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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil

A Cousin Kyle Christmas/Snow Problem Rant

Reviewed: 12/21/2014

Cousin Kyle Is Snow Problem For Christmas Cheer!

So kiddies; it's time to finish up the last official rant of 2014 with the Christmas episode from Kick Buttowski! YAY! Now; I'm not planning to do the remainder of the Kick Buttowski episodes this year even though I have all of them now and the prep work is done for them. I had planned to do the Bonkers and Kick Buttowski Christmas specials only from the start, so there you go. Anyhow; Cousin Kyle is having Christmas at the Kick Buttowski residence and Kick must exchange gifts with Kyle. Can he find a gift in time? Does Kyle care about a gift? Then Kick is his old vainglorious self as he causes an avalanche at his cheap cabin after he did a stunt (of course); he must save his family (an incident he caused mind you) from cabin fever. Lovely! It's been a while since I watched Kick Buttowski, so I hope I'm in midseason form doing this gig. So let's continue on shall we...?

A Cousin Kyle Christmas is written by Patrick Andrew O'Conner, Joe Liss and Dave Lewman. The storyboards are done by Scott O'Brien, while direction is done by Chris Savino and Clay Morrow. Snow Problem is written by Derek Dressler. Storyboards were done by Erik Wiese and Troy Adomitis while direction was done by Chris Savino and Clay Morrow. Episodes are done with Toon Boom like all episodes of this show.

Opening Moment #1: Title card featured yellow outdoor Christmas lights and red stained glass. Not much to see here.

A Cousin Kyle Christmas: We begin this one at the Kick Buttowski family residence and it's snowing with a lot of whiplash wind. The house is decorated with Christmas lights, candy canes lining the driveway and a bow on the garage door. Jump cut to a shot of a closeup of a couple of lit windows with Christmas lights; then the candy cane driveway, then the reindeers made from white Christmas lights that moved, then the door with the wreath out in front (which I don't think I saw on the far shot) as their street address is 3161 by the way. Cut to inside the living room as there is a tree in the corner that is decorated with lights, oranments, garland and a star on top. The window next to it has fake green spruce leaves on the top trim of the window. In comes Harold with a basket of pieces of paper as he tells everyone that it's time to draw names for the holiday gift exchange. You known it's 2012 because they don't say Christmas anyone. I don't care either way because the title card clearly says "Christmas". So Harold shuffles the paper a bit and Brianna draws first card, followed by Denise, and then in comes Brad and Kick. Kick does not look amused by this; but Brad is enjoying this because he wants to choose Kick's name so he can basically give him the gift Kick so rightfully deserves. Kick then realizes that Brad was the one who gave him a Christmas gift last year. So we hit the flashback as Brad has a purple present with a purple ribbon and I am so calling this as the JOKEY SURPRISE OF DEATH. Brad might as well had slurred his speech like Jokey Smurf and be done with it. Close enough; Brad uppercutted him, but BS&P isn't going to allow them to use explosives anymore, so there you go. We return to reality (no, not really) as Kick is frowning because he cannot take a joke. Brad laugh in this is great as he laughs like a contrived henya and then does some ho'ing and says Merry Christmas. Brad might be evil; but he does have Christmas spirit which is something Kick is very short on. Although Kick is "very short" on the a lot of things. Harold offers Kick the basket of doom and Kick draws a name; and it's written in purple letters: Cousin Kyle. Yeah.

