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Phineas & Ferb: Mommy, Can You Hear Me?/Road Trip
Reviewed: 02/09/2014
Can You Hear Me On This 100th Road Trip?!
So continuing on with the Perry Files; we have #128 (3-10a) and #129 (3-10b) on the animation paper; as we get stuff like Phineas & Ferb building a truck stop diner on top of their RV; while Doofensmirtz is transporting boom juice to the tri-state area. Plus; Candace is so stupid she breaks her ankle while Doofensmirtz is doing chicken soup. Yeah; let's rant on shall we...?!
Mommy, Can You Hear Me is written and storyboarded by J.G. Orrantia and Kaz. The story is done by Matt Olson, Jim Bernstein and Scott Peterson. Jim started on Beethoven the series in 1994 and then from there worked on Homeboys From Outer Space, Big Wolf On Campus, The Trouble With Normal, Off Centre, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Family Guy, Oliver Beene, Quinuplets, American Dad, and his most recent credit Mighty Med. Mickey's Twice Upon A Christmas is his DTVA debut and that's all. Scott D. Peterson has a colorful resume doing visual effects for The Power Rangers movie, Ghost In The Machine, Timecop, Tank Girl, Down Periscope, Jingle All The Way, The Blob (his debut), Toys, Predator 2, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Hunt For Red October and Batman Returns. He then presued animation working on The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries, then Nascar Racers, Robotboy, Danny Phantom, The X's, My Life As A Teenage Robot, Escape From Cluster Prime, Tutenstein and Diabolik among others. Brandy & Mr. Whiskers is his DTVA debut and has done work for The Emperor's New Sckool, The Replacements and was a story editor for Kick Buttowski. Road Trip is written and storyboarded by Scott Peterson, Kaz and Kim Roberson. Story editing for both episode are done by Scott Peterson. Animation is done by Wang Films and Suzhou Hong Ying Cartoon Company Limited. One final note: Unless otherwise stated; the direction is done by Jay Lender who started as an additional special effects animator in The Pagemaster in 1994. Other credits include: Hey Arnold!, Sky Blue, Looney Tunes: Back In Action, Spongebob Squarepants, C-Bear & Jamal, The Angry Beavers, Constant Payne, and his most recent credit: TVZ: Repossessed. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and only appearance. He also wrote the following video games: Shadow Ops: Red Mercury, The Dukes of Hazzard: Return of The General Lee, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, The Sopranos: Road To Respect, Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed, Destroy All Humans: Path Of The Furon and the DS game Robocalypse. Other than Loose Tooth and Part Time Fabulous; that is about it; save one Self credit: Getting Into The Game. Yeah; that was long.
Mommy, Can You Hear Me?: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM and then we head inside as Candace is on the cellphone with Stacey talking about Jeremy. Geez; this is like every episode in this series. Except this time; Candace is actually laid up in bed with a broken right ankle which is in a cast and a sling. Why? Because she was basically doing the same thing as anyone who talks on their cellphone while driving, only she was going down the stairs while talking on her cellphone. Yeah; she is a big idiot. Now the problem with this is; Candace is such a bump machine. Sure; she has been roughed up a lot in the series; but has never broken bones until now. What makes this a logic break is that many of the bumps throughout the series would have left Candace with broken bones or at worst, death in any sane universe. So color me not convinced. This looks like a ploy to make Phineas & Ferb lose their guard; which is dumb because they have been too honest to do that, and it's clear the adults are in on the scheme. Candace needs to do something else not related to Jeremy or busting boys; because she fails on both counts like a goofball. So I discover that Candace would miss the Tiny Cowboy Concert with backstage passes if she reinjures the ankle which is tomorrow. So she's almost recovered from the injury? And she's telling Stacey now? And if the injury wasn't serious; why do they need to go overboard with stablizing the ankle? My head hurts as Linda comes in to inform Candace that she is going gardening in the backyard while listening to Lawerence's soundscapes stuff. Candace is not thrilled as she counts her one useless limb. Ummm; there is two useless limbs; the other one is your brain. So Phineas & Ferb come in with a box of stuff which they consider the cure for boredom. I wish Candace would die from boredom so she can be reborn into a teenage girl who isn't a stupid jerk. So Candace blows it off but Phineas assures her that this will deal with cabin fever. Candace calls the blond haired doll; Mindy Mimic, which makes no sense since she doesn't look like a mime. She calls this all boring and the doll mimicks her. DAMN!
So Ferb brings in about 30 novels that the boys wrote which covers genres you wouldn't know were genres. It's sad that Ferb is now stooping to doing the spot Kit does a lot in TaleSpin. Then Phineas & Ferb bring in a giant screen television which is basically a security camera setup as there are cameras everywhere and she can watch the family and get help when needed; so she feels less imprisoned. Yes; Phineas said this. Not to mention that (a) Phineas & Ferb don't give a damn about privacy; namely the boys and the rest of the family; and (b) This is a giant middle finger to Candace because there are cameras in the backyard and it is like they are daring Candace to bust them; knowing that Linda and Lawerence don't give a crap what they are doing. That is insulting to me. The only good part of this was Lawerence in the kitchen tickling his throat and humming; then stopping and saying where is Perry. If he did this for 11 minutes; it's a **** episode easy. So we head to OWCA headquarters as Agent P is sitting in his chair in front of the monitor. Major Monogram is on the monitor again as he informs us that Doctor Doofensmirtz went shopping for deli products including the dreaded sauerkraut of doom in the tri-state. Well; that proves it! Anyone who buys sauerkraut as a deli product in a serious manner must be the spawn of Satan. No, not really. More like the spawn of bad taste. Anyhow; Monogram wants Perry to find out what this evil sandwich plan is about and Perry leaves with the rocket handglider of doom as it rockets up to the ceiling. So we head to the backyard with Linda on headset planting purple and pink flowers. Isabella comes in and does her standard "what'cha doing?" thing; only with less sarcasm. I hate to say this; but I do get a chuckle when Isabella does it, but it only happens when Phineas is around. Mainly because it sounds like subtle sarcasm to me.
