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Friend Hooks

Pool Party Panic Rant

Reviewed: 10/26/2013

Milo Goes Into The Human Version Of Hell!

  Our next rant up is actually the official series finale despite airing much earlier than it would have. See; the new Disney clearly blew it's load on Fish Hooks after season two; so they decided to create one big episode of doom to try to save the show. So did they channel the awesomeness of Gummi Bears and create an epic final episode where Bea and Oscar finally get their heat back? Nope. They simply channeled My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and decided to turn the fish into humans and have a pool party like most live action shows. This completely exposes the show as a waste of time because the fish in tanks angle was the only thing that gave the show it's charm. Can you imagine doing this plot line with TaleSpin? It would KILL it! Seriously; I mean it. There's a good reason why they were furries because it made the show felt alive. Without it; the show becomes more lifeless and exposes the question: Why bother doing it as a cartoon when live action would work; like Tales of The Golden Monkeys?! I know that this was inspired by fanboys on Deviant Art drawing characters from TaleSpin like human beings (which is amusing in Brendala's case because she cannot draw Rebecca's hair to save her life); but doing it as canon is really stupid and it kills the show because as I said before: If the funny animals are real humans; after seeing the funny animals act as believable humans; then the fans of the show will instantly feel conned. My Little Pony's version was godawful because it was pointless and it killed the whole point of making the show in the first place. Merely reducing it to stereotypes would not have been enough to kill MLP's heat (much to the dismay of Kevin Johnson) because if it did; Fish Hooks would be canceled a long time ago. So; let's rant on shall we...?

Friend Hooks: Pool Party Panic is written and storyboarded by Joe Johnston. The story is done by the Craig Lewis, Darrick Bachmann, C.H Greenblatt, William Reiss (Greenblatt and Reiss directed this episode as they do in almost every episode aired), Joe Johnston, Maxwell Atoms and Noah Z. Jones . All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.

Opening Moment #1: Yes; they did a brand new opening for the show which is basically the same style of opening with the same band; except they are doing human spots rather than fish spots. And as I expected; Milo is black in the human world. Everyone looks fine; but you can tell no one cared because the giant CGI lobster still came out in the opening for no reason at all. Then the goofs were wearing jetpacks; for no reason. Otherwise; it was basically a human version of the opening. The only changes to the song were for the "slap your fins; flip your tail" part which became "stamp your feet, clap your hands" I do believe. And to break logic right from the start; they forget to change the title card background to something that wasn't a fish tank. What a way to start your "fish becomes human" show?! One more note: The voice of Macbeth from Gargoyles is in this episode! What the hell were you thinking John?! You were a kickass babyface who got betrayed by a female gargoyle who hates humans; and now you are reduced to playing a magic apple. Seriously; what's wrong with you? Money issues perchance?!

We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Mixed Up Dreams) as we simply anime pan over to Fresh Valley High School. Geez; I thought Freshwater would be kept since the name does exist in real life. Although it is in Sydney, Australia; such a name for a school does exist. So we head inside the STATE SCHOOL OF DEATH to Mr. Baldwin's classroom and then the horror of all horrors occurs as everyone in the class is human. OH NOES! OUR BELOVED FISH HAVE TURNED INTO HUMANS! THEY RIPPED OFF MY LITTLE PONY! THEY WANT TO KILL....Oh wait...I don't get why Fish Hook fans are complaining about this because the show is such a lame duck now that this kind of thing has no heat. After all; other than being fish; what was the difference between that world and this world; besides the human forms and changed booking names. I don't see any. Another note: MLP: Friendship Is Magic was still ultra over before Equestrian Girls was released; and when it was released, that actuallly had heat, even though it was serious "go away and never come back on television again" heat. Mostly from the Bronies; but still. Mr. Baldwin as a human looks like Mr. Baldwin as a seahorse; only he's human now. Cellphone is ringing in the background as Mr. Baldwin states that he would like to dismiss them now for the long weekend; but since he's required by law to teach until the end of the school day; they will have to learn. So we see Veronica and Jocktoman holding hands and getting blown off by Mr. Baldwin. Yeah; the fish booking names are gone and now we must use stupid and/or boring human names. Jocktoman? Really guys? Why not just Jock? Jock kills a desk for fun and Veronica blows of Mr. Baldwin in kind. Bo Gregory's duck Louis is not allowed on the desk and yes; Bo Gregory's name is kept, as is Steve Jackson who does his smiling jackhammer which is not as cool as when he is in fish form. He also creates spotlight; so he gets a lamp shade on his head as Baldwin complains about glare. Whatever.

