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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
Things That Make You Go Boom!/Kyle Be Back Rant
Does That Involve Admiral Grimitz?!
Well; now we can finish Season One of Kick Buttowski and style as there are six episodes left. YAY! Oh wait; I mean, D'OH! Our first short marks the return of the rivalry between Brad and Kick as they fight to gain custody of a trip to Hawaii for the “Stunt To End All Stunts” with Boom McCondor. Then our second short debuts Kyle that I mentioned before in a focus episode as he attempts to screw Kick. Unintentionally of course. Well; let's rant on shall we...?!
Things That Make You Go Boom is written by Derek Dressler. The story is done by Jonathan Howard, the storyboards are done by Clay Morrow, Howie Perry, Heather Martinez and Sherm Cohen. The direction is done by Chris Savino Jonathan Howard has only one non Disney credit: Cookies: A Tribute to Douglas Adams as The Stranger. The Replacements is his DTVA debut and that is it for him. Kyle Be Back is written by Derek Dressler and Clay Morrow. The story is done by Sandro Corsano (!!!), storyboards by Clay Morrow and directed by Chris Savino and Sherm Cohen. As for the animation studio; it's all done on Flash by Mercury Filmwork Services Inc. This is a given for all the episodes; so I will only mention this once.
Opening Moment #1: The title card of the day is a blood red explosion. Simple and effective and inoffensive to boot. I like that.
Things That Make You Go Boom!: We begin this one with a closeup of Boom McCondor's logo which zooms out to an announcer who introduces us to Kick's latest inspiration. The logo is a big black bird with white under the wings; and white thunderbolts. Could be worse I guess. Then we cut to a field where we finally see Boom in the flesh who has blue jeans that appears to have the knees inside the knee joints. Just another stunt blond with a black shirt with 12 color sleeves. And he has the Jewish nose and chin with brown goatee. Boom McCondor is voiced by Brian Van Holt who starred in the television series Flipper in 1996 and Warren in The Very Brady Sequel. He then went on to do mostly television movies and cameos until he was Brad (!!!) in Whipped, and Eamon McBride in Love & Money. He then did some major movies like Black Hawk Down (Struecker), Windtalkers (as Private Harrigan), Basic (Dunbar) and SWAT as Michael Boxer. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut. He has 37 credits to his resume and his most recent credits are Cougar Town as Bobby Cobb.
See; Boom risks life and limb for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Damn; I'm hate those kind of guys. At least have one of those reasons being "for giggles" or "for our entertainment". Otherwise; he is just a crazy guy who is just begging for the government to ban him. So he dives off the very top of the VISIABLE LANDMARK OF THE DAY (The Space Needle in Seattle) using a skateboard. Kit would have done it without the skateboard Boom. And he lands in a big ass jar of nacho cheese. Whatever; not impressed. Devil's pose and we then cut to Boom running away from a bear. Did I mention he's wearing a wedding dress with hot dogs on it? Then he picks snot out of the VISIABLE LANDMARK OF THE DAY (Mount Rushmore)'s nose. Why does everyone pick on the Civil War president? What the hell did he do to deserve this? And then the nose breaks and Boom falls. You expect that to offend people? Anyhow; we cut back to ground level as Boom has a beehive on his head as he runs away from bees and we WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE! See; this is a promotion for someone to win a trip to Hawaii as we jackhammer the Hula Girl of Doom postcard as Boom will attempt to do the stunt to end all stunts. Then the disclaimer announcer turns up and states that it might cause effects that no one in the real world would take seriously even if they tried.
So we see Kick in his room looking at Gunther's laptop as Kick calls this the moment that he has been building up to all this time. See Kick wants to do a stunt with Boom McCondor as Gunther dives off the bed and head first into a jar of nacho cheese. Whatever Gunther. So we return to Boom as he proclaims that two callers will get a chance to be in the scvanger hunt and the winner of that gets to be part of the stunt to end all stunts as he skydives out of an airplane. It's hard to take this seriously after all the years I watched TaleSpin; it really is. Kick claims that he has that covered as we see telephones littered in the front yard and driveway. Gunther wonders where he stole all the phones and we cut to a "Save The Whales" marathon where there are no phones anywhere and the cover plops down. Because we cannot go through one episode without Kick committing some sort of petty crime. You can that Grand Theft Telephone. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We cut back to Kick laying back against the dresser proclaiming that he only has to wait now. We hear the sound of a condor and that allows Kick to skateboard out of the house and answer all the phones at once. We hear dead sounds for a while; while we see Kick's fugly mug on the closeup. Then one of the phones is dialing and Kick dives in to answer it and it makes it through and Kick is caller #2 and has won a chance to be a part of the stunt to end all stunts. See; this would have been great, if he didn't steal all the phones from the start.
