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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
Frame Story/And....Action! Rant
I Feel Framed Watching This!
Well; the final two episodes of Kick Buttowski in season one aired on Thanksgiving and both episodes are now on Youtube. So; it's only fitting that I end season one the same way I began season one by ranting on both of them. Anyhow; the first short is basically a redo of Kick The Habit; only when Henry Winkler as the principal. Oh goody; the guy from Happy Days; this might not suck....much. So let's rant on shall we....?!
Frame Story is written by Derek Dressler. The storyboards were done by Clay Morrow and Heather Martinez. The direction was done by Chris Savino. Heather started with The Angry Beavers as an assistant in 2000 and then went on to Spongebob Squarepants, several OAV's of Fairly Oddparents and the series itself, The Timmy Jimmy Power Hour, My Life As A Teenage Robot and Escape From Cluster Prime. The Replacements are her DTVA debut and that's it. Clay started with the Whoop Ass Girls...ERRR...I mean Powerpuff Girls in 1999 and then it's The Flintstones On The Rocks, Dexter's Lab, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Camp Lazlo, Chowder, What Happened To Robot Jones?, Grim & Evil and The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto. That's it. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut.
And....Action is written by Derek Dressler with the story done by Sandro Corsaro. How convient that the creator had the time to write an episode?! The storyboards are done by Howie Perry, Sherm Cohen and Clay Morrow. The direction is done by Chris Savino. Howard started with Kid Notorious in 2003 and then went on to HiHi Puffy AmiYumi, Christmas Is Here Again, Ni Hao Kai-Lan, The Mr. Men Show and most recently Fanboy & Chum Chum. That's it. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card has Kick using a MAGIC LENS OF DOOM on a wooden frame. If only it would catch fire and burn Kick to ashes.
Frame Story: We begin this one at Mellowbrook School's lunch counter as we see the stereotypical luncheon female dishing out lunch to the kids. She sprays her ladle with BETTER THAN BUTTER cooking spray (Like I BELIEVE IT'S REAL BUTTER~! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and we see Kick's arm steal it like the thief that he is. The luncheon lady at least gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as Kick spays the dutch oven on the bottom and we slide down out of the lunch room. Then into the hallways as we see a mover guy wearing the CHL mustache of doom and may or may not be Wade's dad getting blown off by a cartoon stereotype of an old school principal (who looks similar to the announcer in Stumped) who appears to have stolen the voice of Henry Winkler. Oh wait....
The Principal of Mellowbrook School is voiced by Henry Winkler and according to the USIMDB: Henry Franklin Winkler was born on October 30, 1945, in Manhattan, New York. His parents, Harry Irving and Ilse Anna Maria Winkler, were Jewish immigrants who avoided the German Holocaust, moving to the US in 1939. His dad was the president of an international lumber company while his mother worked alongside his father. Henry grew up with "a high level of low self-esteem." Throughout elementary school and high school, he struggled with academics. This was due to what he would later identify as dyslexia. His parents expected him to eventually work with them at the lumber company. However, Henry had other plans as he saw roles on stage as the key to his happiness. His acting debut came in the eighth grade when he played the role of Billy Budd in the school play of the same name. Following his graduation from McBurney High School, he was able to incorporate his learning disability and succeed in higher education. He received a Bachelor's degree from Emerson College in 1967 and a Master of Fine Arts degree from the Yale School of Drama in 1970. He later received an honorary PhD in Hebrew Literature in 1978 from Emerson College. Following college, his top priority was to become an actor. However, if this was unsuccessful, he wanted to become a child psychologist because of his deep interest in working with children. Like many other actors, he began his career by appearing in 30 commercials. His first major film role was in The Lord's of Flatbush (1974) in which he played a member of a Brooklyn gang. After that, he was cast on a new ABC series which was set in the 1950s called "Happy Days" (1974).
He was given the role of high school dropout and greaser Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli. The character was seldom seen during the first few episodes as ABC initially feared he would be perceived as a hoodlum. However, the character became extremely popular with viewers, and the show's producers decided to give Fonzie a more prominent role in the series.Following this, the show's ratings began to soar, and Fonzie became a 1970s icon and the epitome of cool. His motorcycle, leather jacket, thumbs-up gesture, and uttering of the phrase "Aayyyy!" became television trademarks. The character became so popular that ABC considered renaming the series "Fonzie's Happy Days" but eventually decided against it. Unlike many other stars of the 1970s who rose to fame in a short period of time and developed "big heads," Henry managed to stay well grounded and avoided falling into this trap. He was said to be more polite and agreeable, even after his popularity soared. He remained on the series until its cancellation in 1984. In the mid-1980s, with his "Happy Days" (1974) now behind him, Henry decided to change his focus toward producing and directing. He produced and directed several television shows and movies, most notably "MacGyver" (1985) and "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" (1996). In the mid-1990s and early 2000s, he was able to re-establish himself with a younger generation of moviegoers and TV viewers, appearing in the popular films, Scream (1996/I) and The Waterboy (1998) and on shows such as "The Practice" (1997) and "Arrested Development" (2003).
In addition to his movie and film credits, Henry is a well accomplished author. Between 2003 and 2007, he co-authored 12 children's novels with Lin Oliver. The series is called "Hank Zipzer, the World's Greatest Underachiever." The books are based on his early struggles with dyslexia, and they sold more than 2-million books in that time. Off-screen, Henry has been married since 1978 to Stacey Winkler (nee Weitzman) with whom he has three children. Together, they are actively involved with various children's charities. In 1990, they co-founded the Children's Action Network (CAN), which provides free immunization to over 200,000 children. He is also involved with the Annual Cerebral Palsy Telethon, the Epilepsy Foundation of America, the annual Toys for Tots campaign, the National Committee for Arts for the Handicapped, and the Special Olympics.In September 2003, he suffered a personal setback when his fellow actor and friend of nearly 25 years, John Ritter, unexpectedly passed away. Henry was on the set of "8 Simple Rules... for Dating My Teenage Daughter" (2002) that day for a guest appearance and was one of the last people to talk to Ritter. He has 84 credits to his resume; 138 self credits, 38 production credits and 10 director credits. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut. Hillers and Running Mates are his most recent credits coming out soon.
