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Phineas & Ferb: Unfair Science Fair/Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)
Reviewed: 01/12/2013
Sounds Like Mike Adams In A Nutshell!
Here's a really fun concept that I rarely hear about: You write an original short on a science fair and then you do the same episode AGAIN; only in an alternative universe. This is what Unfair Science Fair is about. The original is Phineas & Ferb helping Baljeet create a portal to Mars while Doofenshirmtz seeks to win a science fair by overcoming a bicarbonate volcano; while Candace and Wendy fight over a job at Mr. Slushy Burger. Oh joy! The redux is similar; only with a twist. I'll leave that twist as an excercise to the reader . So here are #46 and #47 (23a/23b) on the animation paper and let's rant on shall we...?!
Unfair Science Fair and it's Redux are written by Bobby Gaylor, Elizabeth Ito, Aliki Theofilopoulos, Piero Piluso, Jon Colton Barry and Martin Olson. Story editing for both episode are done by Martin Olson. Elizabeth's credits: Everyone's Hero, Astro Boy 2009 Edition Movie, Adventure Time, Hotel Translvania and Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2. That's it. Piero's credits: Camp Lazlo, The Mighty B!, The Coasters and The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. That's it. Phineas & Ferb are both writer's DTVA debut and only appearance. Animation is done by Wang Films.
Unfair Science Fair: We begin this one in the backyard with a computer screen that shows a message. What is that message you ask? What are we going to do today? And Phineas said it. It's not enough to show it in the modern cartoon era; you have to say it. So we get pictures of various stuff which includes an underwater skating park (which is a fool's errand), flying with rocket powered bat wings which is awesome, but would be better if they were angel like bird wings, and teach Perry how to do magic trick. That last one sounds reasonable and doesn't drive Candace insane; so I doubt that they'll do that one. Phineas claims that he doesn't do much as Perry hisses; and in comes Isabella to inform us that Baljeet is screaming like a stereotype and calling himself an incompetent flunky forever....ever, ever. Damn it Isabella; go see Terry Funk and takes notes on his forever speech. She claims that she added the echo part and Phineas calls this serious. So Phineas & Ferb stand up and leave as we head to Baljeet's house which looks like those elephant furry building in Romancing Saga 3. It even has elephant statues dotted on the front steps. Strangely; we hear P&F yelling; but don't see them at the front door on the far shot, and then we see the door on the near shot and it opens it to reveal Baljeet's bedroom; which looks like an average modern day kids' bedroom. So there is a mess of metal, tools and boxes on the floor as the lights are off (mature lighting in this cartoon. Yipppeeee!!) as Baljeet is sitting on the floor cross legged reading blueprints. Phineas asks why are the lights off and Baljeet calls it a shroud that hides his shame. He shows the blueprints to Phineas and we discover that it's a portal to Mars. I see the Phineas factor is rubbing off of Baljeet enough that even Buford cannot get it off. Phineas thinks it's cool; but Baljeet thinks otherwise because his teacher caught wind of it as we hit the flashback with a nerdy like teacher with a brown dome hairstyle, glasses and wearing a brown suit with a blue bowtie is reading the blueprints.
He asks what does it do which is dorky talk for "this is a dumb idea" as Baljeet points out that you step into it and then you are on Mars. The teacher calls it creative; but unless he gives him a working model of that portal; he'll get an A-. We return to reality (no, not really) right when Baljeet screams A- and crumbles the paper. Wait; so Baljeet only gets A+'s? Don't you think Baljeet is really overreacting here? I know might I have said this everytime; but if you want to get over the fact that Baljeet is a straight A student, the mark he might get should not be an A; it should be at least a B or for the best results, a C (minus works better than plus; but both work well enough to get the storyline over). Here; I'm like "Stop being a crybaby Baljeet! It's an A-; the second best mark you can get in North America. In Japan; the third best mark since the best mark is S. Phineas points out the obvious to us as Baljeet admits that he sucks at working models and then he turns to the hard camera and proclaims that he'll explain his plight in a song. Please don't....Oh crap! Yeah; he's part of Indian royality and he does the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM wearing all white with sandals and an orange sash. I refuse to call this nonsense. At least the song is charming and Baljeet has the stiffest dance moves ever. Wait; why are their four hands from a WASP? Why are Baljeet's dance moves so stiff and contrived? Why am I calling this when I shouldn't be? The guise of this is that Baljeet's forefather always get A+ and he would shame the family if he got an A-. Jeepers; this is one family that I would not want to be in. I will give credit to Baljeet for claiming that his dreams will be pureed because this is just asking for Buford to appear on this episode today. And yes; Phineas & Ferb join in the dancing, why do you ask? So we get dancing Indian stereotype female dancers with elephants as Phineas sings about knowing what to do today; which is to built Baljeet's prototype. So then Phineas sings the final lines which is to ask where Perry is and we return to reality (no, not really) as Baljeet asks if he had him with him. I like the song and the stiff dancing; but it is still overreacting.
