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Gravity Falls: The Inconveniencing

Reviewed: 11/01/2014

The Inconvenience Of Having To Hate G-Rated Rap Music!

So after the epic saga of the very first meeting between Gideon Gleeful and the Pines kids we head for the next filler episode as Dipper wants to go to a haunted convenient store with Wendy and her teenage friends in proving to her that he is mature. This cannot end well for Mabel as Mabel tags along in order to taunt Dipper for being in love with Wendy somehow. Let's rant on shall we....?!

The Inconveniencing is written by Alex "Clamantha" Hirsch and Michael Rianda. Storyboards were done by Tyler Chen and Mark Gracia; while direction is done by Joe Pitt and Aaron Springer. Joe Pitt's resume: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres, The Chestnut Tree, Pups of Liberty, The Princess & The Frog, Wreck-It-Ralph, Winnie The Pooh 2011 edition, this show and Wonder Over Yonder. That's it. Aaron Springer's according to Wikipedia: He is best known for his work on the Nickelodeon animated series SpongeBob SquarePants. Springer has collaborated with animation veterans like Genndy Tartakovsky, Paul Rudish, Stephen Hillenburg, and John Kricfalusi. He created numerous pilots for Cartoon Network and Adult Swim that never made it to series. Aaron's cartoons are unique for their inclusion of extended gags, anthropomorphism, and off-model poses. He began his career as an intern for Cats Don't Dance in 1997. He also worked on Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack, Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Sunday Pants, Korgoth of Barbaria, Bojork Volumen, A Kitty Bobo Show, and a few other shorts. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and also worked on the Mickey Mouse 2013 edition. That's about it. Animation was done by Rough Draft.

We begin this one at the Mystery Shack with a goat bleating on the roof. And it's now Mystery Hack which makes sense when you consider that two episodes ago, the S in Shack fell from the roof during the Wax Holmes Vs. Dipper fight. Cut to inside the gift shop with Wendy doing nothing, Dipper reading the mystery book of three and Mabel is sitting on top of the globe spinning around. Yeah! Mabel is wearing the cyan blue with a rainbow and a musical note today. Dipper is asking Mabel if she believes in ghosts. Don't the wax figures that were melted in the fireplace count as ghosts? Mabel proclaims that she believes that Dipper is a big dork. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Dipper uses the pencil to stop the globe and Mabel takes a back bump off the counter. Okay; so as long as Dipper doesn't physically touch Mabel, man on woman violence is perfectly okay in this cartoon. In comes Stan who yells for Wendy and Soos. Soos panics and runs forward; as I see that Disney has clamped down hard on the hexagram seen in the first episode. The pentacle and Eye of Providence are still legal though, as is the crescent moon and star. Soo's question mark looks smeared as Stan simply tells them to clean the bathrooms while he is away. Soos agrees, Wendy salutes him and refuses. Stan doesn't care about this disobeying and simply walks out and closes the door. Well; Soos agreed to it, so who cares if Wendy refuses right? So Wendy goes over to a wall where there is a green curtain which has patches of stars on it, and opens it to reveal a wooden ladder to the roof. Soos questions this because Mr. Pines wouldn't approve of that. So yes folks; Uncle Stan is really Mabel and Dipper's grandfather in reality. Wendy blows him off and climbs up to the roof with Mabel and Dipper chanting with her. So they climb onto the roof and go to a platform containing a look off with a lawn chair and a cooler which reads COOL in black letters. That was cute.

There is a bucket of pine cones (symbolic eh?) and the kids throw it at a totem pole containing a red/white circular painted target. Wendy throws one that hits the bullseye; while the kids miss by a mile. One of Dipper's throws nails a green car which somehow causes the alarm system to blare. Wendy loves this and wants a high five from Dipper and Dipper leaves her hanging...for ten seconds as he gives it to her. Then a blue station wagon appears and a brown arm sticks out as he speaks to Wendy to get down here. Disney Captions actually gives away the voice as Thompson who is voiced by Michael Rianda. Wendy rolls her eyes before asking the kids about telling Stan about this. Considering that Stan didn't respond to you refusing to clean the bathrooms; I don't think he cares as long as you don't do anything too stupid even by his low standards. Dipper and Wendy do a non-verbal cue of zipping their lips; and then Wendy jumps down and rides on the pine trees (symbolic again?) and then jumps onto the ground. There is heavy metal music playing in the car as Wendy runs into the car, the door closes and she leaves as we hear someone else. Disney Captions claims that it's Nate who is voiced by Scott Menville and according to the Gravity Falls Wikia: His first role came in 1979 in an episode of Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo. He is perhaps best known as Robin on Teen Titans, Lloyd Irving on Tales of Symphonia, Freddy Flintstone on The Flintstone Kids (taking over the role from Lennie Weinrib), and Ma-Ti on Captain Planet and the Planeteers. He also voiced Jonny Quest on The New Adventures of Jonny Quest and Quicksilver on The Super Hero Squad Show. Menville is also a musician. He was the bassist for the Southern California rock band Boy Hits Car, which released three albums until he left the band in 2006. He was with the band since their founding. Menville has also participated in non-voice acting roles.

