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Phineas & Ferb: The Fast & The Phineas/Lawn Gnome Beach Party Of Terror
Reviewed: 01/19/2013
Oh Joy!! It's The Fast & The Gnome Plot Device!
Okay; we are back to doing shorts again as these two episodes are #4 (2a) and #2 (2b) on the animation paper which puts them almost literally after the series' pilot Rollercoaster. So on today's program we have Phineas & Ferb rigging Linda's car and entering it into the Swamp Oil 500 while Doofensmirtz is deflating cars with his blimp while Candace does her usual busting routine. Then Phineas & Ferb build a huge logic breaking beach in the backyard while Doofensmirtz steals lawn gnomes. Oh goody! We still have writers who thought the Travelocity ads were tres funny. Let's rant on shall we...?!
The Fast & The Phineas is written by Dan Povenmire, Jeff "Swamp" Marsh, Sherm Cohen and Antoine Guilbaud. Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror is written by Dan Povenmire, Jeff "Swampy" Marsh, Martin Olson, Bobby Gaylor, Chris Headrick, and Jon Barry. Story editing for both episode are done by Martin Olson. Animation is done by Rough Draft.
The Fast & The Phineas: We begin this one with a sky shot of Phineas & Ferb in the backyard sitting in front of the tree. So we go to the closer up shot as Phineas asks about what to do today besides giving Perry a bath. Well; he did get trashed on the last episode rant, so Phineas does have a point of doing this. There is a radio in the backyard; but Phineas hears noises which are beautiful to his ears as Perry hisses. Phineas looks over fence and somehow his backyard is built next to the abyss because we have a sky shot of a stadium and there is auto racing going on. Phineas proclaims that he knows what they are doing today as we head to the dark garage as the garage door opens up and we see Phineas & Ferb enter inside. Then we HIT THE MONTAGE barely 30 seconds into this as we head inside the house with Candace in front of the door leading to the garage looking at a picture on her cellphone because she's so vain that she wants to replace a picture of herself on her blog because it's a week old. She uses her "smart" phone camera to take a picture of herself and waltzes stage right. The picture makes no sense since she was bitter instead of shocked. Then she somehow hears the sounds of nuts and bolts klanging on the floor and returns to the door as she demands answers to the outrage of doing shop work on Linda's car. Then we see the new tricked up car and my god it looks uglier than Gedo on a drinking spree. At least make the car look presentable if you are going to rig it up to be a stock car. Candace points out the logical fallacy of them not knowing how to drive which is no worse than seeing the Wuzzles trying to drive; so Ferb reveals the double joystick remote control of doom; which has the same ugly color scheme as the car. If I was going to make the car ugly; I would have made the remote control system look beautiful as a sense of irony. Sadly; most writers nowadays think Irony means ironing clothes. Or something.
So Ferb is literally jumping on the engine like he's jumping on the bed as Candace does this evil version of claiming that they are so busted and then runs off-screen opening and closing doors. She's looking for Linda as Candace asks Phineas where she is and Phineas proclaims that she's playing bridge with Vivian Gracia-Shapiro. Only Phineas Flynn-Fletcher would act like this; just to give Candace the giant middle finger. Candace gets smirky and runs out of the house claiming that she has them this time. She goes over to a red house and rings the doorbell at the front door. The door opens and it's Vivian in a SWANK orange coat and sezs Bubula (Sweetie in Yiddish apparently) as Vivian seems more interested in making small talk than letting Candace in. She's the type of person that would go on and on in a bank while everyone is waiting for her to get her business done; and getting as annoyed as Candace is right now. Meanwhile; Phineas & Ferb are in the front lawn playing with a remote control while Perry is not like Agent P here. So we see them using the remote control to control the car while Phinea's hair looks flatter than usual. Mom is playing bridge with a blond haired lady and a black haired lady. The blond one is Mrs. Johnson; and the second one I have no idea who because I first thought it was Baljeet's mother, but she looks nothing like her. So Candace calls out for Linda to come out to see what Phineas is doing; which annoys Linda as we see more racing and Phineas and Ferb literally switch hairstyles on the third go around. Pick A Hair is much funnier than Pick A Nose; and less disgusting as a habit. I betcha Linda comes out just after the race car is completely gone; greet the kids and then deadpan Candace in a blow off. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good. See; Phineas wanted to know what the red button is for and Ferb gives him the controls; Phineas pushes the button and the car rockets into the air. HAHA! Candace is so screwed as usual. Linda walks back in leaving Candace to wonder how it went so wrong as the car slams onto the pavement and Phineas is personally glad he beefed up the suspension.
Then we scene change to the driveway as they make the car spin on it's own axis which amuses Phineas. Basically; this car is a real life version of a remote control car. Who wouldn't want that? Phineas asks what is next and in comes Isabella asking Phineas what it is doing. Again; I get the complaints about this show being the same story structure over and over again; but most complainers also like Roadrunner cartoons which basically have the same story structure and the same spots over and over again. Oh COME ON as Doofensmirtz would say. Phineas honestly states that he's entering the Swampy Oil 500 today and Isabella asks about pit crews; which Phineas asks if she knows anyone; and Isabella does claiming that they work well together. If you don't know who they are; you have no business reading this rant. Phineas hires her on the spot and then asks where Perry is as we see Perry walking behind the house and uses his own remote control (which looks like a rejected prop from Kim Possible) and it opens a section of the wall. Perry goes in and goes down the tube elevator and into OWCA headquarters. He sits in the chair and then turns around as the screen has in red letters: Incoming Message. Then we see Major Monogram as he proclaims that Doofensmirtz is evil again showing the goofiest stock photo of him ever which the picture was taken on a beach somewhere. Doof has brought a blimp (which Monogram calls an airship) which is completely purple and no reason is given. Monogram wants Perry to find out what is going on and if needed to stop him; implying that he's well aware that Doof might not being causing evil. So we see Agent P leaving and we get the short version of the sewer ride on the white rocket ride of doom and then pop up as the tree in the backyard doubles as a door (which should be impossible since the trunk is too small for the car to fit) and it flies away. We pan over to the Danville Stadium and then inside with a pan shot of the race cars. We see #42 (in purple letters) is Phineas's car as they are washing the car; Phineas is wearing a zipper version of an orange prison jumpsuit and there is an orange helmet on the background.