Linda cannot hear her because she has headphones on and boy; I would love to hear the music Lawerence gave her; just to get through this episode without losing my mind. Isabella realizes that she is distracted and goes over to Phineas & Ferb as Baljeet and Buford have also entered the backyard. We notice Phineas & Ferb working on metal beams, pipes and a stand. It's obvious now that Linda is in on this because she is in the backyard with Phineas & Ferb; albeit off-screen. How can she miss all this; even with the headphones on? She cannot be blind or deaf. She might be dumb; but I don't think that is the case here. Buford calls them losers when he asks what they are doing. Phineas & Ferb point out that it's cosmonaut Sergi Kushnirow's birthday today. Phineas is a communist? Really? Okay; he's not. He's just more inclusive than a lot of North America. Oh wait; Phineas is talking about a sattelite in space which is an international space station. I guess in this world; there is more than one international space station. I'm fine with that. Ferb is tinkering as we discover that Sergi is designed to check for wormholes and the thing will be under Danville soon. Phineas looks like he hasn't sleeped a wink when pointing this out to Baljeet; despite looking fine in other shots. Baljeet hopes that they don't void the sanatation system because Baljeet has to make a fart joke that doesn't sound like a joke at all. When Buford hates fart jokes; you know Baljeet sucks as a character which is a crying shame because Baljeet could have been a contender man. So Phineas finally reveals that they are building a Startospheric Ionizer and shows the blueprints for this device which will allow the space station to see their Happy Birthday message. You got a hand to Phineas for at least having the guts to do this device without the message being "Die Commies! Die!"; which I bet that it will be misconstructed in German. Baljeet calls this high tech. I cannot argue with this.
So Phineas tells Ferb to throw him a bone; which is exactly what Ferb does (with a real bone no less). And it flies into the air and into space somehow since we get that stock footage still of planet Earth from space. Lovely! Ferb must be the bone tossing champion sponsered by Larson & Gary. We see Sergi floating in space and head inside with one of the cosmonaunts as I discover that Sergi Kushnirow is a real person who has black hair; while the other one is a balding red haired man with Russian acents in white space suits. Ummm; yeah, there is a party in the space station. Sergi is looking out the window proclaiming that he is looking forward to Phineas & Ferb's message from space; calling them thoughtful. I should point out that he made a cameo previously in Raging Bully; so it's not like he hasn't been seen before or anything; which means that him knowing the boys does make sense. Anyhow; we see the red haired man squirting purple stuff out of a toothpaste container and putting a cardboard candle on it; trying to scare Sergi into believing that it's real. I should note that they do speak in broken English like a stereotypical Russian; but at least the accent is thin and most of what they say is in complete sentences. Did I mention that a blond haired woman and another cosmonaunt are dancing upside down above the red haired man? One more note: Sergi is voiced by Jeff Swamp Marsh; under the name Swampysky Marshkarov, which is a parody of the end credits for The Simpsons which all the voice actors are given horror movie booking names combined with their real ones. So; that scene was amusing so we have to go back to Candace's room with Stacey inside and commenting about Candace's right left being swollen and useless. She's right about the useless part; but it's clear from the drawings that Candace's right foot is the same size as the left one. Stacey: You should have seen my left foot when it was infected after stepping on broken glass. That was bloody swollen. Stacey calls it a mummified bed potato which Candace blows off. Candace whines about not being able to go to the radio station to get the backstage passes to the Tiny Cowboy concert.
Actually I almost felt Candace's pain one time in the early 1990's when I was happy to get tickets for a WWE house show in Halifax in early March; but the stairs at the front of my house (and yes; while we have winters, they are a lot more dangerous here due to the fact that half of the time, we go inbetween snow and rain in terms of wild weather during the winter time) were icy and when I got too cute for my own good; I slipped and tumbled down right into the snow and landed on my left ankle. Despite having it mummy wrapped like Candace's; nothing was broken and I was able to go watch the event as planned; but man, I almost screwed myself out of three hours of entertainment for being stupid. So I can relate to Candace's plight in some way. Anyhow; Stacey notices Phineas building something as Candace tries to get out of bed to go into busting mode (see what I mean by "Flanderization"? Sadly; she is already a stereotype long before she was Flanderized so that makes it worse.); but Stacey stops her because of doctor's orders. Candace then remembers that Phineas has set cameras up in various area and she finds the remote control and brings up the monitor on a metal stand next to her. We see the screen with Linda gardening and right behind her; is Phineas and company building the Ionizer. How could Linda miss what Phineas is doing? Unless she had the headphones on when she entered the backyard; but we never saw her do that at all. We only saw her planting which implied that she could have saw what Phineas was doing anyway. I don't get the point of busting the brothers anymore when it's clear that Linda is in on the scheme; and Lawerence has been many times before Linda found out for the first time way back in season one when Candace actually succeeded in busting them. Candace yells for Linda; but Stacey points out that the camera are not wired with speakers for Candace to yell back to Linda; which would be useless anyway since she has the headset on. Candace uses the cellphone to call her; but Linda ignores it while the kids are building some more. Linda loves the music and again; I would love to hear that soundscape music too.