He appeared in Ernest Goes to Camp as Crutchfield, and had recurring roles on Full House as Kimmy Gibbler's boyfriend Duane, and on The Wonder Years as Wayne's best friend Wart. Recently, he did the voices of Metamorpho in Batman: The Brave and the Bold and JT on Ben 10: Alien Force. The Little Mermaid the series is his DTVA debut and also appeared on The Buzz On Maggie, The 7D (Sneezy), and Randy Cunningham: Ninth Grade Ninja (Buckey Hensletter). Teen Titans GO as Robin and TMNT Nickelodeon Edition as Crankshaw are his most recent credits. He has 180 acting credits and 16 ADR credits (Ruby Sparks, Knocked Up, The Hangover, Paper Man, Bruno, Warrior, Wild Things 2 and Tinker Bell among others) to his resume. Dipper has the guilty smile look and Mabel play punches him accusing him of being in love. HAHA! Dipper blows it off and states that he merely thinks that Wendy is cool. He then proclaims that it is not like he is awaken at night just thinking about her. Then we get a sky shot of Dipper in bed without his shoes and hat thinking about her. Martial arts zoom in of Dipper's face and he says uh-oh. HAHA! That is actually great subtly by the writers there as they cued in the audience that he might actually be thinking about her and Mabel was right. WE HIT THE OPENING~! We head back to the Mystery Hack as Mabel is inside the living room on the closeup and she screams "Random Dance Party For No Reason". And then for no reason whatsoever, Wendy is back as Mabel turns on the boom box (which at least looks different from the one in Deadman's Drop) and they DANCE! DANCE! DANCE TO THEIR DOOM... HEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Dipper is watching and writing something on the clipboard that he's holding; and he's looking at Wendy as if he has teenagers on the brain. I know this because it reads on the clipboard: I'm pretending to write something. That was great.

More dancing as Wendy wants Dipper to join in; which Dipper no sells because he sucks at dancing. Mabel begs to differ because his mother dresses him up as a lamb and he does the lamby. Please for the love of life; show us Dipper doing the lamby dance so everyone can make an animated GIF of it! Wendy is liking this as Mabel shows a picture of Dipper at age five...BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dipper is sitting down in a lamb costume on a green chair next to a block letter b while Mabel explains that he would sing songs about grazing. Dipper does the zip lip spot which has a cuckoo clock sound dubbed in. HAHA! Finally; proper use of sound effects in a cartoon that is actually funny. No blinking eyes sound crap for a change. And there was a cuckoo clock in the background to boot! This show actually thinks almost everything through. You swear Alex was watching TaleSpin or something. Wendy proclaims that it's six o'clock and it's quitting time; as the gang is waiting for her. Okay; so the martial arts zoom in was at night. That makes sense actually. Dipper cuts her off and asks if she would allow him to come with her. Wendy isn't so sure because her friends are intense you see as she asks how old they are and Dipper lies that they are both 13 years old and thus teens from a techincal sense. Wendy shrugs her shoulders and lets them come along as she goes to get her stuff. She walks out and Mabel questions this grow spurt as a leap year. Dipper explains that he just wants to hang out with the cool kids and lying is the way to do it. Mabel then mocks Dipper as she invokes the pointy finger of death; circling around him accusing of being in love. Dipper then does the "made you look spot" and Mabel falls for it causing Dipper to throw her hair from the back of her head to the front of her head; making her look like Cousin It if he was miusing the scissors. Mabel sticks out her tongue and spits to protest this outrage. Sigh.

So we head outside with Wendy's teenage friends as they look like the biggest losers ever. One of them is upside down and has a bare belly as one of them (who looks like an emo on par with Razor Von Doom from Fish Hooks) is throwing jellybeans or M&M's right into the belly button. Considering that this show has refrained from excessive fart jokes; you sometimes have to do something like this to prevent Disney from thinking that the writers don't give a crap about their focus group kids. Anyhow; the black haired thin one is Robbie and the fat one is Thompson as you heard his voice before. Robbie is voiced by TJ Miller and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Miller described learning about his arteriovenous malformation on his right frontal lobe on the Pete Holmes podcast You Made It Weird on October 28, 2011. He became more philosophical, narrated his behaviors, and was unable to sleep while filming Yogi Bear (2010) in New Zealand. His brain surgery was successful, though there was a 10% chance of fatality.[1] Miller appears frequently as a member of the "round table" on Chelsea Lately. He appeared as Marmaduke Brooker in the TV series Carpoolers which ran for 13 episodes on ABC in 2007-2008. He portrays Robbie V. on the Disney channel cartoon Gravity Falls. On December 13, 2010, October 28, 2011, and June 14, 2012 he performed stand-up on Conan. On November 15, 2011, T. J. Miller's stand-up special "No Real Reason" premiered on Comedy Central.[2] In 2011, he hosted a special called Mash Up, which was picked up in 2012 for a full season by Comedy Central.[3] Mash Up premiered to rave reviews. Miller starred in Fox TV series The Goodwin Games as Jimmy Goodwin.[4] In Miller's film debut, Cloverfield, he appeared onscreen for only a few minutes, but his voice was heard in almost every scene as the character who videotaped most of the events depicted.

