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Fish Hooks
Fish Lips Sink Ships/Spider's Bite Rant
Reviewed: 10/13/2013
Miss Lips Crumbles Doorways!
Okay; so we resume to trying to get some of these final season two episodes of Fish Hooks done; as this next one is one the biggest angles ever. Okay; not really since it's Mr. Baldwin and Miss Lips having eyes for each other and that's a mid card pairing since the kids are the main event. Anyhow; Baldwin admits his love of Lips to Milo promising not to tell, and then ignores the "secret he cannot tell" and tells Bea; and Bea plays matchmaker. I got to say that this episode has the best episode title in the history of the new Disney and there had better be a ship sinking when loose "fish lips" are involved; or I'm going to be so disappointed. So; will Baldwin and Lips become a pair; or will Baldwin learn to grow a pair and have that damn baby in his body already? Then the next episode up for bids is the Fish Hooks gang having to face off against a rowdy group of spiders who just want to have fun. At least it's not Randy Pincherson this time. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Fish Lips Sink Ships is written and storyboarded by Derek Evanick and Diana Lafyatis. The story is done the QUAD GROUP OF WASTEFULNESS. Spider's Bite is written and storyboarded by Joe Johnston. The story is done by the QUAD TRIO OF WASTEFULNESS. All episodes are done with Toon Boom with CGI background stuff; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.
Fish Lips Sink Ships: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Mexican Food. THAT'S RACIST! Sorry; my "I hate rednecks trying to act like they are enlightened impulse" is acting up again!) as Bud has a plunger and walks from right to left and then he bails stage left as ten plungers fly and nail the fish tanks. Whatever guys. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH and into Mr. Baldwin's class as we get the "do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot barely a minute in; just to get that out of the way. Mr. Baldwin is at his desk "reading" a sheet of paper for no reason that I can think of. Baldwin is writing and erasing something I cannot make out because the video quality sucks in this episode. Bea asks Baldwin about teaching and Mr. Baldwin decides to talk about Fish Ancient Greece which prompts Milo to raise his hand and act all giddy inside. Milo proclaims that Fish Ancient Greece is about fish in togas showing off their swag and Mr. Baldwin hangs out with them because he's so old. Okay; that was lame even for this show. You couldn't say that a million fish years ago is equal to 26 human years because Baldwin hung out with them once in 1986?! That would be funny. Look; I love the 1986 motif; so why not use it?! Mr. Baldwin ignores him the entire time because he is writing and erasing something on a piece of paper; and then the bell rings. Baldwin proclaims that class is dismissed in a distracted manner and all the kids float out of the classroom. The GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE exchange notes on Mr. Baldwin being so off in his teaching. He has been off teaching since 1986! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oscar claims that Baldwin didn't even notice Milo ordering and getting takeout as Milo proclaims that he forgot the dumpling in class. So Milo goes back into the class and Mr. Baldwin is talking to the class skeleton which has more hair than Baldwin does. See; Mr. Baldwin is rolepaying the fact that he wants to prepose to someone as I discover that the skeleton's name is Miss Boneze. Has to be some rib here.
Anyhow; Mr. Baldwin gets called out on it by Mr. Baldwin and Mr. Baldwin panics, turns around and sees Milo. Mr. Baldwin blows off Milo for accusing him of making out with Miss Boneze; and claims that he's practicing making out with someone. That sounds so much like necrophilia to me Mr. Baldwin. Milo asks who is the lucky gal is and Mr. Baldwin gets all offended by this as they do the shifty eyes spot to see if kids laugh at it before Baldwin relents and proclaims that he will tell Milo as long as Milo don't tell ANYONE about his crush. Milo agrees to that without realizing how stupid he is in not agreeing to tell anyone. I do admit; at least this is paying off the "Got A Secret I Can't Tell" lyric in the opening; but "Got A Sing An Octo Tale" is MUCH, MUCH more fitting for this show. So they go to the door and look from it as we see Miss Lips at the door to her office with a key as we discover that (a) she has the worst small motor skills this side of Sgt. Slaughter and (b) Mr. Baldwin has eyes for her. She is so stupidly clumsey that she breaks her keys and her cellphone trying to call the janitor. This is so sad folks; because as awkward as Miss Lips is; her doorway breaking gimmick was at least amusing due to her height. This is so stupidly horrible that it makes Fanboy & Chum Chum hang their heads in shame. Milo screams; and before he can blurt out the secret; Mr. Baldwin shuts him up and they float back into class. See; Mr. Baldwin is scared to death because school rules dictate that Mr. Baldwin and Miss Lips cannot have eyes for each other and that Mr. Baldwin is scared to ask her. And if it goes out that Mr. Baldwin has eyes for Miss Lips; then his life will be OVERAH~! Umm; Mr. Baldwin? Your life is already over. You are an adult in a new Disney cartoon show. You are midcard jobber FOR LIFE~! Disney execs word is LAW~! So that's why Milo must keep this a secret. Milo salutes him and proclaims that his secret is safe with him. Mr. Baldwin teases groaning on cue; but salute him back. Yeah; after ranting on Gargoyles so long; I forgot that the pacing here is so much faster that the rants are going to be much longer than usual.
