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Phineas & Ferb: Perry The Actorpus/Bullseye!/Attack Of The 50 Foot Sister

Reviewed: 02/15/2014

Attack Of The 50+ KB Triple Episode Bullseye!

Welcome to the final episodes of the Perry Files as this time we do episode #149 (3-13a) and episode #134 (3-13b) on the animation paper. As well as a bonus rant of an episode on the Phineas & Ferb: Across The 2nd Dimension DVD set with episode #51 (2-03a) on the animation paper. So we are going across seasons to bring you all of the action this time around. Yeah; we have a redo of Attack Of The 50 Foot Webby again, only with Candace while Phineas is trying to save Baljeet from the shame curtains. Doofensmirtz wants to stink up the joint literally. Then Perry becomes a spokesanimal for a hardware company, which could threaten his position with OWCA while Doofensmirtz fights off a snail and Candace invokes The Secret to bust her brothers. That won't end well, I assure ye. Then Lawerence is trying to speak on antiques; but gets involved in a beauty pageant against Doofensmirtz and Rodney. Phineas is playing darts while Candace is in her usual busting mood. Let's rant on shall we...?!

Perry The Actortpus is written and storyboarded by Kaz and Eddy Houchins. Eddy has been around animation since 1987 with the Chipmunk's Adventure movie as an assistant animator; then did Beetlejuice and Batman: The Animated Series. Raw Toonage is his DTVA debut and then did work on Bonkers, Aladdin: The Series, Timon & Pumbaa, Mighty Ducks, House of Mouse, Kim Possible, Lilo & Stitch The Series, The Replacements, Fish Hooks, Hercules The Series, Sofia The First and Gargoyles. Yeah; a real rainbow of DTVA credits there. Non-DTVA credits: Chowder, Darkstalkers, The Mighty B!, and his most recent credit: Ultimate Spiderman. He has 44 animation credits, seven director credits, 11 storyboard credits, one producer, one writer and one visual effects credit (Rover Dangerfield) to his resume. Bullseye is written and storyboarded by J.G. Orrantia and Kaz. Attack Of The 50 Foot Sister is written and storyboarded by Jon Colton Barry and Piero Piluso. Story is done by Bill Motz and Bob Roth. Story editing for both episode are done by Scott Peterson. Animation is done by Wang Films, Rough Draft, Synergy Animation and Suzhou Hong Ying Cartoon Company Limited.

Perry The Actorpus: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM with a wide shot this time. We head into the living room as Phineas is at a desk typing on a computer while Ferb is holding Perry. See; Phineas is sending a photo to the Totally Tools contest to become their spokesanimal. Oh come on Phineas! Just because Perry is a tool doesn't mean that you can make fun of him by being the spokesanimal for all tools..Oh wait; those tools. Never mind. Phineas asks Perry if he's ready and Perry chitters looking like he's cross-eyed or something. Then we get a call on the conveniently placed regular phone and Phineas answers the call. After some gibberish; we discover that Perry has won the contest. In THREE seconds no less! Geez; that contest must had only one entry and it was Perry. So we go to a building called the Danville Community Center; where the red sign above it reads "STB One Day" and there is a bicycle rack. There is also a header above the door covered in splashes of yellow color as we head inside a classroom area with a brown haired female wearing a cyan blue shirt and jeans. I discover that she is Mandy and is voiced by Aliki Theofilopulos Grafft who is a writer for the show. Also; STB stands for "Stop The Busting" as apparently; Candace has been sent to the retreat because her brother busting has gotten out of control. Okay; I can accept that. The other three girls with her are wearing shorts as the blond haired female girl has a darker cyan blue shirt, the dark skinned one (with puffy lips) has a purple shirt and the shortest one has a purple shirt and shorts on. Mandy tells us that the three girls are Anne, Sunisa, and Danielle; which means that Sunisa is the dark-skinned one by default. Anne is probably the blond haired one and Danielle is the short one. It's hard to tell since Mandy doesn't point to them so I can figure out who is who without restorting to stereotypes. Candace waves hi as Mandy has the remote control as you see; Candace is here to learn how to restraint the only gimmick she has left that doesn't make her look like the Disney version of Meg Griffin. If only Fimberly had the same training...

So we start with the exercise #1 as Anne is the blond haired one since she does speak. We see on the projector footage of a boy cannon balling in the backyard while making the most unfinished swimming hole in history. Anne claims that she would go to the mall to get her nails done because she's a non-buster to begin with. This class munches...errr...I mean sucks. Mandy calls it good as she tells Candace that this is how it is done. She asks if Candace has the goods to pull it off and Candace acts all cocky and stuff complete with the Gruffi pose. So Mandy decides to try her by showing footage of a table with Phineas & Ferb making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I betcha Candace busts her footage brothers right on the spot. She is drunk with busting see because this is basically the same plotline they did with Milo in Fish Hooks with Milo's milkshake. Only this one doesn't offend me as the one Milo did because Milo was still pretty over at the time. And damn; I'm so good as she'll bust them for making a sandwich at 5:30 pm in the afternoon; which is almost as beyond the pale stupid as Dave the Barbarian hiding behind a puppy and we much less justification than Dave ever could have. I told you using "The Secret" was a joke Mandy. Mandy looks stunned and then asks the girls what could need improving; and everyone raises their hands. And I do mean everyone as Mandy tells Candace to put her arm down now. Candace sells and we cut to the Totally Tools building which has a factory right beside it. The only thing of note here is that the main office building's tower is shaped like a wrench. So we see a blond haired man with hair on his neck, wearing gold loop earrings and a purple suit; with a pink shirt and white tie. It's always neat when the males actually have the guts to wear female stereotypical colors. I approve of this look actually. He is also wearing glasses as we are in some kind of studio which looks like a photo shoot. So we see Phineas & Ferb standing in front of the back projector screen with Perry who looks dumbfounded or something along those lines.

Totally Tools Exec is voiced by Richard Kind and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Kind portrayed Dr. Mark Devanow on Mad About You throughout the show's run, although after he took the role of Paul Thomas Lassiter on Spin City, he appeared on Mad About You with less frequency. Kind and Michael Boatman were the only two actors to appear in every episode of Spin City. While these are his two highest profile TV appearances, his first big break on television was as a member of the ensemble cast of Carol Burnett's brief return to sketch comedy, "Carol and Company," which ran for two seasons beginning in 1990 on NBC. Kind created the role of Addison Mizner in Stephen Sondheim’s Bounce, and has appeared on Broadway in The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife (2000), The Producers (2002), and Sly Fox (2004). He also appeared as the “Jury Foreman” in the film The Producers (2005) and played the lead role of Max Bialystock in a Hollywood Bowl production from July 27–29, 2012. His voice credits include Larry the Anaconda in The Wild, “Clark” in the “Clark & Lewis Expedition” radio commercials for Horizon Air (with Patrick Warburton as “Lewis”), Molt in Disney/Pixar’s A Bug's Life, Van in Disney/Pixar’s Cars and Cars 2, the narrator for Disney’s Go Baby, and Tom in Tom and Jerry: The Movie. He has a recurring role on the Disney Channel series Kim Possible, where he plays Frugal Lucre. He guest stars in The Penguins of Madagascar as Roger the Alligator in the episodes "Haunted Habitat", "Roger Dodger", "Gator Watch", "April Fools", "The All Nighter Before Christmas", and "Operation: Neighbor Swap". He also plays the role of Gumbo in an episode of Chowder on Cartoon Network. In 2000 he did the voice of Mr. Dobbins in Tom Sawyer.

He also had a minor role as Gary Meyers, an archaeologist who translated the symbols on the Stargate prior to James Spader’s character involvement in the 1994 movie, Stargate. He appeared in four episodes of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm between 2002 and 2009 as Larry's cousin Andy. In 2006, he guest starred on Stargate Atlantis as Lucius Lavin, in the episodes "Irresistible" and "Irresponsible," making him the only actor to appear in both the original Stargate film, and in Stargate Atlantis (as different characters). Kind had a recurring role in Scrubs as Mr. Harvey Corman, an annoying hypochondriac, who claimed that having the same name as Harvey Korman did not "get as much action as you may think". He also played a notable role on USA's crime comedy Psych as Hugo, an astronomer who killed a partner for credit for the discovery of a planet ("From the Earth to the Starbucks"), and later on Law & Order: Criminal Intent as a wealthy philanthropist who kills his sister-in-law and niece to protect the money he uses to fund his philanthropic work ("Privilege"). Actor/director George Clooney is a close friend, and was best man at Kind’s wedding to Dana Stanley in 1999. Kind later went on to play the part of a casting director in Clooney’s directorial debut Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Kind also played himself in the short-lived HBO series Unscripted, which Clooney executive produced and directed with Grant Heslov, as well as Argo, which was produced by both Clooney and Heslov. Kind has performed in radio/audio plays for the LA Theatre Works and the Hollywood Theater of the Ear, and served as a guest panelist on the 2000 revival of the television game show To Tell the Truth. Kind guest starred on the Disney Channel series Even Stevens, where he played the surly Uncle Chuck.