So Phineas manages to somehow grab the helmet and put it on just as Isabella walks in wearing her Fireside Girls' uniform as she introduces all six members of the Fireside Girls (Gretchen, Holly, Milly, Ginger, Adyson and Katie) troupe she runs. Phineas is cool with that and then walks stage left as Isabella brings out the projector screen from her pocket (I see she has Felix's magic bag/Eleroo's secret pouch. Also known as the Gadget Trick) and shows a diagram of a V8 engine which is 426 cubic inches in size. These little spots like this are what get this show over for me. The small details of a show that are relevent to the storyline is what makes this show so good. TaleSpin did this, many good shows in the classic and modern era do this and got over as a result. I just wish more thought was put in the continuity in the animation and logic. And yes; I'm ignoring the obvious fact that the remote control would automatically DQ Phineas from the competition. Sadly; by doing this, they telegraphed the finish well in advance. Gretchen asks if the engine is electronically fuel injected while raising her hand as the girls are reading from the blue book. I should note that the Fireside Girls are much more compelling than the Junior Woodchucks in Ducktales. Mostly because their guide book was buried by the writers. So we see Candace in the stadium bleachers (the nosebleed section) yelling for Phineas; because she has to bust them for something despite failing at least ten times already. A man wearing a light blue shirt blows Candace off because he can not hear the car engines; and then we pan over to barely see that Jermey Johnson is sitting in the stands waving to her. Jeremy is surprised that she was a auto racing fan. Candace goes all blue eyed and then slaps herself hard in the face; a spot that would be cut in 4Kids shows (See the scenes where the Japanese version of Misty slaps Ash in the face in the Japanese version of Pocket Monsters).
Candace stammers like an idiot as she likes the red car because it's cute to her. Jermey claims that this is Billy-Ray Diggler's car and I cannot take this name seriously even if I tried. Sadly; Billy Ray Cyrus is not voicing in this episode so I doubt we will even see the car driver and if we do he will likely not even speak. So Candace screws up the name and then stammers in pointing out that NASCAR races are only left hand turns. That made me laugh as the announcer voices are in the booth announcing team Phineas and they are puzzled at the ages of this crew; as in too young to drive-equse. We see the announcers and they look like Jeff "Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire. Sadly; they screwed up the continuity that they were shooting for by (a) calling themselves Announcer Dave and Announcer Rick (b) not having Jeff and Dan voice them (c) and the ones who do voice the announcers are first named Mark and Brian. Yeah; this is the sort of thing that a story editor would have noticed and corrected before the episode got produced. That is what bugs me about great modern cartoons: Sloppiness like this. Announcer Dave is voiced by Mark Thompson and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): After attending the University of North Alabama, Thompson worked as a disc jockey at several stations in the southern United States before meeting his partner Brian Phelps in Birmingham, Alabama in 1986. The next year the duo moved their show to KLOS-FM in Los Angeles, where they remained until the show's end in 2012. Thompson's wife, Lynda, their three children (Matthew, Amy and Katie), his nephew David, and his niece Nina are well-known among regular listeners of the program. Thompson plays drums and is a huge Elvis Presley fan.The enormous popularity of The Mark & Brian Show gave Thompson several opportunities to branch out into other entertainment media. In 1991-92, he and Phelps hosted a short-lived NBC TV series, The Adventures of Mark & Brian, based on their radio show.[1][2]
Thompson has also appeared in several motion pictures, notably Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (the 1993 ninth installment in the Friday the 13th series) and The Princess Diaries (2001). He also wrote & starred in the 2002 independent film, Mother Ghost, and briefly appeared as a love interest (coincidentally named Brian) of Reba McEntire's character on three episodes in the 2002-2003 season of the Reba television show. On June 13, 2012, Thompson announced that he would be retiring from radio after 25 years and would move to Charlotte, North Carolina with his wife, mentioning that his new home would be equipped with a studio that would allow him to do occasional media work. His last day at KLOS was August 17, 2012.[3] He began his career as a city policeman in the documentary Wrong Side of the Road in 1981 and then started his acting career as Pilot #1 in Crime Story in 1988. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and only appearance. 2:13 as Davey Spivey is his most recent credit. He has 20 acting credits, eight Self credits, two writing credits (Mother Ghost) and two misc credits (Hot Club California (production assistant), TV Guide's Truth Behind The Sitcom Scandals 3 as a narrator.) to his resume. Announcer Rick is voiced by Brian Phelps and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Brian began his acting career at Cambridge High School in Illinois, and appeared in the school's musicals, as well as being a member of the Cambridge Vikings football team. After graduating in 1977, Brian attended college in Normal, IL. After attending Illinois State University, Phelps did commercial work and improvisational comedy before meeting his partner Mark Thompson in Birmingham, Alabama in 1986. The next year the duo moved their show to KLOS-FM in Los Angeles, where they are still based. The enormous popularity of his radio show has given Phelps several opportunities to branch out into other entertainment media.