In 2009, he played Cessna Jim in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard. and the dim-witted grindcore musician Rory in Mike Judge's comedy Extract. In 2010, he co-starred in She's Out of My League as Stainer, provided the voice of Tuffnut in the animated film How to Train Your Dragon (both which starred Jay Baruchel), played Brian the Concierge in Get Him to the Greek and appeared in a supporting role in the film Unstoppable. He also played Dan in Gulliver's Travels, released in December 2010. Miller played the supporting character of Ranger Jones in the live-action Yogi Bear 2010 film.[5] Unlike his character on the cartoon show, he is "dumb-but-not-in-a-funny-way," according to the Buffalo News.[6] Miller was cast in the part after two auditions; as a joke, he sent Warner Bros. an improvised video audition with an actual bear, though he had already been offered the part before they received it.[7][8] In 2011, he appeared in the film Our Idiot Brother. He also had a cameo as administrative personnel for Rolling Stone in the 2012 film Rock of Ages. Miller is set to star in the upcoming movie Search Party alongside Adam Pally. This film serves as the directorial debut of frequent Todd Phillips cohort Scot Armstrong.[9] In May 2013, Miller was cast in 2014 Michael Bay film Transformers: Age of Extinction.[10] In March 2014, Miller will be the of Fred in the upcoming superhero CGI film Big Hero 6.[11] On September 12, 2011, Miller released a comedy rap concept album titled, The Extended Play E.P. The album features comedians Bo Burnham, Doug Benson, Pete Holmes and hip-hop artists Ugly Duckling and Johnny Polygon.[12] In 2012, Miller released The Extended Play E.P. Illegal Art Remix Tape.[13] Also in 2012, Miller released "Mash Up Audiofile" on Comedy Central Records to mixed reviews.[14]

He began his career as Marmaduke Brooker in Carpoolers in 2007. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Hell & Back (Augie), How To Train Your Dragon 2 (Tuffnut), Search Party (Jason), Silicon Valley (Erlich) and Transformers: Age of Extinction (Lucas) are his most recent credits. He has 51 acting credits, 26 Self credits and 8 writing/producer credits to his resume. The green haired one with the thumbs up T-shirt is Lee (same voice as Thompson), and the guy with the skull t-shirt and Dipper's hat is Nate as mentioned earlier. So the one with the pink/purple punk hair and cellphone (who actually has some sense of shame) is Tambry who is voiced by the same person as Penelope in Kick Buttowski. Wendy comes out with the kids and Nate and Lee chant her name while dropping Thompson on his head for fun. Nice one Thompson. Thompson at least has a shirt to put back on as Wendy introduces Mabel and Dipper. Mabel breaks the ice by showing her pink gum chewed up like a brain on her tongue. This is not one of Mabel's finer episodes. Dipper claims that she doesn't do first impressions, but he does. Nate and Lee do Gruffi poses and no one is impressed. What a shocker?! Dipper sweats like an idiot who comes from the Oscar school of sweating. Robbie has his guitar which is black in color with a dark sword symbol on it; as he asks Robbie if she is babysitting them. Wendy introduces the gang as Lee gives the ELBOW OF DEATH to Nate and Nate's selling is ultra goofy. Tambry is distracted by the cell phone; but still says hello. Thompson is introduced as the guy who ate a ran over whaffle for 50 cents; implying that Thompson would eat anything and Thompson takes exception to that. I agree with Thompson; even I wouldn't do that crap. Bellybuster donairs for $20; yes. Run-over whaffles for 50 cents, forget about it. Robbie has two pimples on his chin when introduced. We then discover that he sprayed painted red an explosion on the water tower as Dipper confuses it with a giant muffin. And really; how could he be not confused after showing it clear as day. That is good humor actually in spite of the obvious vandalism.

Still better than the Mighty Ducks though. At least Robbie's vandalism can be cleaned off; or even painted over. Nate and Lee take Dipper side and snicker about it as they do have a point there. Robbie holds his breath in shame as Dipper looks like he is about to get spanked for speaking out of turn. Wendy tells them to hurry into the car and they all get in as Robbie is riding shotgun and tells Dipper to get lost. Dipper gets into the back with Mabel as Wendy, Nate and Lee get the middle. Thompson is the driver and he warns him that his mother has informed them to stop punching the roof. She's more concerned about punching the roof; then seeing written messages and drawing on top of the roof; including one that says: Die laughing! Call me! So they chant his name and punch the roof; as I am now watching a G-rated version of the Simpsons. So the van drives out with a sign that says: Come Back Now! That made me laugh. Mabel is in the backseat as she vandalizes the side of the thing in marker by crossing out the "You stink!" message and have it say "You Look Nice Today" and the "I" in nice has a heart dot. Awww! My heart melted so much that even I can overlook the sadness in me that Mabel vandalized the car. I don't care what the old farts say; still better than Mighty Ducks. Dipper takes offense to this so Mabel taunts him and then is about to scream that Dipper wants Wendy to be his girlfriend. She tries to scream "girlfriend" as we zoom out and then close up to Dipper covering her mouth right on cue. Dipper's hand gets tickled because Mabel licked it afterwards; and he protests this. So then we head back to the Mystery Hack BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as Stan has somehow returned and is watching television in his man cave so to speak. He's watching a black and white movie called The Duchess Approves which Stan blows off because it's on the B&W Period Piece Old Lady Boring Movie Channel. How this gets any ratings is beyond me. Stan of course is a lazy ass con man because he's yelling for Dipper and Mabel to get the remote for him and he refuses to stand up. I'm so used to the adult being stupid and lazy and boring, so I cannot get angry at this...

