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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
Hand In Hand/Luigi Vendetta! Rant
I Thought He & Mario Reconciled After The Mario Kart DS Debacle?!
I'll leave the caption as an exercise to the reader. So now we have a caged heat match between Kick and Kendell; and Kick wants to MURDER Brad for bullying him. Oh lord; let the pain begin for me. So let's continue on shall we...?
Hand In Hand is written by Derek Dressler. The storyboards are done by Erik Wiese and direction is done by Chris Savino and Clay Morrow. Erik started as a storyboard artist for the Lion King in 1994 then Donald Starring In Maui Mallard video game as a character developer. Then from there he worked on Hey Arnold, Catdog, The Wild Thornberrys, Danny Phantom, Samurai Jack, Spongebob Squarepants, The Mighty B, and The Fairly Oddparents. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut. He has three writing credits, 12 storyboard credits, one producer, two director and seven animation department credits. . Luigi Vendetta is written by Derek Dressler, storyboards are done by Troy Adomitis and Chris Reccardi and direction done by Chris Savino and Clay Morrow. Chris Reccardi has a really colorful resume starting with Beany & Cecil for layout in 1988 followed by Tiny Toon Adventures and Ren & Stimpy in the early 1990's. From there he did The Simpsons, Samurai Jack, Dexter's Lab, Shark Tale, Two Shrek movies, Chowder, Spongebob Squarepants, among others. Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go is his DTVA debut Secret Mountain Fort Awesome is his most recent credit. He has 22 art department credits, 15 animation department credits, 11 writing credits, three director credits and two of each producer, visual effects and composer credits. All episodes are done in Flash of course.
Opening Moment #1: The title card features Kick's hand holding a female hand with red fingernails. Okay; that makes sense.
Hand In Hand: We begin this one in a cave as Kick Buttowski is skateboard and we jackhammer "Spelunk Boarding!" in the usual 1980's fashion. Okay; we get that kids are morons writers. Stop insulting them and the rest of us please. This and Kick's dodging goes on for long past the expiry date and then the phantom of the cave arrives with something in it's hand as Kick is in shock because we discover that it's Miss Blandness herself Kendell with a miner's hat on. They collide and roll; allowing Kendell to take a MAN-SIZED bump into the cave wall. So that's why she has the hard hat on eh? Works for me. Kick flips out (literally and figurally) as he demands answers to this outrage. Kendell claims that she's collecting a rare form of sap for Rolando birthday present. Geez Kendell; don't be afraid to tell Rolando what he REALLY is. Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! Kendell demands Kick be a gentlemen for once and help her up. So Kick does that and of course the sap leaked out for no reason that I can think of and they are stuck hand in hand. I see the writers last episode they watched was Stuck On You. Of course the cave sap is extremely sticky and naturally Kick will not take his gloves off and end the episode early. I know that the same excuse has been used with Stuck On You; but at least there was a good BS&P decision to do so (two naked men, HELLO). Kick doesn't have that excuse. Gunther runs in and is shocked and appalled before crying and running out of the cave. Kick and Kendell get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY because it means that they have eyes for each other when they aren't supposed to. So we do the usual run away and come back spots. Yawn. Nice bumping into each other though as they actually sell injuries. Kendell proclaims that tonight is Rolando's birthday and they must be unstuck by 7 pm so that they cannot be seen together. Kick proclaims that no one should see them together and he has a Krackpotkin plan. Kendell doesn't like this at all and we head outside in the forest as Kick skateboards with Kendell in tow. Geez; what a shock that is? Kendell is panicky of course as we ride into the (moral) sewers. We dodge the croc of course and ramp off the sewer pipe; bounce into the front yard and into Kick's house garage as the door closes. At least in theory. Oh wait; it's Kick's house as we hear the chainsaw noise and Kendell protests this. Yes folks; Kick is going to do a chainsaw massacare on the stuck hands. Kendell gets in Kick's face and she is PISSED off. We have 25 minutes left and they are doing this her way as she spits venom right in Kick's face. Wow. And all it took was threatening her with a chainsaw. Kendell recoils and we head into an alleyway near a trashcan as Kendell tells him to trust her. The plan is go into Rolando's lab of doom and use the anti-sticky substance to remove the cave sap from themselves. Simple enough eh...?
