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Gravity Falls: The Legend Of The Gobblewonker

Reviewed: 10/19/2014

The Legend Of Stand: Peverted Uncle!


Welcome back to Gravity Falls everyone and it's time to see if the great episode start continues on. Today's episode features the kids and Stan going to a fishing lake while Dipper is informed that there is a loch ness monster at the lake and island. I'm not exactly liking the prospects of this episode storyline wise, but Mabel has been great so far, so let's rant on shall we...?!

Legend of The Gogglewonker is written by Alex "Clamantha" Hirsch and Michael Rianda. Storyboards were done by John Aoshima, Tyler Chen and Erik Fountain; while direction is done by John Aoshima. Michael Rianda's resume: This show, Work (2010), Everyone Dies in 90 Seconds, Princess of Magical Tears (The Guard). That's it. I don't know who animated the episode.


So we begin this one with a shot of the Mystery Shack's roof and some woodpecker noises in the background. Cut to inside with a closeup shot of Mabel showing a bottle of maple syrup. I swear that this show was supposed to take place in Canada. Sir Syrup with a mustached man; and Mountie Man with a yellow Mountie Hat. Again; why is this show taking place in Oregon? So they are doing the ultimate challenge which is a syrup race. Basically; tip the bottle upside down and then the first one to get the drop to land on their tongue wins. So they do it; and Mabel bangs on the bottom of the syrup bottle (CHEAT TO WIN~!) and wins; but gags anyway. Dipper is not amused; but decides to read a newspaper called Whacky News; which is basically the Weekly World News in real life. There is a redneck with a beard monster on his face and the back has a blond haired guy who has Kick Buttowski's shape with a lot of hair glaring at a crystal ball and claims to be a Child Psychic and only in Gravity Falls. You are about to meet him and I have seen a clip of him; and you are all going to really hate him sooner rather than later. Inside the pictures there is a human sized hamster ball, which Mabel is giddy since she's human sized. Apparently; there is a talking hamster, but that's too normal nowadays. Dipper points out that he is really focused on the opposite page which contains a monster photo contest which runs monthy. The prize is $1,000; and some goof with a camera captures a deranged version of Gengar from Pokemon. Dipper asks about some footage of the gnomes and Mabel claims that they only got beard hair which she kept. HAHA! Dipper is repulsed by this and I have a problem with this: Doesn't Dipper have footage of the undead zombie? Why not use that? So Stan comes in calling them knuckleheads. Speak for yourself Stan the Knucklehead! He has a newspaper and is dressed the exact same way he was at the end of the first episode where we saw an actual hexagram and a pyramid with the Eye of Providence on the floor. I even took a photo of it as evidence. The dining room looks like something in a hillbilly house complete with rack of bone ribs.

So Stan asks if they know what day it is and Mabel yells Marvel Tov. HAHA! Sadly; no as Stan whacks Dipper with the newspaper and proclaims that it's Family Fun Day as he goes into the fridge and finds a carton of milk to sniff at as he wants to bond with Dipper and Mabel; causing Dipper to act all awkward because he's insecure of himself as a person. Dipper asks about the last time they had bonding day; and we flashback to the babyfaces counterfeiting money. Yes; they were making funny money, which stopped being funny when the blue lights and sirens blared. The only thing notable about this was Stan's (I typed Stand before Stan again! Why doesn't Disney just give him the name Stand? It's not like kids don't like whacky names anyway!) continuing insecurity about presidents being women; because Dipper's Ben Franklin was alledgely looking like one. We return to reality (no, not really) as Mabel shudders because they were in the county jail. Stan admits that he hasn't done a good job being a summer caretaker, but he wants to make this family bonding experience fun. And he breaks the ice by proclaiming to put on blindfolds and get into the car. Mabel and Dipper cheer and then Dipper catches himself and looks confused because he just cheered at a joke that looks like sexual assault. At least we didn't see them blindfolded and then Dipper catching himself then. Someone get the moral guardians the scene in which Molly came out of the SeaDuck in a blindfold in Jolly Molly Christmas, STAT! Then we HIT THE OPENING~! I am watching Kim Possible again; only without lyrics. I also know that the kids are from Piedmont, California because Piedmont is on the green duffle bag Dipper was carrying. Wind meter reads What? So we start with a deer on the road. Stan's red covertte rides in and the deer is forced to hop over the fence. And then we see the kids are indeed blindfolded in the back of the car, thus proving that Stan was NOT going to assault them (unless your defintion of assault includes ruining their eardrums with bad music or bad voices).

