Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The web master has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the web master and no one else. The web master has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Fish Hooks
Jocktopizza/The Brandon Bubble Rant
Reviewed: 12/28/2013
Brandon Bubble Gets Murdered By A Jocktopizza!
So next up on the "Lame Chicken" edition of Fish Hooks; we have two episodes that aren't focused on our main three characters. One features a Jocktopus focused episode and one features a focus episode for Brandon Bubbler. Yeah; it's a weird lame duck season to be sure. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Jocktopizza is written and storyboarded by Dominic Bisignano. The story is done by the directors, the writer, Maxwell Atoms, Noah Z. Jones, Craig Lewis and Darrick Bachman. The Brandon Bubble is written and storyboarded by Tyler Chan. The story is done by Maxwell Atoms, Noah Z. Jones, William Reiss, CH Greenblatt, Craig Lewis and Darrick Bachman. Tyler has none nothing else other than storyboards for Gravity Falls (he also voices Bijon in this episode). All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.
Jocktopizza: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Pizza Magic. I'm guessing that the magic is in the sauce.) as Bud is fliping pizza dough and it lands on his head. So we zoom in to a closeup shot of Jocktopizza which is a pizza slice with a football in the middle. We hear the phone ring as Paptopus (the guy we saw taking Albert Glass' order in the same pizza shop in Last Glass Standing) is taking the order while his wife smiles as she is pink with blond hair; a blue dress and a lot of lipstick. Papatopus' order consists of extra sausage; but not too spicy, or else, he'll marry it over her. Ooookkkkaaayyyyy; my eyes rolled on that one. So in comes Jocktopus as he yells that he won another football game and spikes the ball inside the shop. He sits down and eats the pizza his father offers. Papapus is so proud of him that he believes that Jock is old enough to take on the family tradition which is to come up with his own pizza creation. Yeah folks; this is the whole point of this focus episode. So Papa shows the hall of pizza fame as Papa loves heart attack pizzas (lots of fat), Mamapus loves it hot and spicy; and there is Rocktopus who has his encased like a gold record with golden crust, tomatos, olives, green onions and a fried egg in the middle. I should also point out that the label on the bottom reads "Baby, LA". Papa cuts a promo on it as Papa's one wish is to make sure that by the end of today; Jocktopus finally makes the family proud and creates his unique pizza. Jocktopus is happy to make his daddy proud and accepts the deal without question. So Papa brings out the ingredients and Jockto basically makes a mess on the counter with them. Papa seems quite amused by this as he is in the prayer position; but then Jocktopus proclaims that he's all done, and he has literally made the most disgusting and most tastiest pizza of all times. Fart sounds ensue as Papa ask what the hell is that. Jocktopus gleefully answers that one and Papapus feels so ashamed of himself; he calls his wife to bring the poison because he's about to commit fish suicide (death reference #1). Jocktopus feels bad; so he wipes all the stuff off the table and proclaims that he was kidding.
Papa looks stunned and then he gives off the worst false laugh I have seen this side of bad anime dubs claiming to his wife that he only pretended to break his heart. His wife's laugh is so bad that it sounds like Clamantha trying to do a fake laugh. Oh wait...So Papa wants Jocktopus to make the pizza for real; which causes Jocktopus to sweat as he proclaims that he will not let him down this time and he then runs off because he needs to pee; which causes glass to shatter because apparently; there is no bathroom in this pizza shop. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we head to Home Ecomonics class; and as I expected there is only three boys taking the class and one of them is a clear jock in Milo. The rest are most of Bea's friends and Bea. Oh goody! Deranged Kermit is back! And he has brought his little friend which is a purple mixer! Doctor Frog asks what is the most important step in baking a cake. Everyone has an answer; but Frog is a Deranged Kermit and all of them are wrong because it's licking the bowl. Which he proceeds to do while the damn mixer is on! Geez; what a shock that is? You can guess what happens to his tongue without even seeing the scene. That was dumb. Frog is in the bowl and admits that he forgot to turn off the mixer first as the doors slam open and in comes Jocktopus yelling that he has a Jockto Emergency. He wants help in making his own special pizza and Milo is glad to help as he whacks Clamantha off the counter and she lands on her head on the floor; which Clamantha doesn't seem to mind. Anyhow; the kids think this will be easy; which is just asking for trouble with Jockto around. So Frog puts on a mustache which is a pizza making mustache according to him as stereotypical Italian music is piped into the room. Everyone puts on their mustaches except for Jock who seems just as confused about this as I am. Milo asks where Jock's mustache is and Jock claims that he has none. Milo asks how in the hell do you make a pizza without a mustache. Answer: Like everyone else. Wing it! So Milo tears half of his mustache and puts it on Jock's face. We then start doing stupid promos ala Flight School; but aren't as funny.