So we cut to Perry in front of a book case as he stands on his hind legs; and pulls on a book to open the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. Huh; why not just open it? Perry jumps into it and lands on his seat as papers fly on the chair in front of the giant screen. Major Monogram is on the screen and we discover that he wears a white wig and is bald. Okay. Monogram puts on the white wig and turns around. Monogram explains that Doofenshmirtz made some unusual purchases as he's brought chicken wire, three metric tons of baking soda and lederhosen. So he's making soda susages! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's evil Monogram? Really? Monogram blows off German customs and calls him one sick puppy. Hey Major; you can sod off! See what I did there? Perry walks off; and we head to Baljeet's room and HIT THE MONTAGE! We build and build and build. We discover that Baljeet's motor skills and real world skills make Miss Lips look like a well oiled machine. That's not good. So after more silly stuff; the portal to Mars is finished and it looks like one of those windows you see in a submarine only with the purple sick mess on the glass. It is set on a pair of stairs and has a lever. Baljeet on the inside is thanking Phineas a thousand times while remaining frugal on the outside. Somebody is clearing taking this body, mind and soul thing way too seriously. Baljeet has his hands clasped and he's smiling with his teeth showing; and we fade to black and return to the Googalplex Mall and at the corner of a wall of the mall (which is the second time we have been here, remember Linda's concert in the first episode we ranted on?). Baljeet apparently needs to have that smile and pose surgically removed. Yeah; he has been here since midnight with that pose; so Phineas pulls on his cheeks and that returns him to normal. So Baljeet decides to stay cool and wait until the teacher gets here; and then the cramps of his cheek muscles return and he certainly needs that smile surgically removed now. So we cut to somewhere else in the mall as Candace is using the binoculars to spy on Jermey with corn dogs on a stick; and of course Jermey sees her right away. HA!
Mainly because she is spying at him at a table which is right in front of the counter while Jermey is standing behind the counter. Ummm; yeah. So we get more chuckling from Candace as she claims that she brought them for Lawerence and was testing them out. We also see on the counter out of nowhere is a sign that reads "Help Wanted" and there is a fat clown with a green hat holding a hamburger. If this is supposed to be Mr. Shushy Dawg; shouldn't the mascot be a snowbank? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Candace notices the "help wanted" sign and Jermey suggests joining in; but then gets cut off by a dark skinned female with black hair, blue overalls, purple shirt and a blue strap around her hair; as she claims that she has high energy and positive motavation and wants the job big time. Candace pushes her because she is applying for the job. So the black manager of this eatry comes out from his office and has black curly hair and wears a purple shirt, brown pants and a black tie. That looks different at least. He also has a red pen in his shirt pocket. He's voiced by Brian Stepanek; which I don't need a tribute because I have seen him before voicing Harold in Kick Buttowski. So there is only one position to fill and he wants a competition to judge who will get the job. So I discover that the girl who is competing with Candace is Wendy and she offer to fist bump for good luck; but then cuts that off; calling her slow as molasses and she calls her as her booking name to Candace. Wendy leaves as Candace blows her off as slower than molasses which shocks the store manager in which Candace asks if this is part of the competition. Candace; if he is shocked by your lack of people skills; then yes it is part of the competition. Wendy is voiced by Brenda Song and according to IMDB: Brenda Song was born in Carmichael, California. Her father is Hmong Chinese and her mother is Thai-American. Brenda, her parents, and her younger brothers Timmy and Nathan now live in a suburb of Los Angeles. Brenda was named an All-American Scholar in ninth grade and holds a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.
She stars as London Tipton, the hotel owner's spoiled daughter, in the Disney Channel's sitcom The Suite Life of Zack and Cody (2005). Having acted since age six, Brenda is already a familiar face to Disney Channel viewers. Before beginning production on the new series, she had a recurring role as the hip and trendy Tia on Phil of the Future (2004). She also starred in the top-rated Disney Channel Original Movies Stuck in the Suburbs (2004), the mystery Get a Clue (2002) with Lindsay Lohan, and The Ultimate Christmas Present (2000) with Hallee Hirsh and Spencer Breslin. Her other television credits include guest starring roles on That's So Raven (2003), George Lopez (2002), The Bernie Mac Show (2001), 7th Heaven (1996), One on One (2001), The Nightmare Room (2001), Judging Amy (1999), Popular (1999), Once and Again (1999), and as a panelist on Small Talk (1996). Brenda also had a starring role on the series 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd (1999). On the big screen, she starred in Like Mike (2002) opposite Bow Wow and Jonathan Lipnicki, and appeared in Leave It to Beaver (1997) and Santa with Muscles (1996) starring Hulk Hogan. A self-proclaimed total dork, she loves sampling international cuisine, shopping and studying. She is an avid Los Angeles Lakers fan. She began her career as Kathy in Thunder Alley in 1994. American Dragon: Jake Long as Cheerleader Tracey is her DTVA debut and also appeared on The Emperor's New Skool (Dancing Queen). Dads as Veronica is her most recent credit. She has 54 acting credits, 48 Self credits and three production credits (Suite Life Of Zack & Cody, Arwin, and Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior) to her resume. So we head outside as a purple pickup truck which the back is filled with a mountain pile of baking soda is driving into a parking lot building. Perry is wearing the jetpack again as he follows him inside as we discover on the side pan that the truck is a shorter version of Doofenshirmtz Evil Incorporated. In a surprise; there is no jingle. I just D.E. Ink is copyrighted.