Anyhow; the principal didn't order 85 gallons of Hair Removal Cream and he has a point there. I mean; 85 gallons of hair removal cream? It's not like Henry has much hair to remove and we know Kick is bald from Exposed. That allows Kick (where we clearly see his face, remember that for later on) to bust in and knock over the vat of hair removal cream and the students get flooded in a sea of cream and go all bald. If you listen closely; you can hear Kurt Angle laughing all the way to the bank....or wrestling ring. Doesn't really matter at this point. Kick slides out of the dutch oven and Principal Henry (as he addresses himself) sounds like he's about to hyper ventilate; but catches himself. Oh TAG! I wanted to see that happen too. See; one more year and he'll be out of his hair. This joke would have been funnier if Henry had a full head of hair and the writers actually USED Henry Winkler's real life likeness. And apparently; the writers know it too because we probe into Henry's dreams and he throws flower petals all over the hallway circling Kick wearing the graduation hat. I see Kick has no respect for that either as he does the Gruffi pose and still wears the helmet and jumpsuit. Still funny enough though as we return to reality (no, not really) as Herny asks if he needs to write a dentention slip and Kick agrees to it and Henry blows it off because he hates paperwork. Don't we all?! This must be the short that Cleaver wannabe from Jim Hill saw. So Henry wants to let this one slide and the kids boo him. Geez; you know you suck at comedy when even the papered kids won't laugh at the obvious joke. So Henry does the ultimate conpromise: One more stunt in school and he's expelled and the papered kids cheer for that one.
Kick is SHOCKED at that one; but we get the dream sequence and Kick does a skateboard ramp off over the school and yells out sucker. Geez; what a shock that was?! We return to reality (no, not really but close enough actually) as Kick cheers and does the double devil pose. Can you smell the screwjob; or do I have to spell it out for ye? Kick will be expelled and home schooled as Kick thinks that he'll sit on his ass on the sofa watching television while Denise gives him pie. Oh come on; we know that he's going to be home schooled by a heel teacher....and damn it to hell if I'm not right. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah; this is Kick The Habit I know; but this actually sounds good. I mean; who doesn't want to see Mrs. Chickerelli scrape the chalk against the chalkboard like Don Karnage torturing Kit and WildCat in Captains Outrageous. And it couldn't have happened to a nicer kid too. We return to reality (damn it!) and Gunther cheers that one and then catches himself and apologizes. HAHA! Kick naturally puts on his unemoting angry face to put Gunther in his place. So we get the scene changer as we see the kids (who apparently got their hair to magically grow back for the first logic break of the episode) as we see Kick and Gunther walking as Kick proclaims that he cannot do another stunt or a scuff mark as Gunther points out that Kick is still on his skateboard being an idiot. I'm begging for Henry to see this and expel him now; but no dice is given of course.
Kick smiling emoting is actually good here as he proclaims that starting now; no stunts. Gunther then points out as we see the whole hallway is pull of motorcycle tracks. Gunther thinks Kick did it and Kick blows it off and here comes Principal Winkler and Kick is seriously BUSTED~! Doesn't this just make Harold look bad in Kick The Habit doesn't it?! Gunther pulls on Kick's jumpsuit for fun and of course Henry points out that it has Kick Buttowski written all over it as we see in red letters Kick Was Here. Okay; I know Kick is a vainglorious bastard, but even Kick doesn't stoop to that low. This is obviously the work of DARKWING...DUCK! BLAM! HEE HEE! Missed again Drake! You are not...POW! OUCH! Ummmm....Kick proclaims that he's framed and evidence #1 is picked up out of nowhere as he has a red marker cap and he wants to dust for finger prints. Well; to Kick's credit, he does use gloves here as Henry no sells and transmits to someone that Mrs. Chickerelli has a new student as he expels Kick Buttowski. Yippeee! I love School Justice~! However; Henry gives Kick 30 minutes as he needs to fill out explusion paperwork and he hates paperwork. Okay; School Justice isn't all that it's cracked up to be as he leaves.
Kick proclaims that he didn't do it and he has a half hour left to find out who framed him. There is only one guy it could be who is in the school and have a hate for Kick and could pull off motorcross tracks in the halls. I'm guessing it's Rolando the bully of physics and that's my call. Kick wants Gunther to go to class and execute MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN 32H and Gunther gasps. That must be some gosh darn nasty plan if Gunther is gasping in horror. Gunther then asks what is 32H and Kick proclaims that it's after 32G and Gunther gasps again. Whatever. So we get a shot of the school bell ringing as we head to class with Mrs. Fritizpatrick doing roll call and naturally Mr. Buttowski no sells. Shouldn't Henry Winkler have informed Fritizpatrick that Kick is being expelled? I don't get the logic here. And we see Kick Buttowski's inflatable stunt dummy being voiced by Gunther which makes sense since both of them are horriably miscasted. Gunther yells extreme and the teacher sells it as Gunther breathes a sigh of relief. Whatever.
Anyhow; we head into the hallway as Kick notices a scratch on the floor (just one?) and it's not deep enough; the red marker is inaccurate and the tire tracks are scuffed; but not burned so it's the work of a rookie. Kick flashbacks to all the kids who were bald from the hair removal cream and then we return as Kick proclaims that it could be anyone and he's running out of time as it's 2:30 pm. So we return to class as we see purple emo kid doing a better emoting job than Kick could ever do. When even an emo kid can outdo you in emoting; you are hosed. Mrs. Fritzpatrick is not amused as she has a big ass cup of coffee. The teacher asks who is back and Kick deflates. HAHA! And the teacher does me proud by blowing him off for sleeping in class. Gunther is reading a book and gets the LIGHTBLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and inflates the Kick dummy. HAHA! That dummy is more likable than the real thing. I'm SHOCKED Johnny Test hasn't done that....yet. Fritz likes that as Gunther raises his hand and asks for the restroom and it looks like Fritiz has him totally BUSTED; but this is the new Disney and she ignores the obvious and tells him that he can leave.
