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Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil

Attic-a/Free Gunther Rant

Reviewed: 09/01/2017

In Old Country, Attic-a Frees Gunther~!

Hello everybody; I'm back to finish the series featuring the vainglorious bastard known as Kick Buttowski. YAY! Oh wait; I mean...D'OH! So our first episodes back features Kick, Brad and Harold in an attic with an evil gnome. Yes; an evil gnome, the most annoying plot device ever. Then Gunther and Kick destroy Magnus' lawn ornaments and Gunther has been grounded from a BMX competition, so Kick must free him and if he fails; then Gunther is grounded for a year. So let's continue on shall we...?

Attic-a is written by Derek Dressler. The storyboards are done by Stephen Destefano and Howie Perry, while direction is done by Chris Savino and Clay Morrow. Free Gunther is written by Derek Dressler and Patrick Andrew O'Connor. Storyboards were done by Scott O'Brien while direction was done by Chris Savino and Clay Morrow. Episodes are done with Toon Boom like all episodes of this show.

Opening Moment #1: Title card featured a black background with lots of eyes and the title itself looks like something out of Snuff.

Attic-a: We begin this one at Kick's residence during winter time as Denise and Brianna walk out in their winter gear as Denise is wearing the tinest green scarf I have ever seen. Yes; Brianna is going to yet another beauty contest, why do you ask? So the guise of this is that she is going to the beauty contest with their mother in order to force the males to do some male bonding. Harold is giddy about this as he forcely embraces Brad and Kick; whom look awkward in response. Something tells me this male bonding will involve some tactics from the Terry Garvin School Of Self Defense~! So Denise shuts the door after she and Brianna get into her car and the only order for Harold is to stay out of her cookie jar. Otherwise; he's good. So the car drives out of the driveway into the street as the males wave at the women and then proclaim that it's every man for himself and run in, slamming the door. Cut to Kick running into his room and slamming a piece of paper on the bed as somehow, this causes his boom box in the background to work. Not as funny as Caron nailing the radio in Chargeman Ken; and not as logical either. So the announcer tells us that it's going to be a clear day and then there will be more snow on the way for later on tonight; so enjoy it. Kick proclaims that he will as we get the paper blueprints featuring Kick sledding on the attic of the house and going down stairs, out of the house and into the snowy tsunami. Sounds like a bit of overkill to me as Kick goes to the door of his bedroom and looks around before bringing his sled and jumping up top to the ceiling to open the attic stairs. Kick walks up with sled into the attic and there is Brad playing with a red cone hat wearing gnome statue. Oh dear; this could be bad. I've already mentioned this plot device in the Phineas & Ferb rant (ironically the best episode featuring them if you can believe that); but this plot device is no longer funny. So Brad goes underneath the gnome's shell and pulls out a Tackini Lumberjacks magazine. I didn't mention this before; but lumberjack is a old word now and it's usually known as a logger. This wasn't because of the women as sexist morons would think; it's because it's due to modern technology changing the profession. So the correct term would be Tackini Loggers; which actually sounds more vulgar. Brad of course is cuddling him and calling him his best friend, Gnomey. TMI Brad! TMI!