In 1991-92, he and Thompson hosted a short-lived NBC TV series, The Adventures of Mark & Brian, based on their radio show. Phelps has also appeared in several motion pictures, notably Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (the 1993 ninth installment in the Friday the 13th series) and The Princess Diaries (2001). He has also made numerous TV series guest appearances, including the role of Reverend Gigg LeCarp on the Comedy Central series Reno 911!. Phelps often ended the Mark & Brian Show with the catch phrase "Be good humans!". On August 17, 2012, after 25 years as the KLOS morning team, Mark and Brian signed off the air waves and closed their show. Brian debuted the podcast "The Brian and Jill Show" on September 10, 2012 with his new partner, actress Jill Whelan. He started his career as a reporter for the Rocky V movie in 1990. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut, only appearance and most recent credit. He has 12 acting credits and three self credits to his resume. I have no idea who is Dave nor Rick because I do not listen to their radio shows. I'm Canadian, and I'm not interested in American talk radio unless it's Jim Rome. The racing car has 700 horsepower and we cut to a giant screen showing Phineas in the jumpsuit and helmet with a sparkling white lettered name of Team Phineas with waves on the bottom of the screen in the background. And then we do a PIP zoom in of Candace yelling at Phineas as the announcers (I cannot tell their voices apart and I'm not going to try) claim that she's a screaming fan; which Phineas sees and is so happy for Candace rooting for him. HAHA! So Jermey is pointing out the obvious as Candace looks like an old lady screaming in slow motion. Candace is not amused; but Jermey notices that Phineas is on the big screen as he is talking to a television reporter on the microphone. I think he's the same guy from "It's A Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World" when Isabella did her butch monster truck voice. So Candace is so happy as they are so busted.
So we head back to the dining room of Vivian as Linda is on the phone trying to play bridge and is right in the middle of a three no trump. Candace demands that she turn on the television and she goes to the television set and uses the first remote to turn it on and there is no picture. Candace is using a pay phone in the stadium by the way as Vivian tells Linda to use the cable box remote; and she uses the second remote; but she looks clueless here because it's the DVD player, then another remote off-screen plays music which is the stereo. Candace looks panicky as the tv reporter shakes hands with Phineas which ends the interview as I hear Summer Romance being played. Finally Linda finds the cable box remote and uses it. We see on the screen a sketch of a head with dandruff as Linda gleefully points out that it's a dandruff commercial; and her tone of voice indicates that Candace is acting like a child again. So we head to the starting line as Phineas asks Ferb if everything is good to go; as somehow Phineas manages to get the pole position of this race. How? They never explain this. So we get shots of the race track as the announcer proclaims that the race is about to start. Ferb gives the thumbs up in the eagle's nest with the remote control and then we see the purple blimp and the announcer flat out point out that it's the Doofensmirtz Evil Incorporated blimp; which gets the jingle. Yes folks; the world knows about this criminal scientist and they treat him like a babyface. In hindsight; this is absolutely hilarious because most of the heels in the modern era are so cool; they turn babyface on cue. So we head inside the blimp as Perry's car arrives and Perry busts through a window inside. We see Doof with what appears to be a smaller version of the Lightning Gun from Plunder and Lightning. He is glad to see him because there is a conveniently place lever on the wall and he pushes it (JESUS~!). Perry is literally under glass and of course the done has holes in it because kids can mimic it; but it only serves to telegraph the escape in advance. Moral guardians: Just say NO! Doof's new invention is called the Deflatanator Ray; which is a good booking name for it.
So we discover that the invention deflates tires and he'll demonstrate it by deflating the tires of race cars in the Jefferson County Motor Speedway. Which means that Danville is in Nebraska; which is funny because the motor speedway in real life is in Fairbuy. Someone DID complain about this. 700 Club: Just say NO! So the Tri-state area in this world is Nebraska, Colorado and Kansas. Lovely! So Doof's evil plan is to deflate tires so he can force everyone to pay through the nose to get them reinflated. Perry has a measuring tape device (Gadget Trick again) and we scene change to Candace running in proclaiming that Phineas is in big trouble. From whom? Candace? Riiiiiggggghhhhhttttt.The flag drops and we are off to see Candace eat their dust and have it splattered on her face. She walks off and teleports back to the stand as Jermey is asking about something. Then a photographer in cheese clothes has a camera and snaps a picture of her looking like a witch (it's a dollar per picture) as Candace sees the photo and screams. Then she shakes off the dust from her body and gets a Krackpotkin plan as she steals the camera. Now the problem with this is: Candace already has a camera in her procession: her pink "smart" phone has a camera function. So what was the point of stealing the photographer's camera other than to turn Candace heel? The photographer protests this as we see Candace use the camera and we have our picture. The photographer steals it back demanding two dollars for two pictures. Candace has only one dollar left and takes one of the photos; which is clearly got to be the one where Candace looks like a monster. Candace gives him the dollar and she tells him to rip up the other one. The photographer does that and Candace is seen bailing and biking out of the stadium proclaiming that they are so busted again. So we continue with the race as Phineas is in the lead; but then slows down and everyone is passing him. Ferb is on headset as Phineas asks him to really juice the car up and Ferb leaves the eagle's nest which causes the car to slow down so much that a black antique car is passing him. HAHA!
So we see only the remote on the railing of the eagle's nest and then cut back to Phineas asking for Ferb and then the race car goes so fast that we can see his teeth and mouth wiggling. We cut back to the eagle's nest with Ferb attaching the remote control to a big battery with wires. HAHA! Ferb is so awesome, silent and creative. What more can you ask for in a character? Okay; he's no Kit Cloudkicker, but Disney isn't bringing him back anytime soon. So there is an out of nowhere red phone because Ferb answers it since it's ringing. We discover that it's Isabella in the pits on headphones telling Ferb to tell Phineas to make a pitstop. Okay; what was the point of the red phone? Why not just use the head set to tell Phineas directly? How can she hear anyone with the hea....oh wait; Ferb rarely speaks, so that's no matter. Also; wasn't Isabella wearing her Fireside outfit earlier; because she's wearing her normal clothes now?! Damn; this sloppiness is annoying me. So Phineas somehow makes it to the pits without incident and without prompting as the Fireside Girls all do pitstop spots as if they are professional NASCAR pit crews. Isabella does absolutely nothing but charm Phineas and praising his helmet; calling it manly. Okay this was a fine sequence as Isabella gets on the transmitter calling for Ferb. Wait; so we went from a red phone to a transmitter? Why not just keep the transmitter throughout. IDIOTS! So #42 speeds off making the Fireside girls eat it's dust as Isabella comments on Gretchen putting a giant yellow bow on top of the car. Isn't that a violation of auto racing protocol? So we cut to a sky shot of the race cars racing and then pan up to the blimp as Doof talks about how they worship their candy colored race cars while watching it on television. Yeah; he is not a racing fan as he goes over to the DEVICE OF THE DAY and uses it as the beam is coming down towards the race track...and then it somehow goes over to the stands as a beach ball is about to be spiked by a big blond haired kid and it is hit with said beam. The beach ball deflates and blows away stage left.
