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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil

Mellowbrook Drift/Gift of Whacky Rant

Reviewed: 10/29/2011

The Gift Of Whiplashes More Like It!

Well; now we can finish Season One of Kick Buttowski in style as there are eight episodes left. YAY! Oh wait; I mean, D'OH! So our first short pits Kick Buttowski's “LAWS OF AWESOME” (scare words intentional) against the master of the laws of physics in street racing. Our second short features Jackie having a birthday party that Kick wants to weasel out of. Why doesn't that surprise me?! Well; let's rant on shall we...?!

Mellowbrook Drift is written by Nick Confalone, Mark Drop and Derek Dressler. The storyboards are done by Edgar Karapetyan, Ed Baker and Phillip Mosness. The direction is done by Chris Savino and Sherm Cohen. Edgar started with Fighting Tommy Riley as an art illustrator and then went onto work for Camp Lazlo, Underfist: Halloween Bash, Class of 3000 and Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Furious Five in various roles. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and that's it. Gift of Whacky is written by Bob Camp and Derek Dressler. The story is done by Mitch Larson, storyboarded by Bob Camp and directed by Chris Savino and Sherm Cohen. As for the animation studio; it's all done on Flash. My opinion on Flash: It works like all mediums. If the talent sucks; then the product is going to suck. Tools don't matter.

Opening Moment #1: The title card of the day features an electric car race track with a Pokemon-equse circle in the middle. Ooookkkkaayyyy.

Mellowbrook Drift: We begin this one with the FPS shot down the sidewalk hill as Gunther and Kick are racing a soapbox car. Did I mention that the soapbox car has NO wheels on it (as Kick mentions?)? Thankfully; it somehow flips onto itself and onto the conviently placed wheels and it somehow fuses together. See this isn't an ordinary soapbox car derby race; it's the first annual Tri-County Cart-tacular which allows us to jackhammer an announcer into doing a promo on the logo of the race. Apparently; losing makes icon face's sad and you will be belittled for the rest of your life. Win; and you're the talk of the Tri-County area. Okay; here's the obvious problem with this: After all the BS we have seen thus far in this first season; are we supposed to seriously believe that being second place or worse in a cart race is going to get Kick belittled and mocked? I mean; Kick is so unlikable already and Gunther too easy to mock and belittle; so it's not like this race is going to make it any worse for them. If Kick was likable; then I could get into this race and like it. Not here sadly. So it better be a great race of all time; or this will be just another clustermuck in a series of them.

So we race some more and we then get the jackhammer martial arts zoom in of a really sexy cool race car (although the Gedo yellow spots do ruin the effect somewhat) as Rolando finally makes his appearance as a focus character instead of being the placeholder for their romance between him and Kendell. Rolando naturally blows him off as Kick calls him a physics nerd. Like being a nerd is a "bad" thing? Which makes Rolando an automatic babyface in my book. Rolando luckly does a heel move (after adjusting his controls to make the car weigh more in the opposite direction) and bumps Kick's car into the grass. Kick gets the car back on the sidewalk; so Rolando invokes the MIRROR OF VANITY and cuts a physics promo as we get blinded. Ah; I see Rolando watched A Bad Reflection On You. Good for him that he has such good tastes too. Kick is blinded and appears to be colliding into a mother with brown hair and a yellow shirt with her stroller and baby. If there is one thing I didn't need to see is to be reminded about how I must share the bus seats with them. My back hurts enough as it is. Thankfully; Kick does into a loop around the stroller and we continue on. We go to the grass and use the ramp over the slide over a sunburnt blond haired man lying on the grass with purple trunks and cuecumbers on his eyes. Heh.

Gunther wants Kick to turn; but Kick apparently doesn't have enough vandalism charges on his record and breaks through the gate which in turn destroys the soap cart. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE KICK BUTTOWSKI! I see real world physics has returned from it's long vacation. In TNA; Kick would bounced off the fence which would be wrapped in barb wire. Everyone laughs at his expense as Rolando blows them off and races away. So we scene change to various carts (including Kick's) on the finish line destroyed as the announcer declares Rolando the winner by default. Wait; what?! What a thrilling way to bury the race in general guys as Rolando gets his trophy and blows off the racers for putting an effort. Gunther consoles Kick in probably the dumbest weaseling wording way possible. And then leaves. Yeah; we are supposed to believe all this and have sympathy for Kick; when Rolando didn't cause Kick to have his cart destroyed, it was Kick's stupidity thinking that caused him to lose. So screw him if he's stupid enough to crash into a fence just to save time; he damn well deserved it. And it only makes Rolando into a babyface.

