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The Bubsy Pilot: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?!

Reviewed: 03/27/2016
Additional Commentary: 04/21/2019

Anything Could Go Wrong When You Don't Give A Damn!

(2019 Gregory Weagle Says: It's been three years since I wrote this rant and a lot has happened since I wrote this rant. For one, Bubsy the Bobcat -- after nearly murdering his career as a result of his antics -- got a new lease on life in 2017 thanks to UFO Interactive Games and developer Black Forest Games with the first game in 21 years, Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back. Sadly; the game was met with either indifference, or just hated because it's Bubsy and he's a monster heel now. This was an improvement from Bubsy 3D, which was considered one of the worst games of all time. Next month; Nintendo Switch is getting a brand new game called Bubsy: Paws On Fire and that one is being developed by Choice Provisions, so there is actually a chance that this game might actually be good, which would be a series first! So, let's go back three years ago when I ranted on the television pilot which was sponsered by Taco Bell, in probably it's biggest failure of them all in terms of advertisting. It was released as part of the Super Bubsy game on Windows, so that's where everyone got it from and explains the pixelation in a vast amount of scenes.) Welcome to Easter Sadism 2016 everyone! For a change of pace; I've decided to do a "Bomb Pilots" weekend for this year's Easter Sadism, mainly because Chargeman Ken episodes are no longer being subbed anymore, so I'm not going to get any pleasure time for it. (Well; Chargeman Ken was later subbed by Discotek Media and released by Crunchyroll, allowing me to finish reviewing that show. As a show, the quality is the worst of all time; but it's so incompentent that I cannot help but laugh. Chargeman Ken looked like something that the producers were basically out of their element and everything they did was so bad it was funny. Bubsy doesn't even have that excuse going for them.)

So I decided to tackle a couple of pilot episodes the Mysterious Mr. Enter took to the proverbal woodshed and did a number of proper beatdowns, making them look like the red haired step childs. Which in reality; they are. (Bubsy was the true red-haired step child of the bomb pilots in terms of awfulness. Almost as bad as Bubsy 3D. Almost. The Battletoads pilot was something that if it was given a lot more polish, it might have been greenlighted as a television series. Bubsy had no chance in hell to do that.) Welcome to the world of video games on television, where no one in creative realizes how stupid it is. Outside of Pokemon and Digimon, video game mascots in cartoons have not worked out all that well. (Star Fox Zero's animated promo might have something to say about that. Although that was better than the game, or so I have been told.) Mainly because many people see them and say: "Why would I want to watch them on television, when I could simply buy them and control them myself." When you have something that is interactive and more importantly; plays wonderfully, then nine times out of ten; there's no reason to branch out into passive mediums like television or radio. You basically waste money. Unless you release the television series before the game like Pokemon once did; and you create a trailblazer. Otherwise; it's better to stay in your medium. (Isn't most Sony games bloated interactive novels anyway? Then again, FMW would be cheaped and more real to life than Sony's games anyway.) Sonic didn't learn that lesson well and neither did Mario; even though their shows were all right, they weren't anything that wasn't done better in the games. Mega Man did all right because it was so hilariously bad that it won on sheer cheese alone. And it made Cutman the biggest joke in history. (Maybe next year; I'll do some episodes for Easter Sadism 2020. Maybe.) Mascot games are simple and to the point action games (for the most part; Pokemon is a simple yet deep RPG game). Mostly made for kids; but when done right, everyone can enjoy good entertainment from them.

Mario, Mega Man and even Sonic to a lesser extent served the public well during the 1980's and 1990's. Sadly; there was one mascot that almost singlehandley ruined the genre. Welcome to the Rant Shack: Bubsy. What Could Possibily Go Wrong? No, don't laugh. That is his catchphrase. (And as you will see later, you almost have to respect Darkwing Duck and it's writers for at least making his catchphrases either have good timing, be subtle, or have a lot of variation.) Bubsy is basically a knockoff of Sonic; only slower. Not only that; he's also a knockoff of Bonkers, who was not respected at the time. (I disagree with this notion 2016 Me. If he were a knockoff of Bonkers, Bubsy would be a better character than he already was.) Bubsy stole Sonic's personality and turned it into the most assholish character possible, who simply cuts promos without any context nor goodness. Oh; and that catchphrase becomes the biggest problem in this pilot, too. (Yup.) Bubsy is a video game series created by Accolade in the vein of most platforming games like Mario and Sonic; only the game was confusing. (Accolade is no longer with us; although it's brand name was revived by Billionsoft, a holding company from Hong Kong.) Personally; the sprite versions of the game were far from horrible, but compared to even Sonic, they were not very good. The hit detection was off, the level design was confusing and it felt like it was just there. Then there is Bubsy 3D; the worst game of the lot where they had play control issues and bad camera work. Plus; the graphics literally sucked. (To the point where magazines were begging people to play Super Mario 64 instead. Keep in mind, these magazines blistered Nintendo a lot for it's draconian policies on third party developers and even they realized why Nintendo had them in the first place.) Some say that this game was made to kill the mascot brand and in many ways it succeeded. Now instead of cute mascots; we now have bald space marines.

It took Wii before we finally able to at least not hate cute mascots again, but the damage was done. I personally think the 3D game did the most damage; because the cartoon pilot only lasted 25 minutes and was never picked up for a second season; thus it did little damage. (Yeah; because I doubt many people picked up Super Bubsy outside of review outlets.) The second pilot that bombed Battletoads; was also not good, but at least it had a chance since it was a TMNT clone and the bloom wasn't completely off the rose like it was with Mighty Ducks three years later. Anyhow; the cartoon pilot was produced by Calico Creations; which is the name of a quilting business now. So I'm guessing that the animation company went belly up after this and thank the kids for small favors. (Calico Creations was the company behind the creation of Denver: The Last Dinosaur. Sure, Bubsy was the choice that killed them as a company, but at least they had some decent shows.) The worst part of this is that many magazines like Gamefan and Next Generation praised this series in the 1990s; even though hindsight 20/20 showed that they were full of it. Gamefan broke my heart because they were at least trying to be different from the competition and some of their editorials I agreed with; but their hypocrisy was exposed for all to see, along with their bogus rumors on the Nintendo 64. I hated Next Generation magazine (even though they were right with N64's lack of success; although it was for all the wrong reasons of course) and them praising this game was a punchline to them being a joke. No magazine was blameless; including Nintendo Power; although Nintendo Power's bias was understandable since it wasn't unbias to begin with. If Gamergate was about ethics in journalism; where the hell were all of you in the 1990's when these so called ethical magazines published glowing reviews for a series of games that were at best just there to crap at worst? (Gamergate will always be remembered as the movement that hated anyone who wasn't a white male.)

Now, before I begin this pilot; I would like to address the "It's just for kids" defense right here and right now: I hate to say this; but in many cases, the defense does in fact work. It's a good defense in cartoons that are in fact successful (even if they are not good in quality. Just remember; even crap can sell when marketed properly. Otherwise; moral guardians would have no leg to stand on.) Many cartoons are marketed to children and are not for adults. I personally think it's a narrow demographic and it's like with the so called causal market: That type of thinking works for a while; but it's ultimately fatal. Mainly because execs and more importantly, creative simply stops thinking afterwards and doesn't take into the consideration that creating a children's cartoon and making it successful still requires a lot a lot of smart work; not just hard work. Anyone can do hard work. It's not like no one can do it. It takes actual thinking to do it smarter. It only takes action to do hard work. (Yeah; even the most horrible of people make an effort to be horrible people, to the point of being unlikable. Bubsy on the other hand, his effort was beyond lazy.) This pilot is a prime example of when execs and creative alike stop thinking and don't consider the consequences of not making an intelligent effort not to suck. It's because of the fact that with this pilot; kids instantly turned on it. (I betcha that focus group who saw it was the reason why it only made it on Super Bubsy.) That's when the "It's just for kids" excuse dies; because when even the kids are turning on it, then that excuse won't save you. Also; "for everyone" doesn't mean boring and stale. If you want great success and Pokemon type numbers; you must appeal to as many people as possible. Moral guardians are in fact a large chunk of the population. They are not stupid and they are not unhealthy. The amazing thing in all this is: If they wanted to prove that cartoon badly influenced kids; all they had to do was show off their religion in front of their kids, since religion is very cartoonish in nature. Then again; that would expose the hypocrisy of wholesomeness religion has, doesn't it? (Yup.)

Sometimes; you have to compromise a little (not to the point where it would kill a show mind you) to get the show over. (Especially when you are working with different people with different views.) Sadly; Bubsy didn't compromise in it's jackass attitude and it killed the mascot before it had a chance to gain a voice. (Well, for television anyway. In terms of games, it was Bubsy 3D and it had nothing to do with Bubsy's jackass attitude. In fact, he came back in 2017, so someone out there saw dollar signs in this mascot. And it must have worked since Bubsy: Paws On Fire is coming. I think people are afraid that Choice Provisions might make a good game out of this mascot and now they are pre-emptively striking at Choice Provision and claiming that they aren't that good. I know Bubsy is a horrible monster in this cartoon, but come on! Although Paws on Fire is going to be based on the cartoon as well, so there's that.) So; here's the plot in a nutshell: Bubsy tests a VR helmet that creates paradise to those who think and some greedy person wants to steal it for it's own purposes. On paper; it doesn't sound half bad. In practice with the right booking; same thing. But this is BUBSY we are talking about; where "What Can Possibly Go Wrong?" is not only a catchphrase; it's an idiom. So let's rant on shall we...?!

This pilot is written by Ray De Laurentis who is one of the creators of this pilot and directed by Tom Burton who is also one of the creators along with Stanford Blum. Since this is Easter Sadism; I'm applying the no tributes rule here. The animation is done by Sei Young Animation. (Voice actors are easy because they all have tributes in the TaleSpin rants.)

Opening Moment #1: Opening sequence begins with a wacky Bubsy clock with eyes and arms pointing in opposite directions. BUBSY~! Alarm clock rings we see an orange bobcat wearing a white shirt with a red exclaimation point waking up; and kissing the alarm clock. (Which turns the alarm clock off; for no reason.) Bubsy runs off his bed and we basically get him going to the bathroom; which is basically in the same room as his bed. He's at the sink looking in the mirror and instead of pondering how stupid he looks; he takes out a toothbrush. But wait; Bubsy throws away the toothbrush because he's a stupid cartoon mascot and toothbrushes are not good enough for his attitude, so he brings out the hand buffing machine from his medicine cabinet. I see that Eleroo's pouch is still being used and abused by cartoon characters. It's making the Gadget Trick look subtle. When he squeezes toothpaste on the thing; it's black in color. Why? Why not? Oh; and his catchphrase: "What could possibly go wrong!?" promo is at one. A lot more to come, I ensure thee. (You don't say? I don't doubt you for a second.) He buffs himself and he goes into spinning wheels mode because he's stupider than Drake Mallard. At least when Darkwing Duck was acting stupid; he was saying stuff that is full of himself. While that was a little annoying; at least he wasn't trying to kill himself. And when he was being wacky, it was usually the heels doing it to him; so it build symapthy heat for him. I have no sympathy nor empathy for Bubsy. He's just a stupid character doing stupid stuff, so why should I care? (Unless someone starts hurting others with their "mistakes" (because then it's not a mistake); you don't stop someone making the mistake because if you do, they never learn. Sure, they may never learn even if you don't step in; but still.)

