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Gravity Falls: Dipper Vs. Manliness
Reviewed: 11/02/2014
Manliness Wins! As Usual!
Well; I don't know if ending this first DVD set of Gravity Falls with this episode was a good idea; but nevertheless, it must be done. Dipper is going through a crisis of being told that he is a wimp and not a man, a very damaging thing to say to a man actually. It shouldn't be of course; but it is. So Dipper meets a bunch of minotaurs who have a man cave and act like stereotypes of monsters thinking that they are men. This part made me worry. Not to mention that Mabel is trying to get Stan to be a ladies man in all this which seems impossible. So how does this episode do? Let's rant on shall we...?!
Dipper VS. Manliness is written by Tim McKeon. Storyboards were done by Tyler Chen, Niki Yang, Erik Fountain and Mark Gracia; while direction is done by Joe Pitt and Aaron Springer. Animation is done by Digital Emation Inc.
Episode opened with a shot of the Mystery Hack as various denizens are photographing the place and walking. We head inside the gift shop and Disney captions hilariously calls Tyler a biker. Really? Tyler is looking for gifts for the holiday season as Stan is at the counter and shows Tyler a basket of broken glass which is supposed to be crystal. Tyler isn't buying this con trick which shows Stan needs to retire from this gig. Stan accuses Tyler of being a police officer and Tyler runs off because even he is distracted by something shiny. So Dipper and Mabel walk into the gift shop as Mabel is wearing a lime green sweater with mushrooms on the front. They want to go to the diner and they show off their stomach saying that they are hungry. They bounce their stomachs off of each other and Stan states that they are going to the diner; but Tyler is unable to make up his mind as he is showing a fish trophy with fur on it which is called a fur trout. Tyler wants it in another animal and Stan agrees to get out; and so they lock up the shop with Tyler inside and Stan uses a 2X4 to bar the door. The babyfaces make it to Stan's car and leave as Tyler is looking at a puma shirt and panther shirt; and he cannot decide while doing the "X Shirt/Y Shirt" spot which I saw in Fanboy & Chum Chum. WE HIT THE OPENING~ less than a minute in; a new record! So we head to a diner called Greasy's Diner (as written in cursive writing) with the arrow in lightbulbs reading "We have food" and a flag which says Eat on it. Also of note is that the diner is shaped like a giant log, looks like a giant log and is on a flat car (Gravity Falls 1885) on a set of train tracks. It looks like a musuem from my neck of the woods, so that amuses me. Banjo music ensues and we head inside with a woodpecker pecking at the log wall. Some old woman with glasses, a pink dress and knee high socks is pounding on the woodpecker and almost hitting the Free Pizza Guy who is wearing the shirt again; and got free pizza after all. See; make the joke and then pay it off. The woodepecker bails; as does a beaver who also gets broomed for fun. Manly Dan, Old Man McGucket and Tambry with cellphone are present as well. YAY!
So Stan, Dipper and Mabel enter the diner as we see McGucket getting hyper on coffee, Wendy is also here along with Sheriff Blubbs and Deputy Durland as Durland is using the speed radar gun while Blubbs is downing pancakes in rapid fire. Whatever. So we hear glass shattering as the babyfaces take their seats. Nate also makes an appearance from last episode as the diner owner is still murdering small animals with the broom. Then we get Lazy Susan coming over to take their order (we saw her in episode #2 during the fishing trip; and you know her for having her eye swollen shut. She is basically this show's answer to Miss Lips from Fish Hooks, right down to the voice) as Stan rudely asks her where she has been like a sexist would. Susan's counter is that she got hit by a bus. So Stan orders and laughs because he orders a 1/4 spilt on a meal, salad dressing for Mabel and ketchup for Dipper. Susan has to pull up her eye flap to winki at him; which was amusing as Mabel protests this since she wants pancakes. Stan is clearly a low-rent Uncle Scrooge and asks if he is made of that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH; as a dollar bill pops from his right sleeve. TAP! TAP indeed! Mabel groans as Dipper notices a platter of pancakes next to an arcade machine which if you win the game you get free pancakes. If Stan was playing; there would be no pancakes, but he wouldn't win the game. The game is called "Test Your Manliness"; complete with muscleman who looks like the Iron Shiek. Dipper proclaims that he is winning free pancakes from the manliness tester; and both Mabel and Stan try to resist not laughing this out of the diner, but it fails. They laugh and laugh at it. Stan bangs the table for fun as Mabel claims that she means no offense (which is acting like a coward since it means your laughing is meant to be offensive.); but Dipper is not Manly Mannington. Which is true I'm afraid. Dipper protests this outrage and he'll prove it right here, right now! Stan of course sums up Dipper as smelling like baby wipes and he got no muscles like A Vince Russo. I need a Ric Flair drop of him saying that he has no muscles and overdub it on Stan. It's comedy. HA HA HA!