Now if you think the names of Fanboy & Chum Chum, Buhdeuce & Sway Sway among others are horrible stupid names, consider these names: Sturly Stembleburgiss as the Duchess and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as the irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire. So if anyone considers Fanboy to be the worst name in existence, you can kindly go suck yourself. The characters themselves are average stereotypes; so the names are even more unjustifed in terms of wackyness. Gowns by Pepi; which is a reasonable name actually as Stan is screaming because he hates romance movies or something. So we head to outside the gate of an abandoned convenience store AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) known as the Dusk 2 Dawn. Wendy is looking straight as the condemned building which somehow has one of the D letters still showing light; which should serve as a warning. However; these teenagers are like Freddy Jones and want to get in, most so Wendy, least so Dipper who wonders if this was due to a health code violation or something. No; I'm guessing it's the time dishonored tradition of businesses who make no profit get shut down Dipper. However; Lee and Nate claim that two couples got murdered inside the convenience store. I'm amazed that this show is skirting around the word kill by using murder as a sub; which is actually a much harsher word than kill and die. Never mind that this show can say die and/or kill. Nate even says "died" here when he explains that the place has been haunted ever since. I believe him since we have seen gnomes, psychics, wax zombies, and a loch ness-like monster. Why not actual ghosts in this town? Mabel proclaims that this town has a colorful history. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Wendy mocks Dipper for being scared as we get off death reference #3 for this episode, and this is becoming TaleSpin now. They are throwing out die, kill and murder like candy. Most so the word murder which is rarely heard even in the "golden age" of DTVA. Still waiting for bullet shooting guns though; but I'm not holding my breath in seeing them. In fact; I'll be glad to not see them.

So Wendy slaps him on the back and tells him to chill out as this won't be bad. Dipper looks up and there is a sign that says: No trespassing. Violators will be DEAD! That is death reference #4 for this episode; and the word dead is written in blood. Wow, this Alex Hirsch the second coming of Jymn Magon, Mark Zaslove, Tad Stones and/or Greg Weissman? I hope so. So everyone climbs over in a teleport spot; except for Dipper who is on top. Dipper is stalling as the teenagers are blowing him off for not doing something his sister easily did. I assume it's Mabel as she is on the ground doing the imfamous Homer Simpson "woo-woo-woo" spot (Home lays on his side and turns around in a circle doing chicken noises). Mabel's does a much better job than Homer does; but still Homer did it first, it sucks to be Mabel. This poor girl cannot catch a break! Sounds like TaleSpin in a nutshell too. So Nate teleports up to the top and throws Dipper down on his ass on the other side and the teenagers approved of this. Sigh. So they make it to the door and Robbie tries to open it but fails. Wendy looks at the windows and calls the place amazing. Dipper offers to open the door and Robbie blows him off; taunting him that a small kid has the muscles of Hercules or something. Wendy tells Robbie to back off in response. So here's what happens next: Dipper goes to the dumpster and climbs on top of it. He jumps up to the roof and goes to the air conditioning vent on the roof. The teenagers are wondering what the hell he's doing. Dipper punches the metal vent out; which is actually a decent feat of strength for him as Mabel loves him punching metal things. Dipper goes through the vent into the AC as we cut to Robbie saying that he bets Dipper will never make it. So Dipper appears inside and simply opens the door. He didn't even unlock the damn thing; he just pushed on the door and it opened with ease. So yes folks; Robbie is basically Gravity Fall's version of Brad Buttowski from Kick Buttowski, only nicer. In that Robbie's gimmick is that he has absolutely no strength in his arms. I betcha he cannot lift a five pound bag; which even I can do even at 440 pounds.

Dipper presents the open door as we get some excellent guitar riffs while the crowd cheers and they go in. Except for Robbie; who wonders why he got showed up by a little maniac as Nate proclaims. If you are going to do wall to wall sound effects; at least make them creative and timed well. Making them sound good and not annoying helps as well (Johnny Test; I'm looking at you!). Lee calls him Doctor Funtimes as Mabel gives Dipper a high five, and Wendy play punches him on the shoulder. Dipper walks in looking proud; while Robbie is not amused, but nothing comes out of it. So we head inside as the door is closed and we hear the kids and teenagers exchange notes; basically scoffing at the idea that the store is haunted. So the door closes behind them and the sign which reads that it's open is magically switched around and it reads: Get Lost! We're Closed!. This ends the segment eight minutes in. This is good thus far; although Mabel has not been really awesome in this one.

After the commercial break; we head inside as the kids stare in awe which is weird because they are asking if it was haunted before the commercial break. Why didn't this scene play just before they exchanged notes because then it would make more sense? Logic break #1 for the episode eight minutes into this thing. So they look around the dusty old place as Mabel licks some dust from the "Take A Penny" can, and Nate and Lee play punch each other joking about where they keep the dead bodies (death reference #5 for the episode). Man; they say shut up a lot in this show; even more than TaleSpin does. So Wendy goes over to the light switch near the door into the back; and wonders if they still work and so she turns on the light switch and it's like nothing has happened as the convenience store is lit up and working perfectly. I also also note that Dipper notices a newspaper on the rack which dates back to 1995; when Timon & Pumbaa made it's debut which ironically was the last good Disney Afternoon cartoon before the fall that lead to the One Saturday Morning Era. So someone asks what to do next; Wendy proclaims that they do anything they want to do and let's HIT THE MONTAGE~! So we have a junk food fight in the convenience which apparently is three shelves wide, looking more like a gas station convenience store. The music sounds like something out of King Of The Hill actually. Nate & Lee take bags of kitty litter and hit the other one in the ass, back and stomach. Sadly; no ball shots in this one. We do the always "thrilling" fizzy mints in soda volcano spot which I have seen a million times now and it's staler than these products when they were in 1995. Then Mabel runs and notices a display called Smile Dip which is basically some stick candy with a dog and cat as the logo. Mabel tells us that she thought those were banned in America; which I find hard to believe. There is a "Do Not Sell" white tape around the display as Dipper cuts her off and claims that there must be a good reason. No there isn't Dipper. Dipper gets a mustard bomb balloon splattered in his face and like most mud spots, the mud disappears three seconds later.

