So King Amokish of you Louis as Bea protest this outrage; but Louis clucks her off and the limo drives and shatter the fish tank again despite the fact that it's the exact same wall he crashed into earlier on. You cannot tell me Bud fixed it THAT quickly now can you. Bea is upset as she turns around and then blows off Milo for eating the corn in the sack! HAHA! Milo proclaims that the chicken money really tastes good. Now this is where eating the profits actually has an upside! So we scene change to Oscar's bedroom as Oscar is at the computer logging into world of fish quest as he meets an avatar online as he has some embarassing stuff to talk about as we cut over to Milo on a laptop listening in on the conversation as he's the one with that handle. For the sake of people's privacy on the net; I will NOT reveal the handle Milo is using. Besides; I HATE internet handles. Not because of people hiding from them; but because I hate people using handles that sound so fake. It's unseemly. Anyhow; Milo shhs us and we end the episode before any secrets are revealed at 10:40 approx. I'm guessing that information was about his secret crush with......wait for it...C-L-A-M-A-N-T-H...POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Anyhow; this episode was all right as Milo was great; Clovie has a good finish that actually made sense when you consider why she ran off in the first place and Bea was on her best behavior for a change. Except for the singing part of course; but at least that was short. *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
A bunch of middling to above average episodes this time around to start season three; which is really the best I can hope for now that the show is rendered a lame duck. Milo VS. Milo would have been an easy thumbs up if they didn't commit a few logic breaks and if the sitcom jokes were written better. I didn't like the "live as it happens" stuff because that is not the same as "taped before a live studio audience" which means that there is no canned laughter being used. Hamsters have no trouble being amused by the show though. Once Milo stepped in with the dancing girls and Hamster Milo went off the deep end in trying to off him (both physically and in heat) with the mach truck; this was really great. I also loved the end fight which actually ended in a violent explosion which made sense; and was pretty epic. I also loved the moral and the ending to this because it all made sense and I smell a toilet in Oscar's future. Everything But The Chicken Sink was your above average Fish Hooks love in with a great finish. The whole Milo/Oscar handle usage is pointless and led to an ending that I don't really care about. Milo dressing up like Bling Bling Boy from Johnny Test was funnier than the real thing actually. The finish was great because it makes sense: Clovie is not a bad swimmer at all and doesn't need Bea to give her lessons. The reason she acts like someone with brain damage is because she hates her dad for being an asshole. Something that I can sympathize with since I have to deal with Bea on a regular basis on these rants. So because of that fact; it made her jumping into the pool to save Milo and Oscar make a hell of a lot more sense since Bea never gave her one lesson (except to get in the pool which doesn't count) that meant anything. Bea was perfectly fine; although I could do without her singing in the spotlight spot which annoyed me; but that was short at least. I still want to know when Fimberly is finally going to get her due outside of See Bea Ski; because this is getting sadder and sadder. Although to be fair; Clamantha was the bump machine this time over her, so at least Fimberly was doing something most people fail to take care of and thus it doesn't come off as sexist nor sad. Overall; two very good episodes. Next up is Live At The Hamsterwood Ball and A Charity Fair To Remember as Bea and Oscar are finally going to pull the trigger on that dream date that every Fish Hooks fan wanted last season. And Bea causes chaos at a fair later on. As usual. And the next rant features a certain Doctor making his DTVA debut on this show! Sounds interesting. So......
Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you all next time.