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Phineas & Ferb: Primal Perry
Reviewed: 03/16/2014
We Go Down Under Danville For More Supermouse Antics!
So we have our last 22 minute episode for this ranting session of Phineas & Ferb with #183 (4-08) on the animation paper; as Perry is being hunted by an evil platypus hunter which somehow Doofensmirtz gets involved and Perry must save him. Meanwhile; Phineas has to find a way to save Baljeet from himself because Baljeet is now incapable of making decisions anymore. Whoopie!So, let's rant on shall we...?!
Primal Perry is written and storyboarded by Joshua Pruett and Kyle Menke. The story is done by Jim Bernstein, Martin Olson and Scott Peterson. Joshua has done work on a number of CGI films for Universal starting with Bee Movie, Shrek The Third, Over The Hedge, Monsters VS. Aliens and The Croods. Along with video shorts from said movies mostly from Shrek, Madagascar, How To Train Your Dragon among others. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and most recent credit. That's about it. Animation is done by Wang Films.
We begin this one with Perry's shadow running through the closeup of the white letters against a black background which is spelled "Primal" and then we see in red letters Perry with scratches on the letters. And for no reason; it has the words Phineas And Ferb Present above the episode title. Why? Phineas & Ferb aren't even involved in the Perry stuff to my knowledge; so what? So we head to the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as an orange hippie bus that seems to be recycled from Recess drives in the foreground; and then we head inside as Perry is walking inside a room with wooden boards on the floor and walls. We hear someone whispering to Perry from the conveniently placed vent. So we hear someone yell Agent P; and Perry becomes Agent P with the fedora hat on. Perry goes to the vent and we see that Major Monogram is stuffed inside the vent behind the wall. Somehow; I laughed at this. At least I don't have to write the same sentences on OWCA headquarters like I do in every episode for a change. So Monogram is know Chief Quinby from Inspector Gadget, only without the exploding paper messages. So Monogram apologizes for breaking protocol; but this is urgent and orders Karl to give him the photo; which we see another out of nowhere vent which is smaller then the one Monogram is looking out and the photo comes out like a photo machine from the vent. So Agent P is looking at the photo and we see a dragon greeting red UFO's and three eyed aliens from...
Staci:
Don't say it!
Bradley: Uranus!
Staci: Real mature
B-man!
God; it's great to have a show where I can bring back the lamest material I have ever had. So Monogram somehow gets a magnifying glass through the vent to Perry and tells him to observe the clouds on the top right portion of the photo and the mess of clouds finally come down and read "Doof"; which is Doofensmirtz. Only in OWCA could a bunch of cloud read someone's name and be urgent. Monogram tells us that the clouds are over the Danville Botanical Gardens which is 200 acres of ecologically diverse natural area. The guise of this is that Perry must scope out the area and see what Doof is "doofing" so to speak; and then Monogram gives him his membership card of the DBG which gives him free parking and 15% off anything from the gift shop. Karl proclaims that it sezs on the bottom that the membership is "non-transferrable" and Monogram blows him off because they NEVER look at the photo. This HAS to play into the episode; or the writers are idiots. Monogram tells him to go which Perry does bail stage left; and Monogram tells him to stop and smell the roses. Once Perry is out of sight; Monogram proclaims that he never stops to smell the roses; and Karl claims that he knows. So we head to the backyard with Phineas, Ferb and Buford in front of the tree as Buford is talking about the history of wedgies from the Tunisians. That's exactly what they were talking about. Then Baljeet runs in and is running around with his head on screaming that he needs help. Buford has that look of "Are you done so I can show off the Tunisian way of wedgying." as Baljeet is having an existential emergency. That sucks because usually when that happens; it involves being written out by teleport; ala Le Purrfect Crime. Baljeet is now incapable of making decision; which leads to Buford literally stealing from Bearly Alive. It's the "sit down, stand up" joke he is doing by the way. Buford has the Gruffi pose on and he has that look of "Baljeet is so stupid". Baljeet finally blows him off as Phineas asks how he got into such a state. Baljeet claims that he was filling early college forms; which Phineas cuts him off and points out that college is nine years away. In season four! Yeah.
Baljeet shrugs his shoulder and claims that he said early as he notes that under personal perferences; he couldn't decide on loop theory or string theory. That is such a hard decision that it should defer to Buford with his theory of the wedg(i)e. He was paralyzed with indecision; which means that Baljeet would be perfect for winning gold in weightlifting. So Phineas tries to break the tie; and without any reasoning is confused to death. Baljeet shows this as proof of indecision and talks about how each choice carries it's own potiential timeline and the one he doesn't choose gets effectively nullifed. Why hasn't Orac stolen this line to use against anti-vaxxers? Anyhow; Baljeet's example is that choosing vanilla ice cream might make him president; while choosing strawberry ice cream might have him getting hit by a bus. Buford's response: Just don't choose strawberry ice cream if you are so paranoid. Baljeet claims that Buford is missing the point. I don't think he is in this case Baljeet; it sounds rational to me. See Baljeet is whining because he doesn't know if the strawberry ice cream will cause him to get hit by a bus; nor if he will become president. Ummm; you are hosed either way because you are from India and have no parents who were born in America, so you cannot be president. For now at least. Baljeet's point is that these thing have unforeseen consequences; which is funny because he has been acting as if he has foreseen the consequences of choosing one or the other. Phineas' response is that ice cream is good and Ferb argees with him. Baljeet then brings out an Apple looking laptop with a visual presentation to prove his point. This has an orange cubed background with a red floor containing black squares and a lot of weird 1980's video game sound effects. There is a small white/red/orange box in the middle and we get a closeup of two Baljeets in the Indian version of rap gear. Doing the 90 degree elbow robot dance. Seriously; he is wearing a turban with a large red circle on the top and two cake like layers of red as part of the hat. He's wearing a white suit, black shirt, grey tie, white pants, black boots and red len white rimmed glasses on.