So we head into the hallway as the scuff marks have apparently extended a lot more than usual. Gunther runs in as Kick wonders why he left class and Gunther basically tells him that he told the teacher he had to pee. Ummm; no comment. Kick wants Gunther to focus; but Gunther seriously needs to pee. Kick wants to know who would frame him and target #1 ensues as we get the flashback and we see Fritizpatrick grading cakes as she gets to Kendell's and Kendell's deflates suddenly as she wimpers. We find out on the pan shot that the oven exploded with Kick causing it and Kendell proclaims that she'll get back at him. Like I'm buying that Kendell Perkins would do this; it makes no sense because that would imply that she actually HAS a personality. We return to reality (no, not reality) as Gunther invokes target #2 as we see Kick in his sock feet generating static electricty. Whatever Kick. Kick touches the locker with his gloves and someone the static causes the lockers to light up as we see a blond haired genius with a computer and goofy glasses get his computer destoryed much to the disdain of his giddy fat ass posse. He of course swears revenge on Kick Buttowski as we return to reality (no, not really) as Kick calls him Rolando.
Rolando is voiced by Simon Helberg who started with Mumford as a college roomate in 1999. He then went on to nothing of note until Van Wilder as Vernon in 2002 and then Jerry in Old School and various cameos on MadTv. He was TJ Goldman in The TV Set and a CBS Page in Good Night & Good Luck. He then appeared in Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip as Alex Dwyer, Simon in Derek & Simon: The Show and Howard in The Big Bang Theory. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut. Let's Go is his most recent credit in 2011. He had 45 credits to his resume along with 4 producer credits, 3 writer credits and 7 self credits. Now he sounds possible because he has a personal grudge with Kick already in an earlier short that I didn't rant on; and he knows enough physics to pull this frame up off. I should point out that Kick has no nose and Rolando has the pig nose. Now that I really think of it; I'm wrong. It's not Rolando because it's a kid doing this and the new Disney states that it has to be an adult doing the deed if an adult is available for this angle. So I'm going with Henry Winkler himself. Gunther thinks that it's both because we see Kendell and Rolando whispering at each other with red marker. One problem: If they are the two behind this; then why bother with the red markers? I thought Rolando was the smart one of the outfit? They seperate as Kick calls Gunther a genius. Riiiiiggggghhhhttttt. That would make me God then. Gunther wants to go pee and grabs onto his manhood with both hands as Kick wants him to focus as we head stage left. Just let him pee already Kick; having him grab his croutch is not funny or endearing. Gunther leaves stage right.
So we go to the A/V Room. I know this because the door has the words A/V Rooms on it. We then cut to the vent in the ceiling as Kick drops the iron grate and hides behind the table desk as we see Kendell and Rolando enter the room with red markers. Rolando and Kendell proclaim that this is their little secret and that's enough for Kick to jump onto the desk and call them out on them framing him. Of course I betcha that they aren't the suspects at all since if they are; the short would be over and we are barely halfway through. Kick shows the red cap and realizes that the red markers both have red caps and he's shocked as that is the best face he's emoted in this series. Damn; I am so good...because they are also holding hands. This would have been a lot more effective if Kick gave a remote damn about Kendell in a kissy-kissy way to begin with. Kendell gleefully blows off Kick for being jealous because she and Rolando found love. Hey; anyone who hates Kick is a-okay with a cherry on top with me. Kick grabs the sheet of paper and we see Rolando and Kendell as the king and queen of bland royality. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SLAP! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummmmmm.....Oh; and it's a love jackhammer for good measure. Happy Valentine's Day eh? Kick holds his mouth ready to vomit and he's runs away like a scalded dog. HAHA!
Rolando then accuses Kick of stealing his rods (I don't want to know what that involves) and Kick blows him off because he still thinks that they are part of the conspiracy and Kendell and Rolando look at each other shocked that they didn't think of that. HA! Oh; they jackhammer that one; but it's cute as Kick runs out stage left. I guess he vomited behind the door as we cut to Rolando reciting a love poem to Kendell using 1's and 0's which Kendell blows him off as the worst secret boyfriend ever. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there Kendell. So we see Kick walking in the hallway and here comes from the opposite hallway Principal Winkler and Mrs. Chickerelli walking in as they go over the bend and we know Kick is hiding in the trash can as Winkler is glad Mrs. Chickerelli is coming out of retirement to rein in Kick. Okay; it's clear that it's Principal Winkler who framed Kick now since if he is going to expel Kick; why hire a teacher to home school Kick when home schooling involves the parent of the child teaching?! Anyhow; Kick pops from the trash can as the janitor comes in and throws the trash and Kick gets a rat on his helmet as the unmarked marker comes out of nowhere. Kick then notices red stuff all over the janitor's hands and Kick accuses him of framing him. I doubt that very seriously as the janitor gets a call from the transmitter as Henry wants the janitor to go to the A/V room to apparently break up Kendell/Rolando's kissy-kissy stuff (which I would like to see regardless of how perverse it sounds.). The janitor leaves as Kick jumps out of the dumpster and proclaims that only Kick Buttowski can expel Kick Buttowski. I wish he would expel himself from television; but I know that won't happen.