And then the front door is flung wide open and in comes Frosty The Snowman. HAPPY BIRTH...Oh wait; it cannot be him. The real Frosty needs a top hat laced with magic in order to merely function as a living being. It's Cousin Kyle; the best male character in the series and second only to Jackie The Stalker Whackerman in terms of being over. Good job writers; at least we are going to get a decent Christmas episode unlike the Bonkers one I ranted on yesterday. The snowman walks in and melt to reveal Kyle as Kick looks scared and the family looks like they no sold the deal. And why not? They don't have to buy a gift for this poor man's version of Spongebob Squarepants. Who had his voice changed because Nickelodeon got pissed off at the voice actor doing it for it's competition. Apparently; the eyes were lightbulbs because they shatter upon impact on the floor. Cousin Kyle apparently is on his best behavior tonight because he doesn't talk in rapid fire for ten seconds at least. Kyle then starts annoying Kick for my pleasure and I actually understood 95% of what Kyle is saying as he wants to slide with Kick, carol with Kick and bang head to helmet to Kick while being upside down. At least that is what the animation is implying. So his mother has dropped him over for Christmas and yes; he is upside down on Kick's helmet because he's awesome. His yodeling of Kick's name is great along with the fact that his mother is coming home soon. Also; Kyle wants to do a Christmas puppet show with Kick, so Kyle is basically more interested in giving to Kick than getting presents from Kick. How can you hate this human Spongebob Squarepants?! So he goes over to the basket and eats it like it's popcorn causing Harold to blow him off for that. Harold then offers Kyle a chance to pick a name for the gift exchange and Kyle grabs a piece of paper and then does the rocket spot of doom (He is a human, much funnier version of Bonkers actually) as he shows Kick that Kyle's exchange partner is Kick Buttowski. Yay! Kyle is so happy that Kick says his biscuits promo in slow motion, because he's screwed. And do we care if he is screwed by Cousin Kyle? Nope!

So we head outside the doorway with Kick looking at Brianna on the floor of her bedroom creating a giant ass card for Harold or Brad (I think) which has a lot of pink perfume on it. Naturally; Kick is trying to weasel his way out of giving a present to Cousin Kyle by wanting to exchange names with Brianna; but Brianna no sells and blows him off and away with the PERFUME CHRISTMAS CARD OF DOOM! Kick's eyes are blood shot and then we get Kick asking Brad to exchange names; which Brad completely no sells for obvious reasons. Brad is making Denise Buttowski a bunch of sweet Brad bucks, because Brad is a money launderer and thinks he can pull off the Canadian Tire deal. Brad claims that he is giving Denise his services which Kick asks what those are. Apparently; one Brad duck allows Brad to do whatever Denise orders him too. Brad does show his giving side by giving one to Kick which is good for one flying aidos. Kick is confused; so Brad throws him out of the room and says aidos. Okay; that was cute and Brad's body outside was amazing as Brad laughs and there is some "yeah, Brad Bucks!" before slamming the door. Scene change to Kick's room which is a mess as Kick ponders over what to give Cousin Kyle and he sees a really stinky sock and puts it on his hand. Kick takes a marker and draws eyes on it. Yes folks; Kick is going to introduce Mr. Socko to the Cousin Kyle family of puppets. I guess Mr. Socko wanted better royality payment and Cousin Kyle was more reasonable than Mick is. So Kick puts the stinky sock in a paper bag and then goes over to the closet to get a sleigh called Lightning (LAME-O!) as they are going to conquer Deadman's Drop in winter time. The second the sleigh shines; in comes...Come on! You know who it is! Everytime there is an episode involving Cousin Kyle, you know who the first person involved. So Kick seals the closet and whistles near the door. Oh yeah; like Cousin Kyle is so moronic to not notice that there is a sleigh inside the closet. Kyle is not that dumb!

Normally; I hate the "do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot; but this next sequence was in fact funny: Kyle asks if there is a sled and Kick lies of course. They do an awesome staredown and Kick's teeth are chattering and his knees are knocking so you know that he is lying. He is sweating like a bunch of Oscars at a geek convention. Kick Buttowski is such a moron to think that Kyle was going to fall for it. So as I expected; Kyle did not fall for it and annoys Kick for trying to lie at him. HAHA! Kyle claims that snow is great for sleighing and for pretending that they are in Ice Cream Land. HAHA! Kick claims that he cannot go sleighing and Kyle asks if he is allergic. Kyle is allergic to salamanders, laws and physical education classes. That made me laugh as Kick lies that he doesn't have a sled. Kyle ponders this as interesting and bails; running backwards the entire time. Kick breathes a sigh of relief and then we hear in the background Denise talking to Sally, who I assume is Cousin Kyle's mother and Denise tells us that Sally has to work over the Christmas Eve and Day holidays and cannot spend it with Cousin Kyle. And yes; we do see Denise on the telephone in one of the shots. Kick teases feeling bad for Kyle and then like the vainglorious bastard that he is; he looks at Mr. Socko from the bag, and then puts the sock back in proclaiming that he'll love it and then he opens a window and flies out with his blue sleigh. Oh wait; I was wrong: He broke through the window with the sled and crashes into the snow below. Because Kick Buttowski has to cause vandalism once per episode. I am so over this BS; I really am. It's impossible to get angry over vandalism after seeing Ken Izumi kill Professor Volga in Chargeman Ken. Kick of course does the double devil's pose with a blue scarf because he has no sense of shame and then he sees a light and notices Cousin Kyle looking at the Christmas tree and he is enchanted by it so much that he snuggles up in a blue sleeping and wants to wait for Saint Nick, so he's stealing from Marilyn from Bonkers. Only Kyle is much cooler than Marilyn. Bonkers cannot catch a break in the world of DTVA.