So we head to Oscar's (or Bea's house; it really doesn't matter at this point) as Oscar and Bea are watching a television show on the sofa entitled: "Sometimes I'm A WereWolf And Sometimes I'm Not!". Damn; that would have been funnier if it was "Sometimes I'm A WereWolf And Sometimes I'm A WolfWere." I know I'm referencing Rescue Rangers; but it would have been funnier. We see Bea with the remote control...i...never mind. Off screen; someone complains about someone drinking out of the toilet bowl and the couple laughs claiming that it was the werewolf. Then Milo comes in out of nowhere and opens the glass door with the most funniest frown face ever devised. Bea and Oscar think he has a secret he cannot spill; and Milo goldbricks like mad. Milo covers his mouth and the couple claim that Milo is hiding something. What a bunch of assfishes these two are?! Milo is having a Milo moment you jackasses! There's no secret at all; none at all, no siree! Pay no attention to the sadist behind the curtain. Milo screams and that sezs Mr. Baldwin's name and then shuts his mouth. Bea comes over and claims that this means Mr. Baldwin told him a secret because he wants Bea and Oscar to know about it. I was going to say "none of this makes any sense"; but Oscar sezs the exact same thing for me anyway in roundabout terms. Bea blows him off nicely and Milo screams; and in the screaming; he blows the secret wide open. Bea asks why Mr. Baldwin refuses to tell Miss Lips about it; but Mr. Baldwin is afraid that he might be rejected. Rejection is so painful; more so when you work so hard to doing the only thing that you can do in life which is making out with a doll...Oh wait; that was HHH dressed up as Kane, my mistake. Bea claims that they are perfect for each other because they are single and old...and old. Baldwin is old; but Miss Lips looks about 20 years younger than Mr. Baldwin so that makes no sense. Bea then whips out her cellphone because she is going to tell Miss Lips about Mr. Baldwin...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummmm.
Milo grabs the cellphone in a panic and throws it out of the tank and we see Fimberly with an ice cream cone in the park. If you cannot guess what happens to her next; you have no business reading this rant. And you don't know how lazy the writers are. For goodness sake; STOP USING HER AS A BUMP MACHINE~! Fimberly is a nice girl; stop making her look like a sad case. Milo proclaims that she cannot tell Lips because that would MURDER Mr. Baldwin. Okay; Milo said that it would kill Baldwin; but that is close enough to being accurate. Oscar decides to side with Milo on this one because you should meddle in adult love affairs. Good for you Oscar; and then before he can finish; his cell phone rings and he bails stage left after the third "do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot. It has to be Jumbo Shrimp or Albert Glass. Or even Clamantha; but it cannot be Angela because if I recall; this episode occured after Oscar is A Playa. If it's Angela; then we have another gapping logic break. Bea thinks that they should tell as many people as possible...in bed. Milo squeezes her fact and forcing the point that he promised not to tell anyone (which he already broke because Bea is a poopyhead) and Bea gets all pissy about it and does the Gruffi pose to agree not to tell anyone...in bed. So we head to the mall as we see Fimberly, Shellsea, Escarmargot and Bea watching at a table; Koi going over to a sunglasses fish vendor and she grunts about something and unintentionally topples over the entire display of sunglasses. They look at each other and laugh it up. Koi gets a letter and smiles as Shellsea thinks this relationship is going smoothly. Everyone else is giddy about this; but Bea looks not so amused by this. So Bea finally admits that she knows this person wants to prepose to another person; but cannot tell the secret. Shellsea wants names and Bea no sells because she promised not to tell; but then Bea end arounds herself by claiming that she never promised for them to guess who they are...in bed. And people are SHOCKED when I say that Bea is a relationship killer?!
