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Fish Hooks
Bye Bye Bea Bea/Glass Man Standing Rant
Reviewed: 10/22/2013
If Only She Were Made Of Glass...
Welcome to Season Three of Fish Hooks. Also known as the Lame Chicken season as there is not much left to see anymore. So our next rant up for bids is Bea's dad is going to Fish Phoenix and doing us ALL a favor by getting rid of Bea. And then Albert Glass finally gets another focus episode because his voice is maturing. UH OH! Is Albert getting a new voice actor? So; let's rant on shall we...?
Bye Bye Bea Bea is written and storyboarded by C.H. Greenblatt and William Reiss. The story is done the directors, the QUAD GROUP OF WASTEFULNESS, Darrick Bachman, Craig Lewis, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. The direction is done by Derek Evanick and Diana Lafyatis which is either an error or the first time we have seem a new direction team do an episode in a long while. In other words; virtually everyone was doing this story. When it takes that many to clear a script; then it's time to end the series and bring in something else. Glass Man Standing is written and storyboarded by Joe Johnston. The story is done by the directors, Joe Johnston, Darrick Bachman, Craig Lewis, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones. All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.
Bye Bye Bea Bea: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Boxless Turtles. Huh?) as Bud is hiding inside a box and popping up before popping down. So we head to the front doors of the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and Bea opens them with a smile. UH OH! You know what that means?! Sure you do; it's called the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. She claims to be a hometown girl despite sounding like she's from Hollywood. Well; Hollywood is a town in California; so it's not all that absurd. We get shout outs to "Just One Of The Fish" (Bea playing football) and "Fish Lips Sink Ships" (Miss Lips holding hands with Mr. Baldwin for the first time); as Bea sounds way too excited at this point as an airplane with a banner of Freshwater is in the sky. So we see everyone waving at her because she's the star and they are not. So she walks in and greets her family which sounds so sarcastic even though she's not trying to be sarcastic. Bea's mom and dad are holding hands as Dad has a cowboy hat on because they have big news. They are moving on BABEE! Bea faceplants right on cue. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I laughed at that spot; I really did. So we head to Oscar and Milo's place as the brothers of goofiness yell no; while Bea yells yes; and it appears that she didn't sleep well last night either. So they do this about three times more to force the point home; while crying and embracing each other; because execs think kids will not get it the first time and thus change the channel if the point isn't driven into the ground. So Bea separates and proclaims that Bea's Dad got a new job in Fish Phoenix, Fish Arizona and they are moving in TWO fish days. Well; just two days. Funny how that they use the "fish" word in cities and such; but don't use it on days of the week or numbers. I mean; doesn't that contradict the jackhammering the point home that execs want?
The animation of Bea crying is so funny that someone seriously needs to do an animated GIF of that. If any Fish Hooks fans are watching the show and have a high quality version of the episode; if you can make an animated GIF of Bea crying her eyes out, I'll make it my second avatar on Live Journal. Milo yells that they have to do something and suggests amnesia which actually is a rational quote on Milo's part. Oscar wants to marry Bea which then is taken back because they are underage and Oscar is still playing Bea as if he is not committed to a relationship with her. See what I mean by trying to do it episodic. I would rather change characters in certain ways in season three and have it come out a million times better; then keep them the same and having every scene not make sense after you do the big relationship angle in Fish Prom; because nothing should remain the same once you are committed. Bea is sitting down wondering what they can do as Oscar and Milo join in with Milo sitting in the recovery position; and then he gets up and whacks both of them on their backs. HAHA! Milo has a Krackpotkin plan of this own: Have Dad work at THEIR company and even Oscar agrees to it. Hmmmm; were both of them fired in Fish At Work because I have never seen the episode in English?! Anyhow; Bea blows this off because they don't have a company. Oscar and Milo got a secret that they cannot tell: See; they used to play "Office" when they were little kids. Milo was the boss and Oscar played secretary. Sigh; even in fake worlds, the jock is always the mean bossman. And we HIT THE FLASHBACK to Milo and Oscar being babies and this is so funny that it's better just to see it then for me to explain it. Baby Milo is mean and can apparently use a typewriter pretty well. Oscar is called Mrs. Wiggins as Baby Milo demonstrates his sexual harrassment for all to see. I guess those bumps to the head scrambled those brains because Baby Milo was a lot less goofy as a baby.