So Perry climbs onto the back of the truck and heads to the cockpit and manages to open the window and hop inside to see Doof wearing leaderhosen and looking semi cool in it! HA! Doof calls this his truck of doom and Perry gets caught with the baby carrier seatbelt and star mobile which is mostly purple to match the purple inside walls and the purple seats. Doof asks if Perry is wondering why he's wearing leaderhosen and then blows off Perry because he has the legs for it. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So we hear a really husky male's voice as he blows off Doof as Hansel and tells him to move the truck. Doof blows her off. Yes; I said her because, we discover that the driver is a large female with brown curly hair and a purple dress looking mightly pissed off. Doofenshirmtz realizes that it is indeed a female as he points out that it must be embrassing for her to get phone calls as Doof has his back turned to her. Doof then asks Perry if she is behind him and he turns around, we fade to black and Doof gets punched in the face. Sigh. On the other hand; this at least makes sense because we knew this was coming because we see Doof driving the truck and sporting a black left eye. He tells Perry not to say anything about it; which is fine because Perry doesn't speak anyway. I did love this scene though and Doof got what he deserved for mocking rigid gender roles. And hearing a male like female talk is much more compelling than a deep voice male kid anyway. So we head to the Googolplex Mall which the sign has the science fair on today. So the gym at their school is too small to hold such an event. Odd. So we head inside as there is a lineup of kids with science fair projects to be checked by the science fair clerk at the desk. I'm guessing that Baljeet got here first and he's a dork who waits outside at midnight to get that latest video game. So we go to the back as Doof is carrying Perry who is strapped to the baby seat and wheeled in on a wagon.
So then he mocks a dorky kid with shades (holding a cheese colored model of some planet) on for making a model of Pluto because Pluto is no longer a planet and calls him a moron. Doof does have a point there sir; however, his big brother comes in and grabs the model planet and gets mad. Doof tries to reason with him; then BS&P strikes again and we return to see Doof taking the planet which was slammed on his head off his head. Oh COME ON BS&P! I can understand not showing punches to the face; but slamming objects on people's heads is a no-no now? After what happened to the farmer's wife in the last rant? Why not just book a different spot that doesn't involve violence instead of off-screen violence? I would rather have BS that makes sense instead of hiding the consequences of violence. And yes; somehow Doof has two black eyes despite the fact that the second blow was not a punch. Anyhow; Doof asks if Perry wants to know why he suffers through this? Ummm; it's because the writers hate your guts Doof? And then we hit the flashback as we see young Doof with metal parts as we head inside what appears to be a warehouse basement; as he enters the room and we discover that his first invention for the science fair is called an Inator. He also admits that he wasn't clever with names just yet; which is funny because Inator by itself is actually a cool name. He just overdoes the inator bit. It's a green laser cannon as we see three judges in suits come in and one of them is JB himself from Toy To The World (he must have some disorder in his hair to keep it white for all those years since it has to be 20 years ago in this flashback, the second dark skinnedone with glasses we have seen in It's A Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World as an investor; and the third one is a George Jefferson reject. However; these judges were apparently bought and paid for by a black haired male kid wearing red pants with purple vest like suspenders, boots and a yellow shirt since they always awarded him the first prize for some baking soda volcano year after year after year. HAHA!