...Or it would be; if there wasn't a crowded street due to the conveniently placed Mellowbrook Street Fair complete with the usual news reporter they usually use in these situations in this series. Kick hates it of course and Kendell's not happy as they exchange yucks on each other. Kick wants to go into the (moral) sewer and Kendell has the diginity and class to blow him off for it. And here comes Mouth (Christopher) eating a banana; so Kendell stuffs Kick in the trashcan and tries to sound not amusing at all. It doesn't work as Mouth notices her. She claims to be rooting through the garbage and Mouth isn't convinced. So Kick brings out a moldy sandwich and Kendell forces herself to eat it. EWWWWWWW! GET THEM AWAY! GET THEM AWAY! Mouth blows her off and walks out as Kendell swallows the sandwich (and most of her pride) as Kendell owes him one. Kick proclaims that it cannot get any worse. Problem is; when Mouth left, he threw the banana peel down and Kick slips on the peel and they Faceplant! Sorry; Mythbusters called and sezs you are full of crap writers. Kick wonders what to do and Kendell sees her saving grace: A makeup shop. So that logically leads to inside the makeup shop of doom as Kick and Kendell hide behind some of the displays. Kick taunts Kendell a bit and Kendell blows him off because she's the heiress of the empire; or something like that. Kick hopes no one see them, but in comes Gordon Gibble along with Gunner & Murphy~!
Bryan Alverez: Don't care.
Anyhow; Kendell forces Kick to blow his cover and Gordon notices Kick and taunts him. So Kendell puts makeup on Kick including eye lash color and lipstick. Ooooooooo.. The Gordon Fan Club's jaws drop on that one. Gordon takes a photo of Kick in makeup and proclaims that he'll post this one on his blog. The fan club leave as Kendell pops up and gets all coozy with Kick looking like a girly clown. HAHA! So Kick rubs his face and wants a hose to drown himself with. Kick and Kendell run away stage left as Gordon returns and wants some makeup and some eyelash volumizer. Whatever Gordon; no one cares. So Kick and Kendell run down the street BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as they run on the street; but the manhole cover pops up and it's Jackie The Stalker Whackerman. SAVE US FROM THE CRAP! Please go insane on Kick; that's all I ask. Kick denies us that by hanging onto the store canopy as Jackie is not amused to see Kendell because she can smell Kick. Kendell blows her off for claiming that Kendell smells. You do smell Kendell; and it's pretty bland. The bird on the canopy peck on Kick's gloves to try to force Kick to let Jackie go insane on Kick for my pleasure; but Jackie pops down out of sight. Damn those stinkin writers; there goes the only possible entertainment I had for this episode left. Thankfully; she pops back and gets into Kendell's face because she smells awesome. She sure does; and it's her. Kick blows the birds away, but the rats come in to bite on Kick's hands for good measure. Kendell tries the "made you look spot" and it works of course as Jackie runs away stage left. Dammit! Kick drops down as Kendell blows him off; and Kick is screwed because here comes Brad, Chip Green and 3D to get their daily dose of Dillweed whacking. So Kick works fast as he notices that they are next to a clothing store. It teases Kick wearing a girl's oversized violet hat; but when we see Brad address them, it shows Kendell is dressed as...Gunther?! Oooookkkkaaayyyyy. Brad inspects "Him"/her and he doesn't buy it. It doesn't help when Kendell uses her normal voice to protest when Brad notices him gaining weight. Brad gets into Kendell's face and she...farts?! No, really, that is what happens. And everything living dies, except for Kick and the heels of course. Brad and his goons walk away concluding that it's Gunther. Kick couldn't believe she had it in her and Kendell almost relates a story before catching herself. Oh wait; Gunther arrives panics and runs away stage left like mad. What a homophobic bigot this Gunther fellow is?!