So we head to Fritiz's class as the Kick Buttowski inflatable dummy is still outemoting Kick by a mile. So a bee lands on the helmet and takes that stinger and shines it up real good; sticks that sombitch sideway and sticks it down that candy helmet. Gunther gasps as the dummy farts much to Fritz's disdain. The dummy then bounces and hits the ceiling and then goes at a 45 degree angle through the conviently opened window as Fritiz sells it as him needing the rest room. Do the kids put IQ reducing pills in her coffee before class starts?! Anyhow; we head to the A/V Room as the janitor looks out (which doesn't help his case at all since he forgot to wipe the red stuff from his hands) as he goes over to the glass case and opens it as they contain Rolando's preztel rods. Well; at least Kick can take solace that it's not Winkler framing him for eating Rolando's goodies. I have no idea who is voicing the janitor so don't ask. Anyhow; Kick calls BUSTED and appears slamming the door shut and locking them in. The janitor plays for a while and then confesses that he did it after all and stole the rods. See; he is a railroad spike in his side and he wanted Kick expelled. Kick proclaims that he caught the janitor red-handed. So the janitor sprays the out of nowhere Ferbreeze on his hands to wipe them clean. Yeah; it breaks logic, but I hate Kick so who cares?! The janitor proclaims that he has no proof at all; but Kick invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH as the janitor turns around and we see that the video camera was on all this time. Well; I have been proven wrong again as Kick actually got a decent plan through for a change. Kick grabs the camera and tripod and runs out of the door remembering to push the tripod into the janitor for good measure.
Bad bumping off-screen ensues as we see Kick running in the hallways with the camera in his pocket which seems to have gain Eleroo powers now. Kick runs into the men's bathroom as the janitor kicks the door down Mister T style. I see Kevin Sullivan is story editing this short we the janitor stalks Kick as Kick hangs himself like a piece of meat on the washroom hook. Okay; the janitor is supposed to be Janitor Roberson as he kicks the washroom stalls and nearly squashes Kick in the process. Would have been more effective if the helmet didn't deflect the damage. The screw drops and clangs onto the floor as Roberson gets the LIGHT BLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY. So Roberson gets the FCC FRIENDLY PLUNGER OF DOOM as Kick wedges himself inbetween the doors and slams the door shut. He jumps down and somehow that knocks the janitor down as Kick magically appears in front of him. That is the most absurd jump cut I have ever seen to date in DTVA. We get dodging as the plunger misses by a mile and then he somehow finds about eight of them which hit better. Yeah; this is breaking logic; what a surprise?! That then leads to the plunger sword fight which makes the golden needle of softs fight in Mind Your Cheese's & Q's look badass. Kick jumps and plunger gets stuck and we get the slingshot whiplash effect on Roberson's face of course. Roberson gets the plunger unstuck and we get the water gusher spot as Roberson tries the hands and duct tape; but no dice. When is he going to realize that duct tape doesn't work well on ducts? So we see Kick run out of the bathroom with Roberson in tow. I betcha that ball of tape never gets mentioned again.
We then see Kick gets into the janitor's yellow bucket and he uses the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM to row the boat as Roberson uses the buffing machine of doom to give chase. So we have turned into Not Without My Cereal now. Kick goes down the stairs as Roberson gets bopped by the locker doors opening out of nowhere and going the same place as a exercise kid panics and bails. Whatever. And the marching band gets involved along with paper towel of course. Oh; and the green dressed cheerleaders; cannot forget that as we get another big logic break as Roberson thinks he's safe and he manages to pull the Spongebob Trick and knock over the cheerleaders. Where is BS&P when you really need them?! Chalkboard with arrow gets destroyed creating a makeshift heart which I guess is for Rolando and Kendell in detention after their bland kissy-kissy stuff in the A/V room. We then see the sink overflowing with water as Kick races with the yellow bucket. Yeah; I know all this incriminates Kick but it's not like the adults will notice since that would get them over and adults in the new Disney never get over because they leech heat off of the kids they are trying to get over. So we REPEAT THE SHOT of the bell ringing as everyone goes to the locker and Gunther rips out a locker door and creates a makeshift ramp for Kick as he ramps up and remembers to slap Gunther's hand on the way up. How charming? Not! We gets the Powerpuff Girls Super Slow Motion as time is nearing 3:00 pm as Kick bounces on his ass and the camera bounces into Rolando's hand. Rolando calls him a thief as Kick wants the camera back because it contains evidence of his innocence as Rolando wants to erase it. Yes! Yes! DO IT FOR THE GOOD OF DTVA DAMMIT!
It's payback for him stealing his rods as Kick claims that the tape shows evidence on who stole them and we hear Henry Winkler with Mrs. Chickerellli as she will handle the paperwork from now on as Kick is done for as Kick points the finger at Roberson and Roberson is still riding on the buffing machine. Roberson proclaims he's innocent and then we hear his voice echo confess as Rolando rolls in with the video tape and television. Roberson is so BUSTED! I see both the VCR and television are wireless too. My respect for Rolando goes down about two notches after that one. Everyone realizes Kick didn't do it as Gunther is still dancing like crazy. Just let him freakin pee already guys. Kick thanks Rolando for that one as Rolando proclaims that he doesn't like Kick; but no one messes with his pretzel rods. I beg to differ as Henry Winkler points to Roberson for this and Roberson begs for mercy. I betcha Gunther opens the door and we get the water flood of doom. I check the Youtube video....Not quite as we flashback to various moments which just make Roberson sound more like Monty by the moment. Wrestling gators. Yeah right?! Kick admits that Roberson is really good now after all the cleanups and Roberson is surprised by this defense. Henry Winkler has the plunger and he fires Roberson as Kick wants him to reconsider because he is at fault for pushing him over the edge; and it's less paperwork as Winkler sells it. So much for school justice. Well; at least for 10 seconds; Kick was likable.
Winkler orders everyone back to class; except for the band playing the whole time in that sequence as they go back to band practice as the band is not happy with that. What a prick this Herny Winkler fellow is? Gunther has the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS as he dances some more holding his manhood as Kick snaps his fingers and that's enough for Gunther to get it and run stage right. Thank goodness for that; as Henry Winkler threatens to fire him if one more mess happens. Roberson promises that the place will be squeaky clean...and damn I'm so good as the whole school is flooded with water. Oh and the marching band tuba player does the toilet flush spot with the toilet paper. Whatever. Roberson is screwed as he proclaims that it starts now. Winkler is not amused as we see Kick rowing his boat with a bucket and the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM as he searches for a bathroom. We then see Gunther in the flooded hallway laying down asleep as he proclaims that he found it to end the episode at 10:23. Much better than Kick The Habit thanks to Rolando being game for love. No, not really. It's just that it's because there was better continuity and Kick seemed threatened for a change. Good finish and ending too. *** 3/4 (75%).