Dipper is not liking this as Stan is indeed a bad driver as he is swaying and slamming the brakes too miss. I wonder if he had the same teacher who taught the Wuzzles how to drive. Mabel is enjoying herself with her hands as she manages to tickle behind Dipper's ears. Dipper giggles as Dipper asks if Stan is wearing a blindfold and we have our first logic break as Stan claims gleefully that he has cataracts so he might as well be. So what are the glasses for? Decoration? Really Stan? So he drives off the road and breaks through a wooden barrier (of course) and we scene change to mid morning as the babyfaces all arrive as various tree debris is on the car. They come out of the car; and Stan tells them to take their blindfolds off. The kids take the blindfolds off and we zoom out to see Stan in fishing gear because this is the opening day of fishing season in Gravity Fall's lake. There are four boats and at least four denizens up in the morning fishing including an old lady who appears to be not wearing a lifejacket. Come to think about it; only one of them is wearing a lifejacket and is standing in the water incidating that he is in shallow waters. Then we go to the pan closeup shot; and I am wrong. The old lady is wearing a lifejacket and her left eye is closed up shut. She's taunting the fishes to land into the frying pan that she is carrying. Mythbusters has to do this at some point: Will taunting the fish make them land in a frying pan? Then we pan over to a pier and we get logic break #2 as a thin man with a red fish is holding it up for a camera man wearing old country clothes and apparently; he is a reporter for some newspaper since he's wearing a stereotypical media hat. I discover that the woman with the swollen shut eye is Lazy Susan who is the same person who runs the diner. She is voiced by Jennifer Coolidge, who voiced Miss Lips in Fish Hooks. The cameraman is actually known as Toby Determined; which I love as a booking name and he is a reporter in a struggling business. That sounds like today actually.

Toby Determined is voiced by Gregg Turkington and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): He rose to prominence in the mid-1980s as the co-publisher of underground zine Breakfast Without Meat, which brought punk respectability to "square" musical artists such as Tiny Tim, Jimmy Webb, the 101 Strings, and Richard Harris through feature articles. A frequent contributor to the zine was Derrick Bostrom of the Meat Puppets. In the 1980s, Turkington also performed in obscure San Francisco bands such as Caroliner, Hello Kitty on Ice and Bean Church, and worked at Subterranean Records, contributing artwork and live recordings to Flipper's Public Flipper Limited Live 1980-1985 album. In the early 1990s, Turkington operated the Amarillo Records label, which released works by many artists from San Francisco’s burgeoning post-punk avant-garde music scene. He was a member of The Easy Goings, Totem Pole of Losers and the Zip Code Rapists (with John Singer). He collaborated with Trey Spruance of Mr. Bungle in The Three Doctors, Faxed Head, Secret Chiefs 3 and The Bon Larvis Band. Many of these bands appeared on 1996's landmark Amarillo Records compilation CD, You Gan’t Boar Like An Eabla When You Work With Turkrys, along with the likes of Sun City Girls, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, U.S. Saucer, Harvey Sid Fisher, Dieselhed, and Church of Satan founder Anton Szandor LaVey. He was also a tour manager for both Link Wray and Mr. Bungle. He contributed lead vocals to two tracks by the Secret Chiefs 3. In the late 1990s, Turkington had abandoned Amarillo Records and all of his musical projects and moved to Melbourne, Australia, where he lived until 2003. Since then, he has written the book Warm Voices Rearranged: Anagram Record Reviews with fellow Three Doctors alumnus Brandan Kearney, also of World of Pooh, Caroliner, and Archipelago Brewing Co.

He was a contributing editor to the British version of Maxim in 2005 and 2006, as well as to Johan Kugelberg's 2013 book Enjoy The Experience: Homemade Records 1958-1992. In 2005 and 2006, after ten years of inactivity, his musical duo Zip Code Rapists did a handful of reunion shows, performing in San Francisco, Saint Paul, Minnesota, Toronto, and Montreal. He has provided various voices for the animated series The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Adventure Time and Gravity Falls. A parody screenplay entitled "Bicycle Built for Two" which was co-written with Tim Heidecker was published in McSweeney's #36 in December, 2010. Turkington appears in the full-length independent drama The Comedy, directed by Rick Alverson and starring Tim Heidecker. The film premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in January, 2012. Tim Heidecker and Gregg Turkington star on Adult Swim's web series On Cinema At The Cinema, portraying a pair of hapless movie reviewers. The series has run for three seasons thus far, with guest appearances by Jimmy McNichol, Joe Estevez, Sally Kellerman, Candy Clark, and John Aprea. In 2013 the On Cinema Film Guide app was released, featuring the voices of Turkington and Heidecker reviewing over 17,000 films. He began his career with Terminal USA as Six in 1993. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and his only appearance. Hamlet ADD (Osric) and Entertainment (The Comedian) is his most recent credit. He has 22 acting credits, 16 Self credits, five writing credits, and four producer credits to his resume. Anyhow; he flashes the camera and the thin man takes a bump into the water for no business. Then we cut to a large musclar red-haired man with a lot of red hair on his arms and little in his chest. He looks like a big ass lumberjack with the Gruffi pose and his lifejacket on. Apparently; his name is Manly Dan, so he breaks a fishing rod, grabs a fish from the lake and proceeds to beat the holy living F**K out of it as the red-haired kids cheer in unison.