So Doof decided to quit the science business and try poetry as he wrote a silly green beret and is dressed in a blue sweater and black pants reciting a poem which is so contrived and forced; even Oscar sweating like bullets couldn't sound so contrived and forced. And a green beret is on the volcano as he lost to that too. Geez; someone secretly hates Doof, I swear to god! So we finally return to reality as Doof shows the out of nowhere cart with a large cover on; and it is taken off to reveal a large baking soda volcano. Again; how is this evil? So Doof laughs and then wheels himself and Perry into the check out as it's a white haired man with glasses behind the counter as he asks if Doof is a little too old to be entering the science fair. At least in this show; Doof is a heel, unlike Homer Simpson who is supposed to be the babyface, entering a contest for children does have some heelish...Oh wait; I get it the evilness now. What a fool I am? Doofen tricks him by showing off his lederhosen and of course the old man is so stupid that he allows him to be entered anyway without even a check to see his ID. That is F'n stupid! So we cut back to the portal of Mars as we discover that Baljeet's science teacher is called Mr. McGillicuddy. Beluh would be proud of him; since he's smart enough to get into a business that doesn't kill him too soon. Baljeet is so giddy to demonstrate this; McGill should give him an F; just to see his reaction. McGill is impressed with the prototype built; but he asks does it work? Baljeet is about to say something; but Phineas cuts him off anyway and pulls the lever; as the three kids wear shades in response. McGill looks through the protal and sees green aliens with three eyes apiece doing their own science fair; and he's impressed. So he sticks his head through the portal and then is shocked and amazed because he can go through to Mars and see the aliens having a science fair. Yeah; there is a huge gaping logic break that would cause a black hole in the universe (you see it a lot in human world DTVA shows when using space as a plot device); but it's enough for McGill to write an A+++ on Baljeet's project. He bails stage left to get the judges. Yeah; whatever.
So we head to a walled off portion as the big volcano is sitting there waiting to be demonstrated. Damn; I wish Doofenshrmitz wore that outfit every episode, since it makes him look awfully cool and dorky at the same time. Fits his character to a T. Doof talks about showing all those naysayers that he can cause havoc when an acid and a base combined. Finally; some reason for Perry to stop Doofen. So then we see Doof with a black cord as he has a light show to demonstrate with said volcano and he goes over and takes out the cord from the floor socket; which so happens to be the one that is plugged into the portal from Mars. You know science is uncreative when THAT happens; so the judges come in with McGill (who was boasting about this making his educational career) as he orders the kids to start the project and Phineas pulls the lever; and we get nothing...AND THE ROCKS MEANS NOTHING! One of the judges is a female which indicates that the flashback happened before the woman's sufferage movement. Somehow; that doesn't surprise me; although it makes less sense since two of the judges were African American and their movement didn't begin until the 1960's (the WSM was well before that). Poor McGillicuddy; done in by the lack of floor sockets. Such a tragedy. The male judges want corn dogs and they leave; as McGill then notices a switch of Low/High and decides to twist the knob. McGill continues with the lever; but no dice. Phineas feels disappointed; but Baljeet doesn't care because he got his A+++; which is now downgraded to an A++. So Phineas asks about corn dogs and Baljeet is so happy so they bail stage left as well. Meanwhile; we head into the kitchen of Mr. Slushy Dawgs as the store manager is showing Candace and Wendy that the first compeition is to dress hot dogs with ketchup and mustard. Geez; even the brick walls are purple today. The store manage leaves and we hit the WESTERN MONTAGE which was lifted for the beginning to Runaway Recital; except that they had enough class to not stoop to Federator jackhammering.
And now we're off and both kids do a reasonable job of dressing the dogs; which sounds both vulgar and a Jay Leno blowoff waiting to happen. Then Candace complains about being out of ketchup; and squeezes on the bottle and instead of splatting on Wendy's face; it splats on the top of the head and somehow makes the Dairy Queen whipped topping on it. Nice one BS&P! Wendy counters with the bottle of mustard, same result only on Candace with a yellow beard. Then we squeeze relish and create glasses on Wendy; then counter with mayo to create a mess because Wendy placed the bottle on the counter and somehow whacks the thing with the cookie sheet despite the hotdogs being on them. So we continue the food fight with pickles and then before it can get good; or both get fired...we cut back to McGill still trying to get the portal to work; and then he looks to his left and notices the thing is unplugged. What a dorky idiot?! No wonder we never really saw him again after this. So McGill goes over and he teases unplugging the volcano from Doof; but then he finds a High Voltage socket out of nowhere and plugs into that. Yeah; Doof didn't even notice that because it is a logic break. So Perry wiggles free from the baby seat and rips his suit to reveal that Perry really is a midget in a platypus suit. His webfeet also double as blinking amber lights since he demonstrates them with his out of nowhere remote control. None of this makes sense as we cut to the top catwalk with Doof taking a big ass bottle of vinegar and pouring it into the volcano. However; Perry grabs him from behind and they tumble over the catwalk and freefall. I think. So we head back to the portal of Mars as McGill pulls the lever and the thing goes into overdrive while he crackles like a mad scientist. We then cut back to the catwalk as they did fall over as I thought they did and vinegar is spilled all over Doof; with Doof complaining that he smells like salad dressing. So Doof tries to get up and vinegar is more slippery than even wet ice after a freezing rain storm because he tumbles over the catwalk and lands ass first into the mouth of the volcano.