Then I realize that this is merely the start of a really dumb rap/techno song as Baljeet is on microphone dressed in a green alien like suit with grey boots and neon green lens goggles. TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues and I'm not calling this. Yeah; he has a backup keyboarder who wears white face paint on his cheeks and across his nose; while another one is on keyboard guitar looking like a space alien from the 1990's. The red squares in the background are sublimially trying to look like Stars of David/Hexacles. Considering that Gravity Falls allows Pentacles and the Eye of Providence now; it isn't a huge issue for Disney anymore. Look; the guise of this song is basically the same thing he said about thirty seconds ago; but in song form because if you don't do it in song form, the kids will change the channel amirite? So if that's the case, why bother with saying it before singing it? Just play the damn song only since it is the main event anyway and contains all the important information on the plot. Easy. This is basically a decent robot-sounding song which would have been great; if Baljeet hadn't explained what was the problem for all of us to hear before he played the presentation. Because the animation sequence was impressive otherwise. Baljeet closes up the laptop and claims that it sounded better in his head; therefore has made a decision about the demonstration. In other words; this was a time wasting song to hook kids into the piece. Thank you writers for proving my point. In this world; a hanging chad means a guy hanging from a rope on his midsection named Chad. Which hopefully people will realize and stop using it in the wrong context. So Buford asks when Baljeet got up this morning as Phineas asks if he could make both choices so he would feel better. You know; that sounds interesting because I don't get how vanilla ice cream can make you president and strawberry ice cream can kill you with a bus. Although; I'm guessing Baljeet really meant that he would be thrown under a bus; which would make perfect sense as a inside joke on Baljeet's heat as a babyface. So we get heavenly music as Phineas tries to proclaims that he knows what to do today; but gets cut off by Buford who asks where Perry is.
So we head to some park (I'm guessing that it's the DBG; but when we pan down, it looks like a regular old park to me) as we see Doofensmirtz on ground level with a yellow plastic sheet as he is fanning smoke which we discover that he is making smoke signals near a brench with a campfire which makes letters that spell Doof. In a garden. In Danville. So Perry comes down and Doofensmirtz is about to do his usual trapping promo; but then we cut to two old ladies blowing them off for wanton rule breaking. Outside of the signs for each exotic flower and plant, this is a normal park to me. One of them is wide with the grandma stereotype hairstyle with a green shirt, grey pants and sandals; while the other one is thin with purple foam like hair, a purple shirt, grey pants and white tennis shoes. Both are wearing glasses. I discover that the one speaking of the clear violations is the purple haired one and she is Ruth who uses the same voice talent as the one doing the Farmer's Wife in this show; so the other one is Esther McCracken by default. So Doofensmirtz leans on the sign which he asks what is the trouble as Ruth points out that he is showing blantant disregard for the signage which is in red letters to keep off the grass. So Doofensmirtz walks over and gives her the membership card of his own which we discover that Esther has a laser pen and uses it. It's apparently a scanner because she gives it back to Doofensmirtz and then tells him that he should know better. Esther (or Ruth) elbow him hard in the ribs and Doofesmirtz sells it as if he has broken ribs as the two ladies walk off. Doofensmirtz blows her off for calling him Mr. instead of doctor. Doofensmirtz claims that he was so cool and slick; which Perry looks at the hard camera, not amused. So Doofensmirtz informs Perry that the real reason he hasn't trapped Agent P yet is because he is having someone else do it for him. As if it was on cue; we see a boomerang come in and wrap Perry with rope as he is tied in an around his midsection and arms to a nearby arbor. Doofensmirtz then introduces us to platypus hunter and the evil human version of Monty crossed with a suit which screams Mighty Duck-equse. He is called Liam O'Cracken which is a logic break because he'll be referred to as Liam McCracken from this point on. That is anime dub-equse stupidity right there folks.
Liam McCracken is voiced by Jesse Spencer and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Spencer is popular in Australia, United Kingdom and Ireland as Billy Kennedy in the Australian soap opera Neighbours, a role he played from 1994 to 2005. Spencer reprised his role in 2005 to appear in an episode celebrating the show's 20th anniversary. He has since appeared in the drama Death in Holy Orders, as well as the films Winning London, Uptown Girls, and Swimming Upstream. From 2004 until 2012, Spencer played Dr. Robert Chase on the Fox medical drama House. Spencer played Chase for the show's entire run, becoming the second longest-serving member of the title character's team. In 2012, he began starring as Lt. Matthew Casey in the NBC fire drama Chicago Fire. Jesse Spencer began his musical career with the Australian Boys Choir from 1986 to 1992.[3] Spencer plays the violin in Band From TV, a music group which includes his former House co-star Hugh Laurie. They play at various events, putting the proceeds into the different charities that each member supports. The band also played on American Idol Gives Back alongside former Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher. He began his career with Time Trax as young Bill in 1994. Hercules The Series as Triton Junior is his DTVA debut. Chicago Fire as Matthew Casey is his most recent credit. He has 18 acting credits and 20 self credits to his resume. Doofensmirtz claims that he found this evil version of Monty from an evil consultant website which is kind of dumb because if there was one; the FBI would have shut it down on terrorism charges faster than you can say 404 Error. So yes; Liam talks like Monty; only without the Aussie stereotype words. Yet. Anyhow; Liam hates platypus more than Monty fears and hates cats. Okay; so Liam was more detailed than I am; but there is nothing in his dialogue that contradicts my three word guise on his character, so there you go. So Doofensmirtz wants Liam to explain his backstory for a change. So we go to a closeup of Liam as he claims that in the land down under; a platypus ruined his life as we hit the flashback with a baby carriage as we see a baby teething on a boomerang.