Candace is pissed off about her mother not answering. Umm; Candace? DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT SHE IS WEARING HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC?! God!! Candace is so dumb that she might as well be Miss Lips and be done with it. I'm starting to like Bea now in spite of her assholish tendences; because Bea isn't this stinking stupid in Fish Hooks. Candace tries again to get loose; but Stacey grabs her to prevent that; so Candace demands that Stacey help her and Stacey apparently agrees with her allowing Candace to thank her. Stacey claims that she is such an enabler; thus implying that she has been behind Candace's stereotype gimmick all along. I feel so betrayed; even if I don't really care about Stacey anyway. So we head to Doofensmirtz Evil Inc. with Perry flying his rocket handglider towards the building. He lands on the roof which is right on top of the conveniently placed trap door. Yeah; it's obvious, but this is clearly a work, so who cares anyway? Perry gets trapped as he is wearing half of a dill pickle designed as a bondage device. I know a lot of Kit fans are going to hate me for saying this but: Kit Cloudkicker in a pickle suit makes look like a bigger tool than Agent P in a pickle suit. So Doofensmirtz comes in mocking Agent P while Agent P has that look of "You were watching TaleSpin's The Golden Sprocket Of Friendship while building up this plan weren't ya?" He makes pickle jokes which don't catch and then we hit the flashback to Tony's Delicatessen (Deli for short in case no one knows) as we see Doofensmirtz walk to the counter of the deli which looks like an old country type deli as a green eye, gray haired old man wearing a white shirt and cyan shirt is manning the counter. Doofensmirtz is carrying a big bowl of chicken soup containing an obvious raisin in it; but Doofensmirtz keeps arguing that it's a fly. Tony keeps pointing out that it's a raisin (which is true by the way) and we head to a lab with an entomologist who uses a microscope on the raisin and the verdict is that Tony is right. Doofensmirtz is not happy and storms out stage left; as the entomologist claims that on the other side is a fly. Oooooookkkkaaayyyy.
So we return to reality (no, not really) as Doofen admits that the soup went cold and it was too late to get a refund on the soup. So Doofensmirtz's evil plan is to wash Tony's Deli off the face of the tri-state area with his new invention which is the Chicken Soupinator; which is basically a cross between a laser and a firefighter's hose. Ummm; yeah. We then see a huge glass vat of boiling chicken soup (with whole cooked chickens in it I might add for extra flavour and zip) connected to the hose as Doof explains the obvious to us. It's powerful enough to destroy a city block in Danville. Doof comments about the amount of stuff needed to fill the vat and went to Aaron's Deli since they had a big sale. Half a gallon of chicken soup for free equals $40 of deli products; which shows that this is why you see the "Limit one per person" on so many fine prints when it comes to those sales. Okay; maybe not. Yeah; there is a huge pile of deli products piled up in the lab which Doofen hopes keeps from getting spoiled. So let's return to Candace in her bed rooting for Stacey as Stacey is now on the monitor calling Phineas out. Phineas turns around awkwardly and admits that the jackhammer sounds are causing hearing problems in the background. Stacey informs Phineas that Candace is watching and Phineas & Ferb wave to the camera and then taunt Candace claiming that they cannot see nor hear her. Lovely! Candace is pissed off; so she uses her cellphone again only in text message mode (So Stacey's phone can translate voice into text messages? Interesting!) as Stacey notices her phone beeping and makes a comment about spell checker not catching some word; so I'm guessing that this falls under the "Phantom Hell" rule from Her Chance To Dream. So Stacey walks over to Linda and taps her on the shoulder; which she should have done from the start of this. Linda turns around and then a delivery man (from Foley Freights I might add because the delivery uniform is the exact same one; only it's a different delivery man who looks like the Toon Boom version of Boog.) shows up to block Linda's view as he has brought in two boxes of azaleas. Okay; this makes sense; but it means nothing now.
The delivery man bails to put the azaleas somewhere after Linda turns around to continue gardening as the next piece of the Ionizer is in place which apparently needed a crane since we don't see one; and the piece was at least 20 feet above the last one. So we head back to DEI as Perry throws his hat away after failing to wiggle his way out of the bondage pickle. Doofen turns around as he notices Perry chittering; and thinks that Perry put a regular platypus in there. Considering the last episode; this actually makes sense in it's own twisted way. Doofensmirtz releases the bondage pickle and grabs Perry; which allows Perry to punch Doofensmirtz in the kisser on screen with no impact stars. Doofen is confused as Agent P puts his hat on and Doofen cannot believe that it was really Perry. Okay; that was stupid, but it was HAHA stupid. So Doofen goes to the deli pile and we are going to have a fight with deli meat. I hope you have your dick jokes handy for this; because I think I know where this is going. So Doofensmirtz grabs a bag and throws hard as steel bagels, potato salad, marble rye, braunscheiger (dick joke #1), pickled herrings, and a red onion. The steel bagels break through the wall and kill a pelican in the background during this. Anyhow; Perry dodges those and then makes a sandwhich (apparently with one arm and an arrow on top) which Doofensmirtz protests since it's a Gunter Flagendorf. Not for making a dumb sandwich; but for knowing that Gunter exists since he only made one movie and it was in Gimmel; which earns him the sandwich in the kisser tossed by Perry. To which Heenan and I reply: Of course! Doofen goes flying stage right and does a really lame scream. So we head back to the backyard which seems to be getting smaller and smaller as time goes on. Linda is in the foreground gardening while we see that the Ionizer is really just a big projection sattelite like flashlight pointing up towards space. I don't get the point of Candace nor Stacey complaining about this. So we do a power test with Wii beams as we head back to Candace throwing international objects at the glass window and not one of the objects breaks the window. This makes no sense!