And since he is full of vinegar; you can guess what happens next. DAMN YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS~! I should note that Little Timmy made a cameo here as well watching the volcano getting ready to explode. I said the catchphrase because the volacno gets completely destroyed and the portal shoots purple beams straight at Doofen and some pieces of the volcano. Doofen proclaims that he is unhurt and cannot die before getting sucked into the protal and the portal is way too weak to take it as it crumbles right into the Phantom Zone. MacGill looks at the hard camera and stammers forever like a doofus as the judges come back with corn dogs; and then they walk away noticing a white brown haired female girl who appears to be from Lilo & Stitch with mech arms on her back asking if she is too late for the competition. Then we zoom out as there is a volcano in the out of nowhere orange wagon as she explains that she built this (same voice as Shellsea and Brianna by the way) using them. The judges ignore the creative arms and award her volcano the first place ribbon. All time bad finish; got no reaction from me and it sucked. The portal opens a bit and Doofenshirmtz echoes the same thing I was going to say about this too. So yeah; what a dumb finish as even McGill is stammering to think what is going on here. So we head back to the kitchen as the store manage has the Gruffi pose on and you can pretty much guess after that food fight in which 99% of it we didn't see; they both are DQ'ed from the job. Candace seems more concerned with blowing off Wendy despite losing as well; Wendy calls her quick. So we head back as Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet and Isabella (Where was Isabella all this time? Talking down Buford or something? Actually doing that to Buford would be interesting as an angle, most so with that monster truck voice she has) on the bench eating corn dogs as Isabella cannot believe that they went through the portal. Phineas claims that they went through the portal which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever; and then Perry appears and he gets a finishing flourish complete with elephants and Indian dressed female dancers and that ends the...
Oh wait; there's more.....!!
Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story): We begin this one back in Baljeet's room with Baljeet doing the exact same promo he did in the original short. Now; I am only going to call the stuff that they didn't do in the original short since that will make stuff go a lot faster. Besides; it's clear now that they are treating this as a full story. So we head outside as Indian music plays and see Baljeet's house; then pan northwest back to Phinea's house and then head inside Candace's bedroom as she asks who she should call today. So we get a closeup shot of her cellphone showing a picture of Jermey smiling with a red heart surrounding his head. So she calls Jermey and it's on answering machine so Candace leaves a message after the tone and hangs up. Candace calls this not getting any easier; so she calls Stacey and she has her answering machine on; calling her phone a Stacey mobile. Good for her. I hate the term smartphone because it's used to make the competition look stupid as FUD; even though the phone is only as smart as the user using it. I like mobile device better; but then that implies that portables like 3DS and PS Vita are mobile too since mobile means; you can take it anywhere you want. I don't get why they need this FUD since 3DS has no 3GS/4GS compatibility; so why bother? So Candace leave a message and hangs up. She then decides to call up Jenny who is a brown haired female with a yellow sweater and a daisy flower in her hair. Apparently; she went MIA since the incident when the boys built a beach in the backyard. So she calls Jenny and Candace's nickname is Candy by the way; and again there is an answering machine. Candace is annoyed and sezs to call her as there is a kola head mask on the bed. So Candace calls up various friends that she hasn't heard from since pre-school; but no dice as there are more Brady Brunch boxes splattered around. I also discover that the girl who was competing for the job at the Mr. Slushy Dawg is a grade school friend of hers since they went to the planetrium and she was in the same seat as her on the bus. Yeah. So Candace knows her.
This goes on for a while as she calls Chicago Joe and she has no answer to this at all. Candace walks out of the drawing room wondering why they all didn't want to see her. This is where we see Perry of course. So we cut to the garage as Candace blows her friends off and puts on her purple helmet and we start bike riding on her purple bicycle. Why didn't the writers just do a 22 minute episode if they were just going to show it from Candace's point of view? So we head to the Googalplex Mall and to Slushy Dawg as the same store manager from the original short is wondering where Jeremy is because their fry cook defected over to Taco Tepee. Which we discover is a Native American Mexican eatery which is just plain stupid and a bit offensive. Man; those outfits are so stereotypical; I wonder what the writers were thinking. The guy isn't even an Indian even though his name is called Cooks With Grease. Seriously; that is less funny than Round Bear! Store manager is angry; so we jump cut to Candace on the sidewalk walking her bicycle as she gets a text message and drops it on the sidewalk. And it's from Stacey which is in Internet Lingo Of Doom: CYL - See you later; BFF - Best Friends Forever. S - ???. Great; kids these days are so iliterate that they even uses one letter for their names even though her full name is on the text message. And even though Stacey is using a cellphone; she mistranslates as Candace You Loser, Bad Friendships Fail, Stacey. Yeah. Candace sulks as she finds a convenienly placed bird fountain filled with water and looks at an image of herself thinking that she is a nobody. Ummmmmmm...yip. Candace wishes to go to a faraway place and start over as then she discover that she is looking at the bird fountain in front of Baljeet's house; and Phineas & Ferb's bikes are parked at the steps. We replay the cramped happy face moment with Baljeet as Phineas & Ferb walk east as Candace is in the house demanding answers to this outrage. So we see the Portal To Mars and it's already on. Okay; this makes sense in it's own devious way.