So Fimberly gets first dabs at it and claims it's her while going on and on about something I do not care about and Bea blows her off because it's not about her. Fimberly stares for about three seconds and then eats her meal on the table. Bea then decided to give them a hint that it's one of the teachers and Shellsea comes out and states that it's Mr. Baldwin and Miss Lips. See; Shellsea claims that she knows about the relationship because they are old. Oh; that was dumb. You were supposed to say that they are the only singles in the entire school and then say that they are old. The joke is that they are single; not old and you didn't pay it off properly. BOO! HISS! I thought that you had some sense writers! That is so Fanboy & Chum Chum like that it's not funny. So Shellsea gets her "smart"phone (because you know those phones aren't smart) and starts thumb typing on it as everyone must know as we get the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM as every kid in Freshwater on their clunky PC's are getting emails stating that Baldwin and Lips have eyes for each other. Everyone is in shock. Rinse, lather, repeat. Randy Pincherson has a furance and he is throwing away a vast amount of papers which apparently for evidence. Why? We never find out because we head to the bus with Dr. Frog. OH GOODY! Deranged Kermit is back and sitting next to Barb to boot! She has eyes for Deranged Kermit. The stink eyes! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We get the box multiplying as the kids continue to type like crazy and Bea is in the middle looking like she's all smug and awesome. Sure she is; because she just killed off another decent relationship before it happens. At least in theory. We get a white flash and head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as everyone is whispering as Milo goes to the locker and opens it wondering why people are whispering. Then we hear that Mr. Baldwin has been obsessing with her since 1986. YAY! About damn time they did the 1986 motif. I would have thought that they forgot that.
Milo continues to fish through his locker as one of the fish in the background claims that Miss Lips might change her name to Lipsinowski. Wait; if they are getting married, wouldn't she be named Miss Baldwin?! And Milo panics like mad. That makes no sense at all. When these scripts are cleared; does anyone pay attention to the obvious here?! Anyhow; Bea comes over and Milo is pissed off and accuses Bea of spilling the secret which is projection since Milo spilled the secret to Bea already. Bea claims that she didn't because everyone figured it out using their powers of observation. Sure they did Bea; after you gave them the hint that it involved teachers. And to make matters even worse for her; she acts as if she did the right thing because all she sezs is that they will live happily ever after and floats off smiling. As if she intentionally spilled the beans to spite Milo's face! What an asshole?! She and Randy Pincherson are truly compatible with each other after this stupidity. I wish Oscar could hear this; but we get the WUZZLE SCENE CHANGER OF DOOM as we head to Miss Lips' class as Miss Lips arrives at the desk. The projection screen is down and it reads Self Esteem & You. Yeah; the one adult who has less self esteem than Mr. Baldwin does (which is awfully low) (and clumsy as hell) is teaching Self Esteem to children. She shows pictures of herself looking in the mirror and getting laughed at by hard hat workers. I'm guessing that she broke another top of the doorway again; otherwise, this makes no sense. Anyhow; all the kids are at the desk and they have the most smugass grins I have ever seen this side of the Quack Pack nephews (This could only be complete if the Lobster Nephews were here doing them too!) except for Milo of course who looks like he is frowning himself to death. Bea then asks about getting compliments from Mr. Baldwin. Wow; that was pretty subtle...sort of. Lips is absolutely clueless about the giggling and calls them a chatty bunch. Her answer to that question is that he has a big forehead (that Patrick Star will never see) which causes the laughter.
So Miss Lips pulls up the projection screen and we see "Mr. Baldwin + Miss Lips" written on the blackboard as Milo panics like mad on cue. Miss Lips reads it and then erases it with her tentacles admitting that she is no good in math; which causes Milo to breathe a sigh of relief. Normally; I would be offended by this, but the alternative would have been more offensive, so I'll take what I can get here. Miss Lips proclaims that one skill for self esteem is to lie to yourself. Okay; that is impossible because there is no way you can lie to yourself. You can deny yourself; but not lie to yourself. You can only lie to others; which makes more sense and is usually employed by self esteem scam artists. And then; Mr. Baldwin enters the room looking as awkward as he normally is. And he admits that someone spilled the secret as we see Bea in asshole smile mode; reveal her cellphone. Again; what an ass?! I would call her something much worse; but that would cause splash damage to every female in history. Besides; Bea causes enough splash damage on females on her own anyway. That sounded wrong. Randy mocks Mr. Baldwin that he should give her flowers and the kids all laugh. Miss Lips is absolutely clueless in all this; she might as well be Jackie Whackerman; only she cannot go insane. Mr. Baldwin has been publicly humilated as he pushes Milo into the next room and demands answers for this outrage. Milo explains that everyone found out about the secret and Mr. Baldwin panics like mad; but Milo assures him that the secret is still not out because Miss Lips hasn't figured it out yet. Because she's REALLY STUPID and dense. What a bunch of sexists these writers are? Okay; which one of you writers is Huey Duck? Or Toby Shelton? Same character basically. Oscar comes in and he's panicking like hell because Bea is going to tell Miss Lips everything. Milo and Mr. Baldwin really panic and show their range of emoting skills which is quite impressive to say the least. Oscar claims that he tried to stop her and we HIT THE FLASHBACK~!