So we return to reality (no, not really) as Oscar and Milo laugh it up; and Bea looks awfully confused at this obvious MIMI JOKE ZONE plan. Yeah; I brought that crack back out of retirement for this because this sounds like something Mimi would do. Milo's plan is to reopen their office for Bea's dad as Bea is just not sure about this. I don't care if this doesn't work or not because Milo being the boss of Bea's Dad is MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Oscar being the secetary is also money as long as he wears that red dress from Employee Discount. Bea working for Barb is opposite of money. Milo calls it "Hi-O-Daddy" which is actually a rib on the very first rant I did of this series "Bea Stays In The Picture" with Bud's Pet Store. Bea decides to accept the deal because she is drawing blank on an idea that is less dumb. They all hold hands as Milo wants Oscar to get the skirt out. So we scene change to a shot of a window with a sign that sezs "Fake Factory" because Bea's Dad is so dense; he'll think the word "Fake" is a pronoun. We see all the kids wearing fake glasses and wearing suits including Clamantha; as they are surrounded by empty boxes littered all around the room. Bea got a lot of boxes from the Burger Bunny and thus they are a box making company. That isn't so fake. So Shellsea blows off the plan because she is mean; but Fimberly sweats and panics. That's gimmick infringement! Although; knowing Fimberly, it shouldn't be surprising. Anyhow; when are we finally going to give Fimberly a focus episode?! Bea wants them to just do what they are told; and things will be great. Milo has the CHL mustache on as he wants real coffee from Mrs. Wiggins and here comes Oscar wearing a red dress and purple skirt looking so great as a woman. This IS like old times; with Oscar doing Baloo's routine from Feminine Air. Yes; Milo has his own desk and coffee mug, why do you ask? They laugh it up as Bea's Dad arrives at the door lalaing himself for my pleasure.
So Bea's Dad walks in as Shellsea is Carol (The Carol Burnett Show fanboys should be familar with this routine) and playing the secretary as Bea's Dad notices right away that it's Shellsea despite Shellsea acting so mean when he asks legit questions about looking like Shellsea. Bea is hiding in a box (and she poked two eye holes in the side of the box) and forgets to actually seal the box so she wouldn't be spotted by Dad. Memo to Bea: If Bea's Dad can see Shellsea as Shellsea; then he'll be able to find you in the open box! IDIOTS! Oscar runs in and offers Dad a hand into the office as Milo will see him now. So Shellsea decides to have a fake lunch break as she puts an "Out To Lunch" sign (that is so funny and symbolic on SO MANY levels!) and leaves. HAHA! So Oscar pushes Dad to Milo sitting in a large chair and we meet and greet. Milo hires Dad on the spot without checking the resume (which would have been a riot to read; but the 700 Club hates my guts, so...) as Dad does the Gruffi pose and asks what the job is that he is supposed to do. Milo stammers like an idiot (I was hoping that Milo would be MILO-VIA and be a female boss ala Miss Cunningham; at least in a parody sort of way; but I guess that is too sexist for anyone to touch at this point) and then shows Dad the boxes; and we sell boxes. Milo wants Mrs. Wiggins to show Dad around this "real factory" and Oscar and Dad bail as Bea looks on; calling this good. So we head to the fake cubicle as Dad sees a window view of the place and is giddy. Mrs. Wiggins gives Dad a list of clients to call concerning boxes to sell and then bails stage left. The phone is so funny that even Gedo's fashion sense cannot ruin it for me and I'll leave the look of it as an exercise to the reader. So Dad dials and we see Fimberly, Clamantha and Escarmargot on a bed (I'm guessing that it's downstairs) as Fimberly's cell phone rings and she answers it. Oh; this will be fun to mock! Fimberly wants only one box and claims that she loves him and hangs up. And then she catches herself. HAHA!
