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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
Morning Rush/A Fistful Of Ice Cream Rant
Reviewed: 10/25/2011
I May Need A Fistful of Ice On My Head After This Rant!
Well; now we can finish Season One of Kick Buttowski in style as there are only ten shorts eeft. YAY! Oh wait; I mean D'OH! Our first short deals with Kick Buttowski cramming two months of homework because Oskar screwed him and the lame excuse doesn't work anymore. Then our final short of season one is Kick Buttowski saving Harold's birthday party from a lack of ice cream. Well; let's rant on shall we...?!
Morning Rush is written by Guy Toubes and David Shayne. The storyboards are done by Scott O'Brien. Guy has an interesting resume which starts with High Tide and Born Free in 1994; followed by Mowgli: The New Adventures of The Jungle Book, then Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, Edgar & Ellen, Pink Panther & Pals, The Adventures of Chuck & Friends and most recently writing the movie Mid Life Gangster. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut and that's it for him. A Fistful of Ice Cream is written by Mark Drop and Derek Dressler. The storyboards are done by Troy Adomitis. The story is done by Marty Isenberg and David Shayne and the direction is done by Chris Savino and Sherm Cohen. It's two roles per credit day!! Marty may be the most experience guy on the team doing Beetlejuice the Animated Series in 1991, Dog City, The Legends of Treasure Island, X-Men, Batman The Animated Series, Battletech, Ultra Force, Spiderman 1995 edition, TMNT 2003 edition among others. Gargoyles is his DTVA debut believe it or not and he also wrote on The Replacements as well. He has 27 writing credits and five story editor credits (G.I. Joe Renegades, Action Man, Godzilla: The Series, Transformers: Animated and Beast Machines: Transformers). Generator Rex and Ben 10: Ultimate Alien are his most recent credits. As for the animation studio; it's all done on Flash. My opinion on Flash: It works like all mediums. If the talent sucks; then the product is going to suck. Tools don't matter.
Opening Moment #1: The title card of the day shows white papers fluttering against the red blood background and Kick running away from him. Whatever Kick.
Morning Rush: We begin this one at Mellowbrook School and into Mrs. Fritzpatrick's class as she teaches the first law of Netwon's law of motion and before we even get a chance to hear it; we cut to Kick hearing some announcer doing the countdown sequence as the clock reaches 3 o'clock and he rockets up with anime blue background. And then he bounces like a ball to the door; without realizing the fact that the bell never rang and thus the class is not actually over yet and thus is stopped at the past by Mrs. Fritzpatrick. Who seems to be gaining weight as time goes on. Fritz thanks Kick for the demonstration of Netwon's first law of motion. Kick does his usual promo as Fritz notices that Kick hasn't handed in homework in two straight months. The only time I ever had that problem was when I got the worst flu bug in history. I don't think even THAT would get past her either. And then we get the flashback of doom where everytime Kick enters the classroom; Kick tells her that a dog ate her homework. We return to reality (no, not really) as Fritzpatrick proclaims while checking a dog's x-ray that no dog on Earth would ever eat that much bleached paper. Except in this world madam; I could name one, and it has a knack for biting Kick in the asshole too. But really; considering the fact that this is the oldest excuse in the book to begin with; why did Fritzpatrick buy the excuse THE FIRST TIME Kick used it?! Now I think you know where this is going as Fritzpatrick proclaims that Kick is going to fail and be held back a grade. Which Kick oversells badly as we dream sequence to Kick growing so old; you swear that we are in the most absurd world of the Jetsons. Or and Gunther has the ladies and robot slave too. Whatever Gunther; I'm not buying that you can laser board in the first place.