Anyhow; Kendell's cellphone rings and she answers it. It's Rolando and he's finishing up things. Kendell tells him not to rush; but Rolando screws her because he's at the hardware store. And wouldn't you know it; that is exactly where they are. Yes; clothing at a HARDWARE STORE?! Can this Sara Palin universe be anymore contrived?! So they dress themselves with Kick playing the girl and Kendell playing the boy as they kissy-kissy each other with their backs turned when Rolando comes out the store. Apparently; the cellphone is still on since he can hear the kissy-kissy stuff and blows Kendell off for too much affection. Rolando walks away as Kick and Kendell call it too close and then catch themselves. Nice to see some facts come into evidence here since I will never buy Kick and Kendell as a couple. Kick and Jackie yes; but not Kick and Kendell. Way too many KK's dude. Rolando gets on his motorcycle and Kick thinks they have lots of time... but he speeds off at the speed of sound. Kick thinks it's the turbo boosters. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic Kick. So Kick jumps bringing out his skateboard and we ride on the sidewalk with Kendell in tow. Dodging crowds, sky shot map, cat in Kick's face, cat in Rolando's face, crash into something I cannot make out, bounce off the diving board, and they land in front of Rolando's house. So there you go. Rolando screams at the cat again off-screen so Kick and Kendell make it to the garage. Kick channels the powers of Baloo from The Balooest of Bluebloods and the garage door channels the powers of the iron gate from the exact same episode. I think you can guess what happens next. Kick has a black face (racist bigot!) as he gives Kendell the keys. Kendell pushes the yellow button and the Rolando CPU asks for the password which is "Sweetyface" according to Kendell. Oooooookkkkkkkaaaayyyyyy. Door opens as Kick asks where the solvent is as we discover that the shelves on the garage walls are about 20 stories high and filled with chemicals. Kendell and Kick look up and Kick notices the Anti-Sticky aerosal can on the top shelf. Yeah; let's just overkill it with the spotlight and sparkles. I hate it when they have to force the point like that. Kick and Kendell agree to work together and we climb the shelf; dodge the barbed wire chemical lines and the Venus Flytrap, and they get on top and Kick grabs the anti-sticky stuff. They praise each other as Kick throws the can in his hand; and then it slips and drops down. Ooops! Kick and Kendell jump down and after another long sequence; Kick grabs the bottle on the rebound, but we discover that it's a bottle and the stuff pours out down the drain. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE KICK BUTTOWSKI!
And then in one of the most absurd moments ever; a green drop flies OUT OF NOWHERE in front of them and they both jump towards it and allow the drop to land on the sticky hands and then land on the ground. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! That is so contrived and forced because the stuff poured straight down the drain and the drop was NOWHERE NEAR the drain nor the shelf. What a stupid finish this was? And naturally; one drop is enough to free them from the sticky stuff. It's now officially AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and not in a good way I might add. Kendell blushes on cue as Rolando walks in and wants answers to this outrage. Don't look at me Rolando; I'm at a loss when it comes to the finish too. Kendell claims that it was dark and Kick walked her to the house. Rolando is in shock and amazed at the gentlemen actions and wants to shake Kick's other hand; which is filled with cave sap. They shake and we segue to the birthday party table as Kendell is enjoying herself outside and Rolando is not enjoying it so much. Kick decides to take advantage of this as he wants some Cheetah Chug. Which allows the conveniently placed Gunther to panic and run away again for no reason whatsoever again. This mercifully ends the episode at 10:20 approx. Oh; the pain, the PAIN! A few cute moments; but mostly crap from the vainglorious bastard and the blandest couple around. Bad logic and a really awful finish. 1/4* (5%).
Opening Moment #2: The title card is one of the best yet as black wine is spilled from a red wine glass onto a cross stitched tablecloth.