Dad hangs up and is giddy because he made his first sale. Miloboss is so happy that we see Mrs. Wiggins run in with a mallet and we gong this moment. Why? I know that this is a rib on the Carol Burnett show; but it isn't terrible. In fact; it's pretty funny. More phone ringing and buying boxes makes Gregory Weagle something something as Clamantha gets all snippy because she doesn't want a box and we get an arguement over the phone which surprises Dad on the other end. Geez Clamantha; your only buying the box. You can get rid of it later. Or even sell it on Fish Ebay. Same difference. After about a minute of squabbling; Clamantha orders a box and both of them hang up as Dad sells one more box. Miloboss proclaims that Dad is on fire and we gong this sale too. The balloons come down as Dad is so happy and thinks this job is fun as Bea looks on with glee. So we do the WUZZLE SCENE CHANGER OF DOOM and we have Miloboss and Dad shaking hands on a job well done. Well; as well done as a fake box factory can do, I guess. Dad and Miloboss are having so much fun as Dad offers to have the boss come to dinner and Bea doesn't like that idea at all; but Miloboss accepts it without question and Dad leaves the house. Milo dives into the box with Bea as she is not happy about this because Milo is hungry see. Bea isn't so thrilled; but decides to have the dinner and then keep it up until gradutation. This is not going to end well for Bea as we head to the dining room of Bea's house. This should be fun to mock too. Milo is acting like he never saw a basic pasta dish in his life; and then he begs them their pardon and licks the plate clean. HAHA! Dad and Mom's reaction to this is PRICELESS! And I mean that in the nicest possible way too. Bea wants to leave with the boss and his secretary right here and right now. Dad invokes the LEGAL HAND OF GOD and claims that his wife's cooking is terrible. Mom gives him eye contact violence for fun as Dad has an announcement to make and bangs the table with his fins in such a crappy way that it's too funny. So we discover that he has called a client with friends and got an order for 1000 boxes! BWHAHAHAHAHA!
The kids are shocked and appalled at this and their reaction to it is priceless. Dad points out that he's coming tomorrow to pick up said boxes and Bea suddenly doesn't feel well and leaves. Mrs. Wiggins follows her and then Milo leaves with the tablecloth as everything on the table falls onto the floor and shatters. About damn time that spot was sold properly. So we head back to the "Fake Factory" as Bea is panicky because there is no way to create 1000 boxes in time for the client and they are moving for sure because this would expose them. Milo and company calm her down because they may not be a real box factory; but they are real friends. They offer to stay overnight to finish this job on time and Bea feels sort of relieved that we start the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM as Jumbo Shrimp busts through the tank with a forklift containing cardboard and we see the kids all try to make boxes; but these boxes like screwing with the kids minds that they fail at it. Hammers are involved, Fimberly is duct taped against a box by Clamantha (sigh) and this song is actually good and has a pretty cool beat to it. And Shellsea is sleeping on the sofa and on the job as usual. She knows this plan is going to have to end in failure somehow. So we head to Bud's Pet as we get a night to morning shot (Sign: Overtime. This one at least makes sense this time) as everyone is tired and we discover that none of the kids can make boxes at all. Wow; just wow. One of the most simplist things in life and these kids cannot pull it off. Even Molly Cunningham could make a box and she is only a third the age of these losers. Yeap; this show is toast now as Bea thanks them for trying; but realizes that it's all over now as everyone embraces Bea and cries. Bea turns around wondering about explaining to Dad; and there is Dad right at the door with the Gruffi pose and gives his first mean look of the series. Bea stammers like an idiot and yes; he heard everything. Personally; I wouldn't be angry at her for trying to screw him out of a job, I would be angry that he cannot deliver on the order for 1000 boxes....
...Which is exactly where this finish is probably heading because Dad admits that he's a stupid jerk. Oh come on Dad! You are dense, you might be stupid, but you are no jerk! Bea is the jerk of the family! You seem to be projecting her faults into yourself there sir! Give yourself some credit there! And yes folks; he's still unsure about not moving because he still has to fill the order for his client. The kids point out that they tried to make boxes; but it's too hard. Dad blows it off because they are kids and therefore are stupid. YAY! Someone in the new Disney finally made an adult who called out the "kids" on television. Dad decides to be the leader of this operation as we get more music and making boxes as they are having a lot more success this time. Sadly; Milo thinks that boxes equals nail and teases the hammer; but Dad stops him this time. HAHA! You thought I forgot about Milo nailing boxes earlier in the song?! Anyhow; they build up a pile of boxes which appears to be a hundred or so; but it counts as a thousand boxes. Bea is grateful for this and Dad proclaims that it isn't a moment too soon; because we see the clients come in and in comes three brown CGI turtles speaking in a Japanese accent. I believe Mr. Kain is voiced by George Takei who did the white bird in Flying Fish. See; these turtle were born without shells nor boxes since they are considered boxed turtle; and it has sullied their honor. This is not all that funny as they try on the boxes and Kain loves them and offers them a red sack of money (the same one from Everything But The Kitchen Sink) and an order for 1000 boxes to be done by next week. Dad is so happy of this as Kain bows to him and leaves. Bea asks about not moving again and Dad officially decides to stay because the money he has now allows him to open a real box factory in Freshwater. Everyone cheers on cue and then Dad stops selling; points at them ...
Bea's Dad: "YOU'RE FIRED! LALALALA!" (Waves his arms in a funny matter.)