The mother is giving him all the attention he deserves as she is faceless and her red hair is blocking any noticable features on her face. Esther is voiced by Deborra-Lee Furness and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Deborra-Lee Furness was born in Sydney, Australia, and brought up in Melbourne.[2] She studied acting at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York, where she graduated in either 1981[3] or 1982.[2] She performed in the United States on the stage in New York and as Kathleen,[4] the Australian wife of Cole Gioberti (Billy Moses) on the television series Falcon Crest before returning to Australia to continue her acting career.[2] Furness rose to fame in 1988, when she starred in the movie Shame, for which she won Best Actor awards from the Film Critics Circle of Australia and Golden Space Needle. Other roles included an episode of Halifax f.p. and The Flying Doctors.[5] In 1995, she starred in the title role in the television series Correlli, where she met her future husband, Hugh Jackman. An adoptive mother of two, Furness is known for her work assisting orphans globally and streamlining international adoptions, especially in her native Australia where she is a patron, and one of the creators, of National Adoption Awareness Week.[5][6][7] She has addressed the National Press Club of Australia on the subject of adoption laws in Australia.[8][9] Furness is a patron of the Lighthouse Foundation for displaced children and International Adoption Families for Queensland.[10][11] She is also a World Vision ambassador and serves on the Advisory Committee for Film Aid International, working with refugees throughout the world.[12][13] She began her career as Junior 1 in Division 4 in 1975. Phineas & Ferb is her DTVA debut, only appearance and most recent credit.
She has 39 acting credits, 23 self credits, three production credits (An Aussie Goes Bolly, An Aussie Goes Barmy and The Directors' Series), and two directing/writing credits (Standing Room Only, Stories of Lost Souls) to her resume. He is wearing a yellow flower in her hair and has a yellow flowered dress on with shoes that are the same shade of the platypus (brown) that is standing right beside the carriage. So Liam's mother takes out a camera and wants to take a picture of this; but the baby carriage goes down the conveniently placed hill just as the mother wants the platypus to say Musk Lolly. At least she didn't say Bonzer or Crikey here; so at least these writers have moved on past Crocodile Dundee level Aussie stereotype mannerisms. So Liam never saw his mother again as we return to reality (no, not really) and I ask: How? I know that I should turn my brain off for these things; but really? As PC as this sounds; at least "I was put in a foster home" would have made more sense here. Oh; and the downhill ride was lifted from It Came From Beneath The Seaduck in TaleSpin; and there is one pentagram in the beginning of On A Wing And A Bear on a far shot of the police plane at the beginning. Thanks steet for the evidence. So we get into the usual confusion over the plurial name of platypus; but Liam doesn't really care because platypuses are vile creatures and cannot be trusted. So platypuses are Tea Party members? Well; there was rumors that platypuses control the media and government, if you believe this show, so why am I not surprised? Liam claims that platypuses have poisonous ankle barbs; which is supposed to be venomous ankle barbs; but seriously. What is the difference between poison and venom? I would like an explanation because they are both related to the same thing. We discover that Doofensmirtz never knew of this which pretty much means he did no research on platypuses, the chump. So Liam shows off his boots with spikes on the anklets which contain poisonous ankle barbs. Yawn.
So Liam opens his coat and inside are about a dozen different boomerangs which he calls ladies; which means that he's a no-life sexist punk. In other words; Huey Duck from Quack Pack; only aged 20 years. Perry looks wide eyed as Liam goes through naming all his boomerangs like Nancy, Barbara, Jill, Lauren..So he names his boomerangs after first ladies of presidents? Lovely! Doofensmirtz conceeds that he never knew about this thing since it wasn't mentioned in his profile. Maybe because it was private information he wished to not indulge in? Doofensmirtz does the Gruffi pose and admits that this is a little creepy. No, not really Doof. I mean; is it any different than naming your airplane the Seaduck, or your car Monique or Antonio? And then I realize that the naming scheme is random because one of the names is Scheherazzade. Too bad; naming them after first ladies would have paid off the president joke Baljeet did earlier. So we return to the backyard with Phineas and Ferb wearing goggles; and Ferb has a remote control; while Phineas has a pair of goggles in his left hand. Isabella walks in and you should know what she sezs here because it's the same catchphrase as in almost every episode that she is in. Hi Phineas! What'ca doing? I never get tired of her trying to do a Southern redneck accent when she is of Latino blood. Phineas gives her the goggles; as if he was expecting her from the start, and Isabella puts them on while Phineas explains that they are helping Baljeet with his decision making crisis. So we zoom out to see a giant swing. And the structure is 50 feet tall; with large colored hoops and a computer panel with screen on; which looks like the world's biggest "smart"phone. Phineas calls this the Infinite Probability Generator which Baljeet is strapped down to the swing right in the groin region. So Phineas explains that he will be risen up into the "smart"phone so; the screen is actually a window. Phineas goes all science on us; but basically, when Baljeet makes a decision, it makes a 50/50 clone of him basically. Okay; this is an interesting way to redo a cloning episode. Did I mention that Candace is looking on with binoculars because she has to bust the boys for no reason?