And then we HIT THE FLASHBACK~! Dipper is in the bathroom with a towel on his naughty parts combing his hair with the radio on chanting Disco girls coming through. What is so unmanly about disco? Sure; everyone hates it; but I swear to god that it has nothing to do with being unmanly. We hate disco because we want some old fashion rock and roll. It's all fartdom of course. Dipper is using the comb as a microphone which is in fact unmanly. Use a damn toothbrush Dipper! Stan of course comes in because in the modern world of manners; if the door to the bathroom is closed, then no one is in it which is ass backwards in terms of logic. I hate this "Must not assume anything" crap because if the bathroom door is closed; what makes you think no one is in there? If it's open, then no one is in there and if there is, they are not in the shower nor on the toilet. So we head back to reality and Mabel taunts Dipper for liking Icelandic pop sensation Babba. So what? In these days; if you are from Iceland and doing disco pop, that is manly, not girly. Bigot. Dipper stammers like a moron; with a look that reads "Get me the hell out of here now!" Dipper claims that he is pretty masculine; and using the word pretty in any context with masculine is not a good idea. Just saying I am masculine is fine. It's not like these two bigots are buying anything you are selling anyway Dipper! He opens his shirt and the golden light blinds Dipper and Stan that there is no way that they can accuse Dipper of having no chest hair. Women can get a lot of chest hair writers; no one is buying this. Dipper has had enough of them laughing at him; and he is going to the machine to make them eat their words...and pancakes. So Dipper goes to the machine and proclaims that he is going to man handle this man handle. Ooookkkkkaaaaayyyy. So he pushes on the man handle and the lightbulbs actually goes up to Man; but he cannot get the grip for more than ten seconds and thus it drops to wimp. This is actually good booking since Dipper actually manages to get there; but couldn't hold on, thus he's not a lost cause for the plot to work. If they stayed on wimp the whole time; then this plotline would have angered me.
So Dipper gets a prize which is a ticket showing a cute little baby holding his legs in diaper with the card reading "You Are A Cutie Patootie!" That made me laugh. Dipper then makes excuses about the machine being broken and running out of steam power. Ummm; steam machines are not one million years old Dipper. So Manly Dan hip shoves Dipper away and he somehow gets behind Manly Dan. Dan pushes the stick slighty with his pinky finger (he's 10 ten feet tall and has the muscles of Sampson, so he should ace this thing. The thing lights up to maxinum that it destroys the Iron Shiek model (FACKING BULLSHEET!) and that spills the pancakes on the platter which land on Wendy's, Blubb's plates and on Dipper's head. Well; Dipper got his free pancake after all as Dan declares that it's free pancakes for everyone, because he has to maintain his muscle mass. Apparently; pancakes are the secret weapon to destroy Larson & Gary's work. Stan and Mabel laugh at Dipper of course as Dipper proclaims that he needs chest hair and fast. Memo to Dipper: Chest hair doesn't make you manly. Dipper tries to run out of the diner; but trips on the hole and the beaver, falling flat on his face. Dipper does an obvious no sell and proclaims that everything and he is fine. And he's right. At least with the "I'm fine" thing since he didn't actually hurt himself or anything. Except for his feelings; but they were hurt before he tripped. Stan blows it off and cannot believe that he is related to Dipper. Mabel taunts him because she knows that he has a soft side. Stan has the Gruffi pose on and proclaims that he has a cold, dark empty soul. That would at least explain why he came off as a pervert during the fishing trip in episode #2. Susan comes in and places the tray of food down on the table and outside of her weight, age and acute case of lazy eye: Susan is Miss Lips as a waiter. Stan then sweats and stammers like an idiot calling her honey wasp, sugar pot, kitten baby, baby cow and other really dumb nicknames. Susan calls this silly and walks off as Mabel calls Stan out on this. Stan doesn't wants to talk about it and wonders why the table is wet as Mabel has an idea that they are in love. Of course!
Stan of course doesn't like this; but then admits that he does have eyes for Susan but is afraid to express his feelings because white male privilege has demonized them. Stan claims that he has been single for so long; his brain has basically atrophied on matters of actual love. Stan calls Susan classy as we see Susan on a stepladder banging on the glass container containing pies because she wants the damn thing to spin. That amused me. Mabel turns Stan's head around and gets in his face, calling him a cranky, gross, weird, old man. Geez Mabel; don't be afraid to tell him how you really feel about him. I would add pervert to that list if Disney allowed it. By the way; in the last episode considering the "You Stink" writing on Thompson's van; it was supposed to say "You suck", but Disney would not allow it. So yes; "that blows" is still forbidden in the new Disney. Just a reminder on the current BS&P practices of the new Disney; which is pretty much like the old Disney, minus the bullet shooting guns, which I wouldn't mind never seeing them again. So Mabel tells him that she'll help him make Stan love Susan because nothing is stronger than the power of love (Stan's answer); and Mabel (Mabel's answer). She down the cup of salad dressing (which looks like a coleslaw cup); and that is that. So we head outside in the town of Gravity Falls on the sidewalk as Dipper is pouting and sounds completely insecure. He gets splooshed in the water with water from a broken fire hydrant in which Sheriff Blubb and Deputy Durland are investigating because dealing with murder is not in the same level of expertise as these two are capable of. Blubb basically does the dubbed anime style version of goddamned here as Durland wants to take their uniforms off and run in circles. Blubb blows him off and we get a shot of his bare fatass belly as Durland takes off his shirt and they run in circles in front of the fire hyrdant. I have seen far worse than this; trust me old farts! They splash water with glee on Dipper; and Dipper bumps into a woman with a letter as she apologizes to him because she was looking for the mailman (the same one Soos mentioned in the first episode I do believe, who looks like a beastman).