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is the best ending ever in the series as the kids look all confused and that ends the episode at 10:30 approx. The best episode so far in season three as Dad outsmarts everyone. And I do mean EVERYONE! He is now better than Mr. Baldwin. Nice to see the new Disney finally realizing that making all the adults look stupid was a BAD idea. Too little, too late to save it; but the payoff of this episode rules. **** 3/4 (95%).
Glass Man Standing: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Kumquats. So someone was watching Sheepskin Deep and Citizen Khan this week...) as we see Bud walking like a pengiun with three penguins behind him. Wow; I have lost all respect for penguins now that they have turned into redneck. So we zoom into Escarmargot's living room as Escarmargot and Albert Glass are playing Dino-Gi-Oh complete with anime like pictures of dinosaurs. HAHA! It's a cross between Yu-Gi-Oh and Fossil Fighters which is that dinosaur game Nintendo created about four or five years ago. So they smack down the cards on Escarmargot's bed as I discover that she's slimed the bed as well and that it is purple in color. Albert is loving this; but he would love to go on a real date that doesn't involve their friends who as we zoom out; they are watching television in front of the bed. Heh. Escarmargot is giddy as we go to the television and of course the show is called Beached Whales In Orange County; which apparently is a show about beached whales groaning on the beach. Whatever guys. Jumbo Shrimp thinks the first season was way better. I don't think any season of this show was any good; but that's just me. Escarmargot has a old fashioned cell phone and is about to order pizza; but Albert offers to do it himself because it is polite for the man to order the pizza for his lady. The scary part of this sexism is; it's still less sexist than Huey Duck hating Webby as a tagalong. So Albert phones the pizza place and it's called Jockto Pizzaria as Jocktopus' dad is on the phone taking the order while Jocktopus is working in the background; which seems to punishment for something I have no idea why. So Jockto's dad is taking the order and calls Albert a madam. Albert gets confused as he tries to correct him; but Jock's dad is an even more rotten sexist than Albert is. As in Huey Duck oodling at females sexist. See; he cannot tell that a boy is ordering the pizza as Albert gets all pissed off trying to explain that he is a boy. Jocktopus's Dad just stands there confused and then tells him to have his mommy order the pizza.
So Albert just stands there not even answering him and that face looks like he really failed at something that was a live and death situation (when it is not) and then tells everyone that he will not be here right now and leaves with the orange cell phone. Sadly; we cut to the next scene before he realizes that he stole Escarmargot's cell phone. Wow; that is so sad folks. Then again; Albert is hardly one to talk about enlightenment anyway. So we head to Albert's water testing tank as we see Albert curled up in a ball sounding like he's crying while asleep; and with the exception of his nightcap; he is naked. So then a spotlight comes up and we see Albert wake up and notice two superhero like men whose abs talk in some sort of communication device. They come from the planet Mense and they want him to join them. Albert then speaks that his day has come and then the superheroes simply act like they have been screwed and Fred will hate them for accepting Albert. They disappear along with the spotlight as Albert yells that he'll change and become a man and the acting is awesome here! So it's morning as the alarm clock rings and we get FPS shots of Albert going to the sink of his bathroom and washes his hands and face. We then slowly reveal that Albert's face has grown the beginnings of a mustache and he notices and comments it in Patrick Warbutron's voice. Then he catches himself and realizes that his childish voice is gone and pumps his arms into the air proclaiming that he is...A MAN~! So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we head into the hallways with Jumbo Shrimp showing Oscar and Milo a new video game system coming up. It's called the ZME-Box which I am SHOCKED that Microsoft didn't just go with that name instead of XBOX One. I mean; it cannot be any worse of a name as XBOX One and it might be almost as good as Wii U. Almost. It's a Virtual Reality Helmet which looks like an alien helmet colored blue. No manly man is going to buy that thing. It has to be in black or brown. That's what manly men like huh? Huh?! Do I win a cookie for that? Probably not.