We see Oscar and Bea outside as Bea is circling around proclaiming that this is not going fast enough; so she'll write an anonymous letter proclaiming that Mr. Baldwin is in love with Miss Lips. Oscar protests this outrage because she isn't supposed to tell anyone. Dude; the horse is out of the barn and circling about ten times around the earth already. Bea claims that she isn't technically telling her because the letter is telling her instead. And then she floated off stage right. How can ANYONE defend Bea as a character after all this bullsh**?! She is officially the worst teenager character this side of the Quack Pack nephews. I hope you are proud of yourself...in bed. So we return to reality (no, not at all) as Oscar claims that she smelled nice and she left as Baldwin and Milo panic like mad again. Milo wants to chase down Bea before she makes it to Miss Lips house; but Baldwin asks how does a seahorse with a baby inside of him and a fatass like Milo chase down a perfectly healthy girl. Now I would have thought it would be by car with Oscar driving because that makes perfect sense. Instead we see them together in the streets of Freshwater as Milo is riding a bicycle. And Baldwin is wearing a pink helmet because he's bisexual. Actually; considering that he's the smartest adult in the show; this is a win for the show. So we rip through the streets as a birthday cake gets destroyed of course because Jim Cornette booking is awesome. What's not awesome? Fimberly getting bumped out of the way with her ice cream cone and she falls into the hole in the street and into the sewers. That makes no sense since she's a fish and underwater! Again; ENOUGH OF FIMBERLY BEING A BUMP MACHINE~! So Milo manages to notice Bea skipping to her lou and ruining Toadie's awesome spot because she doesn't respect anyone at all; let alone their privacy. Which is funny considering that she wanted to give Oscar privacy when "Doris Flores Gorgerous" showed up. Bea hears Milo calling her ass out and she float runs as we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE ASSHOLE RELATIONSHIP KILLER EDITION~!
So we see Mis Lips house looking as violet as it can be as Milo orders Baldwin to take the wheel and he gets onto the handlebars. Bea has made it to the front door and Milo does the LEAP OF FAITH from at least 500 feet away from Bea which would miss by at least 450 feet in any other universe; but since they are underwater; Milo manages to somehow tackle Bea down to the ground in slow motion; but Bea manages to ring the doorbell..in slow motion..on the way down. Bea protests this misogyny and assault by Milo because she wants to make them happy see. Milo refuses to let her win; but Mr. Baldwin runs in and grabs the letter away from Bea; and then the door opens and Miss Lips shows up. UH OH! Baldwin is so BUSTED! Miss Lips has no idea what is going on here as Mr. Baldwin stammers like an idiot and the Baldwin finally asks her if she wants to get coffee sometime. Milo and Bea are shocked and appalled as they jackhammer a blue background to force the point. Miss Lips ponders it over and sezs no thank you. Baldwin feels so rejected; but Miss Lips states that she hates coffee because it make her queasy; however, she has no problem with Mexican food and Mr. Baldwin stammers and asks if she wants to go out for some Mexican food sometimes. Miss Lips agrees to it; waves later to him and closes the door. Mr. Baldwin acts like he won the Wrestlemania main event and float off to cheer in the streets. Milo then asks Bea if she learned her lesson about not butting into other people's business and Bea proclaims that he is wrong because the lesson is that she is always right and then floats off leaving Milo confused to end the episode at 10:40 approx. What a pretentous asshole this Bea is?! She might as well be Johnny Test's long lost goldfish sister. The episode was good otherwise; although the jokes were lame here because no one seems to know how to pay off a joke properly. And Fimberly is still a sex object to play with at this point too. Call it *** 1/2 (70%). Most of the deducation was because of Bea being the biggest asshole this side of the Quack Pack nephews.
Spider's Bite: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Hawgs) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Bud is looking in the mirror with a big mustache and it plucks itself off Bud's fugly face and flies away like a bat. HA! Even the fake mustache cannot stand a redneck. So we head to Oscar's house as all the kid babyfaces (Oscar, Bea, Milo, Jumbo Shrimp, Albert, Escarmargot, Koi Fish and Fimberly) are cheering as Bea selects Chrades for their game for the evening. So we break the ice with Milo doing some dance that looks like the chicken dance and he's no selling every possible correct answer that it could be. Blowoffs ensue and Oscar calls a pigeon and Milo declares him right. Milo then does another weird dance and the boys keep guessing onward as we do Spongebob Trick after Spongebob Trick including the neat Milo becomes a NES sprite (guessed as Cookie Carpetner Cousins) form. Then we hear drilling during the next charade and Bea blows Milo off for making sound effects during charades. But there's rumbling; so it's real. Oscar goes over to a blue wall and listens to it; as apparently the sound is out back. He orders Fimberly to peel the wall paper back and she does so. A girl? Being ordered in a new Disney cartoon? That's un-possible! Nightflight said so in doublespeak so it must be true?! We see a bunch of hairy backs which Fimberly calls butts; the roundabout term for asses, and the asses turn around and it's a bunch of redneck spiders. I see the breeding program Bud has installed in these spiders is working just fine. Fimberly's red curls drop dead on cue and everyone screams. The spider play psyche on them and then the spiders brawl inside their caccoon which is inside the tank along with a trailer and a outhouse. We see various spiders acting like the Hell's Angels; as one of the spiders (wearing a Nazi helmet) completely rips off a spider leg in a leg wrestling match. He then proceeds to beat the poor spider with the wet end. Kevin Hutcherson has turned into a spider now?! That sounds....ummmm...fitting? I think.