Opening Moment #2: The title card is an almost complete rib on Deadman's Drop's title card only with the TAKE TWO CLIPBOARD OF DEATH. It was lame ass originally and this one is even lamer ass now.
And....Action!: We begin this one in the most lame ass magical world in history with a rainbow and a unicorn. We then head into the dining room as three princesses (one African American dressed in purple) are having tea. Tina is the blond princess and she also has a white cat natch. Tina is proud to have the most cynical friends in the whole wide world as the walls crumble and out comes the NINJAS OF DOOM. Anyone who thinks everything is better than ninjas should watch this episode and have their minds changed forever. Damn; even the magical world buildings are NOT UP TO CODE. They are the girly girl ninjas as the African American and red haired princess bail on Tina (some friends huh?!) as Tina rips off her clothes and she's now a superhero. So Nightflight's view of BS&P in Disney is perfectly true after all and this is a prime example of it. She throws the TIARA OF SILVER DEATH and the ninja PJ's come off to reveal underwear. They actually get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as she's Tina Sometimes. I guess Tina Everytimes is trademarked as one of the ninja's shake in fear. Whatever; this is so Z-Grade that it's not funny.
So Tina jumps in and I see Sandro Corsaro had Fairly Oddparents as the last disc in the DVD because we get the Sometimes Chop. Oh goody; we get the female version of the Kick Vs. Brad from Deadman's Drop; only more absurd. Wait; four ninjas?! Weren't there just three ninja's knocked out? Anyhow, Tina calls for her white cat (who is addressed as Miss Hammershot. WHAT THE HELL?) and it shoots laser beans from it's eyes complete with Fairly Oddparents jackhammering. Yeah; a cat that shoots laser beams from her eyes, that's drole. Seriously; that actually is funny. The ninjas bail (and we are back to three ninjas again) as Tina puts on her helmet of love and it's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE NINJA EDITION~! Complete with skiing I might add as the unicorn joins in the chase. Damn; I knew that would get used as some point. The ninjas ski over a cliff and then freefall and bring out the parachutes which are black of course.
We then see Tina on the unicorn galloping as she stands up and then the vainglorious bastard's voice beckons blowing off the whole thing for what it is: Z-Grade kiddie fare as Brianna blows him off for ruining it. My respect for Brianna just fell a notch. I mean; she's watching this crap?! Tina jumps down, ties up the villains in mid-air and uses the jet boots of stupidity to call Sometimes bitch on the ninjas. I would love Kick to be watching a wrestling show in any arena in the wrestling world; just to explain how wrestling is fake. That would be FUN to listen too and I mean that in the nicest possible way. The canned heat is obvious even Kick sees through it. Memo to Z-Grade movies: When you need a heat machine to get a reaction to your movie; your movie sucks. Gunther claims that it sounds real to him and he gets the CANNED HEAT OF LAUGHS. Sorry; but the wrestling fan sobbing "IT'S REAL TO ME DAMMIT!" during a roundtable on wrestling with Jim Cornette and Boddy Eaton cannot be topped. Don't even try it Gunther; you'll thank me for it.
Anyhow; Kick _kicks_ up his unlikeness by about three notches by claiming that no girl could do that solo. So not only is Kick Buttowski a sexist; he's a hypocrite. Doesn't that contradict what happened in Trike TX-5 too?! Harold and Denise blow him off as Harold has the popcorn bowl and Kick won't bite; so Brad blows him off and high fives Harold with his sparkle until next week comment. HAHA! He should gouge Mr. Dillweed's eyes out too; that would actually turn Brad heel and give him heel heat. Sadly; BS&P won't let him of course. Kick claims that he feels dirty. Join the club bitch! I feel dirty not only ranting on this show and Fish Hooks; but feel dirty to discover that they don't suck as bad as Steet claims they do. So we head to Deadman's Drop with Kick and skateboard and Gunther without a hope in hell of making Kick likable. Gunther replaces the wheels on the skateboard as he thinks Tina Sometimes is cute. Doesn't that mean that she's sometimes cute and sometimes ugly?! See; the joke is too obvious. Then again; I thought Henry Winkler framed Kick Buttowski in Frame Story, so I'm the one to talk.
Kick proclaims that he cannot undo the horror in seeing a Z-grade princess movie; but he'll crash it out of his system as he races down the bunny hill. I'm supposed to take him seriously as a stuntman when I've seen Kit Cloudkicker nearly get shot in the head by the Air Pirates in canon? Then a purple ATV speeds past Kick and Kick takes this as a dare. Oh this doesn't sound contrived in the very least no siree?! Kick jumps in front of the motorcross stunt double of Tina Sometimes and we race and dodge trees and jump off the dirt ramp. Slow motion greet and they bump and tumble down the hill despite making zero contact with each other. Wow; that power of suggestion is so....ummmm...powerful.
And then we jump cut to see them tumbling in a ball together. Geez; you think I was watching the Disney Afternoon episodes of Rescue Rangers or something. They crash into the camera despite not making contact with them and the FCC FRIENDLY DUSTCLOUD OF DOOM beckons complete with cat's meow. We then fade to black as a director yells cut and we return with the DOUBLE VISION OF DOOM being corrected (nice visual if nothing else) as the director (who seems to being wearing a white cape) asks if they are knocked out and Tina and Kick admit that they don't do such a thing. Kick doesn't do decency either so Tina wins by default. Kick calls it a nice line and Kick realizes that it's Tina Sometimes and he needs something to gouge his eyes. I need something to gouge his voice box for such terrible acting. Geez; how contrived can you get? Tina then proclaims that she's her stunt double and Kick turns around and yells badly..which logically leads to Brianna's room as Brianna is playing with a bear and Tina doll and she hears Kick's yelling. She doesn't give a damn of course and plays on. My respect for her goes up one notch.
