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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil

Clean...To The Extreme/Stand & Delivery Rant

Reviewed: 12/22/2011

As Clean As Dave The Barbarian?! Riiiiggggghhhhtttttt!

Welcome kiddies to season 2 of the vainglorious bastard's own show. YAY! Oh wait; I mean D'OH! Unlike Fish Hooks; which other than the official start of Season 2, is completely up to date, I'm continuing where I left off. I'm not sure about these two shorts, so I'm ready for anything, including Kick's ability to act like an ugly version of Johnny Test. So let's continue on shall we...?

Clean....To The Extreme is written by Patrick Andrew O'Connor. The storyboards are done by Bob Camp and Troy Adomitis with direction done by Chris Savino. Stand & Delivery is written by Derek Dressler, storyboards done by Scott O'Brien and direction done by Chris Savino. All episodes are done in Flash of course.

Opening Moment #1: The title card is a shiny episode title in red letters. Simple, but effective. The Extreme: We begin this one at Kick's house as the front yard and street are a mess. We see Kick on the picnic table apparently about to do the dumbest bungie jumping stunt ever. Kick apparently wants a three pointer and he runs and bounces off the trampoline as the background turns into cheese and crimson just like the opening. I'm guessing the stylist wanted to force the point on the chessiness of this stunt. Sadly; the bungie cord grows a mind of it's own and springs back Kick; allowing him to rip his suit and fly into the tree. Kick gets wedgied and once again he's naked as a jaybird with his ass showing. This is exactly why I cannot take the police force seriously when they call sex texting child pornography. Trust me officer; they were texting photographs of Kick's ass, not themselves. Kick is watching from a window as we see Denise on the couch watching television. Apparently; there is a major traffic jam in Mellowbrook involving a mat truck that is delievering the loop-de-loop of whatever lacerations and it broke down. Kick of course repeats what he said because the audience has ADHD and cannot get the joke. Memo to writers: They would get it if you talked SLOWER. The announcer shows some footage and history of the famous stunt done by Dirtbike Mike which failed on the third turn due to the crushing G-forces. Wait; so hamster's screwed up his ride. That is so bogus dude! Kick is giddy about this and since the tree branch had it's daily allowance of vainglorious bastardy; the branch breaks and Kick falls into the trashcan. And the cat gets involved off-screen of course much to Denise's surprise.

So we head to Gunther's house and then to the basement as Gunther is cleaning and gets bowled over by Mr. Vainglorious himself. Gunther is covered in snoot while Kick balances on a broom. Whatever Kick. They exchange notes on the loop-de-loop of lacerations and Gunther doesn't like the term we. Kick claims that he needs Gunther's help on this one and they run to leave; but Gunther stops. Why? Gunther remembers that he has to clean the garage so that Magnus can have his Yak Lodge Meeting. Kick doesn't like it; but Gunther insists he has to clean the lodge since it has to be in perfect balance for their favorite sport which is foosball which we saw the table on the first shot. Anyhow; we get the FLASHBACK OF DOOM to waste some more time as Gunther explains the tradition of foosball; only back then they used humans as the players while using a rock for the ball. Okay; that was cute as we return to reality (no, not really) as Gunther sweeps away while putting his viking helmet on because a viking's tradition comes first. Kick grabs him and claims to do it his way so it goes faster. Gunther doesn't seem to mind this as we scene change and we hit the montage. This involves duct tape, sponges and a leaf blower. And Gunther ducking for his life of course. Tornado in the garage ensues allowing Gunther to plop outside in the process. Gunther turns around and Kick is done with a smug smile on his face and it's clean to the extreme BABEE! Kick leans on the foosball table and it crumbles to bit. You know you are screwed when THAT happens.

Gunther is mad and panics because he'll become a trophy himself if they find out that the foosball table is broken which is shown in the dream sequence. Actually; Gunther looks a lot cutier as a trophy head. Certainly keeps the moose heads company; that's for sure. Gunther screams and sobs like a baby. Kick points at him and admits that it's his fault. Kick? Admitting guilt? WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?! Kick suggests going to the store to buy a new foosball table. Gunther likes it; but remembers that Magnus will return in two hours. Kick tells him not to worry since they are riding with a chair and a leaf blower for this time. Gunther loves it and they use the leaf blower to blow away stage right. So we scene change to a store called Bed, Bath & Barbarians, because a foosball table is only sold in an Old Country stereotype store; not an ordinary store. And even in the present, vikings are as capable of leaving their lights on as normal humans. Good to know as we head inside and see Kick and Gunther in the Foosball section as the thin store clerk with glasses and the yak hat on telling them that the cheapest foosball table is $100. Gunther backplants of course just because he's Gunther. Kick checks his suit for money and has only $20 of course. The clerk blows him off and leaves as Gunther gets up and runs like a baby saying that they need $40. Kick informs him that it's $80 and Gunther runs around and backplants himself again. Kick ponders it over and has a Krackpotkin plan....