So Bubsy lands on a chair in the kitchen table and has cereal. He really thinks he can outdo Darkwing Duck in stupidity; and he fails badly. Darkwing Duck had one of the most dumbest, yet funniest breakfest sequences in his pilot episode. Plus; he looked good at it until the very end because he was full of himself. Bubsy kicks the bowl and spoon into the sink and the sink apparently has a dimensional warp in it. Wow; how wacky. Not. He runs and slides down a ramp slide which leads to his recreation room filled like a bowling alley. When the Quack Pack nephews are better than you in thinking fun, you are hosed Bubsy. (When the Quack Pack nephews are better than you, you deserved to be destroyed as a character.) Then he break dances, spins around and shows up right in front of his logo against a black background. He claims that this is him. Boy; Bubsy's voice is pretty nasel, as if Rob Paulsen is intentionally sabotoging any hope for this character. (Kit: You say that as if it's a bad thing Mr. Weagle. Gregory: It is bad; because Bubsy's first game was okay, I guess. At least it didn't go completely wrong like every other thing in this brand. Kit: That's fair.) We are off to such a terrible start here and it's only going to get worse. (Rob Paulsen wasn't sabotoging the character and was pretty much in this for a pay cheque. This was all on the voice director, who thought this was funny. It wasn't. Believe it or not, the opening sequence was the best thing on the show and because most viewers stop watching after this, they would declare that this show was not bad. I have more to say about this in the next paragraph...)

Interesting Moment? #1: (Yes, question mark intentional.) Apparently; this pilot also was going to air on television since they showed the commercial break bumpers. It's basically the logo over a town background. Nothing of note; except that: Oh; and his catchphrase: "What could possibly go wrong!?" is at two. The second bumper has the same logo against Bubsy's bedroom I think. Again; nothing of note. (Oh; I have a hilariously bad story to tell: Someone on Youtube was making the claim that the pilot was never intended to be greenlighted as a show at all. So, why are there television commercial bumpers? Why didn't they cut these out when Super Bubsy was released? This was one of the stupidest defenses of a horrible show that I have ever heard and one viewing of this pilot would have debunked it. Even the defense of Deafula being a light comedy was a lot more believable because there was comedy in the movie. Hilariously bad comedy, but still comedy. And if the defense was that they didn't want to censor anything, then you just admitted that censorship would have helped because the presence of those bumpers kills your argument right out of the starting gate. The producers fully intended to make this a television series. Why else would they bother to waste money and bet the farm on this product? Even the "It's just for kids" defense is at least somewhat rooted in reality.) However; when they officially begin the show, they show the title card, so the catchphrase "What could possibly go wrong?!" is at three. Yes; we barely started the show (literally one second into it I might add), and we have already seen the catchphrase two times too many in a span of one minute. (Yup.) Also; when anything has a title that asks a question, the answer usually gives the plot away. Worse; this gives away the entire premise, so why would kids care about this?

It's like posts on blogs that ask yes or no questions in their titles. (Or worse, the headline focuses squarely on Nintendo downticking the Switch from 20 million to 17 million while completely igorning the increase in software numbers and making record Wii-like profits, their highest since 2009. By the way, the stock price went down 3,000 yen and three days later, apparently some of those investors decided to read the article and on the Monday after that, the stock recovered half of it's losses. If the headline was honest and fair, the stock would have went up. Ironically; the stock went up 14.12% after Nintendo confirmed that Tencent was their partner for selling the Switch in China, even though none of the graver details for the release were even announced yet. Even as a Nintendo fanboy, I knew this. So, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Yeah, the announcement is a big deal; but this is going to take time and there's a lot more work to do before Nintendo Switch is released in China.) Most of the time; smart people usually do not click on those because the answer is often no even if the article says yes. (However; the people who defend this show aren't very smart. They don't want to think and hate being told what to do, even when what they are doing is wrong. That's where the defense for this show comes from. They think the 1990's were perfect and nothing went wrong. It's BS and they don't care about critical thought or insight. They make even moral busybodies look good, because at least they think, even when they are completely wrong on everything.) Again, It's equal to the old "rating sweep" pieces on the nightly news that scare parents into believing at certain electronics are claimed to make you sick or are tools of evil. No nightly news; electronics aren't making us sick nor tools of evil. Your crappy reporting is making us sick; and I have to question if you are using them as tools of evil. (And that question should never come to pass. I should not be wondering if the press is the enemy of the people since they are not the enemy of the people, no matter what Donald Trump says.) Talk about something else; or I'm changing the channel to cartoons with rainbows, smiling statues and happy animals who dance and kick ass at the same time! Which Bubsy doesn't even come close to. (He comes off as the dictator heel of this show as you'll see later on.)

We begin this one with a shot of probably the most horrifying ghost town in history. Yeah; the entire town has no one outside except for chirping birds which we do not see. I have never seen a colorful place look so lifeless in my life. (Ah; the pitfalls of overseas animation, everyone.) So we head to what appears to be outside the residence of Bubsy The Bobcat (No relation to Bonkers; whom Bonkers is much better than this loser. (Yup.)) which looks like a cross between a hanger with checker board orange/blue on the front and a building shaped like a down arrow with tiger stripes trimming it. Even the trees look so weird that they clash with the entire building. This is the work of someone who was told by the execs: "Kids love this and that; so just put them in already" and I'm almost hearing it in Dolph Ziggler's voice. Without any consideration of taste or design. So we head inside the recreation room as we pan over to a blue sofa where a blue/almond armadillo is sleeping on the sofa in front of a red television set on a record player stand (The same kind I used to have my television set on before I had to move out for the area to be floored; and then I returned to a brand new entertainment shelf. I'm old.). Bubsy comes in as I discover that his name is Arnold Armadillo; and really, this was a bad idea to have when Armored Armadillo from Mega Man X was born and much cooler too. (Arnold is appearing in Bubsy Paws On Fire, so in a way Arnold got the last laugh on the Maverick.) Pat Fraley did his voice as Bubsy tells him to rise and shine; and this leads to Arnold having a dream sequence (complete with the balloon of corrupting doom) of Arnold dreaming that he is going to get run over by a truck. So yeah; even Arnold realizes that this show sucks and is trying to get out of it anyway he can. Sadly; dreams never work and Bubsy forces him to wake up by shaking Arnold. We are off to such a whimpering start here folks. (If only it stayed like this throughout the show...)

Then we get one of those moments where you say "WHAT?": Arnold wakes up after Bubsy sucks on Arnold's tail; which blows him up and Arnold's eyes pop. (I realize that this is a cartoon spot; but it feels like Bubsy is trying to have anal sex on Arnold without Arnold's consent. Never a good idea.) Arnold shakes his head and looks at Bubsy as Bubsy calls himself the "prince of personality". As if he's saying it like it's a GOOD thing. (He may call himself the Prince of Personality; but he's acting like the Cult of Personality and doesn't have the valid excuses CM Punk has.) Arnold sweats like he's in an Oscar convention and calls Bubsy worse than a truck. (In Fish Hooks, Oscar sweats a lot despite being underwater. Don't ask, it's fuzzy cartoon logic.) Why? (Because Bubsy is a toxic asshole that is all noise, all the time. I realize 2016 Me is acting like he's watching the show cold, but it was obvious the second Bubsy is on screen.) Sadly; for us, we would soon find out. Pretty much boils down to "Why not?" because these writers do not care at all. (Which is code for "Assholes are funny". When assholes get their comeupperance, it's funny. Otherwise, no and in this case, Bubsy never got his comeupperance because he's supposed to be the number one babyface of the show.) There is "writing for a paycheque" and then there's "writing to get out of the industry" altogether. (However, unintentional it probably was.) And considering the people involved, David Wise looks like he was robbed in comparison. (David Wise blacklisted himself due to his conduct against the fans; which should never be the case. Fan on fan hate is one thing; but when producer start hating the fans for no good reason, that can kill a career. Toby was an asshole, but he was smart enough to not go after the fans and even his crew had enough sense of shame to apologize for awful episodes in Quack Pack. )

On a more personal note; Bubsy calling Arnold a basket case is so much projection that you can show Zootopia off of it and it make a billion dollars in sales; which is far more than Bubsy ever will make in it's lifetime. (2016 Gregory Weagle says: Almost $600 million as of this writing by the way. (2019 Gregory Weagle Says: The final tally was $1.02 billion, second to only Frozen. And it got screwed in the end; but not because it was a furry movie.) Bubsy proclaims that Arnold knows that he's his hero and Arnold shakes his head because Bubsy is clearly not. We also discover that Arnold is Bubsy's sidekick; which means Arnold is the most abused sidekick in the history of sidekicks. (Mr. Enter is correct that babyfaces shouldn't abuse pets; but he should have also said that babyfaces don't abuse friends, sidekicks nor allies. Heck; babyface don't usually abuse heels, even monster ones! Bubsy is doing this because the writers think it's funny. It's not.) No wonder people like Ted Heinz hated the idea of Kit being Baloo's sidekick. Except that Pop-A-Bear isn't abusive with Kit in any of the 37 episodes he was in as Bubsy is in the first minute or so of this pilot! (The only abuse Baloo did was to Kit's finances and even Baloo got his comeupperance at the end of the day. I don't expect that with Bubsy anytime soon.) Ponder that one for a moment. Arnold claims that he doesn't want to be a sidekick; but Bubsy is like a rapist where "no" means "yes" and "yes" means "yes". Bubsy admits that being a sidekick is unworthy. (Kit: So, I'm not a sidekick anymore? Great!) I realize he's using this to show his scoiopathic narssictic behaviour; but if I was Arnold, I would run. I wouldn't bother cutting a promo on him (Like Meg did in one Family Guy episode; simply because I might die before I can get a chance to finish the promo.); I would run and never come back. When getting killed by a truck is seen as better than staying at home with Bubsy; then Bubsy is the most abusive piece of crap in the history of assholes the multiverse over. (Yup.) Also remember that Bubsy is the number one babyface of the show. (Yup.)