So we return to reality (no, not really) as Kick wonders if there is a way to pass and Fritzpatrick does concede that the semester does end tomorrow; but doing two months of homework in one day is physically impossible. Not in this world Miss Fritz; no matter how much I WANT to agree with you. Kick seemly enjoys this challenge and wants to experiment as he thinks he can do it and Fritz blows it off. So the deal is that Kick does all the homework in one day; he gets a passing grade and Fritz signs on the deal and buries him into a tomb of books and proclaims that Kick better straighten up; or he's living in the city dump. So; she's implying that Kick will die penniless in the gutter. Good luck on that happening Fritz; there are too many jobs in this world that don't require an education. And daredevil is one of them. And don't get me started on Kit Cloudkicker either; who spent years without an education living in poverty before going back to school. So we head to Kick's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Kick hits the books while Fritz's head bounces around taunting Kick that he will fail. And we get the nude Kick in the bathtub (as per his contract) writing on the wall as Fritz seemly disapproves. Fritz; go away! You know; taunting someone is a form of insecurity. Doing this is an admission that maybe; just maybe, Kick Buttowski will prove you wrong. Kick of course is slowing proving Fritz wrong as we continue the montage and drink Cheetah Chug and pour it on the suit for good measure. She should fail him on the fact that he used a steroid substance right there; but I doubt she will find out. Drug testing is apparently illegal in a Disney Cartoon.
So morning arrives and the house explodes. Oh geez; and Harold just fixed that door too! Kick walks out in smoke with some papers which looks like he only did a week's worth of homework. And so we head onto the streets of Mellowbrook as Gunther and Kick walk together as Gunther is tingling with excitement over Kick acting like a computer in one night. Gunther tells Kick to be careful with the paper and Kick claims that nothing shall go wrong...and then the school bus leaves before Gunther and Kick can get on it. Gunther proclaims that they must walk to school now; but Kick doesn't seem upset since he still proved Fritz wrong...and then here comes Oskar and steals the paper all in glorious slow motion. Damn; you just knew that would happen. Kick tries to reason with Oskar who stands there growling. Kick tries to get his arm into Oskar's mouth; but Oskar chomps and swallows the homework. Yes folks; a documented incident of a dog eating someone's homework has been caught on film. Gunther cannot believe it as Kick is not happy. Gunther goes over to try the Hemlich; but Oskar barks like a heelish dog would. Oskar runs away when Kick and Gunther stand back and Gunther goes all dramatic about Kick failing. So this school has the same policy as Fish Hooks I see. See Fail Fish. Kick opens his backpack and brings out a blue book that is titled "Two Months of Homework Questions"; because he'll be doing his homework ON the way to school. Wow; Kick is NOT going for the excuse after all. Of course Fritz wouldn't buy it anyway; but at least Kick isn't acting stupid today. Gunther shows his watch and tells Kick that he has ten minutes until school starts.
Kick tells him not to worry because she said to pass it in today and not what time. And then Fritz arrives driving her Gedo yellow car (and the license plate is her catchphrase which she repeats here). EWWWW! GET HER AWAY! GET HER AWAY! She greets Kick and Kick has to pass in the homework at eight o'clock. And we get a gaping logic break: Gunther said that school starts in ten minutes and the scene took only thirty seconds tops. So the clock appears on the lower right screen and he has five minutes and 43 seconds to complete the task. WHAT?! Okay; I know that they did it so the whole thing can be done in real time; but the writers could have changed Gunther's line to "We have only six and a half minutes to go before school starts". And even worse; they don't cover it up with Gunther saying "My watch seems to be five minutes slow.". UGH! UGH! UGH! This is why you need a STORY EDITOR; because they would notice stupid logic breaks like this. There's no excuse for this. So Kick clapsed his hands and we start to run. Chapter One: Physics. Gunther reads the book; Kick fills the answers (which have turned into a SAT multiple choice I see) by seguing to Deadman's Drop as Gunther and Kick are wrapped in a white bathmat. Whatever. We see the black moving man again as he shatters a lamp on cue and then we jump and roll down the hill. We go off the cliff and we take a really wussy bump into the side of a house. Whatever. Kick pops out and sees 89 bubble pops; which is 42 pounds per square inch. We burst out and go to question #2 as the idiots walk on the sidewalk and out drops Oskar the Dressed Up Dog again from the bushes. He sniffs and it smells Buttowski. Geez; what a shock that is?
