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Phineas & Ferb: Knot My Problem/Mind Share
Reviewed: 03/22/2014
Knot My Mind Share!
Well; we have hit the final two shorts of Phineas & Ferb for 2014 as I will be ranting on episode #191 (4-07a) and #184 (4-07b) as Phineas & Ferb create the word's biggest Gordanian Knot and even daring Candace to get Linda to bust them to boot! Meanwhile; Doofensmirtz is going to kill the "All You Can Eat Buffet" industry. BOO! HISS! Then we conclude the shorts as Phineas and company switch bodies with alien tourists who so happen to be criminals from outer space; while Doofensmirtz makes special boots to impress a girl in the art of square dancing. Let's rant on shall we...?!
Knot My Problem is written and storyboarded by Kaz and Antoine Guilbaud. The story is done by Dani Vetere. Mind Share is written and storyboarded by Michael Diederich and Michael B. Singleton. Michael has only one non-DTVA credit: American Dad. Brandy & Mr. Whiskers is his DTVA debut and that's it. The story was done by Martin Olson. Animation is done by Wang Films.
Knot My Problem: We begin this one with a far shot of the backyard as Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, Buford, Isabella and Perry are inside the backyard looking at a huge pile of black and red shoelaces. Phineas proclaims that they are going to tie a legendary knot; which Buford cuts him off pointing out that they are just starting for no reason and no fanfare. So Buford and Phineas waste time telling knot jokes and Buford is so uneducated that he doesn't know the difference between knot and not. He probably doesn't know the difference between know and no either. Buford blows off his pauses and Phineas finally reveals that they are going to tie the legendary Gordian Knot which Buford asks why he didn't just say that; which means he does know the difference between knot and not; and his contexts are out of whack. Figures; knowing him. Isabella is confused as to the point of him and Buford decides to tell a revisionist historic tale as we hit the revisionist historic flashback of doom. So we head back to the Roman empire era with Buford dressed up like a Roman (an evil Roman since he still wears the black shirt with the skull on it) going to his chariot. The background is in two tone despite Buford and the chariot still being in color; and Buford explains that Alexender the Grape...ERRR...I mean "Great" was vacationing in Gordium when he discovered an ox cart tied to a post in a ball of knots. The knot was so complicated that it was impossible to untie; so Alexender Buford takes out his bronze sword and slices the knot in half making all the rope fall to the ground with ease. We return to reality (no, not really) as Buford proclaims that this was a simple solution to a complicated problem; hence the phrase "cutting the Gordian Knot". Ummm; shouldn't it be "cutting the Gordium Knot?" Anyhow; Isabella and Baljeet are as confused as I am; but Buford calls it a thing. So Phineas ties a red rope around his waist as they have blueprints to create the Gordian Knot and they want to be the first ones to untie it without cutting it. Baljeet asks if this fails and Phineas proclaims that Linda is good with knots and he'll just go to her. Yeah; can you smell the evil Candace coming a mile away?
Anyhow; the music stops in it's tracks and we see Candace at the glass sliding door wanting them to stop referencing the clothesline incident; which is funny because Phineas never said anything about it. Phineas wants Candace to go get Linda if the Gordian Knot stuff gets impossible and Candace walks off proclaiming that if it gets weird; she'll know. So we see Isabella and Buford dancing in a circle in opposite directions and they dive into the huge pile of shoelace like rope at the top. Baljeet turns around about eight times and then dives into the bottom; while Phineas & Ferb dive into the middle after doing the same thing as Buford and Isabella. In a logic break; Perry was tied to a rope in one shot; but in the next shots; he completely disappears. Phineas pops out and asks where Perry is and then we see Perry has already ditched the rope; becoming Agent P. So he shrugs his shoulders and goes to the side of the house to reveal a shovel with writing in black letters "Analog Lair Entrance". Wait; so that's the name of Agent P's control center? Why wasn't that mentioned in the first season when it would mean anything? So Agent P digs as we head to the ALE and dirt is plopping down in front of the computer before Perry does. Three more episodes to go before I can stop saying that sentence every episode. Perry proceeds to come down and sit down in front of the computer as Major Monogram is on the monitor greeting him. Monogram informs us that Doctor Doofensmirtz has been hitting every "All You Can Eat Buffet" in town and he calls it not good. Oh; I don't know Major! I mean; there are so many critics who want him to eat the damn sandwich, so I guess he just wants to improve his figure. What's so evil about that? Monogram proclaims that if Doofensmirtz dies; then cuts will be made. This only serves to bury Karl further because Monogram talks about "non-essential" personnel and directly looks to his left which indicates that he's talking about Karl. Asshole! Perry brings out the vacuum cleaner to clean his chair and Monogram tells him to forget about it because Karl will clean it. Agent P bails as Karl mocks Monogram for being wrong and Monogram blows him off.