The students sell and one of them apparently falls off the table and out of sight. I don't care who; no one outside of sadists are watching this show anymore. So this goes on for a while as Jocktopus raises his hand; but Frog cuts him off and proclaims that the first step in making a pizza is to grab a cellphone and call Jocktopizza. Jocktopus panics like crazy as Papapus shows up with his pizza and notices Jocktopus right away; proclaiming that he wants Jockto to tell everyone about how he is making his own special pizza. Jocktopus is so panic striken that he breaks through the wall (which is a concrete wall, natch) and then slaps down school books of one dork twice; which annoys the dork rather than scares him. Apparently; Jocktopus is crying like a baby as we head into the hallway with Piranha in the foreground on her cellphone. That looks awkward as she is blowing off someone for claiming that she's a bad babysitter. Whatever. Jocktopus is running in the background and I think he threw Razor Von Doom into the air along the way because I saw one of his emo friends in the background who was not thrown into the air. So Jocktopus punches walls made of concrete and somehow doesn't have a broken tentacle doing this. Piranha comes in and demands answers to this outrage; calling him a big dummy as Jocktopus is crying his eyes out. So Piranha pokes and Jocktopus turns around and he has a big booger in his nose. Listen old farts; it's not worth getting upset over someone having a booger in his nose, it just isn't. There are lots of reasons to condemn a show for being crappy; but merely having gross out humor is not one of them. More so when it's part of the gimmick and storyline to begin with. Jocktopus blows off Piranha because this is a family issues and leaves crying. Piranha is pissed off and brings out the cellphone because she is serious about calling for family reinforcements.
So we head to a rock concert which is jam packed with fish as we discover that the lead singer is indeed Rocktopus. So we are doing this rock concert; when suddenly the cellphone rings and everyone stops rocking. The crowd goes silent as Rocktopus blows off the noise; and then catches himself and answers the phone. After this is done; he informs the crowd that the show is over and he must leave to help his little brother and leaves the stage. The crowd then pops anyway as if nothing had happened. HAHA! Rocktopus is voiced by Mark McGrath and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): McGrath began his work as co-host of the Extra television show on September 13, 2004 after a producer had noticed his work hosting various VH1 and MTV programs and asked him to join.[2] McGrath left the show in July 2008 to focus on his music career.[3] He also served as a guest judge for American Idol auditions that were aired in early 2005. McGrath received the part of Dex Lawson on The WB show Charmed in 2005, but he ultimately turned it down due to scheduling conflicts, and he was replaced by Jason Lewis. McGrath was the host of Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll[4] and Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious. McGrath is a 3-time Champion of Rock & Roll Jeopardy! on VH1. In the Finals he won against Dave Mustaine of Megadeth and Gary Dell'Abate of The Howard Stern Show.[5] He also performed as the lead singer in the Scooby-Doo movie, starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar. McGrath began hosting the syndicated version of Don't Forget the Lyrics in September 2010. He appeared on The Celebrity Apprentice Season 4 which premiered in March 2011, where he was fired in week six and finished in tenth place. He also performed along with his band Sugar Ray in an episode of Las Vegas, Season 1 Episode 19.