He appeared in the film National Lampoon's Bag Boy in 2007. He also appeared in an episode of CBS' Two and a Half Men on November 12, 2007, and played Pseudolus in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum at the Sondheim Center for the Performing Arts in Fairfield, Iowa. Kind also starred in the independent black comedy feature, The Understudy in 2008. He also played a small role on TNT's hit show Leverage playing the part of a corrupt mayor in the second season two part finale. In 2007, Kind played a short, but memorable role in the indie film The Visitor as Richard Jenkins's neighbor, Jacob. In 2008, Kind performed the role of Voltaire in the New York City Opera production of Leonard Bernstein's Candide (operetta). Kind plays the major supporting role of Arthur Gopnik in the Coen brothers' dark comedy film, A Serious Man. He voiced Bookworm in Toy Story 3. He played the role of burnt spy Jesse's ex-boss, in three episodes of season 4 of Burn Notice as Marv, and had a small role in Clint Eastwood's Hereafter, as Christos Andryo, in 2010. In 2011, Kind guest starred in an episode of the ABC sitcom Mr. Sunshine as Rod the Bod, and played a supporting dramatic role as Mr. Camp in the feature film Fancypants. He is the voice of "Clark" in the "Clark & Lewis Expedition" radio commercials for Horizon Air with Patrick Warburton as "Lewis". He starred in the HBO series Luck until its cancellation, and he is also the spokesman for On-Cor frozen foods. He also guest starred in Phineas and Ferb in the episode "Perry the Actorpus" as the Totally Tools executive. In 2012, he played a small role in the film Argo as screenwriter Max Klein. In February 2013, he made a guest appearance on Kroll Show. He began his career as DA Turpin in Two Fathers' Justice, a tv movie in 1985. Kim Possible as Frugal Lucre is his DTVA debut. Love Is Dead (Ken Bell), The Angriest Man In Brooklyn (Bix), Ride, Chu & Blossom (Fred), Obvious Child (Jacob Stern) and The Michael J. Fox Show (Mr. Norwood) are his most recent credits. He has 158 acting credits, 45 Self credits and one writing credit (Head Case) to his resume.

TTE frames the shot as Perry is sitting upright and thus continues the running gag that platypus are lazy bastards. The TTE has green eyes and glasses on; plus he spits when he yells brilliant. However; this is not enough for him as he wants something more. Phineas states that he should wear a hat while TTE wants him to say "Totally Tools"; but thinks the hat thing is brilliant anyway. Phineas proclaims that he knows what they are going to do today as we hit the montage of hats popping in and out of nowhere on Perry's head like magic. It's cheap heat; but it's effective cheap heat so I'll live. Then a fedora hat is on the head and after two more hats; the TTE gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and goes back two; proclaiming that the fedora hat is brilliant. He grabs Perry (by the neck no less) and proclaims that nothing sezs TTE like a platypus with a fedora hat on. This is really stupid because if this is a tool making shop; then wearing a construction helmet would make a lot more sense for what they are shooting for. The other problem is that the proper booking would not advance the actual plot; so they have to book themselves into a stupid spot in order to advance the plot on. You'll see what I mean later. So TTE proclaims that they have a lot of work to do and both boys bail stage right with Perry. TTE calls them brilliant (no, not really) as TTE's wife comes in with a red balloon on a string and it's 10:30 because the TTE's wife mentions it. I say TTE's wife because she is a blond haired female in a red dress with black high heels, loop earrings and gold trim glasses on. I have no idea who voices her; I'm guessing it's Linda's voice. TTE calls it brilliant. I call it "whatever". So we head to OWCA headquarters as Major Monogram is on the screen checking his papers when we hear beeping. So Major Monogram pushes an off-screen button and it's Heniz Doofensmirtz on the line. We discover that Major Monogram's first name is Francis.

We go to split screen and this scene pretty much seals the deal on the fact that this is like the FBI thwarting their own terrorist plots. It's all a work as Monogram refuses to tell Doofen where Perry is; and Doofen proclaims that Monogram has no clue where he is; thus Monogram agrees. Doofen is about to hang up as Monogram asks what the evil scheme was today as Doofen brings out his laser gun with a black mustache on and it's called the Mustache-inator which he calls more of a childish prank. And people accuse TUFF Puppy of this crap? Actually; I think people hate TUFF Puppy mostly because it feels like a clone to the Perry/Doof segments on Phineas & Ferb. Not to mention the fact that TUFF Puppy is much more mean spirited and gross than this show. I love the music in the background for this scene; very classy choice there. Basically; Doofensmirtz insults Monogram by pointing out that bushy mustaches are silly which allows Monogram to do his silly frown face of doom; which stops Doofensmirtz in his tracks and he stammers like an idiot. So we head to a theatre with Phineas & Ferb on stage in front of a blue curtain wearing black sweaters. Why? I have no idea. Ferb's sweater covers his mouth for no reason because he almost never talks in every episode he is in anyway. So we open the curtains and we see the new logo for Totally Tools which has a yellow explosion background; with Perry wearing the fedora hat standing on a wrench. The crowd pops as one blond haired man rises up wearing a white jacket and a purple shirt proclaiming that nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus with a fedora on. In my world; that is an insult and how much of a fool Perry is. Then we HIT THE MONTAGE~! Basically; it's Perry showing off power tools; including a chain saw. That looked awkward. Photos are taken and ads are plastered all around Danville. Sadly; the zoom out of the truck, plane, blimp and clouds is a case of "good in theory; but so badly animated that there is no animation at all". And then they redeem themselves for the obvious logic break by showing it plastered on a park bench. I'm fine with that; it's cheap, but it's effective.

So we head back to the Totally Tools building as there are billboards plastered all over the property; including one just above the building's name which has a circle and an angler red border on the bottom of said sign. TTE proclaims that this campaign of his has put the business over the top in terms of sales. So we head inside as TTE, Phineas and Ferb walk away stage left as Phineas has an exploding billboard in mind; which TTE thinks is brilliant. TTE is really a psychopath; and Phineas is enabling him. Perry is alone; so he changes into Agent P and uses the PLUNGER GRAPPLING HOOK OF DOOM (Gadget bug is coming back) to shoot onto the blimp. Perry swings from a window and reels himself in towards the blimp which some blond haired kid (I sense a theme here) pointing out that this is a PR stunt as a man off-screen proclaims that nothing sezs Totally Tools like a platypus with a fedora hat on. Ummm; no it doesn't. Saying that nothing sezs Totally Tools like a platypus with a hard hat would make more sense; but that would kill the plot because as Perry dives into a pair of smoke stakes; we see Perry plop into OWCA headquarters in front of the computer. We see Major Monogram and it took me a long while before I realized that Monogram has shaved his mustache off because that would explain why he has a nick with red a dot on the right side of his face. Anyhow; Monogram informs him that he sent Agent S to fight Doofensmirtz because Agent P has blown his cover and must be put on hiatus until his 15 minutes of fame are up. Perry looks glum and walks off stage right. Cut back to inside the TTB as TTE is walking stage right with the boys as he talks about a the president of Totally Tools and his name is Tom Totally. Yeah; that is so not a silly name, no siree! TTE informs us that Tom Totally is so happy with the boys' brilliant work that they get the rest of the day off. Phineas notices Perry right away and proclaims that he is going to spend time with Perry for a change. Yeah; just like that. How convenient was that? So much so that the Backyardigans would say: "That is sure convenient!".

On the other hand; it means that we HIT THE MONTAGE complete with the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM! Oh yeah; let's spend some time in Danville Park. Bus arrives and the boys step off the bus with Perry and a picnic basket with a white/red checkered blanket. So we eat snow cones with Perry getting purple teeth and acting like a muppet. Ummm; yeah. Then we go biking and unicycling as apparently, we have the out of nowhere helmets. Strangely; Perry is not wearing one which he is in the basket with Ferb. Drum banging under the tree with an old hippie man; then we have lunch as they are having grilled cheese sandwiches and sharing. Then we get the weirdest fade to black sequence ever as we return with the boys watching Perry from the binocular stand. Then we head to the zoo and we turn around as we are really meeting halfway. Frisbee throwing as Perry is helped by Ferb to toss the frisbee while Phineas acts like a dog and grabs it with his mouth. That made me laugh. Then Phineas & Ferb are water skiing on the lake holding Perry together wearing feminine colored tutus. That is exactly what I saw. Strangely; Perry isn't in one. Bigot. Yes; they are wearing lifejackets; why do you ask? Then it's the spinning wheel playground shot from the sky which is in rainbow colors. Then we play on the swings and they jump off and flop onto the grass; then we finish with a funny kite scene (Teddy's reunion with his parents ended this way) in which the kite is basically a model of a kite on a stick. HAHA! That ends the song as the song was okay; but the scenes were really cute for the most part. So we head back to Doofensmirtz's Evil Inc. (without jingle sadly) as Doofensmirtz is blowing off mustache styles including the one Mad Dog had in TaleSpin. I guess Doofen doesn't like mustaches doubling as bump machine. When I mean blow off; I mean making laser noises with his Mustache-inator laser gun. Again; gun noises are fine as long as they sound like lasers instead of machine gun fire. So we have a knock on the door as Doofen goes to the door threatening to give him a mustache; and then door breaks down on cue. Wait; so what was the point of knocking anyway?

Doofensmirtz is shocked as there is nobody at the door. However; there is a speck on the door as Doof brings out the magnifying glass and it reveals a gray snail crawling slowly towards Doofen wearing a fedora hat. Doofen is shocked and appalled because it's Sergei The Snail; which I realize that this is Agent S. So in other words; Sergei's ending was a work; and he really died in the wormhole and got reincarnated as a snail. Yeah; that makes no sense; but I don't give a crap, I like that then the finish to Mommy Can You Hear Me? anyway. Like Escarmargot; it leaves a trail of slimy goo on the door as Doofen goes to his computer control panel and proclaims that this should be easy as Sergei is crawling on top of the floor where it is written in neon green letters that it's a trap door which Doofen pushes the red button that sezs trap door on it. The trap door opens and then snaps back and the snail is still on the door. So now we know where Kit Cloudkicker gets his ability to stick on an airfoil when he's cloud surfing. So Doofensmirtz tries the cage as somehow Agent S covers about 10 feet within two seconds; but the cage is clearly too big because Sergei simply crawls and goes past the bars with ease. So we cut to outside in the park as Candace is wearing the most absurd VR device I have ever seen and it makes the Virtual Boy look like 3DS a dozen times over. Seriously; even the VB was more portiable that this sucker. Did I mention that Candace is cuffed with steel cuffs on her wrists. Did I mention that Mandy is on her back in some kind of control pod with levers attached to the machine and there is a blowhorn. Did I mention that this "The Secret" crap isn't going to end well for Candace? So we continue in the park as Mandy explains that this is a positive reinforcement machine as Candace sees on the visors; her brothers building a rocket ship. Mandy asks what she would do and Candace stammers before answering that she would ignore it and that is the "right" answer because a steel arm with a white hand pets Candace on the head (Must resist Gidget pet shop joke); as the automated voice praises her like a stereotypical aunt. Even though the voice is a man's. Yeah.