So we head to the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM from the front as Jeremy arrives ringing the door bell. The door opens and it's Candace of course as we discover that Jeremy is wearing his Slushy Dawg outfit again complete with stiff wiener on the top of his hat. He is also carrying a small red safe with a Gedo/metal combination lock. Candace is giddy to see him of course; and she notices the safe right away as Jeremy notes that it's a mini safe he found in the back of his closet. So Jeremy is here because he was hoping Phineas & Ferb could help him open the safe because he forget the combination to it since it wasn't used in ages. Kind of like transferring over to the new computer and then forgetting the passwords you used because you used to "auto password" feature on your computer that you forgot to write them down the actual passwords for all of those sites you went on. We then exchange notes on what is in the safe which we discover that Jeremy has baby teeth and they are at the top of his upper jaw above his adult teeth which makes Candace cringe. To Jeremy: You are going to need surgery on that mouth sooner rather than later. He sold his baseball cards and his toy car for the safe, blah, blah, blah. So Candace gets the safe after Candace recoils on the baby teeth part; and they exchange pet names and none of them were cute as Stacey arrives blowing the pet names off. Oh; and Candace informed Jeremy that Phineas & Ferb will handle the safe once they end their Ferbian Knot stunt; and Jeremy waves goodbye and leaves. Stacey asks "What The F*** Is In The Safe?" in roundabout terms and Candace doesn't know; but it's not baby teeth. Could be amazing. Could be....ummm...crap. Jeremy is either going to squeal with glee; or go back to work crying like a big, bad sucky baby! Okay; he won't. He's as dense as Steve Jackson and Gil Nexdor combined. So we head to the backyard as we have the black and red shoelace like rope tied up in so many knots; you'll have to get the SWAT Team to cut them. The music is cute as the kids all come out in various points of the ball of rope; and Isabella apparently was afraid of enclosed spaces. Peachy eh?
So everyone is pretty much not tied up together and moving fine as Phineas wants them to go back in and untie themselves; which Buford blows off because it sounds lousy. He thinks that's the reason why Phineas didn't want to do an introduction. Phineas tricked them into this. I can see robot Phineas doing this; but the real thing? Highly unlikely. So Baljeet thinks this will be a piece of cake and still no one cares what he thinks as he slinks back into the ball of rope. Ferb gives the thumbs up and goes back in along with Phineas; Isabella decides to walk backwards and goes back in. Buford blows this all off and decides to sit down and enjoy himself; but he gets pulled back in and Buford demands answers on who pulled his rope. I'm guessing it was Isabella; knowing how awesome she is at kicking Buford's ass. So we head to Jerry's "All You Can Eat Buffet" as Perry crosses the street at a partially marked crosswalk. In a shock; he doesn't get run over. Perry kicks the door open to inside and we hear Doofensmirtz greeting Agent P as we see Doofensmirtz having a little lunch; which so happens to be a pile of food that I couldn't even eat; even at an "All You Can Eat Buffet", even before I got diabetes, type II. There is a conveniently placed wooden baby high chair with straps on; and if you cannot guess where Perry sits down and get trapped; you have no business reading this rant. Talk about not even trying to invoke some suspense into this scene, Major! See what I did there? Damn; I'm so good. Not that it matters; because it's clear that this whole OWCA stuff is a work anyway. Anyhow; Perry is mocked and then Doofensmirtz literally spoon feeds the point home into Perry's mouth. Well; that was an image I didn't need to see, but eh...So Doofensmirtz proclaims that the buffets charge the amount of a weeks worth of food; but you only can get like two plates of stuff and they make their profit that way. That made no sense to me other than the fact that Doofensmirtz barely touched the plate and probably ate less than Perry did. Doofensmirtz's evil plan de jour is to open up a Drusselsteinian Buffet which has it's own commercial calling it food that your mother never made.
The commercial is done with stills and Doofensmirtz in a black circle; similar to those CPAC government coverage which is reserved for the person to do sign language, which is probably the only channel that does it openly. Albeit for question period only. And here's the sample food menu from Doof's Drusselsteinian Buffet:
Doofenshmirtz: All You Can Eat Drusselsteinian Buffet! It's food the way your mother never made! We've got Hassenfloffer Entrail Waterzooi, with Gopher Gut Au Gratin! Fuzzy Fungus Flugelbrotchen! And an assortment of tripe-based desserts! And those brave enough can try our new Mystery Lump! Remember, "Doof" spelled backwards is "fooD"!
I cannot believe Doofensmirtz said all this with a straight face. Actually; I can because he's talking about what HIS mother made; not YOUR mother. I have a hard time believing that even the brown haired child with brown clothes on would be willing to be Fuzzy Fungus Flugelbrotchen. There is no animation present, other than the white question marks around the mystery lump; and yes, octopus is part of the tripe-based desserts, why do you ask? So we return to Doofensmirtz thinks it should be "All You Can Stand" because the food is terrible; which is the beauty of it because no one could eat a plate's worth of food. I'm guessing that there are no refunds from this restaurant either. So he brings out another laser gun device (a portable one this time) called the All You Eat-inator which gives people huge appetite and the buffets will all go out of business; forcing people to flock to his place. He'll make a fortune; cue manical laughter both done and spoken. There is one obvious problem with this: People will simply go home to eat because it's cheaper to eat at home than it is at a buffet. So we head back to Candace's room as Stacey and Candace are at a small white stand like table with the mini safe wondering what it is as Stacey thinks it's firecrackers or turtle shells. So Stacey is implying that Jeremy (the Steve Jackson of this show mind you) is secretly a sadist psychopath. Candace thinks that it's a paper of a sonnet about Jeremy's secret inner thoughts. Of course Candace blows it off because that actually is believable. So Candace decides to channel Phineas & Ferb which Stacey calls dangerous. Candace thinks it's secret spy plans (Jeremy as 007 would be funny to watch actually), a glass eye, Abe Lincoln's beard. I hope it's a 1/500 scale model of the giant baby head; just so I can laugh at it when it cuddles Candace like the real life thing. So we see Doofensmirtz at his table with the Diabetes-inator and he was going to zap some people with the inator. Here's what happens next: Perry jumps in his high chair causing Doofenshmirtz to fire off his inator. The ray bounces off a sneeze guard, off a lamp and hits Doofenshmirtz. Doofensmirtz protests this and then feels hungry.