Luigi Vendetta!: We begin this one at the Mellowbrook Mall and at the fountain as more useless pennies get thrown into it. Then Kick gets dumped in it and then Chip Green grabs him. Okay; here`s the obvious problem with this: In real life; Brad and his goon would have been discovered and ejected from the building and/or charged with assault. I'm not going to bother calling this other than it involves Kick dressing like a punk rocker and using remote control helicopters. The more interesting scene is Mouth making 3D shake for a corndog WITH MUSTARD! Kick drops with only his underwear of course in front of Mouth and Mouth throws the stick in his face. Mouth taunts Kick some more and Brad wedgies Kick and makes him completely naked as Kick bounces like a pinball and gets dumped into the trash. No fuss; no mess. It all ends with Mouth giving Kick a card for Luigi Vandetta and Kick no sells the deal. So Brad punts Kick allowing us a glorified shot of his naked body (we are almost getting to Timmy Turner levels here. Almost) as he goes through the uprights and a referee blows the whistle and it`s good. Too bad this opening sequence isn't even close to being "good". So we segue to Kick's hand as the location is at the Fugetabootit resturant; which happens to be Canadian. He go in as the server is there at the front door and Kick requests Luigi Vendetta. She looks surprised but she shows Kick to the table. Kick goes over and there is a shadow of an adult who appears to be wearing a Mountie suit. Kick asks for Luigi and he rises up making Kick gulp. Then the shadow arises and he is a Mountie wanting an order of maple syrup. I'm sorry; but it is just not funny unless real Canadians do it. Then we pan east to see the real shadow of Luigi Vendetta who is a fat Italian kid with the greasy hair and suit; with a toothpick in his mouth. At least it's a kid and the BS&P'ing makes sense here. Luigi Vendetta is voiced by Rico Rodriguez who started in Los Tamales in 2006 and then Epic Movie as Chanchito. He then went on to nothing of note until Opposite Day, Babysitters Beware and Modern Family as Manny Delagdo. Kick Buttowski is his DTVA debut. He has 16 credits to his resume and his most recent credit is Philippe's Sandwich coming up soon. He also appeared as himself in the Muppets. That's about it actually.
Kick is surprised and Luigi offers Kick a seat. Kick sits down and apparently; Luigi knows about Kick's problem with Brad. I smell Milo Gets A Ninja coming; and it lacks the charm of Milo as a cowboy to pull it off. Prove me wrong writers of the world. Anyhow; Luigi accepts the offer to do something in exchange for a favor to be determined at a later date. Kick asks if he accepts; what will Luigi do to Brad and Luigi and his gang of Mountie/Italian Canadian resturant owners all laugh out loud. Then they stop; allowing Kick to laugh on his own and look dumb as usual. Kick catches himself and asks again; Luigi doesn't say anything of note other than by the time he's done with him, Brad will be doing anything Kick wants him to do. Kick likes this as we hit the montage of Brad doing various things for Kick's liking. Including being Kick`s ramp for the bicycle and having a serious back injury. Whatever Kick. We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick shakes hands on the deal. Luigi proclaims that when he starts something; he finishes it. He asks the Mountie for a doggie bag and the Mountie nods. Whatever turns you on Luigi. So we head to the Mellowbrook Megaplex (I believe the same place 3D works in) as we head in with Brad walking into the theatre with popcorn bag in hand; watching a B&W slient movie with jackhammering out of the wazoo. We see Brad sit down eating popcorn as Kick pops from about three rows down getting giddy over the damage Luigi will do to Brad. So we cut to the movie screen as some male guy is packing his bags. Oooooo; symbolism! And then the door slams open and in comes the trenchcoat shadow dude who might be the live action version of the Phantom Blot. He sezs the exact same thing Luigi said at the end of the previous scene (when I start something; I finish it) and Kick watches the man get his ass kicked. I know this due to Kick`s reaction to the scene since we NEVER see the actual scene. Kick hides down and now regrets sicing Luigi on Brad and must stop him. And here comes the real version (no, not really) of the Phantom Blot in the movie theatre. Do I really care about Brad? Well; only slightly more than Kick, which isn't saying much. So the blot tries to sit beside Brad; but Kick tackles him down and Brad blows Kick off for ruining his buzz. The PB unmasks and we have Gunner & Murphy?! AGAIN?! Why aren't these guys on the main Disney roster?! They seem to be a step above everyone except for Jackie and Brianna in this show. SUCKS!!
