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Fish Hooks

Live At The Hamsterwood Bowl/A Charity Fair To Remember Rant

Reviewed: 10/14/2013

It's Live From Oscar's Doctor Who Speaking Brain...


  Welcome to Season Three of Fish Hooks. Also known as the Lame Chicken season as there is not much left to see anymore. So our next rant up for bids is Oscar finally going on that dream date with Bea; but it gets ruined by everybody as usual. And then Bea creates chaos at the fair as only she can (hell paved with good intentions). Ummmm; yeah, we are really pushing it here. So; let's rant on shall we...?

Live At The Hamsterwood Bowl is written and storyboarded by Tyler Chen. The story is done by C.H. Greenblatt, Darrick Bachman, Craig Lewis, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. Tyler Chen has two credits and both are DTVA: Fish Hooks and Gravity Falls as a storyboarder. Yeah; that's it. A Charity Fair To Remember is written and storyboarded by Joe Johnston. The story is done by the C.H. Greenblatt, Joe Johnston, Darrick Bachman, Craig Lewis, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does. And Scott Bullock (Radio Host) is voicing here too!


Live At The Hamsterwood Bowl: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Booby Traps. How fitting considering Bud....) as Bud notices a pizza slice on the floor. Bud grabs it and gets netted and hoisted up as we see the dog and turtle arrive in native makeup and using spears. HAHA! So we zoom in to the Hokey Poke as we hear some radio station announcer talking way too fast as his heart is pumping too fast to be healthy. We see a boom box which looks so 1990's as a yellow balding fish in a suit is drinking coffee beside it and wants what he's having; implying that the host is on some sort of drugs. Pffft; whatever. So we see Bea and Oscar at the table eating like vegans as the next hit song is Puppy Love and Bea squeezes her cheeks with glee because this is her favorite song. Bea and Oscar sing the song like a bunch of stinky pirates as they cause mayhem and chaos inside the Hokey Poke as there are CGI puppies around; including one who is president of the USA. Not calling this; the singing was pretty bad here. Just a lot of loving puppies and making a mess in the Hokey Poke. Yeah; not much to see here. Bea and Oscar hold hands and speak pleasure thoughts about this being their song at each other as the radio host proclaims that Stinkeewood (I think that's the band's name) is performing at the Hamsterwood Bowl and Oscar gets a really weird closeup of his face shaking like a leaf and sweating all at the same time. Apparently; the band's name is Chicken Formage (Chicken Cheese) as he asks Bea is she would like to go out with him on a date to that concert. Bea is giddy and you know she wants to say yes as she ribs Oscar and leaves. Oscar's head echoes Bea's words as we see a dream sequence with Oscar riding a Bea like snake/unicorn. HAHA! I'm shocked the Wuzzles didn't use that combination first! This dream sequence includes Bea preposing to Oscar in marriage while wearing a muscle suit and showing the diamond ring in a box. Geez; and I thought my head was warped?! We get kissing through a straw after Oscar melts on the marriage question and then we return to reality (no, not really) as Oscar arrives at the door with two tickets.

Oscar looks at the tickets and loves this because he gets to go on a date with the girl of his dream to a Chicken Formage concert. What could probably go wrong?! Oscar rings the doorbell and the door opens. Out comes the welcoming party with Bea, Fimberly, Shellsea, Escarmargot, Milo, Albert and Jumbo Shrimp wearing colored shirts with variations of Chicken Formage on it; from CF to Chicken Formage to CF with a purple chicken on it. And so it goes. Oscar is stunned to shell shock on cue complete with orange explosion background as apparently; all the babyfaces (minus Clamantha of course; because no one cares about her anymore) are going to the concert despite the fact that only two tickets were brought. I guess the rest of them are buying the tickets from the box office. Otherwise; this makes no sense. They leave stage left as Bea ribs Oscar about having a great concert with his sweet baboon..ERRR...I mean Oscar and floats away as Milo comes over to wave hi to his brother. Yeah; Bea is going to ruin this date too because she is a relationship killer; because that is her new gimmick that brings in ratings. Never mind that we have it on realiable sources that Fish Hooks will not get a season four. So the gimmick is clearly not working. Oscar stuffs a ticket in Milo's mouth for fun and we scene change to Hamsterwood at the Hamsterwood Bowl which looks downright weird and fitting since this is the fish version of Hollywood. The purple spotlight accents the weirdness really well here. Lots of stars; but no pentagrams here; but at least I'm happy that Disney will at least allow penticles in the modern era as seen in Gravity Falls in several episodes that I have seen in pieces. We see the fans outside coming in as almost all the kids arrive with Bea, Oscar and Milo taking up the rear. There is a hamster at the ticket booth...of course. Everyone goes in; I assume they have tickets as Bea is loving it. Oscar; not so much.