Dipper runs off as Mabel tries out the CANDY STICK OF DEATH and then drowns pink stuff into her mouth. We then cut to see Wendy and Dipper eating ice treats on top of the shelves as Lee and Robbie are stuffing icecubes in Thompson's pants and the ass. That is some twisted bonding/hazing ritual there guys! Tambry is still distracted by her cellphone. Geez; those "smart"phone are smart; in making people look like slaves to technology. Then we get an awesome moment as we see Mabel has had too much Smile Dip and looks fat off of it. That annoyed me; but what happens next is that Mabel asks for someone if she had too much and we see Mabel's delluisons go arye as we see a lake of liquid Smile Dip with solid Smile Dip ground; and a big ass dog from the logo with a purple collar panting and barking. That amused me. Then another dog comes in and asks Mabel if she wants to eat his paws. Mabel gladly accepts and gnaws on the dog's paw as I can hear the old farts spilling bandwidth in outrage about a spot that only exists in Mabel's mind because we see that she is clearly gnawing at nothing. So Smile Dip is like LSD? This has to be a rib on Fanboy & Chum Chum's Frosty Freezie Freeze gimmick, and somehow it works out well. Wendy then admits that Dipper is mature for his age; but apparently he's not mature enough to avoid stealing Phinea's catchphrase of "Yes, yes I am". And he sticks the ice treat into his temple for fun. The teenagers want more ice to dump in Thompson's pants as Dipper jumps down and goes to the icebox. He opens the icebox and grabs a bag of it; and then looks forwards and notices a giant brain and it's stem with eyes and mouth growling at him and glowing pink. Dipper screams and drops the bag of ice which somehow melts instantly when it hits the floor. Huh; that is cheap ice methinks. So Dipper shuts the door and Dipper turns around and slowly opens the door; and there is nothing but bags of ice. So Dipper shuts the door just as the teenagers come in claiming that Dipper screams like a girl. Nate; you are confusing Dipper with Ned Flanders. Dipper stammers and claims that everything is fine. Sure it is Dipper; sure it is.

Dipper then changes the subject as there is an arcade game called Dancy Pants Revolution in which Dipper proclaims that it tricks people into exercising. That's logic break #2 for the episode because they are shooting for Dance Dance Revolution; but that video game didn't debut in the arcades until 1998 despite the fact that the store was condemned three years earlier. The teenagers don't care about logic anyway and Dipper goes over to the ice fridge and stares at it. Then we watch Thompson play Dancy Pants Revolution and the teenager claim that he is playing terrible at it; which at least is somewhat hilarious. Dipper gets elbowed by Wendy for fun causing Dipper to stammer that this is great. Apparently; the arcade machine is right next to the door because Dipper then notices that their reflection shows them in skeleton form causing him to wipe his eyes clean; which causes the reflections to return to normal. That was interesting as Dipper proclaims that he's going out back and goes over to the payphone which is also working. Dipper is calling for Stan who I'm certain doesn't give a damn about moving at this point, which automatically makes Thompson look like Richard Simmons in comparison. Which is actually great in that sense. So we head to the man cave of Stan who is letting the phone ring off the hook while he watches television. Somehow he has a container of chocolate ice cream with him; so he cannot reach a phone, but has no trouble going to the icebox. In essence, he cannot find the remote at all which is the ending to this episode by the way. This guy has a selective form of laziness methinks. Duchess is blowing her mother on television and she's April Winchell again. No one cares; not even the old farts. The queen of England no sells as the Duchess is in tears saying that she is also a woman. So the Duchess was a man? I say this because she takes the hat off for no real reason whatsoever. I'm guessing that they were shooting for Princess Sapphire from Tezuka Productions/Mushi; but it fails because Duchess looks like a woman here, unlike Princess Sapphire, who looks more like a man when she is an actual knight.

Stan still acts like this is a shocker and blows off Elizabeth like Homer Simpson; only Homer is much cooler than he is. Then he sobs like a baby; which is cooler than Homer Simpson I admit! I'm guessing April voiced the queen as well; but no one cares anymore. I discover that he's basically eating a knock off version of Cherry Garcia from Ben & Jerry's. So we head back inside the convenience store of doom as the phone is off the hook buzzing because Dipper simply gives up. Dipper walks over to Mabel asking for advice on how to deal with this problem without making the teenagers think he is a scared little kid. Ummm; I think they already know you are a scared little kid and are having too much fun with their reindeer games to care. Mabel on the other hand; gurgles as she is totally out of it with lime green pupils in her eyes. That Smile Dip is powered LSD! No wonder the USA wanted to ban it! We zoom into Mabel's eyes and her world is shown as she is riding some dolphin with muscled arms named Aoshima which she proclaims that the future is the past! We see Aoshima who is flying like a superhero. Aoshima is an island in Japan; so the gimmick of Mabel's world is that she is in an anime world. That is great! Aoshima grows two more arms which grow dolphin mouths and shoot rainbow lasers out of them. Wow; that Smile Dip is awesome, no wonder it was banned. It might give kids ideas that might actually make television...Oh wait; never mind. Dipper shakes Mabel demanding to know how many she ate; and I'm guessing it was two or five packages depending on what mood the animators were in. That is strong stuff. Mabel says Bleventeen; which she means 17 of them. I don't believe her for one second. It has got to be less than that. 13 maybe; but even that is pushing it. Dipper panics like mad and shakes Mabel some more. Robbie goes behind the counter as he's cheating in scratch and win cards (which are expired by 18 years give or take six months); and then notices two chalk line drawing on the floor. He calls the gang over to see them; so they come over and are in shock. Well; we found where the couple was murdered and apparently, they were also the owners.