Milo is loving this; Oscar is not sure of this as a boot cracks the glass of the tank and Bea is pissed off because they are causing a racket and ruining their charades game. Geez Bea; calm down. Just because they are rough around the edges doesn't mean that they are sexist twits. YET. Milo wants to invite them over and Bea wants to murder them; but Oscar blocks the way. See; he wants to do nothing because submitting to rednecks is best in the world of Oscar. He needs a primer in WASP psychology big time. So then he gets squashed by a "root beer" bottle that looks like a real beer bottle. So close and yet so far. Oscar pops from the carnage claiming that this doesn't prove a thing. Then the trash rains down from a red spider doing illegal dumping. Bea shows this as proof that doing nothing is counter productive here and Oscar claims that it cannot get any worse, and Koi gets squashed by a root beer bottle. So if a female can get sqaushed on this show; then why can't Bea? Bea blows Oscar off so Oscar ponders a Krackpotkin plan as JS and AG (Jumbo and Albert) have a plan of their work. And we jump cut to a closeup shot of a pie. I LIKE PIE~! Except Albert points out that this neighbour psychology 101. Only a nerd would give out a pie to a neighbour instead of giving them a basket of fruit. Bea likes this plan and claims that she will charm them...in bed. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Turns out to be a moot point because it's blueberry pie and Milo eats it all much to Oscar's chargin. HA!
Narrator: 45 minutes later.... (Sadly; no deadpan narrator but a timer at 45 minutes. Why? I don't know...)
So we get another closeup of the pie which has friends in red gel along with a fish shaking hands with a spider. We see the goofs with attitude wearing the EYE WASH PACKS OF DOOM again with the pie outside. Albert tells them to be polite because they are their new neighbours see. Jumbo tells them if they need assistance; do the rooster call. Pfft. We do the eye wash voice of doom complete with water spray and bounce off as Escarmargot proclaims that we will never see them again. Riiigggghhhhtttttt Escarmargot; we will never see them again. Try telling the fans that because they were told that season three is in the works.....allegedly. So we see more redneck spiders acting like redneck spiders as they use a mini tractor to tow an outhouse which has another spider inside pooping and reading the newspaper. They act like barbarians as they cheer and praise each other. Rednecks equals 1900/2000's version of the Dark Ages. So the goofs walk in with the pie as Bea's charm is so Z-Grade that I hope the spiders see through this as the Nazi Spider shows up and demands the sweets for free or he'll murder them. Bea stammers with a look of "I'm seriously (insert swear word here)" as she tries to explain that they are from next door and they wants to give them a peace offering since they are neighbours see. Yeah Bea; nice use of your skills there. The spiders no sell as I expected because they want to be loud. I'm deducing that the pink spider on the top left is Ruby. And...