Oscar asks Milo why he doesn't join them and Milo claims that he is waiting for a female who is at an empty seat in the Hamsterwood Bowl and he produces a Rap Demo CD that he created in a CD case; which shows off his moves. That's still very 1990's. Some of the shots of the CD make it as if it was labeled "Milo's EMO". I don't know why; but that is FUNNY! Funnier than the Boston Red Sox making it to the World Series for the third time since 2000. Won the ACLS in fewer than seven games for a change too. Yeah; they won in six; but still a change of pace for them. Baby steps everyone; they'll soon be sweeping the ALCS in four games. Probably in 2030 or something like that. Milo wishes them a good night and slides off stage left as Oscar groans and then we head to Oscar's head and go inside to see Oscar's brain is now talking. Okay; we have now reached the point where the subtley is thrown out of the window even in a new Disney show. That's not a good sign. Oscar's brain has brown curly hair on top too and it sounds like Pinky crossed with the 10th Doctor from Doctor Who. Actually; there is a logical explanation behind the voice because Oscar's Brain is voiced by the 10th Doctor. Oh yeah; David Tennant himself; the concenus greatest Doctor in Doctor Who history; even surpassing Tom Baker (the fourth doctor) for the title. See BBC; Doctor Who is still really popular at this point (although they have had two regenerations since David's departure). According to Wikipedia (Danger! Danger!): Tennant made his professional acting debut while still in secondary school. When he was 16, he acted in an anti-smoking film made by the Glasgow Health Board which aired on television and was also screened in schools.[12] The following year, he played a role in an episode of Dramarama. Tennant's first professional role upon graduating from drama school was in a staging of The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui costarring Ashley Jensen, one of a few plays in which he performed as part of the agitprop 7:84 Theatre Company.

Tennant also made an early television appearance in the Scottish TV sitcom Rab C Nesbitt as a transsexual barmaid called Davina. In the 1990s, Tennant appeared in several plays at the Dundee Repertory Theatre.[15] Tennant's first major TV role was as the manic depressive Campbell in the Scottish drama series Takin' Over the Asylum (1994). During filming, Tennant met comic actress and writer Arabella Weir. When he moved to London shortly afterwards he lodged with Weir for five years and became godfather to her youngest child. He has subsequently appeared alongside Weir in many productions; as a guest in her spoof television series Posh Nosh, in the Doctor Who audio drama Exile (during which Weir played an alternate version of the Doctor), and as panellists on the West Wing Ultimate Quiz on More4 (Weir later guest starred on Doctor Who itself after Tennant left the series). One of his earliest big screen roles was in Jude (1996), in which he shared a scene with Christopher Eccleston, playing a drunken undergraduate who challenges Eccleston's Jude to prove his intellect. Coincidentally, Eccleston portrayed the incarnation of The Doctor immediately preceding Tennant's. Tennant developed his career in the British theatre, frequently performing with the Royal Shakespeare Company. His first Shakespearean role for the RSC was in As You Like It (1996); having auditioned for the role of Orlando, the romantic lead, he was instead cast as the jester Touchstone, which he played in his natural Scottish accent.[16] He subsequently specialised in comic roles, playing Antipholus of Syracuse in The Comedy of Errors and Captain Jack Absolute in The Rivals, although he also played the tragic role of Romeo in Romeo and Juliet.

Tennant also contributed to several audio dramatisations of Shakespeare for the Arkangel Shakespeare series (1998). His roles include a reprisal of his Antipholus of Syracuse in The Comedy of Errors, as well as Launcelot Gobbo in The Merchant of Venice, Edgar/Poor Tom in King Lear, and Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, all of which he performs in his natural accent. In 1995, Tennant appeared at the Royal National Theatre, London, playing the role of Nicholas Beckett in Joe Orton's What the Butler Saw. In television, Tennant appeared in the first episode of Reeves and Mortimer's revamped Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) in 2000, playing an eccentric artist. This is one of his few TV roles in his native Scottish accent. During the Christmas season of 2002, he starred in a series of television advertisements for Boots the Chemists.[17] Tennant began to appear on television more prominently in 2004 and 2005, when he appeared in a dramatisation of He Knew He Was Right (2004), Blackpool (2004), Casanova (2005), and The Quatermass Experiment (2005). In film, he appeared in Stephen Fry's Bright Young Things (2003) and played Barty Crouch Jr. in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005). While playing the Doctor, Tennant was also in the early December 2005 ITV drama Secret Smile. His performance as Jimmy Porter in Look Back in Anger at the Theatre Royal, Bath and Lyceum Theatre, Edinburgh was recorded by the National Video Archive of Performance for the Victoria and Albert Museum Theatre Collection. He revived this performance for the anniversary of the Royal Court Theatre in a rehearsed reading. In January 2006, he took a one-day break from shooting Doctor Who to play Richard Hoggart in a dramatisation of the 1960 Lady Chatterley's Lover obscenity trial, The Chatterley Affair.

The play was written by Andrew Davies and directed by Doctor Who's James Hawes for the digital television channel BBC Four. Hoggart's son Simon Hoggart praised Tennant's performance in The Guardian newspaper.[27] On 25 February 2007, Tennant starred in Recovery, a 90-minute BBC One drama written by Tony Marchant. Tennant played Alan, a self-made building site manager who attempted to rebuild his life after suffering a debilitating brain injury. His costar in the drama was friend Sarah Parish, with whom he had previously appeared in Blackpool and an episode of Doctor Who. She joked that "we're like George and Mildred – in 20 years' time we'll probably be doing a ropey old sitcom in a terraced house in Preston."[28] Later in 2007 he starred in Learners, a BBC comedy drama written by and starring Jessica Hynes (another Doctor Who costar, in the episodes "Human Nature", "The Family of Blood" and "The End of Time"), in which he played a Christian driving instructor who became the object of a student's affection. Learners was broadcast on BBC One on 11 November 2007. Tennant had a cameo appearance as the Doctor in the 2007 finale episode of the BBC/HBO comedy series Extras alongside Ricky Gervais. In November 2008 Tennant played Sir Arthur Eddington in the BBC and HBO biopic Einstein and Eddington, which was filmed in Cambridge and Hungary.[29] In 2009 he worked on a TV film version of the RSC's 2008 Hamlet for BBC Two. From October 2009, he hosted the Masterpiece Contemporary programming strand on the American Public Broadcasting Service.[30]