So we head to the workshop at Mellowbrook School as Kick proclaims that he never loses; even a cart race as he has the pieces of his cart on the table and someone comes out and it's One-Eyed Jackson which I saw once in Mow Money already. One-Eyed Jackson is voiced by Adam Carolla who according to the USIMDB: Adam Carolla was born in Los Angeles but raised in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and later North Hollywood. His mother was a recipient of welfare with a degree in Chicano studies, his dad was a psychologist, and he got where he is today, he says, in spite of them. After Adam graduated from North Hollywood High School, he spent a very short time in junior college. After dropping out, he worked a memorable stint as a carpet cleaner. Later in life, Adam worked as a skilled carpenter/builder, becoming a boxing trainer in his free time. Adam's early studies in entertainment were with The Groundlings, an improv group, which has produced a number of other famous comedic personalities. When Jimmy Kimmel was challenged to a boxing match at L.A. radio station KROQ in 1994, Adam was his trainer. Jimmy helped Adam get a job on KROQ's "Kevin and Bean Morning Show." It was on KROQ that Dr. Drew (Drew Pinsky, the original and current host of the Loveline radio show) heard Adam and liked his style. In 1995, Drew gave Adam the job of co-hosting Loveline on the radio. It was at this time that Loveline became syndicated nationally in the USA. In 1996, "Loveline" (1996), along with Adam and Drew, came to television on MTV. It was a popular late-night, hour-long show, which Adam and Drew co-hosted variously with Diane Farr, Catherine McCord, Laura Kightlinger, and Kris McGaha. The MTV show ran for over four years, ending in 2000, finally bowing out after what is regarded as a very successful run by MTV standards. Adam and Dr. Drew continued to co-host Loveline nightly on a syndicated national radio network, often joined on-air by celebrity guests, until 2005, when Adam left the show. Adam also writes for and occasionally guests on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" (2003). Having created and worked on "The Man Show" (1999) and "Crank Yankers" (2002) with Jimmy and Daniel Kellison, Adam is putting his talents to use on more comedic ventures.

A Note On Adam Corella: According to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER! Might contain more than the daily allowance of bullsh**!) he has notoriously made some bigoted cracks at transgender, gay (happened when LGBT suggested that Ernie and Bert finally marry which personally I would love to see happen (Don't hold your breath on that one). I had an idea to do that with Durin and Pledge in the Aerostars fanfics), Hawaiians (yeah; real smart when the president was born in Hawaii), and made incredibly racist remarks (happened when he took a shot at Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao when he called him brain damaged, a Pagan (in the most insulting of terms possible) and a person who could not read.) which prompted death threats in one case. Now people of the ADM have blasted various Disney young female "hacks"/talents of posing nude; and yet when Adam Corella comes up; they seem to ignore him.

Remember This: The ADM has a great number of members who have demonstrated to be homophobic and may and may not be closet gays themselves. And the fact that they would go after young female girls who merely did dumb things like pose nude and ignore a guy who has documented statements of racism, sexism, and bigoted comments towards gays and transgender people clearly shows incredible pyschological projection on the ADM's part. And all this just because they hate crappy Disney bands and the new Disney; who at least don't alienate mass audiences and don't act like bigots. No wonder Disney doesn't listen to the old Disney fans; why would they want the taint of bigotry that destroys their profits and any adult customers they might still have. Like I said before; there are reasonable arguements to be made about the quality of the new Disney, just leave your prejustices out of it please. It can only help. Anyhow; Adam started with Judgment Night in 1993 as a stand in. Buzz Lightyear of Star Command as Commander Nebula is his DTVA debut (wonder if that's the reason why they ignore his obvious bigotry?) . Division III: Football's Finest is his most recent credit. He has eight writing credits (Mostly, The Man Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live! And Crank Yankers), 28 acting credits, 92 self credits (mostly as a comic), and was on the documentary series Frontline in archive footage. Whew! Glad to get this guy off my chest.

Jackson seems to not like being called One-Eyed Jackson; unless there is a Mr in it. Jackson asks about their run in with Rolando and Gunther asks how he knew and so we go into a dark room (with mature lighting) and Rolando turns the lights on and there are various cart stuff on the walls and floor with a small mouse. Then we somehow jump cut (something tells me the original release has about ten seconds extra) to Jackson and the kids as Jackson explains that he had kids come in his woodshop all the time creating karts as we see pictures on the wall of kids making and racing carts. Gunther calls it fun as Jackson blows it off because Rolando might be a physics nerd; but he CHEATS TO WIN~! Jackson remembers it like it was yesterday. Kick asks when it happened and Jackson claims that it was yesterday of course. Ho hum. So we head to physics room as Rolando admires his trophy with a fat , brown haired boy in a green shirt and brown pants, and a girl with black hair with white shoes, navy blue shirt and red skirt. And the door opens and in comes Kick Buttowski and Gunther (who looks like he wants to be somewhere else. Rolando turns around and asks if Kick is here to polish his trophy. Kick wants a re-match and both of Rolando's posse giggle on cue. Rolando proclaims that racing is about control and Kick's a loose cannon and the square root of 2 which is irrational. The square root of 2 is 1.41 approx Rolando. You are clearly a cheater Rolando.