So Candace tells them that she's gone and peace out as she walks into the portal and we see that she has landed on Mars. I know that this isn't believable since she should instantly die from a lack of air and frozen to death; or boiled to death; but I have stopped caring about it because even anime is stupid enough to do this along with 1980's shows, so let's just say it's a logic break and move on. Candace then realizes that she is not in paradise and screams as the portal to Mars breaks down and the portal disappears. Baljeet is so upset because his big chance at his grade has been destroyed which causes Phineas & Ferb to just stare at him and Baljeet also mentions the well being of Candace. See; despite all their silly creations; they still give a damn about the whining, shrieking teenage girl who wants to destroy their futures. Phineas tells Baljeet not to worry because they can fix it and Candace will be laughing. So we see Candace screaming at Phineas on Mars and no one gives a damn about being believable. Oh well let's see Perry climb Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. YAY! They did the jingle this time! For a short that supposed to be another story/Redux, they are treating it as if it's deleted scenes from a 22 minute episode that was pared down to 11 minutes for some goofy reason I cannot put my finger on. Apparently; Perry has secret powers in his hands to melt steel before he cuts a hole through the wall with no tools whatsoever and jumps in. We see Doofen drawing a diagram of a volcano in crayon which has to be some rib on rookie scientists who don't know how to do science properly in spite of their boasting that they are super geniuses. So Doof is complaining about him busting him before he was ready and offers a truce to help him finish the evil plotting, scheming and evil speech (since he writes that last); so Perry can defeat him faster. This is so stupid that I'm laughing my ass off seeing it. So Doof proclaims that he'll get his coupons because they are going shopping. Yeah. So we see Candace on Mars yelling that Phineas & Ferb are so busted.
So then a Mars Rover machine wheels in and Candace sees it; she's so happy that someone isn't ignoring her and then we head to a computer center as this scientist is watching with blood shot eyes and then he goes on a rant about how there is no life on Mars while his back is turned so he cannot clearly see Candace motioning at the camera for help and then he runs off proclaiming that he is pulling the plug on this assignment and the monitor goes dead black. Ummm; I think it's totally unethical to pull the plug on a project BEFORE you get approval for such a thing; unless the decision is meant to protect the scientists from a clear and present danger. And this is clearly not one of those times. Candace sees the Mars Rover shut down and then kicks it like an asshole who boots puppies, kittens and Pikaclue..errr...Pikachu in Super Smash Brothers. So we see the three eyed green alien pop up from the rocks as he runs in and speaks in a dialogue we cannot understand because they are aliens from Mars. I'm sorry; the Stickin Around jokes don't work here this time as Candace panics and then we see about thirty aliens pop up from the rocks and they run in doing the football victory spot on Candace and bail stage right with her. We cut back to Baljeet's room as P&F have fixed the portal to Mars or at least in theory as we see that it shows Venus (which should have roasted them; but doesn't), Earth in prehistroic times and Baljeet's room about an hour after they fixed it as they talk to themselves and Baljeet F does the bless you spot as Baljeet sneezes afterwards. Oooookkkkaaayyyyy. So we cut back to Mars as the portal is set and the creative ones step into the portal and tell Baljeet to wait 20 minutes to find them; then open the portal. Baljeet tells them to hurry because there is still the science fair to go to. So the portal closes as Phineas & Ferb notice that Candace was here because the damaged Mars rover is shown; thus indicating that Phineas has past knowledge of Candace's vile habit of kicking pets. So Phineas has a Mimi Joke Zone Plan (I might as well bring it back for this show; since we are dealing with Phineas & Ferb plans here) for the Mars Rover...
Then we head to the alien's kingdom and into the throne room as they drag Candace inside and plop her on the throne. They put a crown on her head and Candace thinks they are making her their ruler. I have watched Darkwing Duck and Wuzzles to know where this thing is going and it's not going to end well for Candace; let me tell ya. The feast table of alien food is brought up as Candace loves this and wants to make music; but the alien have no idea what she is talking about. Candace notices this problem; so she demonstrates using the attenna of the green alien as a violin; and we hit the TEDDY RUXPIN MONTAGE SONG OF DEATH~! Disco effects as we play Queen of Mars. The aliens then plays music using their body parts as musical objects which is kind of neat and Candace starts singing. Did I mention that Ashley Tingsdale is a singer/"song writer"? I put "song writer" in scare quotes because I'm guessing Disney writers write those songs. So we get the aliens creating statues of them; dance with Candace singing on the throne, Candace singing decently about being queen of Mars despite being invisible on Earth for a while. It's a neat song; but it's a time waster so we can see Phineas & Ferb driving on the surface of Mars with the Mars Rover and Phineas wants Ferb to follow that song. This is the point where I wish they just made a 22 minute episode instead of just doing two 11 minute shorts and mix it up (not to say the idea is bad; it's just wasn't done properly to be worth it) because you can guess the entire finish well in advance since you already SAW the finish shown in the original short. So we cut back to Candace thanking the aliens for caring about her as she is now going to do most of the talking and walking with them. She gives them Jermey and Jenny; only they have Good titles before them. And no; they aren't good names. The aliens then walk in with another Mars Rover and Candace is confused for a moment and then realizes that these aliens love her sadism of kicking puppies, and so Candace destroys another innocent Rover. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The warranty on that one expired you jackass!
