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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
Knocked Out/Not Without My Cereal Rant
Reviewed: 03/08/2011
I Always Get Knocked Out Watching This Vainglorious Bastard!
I don't think I need to explain Knocked Out since the title explains it perfectly. The other short is about Kick getting some cereal from the store and finding Brianna without his mother finding out. So I finally get to talk about the creepy model angle this series has too. Well; let's rant on shall we...?!
Knocked Out is written by Mitch Larson and David Shayne. The storyboard is done by Clay Morrow and directed by Chris Savino. Not Without My Cereal's story is by Miguel Becerra and written by Nate Knetchel. The storyboard is done by Ed Baker and directed by Chris Savino. Unless he is the one with wrote El Chisme and did editing on 1975; I have zero credits for Miguel. As for Ed Baker; most of his credits center around Animanics, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, and Tiny Toon Adventures doing storyboards and character layout design. House of Mouse is his DTVA debut. That's it. .As for the animation studio; it's all done on Flash. My opinion on Flash: It works like all mediums. If the talent sucks; then the product is going to suck. Tools don't matter.
Opening Moment #1: The top of Kick's helmet is shown with yellow stars against a black background. Nothing really special other than giving away the entire plot as if the title of this episode didn't already.
Knocked Out: We then get some choppy animation and start with Kick riding his bicycle (I think) sweating like Oscar on drugs. Then we do the Z-GRADE MARTIAL ARTS ZOOM IN OF DOOM and we have Fairly Oddparents jackhammering with Kick Buttowski narrating. Yeah; Kick thinks he's DARKWING....DUCK now. It's all about sweat and determination; and we have the launch device and Gunther is on the sidewalk playing a handheld video game and he's the unsuspecting victim. Ummm; yeah. And of course Kick is a liar because Gunther turns around and panics as Kick goes off the conviently placed ramp creating flames of rubber and none of the flames make contact with Gunther whatsoever despite it looking like the flames nail Gunther right in the ass. I see BS&P has never watched Backdraft in their lives. Kick goes out of control of course (complete with jackhammer DUBBED ANIME STYLE swear (you know which one)) and slams onto the pavement with a wussy bump and then bounces into the conviently placed window with a wussy bump complete with jackhammered ouch which is acted in such Z-Grade fashion even Hal Warren would blush. Naturally; the window doesn't shatter either. Yeah; even Sara Palin wouldn't visit this universe.
Gunther runs in swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (oh my gosh; although it came close to oh my god there for a second there) asking if he's all right and Kick feels like a freakin bug on my windshield (God bless Kenny Blankenship!) as Gunther gets giddy and slams into the window the same way. Ummm; yeah that sounds like the Spongebob trick to me. And of course; the window doesn't shatter. SOMEONE FIRE THAT WINDOW! We cut to the television as a male announcer in a suit and tie with a microphone and the arrow nose appears to announce a talent show coming this Friday; making sure to jackhammer it three times like a bad Z-grade commercial. At least it makes sense; unlike Kick's jackhammering of Yeth which is not a word Kick. And since this episode happened during the really bad period for this show; Gunther scratches his ass asking if Kick is going to be in the talent show. I think we all know the answer to that one Gunther Magnumson. Kick unpeels himself from the window and proclaims that on the street that he's going to win the talent show and do the greatest jump ever. Gunther is watching football of course as he asks Kick how that is going to happen and hopes it has nothing to do with jumping off of him. Don't worry Gunther; you're way too small in Kick's line of thinking as Kick looks to his right and notices that there is a shot of the nuclear reactor on the television and that is what he is going to jump off of. Apparently; Kick wants to be Bart Simpson's comic book hero now. Gunther feels relieved anyway which shows just how much he cares for Kick. Which is....not much.
