Return to 50 Webs

Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.

Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.

Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue

Reviewed: 04/18/2014

...Of Killing Their Careers!

Welcome to Easter Sadism 2014 edition kiddies; and this one is on the top line in terms of Easter Sadism Trainwrecks. It's been almost 24 years to the date that this special aired (only missing it by three days; although the US Congress got to see it 24 years to this very date) which was going to be an all-star lineup from the various 1980's cartoons. It felt like a match made in heaven for many of the cartoon's fans and various kids in the audience who enjoy this sort of camp value even 24 years later. There was just one problem: It was never designed for the fans. This special was designed basically as a public service announcement in theory; but in practice, it was more like a fetish for the Pro-Drug War advocates all over the world. Welcome to the Rant Shack, Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue! All the cartoons dumb enough to join in got their careers set back quite a few years and some never recovered from it. Now before we begin this train wreck of a special; I want to say the following up front: I'm not going to go through how much hypocrisy nor how ineffective this special is because (a) That'll take forever to explain and (b) Almost all the readers reading this are probably aware of it already. No; complaining about this being a documentary is quite a waste of time since we are involving cartoon characters coming into the "real world". Besides; there is lots and lots of lunacy in this special without the Anti-Drug message being pounded into your kisser like a kidney punch. Anyhow; I must confess that I did watch this special as a kid a few times and those times; I didn't care about it. I didn't think it was a bad special, I was just happy to see all my favorite characters in the same show trying to co-exist. Now; I have seen the special as an adult without the sound on because I realize how crappy this special really was. I partially thank TaleSpin for that which was going to air on Disney Channel literally TWO weeks after this special was aired. Although; I originally thought it aired in late August of 1990 (even in the USA); it was April.

There are many problems with this special and I'll explain them one by one as we go; but red flag #1 was that this was financed by MacDonalds, via Ronald MacDonald Children's Chairtes. Now MacDonalds in 1990 didn't have nearly as much heel heat as now due to globalization and the backlash that soon followed; but considering that they sell soft drinks which contain the drug known as caffeine...Yeah. Maybe I'll explain why it isn't so hypocritical later on. One other note: Garfield is in the special and there was rumors that Jim Davis didn't give the greenlight to let them use Garfield the character; which was justification for not putting the special on DVD; which is nonsense because it was a public service, so it was for free. It won't be on DVD because no one, not even the old farts will watch this anymore given how much more we have learned about drugs in general, how neopist the system is and how ugly the Drug War has become. So I'm going to rant on this from an entertainment point of view because it's much more funnier that way; and I can get through this without pulling my hair out. I'll need a lot of caffeine for this one. Let's rant on shall we...?!

Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue is written by Duane Pool and Tom Swale. Duane was mostly a writer for Hanna Barbara back as far as 1975. Duane also wrote some Love Boat episodes in the 1980's, Hotel and Lottery among others. After this movie; he wrote for a lot of television movies with his most recent credit being The Edge Of The Garden for teleplay. So no; this special didn't sink his career. He has 61 writing credits, 14 producer credits and 13 other credits to his resume. Tom started with Land Of The Lost in 1975 and was also mostly a Hanna Barbara writer before pairing up with Duane Pool. He then proceeded to sink as he created only three or four television movies (last one being False Pretenses in 2004), before going under. Most notable as the associate producer of Sigmund & The Seamonsters in 1973. He has 28 writing credits, 10 producer credits, and nine other credits to his resume. Animation is done by Wang Films via Endemol Australia (known as Southern Star Productions).

Opening Moment #1: So we have a rainbow-equse background containing a light blue star with the outer edge of the star colored dark blue. The entire title is in yellow letters; but the "All-Stars" part is in cursive writing for no good reason. There is also this musical flourish that screeches to a halt within five seconds. Then we head to the Mister T: The Animated Series live action segment at the White House family room with George Herbert Walker Bush (who was the president of the United States for two years at this point) and Barbara Bush (wearing a SWANK black/blue dress; which is kind of hilarious in hindsight.) sitting on a couch. Barbara is rubbing behind a dog's ears the entire time while it's head is sitting on it's lap; and she cuts a promo which summarizes what Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue is. Note that Barbara uses the term "drugs and alcohol abuse" here; and then she turns it over to George who claims that this is a tale about how drugs and alcohol can ruin your life; thus insulting about 75% of the adults out there; and a huge chunk of children who need drugs just to live. As a type two diabetic; this actually insulted me because if it wasn't for drugs, I would have died a painful death many years ago. So sod off Mr. President 1988! Barbara on the other hand; you are safe because you used a much better context of words. Sadly; Barbara then loses some points on the landing by telling everyone to stay away from drugs and alcohol; and then we cut away and see stock footage of the front of the White House to end the segment. Notice a trend here? Yeah; all drugs and alcohol are evil without any context on why they are used. You couldn't say "recreational" drugs? I mean; those are the illegal drugs that you want children to stay away from because there is little upside to them and cause too much harm even with the dose being the poison. So this lasted 30 seconds; but this took a full paragraph to write. I should point out that in the Canadian version; Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was the one to present the live-action segment to us. I think the promo he cut was the same, maybe even word for word. Maybe the Canadian version is on the internet somewhere.

We begin this one with the sun rising as we get a pan over to a suburban street corner and then towards a house as a rooster sound effect is dubbed in. We zoom into a window and play peeping tom to a blond girl in pink pj's sleeping in an oversized bed cuddling Winnie The Pooh. Oh wait; that is a toy tie-in of Winnie The Pooh. Or IS it? HEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm..Did I mention that there is a alarm clock that is shaped like Kermit the frog from Muppet Babies. Muppet Babies was so popular with the 1980's crowd that it somehow no one could top it because the rest of us felt that this was bush league level stuff with stock footage used as their imagination because the animators were too cheap to do parodies of the footage. I actually liked Muppet Babies back in the day; but I have no real strong opinion about the show as an adult. Then we zoom to a full room sweep as the window is open; so I think it's summer time here in this sub-urban place. There are a lot of toys in the room; but the room is mostly clean as a whistle. So we cut to a shot at the door which has the conveniently placed piggy bank (complete with red bowtie and flower design on it's sides) on a shelf. This might be the dumbest place to put a piggy bank as the door opens and a hand comes out and grabs the piggy bank; and the door closes again. So we pan to the floor and see a comic book on the floor which was never there during the far shot pan over (logic break #1 barely thirty seconds in) and we see the pages flipping on their own as there are a lot of white hat mushroom males with blue colored skin wearing white boots. Well; most of them anyway. They live in a forest in mushroom houses as we get to see some flipping pages of a baby version of these cute little buggers and one using a horn. I should have realized; these are the damn Smurfs. The Hanna Barbera version from 1981 onwards. Believe it or not; I like the Smurfs back then although watching The Smurfs & The Magic Flute does take some having to wipe the HB canon out of my head and dealing with some of the weirdest crap you'll ever see.

I am not going to harp about how stupid it is for people to believe that all of this being evil because it's not a capitalist society; I'll just have you talk to Ed Brayton, since he's probably better at the subject than I am. So we pan to a mushroom tower with a clock that strikes seven o'clock and we hear the alarm. We cut to a fatter mushroom and out comes Santa Smurf~! Oh come on guys! He's wearing a red cap and red boots (although he's also wearing an oversized red shirt here); how could that NOT be MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. He's the ring leader of this village; aka Papa Smurf; which is lame because he doesn't have a second name like Baloo has when Kit calls him Papa Bear. Papa Smurf is voiced by Don Messick; who was voicing Scooby Doo, I do believe. And speaking of the dog; why isn't he in this special? And of course; even in 1990; part of his promo uses the word "smurf" (I was smurfing like a baby), so this was not just a CGI live-action movie thing. I was smurfing like a baby? So he was sh**ting like one? The only reason you would use the word smurf instead of sleeping is because he was doing something that was unsuitable to say for kids. Say what you will about the CGI/live action movies; they at least remembered to use the word in the right context. Papa is complaining about it being morning already; and then for some strange reason, he panics. I was hoping that it was to blow off a certain full of himself Smurf who is the poster child for concussions the world over; but it's because he can somehow see the real word from his comic book (which is amazing considering that he's merely ink & paint); which logically, he should only see blue skies. Logic break #2 for the episode 48 seconds in. We discover that the blond girl's name is Corey and Papa Smurf runs to the tower and a rope comes completely out of nowhere for logic break #3 for the episode barely five seconds after that. So Papa pulls on the rope and we get a shot of the bell ringing in the tower and out comes at least a half dozen Smurfs which is probably all Wang Films could animate. At least Wang Films isn't doing a million scene changers. Yet.

So the Smurfs want to know what is going on and Papa Smurf tells them that Corey needs help because she was robbed and they instantly spring into action by grabbing a large wooden ladder. No one can accuse the Smurfs of not being team players that much I am certain off. Sure; they are one note gimmicks and have no real personality to speak of (except for a few notable ones), but none of them can be accused of not being able to work together. So then they break all logic and reason by running literally out of the comic book and onto the floor of Corey's bedroom. Papa Smurf leads the charge and two additional Smurfs have a red life net which is no longer approved by fire departments since 1983; because of a high failure rate. So we cut to a portrait of a brown alien in a Hawaiian shirt who suddenly comes alive for no reason. So he busts through the photograph and he looks like....it's ALF from ALF in both live action and the animated series (along with ALFtales); the alien that lives with a family. And people accuse Phil Of The Future and Wizards of Waverly Place of this nonsense? Look; ALF in live action was cool; but the animated series wasn't good. I didn't care about it because ALF annoying the father to death and wondering if he would eat the household cat (that episode I still remember even after all these years) instead of ultimately taking care of it for the family was a lot more compelling than ALF's origin stories and goofy fairy tale parodies. ALF is voiced by Paul Fusco and is best known as playing Gordon Shumway; the sarcastic talking, cat eating, father annoying alien (Paul in a alien suit) known as ALF. 90% of his credits are as ALF; even in productions where ALF is not the star. Paul began his acting career as Santa and Tom Turkey in A Thanksgiving Tale and Santa's Magic Toy Bag in 1983. He is also a producer and writer which started in 1981 with The Crown of Bogg; and also did some puppeteer work for Dumbo Circus in 1985. Non-ALF credits include: Spacecats (Captain Catgut), A Very Retail Christmas (Puppet Performer). ALF: The Funny Radio Network Starting ALF is his most recent credit. He has 19 acting credits, 12 production credits, 12 writing credits, 2 direction credits, 2 other credits, and six Self credits (take one guess what character he plays in all six?) to his resume. So he's the alien version of Phil Barron; known for his one joke character.

