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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
Drop Kick/Box Office Blitz Rant
Wrestling With The Dumbest Usher In History!
Oh goody; someone was brave enough to defy the New Disney's utter hate for the vainglorious bastard being shown on Youtube by uploading two new shorts including one that is on Youtube; but was incomplete and extremely blurry. No; it's not There Will Be Nachos; although I hope someone uploads that short some day. So our first short up for bids is about Kick Vs. Brad again; only with wrestling reference. Like the title doesn't give that away already. Then Kick goes from the wrestling ring to the cinema as he tries to do what all dumb kids try to do which is to get into an R-rated movie. Strangely enough; Brad is not involved but 3D and Mouth are. Let's rant on shall we....?!
Drop Kick is written by Nick Confalone, storyboards are done by Carl Faruolo and directed by Chris Savino. Box Office Blitz is written by Tony Mosher, storyboards are done by Tony Craig & directed by Chris Savino and Sherm Cohen. Tony Mosher has only two credits: Frijolito Go! and The Walker. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut. Tony Craig on the other hand started with Tiny Toon Adventures, Animanics, Droopy: Master Detective, Scooby Doo In Arabian Nights, 2 Stupid Dogs and Cats Don't Dance. His debut was with Disney with The Rescuers Down Under in 1990! Timon & Pumbaa is his DTVA debut and he worked on Mickey Mouse Works, House of Mouse (and various OAV's), Lilo & Stitch The Series (and various video games and OAVS), Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and 101 Dalmations: The Series. Henry & Me is his most recent credit which is not a Disney credit surprisely enough. As for the animation studio; it's all done on Flash. My opinion on Flash: It works like all mediums. If the talent sucks; then the product is going to suck. Tools don't matter.
Opening Moment #1: The title card shows a wrestling title belt which looks even cheaper than most WWE title belts I see today. Oh; show title is SO witty. NOT!
Drop Kick: We start with a shot of a slice of pepperoni pizza on a platter on a wooden table. Seriously; that is how we start this one. Zoom out and we see Kick trying to grab said pizza but the FORK OF GOD stabs his yellow gloves. Kick struggles as we zoom out again to see Brad on the table bitchslapping Kick stage left which misses by a hand; but the power of suggestion allows Kick to fly and take a good bump into the wall and land into the trash bin. Well; at least the house is UP TO CODE this time around. Then we jackhammer action expolsion backround as Brad kicks the trashcan with Kick in it doing some decent selling for a change. Whatever; Brad has no heat left anyway. So we cut to a shot of a ringbell as Kick is watching television turning on the remote control and we zoom out and Brad rises from the couch. I'm sorry; but Koi Fish is much cooler than you doing that spot Brad. So Brad squashes Kick's back using his ass complete with jackhammered background. We repeat the bell ringing as we head outside as Kick is skateboarding on the sidewalk. I see even BS&P thinks skateboarding in the street doesn't make him a rebel. Glad to see someone is paying attention. That lead to Brad hiding behind a tree and tripping Kick up which allows Kick to do his "Up yours" and Gruffi poses all in the same spot before smacking the sidewalk with his face. Okay; Brad got some of his heat back. It's still an uphill climb back though. Sadly; BS&P stepped in because the skateboard misses the helmet by a head despite hearing a bonk sound.
We ring the bell again as we see Kick sitting on the couch with the Gruffi pose on full blast as Brad enters looking worried. Brad proclaims that they should not be fighting like this. Finally; someone notices the same suckiness that I do.
Brad proclaims that they are blood brothers and that he has had enough of brutalizing him and wants to shake hands because he's SO sorry. Brad extends the hand and of course Kick has NEVER watched a wrestling match in his life as Brad invokes the HANDSHAKE OF DOOM complete with jackhammered background. HAHA! Brad needs to realize that the HANDSHAKE OF DOOM is a babyface move. Ask Eugene about it. He throws him northwest as Brad calls him a dillweed. We ring the bell AGAIN as we cut to Gunther in the park in front of the pond drinking blue Gatorade as Kick smacks his face again on the concrete sidewalk. OUCH! Kick recovers and sits down looking dirty as Gunther sprays Gatorade in Kick's face. Apparently; Brad has been unstoppable as of late. NO?! REALLY?! Maybe if you didn't bury him; he wouldn't lash out like a wounded animal there you vainglorious bastard! Kick proclaims that he needs to step up his game as Gunther proclaims that Kick will have to be a pro wrestler to beat Brad as we conviently zoom out to see that they are in front of a Japanese dojo called the Pogona of Pain owned by Sanchez. Apparently; the FCC RULE OF ANTI-JAPANESE BIGOTRY doesn't allow the sign to have Shogun Sanchez on it. See; there are no wrestling academies in Mellowbrook. Actually; that's only half true Gunther; there are no non-stereotypical wrestling academies in Mellowbrook. Still better than your normal stupidity though.