Anyhow we go to the scene changer and inside Kick's room (I think) as there is a huge junk pile of stuff against the wall as Gunther explains that it's not nearly enough as jumping over a nuclear reactor. NO?! REALLY?! I mean; there is nothing in that pile that is radioactive after all. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kick grabs Gunther by the shirt in a weird way as he calls this all details as apparently Kick has been infected with Bea disease. Not a good combo as Kick proclaims that he gets to show what he can do and Gunther gleefully answers that one for me. Kick actually agrees with him on the self-inflicted pain part (what a shock?); but he wants to launch his career as a stunt devil. Kick proclaims that one day he'll answer the phone and Gunther gleefully answers that one for me as Kick invokes the eye contact violence and then sulks. So we do the eye flicker segue into the basement as Kick and Gunther are unrolling the blueprints on the table while Gunther takes notes probably to use to document the pending lawsuit against Disney for dumbass infringement. Or not. We head outside as we get the "let's do a gaping logic break and see if the kids laugh at it" spot. It involves Gunther having a clone helping him bring a large plank of wood out while talking on a blue cellphone. Whatever guys. We do more silly duck the wood spots from Kick; draw plans on the blackboard, using various measuring tools to measure Kick's head as he looks like Jimayala Jake after doing crappy piston punches. More ducking, more wood carrying, and cement pouring using a washing machine to mix it up. Ooooookkkkkkkaaayyyyy. Gunther does some wrench work on the bicycle and it comes apart as I'm In The Band literally infects the show with their stupid ads. Kick nails some nails into the ramp while Gunther paints his ass red. Seriously; that is what Gunther does on the zoom out. Then he slides down and paints the rampway. Whatever Gunther.
Anyhow; we cut to a shot of the garage door closing and then zoom out to see a cargo truck hauling away the stuff as a curly haired man with glasses informs them that he'll be there at the television station before driving away. Gunther cheers victory since they had 20 minutes to spare. Kick proclaims that all they have to do is suit up... which allows Gunther to take the board and MURDER Kick in the back of the head with it complete with jackhammer gunshot explosion aura background. That would have been awesome....if Gunther had MURDERED him in the kisser with it since the back of the head was padded by the helmet. I club BS&P! Kick is knocked out, DUH! After dropping in a stupor; Gunther grabs him and tries to wake him up; but no dice as Kick sounds like a squeaky toy. Then Gunther runs around wailing like a baby and it sucks badly. Gunther returns with the air compresser and tries to pump air into Kick's mouth (!!!) and Kick goes all whoopie cushion on us. No dice of course as Gunther pumps his fist and proclaims that friends take care of friends even knocked out ones.
So that logically leads to a sidewalk shot of Gunther riding his bicycle towing Kick who is lying in the red wagon. HAHA! That is just so funny on SO MANY LEVELS. Kick actually bumps better when he's knocked out actually. Almost a 500% workrate god. Almost. Anyhow; we head to the Food -n- Fix as we head inside the garage and we see Wade looking up to see the damage from a car lifted up. There is no wheel on said green car by the way. It's also nice that Wade is getting some face time for the first time in a while; for rant purposes of course. Gunther slides in with Kick calling for help and then drops Kick on his face. Yeah; that'll help the head injury heal; suuuuurrrreee. Wade grabs him and slaps Kick about five times in the face; nothing of course. Gunther tried hot showers, cold showers and even blowing his elephant horn which Kick oversells. Kick is better with the head injury when he is without it. Kick drops onto his side as Gunther admits that nothing is working and the audition is in 12 minutes. Wade claims that he has a Krackpotkin plan and knows what to do in these situations. So we segue with Kick chained up to a red pulley machine and Wade sprays compressed air into Kick's eyes ad Kick oversells all.
Gunther isn't so sure as we go a spiral scene changer and get a shot of a door of the men's restroom. We then see that Wade off-screen in the toilet stall tried to flush Kick's face in the toilet. Kick is all wet and still knocked out. Gunther wonders what next and so Wade jackhammers the Eldo De Diablo. Or as I call it; Devil's Surgery~! I know this because Wade is dressing up like a surgeon. Well; Wade cannot be any worse with woo and quackery than Mike Adams at this point. We see Wade at the hotdog turner and Gunther is confused...until we see a modly, fly infested hotdog on the turner. Seriously; Wade actually keeps those on retainer? Gunther holds his mouth almost ready to throw up as Wade invokes the STINKY WART INFESTED HOTDOG OF DEATH on Kick.....and Gunther drops dead. Ummmm; yeah. Kick has a head injury. So Wade wants to up the ante and we see Wade opening up a safe and inside is a glowing nuclear version of a can of Cheeath Chug: The toxic energy drink for all new Disney daredevils the world over. And it's the XE edition which spells jackhammering Xtreme Emergency. Whatever. And the thing has a police light on it too. Anyhow; we see Wade proclaiming that the XE edition will wake him up. In other words; do what Red Bull does to you; minus the wings. Because CC would be sued for gimmick infringement.