Now; even manly people who are not assholes would have said apology accepted and probably say that I don't where the mailman is. Not Dipper; oh no. He is gravely offended by this. Now; if he was offended by the obvious lack of inclusion of people who are not male in the word mailman, it would be merely annoying, but it would make sense in terms of logic. Not here! Dipper is offended because he thinks that she is basically claiming that Dipper is not a man. Which is true because Dipper is not an adult. He is a scared little boy who have hyper entitlements. The woman responds by asking if he is crying and Dipper starts bawling his eyes out and runs off. This is exactly what I was afraid of. He runs into the forest and thus we cut inside the forest as he stops crying, and we get a great tease shot of Dipper lifting the weight of a medium size tree branch. This is like that TNA segment where Scott Steiner is benchpressing 115 pounds; only Scott Steiner is a smoother, foul mouth version of Manly Dan. I'm shocked Scott Steiner wasn't hired to do his voice. Oh wait; he would ad-lib all the time and Disney cannot have any of that. Plus; that would get Manly Dan over and adults cannot be over because that makes kids change the channel amirite? Never mind that if Scott Steiner was ad-libbing on television; the kids would instantly laugh at it and text their friends about it. This is what happens when demographics poison execs minds; they think the box is the safest place to be. It often isn't.
So Dipper gives up after four rotations and checks his chest and there is no chest hair. Dipper flops on the ground and wonders if it's mental, physical, a secret. No Dipper; it's genetics. You are screwed for life my son. So we get a package of "real man" beef jerky with a guy who looks like Hulk Hogan with a white shirt and a purple doo-rag saying that you are inadequate. Wonderful way to insult about 90% of your audience sir. Even Disney execs aren't as bad as the execs for this beef jerky. Dipper proclaims that he said it (BOO! HISS!) and needs help. You sure do Dipper; but it's your mind, not your body that needs it. So then we get a lot of rumbling as animals run, tree get downed and Manly Dan is running away scared because this is for the love of good and holy. So Holy is allowed in the new Disney. Dipper is stunned and cannot move from his spot due to this; he turns around and panics. He puts his hat on as the shadow of what appears to be a minotaur stalking him. Dipper is scared and then he recoils and trys the manly roar; but coughs like a chain smoker. That made me laugh. Dipper then has the look of "I'm dead aren't I?" and that ends the segment almost seven and a half minutes in. This was not good; although it's not nearly as insulting as I thought it was going to be.
After the commercial break; we completely ruin the surprise by showing the monster WAY TOO SOON! We see a viking with minotaur legs and a tatoo with the male symbol on his left arm (right arm if you're looking at it from the camera shot) as I was hoping for a female symbol on the right arm (left arm on the camera shot); but no dice. Geez; the perfect gag and they didn't go for it? Shame! Dipper hides in the log; which is stupid because the guy is bigger and much taller than Dan, thus clearly able to see Dipper from about 5 feet away. Despite looking mostly human in appearance; he does have a bull's face with a lot of hair. He has a red cap on as he roars and then yawns. He grabs a antlered deer and uses the antlers as a back scratcher. That amused me as he throws the deer away and the deer impacts the ground a little bit which is a nice attention to detail; but not cartoony at the same time. Deer gets up and leaves as the Minotaurman gathers flies and horror music plays. What is so frightening about a minotaur gathering flies? It's a freakin anthro bull/cow. Cows attract flies all the time. So the log is swiped away as Dipper is cowering in fear and trying to make excuses that he is all skin and bones and hasn't showered in a week. Never mind that the bull is attracting flies. The bull teases murdering Dipper and then asks for the beef jerky. Dipper claims that he is not finishing them so he throws it on the ground and the minotaur starts ripping the package and eating it. Dipper deduces that he is a minotaur; and the thing blows him off because he is a Manotaur which is half man, half...um. Mike Hallik; is that really you? I thought Manotaur is 3/4 man and his father was a bull? Mano pounds the ground to force the point as Dipper asks if he summoned him; in which Mano (Kevin Michael Richardson) responds that the beef jerky summoned him. So it was Dipper as Mano punches a tree, grabs a rock and crushes it with his head and viking helmet. He then sniffs a frightened Dipper and he proclaims that he smells emotional issues. You don't say?! Manotaur sits down as somehow Dipper goes from Kit's sad position to sitting cross-legged in the next shot.
So they exchange notes on the situation; well, mostly Dipper talking about Stan calling him a whimp and flunking the video game test of manliness. Dipper proclaims that Mano looks manly and asks if he could give him some pointers. Mano accepts and offers a ride on his back hair which is attracting flies. Dipper is repulsed; but accepts anyway. So we run in the forest to waste time as another tree is destroyed for fun. Dipper is not enjoying this because Mano is a dangerous Mantaur to be sure. Are you sure this is not Mike Hallik? Dipper takes branchs in the stomach and bird nests (with baby birds of course) in the face, and this was not funny. Leap of faith over the gorge and he does a Scooby Doo Snow Angel spot into the mountain; the first one in the series. It's weird because it usually took two episodes for Scooby Doo and company to do this spot; but it took six here. So we discover that this Manotaur has a bunch of muscleheaded Manotaurs in the recreation room playing games. It is a literal man cave in every single way. Someone is playing darts; two are playing foosball together and another is lifting weights with bones. WHEEEEEEEEEE! Apparently; there are mermaids in Gravity Falls and they are considered losers in his mind. Bigot. Manotaurs live in mountains of course. So who lives in the sky? And yes; it is called a man cave as Mano gongs this episode while we see two Manotaurs in a lock up. Mano shows off the hairless child Dipper and then introduces the gang with names such as Pubertor (The one with the hair over his face), Testosteraur (the one with spiked shoulder pads and a dark grey mustache, Pituitor (the one with a bone in his nose and sniffing his arm pits of course); and the one with the pink cap is Chutzpar. Oookkkkkkaaayyyy. So to make my life easier; we'll call them Pub, Testo, Pit and Chutz since those are easier to spell. Chutz asks his name and Dipper responds; causing the bigoted mantaurs to boo him and give him the thumbs down. Lovely. Dipper decides to nick name himself the Destructor; in which the others do the Gruffi pose and proclaims that it's better at least. We gong the episode again and Clutz tells us that Dipper is here to learn manliness secrets.