He then completely eats all the food on his platter and proclaims that he'll simply cut out the middleman and do it himself. Yeah; Doofensmirtz's brain grew when he was hungry. Funny that. So Doofensmirtz bails to get seconds and he digs into the entire buffet. The man (black hair/black beard) who was about to get his helping opens up a bag of chips. Cut to Doofenshmirtz eating other people's plates on the table as a brown haired man wearing a red vest, pink shirt and yellow tie protesting how Doofensmirtz can keep his figure eating like that. Doofensmirtz tells us that the inator speeds up the metabolism making certain that the food burns off so quickly that he cannot gain poundage, so to speak. The man (I'm guessing that it's Jeff Bennett) tells him to mass produce the device and he can be a millionaire; and Doofensmirtz blows him off because he has a complicated plan and he won't take advice from some bum in a buffet. HAHA! Doofensmirtz walks off as Perry bounces after him still tied to the high chair and we head back to the backyard with the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM; known as the Gordian Knot. Basically it involves the kids inside the knotted ball of ropes singing about the legend of the Gordian Knot. Buford scares Baljeet because he's a bully. There is nothing special about the song other than the usual "We sing a song about the exact same thing we discussed earlier; and waste two or three minutes so the kids don't turn on the show". They have some limited success in untying the knots; but it's mostly a time filler song as we head back with Stacey and Candace using the doctor method of opening the mini safe. Candace claims that it's not a coffee pot or a Gutenberg press nor a car, fish piano nor a tractor for obvious reason. Somehow; I predict that it's a picture of Candace with baby teeth. That HAS to be the payoff. Otherwise; the writers are dumb. Candace gets too frustrated and storms off to get the boys because she needs an excuse to bust them; or something. So then we go to a sidewalk with Perry bouncing on the high chair from the left; and Balthzar (with pogostick and helmet) bounces from the right. Dirty looks ensue and then they bail.
So we return back to the ball of ropes as Baljeet and Isabella are outside with the rope still tied around their belly. We see Phineas & Ferb coming on from the right as Phineas claims that there are still a few knots left to be untied; and we zoom out to see that Buford is self-harming himself again by channeling Django Marsh in tying himself into knots. HAHA! Buford claims that he was a victim of circumstance. Buford; you can speak your mind; but not on my time. So Candace runs in yelling and demands that Phineas and Ferb get the safe open right here and right now. Phineas claims that they love to; but they cannot do it until after they untie the Gordian Knot. Never mind that Phineas & Ferb are standing right there; with hands free and could solve Candace's little problem right now. Yeah. Candace calls this big and weird; and yells for Linda who is baking another pie in the oven in the kitchen blowing off Candace. So that's her Flanderized gimmick now. Damn. So we cut to Perry bouncing in the high chair to Moe's "All You Can Eat Buffet". So shouldn't Jerry's be Larry's? Perry bounces inside and here's what happens next: We see Doofensmirtz completely eat up the second buffet proclaiming that Perry is too late; but he feels full for some reason. So he zaps himself with the inator in the face. Doofensmirtz now is back to mid-season eating form and mocks Perry some more as he's ready for buffet number three. So Doofensmirtz goes towards Perry mocking the high chair; so Perry bounces himself into Doofensmirtz's mid section and the inator goes flying; destroying the wooden high chair. Somehow; Doofensmirtz swallows the inator whole in the mess and then Doofensmirtz realizes this and mocks Perry. Perry punches him in the mid section; which causes Doofensmirtz to fire a yellow laser beam out of the buffet; and Perry bails stage left. Doofensmirtz feels his stomach proclaiming that he can feel it shattered. You would think the stomach acid would have done it in quickly; but whatever. So the laser beam somehow hits Candace in the kisser and Candace is hungry. She sniffs the air and wonders what that sweet smell is. Now I thought it was Linda's pie at first...
...however, Phineas tells us that it's the licorice that used as the ropes, which fully explains the colors. However; isn't most licorice too stiff to be used as rope? Phineas claims that it was a failsafe in case Linda wasn't around in case the Gordian Knot fails. Candace calls it perfect and she eats the entire Gordian Knot. It rains licorice pieces so Ferb offers an umbrella to Phineas for fun and profit. They even did a choppy teeth eating spot with the camera directly in her mouth. The instant that happened; they cut to Buford saying he loves her which confuses Baljeet; and then Buford sezs nothing. Ferb proclaims that even Alexender the Great couldn't come up with that solution. No fleas on you Ferb as the entire knot of licorice is eaten and Candace is breathing heavily; not gaining a single ounce. In comes Linda as she asks Candace what is going on and Candace whines that she ate it all; calling it the size of a house (even though it fit in the backyard easily which is wider than said house); which she ate. Candace proclaims that she cannot believe it as Linda asks about the safe; and Candace proclaims that she cannot open it. She sounds like she's whining all this time as Buford grabs the safe; and states that he has a universal safe opener. So he bonks his head into the door of the safe; and it opens with ease. Man; Buford has the same head structure as Dumptruck then. So the safe is open and Candace brings out a pencil with teeth marks. Buford also sezs: ¡Para usted, señorita! which is For You, Miss! That was close to an F-bomb in any other universe but this one. Candace is not happy about this as Jeremy comes in explaining that in grade school , a pretty girl loaned it to him and he's kept it ever since. If you cannot guess who this pretty girl is...you guessed it. Damn; I'm so good. This is actually a better ending than what I thought it would be so that's a win I guess. So Linda jokes about Candace eating the pencil (because she teethed on the pencil in grade school see); and asks if anyone wants triple layer chocolate cake; and everyone except Candace bails stage left. Candace groans as Perry arrives in time for Phineas to spot him. Then Jeremy puts his mouth near his mouth and out pops a baby tooth. Yeah; one tooth, despite the dialog saying that all of his baby teeth (all five of them) are out. Buford offers to put them into the safe; which causes Candace to repulse; and then recoil to end the episode at 10:20 approx. This was all right; but it felt like just another Phineas & Ferb plot. The repetition of this show is finally starting to show now; as they aren't even trying to look like they are still fresh. ** (40%).