Robbie dropped a quarter next to them to set this up. Nate elbows Lee into lying in the chalklines first and this is dumb. Come on guys! We all know what is going to happen next because every single horror movie (except for Deafula; amazingly enough) has the black guy getting killed first. Racism aside; it's also old and it looks so hokey that no one is buying it, even white dudes think this is old and stale. I realize that Lee is not going to die in this episode, but why? Why not Tambry, or Thompson? At least Thompson's only stereotype is that he's fat and it makes more sense for him to get killed first because he's slower than the rest; and he's white for crying out loud. Of course Thompson won't die in this episode either; but still. Oh; and death reference # 6 ensues as we get the slow motion attempt of Lee stepping on the chalkline figure and Dipper cuts him off. GOOD...FOR... YOU... DIPPER! Sure; his reasoning is much different than mine, but thank you anyway. Dipper admits that he doesn't want to tempt fates (and stereotypes in horror movies) and wants to be cautious. The teenagers boo him as Robbie calls him a buzzkill (death reference #7 and #8) and acting like one instead of Captain Funtimes. Wendy is not happy with this either as Tamby is texting that she's trapped inside a store with an insane nine year old. Actually it's ten years old as Dipper blows her off and flops right into the left chalkline figure. Then the lines glow as the entire convenience store loses powers instantly, and this causes Tambry to vaporize and drop her cell phone. Wow; so they decided to not invoke racism, but go for sexism instead. Thompson is RIGHT THERE motionless guys! IDIOTS! Everyone gasps and panics on cue which no one is buying except the kids. Trust me kiddies; she's fine. Disney might allow their characters to say die, kill and murder; but they are not going to allow kids to actually die. In a movie; the audience will turn on a movie if that happens because it's cold and callous. More so than an adult at least. Dipper grabs the cellphone and checks the message which is her screaming in letters and symbols; then we see her on the black & white sercuity camera. Knowing the attitude of children nowadays; she probably screaming because she's not in color. More evidence is pointing to everyone panicky and screaming on cue because she's in a television monitor that is black and white. That ends the segment 13 and a half minutes in. Well; that wasn't a very good middle there.

After the commercial break; we get Tambry screaming and knocking on the monitor and everyone is scared. Robbie wants to get the hell out of there as he yells at Thompson to stop playing Dance Panty Revolution; and Thompson blows him off because he's actually going to get the high-score. How; I don't know. However; he gets vaporized instantly. So Lee has gotten lucky twice! I betcha Lee will be second last with Wendy being last. So Nate and Robbie are pretty much next. Mabel and Dipper will likely be the only ones left; with Mabel out of commission because Aoshima rules BABEE! Thompson is in the game actually; which seems like a step upwards than punishment for breaking and entering a haunted convenience store. So the dance machine announcer beckons and tells Thompson to shake his ass which Thompson refuses; and then arrow come down and stick to Thompson and pin him down to the ground; as Thompson blows off the announcer and sobs in the fetal position. That was awkwardly horror at it's silliness! Robbie doesn't care and wants to get the hell out of there, and so the doors are locked from the inside. Wait a second? Weren't the doors locked when they first got inside? Logic break #3 for the episode 14 and a half minutes in. Wendy struggles to get the door open; but no dice. So Robbie grabs the cash register and throws it into the door; and some green portal makes it disappear causing Robbie to vanish inside the teleport portal on contact. Yes; the leader of the group got it third. Am I watching a martial arts flick from Hong Kong? And will this character come back and turn heel on everyone? So Dipper goes to his book and written in the section on ghost; there is something in red that claims that there is always a reason for stuff happening. Wendy takes Dipper side on thinking that there has to be a reason for this. Everyone blows it off and then Nate is floated into the air and gets vaporized. Nate is teleported onto a box of Lee's cereal which is basically a knockoff for Fruit Loops because there is an evil Toucan Sam on the box wanting to go bonkers and eat Nate alive; in which Nate panics. So yes; Lee is likely next or last in the group to get it.