Somehow I don't like these secrets for some reason as Dipper shows off his bare chest to the manotaurs and Testo wants a conference and apparently; the entire group is the high counsil as they conference like a football team. Worse; they whisper yell at each other instead of talking in gibberish, thus ruining the suspense of if they are going to teach him or not. I realize that they have to say yes to advance the plot; but at least try to build up suspense. It's not like the kids know much about how cliches work anyway since this is their first exposure to them; but at least building the suspense allows the viewer to think that they might say no, even if they have to say yes. Pit hates humans; while Testo hates Pit's face. And then a pier six brawl erupts. Okay; this is much better than just saying yes because I didn't see this coming actually. One of them is biting a manotaur's leg while being punched in the head; which did amuse me. Lot of backhanding also occurs as Dipper loves these guys. Of course you do Dipper; they make you look like the biggest saint in the land, which you are clearly not. A tooth goes flying and we head back to the Mystery Hack for the time wasting filler segment that we have seen in Quack Pack; only it involves Mabel and Stan (I typed Stand again!) as we see Stan shuffling cards at a table wearing his boxer shorts and slippers. Mabel comes in with a camera proclaiming that this is the first day of whatever is left in your life; which is a funny take on the "This is the start of the rest of my life" promo. She uses the camera and invokes the XENON FLASH OF DEATH on Stan and the before picture has Stan looking like he has seen a ghost; or the FBI. Either one is acceptable at this point. Mabel claims that this is going into the scrapbook because she doesn't waste these moments to rub it into Stan. That is funny as she brings out the scrapbook and the picture of the beheaded Wax Stan is in the scrapbook. AWESOME! Beep indeed!
So Mabel wants to break the ice by doing some role-playing as Wendy has arrived with Soos dressed up like Lazy Susan. Lose the hat Soos; no one buying that you can play Lazy Susan right! Mabel offers Stan to show off his womanizing skills; which is not a good idea. There is a crescent moon in the background as Mabel proclaims that this is a safe, non-judgmental environmental. Note to Stan: She's naive. Without judgment; there can be no savior. Oh wait; she's lying because she's bringing out a notebook and proclaims that she'll be judging from a scale of one to ten. She has Molly Cunningham's misdirection non-verbal cues, only they are verbal and thus not nearly as subtle. So Stan steps in; does a spit take which he at least has enough class to not spit in Soos' face and asks for money causing Mabel to blow the out of nowhere whistle on him. Wendy is with Mabel now as Mabel claims that this is going to be harder than they. No kidding Mabel! When even you cannot be more subtle than Molly Cunningham, that is not a good sign for this segment. Then we return to the man cave; and after all the punching, they decide to say no and not advance the plot! Wow; on second thought, this was better than just saying gibberish and whispering legit. Dipper is stunned by this; and then he tips his cap, and accepts this denial. He proclaims to them that they think it's too hard to train him; and thus proof that they are not MAN enough to train him. Testo is outraged by this as he backs up Dipper; even Chutz is telling Dipper to please don't get Testo mad. Testo apparently has THREE Y chromosomes, six Adam's apples, pecs on his abs (I was hoping he would say ass; just to prove that he gets his training from Larson & Gary) and fists for nipples. Oooookkkkkaaayyyy. Dipper seems to not be the only one with emotional issues; and anger is an emotion no matter how you slice and dice it. And yes he does have fists in his nipples in case you want to ask. Dipper has the Gruffi pose on looking sly and keeps taunting Testo claiming that Testo is scared to teach him how to be a man. I love it when the non-violent wimpy Dipper is controlling the emotions of this muscleheaded cocksucker.
Dipper then mimics chicken sound while cupping his ear as a further taunt. After a bit of clucking; he calls them a bunch of chickens and that forces the Manotaurs to do the huddle again. They actually whisper this time; but whisper yell inside the huddle as Testo feels weird and Pub claims that it's brain magic. Yes he sure is; and they turn around and decide that the answer is yes because they are slow in realizing that the plot can only advance if the answer is yes. So they chant men while pumping their fists in outrage/glee depending on what mood I was in when doing this rant. Dipper proclaims that he will not let them down on this and so we head outside the mountain with eagles screeching. So the Manotaurs all surround Dipper in a circle as Testo and Chutz explain to Dipper that he must conquer his fears to become a man. And the first step of this according to Testo is to plunge his fist into a deep hole called the Pain Hole (if this wasn't Disney, it would be called the Ass/Butt/Corn Hole.). The others are not happy about this as Testo tests the hole claiming that this pain is nothing; and then screams like hell and runs off stage left. Dipper goes to the hole and asks if this is really necessary. Answer: yes. Nose bone punches a Manotaur in the face as Chutz asks if he wants to become a man. Chanting abounds as Dipper puts the hand into the pain hole and we go to a far shot of the horizon with birds flying as Dipper screams and it sounds like a scream that could be mine for all we know. So we head back to the table in the Mystery Hack with Mabel and Stan as Mabel is sitting down and wants Stan to give her some inner beauty. Good luck on that one Mabel; I believe Stan when he says that he has a dark, cold empty soul. So we do smiling exercises in which Stan looks like he's angry. His facial expressions are like Michael Pacther in that if he's trying to smile, he does the exact opposite. At least in Stan's case, this may not be intentional. So Soos comes in with a ham sandwich and notices Stan being angry. He screams; drops the sandwhich and runs right out the damn house in mortal fear. Mabel is not thrilled and brings out the Training Music CD which has a heart and a raspberry face.