Gunther grabs the can and he grows hair on his arms instantly. Okay; this product is one FDA investigation away from becoming a banned substance; let me tell ya! Gunther gives Kick the drink and Kick grows green eyes and instantly gets up and does the double devil's pose. Gunther flips the can in the air and it clangs off the helmet and Kick drops on his face dead again. WHAT THE HELL? You are telling me that the helmet is NOT UP TO CODE?! I shake my head in disgust over that one. Even Gunther hated that one so you know that was a gapping plot hole. Gunther panics as Wade tells him he has no more Cheetah Chug XE; or anything to bump this episode past average. Okay; I made the last part up as Gunther drags Kick by the legs as Wade asks about Danger Dude (Kick for those who wonder that sort of thing) and Gunther proclaims that he will think of something. We end the scene with the old door smash helmet spot that always seems to amuse me when other stuff doesn't. Kick gets dragged away much to the shock of the patrons.....
We logically return to Kick's room as Gunther dresses Kick up which is absolutely pointless since Kick is wearing the exact same clothes! IDIOTS! Oh why do you test me so? Anyhow; the only reason this sequence happens; so we get to see Gunther stuff in Kick's phillac symbol belly button. And Gunther's version of the double devil pose introduction which is so perversly bad (along with Gunther's Z-Grade acting and spotlight) that I hope Brad Buttowski walks in....Doesn't happen sadly as Kick drops on his face again with his gloves pulled off. Now the rational thing to do is send Kick to bed and get a doctor because's it OBVIOUS that Kick has a concussion and anymore blows to the head could be fatal. However; this is the new Disney and nursing concussions the right way is for pussies see....So we logically head to Stage 4 (in orange white letters) as Gunther drags Kick by the legs inside. We go inside as we see bands, marching bands, girl bands, and a girl on a trampoline. I'm guessing that last one is the contender BABEE! Anyhow; we see a stagehand with earphones and a transmitter on stage with a clipboard calling for Kick Buttowski. Gunther points to him and even tells him he's knocked out. The stagehand gleefully tells him that he's on next and walks out wanting the Mellowbrook City Dancers. I'm guessing they are the girls in green outfits we saw earlier. Gunther proclaims that it's showtime and so we see Gunther grabbing Kick and going up the ladder.
We head up to the diving board top as Kick is on the bicycle and Gunther is panicking like mad since Kick is still out. Gunther tries to pull himself together as we cut to the stage as someone is juggling butter. Whatever guys. The announcer forces the point and the crowd cheers complete with yellow sign saying cheer. Ah; the pitfalls of exposing plant audiences. The old lady with a red shirt shakes hands with the announcer (who seems to have his face changed from white to brown for some unknown reason) as he has slipperly fingers. The announcer introduces us to Kick Buttowski (to a decent pop I might add) as the curtains open behind him to reveal a nuclear power plant off a ramp. Oh yeah; we are supposed to buy into the fact that this is safe to bring into a crowded theatre. Then they drop the TOXIC SLIME OF DOOM from a vat into the power plant and the crowd gasps on cue with the yellow sign. If that happened; I would bail to the nearest hospital at once. Anyhow; Gunther plays puppet with Kick behind the bicycle explaining that he'll jump off the ramp and over the nuclear reactor of doom and the crowd pops. I see that it takes nothing to amuse them. Oh; and Gunther basically incriminates himself while wrapping duct tape around the gloves and handlebars.
Anyhow; Gunther pushes the bike and of course the logic gods decide to screw me over as Kick drops off the ladder and freefalls as Gunther slides down the ladder faster (Riiiiggggghhhtttt!) and then steals the trampoline from the female in pink leotards and she freefalls off-screen with a nasty that doesn't happen of course due to the no female violence contact rule the new Disney inserted. Gunther places the trampoline under Kick; Kick bounces up and trips over the trip wire which opens the curtains for the Mellowbrook City Dancers to dance. I knew those girls would get involved somehow in this episode. Gunther grabs the rope which allows Kick to somehow ride the bike and force the Mellowbrook City Dancer to jump. And Gunther pulls the rope and we REPEAT THE SEQUENCE backwards. At least this one makes sense this time around; sort of. Then Kick rides around like he's on that giant swing machine in the carnival. Then we see the OUT OF NOWHERE ninja invoke the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION KICK OF DOOM perfectly in Kick's belly as Drake hangs his head in shame over that one. Kick flies back into the karate chopper chopping down three cement stones easily. Gunther pulls on the rope and Kick bounces back up as he does some loop-de-loop for only $1.50 plus tax into the blue leotard lady on the trapzee. Gunther panics and we see him come OUT OF NOWHERE and grabs Kick's leg as the duct tape comes off. Yeah; this is getting overbooked now. It's time to mercy kill this short.