Mind Share: We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM and to the backyard via sattelite wired to a Wii U controller like screen as Phineas & Ferb see a white alien with a purple trim head and ears. He has black hair and blue whites in his eyes. The alien speaks like a male 50's DJ guy in trying to sound cool; but he's too old to be pulling off that crap. We discover that the black hair he is wearing are sideburns because the alien cannot speak English without them. And then finally! After all this time of ranting and raving on this show; this is for rant purposes the first appearance of the alien that is named after one of Candace's famous "biscuits" catchphrase. Yeap; it's Meap! This is the seventh official appearance of Meap in a speaking role, and it's only a cameo from the galatic interweb. I realize now that it is a Wii U style controller; because it has a touch screen when they say goodbye. And yes; the alien always sezs Meap as himself without the sideburns. So we hang up and in comes Isabella, Buford and Baljeet as Isabella does her catchphrase of course. Phineas tells them that they missed their conversation with Meap; and then on the screen there is a red lettered Deal; which is trouble because it's the same one for Warning! Phineas wonders what it is so Ferb touches it and slides it on-screen. We get a star jackhammered background as a green alien wearing prison clothes. He looks like a sea hag from Final Fantasy; and at least he doesn't have a black mask on; or a number plate; so it's believable that he is not a criminal. Unlike the Beagle Boys. So he was addressed as Morg (voiced by Carlos Alazraqui) as he is cutting a promo about being able to pop off to another planet, on the other side of the galaxy for a quick visit with Mind Share Vacation; where you can trade places with Morg's friends on an interplanetary vacation of a lifetime. And here's some of Morg's speech:
Morg: Imagine, relaxing in a hot rock by the pools, and then surrounded by beautiful newts! Or splork through the tubeworm forest, of put wishum foomf! Woohoo! Hmm! Here's how it works. Your mind comes to lodge in his head, and his mind goes to stay in yours. Only your mind makes the trip, mmm. All you have to do, is build this highly sophisticated device, and be on your way to priiiii...a mind share vacation of a lifetime!
So yeah; there was a lot of hot girl aliens lounging near the waterfall; there is some wormhole tubes; and all Phineas has to do is build a complicated warp device to transfer themselves to that vacation and he almost gives away the real reason like an idiot. And so; the Wii U Controller shows a click button on the screen and the camera is focused inside the screen so it's reversed as Phineas proclaims that he knows what they are going to do today. Baljeet proclaims that it sounds almost like he was on the way to Perry. Buford giggles it off and then asks where Perry is and we head into the skies with planes and seagulls as Perry is on his handgilder in the sky as his watch beeps. So it's only two episodes left now as Monogram is on screen and Monogram has intelligence...BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ooops; sorry about that. Monogram informs us that Doctor Doofensmirtz is taking up square dancing and Monogram is angry that Doofensmirtz will use an American tradition for his evil purposes. The obvious three questions to this is: What is this purpose? Why is it evil? Why should we care? Basically Monogram tells Perry to stop Doofensmirtz from do-si-doesn'ting which causes Perry to chitter and we see the handglider has already made it to Doofensmirtz's Evil Inc. So we head back to the backyard with the kids building the exact same complicated device as shown in the ad on the giant Wii U controller. So Phineas has the blueprints and the device is ready already as he wants Ferb to fire the thing up; and he does. He then somehow teleports to the warp device and they have beams fired into their heads. Geez; I wonder where they will end up? This all ends with them inside looking like the aliens as Phineas looks like Morg (but with orange/white striped prison clothes and a red hairstyle. Geez; will this fool the alien prison guards or not? I wonder which it will be?). Isabella is clearly the one with the purple bowtie on her hair wearing purple/pink prison clothes; thus this prison is also co-ed like in Super Ducktales. Buford is the frog lizard guy since that alien is fat; Ferb is the green horned brown alien dude and Baljeet literally plays a Wuzzle-equse cross between Zipper and Queenie. A purple bumblebee.