So we go to the dream sequence of doom as Kick skydives with Boom as Kick talks about not having a parachute and Boom at least has the Kit Cloudkicker spirit of not needing a parachute....but is negated somewhat when they land in the purple JELLO FRUITCAKE~! I see Boom watches Rescue Rangers and TaleSpin in his spare time so he is not completely stupid. We return to reality (no, not really) as Gunther asks who is caller number one. At this point; I was hoping it was Jackie or Brianna because both characters are over at this point and they would have made an enjoyable episode. However; since both choices would make SENSE since Jackie is Kick's Stalker and Brianna has a knack for stunts herself. Plus Scarlet won't be around until the final episode of the season anyway. So who did they choose? The one that makes no sense whatsoever: Brad Buttowski of course because only in a scarred child's little mind would this make even the remotest of sense. And we get Brad's dream sequence where the Aloha Girls are serving coconut drinks to a tanning Brad while Kick is cooked by the sun on a spittle. And Gunther is dancing with stars on his man boobs. Damn these writers!
So we return to reality (no, not really) as Gunther asks about fantasy sequences and Brad blows them off because he might not know who Kick's heroes are; but he is going to Hawaii because he's bigger, stronger and older than Kick. Do we need a redo of Drop Kick again? Is Brianna unavailable or something? Gunther also proclaims that he's not nice. NO?! REALLY?! Well we know Gunther is stupid because Brad gives him a container with peanuts and Gunther opens it to reveal the spring lid right in Gunther's left eye. HA! Gunther drops on his ass as Brad throws Kick away and the animation made it look like he threw him out into the street; but lands about three feet beside Gunther. Brad proclaims that those Aloha girls will soon be calling. Gunther gleefully answers that one for me as he and Kick slap skin. And we REPEAT THE SPRING LID SPOT! I know Gunther is stupid; but please don't repeat the same sequence. Give him another spot to make him look dumb guys.
So we head to a closeup of a poster that reads "Boom Approved Scavenger Hunt and Longest Banner Ever". I doubt that very seriously Boom. We then anime pan to in front of the Mellowbrook Radio Station (K-Mellow which is too long as a station name. It should be MELW.) as a decent crowd has shown up along with another genric announcer on a platform with a microphone with a paper of the rules and regulations. And Kick and Brad are here of course. The announcer cannot believe that we have a sibling contest which is the first since the Chickerilli twins swimsuit incident...and then we CENSOR on the order of BS&P. Just as well; I've already seen Chickerelli's body in various episodes already and we don't need to see it again. The crowd is understandably repulsed by it. Funny how we cannot see Chickerelli's swimsuit; but get to see Kick nude several times in this series already. And you thought BS&P was a bitch in TaleSpin? The announcer proclaims that Boom will be diving into an inflatable swimming pool filled with guoda cheese as we see Boom arriving via a vulture's talons. The Vulture lets go of Boom and he freefalls to the awe of Kick Buttowski and he takes a SICK, SICK bump on top of the cheese. Ummm; yeah.
The announcer wants the crowd to pop for Boom and they pop for his freaky feats. Now I would have Boom showing his freaky bare feet right now; but Kick Buttowski is not the best of knowing a good joke pay off when they see it. Instead Boom stop selling injuries and we get a video game shot of him running with the big ass chese and then see him riding on a wave of sewer rats. At least this wasn't all that offensive as a random joke; but what a cop out guys. And to make it even more random; we see elephants running in the street as they collide and it ends as the elephant make a pole out of themselves with Boom touching the tip of the tail. Whatever Boom. He jumps off and explains the point of the Scavenger Hunt as the disclaimer announcer returns with even more pointless warnings. GET OUT OF THE SHOT YOU IDIOT! No one is taking you seriously. Kick agrees with Boom's risking nose functions on a stunt as Boom addresses the crowd on the microphone as he is going to explain DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) of engagement as he wants the announcer to bring in his explaining hat. The announcer gives him a hard hat and Boom wears it. Did I mention that it has a built in television screen which shows Boom's face?
