Return to 50 Webs

Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.

Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.

50 Years Of Chargeman Ken: The Lunacy Continues Unchecked!

Reviewed: 04/03/2015
Updated: 07/30/2017
Additional Commentary: 04/18/2024

Alien Girlfriends & Bad Harmonica Playing Make We Want To Charge Ken With Non-Support!

Source: Cartoon Research. "Worst Anime Ever: “Chargeman Ken” (1974)"

Now, we come to the real meat of the show where the writers either don't know what consequences are or just don't care because they are bigots. Today's lineup is as follows: Ken fakes mental illness to stop director of mental hospital from destroying Europe! (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Nope! Not watching that one ever again!) Some punk kid burns trash cans because his parents are horrible! Juralians try to off a fashion swimsuit model! Professor Pantless being kidnapped and tortured! The worst prison break in history! Clipper playing the harmonica! A vampire doll who wants Ken and his family to burn at the stake! The shortest fight in animation history! TONS OF FUN AND MOCKERY TO ENSUE~! So, let's rant on shall we...?

(2017 Gregory Weagle Says: Thanks to Crunchyroll; I can finish the entire series now...well, I have to contend with the deadline before the free episodes become paid; but that isn't until late October. So stay tuned for more episodes added to this and other rants in the weeks and months to come. Tons of fun!)

Episode #17 - Discover Ken's Secret! (Officially Translated As: Find Ken's Secret!): Okay; here's a question before we start this episode: What secret does Ken have to hide? If it has to do with Ken being Chargeman Ken like a secret identity; it's not that much of a secret. Caron, Clipper and Mr. Izzy clearly know about it. Mrs. Izzy might have seen in in episode #12 for all we know. (Saori Izumi saw him transformation in episode #10!) Ken's teacher Nagisa knows who is Chargeman Ken, as does the scientists for Professor "Pantless" Yoshizaka. There are way too many people in on the conspiracy to have a secret identity. (Plus, Ken's classmates have seen him transform in at least two episodes! Plus, Maou has seen him transform as well as the Juralians.) What is this secret that Ken has to hide? We'll soon find out. (When we do, former self now harps for Kit's biggest weaknesses because that was at least a funny weakness.) Episode opened with a shot of a building that looks like it was designed by a warped ten year old. It looks like a stylized stapler. Not to mention that there is a large sphere in midair for no reason; and it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark). Jump cut to inside the building in a lab with many probes producing pink sparks, a control board and a desk. Jump cut to Professor "Pantless" Yoshizaka looking through a microscope which looks like an upside down headless robot -- white with yellow legs with black trim connected to a headless model of a neck -- because that part is flesh colored and had a doctor's lab coat and blue shirt on it. He is also controlling the microscope with two black wires. Jump cut to hallway with a shadow figure coming in -- which looks like a mobster judging by the shadow of the trenchcoat and hat -- proving that even anime falls prey to the stereotypical McGruff crime dog heel. However; the next shot then shows that I was wrong and that the animator have no idea how to animate stuff right because we see that the shadow is in fact a giant robot that looks like a lavander germlin body attached to arms which are smaller than it's hands, complete with ultra small head which looks like some bird with horn lavander ears and green eyes. It looks nothing like the shadow we saw in the previous shot. DUMB! It's growl is HORRIBLE as the closeup shows a generic knight type head. How disappointing?!

Jump cut to end of hallway to a door which looks like a wooden blue planked door. Which begs the question: What is the budget of this science venture? Because it doesn't seen enough. (Especially in the security department.) Jump cut to Yoshizaka looking into his wacky microscope and zoom in. We never hear the door destroyed; but clearly see the giant germlin-equse robot with no fashion sense come in and it looks like a bird head again. Jump cut to Yoshizaka who has teleported away from the microscope. Thankfully; they only show the upper body of him and then we jump cut to two guards who look like green/yellow Mega Man's only they look better than the Mega Man in the 1995 cartoon from Ruby-Spears. (Wow, time to walk back that comment there former self. It's better than the Captain N: The Gamesmaster version of Mega Man, that is for sure.) They hear something and go into the lab as the giant robot has knocked out and kidnapped the professor; once again exposing why Professor Yoshizaka is called Professor Pantless. If this is happening multiple times in an episode; this tells me that not wearing pants is part of the gimmick for Yoshizaka, not a mistake on the animator. We see the Mega Man Guards Of Doom shoot their yellow laser and no sound comes out of them, of course. The spooky music played here is hilarious for all the wrong reasons as the robot grabs one of them and throws him down to the ground which took two shots to animate plus a bump minus impact sound effects. The guard had to make a sound to make it work. Then the giant robot invokes the DOUBLE COTTON CANDY LASERS OF DEATH on the second guard. Normally; this would vaporize someone, but we jump cut to the giant robot leaving before we get to see if the guard had died and that was that. Again; no sound effects at all. Then somehow; a steel satellite bug attaches to the back of the giant robot as he is leaving, which makes no sense at all. Who planted this?! The two guards were whacked and Yoshizaka was also knocked out. WHAT?! Shouldn't the bug be planted before the second guard got "murdered" here?! Am I missing something here; or is this creative team really that stupid?!