Ferb flings up the poster with the girls at the waterfall; and within thirty seconds, they realize that they were duped. Geez; the almost prison word part of the promo was a dead giveaway according to Isabella. So we head back to the device as Morg is now in Phineas's body and the aliens are in the other bodies. Other than the eyes and paler skin; this is almost perfect as Morg is cheering victory about escaping prison and now they will ransack this god foresaken planet in the name of Morg the Beagle Alien of Doom. Okay; I was really stretching the truth there. More on that later. Morg has a longer tongue too as he wants celebration noise and Alien Baljeet makes bicycle noises on cue; like a 1980's Home Shopping Network show when they announce the "low" price of their products on the air. Sadly; this would have worked even better if the animation was that choppy still frame like movement. And the girl alien is named Alexender Elliot. Alien Baljeet is an idiot; which Morg blows him off for. So we head back to prison with Ferb looking at the alien prisoners through the bars; as Ferb calls this a intergalactic hoosegow. That must be British slang for prison; or hell hole (and I can confirm the former is correct; although later is perfectly valid). Wait a minute; so Buford's the fly alien and Baljeet is the fatass lizard alien. That makes no sense! Morg Phineas proclaims that they were duped into aiding and embetting the escape of some brilliant galactic prisoners. Ummm; they are not brilliant Phineas; because if they were, they would not have almost blew their cover doing their promo for their Mind Share Vacation. More like fooling yourself; since you are the most easy to fool. Morg Phineas notices the Gadget makeshift warp device which is smaller than even Fly Buford (shouldn't it be Fly Baljeet?) and it turns on to reveal on the VR screen Morg mocking Phineas some more calling them losers. Morg proclaims that they are rigging the whole device with explosive in order for it to self-destruct in one hour. Well; at least he is considered about covering his ass so to speak.
And it even has a timer; so we are replaying Kick Buttowski's Morning Rush episode and they haven't done it yet. Alien Buford is confused about this; so Alien Baljeet claims that blowing the device right now would kill off the drama; even though it almost assures Alien Phineas is a total idiot because he's underestimating the special boys again. Fly Buford claims that this sucks in BS&P mode which is squirts; and then realizes that he is only a fly in a prison of lizards and frog aliens. Baljeet claims that they haven't seen him; despite the prisoners clearly seeing them for more than 20 seconds. Needless to say; they yell at Fly Buford and Baljeet proclaims that it's nice knowing him. Yeah; Baljeet was GLAD that the bully who has turned in a fly is getting the heat. Isabella lizard has nothing of note in terms of upside; but Morg Phineas has the makeshift warp device and thinks he can reverse the device barring any unforeseen mishaps. And then we get the mishap: Two big fat prison lizard guards arrive in prison outfits and batons arrives as the metal bars on the prisoners disappear; and guard #1 is yelling for a surprise inspection. Cell #14 is missing; so he goes into the cell demanding answers to this outrage. Phineas doesn't get any word in; because Guard#1 steals the device calling it contraband; and warns them that one more infraction will force them into DA....HOLE....SLURP! Also known as the 2013 edition of THE BOX~! So the guards leave and the cell doors reappear on cue as Isabella is not amused by this; so Phineas thinks that they can rebuild it using spare parts which he hopes he can find. Buford proclaims that there has to be a parts dealer in here (a play on drug dealer); as Baljeet is implying that Buford was in prison; or saw prison movies. Either one is acceptable at this point. I'm leaning towards the former because Buford tells Baljeet not to go there. I get the sneaking feeling that originally; this was a prison in Danville and then it got changed to an alien prison due to BS&P RULEZ~! I hope that this is true actually. Oops; I almost forget about Meap's voice actually.
Meap is voiced by Lorenzo Lamas and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Longing to be an actor since the age of five, Lamas first studied acting in Tony Barr's Film Actors Workshop and quickly thereafter obtained his first TV acting role in 1976. He had a supporting role in the 1978 film Grease. Early in his career, he also had guest-starring parts in Switch, Sword of Justice, Dear Detective, Secrets of Midland Heights, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat and Hotel. Before all that, growing up as a teenager, he was also a fan of all the Jack Webb's TV shows, Dragnet, Adam-12 and Emergency!, though he did not guest-star, off-set, he would visit the set, and became acquainted with series' leads, Julie London (who was married to Webb earlier) and her second husband Bobby Troup.[2] In 1980, Lamas auditioned for and won the role of Jane Wyman's playboy grandson and henchman, Lance Cumson, for the pilot of a new series entitled The Vintage Years. The pilot was later retooled to become the hit prime time drama series Falcon Crest. During a 2006 TV interview with a Norwegian television team, Lamas said that to get the role on Falcon Crest, he had auditioned twice and beat out five other guys for the part. During his stint on Falcon Crest, Lamas was nominated for two Soap Opera Digest Awards and a Golden Globe Award. Lamas was the only actor to appear in all 227 episodes of the series. In an interview, Lamas said of Jane Wyman's persona into a hard-working legend, not a diva, who referred to her as a friendly woman on Falcon Crest: "With Jane, she expected you to know your lines, but she played poker with the crew at lunch.
She was just a great gal; and I think that set the tone for the rest of us. She wasn't a 'spoiled diva,' and believe me, if anybody had a right to be a 'spoiled diva,' it was Jane because she has done so much, Oscar Award-winner, I mean, incredible actress, and she was just like clockwork, right there on time, always knew her lines, always ready to rehearse and she had this great affable quality. You just never talked about Ronald Reagan, that's all, that was one thing we never did, everything else was opened."[3] At the beginning of the ninth and final season of Falcon Crest, off-camera, Lamas received some devastating news about his TV grandmother when she was sent to the hospital that he paid visit to see her to offer her some words of comfort.[1] After cancellation, he did not keep in touch with her for years; on September 10, 2007, he lost his TV grandmother and decades-long friend. Prior to Wyman's death, Lamas released a statement: "Next to my parents, Jane was the most influential person in my young career," he added, "She has left an incredible body of work and accomplishments that cannot go without being recognized and celebrated. I will miss her greatly."[4] In 1984, Lamas was nominated for Worst Actor at the Golden Raspberry Awards for his performance in the film Body Rock. Lamas also performed a song on the soundtrack for this film, and the track "Fools Like Me" became his only single to date to crack the Billboard Hot 100 chart.[citation needed] In the early 90s, he began carving out a niche for himself as an action-hero, showcasing his martial-arts skills by starring in such movies as the Snake Eater-trilogy, Terminal Justice, Gladiator Cop, Bounty Tracker, and many similar low-budget action-films.