So Candace is sulking and decides to try the remote. She clicks and it's basically turns the room into themed backgrounds from other episodes of this show. It also turns Candace into Mr. Shuckles at one point (that one was for you Greg Manson!) Whatever. We return to reality (no, not really) as Candace throws that away. So Candace goes through the box and brings out the Mindy Mimic Doll (with the microphone/speaker for a mouth) and a model remote control helicopter. She blows them off as a big whoop. Mindy repeats her and then Candace chuckles like an evil little jerk would. Sadly; the doll doesn't mimic that as Mindy is tied up against the remote control helicopter and Candace proclaims "Mom; turn around"; which Mindy repeats, and then she repeats it over and over again for no reason even though Candace only said it once. She uses the remote and she has poor perception because the helicopter bumps into the door about four times before exiting the room. I fail to see how this is going to work. So we head back to the international space station as apparently; the blond haired Russian cosmonaunt has dyed her hair brown now as everyone is working. I'm guessing the banner reads Happy Birthday in Russian. But don't quote me on that as the red haired guy is not happy to see Sergi not smiling on his birthday. Sergi was hoping to get that message from the boys; as the red haired man wants Sergi to join in drinking from the canteens like an ant in a rainstorm. I hope this is not "hold your wee for a Wii" spot because I am going to be so pissed off if it is. Sergi joins in; but only for a sip. Okay; so Sergi is smart enough not to do something fatally stupid at least. We then see on the computer screen a badly drawn screen of an asteroid warning. Cut to the still photo of earth from space as an asteroid is coming towards earth. Oh; this planet is going to be furbared; I just knew the Russians couldn't be counted on to protect us!
So we head inside the hallway with a lot of pink walls as Perry goes into Doofensmirtz's bathroom. Why? I have no idea. We see Perry open the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) and finds some aniacid tablets inside. We see Doofensmirtz outside complaining about Agent P going to the bathroom in the middle of a fight. HA! Doofensmirtz has a bucket of either potato salad; macroni and cheese salad or vomit. I cannot tell which is which here. The door opens and we see Perry grab a spray bottle as apparently he is on a wooden steps painted in pink and red; apparently it is for Vanessa. Or from her. That makes no sense either way since she's a punk goth. Perry runs out as Doof throws macroni salad at Perry; so Perry uses the spray bottle and it destroys the deli products. Doofensmirtz is panicky now because it's antacid which is the secret weapon of defeating deli products; or something like that. Doof gets headbutted in the midsection by Perry during this and we head back to the backyard as the helicopter with the tied up Mindy Mimic doll flies out towards Linda repeating like a logic breaking mimickry doll would. Or in this case, Gogo from FFVI. The helicopter bumps into Linda about three times; so Linda swats it away and it somehow short circuits in a not believable fashion as it rises up and flies around in the sky shot. We then zoom out to see Candace watching from her bed and she is pissed off of this. She brings out the scissors and cuts the sling propping her right leg up; and it drops onto the bed. Candace screams off-screen as we see the kids in front of the microphone with sheets of paper near the Ionizer as he prepares for the singing fest; but the helicopter lands on the mike and sezs turn around over and over again. Now this makes logical sense now because the helicopter is short circuited now. So the Ionizer fires and we cut back to the space station as Sergi sees the message and is confused before turning around to see the red alerts and the message of an asteroid coming and yells for evasive moves as everyone in the space station gets into position and the space station rises up into space letting the asteroid pass underneath with ease.
The asteroid turns into a yellow fireball as the station rises up and the space goofs with Russian accents discover a rainbow like wormhole as Sergi praises Phineas & Ferb for saving them and finding a wormhole to research as they go through the rainbow induced wormhole. Meanwhile; Candace is crawling down the steps and tumbles off-screen; then crawls out of the house into the backyard yelling for Linda to turn around; which Linda completely ignores. This is actually really neat animation. So then here is what happens next: We see the asteroid in a really tight closeup heading for the tri-state area; then we cut back to Doofensmirtz spitting out a half dozen pickles and blowing off Perry. This leads to Perry kicking the Chicken Soupinator which fires a beam straight at the asteroid which it hits and makes it hyperbole straight cross the sky. The Chicken Soupinator explodes for no reason at all as we see Candace get up on her left foot (kudos to the animators for keeping the continuity straight on the broken ankle) and hops to Linda screaming at her to turn around. Before Linda finally decides to listen; the asteroid whacks the Ionizer and carries it away out of sight. Linda turns around and sees nothing but a large hole in the ground. Candace stammers like crazy as Linda thanks Phineas and company for clearing out a place for her snap dragons. Yup; that certainly deserves some pie as everyone cheers despite the fact that Baljeet is nowhere in sight; but we hear his voice anyway. Yes; Baljeet was written out via teleport. This episode is racist. Candace pratfalls into the azaleas which Linda tells her not to; and also tells her to lie down before she does said faceplant. So we head to the garage as Phineas is disappointed in not getting that message to Sergei. Phineas brings out his cellphone (listen old farts: If Phineas can drive a car on this show; then complaining about him having a cellphone is a waste of time logic wise.) to call Sergei. And this is what the answering machine gives us...
Sergei: (voice recording) Hello, I'm unavailable because I'm hurtling through time, and evolving past our human limitations. So, don't bother leaving a message after the beep.
Okay; that is the funniest answering machine message I have ever heard from anyone in DTVA. It's so Z-Gradeish that I couldn't help but laugh at it. So Sergei gets a crowning moment of awesome in this show. Lovely! Phineas feels bad that they'll never give him the happy birthday message. I guess Phineas doesn't know the meaning of the word belated. Which is odd since Phineas is a really good wordsmith. Ferb proclaims that you should never say never; which is the dumbest statement ever because you said it TWICE! It is illogical to say that line and play it straight. So we fade to black and we get in white letters: Somewhere Beyond Jupiter...and beyond time. I think they were going to play Ric Flair's theme song for a moment, but don't. And then we get one of the weirdest endings I have ever seen. Okay; how do I explain this? Okay; we return to see a white futuristic room which seems to be in the year 3000 or something as it's a bedroom and we see a cosmonaunt who looks at least 90 years old lying in bed with gray hair on the sides and looks rather ill. It looks like some room with Wii colors. Then a bubble appears from the shining light as this guy groans and wonders what is going on. Then we see the most bizzare thing ever: Ferb is a naked baby inside the bubble saying happy birthday to this guy. The guy responds by proclaiming in a Russian accent that the boys did remember after all and calls them nice boys; meaning this is Sergei on his deathbed. Wow; my mind is blown! This would have been even more epic and bizzare had they actually got the license to play Ric Flair's theme song from WCW. Oh well; that's copyright for you. That ends the episode at 10:00 approx. The finish and ending were good and bizzare in that order; but at least the absurd ending was pretty classy in comparison to most times I see such a thing (Two Clams In Love; I'm looking at you!). The rest of it was just there to suck as Doof/Perry was fun as usual; but the Candace stuff with Phineas has gone from amusing, to stupid, to pointless. So now Candace is more useless than Meg Griffin. That's horrifying as Baljeet being written out via teleport at the end. Logic breaks didn't help this either so it's a ** 3/4 (55%). Mostly for the finish and Sergei's answering machine message.