In December 2009, he filmed the lead in an NBC pilot, Rex Is Not Your Lawyer, playing Rex, a Chicago lawyer who starts to coach clients to represent themselves when he starts suffering panic attacks.[31] The pilot was not picked up and the project was shelved.[32][33] In October 2010 he starred as Dave, a man struggling to raise five children after the death of his partner, in the British drama Single Father. For this role he was nominated as Best Actor at the Royal Television Society Programme Awards 2010. In 2011 he starred in the BBC Two British TV film United, which tells the story of the Manchester United "Busby Babes" team and the 1958 Munich air disaster, playing coach and assistant manager Jimmy Murphy.[34] In September 2011, he appeared in a guest role in one episode of the comedy series This is Jinsy, and also started filming True Love, a semi-improvised BBC One drama series, on location in Margate, Kent. The series aired in June 2012. In April 2012, Tennant played lead in a one-off drama The Minor Character for Sky Arts.[35] Between April and June, he filmed Spies of Warsaw for BBC Four, in the lead role of Jean-François Mercier. This drama series shot in Poland is an adaptation of Alan Furst's novel The Spies of Warsaw.[36] Tennant auditioned for the role of Hannibal Lecter in NBC's Hannibal; he was narrowly beaten for the part by Mads Mikkelson, but show developer Bryan Fuller has indicated that he was sufficiently impressed by Tennant that he would like to cast him in another role in the series.[37] On 9 June 2012, he started filming the 3-part political drama series The Politician's Husband for BBC Two, playing an ambitious cabinet minister who takes drastic action when his wife's career starts to outshine his.[38][39]

Also in June it was announced that Tennant would star in the new ITV detective series Broadchurch. The series was filmed in Bristol and Bridport, Dorset between August and November 2012, and aired in March 2013 .[40] Tennant also presented the new comedy quiz show Comedy World Cup, in Autumn 2012 which ran on Saturday nights for seven episodes.[41] Between late January and March 2013 Tennant filmed The Escape Artist for BBC One. Tennant played Will Burton, a talented junior barrister who "specialises in spiriting people out of tight legal corners".[42] The series is due to be shown on BBC One in the Autumn of 2013.Tennant was the "Star in a Reasonably Priced Car" on Top Gear in December 2007, where he claimed to have unsuccessfully auditioned for a role on Taggart 26 times.[43] Tennant is the voice behind the 2007 advertising campaign for catalogue retailer Argos, and appeared in adverts for The Proclaimers' 2007 album and learndirect in June 2008 (using his natural Scottish accent in both). Tennant also lent his voice to adverts for Tesco Mobile, Nintendo Wii, and American Express. Tennant appeared in Derren Brown's Trick or Treat.[44] In the 26 April – 2 May issue of TV & Satellite Week, Brown is quoted as saying: "One of the appeals of Doctor Who for David is time travel, so I wanted to give him that experience. He was open and up for it, and I got a good reaction. He's a real screamer!" The episode aired on Channel 4 on 16 May 2008, and showed Tennant apparently predicting future events correctly by using automatic writing. Tennant also returned for the final episode of the series with the rest of the participants from the other episodes in the series to take part in one final experiment. Tennant appeared in the 2008 episode "Holofile 703: Us and Phlegm" of the radio series Nebulous (a parody of Doctor Who) in the role of Doctor Beep, using his Lothian accent.

Also in 2008, Tennant voiced the character of Hamish the Hunter in the 2008 English language DVD rerelease of the 2006 animated Norwegian film, Free Jimmy, alongside Woody Harrelson. The English language version of the film has dialogue written by Simon Pegg, who also starred in it as a main voice actor. In early 2009, Tennant narrated the digital planetarium space dome film "We are Astronomers"[45] commissioned by the UK's National Space Centre. On 13 March 2009, he presented Red Nose Day 2009 with Davina McCall. He joined Franz Ferdinand onstage to play the guitar on their song "No You Girls" on a special Comic Relief edition of Top of the Pops. In summer 2009, Tennant filmed St. Trinian's II: The Legend of Fritton's Gold. The film was released in December 2009. In November 2009, Tennant cohosted the Absolute Radio Breakfast Show with Christian O'Connell for three consecutive days.[46] He returned to cohost the show for one day in October 2010[47] and again in September 2011. Tennant also provides the narration and all the character voices for the audio book versions of the Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III stories by Cressida Cowell such as How to Train Your Dragon. In these audio books, Tennant employs his vocal skills to create a vast cast of recognisably distinct voices. Some of his most memorable characterisations include the Norfolk yokel of Norbert the Nutjob, the broad Glaswegian of Gobber the Belch, the hissing and whining Cockney of Toothless the Dragon and the sly insinuations of Alvin the Treacherous. He also played the role of Spitelout in the recent animated film adaption of said books. On 7 March 2010, he also appeared as George in a one-part BBC Radio 4 adaptation of Of Mice and Men in the Classic Serial strand.[48]