McGrath began singing professionally in 1992 with a band composed of his high school friends, where they attended Corona Del Mar High School called Shrinky Dinx (later changed to Sugar Ray). In 1994 the band signed with Atlantic Records. Their first success came in 1997 with the song "Fly". (for more information see: Sugar Ray). McGrath's personal popularity soared as he appeared on national magazine covers such as Rolling Stone and Spin. He also made numerous appearances on MTV, VH1, and various talk and awards shows. People magazine named him the "Sexiest Rocker" of 1998.[1] In 1999 McGrath was a member of the short-lived side project The Wondergirls that included Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots. In 2004, he recorded a duet with country music singer, Shania Twain for her song "Party for Two". A country music version of the song was also recorded and released with country music singer Billy Currington. McGrath contributed the track "Reaching Out" on Strait Up, a tribute album to late vocalist Lynn Strait, for whom he has a dedication tattoo to memorialize. He appeared in the video of "Angel's Son," another song written for the album (by Sevendust) and performed with the band during their appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. He began his career as Spark Man from the Mega Man television show. YAY! Fish Hooks is his DTVA debut and only known appearance. The Office and P83 Street Party/Sugar Ray are his most recent credits. He has 12 acting credits, 13 soundtrack credits, one composer credit (Scary Movie 2) and 61 Self credits to his resume. So we head to the football field outside the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we see Piranha float down noticing Jocktopus is hiding behind the field goal posts. Jock clearly did not think his hiding places through. Piranha blows him off because she can clearly see him; so Jockto denies that he even exists. So Piranha calls out for someone and we hear a voice in which Jocktopus turns around...
...and we see an orange octopus on a red sports car with a black top on it. Rocktopus has shades, Edge's teeth, purple hair with yellow trim, a black vest ripped somewhat and a purple tatoo on his right forearm. So Rock asks if he would like to do doughnuts on the field with Jocktopus and his car; Jock seems happy. So we do doughnuts with the car on the field for a while to waste time. Did I mention Jocktopus is driving here? So this goes on as Rock asks Jock about pizza; and Jock stops the car and then floats out proclaiming that he has a Krackpotkin plan; which is to run away. So he does as Rock grabs the microphone with so much cord; it might as well be infinite. Rock lassoes Jockto and hangs him onto the field goal posts. Jocktopus demands to be let go; but Rocktopus no sells because he demands that he get answers for why Jocktopus is so upset. Geez; I would have thought that the word pizza and Jocktopus' reaction would have been enough to demonstrate what is really going on; but apparently, Rocktopus has the same memory retention as Jocktopus has. Jocktopus finally confesses that he cannot create a pizza for his dad and Rocktopus claims that he is not alone in this thing either. Jocktopus blows him off and accuses him of lying because he has evidence of Rocktopus' greatness through the pizza he made on the hall of fame wall. I hope this story of Rocktopus is a riot; otherwise this episode isn't going to catch. So we hit the flashback as we head to Jocktopizza and Rocktopus is sitting on the counter with the ingredients and he completely blows off making his special pizza; because he has no heart for anything other than rock and roll. So yes; Jocktopus, the big bully of doom, had no problem wanting to make his father proud but just sucked at doing so. While Rocktopus didn't want anything to do with how his father felt. So who's the bully here? Father holds his hand and proclaims that he believes that there is room for both their dreams. So we see Rocktopus driving his car on the floor of Bud's pet store and drives over to a fish tank with a cliff on it (and a moon light lamp). He gets out and gets his guitar and proclaims that he pours his feelings into song...
....BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah; he certainly poured his heart and soul into that one. Even modern cartoons can be funny when context and built up are done properly. So he finishes the song and suddenly; they show the golden record pizza on top as we return to reality (no, not really) as Rocktopus explains that the song was the pizza and all Jocktopus has to do is build on what he is best known for and that would be his pizza. By the way; I have seen Jocktopus' creation well in advance and pretty much figured it out before then too. So they spend about a minute exchanging the only idea that makes sense: football pizza. And this goes on and on as Jocktopus kills another wall into Home Ecomonics Class; hides in lockers, tubas (which scare Ronnie Lot), out of Clamantha's mouth etc. And yes this is a TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DEATH. Jockto then gets grossed out and walks away from Clamantha. That was awkward. So we scene change to the football field as Mamapus and Papapus are blindfolded; as Jocktopus walks in with them. They take off the blindfold and they are disappointed because it's the football field. Oh; it's the metaphor of pizza; the symbolism of pizza; which is funny considering that Jocktopus should have no concept of either. So the family sits in the stands as Papapus thinks that there is a game going on today. Jocktopus proclaims that it is and calls for Rocktopus to be guys and then we pan up to see all the nerd fish on top of the rock. Bea asks why they are doing this and Oscar claims that Jocktopus threaten to club them into fish paste. Milo seems amused by it as we hit the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM with Rocktopus as the lead singer. So Ronnie doesn't get to conduct? Fine by me. Rocktopus is a really good singer; mostly because they hired a real singer as the voice; which really exposes the Disney machine. Hard to believe this guy was Spark Man from Mega Man. So we see Jockto do the usual football spots as Jocktopus arrives. They unroll the pizza dough like a tarp on the field as Papapus notices where this is going, sort of.
Then the cheerleading squad does the human delta spot as Clamantha spits out a bag of tomatoes and Jocktopus has a tomato throwing contest with Punt, Pass or Fumble. I'm sorry; but I have no idea who is who when it comes to Jocktopus' friends; because no one cared to give them any personality that wasn't already displayed by Jocktopus. I just love that Jocktopus is doing all of these football spots and splattering tomatoes into the faces of the kids; while Papa and Mama look so dense as it what is happening; and Rocktopus is singing about how great his hair is. That was funny! So Ronnie is rocking on guitar while Jocktopus fires cheese rockets into the air and they explode creating cheese fireworks of Jocktopus himself and them it all falls down on the pizza. Jumbo Shrimp is giddy as Papapus is also pretty giddy himself calling it pizza magic. So Jocktopus rolls a giant sausage into a pile of colored peppers and onions; and we go to the far shot of the fish tanks as we see a CGI explosion. Yeah; because somehow BS&P was offended by this. He was rolling pizza ingredients! How could they explode anyway?! We go to the closeup as Jocktopus appears to be dead; so Papapus and Mamapus run in to console him. Jocktopus wakes up and we zoom out as we see his new pizza which looks like the normal rectangle pizza you serve to large groups, but much bigger. So Papa is proud of him; but he forgot one thing which Jocktopus denies. Rocktopus proclaims that he forgot to cook the pizza; but he has this one covered as he takes his shades off and the right eye of him spirals...and he calls forth the spirit of rock and roll. So this giant dragon horse like monster comes out of nowhere and breathes fire on Jocktopus and Papapus which causes another explosion. Trying to explain this finish is pointless. All you need to know is; the deux ex machinia strikes again; and at least it makes sense since this is Rocktopus we are talking about. So we head back to Jocktopizza as the pizza is officially on the menu which I saw inn advance on the wikia. The two males are sooted as a blue fish customer proclaims that he wants a Touchdown Special; which causes both octopi to smile; and then we just have to Billy Van the ending as we get a repeat shot of Jocktopus going through the wall of Home Ecomonics Class and then cut to Mamapus doing her Clamantha quality laugh. That ends the episode at 10:50 approx. Geez; that ending was random that it wasn't funny; compared to the finish which was random and funny. Otherwise; this was completely average only Rocktopus was awesome in this one. *** (60%).