Oooooookkkkkkkkkaaayyyyyyyy. Manly Dad is voiced by John DiMaggio who has been in various DTVA productions since 1995! Then we pan over to a boat with another man with a mustache cheering them on like a geek. We see Stan loving this as he calls this some quality family bonding. More like quality fish bullying. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dipper asks why Stan gives a damn about family bonding all of a sudden as Stan proclaims that he wants two fishing hands because no one likes him nor trusts him. Mabel looks at Dipper and says: So he wants to fish with us. Stan puts on fishing caps as Stan (I typed Stand again!) and the hand stiching names are poorly typed and poorly sown on. Basically; Dipper, Mabel and Stan have to stay on the boat for ten hours. Lovely! He also claims that they are Pines family hats as well. So Grunkle Stan is really Stan Pines? I thought uncles didn't have the same last name as the kids. Unless the angle is that Stan is really their grandfather; which actually makes more sense anyway. Stan even brought the JOKE BOOK OF DOOM which is uncle approved called 1001 Yuk'em Ups. Well; that's a relief. If it was approved by Rhinokey, I would be asking for a refund right now. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Dipper and Mabel panic because they are kids and fishing is boring. I hate to say this; but, speaking from experience fishing is boring. So then we get a logic break as somehow, this old man manages to teleport behind the two completely different men and he has a full beard which has a band-aid on it. He looks like a hillbilly with a golden tooth and not much in the way of teeth. His right hand and wrist are bandaged as well. He is Old Man McGucket (Alex Hirsch again); as he walks without shoes and his feet are partially bandaged. He runs in and shoves tables and swipes submarine sandwiches out of people's hands. He then grabs onto a man wearing a lifejacket, sandals and a green shirt proclaims that some monster called the Gravity Falls Gobblewonker has appeared again. He then does a jig of danger which Mabel likes as a happy jig.

Old McGucket continues to panic so the ranger comes out who has the cap over his eyes and a container of Frebreeze as he sprays it all over Old McGucket, telling him to sod off and this was his last warning. We also discover that the ranger is the son of Old Man McGucket (since he called him Dad), known as Ranger McGucket. Ranger McGucket is voiced by Vernon Conrad IV and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Vernon, a native of Lubbock, Texas, studied at CalArts and worked as a storyboard artist on Ralph Bakshi's Cool World, 2 Stupid Dogs, Rocko's Modern Life, Nightmare Ned, and Morto the Magician.[3] In 1996, he joined DreamWorks, where he worked as a storyboard artist on Antz.[1] After Antz proved a success as the first animated feature film to be produced by DreamWorks Animation, Vernon signed on as a writer for Shrek, where he was responsible for the Gingerbread Man, and eventually voiced that character. He also appeared in Shrek 4-D and Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. In 2004, he made his feature film directorial debut with the Academy Award-nominated Shrek 2.[1] He voiced Mason the chimpanzee for the DreamWorks Animation films Madagascar, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted and its television series. He also provided the voice for Insectosaurus and directed the 3D animated film, Monsters vs. Aliens. He began his career in 1992 with Cool World as a visual effects animator. Nightmare Ned is his DTVA debut as a storyboard artist. Sausage Party is his most recent credit as producer and director. He has 33 acting credits, 2 producer credits, 6 animation department credits, 6 director, 7 art department credits, 5 writer credits, 3 misc credits, 1 visual effects, 5 self credits and 1 soundtrack credit to his resume. So Dad McGucket claims that he has proof and we illogically cut to in front of a dock to show a boat has been completely destroyed. Dad points to it claiming that the Gobblewonker did it. On the right side of the pier; there is a boat with a black police officer with a grey mustache and state police gear, along with a thin white guy who looks mean in a state police outfit.

Dad McGucket claims that the neck is as long as a giraffe (while pronouncing it like a southern redneck of course); and was as wrinkled as Stan. I know this because McGucket was pointing at Stan who is poking his fingers in his ears cleaning out ear wax. I do it sometimes too Stan; don't feel ashamed. Apparently; there is an island called Scuttlebutt Island which is an island in the middle of the lake with a totem pole on it. He then shakes his son McGucket proclaiming that they have to believe him. The black police officer simply looks at him and proclaims that we have a crazy man; and then everyone laughs at him except for the ranger, the old man, Mabel and Dipper. McGucket is screwed both ways as everyone leaves. The black police officer is Sheriff Blubs who is another Kevin Michael Richardson special. Stan, Dipper and Mabel look confused as Stan calls this something and then gets into the small motorboat. Dipper turns to Mabel and looks happy which Mabel responds to the donkey spittle remark the old man said. HA! Anyhow; Dipper shows her the Whacky News magazine proclaiming that they can snag a photo of this Gooblewonker and spilt the prize 50/50; to which Mabel replies that it's two 50's. HA! Dipper asks Mabel what she would buy for $500 and Mabel ponders it over. We hit the dream sequence inside the shop with a closeup shot of the $500 price tag. Zoom out as we see Mabel in a pink hamster ball looking proud of herself as a hamster watches on from a counter. Mabel is wearing a purple sweater with a heart having shades on it. The hamster wallows in defeat as Mabel rolls the hamster ball into the log wall and manages to break through. (Joey: We just fixed that wall!) Then we go into the city as a bunch of teenagers who look like they came out of a 1980's cartoon have shades on and driving a purple corvette in the street notice Mabel in the hamsterball; and somehow they are impressed and wooing Mabel who tells them that they can look; but not touch. Her; the hamsterball, or both? Mabel runs like a hamster when the light turns purple (yes; in Mabel's dreamworld, they use feminine colors in almost every sense of the wood). The two teens' glasses drop from their faces and they think it's cool. Get used to them guys...we will see them again. UP TOP~! Yeah; that phrase does mean something; but I probably don't have the episode on me right now...