Kick then hears the voice of conscience (Denise) talking about Kyle being alone on Christmas and the Buttowski are going to make this Christmas special to him. So Kick looks up at the sky and screams WHY? Because you are a vainglorious bastard who thinks Kyle is an annoying moron. So then Kick decides to postpone the sleigh ride in order to make Kyle's Christmas the best one ever. Personally; I would prefer that Kick just let Kyle do want he wants to do with Kick, because it's obvious that this more of a gift than Kick could ever give him. I betcha that plays into the finish too; and I hope that they don't prove me wrong here. So Kick manages to climb up to his window and the window has magically repaired itself, of course. Kick magically teleports to his desk and grabs the out of nowhere envelope which in red letters reads: Street Legal Hovercraft Fund. Which contains money of course; and then we scene change to Kick in front of the Stringzeez Puppets store as he did take Lightning with him after all. So in other words; the postponement lasted only about a half hour. Oh well; he's still thinking about Cousin Kyle over Deadman's Drop; so I'm fine with this. Kick knocks on glass and out comes a puppet wearing a grey suit, pants, tie and top hat on strings telling Kick that the puppet shop is closed right now. Kick claims that this is an emergency and the puppet laughs at it; but allows Kick to come inside anyway. Huh. So we see that the puppet "master" is a dark skinned glasses wearing man with a green hat and a green suit and pants combo named Todd. I'm guessing he's the Dangler according to the KB wikia (Scott O'Brien) and he looks like an adult version of Lenny from Fanboy & Chum Chum. Kick asks for the best puppet they have and the puppet laughs his ass off because they sold the best puppet out already along with all the rest of the puppets as there is nothing on the shelves. Yeah; we are suppose to believe that there was suddenly a surge in the sale of puppets in this store. Something tells me the plot bunny has attacked again, and it's name is Cousin Kyle.

However; this is not the case as we hit the flashback and discover that it's Gordon Gibble who got all the puppets, for no reason whatsoever. UGH writers! Since WHEN did Gordon ever like puppets? The most obvious joke you had and you didn't go for it. Everyone knows that it had to be for Cousin Kyle because he's the puppet lover of this show! DUMB! Gordon is playing with puppets and then turns to the hard camera and order us not to judge him. We were not judging YOU Gordon; we were judging the WRITERS who thought this was funny. It wasn't. We return to reality; and somehow a golden dragon puppet magically shows up out of nowhere as Kick wants to buy it. The puppet blows him off because it's not for sale as we see the puppet and Kick bargining; which is just asking for trouble as the puppet laughs him off and then gets poked by Todd the Dangler. He whispers into the puppet's ear and the puppet starts spewing words that make no sense on their own. The guise of this is that the puppet will sell Kick the rare golden dragon puppet in exchange for Kick's sleigh Blue Lightning, and Kick is fully against it of course because he's a greedy, vainglorious bastard. However; he then get the CHILD CORRUPTING BALLOON OF DOOM (complete with Cousin Kyle in his sleeping bag looking all cute while Denise jackhammers the point home about giving him a special Christmas) and this is enough for Kick to change his mind and shakes hands with a puppet on the deal. That was funny at least. So Kick walks onto the sidewalk with his package giftwrapped as the storm has let up at least and the sidewalks have been plowed. How? Who cares?! Then it starts to rain and it's freezing rain and ice pellets causing Kick to do a faceplant onto the pavement. HAHA! About time someone noticed this spot and took advantage of it. Kick slides off-screen and then slides left as he apparently stole a red shovel on the rebound; thus adding it to the breaking of his window earlier. As he is sliding, the coffee shop's large coffee cup model fills up with ice and breaks off the top of the building. Wow.

