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Fish Hooks
Brothers Of A Feather/Freshwater Lives Rant
Reviewed: 05/22/2017
Bros Of A Feather Live Only In Freshwater!
Folks; we have finally reached the final two shorts of Fish Hooks! YAY! So today's episodes feature Oscar and Milo getting adopted by a mother bird literally; and then from there, Milo revives the founder of Freshwater. Somehow. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we...?
Brothers Of A Feather is written by Maxwell Atoms, Darrick Bachman, C.H. Greenblatt, Joe JohnstonCraig Lewis, William Reiss and Noah Z. Jones. Storyboards are done by Joe Johnston; while the direction is done by C.H. Greenblatt and William Reiss. Freshwater Lives is written by Maxwell Atoms, Darrick Bachman, C.H. Greenblatt, Craig Lewis and Noah Z. Jones. Storyboards are done by Ian Wasseluk and directed by C.H. Greenblatt and William Reiss. All episodes are done with Toon Boom; thus correcting a serious mistake I made calling this series (and Kick Buttowski for that matter) done in Flash. My opinion is the exact same: Medium don't matter; talent does.
Brothers Of A Feather: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Monkey Laundering. ) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Bud is riding on a wheeling clothes hamper as monkeys are running with shorts with washing machines in the background. Pfft; whatever makes you happy, sir. We head above the bird cages with various birds in them. Jump cut to a closeup of a white bird tossing a baby bird in the air and cuddling it. We get owls hugging and birds feeding worms on the western pan shot as we see a green parrot perched in his cage feeling lonely. Even though it looks like a summer day; somehow there is a blizzard outside for no reason as the parrot shivers. We anime background to a cold vent shooting air into a tank of snow containing penguins. Okay; there is a reason for it. Good for them, I suppose. The guise of this is that the green parrot is lonely because it cannot have kids. The parrot waddles over to the mirror and pecks on a bell blue ring as we pan down to the ground level of the cage, when suddenly, Milo shows up with Oscar wearing their water packs. Apparently; Milo and Oscar are here to have a bird party of some sort. Why? Why not?! It's supposed to be a flapping good time as Milo flaps his arms like a birdfish and Oscar isn't so sure. Milo swears that they are on top of it as we zoom out and see the bird cage with colored spotlights and bird dancing just below the bird cage Milo is on. Heh. Oscar deduces that there is no party and that a friend lied to them as Milo whines about not having a flapping good time. Oscar decides to get into the nest and rest for the night, return in the morning. EYES WASH OF DOOM~! Milo joins in and looks at the bar and annoys Oscar about the ceiling panels; causing Oscar to blow him off before snoring. The green parrot perches down and then rests on top of them on the nest in the far shot; despite not being anywhere near the two fish in the closeup shot. Ooops! A light is on the cage as a cock crows for morning as we see Bud changing the sign name outside with a wooden ladder. Jump cut to the parrot waking up and moving; then catch itself and look at the nest to show Milo and Oscar sleeping in glorious heavenly light and sound. The parrot dances around and then grabs the fish and mothers them. Awwwwww! Oscar yawns and wakes up, noticing the parrot cuddling him, calls for Milo to wake up. Milo yawns and wakes up and he panics seeing the parrot. That surprised me!