So we see a bald wrestler get thrown through the Japanese paper window of the dojo and then does some pushups and jumps back through the window back into the academy. Heh. Gunther sulks calling it hopeless because he'll never beat Brad. Umm; you forgot Kick Out already huh? Kick drags Gunther away stage left and then we head to the double doors and Kick kicks them open, nyuk! nyuk! Kick asks where to sign up as we see four bald wrestlers who look exactly the same (with matching banana yellow trunks and black boots. So being a Killer Bee is a hazing ritual in this dojo I see?) as a Mexican wrestler in a stereotypical Mexican rises up from them laughing. Okay; that was impressive. Man; and you thought cloning Bagheera from TaleSpin was silly? He has green tights and a goatee because he's the heel see. So; he's Shogun Sanchez by default. We do the human step ladder to bring Sanchez down as his feet act like twinkle toes judging by the sound effects. Did he get his wrestling training from Fred Flintstone or something? Sanchez asks as Kick wants Sanchez to teach him how to wrestle to beatdown his brother. Sanchez refuses to waste his time because older brothers sqaush younger brothers see. And so we see Kick and Gunther both get kicked out off-screen and smack into the wall; bounce off the mattress and smack face first into the concrete sidewalk. In Kick's case; he lands in the bluest puddle of water known to mankind. I guess this is just me liking shades of color in TaleSpin over the Flash used in this show; but what do I know.
Kick recoils and tries for round two; but Gunther grabs him and hugs him. Gunther proclaims that they are too small to stand against big men and it's not so bad living in fear like his own guniea pig.
So we go to the flashback as the guniea pig is in the glass cage as Gunther (in night gear) wishes him good night and blows out the candle like a flame thrower. Whatever Gunther. The guniea pig is terrified as we return to reality (no, not really) as Gunther ponders the reason for it and wants to leave to dot his eyes in fear. Kick wants Gunther to wait as we see Gunther eating a chicken leg from a trash can with gravy all over his face. Oh man; why must this show test me so? Kick notices that there is a sign called Papercut Peterson (from For The Love of Gunther) Wrestling Annex; which is half broken on cue of course. Kick calls it his kind of style. They walk to a rope with a sign that sezs Pull Rope 4 Service. Still spells better than that air force guy from Red Zone Cuba as Kick pulls the rope which is a pulley for the bowling ball to whack hard on Papercut Peterson's head as he wakes up and belches. Whatever. Peterson gets up as Kick demands that he teach him to wrestle because his older brother keeps beating him up. Peterson hates older brothers and offers to teach Kick without even asking for $500. Heh. Kick likes this as Peterson does his ultra bad twist neck to raise his face in the air spot as it's time for a montage. We know this because Kick sezs so right in the front of the camera. And you thought TMNT exposed the business?
Anyhow; we go to the montage as we have the punching bag which is a trashbag filled with dirty rotten trash which Kick punches with flies. Where is Scott Bowden and Operation White Trash when we need him? Gunther gets whacked in face with said punching bag for fun as we go to lesson two which is the tredmill which Gunther and Kick run on the spot on the sidewalk. Naturally; Gunther drops on his kisser and slides away. That's a Spongebob Trick spot if I ever saw one. What a showoff this Gunther fellow is?! Now we go to the ring work as we cut to Gunther and Kick on the blue mattress as Peterson (wearing a sleeping bag to make it fair) is on the pink mattress. Gunther and Kick get their asses punched as G&K try to bite like cats; but Peterson no sells all and we jackhammer again. Yawn. Peterson then invokes the orange cat of death and they slap paws as the cat hisses. Okay; that was different. Gunther then pushes Kick panicking as the cat blitzes Kick and we have a literal cat fight. Oh and there is blue blood spray on the camera as ordered by BS&P. I know people call it spit; but I'm seen spit and it is clear; not blue. The cat does the Cat Crab and Kick taps! HAHA! If only (a) it meant Kick's show is canceled for good and (b) contracts were legally binding. Gunther drops on his face and counts himself out. HAHA! The cat licks it's paws as if nothing had happened.