Anyhow; Boom's hat shows two Boom Logo Approved Cards which the real Boom gives to Kick and Brad. They are designed to show them the first location of the first item to find. The object is to find all of the cards plus a skate wheel which the Boom hat shows with angels hymming as his skateboard Bessie was destroyed in a million pieces in the Grand Canyon in Arizona. So Mellowbrook is in Arizona? The person with the Bessie Wheel is the winner as Kick is liking this hunt. So is Brad for that matter as he dances like a stiff. Got to shake those hips better than that Brad. Even Kick has the Gruffi pose on; so you know it sucks. So we repeat the spot with the angel and the skate wheel which Boom blows off and turns off the angel effects as the angel actors storm off in opposite directions mumbling. Heh. Boom gives the thumbs up and we are ready for the silliest scavenger hunt in history. Or the dulliest; it's hard to tell with this show. And we do the Inspector Gadget exploding letter sequence with the hat as Boom disappears. I doubt he is dead; if Jackson can teleport out; so can Boom. Kick tells Gunther to pack his bags for Hawaii as we REPEAT THE SPOT AGAIN with the spring lid spot. Oh lord stop doing that guys! It wasn't funny the first time; it's not funny now.
Brad makes it to the white starting line and shakes his ass in the air cutting a promo as we see the vulture flying in the air and the announcer flicks the checkered starting flag. Umm; starting flag is supposed to be completely white. There is no excuse for that logic break since they used a white flag in Mellowbrook Drift. Brad rushes as Kick reads the card which is the Mellowbrook Hog Track. Kick attempts to run; but pratfalls on his face due to the OUT OF NOWHERE trip rope. Okay; that was pretty heelish of Brad at least. Brad mocks him with some really good acting skills and we head to the Mellowbrook Hog Racing Track. I think you know where this is going as the pigs are chasing a machine corn on the cob containing the two Boom cards for the next location. Brad runs thinking that nothing can stop him. In your dreams Brad; here comes Kick Buttowski on his skateboard. Sadly; the mud has a mind of it's own and Kick gets stuck easily. HAHA! Brad jumps onto the railing and blows off Kick for being a loser. I see the audio got shot there. Brad runs to grab the corn and the Boom Card of Doom; but takes a MAN-SIZED bump into a pole and crotches himself to boot. OW! Brad slides into the mud somehow as Kick skateboards behind the railing and somehow grabs the card in front of it. Huh? How fast is that corn on the cob?
Brad gets MURDERED by the stampeding pigs of course which seems to appear to do little damage. Brad sells it anyway. Kick reads the card and thew card tells him to look up and Kick looks up and gets poop rained on him. Oh sorry; that was Vinnie Mac during an episode of RAW years ago; my mistake. We see a white blimp in the sky as it contains two Boom cards. Kick calls it a classic; which means the spot is already dead. Kick skateboards away as Brad gets his face out of the mud as he gets his cellphone and calls Chip Green and 3D (You know it's Horace and Pantasy; I'm sure you do know by now.) to inform them that it's time to CHEAT TO WIN~! Wait; so the first pratfall by Kick WASN'T planted by Brad? Then who planted that? Kick himself just to be a cocky vainglorious little bastard? So we cut to Kick skateboarding and following the blimp as he finds a mound of dirt to ramp off and lands in the pipes and jumps off the pipes towards the crane with the white steel pole. Geez; did they lose all the grey paint or something in the coloring of this show? And I thought this was all done on a computer?! Kick jumps and grabs the card on the blimp and does a perfect dismount on the dirt.....and 3D steals it and goes to the bus. HA! He goes into the bus and runs off as the announcer proclaims that Kick will have to start all over again. Wait a second? If 3D stole it and everyone saw it; then Brad should be DQ'ed and the episode is over and Kick wins the hunt. So what do we do....?
We see Kick stealing Brad's card from the corn cob and then stealing Brad's card from the blimp. Wait; so if that's the case that means Brad loses the trip to Hawaii by default? But shouldn't Brad have grabbed the first card from the start so Kick could be screwed. UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL~! Good job writers; you screwed the entire logic of this short which isn't a freaky feat knowing this show a lot. So we explosion jackhammer to the next location which is the driving range. So we head to the driving range as we have a closeup side shot of a golfball being hit by a club and breaking off a piece of a sign at 250 yards which holds the next two cards. Chip Green tries to steal the cards on the run in; but then gets nailed with dozens of golfballs and is forced to bail. HA! Chip apologizes to Brad behind the bushes and Brad blows him off. Chip claims that the golfballs leave bruises. I think they do more damage then that Chip. Like internal bleeding and death. Brad gleefully shows his fist to counter and Kick yells fore as a golfer strikes and his club is now vandalized with Kick's outside lines. At least this makes ID'ing the suspect much easier for the cops; if this world made any sense. Kick bounces in; breaks half of the sign and fumbles the card before grabbing it for real. Kick blows off Brad as a cheater; but makes the fatal error of not running away and gets MURDERED by 3D with the golf cart. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That might be the best spot ever from him. And he entombs Kick and steals the card. Okay; so I'm assuming Brad has all the cards which makes more sense at least; but you should never assume anything.