Dancy Pants Revolution Announcer is voiced by Mikey Kelley and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Mikey Kelley has lent his voice to several animated projects including TMNT, The Super Hero Squad Show, King of the Hill, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Phineas and Ferb, Ben 10, Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase, All Grown Up, Gravity Falls, Rocket Power, The Land Before Time, among others. Kelley landed his first major voice-over job when he was cast as the lead in Steven Spielberg’s Invasion America for The WB Network. The show became the first dramatic animated series to air in primetime on network television. On the commercial front, he’s worked on a host of television and radio campaigns, and was the voice of the Toon Disney network. Mikey has also been featured in a variety of video games including Halo 3, Tony Hawk's Underground, Full Spectrum Warrior, Viewtiful Joe, Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Kinect Star Wars, as well as many others. He began his career as a cameo on Exterme Ghostbusters in 1997. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut. Ratchet & Clank: Full Frontal Assault as Barry The Starship Phoenix Ii is his most recent credit. He has 51 acting credits, and one self credit (Celebrate The Century) to his resume. So we go to a shot of the back of the cereal and hear a knife slice as apparently the evil Tucan Sam killed Nate off-screen! Wow; I didn't see that one coming! Lee backs up and takes his hat off as he agrees with Dipper 100% now. Then we get Mabel in a zombified state rise up from the counter in a neon green aura around her with no pupils in her eyes. Geez; that Smile Dip is the most nasty form of LSD in the history of mankind and 1960's hippy bands. And she gains Kevin Michael Richardson's voice as he welcomes them to hell basically. So Zombie Mabel is basically pissed off that they trespassed in his store and the teenagers are begging for him to just let them go...and then the zombie Mabel decides to open the door and talk about hot dog sales.

Then we get a logic break as Robbie has somehow appeared for no reason whatsoever after clearly being vaporized earlier! This better be a rib on continuity mistakes in Z-grade horror movies; or I'm going to be pissed. Zombie Mabel blows them off because he's a dickish heel zombie using Mabel's body. Lee just wants to leave and Zombie Mabel gets gravely offended by his tone; so he vaporizes Lee in the process and teleports him into the hotdog cooker as a hot dog. Yes folks; the black guy got the most horrible punishment of them all. Getting stabbed by Tucan Sam is guresome, but come on! Mabel proclaims that this begins and basically turns the store upside down and objects get dropped on everyone's head. And yes; Robbie is gone, so it is a logic break. I'm not digging this episode very well. Wendy and Dipper duck under the slush puppie machine and then bail into the desk cupboards which are also upside down. So Wendy and Dipper exchange notes as they piece together the normal things teenagers do and it takes two tries; but Dipper realizes what this ghost is pissed off at. So Dipper has a Krackpotkin plan as he pops out of the cupboards and calls Zombie Mabel out screaming that he is not a teenager. Then time stops; and suddenly two ghosts come out of Mabel and hold her by the hair. We discover that their names are Ma and Pa; who are the ghosts of the couple who own the convenience store. Yeah; I have seen this finish before; and it's not really good, but it's not horrible in a sense. Pa is voiced by Ken Jenkins and according to IMDB: A versatile veteran of film, television and theater, Ken Jenkins began his acting career performing in high school theater productions in his hometown of Dayton, Ohio. "I was fortunate to discover the world through the words of William Shakespeare, George Bernard Shaw, Arthur Miller and Tennessee Williams, and to discover in myself a love for the theater that has shaped my life", says Jenkins. Jenkins went on to study acting at Antioch College while continuing to perform on Broadway and in regional companies throughout his college years.

In 1969, he co-founded and served for three years as Associate Artistic Director for the prestigious Actor's Theatre of Louisville, which became known as a breeding ground for some of America's best new playwrights, including Beth Henley and Marsha Norman. Jenkins continued to work with the theater as an actor, director and writer through 1983. Over his 30 years in the theater, Jenkins has been associated with an average of 10 plays a year as an actor, director or playwright. He has portrayed "Hamlet" and "Cyrano" and performed in other classics by Shakespeare, Ibsen, Shaw and Molière. One of his favorite roles, however, was "The Duke", which he played opposite his son, Daniel Jenkins, in the 1985 Broadway musical, "Big River". In 1987, Jenkins appeared in John Sayles' critically acclaimed feature film, Matewan (1987) which opened the actor to the joys of acting for the camera. Most recently seen in The Sum of All Fears (2002) with Morgan Freeman and I Am Sam (2001) with Sean Penn, his other feature-film credits include Courage Under Fire (1996), The Abyss (1989), Air America (1990) and Last Man Standing (1996). Jenkins' television credits include a co-starring role for two seasons on Homefront (1991), two seasons on Wiseguy (1987) and guest-star roles on The X-Files (1993), Family Law (1999) and Chicago Hope (1994). He has also appeared in the television movies Thirst (1998), Hiroshima (1995), And the Band Played On (1993). Jenkins is an avid woodworker and a skilled dog trainer. He is married to Katharine Hepburn's niece, actress Katharine Houghton, probably best remembered as playing Hepburn & Tracy's daughter in the classic Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967). He began his career on Great Performances as Aubin in 1974. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Cougar Town as Chick is his most recent credit. He has 93 acting credits and two Self credits to his resume.