Oskar licks his chops as question #2 which is about Climatology. I'm not going to bother explaining the questions because if you want an education: GO TO A PUBLIC SCHOOL ALREADY! Okay; Kick runs to the Sports Emporium as they are having a trampoline sale and Kick bounces on one of the three conviently placed trampoline and bounces into the air and where he lands; can someone explain to him that he's REPEATING SPOTS?! And he breaks logic by encasing his head in ice despite being in an area where he should have no air and thus his head would pop? Kick yells freezing and Gunther checks that one. Question #3 is gravity and Kick freefalls with a stopwatch as it's 33 feet per second and then repeats the second for no reason whatsoever. Gunther checks that and we head to geology and the outer layer of the earth which is the crust as Kick takes the bump on the street WITH CHEESE AND BACON. At least that bump was sort of MAN-SIZED. Kick pops from the carnage and coughs as Gunther runs away from Oskar of course and Kick bails with him. So we head to the construction site which is in the middle ground (after the closeup shot of the clock tower which is 7:56 am. Ah; close enough.) as the chase continues and Kick and Gunther get on the conviently placed oil drum and broom paddle away from the shoreline. Strangely; the water is blue here in a continuity error since it's usually toxic green here. Oskar sinks and then jumps up to the shoreline and looks afraid. A dog afraid of water? Riiigggghhhhtttttt. Are we on Just For Laughs Gags or something?! Gunther calls Oskar pure evil; so Kick is impure evil?! That swings it to Oskar's favor doesn't it? So we head down the rapids to waste some time as Gunther panics. See; Kick is hoping to catch the bus at Mellowbrook Drive which of course will NEVER happen.
We hit the rocks and bounce off a log as Kick wants question #5 which is oceanography as they land in the whirlpool which conviently is the answer. We spiral down underwater and spit out the dam landing in the river below as we splash and none of it hits the screen. Subtley? From this show? Nahhhhh...It's white noise blaring at 11. Maxie Zeus said so in doublespeak so it must be true. The oil drum bops up as Kick hold the blue book and gives it to Gunther for question #6 as it's biology and Kick grabs a frog by the throat and uses it like Spiderman to snag a fly. Which is at least 4 millagrams. He just noticed that without measuring?! What?! No OUT OF NOWHERE scale?! Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy form there guys. And Oskar has rejoined the chase on a piece of wood. And we paddle and snag Oskar with the frog as he throws Oskar away out of the episode with it. Well; at least he didn't make the Team Rocket exit since he landed in the tree; so I'm good. Kick deduces at least 12 pounds; and we head for the waterfall which Gunther panics. No really; I'm as shocked as you are. Gunther screams and Kick invokes the FROG LINE OF DEATH and we swing over and freefall as Kick finally puts the weight at 297 pounds. And somehow we break logic and reason as somehow we are flying over Mellowbrook. Did we really did a sky diving spot now?! Kick sees the bus which shows the only reason why they did this spot and it drives away and a garbage truck arrives just as Kick and Gunther take a decent bump into it. I can just hear Fritz laughing all the way to the bank on that one because we head to the Mellowbrook City Dump. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. I'm glad the writers have realized that; although it would have been nice if they did it from the start of the series.
So we dump Kick and Gunther into a hole as Kick sulks about Miss Fritz being right for once. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE KICK BUTTOWSKI! Someone has to praise the visible minority for being so smart. We are nine minutes into the episode and we have less than two minutes to go before Kick fails. Gunther sulks that Kick is doomed to fail forever. Oh please; I'm so not buying this crap; or Gunther crying. Here's the obvious problem: You only get held back forever, if you don't realized WHY you failed and do whatever it takes NOT to do what you did last year EVER AGAIN! And Gunther and Kick are best buddies who play with each other AFTER SCHOOL. Am I supposed to buy that failing a grade will mean that Gunther is banned from seeing Kick forever?! This is why this melodramatics is so stupid and dumb. Because anyone with an IQ of over eight can see right through it as bulls***. You know why Sheepskin Deep worked? Because Baloo failed by one point; and then discovered an error in the book and provided evidence to Mr. Pomeroy (although kidnapping him was not a good idea) that Baloo was accurate. That made for mature writing. This episode on the other hand is a prime example of treating kids as dumb morons as GeoX claims happened in Ducktales (Memo to GeoX: Watch the new Disney shows and you'll get a real definition of dumbing down. You can actually trace it back to 1996 with Quack Pack.). And this ruins the decent groove this episode was getting into as well. Well done guys; you still don't understand real children; as usual. Kick thankfully is not going to let it happen as we see a white haired dude with a green shirt and a guitar. Okay; what is the point of this? Oh wait; he has a speaker which blares out white noise at 11. Oh great; they finally read Maxie Zeus' review of the show. Did I mention that the dude's teacher was Miss Fritzpatrick too? Which makes no sense unless Fritzpatrick is a Junior and the Fritz he has was Fritzpatrick Senior. Of course we will never find out as Kick claims that they have a chance and wants Gunther's power tools. Wait; what?!