I thought Oscar would be the one to panic first as the parrots puts them on baby chairs and admires them. Milo is smiling as the parrot leaves and Oscar is seriously freaking out here. Umm; that is usually the signal for a having a flushed toilet in someone's future. Milo then proclaims that she might be their mom and Oscar is like "WHAT?!". Milo claims it's not their "mommom" (Read: birth mother); she's their "birdmom" (Read: foster mother) as Milo and Oscar get bonnets put on their heads. Milo calls themselves adorable and the parrot is taking pictures of them with an orange disposable camera. Milo thinks they are her babies and Oscar is fed up and blows her off because they are fish, not birds. Oscar shows off his fins for her and I say, "oh, sod off Oscar and like it!" and EYE WASH OF DOOM~! The bird completely ignores him anyway because Milo is drinking from a baby bottle and being mothered. HAHA! Oscar blows him off for not helping (well good for him, you dork!) and Oscar gets grabbed and tossed in the air for fun. Milo is so giddy that he wants to be next. HAHA! Oscar protests this...for three seconds and now is enjoying himself. Hee hee! Oscar and the bird cuddle and nuzzle for a while, which shows that Oscar is such a lonely little fish in Freshwater. Oscar then pushes on parrot's face and blows this off as he wants to get the hell out of there. Milo no sells and whines because he wants to stay as Oscar blows it off because she'll be fine all alone. Milo has the tear puppy eyes mode on as Oscar demands Milo to not do that damn face and now the Mother Bird is doing it and Oscar's argument drifts off into space and will never come back anymore. Ummm; yeah, Oscar is screwed. Hee hee! Oscar decides to stay for a little longer as Milo claims that the parrot is making breakfast while plopping in the nest. The green parrot loads up it's mouth as Oscar panics on cue and we zoom out of the cage to see the parrot vomitting on them...EWWW...Oh wait; she vomitted...pancakes...Okay. It makes no sense, but whatever. If she was vomitting cookies, then the joke would have made much more sense. Milo and Oscar toss pancakes (see why cookies make more sense as a joke, writers?) as the parrot vomits more of them on-screen. So yes; the vomitting off-screen was for dramatic purposes, not BS&P stepping in. The fish love it; it was cute if nothing else. Then we HIT THE MONTAGE~ with the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. There is lots of playing games and enjoying life like children, which with Milo makes sense because he's a manchild after all. We take some really sweet bubble baths and Milo splashes water on the parrot; then we get some reading while Oscar sucks on his thumb. Why? Why not?! Oscar doesn't want to be caught on the slide as we sleep some more after a exhausting day as the two are picked up by the bird and placed in the nest with covers. The parrot gets into the nest and knits some blue yarn; somehow gaining access to a television and television remote. Don't ask me why; because it's always, why not?! The show is Nesthunters International by the way in case anyone cares.
Jump cut to morning at the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as we head to Mr. Baldwin's classroom with Oscar and Milo's desk empty. Now I would think that sitting Albert Glass next to Jocktopus is the worst idea possible, but this school apparently invites trouble as they are indeed sitting next to each other. Pan over to Fimberly reading a book, Shellsea texting on her smartphone and the rest are staring (which are Bea, Jumbo Shrimp and Bo Gregory). Bea proclaims that Oscar and Milo have been missing for two days now after going to the bird party as Shellsea doesn't care of course. Bea grabs Shellsea's smartphone and dials it. Jump cut to Milo's smartphone, which has a vibrator function on it. Milo answers it as he and Oscar are sitting on the perch where the parrot is. Bea demands answers; Shellsea demands smartphone back, Bea wins struggle so far in this department. The parrot is writing in her blue book as Milo basically explains that they have a bird mom now and she's awesome. I cannot argue with that. CPS might; but I cannot. Milo then changes the subject and Bea is like "What the hell?"; although she's still winning the battle of "keep Shellsea away from the smartphone", so it's a draw so far. Bea asks for Oscar and Milo gives Oscar the smartphone and admits that they are birds now. And it's a shoot, SISTA~! Bea is like "what?"; but in comes a red headed woodpecker in a white suit and glasses as we discover that birds have barbers, too. Bea cannot believe this and neither can Baldwin. I agree with Baldwin on this one because today's lesson is the fine art of dealing with the entertainment phemon known as "The Poochie". Last seen looking like a blue hedgehog with red shoes on. Man; Poochie is so powerful, even Mr. Baldwin cannot figure out what he is teaching. HAHA! Jump cut back to the perch with the parrot and the fishes. Milo is loving this bird thing as the parrot wants some hair off as the woodpecker throws away his scissors and comb; to simply peck the hair down to make bowl shaped hair cuts for the two as shown in the mirror. Oscar and Milo panic on cue as they are now placed in a bird cage elementary school as one of the baby birds throws an airplane point right in Oscar's right eye. OUCH! Milo doesn't seem to mind since they give free bird seed and now he protests to doctor owl as a blue bird is pecking away on the bird seed on the desk. Owl asks "who?" and Milo claims the blue bird's name is Cassandra and owl asks "who?" Oh great; don't tell me this owl is Jim Neidhart in his latest wrestling gimmick! Owl confuses Milo some more; the bell rings and all the birds and fish walk out of Featherbottom Elementary School. Okay.