The doorbell rings and Bubsy points out that it's the twins celebrating their birthday. (And things just went from bad to worse. You shouldn't punch down on kids, but kids shouldn't be punching down on pets, if Arnold was classified as a pet.) Arnold hates that because apparently; the twins are bigger assholes than Bubsy. Geez; who is enabling who here? So Bubsy throws Arnold underneath the couch. Yeah; he treats him like a toy. What an asshole?! (How symbolic too?) So Bubsy comes to the door and the door crunches him as two little kid bobcats come in on skateboards. One is a male wearing a green shirt with dark green sleeves and one is a female wearing a red dress with a bow on the top of her head. The boy's skateboard is purple while the girl is green. Oh; and they have yellow question marks on their shirts. So the twins should named the Questionable Twins, right? (They may have had a plan for that, but I haven't heard anything about it, so probably not. It's not like the writers knew what they were doing for this pilot.) I mean; they appear and their first question is to ask where Arnold is? There is a piece of rope hanging from the ceiling in the background; for no reason that I can think of. (2016 Me wrote this to remind us that the rope was the best part of this. Ponder that for a moment.) Bubsy slams the door as he has impacted the wall, because destroying your house for no reason is funny. (And the execs of the future just had a boner.) Bubsy then proclaims that Arnold is hiding underneath the couch and proclaims that he couldn't resist. What an uber asshole Bubsy is?! Geez; even Johnny Test is more subtle than this asshole and this pilot is barely two minutes in, including the opening! (Some ally Bubsy is! Yes, this is the torture Arnold for no reason angle that never seems to end. And the producers wonder why this show wasn't greenlighted? Although if this were done in 2010's, it might have gotten six seasons of this. Even Teen Titans Go wasn't this abusive and that's saying something!)

The twins names are Terrence and Teresa Bobcat by the way and Terrence is voiced by Tress MacNeille and Teresa is voiced by B.J. Ward. Since Bubsy is an exotic name; why did he name his twins with generic names? (Bubsy is not an exotic name...) Does CPS think that this is a form of child abuse? If so; then CPS needs reform, fast. Naming them Acute and Obtuse is more accurate for them. (...although you are correct about renaming the twins.) So they grab Arnold and he protests this outrage. I told you to run away, Arnold! (Hey 2016 Me; I told you to stop blaming the victim!) They tug on him and they sound like the most spoiled brats in history. This is the definition of someone who truly believes that all kids are assholish parasites. (They confuse manchildren with children because that someone is probably a manchild.) As one commenter from Respectful Insolance said once: If you think somebody is an asshole; it might very well be an asshole. When you call everyone an asshole; more likely you are the asshole. Projection is a fickle thing you see. So Bubsy of course "helps" by going over to the television with the remote control and turning the television on. (Considering that Bubsy's an abusive asshole, this is not the worst thing he could have done. Bubsy helping himself to heap abuse on Arnold would be far worse.) Which emmits lightning bolts. You know this show sucks when the television remote control is the best thing on the show thus far. We see a brown dog with black hair and a blue suit at a desk (Neil Ross) proclaiming that over ten thousand armadilos were run over by trucks in the state of Texas alone. Now; who cares about meaningless facts? (How this is meaningless when it plays into Arnold's gimmick?!) So wait; Bubsy's world takes place in the real world? More over; Texas? Geez; no wonder this state gets laughed it. The people there probably believe that Bubsy should be their state animal and that Arnold is a tool for Satan or something. No wonder Arnold is scared of Bubsy. (I think Bubsy lives in Arizona, but it doesn't matter; he's the worst character from that state, bar none.)

Arnold sees the truck as the television host points out that for these creatures, this is the last sound they ever hear. Sadly for Arnold; it's not as he pushes the twins aside and hides in a turtle shell of his own making. So the twins comes over and they want to play ball. With Arnold as the ball. Yeah; they are abusing this pet to no end now. (Arnold is not a pet; although it really doesn't matter since babyfaces shouldn't be abusing other babyfaces anyway.) Bubsy; ever the "loving and empathic babyface" of the show tells ARNOLD not to play rough with the kids. What an definitive asshole Bubsy is?! (Look; punching down on kids is weak, but Arnold is not the one playing rough with the kids, it's the kids. Kids abusing others is wrong, okay! And it's not funny and Arnold has done nothing to deserve it anyway.) Terrence throws the ball to Teresa. Teresa finds a conveniently place basketball net and slam dunks Arnold. I see the twins have the same problem Marsupilami has: Using hockey terminology for this game. That's the least of their problems though. (Yeah; something about abusing another babyface for no reason...) Bubsy watches as we see on television a lab featuring a mouse with brown hair, glasses, and a mouth right through his two buck teeth and an ass kicking all over the company that produced this crap! (Wow, 2016 Me is really pissed off now if he's stopping to C-level Rock promos.) He also is wearing a banana yellow shirt and green weighted overalls with boots; thus looking like a dork. His name is Virgil Reality. Get it? His name should be Vrigin Reality. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Normally; this is a childish joke, but in real life a company named Vrigin Interactive did get into the VR business at one point, so the joke actually is funny. Although trademark probably would have prevented the name change. Virgil had to do and it's a fine sub.) We zoom into a large VR helmet that looks like a rejected red toy execs would use to demonstrate why money marks suck... (Imagine a worse produced version of Virtual Boy basically.)

...And then proceed to use it anyway because they still think all kids are dumb. Maybe Mr. Exec; you are dumb. It doesn't take a genius to make money. It takes simple mathmatics. (And then they are shocked when people want billionaires to forfeit all their money?) The announcer tells us that this invention can turn fantasy and imgination into reality. Apparently; just animating is not enough anymore; you have to have a tool that tells reality to suck it and then put in your own fantasy you think is "reality". We already have that kind of thing: It's called Donald Trump. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... (Oooo, you really went for the nutshot there 2016 Me.) Bubsy loves it of course, because he's so bad. In the wrong context I might add. (Actually, in both context, which is somehow worse.) So Vrigin (I'm sorry; but my name for this loser is way funnier than Virgil. (And more accurate too.)) shows off the VR helmet to a grey female cat wearing darker shades of Miss Cunningham's gear. Or worse; her pants are the same color as Terrence's skateboard. (And to think, Oblivia Newton John was at the bottom of the totem babyface wise, and would end up being the only remotely decent babyface on the show.) Vrigin claims that this allows wars to stop along with making life better; plus save the planet. (Geez; that doesn't sound like a quack scientist in the very least, no siree!) Sorry Bubsy; but if this invention works, there's no such thing as Bubsy and saving the planet ever being said in the same sentence. I realize that Mr. Enter points out the obvious flaw that no one would ever use the helemt in a selfless way; but this is a cartoon, and I have to entertain the thought that someone might in fact have that. (Yeah; because cartoons don't care about reality. Sure, you still need some humanity to continue watching, but humanity and realism don't have to mix in a cartoon.) Besides; it's another way for me to kick Bubsy when he is down. (Kit: And you were the one pointing out me saying "and the money is good" during my first babysitter job!)

The cat buries the invention because it blew up on Vrigin's head. Vrigin claims that it has a few bugs; sadly, one of them is fatal. (See, quack!) Behind Bubsy, Terrence is using Arnold's body to do some bowling, because the torture Arnold angle has not even come close to reaching a payoff yet. (And it will NEVER EVER get paid off because torturing Arnold is funny, you see. Even when it's not. I wonder how many scoiopaths are in animation? Besides John K. and Chris Savino...) Terrence bounces the ball; but manages a strike. That bowling lane is gimmicked, says I! (And to think; I always think bowling lanes are gimmicked against me and I never bounced the bowling ball as hard as Terrence just did in that spot.) So Vrigin claims that he needs someone nuts....ERRRR...brave to test the helmet; and of course the cat admits that they need someone nuts. Way to kill the plan there, madam. (Really? I would think quackery would kill the Krackpotkin Plan right there because Oblivia is being the honest one here. Not that it matters, since...) Problem is; Bubsy proclaims that he is nuts, as if it's the best trait he ever had. (People only thought Mr. Iwata was nuts with Nintendo DS and Wii, he really wasn't nuts. Big difference!) People keep asking me (no, not at all...) why do the Stars diss the 1990's kids? Answer: Because of bullcrap like this! (Yup. And I don't blame them. Sometimes, this gig is a good thing since it holds me accountable for the views and forces me to review them and adjust. No era is safe from awfulness and Bubsy is proof of it for the 1990's at least.) Bubsy then for no reason spins Arnold on his finger. (You know the reason 2016 Me: Abuse of babyfaces is funny to these sociopaths.) Bubsy proclaims that he is going to test the helmet and the twins ask him why. Yeah; their gimmick is to JAQ (Just Asking Questions in case anyone doesn't know.) off. Which would be all right if the twins were not assholes like Bubsy. (To be fair; the question is a good question to ask, but still...)

Bubsy then proclaims that he is brave; and here's a moment which shows how lazy creative is. Here is what they should have done, booking wise: They should have shown Bubsy using a cannon to have an object impact his chest and he takes it like a man. Only instead of a cannonball bouncing off his chest, it's a feather or even a pie. Or better yet; even a cannonball with Bubsy wearing a dozen pillows on his chest in absurd cartoon fashion. That way; the point of the story is that Bubsy isn't all that brave, he's just nuts. (This took a couple of minutes for me to come up. Heck; if you want to use Z-grade footage, have Bubsy in the footage selling everything. Sure, it'll look fake; but that would have been a million times better than what the producers did here! Yes, it's similar to Muppet Babies, but it worked in Muppet Babies, so it has a chance to work here. Nope! Just show stock footage that looked cooler than anything Bubsy did. Just killed the gimmick and the character right out of the starting gate.) What they booked is that they showed black & white stock footage of a human wearing padding and a helmet taking a cannonball off his nuts. They killed the punchline to that joke because creative is such a cheapskate. No wonder Bubsy's stock fell. Bubsy then says that he craves adventure. What they booked was B&W stock footage of cave man fighting a man in a sea hag costume. I swear to god this happened. How should it be booked: Just replay clips of the opening sequence. Bubsy then proclaims that he needs to go where no bobcat has gone before. Which they proceed to use stock footage of the first moon walk; or moon hop in this case. Now here; the footage makes sense with the joke; but it's still stock footage. I would have reanimated this footage and then have Bubsy watch it on television. Oh and Bubsy is a hero for crying out loud. No, you are not Bubsy! He then says if that is a crime; then book him. Well; considering how many people think the word hero is now; it probably is a crime. (In that case, Bubsy really is a hero then! I stand corrected.) Kind of like spelling in TaleSpin and Vowel Play actually.

So, Bubsy tells Arnold to come with him and his catchphrase: "What could possibly go wrong!?" is now at four. Arnold turns into the blue shell and protests this outrage. When the scared abused armadillo is the reasonable one of the group; and is the #4 babyface of the show, you have a fatal problem. (Savior these moments; because Arnold is going to piss this goodwill he has build away soon enough.) So the grey cat and Vrigin yell at each other and a yellow paw turns the television set off, so we are no longer in Bubsy's house. We are in a living room where there is a cat in a red dress with red hair and orange fur around her shoulders. She basically files her nail like very rich and vain female stereotype you ever saw. She wants the VR helmet to live the lifestyle she deserves. Wait; isn't she already doing this? So why would she need the helmet? Unless she wants world domination of course. Which I discover later is NOT her motive. Mr. Enter claimed that she could just voluteer for the helmet. Problem is; that turns her babyface and slightly likable. (One of the reasons why Mr. Enter isn't as good as his fanbase says he is, is that he never thinks anything all the way through in his reviews while demanding the writers to do just that. When I heard that line from John, I was flastergasted that he has such contempt on babyface/heel dymanics. Granted; the babyface/heel dymanics in this pilot are beyond the pale horrible and for the most part, no one is acting like they should be acting. However...) She is the #1 heel of the group; but the problem is, her motive for the helmet is tweener at best. At least her doing evil things like cooking Bubsy in a stew would generate heel heat for her. Heck; even world domination, as unoriginal as that is; would still draw heel heat for her. (Yeah, because world domination would be the motive that would give incentive for the babyfaces to stop her! Stealing the helmet to gain riches out of nowhere isn't going to interest anyone to stop her and Virgil could just developer another VR Helmet. There's no heel heat on Ally Cassandra and no one would care.)