I should note that the magazine is called Nintankdo Power which would have been funnier if Nintendo Power was still on newstands today. Jumbo Shrimp proclaims that Albert would like this and admits that Albert was injuried last night; as Albert appears wearing a SWANK blue suit proclaiming that he has made a full recovery. The males realize that his voice has changed and they feel all right with it. Then comes Bea and her friends greeting everyone and Albert greets in this deep SWANK voice of his. He shows off a purple daisy to Escarmargot and she is so shocked that she completely slimes herself from head to toe. HAHA! Yeah; it makes no sense, but I laughed at it anyway. Albert would like to have dinner at eight tonight and Escarmargot agrees to it. Albert is so happy to hear that and he bails stage left. Escarmargot then realizes that she has slimed herself; but her friends don't care about that because Albert/Escarmargot is less awkward now. So we head to Mr. Baldwin's class as I just realized that it's the least cliche seating in cartoons. There is a fishbone for a skeleton hanging to the left of the school as Baldwin is suffering from cancer it sounds like because he is willing to give extra credit for the question that if it malign or beneign. HA! Then his cell phone rings and he answers it and I thought it was Miss Lips; but when he hangs up; it's apparently Oscar and Milo's dad as he tells Oscar, Milo and Jumbo Shrimp that they can leave early. The boys love this and bail out of class which Bea gets pissed off because Oscar and Milo have no dad at all. Wait; so...WHAT?! They have to have a dad; even if we never see him. Otherwise; this makes no sense. At least in Spongebob Squarepants; Spongebob was an adult even though he acts like a child most of the time. Mr. Baldwin blows her off for not being nice. I was hoping for her to say that it's not nice; but it's accurate at him and then get detention for that. However; we cut to outside of the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as they wonder who called Mr. Baldwin and we see Albert in front of the school in a SWANK roofless red corvette. AWESOME! So now he wants to blow the pop stand too.
The kids ask where they are going and Albert proclaims that it's anywhere we want as we go on the road in slow motion as the car races like a Wuzzle trying to drive; and then at acutal speed; it returns to the road perfectly. It drives around the corner and then gets pulled over by the BAD EPISODE POLICE~! I didn't call you guys; I swear to the highest court in the land that beyond reasonable doubt that I did not call the bad episode police. Albert claims that he knows better than to speed; but he was taking his children to the hospital. For once I hope the DTVA authority figure actually acts really stupid and lets them go without consequence. I know that it's wrong; but mature voice Albert Glass is so AWESOME! He is literally wiping away all that BS that I saw in Bubba's Big Brain Storm. And after some laughable acting from Milo (and I do mean laughable) and Albert commenting on how awesome the badge is; the officer with a wheat stick in his mouth decides that his voice is manly and therefore he did nothing wrong; so he'll only going to give them a warning and let them go. HAHA! Damn; I am so good and the males agree with me because that segues to all the males in Oscar's house laughing their asses off in front of the television. AWESOME! So Milo gets up who is in tears and has one; so he wants Albert to say kamquats and Albert sezs it in the deep voice and everyone laughs their asses off. HAHA! Yeah; I laugh at the stupid joke; so shoot me. So the television set is on and we go to the Fish Home Shopping Network as we discover that Coach Salmons is shilling a white version of the ZME-Box Z whatever VR Helmet. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE NAME OF IT IS?! Other than the fact that it's white and $500. So this is the Wii version. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay; Salmons is one phone call away from being fired from school; which would make for a compelling storyline. We discover that the first person who calls is going to get one for free. Geez; this network must be desperate if they have to give away one console for free. This is NOT a good sign for this new technology.
So once again; we see that Zeus Mussels has come for the ride because they are the odd couple of this show and the phones are literally ringing off the hook. Zeus answers the blue one (of course) and yells that he wins as Salmons grabs the phone and asks how he feels about winning this video game system and would you be shocked if I told you that Albert Glass is the caller. Albert speaks and Zeus Mussels proclaims that his voice doesn't sound girly at all; while Salmon calls his voice manly. It's hard to take these two nuts seriously when you consider that Coach Salmon is voiced by Richard Simmons. I cannot take anything he speaks seriously when it comes to manly voices. Your voice is girly! I like it! DISCO~! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm... Anyhow; Albert calls himself a high school student and everyone cheers because he won legit. That was great. So we scene change to nightfall as Albert has returned to the water testing tank as he floats down enjoying his new voice; when suddenly; the Manete dudes are back with their spotlight. Since Albert Glass has a manly voice now; he can now join them and do all of their reindeer games. I cannot take anyone seriously as men when they are wearing Superman outfits; Albert is much more man than they are and that's when he didn't grow his mustache and speak in a manly voice. Which is great because that makes the finish and ending look great in hindsight too. Albert likes the idea; but he has a date with Escarmargot tomorrow night and the "Supermen" blow him off for being a bigshot. Please don't have Albert change his mind on the fly? That's all I ask. Thankfully he doesn't as they threaten him with his voice being unstable and turning it back into a day. One of the men blows him off for that; but he is blown off because Fred is not here and therefore he can do whatever he wants. Albert wakes up and he still has the mustache on; but his voice is back to the voice I always loved before Patrick took over. He is still adorable with the mustache; so it isn't a big loss. Albert then realizes that he has lost his manly voice and panics.