This may be the first time I have seen a person's property destroyed that wasn't caused by Kick Buttowski. That is something to celebrate! The coffee cup model rolls over Kick literally flattening him like Alexander the Grape. NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! Kick gets buried in ice and snow which is a segueway back to the Buttowski residence as we cut to a closeup of a red oranament on the tree as Kyle is staring at it with great amusement. He yodels saying that he loves his cousin KIIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKK! God; I love Cousin Kyle! Scene change back to Kick nearly buried in snow, ice and a lot of whiplashing wind. Somehow; despite being flatten by a giant coffee cup; the present is completely undamaged. What did that puppet use to wrap that present in? And more importantly; where can I get some? Kick walks in ice and snow as we head back to the Christmas tree in the living room with Kyle grabbing a purple present (huh; the same wrapping as the one Brad gave to Kick last year) and something shatters off-screen as he shakes it. Remind me never to let him hold a real baby; the next thing you know, someone might blame SBS on vaccines. Seriously; there are people out there who seriously think that Shaking Baby Syndrome is caused by "vaccine injury". Kyle puts the present back and just whistles. HAHA! I hope that present was the one he gave to Kick Buttowski; that would be funny! Scene change to Kick in snow struggling as he faceplants onto the snow and proclaims that he can take no more. Suddenly; we hear jingle bells and someone ho'ing. Kick thinks that Santa has arrived and he is trying to grab for something. We discover that there is a reindeer walking in and on said reindeer is Gunther Magnumson wearing pants, shoes and a Santa hat. Yes folks; no shirt on. This is too gross to be a mirage; this has to be real. The reindeer is named Clouse as Kick cannot pucker his lips to talk; which I'm sure that it wouldn't shut Drake Mallard up either. So he offers Kick a lift and Kick gets on as Gunther tells him to hang on to his back chest hair. (I think) Gunther blows the viking horn of doom and we get thunderbolts enusing and the reindeer neighing like a horse. Yeah.

So they basically cut the flying sequences because it's morning as we get repeat shots of outside the residence of the Buttowskis as the reindeer lands about 200 feet away from the house. Kick thanks Gunther and gets off as I discover that Gunther has man boobs. Well; he is a fat boob, so it makes sense I guess. Gunther and his reindeer Clouse gallop into the sky and that was that. Sure; this made no sense, but who cares? Still funnier than anything on Bonkers. Kick walks in seeing victory; and of course he slips on the most visable wet ice you will ever seen because Kick Buttowski is a total moron. He slides and falls on his face; causing the golden dragon puppet to bounce into the air and is about to land into the sewer vent. Kick screams; and leaps in and manages to grab the puppet cross; but then the vent opens and a crocodile leaps up out of nowhere and eats the puppet and then comes down. FLYING CROSS CUTTER~....Oh wait; that was Digimon 01 with Puppetmon. The original Japanese version. Kick looks up at the sky and screams WHY?! Why is he a vainglorious bastard? Why does he have a full name that implies kicking asses? Why is Kick so unlikable? Why should I care about Kyle not getting a present since Kyle doesn't give a crap and wants to spend time with Kick? Why am I watching this show again? Oh wait; I know the answer to that last one: It's still better than anything from Bonkers. Speaking of Kyle; he is in the room staring away from the Christmas tree as we see Denise getting her Brad Bucks from Brad as Denise has that look that reads: I cannot believe that Brad was creative enough to make himself look lazy. Brianna gives Harold her PERFUME GIANT CARD OF DEATH and Harold sells it like he just got a stink bomb. I would safely say that Denise got the better gift here; but Brianna would hate me, so sorry Denise. Denise gives Brianna a self portait of herself and Harold gives Brad two tickets to see Tankini Lumberjacks On Ice. Brad wins the gift battle so far that Brianna will have to hate me from now on. Impartially can be such a privilege huh?! Brad is rubbing the tickets on his body that Harold and Denise are frowning on this moment.