But she's not the one wanting to kill Bubsy; it's her henchmen that are much more heelish than she is. That's not good booking there guys. (Might as well make your henchmen the real Big Bad while you are at it.) So she calls for Bozwell Buzzard (who is a vulture chef) and Sid the Vicious Shrew (who is a purple shrew wearing a red shirt); who wishes he was vicious. He's just goofy. (Sid is just a comedy geek heel and Bozwell is actually a perfectly fine heel who at least acts like one. Thus, making Bozwell the best character in the show by default. That's a really bad sign for this show in general.) Jim Cummings voices Sid and Bozwell is voiced by Neil Ross; but sounds like the late Phil Hartman; or Cam Clarke sometimes. Apparently; Sid and Boz hate each other because Sid stuck his tongue into Boz's pudding for no good reason. I can think of one: It's because two henchmen hating each other is funny. It usually isn't unless you are subtle or Mad Dog and Dumptruck. (Pretty much.) Boz calls Sid an idiot (that makes two of them, wink, wink, nudge, nudge!); but the yellow cat blows them off because it was "that kind of question". The one which is used as sarcasm by the way. (That's a rhetorical question, 2016 me!) Boz then goes on and on and on that the yellow cat brings out a conveniently placed chalkboard and scrapes her fingernails on it; causing Boz and Sid to cringe and whine in pain. You wish you were Don Karnage there madam. (To be fair, Boz was very annoying in his own right.) At least with Don Karnage; he has more than one method of torture and Ally scraping fingers on the chalkboard on her own heels only makes her annoying; but draws no heel heat for her. She does that against babyfaces, then she draws heat. Sadly; Sid sees a large bug and salavates like a dog of Pablo's. The cat has a job for them which is to steal the VR helmet; which Sid doesn't care as he chases the bug. Did I mention that the cat has a magic mirror that turns her into a fantasized version of her (thus losing three hundred pounds in the process)?

She claims that she clawed her way to the top. Wow; check yourself there madam, I'm pretty sure you won on the level two difficulty instead of level one hundred like you are claiming here. So Sid grabs the bug and puts it in his mouth; because he's dumb. Boz asks about it; and Sid denies it. Why bother denying it? What is Boz going to do if you tell him the truth? Of course; Boz does nothing. These writers don't think their spots through. Just because it's for kids shouldn't mean written by dumb kids. (Because one of the main rules of heeldom is to always deny even if there is no consequence for telling the truth.) The bug of course screws Sid and no one cares. Boz slaps the back of the head of Sid and Sid spits the fly out. Sid is embarrassed and at this point; I assume that the yellow cat's name is Ally Cassandra (B.J. Ward); which means the grey cat is Oblivia (Tress MacNeille). We then get the exclaimation point scene change of doom (Talk about forcing the point there guys!) and we head to Vrigin Reality's lab somewhere in the middle of nowhere, which is probably Death Valley, Arizona. So Bubsy rings the doorbell and Oblivia Newton John answers the door and of course they exchange words; with Oblivia getting his name wrong and Bubsy correcting it. (How did 2016 Me know Oblivia's last name? And why should I care?) Vrigin comes in and calls Bubsy Bootsy even though he's clearly not wearing any. No wonder Vrigin's invention is blowing up; he cannot even remember something as sample as someone else's name. (Because insulting babyfaces for no good reason is funny, you see. It's not. Although calling Bubsy a babyface is asking for death at this point.) And it's not like Bubsy is a complex name or anything. It's proanounced Bub-Zee. It's so easy. This is the Mighty Ducks method of comedy in that every segment has to be stupid. At least in Mighty Ducks; the characters were likable enough that it had a naive charm to it. This is not charming at all. (So, this is the show that started that nonsense. For shame, David Wise, for shame!)

Vrigin then channels The Rock in the most contrived way possible; and The Rock is still five-six years away from stealing that catchphrase. Anyhow; Vrigin wants a brave dude and Oblivia wants someone nuts to test the VR helmet. Bubsy steals it and claims that he has both anyway. Such an endearing character eh? (Nope.) Bubsy knocks on helmet and asks how it works; and Vrigin tells him to put the helmet on, think and then blink his eyes two times. What is the point of blinking your eyes twice, when your eyes blink involutary anyway? That's a really pointless step to add there, Vrigin. He tries to explain how it works; but Bubsy blows him off like a illiterate science student with attitude and puts the helmet on his head. (Like? Really 2016 me? More like "Because he is a...") Vrigin tries to tell him to make sure his thoughts are not abstract, because terrible things might happen. So Vrigin is thinking bombs? Because that would partially explain why his helmet is blowing up on him. Bubsy shoves him again because Bubsy has attitude baby! Bubsy wants to fly and his catchphrase: "What could possibly go wrong!?" is now at five. (Had enough of this stupid catchphrase? Too bad fools; this gimmick must continue!) He blinks his eyes twice and they all go into VR in a free fall; and the animators have Teddy Ruxpin feet syndrome again since the soles of the twins and Bubsy's feet are orange color and TMS-styled and then Bubsy's feet changes back to it's proper color right on the next shot. Bubsy is not impressed as Vrigin tugs the helmet off Bubsy's head and it lands on Arnold's head. Bubsy pleads for him to not think of the truck; so Arnold thinks of the truck like either a total idiot, or someone who has had enough of Bubsy. Or both actually. (It's both 2016 Me, trust me on that one.) Everyone panics and here comes the truck with armadillos in the front, somehow defying gravity, logic and reason. Oblivia and Bubsy do the Scrooge/Bubba wrong name calling spot as they are falling towards "Earth". (At least when it happened to Scrooge, Scrooge was a billionaire and thus deserved the mocking and scorn. Oblivia doesn't even have that excuse. Dumb writers!)

Bubsy is somehow next to Arnold after being next to Oblivia without any indication of Bubsy doing anything and grabs the VR helmet. (Despite all the bad logic on this show; there are episodes of Teddy Ruxpin that had worse shot continuity than this pilot. I just want to point that out.) He plucks it off Arnold's head and puts it on him; blinks his eyes twice and they are back in the lab on their feet as if nothing had happened. Except for Arnold; who crashed through the roof and lands on the floor hurt. Yeah; this implies that Bubsy doesn't give a damn about Arnold at all and apparently thinks seeing him getting creamed is funny. If he was a heel who deserved his fate; maybe it's funny. It's not funny when Arnold has done nothing to deserve it. For goodness sakes writers; give us a good reason why Arnold deserves any of this, even if it's the flimiest excuse ever. (Because they seriously think this is funny. And I thought I was supposed to be the sadist and slimebag of this outfit?!) Bubsy steps on Arnold's tail and proclaims that he was great and nothing went wrong. Talk about selective amnesia there Bubsy! (Geez; this is Vince Russo level, too! And Vince Russo wasn't even the booker at this point.) Oh; and Vrigin scratches himself because apparently; falsehoods give him a rash. Was that supposed to be funny? Because I sure hell didn't laugh at it. (It wasn't; but I did feel sorry for Virgil though. It's not his fault that Bubsy is a monsterous scoiopathic heel pretending to be the #1 babyface of the show.) Worse; Bubsy takes Vrigin's suspenders and pulls them back; then snaps them causing his pants to fall down. Oh yeah; that'll get the kids to laugh. Not. Otherwise; this show gets 65 episodes instead of one. (Actually; kids would have laughed at the suspenders at least. Vrigil needs a better tailor.) Sometimes execs are scoiopaths, idiots and have enough hindsight to pull the plug when it was most needed.

Sadly; thanks to Youtube, there's no way anyone can unsee this pilot anymore. (Which shows that Daimen Sandow's presence can make anything funny and WWE should be ashamed of themselves for mistreating him. He was classic in those naked Miz pictures Dolph Ziggler showed.) The twins are bored; which makes them psychopaths as well. A sane person would tell Bubsy that he's a lying piece of crap at this point. Personally; they would do it before Bubsy even tested the helmet, but I don't expect these writers to pick up on such nuance anyway. (Most cartoon writers don't have enough nuance in their writing anyway. I'm shocked that many writers in TaleSpin and even Ducktales 2017 had almost that kind of nuance. Almost.) They want to play with the helmet; but Vrigin and Bubsy blow them off because the helmet is not a toy. Even though Bubsy is treating it like a toy. What a hypocrite Bubsy is? I guess attitude means you look yourself in the mirror and don't care what you see. (So, attitude means you are a sociopath. Wow; that's the entire WWE Attitude Era fanboys right there, 2016 me!) The twins giggle because they are on to Bubsy's hypocriticalness; while Bubsy takes the helmet off and gives it to Vrigin. (The twins might be assholes, but Bubsy and Vrigil deserve everything they get here for lying.) Terrence steals the chair away as Bubsy is going to put it on said chair; but unintentionally puts it on Teresa's head. Bubsy slaps Vrigin in the back of the head and that causes his pants to fall down. Wow; a rare moment where they actually amused me. (Again; Vrigil needs to find a new tailor, his pants are defective.) Pan over to the twins walking out the door giggling. Why they had to tiptoe out eludes me at the moment since they were clearly spotted. (Because they are trying to not be seen; but the animators screwed it up. Surprisely; that's really the first time I have bashed the animation of this show. The adults are still stupid though.) That ends segment almost nine minutes in. I feel like I'm watching Fanboy & Chum Chum again; only with a lot less charm. (At least modern writers, no matter how crappy the show is, can take solace that a lot of their shows are more charming than this pilot. Sometimes quality control is a wonderful thing, even if it causes software droughts.) I wonder if IMDB reviewers are confusing that show with this pilot sometimes.

One Final Note: the second set of commercial break bumpers all feature Arnold and this is really stupid: He's relieved that the show is back after the commercial break. Despite the fact that in storyline; he hates Bubsy and is afraid of him. Don't you want the show to end Arnold; so you can get relief from all this abuse? (And maybe call the police?) If this is some sort of sadism Arnold has; then you are failing badly. Xiaomu from Project X Zone 2 and myself have a lot better charm at sadism than you. Arnold makes no sense at all here, even from a Stockholm Syndrome angle. (And this is why Arnold sucks as a babyface as well.)