Kick bounces off the floor in wussy fashion as we get the WASP bowling pin spot as only one remains intact as we cut to Gunther flipping Kick. Sadly; not the bird though as he knocks over the only intact WASP bowling pin down. Then Kick does some sawing with his teeth which has got to be painful. Which contradicts the self-inflicted pain stance earlier since Gunther is inflicting the pain on Kick to begin with. Then Kick is thrown and gets stuffed into the tuba player with the Old Country Marching Band. Whatever guys. Gunther runs in and blows the tuba which flings Kick into the air and where he lands; I hope it's in the toxic sludge and not over it. Kick lands crotch first onto the wire (giving us a glorified shot of his butt crack). So Gunther runs in and dives to grab his boots; but his suit rips off and he bounces up. Yes folks; I do believe this is the last short they had Kick naked before BS&P stepped in. Thank the lord for small favors. Oh wait; he's in his underwear, never mind as Gunther throws the bicycle onto the diving board and the seat breaks off upon impact. THAT BICYCLE IS NOT UP TO CODE! Kick lands ass first onto the spike...or would have if Gunther didn't replace the seat at the last split second. DAMN YOU BS&P! So Gunther looks and proclaims it's showtime. See; at this point, I would have booked the finish to be Gunther realizing that he is going to kill him if this continues and blows off the show for being such a bad influence and take Kick home to regroup. Instead; Gunther shoves Kick again as this time it heads to the end of the diving board as Gunther is so nervous beyond belief. Kick drops and manages to get onto the ramp and flies off the ramp and the bicycle only gets enough air to climb halfway and Gunther cuts Kick's swear promo as Kick head gets stuffed into the nuclear reactor side leaking out toxic waste.
The toxic waste spreads and explodes destroying the reactor much to Gunther panicking which is so Z-Grade; he needs to be revoked from the show. I mean; it's a NUCLEAR REACTOR FOR CHRIST SAKES! The toxic waste pours and the audience screams and runs away. You know what; this is a better finish that the one I had in mind; although the acting still sucks as a whole. Gunther runs in and grabs Kick and runs away stage left. We get the KB scene changer as we return to Kick's house as we see Kick and Gunther watching television which is of course The World's Most Talented Talents The Awesome Crash Edition. Whatever you say sir. The announcer points out the most awesome crash in history as Kick has the remote control and asks Gunther about the show as Kick is in SHOCK when they replay the footage of Kick's crash from earlier. Gunther begs for mercy and apologizes; but Kick loves it anyway because crashing into a nuclear reactor was AWESOME. Whatever Kick. Gunther is a true friend as we fade to black just as Gunther punches Kick in the face and knocks him out again at 10:12. The usual clustermuck with a good finish. ** (40%).
Opening Moment #2: This title card features a cash register monitor against a crimson red background. Maybe the most dull title card I have seen to date.
Not Without My Cereal: So we begin this one at the Mellowbrook Superstore of Doom complete with enough splat symbols to give to roided baseball player stats and records. We head inside as we get a closeup of an ugly apple being shined up for the apple pile by a bald triangle nosed store clerk. He puts it on the top and it won't stay straight up as a boy and girl come in giggling and the store clerk blows them off because they mess up the produce and running in the store. Needless to say the kids cry like little babies and run away stage left. Ummm; yeah, whatever you say sir. More apple shining as we go to the door entrance and we see Brianna and Honey Buttowski walk in (or in Brianna's case; skipping) and man; does Brianna look beautifully creepy to me? See; Honey (real name Denise Buttowski) thinks Brianna is a fashion model and could be the next Brittany Spears or Madonna or something. Considering the downward spiral that modeling's reputation has been taking due to obessive parents wanting to win and leech money from their daughters and not to mention the creepiness of having a child trying to be all sexual before their time, it just makes Honey unlikable despite looking like a nice lady and it makes me feel terrible for Brianna even though she is clearly a spoiled brat in this series. Sadly for me; here comes Kick Buttowski complete with his "up yours" pose just to degrade this short further and we are barely thirty seconds in.