Kick gleefully blows him off for it and laughs; as Brad is in mean-sprited mode; which is fine because he's supposed to be the evil brother. So Brad puts the statue on his left arm and whacks Kick with it and Kick goes flying into the cardboard boxes. Kick takes out a plastic pumpkin bowl (that thing you use for trick-or-treating) and we have a plastic object duel that would make Gentlemen Jack Gallagher shake his head in shame. Come on, now! At least use an out of nowhere umbrella for this fight! Plastic wheels to the kisser! Trophy stuffed to the head! I cringe! Kick falls backwards and down the attic steps as the trophy somehow flies from his head. Kick bounces up and slams the attic door shut as Brad calls him a dillweed. Brad pulls on the out of nowhere lever (JESUS~!); which I'm pretty sure I don't have that in my attic. It breaks (Oh, you're gonna die~!) and Brad goes flying stage right. Of course; they blame each other for locking the door and I don't care. Kick then decides that Harold is not in the attic; so he bangs on the door and screams for him. Pan over to a gutiar case as it opens and out comes Harold with the cookie jar eating a cookie. Of course! The episode is barely three minutes in including the opening; and the stupid adult has to really be stupid here. Brad and Kick invoke the pointy fingers of death on Harold because he was suppose to obey Denise; and Harold agrees, because he did this to lure Brad and Kick in for some male bonding. So the whole "every man for himself" was a ploy by Harold to get everyone into the attic. Ooooookkkkkaaayyyy; I'm putting way too much thought into this Krackpotkin plan. Even more so than Harold. Kick and Brad are not amused; so Harold threatens to tattle on them for doing stunts in the house and keeping vulgar magazines in gnome statues; and that's enough for them to hug Harold. Ewwwww! GET THEM AWAY! GET THEM AWAY! Harold wants them to bond like real men; which he jackhammers by making the worst scary face of all time. So they bond by playing card in a circle with Harold's colored mail. HAHA! Go fish indeed! I need a sympathy card after that one as Kick throws his cards down and goes out to a small cardboard box. He brings out a tall lamp post with shade. Don't ask me why; this makes no sense. Kick pounds on the door as Harold tells him to sod off because the door is super-reinforced to keep a bunch of racoons out. Man; what's Harold's malfunction with racoons?! It's like they farted on him.

So Harold talks and admits that he boarded up the gable window as we see it boarded up. Kick is giddy and tries some pole vaulting and the lamp post breaks and he takes a bump as Harold and Brad play go fish; so we all know who suffers from cabin fever the fastest. Kick finds his only fan (wink! wink! nudge! nudge!) and turns it on. He finds a white sheet and uses it as a balloon and zips around; and destroys the box containing little dutch children figures and the entire cards for go fish; causing Harold and Brad to blow him off and invoke the pointy finger of death in that order. Harold then breaks this up; as Harold proclaims that if Denise finds out, they'll blame it on Gnomey, the evil gnome propped against the wall. Harold's pointy finger of death sounds like someone rubbing a comb on their palms. And somehow it has gained flashy eyes and sharp teeth on the martial arts zoom in. Yawn. Brad shoves Harold away and claims that Gnomey is his friend which Harold blows off. Harold claims that Gnomey walks through the attic and devours the souls of teenagers causing Brad to sweat and deny this stupidity. Harold comes over to a pull rope of a light bulb claiming that the evil gnome comes to life as he pulls the rope over and over again as the gnome statue somehow is on Brad's back. Oh come on; Kick clearly did that! Brad panics like crazy as Brad is shaking on the ground screaming as Harold casually grabs the gnome and throws it away; shattering it off-screen. Harold proclaims that he loves male bonding. THAT'S male bonding?! That sounds like teenager abuse to me. Brad is screaming some more and cries like a baby as Harold tells Brad to sod off because Denise will be back in a few hours as the phone rings and it goes to the answering machine as Harold's message on it is hilarious. Most so the last five seconds of it. Anyhow; the males listen close to the door (so, the door is reinforced, but not sound proof. Okay; good to know.) as Denise is on the phone and tells us that the beauty contest is over; but they were snowed in, so they are in a hotel waiting it out and won't be back until tomorrow. Brad cries and covers his eyes, calling themselves goners. Geez; we have been saying that about this show for years now. Harold tells Brad to calm down; and then realizes that his cellphone is downstairs; as well as Kick's.