After the commercial break; we get the twins arguing over the helmet as we pan up to the sky with Bozo and Sid flying towards Vrigin's labs. Bozo orders Sid to talk about something pleasant instead of acting like an idiot. (Hey; why not? It might make Sid look more than just a comedy dork.) Sid decides to think about food; which in any sane universe would be a pleasure thought. However; this is Sid and his food consists of insects. Not so pleasant huh? (Maybe to you and even me 2016 Me; but there are people out there who do love insects and think of them as pleasure thoughts.) A white bird flies past the heels and Sid goes nuts as Bozo blows him off. When Bozo is the most likable character in the show, and he's the #3 heel; your pilot should never get greenlighted. (I know what people are thinking: Isn't Boz the #2 heel? The answer is no, because Sid is the comedy geek and execs law is that kids just want comedy, but since Ally is the Big Bad, Sid cannot be #1. Besides, it just makes the producers more stupid than they already are.) Too bad Disney didn't take the hint with Mighty Ducks; but Disney is Disney after all. Teflon coating do provide just enough production to survive such stupidity. (And a lot of money.) So we see Terrence and Terasa outside playing tug of war with the helmet. One question: If they break the helmet outright; would this pilot be any worse? (Nope. In fact; it might be the best thing to happen.) Sid imagines the twins as tied up in food on a platter and somehow this turns Sid babyface in the eyes in the audience. That's generally bad. (because of the punch down on kids effect.) I realize that Don Karnage had that same problem; but he had much better babyfaces to work with. And Kit and Molly were in fact awesome. This is not awesome; this is dumb. Bozo blows him off because if they play their cards right; they'll get dinner for two. Okay; so how does that make them heels? If they want to be heels; maybe they gain higher positions of evil doing. (Why not since Ally's position is a joke in terms of being a heel.) Going for dinner for two is not evil bookers. Get over yourselves.

Of course later on; I discover that this meant cooking the kids, which is outright heelish. (and makes Boz the best heel on the show by default since Ally is a tweener and Sid's a comedy geek. This also screws up the booking as you'll see later on...) So, Bozo wants to dive bomb them and does; but Sid isn't ready. (Actually; calling him Bozo is much funnier because he is a bozo. And to think, he's the best character on this show so far.) Terrence and Teraesa fight over the helmet some more and I should note that when Bozo divebombs; the animation is completely different in between the close up shot and the far shot. (That's twice I have bashed the animation team.) Teraesa grabs the helmet and puts it on and wants a pony. (Why not?!) She doesn't blink her eyes; and the helmet still works. What?! You know the animators are so lazy that they forget that blinking the eyes is all part of the helmet's gimmick. To be fair though; the blinking eyes part is so stupid anyway. (Yeah; attention to detail is for profit-eating worms like TaleSpin and not this show, no siree!) So a brown horse appears before them; and Terasa likes it of course. Terrence steals the helmet and uses it because he wants a banana yellow Gedo fashion sense powerboat with all the engine power of five hundred horses. Yawn; whatever. I would have wished for world peace, but that would involve ending my internet career, so no go. (And only Oblivia would live on forever! Which would not be a bad thing, all things considered.) They argue again like a bunch of spoiled brats as Bozo dives down and Sid is now a lame bump machine as he bounces off a small plane and gets hit by a lightning bolt. So even the writers are realizing that Sid's a babyface and getting over, so they are burying him. Once again, I wonder if Bubsy was sabotaged as a brand (because the first game was all right (Which is a backhand compliment to the brand actually.)) because this is getting dumber and dumber by the second. (Well; Hollywood doesn't like competition either, so there you go. I can see video games doing the same thing when the next big form of entertainment comes around, if it ever comes around.)

Oh; we have two conveniently placed birthday cakes side by side on the path as more complaining ensues from the twins. Where the hell is Bubsy? Where's ANYONE for that matter? So the adults are even stupider than even in modern cartoons? (Ponder that one for a moment and realize that this show is probably responsible for the stupid idiot adult gimmick in modern cartoons. At least the modern cartoons figured out how to get the most of it without making children turn on them.) Again; crap like this is why the 1990's are not this invincible era that everyone claims it is. (Yup. The Stars are all laughing their way to the bank at this point. In fact, it almost makes it like this era is the worst era of all time. Oh wait, Chargeman Ken 1974, my mistake!) Bozo then increases the dumbass level by flipping pages from an out of nowhere book. Okay; now they just care about comedy. Geez; if kids just want comedy, then someone should have just bought a joke machine and got it over with. (I think execs do understand that this would not work, but then again, nuance is not their strong suit.) It's a cookbook by the way for cooking Bobcats. (At least now, Boz's motives for this are heelish and he's at least playing his role. Maybe not all that well, but still...) Of course this leads to Sid getting needled by the shurbs of catci. There's a time and place for my material; and this show isn't worth it. (A real sign this show sucks: My annoying material is not in evidence here.) Then we get a huge logic break: One of the cakes have moved to the middle of the road in front of the twins and has shrunk to 1/10 it's size. Why you may ask? So Sid can destroy the birthday cake silly. Even though Sid did nothing evil to deserve it. One of the candles lands on his head and Sid grabs it and it is lit. Geez; could this be a logic breaking exploding candle? Why yes it is? Because explosions are funny you see. Even though it makes ZERO sense for the candle to explode. And is explosions somehow better than Sid burning alive? Really? (This is just terrible continuity folks. And if they wanted a laugh, Bozwell should have gotten the candle because he's trying to kidnap the kids and kill them. So, he deserves everything bad that happens to him and won't regret it because he's acting like a heel would.)

Bozo comes over and calls them naughty; and thus turns babyface in the eyes of the audience. When adult heels are considered lovable by even the kids; that a bad sign. Unless you are TaleSpin and you have great babyfaces. (And Don Karnage is the best heel in the world.) Bozo demands them hand over the helmet and blows them off for murdering Sid; but Sid arrives and he's perfectly himself. That was some fake explosion there guys. I wonder if BS&P got involved in that one? (I'm more worried that Boz didn't get the exploding candle; but I don't blame him for the kids trying to kill the comedy geek off. That was terrible!) Terrence wants to play with the rat and the turkey, as Bozo blows him off. It's impossible to take him seriously when Bozwell's name starts with B-O-Z. It just makes smark kids calls him a bozo. Which in storyline, he really is. He's also a buzzard and a bird of prey. That's true; but no one is buying Bozwell as a heel in this cartoon anyway; although that doesn't stop him from trying. (He looks like Sam The Eagle from the Muppets. So, he's not a buzzard. Bird of prey is perfectly true though. How said is it when no one is buying Bozwell as a heel despite being the only one who is acting like a monster heel? That's also a bad sign for your show.) The twins don't care anyway. (Well, Bozo is a heel, so I can see why they don't care about him.) Teresa asks if they want to go on the rollercoaster. If you cannot guess the next spot; you have no business reading this rant; or making any cartoons whatsoever. Terrence blinks and we have the rollercoaster spot. Yawn. So we scene change back to the lab as the stupid adults are talking. Seriously; they never heard nor noticed anything wrong.

How could these idiots not notice Terrence and Teresa leaving when those two are the loudest brats in the entire show? How?! (This is the point where I finally realized that despite the recklessness of the twins and the assholish nature of these kids were, I don't blame them one bit for their actions. Bubsy acted like a hypocritical manchild, was reckless and irresponsible with the helmet, thinks Arnold getting creamed amuses him and abusing a scientist is funny (although scientist is a quack) and he deserves whatever bad is coming to him. He is a monster heel in my eyes and he's the #1 babyface. Screw this show!) Bubsy wants the helmet from Oblivia as she proclaims that the helmet is gone. Again; how can anyone in that room not notice that the helmet was gone the instant Terrence and Teresa left? HOW?! Oblivia noticed; but why did she wait until NOW to tell everyone? STUPID! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! (This is the only time I didn't like Oblivia in hindsight and she's still the best babyface of the show despite being the bottom babyface in terms of position in this show. Again, people wonder why this show wasn't greenlighted for a full season?) Bubsy at least figured out it was the twins; but still, he should have figured it out like two minutes ago when it mattered. Bubsy is worried that the twin will destroy the world; or worse. What would be worse? Oh; I know, you show gets canceled before it begins...Oh wait; that in fact happened. So the twins did the world a favor. This is just peachy folks. (Again, the twins are total asshole heels, but at least it's due to Bubsy's enabling on children. Again, screw this show!) So we get some rumbling as the adults all go outside to notice that only a large doorframe is left of the lab and there is a large rollercoaster track. Lovely! We pan over to see that it's an amusement park as Arnold does the most contrived panicky attack in history. Bubsy tells him to calm down because his catchphrase: "What could possibly go wrong!?" is now at six. (At least the pacing of this is getting better; but that won't last long.)

Arnold turns around and panics because here comes the rollercoaster cart. Everyone except Arnold dodges it with ease and they grab the doorframe. Arnold gets flatten like a pancake. Okay; now, if you have been following the storyline carefully, and damn; you are a braver person on that front than I: Arnold's gimmick is that he is afraid of getting run over by a truck. So he gets run over by a rollercoaster cart anyway. In my opinion; there's your payoff and you stop abusing him for the rest of the episode. Of course; this is Bubsy, written by people who are sadists who think this is comedy, this will not be the payoff and Arnold will be abused for the remainder of the episode and the angle will be dead in the water as a result. Prove me wrong writers, prove me wrong. (They would prove you right, 2016 me! Let's see when that moment happens...) Arnold is dizzy and Vrigin proclaims that the helmet has been stolen and the world could be destroyed in the blink of an eye. Wait; don't you mean "two eyes" since the helmet's gimmick is that it takes two blinks to execute the helmet's function. This writers have stopped caring about logic and reason at this point. (Only needed five words to be 100% accurate 2016 me!) Oblivia at least is believable in saying that it will be literally destroyed, and after this episode aired, that world being destroyed came true in the worst way possible: cancellation and long time hate from mascot fans the world over. Bubsy tells Vrigin to relax as he flips the bowtie and proclaims that he looks like a negative type of guy. Geez; I wonder why. (Thank you Bubsy for making negativity such a great thing. I hope you are proud of yourself!) Arnold tries to escape, but Bubsy pulls on his tail as Bubsy proclaims that it's time to save the day. (There it is folks; the torture angle still moves on. It says a lot about the writers than it does the characters, doesn't it?) His way of course; because why not? Bubsy want to take the bull by the horns and of course we get B&W stock footage of a man getting gored by a bull. Again; if this was a funny moment; they would have animated the scene and have Bubsy getting gored. Idiots!