Speaking of cats; ALF is on the shelf in front of the mirror as we see a lamp with a stem containing an orange with black stripes fatass tabby cat. ALF asks it if he wants to help search for the guy who robbed Corey; and the fatass cat blows him off because he has a lamp stem up his ass and that's enough work to deal with. Yeah; that was more disturbing than I had intended. Not to mention that this cat's mouth never moves; and that means this fatass cat is Garfield, which is Jim Davis' creation (as mentioned, the rumors suggest that Jim Davis wasn't informed of his character being used and that it prevented the release on home video; but that is false since it was on VHS. It's not on DVD because everyone hates it). Garfield has had some really decent television specials over the years before this and Garfield & Friends had barely started at this point, becoming one of the top three syndicated shows of all time according to some in the know (TMNT was #1 and TaleSpin was #3). Garfield I like more than ALF by the way. So ALF pulls the lamp stem out of Garfield's ass (SYMBOLISM~!) and basically threatens to eat him; and that is enough for Garfield to get up and salute him. HAHA! See; the gimmick of ALF is that he likes to eat cats for lunch and Garfield is a cat. Garfield walks down the dresser drawers which somehow are open for no reason (logic break #4 for the episode and we aren't even two minutes in) while ALF jumps down to the floor. They both go to the door; ALF opens the door and they both exit. Then we pan over to in front of another dresser drawer to a record turntable (I swear to god; this special was a trap for the Children's Television Act, with all of these tie-in toys being displayed for all to see) and a bunch of record as we get a lot of guitar rifts ala Project Cross Zone's remix of Mega Man X. We discover that the record cover is for three chipmunks dressed up in matching color coded shirts. Two of them come out and one of them is a shy, short male chipmunk wearing a green sweater and sneakers, while there is a male wearing blue rim glasses to match his blue sweater.

The green sweater chipmunk addresses the blue sweater chipmunk as Simon and wants to help catch the thief. Why can't I have this kind of service? WHY?! Beside the obvious: "They aren't real you dumbass!" Simon calls this a great idea and wants to use his powers of observation; so Simon is the resident genius of their show and then wonders where Alvin is. We then see Alvin plopped in front of the computer...oh wait, wrong show...I mean plopped in a chair in front of the television set (showing a soap opera) within the record album which is their new home now, for no reason. I then realize; these are Alvin & The Chipmunks, so the green sweater shy dude is Theodore. No Dave Seville in this special, I'm afraid. Alvin & Simon are voiced by Ross Bagdasarian Junior and he's basically the creator of Alvin & The Chipmunks since 1981. He only has two non-Alvin & The Chipmunks credits to his resume; one was an appearance on Up Close with Carrie Keagan in 2007; and performed the musical song Passachaglia in Heavy Metal; which is so not G-rated. Alvin & The Chipmunks 4 CGI/live action (yeah; we all bashed this years ago; and it only served to make this brand even stronger than it was before) and ALVINN! And The Chipmunks CGI television series (where Alvin looks like Justin Bieber which isn't the best of ideas now considering Justin's legal problems at the moment) are his most recent credits. He has 19 acting credits (as Alvin, Simon and sometimes Dave Seville), 16 producer credits, nine writing credits, and various soundtrack credits to his resume. Theodore is voiced by Janice Karman and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): She is the co-owner of Bagdasarian Productions with her husband Ross Bagdasarian, Jr. Karman was born in Los Angeles, California. Her father was psychologist Harvey Leroy Karman (born Harvey Walters). Her mother, Felice, was also a psychologist.[2] Karman played the role of Bunny in the 1975 film Switchblade Sisters (alternate title: The Jezebels).[3] The focus of Bagdasarian Productions company is on creating albums, cartoons, and other products based on the Alvin and the Chipmunks characters, who were created by Bagdasarian's father Ross Bagdasarian, Sr.

Besides helping to produce the records and cartoons, Karman provides the voice of Theodore and the members of the female spin-off group The Chipettes: Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor (Dody Goodman also did the voice of Miss Beatrice Miller as well). In Little Alvin and the Mini-Munks, Janice also got to play the role of Lalu. She originally voiced Theodore in the live-action/computer-animated film adaptation, but for promotional reasons Theodore was re-recorded by the singer and actor Jesse McCartney.[4] However, Karman does provide Theodore's singing voice in the film. Besides Switchblade Sisters; she appeared in Wham! Bam! Thank, You Spaceman! as an uncredited Prostitute. So not G-rated. She also plays Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette Miller; so that means this couple plays all seven of the main characters in the Ruby-Spears version of the series. That's one way of cutting costs without killing the quality; which explains why the R-S version didn't suck all that much. She most recent credits are the same as her husband's. She has 24 acting credits, 15 producer credits, 12 writing credits, 2 self credits, one direction credit and various soundtrack credits to her resume. Alvin of course doesn't want to help; because the gimmick is that he's vain and thinks Corey is an autograph hound. So we cut to outside as Simon and Theodore have grabbed Alvin by the ankles and arms and are carrying him out as Alvin protests this outrage. So the Smurfs are bouncing off the red hand trampoline with Papa Smurf on bottom and a Smurf with glasses on top which is kind of symbolic in itself. The glasses wearing Smurf is Brainy Smurf by the way; who is the shrill voice of reason; and also the victim of the "the group is alway right" spot in that he would cut a promo that made better sense than the plans of the Smurfs; and the Smurfs get so pissed off at that, because they are team players and have no real personality see.

Now; Brainy Smurf has a spot that Baloo stole from him. The Smurfs; off-screen would toss Brainy Smurf into the air into an open mushroom field and a butterfly would be animated in the scene. The butterfly flies around and Brainy Smurf falls into the scene and lands directly on the top of his head and somehow doesn't get killed or suffer a really bad concussion. Mad Dog and Dumptruck did the exact same spot as the Smurfs did to Brainy Smurf; to Baloo, only we actually saw them throw Baloo into the air before Baloo landed on his head in Polly Wants A Treasure. The difference is: This was Brainy Smurf's main gimmick. At the time; it was uber funny. Nowadays; thanks to knowledge of concussions; it's cringeworthy everytime this spot happens. It's like the cartoon equalivant of taking an unprotected chair shot to the head in professional wrestling. So we cut to the bed with Corey sleeping as Winnie The Pooh wakes up (The New Adventures of Winnie The Pooh started running about two years before this and it's the only 1980's DTVA show I have yet to rant on actually. It's a fine little show with only one extremely memorable moment; which didn't involve the titular character much if at all.) and crawls over Corey to the Smurfs asking if it's time for breakfast. Brainy Smurf points out that they are trying to wake Corey up and he blows off the Smurfs for not trying hard enough as they are apparently trying to wake the Baby Kermit alarm clock. So the Smurfs push harder and Brainy Smurf goes flying over Corey and lands on the bed on his face. Yeah; they BS&P'ed the spot so much in spite of the fact that it was a bed and the Smurfs are too small for the blow to have enough effect to be cringeworthy. So they killed the one "funny" gimmick Brainy Smurf had. Lovely. Winnie The Pooh is voiced by Jim Cummings at this point of the game, while Brainy Smurf is voiced by Danny Goldman and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): He graduated from Far Rockaway High School in 1957 and Columbia University in 1961.

One of his first roles was that of Nick Dutton, the son of an industrialist who knew the truth about his family's new butler and housekeeper, and helped them get acquainted in their new jobs in the 1971 situation comedy The Good Life. Among his other early roles on television were appearances in That Girl, Room 222, The Partridge Family, Love, American Style, Needles and Pins, Columbo, Baretta and Chico and the Man. He was a regular member of the cast of the situation comedy Busting Loose in 1977. Among Goldman's film credits are a small role as a medical student who asks Dr. Frankenstein about his grandfather in Young Frankenstein and another supporting role in Tunnel Vision. Goldman was also featured as Ozzie the Answer in the 1980s detective drama Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer and as Dr. Denton on Get Smart, Again!. He was also in the episode "I'll Kill 'Em Again" of the long-running police drama Hawaii Five-O and in the episodes "Brain Child" and "42" in Trapper John, M.D.. He also portrayed Porter on Where The Buffalo Roam in 1980 and Captain Murrhardt in M*A*S*H in 1970. Goldman appeared as a panelist on the What's My Line? TV program during its syndicated run, and on the live stage version in Hollywood several years later. Currently, Goldman is a well-known casting director of television commercials in Hollywood. Goldman is best known for his achievement in voicing of Brainy Smurf, from 1981-89 on the successful animated series The Smurfs. He returned to the voice of Brainy Smurf for the television show Robot Chicken in a segment that parodied the movie Seven. The show's creators remarked that of all the casting coups on their show, of which there are many, their greatest was getting Goldman to voice Brainy Smurf in Smurfs. He has reprised the role several more times on Robot Chicken whenever Brainy Smurf appears in a sketch.

He began his career with cameos in That Girl in 1969. Criminal Minds as Bob Zablonsky is his most recent credit. He has 81 acting credits, 10 casting direction credits, and two self credits to his resume. We are barely three minutes in and already I have created ten paragraphs. I was hoping to get just ten paragraphs into this entire special! Winnie The Pooh's gimmick is that he is an incredibly slow thinker because he is telling himself just to think. And this was basically to tell the fans that he is a slow thinker without any context nor reason to doing so. Winnie then goes over to the Baby Kermit alarm clock and sets it so it's rings and Baby Kermit gets rattled as the alarm clock rings. Baby Kermit whines about it and this is one of the more annoying voices Frank Welker has ever done in his career. So we cut to the bed as Brainy Smurf is trying to get his glasses (which have fallen on the bed natch); but Corey starts to wake up and she is clearly making eye contact with Brainy Smurf. Now; this actually ties into a point later on, so remember this spot for now. Brainy Smurf bails behind the pillows and Corey yawns for a few seconds and Brainy Smurf gets his glasses during this. Corey looks to the alarm clock and everything seems to return to normal for some reason as Corey is confused because she doesn't usually set the alarm clock on a Saturday. Then we pan up and see a green slimy ghost like creature with ugly teeth and yellow whites in his eyes coming out of the wall and sadly; the animators are too F'N cheap to not have the slime around the imprint this ghost made. Yeah; this is Slimer from Slimer! & The Real Ghostbusters which to many was the beginning of the end for the popular ghost busting action movie. I don't know why the Ghostbusters should have any sympathy for Slimer; much less keep him as a friend throughout the cartoon series. I'm not going to get into the Filmation/Columbia debate on who are the real Ghostbusters because there are enough DVD sets in circulation that do a better job explaining it then I can. Slimer is voiced by Frank Welker by the way. Just a note; the horn Smurf is Harmony Smurf because his gimmick is that he loves music.

The Ghostbusters opening theme song plays and Slimer eats a fake fruit salad desk lamp. I'm not making this up! Sadly; he misses about three or four grapes, but there is actually a point to this. The point is that he is going to shine the desk lamp's spotlight from his mouth and points it at the direction of the shelf where the piggy bank was before someone stole it. And apparently; Piggy Bank is trademarked because when Corey sees what happens; she cries out that someone took her bank. Yes; her bank! Umm; guys? That was not a bank. You couldn't change the thing so it looked like a different animal? How about "bird bank"? I realize that this is designed to please the pro-drug war advocates of the world; but at least put an effort into what you do! If only because the cartoon characters reputations are on the line. Corey is voiced by Lindsay Parker and according to IMDB: Lindsay Parker was born on March 30, 1980 in Los Angeles, California, USA. She is known for her work on Flowers in the Attic (1987), Critters 2 (1988) and The Other Woman (1995). She was ten years old when she played Corey in this role. She began her career as Little Girl in MacGyver in 1986. Mostly cameos; and Cartoon All-Stars was her only animation appearance. Adventures of Johnny Tao as Jenny is her final credit since retiring from acting in 2007. She has 21 acting credits to her resume; and did ADR for King of the Hill movie in 1993 (not the cartoon series; a live action movie). So we head into the hallway with ALF, Garfield and the Sevilles and we hear a shattering sound faintly dubbed in (we are going into C-movie level here) as ALF somehow hears the sound and calls it the sound of a shattered piggy. Yes; you can say "piggy" or "bank"; but not "piggy bank" in this special. So Garfield stops and turns to the hard camera and cuts a promo about shattering piggys and eating lasagna; which is one of his gimmicks, along with pushing a yellow dog named Odie over the edge of the table for no reason.