The store clerk is on edge when he hears Buttowski. We know this because we get a closeup shot of his hairs straightening on end on his neck. We then see Brianna skipping along talking at 100 miles per hour with Honey (and her shopping cart) while Kick just walks sulking. Well; at least Brianna's skipping does make some form of torment for that vainglorious bastard. Brianna throws various food items into the cart in rapid fire while Kick blows her off for saying I want about 100 times. That is a spoiled brat trait that Brianna has. And then a light from the heavens shines on Kick Buttowski. Seriously; that is what happens. Then we fade to black and jackhammer the fact with a puzzle sequence as we see there is one box of cereal left on the shelf to the far right. However; it's not just any old cereal; it's Billy Stumps Berry Dangerous Crunch Cereal~! Boy; I guess adverstiers like Z-Grade rednecks with stumps after all. Then we get the jackhammering some more as we see the cereal box on the shelf with closeup; blue aura background and jackrabbit engine starting. Kick then grabs the cereal and runs away yelling I want about thirty times. Look; I know it's annoying; but it's WRONG to steal someone gimmick until seven years have passed. Kick has zero respect for Jim Cornette I see.
Kick shows the cereal box to Honey as Kick basically act like a PR guy gone haywire while Brianna has that look of "I'm going to sue you for stealing my gimmick Kick Buttowski" in the shopping cart. Now if Honey had any decency; she would refuse and put the cereal back on the shelf on the grounds that Kick is a total moron and that this is his punishment for gimmick infringement. I check the Youtube video....Honey is confused as Kick pleads that it's the last box and proclaims that he'll do anything. Honey then notices that there are about ten shopping carts in a large lineup. What kind of superstore has one lineup (unless it's close to Christmas) for one register? Honey agrees to buy them if only Kick watches Brianna and stays out of trouble as Honey forces the point Soup Nazi style. Brianna is smiling over all this as Honey leaves stage right to gather some items. Kick proclaims that she can count of him. Riiiiigggggghhhhhhtttttt....
Brianna then breaks the ice and jumps out of the shopping cart off-screen just before Kick turns around. HA! Brianna breaks Molly's record of screwing Kick Buttowski. Kick eyes bug out as he see Brianna with the cereal box and she runs off. Kick hates this game; so we have the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE BRIANNA SCREW UP EDITION~! Which has to be the slowest one in history. See; Kick doesn't want to chase Brianna, but Brianna goes Soup Nazi and thus the chase is officially on. This is stupid to say the least as the first spot has Kick swinging from a weight machine and falling into some dillweed. HAHA! Finally; someone does the joke. Too bad they didn't do it during the pilot when Brad called him such. Brianna calls him that and the chase continues. We then see the store clerk on a step ladder shining apples (wait a second? Isn't this the same apple pile they past earlier?) as Brianna and Kick run on past and he loses his balance. The apples tumble; but the store clerk manages to keep them at bay.
Brianna runs some run; but Kick manages to snag her which should have ended the short right there; but the store clerk stops him and Brianna is free. Brianna runs away as the store clerk calls Kick out for ruining him and Kick proclaims that he didn't do anything. Riiiiiggggghhhhhhtttttt Kick. Like running in the store isn't doing anything. The store clerk decides to let him go; but warns him that he is watching using two pointy fingers of death at his eyes to force the point. Kick tries to get a sneaky word in; but the store clerk is on to him. Which means the store clerk is more over than anyone in this short despite being shown as a heel. By the way; the store clerk is Glenn and is voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray and was a performer for The Second City comedic stage troupe in the early 1970s. He has appeared in numerous films and television shows since the 1970s, including as a featured player on NBC's Saturday Night Live from 1979 to 1980 and from 1981 to 1982. He also was a writer for Jean Doumanian's sixth season from 1980 to 1981, making him one of the few cast members to work for all three producers of SNL (Lorne Michaels, Jean Doumanian, and Dick Ebersol). He was a regular performer on The National Lampoon Radio Hour, a comedy program syndicated nationally to some 600 stations from 1973 to 1975. Co-workers on the Radio Hour included Richard Belzer, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Harold Ramis and his younger brother Bill. He appears in most films that star his brother, Bill Murray. However, he has also landed a series of roles in other films. He memorably appeared as Chevy Chase's uptight boss in 1989's National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and co-starred as an arcade business owner in the 1992 film version of Wayne's World. He also landed a small but important role as assassin Jack Ruby in 1991's JFK. He was also seen in the 2002 Disney movie, Snow Dogs. His most recent role was in 2009's 17 Again.