Road Trip: We begin this one on the road in an RV being driven by Lawerence. We cut to inside the back of the RV as Phineas & Ferb are sitting at the table reading maps and books about factual information. Candace is lying on the sofa looking bored and annoyed as usual. Phineas tells Lawerence that America's largest sport sock is three miles down the road. Phineas would love to go there; but Lawerence points out that the rental RV must be returned at sundown and therefore it will have to wait for the next road trip. So then Candace begins to rant...and rant...and rant...and rant. Yeah; she talks a lot; but has nothing interesting the say because it's all the typical cheese that goes with said whine. The RV sucks (which she is fibbing because there's no bloody way that bathroom is the size of a postage stamp. I mean; it's not good for me to fit in; but Candace has a beanpole body and almost the height of Linda, so what is her malfunction?), this road trip sucks because they didn't go to greasy spoon truck diner stops (okay; that was is reasonable in a way), and Phineas & Ferb haven't done anything in a solid week to make her want to bust her brothers. I know a lot of people are going to call me immature for saying this. However; considering how pointless this is now, it is getting to the point now where I couldn't tell the difference between what Candace is doing and Candace actually abusing drugs. I mean; what is the point of busting her brothers if everyone in the family is in on the scheme except her? This is the definition of drug abuse methinks; only it doesn't involve actual drugs. The high she gets is in this sick pleasure that fails every single time is similar to the high Fanboy & Chum Chum get when they drink Frosty Freezey Freeze; only (I cannot believe I'm defending them here) at least the gimmick in that show does not cause long term issues. Yes; it's annoying and painful in real life, but at least it's harmless in the long term. What Candace is doing is grounds for her to see a shrink. At once! Phineas & Ferb completely ignore her because they are bedazzled by her greasy diner comment; which Candace accuses them of ignoring her. Yeah; what is your point Candace?
Phineas proclaims that they were listening to her; but she got echoy. Like Satahn does in the movie Snuff (Kit: So you are reading the Agonybooth website again Gregory?). Candace blows him off and lies on the sofa as Phineas proclaims that they didn't stop at a diner during this trip which denied them the experience of sassy waitresses, juke boxes and a bowl of after dinner mints at the counter. (Also known as moth balls on the Red Green Show.) During this sequence; we see Agent P inflating a Perry doll which shows that Perry's agents are as inflatable as Candace's boyfriends. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHACK! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Wait a second? How did Perry and Candace know that I would crack that joke? Above all else; how did they know each other with Perry as Agent P? Oh; never mind, no one cares about that anyway as Phineas proclaims that he knows what they are going to do today. He turns around and sees Inflatable Perry; and doesn't suspect a thing. At least the inflatable Perry looks like him as we see Agent P go through the secret panel door and flips backward as he sits in his red chair inside the engine of the RV; which has a monitor set up. This cannot be explained; do not think too much. We see Major Monogram on the screen apologize for cutting the vacation short (which is funny considering that this is the last day of said vacation). You better apologize Major! I mean; it's bad enough working for Disney every week; but moonlighting as a secret agent on top of it doesn't exactly give Agent P time to unwind on something that doesn't involve unwinding a fist on Doof's face. Monogram informs us that Doctor Doofensmirtz is driving a big rig not far from his current location because even in storyline; Doofensmirtz is always close by to do something evil; or make OWCA look like heels. So the chair drops as Perry hangs onto the pipe. Monogram basically tells him to reroute his family to somewhere else so he can catch up with Doofensmirtz. Monogram then goes on a promo about the open roads and chunks of tires and single shoes. That was....okay I guess.
So Perry is crawling to the big box in front of the car underneath the front hood and plugs the out of nowhere laptop. Yes; even in this show; it resorts to invoking the Gadget Trick. We discover that he is hacking into the GPS system with the laptop connected to the plug jack via a USB cable. I think that's what it is as we cut to Lawerence driving and the female automated voice tells him to turn left at exit. Lawerence calls this odd; but never argues with a lady and turns left at an exit. Now; this shows how much the animators know about American culture: When this scene occurs; Lawerence is driving on the left side of the road and the exit is an interchange instead of an intersection. It's as if they are in the UK; even though Phineas & Ferb have already pointed out that this road trip is in America; where we drive on the right side of the road. They couldn't just flip the scene and then change the voice to say to turn right? How bad do you have to be to make such an obvious mistake? So Lawerence has the transmitter and he want to channel the "awesomeness" of a truck driver. Somehow a British truck driver sounds quite cheeky to me. Which is fitting because the RV's handle used by Lawerence is called the Cheeky Monkey. Linda is so confused and/or repulsed by this. Okay; I laughed at this; not because he made an ass joke; but because his attempts to be a truck driver with a British accent is so laughable that I laughed at it. Linda asks how he knew how to use a CB radio and Lawerence shows her a red eight track tape called truck-driven hits from 1975-1975. That made me laugh and I see Lawerence is so ancient that ancient Egypt would consider this dull and dumb. And yes it shows a truck crashing into candy cane painted barrels and a brick wall. Why do you ask? Lawerence tells her to handle it with care; which also made me laugh. Then we get our first transmission and it's clearly Doctor Doofensmirtz's voice which Linda points out that Lawerence got someone on transmitter. So Lawerence continues his truck driver material which made me laugh some more; as we see Doofensmirtz Evil Inc.'s big rig on the road as it's an oil tanker.