In 1992, Lamas played the role of the falsely accused cop Reno Raines in the syndicated series Renegade. The series was seen in over 100 countries,[citation needed] and during its final season, it moved from first-run syndication to the USA Network. The show ended in 1997 after a run of five seasons. From February 2004 until February 2007 Lamas played the role of Hector Ramirez on the CBS daytime soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful. In August 2007, Lamas starred as the King of Siam in The King and I at the Ogunquit Playhouse in Ogunquit, Maine. That fall, he performed at Kean University Premiere Stages in Union, New Jersey, in the title role in Steven Dietz's Dracula. Lamas performed as El Gallo in The Fantasticks at the Casa Mañana Theatre in Fort Worth, Texas, in June 2008. In June 2009, Lamas returned to the Ogunquit Playhouse as Zach in A Chorus Line. Lamas began appearing in the Zaxby's restaurant chain television advertisements in May 2008.[citation needed] In 2008, Lamas appeared in season 2 of CMT's Gone Country.[episode needed] In 2009, he starred in the Asylum's Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus as Alan Baxter, a government agent who wants to destroy both the Mega Shark and the Giant Octopus to protect the world from their destructive fights.[citation needed] He began his career uncredited in 100 rifles as Indian Boy. Phineas & Ferb is his DTVA debut and only appearance. Atomic Eden (Nathan), Bro, What Happened? (Cheeba), American Beach House, The Ten: Take, and Being American (Tom) are his most recent credits. He has 91 acting credits, 83 self credits, six producer credits, three direction credits and one stunts credit (Snake Eater in 1989) on his resume.
So we head back to the backyard with the Morg and the Alien Body Snatchers as Candace walks in and cuts off the aliens; as the timer is now at 48 minutes 20 seconds. Candace demands answers to this outrage and Alien Phineas tells her that he and his friends are going to Lotsmo to steal food. I'm guessing Lotsmo is a superstore because otherwise, I have no idea what they are referencing. Candace then accuses them of pretending to be aliens or something. Alien Phineas admits that they are pretending (which they are not) and wants hilatary noises which are the exact same noises as the celebration noises. Alien Baljeet is still taking it three seconds too long with the bicycle horn noises. Alien Phineas blows him off; and Alien Baljeet teases honking him again; but manages to stop after one. Candace is not amused and we head to Perry circling Doofensmirtz Evil Inc.; despite the fact that he was at the building the last time we saw him. For goodness sake; break into the building already! So Perry dives off the handglider and crashes into the glass ceiling from the top and lands on the floor of the lab without bleeding whatsoever. That's odd because nosebleeds are now allowed on this show; so bleeding red blood is allowed in the new Disney. Perry gets lassoed by Doofensmirtz and the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVRERYWHERE. So we see Doofensmirtz in a red cowboy coat, grey jeans and lime green/black cowboy boots and is asking Perry if he is thinking about the cowboy outfit. Too bad Perry can only chitter because I have a feeling that the answer is yes. So Doofensmirtz explains that he met a girl named Rosie on an internet square dancing website and claimed that he was an expert square dancer. Perry is not amused and Doofensmirtz blows him off for staring him in a self-rightous manner. Doofensmirtz claims that everyone stretches the truth on the web; referencing a cat eating cheeseburgers; which is basically a "it's a fake" meme. Where have I heard that one before? Heh heh. Anyhow; he has invented cowboy boots that allow him to cheat at square dancing; although he chooses his words carefully in this case.
So Doofensmirtz wants Perry to come along to make him look good and Perry is not amused; but it's enough to convince Doofensmirtz that he is coming. Doofensmirtz also mentions that he is a professional bull rider and wants Perry to back him up on it; and Perry gives him eye contact violence, which is enough for Doofensmirtz to blow him off. So we head into the outside of the prison as various prisoners are talking and walking about. We focus on a red alien sitting on the bench wearing prison clothes as I realize that this guy is parodying Morgan Freeman in Shawkshank Redemption. He monologues that he knows how to get things and his name is Red. Hell of a character here; as he's voiced by the same guy who voices Norm and various Family Guy roles. So I almost thought the purple alien in the bottom right corner was narratting; but it's not as we see Baljeet and Buford sit down right beside him. Buford breaks the ice asking him about getting things; and the red lizard unleashes his tongue and eats Buford whole. HA! Baljeet then suddenly grabs him and pounds on Red's back hard for a bit yelling at him to spit him out. Remember that this is Buford; the guy who bullies Baljeet in half of the episodes in this show. So Buford is spat out and Red apologizes because he skipped breakfast. Well; that was logical, sort of. During the narration; Red talks about dragonflies, rocks and lilypads for kids graduation as Baljeet shows him a piece of paper. So the red alien takes out his glasses and takes one second to skim through the list before telling them to go to the dumpster out back of Lotsmo on Flyway 61. So Red also informs us that he doesn't get the stuff; he just knows how to get it. Yeah; whatever. So Red tells them to tunnel out of their cell 500 yards to get out through the prison grunge pipe to the Lotsmo market; which is the length of five football fields. Yeah. So here's the next segment and the following narration from Red:
Red: (voiceover. Fade to the prison cell wall with a poster of the movie The Land I'd Like to Forget on it. Phineas lifts up the poster to reveal a large hole, which he crawls into. ) Later that day, to make their escape, those boys crawled through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness I can't even imagine. (Fade on a shot of a sewer pipe. Phineas crawls out of it into the sewage. He lifts his arms up just like Tim Robbins did in the movie.) Five hundred yards. That's the length of 11 baseball banners, one tennis court, a medium-sized male elephant and a croquet wicket. (While Red is narrating, Ferb crawls out, followed by Isabella. Fade in on a shot of the gang at the dumpster holding some spare parts.) It wasn't long before they found everything that they needed.