Kick blows him off and wants the re-match at 3:00 pm tomorrow at Mount Hurtsmore and the posse gasp on cue. Like I'm buying this crap; sure. Gunther shakes like a Hanna Barbera character and we jackhammer Mt. Hurtsmore with letters and an announcer cutting a promo on the mountain which includes more racing jackhammer spots. By the way; Turn #6 is a 90 degree angle turn. Many have tried; none have succeeded as the wind blows into the window showing the mountain and the bunsen burners still keep their flame. Rolando seems impressed; because he thinks he has it in the bag because he has the laws of physics. Only in the real world Rolando; only in the real world. Kick does the Gruffi pose and proclaims that he has the "Laws of Awesome" on his side. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Like Kick would know the meaning of the word awesome. Then again he doesn't know the meaning of the word "law"; both from a science and from a social context. Rolando rightfully blows it off as non-sensial as Kick counters by calling Rolando not awesome. Rolando blows it off because he has Netwon's 2nd law as he shows a white ball and paints Kick's fugly face on it with red marker. Gunther calls it so true and Kick invokes eye contact violence to stop that.

Rolando talks about the irrestiable force (Kick) meeting an immovable object (Hurtsmore) and throws the white ball into the wall and it shatters. Apparently; he has never watched a wrestling match before; which is good because his brain would fry. More so if it's a Total Impact Wrestling match. Rolando asks if he sezs anymore; which Kick responds that he doesn't and walks out because he talks too much already. So we head to the workshop and inside as Kick and Gunther look at the destroyed cart and Kick proclaims that it's time for some upgrades which is the usual signal for the montage. Gunther claims that Rolando has physics on his side and Kick blows it off. Jackson comes in OUT OF NOWHERE (what a shock?) and claims that word on the street is that he's challenging Rolando to Mount Hurtsmore. Gunther claims that it was Ped-Ex on it. Whatever Gunther; your senses are shot as usual. Jackson has some advice for them as the door opens and in comes a janitor who is not related to the one from Frame Story and Kick addresses him as Janitor Roberson and they think he's the grizzled old kart racer. Jackson blows it off because he's the kart racer. Like the woodworking shop filled with kart racing pictures and stuff didn't give THAT fact away? Roberson walks out of the door claiming that he'll clean it up later. Ooookkkkkaaay; that was useless.

Jackson tells them that they need a new kart and lays down the rules of engagement as we go to the montage of Kick getting a wrench and the welders equipment gets used of course. Rolando plays by his own rules of course since he is a cheater hiding behind a law which is very selective in this world. Jackson's advice is to do the opposite of what Rolando does as the cart continues to be fixed and Gunther blows it off as the worst advice ever. I disagree Gunther; it's the ONLY advice against a cheater. More noises from behind the woodworking shop door and we cut back to Jackson as he proclaims that this is how you counter Rolando's dirty, rotten, wart-infested tricks. And build a cart as he puts the white sheet over it. Gunther calls it awesome. You guys keep using that word; it doesn't mean what you think it means. Gunther thinks that Kick's ready and Jackson invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH because no one is ready for Mount Hurtsmore and Gunther catches himself like an idiot.

Jackson rephrases himself and looks out the window as there is the dreaded turn 6 which has changed from a right angle to the top of the number five. This would have been more fitting if this was turn five. Idiots! Jackson calls it a man-eater; which I think he's clearing hyperboling. That would put the mountain in Legend of Mana terrority. See; he wiped out and nearly killed himself while avoiding the word completely. Gunther asks if that is how he lost his eye and Jackson counters that he lost his leg as a woodpecker flies in from the window and pecks on the wooden leg. Ho hum; no one cares. So we head to Mount Hurtsmore as everyone gathers on the side of the road at the summit and we pan over to the starting line as Rolando has his kart ready to go. Rolando's posse has the Gruffi poses on (except for the girl) as Rolando thinks Kick has chickened out. Kick is a lot of dumb, stupid and vile things; but being an outright coward isn't one of them. The posse laughs and Rolando blows them off because his punctionality line isn't funny. I agree; complex speaking is not funny; execs who think kids are morons tend to ban such words. And here comes Kick Buttowski and Gunther in the white light (Must resist seizure joke) walking up pushing their kart towards the starting line. Why does Gunther have a mustache on? I can understand him wearing the race crew gear; but the CHL mustache?

Rolando is shocked as Kick unveils from the white curtain and the kart looks worse than before and some parts are literally stuck with chewing gum. Oooookkkkkaaayyyyyy. No wonder Jackson never won that race. Needless to say; Rolando and posse laugh badly. How fitting eh? Rolando wants Kick to quit now as Kick has both the Gurffi pose and the up your's pose on full blast. A crappy combination in the wrong hands sezs I. Rolando's attempt to stop laughing is laughable since he cannot laugh properly to save his life. Rolando blows off the machine with the LAWS OF REAL WORLD PHYSICS and calls it hilarious as the posse laughs badly. So Rolando wants them to laugh harder and they laugh better this time. Rolando claims that there is no science involved and Kick blows it off because the point of this race is to prove that the laws of physics is no match for "the laws of awesome". If he calls that "awesome" then Sunwoo's animation of the tickling scene in Polly Wants A Treasure is "awesome". Yeah; didn't think so.