So Koi is now Poi and of course she now wears a choker around her neck. Baldwin cannot understand what the hell she is grunting about. Yeah; the kids understand her; but not the teacher. That's a wee bit insulting. We see Albert Glass and Jimbo playing RPG games on the desk which Baldwin disallows now. Sadly; we never figure out what his last name is supposed to be. Chump? Albert has brown hair and Jimbo is bald; but otherwise; no changes made as they claim that this is important see. Baldwin sezs the same thing I do everytime I see a spot that I don't care about while waving his arms and then goes to Kimberly (Fimberly) who is wearing a blue band-aid on her right elbow. She's whining and in pain; but wants no medical attention. Escarmargot is now just Margo now as she squeezes the green booger in her nose up. Oooookkkkkaaayyyyy. Shellsea is now Chelsea and she's text messaging and ignores Baldwin; as well as Bea who is taking a picture of herself. Oscar is playing a video game on an orange Gameboy system which is way behind the times at this point and he gets panicky as he turns off the system. Baldwin yells at him to wake up Milo; who is asleep. I should note that Jocktoman is wearing a purple sweater with the number 4 on it and without a hat. Why? I have no idea. Did they think the "Eight" shirt as an octopus was offensive to "Eight Mile" fans? Oscar wakes to wake him up; no go. So Bea calls to Milo for free apple day and Milo wakes up at once. Baldwin blows him off for snoring and then gets irrated as Milo squeezes his cheeks for no reason. HA! Milo then looks groggy because he had this weird dream. I see that Milo has dark blue hair because black hair is somehow racist. See; he had this dream that they were fish and lived in a fish tank; going to high school together. Oscar and Bea claim that this is weird as Milo points out their fish characters as Clamantha is now Samantha and her face still looks like a clam. She calls herself a teenage girl. See what I mean by killing the charm of the show? "I'm a clam" is at least more amusing than being just a teenage girl.

Baldwin is not amused as Milo claims that he was a seahorse and everyone pops for that as I wait with baited breath for Milo to point out that he has a baby inside of him. And damn; I'm so good as Albert and Jimbo laugh their asses off. Milo's promo on that was great as Jimbo points out that seahorses can bear children as males. Baldwin is not amused as the bell finally rings; and that charm is gone because it's usually a parrot ringing it. So everyone leaves while Kimberly is still complaining on the way out. Milo is about to leave the class; but Baldwin stops him because Milo is responsible for caring the fish tank at the back of the classroom. Baldwin wants no dead fish on Monday; or ELSE! We get three or four death references in less than ten seconds; which is a new record for DTVA and they laugh it up. Fifth death reference on the Baldwin doing the Gruffi pose; and then we head into the hallway as we get a conversation with two female students; and I have no clue what they are talking about and I don't care either way. So we head to the lockers with Milo, Bea and Oscar as Milo is still giggling for some reason. Milo is still imagining them as fish as I discover that Milo is wearing sandals. I should note that I haven't really talked much of their character designs because as humans; they don't look all that radically different from their fish counter parts. Sure; they are wearing clothes and shoes; but that is required to make the human thing work. If they were all naked...I don't think I need to explain that one. So we walk down the hallway as Milo claims that in the fish world; Oscar has a crush on Bea which Oscar sweats on cue. Bea thinks this is dumb; which is basically an admission that breaking up Oscar/Angela was a bad idea. Oscar stammers like an idiot as usual. So we head into the lunch room as the girls are having lunch. Samantha's head is way too big for her small body. I get that we need diverse types of bodies in cartoons; but that head is way too big to support her weight. She is going to suffer Royal Canadian Air Farace cracks at her own expense. Anyhow; they are trying to figure out what to do this weekend and Koi grunts as she is wearing blue sandals.