3D gives Brad the card and 3D whizs him away in the golf cart as Kick gets out and gets pelleted by golfballs. Kick goes to the sign and grabs the second card; but his cellphone rings and Kick blows off Gunther who so happens to be inside Kick's room trying to figure out which suit to pack despite the fact that they are EXACTLY THE SAME SUIT HE ALWAYS WEARS! Kick tells Gunther that he'll call later as he goes through card #4 and we see Kick dressed up as a slice of big ass bread just because it's for Boom McCondor. We zoom out as he is in the park as the ducks all saw through the bread and that allows card #4 to be shown. Kick is about to read it; but the DUCK CHEATER OF DOOM steals it from him and it's Chip Green running away stage right taunting Kick. Kick notices the conviently placed big ass slice of bread hanging from a coat rack and asks the birds if they are still hungry...and then we HIT THE MONTAGE! Which is Kick going through various obstacles grabbing cards; while 3D and Chip steal the first one. Here's a suggestion: Steal BOTH cards! Brad has TWO sidekicks; so use BOTH OF THEM! That way; Kick is screwed and Brad WINS the hunt. But that would make Kick the loser and he must win most of the time or else because then moronic kids would turn on him even though most sane people hate Kick to begin with. I'm not calling this nonsense......
So we end with Brad stealing card #8 and kicking Kick back into the sewer as we get the off-screen fight of doom and Kick pops out and on his back with the second #8 card which states that the final clue is on Widowmaker's Peak! Another good reason why they should have used Jackie here as the foil instead of Brad. So we scene change to Kick skateboarding in the street while talking on his cellphone (another illegal act) as he tells Gunther to come to the station because he's winning this thing as we see the Bessie Skate Wheel hanging from a branch on the wall of Widowmaker's Peak. Kick skateboards down and grabs the wheel just as Brad is on top of the mountain yelling to Chip Green to grab him on the ground below. So Kick grabs the branch and proclaims that cheaters never win a word at a time as Chip grabs him and we spring back and then around as Brad calls for 3D to get the net and Kick dodges and 3D nets Chip Green. Kick drops down and both henchkids spring up and collide into Brad as he roll down the hill with Chip and 3D tumbling just slightly after them. Kick has the skate wheel and we logically head to....
.....the finish line at the studio as nothing can stop Kick now. Gunther runs in and OH MY GOD NO! NOT AGAIN! NOT THAT DAMN STUPID SPOT AGAIN! UGHHHHHHHHHHH! Yes; I'm in such a bad mood today. One of the springs knocks the wheel out of Kick's hands and we go in slow motion as Brad grabs it on the rebound. Brad has already crossed the finish line and wins. 3D and Chip like this; but then get into an argument on who is going to Hawaii and they fight off-screen just to amuse me. Boom drops in and lands on his feet this time proclaiming that Brad is doing a stunt with him and Brad blows it off because he hates stunts and therefore he's going there to be a dirty rotton sexist with Hawaiian girls. Okay; I made up that part; but it's the same in roundabout terms. So Boom tells him that if he doesn't do the stunt he forfeits the stunt to Kick. So Brad relents and agrees to do the stupid stunt proclaiming that cheaters always win...and we segue to Brad doing the ultimate stunt which involves skydiving and bouncing into bear traps. HAHA! In hindsight; I'm kind of glad they repeated that stupid spot now; because it did lead to Kick losing and Brad looking like the heel do got his comeupperance. We see Brad getting MURDERED by bears, bees and falling into a volcano as Kick is playing the laptop watching the whole thing again and again as Brad is lying on a hospital bed in a body cast blowing off the Dillweed. Yeah; Brad, cheaters do win...a trip straight to stunt hell! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kick is sitting on a summer chair as he drinks coconut while the hula girls catear to his whims as Kick explains that Brad was forced by his parents to take him to Hawaii. I'm guessing that this was payback for cheating as Brad whines and Kick blows him off. Boom flies in and both Kick and Boom notice each other. Boom proclaims that Kick has been replaying the stunt and offers Kick a try at it and Kick is happy to oblige. Both Kick and Boom fly into the sky on vultures in glee as the hula girls shun Brad and walk off. Brad sulks as white bird poop drops on Brad's head and that ends the episode at 10:20 approx. A good finish and ending to a nonsensial, dumb and poorly written episode. * 3/4 (35%).
Opening Moment #2: The title card is red blood glass shattering on impact. Whatever guys.