Ruby is voiced by Wendi MacLendon-Covey and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): She is best known for her ability as an improvisational actress. She was a member of The Groundlings Theater in Los Angeles from 2002–2009.[1] While a member of the Groundlings, McLendon-Covey was a classmate of comedians Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, with whom she would later star in the film Bridesmaids.[2] McLendon-Covey is widely known for her role as Deputy Clementine Johnson on the Comedy Central television series Reno 911! which ran from 2003–2009 and resulted in a 2007 film. She also starred in the Lifetime show Lovespring International in 2006 and has provided commentary for E!, TV Guide Channel, and VH1. In 2007 she starred in the comedy film Reno 911!: Miami, based on Comedy Central's Reno 911!. McLendon-Covey guest-starred on television series such as The Office, 10 Things I Hate About You, Cougar Town, I Hate My Teenage Daughter, Modern Family, and Hot in Cleveland.[3] In 2011, she starred in the financially successful and critically lauded comedy film Bridesmaids with Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy and Ellie Kemper. Beginning in July that same year, she began starring in national TV ads for a new campaign by Hillshire Farm.[4] From 2010 to 2013 she has had a recurring role on the CBS sitcom Rules of Engagement.[5] She appeared in the 2012 romantic comedy What to Expect When You're Expecting, directed by Kirk Jones,[6] as well as Steven Soderbergh's drama Magic Mike.[7] She will have roles in the Christmas comedy movie A White Trash Christmas about a white-trash mom visited by three ghosts intent on showing her a path to a brighter future,[8] and in the ensemble cast drama-comedy film Claire's Cambodia directed by Academy Award-nominated and Emmy-winning Stacy Sherman about three estranged sisters dealing with the death of their father.[9]
She also stars in the 2012 comedy pilot Waffle Hut.[10] In February 2012 she was cast opposite Goldie Hawn in the HBO comedy pilot The Viagra Diaries, created by Sex and the City creator and executive producer Darren Star, but when Hawn exited the pilot, McLendon-Covey also left the show.[11] After she received five offers, she ultimately settled as the female lead role on ABC's comedy pilot Only Fools And Horses with John Leguizamo and Christopher Lloyd.[12][13] She also was cast as lead of Tyler Perry's film Single Moms Club, set to open at May 9, 2014,[14][15] and in A Friggin' Christmas Miracle as Robin Williams' daughter.[16] In January, 2013 McLendon-Covey was cast as lead role of ABC comedy pilot The Goldbergs created by Adam F. Goldberg.[17][18] She also will recurs on Showtime period drama series Masters of Sex, also produced by Sony Pictures Television.[19] She started with the short Herny & Martin as Judy (Team Rainbow) in 2001. Fish Hooks is her DTVA debut. Rules of Engagement is her recent credit (has about eight movies to be released after this; but I'm not brothering to name them all; except for Beverly in The Goldbergs) as Liz. She has 57 acting credits, 44 Self credits, 2 writing (G.I.L.F. and Cook-Off!), and four production (Whaffle Hut, Janeane from Des Moines) credits to her resume. So Bea offers the pie as a special treat and the Nazi Spider grabs Milo and wraps him with spiders web. Bea panics and Milo's reaction is priceless. He loves it. MILO LOVES IT! They take the pie anyway and give a webbed up Milo back who is like a baby and so giddy. HAHA! Milo proclaims that he's all wrapped up for Christmas. HAHA! Nazi Spider calls the pie cute and Milo takes it as a good thing; but the spiders hate cute and slam the pie down destroying it. BOO! HISS! You never ruin a good pie. You can hate your neighbours all you want; but you DON'T diss a friendship pie. EVERAH~!
Oscar panics and does the rooster call so badly that he runs into the motorcycles which came out of nowhere and they tumble like dominoes. Well; you have no one to blame but Oscar for that one. Did I mention that they cut down the rolling home too and it's rolling away. Nazi Spider is PISSED and we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE SPIDER FISH EDITION~! Albert and the second hand babyfaces watch on with glee; but then hear the rooster call somehow and panic. So they grab Fimblerly and she is tied to the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE and thrown out of the fish tank. Yeap; she is the replacement for Escarmargot now that she is Albert's girlfriend. So Fimberly bumps as usual because the writers do not give a crap about her and her braces as the goofs all run and grabs onto Fimberly's fin and they get swung back into the fish tank. Nazi Spider jumps up and teases the WARNERED spot but we cut to the babyface proclaiming that they are safe. For three seconds anyway as the spiders are now wearing fish bowls on their heads and psyche them into thinking that they are water spiders. When even a bunch of CGI spiders can figure this out; it's time for Doctor Frog to take the bloody hint. Then again; he's Deranged Kermit so what did I expect?! Somehow Milo has been unwebbed as the spiders want to stink up the joint because it's clean. Milo blows this off and dares them to do it. Apparently; he's pissed off that they are stealing his gimmick. Sadly; we scene change to a spider web as all the babyfaces are webbed up against it. Milo isn't so happy about it this time; although it's probably because the spiders are stealing his gimmick; which shouldn't surprise anyone since the EVIL ONE has already stolen his ideas. You know; it would make for a really interesting finish if we found out that Randy was the one who suggested this to the spiders as payback for losing a chance to marry Bea again; but I doubt that will happen since I don't see Sussmon's name in the credits.