So we head to Brianna's room (you just knew it would be her since Kick mentions the phase "I want" which is her catchphrase.) and Kick and Brianna are having a tea party. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Too bad; Kit being a seal is still funnier. Although Gunther does up the class level a notch by pouring the tea for Kick. Brianna calls it standard protocol for being in her room, but Brianna will only fork over the money if she gets a hot tub for her next pagent. Kick isn't amused; but that is convenient since we segue to Mr. Vickie's lawn as Mr. Vickie agrees to let her use the hot long as they can unclog the bottom of it and find the cause of it to boot. And man; that hot tub is like a sewer, a moral sewer. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We also hear on the conveniently placed radio that the truck carrying the loop-de-loop for only 15 lacerations will be getting help to get out of town very soon as help is on the way. So we continue in the hot tub as Kick has his scuba gear on and he rises up admitting that he cannot reach the clog. He needs someone who has long arms and no muscle form whatsoever. Which we segue to Brad's room as Brad is in his boxer shorts pumping iron and not doing a good job selling the struggle. Brad naturally refuses to help because he's going to the mall and Burger On A Stick to put the hots on another girl which we also see in the dream sequence. Whatever Brad. He only got a mustard packet out of the deal as usual (shown with the mustard packets in the box). Kick points out that Brad isn't going because his tire has a flat (which we never see) and Brad is in shock. Kick has a deal...

...and we segue to the Mellowbrook Mall and inside the hallway as Brad fails once again to get the girl's number. HA! Kick doesn't care and wants Brad to help him with the hot tub; but Brad invokes the Gruffi pose and no sells because he wants the girls number. So Kick has another idea and Gunther rips off his clothes to reveal a cool ice blue suit, bowtie, white shoes and yellow hair. Ooookkkaaayyy; I think Magnus needs to have the heart to heart talk with Gunther right now. Gunther walks off; the girl giggles and Gunther returns with a pink slip with the phone number; telling Brad to call between 6 pm-8 pm. Gunther got a burger on a stick by the way and eats this as girls find him irresistable (as per in Rank of Awesome), a blessing and a curse. Kick got the digits and now Brad must help him. So we segue to Brad trying to get the hot tub unclog and he almost gets sucked in the process. Thankfully; Kick has the conveniently placed skipping rope to lash onto Brad and we tug for a while as Brad screams that they are pulling his arm off. Finally; they manage to get the hot tub unclogged as there is a violet piece of cloth on Brad's arm which has sewer sludge on it and Brad screams to get it off. He throws the purple cloth in Kick's face and Kick does a much better job selling the shot too. Kick, Brad and Gunther survey the thing and it's purple stained underwear and they scream like mad and bail. Sorry; I don't get the point of this at all so let's move on....

...Brianna is in the hottub; but there are no bubbles as Mr. Vickie admits that he didn't pay the bubble bill. D'OH! Brianna proclaims no deal if there is no bubbles. Gunther panics and runs away stage left of course. Kick ponders what to do; and then he sees his saving grace as there is a tree of lingonberries in the yard. Oh damn; I just knew they would be involved somehow. So we scene change to Brianna enjoying her bubble bath in the hottub while Gunther eats ligonberries in the hot tub and farts like mad. Well; at least the farting served a purpose this time instead of being a mere fart joke. You got to admit that at least. So we do a bubble segue to the Bed, Bath and Barbarian shop as we head inside and instead of Brianna giving Kick $80 as a reward; she screams in the clerks face like a gorillia and the clerk has had enough and offers the foosball table for $20; just to make it stop. Wait; I guess torture only applies to waterboarding. Kick gives him $20; and the clerk accepts. Kick leans on the foosball table as Brianna leaves; and now it's a matter of getting the table home in one piece. So we head outside as we use the leafblower and Kick thinks he's won...and then he smells something. Gunther smells with him and it's Magnus' car (which is white and normal for some odd reason) as it zooms past. Apparently; they are too late. Kick laughs it off because Magnus is stuck in the traffic jam. Wait; so if he's stuck in traffic, how did Kick and Gunther get through?! That's an obvious logic break if I ever saw one.