Denise I can understand not liking this; but Harold? This is your fault Harold. You were the one who gave those soft core porno tickets to him in the first place. Kyle is shaking all during this because he knows that they are setting up the big moment that isn't going to happen. So the door opens and Kick comes in only to faceplant directly onto the floor. Kyle slides in and talks to him on his level. HAHA! Kick finally proclaims that he blew it in gift giving and as I expected, Kyle doesn't give a damn about a gift because he already got it since Kick Buttowski is here to spend time with him. Then Sally shows up and tells everyone that she was let off early. This is completely pointless because the finish doesn't change regardless. This is the correct booking decision by the way as Kyle gives Kick a makeshift sled as his present, which everyone should have saw coming a mile away. But there is a great thing about this: Kyle whisper yells that he made the sled out of the structure that holds up Brad Buttowski's bed. HAHA! You can guess the ending right now without even seeing it; but it's still damn funny either way. Kick proclaims that it's time to give Kyle his present and we scene change to Kick and Kyle sliding down Deadman's Drop as Kyle has his helmet on with a red siren on top. AWESOME! Kyle goes on and on about his picky choices in cookies, rabbits eating vanilla pudding and other such nosensical stuff as Kick and Kyle have a good time. Now; even without the next scene, ending it here would have been great. However; we still have about a minute left, and I was giddy to see if they would pay off Kyle using the supports of Brad's bed to create the makeshift sled and they did! Here's the ending: Cut to Brad's room. Brad walks in wearing missile green pjs. Brad sits down on bed and then lies on it holding the tickets yelling TANKINI~! Then the bed folds up and crushes the crap right out of Brad Buttowski. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That ends the episode at 9:45 approx. A few dumb spots hurt the episode; but I loved this episode and Kick was perfectly fine here. Kyle was on his best behavior and Gunther riding a reindeer is many buys! This was a very good episode even though it's nothing we haven's seen before and the fact that Kyle didn't seem to care about presents completely telegraphed the finish before it started. Oh well; it was riding on how much humor they could stuff in and it delivered in spades. Pick this one over Bonkers; you'll thank yourself for it. *** 3/4 (75%).

Opening Moment #2: Title card is a snowman with the helmet and problem is drooping. Yawn.

Snow Problem: We begin this one in the snowy forest road with a yellow car filled with luggage as the Buttowskis are in the car and Harold is singing while driving. When is that going to become illegal? I mean; it distracts me from typing this rant, so it is a clear and present danger to my health as a punctional ranter. No one joins in the singing as they are getting lots of mail when they get home. Brad is using a laptop, Brianna is using a blue "smart" phone and Kick is using nothing and they are all bored. Denise is lively; but she's looking out the window and ignoring Harold on purpose. So they do a slow pan shot of a resort containing a spa filled with ladies in swim suits (Brad: OOOOOOO!!); hot chocolate parties (Brianna: OOOOOOOOOO!!), and snowmobile rentals (Kick: OOOOOOOOOOO!!). Of course; Harold is now the MAN'S MAN and proclaims that this is a resort that they are NOT staying; causing even Denise to groan on cue. Harold is in "Man's Man" mode today as he wants to get away from the modern world as he rented a cheap cabin far away from the resort. Kick starts reading a green map out of nowhere and there is a sharp cliff like mountain called the Cornice of Death which is below the cabin they just rented and Kick gets giddy. Which is crushed about ten seconds later by Harold as he forbids him to do stunts on it. So Harold has just admitted that Deadman's Drop is in fact a wimpy bunny hill. Good one Harold, good one sir. So we make it to the cabin as everyone gets out and Harold grabs the cell phone and laptop; and throws it into the car as they are forbidden, thus showing that Harold is channeling Darkwing Duck from Bearskin Thug and looking so low rent in the process. He locks the back with his alarm key (a modern invention; so Harold is a hypocrite) and then goes over to the door. How is doing stunts on a mountain modern? Never mind; Harold opens the door and Brad getting roughed up by about 500 bats. Yeah.