The Brandon Bubble: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Used Pop Stars. Geez; that is cold guys!) which has a monkey dressed up like Bud being chased by Bud dressed up as a baby. Oookkkkkkaaaayyyy. So we head to Bea's living room as Bea sits down on the couch next to Shellsea because something is on the television. The girls all join her as we discover that they are watching HTV's Where Are They Now; Hamsterwood edition. The next card shows that today's subject is Brandon Bubbler. And just to get it out of the way because Brandon Bubbler is not only going to speak; the producers finally decided to reveal who was voicing Brandon all these seasons. So; Brandon Bubbler is voiced by Lil' Twist and his real name is Christopher Lynn Moore. According to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Moore has been making music since he was 7 years old. He released his first single, "The Texas Twist" when he was 10 years old, which was #1 locally in Dallas for 6 straight weeks.[2] When he was 12 years old, Lil Twist had his mom drive him an hour to a Lil Wayne concert in Tyler, Texas. He got to open for Lil Wayne after getting Lil Wayne's manager, Cortez Bryant to let him perform. Impressed, Cortez and Wayne flew Lil Twist to Atlanta to see how he was in a recording studio.[3] Lil Twist was signed to Young Money Records after Lil Wayne saw him perform at one of his concert openings in 2007. He released mixtapes such as The Golden Child, and a single, “Love Affair,“ to build anticipation for his upcoming album, Don’t Get It Twisted. Before starting his 8-month stint in prison, Lil Wayne gave Twist the nickname of "Twizzy F. Baby" (much like "Weezy F. Baby'). Other than Fish Hooks he was uncredited in Lottery Ticket in 2010. He was also on the BET Awards 2011 show; the Mo'Nique Show and VEVO's ASK:REPLAY television series. That's it.
So then we get various scenes of an operating room and a file folder as we discover that he was created by surgeons and talent scouts, among others. Plus he is known as Project X107925. In other words; they have admitted that Brandon Bubbler is basically an organic robot. I'll never look at Justin Bibier the same ever again after seeing that spot. That poor Canadian sucker! So we continue the "documentary" (more like an adverstiesment for the classic movement) as I discover that Bonnie the librarian was the one behind the mystique of Brandon Bubbler. Geez; I wonder if this will play into the actual episode. So we go on and on as girls are helpless against him and they shower money which looks really sexist; but they have to do this way; otherwise, the spot doesn't work. We get commentary from someone named Chesapeak M (the same voice who provided Mouse's voice in this show) who's claim to fame is a fan fiction writer. She is a yellow fish with black hair and dresses up in pink. She goes on about being her and she likes frozen youghert. I mention this because the next shot shows Escarmargot eating just that and praising her. Pfft; whatever. So we see Brandon spiraling around a yellow background with various world flags as he has 18 hit singles, sang in various countries and had a failed relationship with a duck named Rebecca who is his backup dancer. Did they just reference the incident that cost Edie McClurg her job when she was a teenager? However; Brandon has lost his touch as mentioned by some fan club member named Ben Holm. He's purple fish with reading glasses on; brown hair and wearing a blue sweater blowing off Brandon Bubbler. So we see Brandon trying to get behind the green van which has been vandalized because the word boring is on the side. That disappoints me because the girls have now figured out how dense this guy is; even by teenager standards. So we hear from the announcer (S. Scott Bullock whom I believe does all the promos for Fish Hooks because their voices are similar) that Brandon has been trying to escape the spotlight.
Then we get the really stupid moment of this episode as the announcer proclaims that government reports indicate that Brandon Bubbler has been in hiding and is attending school somewhere. Now that in itself isn't stupid. The stupid part is that the announcer flat out sezs that he's attending Freshwater High School. Yeah. Good going Tyler Chan; you killed the entire angle before it begins. Now if the announcer said that "He is attending school somewhere in Freshwater" then that makes sense because then there is a lot of suspense on if Brandon is at Freshwater High or not. Bea then has a reason to find him and cuddle up with him. But nope; they just blurt out the secret that they were not supposed to tell. Bea goes alll green eyed and bashes everyone with a pillow which causes the feathers to fly and she runs around proclaims that she is going to die. Fimberly I think gets the popcorn bowl to the head spot from It Came From Beneath The Seaduck; but I don't care about her anymore so ring the damn bell and head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH. We head inside the classroom as Bea is panicky and showing her emoting skills which clash with her lack of acting skills from Miss Kane. Milo asks what the hell this is about and Oscar explains that Brandon Bubbler is literally in their class. Let's just kill the angle even further; why don't you Tyler? So they all scream for a while; which actually annoyed me for a change because it went nowhere. So Mr. Baldwin comes in with his briefcase and states that the rumors of a certain classmate coming to their school is completely..true. So Baldwin wants them to quiet down as he introduces a fat pink fish wearing a blue sweater that sezs Bjorn on it with banana yellow letters. This would have been funnier if we DIDN'T know he was coming to Freshwater High already. This is why sometimes being abstract does do wonders for comedy; instead of trying to force the comedy by having Baldwin screw up saying his full name. Thankfully; Bjorn writes it on the blackboard and reveals the last name as Ouhfahrrgawrdczhen which is not any word I am aware of. I was hoping to see what it meant; but Google couldn't find anything.