So Phineas & Ferb drive in which shocks Candace; as Phineas proclaims that they are here to rescue her; but Candace blows him off because she doesn't want to be a nobody anymore. The alien start kicking Phineas and Ferb's Mars Rover car as Phineas asks them to back off; while Candace tells them to relax because they are harmless. Somehow; this is more believable than she would like to admit. So we head to the Super Duper Mart parking lot and then inside the entrance as Doofen is bringing in a shopping cart with Perry sitting in it. Doofen proclaims that he has the chicken wire and gives the rest of the list to Perry so he can cross off the list. Somehow; this whole thing is just beyond funny despite being beyond the pale stupid. I'm shocked the writers of Darkwing Duck didn't steal this; because it wouldn't be any worse than some of their bad routines we saw in that show. So we walk in the aisles as Doof is teasing three bean salad and a jar of pickles. And then we get quite probably; the dumbest moment ever: Doof's shopping carts crashes into another cart. Okay; that's not stupid. The stupid part is; we zoom out and discover that the guy pushing the cart in the opposite direction is.....wait for it...Major Monogram. Yes folks; the same F'N guy who has been telling Perry to go after in EVERY episode is literally feet away from seeing Doofen. I should also point out that there is a dorky teenage kid with brown hair and purple glasses wearing a white shirt and brown pants sitting in the toddler seat of the shopping cart; despite looking at least 15 years old. I also find out that he is Karl; the guy who Monogram blew off his name when Karl thought it cool in an episode that I have since forgotten. Yeah. OH MY GOD~! I don't know if I should roll on the floor laughing my ass off or punching the writers in the kisser for this. And then Monogram simply backs away with the cart and Doofen calls it awkward. Yes; the main villain of this show is standing right there and Monogram doesn't even bother to go after him. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE~! This cracked me up for the absolute wrong reasons here.
So we head back to the kingdom on Mars as Candace is sitting on her throne and stands up. See; she wants to be alone for a minute and just wants to go for a short walk. The aliens surround her; as Candace waves off kicking another Mars Rover, which is awkward. So the Ferb Mars Mobile comes back with aliens as Phineas tells us that Ferb can speak Martian. Riiiiggggghhhhhttttttt Phineas. Candace wants Ferb to tell them that she needs a walk. I should also point out that Ferb and Phineas were talking to them about setting up a science fair as we see them building an open aired science fair room. There's your pay off to the original short. The alien speak and they agree to the walk; but refuse to let Candace do it alone. This flusters Candace and we go into the sappy song moral of the day as Candace proclaims that just because she needs to do something doesn't mean that she hates them. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Candace: You mistranslated Stacey's text message like an idiot. I cannot take anything you say seriously about something like that. That speech sucks so many projectors! And the green alien actually realize this and get hostile as Phineas and Ferb realize that the aliens are blaming THEM for their queen leaving. Ummm; no, Candace didn't say that she wanted to leave anyway. Martians are so lame in understanding human speaking as we see that Candace has somehow teleported to the Ferb Rover Mobile and yells at the boys to get in. Phineas & Ferb bail and get in and Candace blows them off; kisses her hand and it's peace out as the ride bails stage left. Okay; I cannot wait for the WWE Network to come up in Canada. Yeah; it's not in anyway related to this; but I don't care. I just had to say it. So the aliens get pissed and they combined together to form a big ass alien. Okay; which writer has been watching Quack Pack on Youtube?
Candace blows off the martians having music abilites; but no knowledge of making music as Phineas asks for her cellphone and Candace gives it to him. Phineas phones Baljeet as the Big Ass Alien is about to jump up and do a flying bodypress on them; but the portal opens, the FRM rides into the portal and the portal disappears as the BAA falls flat on it's face on the surface of Mars. And that is that. So we return to Doofenshirmtz Evil Inc. (minus jingle) as we see Perry standing in the hallway while Doof has bags of stuff carried with him inside his apartment. He thanks him for shopping; which Doof hates most of the time. Then Perry invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH and points to outside on the deck that the green Inator is sitting right there. HAHA! Doofen proclaims that he'll find out tomorrow and then uses his foot to slam the door right in front of Perry. Well; that was awkward as we head back to Phineas' house as Candace is biking home and sees her mother Linda setting up a telescope. Candace is so happy as we cut back to Doof at the Inator asking himself what it does and then uses it. It shoots a green neon beam into space; and then nothing happens. Doofen blows it off and proclaims that he understands why he lost to a baking soda volcano. Sadly; he will find out later that this was not the case as Candace explains to Linda that Phineas and Ferb built a portal to Mars and they went to Mars. Candace got crowned queen; and she even has evidence to prove that she's not crazy. So she looks in the telescope which is directly pointed to Mars and sees that there is an engraving of her on the surface. So she offers Linda a chance to see it; but as this is happening, the green laser beam hits the engraving and it is rendered into...as Linda would say: A rhesus monkey with a powdered wig. Candace is surprised and looks in the telescope to see a powdered George Washington face.