One more thing concerning the joke with Garfield and ALF: That would have been even funnier if we discover that the scene took place on Monday since one of Garfield's gimmicks is that he loathes Monday. And really; who can argue with him? I mean; he eats lasagna and hates Mondays! That's a winner character right there! Sadly; none of the people involved care about quality because they are doing a PSA. So they open the door to a bedroom and sneak into the darkened room which the lighting in this is actually decent. So we get a northern pan shot from the shot showing the babyfaces yellow shadows (as Garfield is disappointed that there is no food in the room. Bastards!) towards a closet like room. Then we hear noises and the babyfaces hide under the bed; and ALF is so big that Garfield has to push him under the bed in order to completely hide him out of sight. Oh; the irony! So some male teenager comes out looking mad and wearing generic clothing; and looks straight out of a Alvin & The Chipmunks show from Ruby-Spears. Hindsight 20/20; I'm fine with this because if you are going to do a PSA, you need to have the family be as bland as you can be since the point of this is to show how drugs and alcohol abuse can change even the most "normal" of families. This is one aspect they got right at least. So we see the teenage boy pouring silver dollars out of the piggy bank proclaiming that there must be 20 dollars here. It's clear that Jason Marsden is voicing the teenage boy here, so I'm guessing that it's Michael. Theodore gasps in horror that the thief is Corey's own big brother which ALF gets off a smart ass comment that makes no sense to me. Seeing big brothers steal money from piggy banks like a slimy heel is nothing new in cartoons so I wonder why Theodore would gasp in horror over this. I'm certain this happens to him all the time with Alvin Seville. I then realize that there is a blue box behind Michael on the bed out of nowhere during the counting of the money as there is a knock on the door.

We cut to outside the hallway and it's Corey wearing a purple robe and matching color slippers knocking addressing herself and addressing the brother officially as Michael. Michael yells at her to go away in the most blandish voice possible. There was absolutely no energy in that blow off at all. So Corey opens the door and gasps as she catches Michael red-handed and she actually sezs "piggy bank" here. Thank you writers for f**king with my mind here. Michael is clearly putting dollar bills into his jean pockets despite the fact that the piggy bank was all silver coins. I'm not going to bother counting logic breaks anymore in this special. The chipmunks are under the bed as they see Corey walking in with bunny rabbit slippers. Michael at first yells at her to stay away even though the audio is muffled enough for him to say "screw away"; which I hoped he would say. Then Michael claims that the piggy bank fell and he was trying to fix it which is the lamest lie I have ever heard from a thief; so much so that even Alvin is blowing it off as not believable in the vaguest sense of the phrase. Corey is not buying what Michael is selling (YAY!) as Michael continues to put more money into his pockets (Geez; I wondered why Corey wasn't selling the excuse? Michael is so dumb that it's not believable either) and Corey notices the box (which is shown on the closeup) and asks what is in the box. Geez; Corey is awfully nosy. It's one thing to stick your nose into your brother's business because he stole something from you; but I don't recall Corey owning that other box. So Michael semi-panics and shoves the box under the bed right in front of the chipmunks. Michael blows her off for butting into his business about the box and tells her never to touch it. So Alvin opens it anyway to reveal some badly designed cigars (or poop; it's hard to tell with the bad artwork), a book of matches, some white like device that I have no idea what it does and a wrapped package of something which I cannot tell either. Alvin somehow deduces that someone is doing a major chemistry experiment or a serious no-no; which ALF responds by saying that they are not in cartoon territory anymore. While this sounds shocking; I should note that Rescue Rangers called, they think you are full of crap ALF! See Song Of The Night'N'Dale episode of Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers for the prescident. And that's before Tiny Toons existed to take it a step further than that!

Theodore then sniffs the air and wonders about the smell as Simon explains that the smell is from the box which is marijuana, an unlawful (and always controversial) substance to get man-made highs; which in some cases is accurate. However; reality is a lot more complex than that, otherwise; there would be no attempts to try to legalize it under heavy regulations for decades now. Sadly; this is a PSA for drug war fetish warriors and thus it's lumped in with all drugs that are bad. I cannot believe that the Canadian Advertisers 90 second commercial on drugs was a lot better than this and much more effective too. I'll explain it in the Review Line after this rant because it ties into the point of why this special was so crappy. So Michael is sitting on the bed (wearing white sneakers) with his hands in his hair looking like a nervous wreck as Corey calls him weird and Michael blows her off for it. Corey then proclaims that if he wanted money; he could have asked and then notices circles under his eyes while we see the Smurfs hiding behind the door in the hallway. Okay; I don't get why this is a sign of drug abuse. It's always a sign of "reading under the covers" disease (thanks Orac's lurkers at Respectful Insolance for that one.). Idiots. So we see a jump cut to Garfield on a desk with shades on. WHAT THE HELL? I thought Garfield was under the damn bed. We never saw Garfield climb onto a desk at all. Michael grabs the shades on Garfield's face; puts them on off-screen and walks out of the room into the hallway as all the cartoon babyfaces bail to not be seen by Corey nor Michael (which is pointless as you'll see later). Corey walks out pleading for Michael to listen because he always tells her everything and he won't tell her what is wrong. We then hear a female voice in the background asking Michael where he is going and there's no answer other than a door slamming dubbed in for good measure. I'm assuming that this is Michael's mother. Michael's Mother is voiced by Laurie O'Brien and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): She is best known for voicing Baby Piggy on the 1980s Saturday morning cartoon Jim Henson's Muppet Babies from 1984-1991 & the CTW animated series Cro as Ivana the mammoth.

As an on-camera actress, O'Brien has guest starred on the soap opera Santa Barbara as a hooker as well as other numerous TV series including Trapper John, M.D., NYPD Blue, Matlock, Chicago Hope, ER, CSI, CSI Miami, 7th Heaven, Reasonable Doubts, Shark, Three Rivers, Detroit 1-8-7, and L.A. Law on which she played a woman on trial for killing her rapist. TV movies include The Defiant Ones, Too Young to Die?, Infidelity, Children of the Night, Convicted, and One More Mountain. Movies include Bottle Shock in which she played Christopher Pine's mother. Laurie has an extensive background in theater winning three major awards for her lead roles in Mary Barnes, Savage in Limbo and Times Like These. She is married to Carl Weintraub. Her son Cory O'Brien is a writer who retells myths on his blog bettermyths.com. She began her career as Terry in Timerider: The Adventure of Lyle Swann in 1982. Before Your Eyes (Elke Sommers) and Complete Works (Deborah Hunterschmidt) are her most recent credits. She has 64 acting credits to her resume. So we head back in Michael's bedroom looking out the window as all the babyfaces do not like where this is going now. ALF then cuts the first anti-drug promo and all I have to say about this is: The second they start doing this; plug your damn ears because almost all of them are cringeworthy and so simplistic that most kids and even adults would laugh these jokers out of the house for this bullcrap. Alvin proclaims that they need to help Michael; which is a good decision in the wrong PSA. So everyone jumps out of the window with Baby Kermit using a red towel as a parachute; while everyone else climbs down the pipe and goes into the street as Winnie The Pooh decides to stay put and wave goodbye. Probably to keep an eye on Corey; which is a good idea because she does play into the finish of this special here. So we fade to black...

Before I continue with the next scene; I'm sure it was a shock to everyone that they came out with actual illegal drugs. The problem is that it's almost like in the movie Left Behind where they made a big deal in the marketing of the film and stuff about how awesome this action packed movie was. And for 10-12 minutes; it was action packed. It wasn't all that awesome; but it was decent enough even though the special effects were D-level and was completely dettached from reality. It was an okay movie; and then they fade to black. The next scene is a man pleading and screaming "WHY GOD?! WHY?!" to no one and the second that happened, everyone with a brain realized that this was actually a Christian movie. They betrayed us! Now I say almost in this case because at least Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue did address the real reason for this special up front with the live-action segment and on the box. However; most people ignore the box anyway, and some will probably fast-forward the Bush stuff anyway because they don't care about the president of the USA or something. In that case; it would be making a huge deal out of a crossover of even 15% of the 1980's cartoon roster. And then in five minutes after a boring sequence; we find the drugs and realize that this is a PSA; feeling completely betrayed. To be fair to CASTTR; drug abuse is a less touchy subject than religion, particually considering that Tim LaHayes' view points on the end times are so frightening that it's like he is trying to destroy America and turn it into a fantasy land from hell, with no sense of irony or hypocrisy. So as stupid as this PSA is; it doesn't do nearly as much damage as the Left Behind movie does. Now; with that out of the way... We head outside AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) in town to a video arcade. Yes; a video arcade. Because a strip club is still a no-no. Illegal drugs are fine; but not a strip club. So we head inside and see Michael hanging out with the crowd and smoking what I guess is weed; but I'm certain it's merely tabacco. Which actually would be acceptable in this case because minors aren't suppose to smoke anyway.

So we get the usual rock music as Michael blows on a cancer stick and smoke appears and turns into a ghost like cartoon character with the same colored whites in his eyes as Slimer; leading me to believe that he was a recycled character from The Real Ghostbusters! So the Smoke Ghost of Doom is talking to him like he's the evil conscience of Michael about the smoking washing away the stupid piggy bank and Corey. At least Smoke playing a slimy heel is actually great for this role; but that makes him the defacto babyface because the smarks think they're cool and so edgy for getting it; which is basically how Family Guy was able to live on for so many years off the backs of the same 1980's kids who have becomes the asshole demographic. Smoke is voiced by the late George C. Scott (passed away in 1999) and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Scott first rose to prominence for his work with Joseph Papp's New York Shakespeare Festival. In 1958, he won an Obie Award for his performances in Children of Darkness (in which he made the first of many appearances opposite his future wife, actress Colleen Dewhurst), for As You Like It, and for playing the title character in William Shakespeare's Richard III (a performance one critic said was the "angriest" Richard III of all time).[3] He was on Broadway the following year, winning critical acclaim for his portrayal of the prosecutor in The Andersonville Trial by Saul Levitt. This was based on the military trial of the commandant of the infamous Civil War prison camp in Andersonville, Georgia. His performance earned him a mention in Time magazine. In 1970, Scott directed a highly acclaimed television version of this same play. It starred William Shatner, Richard Basehart, and Jack Cassidy, who was nominated for an Emmy Award for his performance as the defense lawyer in this production. Scott continued to appear in and sometimes direct Broadway productions throughout the 1960s.