So we head back to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH in the hallway as we see Oscar playing with the helmet doing almost as well as Angela did in Fish Prom. Almost. He takes the helmet off and proclaims that the graphics are amazing. So they are like watching TaleSpin? Or Lion King? Or even Recess? I'm only kidding with you guys. Yeah; even in a cartoon; graphics are the most important thing in playing a video above all else; including actually playing the game. I'm sure there will be VR movies made in the future with those graphics too. Or maybe not since most of the jokes relate to Nintendo and that fake Nintendo On rumor that surfaced in 2006. It's dated; but you cannot deny that it brought Nintendo back from the dead. Milo is so giddy to try it on and he is given the helmet and puts it on. He is loving this so much that he grabs Oscar's eyeballs and squeezes them with Oscar overselling pain. HAHA! So then we hear Albert's squeaking voice as we pan over to Albert wearing a mask over his mouth and a trench coat with hat. They go over and realize that Albert's voice is gone; but they seem to be concerned about him because he is not acting like a jerk. Why is it that the new Disney actually got this right; but the old classic Disney did not?! Albert puts on the helmet to mimic the voice he had and then takes it off to reveal his real voice which is breaking like crazy here. I see Atticus is no longer an option if a TaleSpin Remastered game is in progress. He would have made a good Oscar Vandersnoot. Anyhow; we see in the foreground Escarmargot and Fimberly exchanging notes on where Albert is having the date; and Escarmargot has no idea because it must be a surprise. They leave stage left and here's one obvious problem with this: Escarmargot liked Albert when he didn't have that manly voice, even though they found each other as being awkward. So why should it be much different? They don't hate each other; so Albert looks like a weak willed dork. Damn; the dorks are getting no love from the writers.
Albert has the helmet on as he wonders what he can do because he cannot order pizza without the manly voice on; and Oscar thinks that this is a bad idea; but Albert sees the helmet as the perfect solution as we get a closeup of it and then we head inside the resturant which is clearly have a Western theme to it. Probably for the best that Albert dress as a cowboy because if he dressed like a vampire and went to a Goth themed place; I cannot assure that we would never see Albert Glass again. As much as I think of him being an awesome vampire; you have to draw the safety line somewhere. So we see Albert has somehow got his manly voice back for no reason I can think of as Escarmargot has purple hair on and wishes she had worn a cowboy hat or something. The resturant looks very detailed and everything about it looks like a good Western film. Sometimes; the new Disney can pull it off when they give a damn. I just wish they did it more often. Anyhow; Escarmargot comments on his questionable manly voice as it's clearly breaking at this point; as Albert assures her that he must have a frog in his throat and Deranged Kermit is back to deliever the punchline out of nowhere while rising to the surface. HAHA! So we see Escarmargot being asked about toppings as she likes pineapple and Albert is all right with it; although his bow tie is sparking as I discover that the voice sweetner is actually the sound speak which is attached to a choker being worn by Albert. I think that was a wonderful idea as a trick; but it has shoddy craftsmenship. I guess this Nintankdo company is really Sony copying Nintendo Power. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The reference was funny; I'll give them that much. So this blue fat female fish waiter arrives with a wheat stick in her mouth (like the officer earlier in the episode) and Escarmargot wants a club soda and Albert wants pineapple juice saving himself from having his cover blown. This makes no sense because if it's stuck on pineapple; then his voice when he sezs "juice" should be his normal voice. The blue fish is all right with that and leaves stage left and I'm going to say that she's Lafeesha. So...