I won't spoil who they are; except that one of them is voiced by the same guy who was one of Brad Buttowski's henchmen in Kick Buttowski. So we return to reality (I wish it wasn't actually) as Mabel is behind him one million percent on finding this monster. So Dipper gets behind Stan and wants a change of plans as I discover that Stan's boat is a rowboat. MONSTER HUNT~! MONSTER HUNT~! Sadly; it is declined because Stan is a boring, stupid adult. A lot less so than Mr. Mufflin; but still. Old Man McGucket comes in the chant for fun and then bails; and then a horn honks and there is a tugboat called the S.S. Cool Dude with Soos as the captain in the most ill fitting lifejacket he could find. Mabel and Soos fist bump each other and make explosion noises. Those things are deadly man; as deadly as the knee-on-knee collision in ice hockey. Explode from Mabel as Soos shows off the boat having normal boat stuff. Stan then asks if if they want to waste time on a monster hunt; or skewering worms and typing knots with Uncle Stan. Dipper and Mabel think it over while Soos is doing the robot with electronic music playing, for no reason. Stan gets banjo music while the rowboat is leaking about an inch away from a section that was previously repaired with wood and nails. Stan of course smells his arm pits as Dipper and Mabel look at Scuttlebutt Island; and they make their choice to take Soo's boat and the boat drives towards the island with Mabel saying that they made the right choice. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Stan blows them off as ingrates. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Stan? So he admires his creepy fishing lures which are so rotten that flies are attracted to them. He closes the tackle box in disgust and then we cut to the front of the S.S. Cool Dude with Dipper propping his leg onto the metal railing and liking this trip already. Soos raises the anchor which is a chain with a cinder block tied to it. Mabel raises the flag which is a purple/pink blanket with the sun wearing purple shades and it says Fun above it. So the DUDES WITH ATTITUDE ride towards the island as they are going to win the photo contest and find the Gooblewonker. However; Soos asks for sunscreen and the boat turns around and returns as they will be getting sunscreen. BS&P RULEZ you know! Cut to a shot below the sea as there is a shadow of a monster coming out growling and that ends the segment seven minutes in. Fun; but nothing really outstanding thus far.

After the commercial break; we cut to Dipper pacing which I assume is the docks; but he is on the boat giving Mabel and Soos the dreaded PEP TALK OF DEATH as he asks what is the first major problem when dealing with monsters and Soos responds by saying that you are a side character and die within the first five minutes of the movie. Good; this show can say die. Soos then asks if he's a side character and of course Dipper proclaims that it's camera trouble and references the always massive problem of cameras screwing the photo ops for Bigfoot. So Soos plays Bigfoot and Dipper basically cosplays the entire thing that can be explained in ten seconds. So he has bought 17 disposable cameras; with two in his ankle, three in his jacket, three in a bag, four for each of them and one in his hat because he will not miss this. Those things cost $300-$600 in price for all 17 of them, so in essence, they are only going to make $200-$700 in profit; spilt three ways would be $65-$235 for Dipper. That doesn't sound like a great investment to me. So Dipper does the dumbest thing possible: He wants them to test out the camera and they lose at least four of them with Mabel throwing one of them at a seagull, two thrown out by Soos; and one of them drops into the water when Soos invokes the Xenon Flash Of Death on himself. So we are down to 13 cameras; and Dipper orders them not to lose them...and he slams his fist into one on the cooler bringing down to a dozen. Mabel teases throwing five more overboard; so Dipper panics. Mabel is on lookout, Soos takes the steering wheel and Dipper is captain. To which I reply: Of course. Mabel takes offense to it and chants her name like the Rock. So she asks to be co-captain and Dipper doesn't think this is a good idea. I swear that sometimes; he sounds like Justin Roiland doing Oscar's voice in Fish Hooks (and apparently Justin is an additional voice in this episode). So Mabel "unintentionally throws" a camera into the bay to bring it down to 11; and Dipper panics. Dipper makes her co-captain and Mabel authorizes Soos as associate captain. Okay; at least this makes sure that Soos is not a side characters, and it makes him happy