So Gunther snags a Gedo colored drill OUT FROM HIS HAIR! And you thought Eleroo's bottomless poach was silly?! So we get a montage of Kick and Gunther building something out of speakers, screws, white cloth, wheels and other junk you can recycle. It's 2011; you would think that the junkyard would have a lot LESS trash in the yard, if you are going to hyperbole real life anyway. And the guitar gets involved of course as we have less than a minute to go and Kick brings the guitar strummer as we zoom out to reveal the GUITAR SPEAKER RACE CAR OF DEATH. Whatever; as Kick asks Gunther what the final question is. So there are only NINE questions in this homework? That's so whack! The answer is the speed of sound as he strums the guitar and we rocket to the speed of sound over the city dump as the dump explodes. And the road breaks in half as we see Fritz arrive at the school with her watch on as we play some more and rocket some more as it's about thirty seconds left as Fritz enters the classroom and notices that it's only one minute to eight and no Clarence of course. We cut back to the guitar rocket of doom and Gunther wants a power chord which Kick sells and we got sonic speed again. So we are combining Fail Fish with Run, Oscar, Run. We cut back as Fritz believes that she has won; despite there being 15 seconds left and closes the door. And then she hears a sonic boom as Kick crashes through the wall; Kick slides in safe and gives the homework to Fritz while taking a wussy bump at the door. Told you this universe isn't really our own despite the writers attempt to make us think it is. Kick makes it with four seconds to spare as the clock reaches zero and Fritz proclaims that Kick might have just passed as Kick does the double devil's pose on cue. Fritz is impressed because she was expecting another "dog ate his homework" excuse and of course Oskar runs in and eats Kick's homework in front of her. OH SNAP!! Kick does the Gruffi pose as Gunther strums the guitar inside the room and that ends the episode at 10:20 approx. The usual clustermuck with some good payoffs at least. But; if Oskar ate the homework in front of Fritz; then Kick still fails anyway. Of course this will be ignored so there you go. And you know why too. ** 3/4 (55%).
Opening Moment #2: The title card for this one is the weirdest one yet as Kick is standing behind a desert and mountains. I'll never understand what goes through these animator's minds.
A Fistful of Ice Cream: We begin this one with a shot of the hot sun and we pan down to see that a birthday party is in progress and everyone is hot in the literal sense. Mr. Vickie blows off Denise for picking the hottest day in Mellowbrook history. Yeah; because it's NEVER your fault for man-made climate change; oh no. Brad has an ice pack on his head and I might need one after this rant is over and done. Gunther is beating the heat by dunking his ass in the punch bow and ladling punch on his head. EWWWW! GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY! See everyone is sweating; but Kick Buttowski who lays there on the lawn chair asleep. Like I said before; this universe is like Family Guy; Kick sezs he's cool and he's cool no matter how not over he really is. Mr. Vickie asks how he does it while fanning himself with a red flapper and Kick states that it's pays to have a cool head. Gunther has no clue as Brianna and Denise are sweating in their normal clothes. Here's some advice for everyone: Wear a two piece bathing suit. It cannot be any worse than what you are doing now. Denise squeezes the water from her apron and tells them that ice cream is on the way. And then we jackhammer various ice cream treats such as Cowboy Kelly Ice Cream Bars which are round wheel ice cream sandwiches as we go to the dream sequence and to a sandbox where a cowboy kid is eating one IN the sandbox. Apparently; we discover through progression that the cowboy kid is Harold Buttowski. Anyhow; Mr. Vickie claims that they are not made anymore and Denise knows that; but there are rumors of one package left in the deep freeze as Denise's cellphone rings and it's in her apron as she answers it. And she drops her cellphone in horror and gasps badly because the ice cream truck broke down. Oh please; it's just ice cream, it's not like a public bus breaking down everytime like I went through twice this year. So the party is unsaved and there are no Cowboy Kelly Ice Cream Bars.