Lafeesha is voiced by Jamie Pressly and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Pressly starred as "Violet" in the 1997 film Poison Ivy: The New Seduction. In 1998 she starred as "Nikki" on the short-lived TV series "Push", and also played a recurring role as the undead assassin Mika in the TV action series Mortal Kombat: Conquest. From 1999 to 2001, Pressly starred as "Audrey" on the drama series Jack and Jill. Pressly starred in the independent film Poor White Trash, playing scheming gold-digger Sandy Lake. She subsequently appeared in a number of films, including Not Another Teen Movie (playing Priscilla, a high school cheerleader) and Torque, as a crazed, motorcycle-riding criminal. In 2001, she was made the new spokesmodel for Liz Claiborne Cosmetics and its fragrance Lucky You. In 2002, she was ranked #8 in Stuff magazine's "102 Sexiest Women in the World". In 2003, she launched a lingerie line, J'Aime, which later became a full sleepwear and ready-to-wear line. In 2006, Maxim magazine named her #34 on its annual[4] list; she is also featured in its[5] gallery. Pressly posed nude for the March 1998 and February 2004 issues of Playboy. She also appeared nude in the May 2006 issue of Allure.[6] Pressly guest starred in episodes of several TV shows. In an episode of the WB series Charmed, she played Mylie, a mermaid trying to find love; (Alyssa Milano, who played Phoebe, later guest starred on My Name is Earl.[7]) Other series in which Pressly guest starred were The Twilight Zone, Fastlane, Las Vegas, Becker, Night Man and Silk Stalkings. She also appeared in an episode of the prank series Punk'd. In 2005, Pressly was cast in the NBC sitcom My Name Is Earl, as Joy Turner. In 2007 she won the Emmy Award[8] for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series for her work on the show. She has also been nominated for several other awards.[9] Pressly sang "Fever" in an appearance with the band The Pussycat Dolls.[10]
She has also appeared in a number of music videos, including "The Space Between" by Dave Matthews Band, "Girls of Summer" by Aerosmith and the Marilyn Manson cover of "Tainted Love". On May 31, 2006, she hosted the first annual VH1 Rock Honors. Pressly was a producer as well as a star in the 2005 movie Death to the Supermodels. She hosted the October 7, 2006 episode of Saturday Night Live. Prior to this, she guest starred on an episode of MADtv from season eleven, where she played Hillary Clinton in a parody of My Name Is Earl, "My Name Is Dubya", in which George W. Bush (Frank Caliendo) makes a list of all the bad things he's done in the past and rectifies them one by one. She is featured in the 2008 video game Saints Row 2 in which she plays lead role Jessica, a lieutenant for the fictitious Brotherhood gang. On December 3, 2009, it was announced that Jaime would guest-star on an upcoming episode (series 4, episode 10) of the CBS comedy, Rules of Engagement. She would play a possible surrogate mother for Jeff and Audrey (Patrick Warburton and Megyn Price).[11] She reprised her role in the 5th season premiere (series 5, episode 1). She is in the music video for "Pray For You" by Jaron And The Long Road To Love. In 2010 she became the spokesperson for the "AXE Detailer Will Clean Your Dirty Balls" ad campaign for AXE Shower Gel. The ad employs double entendres, talking to men, but showing different types of sports equipment/balls. Pressly appears in the Fox sitcom I Hate My Teenage Daughter, which premiered on November 30, 2011. In July 2012, Pressly starred in Jimbo Lee's ABBY IN THE SUMMER produced by Gabriel Cowan, John Suits, Dallas Sonnier and Jack Heller against Robin Thicke, Joey Lauren Adams and Frances Conroy.[12] She started as a Pre-Teen American Girl in Mercenary in 1996. Phineas & Ferb as Rosie is her DTVA debut. Abby In The Summer as Abby is her most recent credit. She has 56 acting credits, 60 self credits and two production credits (Abby In The Summer and Death to the Supermodels) on her resume.
So Escarmargot seems to want to talk with Albert on pineapple as the voice speaker is repeating pineapple over and over and Albert punches the speaker and it goes on and on and on. Escarmargot is confused now which probably means she doesn't really care about Albert's voice. So Albert goes under the table (which is cover with pink cloth) as there is the OFFSCREEN FIGHT OF DEATH involving the voice sweetner and Albert Glass. That is AWESOME! So Albert comes out and finally reveals his real voice while blowing off the speaker; and then realizes that everyone heard him; and proceeds to do the best screaming voice I have ever heard in my life. And then he bails stage left in a fit of screaming and we segue to Albert on the toilet as Escarmargot opens the stall and notices him right away. Albert plops down and is upset because it's the boy's bathroom. Which Escarmargot has to inform him that it is the girl's bathroom as there is a female cowboy fish blowing Albert off because she needs to pee and there is another fish behind her despite there being at least two other stalls. Don't ask; I'm not writing this episode; just a review of the episode writing. Anyhow; Albert is upset because you see; both bathrooms doors are exactly the same door with the exact same markings, which implies that this place is trying to lure boys into the girl's bathroom, just because...I'm not going to go there. Thankfully; none of this happens as Albert is at the sink looking at himself and feeling upset because he just wanted a decent date and he couldn't be manly enough as he washes his hands and throws the crumbled up paper towel and throws it and it lands exactly three inches away from him; setting up the punchline with a talking trash can to blow him off. Was that even needed in this? I hate it when they need to jackhammer the point more than they already have with this. Escarmargot then admits that she doesn't give a damn about his voice because she likes him for who he is; after all, they are meant for each other. After all; they are awkward, messy and dorky with no strength physically or mentally. Physically if you are Albert; Mentally if you are Escarmargot.