You know what; screw the human booking names because we know who they are as Shellsea butts in and has a major announcement for us. Fimberly leaves to get ice cream as Shellsea is stealing Bea's fries. Bea wants to know what the big announcement is and Shellsea shows off a picture from her "smart"phone that shows her lounging on the floor in front of a new pool her mother just got. Do you realize how long it takes to create a pool Shellsea? Months! And the girls didn't notice that until now? This is going to be the ulimate pool party of the last 100 years; which is not a good sign for it right off the bat. Fimberly returns with an chocolate covered sundae with a cherry on top and slides it towards Shellsea and despite missing her position by three feet; she is invited. Which is hilarious considering that she claimed that everyone is invited. Milo comes in with tray of green jelly like slime asking about a pool party because he has a certain reputation for these things as he brings out the Sambreo of doom for fun. Oscar is with him and it's the same green jelly slime stuff Milo is having; so you know who is paying for such stuff. Oscar wants to create a playlist of music; which will likely be overturned due to copyright law and they will be forced to use this show's own music which is not so good. Bea swings her hips from side to side because she admits that this is a pool party and Milo and Oscar are in shock complete with Fairly Oddparents jackhammering background with words saying "Dum Dum DUM!". Whatever guys; this kind of stuff is no longer offensive and annoying; it's just stale. Milo and Oscar hold themselves as Oscar is panicky because Clamantha wants to meet him at the deep end before sliding down off the hard camera. Pfft. Whatever. Milo is trying to compromise this deal with just a regular party and I'm thinking: What the hell is wrong with this Milo? I can understand Oscar being uncomfrontable with this since Clamantha is gone; but Milo?! That makes no sense. Bea basically tells them that they are going and that is final because they are helping her. Shellsea does nothing but sip on something that no one but her could care about. Both boys gulp on cue...

And then we head into the clothing department store as Oscar and Milo are sitting on a bench looking tense and stoned in that order. There are three shopping bags next to Milo as they are looking from the mall hallway towards a swim suit store called Something Hammock. The first word looks like "Pl__tain"; so I'm guessing it's Plantian Hammock; which makes sense, sort of. Oscar calls this shopping no fun at all because he doesn't want to go to the party because Clamantha is going to be there to stalk him and kiss him; in that order. And the clerk is glaring at her as she is a red-head so she must be related to Shellsea. So Oscar doesn't feel like going. We all know why; don't we Oscar. It's all about the C-L-A-M-A-N..POW! OUCH! Ummmm.... Oscar wants to know why Milo is proclaiming to be the former prince of partying and they get into a playground level arguing session; which is fine since they are teenagers. When old adults do it; it comes off as a sad commentary on adults in general. The clerk demands answers and Oscar stammers like an idiot claiming that Bea is trying stuff on. The clerk does bee impersonations to annoy me some more. So they whisper yell and do the Polly Wants A Treasure double speak spot; which fails because I cannot hear what they are saying since they have a difference in opinion. So Oscar finally claims that he doesn't like this because he doesn't want to take his shirt off in front of Bea which Milo laughs it off. Oscar is sweating because we discover that he's wearing six shirts despite having only two clearly on. Milo shrugs it off and then takes off his shirt and dances; which is a million times funnier than when it's done on iCarly. Mostly because iCarly has one character doing it everytime he appears; so it renders the said character into a one note gimmick. The clerk does eye contact violence; so Oscar has to stop him before it gets really, really good. Whatever guys! So Milo doesn't want to reveal it because apparently it's more embarrassing than Oscar taking his shirt off in front of Bea. Milo then mumbles out something which confuses Oscar and then Milo screams that he never learn how to swim. Okay; that is pretty embarrassing.