The parrot mother greets them as Oscar and Milo look like they were roughed up good. Even in spite of the haircut, Oscar's hair can still keep paper airplanes in it. You know this is sad when that happens! Oscar don't like bird school either as parrot mom is also a soccer mom as well. I know this because she takes them to the bird soccer field cage. Hey; at least this soccer mom isn't afraid to actually play the part, rather than be lumped in as a moral guardian. Heck; Milo and Oscar are wearing soccer mom haircuts, like AJ Styles. Milo and Oscar don't like soccer of course and the bird mom does the Gruffi pose and is not amused by this. So the fishes dress up into green uniforms (with white letter B's on them) and cannot even run towards the soccer ball being passed on by the birds. Then they bail stage right in the process. Jump cut to three flamingos doing ballet as Oscar and Milo twinkletoe in and they have better success in that at least. Bird mother is taking pictures of this of course. We do bird karate classes as Oscar cannot headbutt a wooden board properly, so the things are not gimmicked, sadly. Next segment, Milo learning to play the piano and failing badly. HAHA! And yes; mother bird can drive a purple car around the pet store, why do you ask? Cut to Milo and Oscar in baby seats in the back as Milo wants to go home and Oscar hates being a bird. Mother bird wags her finger as Milo gets giddy because they are going to flight school. Uh-oh! If you cannot guess where this is going, you have no business reading this rant. Oscar panics as Milo claims that it's a private lesson. Riiiggghttt. Yip; it's a public showing as we head to the gilded bird cage stadium with Doctor Owl and the birds cheering in the stands. Oscar and Milo are standing with the other baby birds as mom bird is cheering on. Awwww! My heart melted. Sadly; Milo and Oscar's entire bodies are going to be roadkill very shortly. Oscar and Milo gulp and sweat, in that order as a white duck ranger is showing off bird techinques via the chalkboard and does the cut throat sign as even Milo notices that this is bad for them. Geez; you think?! Milo claims that they are dead and Oscar wonders who will save them, and out of nowhere comes Bea. Oscar hugs her and asks how she found them and Bea proclaims that bird mother invited her, Shellsea (with red flag) and Fimberly (with bag of popcorn). HAHA! This bird mother really is the ultimate awesome soccer mom; she thought of everything! Milo and Oscar panic of course because they are not birds and Bea tells them to relax because they are not going to toss them off a cliff or anything. Yeah; because that's a heel move ala Dumptruck doing it to Kit in Plunder and Lightning Part Four. No; you are going to do it the Rescue Rangers way: walking the plank.
Bea then notices the flaw in all this and hops over to bird mother as Oscar tells her to hurry while all the rest of the baby birds are hopping off the plank willfully. Bea tries to plead with bird mother as the duck ranger of doom is pushing Oscar and Milo onto the wooden plank. Bird mother tells her to shut up basically as Oscar and Milo struggle with the ranger duck on the wooden plank as Oscar refuses to move. So the duck ranger does the "made you look" pose and the two fish look the other way. Darwin award winners of the week for sure now as the duck ranger kick them off the wooden plank. Bea panics, cameras flash (I assume it's Shellsea on her smartphone) and bird mother giggles on cue. What a sadist?! In comes Wilford bringing a purple cushion onto the pet store floor as the fish think they are saved. Ummm; Wilford is the killer cat of horrible mistreatment! Yip; Wilford is on the cushion with a bib on licking it's chops. It's all over now as the fish hug each other while Wilford opens wide. Bea pleads some more and all of these "no fish/no fly" crap finally clicks inside the bird brain and she finally gets it and swoops down from the bird cage and grabs the fish before Wilford can eat them and that is that. This leads to a reunion with the fish cheering and then Wilford chases the fish; bird mother goes through two shelves that close up when Wilford crashes into it and explodes into a ball of flame. So wait; did Wilford just die right there? Probably not. Okay; he's smoking as he climbs onto the top of the shelf, otherwise, he's fine. Bea cheers and the birds don't seem to care about these phony birds so there you go. Bird mom perches on the edge of the tank leading to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH. The fish hug bird mom and tell her that they cannot stay; and the bird mother understands as the fish dive into the water and wave goodbye to her..until "The Big Woo" of course when she'll make a reappearance. This goes on for a while; but then Milo pops up and offers movie night at their place tonight and the final scene as them watching a fish version of a James Bond 007 movie complete with laser beam torture device. The babyfaces plus bird mother (complete with straw and swim mask) watch on as Milo asks for popcorn and bird mom vomits as we go to black and Shellsea is grossed out to end the episode at 10:20 approx. Really fun episode with excellent booking and it ended pretty much the way I wanted it to end. Too bad it came way too late to save the season. *** 3/4 (75%).