In most cases. In Bubsy's case, who cares? (Actually; it would have been even funnier.) Bubsy turns Arnold into a ball (Abuse of babyface after so-called payoff moment #2...) and wants to beat the odds in which we get more B&W stock footage of a bunch of men in bathing suits underwater kicking each other's ass. That was a funny visual at least; but it should have been animated with Bubsy trying to beat the odds and failing. Bubsy does some basketball tricks with Arnold as he wants to throw caution to the wind; so we get more stock footage, this time a man getting his face rearranged by the wind while blindfolded. (And for a moment there, I thought this was stolen from the Skydivers movie. If it was, another reason why this show wasn't greenlighted: Stealing from a movie direction who has utter contempt for the audience.) Again, a funnier visual would have been Bubsy getting this. That's the problem with the stock footage: It's tacky and it makes more sense to have Bubsy being animated in all these scenes doing this stuff, so then we can laugh at him for being so stupid. (Hell, even Bubsy doing these actions while in the Z-grade footage would have been a better bet than what they did.) Instead; we are laughing at the stupid humans who will never appear in this series nor episode ever again. I should note that Bubsy saying that dumb catchphrase for the seventh time here is actually damn apporos now because this is supposed to be the big babyface comeback. (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, considering what Bubsy has become in this show.) However; since Bubsy has blown his bullets from his catchphrase six shooter, his catchphrase means absolutely nothing now. Premature shooting of the mouth is such a terrible tragic thing to see. Ask Drake Mallard about it. (Wow, even in 2016 I was still cutting Darkwing Duck down to size.) Arnold spins and claims that everything will go wrong; just to make the whole tragedy even worse. (Arnold's goodwill will be pissed away soon enough though.) So the rollercoaster comes back and bumps into Bubsy and he and Arnold go flying.

Oblivia and Vrigin head into the door frame and slam the door; which causes them and the door to disappear. Wait, what?! So the lab has magic powers now? Since when? (It's a cartoon, and this show has given me a headache, so thinking too much will make your brain bleed and the company is dead, so there's no hope for a lawsuit.) So we see the FPS shot of the twins and the heels riding the car and it goes through the tunnel; which looks straight out of late 1970's Doctor Who. (Probably the only time the show used stock footage that made the scene better than worse.) So Bozo is the backseat driver as he demands the helmet now. (Geez Boz; you are the only one actually acting like a heel. Maybe you should go back to being Sam The Eagle on the Muppets because there is no future for you (and everyone else) on this show and at least you have a shred of credibilty.) Terrence is weeing like a goofball as I discover that Bubsy is hanging onto the back of the car. Sid is sicker than Sid Seixeiro after being called out for being a hypocrite for bashing some baseball player for being selfish because this baseball player had a number of cars and rode on horseback; and then Sid was shown riding on a man in a horse fursuit. That's what happens when I was in the hospital and had to watch Tim & Sid regulary to crub my boredom from having a skin infection. For sixty five days. (And now even today, I still watch Tim & Sid without any apologies. Actually; the fur horsesuit incident was after I got home from the hospital. Just wait until Sid tries to run the 40 yard dash or when Sid sings a song in Spanish after David Price had a great pitching effort in the playoffs where the 2018 Boston Red Sox win the World Series in such dominating fashion that the 1998 New York Yankees would have been scared out of their wits! And that might not be hyperbole. Or Sid trying to convince us that a chip and a nacho are the same thing; and veggies are worthless and dangerous being they have the feeces on them. #Romainelettuce. Or even the Ice Dancing Corruption debacle (which Sid proved to be a hypocrite four years later when Canada won gold in Ice Dancing.)) Even Johnny Test, the show, was more interesting than this pilot; and Johnny Ass is the worst kid character in history. Even worse than the twins of this pilot! (And I stand by that claim, too!)

Terrence takes off the helmet and proclaims that the rat is going to vomit; while Teresa bets on the turkey (Bozwell Buzzard in case you didn't care; because it's easy to notice.), and then the twin shakes hands. Yeah; they agreed on being the most incidious brats in the history of the 1990's. Even 1990's kid is cooler than this, to the max man! (You know your show sucks when your show cannot even clear that low hurdle. It's almost like failing on the most simple of moral questions in any era. Almost.) Bozwell blows them off as Bubsy demands them to surrender at once. Personally; I would tell Bubsy to surrender his acting card, because he sucks at the art. He's the new art of the state if you catch my drift. (GIVE HIM THE BIG HORNS~! MY GAWD! SUCK ON THAT GOVERNMENT! WHAT THE HELL!) Bozo blows him off and calls Bubsy a walking flea hotel. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Considering the video quality; that is literally a shoot comment. (Maybe the producers should have released this on television instead of on Super Bubsy. Not that it would have made a damn of a difference anyway.) Bubsy tells the twins that he has had enough of this crap; and the twins agree. Geez; this makes Fanboy & Chum Chum's zero attention span gimmick charming in comparsion. So Terrence puts on the helmet once again and we flash blink as instead of getting rid of the rollercoaster and replacing it with; I don't know, anything; it's basically a rollercoaster from the moon and then a corkscrew move. Yeah; these writers have nothing left in the tank. Bubsy demands them to stop it this instant; so Terasa grabs the helmet and puts it on. Blink twice and that stops the car causing everyone but the kids to free fall. Yeah; because BS&P rules, you see. We cannot have kids free falling; we're not monsters like Disney who have little kids falling from great heights on a regular basis (Gives mean look at TaleSpin. Ironic considering that Walt isn't exactly someone who is a saint or anything.).

The heels freefall as the twins proclaim that they should have worn their seatbelts. Yeah; they did this spot on purpose, just to preach us the consequences of not being safe. This would have been more effective if we actually saw the seatbelts (and no; that barrier in front of them is not enough by the way). The twin give each other the thumbs up signal; as I give them the middle finger in response. (Geez; that would be punching down 2016 me. They were only doing a PSA spot. Sure, it could have been a lot better, but in this show it was probably one of the better aspects of the show. Not saying much, but still. There are far better uses for that middle finger...) Bubsy and Arnold freefall and smack into the ground in front of their house. I should note that the sound editing is horrible here as the impact sound happened two seconds AFTER they impacted. It's so easy to spot the lack of timing here. (Here's one example that deserves said middle finger.) Bubsy of course no sells the whole thing and brushes it off; calling the twins monsters. Projection much there, Bubsy? (Enabling dullard!) Bubsy bumps into the foot of Terrence, because Terence and Terasa are now a hundred feet tall monsters now. Arnold actually does some work by restraining Bubsy, probably the most useful he will ever do. (While beginning to piss away his goodwill to the audience. I would not restrain Bubsy, I would run. Bubsy deserves to die after this debacle.) Bubsy demands the twins to come down this minute, (please kill this monster, twins) but the twins are too tall to notice and Terasa squashes Bubsy and Arnold with her foot. (Told you to run, Arnold and this is not blaming the victim this time. This was self-preservation and he was clueless in that.) Once again; the sound editing is way off here and it's not the video since the voices are in sync with the mouth flaps. It's the sound effects timing that is way off. The twins are completely clueless of course and then they realize that they are had. (And yes, both Bubsy and Arnold are not dead. Damn you cartoon!)

So, Terasa finally blinks twice and we see them back to normal size as Arnold and Bubsy are climbing up from the giant footprint. Bubsy is pissed and no one cares if he is, and neither do the twins. You know why no one cares: It's because Bubsy has been acting like a jackass scoiopath for the entire episode and now we are supposed to think that Bubsy somehow has restraint. No one is buying it. Arnold of all characters I can care about; but he's agreeing with the same guy who didn't give a crap about him, instead of throwing the twins and Bubsy under the jail (I say this because they repeat the same promo Bubsy said earlier about crime, and booking them.). So in essence, everyone comes off as completely unlikable, and they can destroy their world for all I care. In fact; they already did by killing Bubsy's brand loyalty. (And this is the point where Arnold's sympathy dies with his character. So on the babyface side we have Bubsy who is a monster who abuses his friends, acts like an assholish scoiopath and has poisonous attitude that causes chaos and mayhem. Arnold is an idiot who should have thrown his friends under the jail and got out while he still could has now lost all sympathy with me. The twins are complete assholes; but at least I realize that Bubsy is enabling their behavior. It's not an excuse for said behavior; but at least it explains it. Virgil is merely a desperate idiotic dork and nothing else while Oblivia is just there to talk and do nothing. This makes Oblivia the best babyface by default and her babyface character so far is nothing of note. On the heel side; we have Ally, who is just a jerk tweener who does nothing heelish, Sid is merely a comedy geek who does nothing heelish and then Boz who is the only character out of all of them who is acting like he should be acting! Granted, not very well; but still! The Sam Eagle lookalike is the best character of the show and the producers wonder why this show didn't go past the pilot stage?! The fact that they would make the excuse that there was no intention for the show to go past the pilot stage is admitting that they didn't care about Bubsy either and just wanted to get out. And considering how video games became a whipping boy (granted, a lot of that was a case of the industry falling on it's own sword, but that has happened to every industry (See the comics.)) that pisses me off the most! Jealousy and envy are the most dangerous traits of a human being and it shows here.)

The twins then start crying, and I would call this beyond pathetic; but that would be an insult. (I'm all for crying; but this is so fake. The twins might as well get angry and beat down Bubsy like a government mule. It would be no worse than what they are doing now and at least Bubsy gets his comeupperance in a vicious, violent and deserving way.) So we cut to the skies with Bozo carrying Sid away as Sid is now scared of heights, even though he wasn't scared when he was carried earlier in the episode. Scared of cacti I can understand; but heights makes no sense. Bozo tells him to shut up (Bad idea Bozwell; Sid is the most over character of the pilot right now, even if that's not saying much.) and explains the Krackpotkin plan in science speak to sound smart; when in reality, he's ineffective. Still better than being crappy, that is for sure. The plan is to release Sid as a Boz Bomb according to his own words. Here's where calling him Boz'o'well would work because a Bozo Bomb would be apporo here. Of course, the writers don't give a crap to little things like sound effects timing and making likable babyfaces, so why should they care about jokes like this? Most so when comedy is supposed to be the bread of butter of this cartoon. (If there is one thing you don't do it is disrespect the rule that kids just want comedy when you are working for said execs.) Sid hates the plan of course; but Bozo drops him anyway. Sid is crying now as he get shocked by lightning bolts and that timing in both animation and sound is off. We cut to Bubsy on the ground saying that it looks like a flying rat. Sid manages to grab the helmet while Terrence and Terasa stand right there doing absolutely nothing even though they have outsmarted Bozo and Sid for the entire episode. What dumbasses?! (Wow; the twins are assholes and stupid. Shaking my head.) Bugs bunny spot out of control is stopped with the dreaded shovel of doom by Bubsy. Sure, why not. Let's literally bury the heel now, it's not like Bubsy is going past the pilot stage at this point. Bubsy shovels Sid up and calls him Sidney. Saying your proper name is attitude, baby! Not.