So we bring in a different boom box as Mabel puts in the CD and we play 1980's syntho music as we HIT THE MONTAGE~! It's funny how 1980's cartoons are supposed to be out of style, and yet cartoonish still continue to use them in modern cartoons. Seriously folks; the joke is long past the expiry date, it's time to concede and enjoy what we like from now on. Of course; if they do something stupid or offensive, it's perfectly all right to call them out on it. Otherwise; quit it! Basically it's a double montage about tigers roaring as we see Dipper being the horse of the wagon of Manotaur being assholes. Then we get the cuecumber facial from Mabel and Wendy on Stan in his chair. Stan does show that he has chest hair in the bathroom as he eats the cuecumber slices and gets a shave from Mabel with Mabel using a razor that is disposable. Dipper has no chest hair; so where did the golden heavenly light come from? And Chutz managed to see it without getting blind, so; Stan and Mabel are less of a man than Dipper is! Mabel at least has an excuse, but Stan? Chutz glues chest hair on Dipper of course as Stan balances books on his head; which is the dumbest thing to learn about refinement and gain perfect walking posture. Dipper is doing Sinkers & Floaters with the aligators in the lake looking like a scared little boy. These Manotaurs must have liked Plunder and Lightning Part One; which is amazing considering that it was the weakest part of that pilot. Stan is scratching his back with oven mitts with Mabel showing a sign that reads "Stop Scratching". Try a sign that shows a picture of a stop sign and someone scratching their back Mabel. That might in fact work on him. Mabel backhands Stan with the sign and brings out a sign that says eye contact. Then we see the Manotaur racking Dipper and pulling his eye sockets wide open; which has to be painful beyond belief. It's to show a bunch of photos taped onto rocks which show a bald eagle and a lion. On them they say Glory (bald eagle picture) and Honor (lion picture).
I think they were shooting for those Motivational posters you often see on the internet; which makes no sense because these Manotuars do not have internet access and I doubt that they can use computers. Then we discover that it was the Manotuars who were breaking the fire hydrants in the town! They just want to drink out of them. Gross; but at least there was a payoff. The payoff was that earlier in the episode, Sheriff Blubbs and Deputy Durland were "investigating" these broken fire hydrants. Dipper gets blown away by water as Mabel shows Stan the proper use of a purple cummerbund. So more antics as Dipper tries to do the leap of faith over the cliff; but fails and free falls to his doom. Mabel shaves more chest hair from Stan and it all turns into a hair tomb right into the hard camera. Dipper end the montage by doing the leap of faith and actually making it to the other side. However; Dipper gets too excited in high fiving himself and he tumbles over the side and free falls to his doom. The singing was bad, the music was poor; but the montage itself was pretty good. So we then head to the man cave's hot springs segment as the Manotaurs are enjoying themselves with Dipper as one of the Manotaur has a boil on his head; as I discover that his name is Clark. Oh; this is Bert The Hitman Clark that Michael Buffer got wrong? How can anyone make such an obvious mistake? Dipper is thanking the Manotaurs for their support in the past few hours and somehow Dipper was not shown roughed up in anyway whatsoever. Besides; Dipper addresses him as Glurk and Dipper is shown on the closeup to being roughed up after all. Man; the logic is hilarious and not in a good way. So Dipper feels like a man as Chutz proclaims that Destructor has one more final task to do before he is officially a man in their eyes. This leads to Pit and Testo doing the whip towel in the ass spot in the background and complaining about it. Chutz calls this the deadliest trial of them all as Dipper proclaims that he has survived 49 trials which seems too high for Dipper. I wish he said 50 trials; if only to see if kids get the Smash Bros reference. Dipper wants them to bring it and they all rise their arms in glee.
So we go to a darken cave as Testo is lighting the torches. I'm tempted to think that the final task was to have a human torch match with a Manotaur called Manpyro; but of course Disney is not going to allow this. So we seem to be inside a throne room as the Manotaurs are using stick on tattoos on Dipper. What a bunch of wimps these Manotaurs are? They need to learn the Samoan way of tattooing; or is that not allowed in Disney? Bigots. Anyhow; here comes their master called Leaderaur; who is the only black Manotaur who actually looks like a minotaur. A wise antho goat in torn green clothes and a staff comes in as the Manotaurs let him in and Dipper asks if he's Leaderaur. Leader proceeds to grab the goat and basically eat it alive complete with slurping. He has scars like Sabu and he's almost as big as the minotaur from Ducktales. With the smallest matchstick legs you can have without tipping over. He looks like a cave-man version of a minotaur now that I think about it. He is voiced by the same guy who voices Chutz by the way. One of the Manotaurs with a brown beard is Beardy by the way. Leader asks if Dipper wants to be a man and Dipper growls and extends his arms in the curifix position. He pats his chest with has a skull wings and a flamming snake which appears to be an obscured cross. That is an interesting choice of a tattoo there Dipper Pines!
So Leader tells him to go to the highest mountain as he goes into his chest and yanks out a spear which apparently was inside his body because he is bleeding green blood! Even the spear is green blooded! That is the most blood I have seen since Deadly Force. It's also weird; because his scars are showing crimson instead, although not blood. Leader basically tells Dipper to find the multi-bear and kill it with the spear; in order to bring the Multi-Bear head back in order to be officially called a man. Leader throws the spear at Dipper's feet as Dipper asks if he is a bear. Ummm; yes. Leader points out that he is the sworn enemy of the Manotaurs; thus conquering him will allow his manformation to be complete. Dipper is having second thoughts about this and the manotaurs find the Babba CD in his backpack which is none of their business anyway. Dipper stammers and claims that it's not his and it's a friends; as the Manotaurs are also having second thoughts about Dipper. Dipper looks around and as he stares at the spear; the green blood on it is gone. Sigh. Dipper grabs the spear and proclaims that he will conquer the Multi-Bear like a cave man would. Leader is so happy about this that he breathes fire and one flame manages to nick Dipper on the right shoulder. Dipper panics as he puts it out and declares that he's all right. He did put it out quickly; so he is going to be fine and that ends the segment almost 16 minutes in. This act was longer than I expected and it was fine for the most part; but it isn't all that funny.
After the commercial break; we head into the forest for a running montage of Dipper running through the woods slicing branches with the spear; going up a tree and noticing where the highest mountain in Gravity Falls is. Then we cut to a scene where Dipper is drinking water from a lake with his hands next to a deer licking the water. Then we see Dipper and the deer look at each other and nod. Then we jump cut to Dipper pole vaulting from cliff to cliff as thunder claps rain in the background. Did I just miss a scene with Dipper riding the deer? And even if that scene exists; doesn't riding the deer violate the principals of the Manotaur manliness program? Dipper climbs the cliffs and reaches the Multi-Bear cave as we get a closeup of Dipper's face saying that he is coming for Multi-Bear as more thunderclaps ensue. Then we have to go back to the living room with Soos, Wendy and Mabel looking at some photo on Stan's chair. So we look at the before photo and it looks NOTHING like the photo taken earlier. This is awful continuity here Tim! Anyhow; the photo taken here is Stan looking old and miserable; and the actual Stan is old, miserable, attracting flies, one slipper is missing, a q-tip is in his left ear, blue toothpaste and wants to scratch his back. Mabel is pissed off (just to shut up the old farts in thinking that she's always happy like they accuse Phineas of being.) as she thinks she smells vomit which she calls throw up. So vomit is on the forbidden list as Stan cannot answer her on that; so Mabel tears up the photo in disgust as Wendy declares Stan unfixable. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Wendy and Soos compare Stan to the unfixable pie spinner in Susan's lab and Mabel suddenly gets the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and tells Stan to come with her; and he can leave the pants at home making Stan look very happy. Oooookkkkkaaaaaayyyy. So we head inside the cave with Dipper and his spear as he steps on a bone and somehow crushes it with his foot.
Dipper looks around and asks who the hell is a Multi-Bear; and then we see a shadow in the distance and we discover that a Multi-Bear is a Scyalla type anthroed bear with a dozen bear heads including two bear heads in each of his groins. Four of them are below the main head who is slapping the other bears for growling and this one can actually speak! Multi-Bear is voiced by Alfred Molina and according to IMDB: Alfred Molina was born in 1953 in London, England, of a Spanish father and an Italian mother. He studied at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama, London. His stage work includes two major Royal National Theatre productions, Tennessee Williams' "The Night of the Iguana" (as Shannon) and David Mamet's "Speed the Plow" (as Fox), plus a splendid performance in Yasmina Reza's "Art" (his Broadway debut), for which he received a Tony Award nomination in 1998. He made his film debut in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) and got a good part in Letter to Brezhnev (1985) (as a Soviet sailor who spends a night in Liverpool), but his movie breakthrough came two years later when he played--superbly--Kenneth Halliwell, the tragic lover of playwright Joe Orton, in Stephen Frears' Prick Up Your Ears (1987). He was also outstanding in Enchanted April (1991), The Perez Family (1995) (as a Cuban immigrant), Anna Karenina (1997) (as Levin) and Chocolat (2000) (as the narrow-minded mayor of a small French town circa 1950s, who tries to shut down a chocolate shop). He began his career as Nigel in The Losers in 1978. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Heavenly Sword (Bohan), Vivaldi (Felice Tartini) and Penn Zero: Part Time Hero (Rippen) are his most recent credits. He has 143 acting credits, 49 Self credits and 2 producer credits (Ladies Man and Remember Isobel) to his resume. Additional voices provided by Andrew Pifko and Chris Wylde.
Andrew according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): He has appeared and voiced characters in various TV shows such as Queer as Folk, Rescue Heroes, and 'Til Death Do Us Part. He also voiced the playable character Aldo Trapani in the video game The Godfather: The Game, based on The Godfather film. He began is career in Hidden Agenda as a Hospital Attendent in 1999. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Good Morning 2014 is his most recent credit. He has 32 acting credits, one self credit, two writing credits (Rehearsing Shakespeare) and one producer/director credit to his resume. Chris Wylde according to IMDB: Chris was born and raised in New Jersey, the son of a preacher man and a preacher mama. Chris attended Northern Highlands Regional High School in Allendale, New Jersey, and was selected for the NJ Governor's School of the Arts for acting. Chris graduated from the American University in Washington, DC, with a bachelor's degree in Theater-Performance. In the 1980s, he sang for the Queen Mother in Westminster Abbey and went to the Hit Factory in New York City and sang on the track "Let the River Run" with Carly Simon, which appeared in Mike Nichols's classic flick Working Girl (1988). His group was the St. Thomas Boys' Choir and it performed regularly on Fifth Aveue for Jacqueline Kennedy and other notable New Yorkers. In the 1990s, Chris hosted his own late-night talk show, which started on campus television at the American University and ended up on Comedy Central. His big-screen debut was in Clint Eastwood's Space Cowboys (2000), flipping and flying alongside Tommy Lee Jones and Jon Hamm, another actor making his first film foray. Since landing in Hollywood in the summer of 1998, Chris starred in hundreds of episodes of TV, over a dozen films, and over 50 national commercials.
Chris was married on October 10, 2009, and, a year later, October 17, 2010, his wife and he had a happy, healthy, and handsome son. He began his career on Coyote Ugly (College Guy), Space Cowboys (Jason), and The Right Hook (Blond Freddie) in 2000. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Earth To Echo (Security Guard), Lucky Bastard (Kris) and Jessie (Thunderblood/Grover) are his most recent credits. He has 39 acting credits, 16 self credits, three writing credits (Dad's Camp, Heavy News and The Chris Wylde Show Starring Chris Wylde) and two producer credits to his resume. One of the bears whimpers in response as Multi-Bear demands to know why Dipper is here. Dipper almost screws up the spear twirl; but he stands his ground and proclaims that he is here for one of their heads; or the main one at best. MB blows him off and tells him to either leave or die (death reference #2 for the episode) now. Dipper no sells and it's on! MB drops to all fours and roars; but Dipper stands his ground once again. So Dipper walks the cave walls to dodge MB; and then dodges bones tosses from MB as Dipper hides behind a rock. Am I watching MUGEN again? Dipper jumps up and gets behind MB; and uses the spear to try to choke the MB out; like a heel. MB goes down like a sack of potatoes as Dipper is on top of it's belly with the spear proclaiming that Dipper shows no mercy because he's a man. That pissed me off. MB then asks Dipper to grant a magical beast one final request and Dipper slacks down and grants him that request. MB tells him that he wishes to die listening to his favorite song. And the poor MB has a cassette tape player in the cave on a rock labeled Disco Girl. So Dipper goes over and holds down on the power button as MB tells him that the tape is in there already ready to play. So we hear the BABBA song Disco Girl from earlier and Dipper is in shock. Dipper takes one of the cassette cases and asks him about him listening to Icelandic pop music and we discover that MB loves disco girl and can recite the lyrics; in which the Manotaurs made fun of him for.
In other words; the Manotaurs have him as his sworn enemy because they hate pop music. They are monster heels now on par with scoiopaths. It's one thing to hate someone else's music when you hate it for having poor singing, poor music, poor use of instruments, too much put on visual appearances and not enough put on audio. But hating someone else's music because it is considered unmanly is admitting that being manly means being a monster. That makes you into an unreedemible heel. This might be fine in ficition when the characters are not real; but it's horrible in real life. It can lead to death even. This is great booking actually as they sing together for a while. Dipper cannot believe that someone actually understands him; and then realizes what he must do as he takes the spear. Death reference #3 ensues as the MB tells him to kill him because it's for the best. Dipper raises the spear and drives it into....the rock....inside the man cave throne room right in front of Leader! Yeap; he refused to do the deed which is the correct booking decision. You know what; this is actually a good angle all things considered. So basically Dipper goes on a awesome rant here and sadly, no one on the wikia has actual quotes, so I'm going to summarize what he said. He basically tells them that they are full of bullsh*t (which is apporos in this case) in these tasks, and that Top 40 hits are there for a reason and it's because they are catchy ear worms. He proclaims that MB is a nice guy and they are assholes in making him kill it. Leader screams in his face to kill the MB or never be a man. Dipper simply says stone face that he'll never be a man and they boo him out of the man cave. They can all sod off now! Memo to men who hate this moment: There are millions of productions that fill your bigoted, small minded viewpoints. One production of this is not going to kill it. Youtube is your friend. Go use it. So the Manotaurs all simply want to go bash something and they bail as Dipper does the cloudkicker kick on a rock and does a decent job of it before finally storming out. Just the way it should have been booked; although I would not have gone so roundabout about it.
So we head to Greasy's Diner as we see Lazy Susan still banging on the pie spinner and yelling at it. The door bell rings and in comes Mabel and Stan; who is scratching himself again. Mabel introduces Stan because she wants him fixed, and since women live longer than men the dating pool is smaller. Considering the War On Women throughout the ages I find that fact hard to believe. I did cringe when Mabel said that she should lower her standard. On it's head that is BS; but that would imply that Lazy Susan's standards are too hight, even though Susan seems cool being around Stan. So Stan simply shows his hand and asks if they want to date each other. Susan ponders it over and then turns around and walks off. Stan and Mabel sigh in defeat and then Susan comes back with a piece of paper containing her phone number in cyan blue color; and a slice of cherry pie with whip cream on top. Stan is shocked and the pie is in fact on the house. Susan walks off as we have build up the Susan/Stan relationship in 30 seconds thus rendering the filler segments absolutely pointless. Dipper was the focus character of the episode; so I'm fine with this. Mabel and Stan sit down as Stan tries to eat pie as Mabel wants him to call her NOW! Even though she is inside the diner and could talk to her by simply seeing her. She also wants to buy a phone and a credit card, thus she's trying to swindle Stan in ironic fashion, but Stan blows it off because there is a cherry pie to eat. That was funny. So Mabel sees Dipper coming as Dipper is dressed back to normal; and it took a half hour walk to put his shirt on. That is depressing. Mabel knocks on glass to get his attention as Dipper puts the cap on and looks roughed up still. So Mabel takes this cheery voice far past the expiration date as Dipper comes in and sits down looking glum. Dipper doesn't want to talk about it as Mabel does.
Dipper then finally explains what happened and Stan proclaims that he was his own man and he stood up for himself; which Stan considers manly. Wow; he actually praised Dipper for doing the right thing! There is hope for Stan, or maybe not because what does he know. Somehow Mabel notices a strand of a hair on Dipper's chest and he shows his chest to reveal it. Mabel then uses tweezers and plucks it out; putting the hair in the scrapbook of doom. What a giggly little jerk this Mabel is?! At least wait until the second strand of hair grows out before you put the thing in the scrapbook. Stan tells him not to worry about it; because he opens the tank top to show a lot of chest hair. Geez; Stan has insta-grow hair. Must be a side effect of being a seedy con man. Dipper acts playful calling it disgusting as they all laugh it up; and then Dipper stops being playful and really calls this disgusting. Whatever Dipper; what do you know about chest hair? So we go to the ED and here's what happens: Stan is sitting in his comfy chair in the living room watching television; as I discover that he has found the remote control. The phone rings off the hook. Stan doesn't like this as we hear a messanger voice beckon that this is message number 36; and it's Lazy Susan saying hello to him. She gets her cats to meow hello to him; one of them is Donald, Sandy and Mr. Catface who yodels. Susan is protesting this and basically tells Stan to call back as the message ends. Stan panics and asks how to get out of this as the cyptogram reads: MR. CAESARIAN WILL BE OUT NEXT WEEK. MR. ATBASH WILL SUBSTITUTE. As noted; Gravity Falls decided to change ciphers after this episode was over and this ends the episode and the first DVD set at 22:34. This was a really sloppy and not so good episode until the third act when they booked everything right and the payoff to Dipper standing up for himself was awesome. *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
I didn't think that this episode could be any good and yet they surprised me. This was like those TaleSpin episodes where they get off to a bad start and then somehow pull course and end up having a good episode out of it. Dipper Vs. Manliness was that kind of episode. Most of the episode felt below average and sloppy with logic breaks; and Dipper just looking like a weakling throughout it. The whole Mabel/Stan angle of love went nowhere because Stan was a seedy con man and it wasn't working at all. This is probably the first episode where Mabel couldn't perform a miracle in terms of quality actually. The whole angle was rendered pointless in the end because Susan already liked Stan and no one noticed but me making Mabel look like an idiot. Dipper's angle was a hell of a lot better; although it was mostly during the third act where the writers actually did an awesome job in making Dipper look like the smallest badass on the planet; while at the same time, not kill his humanity in the process. The finish was damn perfect and the reactions with the Multi-Bear worked on the level of making Dipper understand what being a man is supposed to be about, rather than what a bunch of monsters think about it. Dipper's rant on the Manotaurs was great as well; along with his stone faced no sell of Leader at the end. Overall; this episode was above average, but could have been better if they simply dropped the Mabel/Stan angle and just showed the scene with Stan and Susan in the diner at the end. Dipper really earned this episode here by the way.
So that is it for Gravity Falls DVD set one; and so far, it's not TaleSpin. But it has all the elements that TaleSpin had: believable kids who aren't stereotypes (Wendy is the exception to the rule; but the one episode focused on her wasn't all that bad), playful wit, not too much BS&P'ing spots, great dialogue, memorable moments and Mabel channeling Kit Cloudkicker and Molly Cunningham all at the same time. And Dipper's better than he has any right to be. Stan has been fine; pervert fisher episode aside. Gideon is a great heel for the one appearance that he was in and he's going to be better later on. The Multi-Bear was neat and it's wasn't 4KID'ized like in Yu-Gi-Oh when they showed a monster with the same heads in the Japanese version; being edited to put the head on the chest instead. The Wax figures was impressive, the Ma & Pa ghosts were disappointing and the rest was just there. So there were two thumbs up and four in the middle for this set; which is great, but not outstanding. It's still sloppy; but not as sloppy as Phineas & Ferb. The only other complaint I have with this show is that the pacing is very slow due to the fact that too much stuff goes on; but at least in this show, the good stuff outweighed the bad by a large margin so it wasn't a pain to recap. Still; it's better to just watch the show than review it. I don't know if it's the thinking that action must happen at all times and I hope that is the reason. Because if it is because they want to make the show "review proof"; I will be pissed off, because that's impossible. So that is it for Gravity Falls until the next Fall Assortment, which will probably be in 2016 due to the 25 Years Of Spin special coming up in 2015 which will last until August of 2016. So over the next two months; I'll be doing prep work for the second DVD set of Gravity Falls, Kick Buttowski episodes that I can rant on now, Chargemen Ken for Easter Sadism (and that will actually require screening the actual episodes since some of them on Youtube have a subber who think Ken is an F-Bomb machine who talks about drugs and calls his friend Dogbreath.), and Teddy Ruxpin for Fathers Day. I'll do the first arc next year this time around. Other than that; it's 25 Years Of Spin stuff as I'm going to redo every single chapter in the 20 Years Of Spin to include trivia and new information in the Supplementals. The Walt Disney Japan and France supplementals will have to be redone so that new information could be shown. I'll probably have to do the tributes again to fix them up and add new names to the sections. There's a lot to do here even before I start in January with TaleSpin comic books, TaleSpin children's books, listing the differences between the book, comic and television versions of some episodes. Also have to review the second segment from Robot Chicken; I forgot about that too. So I'm going to be busy this November and then there is Smash Brothers Wii U to come! So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.