Kyle Be Back: We begin this one with a closeup of a red book entitled Rank Of Awesome: Global Book of Awesome. Hey; that first three words is the title of our next short after this one is ranted on. Gunther narrates as we open the book on the records of awesome as we see Dirtbike Mike suffered the most broken bones in one single crash complete with sick bumps and X-ray. In 4Kids's world; he would have the most twisted limbs in a single crash; and there wouldn't be an X-ray. Turn the face and we have Rock Callahan who has the longest skid mark which somehow is made even on top of the skin of the ocean. Turn the page and we have Billy Stumps with most wheels in the air at one time which is show Billy Stumps driving one of those car carriers in mid-air. We turn the page and soon Kick Buttowski will be added (Riiigggghhhtttt Gunther) as we see Kick turning like a ferris wheel on the ramp as he is going for the record of most turns on a ramp without interuption. Gunther and Kick are on the ramp as Gunther has one day of practice before the ROA judge arrives as Gunther ponders how Kick convinced him back as we get the flashback of doom and see the house in the background is on fire; the ROA judge is being wheeled into an ambulence and proclaiming that he isn't coming back looking injuried with a broken arm. Why am I not surprised that Kick wasn't sued here? Did I mention that Mr. Vickie is running and acting badly in the foreground?
So we return to reality (no, not really) as Kick is in the blue bobsled as Gunther pushes the thing and Kick proclaims that nothing...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING from getting into the BOOK OF "AWESOME". Scare quotes intentional. And then we got storm clouds coming in and everyone is so shocked that plates shatter and swimming pools break up. Weather vanes churn and Kick proclaims that it's not a rainstorm coming; it's only Cousin Kyle. Gunther gets spit on his head and here comes a trailer like truck as it stops in the cul-de-sac and the door opens to reveal the first official appearance of Cousin Kyle; who seems to have only two front teeth and Spongebob SquarePants' voice. So Disney basically created a human version of Spongebob Squarepants. And evidence #1 beckons as he does the Spongebob Trick and teleports from BEHIND Gunther who is hiding with Kick. He greets Kick and Gunther screams and jumps and freefalls off the ramp. HAHA! Kyle just goes on and on and likes pickles. Yeap; he's about 88% Spongebob in human form. All we need is him to laugh like a sheep and Nickeledeon can sue Disney's deadringing ass for violating the Seven Year Gimmick Rule. Kick walks away blowing off Kyle because he cannot do the stunt anymore. Kyle goes on about why and Kick references the last visit as we REPEAT THE FLASHBACK OF DOOM. And we get an extended version of it as Kyle is right beside him and Kick is generally annoyed. HAHA!
We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick walks down the ladder and Kyle accuses him of being a quitter. If only Kyle; if only. Kick is postphoning; and he's a postphoner. Good enough for me as Kyle wants to show him his marionettes. Hopefully; one of them will involve Kick as a puppet. Or even better; his stunt dummy since it has more workrate than the real thing. Kick climbs back up and proclaims that the stunt is back on and Kyle goes on again stating that he's here all weekend and Kick and Gunther are so shocked that the ladder comes tumbling down. Kyle's Mother is in the trailer (who is wearing a Mexican Hat and a green dress) drives away before any more damage can be done and everyone within the cul-de-sac runs away following the truck. Geez; these people are total wimps compared to Bikini Bottom. Even Squidward waited about 35-40 episodes before wanting to move away from Spongebob Squarepants. To paraphrase Mr. Krabs: What a bunch of babies?! Everyone stops as Kyle waves hello to Brad, Denise, Harold, Miss Chickerelli, Mr. Vickie, Oskar and some boy who all of them scatter in opposite directions leaving Kick and Gunther alone. Gunther whisper yells to Kick on what to do and Kick proclaims that they are doing the stunt; but he needs a Krackpotkin plan. And Kyle joins them. HAHA! I love when the human Spongebob has enough sense to screw the whisper yell. If only he was this age when Darkwing Duck was around.
By the way; Kyle's Mother is voiced by Leigh Allyn Baker who started with Shrunken Heads at Mitzi in 1994 and then went on to do nothing of note until Hannah Webster in Charmed in 1998, and then went into voice acting for video games and a few cameos of animation until Will & Grace as Ellen also in 1998. She also worked in In Case Of An Emergency as Maureen and 12 Miles of Bad Road as Marilyn Hartsong. Kick Buttowski is her DTVA debut. She has 51 titles to her resume and her most recent credits are Good Luck Charlie as Amy Duncan, and a cameo in Penguins of Madagascar. She was also a dialect coach in Silent Lies in 1996. And Kyle whispers better than Kick and Gunther does. HAHA! So we head to the widescreen notepaper as we invokes Krackpotkin Plan A: Ignore Kyle. Funny how they are doing the one thing most of parents TELL us to do when someone is being annoying. Basically; it boils down to don't feed the trolls in internet lingo.