Freshwater Lives: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (Sign: Used Time Capsules. ) as Bud is microwaving popcorn in a microwave on a coffee table and then gets buried in a popcorn tomb. Geez; they don't make microwave popcorn like they used to. We head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as Baldwin is teaching the class the fine art of rock, paper, scissors in his classroom. Baldwin brings out the hairest HULK HANDS in history and asks what covers hand. Ummm; hair? Is this a trick question or something? Oh wait; it's glove. Pfft; whatever. Oscar is writing something down as Milo is whisper yelling that he has something important to tell us. Milo claims that he loves Oscar. Oscar is not amused by this as Milo flutters his eyelashes because he was flattering him; because he wants a dollar. Oscar no sells of course because he spent the last dollar on a smartphone app called "Upset Fish", which Oscar is becoming at this point. Bascially; it's Angry Birds with fish and holes and has one song, like some games I know. I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader. Milo needs the dollar for the sequel which is Upset Fish In Space, which is the exact same game of course. Oscar no sells because he has no money left anyway as Milo pouts and does the Gruffi pose on cue. So Milo calls on Baldwin asking him on how to be rich and Baldwin admits that if he knew, then he would be teaching a bunch of miserable kids. Ooops! You weren't supposed to let your freak flag fly there, sir. Baldwin then brings out a conveniently placed television set on a dolly and offers to teach them about the history of the richest fish in history, which Milo hates. His name is Ezekel Freshwater, which means that technically, he is the one who founded Freshwater, am I right? Milo hates it; Baldwin orders him to watch and we start with the documentary being produced by The Fishtory Channel as we get a shot of Ezekel Freshwater wearing a top hat, crooked teeth smile, black suit and bow tie with brown hair and looks like a slimebag. He's the richest fish in the world, see. Lots of cash register sounds ensues, so you know it's true. DANG! We see a balding white haired brown fish wearing glasses, a purple suit and grey tie calling himself Doctor History. He makes train sounds because Ezekel loved trains you see. So much so; that he created products that were train powered like the train powered lightbulb and the train powered telephone. DANG indeed!
He founded Freshwater and designed it around being a transport center for trains; but alas his dreams went up in smoke in 1969 during the sealing of his time capsule. By the way; guess where the time capsule is?! Hint: in the footage; the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH is in the background. Oh; and to make the whole thing even more creepy; Freshwater High School was once a prison and railroaded undesirables. Ummm; yeah. So we head to the famed statue with the foot on the CHEST OF DEMONS as there is a note that says "Do not open until it is the future." So, in other words; they could have opened it tomorrow after it was sealed. I realized the risk of dating the show; but even saying "Do not open until after 1986" would have worked a lot better. We end the documentary with the train whistling away while showing off Ezekel's mug and "The End" title card. Pfft; whatever. Milo is impressed by this as Baldwin cuts a promo about hard work and all; and Milo upends his desk and storms out with an out of nowhere shovel as he finds the CHEST OF DEMONS near the statue outside Freshwater. Heh. Milo just wants to see what is inside the time capsule. Well; it is the future, so why not? Milo tries to pry the chest open; but no dice as Bea, Oscar and Baldwin all come in to pry the damn thing open and it opens as dust and soot somehow engulf the area. There is nothing inside but dust, a top hat and a fish stick. Baldwin blows it off and cut a morality promo about messing with time capsules as Milo wears the top hat and then we discover why Bud put out the microwave on the coffee table in the first place: So Milo can put the fish stick into it and nuke it. At least it's a legit fish stick instead of a slang term for drugs or johns like in Save The Tiger! SAVE THE FISHSTICK~! That's probably Baldwin's new slogan now; judging by how panicky he is. Oh wait; it's becomes the fish stick is a naked Ezekel Freshwater waking up and screaming in the microwave. Baldwin orders Milo to stop the microwave, Milo sells it (after claiming that this is what Ezekel wanted; which is so stupid) and stops the microwave. The microwave opens and out comes Ezekel asking questions about what today is. Speaking of dating the show, they claim that it's 2000 present day. Which means the show is already dated by at least a dozen years. Why not just say the current date this episode aired; it wouldn't have dated the show any more than it already has been dated.