Harold is so giddy about adventure that Brad asks about going to the bathroom. Luckly; there is an outhouse in the back of the property as Brad is blowing off Harold for this adventure crap. He opens the door and 500 bats maul him again. Then we see a bat with a newspaper sitting on the toilet; causing Brad to blow him off and slam the door. Whatever. So we head inside the kitchen and it's about 1890's style of doing stuff with a stove from the 1960's, a water pumper as a sink and half of the cupboards are rotten and broken down. Listen Harold; I realize that you want to relive the past for some time, but do we have to relive the lax safety standards of the past. Memo to kids: rub two sticks together and set the lodge on fire! That'll teach Harold about believing in a "Golden Age"! Apparently; the modern lantern Denise is using is perfectly all right with Harold as she wants to make some treats for the fireplace, so at least she is making the most of this retreat. Harold then orders Kick to go get some firewood and Kick is giddy...Harold tells him to stay away from the mountain of course...Kick frowns and says yes sir and is about to walk out. Harold calls him out and Kick basically removes an inner tube, sled, two snowboards and a pair of skis before being allowed to walk out of the lodge. Which begs the question: Why did he fisk Kick when he took the laptop and cell phone? Never mind; Kick goes outside and collects logs of firewood spread in such a way that Kick might have planted those himself beforehand. Kick whines and complains about Harold stooping to Natureman Drake's level of doom. Somehow; Kick is collecting the firewood and is standing on the summit of the Cornice Of Death mountain, elevation: WAY UP!! Sign claims it's so; so I'll take it's word for it. So Kick decides to grab the sign and use it as a snowboard to slide down the mountain and brings the firewood to the cabin. Of course; we discover via a previously covered sign that this mountain causes avalanches and Kick of course is too loud and thus we start a massive avalanche down the hill. Cut to Brad coming out of the outhouse and sees the avalanche coming and screams.

Brad runs into the house and barricades the door. Harold is reading a book in a chair as Brad stammers; making Denise and Brianna look confused. Harold looks out the window and he does the double take of doom as the avalanche completely swamps the house and causes Kick to take some wussy bumps on the snowboard sign in the process. Kick somehow manages to climb on top of the drifting snow without falling into it which is amazing considering that he's pretty square and manages to see that the chimney is not completely covered. He talks into it asking if the family is not hurt; and they are not, except for Kick. Kick claims that he is fine; but Harold blows him off because he won't be soon enough. We then discover that there is actually a good reason for why Harold forbid Kick from doing stunts on the mountain as Brianna points out that Kick always ruins their vacation. So we hit the flashback as we see footage of the Buttowski's on a look off showing Mount Rushmore and they get buried in a tomb of snow as Kit snowboards on top. Cut to Paris about 100 feet away from the Effel Tower as the Buttowskis try the photo spot again and they get buried in snow as Kick snowboards on top. Then on the beach at sunset guessed it. This is becoming extremely nonsensical now that I think it really only happened once (Mount Rushmore was semi believable at least) and the family thinks it happened three times. Oh; and let's do a mirror shot of Kick snowboarding to complete the nonsensical stuff. If I wanted repeat shots of Kick snowboarding, I would just replay the Mount Rushmore scene trice instead of once. We return to reality (no, not really) as Harold orders Kick to find the blue cellphone and Kick points out that he locked the cellphones in the far, causing the rest of the family to invoke eye contact violence on him. Here's a suggestion: Harold has the key; THROW IT TO KICK from the chimney you moron! Harold Buttowski is somehow less stupid and desperate than Drake Mallard, which is a backhanded compliment, I know. Of course, that doesn't happen because that would end the episode way too early. STUPID!

So Kick apologizes for causing the avalanche and promises to get them out while Harold is telling them to not start the blame game on this. Kick proclaims that he will save them because he is not only awesome, but he fixes his mistakes in an awesome manner. This causes everyone except Harold to scream and goes nuts that they are doomed. I need an animated GIF of this moment. Harold tries to rationalize this because they are Buttowski's and cabin fever will never get to him; causing him to have a jackhammered red/yellow spotted background screaming that they are doomed. I need a drop of this promo right now! The family screams and runs around in circles like a bunch of beheaded chickens. Cut to Kick on top of the roof looking at a snowball as he proclaims that moving the snow is doomed to failure; so he blows on the snow and proclaims that he has to melt it. So we see him use the sign snowboard as he goes back to the fancy resort and has a large pink rubber band against two pillars as he uses it to grab the hot tub with the girls in swimsuits in. Why yes folks; Kick is going to steal and vandalize a resort just for a family emergency just because he was stupid enough to disobey Harold who had every reason to tell him NOT to do stunts on Cornice Of Death mountain. Yes; he slingshots a hot tub and thankfully; the ladies jump out of the tub before he slingshotted it. Sadly; this is going to piss off Brad Buttowski because he is a sexist pig, but that's his problem. So the hot tub flies into the air and gets caught between two trees and the contents pour right onto the snow to create steam. Kick jumps down from the hot tub and is about to do his pose; when suddenly, the steam clears and he bonks into the dome of ice he just created causing Brad to yell Dillweed at him through the window. Yeah; what an idiot! So Kick ponders over what melts ice and we flashback to Harold walking on the driveway of his house and he slips and falls on his ass probably breaking his back.