So the beach ball remains splat into the blue car number 12 and then crashes into a sign like billboard for Dan Povenmire Oil which folds up like a ramp. Phineas dodges all obstacles which the announcers point out proclaiming that Phineas has abilities that include seeing the track all at once; which we see Ferb giving a thumbs up in the eagle's nest. The race cars go up the ramp and look like a bunch of dinky cars as they bounce in front of Phineas and then over Phineas to the back of Phineas' car. The end up crashing front first into the pavement as Phineas dodges all while playing the electric guitar. HAHA! Which Ferb is playing the electronic keyboard piano at the same time in the eagle's nest. Sadly; he has the remote control attached to his side as Isabella is on the tamborine; while Ginger, Holly and Getchen are on oil barrels doing the Tito Weekenders OP dance of doom. It's much funnier when cooler characters steal that spot than when it is done by Tito. Then the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues which basically is a GO PHINEAS, GO chant. So it ends with all the cars stacked up like a house of cards. The bumps are so weak that no one could have died from it; thus making the whole "I'm okay" spot look really stupid. Listen writers of the world; if the bumping is done so that no one can die from such a spot; then having the drivers pop out of the window and wave and say that they are fine is really insulting. If the bump is so nasty that there is a chance that someone will die from it; then this spot is annoying; but acceptable because then I feel relieved that they didn't die like flies. So we go back to Vivian's house as Linda looks at the picture and as expected, it's the one with Candace looking like a freak show. Candace sees it in shock and now she's horrified. She does the Z-grade shrill scream of death as we get out of the house and we pan over to the blimp. Apparently; Candace has Fang's screaming powers because Doof hears it in the blimp and claims that they already fear him. If only Doof; if only.
So we discover that the Deflatanator Ray is powered up by a mouse on a chipmunk wheel as he yells at him to run and it's reward is a block of cheese. The white mouse sells and runs as Doof opens the fridge to search for the cheese. Ironically he cannot seem to find it despite being on the lower shelf of the fridge in clear view. Perry bring out the out of nowhere suitcase and it has blocks of cheese in it; which cannot be a healthy place to put it. He brings out the out of nowhere crossbow (after he checks the holes in the glass) and puts the cheese into the holder. He fires the crossbow and the cheese drops into the ass of Doofensmirtz; which causes the mouse to sell the smell of the cheese (sadly; no cheese attack sequence like Monty from Rescue Rangers) and the mouse runs in and gets into Doofensmirtz's pants and to his ass which causes Doofen to completely oversell and scream. It's like he got anally raped by that mouse. WHAT?! The scream of Doof is enough to smash the glass on the dome. Perry smacks Doofen in the face with his tail on-screen; Doof bumps into the Deflatanator and it shoots a beam directly at a truck with giant mirrors on it. The beam deflects and nails the blimp and it pops like a cherry. Doof proclaims that he should have seen this one coming; which is hilarious since I didn't see that one coming. The blimp falls as we head back to Vivian's house as Candace is pleading for mercy as Linda is not amused while playing cards. Candace then realizes that it's still on television; so she runs to the love seat and turns on the remote as Linda is acting like she has had enough of this and just doesn't care anymore. So the television set is on and we see Phineas's car cross the finish line for the win as Candace shrieks with glee calling for Linda to see this. So then the announcer yells that the blimp is going to crash into the tower. And that is exactly what it does. A note: I think the "Oh the humanity!" line was shortened here due to BS&P because when this line is spoken; the announcer said: "All the...." and then the screen went fuzzy. I don't see any reason why; the event it is referenced too is too old to be edited out. Might be a copyright issue though.
So Linda walks in and see the fuzzy television set as Candace is shocked and stunned by this as Linda is annoyed and calls for Vivian to deal some more cards. Candace sezs "Meep" again and then we head back to the stadium as we head to the blimp and see Doofen climbing out of the carnage and into Phineas's car. Doofen drives away stage left and whizzes past Phineas, Ferb and Isabella at the winner's circle with the trophy which appears bigger than Phineas himself. Phineas looks and then calmly proclaims that they seem to be walking. Yeap; he doesn't care what happens to Linda's car. So we see Doofen driving the car in the street which so happens to have a manga style to it; and then Perry comes out of nowhere landing on the front hood with the out of nowhere remote control (what a shock? A gaping unexplained logic break) and uses it to steer the car around and cause damage to lamp poles. Then they do the car wash spot of course for the second time in this series just to show that they think kids are idiots as we scene change to Candace walking towards the garage blowing off Linda for being so dense and clueless as to what has happened to her car. Then we hear a double over echo for no reason and then Candace looks into the garage and realizes that Linda's car is gone. Why didn't she just take a picture of that and show it to Linda from the very start? This Candace is REALLY STUPID; she might as well be called Debbie Mallard. So we head back in the car wash with Doof and Perry fighting on the hood as the car is washed and returns to normal which makes no sense at all since the paint should have dried a long time ago. What kind of paint is Ferb using to make it wash off like that? Doof has a roller on a stick; but he misses and he gets whacked by the white brush rollers and we cut to outside the exit of the car wash and Doof crashes up the roof and does the Team Rocket exit. Perry is on the front hood; and unintentionally pushes the red alarm button with his webfoot causing the juiced up car to fly into the air and it goes into space. I'm not going to point the logic break out because the writers do this all the time in DTVA.