So we return to the set as Kick is surprised that there is a girl stunt double and the girl reveals herself as Scarlett Rosetta. Okay; that's a kick ass name. Kick introduces himself and Gunther runs in to introduce himself despite having no reason whatsoever other than to get steet's goat I guess. Kick looks and Gunther claims that it's just Gunther and we get the CANNED HEAT OF LAUGHS again. Whatever Gunther; it doesn't work because Magunason is your last name. I probably spelt it wrong; but close enough. At least I was willing to do the research instead of Maxie Zeus. Gunther talks about being in Mellowbrook being a concidence and the heat machine is still on. Sorry; but this wasn't funny in Scooby Doo Where Are You; so it isn't funny now. The director proclaims that he's filming because there is only one Deadman's Drop and Scarlett states that they are changing it to Girly Girl Falls. Yeah; because apparently you cannot say dead in a Z-Grade kiddy movie. If only that last statement were true. Kick claims that Deadman's Drop is better which I laugh out loud. This makes me want to make the Cloudkicker Zombie rise from the grave and eat Kick's brains. Scarlett proclaims that they'll fix it in post-production as we see a computer lady changing Deadman's Drop into a rainbow mess. HAHA! That improves the bunny hill right there. I like this Tina Sometimes character. When the star of the television show sucks more than the Z-Grade madeup characters; you are hosed.
We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick shakes in fear thinking that this is enternal punishment for being awesome. Not really Kick; it's more like enternal punishment for ABUSING the WORD awesome. At least Kick hasn't stomped on Kit's corpse like Quack Pack Huey Duck did in Feats of Clay....yet. Scarlett blows him off and then undresses to reveal....a hot red haired chick and Kick is SHOCKED. IN YOUR FACE YOU ROTTEN SEXIST~! She even dresses classy so you know she is awesome complete with knee socks, yellow shorts and green sweater. Wait; that almost sounds like the female version of Kit Cloudkicker. Kick is screwed as Scarlett exits stage left to continue work. Kick looks screwed as Gunther proclaims that it's operation get a date with Tina Sometimes while thinking of a shorter name for the operator. Whatever Gunther. I see the heat machine is STILL on too. So we do the anime pan over to the cliff of Dead Man's Drop as the real Tina Sometimes is signing autographs from girl fans dressed up as fairies. This has to be some rib on Disney Princesses and the Anti-Disney movement. Too bad the ADM doesn't give a crap anymore since the show has no heat for anyone to complain. Fish Hooks on the other hand.....We then see Gunther zoom in from the left side as he tries his CANNOT SUCCEED ROUTINE EVEN IF HE TURNS INTO A RABID DOG to suduce her. Tina blows it off and walks off as the heat machine is still on. Man; this is turning into a WCW 2000 Pay Per View show now. Gunther thinks that she likes him. She likes you alright. She likes you to die an ugly death Gunther.
So we get the Tina Sometimes scene changer (which is almost a rib on the Totally Spies scene changer I should note) as we see a runaway train chugging towards the tracks as we see Tina Sometimes tied to the train tracks. Of all the BS&P decisions I have ever seen; they ALLOWED THAT ONE?! The most sexist spot in the world?! Tina manages to untie her arm and brings out the LIPSTICK LASER OF DOOM. The director yells cut and wants the stunt double. Okay; here's the problem: Tina should just roll on an angle and roll off the tracks since her arm was loose. Anyhow; her acting is B-Grade at best as we zoom out seeing Kick and Gunther watching Tina.
Scarlett hears the train bells ring as she puts the hairdoo on and walks in and they replace the tied up rope which stays perfectly intact. Then we get the TAKE TWO CLIPBOARD OF DEATH and we are off to suck Z Grade style as Scarlett cuts the ropes with the laser beam lipstick and then jumps and skateboards on top of the train. At least one fanfic writer has already wrote this spot for Kit; so color me unimpressed. The effort is there though. She drops down on her ass with the crappy star bump and the director yells cut and we bring in Tina Sometimes as she praises the skateboard and lipstick laser. Whatever. The director calls it a wrap and the entire Tina Sometimes fanbase runs in (about five of them) as I discover that at least two of them are boys dressed as fairies. Yeap; this is a rib on the Anti Disney Movement and it fails badly. How badly? The same type of epic failure in HD for Deadmans Drop. The episode; not the bunny hill. One of fans asks how she does it and Tina claims she's born with it and Kick is SHOCKED and APPALLED. Kick goes over to Scarlett and proclaims that she is the real deal and it was her train. Kick does the double devil pose and calls it awesome for a girl. I see he has Huey cooties too.
Scarlett proclaims that she's only playing someone else as a fan wants an autograph; but realizes that it's not Tina, blows her off and walks out. Kick shows it as proof that no one knows who she is. Scarlett isn't so sure about Kick's reputation as we flashback to Kick skateboarding in the libaray (as the libarian has apparently got 30 years YOUNGER since last time), the sidewalk cafe and the street doing whirlwind spots and the adults all pump their fists in outrage over Kick Buttowski doing whirlwind spots on them. HAHA! We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick proclaims that he didn't say that he was liked and he's going to make them notice her because she's not a nobody. So we go to the scene changer as we see Kick handling a rebel skating helmet and paints a red S on it. Scarlett puts the helmet on and I don't see how Scarlett is ugly. She looks awesome to me. I guess I like red heads which partially explains why I like Gosalyn and Anne Shirley. So we get the bad rock music as Scarlett and Kick do the double bicycle routine down Widowmaker's Peak.