Rolando ups the ante and wants a bet. We then see various helmets on spikes as Rolando proclaims that if Kick loses; he loses his helmet and Kick deals. Okay; this is continuity from Exposed; but that episode sucked badly so in any other universe; Rolando is a freakin idiot. If I was Rolando; if Kick lost, he quits being a daredevil. Then it would mean something. Lose the helmet; and you buy another one. In other words; pointless drivel which is par for the course with this show. Kick's wager: If Rolando loses; he quits which makes the Kick loses the helmet thing look stupider than it already does. If I were Rolando; I would not accept until Kick agrees to put his career on the line. That would make sense. This makes Rolando look like a stupid idiot right out of the starting gate because Kick doesn't have much of value as a character to lose while Rolando has everything to lose as a character here. It's little things like that; that make the difference between a below average episode and an excellent episode. Rolando, like Shogun Shanchez in Drop Kick, accepts without question as we get the staredown with split screen. It's safe to say that the entire finish is given away in advance before we even race. And I don't like it; I would go for the surprise finish here. I'll explain when we get to the finish actually.

So we do the checkered flag scene changer of doom as Kick and Rolando start their engines as apparently Rolando has speakers which mimic the sounds of the Daytona 500 stock cars. Which is very cool I would admit; but Rolando is finished as far as I'm concerned. Kick is not amused as we get the dumbest recycling ever as the girl from Rolando's pose has the white flag and flicks it to start the race complete with triple screen action and countdown. Kick and Rolando stare at each other and we are the most predictable race in history. We race neck to neck for a while and then Rolando cheats by bumping sideways on Kick. Kick rumbles on the side of the road for a bit before coming back to the middle as Rolando takes the lead. Rolando proclaims that when you play with fire at 550 K you get...whatever. He just cannot go one sentence without complex speaking can't he? You could have said; he's going to get burned. Same thing. It's not like you writers insult the intellgenence of children already; so stop insulting me with intellecual dishonesty. More blocking leads to Rolando invoking the oil slick. If Rolando is so smart; why not use a slick substance that sounds complex? I know he's a cheater; but I'm tired of the oil slick cliche in races already guys. I don't need to see it again.

So Kick slides with the power slide and manage to go right through the barricaded right fork in the road (Republican! Which wouldn't surprise me in the least considering his fetish for Billy Stumps) as Rolando goes left (Democrat!). Kick goes through the tunnel as Rolando laughs and then we cut to Kick dodging rocks in the tunnel and then ramps out of the tunnel and onto the correct road complete with bats flying out. Whatever guys. Kick and Rolando blow each other off as they race towards Turn #6 as stated by Gunther who is looking on with the bincoulars. And the lens have eyes as Gunther claims that he is going to lose an eye if he doesn't slow down...which prompts eye contact violence from Jackson. Gunther corrects himself as we cut back to Kick speeding up. Geez; what a shock that is?! The carts go so fast that they re-arrange the clothes on the kids cheering on from the sidelines. Whatever. We cut back to Jackson as he won't make it going that fast as Gunther pleads for Kick to slow down and Kick no sells because slow is not in his word usage. So Gunther throws down his headphones in disgust while swearing in Dubbed Anime Style (Dan gumhit!) as he blows off Kick reading comic books during grammar class. And he kicks the OUT OF NOWHERE tires for fun.

So Kick gets up to Rolando as Rolando tells him that physics makes all the difference as Kick will splatter into the wall unless he slows down in time. Jackson asks if Kick is trying to kill himself. Answer: I sure HOPE so! Kick speeds up as Rolando stops on a dime and Kick speeds up and remove the front of his cart and crashes into the wall with such amazing speed that we have an explosion. Gunther screams badly thinking that Kick is dead and a loose cannon. Don't count on it Gunther Magumson. It didn't happen in A Star is Torn and it won't happen here. In fact; Kick will easily win the race because the finish demands that he wins as Rolando heads to the finish line...and then the mountain side explodes and here comes Kick Buttowski completely unharmed and his kart is undamaged. Okay; he's smoking on his back as Kick bounces up over Rolando in slow motion (much to Rolando's surprise) and crosses the finish line for the easy win. What a surprise that was? I called it three minutes before it happened too.

See; I would have went for the photo finish and have it inconclusive so that it ends in a draw; Rolando keeps his heat and it saves face for physics since both were proven here to be equally valid. Here however; this kills Rolando as a serious heel since it is so predictable in this universe for Kick to win. Ironically enough; it was a bounce of physics Kick used to win the race. Thus it wasn't the "law of awesome" that saved him; it was the physics of this assbackwards universe in general. That is just peachy. So Kick spins around 180 degrees and does the double devil's pose in the dust just to piss me and Rolando off. Because Kick isn't Kick if he isn't vainglorious and in your face about it. The crowd naturally pops for it as Kick poses and Gunther runs in and shakes Kick of blows him off for not braking...and then changes his mind and hugs him. Rolando jumps out and throws his helmet down looking absolutely pissed off. And I DON'T blame him one bit. Rolando is now the default babyface as he points out that Kick broke the laws of physics and Kick proclaims that laws were meant to be broken. Can you hear the groan coming out of authority figures; or do I have to spell it out for ya?! Some laws are an ass yeah; but Kick makes it sounds like you can break ANY law you want and get away with it. That's why I don't give a crap if this world blows up tomorrow.