However; Gunther claims Kick doesn't know his dad as the car stops and Magnus is not happy to see this. So his posse in the car brings out the oars and they stroke OVER the traffic jam. HAHA! Good one Magnus as Gunther sobs that he's doomed. Kick claims to look at the bright side, the loop-de-loop of lacerations isn't going anywhere. And of course the truck starts up and slowly drives away as the announcer proclaims that it's going somewhere and not a moment too soon for the traffic; thus rendering Magnus' oar rowing completely pointless. Much like this episode. Kick decides to forget the stunt and Gunther is in shock to hear that one. Kick proclaims that it wasn't meant to be and he got Gunther into this mess and it's time to get him out of it. So Kick takes the wheels off the chair and attaches them to the foosball table and we have a race between Kick and Gunther on the foosball table in the sidewalk and Magnus' car on the street. Mangus's oar skills rock so much that they pass through the lights before they turn red and the traffic is blocked again. Gunther proclaims that it will take an act of Thor to win now; but Kick sees his saving grace as the red light manages to stop the truck with the loop-de-loop of lacerations. Oh snap! They use the twist knob to turn left and jump up the stairs and do an ollie and then grind on the rails with the wheel. They then land on the loop and here we go as Kick tells Gunther to go up front because Dirtbike Mike failed the stunt by not having enough weight to make it. Gunther proclaims that he was born for this moment and he gets up front. We get tears, wheels on fire, fugly faces and we rocket off into the air and where they land; do we really care?

They finally get in front as the viking chant foosball as the foosball table get in front of the car (which has gained a stop sign in the process) and they rocket into the garage and slam it shut. The car stops and the vikings get out and Mangus wants it opened up in the name of the Yaks. Gunther opens the door and the whole place is clean and the foosball table is there as Kick and Gunther are featherdusting. Magnus no sells the whole thing and proclaims that this isn't his foosball table. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE KICK BUTTOWSKI! Kick lies through his teeth and leans on it which allows the foosball table to crumble again. That makes no sense at all. The foosball table should have wheeled out; hit a tree and then crumble to pieces. Idiots! Gunther is seriously (insert swear word here) as Kick pops from the carnage in a dizzy and Magnus is parently pissed off now. So we scene change to Gunther and Kick exchanging notes as they become human plays in human foosball. HAHA! The soccerball is the goal as the vikings enjoy themselves. Kick proclaims that there is always the loop-de-loop. So we end with the television and in the kitchen of Dirtbike Mike who is eating breakfast cereal as the announcer in front of the footage of the loop-de-loop of lacerations proclaims that Kick succeeded where Dirtbike Mike failed and Mike spits milk into the television set like a fountain. HAHA! That ends the episode at 10:40 approx. Mostly dull; but the finish and ending were really good despite the gapping break in logic. ** 1/2 (50%).

Opening Moment #2: The title card is Kick Buttowski (without a face nor talent) on a skateboard with food and anime lines signalling movement. Okay; whatever guys.

Stand & Delivery: We begin this one with a shot of a castle AFTER HAPPY HOUR (After dark) as the narrator (who has the old country accent) narrates a trojan Dragon being wheeled in towards the castle. Someone's ugly finger rings the doorbell and we see a guard cleaning with a vacuum cleaner (!!!). Doesn't anyone writing this cartoon know how to do proper research? I guess not. Of course no one answers the doorbell; so the guard is forced to open the doors. Needless to say; anyone with a knack of history can guess what happens next. So we return to reality (no, not really) as we are in the Battlesnax and discover the narrator to be Bjorn (probably only the second time in this series that I have seen him) showing off his model Dragon boat to Gunther and Kick. Not so sweet guys. Bjron is off for vacation and he leaves and then returns wearing some flower necklaces and sunglasses as he rings the bell and wants service. Ah well; no one's perfect. Helga tells Gunther that he must take over duties for Bjron which is washing the dishes. Gunther whines about it; so Helga suggest gathering eggs from the Kraken as we see the outside of the cage containing the Kraken (helpfully labeled as such) who is screaming. Gunther decides to go into the kitchen and wash the dishes, asking for the rubber gloves. Yawn. Oh; and he's dishy now. Magnus comes in with "Delivery Guy Wanted" sign and Kick steals it because he wants to be the delivery guy. Well; he does Magnus a new foosball table; so I say give him the job. Magnus wants a fast delivery man because he delivers in 29 minutes or it's free. Kick asks why 29 minutes and Magnus screams about beating the competition. Okay; why not 25 minutes Magnus? Answer: BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT FAST~! Kick breaks the sign over his head proclaiming that no one is faster than him; and Gunther is trying to keep the dish tower from tumbling down and Kick manages to rush in and grab all the dishes easily in less than ten seconds. Which means Magnus puts a viking hat on Kick and he's the new delivery man.