It never works; because trolls on-line generally don't give a crap about attention. Real attention seekers wouldn't use a lonely website blog to gain attention; they would commit a crime or do something incrediably stupid and film it because millions of viewers will see it from the evening news instead of just a thousand or so on a blog. Most trolls troll the internet for two reasons: poison the well and make the smart guys lose their cool. The best way to deal with them is show everyone that they are spewing BS by countering their BS with facts and evidence. Feed them until THEY explode into ushering death threats and thus give you justification to ban them. The troll is responsible for his own behavior if he starts losing his cool. Even Orac banned Happeh once Happeh lost his mind and went to the death threat sequence. Ignoring didn't work here because Happeh's intention was to poison the science well and make readers think he's a miracle worker (when he wasn't). Do we ignore people when they lie about life of death situations? Of course not. Why? Because it maimes and kills people and makes us responsible for what we didn't do. That's why Rule 14 is a total piece of bullcrap.
Okay; enough of that, let's move on as Kyle talks about beef jerky on the ramp and Kick and Gunther try to ignore him but it fails like I expected it to be since despite Kick and Gunther wearing earplugs works on one level; they go down the ramp and Kyle finds a loose screw and basically disassembles the ramp and we got a freefall and crash. HAHA! Kyle sums that up perfectly for me. Geez Kyle; you THINK he could've got hurt?! Scene changer and we head to the sidewalk as Kick pushes Kyle who just keeps on talking like a maniac. We are currently up to 97% Spongebob dead-ringer now. He pushes it near Kendell and we get a flash of light as Kendell pushes Kyle towards Miss Chickerelli. Flash of light and Miss Chickerelli pushes to Mr. Vickie. Rinse, lather repeat as it ends with Brianna pushing Kyle to the ramp again. Which proves that passing the buck gets you nowhere either. HA! And Kyle doesn't lose a step in gleefully ignoring it and just keeps on talking. HAHA! Kick puts his glove on his mouth and tells him to be quiet if he wants to stay on the ramp. Kyle of course claims that he will...and he keeps on talking anyway. HAHA! Memo to Kick: Invest in the handyman's secret weapon: Duct tape. Trust me; the benefits pay better. So Kick corks his mouth instead. That won't work Kick; Kyle just has to spit it out and knonk you on the back of the head with it and you freefall and crash into the bottom of the ground again like you did last time...Oh wait... BWHAHAHAHA! Damn; I am the God of predictablity. Okay; he hit Gunther in the head and we shake and we end with an explosion, but I told you it would backfire Kick Buttowski.
So we scene change with Kick in the bobsled back on the ramp as Kyle continues to talk a mile a minute. Kick then resorts to ignoring him. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Gunther has the wrench and he fixes the bobsled as they ignore Kyle and Kyle just talks anyway. Kyle then invokes Spongebob Trick after Spongebob Trick on Gunther and Gunther cannot take it anymore. HAHA! So Gunther jumps and freefalls onto the ground below as Kick realizes that this wasn't working. So we head into the living room of Kick's house as Kyle blocks the television as Kyle blames Gunther for ruining Kick's stunt as Gunther now has a broken right foot. HA! Gunther is sitting on the coach with the Gruffi pose on as Kyle has a solution to torture...ERRRR..I mean make it all better for Gunther as he opens his purple suitcase and it's puppet show time. Kick proclaims that Kyle has done enough already; but Gunther begs to differ as he thinks Kyle is trying to help cheer him up. He whisper yells to Kick to bail so he can do the stunt while he runs interference on Kyle and watches the show. Not a bad idea all things considered since Kyle gets what he wants and Kick gets what he wants. And Gunther gets tormented by puppets. It's win-win-win for everyone including me.
So we go to Krackpotkin Plan B: Distraction; also known as Running Interference. Personally; this works on a short term level. Sure; it won't stop Kyle from being annoying; but at least it channels Kyle annoyance into something amusing and useful. Much more effective than Plan A. Kick decides to let Kyle do it and Kyle turns off the lights and Kyle gets his male and female puppets ready because he's doing a romance puppet show. Ooooooo; I like that one since it makes Kick vomit most of the time. Gunther is regretting this. Why? What the hell is wrong with a romance puppet show? It sounds quite fresh and entertaining considering that most puppet shows are either vulgar comedy acts or edutainment devices. So at least Kyle is on the cutting edge of puppeteering. Kick bounces away stage left to leave Gunther to the puppet wolves. Some friend eh? The curtain opens and Kyle brings out the story of Lady Lala who is a classy ballerina. I know that this is a Lady Gaga gag; but it doesn't work because Lady Gaga is supposed to be delightfully weird; not delightfully classy like Lady Lala. Gunther decides to suck it up for Kick and realizes that she is beautiful. Yeah' because she's thin, classy and blond which is something you'll never be Gunther Magumson. Then in comes the heel puppet who looks like the old generic evil man with the porno mustache and purple cape and top hat. Basically the Purple Pieman if he was a noble instead of a baker. Gunther is mad as the Purple Noble Heel forces Lady Lala to stick those arms up and Gunther wants to jump in and save her.