Brad has his though. I'm probably the only guy who doesn't have one, for some reason. However; Brad's battery is low and so he decides to text Horace to get him out of this (Horace is Chip Green in my rants by the way); but he does it in the slowest manner possible. Because he's not tech savvy and his arm strength sucks. And he only gets to three letter before the battery dies as Kick blows him off for that. Brad grabs Kick and does nothing as Harold tells them to sod off. And then proclaims that Brad is the worst texter ever causing Brad to drop Kick. HAHA! Good one Harold, good one. Then we hear noises and Brad invokes Occam's Razor that it's his stomach. Sadly; Occam's Razor is not nearly as effective in cartoons as in real life; so it has to be Gnomey rising from his shattered remains. So we go into a sequence of wasting time as they find candy in various holiday objects and it all ends with Brad eating all of them within ten seconds or so. I can understand Kick being upset (I know that's hard to believe, but it's true in this case); but Harold doing the Gruffi pose? After he ate all of Denise's cookies? Come on, now! Brad then apologizes and looks legit doing it, as Harold teases forgiving him and then no sells the deal and Kick and Harold rush Brad and Brad runs stage left like a coward. Scooby-Doo chase sequence the attic edition ensues, yawn. Door bell rings as the three goofballs go to the wall and start a legit wall banging, which causes Gunther at the door to be scared, screaming about the cursed gnome and runs off. So yes; Gnomey was a present from Gunther's family and somehow, Gunther doesn't know about it. What an idiot?! Even more idiotic; it still hasn't snowed yet in Mellowbrook. The males sulk in defeat as we head outside AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as it's windy, but still no snow falling. Cut to inside the attic as Brad is iced over, Kick is blowing and shivering; while Harold is sitting down playing the cello. HAHA! Yes; the guy with the least amount of clothing on is not selling this at all and has utter comtempt for it. Brad wants more pep in the playing and Harold sells that one at least. Brad then asks why the attic is so cold and we HIT THE FLASHBACK~ to ten years ago with Harold and the construction worker exchanging notes in the "in-progess" attic. I have no idea who voiced the worker and the wikia for this show is no help to me; since no one cared about this show. Toxic manliness in a nutshell; that's all that needs to be said here.

Anyhow; the only thing of note is that Harold claimed that he was only here until he got some exam, or some bullcrap before returning to reality (no, not really) as Harold claims that he has no idea. Of course! That's the life of a DTVA adult and sadly; Baloo is to blame for all this since he pioneered it back in 1990. So Kick is looking into boxes and finds the box marked clothes. Brad no sells and calls them girly as Kick puts on a Michigan sweater with a pink bra on his helmet; because why not? Harold puts on a green scarf with colored legwarmers and pantyhose on his head. Oooookkkkkkaaaayyyyyy. Brad continues to no sell; so we know where the toxic man genes from Harold went to. Brad breaks the ice literally and rushes into the box of clothes and brings out a white dress and wears it. I just love how Kick and Harold are giggling at Brad when Kick and Harold looks much more absurd than Brad could ever be. Brad seems to be enjoying this as he asks for earmuffs; but they shake their heads no. Brad finds the white sheet cover headband and wears it and Kick and Harold laugh in his face. Brad, meet the faces of projection! Brad don't care and pumps his fist in victory. When Brad is the most enlightened person in the room; that's Brad...Ummmm...I mean bad. Scene change to the three sitting down shivering as Brad complains about the cold...AGAIN! Harold claims that they still have the light and it goes out. Brad panics like crazy as Harold tells him to shut up because they have limited air in a closed attic. Brad panics even more now. Nice breaking it to him, Harold. Hope your Darwin Award comes on top of that tombstone instead of where the sun don't shine. Brad bumps and shatters into various objects and then trips and falls. Brad claims it's a lawn reindeer; but it was probably Harold's or Kick's leg since he was closest to them when he fell. We hear noises as Brad panics again thinking it's Gnomey; but Harold blows it off because he made the story up. Brad asks why he's whispering, and Harold claims that he made up the story of head lice, but discover that this is a real thing. So they deny until a fourth pair of eyes show up; and then they scatter in various directions. Eyes chase Brad, Brad panics like crazy, Gnomey jumps up and they tumble and crash off-screen. Kick runs in and jumps on Brad's back as Harold runs in with the projector; so there is still power in the house somehow. Geez; Harold is cheaper than me. Harold puts the projector on a table (?) and Harold brings out a...a cigar (WHAT?) and smashes the gnome statue with it. Good; someone is finally fed up with those Travelocity ads as I am. Harold then turns around and wants them to bond over the death of a possessed lawn gnome and then they hugged. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That is the only sane response I can give this. Anger is pointless and makes me look stupid and going awww doesn't work because I have no emotional attachment over this. Laughter is the only thing that makes sense here. And then we see a racoon from the corner squeak and run stage right. Kick sees it right away and is not amused as we jump cut to the males watching Harold juggling cheerleaders on the football field. I am not making this up. Harold claims he was a yellleader; except in the locker room, then he was a cheerleader. HAHA! Kick is in awe of the reverse pyramid move by the cheerleaders that he notices the projector screen is above the gable window boarded up which means that Harold's reverse pyramid is going to be the finish of this episode. Yes; they did in fact build this up well, so kudos to them. So Harold isn't sure about this Krackpotkin plan Kick has; but it's time to Kick Buttowski and they give the male bonding sign. Basically; with only three guys; it's basically the human chain cladder spot. Kick has the Christmas lights as rope as Harold is on bottom, Brad is in the middle and Kick would be on top. Problem #1: Kick is the shortest so he cannot reach the window anyway. Problem #2: In storyline, Brad's arm muscles do not exist, so this is going to fail. So Kick tells him to imagine grabbing for the TL magazines while babes are watching him. Somehow, this is enough for Brad to push up and allow Kick to open the gable window. Yeah; Brad has tunnel vision when it comes to motivation. Kick opens the window and five raccoons show up out of nowhere. Of course! The raccoons blitz on Kick causing the ladder to sway; but it doesn't topple them as we then get a stupid logic break: The raccoons just open the door to the attic and run down the stairs; and then magically the attic door slams shut after the fifth raccoon runs down the steps. WHAT?! Why? Oh; I know...because they have to go out the window and destroy the Christmas lights, silly. Male bonding, you know. So after some motivation from Harold about the Buttowski, Brad lifts Kick and Kick jumps out of the window, ropes the wire onto a flag pole and slides down and onto the ground. He says "all clear"; as Brad and Harold slide down onto the ground in the front lawn and they hug each other. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whatever, guys. Brad's screaming that they are alive is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. They laugh and completely forget that they are still outside as morning arises. Antonio arrives and out comes Denise and Brianna as the snow has melted; so tempertures rose above zero since then. Denise is so confused as well as Brianna; that Denise is forced to shield Brianna's eyes from this insanity and then she simply drives the car away to end the episode at 10:40 approx. So yes; no payoff to the cookies thing. This was your average clustermuck. ** 1/2 (50%).