By the way; George Takei is back for another new Disney voice cameo as we head back into Doofensmirtz's lab as Doofen defeats Agent S by sprinkling a shaker of salt around Agent S like a ring. Now THAT is effective! Doof proclaims that he was lucky to see Mrs. Thompson and she borrowed him some salt. Doofen proclaims that Agent S has been a "salted" so to speak; which was funnier than the peanut joke Rebecca did in The Incredible Shrinking Molly. Doofen proclaims that he needs to write that down; but walks over to the lookoff with his Mustache-inator; which I will call the Pubic Hair Laser Of Doom. Then we get a really funny moment as Doofensmirtz zaps a brown haired male wearing a green shirt who is sitting on the park bench. The problem is that the guy already has a mustache and beard; so when Doof zaps him, nothing happens. AND THE ROCKS MEANS NOTHING HAPPENS! Doofen sulks and calls this a letdown. What a goofball this Doof is?! So we head back to the park as Phineas is playing fetch with Perry. So the ball rolls towards the front of a tree and stops there. Perry rushes over when his watch beeps as Perry hides behind a tree and becomes Agent P. So it's Monogram telling Perry that Agent S's weak point has been discovered. So he wants Agent P to drop everything and come back to work at once; and then does the most stoned out puppy eyes I have ever seen and he cannot hold them much longer. Agent P instantly agrees to it and takes off. So we head back to Candace in that obscene positive reinforcement machine as the goggles show Phineas (looking evil; which looks so not evil) and Ferb in front of a blackboard with a censor drawn on the Euro symbol. See; the boys are issuing a gold based currency which has devalued the Euro. On come on Mandy! We all know Phineas is not doing evil things like that. Second; if he is doing something that is extremely criminal to the world like devaluing the Euro; then having Candace being forced to ignore it; exposes how much quackery your STB system is.

Candace of course ignores it and the George Takei voiced arm pets her on the head like a noogie saying how good she is. Candace takes off the VR goggles and proclaims that this machine works; and asks Mandy how she got it. And this woo and quackery is almost worth it because Mandy just comes out and blurts out that Phineas & Ferb built it for her; and then she catches herself a good thirty seconds too late. Candace asks what the hell did she say and Mandy stutters claiming that she said nothing; but Candace isn't fooled and she rips the lead pipe from the machine and absolutely MURDERS the machine. Yeah; strike a blow for woo and quackery there Candace! Yeah. However; in all of this she cuts a promo proclaiming that she is sick of busting Phineas & Ferb and admits that it's impossible to bust you for everything; and it's not her gimmick...ERRR...I mean job. Mandy is then shocked as Candace then just stops and just realizes that it isn't her job; which Mandy calls a breakthrough. In other words; Mandy set Candace up all along. Yeah; that was silly; but Candace murdering a machine was MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH; so it works. So we head back to DEI as Doofen is having fun giving a dog a mustache. Sadly; he turns around just as he was going to say that and sees Perry right beside Agent S; and his salt ring. Doofen is so happy to see him and then taunts Perry because he cannot thwart his evil plan. Say what? So Doofen brings out the OWCA handbook and opens it. He puts his glasses on and here's what he reads. And this has to be both the dumbest and funniest logic break ever. Why is this dumb? Well; according to the OWCA handbook: Only one assigned OWCA agent can defeat Doofensmirtz at a time and only if Agent S is injured can any other agent assist him. Doofen points out that despite the salt ring; Agent S is unhurt, thus Agent P cannot touch him. The problem with that is: That bylaw was completely violated in It's About Time already when the Agents all kicked Doofensmirtz's ass on the Doctor Phil lookalike talk show. None of them were injured; just restrained. So yeah; what a stupid logic break this was...

However; with that said; it leads to the funniest finish I have seen on this show to date: As Doofensmirtz is grandstanding, Perry breaks the bylaw by assisting Agent S by wiping enough salt on the floor to let Agent S crawl onto Doofensmirtz and the snail proceed to kick Doofensmirtz's ass by...wait for it...wait for it some more...PUT OUT THE DOOFENSMIRTZ~! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now of course; Agent P didn't touch Doof; so in a way, he only bent the rule slightly to make Doofensmirtz look like an idiot. But it's not like this bylaw was ever followed or anything in Season one. It just came out of nowhere. Then again; the bylaw for blowing your cover has been watered down quite a lot since season one. Despite the fact that they have at least a dozen agents in OWCA. Bowser tailspin ensues and then Doofen is thrown and he flies into the purple brick wall and takes a decent bump. He slides upside down; making sure he doesn't land on his head hard in the process. Doof calls Agent S dynamite. So we head back to the bus stop which I guess is at the Danville Community Center as the girls are huddling and Candace thanks them for finally busting her busting skills for good. The bus arrives and the side ad on it is an ad for Totally Tools featuring Perry of course. Candace sees the ad and then the following happens and I'll let the dialogue speak for itself...

Candace: I feel like... (notices billboards) Uh, Perry? Perry? Perry? .... Oh, my gosh, the boys have created an enormous ad campaign around our pet platypus!
Mandy: Uh-oh.
Candace: (inhales deeply) Sisters, I know what you're thinking, but rest assured, this new Candace that you see before you will not react like the crazed little girl that crawled in here just this morning.
Mandy: Good for you, Candace!
Candace: For now, I am, and will always be, an older sister who is positive and mature.
Mandy: That's right, Candace.
Candace: And I am absolutely 100% positive that I have to bust my brothers. I can see it in your eyes! You know I'm right! Sisters, will we bust our brothers?
Mandy: Yes!
All: Yes, we will!
Candace: Sisters, repeat after me. Bust! Bust! Bust...
All: Bust! Bust! Bust!.... (Repeats. Candace gets on the bus, which then drives away)
Mandy: (stops chanting, realizing that she just got fooled by an idiot.) Whoa, whoa, whoa! What just happened?

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You know what they say. The first thing you don't do is fool yourself and you are the easiest to fool. Mandy's "The Secret" classes just got the woo hammer like it should have. So we cut back to Doofensmirtz lying belly first on the floor with Agent S on top as Doofensmirtz reminds Perry that Agent S beat him; not Agent P. Does Agent P care? Ummmmmmmmmm...nope. Then Agent P continues to bend the rules as he is on the lookoff shooting the Mustache-inator on the billboards and they create mustaches like crazy. Then we cut to OWCA headquarters with Major Monogram touching his mouth and cheeks as Karl tells him that he's playing with his lips again. And why should that matter Karl? Monogram admits that he misses the bushy old duster. Then the laser beam somehow breaks logic and zaps the screen creating the white mustache on screen. This makes no sense because Monogram shouldn't be able to see it; but acts as if he did. It proves to be a set up for a joke as he backs off about three feet; and the mustache is on the screen; thus he is not thrilled and swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE. We cut back to Doofensmirtz on the floor saying that this was interesting; which is a Billy Van joke; but it makes sense at least. Then Agent P outright violates the bylaw by zapping Doofensmirtz in the face with the Mustache-inator which gives him a mustache. Oh never mind; it's not like the bylaw wasn't already broken in the first season anyway. Doofen talks about Jose Doofensmirtz which he admits that he has told his story before (sadly; it's not on DVD...yet). Perry uses a monkey wrench to smash the Mustache-inator as Doofen realizes this and Perry leaves the building via his handglider as Doofensmirtz curses Perry again. Sadly; he is about to expire as an spokesanimal because we head to Totally Tools Headquarters and inside the building as we finally see Tom Totally holding a poster with the ad showing Perry with the mustache on while backing up the TTE. Did I mention that all the billboards on the property have mustaches on.

So we discover that Tom is a short bald man wearing a lot of red with a red tie; and he has a black mustache. He is furious because the mustache is mocking him. So; he is perfectly fine with being a short midget (which Perry could be used as a metaphor); but when a mustache is put on the platypus; he can take no more. Not to mention that if I was this man and someone did that to my ads; I would be flattered. He's trying to be like me. I wouldn't be freaking out and wanting to kick someone's ass; I would say: It's pretty cool. So; yeah we are supposed to believe that Tom is so insecure that he would destroy an ad campaign over a mustache. DUMB! So TTE proclaims that he will have them all torn down and he runs off saying that this is brilliant and crashes into a trashcan off-screen. Damn; all that needed is a cat screeching sound and I would confuse this with a Kick Buttowski episode. So we get a running sequence as Candace runs; and just behind her; there is a truck crane lifting away all the billboards and ads containing Perry with the mustache on. Candace proclaims that they are so busted as there is a giant ass billboard right on the left side of the property that is so clear in sight; how could Lawerence and Linda miss it. Well; they do because Candace runs to the attic yelling for Linda and then we get one of those moments that makes me laugh no matter how stupid it looks. For those of you who read my Quack Pack rants and "The Really Mighty Ducks" rant in particular, remember when we saw Daisy playing the bagpipes on television? Well; we see Linda and Lawerence dressed up in Scottish gear; as Linda is playing the bagpipes while Lawerence is dancing like a ballerina. That was hilarious; sadly, Daisy's playing of the bagpipes was funnier, but Lawerence's dancing more than makes up for it. Heh heh. Even funnier; we discover that Lawerence's fat legs are in fact inflatable; just like Candace's boyfriend. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... The legs burst when the playing is done and Linda claims that this answers that question and asks Candace what she wants.