Kick then vaingloriously stands up because it's his cue. The smug look on his face indicates to me that Kick has this planned from the start and that he broke the ice cream truck. I'm just speculating and this show is ficition anyway so why not?! He wants to save the party as Gunther isn't so sure because of the last time he tried to save the party as we get a police mug shot of Kick and Harold together. Wait a second? They actually arrested Kick Buttowski for a crime? In this universe? Seriously?! Nah; Gunther must be lying because I have yet to see Kick arrested for committing real crimes IN the show itself. And the list is longer than this rant let me tell ya. Includes 137 counts of not kicking butt or ass-o-wa-ski at all. We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick assures him that it will be different this time. Kick and Gunther are working together to find the ice cream truck and saving dad's birthday party with jackhammered martial arts zoom in; which Brad ruins, thank goodness. Brad wants to do it; and then asks Denise for a few bucks. Truly a reliable bully brother this Brad fellow isn't. So we scene change to the front porch as Gunther is Scooby Doo now and sniffing for clues. Oh wait; wrong Scooby; I mean Scooby Dumb. He smells the ice cream truck stage left and they bike all the way out of the city limits to a big ass poster of vanilla ice cream. HAHA! Gunther cannot believe his ice cream senses have failed. I can because you are no Spiderman. Great power must include great responsiblity and Gunther doesn't have either to support him. He then bangs on the sign and it falls down to reveal the broken down ice cream truck and to my surprise we see the EXACT SAME DUDE from Morning Rush; only he's wearing a white suit, pants, shoes and hat. RECYCLING RULEZ BABEE!
The dude proclaims that he has engine trouble and Gunther corrects him as Automotive American. WHAT?! I think the ice cream dude has more experience than you in terms of deducing problems Gunther. Kick wants the freezer checked and they open the back to see that the bars are still frozen; but that won't last long as Gunther claims it's called Artric Amercia. Shut the hell up Gunther; no one asked for your opinion! When I want it; I'll remove the duct tape, okay?! Gunther wonders how to get the truck back in time as Kick smiles and we scene change to ice cream dude acting like a stage coach rider on top of the truck as Kick and Gunther are the horses on bicycles. Okay; this works for me. So we ride down the hills for a while as Gunther won't shut up as we pan over to another hill as we see a dirty Anti-Gunther (speaking of recycling character designs) on his bicycle as he smells Cowboy Kelly Bars and he orders the other riders (one fat girl; one African American and one with the phallic symbol nose) to jump onto their bicycles as they spew banal catchphrases that would make Kick hang his head in shame. Phallic Nose Job claims that he's not feeling it today and that provokes eye contact violence from the group and he recoils. Whatever as we cut back to the ice cream stage coach and the trucker thinks it's smooth sailing. In your dreams pal as he comes the BICYCLE OUTLAWS OF THE MELLOWBROOK WEST pedalling up the hill to fetch a pail of Cowboy Bars. We discover that they are the 3rd Street Bandits which is lame as groads. My pun for them is better. I mean we have Anti-Gunther, Phillac Nose Job, Screamin Blond and the Token Racial Stereotype. Ice Cream Dude bails into the sewers because they are mean as the 4th Street and are hungry. No wonder that dude lives in a junkyard.