Jump cut to outside the building in the morning and then jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper being shown as Ken proclaims that Yoshizaka has invited Ken to show off his new lab. Okay. (Discotek Media had it as Ken proclaiming that he's allowing them to show off the lab.) He also tells Caron and Clipper to be on their best behavior. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there, Ken?! Caron agrees to do what Ken says while Clipper complains that he wants to sleep than go see some science lab. Why the hell is Clipper even here, then?! Jump cut to far shot of lab and zoom in. Jump cut to inside lab with Ken, Caron and Clipper in shock. Jump cut to Ken helping the second guard who got zapped; and for the most part, he is fine. As in not dead! He informs Ken that Yoshizaka has been kidnapped even though the guard never got to say the actual word. So, it's perfectly all right to say "kidnapped" when children are involved, but when it's an adult, that's a no-no on 1974 Japanese television?! (Discotek only says "trouble", doesn't mention the professor being kidnapped.) Then we discover who planted the bug on the giant robot because the second guard wants Ken to use the Orange Radar Scope to find him. This would have been fine if the second guard had planted the bug BEFORE he got murdered with lasers by the giant robot. Even worse; Ken is already tranformered to Chargeman Ken on this shot and then on the next shot, he's back to Ken again. How do I know?! On the second guard shot; he was wearing the helmet, and then on the next shot which is a jump cut of Ken, Caron and Clipper watching from the Orange Radar Scope -- which is a radar painted orange and black by the way -- Ken is not wearing the helmet. (Discotek Media had this as the orange rader, and it wasn't a actual name.) This show has the worst continuity ever. Even Friar Tuck from Rocket Robin Hood didn't have this bad shot continuity. We see a red dot on the orange ring part of the ORS as Caron states that Yoshizaka is in Sector Z which is filled with gas tanks. (Discotek called it Area Z, probably to prevent confusion with the video game Section Z, or Sector Z in Star Fox.) Oh; this sounds familar to that episode in Mighty Ducks. I think it was actually Power Play where gas tanks and a mutant monster who was an electric monster were involved. Now I wonder if the poor animation in that show was on purpose or not?!

Clipper talks, Ken gets his closeup and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!! After this, we jump cut to a field containing gas tanks which look like green bombs. This HAS to be done on purpose; no one can be this corny. Western pan shot to the Juralian alien spaceship -- which is a multicolored wacky meatgrinder -- and then jump cut inside to Professor Pantless strapped up against a wall in the most unconvincing curfix position I have ever seen. This show HAD to be planned for localization in America; no way this is just the animators being so stupid. The Juralian aliens finally get to the meat of this plot by demanding that Yoshizaka tell them all of Ken's weaknesses. (Discotek Media had it as one weak point instead of multiple, because we have to make it too simple for the audience in America.) You know you are a godawful heel group when you don't even know the obvious weakness of a child. TICKLE HIM DAMMIT~! That ALWAYS works! Yoshizaka responds by telling the truth that he doesn't have any weaknesses. Which is true in fact, so the Juralians are stupid yet again. (Yeah, I mean in storyline, Ken is so over powered that nothing stops him! Literally! That makes for a boring babyface.) Yoshizaka gets cursed and shocked as the Juralians pull the lever (JESUS~!) and Professor Pantless gets the YELLOW SHOCK LIGHT OF DOOM for his troubles. I cannot take this torture seriously even if I tried. It looks so goofy and Yoshizaka's selling is even more so. Alien demands Ken's weak points, Pantless claims that there are no weak points. He gets shocked some more with more goofy selling. Jump cut to outside the spaceship as the Sky Rod lands right beside the ship. (Actually, the Sky Rod literally lands on the green bomb like gas tank. What?!) Ken jumps up above the Sky Rod and then jumps down; giving us a glorified closeup shot of his jet boots. What?! They lost the Astroboy kick sequence now?! Jump cut to far shot of Juralian spaceship from a different angle and then pan over to Ken and Clipper hiding behind a green bomb gas tank. What was the point of landing the Sky Rod right next to the spaceship?! Proves to be utterly useless because we jump cut back inside the spaceship as Professor Pantless yelling Ken. Ken and Clipper has instantly teleported to the door leading into the lab where the professor is being held. STUPID!