So we segue into a glorified shot of Peterson's stinky Gedo underwear as we zoom out as Peterson tries his sledgehammer move; but Kick and Gunther spring off the clothesline ropes (HA!) and they grasp hands and drop the double BIONIC ELBOW OF DEATH right on Peterson's back as he oversells it. I didn't see a white matress anywhere on the ground when I was watching this sequence. Oh wait; never mind. Peterson seems refreshed (and streching his neck again) behind the blue background as we see the shot of the bell ring three times this time. I see they got past doing it once now. So we head onto the sidewalk as Kick is towing Peterson with Gunther at his side. Peterson proclaims that he has taught them everything he knows and we are at the ice cream shop as they order six ice cream cones; two each. Peterson's method of licking the chocolate icecream is pretty disturbing to say the least. Think Clamantha disturbing and you'll get the picture. Peterson has no money; so Kick wants to pay for the treats himself as returning the favor; so he invokes the SHARP DOLLAR OF DEATH and Peterson panics. See; there's a reason why he's called Papercut Peterson; since his weakness is paper and paper cuts make him bleed. Peterson does the Drake Mallard drop on his chin to force the point.
Scene changer as we see the babyfaces on the bench as Peterson named himself after his weakness. However; he used to be called Piledriver Peterson as Kick has flashbacks of his old wrestling days when Piledriver Peterson wore American trunks and dominated the competition being on top of the wrestling heap literally. Apparently; in Kick's mind; he used to be awesome. Peterson proclaims that he isn't anymore since Sanchez beat him down so bad that Peterson quit the business altogether. And speaking of the EVIL ONE: Here comes Sanchez on top of his Gedo fashion sense wrestlers who are jogging. Sanchez basically acts like a dick telling Peterson to take his leave; so Kick invokes the CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM OF DOOM on Sanchez's chin and he oversells it. I guess ice is HIS weakness. See; younger brothers can never win and he's allowed to boss Peterson around because Peterson IS his younger brother. Peterson admits that he is his brother as we flash back to his life as Peterson owned the dojo known as the Piledriver (neat name!); but Sanchez beat him down and took over the dojo throwing Sanchez in the street. Oh; and he wears the red hat because it is cold. Whatever you say Peterson. We head back to reality (no, not really) as Kick challenges Sanchez to a wrestling match to prove that younger brothers can beat older brothers; and the prize is the Wrestling Academy. Sanchez ask if what happens if they lose and Kick proclaims that they won't lose and that's enough for Sanchez to accept the challenge....for TONIGHT BABEE!
So we head into the dojo and inside the wrestling ring as Sanchez prepares in the southeast corner while Kick and Gunther prepare Peterson in the northwest corner. Kick proclaims that Peterson can take him as Sanchez rips his coat to show how manly he is complete with CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS. Peterson is worried because he never beat his brother before. Kick tells him that every underdog has his day and tells him to learn from earlier. Gunther spits into the bucket; just to get his disgusting factor in. We ring the bell and Sanchez in predictable fashion kick's Peterson's teeth in. Peterson drops on his face as Kick nods. I see Kick is doing nothing in this short as usual as Peterson does the headbutt of death. At least they are not doing the Fairly Oddparents jackhammering....yet. Peterson pounds on Sanchez for a good long while and Sanchez bails to a corner and REPEATS THE SPOT BRAD DOES EARLIER IN THE EPISODE~! I betcha Peterson accepts the hand and then gets his ass kicked and loses. I check the Youtube video....Damn; I'm so good. All in glorious slow motion and with an international object.....a credit card. Heh. At least Kick noticed the fatal flaw in Peterson's thinking there; so that accounts for something at least. Then it's PUT OUT THE DARKWING MEXICAN STYLE~! That involves doing a figure four leglock by the way. Then it's the Bowser Tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!); but that proves to be a mistake as Peterson manages to tag Kick in. Wait; so this is a tag team match now? I guess Kick wants to bump now since Peterson keeps stealing that from him. Peterson rams into the turnbuckles as a result and then Kick springs in as Sanchez decides that he is going to deliver pain as he'll tag in his star student. If you don't know who he is; you have no business reading this rant.....So we appears in a red robe and unveils himself as The Greater Power known as Vincent K....Oh wait; it's really Brad with a white headband. Damn; I'm so good.