More screaming ensues and Helga has the dead fish delivery with a bell ring. So Kick blows the Yak horn and does the chant and then leaves. Helga and Magnus are stunned; and then Kick comes back and grabs the basket since he forgot the order. So Helga puts the hourglass now and we see Kick outside riding on the skateboard. He makes it to the green house on the lane and it's Mr. Vickie's house as he races into the house, put the basket on Mr. Vickie's table and scoots off in one minute. Mr. Vickie takes one gulp on his meal and grunts. Then we cut back to the viking telephone ringing and Helga answers it and sets the timer. And then we repeat it again with Magnus and again some more as Kick blows the horn and delivers to some patrons including the cowboy clown, Wade as the cash register rings up like crazy. Kick returns to the Battlesnax and gives Magnus the money and tips as Kick runs down the patron's location and even noted the elevator was out of service due to flooding, with 26 minutes to spare. Gunther comes in with the clean dishes declaring that it's all done. So Helga proclaims that he still has to gather the eggs from the Kraken and Gunther bails back into the kitchen and shatters the plates on cue. Ho hum. Telephone rings again, and Helga answers it as she panics because she just spoke with the...wait for it...DARK ONE~! HEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Complete with martial arts zoom in as everyone panics, but Bjron who just wants service. Kick asks who is the dark one and they explain that the Dark One always gets his meals for free, is bad for business and Bjron never delivers on time for him. Bjron still wants service; and Kick swipes and tells them to relax. Then we get crowd noise and Kick proclaims that he said he'll deliver and that is that as he growls again. Kick walks out and Helga sets the hourglass.

So we head outside to Kick with his basket of food on his bicycle towards 289 Edison Ave, which is 12 minutes tops for Kick and he made it already to the gray house....and then his bicycle goes backwards for no reason whatsoever. Kick then notices that a magnet to the tree and jumps off and rushes forward again. If you cannot guess who is the "Dark One" you have no business reading this rant. Kick makes it to the door in about five minutes tops; and the door opens and the dark one arm grabs the food and proclaims that he gets it for free. After 17 minutes, yeah right. Kick bangs the door calling him a cheater (YAY!); so the dark one pushes a button and blows up his bicycle in the process and then mocks Kick before going back into the house. Kick wonder who this guy is. I don't; it's OBVIOUS who is behind this. So we head to the Battlesnax as Helga explains that he has been getting free food for six wolf moons; but Mangus tells them to relax since he orders only once a month. So a wolf moon is one month eh? Then the phone rings and Helga answers it and then has a really silly face on because it's the Dark One again with another order. Magnus panics as Kick grabs the phone and blows him off; but the Dark One counters in kind. Magnus and Helga play Scooby and Shaggy for a bit as they want to cancel the policy. Gunther is outside saying that they are vikings and Kick agrees with him that there must be a way. So we do it again as Kick rides the skateboard to Edison Ave this time; but Kick is forced to stop at a crosswalk and then he goes right; and another crosswalk has a stop hand. And then again, and again, and again. We discover that the Dark One is controlling the crossing lights as we get a shot of the house which pixelizes into a computer map as Kick makes it and he is screwed again as the Dark One takes his meals.

So we REPEAT THE CYCLE again as we see a dark hand pull the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and that sets the trains in front of the crossing. And this goes on for a long while. I think you can guess that he fails to make it in time here and we can move on. We also discover that the train is going in a circle thus an infinite loop. And we DO IT AGAIN! And Kick makes it to the door with 27 minutes to spare; but the robot grabs him because Kick broke logic since the route is 12 minutes tops. Nice to see someone was paying attention. And there are two robots who throw Kick around for a long while. 27 minutes long to be exact. I know this because they say so in red letters on a black background. Kick cuts his usual swear promo (you know which one) and we MUST CONTINUE THE PAIN~! This time Kick answers the phone near the house and takes the pot pie out of the oven literally. WHAT?! Thankfully; the Dark One counters by having about seven fake houses tumble down in sequence. That'll teach Kick to use an oven that isn't plugged in properly! And of course this goes on forever. Finally; Kick fails to deliever and Kick stops selling tiredness and demands answers to this outrage. The Dark One no sells of course and here comes Kendell who demands that the Dark One come out now. Oh; if this doesn't already force the point that it's Rolando. And of course it's Rolando with black gloves. As if the use of science and physics wasn't enough to convince thee. Kick and Rolando exchange blow offs and Kick gets on his skateboard and leaves. Rolando laughs like the worst villain in history and Kendell is not amused forcing Rolando to recoil. HA!