Gunther asks for Jackson and Rolando claims that he died a long time ago when he hit the wall on turn #6. Yes folks; we are supposed to seriously believe after Kick Buttowski went through granite wall without so much as a scratch on his body that Jackson somehow died crashing into the same wall. After Jackson clearly showed that he was alive with a amputated leg. They clearly went for the Old Man & The Seaduck angle with this and it fails badly because it makes no sense. And even Rolando thinks that sucked so he admits that he's still alive as we see Jackson giving the thumbs up and then teleports out. As I expected; so he's alive and well. Probably for the best since no one is going to top the finish to Old Man & The Seaduck anyway. He's a mage with Lezard Valeth teleportation powers. Double devil's pose from Kick; both goofs are shocked that he disappeared and that ends the episode at 10:16. This would have been a good episode if they didn't screw it up along the way in general. And the finish was an absolute joke too. ** (40%).

Opening Moment #2: The title card is the JOKEY SURPRISE OF DOOM in Gedo colors and a red ribbon. The nametag sezs Whacky on it which fits the chaos that I'm sure is going to happen here.

Gift of Whacky: We begin this one in the sky with a spiral ramp. Oh; like we didn't see that one coming. We see Kick looking at it from a rampway and he rockets down the ramp and over it and then spirals down the rampway. Baloo Corkscrew; Flight School, I'm just saying guys. And he rockets off and destroys the spiral ramp as it crumbles down and we get the double devil's pose complete with explosion jackhammer background. And Gunther throws confetti on Kick and cheers poorly; probably on purpose. We find out that this was only a dream as we find out that it's the Mellowbrook Memorial Corkscrew according to Gunther. Kick has the Gruffi pose on as it's a once in a lifetime jump as we see it still standing surrounded by fencing because soon it's going to be demolished. Which begs the question: Who was dumb enough to make such a thing in the first place? Kick proclaims that it's now or never as Gunther places Kick on the skateboard as we see the workers put their earmuffs on and stand back since the TNT is already in place near the fencing. We have a person with a plunger as he is almost ready to blow up his useless spiral and Kick hears the sirens of pain. So Kick jumps down the ramp and then the girl of my dreams and Kick's nightmares arrives with a green hat to go insane on...ERRRR...screw up Kick's dreams. Same thing basically. Oh goody! Jackie The Stalker is back. You know what to do Jackie; you know.

Jackie sits on Kick after they have the meeting of minds and it wasn't at the demoliton site as the skateboard flies onto the spiral and Kicks screams badly as the TNT goes off and the spiral crumbles down to the ground. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kick cannot believe this as he get up from Jackie's bonds and then the skateboard comes back and MURDERS Kick right in the kisser! That's even better. Kick is such a LOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSEEERRRR! I wish Rolando did that with his helmet in the last short too. And once again we get trash cans sounds and cats screaming as the skateboard shuts up Kick. These writers are so AWESOME! Jackie likes Kick's stunt by the way and I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic. Oh; and Jackie gives him an invitation to her birthday party which is tonight. Kick tries to explain that he doesn't want to come, but Jackie gleefully ignores him. HAHA! She pets the helmet and runs stage left since it's at 7:00 pm. HAHA! Now that's how you start an episode in the new Disney!

So we head to Kick's house as we head to Kick's bedroom as Gunther is giving him a back rub with the clothes on; on the bed. Kick proclaims that he will never becomes the best daredevil in the world with Jackie around. Yeah; my heart "bleeds" for you Kick, NOT! Kick wants her out of his live once and for all and Gunther punches him good in the back several times. HAHA! I see even Gunther takes that as a death threat and good for him too! Gunther does the foot in the back streach as Kick proclaims that he would do anything to get rid of her and we zoom out to see Brad outside the door with a toothpick in his teeth. Kick isn't amused as Brad proclaims that he's perfect because he can make anyone hate Kick and proves it by coming in and giving Gunther the hanging wedgie. HAHA! Gunther gleefully sums it up for me as Brad puts Gunther down and states that he'll ruin Jackie's birthday party as he imagines life without her. Kick then gets the dream sequence as Kick stands beside a trophy of world's greatest daredevil with blue background. Oh God; THE HORROR! THE HORROR! MAKE IT STOP JACKIE! MAKE IT STOP! We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick wants to do this. Oh; if you cannot smell the catch coming a mile away....