The most commercially successful show in which he worked was Neil Simon's Plaza Suite (1968). The show was composed of three separate one-act plays all utilizing the same set, with Scott portraying a different lead character in each act, and ran for 1,097 performances. He made many television appearances, including an episode of NBC's The Virginian, in the episode "The Brazen Bell", in which he recites Oscar Wilde's poem "The Ballad Of Reading Gaol". That same year, he appeared in NBC's medical drama The Eleventh Hour, in the episode "I Don't Belong in a White-Painted House". He appeared opposite Laurence Olivier and Julie Harris in Graham Greene's The Power and the Glory in a 1961 television production.[4] In 1963, Scott was top-billed in the CBS hour-long drama series East Side, West Side; he and co-star Cicely Tyson played urban social workers. The show lasted only one season. In 1965 he was cast, under the direction of John Huston, as Abraham with, among others, co-star Ava Gardner cast as Sarah in the Dino de Laurentiis film: The Bible: In the Beginning which was released by 20th Century Fox in 1966.[5] In 1966, Scott appeared as Jud Barker in the NBC western The Road West, starring Barry Sullivan, Kathryn Hays, Andrew Prine, and Glenn Corbett. Scott won wide public recognition in the film Anatomy of a Murder, in which he played a wily prosecutor opposite James Stewart as the defense attorney. Scott was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. Scott's most famous early role was in Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, in which he played General "Buck" Turgidson. It is revealed on the DVD documentary that after having shot many takes of any given scene, Stanley Kubrick would frequently ask Scott to redo it in an "over the top" fashion.

Kubrick proceeded to use this version in the final cut, which Scott supposedly resented.[6] Scott portrayed George S. Patton in the 1970 film Patton and researched extensively for the role, studying films of the general and talking to those who knew him. Scott refused the Oscar nomination for Patton, just as he had done for his 1962 nomination for The Hustler, but won the award anyway.[7] In a letter to the Motion Picture Academy he stated that he didn't feel himself to be in competition with other actors. However, regarding this second rejection of the Academy Award, Scott famously said elsewhere, "The whole thing is a goddamn meat parade. I don't want any part of it."[2][8] Sixteen years later, in 1986, Scott reprised his role in a made-for-television sequel, The Last Days of Patton. The movie was based on Patton's final weeks after being mortally injured in a car accident, with flashbacks of Patton's life. At the time the sequel was aired, Scott mentioned in a TV Guide interview that he told the Academy to donate his Oscar to the Patton Museum but since the instructions were never put in writing, it was never delivered.[citation needed] The Oscar is currently[when?] displayed at the Virginia Military Institute museum in Lexington, Virginia, the same institution that generations of Pattons have attended. Scott did not turn down the New York Film Critics Award for his performance (of which his then wife Colleen Dewhurst said, "George thinks this is the only film award worth having"[9]). He continued to do stage work throughout the rest of his career, receiving Tony Award nominations for his performance as Astrov in a revival of Uncle Vanya (1973), his Willy Loman in a revival of Death of a Salesman (1975), and his performance as Henry Drummond in a revival of Inherit the Wind (1996).

In the latter play, he had to miss an unusually large number of performances due to illness, with his role being taken over by National Actors Theatre artistic director Tony Randall.[10] In 1996, he received an honorary Drama Desk Award for a lifetime devotion to theatre. Scott also starred in well-received productions of Larry Gelbart's Sly Fox (1976) (based on Ben Jonson's Volpone), which ran 495 performances, and a revival of Noël Coward's Present Laughter (1982). He frequently directed on Broadway as well, including productions of All God's Chillun Got Wings (1975) and Design for Living (1985), as well as being an actor/director (Death of a Salesman, Present Laughter, and On Borrowed Time (1991)). In 1971, Scott gave two more critically acclaimed performances, as a de facto Sherlock Holmes in They Might Be Giants and as an alcoholic doctor in the black comedy The Hospital. Despite his repeated snubbing of the Academy, Scott was again nominated for Best Actor for the latter role. Scott excelled on television that year as well, appearing in an adaptation of Arthur Miller's The Price, an installment of the Hallmark Hall of Fame anthology. He was nominated for, and won, an Emmy Award for his role, which he accepted. Scott also starred in the popular 1980 horror film The Changeling, with Melvyn Douglas. He received the Canadian Genie Award for Best Foreign Film Actor for his performance.[11] In 1981, Scott appeared alongside Timothy Hutton and rising stars Sean Penn and Tom Cruise in the coming-of-age film Taps. In 1982, he was cast as Fagin in the CBS made-for-TV adaptation of Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist. In 1984, he portrayed Ebenezer Scrooge in a television adaptation of A Christmas Carol. He was nominated for an Emmy Award for the role.

In 1989, Scott starred in the television movie The Ryan White Story, as Charles Vaughan, the lawyer defending Ryan White from discrimination. In 1990, he voiced "Smoke", the villain in the television special Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, and he also voiced the villainous Percival McLeach in Disney's The Rescuers Down Under that same year. He was featured in The Exorcist III the same year. In 1997, Scott portrayed Juror #3 in the TV-movie 12 Angry Men, for which he would win another Emmy Award. He hosted the TV series Weapons At War on A&E TV but was replaced after one season by Gerald McRaney. Weapons At War moved to The History Channel with Scott still credited as host for the first season. Scott was replaced by Robert Conrad after his death in 1999. In 1999, he made his last film, the TV-movie Inherit the Wind, portraying William Jennings Bryan (ironically the opposite role he had played on stage) with Jack Lemmon as Henry Drummond, who he had also worked with in 12 Angry Men. Scott had a reputation for being moody and mercurial while on the set. "There is no question you get pumped up by the recognition," he once said, "Then a self-loathing sets in when you realize you're enjoying it."[12] A famous anecdote relates that one of his stage costars, Maureen Stapleton, told the director of Neil Simon's Plaza Suite, "I don't know what to do—I'm scared of him." The director, Mike Nichols, replied, "My dear, everyone is scared of George C. Scott."[13] He started his career in 1951 on The Bigelow Theater. Gloria (Ruby), Rocky Marciano (Pierino Marchegiano), and Inherit The Wind (Matthew Harrison Brady) are his final credits. He has 95 acting credits, 32 Self credits, three direction credits (The Savage Is Loose, Rage and The Andersonville Trial) and one producer credit to his resume.

We get a farther shot of the crowd and it's basically your average teenage posse; which the stereotype is that all teenagers are taking illegal drugs at one point. Which for the most part is accurate. I never took those kind of goodies as a teenager; but I may be part of the exception. The only thing of note is the blond teenage girl's oversized black hat and purple shirt. The focus is on the red haired guy wearing a brown trenchcoat, grey sweater and jeans saying that weed is impressive; but it's nothing compared to this and he opens his hand to reveal shiny salt like chunks which I am certain is crack cocaine. So Michael looks on as Smoke is trying to convince Michael to try it because it's awesome. See; the implication here is that if you smoke weed, it become a gateway for harder drugs like crack. Everyone else joins in like a bunch of gang members and I must say this: There have been reviews that say that the drug dealer is an anthro demon instead of a actual human drug dealer; but the red haired guy was the actual drug dealer. Smoke is the embodiment of Michael's inability to break the cycle of drug abuse; or the addiction if you will. People normally refers to these as "their demons" and it's supposed to be symbolic since there is no science behind actual demons existing in reality. I just want to clear that up before someone mistakes one role for another. The Dealer is voiced by Joey Dedio and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): When he was young, Dedio appeared in the NBC soap opera Another World and the television version of The Karate Kid, as well as performing the voice of Wheeler in the environmentalist cartoon show, Captain Planet and the Planeteers.[1] He also voiced the drug dealer in an anti-drug special Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue, which was introduced by then-President George H. W. Bush and his wife, First Lady Barbara Bush. His other voice roles include Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw, Extreme Ghostbusters and Denver, the Last Dinosaur.

He later appeared in Sunset Beach and guest starred on popular dramas like Law & Order and Chicago Hope. In theatres, he appeared in off Broadway productions like SoHo Reps Skin and workshopped for Joe Pintauro's Broadway bound The Dead Boy. He has appeared in over fifteen films including L.A. Rules, Somewhere in the City, Where the Day Takes You,[1] The Last Great Ride, Queenie in Love, A Good Night to Die, Strays[2] and Trick. In 2004 he starred in and associate produced Bomb the System.[3] Dedio's first screenplay titled Downtown: A Street Tale was completed in 2006.[4] The film is about the lives of a group of twenty something year olds living in an abandoned building in New York City. He produced and stars in the film opposite Geneviève Bujold and Burt Young. The film's theme song, a remake Downtown by Petula Clark, was recorded by Irene Cara. The film was released in April 2007 by Slowhand Cinema Releasing and was directed by Rafal Zielinski.[5] Dedio is currently working on Lullaby starring opposite Melissa Leo and shooting in South Africa. Dedio and his cousin Greg Prestipino (both claiming spots on "Hollywood's 50 Hunkiest Men") have signed on to star in a remake of 1990 classic House Party to be released in 2013. He started his career on both ABC Afternoon and CBS Schoolbreak specials in 1984. 36 Saints (Cain) and Tio Papi (Ray Ray) are his most recent credits. He has 35 acting credits, six production (Musical Chairs, The Providence Effect, Downtown: A Street Tale, Bomb The System), four writing (concept writing for Captain Planet's Talkin Trash episode), and one other credit (Where The Day Takes You) to his resume. Yeah; it's only fitting considering how Joey Wheel the American character was developed. Additional voices provided by Wayne Collins, Aaron Lohr and Georgi Irene.

Wayne Collins has five credits to his resume besides this specials; which was his acting debut: Dangerous Minds, NYPD Blue, Brooklyn South, Way Past Cool (Deek) and Family Guy as his most recent credits (basketball player). Aaron Lohr according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): A Los Angeles native and UCLA theater graduate, Aaron became a recognizable player of the Disney Studios stable, appearing in many of their beloved films, including "The Mighty Ducks" series,Newsies "Mush",[1] He also provided the singing voice for Max in A Goofy Movie.[2] In 2000, he starred as Micky Dolenz in the VH1 TV-movie Daydream Believers: The Monkees' Story.[3] A veteran of both the small and big screen, he appeared in the 2005 film adaptation of the Tony and Pulitzer Prize winning Broadway musical "Rent" Rent,[4] directed by Christopher Columbus. He played the character Steve, and sung vocals for the songs Will I and Life Support on disc I of the soundtrack for the film.[5] He acted in various roles in Michael John LaChiusa's See What I Wanna See. Upcoming film releases include Henry Bean's "Noise", Jim Koya Jones' taut psychological thriller "The Wreck", and "Manslaughter" produced by Jim Koya Jones. The New York theater community has warmly welcomed Aaron, a recent NY transplant. He has forged a strong working relationship with the renowned NY Public Theater appearing in several of their productions. He had also been seen as Matt in Bare, a Pop Opera. Aaron's inaugural performance at The Public was in Tony award winner George Wolfe's acclaimed production of "Radiant Baby". This led to his starring role in "See What I Want To See" by multiple Tony award nominee Michael John LaChuisa. Most recently, Aaron starred in the potent and topical political drama "In Darfur" both at The Public and The Delacorte Theater.