Dipper says whatever and wants to deal with the first order is to lure the Gooblewonker out with a barrel of fish food which comes out of nowhere. So Soos asks premission to taste the fish food, both kids agree. Soos licks the fish food and gags; causing the kids to laugh at him for being stupid. That was cute as we zoom out to see Stan fishing and blowing off the kids as traitors. Then he notices a dark skinned couple which I discover that one of them is Reginald with the brown hair opening a box containing a diamond ring. Didn't we already see a marriage preposal in the last episode I ranted on? Save this for five or six episodes down the road and it has more impact if you want to redo the spot. The purple haired women is Rosanna (Rosanna is voiced by Grey DeLise who voiced Brianna Buttowski in Kick Buttowski; while Reggie is voiced by Will Friedle who voiced Ron Stoppable in Kim Possible) and they are on a rowboat. So Reggie starts the marriage preposal as Rosanna has tears brimming from her eyes which Stan comes in to promptly ruin this as he wants to tell jokes. If it involves them; then Stan can sod off. If not; Stan can sod off slightly less. Stan makes a joke about his ex-wife and her aim is getting better. This is even worse than the two suggestions earlier. SOD OFF TIMES INFINITY STAN~! Who do you think you are, Stan from American Dad? The couple embrace and feel unconfrontable beyond belief. I lost a lot of respect from you Stan. You went from mere jealous con man; to sexist "get this guy off my planet" con man within thirty seconds. Stan proclaims that marriage is terrible and this causes Rosanna to stop hugging and Reggie rows away as both look disgusted. At least their reaction to it is much better than the gag they do with the bribe in Kick Buttowski in that Rosanna has the Gruffi Pose on; but she has her back turned away from Stan, so it's clear that she doesn't hate Reggie. But this relationship might still be on the rocks. Still not funny though as we go into the fog with the S.S. Cool Dude as Soos is shoveling fish food amist the debris, Dipper is watching and Mabel is putting words into a pelican's mouth with a deep voice to accent it. HA!

Dipper blows off Mabel's treatment of the pelican in which the pelican claims that he minds none. Yeah I'll bet. Mabel wastes some more time for my pleasure as she drinks a glass of water and the Pelican sings Twinkle, twinkle little star while Mabel gags on water. Mabel has some sort of problem with her windpipe if she's gagging on mere water. There is a lot of fog as Dipper blows her off for not doing her job; so Mabel responds by yelling look out and throwing a volleyball which hits Dipper hard on the shoulder. HAHA! Then the boat ground and goes about 30 degrees into the air. Mabel takes this as being a lookout genius; which is more like a lookout funny woman; which is even better. So the babyfaces disembark and Soos brings the gas lantern as we see the island is poorly drawn, which seems to make this feel cheaper than it should. So we head into the forest on the island as Dipper has the gas lantern now and Soos and Mabel look at a tree which has the name Scuttlebutt Island; and a sign posted on the ground which reads beware. Beware of fart jokes? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If that is the case; at least this show is warning us beforehand. I just wish they did that gag at the beginning of every episode, just to mock the old farts. Case In point: Soos covers the Scuttle part of Scuttlebutt Island and Mabel calls him a rapscallion. Does Mabel love pirate talk? I hope so. Dipper is not amused and Mabel mocks him for being scared which Dipper no sells with the Gruffi pose. I agree for once; Dipper looks pissed off more than anything else. Mabel decides to really piss him off more by throwing raspberries and poking at Dipper's nose. BEEP! More poking the cap, and Dipper protests this outrage. Then we hear a growling sound in the background which ends this funny BS; Soos comes in asking about it. Mabel thinks it's Soo's stomach; but Soo claims that his stomach makes whale noises. And as Mabel listens to it; it does make whale noises. Mabel calls it majestic. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Dipper somehow dropped the lantern out of nowhere and a rat steals it and runs away into the fog. BAD!

Dipper complains that they cannot see in the fog and I was waiting with baited breath to see Mabel do her hand feeling spot again on Dipper; just to make him change his mind. I just realized that this didn't happen and the guy who was cheering in the second rowboat with Manly Dan when he beat the fish into fish burger is Tyler who is voiced by Will Forte who voiced Gordon Gibble in Kick Buttowski. Soos proclaims that this seems to be not worth it as Dipper blows it off and we hit the sequence to a news roundtable which looks more wooden than Dipper trying to channel Indiana Jones. The grey haired announcer in a black suit is voiced by Chris Parnell who I have heard as an announcer in Fish Hooks before. So basically; this is Dipper Pines' absurd fantasy of succeeding in getting that damn picture of the Gooblewonker, which we have yet to see on this show outside of a shadow that showed nothing of note. Yeah; there was a photo of Stan looking in the fridge with his back turned and Dipper was happy to ditch the old man. And after seeing him in the previous segment he was in; he made the right choice as the announcer gives him a metal for his work and apparently; this is really MABEL's fantasy because she breaks down the wall and protests this outrage as she is fly infested and in the hamsterball looking pissed off. She then rolls towards the announcer and Dipper as both males flee like a bunch of scalded dogs. So we return to reality (Oh crap...) as Mabel and Dipper are still in this monster hunt. They run stage left and Soos runs in far behind as we scene change to a closeup shot of a rat hanging from a dead tree with it's tail. So we pan up to see the babyfaces walking in the background as Soos is making beat box noises while Mabel is rapping which is hilarious in itself; but she is rhyming on every sentence with the most nonsensial words possible. Dipper has a disposable camera with him (remember that they have 11 of them left?) as he invokes the legal hand of god to stop them. Pan shot of the trees and growling noises; and then we see birds flying away from the trees far away as Dipper proclaims that this is it twice.