More spitting raspberries from Gunther as Kick should have guessed that one. Brad is in aqua blue trunk as this at least explains how Brad is unstoppable. Wow; Brad somehow got all of his heat back with that tag. So now it's Kick VS. Brad as they circle like they are in MMA or something. Brad's "hurt blender" comment is funny and I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader. So Brad bitchslaps him again as Kick springs off the ropes and Brad hits the nasty clothesline to the chest. I see BS&P was in full force since a clothesline targets the neck. Brad then cannonballs and lays on Kick's stomach like the dick that he is. Brad then throws Kick (by his left leg) out of the ring over the top rope and Kick takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the orange canteen as the table breaks on cue. I know this because there was an impact flash when Kick makes contact. Brad blows him off cheering as Kick is knocked silly when Peterson cradles him and proclaims it is over. Peterson sheds a tear; but Kick revives and blows it off because as Peterson taught him to find another way. So Kick jumps into the sky as Gunther throws the skateboard in (wait; so this is a No DQ match now?) as Kick rides the skateboard off the ropes and Brad gets double fisted and doubled loop complete with jackhammered explosion background. This would have worked A LOT better if Kick actually threw a punch BEFORE Brad beat him down. Brad then gets wediged and back breaked literally as Brad is stomach down on the canvas as Kick is ready to whack Brad with the skateboard as Peterson is happy....until Sanchez is on the top rope using Gunther as an international object. Who does Gunther think he is; a fatass version of DARKWING....DUCK? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BLAM! HEE HEE! Missed again Drake. YOU ARE NOT....POW! OUCH! Ummmmm.....
Peterson then pumps up like a roided freak (I see Larson & Gary have been in the neighbourhood) as he teleports into the ring literally and grabs Sanchez by the hips with one hand and invokes the MEAN STARE OF DOOM as Sanchez drops Gunther on top of the cat off-screen. I know this because a cat meows on cue with the bump. The GEDO wrestlers cannot believe it as Peterson does the piledriver off the top rope and Sanchez is about two foot three inches underneath the Mexican hat. Sanchez waddles around twinkle toes style as Kick approves of this violence. DAMN YOU MISTER T! Needless to say; they both jump and hold hands doing the BIONIC ELBOW OF DEATH on Brad and Sanchez and then do the same to the GEDO wrestler before kicking them into the wall onto the white mattress complete with metal wheel caps. Whatever; goodbye heat Brad, we hardly knew ye. The OUT OF NOWHERE crowd pops and it goes the same place too. So we head back to in front of the Piledriver dojo (as shown with the boarded up signs) as Peterson thanks Kick for getting his old life back. Kick thanks Peterson for proving that Brad has no heat again. Okay; he didn't say that, but it's implied as Gunther pumps up in front of a mirror and it shatters the moment his butt cracks shows. Whatever Gunther. Peterson proclaims that he owes them the HANDSHAKE OF DOOM and Gunther and Kick don't like that at all. Thankfully; he is just kidding as the babyfaces laugh with Peterson who does his disturbing neck laughing and that ends the short at 10:01. This short had the proper flow; and very little in the way of a clustermuck so it was pretty good. *** (60%).
Opening Moment # 2: We see sillouttes of Gunther and Kick watching the screen which is bloody red with the white lettered title. Okay; that was whatever turns you guys on guys.
Box Office Blitz: We begin with the B&W screen as we zoom down to zombies and graves as the male narrator proclaims that there is no hope and lots of zombies. I see there are no crosses either as we cut to a shot of a roof of a barn as a motorcycle appears driven by a big black guy in a trenchcoat and a BS&P helmet. Look; I know that helmets are a must if you are going to approve a scene; but at least have the sense to use proper colors. Even more so; when it is supposed to look like it's B&W out there. The green clashes with everything here. The black guy is Rock Callahan and he wants to rock as he drives the motorcycle down the roof and smashes the zombies with his motorcycle as they jackhammer the word rock with a yellow explosion background. Hey; it's a movie trailer so it's completely apporos to use it here. Zombies go flying; Rock spins around drop kicking zombies in sight using a stop sign. And I'm proven wrong again as we see three crosses in the background as trim for a temple grave. The announcer repeats Rock's name about seven times in a span of ten seconds as the movie is called Rock Callahan's Zombie Motorcross. I'm SHOCKED no one in the Z-Grade movie industry has stolen that idea.....yet. Hey; it cannot be any goofier than Deafula now couldn't it? We get the flame wall of course to end the flourish and even red blood soaked words on the star. As Wade would paraphrase: Didn't see that one coming from the new Disney.