He was also the Dancing Boy in Deniece Williams' music video for the song "Let's Hear It for the Boy". He is also in the British television advertisement for Carlsberg Beer. Lohr has also appeared in many Sister, Sister episodes, better known as Marlon in his later appearances in the show. He began his career as a boy in Saint Elsewhere in 1985. A Goofy Movie as the singing voice of Max Goof is his DTVA debut. A Change of Heart (Norm) and Zoe Gone (Detective Billy Ramirez) are his most recent credits. He has 36 acting credits and one self credit to his resume. Georgi started her career with Fernwood Tonight as Baby Irene in 1977. Then she went onto Galactica 1980 as Sunshine/Super Scout, Judy Jones in the Yogi Bear All-Star Comedy Christmas Caper (The second Yogi Bear Christmas Special), Woolma Lamb in The Get-Along Gang, Princess Sara in Wildfire, and Leslie in Silver Spoons. Married With Children as Samantha is his most recent credit. She has 17 acting credits to her resume. So we get a lot of peer pressure as apparently he gets the crack handed to him from the drug dealer and then we hear sirens and everyone panics and leaves the arcade. The crack drops out of Michael's hand and Michael runs out of the arcade which is straight into the hard camera. Then we promptly get a jump cut to Michael running in a back alleyway which suggests that they are in the wrong part of town so to speak. I don't get how sirens are enough to make everyone run out; I would have thought that the police yelling for them to surrender would have made it clear. So we see some police cars in the street; so Michael goes back to the razor wire like brick wall and apparently they are trapped, despite the fact that they ran around from the east instead of the south; and there are no police cars in sight. We see Smoke show a skull head which was intriging; and then a shadow of a police officer arrives. Smoke of course bails into the brick wall with a smoke ball which he has to grab. Smoke proclaims that Michael is on his own like a slimy heel would do; as apparently, it's all over for Michael... Probably, Michael was wishing it was all over...

...because as Michael is pleading that it's his first time and he'll never do it again (indicating that he has enough sense to know it's illegal and thus he cannot use the "I didn't know" excuse in court); and after some closeups of Michael's face, we see a six foot tall anthro gray white bunny rabbit with a police hat. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Wait; why did you hit me? (Kit: You damn well know who he is! You say it right!) Oh yeah; it's my first rant featuring Bugs Bunny! Yes; the one time funniest character on the planet before Homer Simpson completely mauled him and the Looney Tunes during the 1990's. Sad, but true. This PSA does nothing but speed up the process. Bugs Bunny is voiced by Jeff Bergman and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Bergman's work with Warner Bros. began when he recorded a tape of himself as several of Mel Blanc's characters, including Bugs Bunny. He took the tape to the production company and used a switch to toggle back and forth between his work and the original Mel Blanc recording. The producers were unable to tell the difference between the voices,[citation needed] and Bergman became the first performer to provide the voice of Bugs Bunny after Mel Blanc died in 1989. His first appearance in that role, as well as those of Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd, was in the 1990 animated short "Box Office Bunny," Bugs' first in over 25 years. Bergman later voiced Bugs and Daffy again in the 1990 TV specials "Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue" and "The Earth Day Special" (also voicing Tweety Bird and Porky Pig in the latter). He voiced Bugs, Daffy, Elmer, and Yosemite Sam in the 1991 short "(Blooper) Bunny," as well as several characters (including Sylvester the Cat and Foghorn Leghorn) in animated TV specials and newer animated series' such as Tiny Toon Adventures. Bergman promoted himself heavily as the new official voice for the Warner Bros. animated characters; Warner Bros. took exception to this, and to avoid repeating the stranglehold of Mel Blanc's exclusivity, began using other actors such as Greg Burson and Billy West.

Bergman had a cameo appearance on Saturday Night Live as the voice of Bugs Bunny in 2003. Eventually, after almost 20 years, he returned as the voice of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Foghorn Leghorn, Sylvester the Cat, Pepé Le Pew, and Tweety in 2011’s The Looney Tunes Show. Bergman also voiced George Jetson and Mr. Spacely in Jetsons: The Movie when their previous voice actors George O'Hanlon and Mel Blanc both died during production. Bergman is a recurring cast member of Family Guy, usually voicing Fred Flintstone and Sylvester the Cat, as well as The Cleveland Show. He voiced the Sneetches and the cat in Storybook Weaver and Storybook Weaver Deluxe. He also gave a voice sample for a character in the 2011 Spyro game, Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure. Bergman had a recurring role as a radio intern Gus Kahana on the AMC comedy-drama Remember WENN which aired in the late 1990s.[2] Mostly a sound-a-like to replace Mel Blanc's voice he is typecasted for Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn, Tweety, Sylvester, Butch, Droopy, Mr. Spacely, George Jetson, Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble among others. He began his voicing career in 1986 with the Bugs Bunny Show. Mad and The Looney Tunes Shows were his most recent credits. He has 39 acting credits, five Self credits and one ADR credit (Babes In Toyland) to his resume. So we starts with the usual "What's Up Doc?" promo and Michael sees right through the dumb disguise, which Bugs Bunny throws the police cap proclaiming that he got him dead to rights. Now time to plug your ears because it's time for the start of the anti-drug promo cutting. I'm only going to address the worst of the worst because they are usually to most fun to mock. Bugs starts by admitting that he is a rabbit with long ears, and stuff in between them. Smoke comes out laughing at Michael from running from a cartoon character; which prompts Bugs to look at the hard camera and point to Smoke saying "Look who's talking!". That did make me laugh as we get another logic break: the out of nowhere trash can which Smoke is clearly over despite being next to the wall when he was mocking Michael. Idiots!

Needless to say; Bug Bunny takes the out of nowhere trashcan lid and slams it on Smoke who has neatly put himself over the trashcan. Even though Smoke is a ghost; he sells it as if he was solid. Whatever; Ghost Of A Chance was far worse on this front than this special. Bugs continues to talk asking about his condition and then we see a joint on the ground which I don't recall Michael ever dropping during the sequence. See; this is the kind if sloppiness DTVA almost never makes, even with Wang Films at the helm. Bugs is not happy about this because joints are illegal; and drugs equal bad see. Bugs asks about how he got started and Michael claims that he wanted to; acting all tough and macho which is so fake that Lance Storm would see this and say: "Damn; this is so fake!". Michael blows off Bugs Bunny (which is the dumbest thing you can do when Bugs is around) storms off stage left and Bugs Bunny goes after him and grabs onto the back of his shirt to slow him down. See; he's not buying this stupid "I wanted to" routine and invokes the GADGET TRICK OF DOOM to produce a remote control with a red button on it. He pushes said button and the remote turns into a generic time machine which even Michael is confused at. Bugs then claims that he "borrowed" this time machine from "some coyote". Yeah Bugs; don't want to say that you stole it from Wile E. Coyote because that might make Michael think you are a hypocrite. So they get inside as we pan over to Smoke struggling to get out of the trash can (how weak can you get?); but manages to get out and get into the time machine. So we are inside the time machine as Michael is watching Bugs and Smoke is watching Michael. Bugs wonders where the instruction manual is and then brings out the ACME yellow book of doom to read it. When in doubt; use the yellow book. So we get a pointless segueway into the kitchen as a pink shirt male with brown hair and grey pants is raiding the fridge while a blond haired woman wearing a blue shirt and what appears to be a blue skirt with purple heels is washing dishes.

So the mustached male brings out his cases of beer and wonders why a few of them are missing; which appears to be only two of them. TWO DRINK MINIMUM~! The female dish washer assures her that nothing is amiss which is probably true since he was probably watching a football game and forgot that he drank them. Because if someone was stealing his beer, why take just two cans? The male doesn't seen to be concerned about it anymore and leaves. Now; I know that everyone is going to yell about the hypocrisy about putting chemical substances into their bodies in the context of: It's okay when the adult does it; but it's bad if children use it. There's many problems with this logic: (1) Children cannot give informed consent; (2) Alcohol is legal for use over 21 years of age I do believe (it might be earlier in some areas); but is heavily regulated and since children cannot give informed consent and the dose is the poison is too low for kids to enjoy normally like adults do, it's illegal since children's bodies are not as developed as adults. (3) Caffeine is a legal substance and is regulated; but children can consume it normally without being dangerous. Besides; we all know that there are bigger problems with soda pop than caffiene anyway and (4) Everything is made of chemicals; including us. Sure; you can kill youself by drinking water; but the dose has to be so high that enjoying it normally killing you is highly impossible, at least on it's own. So there you go. Yeah; I defended this special, but it always pisses me off when people talk about hypocrisy without having a grasp of basic chemistry. So; as I discover after ranting and raving about beer; we see Corey at the table eating breakfast with Winnie The Pooh sitting on the counter as her mother asks about anything going on with Michael. Corey's response is somber and she basically claims that she doesn't know. That would have been a perfect answer to the question because it still implies that Michael is in trouble, but she doesn't know because Michael won't tell her. Problem is; she then proceeds to say I don't think so; implying that she doesn't think there is a problem. Damn. Mother thanks her and she walks away.

So then Corey looks like she want to drown in her soggy cornflakes at this point; when suddenly, Winnie blows his cover and asks why he didn't tell her about Michael's problems. Ummm; it's because she has no idea what the hell Michael is actually doing; other than stealing money from her. Just because you cartoon character know what really happened doesn't mean that Corey knows. Corey looks and actually sees Winnie The Pooh as a cartoon character nearly nine and a half minutes in! Okay; time for me to rant and rave again. I have a bone to pick with IMDB and it's not even IMDB itself; it's the reviews submitted to IMDB. When I read through most of the negative reviews on the specials (which are fine in itself; since this special is crappy); the common thread of each is that they claim that the moral message of this special really is: If you smoke weed, then you will see cartoon character appearing before you. I have seen this in several reviews and it pisses me off because as demonstrated in this scene: COREY CAN F**KIN SEE WINNIE THE POOH AS A CARTOON CHARACTER!! So you cannot pretend that smoking weed is the cause of this since Corey doesn't smoke weed or take illegal substances. At least not yet. Not that it matters. The message here should be: If you are under the age of 18; you will see cartoon characters because cartoons are a child's best friend. See how easy it is to be mistaken when you don't take actual notes and rely on memories alone? You get bullcrap like on IMDB! This really pissed me off even now because there is a lot of legit reasons to pick on this specials; and they pick the one that is easily debunked literally a few minutes after Michael saw Smoke and later Bugs Bunny. So Corey is surprised that her doll can actually talk and Winnie claims that he always could. So Winnie repeats the question again and Corey basically proclaims that if she tells on mother; Michael will find out and blame her for it. I wish she said "or worse" on top of it so it sounded much more justified. Winnie agrees with her; but asks the question of what would happen if she doesn't.