Dipper and Mabel play punch on their shoulder as they walk away going yes about 20 times as Soos finds a sharpened log of wood which looks like a badly formed pencil. So they run towards the sound and they see a Lapras in the lake. They hide behind a dead log and turn on the cameras as one of them hisses from Mabel's. Then they jump out of the log and snap photos over and over and over again, only when we zoom into the lake we discover that it's a wooden ship shaped to look like a loch ness monster (which the Gooblewonker is supposed to be shooting for anyway) with a lot of beavers on it. It has sunk and so has the $1000. So we waste more time listening to the beavers squeak and we get subtitles talking about cavorting and hugging each other causing one of the beavers to turn into a statue and drop dead into the water. The babyfaces are on the rocks as Soos is still taking snapshots; while Dipper asks about the noise. So we pan over to a log about ten feet away as a beaver is chomping on a chainsaw which is trying to start; but chokes in every single way. Where was BS&P when we really need them?! Soos takes snapshots of it because a beaver chomping a chainsaw is funny to him, I guess. Dipper and Mabel sulk and deduce that the old man McGucket is a crazy bastard after all; which apparently, Mabel figured out when he said "scrab-doodle". That amused me. Dipper sighs, Soos takes pictures and of course we have to scene change back to Sexist Stan on the rowboat as he is telling someone secret tricks in threading the fishing line. I discover that it's a red haired boy who is fat and looks like Dipper, which causes Stan to pet him on the head, as we pan out we discover that it's Hank and his wife in the same rowboat with the Dipper look-alike; so it must be their son. Hank's wife is pissed and threatens the police on Stan if he doesn't leave. Hank is just as pissed and rightfully so. SOD OFF STAN; you child molester! Stan takes the boat out which is a motor boat by the way; and the wife tells him to go bother his own kids. I am hating Stan so much right now that it's killing the buzz of the episode in general.

So we return with Soos using a beaver on a tree stump for modeling and shooting photos with the disposable camera. Dipper is on a "rock" as he throws rocks into the lake proclaiming that he now has to tell Stan that they ditched him over nothing. Considering what kind of man Stan has become at this point; I'm fully behind Dipper now. So then Dipper drops into the lake with a splash and then has to get out as there is a lump moving around the lake now complete with growling noises. Dipper gets his camera and starts snapping photos at the lump, and then orders Soos and Mabel to join in. Mabel and Soos no sell and panic because then the Gooblewonker rises from the water with it's evil eyes while Dipper's back is turned. Soos and Mabel try to warn him; but Dipper is more concerned about giving instructions on working a camera. Dipper turns around and he looks at the monster through the camera. Dipper panics and everyone bails stage right. Dipper drops another camera; so we are down to nine cameras now. Scooby-Doo chase sequence ensues as Dipper rolls with Mabel to avoid down trees. Dipper and Mabel run with Soos as Dipper takes the camera and snaps photos of the monster; but trips on a tree root out of nowhere and loses the camera (8 left). Dipper panics about this but Soos grabs him before he can protest this with Mabel hugging him from the back. Soos tells him to look on the bright side since he still has the pictures of the beavers, which Dipper blows off harshly. So the monster attempts to chomp at the babyfaces and as soon as it does a closeup of it's face directly to the hard camera, that ends the segment 14 and a half minutes in. I don't want to see anymore Stan segments; I really don't. It one thing to be a senile old man who is boring and stupid; but once you bring in sexism and creepy child cruelity into it, Stan is officially worse than Monty, if that is humanly possible.

After the commercial break; we see the babyfaces run onto the boat and all Soos has to do to get the boat afloat is to tip it to the other side. That made me laugh. So the monster follows as Dipper brings out camera #10; and it has a cracked lens. Wait; it only has a cracked lens; so just take the picture and take your chances with it. At least you'll have actual evidence instead of what McGucket would have....nothing. Soos then throws camera at the monster causing Dipper to be absolutely horrifed at him. Soos takes the final camera out and then throws it at Dipper as it smashes into the side of the cabin destroying it. Wanna bet that there will be one camera left and a logic break before this episode is over. Prove me wrong writers, prove me wrong! So we do the chase scene with Soos running the ship and Dipper yelling to go, go, go...NO! NO! NO! He didn't mean: Go Go Go Back To Stan you bastards! So Stan is fixing his fishing line as he yells mollycoddling in the process. So we zoom out to see an old father in glasses with an orange white hat in a boat with two kids who look like Mabel and Dipper if they were half their ages. I just realized that Stan's boat is called the Stanowar. War torn indeed! So the kids are cute as he loves his dad. Ah! My heart melted...and then Stan (I typed Stand again) blows them off and boos at them. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GRUNPKLE STAN?! The adult blows him off and pumps his fists in outrage; as the little boy claims that Stan has no one to "wuv" him. Now that is a SHOOT comment BRUTHA~! So then the Cool Dude races inbetween the two boats; and the monster basically causes so many waves; that both boats get overwhelmed and somehow, Stan's boat doesn't get cap sized, nor spring leaks; but the other boat did. Damn; I hate krama sometimes! Stan is pissed off in so many ways; and he can go pound sand for all I care! Chase scene continues as they head for the wooden serpent with beavers on it; crash into it and the Cool Dude rains beavers.