Tennant appeared alongside former costar Catherine Tate in the Shakespeare comedy Much Ado About Nothing at London's Wyndham's Theatre from 16 May 2011 to 3 September 2011.[49] For his performance as Benedick he won the BroadwayWorld UK Award for Best Leading Actor in a Play.[50] In September 2011, it was announced that Tennant will voice a character in the movie adaptation of Postman Pat named You Know You're the One with a planned 3D theatrical release for spring 2013.[51] In October 2011, Tennant started shooting the semi-improvised comedy film Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger in Coventry.[52][53] Tennant plays two roles: the main character, put-upon teacher Mr Peterson, and his "golden boy" twin brother and rival.[54] Tennant appeared in a multi-million-pound campaign for Virgin Media. One advert was voluntarily withdrawn after a complaint lodged by BBC Worldwide, which believed that the advert broke the corporation's guidelines by featuring references to Doctor Who that appeared to be a commercial endorsement of the service.[55] In May 2013 it was announced that Tennant is due to appear alongside Rosamund Pike in a BBC/Origin Pictures film called What We Did on Our Holiday, a semi-improvised comedy from the writers of the popular BBC sit-com Outnumbered. Filming is due to commence in mid June 2013, with a cinematic release planned for sometime in 2014.[56] Umm; yeah, he's well known in British circles. He started in 1988 on Dramarama as Neil McDonald. Fish Hook is his DTVA debut and only appearance. What We Did On Our Holiday is his most recent credit. He has 83 acting credits, 77 self credits, two soundtrack credits and one direction credit to his resume. More than seven paragraphs of stuff; just for a guy who will always be known as the 10th Doctor in Doctor Who; who is sounding more and more like Rob Paulsen by the minute.

So Oscar and his brain exchange notes and the writers even forgot to put in the whisper yell on Oscar himself so that he doesn't look like he's crazy in front of Bea. Yeah; that was dumb. Anyhow; Oscar's brain tells him that they have to make the most of it and the date is not ruined despite Oscar's evidence showing otherwise. Oscar Tenant claims that Oscar has good looks and charm; which Oscar points out that this is false; so his brain screams at him just to annoy him. I don't know why David Tennant wanted to do this role on a new Disney show; and I wish he wasn't on this program to be honest with you. Brain tells him to say that it was great to bring his friends along; which Oscar blows off, so Brain screams at Oscar again and Bea asks what is going on. Oscar states that it was great to bring the crew along while rubbing his hair. Bea and Oscar walk into the bowl as we discover that the kids could only get tickets for the nosebleed section which means saying the word bleed is still allowed in the new Disney. All right; good to know. Oscar and Bea go to their seats as we cut to Escarmargot doing baseball fan cheers to waste time and annoy her friends who do absolutely nothing. Except for Albert who waves at no one he can see. HA! Since there is no Milo present; I'm guessing that he is somewhere else. I wonder how the kids got the tickets?! Fimberly informs Escarmargot that this is a concert and Escarmargot feels a lot of shame for making a complete fool of herself. So she does a "Let's Go Concert" chant. HAHA! She must be a fan of a wrestler name Concert. That should be Fandango new name after he's repackaged from the dancing gimmick he's currently doing in WWE. So the kids point out that the show is starting as we head onto the stage as a giant egg is placed on the the stage and the dome opens (indicating that it is a false egg) to reveal a rabbit, a badger and a big fat yellow canary with purple hair because Chicken Formage is a hair band. Which is basically the rock & roll version of a pop band in the new Disney.

There is neon green hair on the rabbit and purple hair on the badger with matching color bustiers. The yellow canary has overalls on with purple straps. That looked goofy along with the green bra that it's wearing too. I should note that he has the worst butch voice ever when he's singing and it sounds so goofy that it's too funny. This would have been better if his singing had a genuine female voice and sounded high pitched, a shout out to Kenshiro from Fist Of The North Star. We discover that Oscar and Bea are literally in the lower bowl watching the thing. They love sharing a song together and Bea coughs. Brain arrives to tell Oscar that he will bail to get Bea a soda which Oscar repeats and Bea is grateful for this and wants a soda. Brain tells him to say thanks and that Bea is the cat's meow. Oscar has no idea what the hell he is talking about and the brain yells at him again. Good lord; what a waste of David's voice here. You might as well have Justin Roiland or Rob Paulsen; or best yet, Maurice LaMarche as a " wink, wink, nudge, nudge" to the smarks out there. Hell of a lot cheaper on the budget. Oscar thanks her for the cat's meow and walks out which has Bea confused. So we resume this silly concert as Chicken Formage is the lead singer. I know this because he's doing dance moves and Milo pops up in front of the stage with his demo CD; trying to get his attention. You just cannot wait until after the show to do this Milo?! He throws CD cases at CF and CF completely no sells them. Three shots to the noggin later; Milo is taken away by black shirt security. So Oscar returns with the refreshments as Bea is sitting down pat; and then we pan west to see that Shellsea is sitting next to her. Oscar is stunned to see her here that he spits about three liters of pop right into the conveniently placed girl fish with brown hair. Shellsea calls this not cool as the female fish blows off Oscar; sobs and runs off stage right. Oscar has the braces grin on full blast since Shellsea is in his seat. Shellsea claims that the nosebleed section is stupid and look like ants. Bea would like Shellsea to sit down here for a bit as Oscar ponders this over.