Opening Moment #2: Title card is Gunther locked in a shadowed tower with Kick on ground level looking up. Heh.

Free Gunther: We begin this one at Magnus' house as Magnus is in the front lawn trimming something which I cannot tell. Jump cut to inside their dining area as Gunther walks in with the newspaper with the table having nothing but a cup of coffee on it. Gunther sits down and drinks from the cup. Gunther flicks the newspaper and reads it to see an ad which we zoom in. We finally see Boom McCondor on a bicycle with a lance as there is going to be BMX Jousting tonight at the Mellowbrook arena. Gunther folds the newspaper and walks out as we cut back to Magnus putting down sticks of viking ship decorations right in the front lawn near the street. Gunther opens the door and notices Kick on his blue bicycle stopping between the front lawn and the sidewalk. Gunther stares at Kick and Kick stares back. I should note that there is no music being played in the background, for no reason. Kick has a newspaper and then Kick simply walks through the barrier and doesn't break any of the decorations in the process. Gunther walks towards Kick and meets up. They stare with frowning faces that would never win a frowning contest and then they show the newspaper ads and scream like complete fools and this is when the music starts up again. I'm sorry; but Isabella from Phineas & Ferb is so much better than both of you combined doing that spot. They bounce chests and then tackle each other; and proceed to destroy the decorations on the front lawn as Magnus was putting down another one and he notices. Magnus' eye twitches as Kick and Gunther roll and bonk into Magnus' legs and groin. Magnus still no sells the bonk; but I betcha he oversells the entire destruction of his precious viking ship decorations. Now; yes, they destroyed people's properties here; but Magnus is not going to let this rolling stand. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Magnus is pissed of with thunderbolt and in a rare moment of making me laugh; Kick still high-fives Magnus anyway in victory. HAHA! Damn; I'm so good. Gunther is grounded as Kick and Gunther look at each other, and they oversell screaming like complete fools. HAHA! Knowing Magnus; this makes sense for a change. Gunther is apologizing like mad and Magnus completely no sells all. Kick proclaims that he cannot go without his best bud. Why can't you? Are you broke, Kick? You know writers; if you want me to believe that Kick is powerless to go to this BMX jousting event, you could have him say that Gunther has the money.