So Kendell demands to know why he didn't make it to debate class and Rolando end arounds her. So Kendell tells him to buy something good; or they are through. Whatever Kendell; your blandness isn't any better than Kick's sense of failure. Rolando agrees and it will be free. Cue worst villain laugh ever; cue Kendell not being amused, cue Rolando end arounding her and we segue back to the Battlesnax AFTER HAPPY HOUR. We get Gunther on the telephone and it's the Dark One and he wants the 14 course meal of doom and everyone goes into a panic and Helga up the ceiling. Dark One tells them to see them in 29 minutes or more and laughs before hanging up .Or was it Mangus up the ceiling? Does it really matter? Why are they bothering to call him the Dark One? It's clear it's Rolando. Helga panics because if he gets it for free they are out of business. Kick ponders what to do and someone trip on Bjron's dragon lunchbox and Bjron blows him off. Kick then gets a Krackpotkin plan and I think you can guess what is going to happen next eh? So we head to Rolando's house at the candlelight table with his transmitter of physics and cheating with physics. He puts up the forcefield and decides not to screw around with him anymore. Then he hear's Kendell's voice and comes out as Kendell is amazed as she is beside a wooden statue of Kendell's mug. Oh come on! This has got to be a setup. Rolando doesn't know what to say; but shakes his head and claims that he made it himself. Kendell is so giddy over this and then smacks into the forcefield with great fury. Rolando doesn't even bother to apologize; but lets down the force field anyway. Yes; I'm ignoring the fact that Rolando can afford something like that.

So we head inside Rolando's hallway as Kendell and Rolando admire the wooden statue of Kendell as Rolando checks his watch and the delivery guys have 19 seconds remaining or it's free. And then the Kendell statue's face bursts open and here comes Kick and Gunther throwing the 14 course meal and stuffing chicken legs and fish in Rolando and Kendell's face in that order. And Gunther and Kick growl and slip on fish as Rolando catches it. Whatever. Rolando then makes the fatal error of throwing the fish in Kendell's face and Kendell blows him off and leaves stage left. Rolando pleads that this isn't his fault (and he's right actually) and then blames Kendell for bringing the stupid thing (his words; not mine) in. And now Kendell is PISSED! Kendell takes the forcefield device and turns it on to defend herself and Rolando smacks into it. HA! Kendell walks out of the house as Kick watch beeps and we are on time. Kick brings out the paper and writes the bill for him and throws it on Rolando. And Rolando naturally doesn't have that kind of money. Heh; didn't think your evil plan all the way through huh Rolando?! Premature planning can cause so much pain on the ass. Kick proclaims that they can work something out. And so we head to the Battlesnax as Rolando is in the kitchen and he's not too upset over this job. However; Gunther has the Gruffi pose on and tells him that this is Gunther's job and Rolando gets to grab eggs from the Kraken. Rolando thinks this is child's play; so the door open and a Kraken tentacle grabs Rolando and pulls him into the room and Rolando screams...badly. Kick and Gunther enjoy themselves as Bjron demands service and that ends the episode at 10:40 approx. While the continuity lacked in some places; it was enjoyable and I did like the ending. It's nice to see that the writers can finally write a proper episode and get into a groove. Kind of the old Rescue Rangers of 1989. Or something like that. Our final sequence involves Bjron walking out and then returning with his normal gear on as Gunther asks him how it was and Bjron blows off the terrible service. Whatever Bjron. *** 1/2 (70%).


Well; this wasn't so bad. Clean To The Extreme was mostly dull for the most part as it was the usual fetch quest that had a nonsense payoff in Brianna torturing the clerk with her screaming. There wasn't much to hate; but not much to like either. However; the finish was hot and the ending was pretty funny, so it ended up being average in the middle. The gaping logic break of Kick and Gunther somehow getting through the traffic jam hurt it; but Magnus's oar skills were cute. Stand & Delivery was better in that they paid off the narration in the beginning with a pretty fitting finish and ending, although it was predictable as hell and most of the spots they did in the middle made little sense or logic. We all knew it was Rolando from the get go when they showed the magnet right from the start. Still; I would like to know why Kick accepted the job in the first place? He has no real emotional attachment to Bjron like Gunther does. Oh well; overall; we had two middling shorts and nothing really bad to say about them so Gregory Weagle is a happy ranter. Next up will be Switching Gears which I don't care for; but Garage Banned is the one I am pumped up for because this is where the Gunther rap appeared and believe me; it deserves a Grade S fisking on my part. After that; it's Truth Or Daredevil for Christmas Eve and the two Halloween episodes on Christmas Day. So.....

Thumbs in the middle for both short and I'll see you next time.

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