Candace stammers like an idiot and then we do a jump cut to see Candace on the sidewalk as Jenny, Stacey and Jermey actually show up wearing helmet as they all admit that Jenny was at the dentist, Jermey was taking her sister to the movies and Stacey points out how stupid Candace was in translating the message. Candace is so relieved that they didn't really ignore her; and then we see a dark skinned male with black curly hair wearing a backwards green baseball cap, green pants and a cream shirt proclaiming that he was ignoring her; addressing himself as unknown guy! Okay; which writer was watching Recess on Youtube? He gives the peace out as I see the teenagers are wearing helmets and driving bicycles of their own. None of the teenagers look amused as Unknown Guy walks off and we circle fade out. Jenny is voiced by the same person who does Isabella's voice by the way. So now for the ED. We get white letters saying 24 hours later. We get footage of Doofen getting sucked up by the portal to Mars as per the original short and then fade to black. We then return with Doof being surrounded by the aliens and pieces of either the Mars Rover Mobile; or the Portal Of Mars. Doofen is confused by this as an alien brings in a crown and Doofen assumes that this means that he's the new king. However; the alien walks past him and crowns the out of nowhere baking soda volcano instead. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now that is a neat payoff as Doof blows this off. Sadly; it's off-screen because they're playing the Disney logo during this because I would have loved to see repeat footage of Doofen saying the same thing with the weak portal on the other side. This ends the episode and the first DVD set for rant purposes at 21:35. Despite the logic breaks and really stupid stuff; this was laugh out loud funny and the story line was really good in spite of it. However; I'm disappointed in a sense because they promised a alternative universe like story and they basically gave us a director's cut of the original story after seeing the original short. They should have just did a 22 minute episode and got it over with. Call it **** 1/2 (90%) for the whole thing.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we end the Daze of Summer on a really high note after two really low notes previously. Unfair Science Fair was a great ride in spite of the big logic breaks and really stupid moments in there. To be honest; the Redux version of this story was much funnier than the original short despite the fact that it's basically connected well with the original story thus meaning that they lied about it being a redux or another story. It was basically a director's cut version of the original short; only it was one with 11 minutes added to it because it made no sense otherwise. The whole Doofen shopping with Perry was the funniest thing I have seen and heard for a long while. Yeah; the meeting of Monogram and Doof was drop dead stupid; but I couldn't help but laugh at it all for it's stupidity. I've given up on writers realizing that going on planets in real life without spacesuits is a terrible logic break because no one cares anymore and they've done it for so many decades now; that I assume that it's a motif now instead of just a bunch of lazy writers. The original short was fine for the most part; but it doesn't compared to the redux story in terms of comedy to me. For goodness sakes writers; please stop writing it like Baljeet getting an A- is the end of the world or something. If it was a C-; then I can take his panic attack seriously. The original short was *** 1/2; while the redux was **** 3/4 in terms of excitement and comedy; so there's your difference. I really loved these two shorts in spite of the disappointing realization that it was really a director's cut for the redux version; but then again, seeing Monogram standing literally two feet away from Doofen is priceless. So that ends the very first DVD of Phineas & Ferb. In the ten episodes I ranted on; I had four thumbs up, four thumbs in the middle and two thumbs down episodes. It's not the best ratio; but it's an impressive one in the modern era. However; there is no truly "OMG! This is so perfect!" type of episode as of yet although Unfair Science Fair almost made it. So next up is The Fast & The Phineas as we do eight episodes this time, which is six 11 minute episodes and 2 22 minute episodes. Oh; and yes, we will see the greatest inside joke to this show ever very, very soon. You'll never forget that moment; that is for sure.
So far; I have been enjoying this show; but the clustermucking is clearly showing in some of the episodes. As much as there is to love about this show; there is a lot of sloppy writing and blown spots that would make Darkwing Duck blush in embarrassment. Everyone is at least likable to me; but none of them stand out except for Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Perry and Doof. At least not yet. I seriously would want to like Baljeet; but he's coming off as a cranky kid (instead of being the supposed template for Albert Glass who is a much better character) and Buford is merely an improved Jocktopus. Maybe it will get better once I finish the second DVD set which is basically the set I should have done first; since all the episodes are earlier in the first season than this DVD set. Oh well; I suck. So....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.