Doofensmirtz's handle is called Misfortune which Lawerence screws up as Miss; which Doofensmirtz blows off and corrects making sure to talk down at him during this. HAHA! Lawerence is entertaining me here for no good reason; but I don't care, it's funny. Lawerence takes it well; and proclaims that they are doing a double nickel on the dime; which even I know it means he's doing 55 MPH (or 55 KM/H; doesn't really matter) on route 10 since we saw the black painted sign say that in white letter when Lawerence turned off in that logic breaking scene I mentioned earlier. Linda calls this clever, but I call it clever and funny as Doofensmirtz is screwing this up so royalfully that the whole point of this scene was to make the oil tanker and the RV drive together side by side; as I realize that the scene now has Lawerence driving on the right side of the road and Doof driving on the left side. Okay; that makes sense since Doofen is a heel anyway so driving on the wrong side of the road is dangerously heelish. More laughable stuff from Doofen and Lawerence as Perry is on the side of the RV and jumps onto the side of the oil tanker; thus justifying the whole point of that scene. Doofen admits that he is a crappy truck driver and then Agent P sticks onto the front windshield with sunction cups on his hands and knees. Doofen panics and tells Lawerence that he'll have to sign off as Lawerence gives a 10-4 and shuts off his transmitter. Linda then proclaims that Lawerence has just scored man points in her book; and I totally agree with her on that. Then; he channels Homer Simpson and Linda blows him off claiming that he lost them again. Oh sod off Linda and like it! So we head inside the front of the oil tanker as Doofensmirtz is driving with his seatbelt on (which is a babyface move) and blows off Perry for trying to distract him while driving. I think that was his general idea Doofen; no matter how much BS&P will hate it in the end. Doofensmirtz gives him the loser sign and that apparently is enough for Perry to sit down; which of course allows Doofen to push a button on the dashboard (the middle one) and Perry gets strapped with a seatbelt. HAHA! Good one Doofen; good one.
So Doofensmirtz explains his evil plan of the day and why he is driving an oil tanker. Now remember all those times when his inators explode? Well; Doofensmirtz finally admits that the self-destruct stuff is actually a feature of the inators and not a bug. So in other words; Doofensmirtz expected Perry to beat him all this time. Thus; as I mentioned before, this whole OWCA angle is a clear work; although this point was jackhammered home when Doofensmirtz was shopping in the super mart and bumped into Major Monogram. Remember Unfair Science Fair Redux? Yeah; I know what you are thinking. What is the point of watching this now that it's clear that this is a work? Simple; because it's children's comedy and it doesn't take much to make me laugh. So Doofen explains that he is driving an oil tanker because it's filled with something called Boom Juice which is a formula for the self-destruct feature on the inators. However; he got his cheap at a store in the middle of nowhere and thus had to drive it back to the tri-state area. Here's a logic break I don't really care about; but I need to address anyway: Why defeat Doofensmirtz here when he's doing this for Agent P's benefit? It's not like the inators are that threatening, and thus the point of continuing to fight Doofensmirtz would continue. I mean; it's clear that Monogram is now one of those FBI agents who thwart their own terrorist attacks; so what is the point? Then the panel starts beeping red which Doofensmirtz tells him to ignore because it's an early warning explosion signal; because this Boom Juice is so cheap; that it's old and unstable. Agent P in this mission is to stop Doofen from blowing himself up? That's the only way this makes any sense. So Doofensmirtz proclaims that he's going to torment Perry with his truck driving stories. So we cut back to the RV as Phineas wants a wrench and Ferb shows it to him. So the roof opens and the table and chairs rises up onto the rooftop of the RV. We cut to Candace who is sleep walking off the sofa because she's in "bust and fail" mode; only in sleep walking.
Cut to the front of the RV as Lawerence and Linda are listening to the eight track tape and it is actually quite funny considering that most rentals at that time do not have eight track tape drives; they usually have CD drives; or even DVD drives. Only in Phineas & Ferb can the creators make an RV that has an eight track tape drive. I'm impressed. The voice sounds like a redneck version of the snowman from Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer; as Mr. Trucker Man saves Christmas because even psychopathic losers with toxic manliness have feelings and empathy towards some others; even when it's not much. Candace is doing the zombie sleep walk only it's in bust fail mode as Linda notices it right away. Lawerence calls it adorable and I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. At least zombie sleep walking Candace is more amusing than asshole stupid waking Candace. Linds gives her a push back into the back as Lawerence wants to play track 3 which is a radio play on truckers taking down a corrupt police force using only their trucks and their saucy colloquialisms. Now THERE'S an angle that they need to pay off somehow; but this not the series to do it. So we head outside to see Phineas & Ferb on the roof with their table and chairs as the green delivery guy arrives; and the RV is now driving on the left side of the road. Make up your mind guys! This is basically Phinas signs off on delivery. Delivery guy asks if they are a little young to be ordering a seasoned grill, 300 pounds of coffee, 200 pounds of fatback, four tons of lumber, and assorted wheat, rye and pumpernickel breads; and you can guess what the response is without even waiting for Phineas to say it. Only Phineas does it by saying that age isn't the issue here and gives the clipboard to the deliver guy agreeing with him. Whatever. So we head back inside the oiltanker with Doofensmirtz telling tall tales about someone confusing a throw pillow with a penguin. Only it was a penguin and it collides with his mouth and so everyone is repulsed.