So we see the Bicycle Outlaws block the front and Anti-Gunther rubs his hands and he speaks in a European accent which at least doesn't sound like broken English. He demands Kick to surrender and Kick predictability no sells as Gunther gets on the truck and puts on the cowboy hat. Anti-Gunther proclaims that if they resist they will inflict pain on his puny helmet as he flicks the helmet and the heels laugh. Yeah; doing pain to an inanimate object; that'll make Kick submit. NOT! Try the Cat Crab; that seems to work. Gunther decides to take the old dirt road as we see that Mellowbrook is next to a desert in Arizona. Whatever guys. Gunther whips it and Kick gets it in the ass. HAHA! Gunther apologizes (BOO! HISS!) and we are off...for another clustermuck to occur. It happens in almost every episode in this series anyway. The idiots laugh and then Anti-Gunther catches himself. I forgive you four; seeing Kick get his ass whipped was pretty funny. Everyone chases...except for Phillac Nose Job who laughs some more. This idiot is one laugh away from starring in the next Botchamania at this rate. If he ever becomes a professional wrestler. He would be perfect as a manager in Combat Zone Wrestling. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. So we chase down as we head to the Mellowbrook Mall and the doors open to reveal Brad Buttowski. So they aren't going to give up this plot thread after all?! He talks about saving Harold's party and then we have our SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY at the cash register ringing in items for Brad to oodle over. At least Brad is a heel here and thus the sexism works on the level that he's a misogynist. Huey Duck on the other hand is a babyface according to Quack Pack canon and thus I cringe everytime he goes nuts for a girl.
Brad salutes her and then smells his wet armpits. I know it sounds gross; but we all do it from time to time so don't start walking into an offense here guys. Brad heads to the non-stick cooking spray and he sprays it all over him. I see the heat has made him delluisonal; he might have heat stroke. I betcha he burns to ashes like Oscar Proud did when he stuck out his arm into the flames in an amusement park ride; by the end of this short. He throws the spray away and we continue chase through the windy hills of Mellowbrook which seemly has a desert now. Of course Gunther thinks they have lost them; but in reality, they have gained on them easily. Gunther than notices Mellowbrook bridge which is the half way point of this silliness as the bridge is one of those ramp like bridges which is too short for tall boats to go over and we have cars on the right, cows to the left and the boat is stuck in the middle which is the most free ironically enough. We pan up to the Gedo helicopter as we get the steer joke and the cow booes it out of the building. Compared to most of the banal jokes in this show; that one was pretty witty at least. So that cow can BE JEALOUS! So we see Gunther pancking and pleading for Kick to brake; but Kick no sells because they won't make it as they go over the bridge and of course they don't make it as they fall into the drink. HA! The heels look over as the ice cream truck pops up and Kick and Anti-Gunther blow each other off with insults which they no longer hear because we get our second waterfall spot in as many shorts. Oh joy. NOT! Kick blows Gunther for saying dam as "damn" and then they say DAMN! Yes folks; they did a damn reference to reference a dam to avoid getting BS&P'ed. Memo to writers: It only works; if he adds an it to damn. Get over yourselves.
So we spiral underwater into the dam system and Kick's cellphone rings allowing Kick to stop selling underwater to answer it. We discover through the split screen that it's Denise informing Kick to find Brad and get him home because the guests are getting desperate as we see Miss Chickerelli using Oskar as a shower of drool on her, Mr Vickie goes shirtless and squeezes it to wash himself and Helga uses Magnus as an umbrella which is no small feat of strength even at her size. I see Magnus is on the same diet as his wife; the See-Food diet. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Kick sezs it's no problem as Denise asks if he is underwater as the guests want out of the damn heat. Mr. Vickie proclaims that he feels like a turkey sweating in November in which we cut to a cow who boos. So the writers are stealing Billy Van's jokes now?! That is just peachy. Denise begs for mercy because Brad will be back with the cold treats any minute now...So we head back to the Mellowbrook store as we see the SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY ringing in milk and in comes Brad sliding on the convyer belt. EWWWW! GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY! We find out that her name is Schnell as Brad shows her the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH as Schnell smells butter. Brad asks if she likes it and we cut back to the dam before Schnell can kick Brad's ass. Damn; I wanted to see a good ass kicking from a feminist. So we finally get down to ground level as the ice cream truck somehow drives itself out of the water onto the ground and here come the HEEL COWBOYS FROM HELL on the bicycles. So we head into the ice box as Gunther admires their presientence and I admire that Gunther can say that word in the correct context. Kick is now driving the ice cream truck like Phineas drives a race car as we head underground into the Mellowbrook Mine (the same one in The Treasure Of The Artist Formally Known as Deadman Dink, now Dave.). Whatever; Kit drove a steamroller and flew a plane several times, so there you go. I love bursting fantasy world bubbles of the Old Disney fans.