So we return to Vivian's house as Candace is banging on the front door calling for Linda and this is the point where Candace deserves whatever beating she gets from this. She is really dumb. Vivian answers the door and she repeats the exact same promo she did at the beginning of the episode; so Candace cuts her off and runs in to the bridge table yelling for Linda to come see this. Here's another stupid thing: Candace never tells her what the hell is going on throughout this episode. Memo to Candace: TELL HER WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Surprising her makes YOU look like an idiot of the highest kind. And then she finally admits that it has something to do with her car and that's enough for Candace to get out of her seat and leave with her. You heard of idiot plots? How about idiot sub-plots? So we cut to the street as Linda's car bounces off the power wires and we see in the foreground Candace pushing Linda and Linda is blowing her off for wearing the heels of her shoes. Candace has lost it now as they go into the garage as Candace presents the "empty garage"; as Linda is shocked and asking who did this. Candace states that it's Phineas & Ferb; and Linda is so overjoyed....because they washed her car. Candace finally stops closing her eyes and sees that Linda's car is in the garage as it was before it was turned into a race car. Perry hisses and walks out stage left. I'm guessing that the car bounced and somehow stopped in the open garage without any damage whatsoever. So we see Phineas & Ferb in the background with the big trophy as they greet Linda and Linda asks about the wash job on the car and Phineas basically admits that he did as they walk all the way into the back yard. Linda thinks it's so great and worth getting excited about and all Candace can do is stare with her mouth open. Linda is pouring orange juice into glasses and asks if they want some snacks, and then blows off Candace for leaving her mouth open. Circle fade out to end the episode at 10:00 approx. This was another good albeit sloppy episode with a really stupid busting plot that buried Candace before she barely begun. Now I have no incentive to care about Candace anymore because she had her cell phone from the start. *** 1/4 (65%).
Lawn Gnome Beach Party Of Terror: We begin this one with a sky shot of the sun and we hear a male radio announcer's voice address himself as Stanky Dog on the hottest day of the summer as we see a bird spontaneously combust as it burns to ashes. Yes; we saw a bird burst into flames, died and burned to ashes. So we pan down to a sky shot of the backyard as Phineas, Ferb and Perry are sitting at the tree looking bored. That is a sad commentary on life when Phineas cannot muster any emotion to care about that bird who bursted into flames. Stanky Dog states that they should take it easy and do nothing today if they aren't going to the beach. Just sit back with your friends and a aquatic mammal. Phineas gets up and proclaims that if they let the heat stop them from having the best day EVERAH than the morning DJ's win. If only it was the morning DJ's fault to begin with. So we head Linda and Candace walking on the driveway as we discover that Linda is going to her car because it's hot and she is getting spa treatments. So Linda tells Candace that Lawerence is in the basement cleaning it and he cannot be disturbed. Linda notices Phineas & Ferb with their beach gear on as they have a hose and they are watering a sandbox filled with sand. Linda asks what they are doing and Phineas proclaims that they are making a makeshift beach which amuses Linda as she leaves. Candace then stares at them; proclaiming that she is large and in charge; while Phineas ignores her and waters the sandbox. And this goes on for a long ass whomping time as I realize that this is the first time in this series that they did the "No nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it" spot. They resisted for 11 episodes mind you. Candace shrugs her shoulder saying that she's fine with it and bails stage right. So Phineas asks where Perry is and we cut to Perry walking near the wooden fence as he finds a Super Mario Mushroom without the eyes on the stem.
So Agent P opens the top of the mushroom and slides down the same tube slide that was used in Baloo Thunder and drops into OWCA headquarters. The difference this time is that the hat doesn't land on his head until it drops from a machine in the ceiling inside headquarters. Nice little detail to change there. So Perry sits on the chair and the more I watch this; the more I realize that this show is cribbing liberally from Darkwing Duck. So we see Major Monogram on the screen as we get the PIP shot and we finally get to this really, really annoying plot device that I don't like. When it comes to this plot device; I am a legit hater and I make no apologies for it. Yes folks; it's the dreaded Lawn Gnome plot device. Now; I don't really hate gnome characters per se and there are shows with lead gnome characters that I do like (most of them are made in Europe; but whatever) since they are treated as characters. It's those lawn gnome statues I hate with a passion because they are props. I want to know what the hell is the appeal of these characters because the only rational explaination to these props that I can see is writers think that the Travelocity ads are so hilariously funny that they need to be repeated on children's television to death. Now granted; there was a time that those ads were funny. But it's like Vinny in regards to the Joe Park, Esq. angle in TNA: It was funny the first time, it was okay the second time, now it's stupid. I don't want to see lawn gnome statues being used as a plot device. I want to see actual gnomes telling good stories. However; with that said, at least in this episode, the Lawn Gnomes are being kidnapped by Doctor Doofen; so at least I can tolerate this plot device. The problem is that it makes Doof look like the #1 babyface in my eyes. I'm sure there are kids and some adults out there who think otherwise, so I'll ask again: Outside of those Travelocity ads; what is the appeal of lawn gnomes? I would like a logical and rational answer to this. I'm serious here. We see a lawn gnome disappear from the OUT OF NOWHERE trapdoor as a fat ass lady gardener is doing gardening as I see that the shot is designed to show a glorified shot of the lady's asshole.