During this charming promo; Perry wiggles his arms loose and gets the Gadget Trick maginfying glass and point it in a direction where the sun would focus on burning the seatbelt strap. Agent P is free and as Doof is finishing his promo; he gets punched in the face on-screen and falls onto the floor of the truck. Way to go Doofen; way to go! Perry takes over the truck and honks the horn as it's TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM time~! Which is instantly cut off as Perry gets kicked in the face by Doofen. On-screen; no impact stars. Perry tries to fight back; but the LEGAL HAND OF GOD prevents him. Doofen claims that he cannot fight him and drive at the same time; which is clearly a lie. So he uses his Hitch-A-Ride-inator (yes; the truck is an inator; just accept it) as a large spike pokes into the right side panel of the RV. So now he can fight Perry without worrying about driving. If only Hoppo had the same foresight to do that in Ghostrustlers. So Perry is climbed to the roof of the front of the truck and then whacks Doof from behind in the head with his tail. And he's supposed to be the babyface. Perry then does the Ricky Morton facial right into the windshield as Doofensmirtz protests these heel tactics done by a babyface. Lawerence looks at the rear view mirror and calls Doofensmirtz a truck driving pharmacist; which I swear to god has to be a rib on Doctor Von Swine from Ducktales. Sadly; I bet that it is not. Lawerence proclaims that he loves Americans because they are such big children, which Linda agrees with him despite the fact that this is a felonious insult. Okay; it's not. So the fight continues as Perry manages to push Doofen into the windshield and somehow, the thing doesn't break. Actually; it's goofier than that. The windshield opens up like a trapdoor and Doofen goes flying and grabs onto the front of the truck which has a hood ornament looking like a dog. I am disappointed that it didn't have spots; since a 101 Dalmatians reference was just dying to be used here.
Cut to Candace waking up and noticing that the boys are not here; so she walks to the cockpit to talk to Linda, but Linda twirls her around and she is forced to go to the back because Linda thinks she's in the sleep walking busting mode. Ummm; no Linda, she in the crappier mode of waking busting fail jackass idiot Candace. So Candace sits down and then hears country music. Candace hears that it's coming from the roof; so Candace brings the out of nowhere sliding ladder (RV's have one of those?) and opens the roof. She climbs up to the roof and sees an escalator. She goes up the escalator. Don't ask; you're brain will thank you for it. So we cut to the Phineas & Ferb truck stop diner of doom as Phineas & Ferb are at the counter; and apparently, there are at least four truck drivers having lunches. I should point out that Linda was excited about something and wanted Lawerence to stop at some red baron place. So this might in fact make sense after all as Candace pops up from the trapdoor; which means this No Stop Truck Stop diner is the only one in history that is based on a treehouse design. No one said Phineas & Ferb cannot be creative; that is for sure. So then we cut to outside on the far side shot as we find out that the RV is holding a huge wheeled steel rampway as we see the truck stop in full profile; as a truck drives up the ramp and parks in front of it. HAHA! So the logic break is lopped off somewhat; although there is only one truck being seen instead of four since there are four truckers in the diner right now. Candace is angry and blows off the boys as she rants and raves about them screwing her last hours of vacation time; and while she is doing this, she is taking orders and serving stuff to truck drivers like a truck driving stop waitresses; minus the Hooters outfit. Thankfully; that is a good thing if she didn't have it. Candace proclaims that they are so busted as she serves orange juice and takes an order from the slow truck driver who asks too many questions about bacon. She also is a crappy waitress too since one of the truckers wanted hash browns; and got fruit instead. She also blows off the slow truck driver for being slow.
One of them apparently is the voice of Donald Duck (Tony Anselmo); and then we head outside with more truck drivers as we sing the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM again. Not calling this as it's mostly singing and eating and cooking in the diner. One of the gravy depensers is a gas station tank. A brain surgeon comes out of the restroom which confuses everyone. Apparently; Elvis is still alive and has a wheat stick much like Bahn. Armadillos, Candace waitresses and slupring on homemade strew; oh my! Funny how the chrous proclaims that there is devil food's cake when the cake is regular chocolate cake. Ass joke on the BUT-R and fake butter ensues. Black cats and big ass sized portions. That settles it; I'm breaking my ban on restaurants....oh wait; this is ficitional. Damn! Yes; a remote control orange cement mixer is on the counter; why do you ask? There's a three headed toad in a glass case in this diner. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT~?! (Hurricane pose ensues) The song finally finishes with a small salt shaker and a birthday cake which will get eaten instead of destroyed. We see Candace putting orders on the turntable and then suddenly she slowly notices that she is wearing a white apron and a waitress cap; which she throws down and storms off stage left. Now that is funny! Yeah; that song was a lot of stuff that didn't go anywhere; and it was just a cool song which was probably what the execs wanted. So we head outside on the far side shot as Doofensmirtz and Perry are fighting on the oil tanker as Doofen has Perry at the back of the oil tanker. He grabs a lid which shows that Boom Juice is purple liquid; which was cute. Doof proclaims that Perry has overstayed his welcome; so Perry runs underneath Doof's legs which Doof hates. Doof turns around and flings the oil tanker lid.
So here's what happens next: The lid bounces off a hairpin turn sign and I think whacks the side of the Hitch-A-Rideinator because the GPS box starts to malfunction and the laptop USB cable panel is broken off. Cut to Lawerence driving as the automated voice tells him to turn left at 100 feet. Lawerence obeys and drives into a corn field. At least now we don't have to worry about Lawerence driving on the wrong side of the road for awhile. The ears of corn and ravens go flying into the windshield as Lawerence proclaims that there is more corn in this shortcut than usual. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. We then see both trucks heading for a gorge in which Perry jumps off the oil tanker and lands on the Hitch-A-Rideinator; and turns his fedora hat into a buzzsaw. Yes folks; we have a contender for the "Throw Mummy Off The Train" award for the most dumbest object to use as a weapon or tool. He cuts the Hitch-A-Ride-inator with it and then gets underneath the carriage of the RV to replug in the control panel for the USB cable which somehow fixes the GPS box. Ooookkkkkkaaaayyyyy. Cut to Lawerence being told by the automated voice to drive to the right to avoid plummeting 5000 feet down Cactus Gorge; which better have CACTUS JACKS OF DOOM; or I'll be so disappointed. So Lawerence obeys the voice and rights away from the oil tanker and drives right back on the road. Doofensmirtz then notices the oil tanker heading straight for the gorge and he jumps off and does a hundred cartwheels in the opposite direction. HAHA! Then we jump cut to Doofensmirtz panicking from the corn bushes because suddenly; the oil tanker plunges into Cactus Gorge; which he was able to see 100 feet away. Doof goes over to the gorge and then turns his back; feeling relieved that the Boom Juice was weak. Then the tanker explodes off-screen creating massive whiplash and a fire wall which shoots about 100 feet above the top edge of the gorge.