So Phineas is happy to find the spare parts and wants to hurry it up and put the thing together. Isabella agrees with Phineas for obvious reasons; but Baljeet stops him. See; Baljeet thinks that if they do it now; the crooks would still be out of prison. Phineas agrees with him and we go all the way backwards; like Drake Mallard would do in Adopt A Con. Yeah; go back to prison so you can expose the device to the guards and get placed in the hole. How stupid do you have to be to make that mistake? So what if the criminals come back and are out of prison. See; if the switch is done now, the guards will think the prisoners escaped and go after them anyway. This is idiot booking! So they climb back into the pipe as Red goes on and on about length comparsions and Buford finally blows him off as Baljeet is too fat to go into the sewer pipe in which Buford has to nudge him in. So we head to Danville Park for the square dancing rodeo like show as we see various denizens of Danville in cowboy outfits square dancing and stuff. We see at the entrance Doofensmirtz and Perry (who somehow is wearing purple cowboy boots. So we finally go closeup and see Doofen point to Rosie who looks like the girl from the Wendy's commercials only she's wearing a purple dress and purple cowboy boots. She's drinking from a red cup as Doof points out that she is from Hazel Park by the race track which he has to whisper yell to Perry; and actually does a decent job of it. Okay; so Doofensmirtz tells Perry to go over to the wingmen who happen to be legit pilots who are standing in front of haystacks in front of the barn. Perry goes over there as Doofensmirtz walks over to Rosie and we meet and greet. Doofensmirtz's handle is JohnnyRingoinshmirtz217; which made me laugh. So Rosie comments on his strong chin and Doofen is happy because most people focus on his weak forehead. Geez; I wonder why. Anyhow; Doofensmirtz asks if she cares to dance and Rosie states that she would love to; and so they walk together arm in arm as both Doof and Perry give each other the thumbs up as Perry's cowboy boots are now red.
So we square DANCE, DANCE, DANCE TO THEIR DOOM~! HEEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... It's a TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM hoedown song with washboard banjo and violin players as an old farmer like man in overall is singing over the megaphone. I almost thought the girl wearing the red bra, skimpy shorts was wearing pentagram earrings for a second there. This is basically Little Mouse On The Priarie stuff. Doofensmirtz and Rosie are dancing well as Doofensmirtz proclaims that these boots were made for dancing literally. So we cut back to the cell as Phineas has his radio device done and calls for earth and greets it. We get space sounds as we cut back to the backyard as Phineas shows up on the Wii U controller right next to Candace touching the purple screen with her hand. The timer on the bomb reads 36 minutes 58 seconds. So Candace turns around and is shocked to see a lizard alien talking like Phineas; which Phineas points out that it's him. They exchange notes on the situation and Candace actually believes him cart blanche; because this has been a long summer. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Anyhow; Phineas wants Candace to find the aliens (at the Lotsmo mart mind you) and bring them to the platform device sitted next to the WiiU controller which Candace is confused of. And despite the timer being set at 35 minutes; Phineas still thinks she has one hour to get them back here. Bad, bad logic break there guys! Candace doesn't care of course and bails stage left. So we head to the Lotsmo supermarket which has a garden. False advertising much there Lotsmo? So Candace is practicing the fine art of not being seen as we head to the back to see the Alien kids loading up the back of the truck with boxes of gluten. I'm only guessing that because that is what Morg said. I should also note that a red cap wearing male with red sneakers is duct taped and gagged (with duct tape) lying on his body on the pavement. Morg blows off his partners in crime for being slower than Argonian moon sloths. That was insulting to Argon.
So here's what happens next: They hear the sound of the caller from the Danville Park and they drop what they are doing. See; they cannot resist the music of square dancing/hick music and they walk towards it as Candace wonders where they are going. So we head back to Doofensmirtz and Roise exchanging pleasure thoughts as Perry is rubbing his tummy and pointing to his mouth. Doofensmirtz translates like Babelfish; so Rosie simply asks about getting something to eat and Doofensmirtz checks with Perry. Perry gives him the thumbs up and Doofensmirtz feels relieved and they bail. So the alien kids walk in acting seduced by this square dancing music. Now; why don't the guards in the prison just simply steal that music and play it on them? I guess DA....HOLE is so nasty that it would kill their manliness I guess. The alien kids square dance for a while as the caller continues with his calling; and Candace notices this. She runs in and shoves the caller away causing the megaphone to fly out of his hands and into Candace's. Candace starts calling; calling them a bunch of dweebs. How insulting?! She doesn't do a bad job of calling a square dance actually; outside of her obvious bossy temperment. So she motions to the country music band to follow her; and they do as Candace walks out of Danville Park with her still calling and the kids, Candace and the band head for the mainstream bus. As called by Candace. Hey; Candace finally has a gimmick that I like! And of course; they'll piss it away when this episode is over. So we head back to the prison as the guards return for the secret inspection. Mind you; this is about thirty minutes after the first inspection! The bars disappear again as Phineas pleads for Candace to return right now. I just realize that the guard is calling them ladies; indicating that the guard is a sexist lizard pig. So we see the main street bus stop right at the garage in the backyard as Candace, the band and the alien kid continue the square dance march of doom. We discover that there is only 38 seconds left on the timer; which still means that it was 50+ minutes since the last inspection.