Anyhow; we see a poster of the movie in question as we zoom out to the mulitplex as Kick and Gunther enter the scene. See; it's opening night and Kick wants to see his motorcross hero kick zombie ass. Gunther's mimicking Rock's voice is not all that impressive by the way. Kick and Gunther strike a pose for their hero because they are first in line and then here comes Mouth of the Mellowbrook North; aka Christopher with the Gruffi pose as he mocks Kick because his screwhead brother (as Kick would say) runs the theatre. See; 3D (I know his name is Pantsy; but 3D is MUCH cooler as a name) was upgraded to assistant manager (complete with sparkle white tag on 3D's red suit and hat to force the point) and he runs the cinema with an iron fist. He tolerates nothing...AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING. He actually throws out a red sweater guy for whistling...and literally I mean throw out of the building on-screen to boot. I see he has the same immunity police officers think they should have. This might be their dream short here. Even sneezing is disallowed as a girl get thrown out of the rain and she cries badly. Man; I would have kicked her back in for crying so badly. Oh and Mouth claims that he can hear your age too as he throws out two kids doing the human ladder spot (good for 3D!) and pulls down their pants (BOO! HISS!) causing the girl to scream. Okay; he only pulled down the adult pants and not the actual kids pants so BS&P RULEZ~! So Mouth leaves stage left to watch a movie because he's 3D's little brother and 3D will give him immunity. Okay; he didn't say that, but it's obvious in the cockyness of Mouth that it's implied.
Kick doesn't care; but Gunther stops him because Mouth is right since 3D hates their guts to begin with. Well; you DID bury him and Brad in Kick Out guys. Who wouldn't be sore after that squash? We cut to the ticket booth as 3D blows off a male patron for not saying please and acts like the Soup Nazi from Seinfield causing the male to run away crying. In any sane universe; 3D would be fired; but this is Mellowbrook; a world that doesn't even follow Sara Parlin's logic. Think about that one for a while. Gunther walks to the booth and stammers as he asks for one ticket for Zombie Motorcross and sezs please and gets one! Gunther walks away as Kick asks for one ticket for Zombie Motorcross. Sadly; he doesn't say please like the uncaring piece of crap that Kick is. Now if this show cares about continuity; then 3D should act like a Soup Nazi and Kick should be denied. Of course; if continuity to the show was available he would have denied Gunther just because he's Gunther from Kick Out. Oh wait; Kick said please. Never mind as Kick gets a ticket and we walk over to the door as 3D somehow has teleported all the way to wheel a Granny in a wheelchair out as she is looking for her ticket stub. 3D goes all Soup Nazi on her and pushes the wheelchair into a brick wall off-screen. Wow; 3D just surpassed Brad in the heeldom department. See; this is why it works here and not when Bea did it in Fishing For Complients: The Albert Glass Story. Because 3D is a disgusting heel see.
Gunther gives 3D his ticket remembering to bow down and say please and thank you at the same time. 3D looks miffed anyway; but allows Gunther to enter. Sadly; Kick walks in and 3D catches him running. HA! Kick blows him off as 3D won't let him in. Kick shows him the ticket; so 3D rips it up because he's too young to see this movie. Never mind that he let Gunther in and he's YOUNGER than Kick. Kick thankfully; points out the obvious logic break as Motocross is rated PG which is fair since it's suggested to be with an adult and not required. So 3D asks for a ticket. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Circular logic; got to love it. Kick argues; no dice as Kick wants a refund; so 3D writes NO in red marker in front of Refunds Here Sign conviently placed. Of course; once 3D sezs Buttowski; it's obvious that 3D is committing a version of "driving while black"; or in this case "existing as Kick Buttowski". So Kick proclaims that he is going to see this movie no matter if 3D catches him and so it's ON! As Kick dodges people and gets inside the cinema easily while pushing 3D away at the last minute. That was a weak shove; and so the crack writers decide to pad the running time (in a ten minute short?) by REPEATING THE FOOTAGE only with a football announcer on commentary. Oh TAG guys! You put that spot in because the short was short enough as it is. So Kick runs into the cinema and makes it to the door; and opens it to reveal 3D guarding the entrance; apparently teleporting. So we get more green marker replay just to annoy me.