Oscar thinks that is not weird just as Bea and Shellsea come in with bags and "smart"phone; which forces Oscar to act like a complete dorky fool. Which is the best side of his character by the way. Then we do the "do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot; which is so overdone and contradictary to the notion that everything must have people doing something of note. I think it was for Milo's bouncing belly; but don't quote me on that one. Bea shows off her swimsuits which are the exact same style as her dress; only the stripes are vertical in one and horizontal on the other. Which shows that Bea has no sense of good taste in fashion because if she did; she would have picked a completely different style of bathing suit. Plus; it just makes a running joke that girls cannot choose a swimsuit to wear. Now; if she bought the second one because the first one didn't fit; or was defective, that's one thing. I just realized something: Milo cannot swim makes absolutely no sense because in the cartoon; Milo could swim in Everything But The Chicken Sink which came as the second episode of season three after Milo Vs. Milo. So yeah; we are supposed to believe that Milo cannot swim. Bea asks Oscar about the suits and then he blurts out that Milo cannot swim which Milo blows off. Bea claims that this is not embarrassing which I violently disagree on. Although; it's more of a disagreement on continuity in this show. Fimberly suggests a floatation device; and thankfully they didn't go to the sexist route of claiming to use Shellsea or Clamantha or Koi Fish as a personal floatation device joke; that would have sucked. Bea offers to teach Milo how to swim because she was a teaching instructor which at least makes sense since she was in Everything But The Chicken Sink. So Milo grabs her and yells hot dog as Bea wants to meet Milo at the recreation center and wants Oscar to come along. Oscar tries to fake sickness and Bea calls him out on trying to dump his friend. Oscar finally agrees to it as Bea proclaims that they will not tank this and the Milo panics because if you recall; he is supposed to take care of the fish. Wait; it's only Saturday afternoon; so they should be fine. Huh.

So Milo goes back to the school as there is a thunderstorm in the background; and then he is in the hallway in front of Mr. Baldwin's class and the door is locked. Milo then notices the window above the door is open and Milo squeezes through it with ease and lands on the floor as we get the scary "Skeleton" spot which scares no one anymore because everyone including the kids saw it coming a mile away. Milo breathes a sigh of relief and blows off the school for being creepy at night. So Milo looks around and notices the fish tank is glowing at the back of the classroom. He runs over and checks it off screen and is happy because there are no dead fish as we get up to eight death references in a 11 minute span. Milo is so happy; and then he panics as he looks deeper into the tank and sees the living room with Oscar, Bea and Milo waving to him on the sofa in their fish forms. This dream just got sillier as Milo panics again and that ends the segment 11 and a quarter minutes in. Pretty much nothing to see here until the fish living room scene which just happened five seconds ago.

After the commercial break; we head to the recreation center's swimming pool which is much more square than Shellsea's pool as we see Zeus and Salmons together again. Coach Salmons strangely keeps his name; because I would have thought he would be called Coach Simmons; since he is a deadringer to Richard Simmons anyway. He's in the lifeguard chair while Zeus Mussels is known as Mr. Muscles which is a lot less cool than his fish booking name. And he has the same problem Samantha has; only he's black and his muscles are more ripped and in better shape. Zeus is pumping iron while Salmons is yelling out rules in the most Teddy Ruxpin-ish kind of way. Or; in this era, the way Phineas would yell them out. And then he uses the megaphone to scream everything out because someone is not staying away from the lane lines. Whatever. So we have two foreground men in trunks talking about something I don't care about as Oscar is sitting down on a towel trying to roll up in a ball with his shirt on. Bea comes in and she has decided on the horizontal bathing suit as we get the full form shot with music which doesn't work because Bea is not hot and therefore has no heat. And they knew it too because we get a swimmer in the background cannonballing into the pool and the splash gets shown right on the hard camera with Bea asking what. Anyhow; Oscar tumbles on cue as they realize that Milo hasn't shown up yet. So Bea goes to her cellphone and then it beeps about ten feet away from them in the bushes as we see Milo rolled up in a ball scared. They wonder if he has been here all night along; as Milo squeezes on Bea's cheeks proclaiming that this is all a dream and thus they aren't supposed to be humans. Bea is not buying this at all as we HIT THE FLASHBACK~! We return to Mr. Baldwin's class as Milo is seeing the goofs with attitude as fish inside the fish tank. Milo panics and shakes Mr. Bonsey. She speaks in the closeup that he's dreaming and Milo is scared and looking at himself as he is completely different from the fish. Yeah; whatever.