And here's how the episode ends: Candace drags Linda down the steps. They exit the house and stand in front of the big ass billboard which is off-screen. Linda sees the off-screen billboard and is actually shocked because apparently; Candace was right all along. Candace of course doesn't look at the billboard because she is patting herself on the back for finally busting the brothers. Now this is really stupid as an ending because when Linda sees the billboard; she proclaims that nothing sezs Totally Tools like a snail in a fedora. Candace is shocked and turns around to see the billboard is changed from Agent P to Agent S. The problem with this is: If Agent P was on the billboard; Linda would have either said: Wow; Perry got noticed. The boys won the contest. That's great. Thank you Candace for showing me this brilliant billboard. Now I need to buy some tools from them, including a patch kit for those inflatable legs before Lawerence busts them. Or she would have say: Wow; nothing sezs Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora. Now I have to buy some tools from them; it has a great likeness to our pet. I need a patch kit for....You get the picture. The reaction wouldn't be any different if Tom wasn't offended. Candace would still fail to bust the boys because there is nothing to indicate that P&F had anything to do with the platypus because it could have been the platypus from the zoo in Misperceived Monotreme! So Candace looks like a total idiot. Anyhow; Linda walks off as she hears Lawerence's inflatable legs explode off-screen (so he has two pair of them?) as Linda runs into the house to get the patch kit as Candace stares there with her mouth wide open in shock and that ends the episode at 10:17. Wow; they were on their way to one of the best episodes of the season; and then they whizzed it all away in a finish and ending that was pointless since the result would have been the same regardless of what ending was booked. Still; most of this was funny and I did love Candace for most of this until the end; but I blame the booking for that more than Candace's gimmicky character. Candace needs to smash more machines more often in this show too. **** 1/4 (85%).

Bullseye!: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM and then a closeup shot of Linda with a face shield on as she is welding something. I know it's Linda because when Phineas and Ferb arrive they ask Linda what she is doing similar to how Isabella does it; only without the sarcasm. We see Linda in the foreground welding some metal with a blow torch. See; Linda is working on her junk sculpture for the Modern Installions by Moms charity auction. Did I mention that Phineas & Ferb are carrying a giant ass sized mechinized red colored dart over their heads? Phineas calls this cool and asks about Lawerence; as Linda tells us that he left to give a lecture on antiques. Phineas is disappointed (although his emoting doesn't make him seem disappointed); as he wanted to play darts with Lawerence and he walks out with Ferb and the dart. Linda continues arc welding as we cut to Candace in her room on her computer and she's complaining about the noise; and thinks her brothers are doing this; so they are so busted. So we cut back to the backyard as we see that her junk sculpture looks like something from a Fisher Price catalog that someone in creative rejected. It looks so bizzare that it's post-modern art; which Linda thinks is modern art. I should note that she is wearing brown overalls and likes her work. Linda is so gleeful that she runs off to get more materials. Candace goes outside and despite being in clear view of seeing Linda (the pitfalls of jump cuts); ignores it and goes to the post-modern sculpture and stands there with the Gruffi pose calling it a mid-crime. She also proclaims that they'll be back as we pull away to a sky shot and pan to the front yard as Isabella comes and shows Phineas how to properly cut the "What'ca doing?" promo. Phineas & Ferb have set up the giant dart and did I mention that this dart is a rocket ship that they can ride on? Isabella believes that they will hit the bullseye as Phineas states that he may not get it on the first try; because it's all about the adjustments.

He then states that Baljeet and "Buford" are setting up the target in the park. Scare quotes intentional because we head to the park on a circular walkway as Buford is sitting down in a chair acting like a dick with shades on while Baljeet is bringing in the giant dartboard on a cart. Geez; I don't know what is more bigoted: Baljeet doing all of Buford's work or Fimberly being a bump machine all the time. So we cut back to see Phineas & Ferb riding the giant dart like one of those kiddie rides you see at the shopping mall; as the elevation is 33 degrees. And we fire the dart into the air as it destroys a billboard's hand of a human selling for Honest Guy's Used Cars. Apparently; the spring loaded hand clipped it; forcing Ferb to retract the arm on Phineas' whim. So they ride past Doofensmirtz Evil Inc and we cut to street level as Lawerence is driving Linda's car (which is a rare sight) as we see that the number 9019 in blue letters on the eye shields above the windshield. I have no idea why it's there; or the point of this is and then I realize that it's an address for Palimdrone Road as the hand lands in front of him on the street forcing Lawerence to swerve around and lose the white card address onto the floor. Yes folks; Lawerence is having the exact same problems as Baloo did in Vowel Play. So he manages to pull back up and puts the white sheet back on the thing and thinks it's 6016 Palimdrone Road as he drives away. Yeah; this cannot end well for Lawerence as we cut to Baljeet looking at the sky as Baljeet tries to channel Kit Cloudkicker in navigational lingo; but he isn't a navigator who is awesome; this it comes off as just there. So the dart comes in and lands just above the number nine on the giant dartboard for zero points. Just to note: the dartboard was a setup for the Vowel Play episode too. Phineas proclaims that it needs adjusting as the retractable arm comes out and pogosticks the dart away stage left. Buford orders Baljeet to write zero on the sheet as Baljeet is writing the number on the sheet on a clipboard while sarcastically blowing off Buford. I cannot take Baljeet seriously doing sarcasm, I really cannot. So Phineas remembers to ask where Perry is of course.

So we head back to the side of the house as Perry's watch beeps on his leg; and he turns into Agent P and rolls into the side wood panel; which acts like a low bridge doggie door. Perry plops onto the chair at OWCA headquarters in front of the computer. Major Monogram is on screen and he tells us that his sources (which are soooooo reliable. NOT!) claim that the members of Love Muffin; which means League of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness (which means that the writers watched Your Baloo's In The Mail for pointers. Not a good idea.) is going to elect a new leader; but they don't know where or how. So Perry's mission to to track down the address and gain access to the event somehow; and this time, they'll keep watch with the communicator watch this time. So Agent P salutes him and puts on his jetpack and flies up and towards Doofensmirtz's Evil Inc. As this is happening, Candace is on her cellphone talking to Linda who is driving home as Candace claims that there is something horrible in the backyard. Linda pretty much knows what it is because she acts passive and then acts passive aggressive by channeling Baloo from I Only Have Ice For You; which Candace hates. Now you know how air traffic controllers felt in TaleSpin. Candace hangs up and proclaims that she is staying right here. So Perry jumps into the window and gets in; but gets trapped in the pipes and it tumbles down and lands inside a bottle. Doofensmirtz taunts Perry with the ship in the bottle trick. Doof reveals that he will soon be the surpeme leader of Love Muffin today. Doofensmirtz; you feel my name trying to say the full complex name of this organization as he stammers over it. So he grabs Perry in the bottle and walks out with him. So we head back to the backyard as Candace is watching the sculpture; then she hears noises in the front yard. She runs into the house and goes to the front just as Linda backs her car into the driveway; and completely ignores the giant dart somehow.

Phineas & Ferb launch the dart in the front yard; and go out of sight just before Candace opens the door. Candace hears noises and goes back in. Linda goes into her car again two seconds later and backs out of the driveway because she needs more feathers. Candace walks into the backyard and swears in dubbed anime style as the modern art is turning into colored trash cans. So we head to the Danville Arena as Lawerence drives in because the arena is at 6016 Palimdrone Road see. So Lawerence walks backstage as we see a brown mustached male with a green visor as Lawerence asks if this is where he should be and the visor guy shoves him onstage. And then we hit the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM and we have the Emerald Castle treatment with staircase as about 27 mad scientists singing. The whole performance and sequence is basically a parody of the opening of the old Muppet Shows in the 1980's. Complete with disco ball and dancing. So we introduce the contestents for this events which one of them is Doctor Doofensmirtz (of course), the next one is a bald old guy who looks like an old Spock (check the ears) wearing glasses and a white suit. He addresses himself as Rodney and he hails from South Dakota home of mount Rushmore...for now. HA! Rodney is voiced by J.G. Orrantia who is one of the writers of the show. He sounds like a cross between Maurice LaMarche and Rob Paulsen by the way. Rodney apparently plays a prank on Doofen because his paper has him liking rainbows and unicorns. Good solid heel heat from Rodney. So number three is Doctor Diminutive who is a midget old guy with white hair and the usual lab coat and stuff. He claims that he doesn't have a Napoleon complex; he has a me complex. Well; this guy certainly has projection down to science. Sadly; like the Flawless Girls (if you're confused as to why I'm mentioning them here when the next episode featuring the FG's are down below; it's because I wrote the rant for "Attack Of The 50 Foot Sister" two weeks before this one.); Dim Project cannot project enough to make the height restriction; so he's DQ'ed. Doctor Evil Midget has sadface on now. Yeah; that's evil.

So we finish the Muppets Tonight flurry by walking through ther curtains and up the stairs as Doofensmirtz and Rodney are the final two. At least in theory. Then the trapdoor pops up and we see that Lawerence has popped from below asking about the stage. Ack! The original was better than the parody; but it was pretty funny on it's own; so I'm fine with it. The announcer proclaims that we have a late entry as Lawerence Flynn-Fletcher is one of the final three contestents on this contest for the president of Love Muffin of Evil! We cut to the bottle as Perry spits his drink right on the glass of the bottle on cue; but then wipes some of it off. So we come back to the park with the dartboard as Baljeet claims that he's coming from ten o'clock again as the dart lands right on the outer ring which means triple points. Now here's the obvious logic break: The dart landed on the 14; which means Phineas & Ferb would get 42 points on the second dart. However; Buford acts as if the dart landed on the far right and thus landed on the triple 1; which gives only three points. The mech arm pogosticks the dart away as Baljeet wants to supervise; and Buford blows him off. Okay; this is stupid because the dart clearly landed on the ring in front of the 14; not the one, and Phineas acts like it was on the one since he doesn't point out the obvious error by Buford. This makes absolutely no sense. So back to Candace in the backyard claiming no one is getting past her as she is having a sit down. She hears noises and blows them off. Then she hears Phineas & Ferb talking and tries to resist; but she cannot and runs into the house; then we see Phineas & Ferb fling the dart into the air with ease and it goes out of sight before Candace opens the door. She hears noises and I just realize that they basically recycled the first time they did this sequence only they don't show Linda going into the driveway and then coming out three seconds later saying that she needs to see the butcher for the final touch. Candace goes into the backyard and notices the big oval like globe on top of the sculpture. Note that Linda is doing all this while being in the path where she could see the giant dart. Idiots!