So basically Ferb pushes the button after Phineas explains that the generator will explore the consequences of both Baljeets as Baljeet is basically getting airplane spinned in the "smart"phone. Buford asks if science is happening yet and Baljeet looks like he is about to throw up and calls this nausating; which Buford rules that this is indeed science. Candace proclaims that this is so bustable and bails; because you see, Candace's life consists of busting the boys for no reason and whining about Jeremy breaking up with her; which Jeremy doesn't. What a hell of a life Candace has? Even the shopping stereotype looks a lot better for her in hindsight. So after a while; they get Baljeet out of the "smart"phone and he does about six flips on the swing before falling flat on his face; and having a major case of Esther-head. Buford compares this to his mother's home made toothpaste; which means Buford's mom is a woo-meister. So Phineas points out that he hasn't split yet because he hasn't made a choice yet. So we hear the ice cream man bell ring in the background which Isabella mistakes as a cellphone ringtone. HAHA! So the kids run out and we see Candace jump over the fence and sneak behind the parked ice cream truck just as the kids are staring right at the hard camera despite the fact that Mike should be the only one facing the hard camera. Although Baljeet is standing under the counter; so him looking up is understandable. They did this because if they didn't; they would have noticed Candace which is dumb because Phineas & Ferb don't care what Candace does in her spare time. The ice cream truck guy is wearing a blue shirt, grey pants, a ice cream triangle white hat and a white apron; as we discover that his name is Mike which is actually a step up from the ice cream bear in It Came From Beneath The Seaduck. Phineas explains that Baljeet would like to sample the frozen confections. Mike asks which flavor would he like which apparently; this ice cream truck has only two flavors of ice cream: vanilla or Strawberry. Geez; and the nephews complain about the lack of choices in milkshakes flavors in Yuppy Ducks?
So Baljeet asks for one vanilla and then splits into two; and Baljeet #2 asks for strawberry which surprises the man as he accepts the terms and proclaims that he has banana splits. Phineas calls it a good one; implying that indeed he doesn't even sell banana splits. What a lame ice cream truck this one has? I mean; no chocolate flavor? No butterstoch? No soft serve vanilla? Screw Mike! I'll go to Diary Queen for my ice cream; if I was allowed to be in a Diary Queen under my diet plans. So we see Candace on the opposite side watching on and I do not see the point of Candace watching because you would think the giant ass swing set in the back would be enough evidence on it's own. So the ice cream truck drives away and Candace is exposed; but no one cares to turn around as Baljeet #2 salutes everyone (he's the one with strawberry) and walks right into the road and gets hit by the same bus as in the beginning of the episode; and somehow Baljeet #2 sticks to the bus and proclaims that he was right. In any sane universe; Baljeet #2 is roadkill. And did Candace get run over too? She was in the street as well..Oh wait; she ran off in shock to avoid getting caught which is useless because...you guessed it. Baljeet #1 (the one with the butter cream vanilla flavored ice cream cone) proclaims that since Baljeet #2's choice is right; he will become president complete with heavenly music. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one Baljeet. You better have a parent born in America to pull that one off; otherwise, no, Baljeet. Not really. So we head back to the vents with Monogram and Karl for no reason other than to kill time and make them both look like complete morons. Monogram is not amused by Karl's dumbassery and neither am I; and so we head back to Doofensmirtz and tied up Perry listening and watching Liam going on and on about the names of his boomerangs. One is Dani; one is someone from Greece as Liam is so grandstanding that Perry wiggles his arms out and cuts the rope with the Gadget Trick scissors of doom and he's free much to the disdain of Liam.
Doofensmirtz proclaims that he is good and asks about the refund policy while leaning on a tree. So; getting free means that Liam broke the contract? How does that make any sense? Liam doesn't care as he brings out his Greek blue/white boomerang and proclaims that the fedora hat doesn't change the fact that Perry is a platypus. Perry chitters which Liam claims that he is going to make him eat his words; or his noise. HAHA! Doofensmirtz then starts to protest this outrage because Liam blurts out that he is going to make Perry into a stuffed trophy animal over his fireplace. Implying that he is going to murder Perry and his hat and hang his hand over the fireplace. Doofensmirtz walks over protesting this outrage; and then gets bagged up out of nowhere. So Liam's boomerang flies and clips Perry and ties his arm with rope while Doofensmirtz struggles confusing this bag with a hammock. Doofensmirtz finally pops his arm and head; claiming that Liam is mistaken. However; Liam attaches the other rope to Doofensmirtz's arm as Liam proclaims that he's off the clock and he no longer works for Doofensmirtz. Plus; he doesn't have a pharmacist on his wall. Wow; he really is Mike Adams in cartoon form! Perry gets punched in the head and his hat falls off in the fight with Liam. Doofensmirtz finally comes out questioning this as Doofensmirtz and Perry are handcuffed together; thus it's the old "Stuck On You" trope rearing it's ugly head again which has been done since the 1960's. And in TaleSpin. See why old farts have a major advantage over the new generation? Because the old "out of style" excuses can be easily tamed by actual thinking and actual data! If old cartoons are out of style; then tell the new cartoons to STOP STEALING plot devices from them! Is that too much to ask? Otherwise; shut up and like whatever you were watching! Don't pretend that it's all original or something, unless there is such a radical twist that the old cartoons didn't do that revolutionizes the plot device. And that takes a lot of talent and foresight; which a lot of writers are very short of. So Liam decides to be generous and gives them a 60 second headstart because he's a sadist.