Both questions are good and Winnie The Pooh is easily the best anti-drug promo cutter of them all. This pointless segment is by far the best segment of the specials; because I got a lot off my chest about the people whining about how rancid the morals are. They are not as rancid as most people think; but still really rancid nevertheless. And I feel vindicated when Corey finally saw Winnie The Pooh for real because I was sick and tired of people claiming a message that makes even less sense than this special; and was debunked easily within the first ten minutes. 31 paragraphs in and we are a third of the way into this special. YIKES! I don't think even the pilot of Recess had so many paragraphs as this special. So we head back in the time machine as Bugs pulls the lever (JESUS~!) and pushes some buttons proclaiming that it's going to be a bumpy ride as we head outside in the alleyway as the time machine rises up and it disappears in a flash. The next stop is two years ago and apparently in the minds of the writers; the kids are too dumb to read a subtitle that sezs "Two Years Ago.." because the flashback sequence is all in black & white. And you thought Impulse was dumb when they did this for their beginning sequence? So we are in a park somewhere in Anytown, USA with a bunch of kids playing frisbee and Michael catches it. How do I know it's Michael? He's wearing a shirt with the letter M on it. Seriously; I mean it. So we pan over and kill the continuity that they were shooting for because the time machine is still colored purple. To make matters worse; Bugs Bunny points out that it's the past and it's always in B&W; indicating that this is a gag. Which wasn't amusing at all. When Bugs Bunny cannot make me amused; that means this is bad. So as expected; Michael does see the M shirt wearing guy as him as a little boy. He runs around the back of a building where a bunch of teenagers are gathered. Every human here looks like a human from a Ruby-Spears show; or worse, from Captain Planet. Never a good idea.

One of the taller, crew cut teenage males is smoking and Michael blows him off for smoking claiming that he is cruising for lung cancer. What a stupid thing to say? If I said that in real life to someone like him; I would get punched in the face at least once. The smoking dude is smoking weed because instead of MURDERING Michael; he only claims that he is getting high and coughing. Michael scratches his head as the smoker addresses the weed by it's proper name (which you should know by now) as Michael claims to know that. So we get the "you're chicken" spot which is awfully dumb. Look; if you want to make it clearly look like he didn't choose this (yeah I know; informed consent, misinformed consent stuff) then I would have the smoke knock Michael out and like the Million Dollar Man in WWE after winning matches with the Million Dollar Dream sleeperhold; he would then stuff dollar bills down the victims throat. That what the smoker should do; stuff the joint into his mouth to get the high. Of course; BS&P won't allow it despite the fact that in real life; Michael would be knocked out after getting his lights dimmed because he cut an anti-smoking promo. Michael keeps saying no for some reason and then Bugs takes it as him not making the choice; which makes no sense because kid Michael was saying "no, no, no". He never actually said "okay". Jesus; this is a horrible segment. More anti-drug promos as Michael claims that he didn't want to be a wimp; as Michael is another victim of toxic manliness; which is sadly less toxic than Bugs Bunny's reaction to that. Bugs Bunny uses the stupid: "If they told you to jump off a cliff; would you do too?" Doesn't this bunny realize that there are extreme high divers and bungie jumpers who would take offense to this goofy bunny? Hell; what about Kit Cloudkicker himself; who's character is based on dangerous things LIKE THAT? My goodness; what is this special doing to me? More to the point; kid Michael tries the joint and he coughs like a maniac as Bugs Bunny insults him. Yeah; let's blame the smoker for everything even though you are trying to help him break the habit. Extremely counter-productive in my view; but remember who approved of this PSA.

Smoke tells him to lay off Michael for not being a great thinker; and that pretty much turns Smoke babyface in the eyes of the crowd. When the demons are the reasonable ones; you know this special sucks so hard. Michael claims that they are friends of his which is funny considering that this appears to be the first time he ever met them in this timeline. Bugs Bunny counters with a surprisely reasonable promo (What makes you think they know any better than you? Which is an actual valid question.) and proclaims that everyone has problems. Smoke goes on and on; and for some reason, I couldn't understand 75% of what he was saying. Other than the fact that he makes Michael feel good see. Well; so does seafood chowder with heavy cream; pass it on! Bugs Bunny then goes to the heart of the matter and tells him to believe in himself while eating a carrot. Geez; there is so much hilarity in that comment; for all the wrong reasons. The biggest one is that many of Bugs' heels in the show do believe in themselves that they are either downright evil; or just plain dicks. And speaking of dicks; there is a Looney Tunes character who is a dick later in this special that we get to meet. I hope you are ready for it. So Smoke continues to go on and on; and even Bugs is tired of this BS so he grabs him and throws him aside. Bugs then brings out the out of nowhere tire pump; inserts it into the mouth of smoke and pumps him up into a balloon while cutting a decent promo that comes off really wrong in the end. The promo is similar to the one Reggie cut at E3 2007 which he said that "It works for a while; but ultimately is fatal" (and to many fans now; a prophetic statement); and he's doing this while pumping air into Smoke. There are critics out there who would point out that it is similar to shoving a container sprayer of whipped cream into your mouth or actually helium from a tank; which is also designed as druggies to get a high. I would like to say that this is symbolic; but it comes off as idiotic. Smoke explodes as Bugs ends his promo and that ends the scene.

So we head back to the back of the house and into the garage as Corey is in the garage with her father who is grabbing a box with a fan blade on it. So Corey wants to talk about something (the dad is voiced by Townsend Coleman by the way) and tells dad that Michael is acting weird lately. Her father assures her that acting strange is perfectly normal teenager behavior which indicates that he has been on an illegal substance before; which makes Corey's response even more sillier than it already was. Corey claims that she thinks it's more than that; and then takes it back as nothing; and we fade to black. That was a really pointless segment there as we return with Michael and all of his friends smoking something from a pipe and the black teenager (who looks like a fitness instructor) lying on the bench. The black hat wearing teenage blond girl wants to go all the way to smoking crack as I discover that Michael is actually smoking a crack pipe. Wait; I thought they were just getting started on the substance? So what was the substance we saw in the arcade? Was it a placebo? If so; then the red haired guy was a snitch and....Oh never mind; my brain hurts worse than this special. Michael is smoking and the blond girl is taunting Michael in which Michael hesistates because it's serious stuff. Smoke then taunts him as Michael is spun around and Smoke grabs his wallet (Ghost of A Chance logic strikes again) and throws it to the blond teenage girl; who proceeds to run away stage left. Michael runs after her into the street as we pan down to a porthole which opens up just after the blond girl passes through, which was opened by someone with green skin and yellow colored wrist bands. So Michael of course has to look somewhere else other than in front of him and he falls into the porthole into the sewers. Smoke arrives as the green skinned guy takes the porthole and uses it as a shield as Smoke smacks into that as well. He falls into the sewer water; which looks like something out of bombastium from Ducktales. So Michael looks up and it's an anthro turtle wearing a yellow mask, yellow elbow pads, a belt with the letter M on it and yellow knee pads. Oh sweet! It's Michael Angelo. Okay; it's all supposed to be one word; but this is clearly an inside joke. So we finally come to the most popular syndicated cartoon of all time: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Fred Wolf version from 1987. YEAH!

Actually; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a really good booking decision in theory because considering the comic books; the location of their sewers and their adventures, this makes sense. I mean; how many times did the turtles have to bust drug lords? Seriously; I would like to know. I mean; this is the best group of cartoon characters to be doing PSA promos about drugs, gangs and other stuff because they actually have a lot of street creditability; which is something almost every other cartoon character doesn't have. Kit Cloudkicker would be perfect and I'll explain more later. Sadly; they picked the most popular turtle, whose character is that he is a party guy, which would make him have the least street cred of the four turtles. Not a good idea. Ironically; despite being the most popular series on television, he never made the poster or the VHS box release even though Smurfette (the only female smurf of the group with white high heels and blond hair) was featured on the cover; but was never shown. Somehow; Hefty Smurf made it and no one cared because his gimmick is that he's a strong man and speaking of Larson & Gary... Mikey cuts his usual promo and asks how he got to be so cool. Ummm; don't you mean: NOT cool, Mikey? Mikey is sounding like Pod Mikey in that he is speaking in a stereotypical surfer accent on almost every line that he speaks; all while Smoke pops from the rainbow sewer water shaking himself off. Michael fell through a radical hole; which I'm sure is way cool in Mikey's world viewpoint. Mikey blows him off for not thinking; which is dumb because this cartoon spot is done in every show that I remember and almost all of them never took drugs. I mention it because Mikey cuts an anti-drug promo after that. Mikey claims that drugs are messing him up which is hilarious considering some of the people behind the special. Now; I'm almost certain that 95%+ of everyone involved in this BS wasn't on drugs nor had a mental issue. I think they are lazy or have contempt for the audience. Because if all of them were on drugs; this special would have been so deranged that it would overwhelm itself into awesome levels never before seen. This special doesn't even come close so far.

Smoke defends his own honor which is funny since he abandoned Michael when he thought the police were arriving (which is dumb because how does a police officer arrest someone who is only a smoke like ghost? Unless he is a ghost and the Ghostbusters came along; but only Slimer made the cut in this special, so that was dumb); as he claims that drugs don't do anything to the brain. I betcha Smoke is the kind of guy who would defend drugs and then turn around and blame violent video games as the cause of what is wrong in America! He would make one hell of a NRA lobbist! So Michael takes Smoke's side and Mikey calls him really messed up; and it's time to do something about it. So Mikey pulls on a chain which is connected to a drain plug on the floor of the rainbow sewer river; and we get the whirlpool spot; which somehow cascades around them when Michael and Smoke gets sucked in and thus no water was poured into the underground where Michael and Smoke land in a mine car. So we have in the front of the mine car Baby Kermit and an baby version of Miss Piggy, also from Muppet Babies (who is voiced by the same voice talent who voiced Corey's Mother earlier on); who inform Michael that they are taking a trip through the human being via the power of imagination. How can this not be messed up?! I mean this is Fanboy & Chum Chum level logic here...in 1990! So Baby Kermit pulls the lever (JESUS~!) and we go in as the human brain looks semi-realistic, so points for that. Also; I must admit, there was a funny spot where Baby Piggy proclaims that after this; Kermit is taking him to the tunnel of love and Kermit blushes like he's embarrassed complete with pink hearts coming into the scene like a cartoon. She hugs Kermit for awhile and then suddenly catches herself and screams. Sadly; Baby Piggy is dumb as well compared to the adult version of Miss Piggy. I think people confuse Rebecca Cunningham's character with Baby Miss Piggy because I can recall Muppet Babies and Miss Piggy acting like a jerk in almost every segment that she was in.

So Kermit's analogy is that drugs give you ups and downs (which is accurate in fact); as the rollercoaster goes down and we get sparks flying like crazy and the rollercoaster gets steeper and steeper and more and more dangerous and crazy as this goes along. Apparently; the downer gets to a point where the body must take drugs just to feel normalized so to speak. Sadly; life isn't so simple as this special's logic Kermit; because your analogy skills were actually decent. So we get our second alien of the show who is dressed like a normal kid only blue furred and has a rather long curved nose doing a painting for no reason. I discover that this is Gonzo; who is the mischief one of the group, thus making him the most over with the kids who watched Muppet Babies. So he uses the paint brush and a thunder bolt hits him and he gets teleported right into the mine cart after cutting a promo that this is a reasonable representation of the brain; indicating that it wasn't stock footage. Whatever Gonzo. Smoke apparently ditched us for a bit as we then go from decent to crap in about five second with neon green lit red skulls and spark snakes hissing on the tracks for no reason whatsoever. Piggy proclaims that this is not romantic and she absolutely hates it in here. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. We are now exactly halfway into this special with seven paragraphs in the last five minutes or so. This feels like a seven hour special crammed into 15 minutes because this is how long this special has ran thus far. So we see a lot of brain cells as the mine car crashes through a large glass dome and then parks right inside someone's head as we see that they land right behind the right eyeball of Michael himself. WHAT THE HELL? So we see Michael is still in the park for absolutely no reason whatsoever smoking a joint which somehow gets into the area they are in and the smoke engulfs the babyfaces which makes them cough and blow Smoke off in agony.