So we head back to Danville Arena with Tom Bergeron in a white suit with purple shirt, purple sash and purple bowtie on the microphone welcoming us to the Love Muffin Pageant of EVIL~! Jeepers; even in this show Tom Bergeron has weaseled his way into our hearts because Hollywood Squares was never enough for him. L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. host is voiced by Tom Bergeron and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): His first job in broadcasting was as a disc jockey at local radio station WHAV, in his home town of Haverhill, Massachusetts. He became a popular radio DJ in the Seacoast area of New Hampshire in the early 1980s on Portsmouth's WHEB, where he played comedy records along with music and offbeat interviews. His popularity led to additional TV and radio auditions. One of his first jobs on television was as host of a local game show, Granite State Challenge, on New Hampshire Public Television (produced at NHPTV flagship station WENH-TV). He moved to the Boston market in February 1982, joining WBZ-TV as a general on-air personality. His early roles at the station included being a contributor on Evening Magazine (1982–87), and hosting brief informational and show preview segments known as 4 Today, every 30 minutes during WBZ's daytime lineup (1983–87). In 1984, he landed the hosting spot on Lottery Live, the nightly drawings of the Massachusetts State Lottery games. By January 1987, while still working in these roles, Bergeron added People Are Talking to his duties. He replaced outgoing host Buzz Luttrell on the early afternoon talk show, where he gained even more popularity. While Ron Cantera took over as host of 4 Today (until its cancellation in 1988), Bergeron remained lottery host until drawings moved to WNEV-TV in September 1987.[3][4] By the early 1990s, Bergeron was seen as a solid figure in Boston television, and WBZ continued to capitalize on his talents by featuring him on WBZ Radio.

It was there he had an early-morning radio show called The Tom Bergeron Show. When People Are Talking ended a successful 13-year run in June 1993, Bergeron remained on WBZ-TV as commentator and lifestyle reporter for the station's expanded hour-long noon newscast. In early 1994, Bergeron briefly surfaced as a morning host on Boston's soft-rock station WMJX ("Magic 106.7"), which was only a short commute to WBZ's studios for his work on the noon news. In June 1994, Bergeron left WBZ when he was hired by the new FX cable network. He had been selected to co-host a morning talk show for them, called Breakfast Time, which was his first network television exposure. Hosting with Laurie Hibberd, the show became quite successful on the upstart cable network, prompting the Fox Broadcasting Company to pick it up two years later. At the time, the cable system in his hometown of Haverhill didn't carry FX, leading to a long-running and ultimately failed public campaign to get them to pick up the channel or at the very least to locally syndicate the program. In September 1996, the program moved to Fox and became Fox After Breakfast, since it aired later in the morning than the other network's morning programs. Bergeron and Hibberd continued with the show for one year on Fox; the show was renewed in 1997, but revamped. With new host Vicki Lawrence, a new set and modified format, it became The Vicki Lawrence Show. Bergeron was promptly signed to a contract with ABC News as guest host to Good Morning America. After Charles Gibson left the show, Bergeron was seriously considered as a permanent replacement,[5] but that job went to Kevin Newman. Beginning in 1998, he became the host of Hollywood Squares. He was nominated for five Emmys and in 2000, he won his first of two Emmy Awards.

After Hollywood Squares ended its six-year-run in 2004, he continued hosting America's Funniest Home Videos, which he started hosting in 2001, and he is also credited as the show's senior producer. In later years, Bergeron appeared twice on Star Trek: Enterprise as an alien trader named D'Marr and as a Coridan Ambassador. He also appeared in an episode of The Nanny in 1998. In 2005, he began hosting the ABC reality series Dancing With the Stars, for ABC, where he had two former co-hostesses (Lisa Canning and Samantha Harris) before Brooke Burke, the winner of season 7, took over the job. The show, modeled on the BBC's Strictly Come Dancing, proved to be a hit, and has now aired in over 90 countries in its various formats. His sharp sense of humor and good banter with the judges and cast members of Dancing With the Stars have helped to make him a big star again, so much so that in June 2010 ABC invited him back to his daytime roots for one day only as special guest moderator of "The View". In 2005, Bergeron was a co-host on the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Association Telethon, and in 2006 he was elected national vice president of the association. In November 2009, Bergeron celebrated AFHV's 20th anniversary with its first host Bob Saget. In 2010, he appeared in Castle. In 2011, he made a cameo in an episode of Tosh.0 as host of Dancing with the Internet Stars, a parody of Dancing with the Stars. In March 2011, Bergeron was one of the guest presenters to help promote KSBW's second digital channel, "Central Coast ABC".[6] with the launch date of that channel set for April 2011. In 2012, Bergeron was selected to host A Capitol Fourth, an annual Independence Day concert shown on PBS.[7] On November 30, 2012, Pacific Pioneer Broadcasters presented its Art Gilmore Career Achievement Award to Bergeron at a luncheon in his honor at famed Sportsmen's Lodge in Studio City, Los Angeles, California.

His career began in acting as a news reporter for Germlins in 1984. He has made acting appearances in Star Trek: Enterprise (Coridan Ambassador/Alien Trader D'Marr), Rock Sylde (Randy Wonder) and Castle (Bobby Mann). Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Doctor Oz is his most recent credit along with Dancing With The Stars among others. He has six acting credits, one production credit (America's Funniest Home Videos), and 75 Self credits (and he is one of the few voice talents in the show to be on both the cartoon and the Take 2 segments) to his resume. All the evil scientists are wearing purple in the background on the first shot. And yes folks; this is the first one ever. Sadly; I was hoping Tom was using his normal voice here because his voice sounds mighty different than it usually is. Lawerence is already confused about this telling of what's what. Tom Bergeron not using his normal voice is telling what's what to me; but I feel your sense of confusion there Lawerence. So Tom continues to talk the rules of engagement as Perry has found his glass cutter (via the Gadget trick no doubt) and starts to cut the glass; but his wrist watch is on and so we see Monogram telling him to back off and observe because Lawerence is in the building; but his genial nature will give him no chance in hell of winning. But if he does win; that would kill Love Muff...Oh wait; this is all a work even in the fictional world of this world. So the first event is the mechanical mother which appears from the trapdoor; which turns out to be an old lady with white hair and a blue/white dress; who is a robot. Lawerence goes first and of course since this is supposed to be an evil contest; he wastes no time in acting like it's a babyface contest by showing the lady proper respect. That was funny. Remember that Monogram wants Lawerence to lose all the time because winning would stretch his suspension of disbelief too far. I don't see that line as fourth wall breaking because the term can be used without any sense of talking to the viewers.

The audience at least gets a chuckle out of it as Rodney (green eyes and all) calls Lawerence more incompetent than Doofensmirtz is. Somehow; that is a real comment that isn't supposed to be a real comment. So we cut to Perry watching in horror as the announcer proclaims that he is serving her tea without a trace of irony. That sounds quite evil actually; but not in the eyes of the audience. Lawerence walks off giving the old lady some advice on the way out as Rodney tells Doofensmirtz to watch this brand of evil class presented. Doofensmirtz is not impressed and I'm not either. Rodney is bald and old; Doofensmirtz is young and fruitful as he walks over to the robot lady and unveils the red JOKEY SURPRISE OF DEATH. So the old lady opens the present and it contains stinky clothes and flies. At least this gross out joke makes sense because it's a heel doing it; as the audience still boos him anyway. I guess it's like ECW where a boo is a pop and a pop is a boo. The old lady starts "crying"; and then proclaims that she wants Rodney to come over here as Tom calls it tears of joy and thus he get zero points for that move. Doofensmirtz calls Rodney a "monster" when he comes back. So Doofen walks casually towards the old lady, snaps his fingers, proclaims that he's getting married and walks off stage left. After that happens; the robot lady explodes and the audience absolutely pops for him as Lawerence praises Doofensmirtz's skills as Doofensmirtz does a decent raspberry on Rodney for fun. So we see the evil audience use their remote control boxes to vote (which all have one button natch); and Doofensmirtz is up 146-2 (Rodney)-0 (Lawerence). Wait; Rodney got two points out of that despite Tom pointing out that it got zero points? I guess this is a democratic vote. So it's off to event #2 which even with heels; they like seeing a bunch of guys in ugly swimwear. Lawerence's green/white stripe full body swimwear is so hilarious that it is EVIL~! Mostly due to the Hawaiian backgrounds and beachball; complete with absurd poses that make him look like a million bucks. The audience still claps out of respect for Lawerence; which means that they hated it.

Next is Doofensmirtz as he comes in on roller skates wearing a purple cape and the tinest red swimming trunks he could find. Doofensmirtz complains because he thought this is a talent show. No; it's not Doofensmirtz. That would require talent and evil has none; amirite? This ends with Doofensmirtz getting his head planted into the toilet bowl and getting flushed off-screen. Oooookkkkkkaaaayyyyyyy; even Tom is at a loss of words for that. So we open the curtain for Rodney as he is swimming in a tank wearing a sea hag outfit and looks like he got it from Ducktales and Aqua Ducks somehow. The crowd is scared as he dives out of the water and takes the mask off complaining that it is legally a swimsuit. That is enough to give Rodney the win and it's now tied at 342 for the evil doctors while Lawerence managed to gain eight votes from this. Perry breathes a sigh of relief in the bottle as we head back to the backyard with Candace watching the sculpture which has gained big baby back ribs and an yellow umbrella. Dammit; Linda is watching Under the Umberlla Tree again and crossing it with post-modernism lessons now. Candace cannot make sense of this and all I can say is that there is something in Linda's mind that is making her less endearing now. Still more endearing than Candace though. So we head backstage from the dressing room booth as Doofensmirtz walks out and notices that Rodney is sitting in a chair controlling another laser device weapon which Doofensmirtz calls the Make Everything Evil-inator. Ummm; yeah. Doof brought an inator to the event and never used it to win the match outright. What a bloody idiot?! So Rodney calls this the Make Evil-izor because he's a pompus jerk of course. So then Rodney aims the beam at himself (that is one flexable device methinks); but Doofensmirtz jumps in and they fight and hurl insults. Lever gets broken of course and then more fighting and insult hurling as the arm finally aims for the changing room both where Lawerence is, Lawerence comes out asking for whatever and then beam hits him and he goes flying back into the changing booth.