So we exchange notes for a while as Ezekel claims that the treasures are in his head as Milo is confused. Ezekel is so happy to awaken from his slumber; so yes, this explains why he didn't show up during the time capsule ceremony; since he was inside the time capsule. How?! I don't know. Milo closes his eyes and takes the shovel as he is going to whack Ezekel in the head with a shovel while singing the "Hush Little Baby" song. Okay; that was perversely amusing to me, but Baldwin cuts him off before someone complains. This is why we cannot have anything; let alone "nice things". Oh wait; he froze himself in the time capsule on purpose so he could see the future. It's basically the same plot device in Bygones from TaleSpin with Rick Skye and his Squadron of Seven, only Ezekel's version was on purpose. Ezekel wants to see the fruits of his labour; but he froze his arms off; so he calls on Milo to be his assist; which Milo is so giddy for that Milo is literally pinching the man boobs of Baldwin. Ooookkkkayyyyy. Baldwin isn't sure about this; but Milo don't care as Milo carries Ezekel on his back and they exchange notes and pleasure thoughts as Ezekel offers to pay Milo if he shows him the trains of the future and Milo is chugging to be the train in this outfit as Baldwin proclaims that this cannot end well. Speak for yourself, Baldwin; you're a midcarder in a kids show. It's the nature of the beast. Wuzzle scene changer of doom as Milo shows Ezekel Freshwater the streets of Freshwater as they make it to the mall as Milo claims that he'll see the trains; but the mall is not train powered. Ezekel is slightly disappointed by this; but he hears trains as a payoff; so it cannot be all bad. Scene change to Ezekel looking like he's trying to creep out Shellsea who is on her smartphone. Milo informs him that there's no train in the smartphone; but the train they see is going to be awesome. Scene change to Ezekel looking up and seeing an fish airplane in the sky and wonders if that is a train. Milo says no, I say maybe; but he's going to the greatest train spot in town. Ezekel is like "YES! YES! YES! YES.......NO! NO! NO! NO!". I'm like "Wait for it...wait for it...BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Yes; the train spot is called "Baby Toot-Toot Town" which is a children's ride featuring a train track and model trains. I laughed so hard at this because it was a great payoff. Oh; and Milo is the conductor of the baby train, natch.
Ezekel is crushed by this because his life's work has been reduced to nothing basically. Milo calls this ride, great. Somehow; I still agree with him on that one. Milo asks for his dollar and Ezekel demands that they stop the damn train because they have forgotten him and where they came from; and he begins to cry hard. Dood; your future was dead the moment you started to make train powered objects no one would be stupid enough to buy. Milo wants money; but Ezekel claims that without his dream, he has no money as Milo whines about his damn apps. Ezekel proclaims that their dreams are dead and they cry together. Milo's plans are so deluded that I'm crying tears of laughter over this moment, because there is zero way I can take this seriously at all. Then Ezekel stops selling and has a iron-clad Karckpotkin plan to get rich again as they slap themselves together, since Ezekel is like a legless Bounder. I wonder where this idea is going as we head to a grassy fish tank with Oscar and Bea. Oscar explains that Milo has disappeared and Oscar claims it's for the better since the smell is gone too. Bea is gravely concerned about this and probably Oscar's careless behavior as of late. Oscar claims that he does this once a week and then we hear an explosion as Baldwin runs in and covers them onto the ground as debris falls around them. Bea asks what is going on and Baldwin proclaims that his worst fears have been confirmed: Milo shows up with a bulldozer and someone else shows up in an iron wrecking ball machine and bashes the prison. Zoinks! Milo scoops up the statue as Baldwin demands answers to this outrage. Milo is wearing an orange hard hat as he greets them and tells them to totally ignore what he is doing. Ummm; that's not going to work, Milo. Baldwin is panicking because the wrecking ball just destroyed the school. Milo completely denies this and then admits that it's maybe a little. Look; it's the second last episode of the series, it's not like they have many angles left to cover, so why not the school? Besides; kids love to smash things. It says so in the Executive "Science Project" Paper; and their studies are law, you see. No shock; everyone runs in protesting this outrage as Chief has come in as the Hokey Poke and fish tank is destroyed and there is a train in front of it. One of the fish in a green suit and yellow tie is complaining about having his car replaced with a seesaw train on a track. Screw you, hairman! You need to lose ten pounds anyway.