Only a sadist would be stupid enough to let the prey run away from him for one minute. Most hunters aren't stupid enough to do that unless they want to get a clean proper shot. Doofensmirtz is still confused and of course without the fedora, he cannot tell that Agent P and Perry are the same character. After four F'N seasons; he still cannot see that they are the same character. This isn't Flanderization; this is Dumbasserization! So he's handcuffed to Perry because it makes it easier to hunt them both. Yeah; because if he let them go separately; he would turn babyface amirite? So Perry runs off with Doofensmirtz in tow as he run into the gardens with Doofensmirtz admitting that he didn't take the 97% feedback from the reviews that Liam tends to go rogue. Geez Doofensmirtz; you think? That's why negative feedback is so great. At least Liam hasn't hunted down the reviewers or sued them. Yet. Or is he such a manly toxic man that he doesn't think suing is so manly or something? So we run into the gardens for a while as Doofensmirtz is forced to follow and decides to call him Steve because he looks like a Steve; and then forces Perry to stop and drags him towards a fishing line with a strip of bacon. This is just "begaconing" for Doofensmirtz to become the world's first human stuffed trophyhead. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So Perry uses his ankle to fling a bench into the bacon and it creates a bag which Doofensmirtz barely dodges. Take one guess who set that trap up. We see Liam behind the bushes watching Perry drag Doofensmirtz away as Doof proclaims that he never saw that one coming. Swell; we are stooping to Johnny Test levels of stupidity here. Memo to Doof: fishing line + bacon = trap! It's not hard to figure out! So Liam brings out Nancy (which is his cheese/black/red colored boomerang) and tells her to not hold anything back. So she is thrown and it cuts right through a conveniently placed tree and Perry runs off with Doofensmirtz as they easily dodge the tree. The boomerang comes back and Liam asks what took her so long. Wait; what? That makes no sense! What the hell is he talking about or to?
So we head back to the backyard as Buford is dressing down both Baljeets as Baljeet #2 has a broken right arm in a cast; in a sling, which means that he suffered less injuries than Baloo did in A Fuel Dollars More. Baljeet proclaims that there will be no messing with Buford. So every episode involving Buford. So Buford proclaims that he doesn't give a damn how many are there and both Baljeet actually agree to it. Yeah; he claims to be completely incapable of making decision; but yet when it comes to Buford, both Baljeets actually agree with each other. Just peachy folks; just peachy. Buford turns to the side to try to get his grammar straight because he is an uneducated fool and because Candace has to sneak in; kidnaps both Baljeets and bails stage left. So here's what happens next: We head inside the kitchen as Linda is doing spring cleaning in the summertime. She's changing the trash bags for the garbage can. Candace runs in with both Baljeets in tow and plops them in front of her as Linda opens the fridge and this obsures Baljeet #1 or #2. It doesn't matter which anymore because Linda doesn't notice the second one anyway. Baljeet #1 waves hello and calls her Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher; and as the fridge door closes; we get one of those logic breaks that shows the premediated gall of this modern era. When the door closes; there is only one Baljeet remaining even though we never actually see the second one leave. That is making me do something something! Stupid! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! So Baljeet claims that he's thirsty and Linda goes into the fridge and asks if Baljeet wants grape juice or orange juice. Baljeet claims that he wants grape juice and then he splits into two as the second Baljeet wants orange juice. Of course Linda doesn't see the clones as she finds more juice which is tomato or pineapple or tomato. Baljeet spilts into four Baljeets which makes no sense because: If there are three choices and two Baljeets; there should be five of them! This is exactly why you need a story editor who knows what is going on; because this is "F*** Logic" if I ever saw one. Linda proclaims that Baljeet wasn't kidding; prompting Candace to rightfully yell at Linda. Wow.
So we continue in the gardens with Perry and Doofensmirtz running which is more like Perry is running and dragging Doofensmirtz for the ride as we head to the really nice looking pond of doom as Doofensmirtz wants Perry to slow down and Perry stops on a dime. Doofensmirtz protests this and then realizes that they are at the conveniently placed pond which causes Doof to protest this. Perry drags him into the pond and we go underwater as Doofensmirtz tries his damnest to keep his head above water; but gets dragged down by Perry. Then we see Liam push some buttons on his ankles and wrists as they reveal platypus shaped flipper colored orange. For a guy who hates platypuses; he sure likes to dress like one. His unhealthy obsession might just be even dumber than moral guardians thinking gays always equal anal sex. At least Liam's obsession is merely unhealthy instead of outright vile and dangerous to large groups. Oh dear; I take that back. I just realize that Liam hatred of platypus is a BS&P metaphor for hating gays. Damn it! So Liam swims underwater as this pond seems to suddenly act like the Tardis; only at least the Tardis doing this logic break is part of the gimmick instead of just being there due to laziness. So Liam (with scuba breathizer on) fires a cross bow with a lime green boomerang; but Perry manages to dive down and dig about two feet to bring up a large rock and that blocks it. Problem is; the boomerang didn't nail Liam; so Liam was able to gain ground and grab onto Perry's tail. I know this because they show Perry's legs on the closeup. So Perry comes back and slashes Liam in the left arm and then bails stage right. Wow; I was expecting a shot to the groin there. So Perry and Doof resurface and suddenly Perry starts swimming to the west; which causes Doofensmirtz to protest. You can see the next spot coming a mile away can't you Agent P? Doofensmirtz stands his ground and he's on the edge of a conveniently placed waterfall. In a pond in a garden. Okay; I've given up on trying to explain how this makes any sense. So they fall over the waterfall as Doofensmirtz basically shoots on the fourth wall protesting and then we end the segment just as Doofensmirtz notices them fading to black and that ends the segment nearly 13 minutes in. Geez; this episode is a mess and a lot less fun to rant on than the Canadian episode that is for sure...