The whiplash effect somehow makes Candace trip back (with pancakes, butter and maple syrup; despite the fact that she already blew off the waitress gimmick) and she falls through the trapdoor; bounces her ass on the escalator and lands on the seat which rises up beyond the roof and into the trapdoor as we see Phineas & Ferb talking to two truckers about the real life events of the trucker banding together to save Christmas. I wonder if that involves writing protest letters about stores saying "Happy Holidays" or some BS like that. Candace grabs the kids and they go back down from the trapdoor; back into their seats in the back of the RV. The green sweater truck is still complaining about getting pie; which no one cares. Linda decides to unbuckle and check on the kids as she gets up and stretches. She walks to the back and notices the three kids are sitting together in perfect harmony. Candace gets up and protests that Phineas & Ferb built a truck stop diner on top of the roof; and the sliding step ladder is still there somehow. A smoking gun if you will. Linda is pondering it; but Candace acts like an asshole and demands Linda go and see for herself. Linda sighs and climbs up the sliding ladder. Well; here comes the finish and ending for this trip and this is where the episode somehow turns into crap. So we head onto an overpass bridge as a car gets stuck in the middle of the road on the bridge. Now; this is the Z-Grade pointless time filler scene in one sense; but at least on this show it does lead to the finish; so this is good. There's only one problem: Guess who are the adults that were in this car and arguing on the road. OH MY GOD NO! It's the farmer and the farmer's wife from Leave The Busting To Us! Screw you show! Screw you in your ass please?! This sucks so hard now. A million characters they could have used; and they picked the two worst characters in the entire show and that includes Candace Flynn-Fletcher. So then we see the RV riding under the bridge and the diner perfectly slides into the overpass without causing any damage whatsoever to the roof of the RV and the farmer's wife blows off the farmer for outsmarting her again. Good idea; wrong characters to be doing this spot.
So Linda takes a peak up the roof; and of course there is nothing there as she is wondering what she was supposed to see as Candace pops up and realizes that she has failed again and is flustered. Lawerence joins us asking the same question and Candace and Linda do a double take. Lawerence then realizes that he is not driving the RV and pops back down. Oh come on! We all know Phineas & Ferb were driving the thing. It's so obvious! So we head back to the gorge with Doofensmirtz as the fire has scroched his jacket and pants. Doofensmirtz proclaims that this day cannot get any worse and then he looks up and it is raining....wait for it...EVIL GERMAN PHARMACIST ON FIRE~! Yes; pieces of flaming cacti rain on top of Doofensmirtz and bury him in a tomb. I AM SO SMART! I AM SO SMART! SMRT! NO; I MEAN SMART! Best payoff ever in the series as we end it there at 12:00 approx since the ED is the Truck Stop song again. Awesome episode for the most part; but remind me to never let Lawerence drive in American ever again. Yeah; the wife/farmer finish was a case of "good finish idea/bad execution" deal; but the ending was as sweet as a cactus pineapple. The song sadly was filler for the extended running time; but Candace zombie walking bust mode is MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! She should do that every episode from now on. **** 1/2 (90%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Another batch of mixed shorts this time around as Mommy Can You Hear Me was completely average stuff with a lot of dumb crap at the beginning; but picked up enough for it to be worthwhile at the end thanks to Doofensmirtz and Perry carrying the episode once again. The whole Candace injury angle was actually good psychology and the logic was perfectly fine. However; Phineas and Ferb were daring Candace to bust them in this episode and she and Stacey failed at that. The whole Sergei cosmonaunt stuff was all right for the most part; but it was the usual sloppiness. I did laugh hard at Sergei's answering machine message; and the ending was whacky; but I found it had much more class than most endings involving this since I have seen enough Fish Hooks and Kick Buttowski to know how much that repulses me to see. Road Trip was almost a perfect episode; but three things prevented that: (1) Lawerence's driving was whacky in that he drives on the left side of the road, in America. (2) The entire Truck Stop song they did was written well; but it wasn't anything special and time filler at best; although it did make me laugh when Candace morphed from ranting on Phineas to full on waitress at the end of the song; so at least there was a payoff; and (3) The return of the farmer and farmer's wife. Let me state on the record to anyone who thinks this is a great idea: It wasn't funny in season one and it's not funny now. It ruined the finish with the truck stop fitting snuggly onto the overpass. On the other hand; Lawerence's truck driving promos were tres funny, Candace sleep walking was comedy gold and the finish and ending were awesome as I got a really great payoff to the truck going over the gorge. The truck stop on wheels is a neat idea for what it is and the angle with the self-destruct button was amusing; along with the fight with Doof and Perry. So overall; I was happy at the end of this. So next weekend; it's the end of The Perry Files which has five shorts; including one bonus episode rant from the Second Dimension DVD set. Don't worry; that short is completed already in advance. Also; we will have the first episode in history where the story begins at the end and ends at the beginning. How will they pull of this and make it good? Find out next weekend. So....
Thumbs in the middle for Mommy Can You Hear Me? and thumbs up for Road Trip and I'll see you all next time.