So 3D throws him into the conviently placed dumpster (a concession stand according to 3D) and calls him a loser. Kick pops up and we see that Mouth is in the dumpster wearing the same garbage Kick is. How about that? So; even Mouth doesn't have immunity to his brother which Kick asks how he got booted out. So we go to the flashback as we see Mouth in the lobby eating popcorn and some popcorn kernals drop onto the floor in glorious Powerpuff Girls slow motion. I think you can guess what happens next. Mouth screams and get thrown out the exact same way; with 3D cutting the EXACT same promo. I get flustered as we return to reality (no, not really) as Kick has the Gruffi pose on saying that this is cold. Kick proclaims that he is not going to be stopped as Mouth pleads to him to take him with him. Huh? Kick no sells all as he asks why he should. Mouth proclaims that he's a Rock Callahan fantatic. Kick wants him to prove it and Mouth does the let's rock badly. It's still enough for Kick to let him join him and Mouth pumps his fist in victory. Whatever Kick. Mouth asks how they are going to get inside and Kick proclaims that he has eyes on the inside.
So we logically head inside the cinema at Gunther's seat as he's pigging out on popcorn and his cell phone rings. Gunther answers the phone as Kick tells him he has a slight delay. Gunther complains as there is melted butter all over his hands as Kick is going to go through the shipping dock and Gunther is to run interference on 3D. Gunther salute him as he stands up as the movie screen demands all patrons to turn off their cellphones (I know this because it also shows No Movie on the screen); so Gunther salutes the screen and turns off the cellphone. Ummm; yeah. So we cut to the truck dock outside as a truck backs up to the building back as we zoom out seeing Kick and Mouth hiding. Kick proclaims that this is their ticket in as we cut back to the door as Gunther opens the door and sees 3D acting all sexist and racist at the same time as he is wooing a black girl guard with black hair. The black girl blows him off because he has a delivery truck to see over and walks away stage left. Gunther follows him and talks on the aborted cellphone yelling at Kick to abort now. So we head outside as Kick enters the shipping area with the skateboard and Mouth on top of him with his goofy purple helmet. Gunther yells at him to abort; but then realizes that his cellphone is turned off. Ummm; yeah. So he turns on the cellphone as Kick and Mouth are inside waiting for Gunther; and the door opens and there is 3D as Kick finally answers the cellphone. HAHA! What a freaking idiot this fatass Gunther is?!
So Kick, Gunther and Mouth scatter; but 3D grabs Mouth and throws him into the dumpster which allows Mouth to do an overdramatic routine to see the show without him. Whatever Mouth. Damn; I was hoping Gunther would get thrown out first; since HE's the fat one. Bad form there guys. Kick runs into the cinema door while Gunther runs stage right into the lobby way. Okay; this is a smart move to avoid 3D. 3D stalks around and I just realized something: Kick is trespassing so why not call the police NOW and have Kick arrested? It's so obvious to everyone with a brain and of course 3D has to lose his heat because he's so dumb. Even Professor Villinova from Quack Pack had enough sense to let the nephews call the police on him and set the Quack Pack nephews up to be arrested for vandalism. Kick of course runs and sits down in his seat as it's clear he's watching a B&W romance movie. How do I know? Because when we pan over right; we see Kendell demanding answers to this outrage. Kick proclaims that he likes this movie as Kendell gleefully points out that it's a kissy-kissy film as we see two couples in a French movie kissy-kissy at the table despite the fact that the kisses have about six inches of air inbetween them. Like a first date; it's teased, but never delivered. Speaking of logic break: Kick is supposed to throw up when this happens instantly; and yet he acts cool through most of it. I know; this is supposed to be character development; but there is no buildup to it. It comes OUT OF NOWHERE and I betcha it goes the same place since I have already seen Frame Story which is the final episode of the season and Kick vomitted there.