After the commerical break; we get a pan shot north on the waterfall as Liam is at the top proclaiming that he'll find the platypus real soon. So we then see Doofensmirtz and Perry climbing out of the pond and there is a naked man stone statue with a discus right in the background. Doofensmirtz protests and stands his ground because he's tired of running. He doesn't mean tired that he needs to sit down for a while. Ummm; what part of "I need a pharmacist for a trophy over my fireplace" do you not understand Doof? Doofensmirtz proclaims that he is fed up with Liam and wants to make a stand since Perry has the animal instincts while Doofensmirtz has the science sense. One of these things is not in evidence. I'll let you figure out which one on your own as Perry gives him the thumbs up anyway. So we scene change to a bridge with Perry and Doofensmirtz carrying bamboo shoots which I have no clue where they came from. So we HIT THE MONTAGE with the COMPLEX GUMMI BEAR TRAP OF THE DAY which goes on forever; and yes folks, Perry does stop and smell the roses literally. IN YOUR FACE MAJOR~! See what I did there? Here's Wikia's summary of what went on: Perry pauses for a while, then gives Doof a thumbs-up. We then see a montage showing Doof and Perry gathering wooden poles and placing them in a tree, lifting a statue with ropes, Perry stopping to sniff a rose before making use of its thorns to make a rope, which is then twined tightly around some Cattail reeds which in turn, are placed in the lake. Perry is seen moving a stone with his bill to hold them down, Perry and Doofenshmirtxz are seen contructing a cage of some sort with the poles from before and string, Perry climbs a tree to pull some of its bark down. This is used to make a glove, which Doofenshmirtz wears and uses to crush a pear. All of this happens while the dramatic music from the start of the episode plays. I'm not going to call this other than it ends with Doofensmirtz crushing a pear with his newly made wooden golem hand and he calls it goovy.
So we head to the kitchen table as there are now seven Baljeets in the scene. Okay; we saw two Baljeets kidnapped by Candace, then gets written out by teleport, then there was a split of two and then there were four Baljeets. Even counting the written out one; that is five Baljeets. If they did the spot right earlier instead of screwing it up; it would be SIX Baljeets! Again; this is what happens when no one in creative knows what they are doing. And despite being incapable of making decisions; they still agree that Buford is a bully and he can get his own juice. Thus; they have decided to not heed Buford's warning after all. Well; with seven Baljeets around; you think even Buford can stand up to them? Anyhow; Lawerence comes in and gets confused about this Baljeet party. One of them yells Baljeet and Lawerence walks off telling them to carry on. I'm guessing that he realized that this was Phineas' doing and since he's with the boys on their big ideas, he's cool with it. So we head back to the gardens as Perry is turning the wheel which is turning on the garden's sprinkler system. Liam puts on the goggle mask and brings out the G boomerang named Jill and tells her to look around. So he throws the boomerang and we see the golem like hand grab it in mid-air. The sprinklers are creating just a misty fog that Liam cannot see anything until it clears and notices it stuck to a tree. At least in theory. Liam then grabs the boomerang and it is attached to a pulley and then we trip the COMPLEX GUMMI BEAR TRAP OF THE DAY as Liam tries to block all the shots; but gets netted anyway. We cut to Perry and Doofensmirtz on a rock near a hill as they screw up the high five spot up. Liam then brings out Sue the boomerang and it's a buzzsaw boomerang since it cuts the net into pieces. Then he brings out the blue/white/black boomerang named Sharpy and he throws it and it cuts the handcuffs on the two goofs with attitude. They separate and run away in separate direction. Sharpy comes back and treats her well as she gets thrown again and the arbor gets it's roses cut which somehow throws Doofensmirtz into the air and he bounces off a tree with a sick MAN-SIZED bump. Wow; didn't see that one coming.
So Sharpey comes back to him and he thanks her like a human being as he starts running towards Doofensmirtz. Doofensmirtz tries to stand; but then holds his knee as he is selling a leg injury; and screaming for Steven's help. Perry turns around and notices Liam is right behind Doof; and brings out Natasha which is the biggest boomerang I have ever seen. Geez; this Gadget Trick is so overplayed, it's now gaining Quack Pack's big ass abilities. Not a good idea. So he throws the boomerang which forces Perry to tumble down the other side of the hill as the thing destroys the top of the hill in a perfect slice of back bacon. Yeah. So we head back to the kitchen at the fridge as Candace apparently kidnapped one of the Baljeets and shows him to Linda who is still at the fridge which means she's either cleaning it or raiding it. Or both. It's hard to tell actually. So Candace wants to prove that Baljeet is cloning himself; so we visualize the situation before us as Linda states that there is only one Baljeet. If only that were true Linda. Candace then brings out some grapes and a chocolate bar because she wants to show what happens when he makes a choice. Baljeet chooses the grapes and then eats them; and doesn't clone at all. Linda blows her off and they screw up something because Linda proclaims that she is going back to the fridge, but she really bails stage right somewhere because the fridge was right in front of her. Candace gets on Baljeet's case about this and Baljeet walks off claiming that he really wanted the grapes; which makes Candace mad. So there are two things in life that Baljeet can easily make a decision on. Remember that the storyline has Baljeet saying that he cannot make any decision whatsoever. Baljeet is either hyperboling; or the writers are dumb. So we head back to the garden with Liam using the binoculars and claiming that there is no sign of him. So Liam puts the boomerang back in and wants to murder Doofensmirtz; but gets beaned in the head with a container top which has the Danville Botanical Gardens logo on it. And even they uses the short form DBG here along with a red rose. That's awfully generic for a botanical gardens. We look to the right and there is Perry right on the hill near the trees with about a dozen container tops and his membership card; which means that they are actually frisbees from the gift shop. Which would make sense in one way....