Of course everyone screws up and it turns into an old country song complete with Frederator jackhammering. Mr. Baldwin tells Bjorn to take a seat and he goes over and sits down. And then they kill the angle dead even further by introducing Brandon Bubbler for real. They could have had Bjorn as Brandon Bubbler in a neat disguise; or have him as Beaver Beeper in a unconvincing disguise; but no, they introduce him as Brandon Bubbler right away. Meaning that there is no such thing as a Fish Witness Protection Program in this world. There is a good reason why Tyler Chen should stay with storyboards; or just voice Bjorn; or both those things, because he doesn't know how to write. This also brusts the obvious bubble (!!) that storyboarders are automatically better than writers. Memo to future storyboarders: You still have to know how to write a story properly. Bea is cheering for Brandon and Bjorn is cheering for noogies. Okay; I laughed at that spot, so make Bjorn carry the episode for goodness sakes. That's why they should have Bjorn as Brandon Bubbler, because Brandon would be a lot more entertaining this way. So Baldwin tells Brandon to take his seat and Bea has stars in her eyes; which Mr. Baldwin is annoyed at. Thank you Mr. Baldwin, you and I think alike here. So Brandon sits down at this desk and Bea channels Fanboy & Chum Chum from Wizboy on Kyle; only Bea is bonking the desk with mustard at the same time. Don't mind this short; it is so misguided that Brandon actually knows it's Bea because she was the one who had him kidnapped for Bea's birthday. Wow; Brandon actually remembered that moment? I thought the Hamsterwood surgeons would have wiped that moment from his memory banks. Bea's frowny face is only a 0.2 Milo at this point. Bea then shifts the blame to Milo and Oscar; who make dumb faces in response to Bea's dumber face. Yeap; this is going to be a long episode. So Brandon admits that he actually misses being kidnapped because he's all washed up and no one wants to kidnap him anymore. Bea then asks if he came here so Bea could kidnap him again putting on the brown ski mask to boot. Whatever Bea.
Brandon claims that he is here because his record manager wants him to connect with teenagers so he can be a chick magnet again. Bea is so giddy to help him with Brandon being a teenager again as I smell a TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM commencing; but then Mr. Baldwin cuts them off because he wants NO MUSICAL NUMBERS in his classroom. That sounds reasonable as Mr. Baldwin wants them to be like Bjorn and pay attention. We see Bjorn with the most Joker-ish teeth smile I have seen in a long while and we hear the voice of Bjorn despite him not speaking. Bjorn blows off Mr. Baldwin for claiming that he wants to pay attention because he wants to be a teen too; and then he turns around and whisper yells to the hard camera that he is 37 years old. HAHA! Okay; I like Bjorn, so shoot me. Really; is that any worse than finding out that Chum Chum is not supposed to be in school but the teachers are too stupid to notice? Bjorn winks to the hard camera and then sings the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM so badly; I am laughing my ass off hearing him talk about the old country. He is stomping all over Gunther's corpse; which is kind of pointless since Kick Buttowski ended last November; but who cares? Bjorn is much better as the Norway gimmick than Gunther will ever be. And I discover Bjorn is married with two kids. Yeah. Why hasn't Tyler Chen been singed to a Disney music deal? I don't care if he's 37 years old in real life; he sings more naturally and he is much more hilariously bad that he makes the Jonas Brothers look like the fake singers that they are. Save on autotune costs too. As for the scene itself; it's Brandon and Bea doing teen things while Milo bleches on camera. I don't care; Bjorn's singing completely made this one fly by so quickly. So after this awesomely bad song from Bjorn we see him with a spotlight in the hallway as Brandon and Bea are laughing it up and completely ignoring Bjorn because they are young and Disney execs are dumb.