Because otherwise; it makes Kick look like an idiot and makes us say: "Just go to the event, Kick." See, easy and the episode ends. Kick asks if they can start the grounding tomorrow and Magnus actually agrees to it and angry moral guardians get their keyboards really to type down how immoral this is...Kick asks if he's serious and he says, "yes"...moral guardian start typing...and Magnus proclaims that if Kick can break into Magnus's house, Gunther is free for tonight only. Because you see, we are going to play BattleSneegan. The rules of engagement are as follows: The contestant has to rescue the grounded person and get them on the sidewalk while avoiding a large number of traps; if the contestant fails, the grounded person is punished for a year....Moral Guardians are shocked and ashamed. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The only thing better than this is if Kick fails; he is also grounded for a year. Oh; and it's Kick VS. Magnus. Also of note; Magnus can literally create thunderbolts by simply clapping his hands. Awesome! Magnus also screams a lot and Helga tells him to shut up and shuts the window. And it's no holds barred by the way. I just love how they claim that there are no rules; when Gunther explains that if he doesn't get him by the sidewalk by sundown, he's grounded for a year. So yes; there is one rule, which is the stip for this match. This actually makes sense and it means that Kick can win this, so there is incentive for Kick to try. Gunther pleads for Kick to not accept the challenge, because somehow being grounded for a year is worse than being grounded for...How many? They don't say. Kick accepts the challenge anyway; because he's Kick and cannot function without Gunther when it comes to stunt events. What a wimp? Even Brad has enough sense to see through this. Magnus screams like crazy; Helga blows him off, slams the window and it's lobster courage Magnus squeaking and twinkletoes at Kick. HAHA! Let the BattleSneegan begin. I'm guessing Snee from Peter Pan invented this game after finding a new job when Captain Hook was defeated by Peter Pan. Gunther enters panicky because Magnus has never lost a BattleSneegan in his life. How many times has he had one? They don't say as church bells ring and Kick isn't going without Gunther. Oh; and to make it even worse for Kick as a man: Gunther wants him to go without him; so that implies that Kick has the money to see the event without him. Stupid!

So and here's a major logic break: Magnus already said that the BattleSneegan has begun and Kick and Gunther are on the front sidewalk about twenty feet away from the sidewalk. All Kick has to do is grab Gunther and run to the sidewalk and they win. Easy. Logically; that is what I do. Even if you need to extend the episode: Kick and Gunther bail at once and then gets caught in a trap, Magnus comes out, grabs Gunther and brings him into the house. See, easy. Nope; we scene change to Gunther in his bedroom making paper-mache dolls on the floor as Magnus taunts him and slams the door shut laughing. What a bunch of idiots?! Gunther notices a grappling hook attached to an open window as Kick tries to climb up (complete with Batman live action camera angle) calling this a piece of cake and the giant axe sticks into the house, cuts the rope and Kick free falls. Kick falls in the grass, impacting it as Magnus scoffs at him and walks away. Kick calls this a slightly more difficult piece of cake. Scene change as we get attempt #2 with Kick running with a wooden ladder and sets it up, runs up as Kick is cut off by Magnus standing at the window. Magnus raises the ladder and flicks Kick off of it, Kick goes flying. Jump cut to inside Jackie The Stalker Whackerman's room rubbing a genie lamp, wishing to go insane on Kick as Kick breaks through the wall and lands in front of Jackie; and Jackie thanks the lamp for it. HAHA! Awesome! Scene change to attempt #3: Kick has a pulley system as he's going to use a tree to slingshot himself into the house. By the way; I already reviewed Locked Out and this pretty much the same thing as a plot, only Kick is breaking in to get Gunther and get him on the sidewalk, instead of just breaking in. Anyhow; this fails because Magnus hip checks the house about twenty feet to the left. Considering that this dood can create thunderbolts by clapping his hands, this makes more sense than it should. Kick flicks off a tree and goes flying stage left as we jump cut to Jackie admiring a picture of Kick's head; which is actual size according to her. Oh; and she took the picture of him, too. Jackie wants some kissy-kissy; Kick crashes in, bonks into Jackie, they fall down. So yes; man-on-woman violence is allowed in this show as Jackie is concussed and apparently was kissed off-screen. Damn; an on-screen kiss would have been money. I club BS&P! Jackie is still in love, and still a stalker. All you need to know, folks.