He is a frequent television guest star, prominently on a string of Yes, Dear episodes playing Mr. Savitsky. He was also Mel Sanger, the bubble boy's dad, on Seinfeld, and played Joe Hackett's cranky high school baseball coach on a 1992 episode of Wings. He was also a co-star of the Fox TV series Get a Life from 1991 to 1992, and he had a recurring role as sports editor Stuart Franklin on the Fox/UPN TV series Between Brothers from 1997 to 1999. He played Shawn Spencer's grandfather on the episode "The Old and the Restless" on the USA Network TV Show Psych. He is named as the only man James Lipton has ever called a coward in an episode of Arrested Development. He currently has a recurring role as Mr. Ehlert, owner of the car dealership where Frankie and Bob work on the ABC-TV Series The Middle. Buzz Lightyear of Star Command is his DTVA debut and was on Teamo Supremo, Lloyd In Space and The Buzz on Maggie as Mr. Pesky. His most recent credits are Eye of The Hurricane, Glenn Martin DDS, The Middle and as Captain K'nuckles in The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack.
So we see Kick hiding behind some cart of pop bottles near the aisleway as he sees from the reflection of the security camera Brianna running away with his cereal. Like I'm supposed to buy that Kick Buttowski can pull that on off. And so the chase is on on parallel aisleways as we get some dodging of shopping carts and then we see an arcade version of Shopping Frogger. Whatever guys. Sadly; Kick gets sandwiched by two shopping carts (detailing both the safety and stupidity of wearing a crash helmet all at the same time) complete with Game Over video game sound effects as Brianna skips away like a little girl with a Madonna complex. Oh wait....Kick does some helmet karate to push the carts away and runs into the aisleway some more; but stops and whistles since Glenn arrives with the buffering machine reminding Kick that he is watching him. And he's doing a piss poor job of it to boot; both in buffering and watch Kick Buttowski. Glenn walks away and the CHASE MUST CONTINUE~! Like I am going to call all of it surrrrreeeeee. Kick dodges Denise who is doesn't have the two clicks in the making of a clue continuing her shopping like a dense creepy mother. The chase marches on and then stops in the aisleway as we see Glenn putting red boxes on store shelves.
Kick dodges and rolls and something drops making a squeak sound. Glenn notices it and walks as we are in the toy section of the Superstore and he cannot find Kick who is clearly hiding in the basket of red striped balls. How do I know? Because it matches Kick's crash helmet. That's why. Look; I have neck problems and they are getting worse; and damn it to hell, this short is getting on my nerves. Kick pops from the basket as Brianna arrives just in time with the cereal box to open the basket and the balls go rolling down onto the floor. HAHA! Finally; this short got interesting as Brianna runs away stage right as Glenn turns around and Kick is SO FREAKIN BUSTED~! Kick is banned for life from the Superstore. If only we could get him banned from Disney XD; then Glenn would be safe. Kick grabs a blue skateboard and rides away with it because he just has to add shoplifting to the list of petty crimes on his resume. So now we have the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE GLENN FALLS EDITION~! You'll see why the joke works later on. The bakery gets floured; Denise is still clueless despite the puffs of flour in the air, and that leads to Kick using the skateboard on the conveyer belt of the cash register to splatter stuff right into Glenn's kisser. And the eggs are in his eyes; how drole. NOT! More chasing as Kick jumps off the skateboard and Glenn stupidity jumps on it towards the meat and deli section; and Kick swings off the weiners (EWWWWWWW!) to safety while Glenn falls into the meat. Glenn apparently screams as if he has become the next Billy Stumps (I think the cleaver was supposed to come close to his right arm; but I didn't see the cleaver anywhere thus rendering the screaming pointless. I club BS&P!); but he recoils and some steak drops on his head. Whatever guys.
So we get Kick stealing some paper towels (or toilet paper) and he snags a aisleway sign and swings like Tarzan. We then see a fat blond woman with a purple shirt, blue pants and high heels just coming up short with grabbing a can (Oh please) as Kick swings in complete with jackhammer green aura background (only the second one in the short I might add) and kicks the can and it lands in the lady's hands. The lady and Kick wink at each other as Kick swings some more and slaps the automated Billy Stumps stump model (Ummm; whatever Kick.) as we get a sky shot of Brianna running in the aisleways with the cereal. Kick proclaims that it's cereal here he comes; but we then get the Powerpuff Girls slow motion sequence of death with Glenn cutting the paper towel with the cleaver. Kick then actually takes a sick bump into the bread display with his back. Okay; that was cringeful to watch. I guess that bread is three days old. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kick cuts his biscuits promo and then gets slapped and taunted by Brianna. Now that is funny! Kick jumps from the bread section no selling his bump (what a shock?) as he pulls up his gloves as he is doing this for Billy, his stump and for his cereal as he runs in. So we run into aisleway # 9 (the cleaning section he was in previously) and the chase is on again.