Then we get Michael outside getting on a skateboard and riding on it; and stumbling like a drunk while doing it. Well; MADD does say that buzzing is like drinking and driving, so this special was well ahead of the curve at this point. Then what happens next is really dumb: The brain appears to be crumbing from the inside and Kermit (who yells at everyone to abandon brain), Gonzo and Miss Piggy all run to the conveniently placed exit door which is opened. As Michael heads to the door; the door suddenly shuts and locks behind the cartoon characters. Yes; they have abandoned the brain and Michael who is supposed to be inside his brain. Geez; with friends like these, who needs Smoke? Smoke is panicky as Michael tries to open the door; but it's locked. Michael runs stage left to the eye again and we go outside to Michael stumbling on the skateboard like me on Tuesday night; and he trips and falls right on the grass on his back. He barely yells for help as we get about four scene changers from Wang Films (wondered when that motif would show up?); and then we see three anthro ducks...Oh swell! It's the nephews from Ducktales! Now; in 1987, this wouldn't be so bad, but after Bubba's Big Brainstorm; I cannot stand them anymore. Originally; Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy were supposed to be penciled here; but apparently, Disney listened to someone who felt that this PSA was bullcrap and pulled them from being used. However; Disney didn't want to look like an anti-drug war advocate (which was almost as bad as being a pro-gay activist. Almost.), and since Launchpad is untouchable, it fell to the nephews because like Ron Garvin taking the bait when Ric Flair offered him the title for no reason other than for Flair to win it back from him a month later; the nephews are dopes. Michael gets up on his ass; and admits that these drugs might be causing some problems; which allows Huey to cut another anti-drug promo. Michael is helped up as Dewey asks if he tried saying no; and Michael claims that he doesn't want to. Which is sadly true I'm afraid; but the nephews treat it as if he doesn't know how, thus insulting the intellegence of the audience. It's obvious Michael knows how to say no because he said it several times during the flashback with Bugs Bunny TWO YEARS AGO!

The nephews then decide to huddle together and try someway to get him to say no; which leads to repeat footage of the same sequence where we went from the left eye and zoom out to a stock shot of Michael. This is followed by a jump cut in the park as Smoke reappears; and starts sweet talking the nephews. I don't have any evidence for this; but I think Smoke is the one who has been turning the nephews into crap since 1989. Louie stands his ground and we begin singing the song "Wonderful Ways To Say No" which was done by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken who did songs for The Little Mermaid, Beauty & The Beast and Aladdin for Disney feature. So these two music song writers are awesome! Sadly; this song is not and hearing Russi Taylor trying to sing like a duck is grating to the ears. I'm not calling this bullcrap. Oh; and out of nowhere we see a tiger who bounces into Michael's arms; which means that Tigger makes his debut on this special out of nowhere for no reason. Now; the writers have stopped caring about anything and are writing for a paycheck and hoping that they don't get shut down by the FCC. For goodness sakes; have the chipmunks sing this because at least they have halfway decent talent. So we walk on a globe, play football and Kermit fails in epic fashion. Holy crap; we have a tear down the Berlin Wall reference in this special; just to date the special even more than it already is. Garfield returns to awesome form by singing ways to meaning no without actually saying no. Winnie sneezes on the chorus as ALF actually shuts up Bugs Bunny! Well; there goes Gordon's career right there folks, that is daring for Hollywood to blacklist him! This song was no good and there is a lyric line where they claim that there are a million billion wonderful ways to say no; which means that there are a trillion ways to say no. I need to channel someone so I'm about to do a skit for the first time since the infamous "Her Chance To Dream" rant. You know this is a special day when I get to do one of these skits....

Me (Channeling Chris Jericho): Now that I finished up beating this song with the suck stick a million times; I heard in the lyrics that there are a million billion wonderful ways to say "No!". Well; I checked your song and I counted about 30 of them. {Brings Out printer papers which are about five miles long and a glass of water. I drink the water.} Wow; that was refreshing, so I'm ready to say that I have discovered a trillion and four wonderful ways of saying No. So....Promo #1: No. Promo #2: NO!. Promo #3: No soup for you! Promo #4...
Tony Schiavone: This must be mircophone meathead night!
Mike Tenay: He still has a trillion more to go...Promo #4...
Tony Schiavone: Stop it!
Me: {Later on} Promo #197,900: No way Armbar! Man; I'm starting to get blown up here!
Tony: No kidding!
Larry: Learn some of those promos kid.

So Miss Piggy jumps towards the hard camera and does a kung fu style Chun-Li kick which breaks the screen; and it's really mistimed because the screen is suppose to break and then instantly snap Michael out of his dream because he is really lying in his bedroom as if he never left. Which makes no sense at all in that context; but the scene was mistimed because it took about ten seconds to shift scenes instead of two seconds like it should of. Michael wakes up on his bed as he goes underneath the bed and grabs his box of recreational goodies. He opens the box and Smoke comes out for no reason either. We are surpassing Mister T levels of stupidity and logic breaking here. And why isn't Mister T in this special? He would have given this special the amount of derangement it needs to make it one of the most awesome car crashes of all time. This is like candy to Mister T. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. So there is a knock on the door; and the door opens to reveal Corey in red overalls with Winnie in doll form as Michael is yelling at her with rage and fury because she is on his case again. Corey claims that Pooh told her to ask him why he won't tell anyone about his troubles, and Michael blows off Pooh, telling him to mind his own business. Basically; he's admitting that the cartoon characters are real in this reality; which makes more solid evidence to my debunking of the "smoke weed, see cartoon characters" message since Michael has clearly crashed and burned at this point. Corey states that she doesn't understand why it cannot be like it was before all this. Then Michael goes from being just a misguided teenage boy to monsterous asshole sociopath in a span of thirty seconds: Michael blows her off because it's no longer the same; and then threatens her not to tell his parents by grabbing her wrist and squeezing it; and then he shoves her right into the wall. Actually; this was not bad booking, but I can just see this being a case of booking themselves into a corner.

Michael stops and looks as if he really doesn't mean it; but it's too late to turn back now as Corey cries and runs out of the room slamming the door while Michael is actually in tears; and this was a good scene animated badly. Nothing is going right at all with this special. So Michael sits on the bed with his box as Smoke appears from the bed telling Michael not to give Corey another thought. Michael looks in the mirror wondering if this was taking it too far as he doesn't look all that good; but you cannot tell because he has even less circles in his eyes than he did earlier on. Then the reflection of ALF shows up and he proclaims that if this was me; he'll be in serious trouble; and then he somehow manages to grabs Michael and sucks him into the mirror. Smoke tries to grab onto his ankle; but loses his grip and the box closes causing Smoke to stay in the room. Geez; I wonder what the finish will be now huh? So we head into the funhouse of mirrors which is another anti-drug promo segment which is now completely overbearing because Michael is starting to have second thoughts; and now he's back to being druggie Michael. So ALF's analogy is that things aren't always what they seen which was in Feats Of Clay and that one episode of Quack Pack is actually an IMPROVEMENT over this special! So then we get probably one of the dumbest logic breaks I have seen in this special (and that is saying something) as Michael sees a reflection in the mirror which is the exact same as it is shown for real; and Michael even gives the correct answer. However; ALF blows him off and makes football reference as he spins the mirror (which makes no sense either); and the mirror shows an image of Michael looking like a ghoul, a zombie if you will. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL? None of this makes any sense! Shouldn't Michael look like that zombie during the hall of mirrors sequence and then have the mirror look like normal Michael. Because that way; Michael would have been wrong in claiming that it's him because he's already looking like a zombie in real life.

That is the analogy ALF is trying to make; and the logic break not only makes ALF look like a complete moron, but it also implies that ALF is Jedi Mind Tricking him and thus not doing it in good faith. What a bunch of assholes these 1980's cartoon characters are?! And old farts are surprised when Damon calls them out on this bulls**t?! We have reached Z-grade terrority here and I'm shocked The Agnoy Booth hasn't reviewed this special....okay; they did in 2013! Damn! So we talk for a while which I guess Michael sezs that he's in charge; but ALF thinks otherwise and tells him that if he doesn't believe him; he can talk to the man in charge as we go down the hallway with Michael claiming that he is in charge. So we are at the door which has red letters on it saying "The Man In Charge". Compared to all the bullcrap in this special; this was merely lame. So the door opens and apparently; Michael's brain has become an office of a Fortune 500 CEO. Wait; how is that supposed to be scary? The chair turns around and it's Smoke in full skull hell mode laughing wildly which horrifies Michael. Yawn. This would have been much better if Smoke didn't exist until right now; instead of being in the entire episode since the seven minute mark. So we head back into Michael's bedroom as Corey re-enters the bedroom claiming that she knows she is supposed to stay away (which means Winnie must have cheered her up; which would have been nice if we saw the scene happen in the special) and sees the box. She grabs it and here comes Smoke from under the bed. For some strange reason; I think we know where this is going, and I'm actually loving it. Smoke sweet talks to Corey to open the box because it'll make her feel good. Corey is confused as Winnie pleas for her not to listen to him; and Smoke grabs Winnie and throws him into a cupboard which is conveniently placed to be shut and locked in that order. I was hoping that it was Brainy Smurf that got that spot; and land on his head off-screen. Nope; no one cares anymore, let's just get this over with.

Corey is really concerned about Pooh; but Smoke tells her not to worry because he's cloth and stuffing. Sadly; he doesn't say that he is a bear with very little brain for the smark marks out there. Smoke tells her that Pooh doesn't get around much; but he does. Smoke tells Corey to trust him and open the box. Corey opens the box and wonders what is this stuff; and Smoke wants her to try it out for herself. So then we scene change into an abandoned amusement park which is straight out of a Scooby Doo Where Are You? episode; and then we see Michael running and getting absolutely nowhere. You know something, if they really want to drive the point home about how drugs ruins their families; they should have cribbed their ideas from Mickey's Christmas Carol in 1983; mostly the part where Scrooge gets tossed into an open grave straight into hell by Pete. That would have drove the point home without any doubt and still be much more accurate than what they ultimately did here: Michael gets chased by a rollercoaster car by Dewey. Michael jumps and gets a life persever ring; as there are buzzsaws littered on the ground; and a merry go around with Huey's head on them. Boy; they really are repacking Huey Duck for Quack Pack early huh? Michael's ring bounces off the buzzsaw as sparks fly and that is enough for Michael to fly into the air into the living Satan statue's (yes; the devil himself has made an appearance, indicating that Michael is going straight to hell now) mouth and down his throat into his stomach which is all water and no acid. That makes no sense! We see Piggy and Tigger wave to him on a wooden rowbow and Michael waves back; so Tigger throws a red inflatable raft and Michael gets on the river raft ride. So he goes under the giant levers (JESUS~!) and one of them comes down too early and Michael bounces off the lever and flies into the strongman bell and rings the damn bell with his head. OUCH! So then he lands like Donald Duck in the lumberjack short and then goes flying into a stand of glass jars in the games area.