And then we REPEAT THE FLASHBACK only with Scarlett yell this time; then it's double slurpping on the Giant Ass container of Cheetah Chug in the cafe and then more REPEAT THE FLASHBACK. Then just to make the series even more absurd; we see Kick and Scarlett walk skiing on lava near a volcano. WHAT THE HELL?! So now we are bringing the finish to Dances With Bigfoot into this episode? Do I have to once again remind these sadist machoists about the last time someone tried that crap?! We REPEAT THE FLASHBACK and then we see Scarlett and Kick jump out of a plane and parachute. Sorry; Kick, you are still not stomping on Kit's corpse. You have to cloudsurf and dress in a green sweater and baseball cap to do that and your ego won't let you because you like being Super Dave Osborne despite him being as fake as Tina Sometimes; only he's actually funny. Needless to say; they get tied up and freefalls taking the wussy bumps WITH CHEESE AND BACON on the ground. Who do they think they are, The Cake from Destiny Rides Again?!
So we get the scene changer as we see Kick and Scarlett walking and Scarlett gets noticed by the onlooking citizens of Mellowbrook. Kick shows this as evidence that she is good. Scarlett thanks Kick for the help and walks off stage left as Kick looks at his watch and proclaims that it's his good deed of the season. In a perverse way; Kick was tolerable and it shows that he can tone the unlikeness down a notch when he's letting others get over on their own. Scarlett is a good example of this. So we go to the scene changer as Kick is on his scooter as he makes it to his house. He drops off and Brianna blitzes him and shoves him. If this is revenge for him destroying her lemonade stand in Kick The Habit; then I say KICK HIS ASS Brianna! Sadly; I discover that it's not as she does the Dale bonk on the head and she no sells the fact that she bonks the helmet; but Kick sells getting hit. Explain THAT one kids?! Kick asks what the hell is wrong with her and Brianna proclaims that Tina stunt double quit and the shoot is over and the show might be cancelled. Kick sees it as a sign of justice and I AGREE with him.
See; Brianna claims Kick made Scarlett quit which is absurd since Kick only merely wanted people to notice Scarlett's abilities and Kick didn't ASK her to quit the shoot. Wow; it took Brianna being a bitch to make Kick likable; I think Sandara finally found the formula here. See Tina cannot blink without a stunt double as we flashback to Tina not blinking in her dressing room. Funny since she knows how to ACT. I call logic break here folks. We return to reality (no, not really) as Brianna threatens Kick to get things back to normal as her fat bouncer fairy friend crushes Kick's scooter for a warning. Riiiiiggggghhhttttt. Kick blows it off because the world is better without that stupid show. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Kick? So Brianna doubles the fairy power and they have wands. Ooooooooooo, scary. NOT! Kick sells anyway and it's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE FAIRY EDITION! I cannot take this seriously even if I tried. I don't like Kick; but Brianna is really being a moron here. Almost Kim Possible fan like to be honest. Thankfully; Kick hides in the USA mailbox to foil the moronic fairies.
So we head to Widowmaker's Peak as we cut to the peak to see Scarlett with her skateboard as Kick wheels in and Kick asks why she quit the shoot. Scarlett claims that she's her own person and she skates down as Kick is discovered by the fairy mob. We go to Mac's Donuts and the swimming pool as we break logic with Kick and Scarlett on top as Kick pleads for her to come back and Scarlett no sells and skates off just as Kick gets discovered by the mob. Memo to Brianna: You are stalking Kick now and you are also stealing Whackie Jackie's gimmick. So we head to the Battlesnax with Kick and Gunther (wearing the CHL mustache) sitting in the table as Kick notices Scarlett skateboarding outside. Kick asks Gunther about why he's wearing the mustache and Gunther proclaims that he's showing his romanatic side. If Tina Sometimes was a former CHL hockey player; this would be funny. Since she's not; he's hosed. Oh; did I mention that the heat machine is still on? WILL SOMEONE TURN THAT DANG THING OFF?! Gunther proclaims that you need to do stuff you don't like and Kick gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and calls Gunther a genius. Gunther then blows himself off with a bad accent and then his head explodes. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Did Gunther watch Fish Sleepover Party or something?! You wish you were Clamantha Gunther. And you know what is still on.
So we fade to black and return with the melodramatic dressing of Kick as Tina Sometimes. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. The writers of this series finally understand that at least. He throws sparkles and then we go to the scene changer as we get the TAKE 2 CLIPBOARD OF DOOM and we go to action as we see Kick do flips over the train and then lands on his ass with a girly bump. HAHA! The director calls for the real Tina Sometimes and she strikes a girly pose. The director calls for a cut and the fairy fans come in for moral support as the director tells them to head to Deadman's Drop for the final scene. So we get the scene changer as we see Tina Buttowski puffing his fake hair with skateboard ready as Scarlett comes in and blows him off for committing the Broken Aseop. She's got a point as Kick states that he did it to be able to do stunts as the show is still on and the fairy mob is HAPPY as Brianna and her fairy fans cheer for victory and/or Kick's death. It's hard to tell actually. Kick points out Scarlett's moral that sometimes it's better to be someone else as Scarlett refuses to let him do the stunt because he's too short. Kick blows it off because post-production will take care of it. Kick then thinks she's jealous because he's better than her. Riiiiiggggghhhhhtttt Kick. In your dreams and in my nightmares dear sir; in reality; you are an ass.
Kick skateboards down Deadman's Drop and Scarlett puts the helmet and follows him because she hates being shown up. Scarlett skateboards beside him and asks who the hell he thinks he is and then we see the obvious POST-PRODUCTION OF DOOM as Kick magically transforms into Tina Sometimes. Whatever guys. Scarlett changes wardrobe with an ultra awesome black outfit as the hill is fixed in post-production. Nice to see someone in continuity notice that. And we jackhammer Tina Sometimes into a title card and the announcer sezs it. In the ADD era; it's not enough to show the words, you have to say it. You cannot spell jackhammer without hammer you know as Scarlett Letter gets jackhammered and it's already a million times cooler. Which isn't saying much actually. I'll take whatever I can get. They both race off the ramp and Tina blows off Scarlett and does the rainbow parachute while Scarlett uses the ROCKET BOOTS OF STUPIDTY as Scarlett makes it to Tina and we freeze frame a to be continued in there as the narrator asks if Tina can live on. Short answer: Yes, because it's scripted and moron fairies rock in the new Disney see. POW! OUCH! Ummm.....