They were webbed to the corner of the house as the spiders have stunk up the joint. Sadly; they failed to stink up the episode. Oh wait... Escarmargot's butt is iching as Bea manages to get her arms free somehow and goes to her cell phone. Wait; if her hands are free; why not just break the webbing? So we head to Shellsea's room as she is reading a magazine on her bed and her cell phone rings. She answers it and blows off Bea because she refuses to do charades. But she has no problem being a walking...you guessed it. Bea panics that the house is taken over by spider bikers and Shellsea proclaims that she's on her way. So we get the SHELLSEA BATMAN SCENE CHANGER OF DOOM as we see Ruby on her back wiggling her legs for the spiders amusement. Whatever. Anyhow; the door bell rings and we see Shellsea kick the door open wearing a leather biker jacket and bandana eating a pizza. Now why doesn't she just wear that jacket normally? We discover that Cheater is the name of the orange spider with the blue beret and apparently he had an affair with Shellsea which he tries to kiss and make up; but Shellsea blows it off. She goes over to Nazi Spider as she speaks on behalf of her mates. Shellsea proclaims that they have violated the code in which if they want to own the turf of the fish; they must agree to a motorcycle race and whomever wins gets the fish tank. Everyone looks shocked and appalled; Bea looks panicky. I'll give Bea credit for once; she understood what the hell Shellsea was saying because I didn't realize why everyone was shocked until Bea stated the rules of engagement. Bea proclaims that they are doing this to regain their diginty. Except for Fimberly's of course because the writers hate her...or something. So it's on and all the kid babyfaces are looking like stereotypical biker gang members. Escarmargot is wearing the American flag on her bandana by the way because she's the American Badass. Or something. Well; she almost killed Albert Glass once so I guess this is fitting somehow.
We zoom out as they are on the floor of Bud's pet store and Bea blows bubble gum and it pops; and at least the animators did a decent job zooming out so they wouldn't have to erase it on the next shot. So we cut to Shellsea with the checkered flag (Apparently; no writer has ever watched auto racing in their lives) as she explains the rules of engagement as we see Nazi Spider on a motorcycle while Bea is riding on the blue motor scooter she probably stole from Ron Stoppable with Milo riding shotgun on the left side. I guess Oscar is still sweating too much to join in. So Nazi Spider mocks fish in general as Jumbo Shrimp has modified the scooter with three white buttons that can help them out. Bea asks about the giant red button with the skull on it and Jumbo Shrimp proclaims that this button is evil and do not press it. Bea asks why because why would you install such a thing in the first place. Jumbo Shrimp refuses to answer my question and gets all pissy about it. So Shellsea orders them to start the engines as everyone gives the thumbs up to Bea and Milo and we gun it. AND THEY ARE OFF to the pops of the kids. And the spiders on motorcycles come in from behind Bea ten seconds into the race. Well; one of the spiders is named "Cheater" so it's apporos that he would jump the gun so to speak. Milo panics as they use the web to reel them in. So Bea pushes the bottom left white button and Milo rises up and turns around with a green gun proclaiming that this is for apple pies everywhere and shoots a plunger dart right onto the engine. The spiders mock Milo as the web somehow breaks and when the spiders are out of sight; we get the explosion. WHAT?! A plunger dart does an explosion? That is so Fanboy & Chum Chum-equse of the writers. So Ruby is ahead of them pulling down kitty litter bags as Bea pushes the bottom right white button and the scooter springs over the bags. Then we discover that Bud has arrived as Bea has to dodge the spring shoes of doom; but Ruby apparently, has never had a proper defensive driving course and she rams into the shoe and flies off as her bike explodes.
She will likely be not dead when this is all said and done. So we go around the bend as Nazi Spider does the web lasso. Did I mention that they went around a chair and he has latched onto the tail of the KILLER CAT OF DEATH?! Ummm; yeah it chases Bea and Milo; why do you ask? The babyfaces panic on cue as Bea pushes the top white button which unleashes a baby turtle right into Milo's hands. The turtle asks if he is his mommy and Milo sezs no. Milo throws it away and it trips up the killer cat and it slides backwards and explodes out of sight. So Fanboy-equse of you guys! So Nazi Spider somehow returns despite being in the lead through all of this and bashes the scooter to try to knock it off the road. So Bea pushes the EVIL BUTTON OF DEATH and apparently; Jumbo Shrimp saw the overdrive on the SeaDuck in Plunder and Lightning as the scooter goes lightspeed and then it stops six inches from the finish line and the scooter crumbles right on cue in spite of the cheering from Bea and Milo. HAHA! Yeap; Jumbo Shrimp is a F'N idiot and to blame for them losing in Ghost Rustlers fashion. HEE HEE! Milo's reaction is so hilarious that it's a Milo Moment Squared. Jumbo Shrimp blames Bea for pushing the evil button and Bea finally calls Jumbo Shrimp out on installing the thing in the first place; which causes Jumbo Shrimp to project himself onto Bea like Mr. Hardcore on Nintendo deciding to not have a big presentation at E3 (never mind that the last two big conferences at E3 were seen as horrible by same Mr. Hardcore.). So the spiders cheer as Milo screams that game night is ruined forever. Just game night Milo?