Brain tells Oscar to let her sit there as Oscar claims that this will ruin the date. Umm Oscar; Bea is a relationship killer. Ruining dates is her GIMMICK now. I'm sorry Oscar. Brain tells him that this is only for a while and nothing can go wrong. Memo to Brain: When anyone sezs "Nothing Can Go Wrong"; it goes wrong 100% of the time. Oscar decides to relent and let Shellsea sit there for a bit. Shellsea is doing the arm wiggles with Bea while chanting with circle mouths. Whatever makes you happy madams! Shellsea steals Oscar's drink too as Shellsea tells him to sit with the back row and we scene change to the nosebleed section as Escarmargot is having so much fun cheering in that section. Albert is thankful Oscar is in the nosebleed section as blood comes out their noses. Yes folks; blood is allowed in a new Disney show. Small trickles of blood; but still they bleed. This makes the anime purists look dumb too. Oscar states that he cannot stay long; but Jumbo Shrimp breaks it to him that Shellsea is never getting out of that seat because she hates ants. Or something. Which we cut to her doing the Gruffi pose and saying that she hates ants. Oscar panics; but then hears a green parrot vendor coming up the steps with containers of pineapple juice and states that they are perfect for throwing on people and making them take their shirts off. Because you see; execs believe that kids have no imagination whatsoever and cannot logically dictate where this is going and thus they must literally explain how the storyline is going before it happens. See; execs believe that kids are morons because execs are sexist twits with misogynistic tendencies because they have groomed generations to act like rigid gender roles. Otherwise; My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic would still be for everyone and still sell the toys to the demographic Hasbro has always wanted. Or maybe it's because execs don't like getting sued even though they will always get sued because they are a company and it makes the little guy an automatic babyface no matter what the story of the suit is. Okay; there is my pointless tirade of the week.

So here comes Steve Jackson wanting some pineapple juice and Oscar shoves the parrot vendor down the steps and somehow; the container of pineapple juice defies gravity and lands on Steve Jackson's shirt. Steve shrugs and then takes his shirt off and the sunlight obscures his beautiful body despite the fact that he is clearly wearing underwear. So it's perfectly fine to show Kick's naked (almost) body, but you have to use sunlight to cover Steve's front despite him being a fish and not wearing pants to begin with; but gets magical white underwear? UGH! And yes; this is enough for Shellsea to notice and she races up to oodle at Steve Jackson's body. I CLUB BS&P! There are moments where booking a different spot would have been more effective than going for a spot that BS&P is clearly going to censor. Oscar loves it so he races down to the lower bowl and sees his empty seat; but Bea is nowhere to be found. Oscar panics as the brown haired pink fish tells him that she stepped outside; but she's not telling where she is because he spit soda in his face. See what happens when you don't apologize for doing crappy stuff like spitting drink into fish faces? Oscar is looking around as CF is telling the crowd to cuddle together with their partner because he is doing a remix edition of his number one single: Puppy Love. Oscar looks around and notices Bea in a hamster ball for no reason whatsoever being bounced around like a beach ball. Oscar jumps into the crowd and the same thing happens to him. Seeing Bea being used as a beach ball equals MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Seeing Oscar getting the same is also MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Seeing Fimberly getting the spot is opposite of money. Oscar splats on top of the orange hamster ball and we roll. Bea claims that she has no idea how she got into the ball in the first place. This has to be Randy Pincherson's doing because that is the only way this makes sense. Otherwise; the writers have lost their minds. Oscar is bounces and somehow gets in the hamster ball. Man; the logic of this episode has just taken a turn south here.

So we get Oscar and Bea bouncing in the hamster ball as Oscar apologizes for screwing up the date and Bea forgives him which is actually true in this case. It doesn't excuse the breaking of logic and reason; but at least neither one went out of their way to acting like assholes here. Except for Shellsea and BS&P of course. So the hamster ball gets carried around the crowd as Oscar and Bea notice CF singing their song and they hold hands for real after Bea proclaims that she has had a wonderful time here; and Oscar lies that he had one too. Brain thanks Oscars for being a jolly good fellow as CF sings Puppy Love while a gecko sheds a tear and Shellsea pets Steve Jackson's hair from one row up. The nosebleed kids get more blood on their noses and shed more blood than in Awakening Part One and City of Stone Part One combined. Not enough to add Deadly Force though. And so we fade to black and you would think this would end the episode; but no. We head backstage as Milo is in front of the director's chair with Chicken Formage as Milo is happy that he is letting him have this chance to rap before him. Chicken Formage is being fed nachos by a hamster on a step ladder as CF yells about demo tapes and stuff. So Milo thanks him again and he raps about pizza and bagels. CF blows him off because he wants Tequilla music; or something. Milo bows his head in shame to end the episode at 10:30 approx. What a grouch this Chicken Formage is?! I think the Aussie Stereotype has found a bring new supply to eat now. Hey; I don't like Monty, but CF is a grouch and he's asking for it. Milo's rap and dance on pizza bagels was funny actually. The rest was just there with a random finish that made no sense. At least now you can safely say that blood is allowed in Disney now for comedy purposes. ** 3/4 (55%).