Bubsy wants to make a trade because he has a hunch that Sid is stupid, basically. (Oh great, now Bubsy is babying and hand holding the audience. This brand is done. Unless you are Nintendo, hand holding is a bad thing to do.) So Bubsy gives him a corndog that is stale, eaten once and has a lit fuse in it. Sid mouth waters like one of Pablo's dogs; because he's very stupid. And no one has learned anything; apporos for such a pointless explosion spot. (Yup.) Laugh it up; it's not like humanity means anything anymore, huh. (Like I said, a little humanity goes a long way and this show is extremely short of it. This is the definition of a cartoon stereotype that live action and adult cartoons parade out to prove that children's cartoons don't deserve respect.) Bozo comes in and of course he's too stupid to not run away and save himself, and cares more about brow beating Sid. Whatever. (Not only that, in his own way, Boz actually have a little tiny empathy for Sid. Which is still more than Bubsy has shown. Shake my head, AGAIN~!) So Bubsy and the twins walk towards the house and in any sane universe; this episode ends with an explosion launching the heels into orbit, and we would all yawn. However; we still have eight minutes left in the pilot, so it's time to invoke the Cartoon Duck Syndrome rule: Ending an episode properly is for old farts who don't have a real life. Even when they do. Even though this episode is a lost cause and mercy killing it would at least not make the situation worse. Oh, something like killing the creditability of all mascot characters and fans the world over. (It wouldn't have matter at this point; the show was a lost cause pretty much before the end of five minutes.) Of course; his catchphrase: "What could possibly go wrong!?" is now at eight. Yes, eight. (This means it is said once every two minutes. The scariest part is; this is still far less often than the whip crack sound on Johnny Test. Ponder that for a moment.) The explosion finally happens and this causes the heels to launch, steal the helmet and the twins as Bubsy and Arnold face plant into the ground. Arnold is so pissed off that he invokes that stupid catchphrase twice; to bring it up to TEN! (I have no sympathy for Arnold now; but I can understand him being pissed off. This show is a lost cause now and it still keeps going!)

Boz is flying as he shakes up the helmet while the twins are in his talons. Cut back to inside Ally Cassandra's room as she has the helmet in her hands. And guess who's fault it is that this happened? If you guessed Bubsy giving Sid an exploding stale corn dog, then you win the no prize. (Yup. And you wonder why Bubsy is a monster in this show? This is what happens when you put comedy over humanity. Nothing good comes out of it.) She puts the helmet on; and of course the twins are not tied up making the heels look like total idiots in themselves. (BS&P again folks. Which is hypocritical given that the twins were tied up in a dream sequence earlier.) However; the twins do nothing, so the babyfaces look lazy and do not care. Ally thinks way too small: a fifty karat ruby ring? Really? (To be fair, in hindsight and watching Waiders of the Wost Tweasure, it did amuse me somewhat.) Why not a fifty karat diamond ring? (It's a good thing Boz kidnapped the twins because if he did not, there would be zero incentive to go after the helmet because Ally's motives give zero incentive.) The twins praise the heel and calls her funny as the weight of the ruby causes her arm to come down. Riiiigggghhhtttt. She wants a jacuzzi as well; and damn would I slay someone for that. (And Ally turns babyface in my eyes, too.) Terrence calls this funny; but it clearly is not. When your number one heel is reasonable; your babyface look like monster heels. Never a good thing. Bozo and Sid grab the twins and they want to be excused to go cooking. The twins claim that they make great mud pies; while Bozo proclaims that they'll make great pasta as Sid licks his tongue around which ends the segment 17 and a half minutes in. (And that's the first time Sid acts remotely heelish.) Dammit; there's still SEVEN minutes left in this pilot; that's like watching a TNA knockout brawl in 2011; only without Ric Flair involved to save it. (You know this show sucks when Vince Russo booked TNA is better than it. If you listen closely; you can hear Vince Russo laughing all the way to the bank.) Two words for the bumpers: Screw You! (Story of this pilot, actually.)

After the commercial break; we head to Vrigin's lab as Bubsy is inside sitting down and sulking asking what went wrong. Wow; just wow. Normally; we never get the see the defeated ever ask what went wrong. (Oh come on 2016 me! Don't tell me you had a brainfart and forgot the beginning of Plunder and Lightning Part Three?!) At this point; telling him what went wrong is a waste of time. Just walk out and let him sulk; because Ally has wished for nothing that would be a threat to anyone. She only wants riches (that she gets through magic.). I'm more concerned about the twins believe it or not; but that's because I have some humanity, even if they are unlikable. (Yeah; who cares about the VR Helmet?! Bozo is going to kill the kids and he might as well wear a clown suit while doing it.) Vrigin corrects him and then pulls his hair out because the universe is dead now. Even though Ally has done nothing to suggest that. (Turning her into a sad tweener at worst despite being the #1 heel of the show.) She just wants material objects. Plus Vrigin; you are the one who made the damn helmet. Bubsy didn't get outsmarted either; Bubsy was too stupid to realize that if an explosion is involved, they go flying. Even Bozwell wasn't expecting this. (Yeah; the stupid adults are blamed for all of this, except Oblivia of course.) Arnold's head is bandaged even though he was planted on his face; so he should look like a mummy instead. Gosh; this show is causing physical pain the like I have never felt before. (Uh-oh! This show is making 2016 Me pound his face in the desk in cruel irony.) Sometimes; a show causes me mental pain, and sometimes spiritual pain. However; I can recover easily from it and it's not long lasting. (Neither is most physical pain.) Sometimes; it feels kind of funny. When a production causes me physical pain; it means that the show has pretty much deserved whatever lawsuits it gets from angry parents. (Which never happened because it never made it on television and few people bought Super Bubsy anyway.)

Bubsy then causes physical pain on himself by grabbing Arnold's tail and bashing Arnold with his head. Sadly; Bubsy completely no sells and Arnold oversells it. Damn; you know this show sucks when they have to admit that the show causes actual pain and suffering by using a metaphor; and the main character doesn't care about selling it. (And there's more abuse of Arnold from Bubsy; but I don't care anymore.) Arnold protests this and Bubsy not-apologizes for that because he puts Arnold on the console and Arnold gets electrocuded. (Apparently, mere abuse isn't enough for these sadists; now the "comedy gold" is Arnold being electrocuded for no reason at all.) Bubsy does the standard "I believe in myself" speech and thankfully, no stock footage was used here. (And no one cares and the one who do want to see this bobcat go extinct.) Vrigin comes in with a tracking device which looks goofier than the helmet itself. Yeah; Vrigin had the foresight to install a GPS system; but has no courage to actually find the helmet himself and tell Bubsy to take a hike. Lovely! (Well, Boz is still at least somewhat of a threat. Waltzing into Ally's residence isn't going to be a walk in the park, so to speak.) Oblivia insists that it never blows up. So does Bubsy accept the device? Nope. (Because her name is Oblivia and it sounds like Oblivion, so I'm guessing Bubsy thinks Oblivia is lying, even though she has been telling the truth the entire time I have heard her speak. Yup; it's all about attitude of course. Sexist punk this bobcat is!) He goes to a telephone and looks in the phone book for Sid The Rat. Because you see; blowing up stuff is funny. Vrigin corrects him and Bubsy insists that he was just testing him. What an unlikable assclown Bubsy is? Although calling him an assclown is an insult to assclowns everywhere. (I don't think Bubsy was going to blow stuff up though.)

Cut to the kitchen with a black culdron in the middle the kitchen floor, logs and everything. In a freaking kitchen! (BS&P didn't want Boz stuffing the twins in the oven. It's so obvious!) Bozo is chasing the twins because we cannot have them threatened in anyway according to BS&P. Then why bother kidnapping them? Oh wait; I know: Because without kidnapping them, there's no incentive to stop Ally and get the helmet back since Ally doesn't care about actually ruling the world. What a weak sauce character this Ally is? (Yup.) The phone rings on the counter just after a runaround since Bozwell hates playing with his food; and Sid answers said phone. Bubsy blows his cover instantly and insults Sid's intellegence by saying that he has a small brain before saying that he won a banquet dinner for fifty. Of course Sid sells it like he just won the food lottery. For a guy with a small brain, he knows how to use words such as edibles and consumables. (Now we can add ableism to Bubsy's bigot score card. I almost saw that one coming a mile away actually.) Bubsy writes down on the notepad and gets the address from Sid and then hangs up saying that his brain is very small. Bozwell and the twins stop running as Bozwell accuses Sid of giving Bubsy their address. Of course ,we never actually heard the address; so Sid shakes his head no. (Cinema 101 violation!) Bozwell claims that Sid did give the address. Wow; Bozwell is the only guy acting like a heel. The twins are behind him; so they push Bozwell into the stew pot and slam the out of nowhere lid on him. Yeah; how dare Bozwell act like a heel?! Heels are babyfaces and babyfaces are heels in this world. No good guys; just all bad guys, and I don't just mean in terms of alignment. Boz screams and jumps from the strew pot in pain and then we jump cut to Ally screaming as Boz and Sid run up to her in the living room. (Wow; it took nearly 20 minutes before I said jump cut on this show. For shame 2016 me!) She of course protest this outrage because the helmet has murdered her hair into the most awkward hairstyle in 1993! (And that hairstyle is awkward, man!)

Bozwell informs her that Sid blew their cover and helmet hair is low on the list of concerns. Which in any sane universe is true. (Which is why Bozwell is the best character on the show by default! No wonders the focus group turned on it so quickly.) This storyline does not take place in an sane universe. It takes place in a universe where everyone is a jackass, stupid and unlikable. Which sadly is much closer to our universe even in 2016 than we would like it to be. (Remember, I reviewed this episode eight months before Donald Trump became president.) Ally is angry of course and she's surrounded by idiots and jackasses. Okay; she didn't say that line, but it's true. (Yup.) Ally's plan to stop Bubsy: Don't answer the damn door when he comes. That is not the dumbest plan I have ever heard. Sadly; we all know it's going to made into the dumbest plan in the multiverse, because she is ordering SID to not answer the door. (That is not the worst plan I have ever heard either.) We have a knock on the door; and Sid goes to the door. Now; if they wanted to book Sid as a stupid shrew, then he should open the door, Bubsy gives him an exploding banana on a stick and we move on. Nope; Sid goes to the door and Bubsy flings the door open; smashing Sid into the wall. Bubsy would have gotten in even if Sid hadn't gone to the door. STUPID! (Now THAT's the worst plan I have ever heard and it makes Ally look stupid. Granted, the heel is supposed to look stupid in the end; but by god, she has been stupid throughout this entire thing and she hasn't acted like a heel.) All the babyfaces walk in as Bubsy demands the helmet and the twins. Bozwell wisely is behind the twins as Bubsy mangles his metaphors just with his voice alone. Now if there was a payoff; Ally would be defeated and then she would sing like Hoppo singing the Wuzzle National Anthem. (I was hoping for Ally to simply give the helmet back because she hates it for mangling her hair; but she refuses to hand over the twins. That would have made her into a monster heel; but of course, she doesn't. Screw this show, AGAIN~!) I doubt that will happen at all. (Both booking ideas to boot!)