Monogram of course blames Doofen for this and to Chris Barat: As funny as Doofensmirtz is; as hilarious as Don Karnage is, at least Don Karnage wasn't in every episode. Doof is in EVERY episode of this series (so far) and Perry is told to get on the case. Perry salutes him and we head back to the driveway as a huge truck is parked and Phineas is signing a clipboard note for a big fat male with a brown mustache and hair who is wearing his white hard hat over his eyes, and wearing blue overalls, boots and a checkered orange/cheese shirt. Phineas is wearing orange with white spots on his trunks and he's also wearing purple sandals. So the truck driver asks if he is a little too young to be doing landscaping. Phineas signs it and claims that he is; and the truck driver leaves without incident. Yeah; it makes no sense, but it is still hilarious at this point. So Isabella walks in and asks what he is doing and Phineas points out that he is building a beach in his backyard as he is manning the hose and water pumps. Ferb is shooting water all around off-screen as more sand is being dumped in the backyard. Actually; this time Isabella does have a point of being here as she asks for the Fireside Girls to be involved as life guards because they have to earn their aquatic safety badges. So I'm fine with this since this is the second episode in broadcast order and #4 on the animation paper; so Phineas accepts the terms. We see the exact same shot of the living room we have seen already in other episodes; only this time, Candace is lying in the love seat like a bloodsucker on her cell phone as she is getting fanned by the only fan she ever had in the show. That is just sad folks. She is not wearing footwear this time as she is going on about Suzy being a friend longer than Katie; but Katie was invited to the party first. This would have fine if we found out that she wasn't invited, but it seems like Candace is so vain that she thinks this party is about her, she's so vain!
In the background outside we see Phineas & Ferb bringing in various statues of the Inca (I think that this what they are), beach hut lamps and an mechanical dolphin that makes the same dolphin sound that they use when someone swears in Spongebob Squarepants. She was talking to Stacey again as she hears the dolphin noise and hangs up because she has to bust the boys. Why? I have no idea. So we head to the backyard as it's still perfectly intact with a sandbox filled with sand, a mini red umbrella and a pink flamingo. Ferb is wearing green sandals (matching the color of his hair) and the smallest purple checkered trunks in captivity. Seriously; it looks like one of those swimming skul caps you see in the Olympic Summer Games; only as trunks. He is also apparently wearing a silver necklace around his necklace as we see Isabella, Holly, Ginger, Katie and Adyson wearing SWANK red bathing suits. Isabella is only wearing her bow; while the rest are wearing cheese skul caps and goggles and the caps apparently extend to their necks. That looked awkward. So Phineas introduces them to the beach and Candace comes in and mocks Phineas for his sandbox beach; and claims that this isn't worth a call to Linda; calling it way below their usual standard. She stands on the sandbox (how ironic eh?) and does this speech about if you want to be popular; stop playing in the sandbox. This is a ironic version of a promo Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat cut on Ric Flair during their big 1989 NWA run: "If you want to play; stay in the sandbox!" So Ferb uses his remote control and as Candace finishes her rant; a beach ball comes in and takes the MAN-SIZED bump off Candace's head. She protests this and turns around to see that there is a beach, lots of water, a volleyball court, a boom box like sound speakers, wooden docks, straw huts, row boats and seashell trim on the bottom of the docks. All the babyfaces walk on the sand as a green/blue exotic bird which looks like a reject from Aladdin The Series. Phineas & Ferb look at Candace and Candace brings out the phone because they are so BUSTED!
Then we see on the grass; Stacey and Jenny Brown walking in as they are wearing swimming gear and carrying side packs (Stacey's is pink with a white daisy, Jenny has a candy cane-equse one colored orange). Stacey's two piece suit is layered with green with purple spots and is wearing green sandals. Jenny is one piece orange/yellow with a red hat (and a white daisy pinned on the side of the hat) with matching sandals. So they tell her that she's the most popular girl in the neighbourhood and Jermey is here with his surfboard. Candace squeals; drops her "smart" phone and bails stage right as Stacey and Jenny are confused as to what is going on here. So we pan over to the left near the house and we see Perry disguised as a lawn gnome. This is truly the ultimate insult for Agent P; let me tell ya. So I discover that the trapdoor like sequence is really a vacuum cleaner that sucks Perry into the caves underneath the house. We see a huge container and a conveyer belt containing gnomes; and then a huge pile in the background of lawn gnomes. No shock to anyone; Doofen is stealing them and being evil. Even though to me; he's a babyface doing this. So he notices something strange about one of them and gets whacked by Agent P. So Perry drops to the ground as Doofen realizes that it's a platypus and is confused. Because; yes, he cannot see the fact that it's Perry unless he wears the hat. He is THAT dumb. So Doof brings out the remote control proclaiming that he has him; but that one opens the garage which annoys him. So he brings out the same remote control (right down to the button actually) and it turns on thegiant screen television above him. And this was clearly made on purpose and not a logic break because he admits that he should label these things. So he brings out the same remote control; pushes the button and the doggy cage comes down and Perry is trapped like a dog. So Doofen mocks Perry proclaiming that he will kill him in roundabout terms; but wants him to behold the giant screen as he pushes the button on the remote and somehow; he has the first remote because it opens the garage. I'm guessing that his remote control is randomized and it's one remote.
I say this because otherwise; this makes no sense since we ever see him pull out a different remote. So we head to the "kid made" beach and we have a beach party as Phineas & Ferb get their hats on and we invoke the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. This time; it's perfect to invoke this because this is basically a human short version of the Great Big Illiop Party sequence from the DiC show made in 1987. Only; no reunions are referenced here. I'm not going to call all of this. Buford kicks sand; sand muscles ensue and he runs away. One of the kids with dad uses the dolphin spout as a water fountain. So it's man-made; so I have no beef with this spot. We see Ferb driving a motor boat in the water as Phineas is parachuting surfing in the air; and I must say that Phineas is more like Kit Cloudkicker every day in terms of playing off his gimmick. He's trying, oh lord he's trying hard to be like him. Not enough to do it though as he sees the house from up there. So we head to somewhere close to the jungle part of the area as we see Jeremy in green/lime green trunks waxing an orange surfboard. As we zoom out we see Candace walk in with two pineapple containers containing juice, straws and pink umbrellas. Candace is wearing a two piece suit which is pink with white daisies and matching sandals. She tries to walk; but the conveniently placed palm tree has a coconut snap and bonk off Candace's head. She takes a dive and lands on a fiddler crab and gets carried away stage left. That is exactly what happened. So we do a sky shot of the beach denizens doing the limbo. I see Django, Buford, Jenny, Stacey, five of the six Fireside girls. I also see a number of bouncers dressed up in green leaf skirts, tiaras and anklets. So this green bathing suit girl does the limbo and succeeds.