A Charity Fair To Remember: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Dunk Tanks.) as they pay off the sign literally with Bud sitting on the floor next to a target as a baseball hits the bullseye and water is poured on his head complete with the bucket dropped on his head. He is the real buckethead of this show. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So we zoom in to just outside the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as there is a fair going on and we see Bea has clearly overdressed for this happening; complete with purple visor and purple shirt. She has a clipboard which means she's channeling Kit from It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck. See; this is a chairty fair for Freshwater High as we see Bea going over seeing Fimberly and Doctor Frog weaving baskets with two members of Clamantha's cheerleading team. YAY! Deranged Kermit is back! Bea goes over to Piranha and Jocktopus as they has a booth for flowers in vases. Ooookkkkaaaayyyyy. Bea leaves yodeling as Jocktopus feels silly prompting Piranaha to blow him off because he'll feel silly and like it! We see Jumbo Shrimp and Albert in Roman armor with a seahorse as Albert drops on his back because he's too weak to be in armor. Bea then goes over to the fair's thermometer board (used in many organizations to show how hot their fair is which is directly related to the cause that they are shooting for. It's well below zero heat thus far.). Milo has a box of yellow trinkets while Oscar is going to be The Swami and channel Dale from The Pied Piper Power Play in Rescue Rangers. Except Oscar sees all and wishes he didn't do anything. Oscar is helping Miss Lips with the fortune telling as she jump starts that and looks like a complete fool as usual. The fat fish with the banana yellow white hat is not amused as Miss Lips sees her face which is warped and distorted. Oscar is fine with it as we discover that Milo's box contains tennis balls because he's going to man the dunk tank again. Bea embraces both of them at the same time.

Now; here's the obvious question: How can you do a dunk tank event underwater? I mean; think of the logic problems concerning the fact that there is already WATER in the fish tank. Unless the dummy sitting above the dunk tank is above water (EYE FLUSH~!); then the dunk tank makes no sense. Bea wants them to reach for the goal of $10,000 fish dollars...in bed. So Bea explains that they need $10,000 fish dollars for her penpal to buy a new playground for her school for clumsy kids and she's five years ago. I'm guessing this is where Fimberly went to school; so I think Fimberly is the real penpal of her because Bea's attitude concerning less fortunate kids makes no sense here. No rejected Rhinokey joke needed here; because I wasn't cracking one. I seriously believe Fimberly went to school there; because at least this gives her an origin story...Oh wait; I know why they aren't using Fimberly. Because using her would end the entertainment masturbation of the writers wanting her to be the bump machine; in spite of the fact that this would explain why Fimberly is so clumsy in the first place. I also discover through Milo that Bea's penpal is named Amanda after Oscar states that this is a lot of pressure to be under and Milo claims that they have to for her. Just to get her out of the way... Amanda is voiced by G. Hannelius and according to IMDB: The Boston, Massachusetts native began her acting career at the age of seven at the Children's Theater of Maine. She starred in several productions including "Madeline's Rescue," and "Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing,"and with the Yarmouth Theater, "Fish Tales," "Grease" and "Narnia." G has a starring role in the Disney short form series "Leo Little's Big Show" and recurring roles on Disney Channel's hit series "Sonny With A Chance" and "Good Luck Charlie." Her other television credits include a leading role in the ABC series "Surviving Suburbia" and a guest starring role in "Hannah Montana." Her feature film credits include the upcoming "The Search For Santa Paws" and she is the voice of Rosebud in "Treasure Buddies."

Her commercial credits include spots for Dairy Queen, Little Caesars, Orville Redenbacher, Aquarium of the Pacific and Playstation. She began her career as Tiffany on Hannah Montana in 2009; and then followed it up with Surviving Suburbia as Courtney Patterson, Rita Rocks as Brianna Boone, Sonny With A Chance as Dakota and Good Luck Charlie as Jo. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. She has 18 acting credits and 2 self credits to her resume. Lost In LA as Grace is her most recent credit. She is a 15 year old playing a five year old girl. I guess being a six or seven year old real girl is too taxing for them in terms of Disney thinking here. I mean; Janna Michaels was six or seven years old when she played Molly Cunningham in TaleSpin. And G. Hannelius sounds like a porn star name to me. Her first name is Genevieve by the way. Milo cries for Amanda because she only has a wooden ladder to play with. Geez; they cannot practice ladder matches on that thing? I mean they can then jump start their careers in Combat Zone Wrestling. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm...JESUS~! If there is one emotion Milo excels at; it's frowning because he does an awesome job frowning in this episode. Bea tells them not to worry because this will get done..in bed. Bea yodels again because she is the only star of the show that Disney is trying to groom since Miss Kane is still smarting from having her career nearly sink during the Bratz movie. So we separate and Bea floats into the stand and Bea is checking her clipboard as Bo Gregory is showing off his goats fenced off. Nurse Fishington is using lasers to make giant CGI kernals of popcorn; which is really cool as she is in the post robot nurse phase and the current principal of the school since Stickler and his voice decided this show sucked too much for them to be there anymore. So we see the jousting event using loaded punching gloves on the stick from Albert and Jumbo Shrimp and they punch the crap out of each other and fly away in opposite directions. HAHA! Scene changer with Salmons and Zeus Mussels selling chocolate macho cupcakes to chripping crickets. Salmons smile is good...

...bigoted kids...!