However; Kick stops in front of a closed off section for cleaning as we go to the far shot as Glenn arrives with the bucket and the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DEATH~!! Oooooooooooo....now he is being really serious BABEE! Kick proclaims that he has no personal beef with Glenn (after being banned from the store for life. Yeah right Kick?!) ; but Glenn wants to clean up his act. In other words; channel Ammonia Pine which isn't a bad idea all things considered. So Glenn throws some water onto the floor as Kick dodges all and slaps down some slippery liquid soap onto the floor as Glenn wants to play hockey; but he slips and falls and Kick is free away stage right. I see Glenn played for the Ottawa Senators expansion team in the first two years. So the chase continues on as Kick skates and then Glenn gets him from behind with the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM and Kick falls flat on his face. See; why didn't Brad do this in Deadman's Drop?! This was a perfect heel move compared to what Brad did.
So Kick slides on his ass and stops right behind Denise who is getting some bread and then in one of the most disturbing scenes I have ever witnessed in Disney; Kick stands up and bumps his helmet right up Denise's ass. UGH! I need a drink and a neck collar after that disgusting act. And this short was so classy until right there. Denise drops the bread; but Kick grabs it; gives it to the magically appearing OUT OF NOWHERE German man with shorts on and Kick jumps up and out of sight. Got that? Good; I'm glad you get the Sara Palin universe logic better than I do at this point. Seriously; WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LAST SEQUENCE?! Denise is pissed as she grabs the buns and blows off the man to get his hands off her ass and drops the buns in the shopping cart and walks off stage left. I think the crap radar is broken in this show. Or it is overwhelmed. Same thing basically.
So Kick climbs on top of the shelves and looks around as we jump cut to floor level with Glenn on the transmitter calling an eagle eye for Kick Buttowski. We pan up to the security camera as the responder doesn't sound very amused at Glenn for some reason. Glenn talks at 100 miles an hour (why does he need to talk that fast?) as we go to the B&W security camera shot and it shows Kick Buttowski on top of the shelves. Obviously; Glenn cannot see from 10 feet in front of him. How did he get the job again?! So we continue the chase as Kick does some flips as Glenn is confused as hell. Glenn stops in perfect position as Kick jumps right over his head in slow motion and then to the other side. Ummm; whatever guys. Glenn is pissed as Kick looks around on top of the shelves and then notices Brianna with the cereal. Kick orders her to stop right there. However; Brianna runs off and jumps into the shopping cart of Mr. Vickie. Okay; this could be fun to watch.
So Brianna acts all cute and cuddly on Mr. Vickie and of course Vickie sells it like mad as he walks off with him stage left. Kick is SHOCKED and APPALLED as we see Glenn climbing up the shelves as Kick nearly loses his balance. However; Kick counters by jumping into the fat blond woman's shopping cart with a thud. Kick pops up and orders the woman to go after Mr.Vickie's cart and the woman sells as we head for the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE SHOPPING CART EDITION~! Mr. Vickie asks why he is being chased and the fat woman doesn't know. Whatever guys and gals as Glenn has balancing problems on the store shelves while he jumps. Sadly; he undershoots the third shelf and is forced to hang on from the ledge. And then jumps over and undershoots again as Brianna looks worried and then she has an evil look on her face for some odd reason. We continue the chase and then it's the side by side spot where Kick and Brianna engage in the playground level insulting and taunting as Brianna overtakes the lead and Glenn finally slips his grip and falls on his back down onto the floor with a decent bump. Thankfully; he is right in front of the carts as he invokes the LEGAL HAND OF GOD to stop them. However; since everyone chasing is an atheist (and Kick is part of the Church of Satan); Kick jumps into the cart with Brianna as the blond woman throws the shopping cart right at Glenn as he is thrown into the front of the cart and then takes an ultra wussy bump into the lobster tank. Ummmm; yeah. Needless to say; Glenn's body and ass get a lobster pinching for his troubles.