So then we see Candace being carried and she slides under the bar with ease as one of the dancers praises her for answering the question that generations of Hawiian dancers are asking. She is awarded a lime green coat, cyan pearl necklace and a goofy south Pacific like hat made from green leaves. She is now the queen Wahini of the Beach as two kids are holding the back of the lime green cape; and I discover one of them looks like a Lilo reject. The dancer's voice is Kerone Young; who I saw in Ducktales in part two of Time Is Money. Did I mention that the urn on top of her head is a torch? Everyone pops for it and Candace gasps in disbelief. So Ferb runs in and starts singing The Backyard Beach song on the microphone. We have dancing and Easter Island statues in the background for a while. This is a neat song too. They are dancing in the lineup for the jet skis as there is a video arcade machine in the background. I think we barely see Baljeet in the background of that shot. This angle is better done in this show than in Teddy Ruxpin; but again, I blame that on Teddy's horrible shot continuity more than anything else. This was done pretty well and better shot continuity wise. Jermey and Candace get together and we do a duet. It ends with a black background as Ferb sings to not fall beyond the breach as we get a wave effects (visual and sound) as we cut to Candace praying and so happy about this happening. So then we segueway to Linda in the granite bathtub of mud with lime slices in her eyesand her hair is covered in a white cloth as she realizes that Candace hasn't called and something is very wrong here. So she was expecting Candace to be this crazy and like it? I thought this would be a relief to her? The blond haired male guy is in a lime green shirt and has a nurse's hat on as she addresses her as Olga as she wants him to hose her down because she's coming home. This came literally out of nowhere. So we head back to Doof's cave as he finally finds the right remote in the filing cabinet in which he has SIX exact copies of the remote. Ummm; yeah. So Doof uses the red flashlight to try to look cool as he turns on the remote and we finally have out multimedia presentation.
So we get thunder storms as we pan down to an old country house to ground level. Doof reveals that this is Gimmelshtoomp as we see Doof looking like Phineas as a teenager standing with his mother who is dressed up like a warlock and his father; who is dressed up like a viking with magical powers. Standing at their left in front of a white fence is a lawn gnome which gets thrown into the back of a truck as the family is shamed because of course they are in the poor house. Doof's dad has his face buried in his hands as Doof narrates about who would protect the zotzenfruit garden now. So basically his dad dresses him up like a lawn gnome and forces him to stand still for a long time even if the other kids are playing around him playing "kick the mushroom"; even at night and even when he's waving at neighbours. I'm guessing this failed badly as Doof's dad speaks in another language. I'm guessing it is German for You Cannot Move. So we return to reality (no, not really) as Doof is behind a purple curtain and proclaims that he'll kill all the lawn gnomes in the Tri-State area. How is he not a babyface in this? So he brings out the Destructo-nator which is basically an double buzzsaw drill device with plate torches at either end. So he brings out the remote control and proclaims that he will use it as Perry is taken aback by this. However; Doof pushes the button and it releases the cage door. Doofen screams no and Perry whacks him in the face with the tail on screen for the second time in as many episodes. So we scene change to a blue shirt, blond haired surfer dude with a microphone because it's the surfing contest. So we see Phineas writing stuff on a paper as Buford comes in with a surfboard wearing green trunks and black sandals proclaiming that he's ready and Phineas orders him to read the sign which sezs No Bullying and no yodelling; which a guy (with light brown hair and darker brown mustache) wearing green weighter pants, white shirt, cheese socks, brown shoes and a green cap with an orange feather on it saying that he doesn't like this anymore than Buford does. What a bigot this Phineas' fellow is?!
So we see Bobby Nelson who is a tanned blond haired dude in trunks on his surfboard on the water. He easily wipes out as Buford clearly pops up from the water. CHEAT TO WIN~! Now this is the Buford I want to see. So Django tries his luck shooting the curl; but Buford comes up from behind and jumps up and lands an elbow drop on Django on screen as we discover that his last name is Von Storm; and that move was the Philadelphia Traffic Stop. This is making that big spot in Raging Bully even FUNNIER in hindsight. And that is two rants away no less! Lame move for such a great booking name. I see Buford is an ECW original fanboy. So Buford gets on the surfboard and does a half nelson, then a full nelson, and then just to break logic; he MURDERS Django with Bobby Nelson. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love early Buford episodes and I wish they didn't bury him in Raging Bully. So we cut to the judge's table as the three judges give Django a 1 1/8 score. The left one has a green tank top; the female one in the middle has a face that screams that she wants to get the hell out of dodge already and the right one has a funny V-shaped mouth. (He was the one who gave a green 1/8 point score by the way) Buford is apparently pissed off as he does something and destorys the scorer's table for fun; wiping them out! I am DIGGING this version of Buford. So we see Phineas Flynn on the surfboard, thus assuring that he will win this one as the surfer announcer talks about him being so confident. Of course he is sir; Phineas only has to get one 2, two ones or one one, one half and one half to win this competition. That's not much of a stretch for him. Phineas's giant middle finger spot is to read while wearing yellow rimmed glasses. Buford tries to do the splash on Phineas; but he hits water because we zoom out to see that Phineas' board has a stand with a holographic projector on it. So Phineas hangs on the edge of the surfboard hanging ten, 20 and 32; then he hangs on for dear life as the crowd pops in unison. Phineas walks on the side of the surfboard as he is outdoing Kick by a freakin mile and rivaling Kit Cloudkicker in term of awesomeness.