So 3D enters as we get shots of Kick looking at the screen of the couple teasing a kiss and then he puckers up and kisses Kendell right on the lips on-screen. I do not want to know who got the worse of that deal. 3D gets all coy; tips his hat and leaves the cinema. Riiiiiggggghhhhhttttt. Despite the fact that Kick is STILL wearing the helmet in plain view for him to see. Stupid; stupid, stupid, STUPID!!! Did I mention he's stupid?! I don't get why everyone on Youtube thinks that kiss was awesome; it was contrived at best. Illana's kiss on Grubby was A LOT better executed than this. Kendell's stoned sell of the kiss is no Grubby's; but it's still better than the kiss itself. Kick of course hates it as he spits; steals Kendell's drink and drinks and spits it all out. So vomitting on-screen is not allowed; but spitting (which is basically vomitting without the forced reflex) on-screen is? BS&P is so WHACK! Kendell is not amused and after that kiss; can you really blame her? Thankfully; Kendell blows the whistle and calls for the usher as 3D finally stops being an idiot. Kick proclaims that it's time to bail as Gunther teleports conviently into the seat claiming that it's just getting good. Whatever Gunther. So we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE CINEMA EDITION as they go into the projection room. 3D follows and....
...WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? We see Gunther, Kick and 3D running on a film reel as the screen goes B&W. I repeat: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? It's all silent and I'm not going to bother calling this crap because it's the biggest piece of logic breaking I have ever seen. I don't know what they were trying to do to make this funny; but this is outright stupid. At least Kendell is complaining about this; so no matter how bland Kendell gets; at least she hasn't broke logic....until Exposed of course. So we return to the projection room for reel....ERRRRR...I mean for real (no, not really) as Kick jumps off while Gunther enjoys some merry go-around until Kick grabs him by the leg and they all bail. So they run out into the lobby as Kick orders Gunther to save some seats as Kick is going to lose him. The chase between Kick and 3D goes on as they enter the 3D movie cinema room and they go to the back of the screen. The screen shows a circus with lions and a cannon as we cut to the seats as Mr. Vickie is loving this 3D. I hope he buys a 3DS real soon; then he won't have to look like a bigger feminie goofball than he already is. So Kick busts through the screen (cannon hole natch) just to get more vandalism charges to his record and Kick misses Mr. Vickie by about three feet. Mr. Vickie is relieved as Kick runs stage left; but Mr. Vickie and 3D have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the GLADD meeting. 3D gets up and pushes the LOCKDOWN BUTTON OF DOOM in his usher cap because it's time to step it up; as we get alarm sounds and all the wrestlers from Drop Kick have arrived in usher suits. Okay; maybe not that design; but it's close enough. They surround Kick in the lobby; but Kick dodges all. Memo to 3D: CALL THE DAMN POLICE ALREADY!
We see Gunther open the door from the cinema hall as he tells Kick that the movie is about to start. I thought it started about seven minutes ago?! Kick grabs Gunther and the chase MUST CONTINUE! They get surrounded so; Kick and Gunther do their silly Rock poses and Kick gets boosted by Gunther as he flips and destroys the Rock Callahan poster as he creates a motorcross bike out of cardboard. Well; this makes more sense than most of this short; so why not? Kick pushes a button (!!!) on his helmet and now he's wearing shades. I'm not even going to bother explaining that one as it's turned into a movie cinema version of Rock Callahan movie. Which means that they are going to REPEAT THE TRAILER~ I betcha. I check the Youtube video.....Well; not quite since Gunther invokes the LICORICE WHIP OF DOOM to tie up one of the usher's ankles and trip him down to the floor. Whatever guys. Then it's the MALT CHOCOLATE BALLS OF DOOM as Gunther loads them all in his mouth and shoots it out of his mouth machine gun style. Yes folks; this is AS CLOSE as they are going to get with bullet shooting guns. You want bullet shooting guns? Watch any R-rated film; or it you are "G"-rated; TaleSpin from Disney will do. Just make sure you watch the DVD version and the Youtube videos of the Disney Channel version of Plunder and Lightning if you want the full effect. One of them gets hit and screams in pain (Riiiiggghhhttt) as Kick REPEATS THE SPOT using the barrier as 3D walks in from the door and he is PISSED.