Then Candace calls the aliens cosmic kleptomaniacs. I'm serious. That is what Disney Captions said! I died. So Candace is about to order the alien kids onto the platform and then she completely stops with the music stopping because of course Candace forgets what the damn thing is. Why should that matter? Just tell them to step on the white platform stage; and show them your brainless ways. Easy. You just knew they had to make Candace dumb to pad the running time of this episode. So we cut back to the prison as Guard #1 is yelling for cell #12 to get front and center; which gets no response. Phineas continues to plead for Candace to get this over with; as Candace still continues to act like an idiot. Guard #1 sees them talking to the makeshift radio telling Candace to hurry up and then Candace finally gets it and basically tells them to step up onto the platform thingy. Yeah; she basically took my advice which she should have gotten from the start. IDIOT! So the alien kids get onto the white platform device; and we get the rainbow colors as the brains are switched back; and Morg and his goons are in the prison as the guard asks what he has to say for himself. Morg raises his arms and proclaims that he was framed. Sure you were Sea Hag! So we cut back to the Mind Share Platform Device of Death as there are four seconds left. Phineas thanks her as Candace proclaims that when Linda gets home; they are so busted....And the timer reaches zero and the platform disappears right on cue. I'm guessing the WiiU Controller Satellite thing is gone too since we never saw it again in this episode. Candace tells him to never mind as Phineas states it was just in the nick of time. Whatever you say. Now time for the ED (which I saw in Knot My Problem before this; so if I had repeated anything; that's why): We see Doofensmirtz in cowboy gear on the sidewalk holding hands with Rosie in a purple skirt like dress with purple boots on. Rosie is exchanging pleasure thoughts on how they square danced so well with each other; and then it ends with three boys in rapping gear with their stolen boom box and it plays; and Doofensmirtz begins to breakdance like a total idiot. HAHA!
We see Doofensmirtz is wearing lime green/black cowboy boots on as apparently; the boots are dancing to the beat. Rosie is getting way too many looks at Doofensmirtz's ass; and blows off Doofensmirtz for lying about only doing square dancing; and storms off proclaiming that she would never date someone who stretches the truth on the Internet. Yes; she doesn't care that Doofensmirtz cheated like Keyboard Cat did; but if he did something other than square dancing, then he's a truth stretcher. That is like saying that a girl doesn't care if she gets blown off with sexist words one after the other; but then you comment that her breast size is a 35DD, and she cannot take it anymore. WHAT?! Doofensmirtz counters claiming that she believes Keyboard Cat is a "shoot". I don't care if Keyboard Cat is a work or not; since we all know that OWCA is a work too. That ends the episode at 10:40 approx. Fun episode while it lasted; but I lost my respect of Rosie after that breakup. He cheats and all she cares about is his other hobbies which aren't offensive. Call it *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
A bunch of below average and middling shorts in the final episode before Mission Marvel for real. Knot My Problem was just there. It was a dull, uneventful episode with a song that was a waste of time, and only Buford getting tied in knots was funny along with Doofensmirtz's blow off a buffet guy for giving advice. It was just a lot of nothing. Nothing terrible; nothing good, nothing memoriable, nothing to give incentive to watch this episode again. Mind Share was better; as the Rosie/Doofensmirtz square dancing thing was cute; and Candace's square dance calling was great; since it actually led to the finish, but they ruined it somewhat by making her dumb just to create drama. I didn't like that. Doofensmirtz break dancing was funny as well; but otherwise, it was a half decent episode with logic breaks and it was sloppy. Like every episode of this show that I have seen. This is the new Darkwing Duck. Anyhow; that is pretty much it for the 11 minute and 22 minute episodes that I have on DVD. There is only two stories left for Phineas & Ferb on DVD: Mission Marvel which is next on my ranting list as Phineas, Perry, Ferb, Isabella and company team up with Marvel babyfaces against Marvel heels and Doctor Doofensmirtz. I cannot wait for this; because no matter how stupid and contrived this is, it has to be laugh inducing. Then it's the big one: The Phineas & Ferb Disney Channel Movie: Escape From The Second Dimension; as Perry's career is threatened because he decides to go against OWCA orders and expose his "secret" to Phineas & Ferb in order to save the world from themselves in the 2nd dimension. That one is next weekend's rant. I would like to say before we end Phineas & Ferb is that I enjoyed the vast majority of the episode I had watched; even the ones which were awful; because the show feels alive, and feels funny even to me inspite the target audience. Still; I think it could be better, and most of the problem is that the animation seems to be done with not much regard for basic continuity. To be fair; it's not like Teddy Ruxpin in the last five episodes of the series; but it's fairly close and not a good thing. As I said before: Phineas & Ferb is not for everyone. But it is for people who love fun episodes that actually make me care about watching the show, no matter how obvious the plotlines repeat over and over again. So....
Thumbs down for Knot My Problem and thumbs in the middle for Mind Share and I'll see you all next time.