So we head into the mine as Kick kicks open the door and it's time for some cool justice according to him. Which involves taking out the soft serve and spraying it in their face similar to how they did it in La Purrfect Crime. OH MY GOD NO! Soft Serve is awesome and Kick ruined it for me. YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN, VAINGLORIOUS BASTARD! Okay; I'm done walking into my offense for this episode and we can move on. Anti-Gunther speaks in a dialog that I cannot make out and they rise from the dead and chase on again. Apparently they found an abandoned mine car which Kick questions and we flashback to the Trader's Post Store as a miner has his shopping cart and apparently he drives an actual MINE CAR on the road which is now missing. Ooooookkkkaaaayyyy; who is on the illegal substance tonight? We return to reality (no, not really) as the chase MUST CONTINUE! So we play tug of war on Gunther which looks like a jump cut because there's no way they could grab Gunther from that distance. Gunther thinks this is bliss as Anti-Gunther wants him to take the easy way out and hand over the icecream and Kick no sells because he doesn't do easy. I wish he doesn't do anything at all actually and Gunther seems to agree with me. Ah; not so confident of your bliss now eh Gunther Magnason. And Gunther lost his pants revealing his underwear as we see...THE SWTICH. Oh wait; it's the mine lever as Gunther somehow hits the spike on the ceiling and the power of suggestion somehow flips the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and everyone separates as Gunther and Kick wave goodbye and we get the banana splits joke and we do the Billy Van gag again involving the cow. At least the cow booed at a BAD joke this time around.
So the heel proclaims that they will never give up; and Phillac Nose Job still doesn't feel it. Whatever sir. So Gunther's teeth chatter as Kick closes the door and we are headed to....THE CLIFF~ as the truck manages to make it across easily and then break through the boarded up mineshaft and we fly into the air and where it lands; do we really care? We freefall into the trees below as Gunther hates air and gravity. So die already Gunther; which is good for us old Disney farts....ERRRR...I mean fans! So the truck drops onto the ground and it's still riding and the multi colored ice pop statue pops from the truck and the whole truck separates along with the seat showing Kick and Gunther. Ah; the wonders of the seatbelt, from a bunch of babyfaces who do nearly everything WITHOUT A NET. BS&P RULEZ~! Gunther thinks that they ditched them and here comes the heels OUT OF NOWHERE as they blow them off and somehow steal the ice box and tow it away on chains. Huh? How did that work? Gunther and Kick cannot chase them now as Gunther thinks they lost; But Kick brings them out of his suit. Okay; so if they are in his suit; they have all melted by now when he shows them. Forget it; it's not worth the headache to scream about as we go to the finish now as apparently we don't even get a montage on Kick and Gunther building their car like device to drive home which so happens to be the ice cube dispenser as a rocket and the statue as a sitting device. Gunther turns it as Kick wants turbo and Gunther doesn't think it's a feature; so the dispenser makes it a feature. Another Family Guy spot as we race out spewing snow on the ground and zig zag towards the Mellowbrook Store.