Okay; let's move on as Bea is over watching doing bee impersonations (which is not a good idea if you are debating on line) as the odd teachers of Freshwater do this really hard sell on the muffins to a blue trench coat fish and the fat kid with the yellow/white hat; and the blue trench coat fish is doing the hard no sell routine. Apparently; macho muffins have potatoes, bananas, onions and other stuff that is considered macho. Well; at least this "toxic manliness" isn't really fatal; just plain silly. The kid is scared; so both fish bail stage right as Salmons yells to them that if they change their mind; they are welcome to have one. Bea comes in to explain that they are not being people persons; but they do the hard sell on Bea as those muffins are fresh from the oven. That was more disturbing than the writers had intended. Bea tries the roundabout approach to inform them that their muffins suck; which makes them look confused. So Bea just tells them that they suck and Salmon whines because they are made of love. Love don't put squirrel on the table guys. Hate always does. Zeus Mussels should atest to that since he got his ass kicked by Hulk Hoclam. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Bea asks how many muffins have they sold and the two admit that they haven't sold any after stammering like idiots. And then Salmon points to someone coming and he looks macho as we see the eight pack abs or....armor Albert Glass is wearing and coming towards us on the hard camera. Salmons greets Albert Glass in his usual funny way as Zeus praises him for trying to be macho and Albert is stammering like a weak dork. They show off the macho muffin and Albert sezs no thanks. So Salmons drops a giant muffin right on Albert's head and he gets squashed flatter than Alexender The Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Bea blows them off and wants every booth to be at it's peak...in bed. So they have to check the food list...in bed. And then comes back and go for the best one...in bed. How about the Cake Walk? I always love that and the prize was winning that beautifully decorated cake. Sadly; I win at pillow fights, I lose in Cake Walks.

Bea tells them not to do it for her; but to do it for Amanda...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummm... And yes; Bea shows the picture of Amanda as Zeus and Salmons (that is just DARING someone to create a salmon farming company) have the wide eyed look and then they get macho serious and float away stage left to get food ideas. Bea proclaims that this is the spirit...in bed. Bea leaves as Albert is pleading for help and is not getting any because being a dork gives you no white angry male entitlement even if you are a white angry male. It doesn't make sense; but most bigotry makes no sense anyway. So we scene change to a long lineup as Bea is wondering why the line is so long. We see Milo manning the booth and the box of tennis balls because this year's dunk tank has stepped it up this year because the rules of engagement are to throw the tennis ball for the bullseye and it is attached to a catapult. I cannot contain myself here because on the catapult is...wait for it...wait for it some more...Mr. Baldwin reading a newspaper and you win be launching him Team Rocket style. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is a Mr. Baldwin moment to remember BABEE! And apparently; Milo rigged the target as well because one of the fish throws the tennis ball and it hits the bullseye; but the catapult does absolutely nothing. Bea comes in wanting answers as to why the dunk tank is not here. Milo then does the greatest smart idiot moment in history; surpassing his enlightened idiot moment in Milo's Magical Shake: he explains calmly that the dunk tank makes no sense at all because they are in a tank living underwater. That was comedy platinum for me. Jocktopus tries his luck and hits the bullseye; but no luck. Bea is concerned that this catapult might be dangerous...in bed. And as expected; Milo rigged the thing so it would never work at all because it isn't cheating if it is for chairty. HAHA! I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there Milo.

So now Bea's parents show up as Dad is lalalaing himself for fun because he gets to have fun and tell everyone to get a haircut. So he takes a tennis ball and tries to throw it; and it doesn't even get halfway to the target; let alone hit it. Dad claims that he is sad now. I agree because if this were the 1990's; he would have hit the rigged target and Mr. Baldwin would have been launched. But we cannot pay off such jokes because it's an adult involved and it must involve a kid; or the kids will change the channel. Never mind that Fish Hooks ratings have been 2.0-3.0 since Fish Prom. Bea loves it because it makes Dad look bad and she doesn't look bad anymore. Bea decides to go see Zeus Salmons food list and we see a lot of macho items on the list which include Macho Mayo. Randy Savage should have shrilled that product; it's not like he hasn't voice cartoons in his life. Bea asks if they have anything without the word macho in it. Zeus doesn't understand the question because he is macho and thus cannot comprehend that machoism is toxic to Bea. Bea asks if they have an event that could be fun and Salmons suggests knitting which earns a blowoff from Zeus as he calls Patrisha Whateverfish a yapper. I don't know who they are referencing here and I don't care. One of the odd couple suggests a ride and Bea thinks this might lead somewhere. Zeus and Salmon blow each other off because one likes knitting and one likes ride. So Bea tells them to combine the two into a knitting ride; and both adults agree to it. Bea hopes that nothing else is falling apart as we head to the fortune telling booth as Oscar is sweating bullets while doing a fin reading for the returning Ice Pick from Guy's Night Out. Oscar calls him a fun natured guy and claims that he is looking for something which he points to the general direction and Ice Pick claims that it's the cotton candy stand. And then Ice Pick just walks away in the general direction Oscar is pointing to. Miss Lips praises Oscar for his fin reading skills as Oscar does his own frowning for fun. Not as good as Milo; but still good enough. Miss Lips asks what she is thinking and I betcha she loses herself...AGAIN!