The retirement home is destroyed in the middle by a train track. Oh; screw you Milo and Ezekel! You can destroy the ROMAN AREANA OF DEATH (It was a prison for goodness sakes!), you can destroy the Hokey Poke (It needs a new theme anyway), you can force Hair Man to lose weight; but you vandalize a retirement home after all the episodes of defending senior citizens; that's going way too far. You are going to pay for that one, Milo! I mean it! LET THE RAGE OF THE OLD FARTS COMMENCE~! Everyone is yelling and protesting as Ezekel pops up and calls it cheering. All I hear is the screams of the angry mob! Are you drowning in happiness?! This fishstick should be....eaten! And before you write; this is a parody reference to Lenneth Valkyrie's quote on Aketenman. One of the denizens throws a yellow tomato and it splashes off Ezekel's head. Ezekel thinks that the people are just a little upset. If you want anyone to underestimate the obvious, call Ezekel Freshwater. Milo panics and tries to escape; but Dan Tuna handcuffs both of them and arrests them for destruction of property and unlawful use of a top hat. Which Dan Tuna made up. I don't know why; I guess he knows that the destruction of property charge is not going to stick. Because execs are the law, you see and being above the law in a cartoon is mandatory, you see. So we head to Freshwater PD and Ezekel and Milo are put in jail and the prison door closes. Milo and Ezekel talk about trains and apps for a while and they are singing and enjoying themselves. Apparently; so is Ice Pick who is singing on the toilet. Still better than Toilet Golf by a mile though. If you don't know what that is; consider yourself lucky. Ice Pick yells at them to get off his bunk and that is that. So we head to the ROMAN ARENA OF DEATH as it has been bandaid'ed up; which I cannot believe actually worked. Head inside the hallways as everyone is playing on their smartphones and Fimberly takes her contracted bump into the back of Koi Fish. Bea proclaims that Milo's new Upset Train app is great as we pan over to Ezekel and Milo in a bathtub filled with money. I guess it's the money to rebuild Freshwater after the destruction; so you cannot say they didn't repay their debt here. It's basically Upset Fish with trains as Milo dances and wants an app for Upset Farts; and does a raspberry to end the episode at 10:20 approx. This was just an episode with Ezekel being a clueless dolt; and Milo being reckless. At least he went to jail for his crimes in this episode, unlike certain characters I know (**COUGH**Johnny Ass**COUGH**). *** (60%).
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THE REVIEW LINE
Well; these episodes were pretty good this time around. I did like Brothers Of A Feather as I found the mother bird angle to be funny and adorable, although I could have lived without the ending as this came too late for the series since it was the third last episode of the series. Sure; it was great and all and mother bird parrot was great, but there's little to build on now, so it was pointless to continue the angle past this episode anyway. As for Freshwater Lives; it was okay, and I was happy that Milo didn't get away with his destruction of people's properties in this one either, which is a piece of booking most modern cartoons seem to avoid at all costs, so that was a win. Ezekel is impossibably stupid in this one as there was no way I could sympathize with him nor Milo; because his dreams are so dettached from reality that it doesn't work even in a reality cartoon. The train payoff in the middle was hilarious though and Milo's app whining was glorious. Overall; this was a decent pair of shorts to end all the shorts in this series. So next up will be Camp Camp and The Big Woo; which features camping, a pair of Salmons and a lot of stealing Ric Flair's catchphrase. So...
Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you all next time!