Then we get WHIPLASH~! That's because we see Lawerence is in the middle of the audience again for no reason as he brings out a flashlight and does the most hilariously evil face glare in new Disney history. Yeah; go Lawerence! That's the spirit! Make that face like only the British can! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Doofen and Rodney realize that they are screwed which indicates that this was a bad logic break from the start. So we head back as the two delivery men we see in nearly every episode of this show have arrived to take the sculpture away; and Candace blocks the way refusing to do so because she is such an idiot and doesn't do work orders. Cut back to the arena for the main event as the last event is to intiminate the villian with evil eye contact violence of doom; which Perry panics because Lawerence is now EVIL~! So the three walk in separate directions like a triangle and on Tom's mark; they turn around and all three glare at each other. Ah; nothing like a staredown to do nothing of note and see if the kids laugh at it without looking contrived or forced. The villians of doom in the audience punch their voting button like crazy. So then Lawerence covers his glasses with his hands as Doofen and Rodney rack up points and Lawerence now has six votes. Wait; so two votes were DQ'ed? Why? Rodney invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH (you can put an eye out with that thing!) on Doofensmirtz; but Doofensmirtz stands his ground. Tom claims Lawerence is not even trying and six more votes for him are apparently DQ'ed because Lawerence is down to zero points. Wow; these evildoers actually care about voting fraud? FACKING BULLSHEET! So then Lawerence lowers his hand and his eyes flash with lights as Lawerence's back is now facing the hard camera. Doofensmirtz and Rodney cannot resist being intiminated into submission as Rodney; which the numbers skyrocket beyond belief. So we cut back to the bottle as Monogram tells Perry that Lawerence was zapped with an inator that made him evil; and if he become leader of Love Muffin; Perry will have to be reassigned. To what exactly Major?

So Agent P has to find a way to make Lawerence stop being evil as Agent P uses his jetpack and crashes through the glass and apparently; the Danville Arena has a retractable roof because Perry goes through the ceiling without crashing into anything. It is almost AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as he flies over to the giant dart where Phineas & Ferb are riding and Perry grabs the fin of the giant dart and flicks it backwards; which turns the thing around and it dives into the Danville Arena; which for tonight has a conveniently placed drawing of a dart board on the floor; and the dart hits the bullseye perfectly. If only Phineas, if only. Lawerence is given the evil Love Muffin medallion which is placed around his neck (Hello? That should get Perry reassigned right there!) as he is named the new leader of Love Muffin. Phineas then notices Lawerence laughing and cutting his promo which I found out is from an Adolf Hitler speech (Don Karnage cut a similar promo in Jumping The Guns several times in that episode). Phineas is confused as Lawerence manages to scare them by twisting his neck around backwards. Phineas calls for Lawerence and Lawerence suddenly begins to stammer as images from previous episodes flash before our eyes; which according to the Phineas Wikia are: "I Was a Middle Aged Robot", "Magic Carpet Ride", "The Lake Nose Monster", "Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together", "Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Rama!", "Oh, There You Are, Perry", "Ladies and Gentlemen, Meet Max Modem!, and "Candace Loses Her Head". Sadly; only the "Magic Carpet Ride" episode was on DVD and some of them didn't even feature Lawerence in the scenes anyway. Lawerence turns around and throws his medal anyway as he asks what Phineas and Ferb are doing here. Thus he has resigned from Love Muffin; which I discover from Rodney that the president has no term limits. Yeah; because that would make us evil Americans and we cannot have any of that; despite the fact that they live in the tri-state area in the USA! Phineas explains what they were doing as Doofensmirtz and Rodney dive in and fight over the medals like a bunch of spoiled brats. HAHA!

So Lawerence and the boys slowly walk out of the arena (and I should note that Perry was breathing a sigh of relief on the jetpack near the ceiling) and then as they walk over to the exit; they see Perry who is back to being a chittering platypus again. Apparently; Lawerence thinks that he is the king of the pharmacists. If only Lawerence, if only. So we head back to the driveway as the sculpture is loaded onto the back of the truck as one of the delivery guys (the one with the black mustache) is invoking the LEGAL HAND OF GOD to stop Candace in her tracks despite her attempts to plead them to wait until Linda comes home. The delivery guy proclaims that he has a job to do; but Linda walks in claiming that Candace is right because she has a coat hanger to hang on the side of the sculpture. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Linda proclaims that this will win big bids at the auction tomorrow and wants the thing to be carted away. So the truck leaves and the final scene is so beyond the pale horrible because it appears that they are supposed to be in the driveway; but I discover that they are in the backyard. And whomever did the shading for this scene should be fired because it looks like they didn't even bother to shade the grass green in 80% of the scene! Seriously; all the area looks gray and unfinished. Oh give me a bloody break animators. And after seeing an Elephant Never Suspects; I betcha Wang Films is behind this bullcrap. Candace stutters like crazy and I'm doing the same; only for a much different reason. Linda proclaims that she does more than just lip synch; indicating that she sucks at actual singing. Why doesn't that surprise me? Candace continues to stutter and Linda blows her off for being rude and that ends the episode at 12:00 approx as the ED is the finishing sequence to the "Evil Tonight". Damn; I wish they continue doing actual endings instead of recycling scenes from the episode for the ED; because that was one of the more unique aspects of this series. This was good for the most part; but the logic breaks mounted and the ending is absolutely horrible. Not from a writer's standpoint; that was okay. It was the color stylist who should lose his/her/it's job for one of the most glaring coloring errors I have ever seen. And I have seen coloring errors from Pacific Rim Animation Productions for Time Bandit for crying out loud! Just the allagory of sloppiness that makes Darkwing Duck look like TALESPIN! *** 1/2 (70%). And A hearty F*** YOU to the clueless paint guy who did that ending scene.

Attack of The 50 Foot Sister: We begin this one with the HOLLYWOOD MODEL MONTAGE OF DEATH~! Basically; it's a lot of psychadelic pink in the background with a smiling blond haired girl with white triangle earrings and a black shirt with a ruby necklace. Lots of Bratz movie level shots, walking, pixie dust and yellow butterflies ensue as she has her own white shaggy dog on a leash with a pink bow. She also wears shades because she's a Flawless Girl. I can see the obvious flaw in her: claiming that she's flawless is a deadly flaw in those Krackpotkin Plans. I'm five foot ten and I'm taller than most MALE models! Yeap; this is a cosmetics commercial as the man on the television proclaims that you suck without them! What's the difference between a cosmetic company and a quack? The quack doesn't have his products tested properly and within regulation. So "Flawless Girl Announcer" is provided by Keith Ferguson and according to the Phineas Wikia (Huh?): After studying theatrical performance and creative writing at the University of the Pacific and University of Southern California, Ferguson worked behind the scenes in daytime television production while occasionally finding time to perform in local theatre productions and improvisation groups. Towards the end of his production career, he actively began his pursuit of a career in voice-over. In 1999, while working on what would turn out to be his last full-time position in TV production, a voice-over agent named Pat Brady, after discovering Ferguson the week prior in a voice-over workshop in Toluca Lake, California, and before even officially signing with him for representation, sent him out on what would be his first professional voice-over audition (a sound-alike for Keanu Reeves in a 60 second radio spot satirizing The Matrix for the former Hollywood Video movie-rental franchise). He ended up booking the role from this first VO audition, after which he officially signed with Pat Brady who, through two talent agencies, would continue to represent him to this day.

In 2000, Ferguson gained his first experience in animation voice-over alongside VO actors Rob Paulsen and David Sobolov having booked the role of "Ray" on a former, somewhat obscure CG animated web-series entitled Li'l Green Men featured on Warner Bros. former website "Entertaindom." After the next 3 years while building up his voice-over repertoire with various roles in commercial spots, video games, animation, and sound-alike voice-matching for various films, he would be cast in one of the first of his more notable roles being that of Blooregard Q. Kazoo, a.k.a. "Bloo" in Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends created and produced at Cartoon Network Studios and Boulder Media by animator Craig McCracken, creator of The Powerpuff Girls. This was accompanied by other notable performances such as General "Thunderbolt" Ross in the animated series The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Friend Owl in the feature Bambi II, as well as his recurring portrayal of Harrison Ford as Han Solo and Indiana Jones in Robot Chicken, the regular series along with its growing franchise of Star Wars parodies. Amidst further various vocal appearances in animation, a few of which include credits on Family Guy, Adventure Time, Phineas and Ferb, Codename: Kids Next Door, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Legion of Super Heroes, and Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, Ferguson also found a role in Cars Toons: Mater's Tall Tales subbing as Lightning McQueen while Owen Wilson continues to portray Lightning McQueen for the big screen, such as in the 2011 movie sequel, Cars 2.