Miss Lips proclaims that she has no idea what she's thinking; so damn I am so good. Bea comes in and wants Oscar to read her fin because she wants to make sure that she knows beforehand if anything goes to a complete disaster. Oscar takes the fin and reads it slowly which is really stupid now because they are supposed to be girlfriend and boyfriend; so the awkwardness comes off as really stupid. It's like the dub version of Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth where after she has the revealtion of her love for Lucian and is supposed to stop talking like an emotional less robot; she then proceeds to talk like a robot right at the big scene against Loki. Oscar feels the palms and goes all man dumb on her before recoiling and claiming that she is fine. Bea is worried as we see the Lobster Nephews shaking their collective heads at the goal thermometer which is actually at 85% progress which is actually awesome for just about nine minutes of airtime. So Zeus arrives to inform Bea that their ride is ready and Bea goes over and Salmons introduces it as the Knitting Ferris Wheel. Well; it could be worse I guess. Bea love it as it's the Knit-Stravaganza which means Salmons should be booking WWE Wrestlemanias now. Or not. Bea doesn't notice anyone lining up; so Bea stuffs Oscar and Miss Lips into the knitting sock because she wants to show that this ride is fun so people can line up. Salmon is chanting while Zeus is manning the wheel which is manually controlled. We cut to Oscar and Miss Lips knitting and Oscar is actually liking this which shouldn't surprise everyone because he did the exact same spot in Fish Floaters. Bea still doesn't understand why no one is lining up as the dad in the trench coat actually is warming up to the ride; but the fat kid with the yellow/white cap blows it off because he likes fast ride. Maybe they should have made the knitting ride be inspired by the Tilt-A-Whirl; and call it the Knitting Whirl. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So the ride goes faster as Salmon pleads to Bea because the ride cannot handle this speed. Bea looks at the goal board and then goes serious and yells at them to go faster. And to think; Bea hasn't been an asshole on this until right that moment. So Zeus reels faster and faster and the handle breaks and that breaks the Knitting Wheel and it rolls; like in every cartoon involving a Ferris Wheel. It's the machine version of destroying the birthday cake. So yeah; the wheel runs wild; kills everything except for Bo Gregory's goat; who are free at least to destroy all the baskets Fimberly and Deranged Kermit made. It goes through the fish tank and shatters into the next tank which the Ferris Wheel is heading for the School For Clumsey Fish. If only Fimberly was handling that wheel and caused it to break; then Coach Salmons "Oh; the irony" line would make sense and be fitting. See what happens when you don't pay attention; writers of the world and think that Fimberly is a toy for you to play with during your downtime? Bea panics of course and then heads for the catapult and needs it; so she pushes the button before Mr. Baldwin can get off and Mr. Baldwin gets launched and lands in the kitty litter on the floor of Bud's pet store. You just knew Bea would ruin that spot for me. So Bea, Mussels and Salmon get on the catapult with the macho muffins and they catapult over the fish tank and land right in front of school and place the muffins on as if it were that game where you knock down all the bottles to get a prize at the fair. And it works because the Knitting Wheel stops in it's tracks off-screen as we cut to the clumsey students and they float out as Bea is relieved that the thing had been stopped; but turns around and notices the students of the school including Armanda (blue dress, blue flower ribbons in her hair; tries to channel Janna Michaels; but it sounds faker than the real thing, sorry Gene. You tried at least.) as those wide eyes. Bea comes over to Armanda to break the bad news because the money now has to be spent on the play field due to all the destruction that Bea indirectly caused because she is a piece of crap on the bottom of my shoe.

Armanda comes over and assures her that everything is all right and thus gives us the moral of the story which would have been more effective if Bea admits that she caused the damage in the first place. The clumsey kids don't give a crap as we see the destroyed Knitting Wheel and macho muffins splattered around as the clumsey kids play and be merry as Armanda calls this an awesome playground. If TaleSpin ever gets a remastered game; Molly is voiced by G. Hannelius because she's the only teen who can sound like a five year old and getting a real six year to play Molly is too difficult at this point. So Salmon feels bad at first; and then his cellphone rings and makes a comment about not escaping technology and answers it because it's Patrisha. I would have thought that answering machine technology would be so advanced that you could do a silent recording so that when the answering machine is on with your cellphone; you could record the conversation without hearing it. Get a text messenger Salmons; please! Zeus blows him off and then Armanda and Bea are tossed in the air in a cheer of good will and I'm betting that the final closing shot is Mr. Baldwin getting discovered by the killer cat and they tease Mr. Baldwin getting eaten. I check the video...not quite as Mr. Baldwin waves his arm in the air in the kitty litter asking for help. The real final shot should have been the crayon drawing of the cheer on the wall of the school because that looked cool to end the episode at 10:30 approx. An okay episode; but nothing you haven't seen before. Except for Mr. Baldwin getting catapulted which I admit that I laughed hard. *** 1/4 (65%).


THE REVIEW LINE

More middling shorts and I have not much to say about either one of them. Live At The Hamsterwood Bowl was all right; but the hamster ball spot was out of nowhere and it was clear the writers had contempt for it when Bea didn't know what was going on. David Tennent was wasted in this role because the show is such a lame duck now. If he was on Wild Over Yonder; or Gravity Falls, or even Phineas & Ferb then it would have been great (most so Gravity Falls; since mystery is a general theme of Doctor Who anyway); but on a live action cartoon sitcom; it doesn't catch here. Steve Jackson's spot was so watered down because they showed him with out of nowhere underwear. Milo's rap in the end made this episode soar to a thumbs in the middle though. A Charity Fair To Remember was not one to remember; and neither in a good nor bad way. It was just fine. The finish was coming a mile away; the resolution was predictable and Armanda tried; but she is no Molly Cunningham and G. Hannelius tried to do a five year old voice and almost got it pat down; but it wasn't enough since she only got about three or four lines at the most; mostly for a moral that would have worked better if Bea admitted guilt for the whole destruction of the field. However; I will say that Mr. Baldwin on a catapult was FUNNY and it did get paid off; although I wish Bea's Dad would have hit the target and the catapult worked because that would have been funny. Oh well; I have to get used to the fact that adults are not supposed to be leeching the heat off of the children main eventers, so there you go. So next up is Bye Bye Bea Bea as Bea's dad is moving to Fish Arizona and taking Bea with him. YAY! And then it's Glass Man Standing as Albert tries to top the performance he did in Chicks Dig Vampires as he becomes a man. I think. So......

Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you all next time.



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