Biting ensues; Soos takes one in the face and runs around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Banjo music plays; Mabel takes the wheel which is made of a chain leftover from the USWA days. There is a hook and fishing line for no reason. Chase is still going on. Still a million times better than going to Stan and his perverse actions; so I'm fine with this. Obstacle course spot ensues; monster swamps all the boats in a really kick ass spot that saw most of the denizens doing flips into the water. Screaming ensues; and no one says "I'm okay" here. Good for them! Cut to Manly Dan putting a fish in a headlock. When this toxic manly man is more enlightened than Grunkle Stan; you know Stan is a horrible character. Kids cheer him on; and I betcha Tyler is also involved in this like a goofball. Boat gets swamped and they tumble into the water. Dan Manly (that should be his booking name from now on) pops up with the kids and the fishs fall on their heads, and they all bail because the fish are seeking revenge on them! Great spot and payoff! See how simple it is when you actually use your brains writers? So the chase goes on for a while longer as half of the S.S. Cool Dude is destroyed and Soos manages to finally pry the beaver from his head..Oh wait; he doesn't as they shatter a pane of glass held by two fishers in two boats. That was so random that it wasn't funny. At least they went through the glass face first which is the first time since Ducktales that this has happened. Soos is still trying to pry the beaver from his face; and on the FPS shot; Soos clearly is holding onto it as a work. They are heading straight for a waterfall; only they are on the bottom of the waterfall instead of the top. I can guess the next spot without looking at the footage. You see; this is Gravity Falls right? There is a waterfall and the babyfaces are on the bottom of the waterfall. So logically; if they want to pay off the title, the boat is going to ride UP the waterfall with ease because Gravity Falls is so weird that down is up.

Nope; Dipper consults the book of doom, and there is supposed to be a cave in the waterfall as the babyface embrace hitting the rocks in front of the falls, but it manages to magically avoid them despite going straight at them full bore! So they enter the cave and the boat nails the shoreline flipping the babyfaces into the air; and they land face first into the sand with good bumps. Soos manages to lose his lifejacket and his green shirt in the process. Thankfully; the lifejacket is still there; but the green shirt is buried in the sand. The babyfaces get up as they embrace each other for the monster to ram into the cave; but the monster is too fat and is stuck which Mabel gleefully points out. The babyfaces all run to the cliff as the serpent's neck tries to chomp the babyfaces and fails. Dipper tries to find a camera; but he has none left; so Mabel steals the cap and says boo as the final camera is in his hat. Dipper takes photos over and over and over again as he celebrates with Mabel as Mabel can smell that hamsterball coming. Then some debris from the ceiling nails the monster and there is metal sounds and a electrical spark causing Dipper to ask what the hell is going on? Dipper jumps onto the serpent and crawls up the side to find a wheel attached to a panel that looks like a door. Yip; this serpent is a fake as Dipper opens the door after the babyfaces get on and we see a lot of red light and computers being used by Old Man Grucket. Hey Vinny; I found one TNA fan who can use computers. Dipper looks horrified as he asks why and McGrucket finally stammers and notices that he is had. Well; what a shock? This is like a Ducktales episode now as the old man admitted that he wanted attention. Dipper asks why and the Old Man goes over how he created the sea monster using the most redneck terminlogy he can stuff in a thirty second promo. Mabel is not thrilled to hear this; but she wants to know why McGrucket went through all this trouble in the first place. Well; the old man takes off the hat and confesses that he did this to gain the attention of his son who is Ranger McGrucket; the one with the Febreeze container he used to spray on the old man earlier.