See; he hired 500 ushers for Kick Buttowski. Wait; I thought he was assistant manager? This better play a part in the finish somehow. Kick kicks an big ass usher and flies and squashes 3D with a splash. HA! 3D blows them off and orders them to get Kick as the screen returns to normal. So we resume the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE BIG ASS USHER EDITION~! Not Usher from music; real ushers. Just to avoid confusion here. They get clobbered with the machine gun popcorn that Gunther is shaking from the popcorn popper. Okay; this clustermuck is totally overbooked now; and it's time to mercy kill it. Of course they run out and Kick grabs Gunther and bails as 3D is really PISSED off. Memo to 3D: CALL THE DAMN POLICE NOW! They are behind the candy counter as the usher squad surround the counter as 3D calls them out. We cut to behind the counter as Gunther asks about the numbers and Kick states that there are lots. Kick and Gunther finally admit that they lost; but they will go out Rock Callahan style as they do their silly poses and it's time to rock and suck at the same time. People wonder why I sing the praises of Chuck Tately? After this episode; this poor excuse of a short is all I need to shut them up for good. So Kick and Gunther blitz in and Kick rips down 3D's pants. Damn; I thought Kick would rip off 3D's white tag. 3D is wearing pink underwear with white hearts. Knowing the finish from Happy Birthday Jocktopus; I can guess the finish here: The ushers laugh him off and bail. Damn; I'm so good. 3D screams like mad and somehow the sprinkler system turns on engulfing everyone with rain. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Kick calls it a miracle as 3D goes outside and cancels the show and gives everyone a refund. This makes no sense whatsoever and it contradicts the entire episode. The finish should be the "supervising manager" coming in and firing 3D for being a bad usher. That makes SENSE. This doesn't as we go into the movie theatre and Kick and Gunther watch Rock Callahan Motorcross with an umbrella. We then see Kick and Gunther sharing popcorn and then we zoom out to see a green umbrella with Mouth in the seats as he was the one who set off the sprinkler system. So we did that stupid finish just to get Mouth in? Triple devil's pose...and then we fade to black.
We then return as we see Gunther outside the lobby (sprinkler system is off by the way which makes the finish look stupider) as he goes in and dives into the projection reels of the projector and has a good time. Whatever turns you on Gunther. Gunther waves on screen during the kissy-kissy film as Kendell yells for the usher. She needs an usher, and a sidebar. I need one too as that ends the short at 9:30. This whole short was focused around the Kick/Kendell kiss and it wasn't good to begin with. The short started off all right; but then it just got slaughtered logic wise and it didn't stop until the end. I was hoping for a quick car crash and it turned into a terrible clustermuck that would make even Seth Macfarlane blush. - 1/4* (-5%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Drop Kick was actually a pretty good short despite having a lot of bodily fluid jokes and some really nasty bumps tooken by the characters. Kick is still unlikable; but that was kept to an absolute minimum and Brad did manage to look good for a while before losing all his heat again in a finish that was predictable right from the start. Sanchez is an idiot; he should have put something up and Peterson was pretty okay although his cat was the funniest character in the entire short making Kit tap out just to amuse me. Overall; this wasn't a bad short at all; and with a proper flow and somewhat funny montage makes Gregory Weagle a happy ranter.
Yes; we have our second negative star episode of the series in Box Office Blitz and it didn't need to be. It started off pretty well as a simple story involving Kick doing whatever it takes to watch the Rock Callahan movie. 3D was a decent heel for this and Mouth was all right along with Gunther. There wasn't much in the way of jackhammering the point home and the bodily fuild jokes were miminal at worst. So where did it go so wrong? First; the football replay spot was not needed and it only served to pad the running time in a short that was nine and a half minutes to begin with. The whole Kick/Kendell kiss spot that people thought was so charming was contrived at best as Kendell's stoned selling was the only good thing about it. Then; logic and reasoning went out the door the moment they went into the projection room and the trailer like scene with Kick and Gunther acting out Rock Callahan. Then there is the obvious logic break of 3D not calling the police; but that's forgivable given the bigger gaping break: he's the assistant manager; so the supervising manager should have figured into the finish and fired 3D for being a bad usher (I'm sure he had the footage of him doing the stuff too); instead we have Kick pulling 3D's pants down and Mouth opening the sprinkler system for a finish that makes no sense and contradicts what the short was shooting for. Oh and 3D teleports a lot in this episode too. Overall; I am extremely disappointed with this short because Kick didn't really do anything unlikable. It was a simple matter of the writers being too cocky for their own good and not realizing bull crap when they see it.
So another round of Kick Buttowski shorts are in the books as I have nearly reached the midway point of season one of this show. My next rant on Fish Hooks won't be until the first week of April (Two Clams In Love/Peopleing); so now I have some breathing room for the first time in a long while. So the next week or so will be focused on finishing the 20 Years of Spin supplemental materials; the final chapter and updating the posts with complete material. Once Fish Hooks is done; then I have pretty much until Easter Sadism to finish other works and do prep work for the upcoming Gummi Bears rants on Youtube. So....
Thumbs in the middle for Drop Kick and thumbs the hell way down for Box Office Blitz and I'll see you next time.
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