Then he somehow gets caught inside a bottle; it is broken, Michael goes down and lands in the middle of the midway in a wooden basket of water; like in the Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs Bunny was voluteered into the high diving act by Sam. Michael then gets drowned in water while Smoke is chanting to do it. Can doing it mean getting the hell out of this special? So we get the great midway flood of doom to waste more time and the big scene with Pete in Mickey's Christmas Carol lasted less than thirty seconds. This took three minutes total to set up and got more nonsensial and cringeworthy as it went on as we get the whirlpool spot and it ends with him becoming tiny and getting sucked through a straw by Baby Miss Piggy for no reason at all. My god; that high fever and dizziness to prevent me from ranting on this special is becoming more and more of a blessing now. Baby Piggy spits Michael out and he finally lands on his feet. Michael runs to a tent and sees a "See Your Future" tent. Okay; now we finally get somewhere in this nowhere spotfest. So Michael decides to walk in and we finally see....the dick himself! Yes; it's the black duck known as Daffy Duck from Looney Tunes; wearing a blue fortune tellers unit. Sadly; Daffy screws up his promo because the writers don't care anymore. The tent looks fine when Michael enters and the floor comes dangerously close to showing a pentagram (the table cloth and table do a good job of covering it up). So Michael sits down and Daffy proclaims that he'll glance into his future as he brings a bowling ball out and tries to make magic sounds come out of it. HAHA! That's only about the third time I have laughed in this short. Sadly; because this was entertaining; we scene change back to Corey with the box and Smoke trying to convince her to smoke weed. Corey then believes that if she smokes weed with Michael; she might get into her good graces again, kind of like Jasmine when she was turned into a snake and Aladdin showed his love for Jasmine by being changed into a snake as well. That was a great moment in Aladdin The Series. Not so much here I'm afraid because Corey is wrong about Michael loving her anymore.

So Smoke tells her to try it and Corey is about to grab something in the box and we cut back to Daffy Duck fortune telling the bowling ball; which Michael clearly points out to him. Creditability streak is at minus five stars at this point! So Daffy makes a bowling promo while they exchange balls to a pearl white on the table. So Michael asks about seeing the future and we start with a red glowing crystal ball as we zoom in on the crystal ball to a dark hallway as the door opens. Then we go to black with Michael second guessing himself as we then see one of those moments where I think every kid watching this must have snickered at the sight of it: It ends with Michael looking like a generic Michael Jackson ghoul lying on a metal bed with a needle in his right hand and shaking like a leaf. And THAT is supposed to be the big moment that breaks the influence of Smoke? Seriously? You have to be kidding me! If I was booking this (actually; I wouldn't let this sort of thing exist at all because sometimes, boring lectures are better than emotional television); I would simply show a tombstone of Michael for about ten seconds with mother and father crying in the background about they lost their family off-screen and then zoom out a bit to show right beside it, Corey's gravestone because, then the kids get the message that you can F'N DIE from abusing drugs! Even more so; you can even foreshadow the finish and make Michael's decision to stop using them based on the fact that Corey was about to follow the same path as Michael and thus when the finish occurs and the ending scene is played, it not only makes sense, but it makes it about the family, and not just about some pro-drug advocate's way of the world that he/she thinks it should be. Plus; Corey is the only one who gives a crap about Michael and Michael's the only one whom he had bad feelings for Corey even after hurting her earlier in the special. How can anyone screw this up?! Michael asks if this is his future and Daffy sezs yes; as long as he is on drugs. All the babyfaces come in and cut anti-drug promos and by now even the pro-drug advocates would be sick about it.

Even Michael is sick of this as he screams how to get out of here. Now; I would have booked it to have Michael cut promos on them about acting like jerks and then yell to get out of this place. That way; it makes it less about the advocates and more about the family coming close to ruin in that reality; which is the whole point of the storyline. So a spotlight shows a door and Michael runs to it and opens it. It turns out that it's the door from his bathroom; and he sees Corey with the box right away; and he runs in and instead of grabbing the box, he slaps it out of Corey's hands and the contents fall to the floor. Now this was the correct booking decision; but by now; it doesn't matter because the buildup was way too bad to make it work. Michael yells at her for ever trying out this stuff (this would have been more effective if he had turned on the cartoon characters beforehand; so there would be a belief that he hasn't changed a bit; until he slapped the box out of Corey's hands. It's called being subtle folks.); and Corey points out that he uses it. Corey then admits that he was all wrong about using these illegal drugs as Smoke flies around Michael as Corey demands for him to stop; and Michael admits that he doesn't know if he can. So Smoke does the hard sell on Michael for one last time as Corey assures Michael that mother and father will help him; and most of all she will help. Smoke tells Michael to listen to him in such a tone that Michael realizes that Smoke is being a prick now and he grabs Smoke by his tail and does the hammer throw of doom on him! Smoke flies out of the window and lands in the top of the garbage with a banana peel on his head. Smoke proclaims that he'll be back and they'll never get rid of him. So Michael has officially turned on Smoke and now they are going to have a feud. We see Corey and Michael look out the window as Michael admits that Smoke has a point (even liars tell the truth sometimes; mostly when it's in their favor); but Corey states that they will be ready for them as they ask the cartoon characters for approval and we see all of them plastered on an out of nowhere poster (I'm guessing that it's the poster from the actual VHS version; although this time is drawn really awful) as they are barely animated here.

So we hear noises from the shelf closet; which Michael goes over and opens the door. Out comes Winnie claiming that he is relieved because he didn't miss anything important which makes no sense; but is still more sense than 80% of this special anyway. So he make a leap of faith into the poster from the cupboard which is a great feat of ability for this fat honey eating bear (speaking of addiction); and then Corey and Michael hug each other. Michael wants to talk to his parents and they walk out of the room as we cut to the poster of the assholes...ERRRR...I mean cartoon characters and that mercifully ends Easter Sadism 2014 at 26:12. HOLY CRAP! This was a special kind of awful only seen in the worst episodes of Fanboy & Chum Chum! I can bet this was the cause of drug use increasing and an excuse for the PTC and the government to bring in the Children's Television Act now. And to think, I hated TaleSpin over this special when I was a kid. I must have been on drugs in 1990 or something because there was bad animation, bad artwork, slow pacing that grinded my gears, bad booking, really rancid morals, bad jokes, bad promo cutting, bad continuity, repeat footage, pointless spots, a really horrible climax and a finish that was booked right; but it made no difference because everything else up to this point sucked like poop. This was a * on the trainwreck scale for the finish, a few good jokes and one really pointless; but great segment that debunked a couple of messages that people had. This is the worst thing I have seen to date since doing this gig; at -**** (-80%). Even Ducks By Nature cannot top this; which makes the nephews appearance in this even more embarrassing to Ducktales fans everywhere. The ED was basically the credit list with the logo against that pink crap background with the cartoon characters singing the "Wonderful Ways To Say No" which is pointless because no child is watching the credits of this for five minutes regardless of what music they play in the background. Sadly; this version of the song is much better than the one they sang in the special. Yeah; no one cared. Even worse; after the credits rolled; they showed a Ronald MacDonald Children's Chairties promo and this was by leaps and bounds the best thing on the show. Why didn't they just run this promo instead and save us 26 minutes of terror? Then we get more credits after that with all the corporations shamelessly promoting this, most of them didn't lose any heat even after this special was over.

THE REVIEW LINE

I'm not going to bother with the Review Line because it would just drive myself to drink myself to death. It wasn't the MINUS FIVE STARS fest many critics claim; but it was still damn close enough; which is WRETCHED~! All I can say is to 1980's cartoon fans: I dare you to defend this bullcrap! I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA! I know Damon will call me out on doing this; but for once I cannot blame kids who hated this and wiped it from their memories despite loving the stuff from the 1980's. I mean; this was so beyond the pale horrible that anyone watching this would rather wipe it from their memories and make it not exist in this reality. However; this special did happen and this special was the worst thing that ever happened in the 1980's pop culture. It killed ALF's career because ALF went into complete obscurity a few years after this specials. The Smurfs were destroyed for a long time until their big comeback recently. The nephews were basically dead in the water as creditable characters and the repackaging of them in Quack Pack was obvious in order to change them into something that didn't have the stink of them in this special. It failed of course; but not because everyone knew that they were the nephews from this special. TMNT wasn't hurt all that much; Garfield wasn't hurt all that much, Winnie & Tigger actually was doing great; it's brand was dead more recently for other reasons, mostly overexposure. The Chipmunks didn't lose much heat from this as they still were around for a long time before getting rebooted into live action CGI and becoming mega stars again in the movies. The Muppets were bought by Disney and the Muppet Babies were dead in the water; and it pretty much lead to the Muppets brand going into hell for a while before coming back big time. Looney Tunes was never the same after this as it required rebooting into a sitcom before they were considered over again. Yes; Loonatics Unleashed was horrible as well; but it was horrible merely because it was a misguided show with bad writing and bad animation. They tired at least. Not in this special; as no one even tried to make this special at least be delightfully absurd. There is no moral value in it because everything comes off as fake and as a contempt for the kids in the audience. It also has little entertainment value even on a perverse level because it felt like an attempt to insult me rather than amuse me. Fanboy & Chum Chum is also this horrible a lot of the time; but at least it is amusing on a perverse level, so it's easier to get through. This took 10+ hours to complete and it was 48 paragraphs in length and I basically quit trying to make sense of this by the ten minute mark; because this was overbooked, overwritten tripe! By the way; the show is not available on DVD and no one is going to touch this with a ten foot pole because no one is even bothering to claim copyright on Youtube as the special is easily available. That should tell you how much they give a crap about this. So Easter Sadism is over and it really lived up to the hype this time! This one broke me even more than Bubba's Big Brainstorm; which I didn't think was even possible.

Now; I did promise something during the rant and I almost forgot what it was in this insanity: In Canada several years later, there was an ad from Children's Advertisers that was about thirty seconds long and it shows kids dancing and singing to a song with RCMP officers (not in red uniforms though); and the song asks about drugs, which are good, which are bad, and if you don't know, ask your mom or ask your dad. Now this is far from a great message because mom and dad aren't always the best sources of information to go to; but this song was by leaps and bounds much better and much more effective than a 26 minute special in 1990. It took only 90 seconds and was done by a group that people who people for commercial free childhoods would get pissed off if this was done in America. Scott Keith was right: Canadian truly do not have a false ego when it comes to entertainment. So; that is that, and next up is the June rants with Teddy Ruxpin on Father's Day which should be much better than this, along with Gravity Falls (The TaleSpin of the new Disney); and some of the Raw Toonage stuff. Meanwhile; I'm going back to tributes. So....

Thumbs way the hell down in hell for this special and I'll see you all next time with either Gravity Falls or Raw Toonage.

Back to Other Rants Index!

Return to the Rant Shack!

Return to the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage