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Gravity Falls: Bottomless Pit!
Reviewed: 11/03/2017
Like Most Idiots Who Keep On Digging!
Well; we end the second DVD set of Gravity Falls with the most obvious time filler episode of all time: The babyfaces tell stories while falling down a bottomless pit. Oh; lovely! So; how does this episode fare? Let's rant on shall we...?!
Bottomless Pit! is written by Michael Rianda and Old Man McGucket. Storyboards were done by Matt Braly, David Gemmill and Alonso Ramirez Ramoos; while direction is done by Aarron Springer and Joe Pitt. David Gemmill's resume is as follows: Shredderman Rules in 2007, Can You Teach My Alligator Manners?, The Mighty B!, Maryoku Yummy, Uncle Grandpa, Secret Mountain Fort Awesome and Fanboy & Chum Chum. Gravity Falls is his DTVA debut and he also works on Wonder Over Yonder and the Mickey Mouse 2013 cartoons. Animation is done by Rough Draft Studios.
Episode opened at the Mystery (S)hack with woodpeckers pecking and Stan riding Dipper, Mabel and Soos in a golf cart near the parking area. Stan comes out and talks all about pits, only none involve his personality. He turns a sign to reveal the bottomless pit, which is no more bottomless than his scummy money making schemes, I guess. Soos questions this bottomless pit thing because he's a stupid idiot. Mabel is wearing a navy blue sweater with a moon and a wolf on it as Dipper asks why they are here and Stan wants someone to explain to Soos the principle of bottomless thingies. Stan dumps suggestion tickets, Mabel dumps all the Gideon love letters (YAY! And says die twice.), Dipper won't be dumping his insecurities anytime soon, and Soos is throwing his shoes because he's dumb. Dipper is not impressed by this as Soos throws a locked BBQ pit down the pit (HAR! HAR! and Mabel has a locked purple CHEST OF DEMONS to push into the pit. Dipper claims that a bottomless pit is by definition, impossible. Then explain why Stan's fez cap is raining suggestion papers?! It's the Eleroo pouch principle, Dipper; it's so obvious! Mabel claims that they will never know as a storm comes in. Wait; I thought Cousin Kyle wasn't in this show? Soos acts like an idiot as the kids run into the shack; but Stan continues to throw suggestion papers like an idiot; they get into his eyes, he loses his balance, forcing the kids to try to pull him in and then they fall into the bottomless pit, just like that. A goat bleats and we HIT THE OPENING~! So we fall and scream...A lot. Then it gets pitched dark; but the babyfaces are seen. You know; if they were going for semi-realism; just having eyes would have worked here. Of course; then critics would run their mouths about them cheaping out on the animation. They stop screaming and they float as Soons asks if they want to scream again. I betcha they do. I check the DVD...Nope. Mabel takes out a glowstick and states that they are somewhere that looks like nowhere. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there, Mabel. Mabel plays with the glowstick as Dipper claims that this will end any second now and they sell impact. Nope!
Stan claims that we are in for the long haul as he brings out playing cards for some card tricks. Only Stan would have red spades as part of his deck; and of course, the second he tries to shuffle them, they all go upstairs and away from him. Dipper is not impressed; but Mabel claps anyway. HAHA! Soos suggests they tell stories and Dipper blows that off claiming and basically admitting that bottomless pits exist. Nice one, Dipper; it's time to punt. Soos wants more as Mabel claims that Dipper can do better than that. Dipper grabs the glowstick and calls his stories "Voice Over". And yes; they jackhammered it Fairly Oddparents style, with no animation. The O's are like tonsils by the way. So yes; we invoke the FLASHBACK OF DOOM with thunder crackles. So we begin the segment Stan on the porch reading the newspaper in his rocking chair while Mabel (wearing a yellow sweater with a watermelon on the front), Wendy and Soos are playing "Spin The Pig" with Waddles. The person Waddles picks must kiss the pig as per the stips. It lands on Stan of course because it's too gross for a kid to kiss the pig; but perfectly all right to nuzzle it like Mabel often does in the opening sequence. Stan refuses to dignify this nonsense and somehow I'm with him. Dipper runs in with two dots on his right, claiming that he got bit by a snake and needs to go to the hospital as Stan laughs his ass off. Considering who is telling this story; this sounds like Dipper trying to smear the goo...Oh wait, never mind. Stan of course is making fun of Dipper's voice. Geez; he was kinder to Grenda then he is to Dipper. Mabel calls his voice hilarious, I call it better than Kick Buttowski's that's for sure. Dipper protests this as Soos has made remix music out of with the walkman. They play the music and everyone is dancing to it like complete fools as Dipper cannot believe this one bit. Wendy loves the "Stop it, guys!" part and they laugh as Dipper is now pissed off and steals the walkman. He runs off fuming as they ignore him and spin the pig again. So we see Dipper walking on the sidewalk and blows off his sighing, because he's so insecure. In comes Old Man McGucket out of nowhere (might as well be Randy Orton now.)
OMM spits on his hand and calls himself a part-time inventor, which is like calling Doctor Nick a part-time doctor...Oh wait. Dipper is confused about the spitting thing and so is OMM as Dipper then accuses OMM of making a robot that almost killed him (death reference #3). OMM drags him into a dark alley and somehow teleports them into the junkyard (IT'S UNCENSORED BABEE~!). OMM's kitchen is literally a car engine as he has been cooking up some green liquid that alters your voice. He pours some into a test tube and then screams about his horrible voice. Pfft; whatever. Some kid in a prop top hat with rider cries on cue and runs away like a scalded dog as OMM blows him off. What an asshole OMM is?! Dipper grabs the test tube and it's bottoms up. He leaves as OMM declares that he'll be a new man by morning, if he lives. Morning arises as a rooster crows; since Disney Captions got into hot water with TaleSpin. Cut to Dipper in bed waking up and yawning. Dipper opens his eyes and now sounds like Biff from ARMS when he looks himself in the mirror. Dipper is so happy about this as he goes over to wake up Mabel who is sleeping as well. Mabel wakes up (wearing a shirt with a 3 1/2" floppy diskette on the front) and MURDERS Dipper good with the golf club, which is so far the only piece of entertainment I am getting from this episode. Apparently; a body switching warlock took over Dipper; so Dipper has to inform her that he's fine and that he got a new voice. Mabel calls this weird and bad as Dipper claims that this is the best thing to happen to him; and he wants to do crank calling ala Baloo. Well; you can do screw yourself Dipper Pines! We already have Stan doing that gimmick; and we don't need another one. Dipper uses a cellphone and calls someone that he is the president of the USA and blows raspberries into the phone. You sound nothing like Barack Obama, Dipper; so buzz off! Mabel channels Guy LaDouce and she don't like. Me agree Mabel, me agree. So we head into the gift shop with four customers as Soos looks stunned at something at the counter. Why? I have no idea. Dipper than literally channels Ned Flanders. UGGHH!
Soos suddenly brings out the RIC FLAIR BROOM OF DOOM and MURDERS Dipper on the head with it, getting off the second kill reference of the episode. KILL THIS EPISODE WITH...Oh wait, never mind as everyone except the kids run out of the store. Dipper demands answers to this outrage as Soos explains that Dipper sounds like some kind of weird commercial dude. Dipper is pissed and storms off stage left to find Stan because Stan cannot hate his voice now. Never mind that Stan hates Dipper because Dipper is an insecure, nosey little brat. And of course he proves Soos' point with his promo before catching himself. Pfft; whatever. So Dipper storms out and heads into town as Dipper is calling for Stan; but passes the Skull Fracture as we discover that he crank called Tats Chinhead (the big black bald bouncer from Headhunters); which is now certain death for Dipper (By the way; A. Smith Harrison is the voice of Dipper's deep voice, who also voiced Webster in Fish Hooks) as Dipper claims that he's a 12 year old boy. Yeah, sure; like a bouncer on the Larson & Gary Pro Program is going to buy that. Tats doesn't and Dipper bails as he is being chased by Tat's entire motorcycle gang which ran out of the bar; and Tats is the only one that looks like a gang member. Chase scene ensues; but Dipper runs through DA...HOLE (Slurp!) right into the junkyard. OMM is sitting on the hood of the car he used as a kitchen the day before and acting like OMM. Apparently; he was expecting a cock fight to ensue; but the roosters got the BS&P notice and just stare at each other. In comes Dipper protesting this outrage and OMM claims this is why he lives in a dump. Okay; that was funny as he mimics a drum roll by dancing on the hood. Dipper is crying as OMM takes the test tube and notices that he gave Dipper the wrong one; which was for a voice over professional. Of course! What a fool Dipper was? OMM opens the hood and looks into it for another liquid as he states that come sundown; the voice would have reverted back to normal. Dipper calls the voice absurd as he brings out the walkman and replays the remix of his voice.
Then Dipper hears Mabel saying that and Soos dedicated the remix to him because his voice is one of a kind. Remix over, mimics exploison and Dipper is happy as OMM brings out an orange liquid test tube claiming that this one is permanent. I don't trust him in that either. Dipper is given the test tube and looks insecure as usual. He then teases drinking the orange liquid and then we jump cut to inside the living room AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) with Soos and Mabel watching television. Dipper comes in and...he got his old voice back and we'll never hear it again...until ARMS. Soos and Mabel hug and nuzzle Dipper as Dipper proclaims that this is his voice and he's not changing it for anyone. Dipper then shows the test tube with only 1/4 of the liquid left as he confesses that he put it in Stan's coffee. Oh; and here comes Stan now, sounding like a southern woman as Stan demands his gridle. The kids laugh at him as Stan protests this outrage. I should note that this was the first episode where they changed Stan's Fez hat because the orignal symbol was the Shriner's symbol and it's probably under the same copyright protection as the Red Cross symbol. It's also considered a problematic symbol in a number of countries. Strangely; there was a scene in Her Chance to Dream which has a similar symbol with a star and that has never been changed at all. I'm guessing it's a copyright issue. That ends the segment nine minutes in. Okay; Stan sounds like a sassy woman was funny; but this was nothing special.
After the commercial break; we return to reality (no, not really) as Mabel is playing I Spy with the easiest answer of all time and Soos answers...almost right. Would have worked better if we didn't SEE the characters. This is the one time where the fake lighting really hurts this spot. Mabel and Soos clap and cheer as Dipper does the Gruffi pose, so no one cared about his story. Mabel wants to spin, Dipper no sells this deal because he hates Stan for screwing them with his stupid bottomless pit. Mabel spins him by the feet anyway, which is the first funny spot in this episode not involving a flashback. Soos chuckles and then Mabel log rolls Dippers. HAHA! Wow; a funny segment for a change! Stan don't care about Dipper's pain because it's funny. Also true. Sadly; Stan is bored and wants Soos to tell a story now. Soos has the glowstick now out of nowhere as he calls this story "Soos Really Great Pinball Story". Yawn, whatever. If it doesn't involve the Addams Family pinball game, no sale. Soos is confused like crazy and Dipper's screaming is so muted, no one cares. Oh and his promo also counts as a subtitle as I realize that they are doing stories straight out of Saturday Morning cartoons, only in the 1980's basically. So we jump cut to Soos playing a pinball game called Tumbleweed Terror. Basically; it's Red Dead Redempation if it were a pinball game. We are in the basement of the Mystery (S)hack by the way as Dipper and Mabel watch on. Mabel is wearing blue with a mouse pointer arrow on the front of her sweater. They are cheering on Soos on a yellow inflatable rug as Soos has been training for four long years to beat the high score on Stan's creepy pinball machine. We look at the stars of this game which are Sal, Gaff and Poo. Dipper suggests tilting the machine. Wait; that's really stupid, Dipper. Soos calls this breaking DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!) and against DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!); which Mabel says nuts to the rules and chants for tilting to go on. Oh sure, why not? Soos sucks at pinball and the Skull Cowboy Head blows Soos off as a failure and a stinker. Well; Soos IQ certainly stinks, that's for sure.
Soos has had enough after ONE ball and basically wants to tilt the pinball machine as Dipper and Mabel jump onto baskets and tilt the pinball machine as the skull is yelling at them to knock it off. Soos lifts the pinball machine and the ball goes into the skull's mouth for a bullseye and Soos gets the highest score and star in the land. By the way; this is the first time I have ever heard actual gunshots in the New Disney since Sandy Hook; so sounds are still allowed at this point. The pinball machine flashes lights and the kids all cheer. Soos calls this the best moment of his life; and whatever. By the way; Soos' last best moment was ejecting a VHS VCR and out comes a slice of pizza. Yeah; whatever. So the skull head cowboy is pissed off by this cheating to win and Mabel taunts him to do something about it. In a sane universe and even in this universe, nothing can be done by the skull cowboy. However; this is Gravity Falls, where anything can happen. So; of course the kids get zapped into the pinball machine and they suffer the wrath of the cowboy skull! Dipper notices a lot of neon game coming out of the game; so even Dipper doesn't like that color. So; yes they are inside the pinball game after neon green thunder consumes them. White flash of light and Soos is using the bumper as an alarm clock and complaining about it. Yawn. They are also dressed up like stereotypes (Dipper is a cowboy, Mabel is an indian and Soos is a Mexican cowboy); why? I have no idea. Mabel actually says sweet Moses; even though Moses is a legit religious character. Everyone is in awe as they love this dream sequence as Mabel bounces off bumpers for fun. Soos never wants to wake up from this dream and the cowboy skull head proclaims that this can be arranged as we get more gunshots. There is a lot of flashing as the saloon is called spitoon. Don't ask me why. Soos points out the obvious for us as CSH is basically telling them that he's going to tilt them for tilting him. Well; we does have a point there, guys. CHEAT TO WIN~ is very tricky and dangerous in the wrong hands. So Soos punches a bumper and it bounces off and MURDERS his face three times, knocking him onto his back. Whatever.
So basically; we get a lot of pinball spots, like Multi-ball, which is only three balls. Kids bail on cue as the balls come out of cowboy skull's mouth. The kids bails into the Spitoon Palour as Soos is of course, a perverted twit as the plastic female dancer is distracting him. Pfft; whatever. Dipper is not amused as Soos huddles everyone together and explains that there is a manual switch in the pinball machine to turn the game off; but someone has to run interference on the cowboy skull dood. Soos asks of Mabel and Dipper can make annoying noises and jump up and down; Mabel's promo after this was priceless. Dipper calls for Soos and Soos is still distracted by the plastic female dancer and even talking to her. Geez; I normally shouldn't say "get a life", but Soos needs one after this story is over. Dipper smacks it; and that might have been worse, but at least Soos gets it now. CSH demands those vermiants to come out right now. Dipper and Mabel sell by standing on the flippers; and Mabel makes annoying noises which do in fact sound funny. Mabel does the funniest airplane spin ever; I hope Kit steals that if TaleSpin is rebooted; or better yet, have Webby do it now. Same thing. CSH even notices that this is odd and Mabel isn't even trying to hide the fact that this is a distraction. CSH wonders where this is going as we pan over and see Soos shimmy up to a mine cart and we get a mine cart sequence into the bowels of the pinball machine. Soos then notices the power button right in front of him. Mabel and Dipper disappear as CSH somehow loses them; and tries to look around, but he has no neck. Of course! Dipper and Mabel goes into the Spitoon Palour and unscrew a screw (and thus proving that Dipper's arms are much better conditioned than Brad's arms); and notices Soos is not pushing the damn button. Soos claims that he was going to do that; but he read the warning label that pushing the button erases all data; and he doesn't want to because the high score is the only real achievement he ever had. An achievement he cheated on by having Dipper and Mabel tilt the machine on his behalf. Dipper is panicky as we get off death reference #5 I do believe.
Soos' promo on immortality is so stupid that this is clearly done to pad the running time; making Soos look like a cheating assholish idiot. CSH drops the props (snicker! snicker!) and tells them to meet their maker as he is made in Redmond, Washington from Ballway Games; a parody of Midway Games; who has been out of business for years now. Something about selling overbloated AAA games and not knowing what finances are and then everyone blames Party Games; a cheap A game that sold more units than anything Midway sold during that period and the only thing to make a profit.. Electronic Arts and Activision better learn that lesson soon; because Games As A Service might be as dangerous as Larson & Gary's Human Growth Syrup. They are on the "GAAS" as they say. The symbol and maker is on his cowboy hat by the way; and done to pad the time even more. So he basically tries to suck everyone into his mouth; and I'm not sure how this is going to kill anyone, unless there is some death trap inside. Oh wait; there's a furance we see off-screen when Dipper's cowboy hat fell into the mouth. Jump cut back to Soos staring like a stupid idiot. After about thirty seconds of screaming; Soos finally relents and pushes the button off as the pinball machine resets itself and erases everything. This somehow causes the power to go out and cause green neon lightning to shoot out and this was done poorly as the kids are on the yellow mat without any real effects whatsoever. Bad animation there, dood! Soos knocks Dipper and Mabel over as Mabel cheers on her back. Dipper still apologizes to Soos for losing his high score and Soos claims that he has a new life: Saving doods. Okay; sounds reasonable to me...Oh wait; he still wants to call the plastic female dancer like a moron and that ends the segment nearly fifteen minutes in. Okay; the pinball one was kind of fun in a stupid sort of way.
After the commercial break; we return with more falling and complete silence. Stan is not amused and has the Gruffi pose on. Stan calls that story complete nonsense because it involved magic tonics and Soos winning at something. Stan claims that he has a mega awesome story called "Grunkle Stan Wins The Football Bowl". And here's what the story is and this is (almost) ad verbtim from the Gravity Falls Wikia: Stan heads to the end of a football field and scores the winning touchdown. He is thanked by a group of football players for teaching them that old people are incredibly useful. Stan then receives a trophy from a woman he finds to be beautiful, and says that he could not have done it with his robotic sidekick and own invention, Footbot. Everyone cheers for Stan, airplanes fly in the sky trailing USA colored smoke, and the story ends. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is the greatst Stan segment ever...and of course we return to reality (no, not really) and the kids all boo him out of the building, making the whole thing even funnier. And Stan even admits that he made the whole thing up; just to put it over the top. You know this episode is boring when GRUNKLE STAN has the best segment ever. Mabel finally takes the glowstick and blows it off because she's going to tell a non-terrible story. Oh sod off, Mabel; that had Footbot for god sakes. I dare you to top that one! Her story is called Trooth Ache, which is basically a story about tooth aches caused by lying. Jump cut to outside on a road with Stan, Dipper and Mabel at the car staring at an orange truck. Mabel is kicking the car and denting it while wearing a teal sweater with a yellow ball of yarn. Manly Dan has a giant grizzley bear on a leash and Manly Dan cannot control said bear. Apparently; this is some kind of attraction for one of Stan's money making schemes. Manly Dan embraces the bear as Mabel's melt has just melted. I'm sorry Mabel; but as much as I like this moment, you are going to have to step up your game to beat Stan this time around.
Dipper is questioning this because Stan wants the bear to ride on a bicycle. Oh wait; Stan wants the bear to drive a car. This is not going to end well for anymore. So we get a sky shot of the car and Stan's is clearly the one who taught the Wuzzles how to drive. Yes; the bear is driving while Stan has his feet up and enjoying life while explaining the rules of Stan, which are the exact opposite of the law I might add. And HERE COMES THE BAD EPISODE POLICE~! So the bear is pulled over and somehow, the bear didn't crash into anything. So the police car stops behind the Stan mobile and here comes Blubs and Durland staring at Stan as Stan brings down the window. Stan asks what the problem is in the most sheepish, self-serving grin I have ever seen. At least Mabel's sketch of Stan is totally accurate in the storyline of this show. The bear bites at the seatbelt; so he clearly wants to get the hell away from Stan as Blubs demands a damned good explaination for this. Stan's story is that he's nearing his own death and claims that the doctor gave him a seeing eye bear. This man is a creep. THIS MAN IS A CREEP~! HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?! It's much better when I say it, then when Vinnie Mac accused Rick Martel in late 1990 during the Jake Roberts blind angle.Basically; the bear drives him to the hospital in case of emergencies as Mabel is not thrilled about this lying scumbag's attempt to debase this poor bear as Blubs isn't exactly buying this either. So Blubs demands a doctor's note and Stan literally writes the doctor's note inside the jacket right in front of Blubs. Stan gives the fake note to Blubs and Blubs instantly sells it and Stan orders the bear to drive the hell out of there. Apparently; Doctor Medicine is the standard for allowing a doctor's note in Gravity Falls. Why doesn't that surprise me? So we head outside the Mystery (S)hack as the car is parked in front of the gift shop and the bear is fishing for food out of the trash can out of nowhere. Mabel is angry about Stan lying to the cops and asks why he does that? Ummm; he's spray painting rocks with gold paint like a scumbag schemer. It's an obvious non-verbal clue there.
Mabel claims that lying is always wrong. Wait; I thought lying was the responsible thing to do? That's what Louie said in double speak, so it must be true. Stan's response is basically that he bends the truth a lot since he's an old man who doesn't know his time has come to be buried in the ground. Ironically; Stan has a lot of secrets in this show, so this actually made him look good. He also eats pasta and meat balls for fun and then Dipper comes in asking for his pasta plate. Stan turns around and hides the plate behind his back while slurping and claims Soos took it. Despite the fact that Stan has tomato sauce on his lips; Dipper sells it hook, line and sinker; and bails. He calls this a dark day. Yeah; it's a dark day...for your illogic! Mabel is not happy at all as Stan pats his tummy for the greater good, which is his good tummy. Mabel screams and bails to her bed as she props up Waddles with her legs. Mabel wonders what to do with Grunkle Stan and uses Waddles to proclaim that he needs to stop lying. Mabel wonders how to stop him from lying and Waddles cosplaying reveals to check Dipper's Mystery Book #3 for further details. Yes folks; Mabel just told Stan that she knows about Dipper's Mystery Book; and spoiler alert, Stan acts like he never heard about it. And after this show officially ended, this actually made sense. More on that in future rants. Mabel wants him to oink; they cosplay it and Mabel calls Waddles a genius. If you ever want the poster child for selling themselves short, call Mabel. So Mabel finds Mystery Book #3 and flips through the pages. Apparently; there is something buried beneath a tree stump called truth teeth that basically turn you into the cartoon version of the main character from Liar, Liar! So we jump cut to AFTER HAPPY HOUR as Stan is snoring in his bed. Mabel opens the door and walks inside, taking the glass of false teeth on the desk and inserting the golden light truth teeth into Stan's mouth. Flashing sunlight ensues and then Mabel squeezes his nose to wake Stan up; demanding answers to this outrage. Mabel wants to know what happened to the pasta plate and Stan proclaims that he ate it because he's an asshole and candid.
Stan proclaims that he is unable to lie and goes back to sleep. Morning arises as we head into the dining room as Stan is making breakfast while Mabel is whispering to Dipper and doing it right! Too bad; I wanted to overhear that conversation, just for my amusement. Dipper doesn't like this idea at all as Mabel thinks it's great as Stan puts the pan of scrambled meat on the table. Dipper asks what he does in secret during his off-hours and Stan basically states that he scratches his crotch like a dog, although he doesn't actually say that since BS&P RULEZ~! Stan is going to pretend to read the newspaper, which is kind of odd and then decides to bail to the bathroom and not wash his hands. Mabel and Dipper are repulsed by this; which shows that even kids have limits when it comes to fart jokes. Mabel claims that the truth is always a good thing; but too much alcohol can ruin a good thing, like...your liver. So then we HIT THE MONTAGE of Stan telling the truth and generally pissing everyone off. Because you see, telling the truth doesn't solve the problem, it just exposes it. Mabel should have got him a personality transplant; I'm sure there's one buried in Gravity Falls. So he insults a man with a t-shirt while counting money in the gift shop. Oh man; if anyone thought Ash's face from Pokemon Sun & Moon was bad; witness that poor man's face. Mabel goes over and walks the man out of the store apologizing. Jump cut to Stan doing his taxes and admitting tax fraud right in Dipper's presence. Dipper finds the conveniently placed paper shredder and shreds the document. Ummm; police can figure out what was written on shreds of paper there, Dipper. Just so you would like to know. Then we see Dipper and Mabel laughing at a clown on television juggling balls (NOT THOSE ONES!) on a unicycle with dangerous animals surrounding him. Stan goes into a total shrink mode about biding their times to the sweet release of death as being the punchline to life. This causes Mabel and Dipper to utterly shudder in fear. Oh come on! Even if he's telling the truth, it sounds like a moron. I would be rolling my eyes that this guy couldn't find a good filter. Vince Russo would be proud.