So it's almost BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as the surfers do the wave and they use this for Phineas to surf over them. Phineas has won as we go to the judge as the left one gives him the win outright with the 10 to the fifth power, the middle one gives infinity and the other one is calculating and shows a crossed out e=MC*2 sign. Now the problem with this is; the third judge is said to have considered rethinking Einstein's Theory of Relativity. However, the equation crossed out is e=mc2, which is actually Einstein's mass-energy conversion theory which is a sub class. I wish writers would do their research beforehand because this was annoying to me. Phineas wins easily even though he needs just two points to defeat Django. What overkill?! I then realize that the surfer dude announcer is in fact Stanky Dog (voiced by the same guy who does Buford). So we see Jermey and Candace dancing the Weekenders dance again. And then we stop as the white spots invade the screen and we have another TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM; only this is a love song. The moment has arrived just four episodes into this series! At least it took four episodes instead of one to prematurely ejaculate on the payoff to this angle. I just realize that this song is a version of "Lord Lift Up Where We Belong" from Jennifer Warnes; the first knockoff song of the series as Ferb brings in a platter with her "smart" phone (So that is where Ferb was!) and she answers it looking charmed. Linda is driving and looks surprised by this as the music is clearly heard in the background. Linda asks how Candace is doing and she's charmed to the gills and proclaims that Phineas & Ferb are doing wonderful things; which is enough for Linda to proclaim that she's coming home and will be here in two minutes flat. Yes; Linda is in on the scheme and believes that Candace not trying to bust them is a bad sign in her eyes. That is just great; that is just great. So the record scratches as everyone is in shocked. So Candace runs out and makes it to the driveway as Linda is literally home in 15 seconds. Candace's urn torch has been put out and is smoking as she pleas for Linda to go away and not come in. Yeah.
After all the episodes of her wanting to see her come home so she could bust her brothers; NOW she wants Linda to not get involved. And this is the fourth episode of the series, this is NOT even a season one finale episode. Talk about blowing your load. So we head back to the beach with Jermey on the sand and then we pan underground to see the vacuum cleaner device as Doof gets near the big lever in perfect position to let Perry kick him in the face on screen and the lever is pulled (JESUS~!) to blow. I should note that the choices of this vac is "suck" and "blow". Sadly; this one doesn't have an option for "swallow" and "bites". This causes the Suckinator (my name for it now) and we have a man-made volcano as it shoots lawn gnomes into the air and Stanky Dog gets MURDERED by one and gets knocked out cold. Everyone flees as some male voice calls this a Gnome-aggedon. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So everyone flees as we cut back to Linda as she wants answers to this outrage and Candace takes a deep breath and basically blurts out that Phineas & Ferb created a big beach paradise with all the trimmings. So then we see Perry kick the lever (JESUS~!) as it changes to suck now and that allows all the sand and water to suck right into the underground cave and Candace continues to cut this promo about the beach area as we see the whole thing is just a sand area as Perry climbs out of the hole and walks off. Phineas proclaims that that this is all for today and everyone waves at him and Ferb (and Isabella too I believe) as the kids all walk back on the grass and we see the wooden fence which was a boardwalk during this episode rise up into a wooden fence again. Candace is on her knees pleading for her moment to Linda and then tells her to see for herself. So Linda does that as we cut to Phineas, Ferb and Isabella are on the grass wrapping up this episode as Linda comes in and asks about their time at the beach.
Candace comes in looking so panicky as she stands on the sandbox again and demands answers to this outrage and why Phineas's shorts are orange colored only. I just realize that Ferb was wearing a tooth necklace. Linda and Isabella help Candace away as Linda thinks the sun is giving her dellusions. So; every episode of this series. Phineas takes her as having fun and this is one of the few times in this series where that statement is accurate. Ferb is now wearing the shortest grass skirt ever and leaves on his head as we cut to a closeup of the radio playing "If Summer Only Lasted One Day" as we see Perry lying under the tree. Phineas & Ferb sit down under the tree as Stanky Dog thanks Phineas & Ferb on the radio for the hot party of the summer; and informs us that tomorrow is going to be just as hot as yesterday. As we zoom out in a neat shot we see three lawn gnomes embedded in the roof of Phineas' house. Ferb basically explains it all as Phineas laugh. The ED for this one is almost the full song footage from "One Good Scare Ought To Do It"; which makes no sense, but whatever. That ends the episode at 12:32 approx. This is the best episode of the series so far as it felt like a lot of twists to the formula were done and they keep the lawn gnome crap to a bare minimum as Candace has a great old time and Buford has his best performance ever. Heel Buford is awesome. A few logic breaks prevented the first perfect episode of the series; but what a party this was?! **** 3/4 (95%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Another bunch of midding shorts here. The Fast & The Phineas was another fun episode that had a lot of animation mistakes and logic breaks. It was another race; but it was at least cohernet. Granted; Phineas & Ferb cheated like heels; but it was a fun ride. However; Candace's routine of busting the boys was overkill here as Candace failed on all five attempts to bust them; effectively killing the angle. The biggest problem is that Candace did an idiot subplot in that she had her smartphone camera all this time and never used it; even when they used a regular camera. Isabella and the Fireside Girls were great as usual, the song was good and Perry/Doof was the usual goodness. Lawn Gnome Beach Party Of Terror was AWESOME. Yes; I said it and I stand by it. The reason is that despite having lawn gnomes in it; it was limited to Doof/Perry segments and it made Doof into the biggest babyface ever for me. The beach party was awesome and it made The Great Big Illiop Party look like the Z-grade mess that it was. The biggest surprise in this wasn't that Candace decided not to bust the boys; but even wanted Linda to go away and let it be (because Phineas & Ferb didn't screw her this time around). It was Buford acting like a cheating heel during the surfing contest and doing wrestling moves while murdering Django with Nelson Brown. That is so funny to see and as I am going to find out soon enough that this leads to the burial of Buford in this series. Overall; this is a pretty good set of shorts and the later one is already on top of the list of great episodes during the first season. So next up is Are You My Mummy and Flop Starz. So yes; Phineas is going to fight a mummy like he said he would in the theme song which is really good planning on the creators part. And the second one has Linda being a one hit wonder for real. YAY! So....
Thumbs in the middle for The Fast & The Phineas and thumbs way up for Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror and I'll see you all next time.