So yeah; Brandon is so happy to experience this being a teenager and gets what he was singing all along. Bea is grateful to solve his little problem and she thinks it's enough to give Brandon chick magnet powers and be Brandon Bubbler again and make her wishes come true. I think we all know where this is going now; don't we...So we get the Spongebob Narrator Card Spot which is not funny with a deadpan narrator to make it work. So we see Bea outside the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as she sings a song about Brandon Bubbler and suddenly a purple limo comes in and crashes into the Freshwater High statue. Bea panics as she thinks this is Brandon Bubbler's limo; but the windows open and it's....Bjorn looking like the most hilariously bad punk star ever. He then blows off his parents because thanks to Brandon Bubbler; he's a rock star now. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bjorn Ouhfahbumler as a stage name is even funnier than Brandon Bubbler; and Bjorn is actually got a higher IQ too. Yeah; Tyler Chen is trying to get Bjorn over; instead of trying to get the ANGLE over; which is sad because Bjorn was already monster over WITHOUT doing this stuff. Bjorn than blows off Mr. Baldwin for talking like a goose and does raspberry sounds. Bjorn; you have green shade triangle glasses on. I cannot take anything you say seriously. Those glasses suck! And then out from the driver's seat comes Mr. Baldwin in a white pimp suit acting like a hip hop artist and ordering him to take that back. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Escarmargot is wearing Brandon's baseball cap as Bea demands answers to this outrage; and then Escarmargot proceeds to do the most incoherent bubble gum pop dance I have ever seen in my life complete with jackhammered purple background. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is the best scene in Fish Hooks EVERAH~! Then Deranged Kermit is back selling all of Brandon Bubbler's music awards for $1 a pop. That was just....awkward. Bea is confused as Brandon Bubbler arrives only wearing a plain green shirt; and he greets her.
Bea shakes her head like some one in shock and wants answers as to why Brandon looks like this. Brandon claims that the new him was weighing him down so he gave it all away; and now his new name is Brandon Philman which shocks Bea so much; she gets a jackhammered background of her own. Brandon also admits that he is a vegan now; which came absolutely out of nowhere and goes the same place. Bea is panicky because he's supposed to be Brandon Bubbler; but Brandon proclaims that he is done with the old popstar style because he saw the light and considers teen life to be the best thing happening today. He then excuses himself because he has homework to do and has a test to take tomorrow; so he's sleeping early. Wah! Wah! Wah! Brandon leaves as Bea kicks like Kit Cloudkicker and that was so awful; she gets a wad of cash thrown right in the kisser because we see a pile of money on the zoom out and Milo and Oscar are rolling in Brandon's money and throwing cash at each other. Bea sulks; which is enough for the goofs with attitude to notice this. Bea proclaims that she destroyed Brandon Bubbler; which is an accurate statement. On the other hand; she created Bjorn Ouhfahbumler, so everyone goes home happy with this arrangement. Milo points out that she was only a guide and thus Brandon chose to leave; thus showing the power of misinformed consent. I mention this because Bea has a Krackpotkin plan because she didn't show all the moments of being a teenager which includes insecure moments such as Oscar sneezing mucus in his hands and making a mess. EWWWW! GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY! So Bea wants them to show him the bad side of being a teenager and Milo and Oscar point out that he has already made up his mind and left being a popstar. Bea denies it; so Oscar brings out his blue cellphone and shows footage of Brandon saying that he is never going back to his old life. So Bea screams like a maniac and that is enough for the males to give into her.