Ferguson was also vocally featured as two differently styled race-announcers in two TV commercials for the sports beverage, Vitamin Water; one featuring race-car driver Carl Edwards with Ralph Macchio paying homage to his role in The Karate Kid, and the other a Super Bowl ad featuring Shaquille O'Neal as an unlikely victorious horse-race jockey. He began his career in The Heroic Trio in 1993. He is mostly a video game voice talent. He didn't start animation until Bambi 2 as Friend Owl in 2006; and Four Eyes as Syler. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and is deputy Durland in Gravity Falls, and his most recent credit is Wild Over Yonder as Lord Hater. He has 133 acting credits and 2 other credits (Muppets Vs. Goldman Sachs - puppeteer; and Red Tails as 332nd officer). So we zoom out and apparently we are in Candace's room which has a lot more purple than there was in the first season. Candace is lying on the bed reading a magazine while Stacey is on a stool in front of the desk with the mirrors reading a different magazine. We discover that Flawless Girl has her own magazine since Candace is reading it and thinks it's great for pointers. Stacey shows the inside of another magazine which shows a picture of a white haired female with black earrings and a black dress with glasses on; as we discover that she is the founder of Flawless Girl Blanca Dishon and she is going to be at the mid summer festival in Danville to find the next Flawless Girl of Doom. Candace wants to enter and asks when it is coming and Stacey approxs that it's right now as we hear carnival music playing in the background which sounds similar to the opening of this show. We head outside and see three trucks going down the street which one of them has "Midsummer Festival" written on the side. Then we pan over to Phineas & Ferb watching from the fence in the backyard and then they get a ring and Phineas calls this the Baljeet signal. So we see that Phineas has a white sphere like device which is a hologram as Baljeet is shown as one. Baljeet looks scared as he needs help because he wants to have the biggest watermelon ever for the festival.

Apparently; this episode took place four days before Unfair Science Fair (and the Redux) as Phineas is his only hope now. Phineas tells Ferb to get his junior chemistry set from Bastille Day because they are going to the festival. Then Phineas asks where Perry is and we head to OWCA headquarters as Agent P plops on his chair covered in water and fish; including one yellow fish on his head. That's like seven years of bad luck in my rants. We see Major Monogram on the screen as he blows off someone (I'm guessing that it's Karl) for putting the secret entrance inside someone's koi pond. This leads to Perry putting the fish in the out of nowhere fish tank (I see they are already starting the Fish Hooks promotions well before the show even gets green lighted) as Monogram wants to make them all agents to avoid a lawsuit. OWCA is a secret organization; how would the neighbours know where to send the legal papers? Oh; and Mongram wants Perry to go after Doofensmirtz again for no reason as Perry salutes him and leaves. So we head to the carnival in Danville as Baljeet is in between two purple tents on the sky shot. Music plays as Phineas & Ferb arrive to meet Baljeet. Phineas asks where the watermelon is and Baljeet shows it as it's 80% the size of a soccer ball. It's barely half of the size of the normal watermelon you get at the supermarket. What exactly did Baljeet do to make it so small. Anyway; this watermelon brings shame to his family because it mocks him. As if Baljeet the Indian stereotype kid wasn't enough of a mockery on it's own. Phineas tells Ferb to bring out the chemistry set and Ferb has a briefcase which he sets down and it changes into a mini lab area. Baljeet asks if he could borrow Ferb sometime. Ummmm...nope. So we see Candace walking around the carnival as we hear a squeaky fat voice beckons as we see a chubby brown haired male wearing a red suit. He almost reminds me of Sir Oilver Humperdink only Oliver had flashier suits than P.P. Otter. I do not want to know what the P.P. stands for. He is in front of the podium on a stage in front of a tent containing freaks. And apparently horseshoes with neon green backgrounds; so Lucky Charms?

P.P. Otter is voiced by Kevin Michael Richerson (Rock Callahan of course from Kick Buttowski) which is kind of odd since Kevin is not white; but whatever. P.P. goes on about her needing some freakyness; but Candace blows it of and leaves. Candace then hears Phineas talking as we cut over to the lab table of this mini lab as Phineas, Ferb and Baljeet are playing with chemicals and a bunsen burner; wearing goofy lab coats and safety goggles. And acting like Italian stereotypes to boot. See; they have a flash of red liquid containing a magic elixir. Which begs the question: Does Mike Adams' chemistry come from watching this episode way too many times? Candace demands answers to this outrage as Phineas proclaims that he is helping Baljeet win the watermelon contest. You know; this watermelon stuff with a dark skinned kid like Baljeet just feels offensive now that I had time to think about it. Candace calls Baljeet's watermelon a cantaloupe; which is so damn witty that Baljeet slaps himself in the face. Good one Candace, good one. So Phineas claims that it's not for long as he pours the red liquid onto the watermelon and it grows about one pound tops. HAHA! Candace calls them giant nerds and walks off stage left. Baljeet is ready to put the shame curtains on now as Phineas informs him that he'll see that the formula hasn't worked it's magic completely which Baljeet claims that he will not see it through the shame curtains. So we head to the Flawless Girls tent as Candace is at the counter with Blanca Dishon as Candace addresses herself to Blanca. Blanca is voiced by April Winchell (Helga, Peg, Miss Finster etc.) as she tells sign to stand beside a giant cardboard model of the Flawless Girl which is a "You must be this height to be a Flawless Girl" sign. Candace walks over and stands in front of the Flawless Girl cardboard cutout; which is the gimmick of Flawless Girl and Deano Machino as we discover that she's two inches too short. I wish that Candace was 5 feet 9.75 inches tall instead of 5'8" because then the joke of "Aren't you a little short to be the next FG" and the retort it that Candace sezs "Close enough." That would have been funnier.

Of course Candace claims that she is 5'8" and of course Blanca has to point out that with the musical sheet that you cannot be less than 5' 10". She must be a former ladies wrestler because only in wrestling and freak shows where being tall not only matters; but you get a huge push. Candace's excuse is that she thought it was a rhyme. Yeah; they were clearly false advertisting you out and you weren't fooled Candace. Blanca gleefully retorts that for me and shows her the brand of Flawless Girls products on the shelf. And then we segueway to the middle of the park as Candace has a brown paper bag of cosmetic products and does the most absurd crying I have seen and heard from anyone in a long time. Candace is sobbing on the "smart" phone about being two inches too ugly and she's no longer perfect. Candace dear; I would be happy if you stop being a rigid gender role girl before being perfect. Okay? Now I thought she was talking to Stacey; but then we cut to the kitchen as it's actually Linda she was talking to. That was more awkward then the second shot of Linda having a transparent neck. Anyhow; Candace then get the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and has a Krackpotkin plan to solve this. So Candace hangs up as we head back to the LAB OF WAITING as Baljeet calls this waiting maddening. So they are waiting for John Madden to maddening the watermelon? That's racist! Baljeet asks about putting more formula on it; but Phineas insists that it won't grow anymore with it. We see the flask is stolen away from the boys as Candace grabs it and pours some on her head and she grows about four inches. I know this because when she is next to the FG cutout on the next scene; she's at least one inch taller than the hand showing what height she needs to be. Blanca proclaims that she is tall enough and she's in the running for the next Flawless Girl. Candace is so happy as she runs off and meets Stacey proclaiming that she is now officially in the running now. Meanwhile; as this is happening, Phineas & Ferb are waiting and the watermelon has now started to rumble causing Phineas to order everyone to bail as the boys all bail.

So the watermelon grows to about 10,000 pounds and crushes the mini lab of Ferb's. Damn; Ferb is going to be asking for reimbursement for that lab they just destroyed after this episode is over. Baljeet proclaims that he'll need a crane and apparently; he soiled himself again because he would like some new underpants. I'm guessing Baljeet comes from a long line of smart Indian professional wrestlers; which is a compelling angle at least. So we head back as Stacey comments on Candace's height as Candace claiming that she was growing out of her awkward phase. And then her nose grows. HAHA! Caught ya self in a big fat lie huh Candace? Stacey points out the nose and Candace demands a mirror so she runs into the hall of mirrors and finds the wave mirror of doom and her head looks normal; so Stacey comes in and she looks very different which is enough for Candace to scream that she is bobble head Candace as we zoom out and now she is in the running for Royal Cand...Oh wait; she's a freak, my mistake. Air Farce ended a long time ago before this show aired. She screams and exits stage right as the obvious logic break of: She grew too quicky in comparison to the watermelon; but whatever. It's too minor of a break to be taken seriously. So we cut back to Sir PP Otter on his white "smart" phone blowing off his manager because no one wants to fork over $5 to see oddballs anymore. Then P.P. sees Candace choking on something running into the empty blue tent to hide. Now who keeps an empty tent in a carnival? So Candace grows to be about 15 feet tall and then crawls on her hands and knees; moving the tent with her like Scooby Doo does when practicing the fine art of not being seen with an object. Candace of course blames Phineas & Ferb for this and stops right behind them. She yells at Phineas as Phineas turns around and calls Candace a strange talking tent. HAHA! Candace pops out demanding an antidote; but Ferb doesn't have one. Yet. Candace hides as P.P. Otter shows up asking about the girl in the tent and Phineas basically blows her cover calling her their "big" sister while smirking. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.

Phineas apologizes and asks for Candace to show herself; but still snickers anyway. Candace sees P.P. as P.P. shows her his business card and asks about being in his show; but Candace blows it off. P.P. tells her that if she changes her mind, she knows where to find him as he bails. Candace pleads for Phineas to change her back. Now I would have thought that Phineas would say "This might take the rest of the day" to make Candace panic big time. However; we suddenly go to the wide shot of the carnival and then pan up to Doofensmirtz Evil Inc. (complete with evil jingle) which we clearly hear without any problems in spite of the carnival noise. We cut to the window where Doofen is whining about not hearing his evil jingle. I'm guessing that he forgot to open the damn window; or his hearing has been reduced to unbearable levels during the first season. Well I'm guessing it's the later because Doofen has taken some nasty shots to the head by Agent P during the first season. So we discover that Doofensmirtz's Evil Inc has it's own music studio and it's own band doing the evil jingle. HAHA! So Doofen yells at them to do it again (there are four of those singers) and they almost get it; but the trapdoor opens from the ceiling and Perry falls and crashes behind the drumset; which pisses off Doofensmirtz. They are known as The Slacks and Danny Jacob does all the singing for all four of them. So they have no personality. So we see Perry coming out playing the banjo which confuses Doofen; so Perry stops selling being punch drunk and puts the hat on. Which Doofen calls him Perry The Banjo Playing Platypus. OH SNAP~! So Doof tells The Slacks to take five; but Perry's not allowed to take five here. Doofen wants a word with Perry in the sound room. So Perry foolishly walks into the sound room and steps on the Nazi cross on the floor; which Doof drops a pole right on Perry who is standing on that exact spot. Then the pole rises up and..... BWHAHAHAHAHA! Okay; that baby like driver carriage is the most evil bondage I have seen ever. From the banana yellow color to the trinkets on it. That's EVIL dammit!