We zoom out as we see the entire Tina Sometimes fanbase on the couch cheering for Tina to win; or Kick to get his ass kicked by Scarlett. Again; it's hard to tell at this point. We then see Scarlett and Kick in body casts in the hospital exchanging notes about crashing into the camera and cutting it in post-production. So we flashback to them colliding into each other and making contact better as they tumble down the hill and basically make zero contact with the crew; but the FCC POWER OF SUGGESTION allows us to return back to reality (no, not really). Kick asks who will be Tina's stunt double and Scarlett claims that it's a short guy with a wig. Which so happens to be the emo kid dressed up as Tina Sometimes who gets MURDERED with the football in the face and does a faceplant. Whatever guys.
Kick asks Scarlett about coming back and Scarlett no sells because she does the damage and then gets out. She is my type of gal as Kick proclaims that there is one thing left to do as we cut to the sign of Deadman's Drop and we see Kick and Scarlett skateboarding with the hospital beds down the bunny hill. Whatever guys. We freeze frame and fade to black....and we return with Tina Sometimes standing on ground as CHL Gunther comes in (with the DOUBLE GRAPE SLURPEE OF DEATH) and asks for a date. Tina actually sells it for about two seconds because even with dating she has a stand in who happens to be a fat butch man cross dressing. Ummm; yeah. Even the straws go limp which indicates Gunther's future sex life in a nut shell. The mustache goes limp as the announce proclaim that is their Gunther (EWWWWWWWW!) as the heat machine pops to end the episode and Season One at 10:00. One of the better clustermucks I have seen and that's saying something all things considered. Although my respect for Brianna went down a notch. *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; the redo of Kick The Habit Frame Story turned out for the better simply because it couldn't be any worse. I have to admit; I didn't think it would be straight up the janitor and I felt that they would go for the surprise and have Herny Winkler as the person behind it because that would have funnier and really put the short into awesome rather than just below that. The Rolando/Kendell love in was decent and Kick actually didn't offend me once in this short. In fact; the finish involving him defending the janitor was pretty impressive. It's tough; but for once Kick Buttowski was completely watchable. Gunther's class level was down two notches; but it didn't go overboard and Winkler was pretty funny. So in other words; a pretty enjoyable short outside of the usual logic breaks and dumb antics.
Well; we end season one of Kick Buttowski on a high note with a pretty cute mess of a short in And...Action! It's sad to see that it takes making Brianna unlikable to make Kick likable because really it's not Kick's fault that Scarlett quit the shoot; she made that decision herself. It's great to see that the writers have finally got the knack of paying off their jokes and giving us respectable finishes instead of the usual stupidity they usually write. Sadly; the episode is tainted with logic breaks, over the top jack-hammering and Gunther's attempts to get a date while having a heat machine on were just not catching. So overall; it's a middling short and not much more. I really can't say anything more.
So we end Season One of Kick Buttowski and with the exception of this short; Kick is still unlikable but the show itself is pretty tolerable once they tone down the gross out humor of Gunther and were forced by BS&P to actually write a quality script. Sometimes it works well; most so when Jackie is around; or when Brianna is screwing Kick good. Sometimes it fails like the BSOD episode Exposed and the first five of six shorts of the series. However; I think this show just how clouded judgements can be when they are forced to actually WATCH the show and it turns out to be half decent instead of downright crappy. That's not to say that all shows are good; in fact most are still terrible. However; as I saw with this show, this show is somewhat different once you actually watch it. Some of the bad elements that were claimed are justified; but it's not 100% terrible. And let's not forget that everyone had a love in with Rescue Rangers; yet when you actually watch the show; the show's bad elements show up (Aussie Stereotype, Wang Films Animation, Gadget more persona non-grata than expected, did I mention Monty?) and those good memories aren't so good.
So I can understand why some fans hated Maxie Zeus' review. I think Maxie Zeus got dealt a bad hand since three of the four shorts he saw were among the worst of the series and the burden was on DISNEY to prove that the series didn't suck; not Maxie Zeus and so Maxie Zeus wrote it off. To blame Maxie for writing such a negative review is a huge mistake because that shifts the burden to the viewer (who is a customer; although considering the lifestyle of video game reviewers, I'm not so sure about them) when it's DISNEY's burden to convince Maxie otherwise. Disney produced the show; not Maxie Zeus. Now you can blast Maxie Zeus for the comment on DTVA checking the corpse of Walt Disney since that comment was uncalled for; but the rest of the review was dead on for the shorts that he reviewed. The review also did nothing to ruin the short as the ratings were good by Disney XD standards and it is getting a second season. So all in all; it served it's purpose.
Now if Kick can get past the Johnny Test syndrome forever; he can be a star otherwise, Kick Buttowski will be nothing more than a plucky little series that will be overshadowed by better emoting and more interesting Fish Hooks series. Kind of like TaleSpin was overshadowed by Ducktales and Rescue Rangers, although that was more due to Disney's refusal to put the series over as "We are Disney" and focused on bashing Bugs Bunny just because Disney couldn't get true comedy series over and Michael Eisner wanted to be "We are Warner Brothers". Take one guess how that went. Anyhow; Citizen Khan and Gruel & Unusual Punishment comes this weekend and Citizen Khan is one of the few TaleSpin episodes I actually dread ranting on. Then from there; it's the final two shorts of Fish Hooks: Happy Birthday Jocktopus and Bea Becomes An Adult Fish and that's it until Christmas Eve when I'll be re-ranting on the best Disney Christmas Special Everah~! So.....
Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you next time.
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