Ma is voiced by April Winchell as well. They look like your stereotypical grandmother and grandfather running a small convenience store in town in 1995. Mabel is dropped into the pile of food and groaning. Apparently; being a zombie has purified her of the LSD buzz; so I'm guessing that they knew Mabel was not a teenager. So we exchange notes and flashbacks as Ma & Pa hate teenagers because they are disrespectful and rude; so they banned them from the store, which makes them look like old fart heels. This has to be a rib on the IMDB reviewers; and it's an effective one. So the teenagers countered with a boom box and the most G-rated rap music ever. I cannot take these elders seriously in claiming that this is hateful music; or their distrust of dancing. We discover that no one actually murdered them; in fact, they died of a double heart attack which they blame on the music and these teenagers. Yeah; this is like blaming a death from a car accident on vaccines. Don't believe me? People have in fact made that claim in meatspace, let alone cyberspace. This did anger me in a way. Dipper proclaims that they are his friends and he asks what he can do to make them not hate teenagers anymore. Ummm; maybe they should get a personality transplant. ZAP! OUCH! Ummmm...So here is the finish of this episode: The ghosts want Dipper to come up with a funny dance; and Dipper asks if anything else would work. Pa turns into the devil and no sells with rage! And somehow; these two old folks were murdered by teenagers? Dipper stammers and then proclaims that he knows the lamby-lamby dance; but he has no lamb costume. He also admits that he is really 12 years old, which is a lie since he is supposed to be ten years old in canon. I would be more angry at him for lying about his age then about the rap music sir and madam. So Pa zaps a lamb costume on Dipper and Mabel must be loving this now. So Dipper does the lamby-lamby dance which is Gravity Fall's answer to Milo doing the Baby Legs routine. I refuse to dignify this with a response. The pink bowtie is complete overkill for this spot.

Pa is still way too excited about this and Dipper finishes the dance off by poking his cheek. This is clearly enough for Ma and Pa to let the friends go as they disappear and turn the lights on. They turn the store right side up and everyone takes bumps onto the ground. The teenagers are perfectly fine and crosslegged. Mabel finally recovers and Dipper takes one of the Smile Dip envelopes; and wants to try some, but Mabel slaps it away as evil. I shake my head as Wendy explains that Dipper defeated the ghosts; and teases telling them that he defeated them with a funny dance, as Dipper looks sick to his stomach. Then Wendy simply lies that he really took a baseball bat and beat the holy living crap out of them; which gets approval from the teenagers. Then Wendy makes me cringe by claiming that the ghosts were scared and in her words: "ran off like a bunch of little girls". Just because boys say that in a sexist manner, doesn't mean that it's perfectly fine when a girl says it. Check your hypocrisy, it might have just expired Wendy Pines! Tambry's response is completely stunned and stone face; indicating that she does have enough sense to know that this is sexist, but not enough to call Wendy out on it. Because she cheers afterwards as Captain Buzzkill is back to Doctor Funtimes again in the eyes of the teenagers. Dipper smiles; but personally after this, I wouldn't have minded Wendy telling the truth because who would want to hang out with these guys anyway? They are no really that cool. They are old and staler than me; which is amazing since they are half the age of me actually. Wendy and Dipper do the sealing lips spot and then we head outside as the gang is in the station wagon asleep; except for Thompson. Wendy and Dipper talk to each other as Dipper stammers to get out the fact that they are staying in the shack from here on out. So Dipper does the point gun spot at Wendy while stammering and then gets inside the van and closes the side door. So the van drives away from the convenience store as we see Mabel still selling pain from the Smile Dip (at least Mabel knows how to sell properly) as Mabel looks at her vandalism and calls it a sick joke. Yip, it was Mabel.

So we get a far shot of the convenience store having it's light in the windows buzzing before going out and that is that. Yes folks; this episode was literally 20 minutes long. Almost an average Teddy Ruxpin episode actually. So then we get the ED: Stan is watching television in his man cave and suddenly, he has officially warmed up to this black and white television movie as we are watching the wedding. Then we get gasping on the television as a male voice appears and it's Count Lionel as he's here to reclaim his bride. Oh, SNAP! I'm guessing he is voiced by Alex Hirsch and Stan protests this because he had his chance at the cotillion which is basically a social ball dance event in the 1700's. The count repeats what he said and now Stan is pissed off and yelling in frustration. So we head outside as Dipper and Mabel are at the Mystery Hack as Stan literally throws the television out of the window shattering the neat yellow colored stained glass. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That was a perfectly innocent pane of color-stained glass! YOU BASTARD! Today's cryptogram reads : Onwards Aoshima! YAY! So Stan goes to the window and makes the excuse of not finding the remote. I was hoping that Mabel went under her sweater and the remote was right there; but Stan runs off and that ends the episode at 20:24. Well; this was a disappointment; but it was still an okay episode in spite of it. It just goes to show you that when Mabel is off her game, the quality suffers. And can we please stop trying to convince kids that senior citizens are evil incarnate. I can take Stan as a weak little con man; but hating teenagers is crossing a line you shouldn't cross for the sake of an expanded audience and ratings, okay? Call this *** (60%).


Well; overall this was a sloppy middling episode with nothing outstanding in it. Elders hate teenagers; we have seen this plotline a million times already. Just because it's true for the most part, doesn't mean that you can do it over and over again. They are ghosts for crying out loud! It's fiction! It's perfectly okay to have elders who don't hate others to justify their own existence in the paranormal. Kids don't care anyway. Mabel wasn't all that good here; as outside of her LSD trip with the dogs and the dolphin with arms who shoot lasers; she didn't really do much in terms of awesome. Dipper was great here and they did build up a Dipper/Robbie feud decently enough; but it's not as great as Gideon as this felt like a letdown. A few logic breaks didn't help matters either (Robbie appearing after he was vaporized is a prime example of this); as this was basically an average Gravity Falls love in with bad continuity. So last up for this Fall Assortment is Dipper VS. Manliness and I do not like where this one is going. So....

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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