Doofensmirtz calls this a cute little trap. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Apparently; he got the idea from his cousin Gertrude's baby shower; which had to be downright evil. Perry gives him eye contact violence; and Doofensmirtz blows him off for being a bigot. See; men do go to baby showers. Only in Disney would someone book men to do girl things and be awesome. So Doofen apparently did some blindfold diapering in his hayday as he explains that he is fed up with this festival because they are using his building to go to the bathroom as we hear a toilet flushing right on cue. HA! So Doofensmirtz proclaims that he intends to get his revenge on this festival by smothering it with the worst smell in the history of mankind....Dirty diapers! Cue evil laugh here! He also claims that he got that from a baby shower and calls Agent P: Perry The Judge-A-Pus! Oh; how I laughed! Perry is shocked, appalled and not amused by this as we head back with Candace sitting cross legged on the ground as now we are into basically the equalivent of Attack Of The 50 Foot Webby from Ducktales. Only the doctor in that one was a Neo-Nazi; and he was a sexist pig. Both literally and figurally. By the way; there are two commentaries on this episode and one of them features Dan & Jeff; and the other one features Jeff & Dan in character as Monogram and Doofensmirtz. I point this out because apparently Monogram dated Blanca at one point; but hated it for some reason. Candace pleads for something as Phineas tells her that they will think of something, but they aren't magicians. Candace then sobs like a baby because she cannot be a Flawless Girl ever again and her crying forces Phineas & Ferb to use an umbrella to protect themselves from the tears. Candace looks at the card and proclaims that she has no choice but to join the Oddball Show and be with the carnies. She then gets up and walks; which causes earthquakes like Webby. And to think; this is an improvement from Ducktales.

So we cut to in front of the tent of freaks as P.P. is with Candace proclaiming that he's glad she decided to forego this and he needs a PR Stunt. So he wants Candace to climb a skyscrapper like King Kong; only P.P. Otter is playing the gorilla in distress. HAHA! Take that rigid gender roles! And P.P. rips off his suit to reveal a gorilla suit thus proving that he was Baby Doll #2 after all. Candace asks how long has he been wearing the suit and Otter claims that it was all day. So we head inside Doofensmirtz Evil Inc. as Doofen is pulling Perry over to the lab (who is still in the trap mind you) as we see in the background; Candace climbing up the building. So we head to the table as Doofensmirtz explains that he was able to distill the stinky chemicals into a pure liquid form which is the blue liquid in a flask. Then he will use it to power up his device of the day which is the Smellinator which is a great booking name for such a scheme. When it works; use it. Problem is; that it often isn't funny. It's basically a cement mixer like laser beam cannon which means the name is more amusing than the device. Yeah. Okay; so Perry is gritting his teeth in anger as the device is at the lookoff. Then we see Candace standing on top of the Doofensmirtz Evil Inc with Otter cosplaying a gorilla as we cut to the Flawless Girl tent as Blanca is about to crown the next Flawless Girl of Danville which she is going to put the silver tiara on the girl with the aqua green dress. It doesn't matter because Blanca notices Candace on the roof and she sees dollar signs in her and runs off. We cut to Candace asking for second thoughts about this as Otter accuses her of backing down on the deal. So somehow Blanca arrives from the lookoff out of nowhere. Yeah; she went into Doofensmirtz's Evil Inc without realizing who owns it or the fact that Doofen is evil. Lovely! Candace cannot hear her yelling; so she offers her hand and Blanca gets on the hand. Candace raises her arm to eye level as Bicana proclaims that Candace has won it all and thus will make her so much money that no one can live up to her lofty standards of height; so they buy her products forever. She is the female Gary Null now and a scumbag par excellence.

So P.P. Otter protests this outrage to BABYFACE HEAT because she is an oddball now. The two woomesiters argue among themselves as Blanca calls her freakishly beautiful which is kind of tipping the scales in favor of Otter there madam. Candace then finally stops selling and calls them out on making profits off of people's natural insecurities. PP does it to make her feel better and Blanca does it to play blame the victim. She's 50 feet tall and it's still out of reach as she has had it and she is going to do what she's "best" known for: Busting Phineas & Ferb. Yeah; the one thing she fails at. Almost every single time and that one time costed her dearly. More on that in the rants to come. So Candace puts the two woomeisters on the lookoff and climbs down the roof. Somehow; the red flask of liquid is on the railing which comes out of nowhere. They realize that this is her secret and Otter and Blanca play tug of war and argue with playground level insults for a while. Then the flask goes flying and it lands perfectly in Doofensmirtz's hand; which he doesn't see because he's grandstanding with Perry still trapped. So he puts it in the back of the Smellinator and twists the knob for 200 feet from the building. He thinks he's won and then the Koi Fish with hat comes out and drops water on Doofensmirtz. WHAT THE HELL?! I get the Koi Fish become agents part; but how did they get to the building? That makes no sense! So I'm guessing Perry got out of the trap and smacked Doofen in the face and Doofen unintentionally twists the knob so the Smellinator is now aimed at reality itself (the entire universe) which Doofen calls not good at all. So yes folks; this is the equalivent of the episode "Have A Good Look" from Teddy Ruxpin, only the entire universe is expanded with red mist as planets grow. So we see Candace running like a 50 foot woman; and then when she is about to enter her house; she runs like the 5"8" woman.

She runs into the kitchen telling Linda that Phineas & Ferb did something horrible to her and of course; Candace is screwed, because she looks normal. Candace realizes this and she's happy about it because she's normal again. Linda calls it relative. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So we head back to the lookoff as Doofen smells the air and Doofen proclaims that it smells normal. Agent P kicks him in the face (I think) and Doofen goes flying as he bumps into the table and manages to grab the flask with the blue liquid. Doofen wonder what he put in the Smellinator; so Perry kicks him in the face again as the flask goes flying into the air. Perry uses the grappling hook gun and bails with the Agent Koi Fishes who were flopping around all this time and the flask shatters and the blue stinky smell engulfs the roof of the Doofensmirtz building. Doofen coughs and asks what he was thinking. In a surprise; he doesn't curse Perry this time. Wow; that was different. So we head back to in between the tents as Phineas & Ferb are with Baljeet who is smiling as he shows that his watermelon is back to normal size as he was about to win. Ferb thinks the universe just got bigger. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments as Baljeet shrugs his shoulders and walks away claiming that shame curtains don't just hang themselves; thus rendering the whole angle pointless. I guess being bullied by Buford has made him realize how pointless the shame really is in his family. Yes; there is a proper ED for this as we replay the entire Flawless Girl promotion commerical from the beginning of the episode. That ends the episode at 11:17. This was really enjoyable; but it's too predictable to be outstanding or anything. Call it *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; we got through three shorts without much of a hassle or fuss because all three were solid in writing but sloppy in certain areas. Attack Of The 50 Foot Sister is basically a better redo of Attack Of The 50 Foot Webby mostly because the bar was set low on the Ducktales take on that episode due to the fact that Candace whines a lot less than Webby; Doctor Doofensmirtz completely outclasses Doctor Von Swine in everyway possible (thank you Heniz for that small favor!) and the Smellinator was pretty funny. I enjoyed this episode; but it was too predictable to be outstanding and while it was funny; there are much better episodes than this. It was sloppier than the Ducktales take and lacked the kick in the groin; but I'm happy with the storyline and Baljeet trying to grow a watermelon and failing was fine; although he really rendered it pointless when he basically shrugged off the fact that he failed. Perry The Actorpus was actually really good and Agent S was kickass for the most part. However; it had it's problems as the finish and ending were absolutely pointless since either situation would have ended the exact same way for Candace: She fails at busting even if Perry was on the billboard because there is no indication or cue for Linda to justify bringing down the ban hammer on the boys for this contest they entered. She would have assumed the boys won the contest and go shopping there anyway. So it made Candace look like an idiot in the finish that they booked; and would have made her look petty if it was booked the other way. Sad; because Candace was really awesome for the most part. I love it when she murders machines for my pleasure; and her speech at the end was classic! Bullseye was really funny too with Lawerence failing like a good little British man would in an evil contest; but then turns hilariously evil for real thanks to Doofensmirtz and Rodney acting like complete children in this one. Tom Bergeron was okay; but he's much better when he sounds like himself in real life; not when he's trying to do a voice acting role. The dart thing was nothing for the most part; until the deus ex machinia finish kicked in and quite frankly; the OWCA bylaw stuff is a joke now that they violated the code so many times now; that reassignment sounded like a complete joke; instead of something that was threatening like it was in Fairly Oddparents. Nevertheless; Lawerence was great. The ending was horrible because it was clear that this episode was rushed so much that the painter for the end scene didn't bother to actually paint the grass green and left it grey in 80% of the shots. Oh; and I like Candace's new stuttering routine; even if it's rude because it fits her gimmick of being a total idiot in every single way. So three shorts down; three good episodes. Next up is the end of the Perry Files as we have Remains Of The Platypus and Escape From Phineas Tower. One thing is certain; one of these short will not make sense on purpose. So....

Thumbs in the middle for Attack Of The 50 Foot Sister and Bullseye (but thumbs way down for the animators of that final ending scene); thumbs up for Perry The Actorpus and I'll see you all next time.

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