However, here's the problem with this: If you recall earlier; Esther and Ruth uses a laser pen to scan the membership card of Doofensmirtz. So how in the world could Perry get those frisbees from the gift shop since Perry is using Monogram's membership card which Monogram gave earlier? None of this makes sense! Liam is not amused by this or Doofensmirtz calling him Steven; so he brings out his twin boomerangs called Teresa 1 and 2. Time to teach some manners as he throws the boomerangs in one separate shot; but Perry throws the frisbees to block both of them and force Liam to dodge the frisbees. So then he brings out the Seven Sisters in a rack and throws them; but that is easily countered and one of the seven sisters is broken to boot. Liam then is about to bring out Toni (with an I; lest any idiots mistake him for being gay, or are too dumb to see that Toni can be a girl's name with a proper letter change); and before this can get anymore of a squash for the babyface...We head back in the backyard as we now see 20 Baljeets...for no reason; who all agree that Buford is a disgusting human being who deserves great disdain. I hope this makes Buford into a heel again because heel Buford is awesome. Heel Baljeet is not awesome. We pan over left to the tree while Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and Buford are watching this and they do not like them gathering because it usually means that it will turn into a mob. Of course it will; considering that BUFORD is their target of hate; and he's right in the backyard! Buford? Run now; or you're room feed! Ferb claims that mobs rarely make good decisions as Buford thinks this is just a party of some kind; and I betcha he doesn't understand what a shindig or a hootenanny is despite saying both words. Isabella points out the the vibe is more like storming the Bastille today. Yeah Buford; the girl has the right sense this time. Run NOW! Baljeet #1 walks forward and I think they logic break again as the number of Baljeet is apparently cut in half; but I'm not going to bother rewinding this since VLC almost crashed today.
So Baljeet #1 brings out his laptop and it plays the music from the rap/techno song that was played earlier in the episode and Buford claims that this proves his point. Geez Buford; is there any wonder why no one thinks you have any hope of hell of being anything other than a dumb bully...and then I realize that his other gimmick is to self harm and humilate himself. Apparently; it also gives the Baljeet free license to slaughter Buford as an infidel. Of course Buford fails to run and all 30 Baljeets (wait; there were 21 of them) run around him and do the football throwing victory spot while singing a techno song about mob mentality and wanting to make Buford submit to his will. Well; of course, Buford is much too dumb to live, so he just stands there despite the fact that the Baljeets are clearly aimming for him. This song ends with them carrying Buford out of the backyard while Baljeet #2 (the one with the arm injury which we never saw since Buford's blowing off in Act 1 until now) opens the door and they all run out with Buford. Phineas just stands there and claims that this is what comeupperance is like. Yeah; and why babyface Buford sucks too. So we head back to the gardens as Perry throws the last frisbee and manages to destroy one of the boomerangs. He then dodges Lauren and as Liam is about to get the boomerang back; Perry grabs it and lands near the bridge. Did I mention that they have vandalized the entire park by now? To be fair to Perry; when someone is out to kill you, you would be changing your tune about vandalizing property being bad too. If not; you deserve whatever death happens to you. So Liam dares him to throw the boomerang because platypuses cannot throw boomerangs. Perry proves him wrong and throws it back and it hits Liam in the face with it. So I'll just give the summary from Wikia: Liam stumbles back from the blow and collides with a birdbath as the boomerang returns, impressively, to Perry's hand. Liam narrows his eyes at Perry and flings one of the Seven Sisters at him. Perry counters with another of the Seven Sisters, which slices through the branches above Liam, who runs from the falling boughs, only to encounter Perry again, from whom he runs in fright. Perry hurls two boomerangs at him which rip Liam's jacket in flight, causing him to lose all his boomerangs.
Liam reaches for his boomerangs but realizes, too late, that he has none and slams into a tree. He ends up at the base of a tree knocked out. Okay; that was pretty much a squash right there as we head back to the backyard as Buford runs into the backyard and gets behind Phineas pleaing for mercy to save him from the angry Baljeets. Then the Baljeet march in lockstep into the backyard and Phineas claims that it's a mob mentality and nothing can stop it. Let me translate that from BS&P to English: Phineas is actually claiming that this mob mentality cannot be stopped because in order to stop this; it would involve riot police and showing riot police beating up minorities would be beyond the pale racist and Disney would crumble to dust as a company. So we cut to Candace looking from the door as Linda is still at the fridge and Candace wants Linda to see Baljeet going after Buford. Linda is confused by this "after" stuff; which Candace explains that it's Baljeet going after Buford. Then Linda makes an analogy which is so stupid that I want to sue the writers for thinking this was funny: Linda proclaims that Baljeet cannot be after Buford because Buford outweights Baljeet by 90 hamburgers. That is exactly what she said! If they were trying to avoid a fat joke; they shouldn't have in this case. I think you can guess why this is not funny as we go back to the backyard with Buford backing off like a heel whom the babyface has him on the run. Buford calls this a bad decision. Geez; you THINK? I think this is the only time that projection happened in both cases and neither one I cared about. So then Phineas wants to be rational about this; and the Baljeet surround Buford and grabs him; because Buford is too dumb to run. Then we get the deus ex machina ending that makes no sense: Natasha flies in out of nowhere and completely vaporizes the machine before flying away. All the Baljeets disappear; except for the main Baljeet who so happens to be pulling on Buford's shirt. Okay Baljeet; run NOW! Thankfully for Buford; Linda comes out and order them to break it up and Baljeet does the "I'm screwed" smile before letting go.