Ken tells the Juralian fiends to release the professor and they no sell. (Discotek has Ken say "Hello, monsters"! I utterly laughed at that line.) Oh wait; they bring out their goofy giant robot which was supposed to get the information of Ken's weakness from Yoshizaka and use them against Ken. Although that makes way too much sense to this writing crew. (Barican hides into his hamster ball during this sequence I should note.) Ken dodges; tries the Astro Boy jump kick of doom and simply bounces off the robot. Yes folks; the robot is putting up a better fight than the Juralians ever could, minus Hoshi Star Jural from episode #4. (After all the BS so far, it's impossible to boo the robot and cheer Ken Izumi!) Ken falls on his belly and somehow loses his Alpha Gun in the process because it's next to the robot's foot. Memo to aliens: Order the robot to crush the Alpha Gun! That's 99% of Ken's offense right there! CRUSH IT! CRUSH IT LIKE A ROBOTIC RUSEV~! (Or nowadays: GAME OVER IT! GAME OVER IT LIKE A ROBOTIC MIRO~!) Nope; the giant robot stalks Ken instead like a complete moron, making the Juralians look like idiots. Jump cut to closeup of Ken's face as we cut to Clipper's head popping from his hamster belly ball and his mouth never moves when it is completely agape. Of course; we find out why Clipper tagged along with Ken: So, he could trip the giant robot and become useful for the second time in this series. Barican goes into the hamster ball and rolls the ball underneath the robot's foot. The animation is so contrived here that it looks like they screwed up the timing of the spot anyway. Robot sways and should have fallen; but doesn't. (Yeah, it literally stares for five seconds! DUMB!) Ken uses his jet boots for no reason as he grabs the Alpha Gun, falls to the ground on his belly. He shoots the robot in the chest and this causes the robot to fry and turn dark green. The robot screams and then turns to normal as he turns around and eyes the two Juralian aliens. The aliens panic and order him to not attack them. Yes; the Alpha Gun is designed to make robots turn on their masters. HOW?! I don't know! Robot stalks aliens and then trips for no reason whatsoever, landing on the Juralian aliens and crushing them like victims of Rusev (Or nowadays: game overing them like the victims of Miro...). Cue EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH!

Wait; the robot exploded?! HOW?! I don't know! Who tripped this robot?! I don't know! (Since Ken indirectly caused the robot to crush the Juralians, it adds to his kill count. Ken has now killed 52 Juralian aliens and one robot by proxy along with the millions of butterflies and eighteen horses.) Jump cut to outside in the sky as the Sky Rod is flying away as I assume Ken, Yoshizaka and Clipper escaped. How?! I don't know! Jump cut to Ken piloting the Skyrod with Clipper and Professor Pantless as Ken is amused to hear that they were looking for his weak points. Ken blushes as he does admit to one weaknesss; which is....wait for it...wait for it...math. I anime faceplant on my desk! WHAT?! That is his weaknesses?! I have never seen Ken weak at math in this series; which would have made this scene make sense. WHAT?! Ironsharp claims that they were trying to make him likable, and this was an hideously hilarious failure the likes we have never seen before or since. Having a weak point in math doesn't make you likable. Tickling makes a lot more sense; because that weakness is great for humbling tough guys. If the tickler are heels: It's free heel heat, cost the heels nothing and it pisses off the marks. If they are babyfaces: It costs you nothing and it's cheap physical comedy. Ask Kit Cloudkicker about it. Jump cut to Skyrod flying away from Sector Z to end the episode at 5:21. What a stupid ending this was?! So, all the aliens have to do to defeat Ken is give him a math test?! Really?! You would think a lunacy record was a weakness since it did cripple Ken for a bit before Clipper ran in to destroy the record in an illogical way, but no. Want to bet they never bring this up ever again in future episodes?! Of course not. (Yup, this ending was never brought up again. Even Tanner Johnston brough up Kit's bad math skills in Ducktales 2017 when Kit had issues with multiplication tables in the Super Baloo comic Vestiages, for crying out loud!) This was a *** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for Professor Pantless and his goofy selling of torture, and the goofy giant robot. Also; if the Jurals had ordered the robot to crush the Alpha Gun, they might have in fact won this. (If so, then Barican blitzing the monster would have made even more sense as a finish.) Way to go writers; you made the heels look stupid once again! -** (-40%).