Scene change to Kick on the sidewalk with the pointy finger of death on the window containing Gunther looking out. Kick assures him that he is going to that BMX jousting event. Gunther is insisting to give this up and take his likeness paper-mache doll he was making, all it needs is color. I wish he made one of Kick; that thing would automatically be emoting better than the real thing. Kick proclaims that he's still going to break him out with some Kick Buttowski escaping...patent pending. Which will never happen by the way. Circle fade out and we return with attempt #4: Kick is underground digging with a pickaxe and goes up through the floorboards. Kick of course gets cut off by Magnus as Magnus uses the WOODEN SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT to bash the floorboards down. Damn, Kick Buttowski ants don't know their place! And Kick bounces up and down as Kick is concussed and we repeat it again! And again, and again, and again, and again and again...(Sips some soda)...and again, and again. This turns into Magnus's version of Whack-A-Pest; only Magnus gets 100% while Candance gets zero for hers. After about thirty whacks and two lost teeth, Magnus finally nails Kick and he bounces out of the hole he dug and if you cannot guess what happens next, you have no business reading this rant. Yeah; Jackie is doing the flower "he loves me/he loves me not" spot; as she runs out of pedals and thinks Kick doesn't love her; which is in fact true, sadly. Kick busts in from the floor; Jackie grabs the one loose tooth left in Kick and declares that Kick loves her. Of course! Scene change to Kick in various locations among Mellowbrook checking for giant globe statues. He finds on in the park next to a fountain and brings out a hand drill calling it just right. Why yes; Kick is going to steal public property with impunity; why do you ask? Jump cut back to Magnus in his hammock reading the newspaper as he notices a giant ass globe rolling on the street towards him. Kick is inside on his skateboard and Magnus don't care as he uproots a tree from his front lawn as Gunther looks out the window. So let's just say attempt #5 fails with Magnus whacking the globe with the giant tree bat and be done with it. Yeah; so close and so far yet. Lots of pinballing ensues as we scene change to Kick drilling the broken globe back onto the park fountain and that is that. Oh; and there was no sign of Kick being in trouble for stealing it, not even police officers are shown. What a shocker?!

Scene change back to the sidewalk with Gunther at the window telling Kick to give up because Magnus won't give up either. You don't say. Kick goes into melodramatics as Gunther shows off the Gunther paper-mache doll; which causes Kick to call Gunther a genius. Gunther admires the doll as Kick proclaims that he was thinking cake; when he should go home and bake a pie. So Kick bails as Gunther was thinking the same thing. Scene change to the front door as Kick rings the door chime; which somehow rings a chime and a viking horn at the same time. Door opens as Magnus comes out and screams. Hell of a neigbour this Magnus fellow is! Kick shows him a pie as an offering as Kick concedes the BattleSneegan to Magnus. It's hamburg pie and eats it like a pig. Magnus praises Kick for putting up a fight anyway as then he notices paper-mache Gunther near the sidewalk; just as Kick is admitting that he let Gunther down. Magnus starts to panic and runs towards Gunther to prevent him from landing on the sidewalk. Wait; so Kick submitted to Magnus, which means the BattleSneegan is officially over. So why is Magnus acting like the thing is still going on?! He won! This makes no sense at all! Magnus trips on a rock and smashes into paper-mache Gunther as PM Gunther turns into pieces and candy. Magnus actually to his credit, doesn't sell this anymore, but Kick is already in the house and running up the stairs to Gunther's room. He opens the door to see Gunther with his face all purple saying that he finished his pie. So; he's grounded, but making pies is okay according to the rules. So he's just grounded for a year from being Kick's friend. All right. Kick and Gunther try to bail as Magnus cuts off the front entrance because getting in is easy; getting out is hard. So there is a conveniently placed panel in which Magnus pushes buttons and levers (JESUS~!) as the windows and doors are iron barred, there are cannons, torches, a swinging pendlum sickle and a river of alligators. Let's add some WWE lawyers, sharks and Arnold Perlstein from The Magic School Bus if you really want to overkill a scene there Magnus. Kick is reconsidering this whole thing as Magnus turns up the heat with the flamethrower. VAINGLORIOUS BASTARD ON FIRE~! Crossbows firing from the sofa; sadly they hit the railing as Magnus yells some more as there are sword ceiling fans coming down on them. Kick has had enough; and goes to the wall to take the sword and shield from the wall.