Linda has a lemon pie with her as Candace runs in and proclaims that she saw 20 of them; and Baljeet apologizes and dusts off Buford as he saves his ass by saying that they were discussing how it's easy to make a bad decision. Linda is happy to see it; but tells them to play nice as she asks them if they want any pie. Buford proclaims that this is a decision they can all argee on. So we head back to Perry stalking Liam who has finally got up (with clothes torn); and he praises Perry for having some skills as Perry has Lauren ready to murder Liam for good. However; I'm betcha Natasha comes back and Liam proclaims that his gals always come back. Liam runs out of the way and damn; I'm good. It slices the tree Liam was in front of and Perry gets buried under the falling tree. Perry pops from the carnage; but Liam pounces on him and uses the anklet venom barb of doom to poke right at Perry's heart. Liam puts on the fedora hat just to be a dick proclaiming that he has won the hunt; and then we hear Doofensmirtz ordering Liam to stop and step away from the platypus. Doofensmirtz is on the bridge as he introduces his ladies, which are Esther and Ruth. Wait; Doofensmirtz used his brain? In this show? What are the odds of that? So Liam of course let's go and claims that he knows them and thus will deal with them right now. So he walks over as Ruth and Esther point to the "Keep Off The Grass" sign as Liam claims that the sign was recently installed and he didn't see it. Ruth no sells it all because apparently this is his third violation of this rule in as many weeks. So wait; he vandalized an entire garden just to kill one platypus; and he's going to lose his membership because he didn't keep off the grass? Well; okay, if you say so Ruth. So Liam foolishly hands over the membership card and he's suspended from the gardens for ten days. Wow; that is so 1970's Knoxville Wrestling of you Miss Ruth. What? No $100 fine? That's bullcrap! Esther has a wheelchair to escort him off the grounds. Liam; despite being bigger than both ladies combined, gets into the wheelchair anyway and protests this outrage as we discover that he's from Pittsburgh. HAHA! I should have known he wasn't an Aussie stereotype.
So then Liam points the finger at Perry who has his fedora hat on. The ladies notice him and think Perry is a cute platypus; and Liam is such an idiot that he stays in the wheelchair and the wheelchair rides down the hill stage left and we never see him again. That was a good finish actually; and it's not like Liam is coming back in any shape or form since the writers effectively buried him when Perry was using his boomerangs on him. So we head back to the vents as Monogram and Karl continue to fail to get out of the vents as they are replaying Kit getting out of the armor suit in Waiders Of The Wost Tweasure. Apparently; Karl brought his cousin Larry in because he loves vents; which makes Monogram angry. This was so charming and pointless that it means nothing. So we head back to the backyard with Buford with the lemon pie as he licks his finger into said pie. Baljeet is relieved now that he can no longer worry about making decisions anymore, as Buford claims that he is glad to have one of them back. Baljeet sarcastically claims that he has a sentimental tone; and Buford responds to Buford reminding him that he has a pie in his hands; and Baljeet retracts his mocking tone. I thought that Baljeet was being a dick. So we end this mess of an episode (both in storyline and in the actual production of this show) with Doofensmirtz and Perry wrapping things up as Perry decides to play mind games on Doofensmirtz as Doofensmirtz wonders where Steve went. So Perry takes off his hat when Doofensmirtz's back is turned, and then turns around and Doofensmirtz thinks he's Steven. Then Doofensmirtz turns to let him meet Perry who is "gone"; and I have given up on Doofensmirtz ever realizing that Perry and Steven are one in the same. Perry has too; as he drags Doofensmirtz away stage right as Doofen continues to go on and on about platypuses and that ends the episode at 21:08; since the ED is basically the rap/techno song from act one. What a mess of an episode this was? It was one of the sloppiest episodes ever as the writers wouldn't keep continuity straight on the clones; some of the jokes were absolutely cringeful; and the whole Karl/Monogram segment was pointless. It felt like it took forever to finish for me; and all this did was bury Liam and prove once again that Aussie stereotypes; even fake ones will never get over in America. It's so written in the American Holy Bible you know. Call it ** 1/4 (55%).
THE REVIEW LINE
So; we really went downhill with this clunker of an episode. Liam was basically a fake Aussie Stereotype who acted like Supermouse; but then got squashed by a platypus, a dumb pharmacist and two old ladies with a wheelchair. Granted; I liked the finish; but it could have been better since Liam acted like such a dumbass during the whole thing. The Doof/Perry segments as a team were actually good; but it felt sloppy throughout the episode in general. Monogram/Karl stuck in the vent made no sense and was entirely there for a laugh. At least with Kit Cloudkicker, there was a storyline reason how he got stuck in the suit of armor; and he got out of it in the end making Karl and Monogram look like idiots. More so Karl; who is getting even more and more into being the butt of jokes after his great heel moment in Where's Perry? The Candace/Linda stuff was actually fine; but the big idea would have been also good if the continuity wasn't shot completely from shot to shot. From breaks in logic like the teleport of Baljeet #2 during the first segment (and I think Baljeet #2 lost his cast arm during the kidnapping; but somehow returned during the mob scene with the Baljeets taking Buford out of the yard); to basically not caring how many Baljeets there are in any one shot; and never explaining how they expanded. They couldn't cut the explanation at the beginning because the song did the exact same thing and the execs want the song over the story; so why bother explaining Baljeet's problem in words when the demonstration did that for them. Again; this is what happens when you stop caring and are writing for a paycheck. Unlike Fish Hooks and to a lesser extent Ducktales, Phineas & Ferb is not persona non grata even at this point. Sure; the show is on hitaus; but that might actually be for the best, if only to cool down everyone and get them refocused for the next season which we know is going to happen once Phineas X Starwars and the Phineas movie start to appear. The ratings are too high to end the show right now; even though most of it's charm is now gone and approaching Fairly Oddparents level of writing because they completely shot their interjection six shooter to empty. Overall; this episode was a lot less fun to rant on; and it felt like a mess. And Linda needs to take some sensetivity training, STAT! So next up is the final four 11 minute shorts: Fly On The Wall/Backyard Hodge Podge and Knot My Problem/Mind Share. By next weekend all four shorts should be done ahead of next Sunday when I start Mission Marvel which should be completed a week from Tuesday. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.