We return to reality (Ummmm...can I get back to you all later?) as Bea blows him off for trying to excuse himself from swimming lessons with stupid stories. Milo is convinced that this really happened. Great; now Milo is the new Scooby Doo only he's scared of weird fish looking like him. Milo then proclaims that he can swim as he takes the sandals off and shirt being cocky. Bea and Oscar plea for him not to dive because (a) he's not a fish here, (b) he cannot swim and (c) he's gone off the deep end. Milo cannon balls into the pool and sinks to the bottom. Milo holds his breath while thinking in his mind. About damn time; he sell it correctly; which is something Quack Pack didn't do in Ducks by Nature. However; the most absurd example is this Chinese cartoon with a bunny and a tiger having a full story arc underwater; and still be able to talk and breathe as if they are on land. I'll leave the title as an exercise to the reader. Milo then finally panics as he cannot swim up because he has no fins. And he cannot swim. Bea and Oscar realize that he's drowning and Bea dives in to rescue Milo; but Milo's eyes close in slow motion. And when he opens them up; we see Milo on the sofa with Bea and Oscar in fish form. Ummmm; yeah, Milo is hung over for some reason. Oscar and Bea decide that Milo cannot sleep last night and the party cannot dance itself so they join all the kids from Freshwater who are inside the house dancing. In Wang Films style shadows I might add with whacky lighting. Milo barely closes his eyes again; and then wakes up in human form with Bea and Salmons pleading for him to wake up. Salmons does CPR despite Milo's eyes clearly being open; which means he's only in shock. Zeus brings in the shock irons and Milo gets shocked about five times as Milo is clearly alive; but Salmons has the stetsoscope on Milo and gets off the eight death reference of the episode; while Milo gets off #9 claiming that he's not dead; and that was enough to get Salmons to say that he's not dead (#10 for those of you still counting as we are getting close to Bearly Alive numbers at this point). HAHA! That's the first funny joke of the episode almost 15 minutes in. And done by Richard Simmons. Yeah.

Milo is angry because he almost woke up from his dream; which Bea blows him off for. See; Milo claims that the human world is the dream world as Oscar has the Gruffi pose on full blast. Salmons seems to be very amused at this though Bea is acting like an asshole again blowing him off because this isn't funny anymore. Actually; now it is. If you are saying that it shouldn't be funny; then yeah, I see your point. Milo grabs onto Bea's ankle pleading for mercy (good luck fool! I've been asking for mercy from these modern cartoons, but I haven't got it; nor never will. You have to keep the kids happy and the execs happy in their wallets.) as Bea calls him crazy. Milo claims that he's not crazy complete with jackhammer background and we segueway to inside Miss Lips office as Miss Lips looks like Candence from Phineas & Ferb; only in the Hey Arnold style. We see cue cards of various pictures; including the SMEAR PICTURE OF DEATH which is basically an entrapment cue card as Milo claims that the first one is a boat; the second one is a duck and the third one is him as a fish in a fish tank. Miss Lips throws the cards away and claims that she is crazy. Miss Lips tells Milo that everyone has strange dreams; and her dream was to be a pink bunny. Which she completely loses herself by asking about his mother (which proves that Milo and Oscar indeed have at least one parent.) saying that he's not pretty; which Milo claims she has not said that; which makes Miss Lips depressed. Whatever. So Milo walks out of the office as we see Bea sitting down as Milo claims that he'll be seeing her everyday next week. Okay. Bea and Oscar decide not to talk about this any further because they have a pool party to go to. So they leave as Milo is screaming like mad because no one believes him. Geez; I wonder why Milo? And then we pan over to the corner and see Albert and Jimbo hiding and looking on as they believe him. Milo is relieved of this and then we segue to a lab as Milo is strapped to a table and Jimbo is wearing a lab coat (with his orange pack belt still in the front) as Milo has a brain helmet on his forehead. I think we all know where this is going eh?!

Albert is at the computer controls as the guise of this is that Jimbo and Albert claim to have a way to make the illusion die on him and he'll return to his normal world. Yeah; this is coming from the two goofballs who thought that Jimbo got a ring that gave him Clear status. I cannot take these two dorks seriously. But damn it to hell; if this isn't funny though. So they are basically going to give him shock treatments; which Milo instantly panics on cue. HAHA! Now we are getting somewhere in this otherwise dull and boring episode. So they flip THE SWITCH~! Milo gets shocked while the old farts are more appalled than they already are as Milo's eyes close up again. Then we hear Bea and Oscar trying to wake up Milo; as Milo opens his eyes and we see that Bea and Oscar are now pigs and have always been pigs. Wow; that is so unironic that it's not even funny. We see Milo is a pig as well and he is horrified by these developments; and that ends the segment 17 and a half minutes in. Again; not much to see here.