And as I predicted Brad wants compenstation as Kick will exchange his room for Brad's services. Gunther pleads with Kick on this because Brad is EVIL~! A guy who whacks a beehive is evil? Riiiggghhhtttt Gunther. And the fact that Jackie doesn't deserve to be screwed on her birthday. I agree with him on that one and Kick no sells like the vainglorious bastard that he is. So Gunther blows him off proclaiming that he wants no part of this as he calls this madness. I disagree with you Gunther; Jackie going insane on Kick is absolute madness. And I like it (Cue Disco Jackhammer from Shellsea)! Gunther is gone from the house yelling madness as Brad goes over to Kick like a pervert and asks if he has a deal and Gunther continues to yell. We got the point the first time you yelled Gunther. Kick looks stunned as we do the Wuzzle scene changer (Eeek!) as we head to a dark room as Kick reads the contract on the table via candlelight as the rules of engagement are that Mr. Dillweed will freely give the room to Kick for services rendered (if he succeeds which I betcha plays into the finish) and that Kick will live in the backyard forever. Brad's eyes are like candle lights as he wants Kick to sign. Kick takes the white feather (just to mess with Gunther's mind) and tries to sign; but the inkwell is dry. And then we get ketchup on the contract which comes from Brad eating a sandwich and generally making a mess of himself. Whatever guys; the smear blood spot died a long time ago. Get over it as Kick signs the contract in ketchup as Brad takes it and proclaims that Whacky Jackie is going to have a birthday she will NEVER forget and laughs like an evil heel. At least I like Jackie since she's the best character of the show and this at least makes Brad an automatic heel by proxy so it works.

Brad shoves Kick out of his room and shuts the door as we scene change to Kick pacing outside the front door as we hear tool use from Brad and Brad opens the door. Kick asks about the sounds and Brad brings out a cassette tape called Brad's Evil Sound FX. Oookkkkkaaaayyy; why is Brad, a pop-culture teenager using casette tapes? Never heard of Internet or CD's Brad? I'll never understand this universe; I really cannot. So Brad gives Kick the purple JOKEY SURPRISE OF DEATH and proclaims that he gives this to Jackie and his troubles are over. Kick asks what it is and Brad proclaims that it's better that he doesn't know and closes the door. Okay; if I think this is what I think is inside that package; then it's safe to say that low sales prevented the DVD release of Flying Dupes. Although; I was certain of that BEFORE this episode anyway. Kick proclaims that it better work; or he gets his room back as Brad shoves a dresser out of the window claiming that it will and no kick backs either. Whatever Brad. So we head to Jackie's house (which might as well be Kick's house) as he rings the doorbell and the door opens and Kick heads inside. Kick walks in with the present of death and notices that no one is inside. Then Jackie teleports out of nowhere and greets Kick in the most insane manner possible. Oh; is this going to be fun or what?! Did I mention that Jackie is wearing a violet dress with skirt and S&M boots?! HEEHEEHEEHEE! Kick Buttowski is officially ROOM FEED. I like it. (Shellsea Disco Jackhammer Time!)

Jackie is so giddy that she has the chills as Kick notices that there is no one here. Jackie doesn't seem to care as the second invite is the tumbleweed; which would be perfect with Mr. Dillweed. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...And the tumbleweed tumbles out of the door and Jackie waves bye bye. HAHA! So it's basically six minutes of Jackie going insane on Kick. guessed it. Jackie notices the present and Kick gives it to her. Kick wants her to open it; but Jackie no sells because it's so much better to torture Kick...ERRR...I mean wait until later to open it. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE KICK BUTTOWSKI! Kick wants to help her open it; but Jackie yells in his face because she wants a grand finale. HAHA! I am so loving this episode! Jackie wants to play party games and brings out the hammer and and the tail on the nail. Sadly; she lacks the foresight of a picture of a jackass; but since we have Kick, it works out perfectly for her. And she agrees with me. HAHA! She just went insane on Kick's ass as Kick bails and Jackie loves it because it's more exciting that way. HAHA!

Sadly; we head back to Kick's house as Chip Green and 3D return (I know that they are called Horace and Pantsy; but my names for them are a million times funnier.) bringing in the green sofa from Kick Out and naturally Brad is lying down in it like a good heel should. We see that Brad has turned Kick's room into a disco hall basically as he orders Chip Green to make a sign for him; while 3D celebrates by spinning around while Brad does absolutely nothing. Wow; the writers are actually writing a sensial episode in the new Disney. Could we have our first full monty episode? We'll see...Brad likes it and we return as Kick is strapped to the WHEEL....OF....TORTURE~! HAHA! This is just great as Jackie is about to toss a porcupine as Kick tells her that tossing one is NOT a party game. Oh sod off Kick; suck it up and LIKE IT! Jackie backs off and has a neat idea as we cut to outside the door as we hear a kissing sound and Kick crashes through the door. This house is not up to code; but at least I can understand why. And Kick hates kissing. Damn; I wish that kiss was on-screen. Who cares if Kick somehow breaks logic and escapes?! Still too funny though as Kick blows off that game and suggests opening up the present.

Jackie no sells of course (YAY!) and brings out the purple umbrella and MURDERS the trophy head of a moose because it's time to break open a pianta. HAHA! Take one guess who plays the paper mache doll. Hint: He's a vainglorious unlikable bastard who needs to be put in his proper place. And Jackie is the PERFECT person to put him in his proper place if you catch my drift. Kit would attend this party (if only to see Jackie go insane on his so called "quality clone"; but he's still trying to get out of the grave Eisner put him in. Kick eats cotton stuffing on the way down and calls it the worst pianta ever. BOO HISS! And then gets MURDERED by the dropping moose head trophy. SCORE! HAHA! Kick is knocked out which he sells for two seconds and then asks where is the candy. Can you guess what Jackie missed there? Uh-huh. HEE HEE! Jackie is so AWESOME as Kick walks off and he has had it with Jackie as he reaches the stairs..and then we get the conscience spot with Brad as the devil himself. How ironic considering how the writers made him look like a total babyface in the crappy episodes?! Kick wants no part of Jackie; but Devil Brad cuts an awesome promo and wants Kick to look at the big picture as he dances like a goof and disappears in a cloud of smoke twice. Heh. Personally; I want Kick to stay, but not have Jackie open the present.