You see; the ranger doesn't like his dad and shuts window blinds on him anytime the old man wants to show him something. So he created the robot monster like a mad scientist; only he's a redneck. Ponder that one for a while. McGrucket only wanted some quality time with his son and Dipper and Mabel look at the hats Stan gave and Soos just comes out and calls the two kids monsters basically. Compared to Stan, Soos? Dipper's hat is called Dippy of course. No wonder Dipper doesn't like Stan then. So Mabel asks about telling his son how he feels and McGrucket admits that he was too busy building robots. Geez; I wonder why the ranger doesn't like him. I mean creating a homicial Pterodactyl robot just to get back at his wife for leaving him. Really sir? By the way; the newspaper he shown is called The Gossip; which the moto is: Now with less typos! The newspaper wants you to know that you will get less typos in your fact free newspaper. That one amused me. So he also created a Shame-Bot because some dude named Ernie didn't appear at some retirement party no one cares about. So we get the pause of doom; and then the old man drops down and is working on a death ray. He also asks the kids for a screwdriver and I assume they gave him one as this episode is just there now. Dipper feels down and upset about losing the contest; and Mabel states that he does have one roll of film left. Dipper asks what is the point of this? And then we have to scene change back to Stan in the rowboat as the remains of the Cool Dude drive in beside it. Wait; how did the boat get out of the cave? Wasn't the Gobblewonker robot stuck in the only exit in the cave? Bad form there guys! So Stan is yelling at the kids and Mabel and Dipper admit that they were dinosaur hunting; and Mabel proclaims that she want to spend time with Stan the dinosaur. Stan blows this off as fake sympathy claiming that he had a great time without them; and even got to wear an ankle bracelet because he's a perverted con man you see. Again; why should Mabel and Dipper care about him now? I know I hate his guts now. Dipper asks the question of getting on board and Stan pretty much falls for it because he's already in enough trouble as it is. So he lets them on board and accepts Dipper bet on fishline threading, while Mabel ups the ante in HIS favor. Nice one Mabel.

The kids are wearing the caps as apparently; the felt shaped L from Mabel manages to stay on now. Dipper brings out the camera and they take snapshots while Mabel waves, and of course Soos is too big and we see his bare chest. I should also note that Stan did ask him about it; but it's a long story. Please tell me less! Still a better body than Stan; so I'm fine with it. So we see Mabel doing the Guess Who spot Kit did to Baloo in Stormy Weather with Stan trying to thread the fishing line; then a photo of Stan telling jokes and Dipper is the only one not liking it. So we get fishing legit and stealing fish from the old man with the Dipper/Mabel lookalikes; and then being chased by the police. Whatever. So here's what happens after the log cabin background photos: The boat bumps something and goes into the air. The babyface ask who it is and Dipper claims that it's nothing. The boat rides away and then we go under the lake as a camera falls and we see the Gobblewonker eat the camera. Yes; the real one and then we go to the ED. Before I do; there was a worker on the show and Worker #1 is voiced by Horatio Sanz and according to IMDB: Horatio Sanz was born on June 4, 1969, in Santiago, Chile, and raised in Chicago, Illinois. He was one of the Upright Citizen Brigade's founding members and performed with Chicago's Second City comedy troupe. When he joined the cast of Saturday Night Live (1975) as a featured player at the beginning of the 24th season (September 26, 1998), he became the long-running sketch comedy show's first Latino cast member. He appeared along with fellow featured players Jimmy Fallon and Chris Parnell, and after only one season, the three were promoted to cast members. On the show, Horatio played the characters Frankie Hilbert on the sketch "Boston Teens", pothead Gobi on the recurring sketch "Jarret's Room", and A/V teacher Mr. Banglian on "Wake Up, Wakefield." Horatio has had many minor but memorable roles in movies since 1994.

However, his big break came in 2003 with his first starring role in the movie Boat Trip (2002), in which he appeared along with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Vivica A. Fox. He continued to star on Saturday Night Live (1975) until 2007. He began his career as an Orderly on Miracle On 34th Street in 1994. Filmore is his DTVA debut as Jr. Commissioner Dutch Vallejo. A Better You as Hugo is his most recent credit. He has 55 acting credits, 30 Self credits and one producer/writing credit (Pretend Time) to his resume. So here's what happens: Mabel is playing with the pelican again using it to tell jokes. Dipper blows it off as the pelican joke is why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant. Answer: because he has a very big bill. If it wasn't for Mabel's awesome deep voice; this would be a stupid joke. Dipper blows it off and doesn't care and that ends the episode at 21:32. The main plot was a predictable; and fine experience with a number of funny moments from Mabel. However; once the finish came around, the joke on quality time was dead because the Stan segments were godawful and I just wanted Stan to die after he acted like a pervert in front of everyone. Call this ** 1/2 (50%) ; because I'm generous. Mabel did a good job making sure this episode wasn't a thumbs down.


THE REVIEW LINE

Well; we collapsed in the second episode of this series. The whole idea of the Loc Ness Monster thing has been done to death; and that main plot of it was all right. Mabel made it funny enough to enjoy for me at least; and took some of the pain away from the quality of the episode as there would many logic breaks in this one, and Stan in general repulsed me like no other. I felt sorry that Mabel and Dipper had to go back and have quality time with him because he acted like a pervert throughout this episode. I should have realized this when he did the blindfold spot; but I saw that in Jolly Molly Christmas, so it fooled me. Dipper and Soos were perfectly acceptable, Manly Dan was great, Old Man McGucket was actually good as a crazy man until the finish with the robot Gobblewonker and then we went into crazy beyond repair and I lost sympathy for him afterwards. This made the ending of this look contrived and forced ; and rendered the lesson moot because Stan is a pervert and McGucket is too crazy, thus making Dipper, Mabel and Soos' decision to ditch Stan to be totally justified. Overall; this was an episode Mabel carried on her back kicking and screaming. So the next two episodes will be next week. So....

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.

 

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