After the commercial break; we head to Bud's Farm as it's basically the pet store; only it's a whole farm. Bea, Oscar and Milo are outside in front of the barn as Oscar and Bea want to join in on Milo rolling in the mud. We discover that Shellsea is a horse and Fimberly is a bouncing baby piglet. Okay; this is where I realize that the writers are clearly admitting that the series is ending because they are just throwing crap on the wall before they leave to do other projects; like Gravity Falls and Wild Over Yonder. Milo is not happy at this development at all as Bea wants to ask Milo about what he is talking about. See; he was a human and then a fish beforehence. Albert is a duck (with brown hair) and Escarmargot is a snail. Or is that Jumbo Shrimp? Anyhow; someone thinks that this proves that fish are people too; and Bea instantly blows it off. Koi Cow grunts as usual. Milo sulks off to be alone because nothing is making any sense anymore. I feel your pain Milo; I really do. So Milo goes over to the apple tree and an apple bonks off his head. By the way; the backgrounds here are very similar to The New Adventures of Winnie The Pooh. Something that I thought Disney would like to get away from. Milo is about to eat the apple; but it's a talking apple and it sounds like a comedy version of Macbeth from Gargoyles. Oh dear; you just know that John has money troubles when he's reduced to playing a magic apple as a cameo in a show that is going to end by the end of this year at this rate. So Milo thinks it's a wishing apple and the apple claims that he is. Milo wishes to wake up; but the apple admits that he cannot help him because it's a lying wishing apple. Ho hum. So we go on and on about the fact that the only way Milo is going to be able to wake up is if he finds his true self. Milo of course is an idiot because (a) he doesn't know who he is anymore and (b) he doesn't know where to look first. And then he gets the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as we jackhammer the zoom in on Bea, Milo and Oscar sitting on the sofa as I discover that this scene is a stock photo since the SNES video game system is in the foreground.

Milo then realizes what the apple is talking about and insantly wakes up; now being vertical for no reason and yelling at Albert and Jimbo to let him off the table. Albert and Jimbo unshackle him as death reference #11 ensues. Milo yells and runs out as Albert and Jimbo call him crazy and bonkers in reverse order of the characters. So we are in the darken hallway as Oscar and Bea are yelling for Milo; and Bea is getting fed up of this. So Milo arrives and grabs them to show them something. At this point; I would make myself hidden and go to Mr. Baldwin's room in a discreet manner. But no; Milo drags them into the classroom as they stop and see Mr. Baldwin and Miss Lips on opposite sides of their desks having a candlelight something as Miss Lips greets them. Mr. Baldwin, not so much. Oscar thinks this is what he wants to show; so Milo shows off the fish tank in the back of the classroom and we do the same jackhammer spot from the beginning of the episode with the pool party. Oh please! And then we really flush the episode down the crapper as the fish tank grows legs and runs out of the classroom. The goofs with attitude follow around the bend and then into the next classroom; which they proceed to all change into food products. Bea is a jar of peanut butter, Oscar is a broccoli and Milo is a literal hotdog. HAHA! Okay; that was a decent payoff to the "HOT DOG!" catchphrase, but it means nothing anyway. So the fishtank is stupid enough to expose itself in the background; so they race after him; and we have Cookie Carpetner Cousins again; only the goofs are really in the game as babyfaces. Saws are powerups by the way. Yeah; this is the series finale if they are throwing out every possible gimmick in this show. It plays exactly like Mario Brothers; but Oscar is the only one who hugs the flagpole and only gets about 800 points; take or give 200. Then we see them faceplant out of the door and we see that they somehow make it to Shellsea's pool party. None of this makes any sense!