So Jackie comes and grabs Kick by the collar from behind and Jackie has a platter of snacks and stuffs one in Kick's mouth. HAHA! Kick's selling is priceless here and it's about time someone got his to emote properly. Kick wipes his tongue out and asks what the hell that was and Jackie proclaims that it's onion slices on peanut butter. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I like that. (Disco Jackhammer!) Kick demands to know if she has ever thrown a party and Jackie admits that she didn't and was never invited to one. Kick asks why as Devil Brad returns in shock as Kick has the procupine in his hand. Jackie then talks about moving from place to place and admitting that she couldn't make any friends because she just kept moving and that's why the guestlist is so thin (which has Dillweed and Tumbleweed's name on it). Jackie offers Kick to leave if he wants to which is a really neat gesture in my opinion.

Kick then gets visited by the Gunther firefly (the angel part of the conscience. Where was he anyway?) telling him that even Jackie deserves a happy birthday party. Kick and Jackie stare at each other for a while and then Kick decides that he'll stay and give her the best birthday party ever. WOOHOO! I know I have called Kick unlikable a lot; but these scenes no matter how convolted they can be, prove that Kick Buttowski does have what it takes to become a good character. It is just that the writers rarely ever take it into consideration and think that they can write anyway and the kids would pop for it. Sure; he can never be Kit Cloudkicker; but then again, Disney wouldn't allow it anyway for obvious and not so obvious reasons.

Kick thanks Gunther and Gunther firefly is down on the ground with two lost teeth. Did I mention Kick give a MAN-SIZED backfist into Gunther's face without impact stars or flash whatsoever. Gunther firefly gives the thumbs up and disappears. It doesn't matter anyway since Kick leaving would not change Jackie's mind about loving Kick, and I doubt the present would have made a difference either. But Kick staying does give me a lot to cheer for with Jackie's insanity and Kick acting likable. So we go to the montage and in the closet as we have poster paper and pink paint to create a Happy Birthday Jackie sign from Kick using a skateboard. This might be the worst part of the episode I should note since it is a montage; but Jackie makes it very watchable as she pours hot sauce into the punch and the spoon burns to a cinder. Then we see Jackie blowing balloons out of white rubber gloves. HAHA! That allows Kick to be kissed off-screen again with Kick running out of the closet door. HAHA! We decorate the room with a step ladder, ties and a stapler as the entire living room looks like a real party. It actually looks neat with all the recycled stuff they used. Jackie thanks Kick while showing that she's still insane since she's wearing a spotted Gedo hat. And a tie. At least Jackie has insanity as an excuse for her fashion sense. Most characters cannot even come close to making that claim.

Jackie loves the best party ever as Kick is wearing a striped derby hat and a tie as Kick proclaims that there is one more thing left to do to make this complete. So we scene change as Kick rings the doorbell and we see that Jackie opens it and it's Kick with various kids in various goofy party hats. I'm guessing that they decided to accept the invitation BEFORE Kick tries to assault them like Kick did in Battle For The Snax. Jackie screams and it is such a graceful scream as Kick calls the party good and everyone runs inside and we cut to the disco ball as we PARTIE like it's 1990! One party guy foolishly drinks some punch and he gets the puffy cheek heat of laughs and we spit like a fountain. Jackie's right: This is the BEST PAR-TIE EVERAH~! I see Jackie is now wearing white gloves as Kick dances like a stiff because he sucks at dancing and Gunther firefly gives him the thumbs up. Kick calls it no problem as Jackie takes over the microphone from the keyboard player (who is wearing all purple natch) as she thanks everyone and thanks Kick for making this party awesome and she's going to open Kick's present RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! UH OH! The lights turn on and Kick turns around realizing that he just seriously (insert swear word here) himself. HAHA!

So Brad Devil appears and taunts Kick good; so Kick counters by slingshotting him into the HOT SAUCE PUNCH BOWL OF DEATH. Too bad Brad has a point there Mr. Dillweed. Kick panics as Jackie opens the present and it's a laser as it turns around and shoots right in Jackie's face. Oooooooooo..and she loses her face and screams out like a headline on Noah Z. Jones from Legend of The Earth Troll. Kick rubs his eyes and he delluded himself because Jackie is nodding and hasn't opened the present yet. Kick panics and wants Jackie to stop as Jackie opens the present in slow motion; but Kick grabs the present at the pass and throws it out the window into the trash. I know this because we get the exact same sound effects as before. Jackie wants to know why he did that as Kick stammers and the doorbell rings and the door opens and Gunther appears with the present. HAHA! Don't you dare tell me Gunther appeared "just because"? Jackie grabs the present and shuts the door in Gunther's face. HA! Jackie finally remembers to read the tag on the present and Jackie hugs the present. Kick comes in and pleads with Jackie not to open it and Jackie thinks it's a surprise. And Jokey Smurf has tears of joy as we play tug of war with the present and it rips open as Kick gets half and Jackie gets half as everyone runs away like scalded dogs and Jackie yells at Kick about this being how he feels about her and Brad Devil appears as Kick tries to explain; but it's too late as Brad Devil laughs his ass off and we get the flame background and then discover that Brad is actually wearing the costume! It makes no sense; but who cares?! It still works as comedy BABEE!