Kick proclaims that he's going to the BMX jousting with Gunther even if it kills him. Kick jumps onto the railing and calls out Magnus complete with He-Man thunder and lightning. I cannot buy Kick being a viking, I just cannot. Magnus tells him to bring it on as Kick orders Gunther to climb on his back and Gunther climbs right into Kick's shoulders. So Kick slides down the railing and ramps off of it; kicking gators in the mouth in the process. Shield is invoked on flames and arrow; but not flaming arrows because that's cruel. Magnus brings out the spiked chain frail as the pedlum sickle comes across and Kick still falls well before it can hit him and lands on the ground. Did I mention that this was in slow motion? What was the point of that; since it led to nothing. So the showdown begins as they run in ready to kill each other, but Helga comes in and screams at them to shut up. They stop. HAHA! Magnus lies that he was doing nothing; but Helga completely blows him off; and basically implies that he's a lazy sexist bastard in a subtle way before resetting the thing and storming off stage right. Magnus sulks and calls the thing over as Kick wins. WHAT?! Ummm; if you haven't followed the storyline; the BattleSneegan was over because Kick submitted in the previous scene, so Gunther is grounded for one year. Furthermore; they weren't even close to the sidewalk; so I was suspecting: All right; Magnus is gone, Kick and Gunther try to walk outside and a brick wall with barbed wire stops them two feet before they make it; we have one final scene where Kick and Gunther overcome this and win the BattleSneegan outright; which would have got Kick and Gunther over. Nope; they walk out the door and stand right on the sidewalk and win without further incident. Completely and totally anti-climatic; and a complete burial of Magnus. Screw you show; you were doing so well in this episode too! Of course; this episode has to end with them repeating the exact same thing that got them grounded and roll into Buttowski's property; destroy the flowers and bump into Harold, who is a lot smaller than Magnus and thus the no sell makes no sense. Harold is pissed and grounds Kick, they scream, yee-haw, don't care as we go to black. We return with Kick in his room making a paper-mache doll of himself as the wall bursts and it's Jackie in a viking outfit. Okay; that is an awesome ending; I will admit that as she puts Kick on her back (which makes more sense) and jumps out of the wall to end the episode at 10:20 approx. Okay; the construction worker was voiced by Fred Tatasciore and that's all I have to say about that. This was a really fun episode until the stupid finish; but recovered somewhat with Jackie in the ending. *** 3/4 (75%).


Well; I'm back and not much has changed since I last reviewed this show. Attic-a was just average with the usual logic breaks and somewhat funny stuff involving Brad in a dress and Harold with the cards playing go fish. Kick was his usual self. Free Gunther was in fact a really fun episode for me and Magnus was great in this until the end when he was just buried. It wasn't Helga though; it was the writers who didn't give us a twist to this that would have made this sweet. To be fair; Jackie was great in this one as I expected and Kick did nothing that we haven't seen before and hated. Poor Magnus; he's just a stupid adult, but he's a funny stupid adult, so there's that. Personally; I have not much else to say; outside the usual. So yeah; let's move on to the next episode rants. So...

Thumbs in the middle for both shorts and I'll see you next time.

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