Jump cut to morning with Stan digging into a bowl of peanuts at the table with a fork and Pitt Cola. Stan then scratches his back and claims that he has a cancerous growth on his back. We go upstairs with Mabel with earmuffs on and Dipper with a pillow on his ears. Dipper has had enough of this and demands Mabel to take out Stan's teeth right now; but Mabel doesn't want him to lie again. See folks; this is why Louie Duck was right all along in Ducktales 2017 because he watched this episode and realized what happens when you don't solve the problem and merely expose it. Oh and Blubs and Durland are downstairs to inform Stan that Doctor Medicine doesn't exist in Gravity Falls because they actually investigated this. Yeah; because somehow there was a possible way to have someone called Dr. Medicine in the real world! Stan admits that he lied to them and admitted to all the crimes he has done since this show started. And he calls Blubs fat and this body shaming has just triggered Blubs to drop his coffee in shock. Blubs brings out the handcuffs asking if any of this is true and Dipper comes in between them and claims that it's all a lie and throws it to Mabel; who sweats and stammers as Blubs is about to commit police brutality on Stan while Stan is accepting his fate. Mabel then proclaims that Stan is a secret ghostwriter for crime fiction as the police are confused. Mabel comes down and proclaims that he was writing a new book called Crime Grandpa and Stan has never committed a crime in his life. Riiiiggghhhhtttt. Mabel then claims that Blubs lost weight and that causes Blubs to snicker and blows off Durland for not noticing. Durland brings out an orange cover book and asks Stan if he can teach Durland to read. Why doesn't that surprise me? Mabel escorts the officers out the door and shuts it behind them before sinking down to the floor in shock that she lied. Dipper claims that it's for the greater good; which...yeah. Dipper and Mabel look at each other and then we see Stan on the phone in the living room calling the police station about his tax fraud. Oops!
So, basically; the kids tackle Stan down onto the floor and take out his truth teeth as Stan blows them off. Which leads to the beginning of the episode with the babyfaces throwing the stuff into the pit. Yip; they actually did a media-res episode and you didn't know about it until the very end of Mabel's story. That was different at least; but the story was just there due to the rushed nature of it. So we return to the bottomless pit as Mabel proclaims that they never saw the stuff again...and there is the purple CHEST OF DEMONS. HAHA! Soos gets his shoes back as Dipper blows off this story. So we then go into a long sequence of them going through the light at the end of the bottomless pit. See; Dipper was right all along; because they end up being thrown back onto the property of the Mystery (S)hack as the goat runs away a second after bleeting, so no time had passed at all. Dipper deduces that this is a wormhole as Soos calls it sciency enough to believe. Stan leans on the bottomless pit sign and blows this off as Mabel agrees with everyone to keep this story under wraps. Stan then breaks the sign and falls into the pit again and Mabel proclaims that he's fine. Okay; that was funny as Stan falls and falls and falls and...POW! OUCH! Ummmmm... Stan sighs, has the Gruffi pose on as the wind is heard in the background to end the episode at 22:34. Stan calls this stupid and he's right: This was complete time filler that ended with an out of nowhere media-res sequence that was just there. ** 1/4 (45%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I picked this episode first due to the episode's episodic nature and I was right on the money. This was basically three short stories that were done to waste time and flesh out the characters a bit; but there was very little that was good. Stan's thirty second story was the funniest thing on the show and outside of some funny moments from Mabel, the episode felt kind of boring. Soos wants to win at pinball, who cares? Dipper wants a new voice, that's standard Dipper insecure gimmick at work. Mabel's story with Stan was basically "Liar, Liar" with only half of the charm and every story felt rushed and had a hard time breathing on it's own. Overall; this episode wasn't good; but I do recommend it only to see Stan's awesome football story. Now; all that's left for Gravity Falls is to do Boss Mabel, which is next. I'm sorry I did this episode first, because I have a swimming date tomorrow and I wanted to get one episode out of the way and Bottomless Pit is so self-contained as an episode that it was perfect for this. Sad that the episode wasn't good. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.