Kick tries to talk to Jackie and then Jackie instantly proclaims that it's the BEST PRESENT EVERAH because anything from Kick Buttowski is AWESOME! Yes folks; she is totally, pathologically insane. I like it (Disco Jackhammer!). POW! OUCH! Ummm...(Shellsea: Okay big boy; you had your fun. I want my Disco Jackhammer spot back now!) Jackie proclaims that this is the most thoughtful gift ever and asks if there is anything she can do to make it up to him. So we see Brad Devil in the punch bowl blowing this all off and naturally he breaks the contract with Kick proclaiming that Kick is not getting his room back. Good for Brad; you are finally getting the heel persona down. I wish you had done that from the very start. Kick does have a way for her to make up for it. We see Gunther ringing the doorbell with a daisy in his hand and Jackie runs out of the house knocks Gunther on his back and making him look awful and is parently pissed off as she is heading to Kick's house yelling to Brad to give Kick's room back to him. HAHA!

We see shadows of Brad in the window as Brad demands Jackie to get out; but Jackie tackles him down and we get the FCC FRIENDLY OFF-SCREEN FIGHT OF DEATH as Gunther watches on with the telescope. HAHA! Kick and Gunther sit down on the doorstep and watch on drinking soda from green cups as Kick admits that Jackie is a good friend sometimes. About damn time he said that; too bad it will mean nothing when Dancing With The Enemy; but whatever. Cheap heats of laughs, spittake and that ends the episode at 10:26. Ladies and Gentlemen; we have our first perfect short of the new Disney. It took a long time; but they managed, in the weakest show they are currently running of all things. So it's not the new TaleSpin; it's the new Darkwing Duck. And we can thank Jackie The Stalker for this marvelous happening. And we end with Jackie in the house as she dances in Kick's room with the Tumbleweed calling it a good dancer. HAHA! Great way to end the best short in the new Disney era. ***** (100%).


Well; another mixed bag of shorts this time around, and most violent whiplash abounds. Mellowbrook Drift was Rolando's appearance and the idea of laws of physics VS the “laws of awesome” could have made some thrilling television if done right; but they did it oh so wrong. Rolando is supposed to be a cheater; but his cheating is too subtle to make him into an effective heel. His complex speaking was fine; but much of what happened here didn't make much sense. Why would Rolando want just Kick's helmet? Why not go for the throat and make Kick retire? I know that they were aiming for continuity from Exposed; but it doesn't work because Kick's BSOD was so crappy that it made me want to punch him in the face. It in effect made Rolando look weak; and even more so by giving us a finish that is so predictable that it buried Rolando as a good foil for Kick by having Kick win outright instead of the draw finish which would have shown that both were equal and give Rolando his heat back and a reason to try again. Plus; it would have saved Rolando and his physics nerd image too; but of course the writers just could not do anything without making Kick so unlikable. So sad since the plotting and pacing were good in this one. The little things ruined it as usual.

Unless it involves Jackie Whackerman because Gift of Whacky is the best episode of the series without question now. I don't see anything beating it and it might be the best episode in the new Disney (although there is still Phineas & Ferb which I haven't ranted on yet). This episode clicked like magic for me as Jackie went almost ten minutes straight with making Kick look like a superstar and Kick actually did a pathos scene properly without weasel words nor vainglorious posturing. The writing was awesome, Brad was awesome for a change, Jackie was herself which is automatically awesome for me, Gunther was good, there was no bodily fluid jokes whatsoever, no nudity jokes, nothing gross. It was surreal without the randomness and it all made sense in the context of who Jackie is as a character and they trumped even that when Jackie got character development in the pathos scene that actually made me feel sorry for both involved. And I loved the finish and ending too; it could only end with Kick telling the truth and Jackie going insane on Brad. Sure; it would have great to has the kissing scenes and fight with Brad on-screen; but really, after all the greatness that happened, to nitpick two pointless flaws would be really anal at this point. So yes old Disney fans; it is possible for Kick Buttowski to rule like TaleSpin; it's just that the writers took their sweet time in proving that, at least in this show. Next up; we go downhill with Things That Go Boom and Kyle Be Back as Kyle returns for real and Brad and Kick fight again. At least this time around; you cannot really blame them for going downhill because this is a tough act to follow. So.....

Thumbs down for Mellowbrook Drift and thumbs way up for Gift of Whacky and I'll see you next time.


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