So Brad blows them off and Gunner & Murphy both cry like babies thinking that Kick was a policeman. Why should I care? Brad walks out as Kick follows him to make sure Luigi doesn't do anything stupid. Gunner & Murphy blow off the movie; and then enjoy the popcorn on the ground. So we head back to the resturant (which I'm barred from by the way) as Kick flips in to see Luigi; but the female owner informs him that Luigi is out on a job. She`s also filing her nails too. She gets dramatic on Luigi finishing what he has started and Kick realizes that he must find Brad and stop this insanity. So Kick skateboards away as we cut to Brad on the sidewalk doing nothing of note other than look like a sleazy heel. In other words; being his normal self. Kick is stalking him from various posts; but Brad doesn't suspect a thing. Then a fatman with a hat appears out of nowhere and Kick blocks his path. He demands that he stop this stupidity and we discover that it`s Papercut Peterson in a trenchcoat and hat. I see he still hasn`t fixed that kink in his neck. Kick asks about the suit and of course Peterson found it in a dumpster. I see he still needs to be dewormed on the fact that he owns the wrestling dojo from Drop Kick. Kick runs in as Brad is now walking in the street for no reason whatsoever (Here`s a clue writers: Put the hole on the sidewalk. I'm just saying.) towards an open manhole; and Kick uses himself as a bridge to allow Brad to walk through without falling in. Whatever. Kick drops into the (moral) sewer and then pops back up with a crocodile on his ass. We see Brad enter the Mellowbrook Fitness Supply Store (shocking eh?) as Kick looks from the front door spying on Brad looking for drumbells. Too fitting for his intellagence eh guys?! Of course he cannot lift the bigger weights; so the smaller 2 pound hand weights will have to do. Would have been funnier if I could lift those bigger weights. I'm just saying. Kick hides behind a clay muscle statue as Kick notices a shadow and tackles it. Sadly; it`s just a swaying punching bag. Brad looks; but ignores it and walks out. Kick takes a decent bump into the weight shelf. The barbells entomb Kick and then Kick sees Brad leave the store. Kick goes out and the crowd in the streets prevents him from seeing him.
So Kick grabs onto a light stand and notices Brad on the sidewalk doing nothing of note. Then a rope with a loop lowers next to Brad and Kick panics. He bounces off the capony and then into the dumpster. Brad sings like an canary...and it`s only a brown tie from an outdoor tie store. I do not get the singing in this one so let`s move on. Kick is relieved and then Brad teleports (UGH!) onto the dirt road (Double UGH!) as a steamroller comes towards him from behind (Triple UGH!). The workers panic as Kick plops onto the steamroller and drives it away somehow. Pizza Pie In The Sky, Kit Cloudkicker. I am just saying new Disney. Brad blows it off and walks away as Kick destroys the Rodeo Cowboy Clown's car of course and the RCC blows Kick off of course. Kick does not care and is relieved. Kick gets wrecking balled into the brick wall for his trouble of course. WHAT?! Oh never mind, Brad is walking away. Kick walks to him and confesses to everything and begs for mercy. Sadly; Brad has the earphones on and he takes them off and did not hear a thing. And now he is ready to MURDER some Dillweed for me. Kick is screwed as he is grabbed by his leg. We then segue to Kick hanging upside down via clothespins on the clothesline. HA! Brad stuffs a sock in Kick`s mouth and ponders how to beat his fatass down. I would use the Tearjerker; that worked so well in the first episode Brad. Brad just wants to pound and wedgie...and here comes Luigi Vendetta working like he does not have a care for anyone in this cartoon. I personally cannot blame him for that at least. Kick tries to explain; but no dice. Memo to Kick: Spit the damn sock out. Brad of course does not care as nothing will save him. If only that were true Brad. Then Brad turns around and notices Luigi and calls him small fry. Never mind that he is almost as big as Gunther. Almost. Luigi introduces himself as the youngest of seven brothers with skills to deal with big brothers and to settle the score for Kick. Brad`s reaction is totally predictible as expected: Fake being timid and then blow Luigi off. So Luigi goes all slow motion on us and brings out...the whistle? Again, WHAT?! He blows it and then...sings like a opera star. WHAT THE HELL?! He basically tells them to play nice and cherish the family. Luigi Vendetta equals better singing Italian Teddy Ruxpin. If a remake is ever done; that is Teddy Ruxpin's singing voice. Memo to Ken Frosse: You can have that one for free. Naturally Brad just blows it off. Kick is not amused.