So we return with Kick and Brianna riding the shopping cart through the aisleways as they bump into the shopping cart near the apple pile and then fly into the air and land right into the lettuce as Kick regrabs the cereal. Brianna lands on her feet on ground level as Kick does his vainglorious bastard "up yours" to Brianna just to make Maxie Zeus want to punch him in the face again. Sadly; the cartoon is not real, so Glenn invokes the shopping cart on Kick and Kick loses the cereal box again. I wonder if Maxie Zeus' real name is Glenn? Glenn grabs Kick by the arms as he shows Kick the carnage in the store and Kick proclaims that he hasn't done anything as the shopping cart lands into the pile of orange forcing Glenn to reorganize them. Glenn then grabs Kick by the collar and threatens to MURDER him more or less. Yes! Yes! Do it Glenn! NO COURT IN DTVA WILL CONVICT THEE! DO IT FOR THE GOOD OF DTVA DAMMIT! And here comes Brianna who grabs Glenn by the collar and proclaims that no one threatens her brother but her. I guess Brad is no longer the threatener now that he has zero heat left to warm up a bagel. So Brianna goes to the apple pile and gets all cute as she has ran around so much that she is hungry. So she slowly moves her arm to the left towards the apple pile as Glenn panics and Kick escapes. Glenn proclaims that she wouldn't dare. Brianna of course accepts and Glenn jumps to try to stop her; but Brianna grabs the apple and of course Glenn gets entombed in apples. I hate to say it; but that was the right booking decision and it makes Brianna look good (as in not bratty) and her rival with Kick not as toxic as I thought it was.
Kick and Brianna wink at each other as that was solid. It still makes Kick unlikable though. Kick then notices Denise carrying some items as she is headed to the checkout. So Kick and Brianna get on the floor buffer and of course they ride on it and the magic effects of mushrooms causes the whole store to be cleaned. WHAT THE HELL?! Then they bump right into the Billy Stumps Automation Model; do back flips over the shelves (despite Denise being overhead and probably seeing them; but I doubt she did) bounces over the cash register and scan the cereal box which causes the display to display in green letters awesome. Riiiiiiggggghhhhhhttttt. What a stupid finish this is? Although it's not nearly as dumb as the one in Kick Out though. Kick does some jackhammering to force the point as Denise arrives and sees that Kick and Brianna have in her eyes stayed out of trouble and Kick has earned his cereal. Kick cheers for victory and excessive jackhammering.
So Glenn runs in blowing everyone off because Kick and Brianna caused him so much trouble and I'm siding with him of course. However; I betcha Denise is too dense to figure it out and sides with Kick Buttowski. I check the Youtube video....Damn; I'm so good as Denise blows off Glenn's tie and walks off. No shock there as Glenn is dumbfounded. Kick points at Glenn and tells him that he'll be seeing him next week as he jumps off the conveyer belt and walks out stage left. Glenn then hears the PA guy telling him to come see him at once and that they need to talk (I guessing that is the store manager talking here); so Glenn sulks and walks off stage right and we fade to black...and then we see cans of Cheetah Chung on the floor and then look up to see Gunther and Kick on the sofa with mustaches tipping the cans. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Was that really needed guys? You padded 15 seconds of running time to show something that had no relationship with the short whatsoever?! That ends the short at 10:17. Some nice bumping from Kick and a few funny moments with Brianna; but it was the usual crappy lame ass clustermuck from Kick. At least it was easy to rant on since 75% of the short was chase sequences. * 3/4 (35%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Knocked Out was a pretty idiotic episode with the usual bumping, silliness and contrived spots the vainglorious bastard is known for. Although; the bumping was a lot better due to Kick being knocked out and the finish was actually good for a change as Kick fails the stunt and saves face with Gunther. I still think the short does have it's offensiveness because we know the dangers of concussions now and this short made so much light out of it that people will downright hate this short. Although; the acting isn't far behind either; most so with Gunther's bad reaction to the nuclear reactor exploding. Overall; an okay short and an improvement over Kick's usual rating during this time.
Well; Not Without My Cereal was another pointless cluster muck from the vainglorious bastard Kick Buttowski. This was an improvement from Kick Out simply because Brianna has some good moments; some good bumps from Kick, Glenn wasn't terrible and Denise wasn't too shabby outside of the disturbing ass moment she had with Kick midway through the episode. However; this whole short was one running chase joke after another and it made little sense and it just seemed stupid throughout. Kit and Molly have perfect chemistry while Kick and Brianna have little and most of it is from Brianna side. And the finish was weak and the last ten seconds of the short was beyond pointless; made no sense and was totally Z-Grade to say the least. Overall; another lame ass day in the world of Kick Buttowski. Next up for Kick Buttowski is Drop Kick and Box Office Blitz if they are still on Youtube. So.....
Thumbs way down for both shorts and I'll see you next time.