They float away as we see Bjorn be a rockstar in his most hilariously bad way as we go into the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. If you think it's absurd now; just wait for Phineas & Ferb! So Brandon has failed math what a surprise? Brandon has a mother who yells at him and he gets pimple. I'm sorry; I don't care about what Brandon is getting for his stupidity because it's all the usual boring teenager spots that we are supposed to hate. The only reason I enjoy this is because of Bjorn's hilariously bad singing. This goes on forever, which thankfully is a good idea because Bjorn is fun to listen to and it it speeds up finishing this rant. So it all ends with Bjorn finishing his spiel and we get two explosions and both the banana yellow and orange cars all split in half when they drop onto the ground. We then see Brandon looking worse for wear floating with Bea as I should point out that Bjorn's final promo which is his life is no knock knock joke. That I laughed at. So Brandon feels all sad inside as Bea steals Brandon's cap and is about to offer it to Brandon. Brandon gets hats in his eyes; but then no sells the deal. Huh? Bea is confused at all this and Brandon tells us that he realizes that being a teenager is going to be both a blessing and a curse; but he can now think for himself, which he never got to do in his life, and has decided to become a regular teenager. Okay; that's a fine decision which is made even better as Bea plops the hat onto Bjorn and asks Brandon if he wants to go to the Hokey Poke for a shake and Brandon accepts. Bea and Brandon leave stage left as this is the official end of Brandon Bubbler's career. However; the yellow suited record exec shows up and notices Bjorn; confusing him as Brandon Bubble. He proclaims that his record sales are through the roof and they all love him again. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bjorn is a much better act than Brandon Bubbler anyway as the record exec yells at him to get going because he's on a world tour again as he leaves. Bjorn yodels and that ends the episode at 10:30 approx. This was a really fun episode once Bjorn start getting involved and was singing badly; which was HAHA funny bad. The finish was actually a good one all things considered; and hopefully it means we see more of Bjorn. I'm just disappointed that Tyler Chen cared more about getting the already over Bjorn over instead of getting the actual angle over. Call it *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
So our final rant of 2013 ends with two middling shorts. Jocktopizza was your average "make your father proud" angle which was just there. Rocktopus really was the main reason to watch this episode because his singing was top notch here and I enjoyed most of the finish. However; I didn't like the deus ex machina ending because it was Billy Van'ed to death for no reason whatsoever, and it didn't make any sense. It seemed to be there to pad the running time more or less. The Brandon Bubble was a combination of the best and worst parts of Fish Hooks: Tyler Chen cared more about getting Bjorn over than getting the whole point of the episode over which was Brandon quitting music to become normal again. While the finish and ending were booked correctly; they killed the suspense dead by jackhammering the point home that Brandon was going to Freshwater High and not waiting until after Bjorn is introduced to reveal Brandon which would have made me care about this episode. Instead; all I cared about was Bjorn singing so hilariously bad that the ending to the episode was perfect; and it lead to the greatest scene of all time in this show with Baldwin as a hip hop artist, Escamrargot as a bubble gum pop dancer and Bjorn as a rockstar who got the big break at 37. I know that it is probably too late now; but I'm hoping the series finale involves Bjorn in some way; because we need more of him singing. And to Tyler Chen: Voice acting and storyboards are better for you than writing. I'm just saying.
So that ends Fish Hooks for now as outside of Hats Amore; I'm up to date. Next year; there are at least three more episodes besides Hats Amore (Mr. Baldwin/Miss Lips trying to gain acceptence from their parents): Bea Saves A Tree (Bea protests a store opening by tying herself to a plastic tree), Algae Day (which I have no idea who is involved here) and Camp Camp (which is a Coach Salmons focused episode). I'm guessing the official series finale will be 22 minutes long and will be Mr. Baldwin/Miss Lips' wedding day because the writers have been building up to that moment for a long time now and they have to pay it off since the baby angle has already been paid off in Labour of Love. I do not know when or if I'll be doing those episodes; it will depend on if I can find a source. So this might be the end of Fish Hooks overall for me. I will say this: Season three might be a lame duck; but the quality of the episodes were perfectly acceptable. Only two thumbs down episodes in this group thus far and at least they have delivered on Escarmargot/Albert and Mr. Baldwin/Miss Lips. Sadly; Bea/Oscar is sucking right now as I expected it to; and the ratings are not rising to the heights that Disney would like to see. I think Hats Amore did a 2.0 actually. This is what you get for screwing up Oscar/Angela guys; live with it. So in 2014; we begin again with the debut of Phineas & Ferb; who say that they are going to do it all. I hope so; I have heard great things about this show and the scenes I have seen in pieces look promising to me. So......
Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you all next time!