Jump cut to closeup of him with a pink colored bag that reads "salt" in blue letters and he pours it all on one patch and it melts. Harold cuts a promo; and then walks over to another patch of ice and slips. He falls flat on his face and breaks his face because he's a goddamn idiot. We return to reality as Kick snowboards into the resort's restaurant and steals all the salt shakers he can find inside the resort while "apologizing". For goodness sakes; call the police. Because at least then; Kick can be chased back to the cabin and then they can call for help while arresting Kick Buttowski for being a vandalizer and a thief. Kick barges out of the resort and notices a conveniently placed snowblower being used by a workman and Kick gets inspired. So we jump back to the cabin in the ice like a snow globe without snow as we cut to inside with Harold crying over a photograph. We discover that he is crying over a load of letters. That was in fact funny! Cut to Brianna propped in the corner as tight as she can be acting paranoid and she screams that she cannot take it. The cabin fever, or discovering that Teena Sometimes has been officially canceled forever? And you cannot blame Kick for that one either. Cut to another corner near the fireplace as Brad is propped against the corner tightly and covering his ears. Brad proclaims that he cannot believe that he is going to die without a girlfriend and we pan over to show a snowman with a woman's wig and a pink scarf complete with whistling sounds. Brad goes over to the snowman and introduces himself as he calls her Ester, and then groans because Ester just wants to be friends. Only Brad Buttowski could not make girlfriends even when they are inflatable. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm....Denise is shown mixing stuff in a bowl while wearing a blue apron as she has stopped giving a damn about anything at this point. There is nothing inside the bowl except for dust as Harold is oodling over the picture of the mail saying that he loves it when he stamps them. Ooooookkkkkkaaayyyy.

Cut to outside as Kick arrives with salt and a snowblower. He pours all the salt into the snowblower and uses the snowblower as a snowboard to pour salt all over the glass dome like whipped cream with no cherry on top. Kick admires his handiwork as the salt melts. However; since he used table salt instead of what is really used in melting snow; three deers show up and lick the ice dome. Kick tries to shoo them away; but they growl at him causing Kick to back away like a coward. Like a bunch of deer can lick through that salt in less than three minutes. Did I just say...Oh never mind! Kick looks in the dome and everyone is acting like ghastly ghouls going out of their minds. Denise doing this look while mixing is many buys! So Kick ponders this over and we cut back to the resort as Kick is duct taping about a half dozen snowmobiles together. So yes; Kick is going to play with the snowmobiles after all and they weren't there in the beginning as a decoy. So Kick gets on and calls it the best snowplow ever and of course like all bad drivers in DTVA; he shifts in reverse and crashes into the resort as he destroys a massage table, a table filled with treats, a cauldron filled with hot water and girls on a fire, and a check out desk in that order. Everyone in the resort is pissed off and they chase after Kick. There is a spot where Kick finally gets the thing driving forward, but slips on water and the thing is in reverse again. I'm not going to bother revealing who is who here, because it goes by so fast and no one cares. Apparently; the message table is more important than their lives. So Kick crashes out of the resort and does a stunt with the snowmobiles to turn himself around on a snow peak. Yes; he did a stunt, but at least it lead to him getting the thing to stop driving in reverse, so I'm fine with this. Again; it's impossible to get angry at this after all the BS of Chargeman Ken, it really is. So we cut to a segment of Harold wearing a mustache and beard writing his last will and testament to his mail while crying. Pffftt. Brad has a plate of snowballs to give to Ester and then another snowman appears out of nowhere. Why? WHY NOT~?!