So Gunther blitzs and tackles the puppets and rolls out of the house basically ruining the puppet show and Kick's stunt once again because we all know Kyle is just going to go back to the ramp to screw with Kick's mind again. And that's exactly what Gunther does and Kick is screwed. At least Kick didn't explode this time as Kick thinks Gunther betrayed him. So Kyle continue to talk and talk as Kyle wants to help him and Kick blows him off because he works alone. That is a bald face lie and you know it as Kyle knows it too and answers Kick's cellphone as an assistant. HAHA! Did I mention that the guy on the phone talks like an adult from the Peanuts' cartoons?! We find out that Kyle is talking to the representive from the Global Book of Awesome who is coming tomorrow (like we didn't know that already?) and this is Kick's last chance and Kyle likes cats as the phone hangs up. Kick blows him off and Kyle talks about orange cats in a whisper. HAHA!
So we go to Krackpotkin Plan C: Which is extraction. Also known as the poor man's banning the troll. We head inside Kick's hallway as Kyle is looking for helmets in the closet and Kick slams the closet shut. What a homophobic bigot this Kick Buttowski fellow is?! The critics were right in calling Kick Buttowski gay; only a closet gay with insecurities about his sexual preference. No surprise since he overcompenstates by being a stunt man, and that he has a little dick and no hair. DING! DING! DING! POW! OUCH! Ummmm.. Kyle of course does the Spongebob Trick to teleport out with a bowling ball. HA! Kick blows him off and pushes him into the closet and shuts it again. He then locks the door and then goes into Brad's room while Brad is wearing underwear and lifting weights; Kick puts the key into his shorts and runs out. Brad does not suspect a thing. So we head to the ramp AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Kick uses his bobsled down the ramp and Kyle pops in the bobsled OUT OF NOWHERE. HAHA! And he has a red umbrella and Kick and Kyle float in midair and up. So we go to the scene changer of doom as Kick has Kyle's arm as we head to an abandoned chemcial factory. Yeah we are supposed to believe that anyone would call it abandoned on the sign. Seriously; do these writers realize how dumb they sound?!
Kyle walks in still talking as Kick is above a vat of hot silver metal and he pours it right on Kyle as Kyle is now a metal statue. That's right folks; Kick has killed his cousin with hot metal. He then tips him and Kyle shatters into pieces and Kick walks out. And then Kyle rises from the metal dead and is still cutting promos. He's like Sandman after a concussion. Kick runs away proclaiming him unstoppable and it's...just a dream. Ooookkkkaaayyyyyy. Kick wakes up and notices that Kyle is asleep and then proclaims that he should suit up. So he slowly puts on his clothes and practices the fine art of not being seen; but the door opens loudly and Kyle doesn't sell. Kick tells him sweet dreams and Kyle teleports to block the door. HAHA! Kyle talks some more and Kick MURDERS his head on the door repeated times as morning has arrived off-screen. Heh. So it's 6:00 am and Kick wakes up as the alarm sounds and it actually shuts Kyle up as we cannot hear him talk until Kick shuts off the alarm. Kyle just goes on and on as Kick sulks out of the bedroom as we go to the morning rush montage; along with a dueling shower montage. And yes; Kick showers with the helmet on; why do you ask? The phone rings and Kyle answers it as Kick's assistant of course. We discover from the Peanut's voice that the guy is coming for a visit early and Kick hides as Kyle proclaims that he's ready and he's wearing new underwear. He hangs up as Kick tries to escape through the door; but Kyle teleports in front of it. So Kick goes out the window; but Kyle catches him. HAHA! Kick is now pissed as we see Kick push Kyle towards the bus stop as we get on the bus; then a taxi, then a tram and then a submarine as Kick gets on and Kyle is on an ice floe. Wow; we are rock bottom in desparation to use the old "put seniors on ice floes and letting them die" spot.