So Luigi starts singing again and Brad calls it lame and leaves. Oh; I get it now: Luigi follows him and keeps singing until Brad finally gets fed up and quits. In real life; this would never work because Luigi's voice would die on him. I'm not going to bother calling it although Brad does a decent job ignoring him in the shower and in the bed (despite losing a girl over it. Must hate opera. Screw her.). However; Brad gets madder and madder as he fails the driving test (AGAIN! Did he not pass it already?) . We do get a cameo appearance of Kendell`s dad for fun as Brad finally screams on the pyramids and down the steps we go and over building, breaking logic as it goes. Brad finally runs back to the clothesline and pleads for mercy and forgiveness while crying like a baby. Kick spits out the sock and orders Luigi to stop and he does. Luigi tells Kick that he owes Luigi a favor, to be announced at a later date and leaves. I wonder when that favor will come. Kick drops down and does the Gruffi pose as Brad begs for mercy. Brad promises to do everything Kick dreams of (so much for forgiveness from Kick) as Mouth runs in with a corndog with mustard on it towards 3D and 3D shoves it out of Mouth's hand. He orders Mouth to get another one and Mouth cries and bails stage left. 3D goes over to Brad and shows him a card for Paddy Payback; the Irish version of Luigi Vendetta. Brad throws the card away because he keeps it between brothers. Brad walks Kick away and Brad MURDERS him off-screen as 3D yells for his corndog. I'm good with that. That ends the episode at 10:00 approx. Good ending to an otherwise silly and stupid episode. While listening to Luigi Vendetta sing was great; it didn't lead anywhere and it meant nothing since Brad got his revenge on Kick anyway thus rendering the comeupperance pointless. Call it * 3/4 (15%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; we really went downhill on quality this time around. Hand In Hand was a really awful redo of Stuck On You and none of it was funny. Kendell and Kick do not mesh well together in this form because Kendell is bland and Kick is unlikable; thus no chemistry. They tried to convince me that they have eyes for each other; but I am not convinced at all. They screwed me out of entertainment of Jackie going insane on Kick and the only real entertaining part was Kendell marking Kick`s face in the make-up shop. The Kendell fart was not amusing at all; the finish broke logic (yeah, they somehow got unstuck with a mid air drop of anti-stick despite all of it getting flushed down the drain), and Gunther did nothing but do a stupid joke that didn't catch. Terrible crap. Luigi Vendetta was little better as the whole situation was stupid since again, I have no sympathy for Kick. Brad is too dumb to notice despite being smart otherwise in other episodes, and his bully routine got old fast. Luigi believe it or not was good, albeit with the singing voice, but it ultimately was rendered pointless since Brad killed the revenge part by killing Kick off-screen. They should have ended it with Brad looking at Kick after reading the card Pantsy gave to Brad for a tease. In other words; two crappy shorts that remind me the early first season episodes. I am going to guess that the favor was paid off in the final segment of LV; but who knows and who cares? Anyhow; my next Kick Buttowski rant will be next weekend as I am returning to the old Disney rants and doing the remainder of the Ducktales episodes. I need a break from the vainglorious bastard. So.....
Thumbs down for both shorts and I'll see you next time.
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