So we head back in the store as Schnell demands to know why Brad is still here. This is the point where I would blow the whistle now Schnell. He wants to hurt you now. Brad wants to know what she would recommend in the heat and he has a shindig (do they use that word in 2011? I can understand TaleSpin using it; but not this show) going. So Jenell (as Brad is now saying for no reason that I can think of) gives him the paperbag (which he can wear over his head after this debacle) with stuff in it and Brad thinks she couldn't resist as Brad bails stage left. Jenell has the Gruffi pose on with a smug smile to indicate that she screwed him good. Cannot say I blame her either. So we cut back to Denise at the party as the guest are nearly dead and she looks at her watch and Harold could be home any second now. So where is Harold? I thought he was a stay at work guy?! Never mind as we cut to the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE racing in the streets of Mellowbrook as Harold is almost home with Monique (his car of course as per Dad's Car) as he parks his car near the house and the bottle ice pop rocket goes over the conviently placed slide behind the girl bouncing on the trampoline without her suspecting a thing. I'm guessing she's deaf as the rocket lands in the back yard and entombs everyone in snow as they breathe a sigh of relief. Harold walks through the gate and he's SHOCKED and the guest all yell surprise. Denise wanted to surprise him even more; but Kick shows them the Cowboy Kelly Ice Cream Bars and Harold is SHOCKED and he is so giddy that his voice breaks right on cue. HEE HEE! He sounds better that way too.
Kick opens the box and they have all melted. HAHA! Maybe you should have thought twice BEFORE you stuffed them in your suit. Gunther feels bad; but Kick unpops the last one from his helmet (the cool head, remember?) and it's frozen solid. Harold takes it and bites the plastic covering with his teeth as he cries on his birthday and Denise is so proud of him. Well; he got the old man one more moment with the treat before it dies off for good and everyone got cooled off with the shaved ice; so everyone is happy...and Denise asks how he did it and Kick claims it's a cool head. Whatever Kick; you still broke logic for a cheap payoff to a joke that didn't catch and Gunther somehow caught it anyway. Okay; we wrap this up as Brad walks in with the grocery bag and puts them on the table as everyone rips on them and Brad grabs one of them and Schnell just gave everyone Jalpeno Hot Pepper bars. HAHA! SCREW YOU; YOU ROTTEN SEXIST! If only that happened to Huey Duck too. Everyone has the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS as Brad claims that it was their hottest seller and we see Schnell dressed in the devil's outfit and laughing in hell. I AM EVIL SCHNELL! I AM EVIL SCHNELL! I AM EVIL SCHNELL! I AM EVIL SCHNELL! Nuff said as Brad gets the bars thrown in his face and that ends the episode at 10:00 approx. Just an okay clustermuck with some cute jokes and a hot finish. And I do mean "hot". So we end with the heel cowboys opening their ice box spoils and it's empty as Phillac Nose Job proclaims that they were licked. HAHA! And of course; the cow boos. Yes folks; we end with the four Billy Van joke to boot. Just peachy. *** (60%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Yeah; I did the second to last episodes of the season first, so shoot me. They were average and for the most part inoffensive. Morning Rush was basically a combination of Run, Oscar, Run and Fail Fish involving Kick doing just nine questions while being chased by Oskar and trying to win a science bet with Miss Fritzpatrick which he wins in four seconds to spare. Basically; an okay short with nothing offensive and the usual silliness from Kick and Gunther. And Kick in my view still fails; but the dog still ate his homework at the end; and the term is OVER today. However; it's ignored anyway. Go figure. I did like the payoff of Kick living in a junkyard though so it was fine. Fistful of Ice Cream was a bit better; although the “walk right into the gag” joke got tired fast and the cow booing didn't work because ¾ of the jokes they used the cow for I still laughed it because they worked in the context. The banana joke was the only one where the cow booing was apporos. The heels were just a bunch of rednecks with a leader that looks like Gunther and they booked it to make it look like they won; but didn't. The whole thing was the usual cluster muck and the cool head gag was just silly and broke logic and reason. At least have a built-in fan in that helmet Kick so that the joke makes sense. Despite Brad's heelish sexism being an absolute joke; I did like the finish and ending of Brad getting screwed by Schnell and everyone getting hot pepper bars instead. In other words; an okay two shorts and nothing too silly or offensive. Sure; the new Disney isn't anything special; but at least the episodes are solid enough compared to 1996 with Quack Pack. So next up is the middle eight straight episodes; and I'll be doing six of them starting with Mellowbrook Drift and Gift of Whacky. Oh goody; Jackie The Stalker Whackerman is back. I'm liking Saturday already. So.....
Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you next time.