Bea cheers for victory; but Milo wants to wake up first so we go fish tank hunting as they split up. So we cut to the whirlpool hot tub with Shellsea and I discover that the guy with the blue visor on and red hair is in fact, Brandon Bubbler. Yeah. Shellsea somehow managed to convince Brandon to come to the party. So Bea asks about a fish tank running as Shellsea tells her to ask Fimberly about it and Fimberly is yelling out commands with a clipboard in her hands indicating that she is coordinating this. Please don't make her take a bump; that is all I ask. Brandon asks if this is a hot tub or not. Shellsea claims that it is because it is hot. And if you ever want evidence for why making the fish human was a horrible idea; look how they did Shellsea's Disco Jackhammer in human form. The fish form is ten times better than the human form. With that said; I'm glad Shellsea is actually a fat stereotype who is not upset about how she looks. So there's a win for the human form at least. She winks on cue as we see Milo run around the pool side and he sees the fish tank enjoying some lemonade on a safety ring. Milo cannon balls into the pool; and Bea wants to join in after him. However; everyone notices this and everyone jumps into the pool; because you see, when someone goes into the pool, everyone must join in no matter how dangerous the idea actually is because it makes you "cool". It doesn't work by the way; it makes you look like an idiot. So we literally dance in the pool as Bea and Milo are trying to push their way towards the fishtank on the safety ring having a cold one. They yell to Oscar to do something because he is pool side with his shirt on. If you cannot guess what he does next; you have no business reading this rant. Damn; I'm good as we got the sunlight shine spot again as everyone is blinded and they part the sea of humans in the pool. Milo thanks him and then dog paddles over to the fish tank as the thunderstorms come in again. And there is an ocean as I just want this episode to end. Milo is splooshed by the waves and he goes under and dies. Riiigggghhhhtttt.

Then we hear the talking apple again as it shows Milo in pig, hotdog and human form; blowing off all three of those forms. He proclaims that Milo is a fish and orders him to find himself. Milo's eyes wake up as a water spout rises from the ocean and once it disappears; we see Milo finally arrive in fish form. Milo then dives for the fishtank on cue and manages to successfully dive in as we get the water spread scene changer of doom and we finally see Milo sleeping on the sofa. This is actually similar to most bad dreams as it must end in a nightmarish situation. Milo feels himself and is so happy as everyone is on the floor in a mess and asleep as he dances and shakes his ass right at the hard camera. He's so damn happy that he's home. Good for him; this was boring. Milo notices that everyone is not sharing his happiness since they are all asleep; but he doesn't care and does some dancing and rapping as we get the closeup of his face and that ends the episode at 21:15 approx. Not much to see here; except for 11 death references and some payoffs that mean nothing anymore. Just a mess of stuff. Still better than Equestria Girls. ** 1/2 (50%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; what can I say? The whole human element was just boring, dull and heatless. There was not much to like. It's not bad; logic breaks notwithstanding for the first 14-15 minutes; and then it went into a big mess as it was basically cartoon spots to make up for the fact that they killed the charm of the show by having humans in it and making it look boring. Salmons CPR crack was great (for the wrong reasons) and they did have Milo as a hotdog for a cute payoff to his catchphrase, but I was expecting a lot more than this. While this episode is better written than Equestria Girls and it was a total dream; so the messy stuff at least make some sort of sense, it had heat and I didn't care. This felt like the writers were just throwing everything into the mix to see if the kids would make it through the show. And why didn't they hire someone else to play the magic apple? John Rys-Davis in comedy voice is just sour for me as a whole. Overall; a completely average episode with a dull 10-13 minutes of humans doing human stuff; that turned into a big mess that was amusing; but not enough to drive the episode past average.

So I'll be doing more Fish Hooks episodes once all the Kick Buttowski episodes are completed. I have four rants of Kick Buttowski to do and I'll be doing two rants this week; followed by two more next weekend. Hopefully; by then, I'll have Spoiler Alert and Unresolved Fishues done. After Recess: School's Out is done; then I plan to finish the remaining two episodes of Season Two of Fish Hooks (Fish At Work and Rock Lobster Yeti); and then it's onto the remaining season three episodes. There are supposed to be three more episodes shown in November for the first time; but I haven't decided on doing those just yet. Right now; I'm going to play Pokemon and wake myself up from this dull dream of an episode. So......

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.

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