I would also like to point out that she is wearing a SWANK blue dress that is glittering like diamonds. We see Albert's vocal chords and his heart because he's a clear jellyfish. And he's awesome because he is kind of heart. And in a surprise; her hands do not slime him whatsoever. YAY! Albert realizes this and they hold hands and run out of the bathroom as Lafeesha is taking another fish's order as Albert arrives with Escarmargot as Lafeesha asks if they liked the bathroom. Albert claims that he did and wants to place his order and Lafeesha is ready to do so and doesn't even comment on Albert's voice. Albert is happy and places an order for a pineapple pizza; and Lafeesha admits that this is a BBQ steakhouse and can only broil pineapple slices. Ooops! Albert and Escarmargot realize that Albert was so concerned with his voice; that he forgot to check the menu out beforehand. HAHA! Great reaction to it too; so they leave and we see them at Jockto Pizza and they are at the front counter sitting on stools (NOT THOSE ONES!) as Albert introduces the pineapple pizza to Escarmargot which looks like it's uncooked; but whatever. Escarmargot thinks Albert's voice is settling; which it is quite frankly. Albert then states that tomorrow it could be different; but Escarmargot doesn't care and they laugh it up. And then we zoom out and notice that the two scumbag superheroes talking from their abs (which is not much different from talking from their ass like Boog; but it makes more sense this way anyway) as they blow off Albert for screwing up his chance to be a Maninite and then we discover that they are riding on a red UFO and they fly from the fish tank AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) blowing Albert off. And then the closing pan shot is one of the scumbags proclaims that they have a spare room; the other one blows it off and then Wilifred the Killer Robot Cat Of Death leaps up and eats the UFO; killing both men for good. That was AWESOME! That's putting those sexists in their place! That ends the episode at 10:40 approx. I was wrong about the last episode; this is the best episode of the season and maybe the entire series to boot! We have our second perfect episode right now. ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; I haven't seen this much awesomeness since season two with Oscar & Milo Move In and Bea Sneaks Out. Bye Bye Bea Bea was absolutely great in a real sense that there was intensity and Milo's funny plan backfiring in Bea's face as Dad starts playing along and then outsmarts them by actually phoning a friend of his to get an order for 1000 boxes by tomorrow. That is when I realized that Bea's Dad was in on the scheme and it didn't help that Bea forgot to close the box in her hiding spot; nor Shellsea's being mean at the desk with him. The kids being stupid about making boxes was hilarious comedy for me and I commend the new Disney for writing an episode that makes Bea's Dad look like the smartest guy in the room. Although I could do without the Boxed Turtle joke which with them sounding Japanese is a bit insulting at the finish; but the ending was ultra white hot with Bea's Dad getting the money to stay in Freshwater; and then firing everyone and lalaing. That made the episode for me as that was a 18* ending. I thought that was the best episode of season three; but then Albert Glass surpassed it with his performance in Last Glass Standing. Atticus did his damnest to make his problems with his breaking voice sound believable and likable all at the same time. This is similar to Bubba's Big Brainstorm; except it was booked perfectly and everything was done to perfection for me. Albert was awesome and still as likable regardless of the voice; Escarmargot was wonderful here as well because she actually made the whole thing worthwhile and using a Western theme was dead on as there were some really funny stuff going on; including the best scream I have ever heard. The Action Figure Aliens from Manite were jerks but; they paid it off perfectly at the end when the killer cat ate them up and killed them. I also love the booking here and it was funny that with all of Albert's concerns for his voice; he forgot that he was at a steakhouse. That was comedy gold for me. Although; I wish they didn't pick Jockto's Pizza; because it doesn't make sense to go there since Jocktopus is working with his father there and we all know Jocktopus doesn't like Albert one bit, it still worked because Albert and Escarmargot made it work. These two have great chemistry and this is the one relationship that the writers did not screw up. Good for them! So overall; we had two kick ass episodes. Next weekend; I'm doing the series finale: Pool Party Panic and then it's onto Kick Buttowski for eight episodes over two weeks. I might do Spoiler Alert as a mini rant first and then move onto the last two season two episodes once Kick Buttowski is completed or after Recess: School's Out is completed. Either way; it looks like Fish Hooks might be completed after all. Kick Buttowski; not so much! So......
Thumbs way up for both episodes and I'll see you all next time.