Brad gets a paper with a phone number on it and is pissed off. He pushes the top hat snowman in the face and breaks his hand as a result because Brad is a skinny with no muscles. Basically a clone of Vince Russo. Brad gets all mad and then breaks down and cries because she needs the snowman right now and bails. Yip. Denise comes in with a pan of treats that are rainbow colored poop basically. Still an improvement over Grammi Gummi's baking. SPLOOSH! EWWWWWW! Ummmmm... Denise thrusts them into Brad's face and she's lost it. By the way; the cupcakes are old socks in case anyone gets any ideas. Cabin fever seems to cause Denise to have Thor's eyes from Lagoon and cause a snowflake whirlpoolish jackhammer background. She must be drinking Stacker 2 for some reason, although her experience is different from Kurt Angle's which involves pyro explosions and having great wrestling matches while his acting skills drop. The family bails to the fireplace and they are trying to go up the chimney. Cut to Kick riding on the snowmobiles of doom as we do the following finish: Kick's snowmobiles crash into the ice dome. Kick flips to the top of the ice dome. The entire resort climbs on top and surrounds Kick like a bunch of goddamn idiots of course. Kick tries to calm them down; but the ice completely breaks and they freefall into the roof of the cabin and destroy it crashing onto the log floor. The resort people are pissed off, Kick's family is pissed off despite the fact that Kick did indeed save his family from cabin fever. And while it's Kick's fault for causing the avalanche; Harold could have simply thrown the keys to Kick, Kick could have opened the trunk and got the cellphone to call for help.

Kick does the old "nothing to make it up for" [promo which everyone growls at him. Kick changes his mind and we end with Kick being the servent to the family while the family enjoys the modern resort in their cabin. Brad is in the hot tub with the girls; while Denise and Harold are having a message. Harold and Denise calls this the best trip ever as we cut to Brad with the girls as the twin girls with purple bathing suits screw up Brad's promo of "Yeah Brad" as Brad corrects them and then we fade to black. We return with Brad and the girls in the hot tub as Ester watches from the window; Brad tells Ester to live her own life and closes the window blinds to end the episode at 9:30 approx. This was basically a boring idiot plot where there is no heat. Listen folks; it's easy to get pissed off at Kick disobeying Harold, destroy a resort and a cabin because Kick refused to do what he was told. However; after seeing Chargeman Ken, you realize that at least Kick didn't kill or seriously injure anyone. It's not worth getting angry about it anymore. The episode was just another clustermuck which we have seen before, so ** (40%).


Well; another Christmas episode has come and gone. A Cousin Kyle Christmas is great. Sure; it's no Jolly Molly Christmas nor even It's A Wonderful Leaf, but it was funny at least. Sure; there is no way I'm buying the pathos of this episode because Kyle already telegraphed from the start of the episode that he doesn't give a damn what Kick gives him for Christmas as long as Kick is there in person. So this rendered the entire episode pointless; but it was made up for it by a funny ending and Cousin Kyle being Cousin Kyle in being awesome! That's all I ask for in this special as this was funnier than the Fish Hooks special and was much better than Miracle In 34th Precint; so great job Kick for once. Kick tried the pathos and failed (because he isn't all that likable); but Kyle was great as usual. Snow Problem was just another clustermuck and they have done so many of these "Kick commits vandalism/thievery" spots that it becomes so mundame that getting angry at it is completely pointless. It was mostly Brad with Ester that was the only funny thing about this episode and Denise losing it, along with Harold's fetish for mail. It was an idiot plot that could have been avoid if Kick had obeyed Harold, but barring that: Harold throwing the keys to Kick to access the trunk to get the cellphone to get help. Of course; that would have ended the episode way too early. Again; I don't care to get angry anymore about Kick destroying people's properties (at least it was because it was to save his family from cabin fever even though he caused it in the first place); because he does this in every episode. Nowadays; you have to have bouncing babyfaces murdering people legit in order for me to get angry. That is what a 1974 anime from Knack Animation will do to ya. Overall; Kick Buttowski was better than Bonkers in this regard, mainly because Kyle is actually funny and the second short was the usual clustermuck with no heat. So this is officially the last rant of 2014 and in 2015, I start the TaleSpin 25th celebration in earnest. I will have a plan in place after Christmas; but for now, I'm pre-emptively finishing up the Easter Sadism rants for Chargeman Ken as I only have six shorts left to do. So...

Thumbs in the middle pointing up for A Cousin Kyle Christmas and a thumbs down for Snow Problem and I'll see you next time.

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