Ally brings out the chalkboard and scrapes her fingernails on it. All the males sell pain; while Oblivia actually lives up to her name by no selling the whole thing. It took TWENTY MINUTES for them to have a babyface make me laugh, and it happened with her doing absolutely nothing. (To be fair, Virgil's bad suspenders and the ruby ring did amuse me, so there was effort there.) Luigi; are you listening? (To say that Luigi took this to heart was an understatement. I mean, it was the only thing that made Luigi not look like a buttmonkey.) Worse; we still have four minutes left in this episode! Ally's not impressed by Oblivia's resolve as Oblivia twists the chalkboard and smashes it on Ally's head. Wow; a bump that actually made sense? What the hell happened here? (Yes, Oblivia Newton John has gone from nothing to the #1 babyface just like that! Someone pitch her for a new show, she's pretty damn over. Oh wait; the company who produced this show is dead. Sigh.) The helmet drops onto the floor; everyone jumps in and we get the FCC FRIENDLY CLOUDDUST FIGHT OF DEATH as Sid tumbles out with the helmet on his head. Bozwell wisely stayed out of it and pleads for Sid to use his imagination. Sid imagines a corn dog; but says bee in the process before blinking twice and he gets a corndog with a bee. When the stupid guy wishes for something that even remotely threatening compared to the main heel Ally; this show...you guessed it. Sid eats the corndog with the bee as Bozwell tackles him. The helmet goes flying off Sid's head with anime background and Terrence catches it. For goodness sakes; have Oblivia wear the damn helmet since she's the only babyface that is remotely over at this point. So Terrence wishes for a happy birthday and Ally rushes Terrence; but misses and slams into another birthday cake. Yawn. The helmet goes flying and lands on Oblivia's head. YES! YES! YES! YES! (You can tell 2016 Me was just begging for Oblivia to go for the dream cop out finish like a port-begger begging for Bayonetta on PS4 because this show is a lost cause and that finish wouldn't be any worse than the show. How crushed 2016 me would be...)

Now if she lives up to her name; the whole world blows up and we can call this series that didn't make it past the pilot stage finished. Right? Wrong! She looks at Bozwell and we blink twice to have a wedding with BUBSY as the groom and Oblivia as the bride. Of course! So why call her Oblivia then? Besides, they are past the point of most episodes ending anyway; so why not have the whole place blow up and then have the whole thing as a dream anyway. It would be a cheap cop-out; but it's still better than what we are getting now. Moreover; if you are going to do the wedding spot, shouldn't Oblivia be looking at Bubsy; or have Bozwell be the groom?! Can't these writers even try to at least make sense? (No, because that would involve thinking your show through and they are acting like children at this point.) So Ally steals the helmet and somehow it gets on Bozwell's head. Ummm; shouldn't Bozwell steal the helmet first? Anyhow; Bozwell blinks twice and all the babyfaces and heels are inside the kitchen in the stew pot. This makes Bozwell automatically the best character of the entire show. Yip; cue the execs giving the axe to this show's future. (And that was the best spot on the show, bar none too!) Ally is pissed off as she gets out and go after Bozo anyway; effectively killing the moment. (Not really, that was one of the better moments of the show.) Bubsy and Ally fight for the helmet and it goes flying right on Arnold's head. Arnold doesn't like it and blinks twice. Doorbell rings again (?) as Sid runs and answers the door; causing the truck to run right in and run him over (I think. (No, he got runned over and no one cares. I would have been laughed if they had done the exploding banana on a stick earlier and then Sid comes back driving the truck and running over Arnold. That would have worked out a lot better.)). Ally grabs the helmet and puts it on her helmet. She wants her...wait for it...her own television show. Which by the way; would be better than this one. Way to bury your own product there guys. (Again, if your show within a show is the much better show than the one you are trying to get over, that's a bad sign.)

So we have a Robert Leech moment (complete with Jim Cummings voicing Robert Leech) for the rich and furry in Las Vegas. So Bubsy lives in Nevada? That's a load of bull. Ally takes the helmet off and she has bed head again. Oblivia "runs" in (more like "walk without a damn" (and at this point, I don't blame her.)) and whacks Ally with the chalkboard from behind like a heel. (Most babyfaces do that too, so whatever.) The helmet goes flying and Bubsy captures it from Bozwell as the twins cheer. Whatever; END THIS PLEASE! END THIS CRAP NOW! So Bubsy puts the helmet on and we get sound effects as everyone panics because the helmet is going to blow up. Vrigin orders Bubsy to take the damn helmet off. Of course in any sane world; this would be a reasonable request. Not in Bubsy's world; oh no. Bubsy no sells because being dangerous is attitude. See what you have done Darkwing Duck? You now officially have blood on your hands. Bubsy's blood! (Oh sod off 2016 Me! Drake Mallard is not THAT horrible.) Everyone scatters in various directions; because they love life and Bubsy doesn't give a crap. Which is a perfect metaphor for the creators of this show. (Sadly, Arnold doesn't have the sense to disappear and never return.) So he blinks twice and we get an explosion and we return as the heels are tied up and nothing happens at all. Even the helmet is perfectly intact. WHAT THE HELL?! You promised the helmet was going to blow up and you don't even have the effort to actually have the helmet destroyed?! (Screw this...you guessed it!) I should note that this is the first time Oblivia got Bubsy's name right. Bubsy jumps down and claims that it just goes to show you that you have to....actually show more stock footage. I am not calling the stock footage this time; because doing that running joke twice is enough. This is truly a third-rate Muppet Babies now. This sucks even more than the first two times because at least the first two attempts happened during the episode and had some context to them even if it's the laziest thing to do.

Now; they are just doing it to fill time because Bubsy has won; so the episode is over, but they still have two minutes left. This ending should have been cut; your point is proven, you lost the deal anyway, so why bother continuing? Just to milk a joke that doesn't work? This is not insanity; at least insanity can be amusing when booked right. This is apathy at it's worst. And apathy is basically doing the same thing over and over again and not caring about the result. (And that's even more dangerous than insanity since it makes you a scoiopath.) So Bubsy puts the helmet back on and is tingling because the helmet is broken you see. (Oh; now the helmet is completely broken. Logic? What logic?!) So that adventure will have to wait forever or until Bubsy 3D comes out. Oh boy; that game. (Or Bubsy: Paws on Fire gets announced by Billionsoft DBA as Accolade with Choice Provisions; who is a good developer at least.) Oh; and he says his stupid catchphrase for the ninth time and eleventh said overall. (I'm shocked that they didn't go for a dozen there. So even this show cannot do their number timings right.) Bubsy half hugs Arnold, Arnold panics and they electrocude themselves to end the pilot at 23:45. (Everyone thought Arnold and Bubsy were dead after this elecutation spot. Joke is on all of you! #Woolies #PawsOnFire!) Oh; and Jim Cummings is called Jimmy Cummings in the credits. No one's fooled Jim. (More like whomever wrote the end credits.) Rob Paulsen called Bubsy the most embarrassing thing he ever voiced and he's right on the money here. (No he did not say that. He simply did this for a pay cheque and forgot about it. Geez; stop this stupidity, you sound like a lazy clickbait blog.) I blame the voice director for this who I think is Dan MacIntye according to the credit. Anyhow; this is slightly better than Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue mostly because no PSA's or morals were involved, but that ain't saying anything at all. This was the definition of horrible cartoon: Bad animation, stock footage, bad booking, bad acting, bad voices, lifeless artwork, unlikable babyfaces, ineffective heels, logic breaks out of the wazoo, goes on for far too long, poor from start to finish and only one or two jokes that were remotely funny. Call it -*** 3/4 (-75%) and that is being generous. (So it was -**** then. Okay.)

Breadwinners' pilot was godawful; but it wasn't really intented to be picked up as a project since Nickeledeon was so stupid in thinking they struck gold twice after the Fred Youtube deal. And the animation was better in Breadwinners when it was picked up, so there was a bit of quality control. (A teeny tiny bit though.) This was no fun at all; everyone felt like they wanted even infants to stay away from this. Every possible thing that could go wrong did here. Also; notice how everyone in this show is either nuts or angry? Also notice how no one shuts up? It's wall to wall talking and noise without any context nor reason. This gives me new found respect for Phineas in Phineas & Ferb: Yes; Phineas was happy most of the time. However; when Phineas got mad at Candance and Perry in the OAV's; those moments had impact. (Yeah; because when you overdo anger, people repel from you because who wants to deal with someone who hates for no good reason?) I wonder if the critics who hate Phineas are jealous because Phineas & Ferb used emotion when it counted; and Bubsy is just an angry little man that they can use to project themselves as? After seeing this show; I wonder if those "Phineas is happy. BOO!" critics were the writers of this show? Because Bubsy and company were not geniunely happy in this pilot. Sid seemed to be the only one happy; and he's supposed to be the heel. STUPID! (Pretty much sums up the show, doesn't it?!)

THE REVIEW LINE

I think we have finally found one of the worst pilot episodes in history. Someone clearly created this as an example of what not to do. There is only a few moments where there was some amusement; but even those moments could have been improved if there was an actual story editor and not an approver. My rant speaks for itself and I won't repeat it here. Needless to say; this pilot was the worst cartoon of 1993 by a mile; but Bubsy is worse than Sonic in every single respect. Sonic is a one note gimmick; but he is more likable than Bubsy. I know this isn't saying much; but there it is. At least he had a lovable sidekick in Tails. This show has Arnold who isn't likable either; mainly because Arnold doesn't take the freakin hint and leave Bubsy. Bubsy did a lot more damage to furries than one asshole harrassing Tress MacNeillie at a convention. The main reason why people called that incident worse was because it's Tress MacNeillie and she's awesome. Plus; she's a human being. Never mind that pilots like Bubsy were done by professionals who should have known better and influenced more people to foresake these type of cartoons far more. Sometimes the quality of your work does matter and does have negative consequences. This is one of those times. And to think; that world is close to TaleSpin's world in many ways; and they completely disgraced TaleSpin's world with this crap. (If that was their intention, they failed at that as well because TaleSpin was excellent and Bubsy never was. Heck; even the TaleSpin video games were better than Bubsy. Paws on Fire might be the exception to this rule; but damn it took too long.) The good new is; the execs were smart enough to at least realize that Bubsy had no future and axed the show completely; but it didn't stop Accolade and company from creating a few Bubsy sequels and a 3D version of the game that was so bad, it exposed Next Generation and Gamefan for being terrible magazines since they were the ones building up the game. In the end; no one was fooled. Gamefan's reviews were so stupid that it wasn't surprising giving their bogus rumors about the Nintendo 64 at around the time. In the end; Bubsy did a lot of damage to the mascot genre of gaming, to the point where only the best (Mario, Sonic to a lesser extent) were left and everyone went to playing bald head space marines because cute was a terrible thing in the real world. You can blame realism for a lot of bad decisions; but this is not one of them. (Accolade went out of business and it's brand name and IP was bought out by Billionsoft. Billionsoft then proceeds to revive Bubsy and the first new game was just there to suck (which is a vast improvement to Bubsy 3D) and the upcoming Paws On Fire which is coming to the Switch; which might be the best Bubsy game of all time and might actually be good. We'll see if it truly is when it comes out on May 16th.) So, the next pilot is the Battletoads pilot, which might actually be slightly better than this one, but I'm not giving my hopes up. (It was much better than this pilot, but still a DUD basically.) So...

Thumbs way the hell down in hell for this episode and I'll see you all next time.

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