However; Shellsea proclaims that it's not over yet as we scene change and see the spiders panic as their "crib" has been "pinkified" with assorted cuteness. HAHA! Cheater's face goes all Fanboy & Chum Chum on us from the ending to Pick A Nose; as Nazi Spider cries like a baby. Cheater suggests trashing the place again; but the power of "I am an idiot" comes to Nazi Spider as he claims that it's not the same and orders everyone to pack their bags and leave forever which they do so. What a dumb finish that was? I mean; the crib vandalism was funny and all; but they had to make a contrived excuse just to make the defeat even work since they won the race. Idiots! The babyface cheers on cue as we discover that Shellsea had Koi Fish and Fimberly paint the crib because Fimberly is the Zipper of the gang and Koi is just there because she's Koi and no one can understand what she is saying. Shellsea calls this plan B if they lost the race. No Shellsea; this was plan W (as in win) because Plan B is sobbing like a baby on the ground until you get your way. Albert calls Shellsea a genius and Shellsea knows and does her DISCO JACKHAMMER OF AWESOMENESS just to be Shellsea. So we do the scene changer as everyone is tired and leaves Oscar's fishtank as the goofs with attitude sit onto the couch to wrap this episode up. Oscar has no idea what the moral is and all three of them snore to end the episode at 10:40 approx. Okay episode with a dumb finish. Although Milo and Shellsea being themselves helped a lot here. Call it *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Pretty much two middling episodes from the new Disney machine this go around. Fish Lips Sink Ships was disappointing in several ways. For one: the jokes were lame and none of them were paid off (how can you have an kick ass episode title and NOT have a sink ship on cue? You tell me how?!) to my liking. And for two: Bea was a total asshole; even more so than she usually is because it was like she was acting like a stalking psychopath just waiting to screw Milo out of his secret from the beginning. She was as smug as the Quack Pack nephews and she acted as if she wanted to screw with Milo's mind despite Milo's stammering. Mr. Baldwin was great and Miss Lips is fine; although she is becoming sadder and sadder since she is becoming more and more dense as time goes on. The payoff to the secret was fine as Baldwin and Lips finally see eye to eye and want to meet at a later date; and Milo's acting was hilarious as usual. Yes; he is extremely loud here; but at least Kyle can act which is more than I can say for Bea. And when are the writers going to stop using Fimberly as a bump machine and develop her character? She is turning into Meg from Family Guy now and it's getting sadder with each episode I rant on. Overall; this was good; but not the epic setup for a future relationship that I was hoping for because Bea ruined it. As usual. Spoiler Alert (Oh the irony!!): They will get engaged and they will pay off the big angle where Mr. Baldwin has a baby inside of him; and after teasing it for three seasons, it is going to be born BABEE! Which means the series is almost over.
Well; I'll make Spider's Bite's review short and sweet: Another average episode which was entertaining enough for me and not tedious in any way. Shellsea was great as usual and for once she actually acted like her personality instead of her stereotype which is nice to see. Milo was Milo which is great and for once Bea didn't offend me in anyway. It was Jumbo Shrimp who screwed up which was perveresly entertaining to me. The bikers were typical and nothing special and the finish was dumb because they won the race, the girls vandalized their home (which is a heel move; but not the real problem with this), and then the leader gives up and leaves despite the fact that Cheater rightfully points out the solution to the problem to screw the babyfaces over again. What a contrived way to end an episode?! So overall; not bad, not great which is typical of Fish Hooks. So next up is season three of Fish Hooks as I do the mini rant of South Pafishic where Nurse Fishington return to screw Bea's hopes and dreams. Then we start next weekend with Season three. I can tell you right now from sources that season three is the last season for Fish Hooks and I'm guessing that there are only 25 episodes left in the series (13 half hour segments; since Pool Party Panic is 22 minutes long). I know the series finale has already aired with a new opening called Friend Hooks which basically exposed the show as just another live action show; only animated. And unlike My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic which garnered nuclear heat for doing the "animals become human and do teenager stuff to death"; no one cared because Fish Hooks was already doing that only with animals. MLP had adventures that required fantasy to work; Fish Hooks, not so much!The grave sign of this show being over is that Friends Hooks did s 3.2; and then it dropped to 2.1 and 2.0 the next two episodes which paid off the Mr. Baldwin/Miss Lips angle; along with Mr. Baldwin having kids for real. That is a telltale sign that this show is done (and Friends Hooks is episode #13 on the season three production paper as well; and 13 episodes is a full season according to TV execs.) and they have no one but themselves to blame for booking Oscar and Bea back together again. So......
Thumbs in the middle for both episodes and I'll see you all next time.