So we return to the ramp as Kick sits in his bobseld and thinks he's won. Just guess what happens next? Just guess.....Damn; I'm good as the Russian Cossacks bring him behind Kick from a balloon. HEHHEHHEHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kyle has his puppets back too and he has a snowglobe too and now Kick has the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS, blood shot eyes and he is parently pissed off. Do I care? No Kick, I don't. This is what you get for thinking that you earned your sense of cool when you didn't haven't. God to Kick: Try insurance. The benefits pay better. Kick tackles Kyle down and they get tangled up in the puppet wire. Kick is sort of glad he is not here; and then apparently the judge of GBOA has arrived and is tangled up in the wire. Like I'm buying that he didn't do that on purpose; just to weasel his way out of observing the stunt with Kick. I mean; he proclaimed that he wouldn't come back the first time and he wants to fail him BEFORE he even does the stunt. Kyle claims that he feels responsible for this. I disagree Kyle; Kick is fully responsible for being a stupid fat useless turd who thinks he has earned his sense of cool. If you did this to Kit Cloudkicker; then yes Kyle I would agree with you. Because Kit has earned his keep on the coolness scale.
Kick disagrees as Kick pushes the bobsled over the edge much to the concern of the judge. Might as well; he has already failed you, so Kick has nothing to lose by doing the stunt anyway. And since everyone is tangled and Kick can see them; none of them can do the teleportation trick now. So we do about 500 rotations on the ramp and then go straight up into the sky and do the Team Rocket exit. We then head to the Mexican/American border as we see the trailer truck in traffic towards the border crossing. We see Kyle's mother jiving to some Mexican tunes and then we hear a bump from behind and the trio of tangled goofs land right in the back seat of the truck behind the mother's seat. Kyle of course cannot stop talking and it's clear mother had lied because she told him about some meeting. Maybe if they would just be honest about what they are doing; maybe Kyle would take the hint......NAAAAHHHHHH!
So we head back to the cul-de-sac as the judge is loaded up in the ambulance as the judge DQ's Kick from getting into the GBOA. Kick feels bad and then the judge informs him that he still broke 36 records as a duet with Kyle and thus gets into the GBOA anyway. Are we really surprised that this happened? Kick is teary eyed as Kyle's mother orders Kyle to come with her since the weekend is done. Kyle is happy and Kick is happy too as we see Kick wave goodbye to Kyle and everyone waves goodbye like a bunch of weasel. The cloudy weather clears up in reverse and then the trailer truck breaks down and the wheels come off. HAHA! Take one guess who's fault that this. Everyone but Kick and Gunther bail in opposite directions and Kick cuts his biscuits promo as we circle fade out to end the episode at 10:10 approx. Another very good episode for a change as Kyle carried this episode kicking and screaming. Kyle actually is better as a Spongebob clone since Squidward is a tweener and Kick acts like a heel who is supposed to be a babyface. So we circle fade in and watch the ending to the Lady Lala puppet show. Kyle asks what they thought and Kick and Gunther are dead and rotted into skeletons. HAHA! Thank you Kyle; too bad the Spongebob Trick works both ways and these two losers will be back to poison the show again. **** 1/4 (85%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we get more whiplash effects in quality for these two sets of shorts. Things That Go Boom was not really a good episode because once again they cannot seem to write an episode involving Kick and Brad that makes sense; at least in the first season. Once again; they depended on Brad being an idiot in not screwing Kick with heel tactics such as stealing the second card and the writers kept annoying me with the same spring lid spot that just made Gunther look more stupid than he usually is. On the other hand; Pantasy did the most impressive thing he has ever done in almost killing Kick with the golf cart and the finish with Brad getting his just desserts despite cheating to win the hunt. Boom is just another stuntman with absurd Rescue Ranger-equse stunts and we were spared the horror of Miss Chickerelli in a bathing suit. Thank BS&P for having some sense and decency.
Kyle Be Back on the other hand was extremely well done. While Kyle's talking does get old fast without any context put to it; it worked so well here since Kick is so unlikable that Kyle is like the bigger brother that Brad could not be (since he's a coward when it comes to Kyle). I love his puppet show; although the Lady Lala gag would have worked better if Lady Lala didn't look like a generic ballerina. It was a real cluster muck of an episode with Spongebob Trick after Spongebob Trick; but Kyle is a human Spongebob Squarepants anyway so the context worked rather well here and I laughed at Kick and rooted for Kyle every time; even during the pathos finish and the ending was fitting as well. Kyle sadly will not return as a focus character until Kyle 2.0; but he did leave a good first impression with me. So we have gotten halfway through the final rants of 2011 and have four shorts to go. Next up is Rank of Awesome and A Very Buttowski Mothers Day. Then we end the 2011 ranting season next weekend with Abandon Friendship and Braking The Grade. So.....
Thumbs down for Things That Go Boom and thumbs up for Kyle Be Back and I'll see you next time.
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