Episode #18 - The Great Prison Island Escape (Officially Translated As: The Great Escape From Prison Island): Episode opened AFTER HAPPY HOUR on basically Chargeman Ken's version of TaleSpin's Prison Island from Bringing Down Babyface. Only the water is animated and we get the narrator explaining that this is a prison island and then jump cut to a helicopter flying on a sky side shot; and it's morning. The Agony Booth; are you listening?! (They are not, the website died in 2021. Wow, I realize the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage that I produced has been in semi-retirement for years, but I'm still around and updating the Rant Shack to this day, and the website started in 1998! Social media's presence, everyone.) You need to do a review of this show. See; one hundred years into the future, all wrongdoers are moved to these islands for imprisonment. Is that any different from the prison system in the U.S. even ten years ago?! The point is; this show was created in 1974, so the show takes place in 2074. (Discotek called the prison artificial which is hilarious in itself; but the one hundred years ago thing was kept!) Also, there is no progress in the justice system nor mediums. Lovely! (The pitfalls of producing a futuristic show in 1974 when you don't know what is going to happen in the future. People will forgive you more for that, compared to a period piece in the past, since that was what TaleSpin ended up as, since the early concept art had it as a present show with a 1930's motif instead. Which will ultimately be what the TaleSpin reboot will likely be if it's official: A 1990-era show with a 1930's motif.) The plan is to prevent jailbreak and protect the outside population. TaleSpin's version of Prison Island was in the 1930's which is 140 years in the past, and I can tell you that this did NOT prevent a jailbreak and threatening the populace as demonstrated in Bringing Down Babyface. (Well, Babyface Half-Nelson was one heel with a hard head, so he probably couldn't do a lot of damage and this storyline remembered it. Sadly, it should have been a precautionary tale for this episode!) We get a long sequence of the helicopter entering Prison Island and landing. (Anytime I hear the word "peace" now, I cannot shake the screams of "death" coming out. Although that's Discotek Media's translation of the narrator here.)

One of the guards wearing a green uniform and beret orders a convict to get out and it's a stereotypical male tough guy with purple hair wearing an orange/white striped sweater. Jump cut to a far shot of the prison and the camera guys screw it up and make it less intimatating by showing only half of the prison. (Surprisely, they teased using the Rocket Robin Hood method of walking, and then a second later, used an actual walk cycle!) Jump cut to hallway as the continuity is shot to hell again because the whole prison is supposed to be circular and thus an open wall to the right at all times. Nope; the shot shows just a hallway with a solid wall on the right. DUMB! Jump cut of closeup shot of convinct and guard. Jump cut to them inside a glass elevator. Jump cut to elevator door which has a yellow diamond painted on it. Why?! I don't know! Door opens and out comes the convict and guard. We get the "I don't what I'm doing" spot where the convict is laughing in such a contrived matter and the background is night again despite being INSIDE the prison! (I believe this was Knack Productions' cue to inform the audience that this prisoner is a Juralian alien. I should note that this convict is the only one with purple hair.) We jump cut to a prison door; then a jump cut of the guard turning the key into said door, then a jump cut to a shot of them watching the door open. Got that? Good. Jump cut to inside jail cell with three convicts with brown hair. The middle one is the biggest one and the one on the right has a listless hairstyle. Jump cut to FPS shot of them looking at the convict and then a back shot of the convict as the door slams shut. Convict turns around to look at the door; and we jump cut to outside of Prison Island on a different shot and then pan up to show a full moon. Jump cut to a closeup of the big convict's face looking shock at what this new convict has to say. (The prisoner in question calls the new prisoner a newbie, which would probably be dated by the time 2074 arrived, but whatever.) Jump cut to behind someone's legs as the purple haired convict claiming that his sources are reliable and on this shot; one of the prisoners appears to have hanged himself since his feet are three feet off the ground. Seriously!

The convict claims that the justice system sees them as sub human. What a shocker?! Apparently, the government are going to force them to help develop land on Planet Galan; which completely gives away that this convict is a Juralian alien in disguise. (Ironsharp's translation was I believe Planet Gilian. Also, in the Discotek translations, this government is not even paying them for it. Gaslighting prisoners into slavery, I see.) Yes; they can fly to far away planets with ease, but cannot change musical mediums from vinyl records to internet streaming. I realize that this show is from 1974; but COME ON! Make up a medium for goodness sakes! Apparently; this convict can magically get about twenty stitches on his left face at will as they are going to screw the prisoners next week. He giggles, the big convict who has somehow teleported onto the top of a bunk bed and comes down swearing that this convict is joking. Compared to you teleporting to a bunk bed; that's standard promo cutting. Ironsharp chose "damn" for the swear here. (Discotek Media used "dammit" here.) The big convict has had enough and wants to break out; but the guys claim that no one has escaped this island before. The purple haired convict claims that he has this and brings out a gun that looks like a diamond tipped drill. One of the convicts asks how he got that and then we get a confusing series of shots: Jump cut to closeup of diamond tip weapon shooting cotton candy pink laser. Cut jump to outside the prison island. Cut jump to laser drill firing laser in a different different. Cut jump to guard screaming and implanting onto the ground for absolutely no reason at all. I think; judging by the yellow trim on his body that he was hit by the laser, but the shots make it so confusing that he might have just put his bare feet into the pocket socket for all I know. Second guard goes down on a mirrored shot for no reason. None of this makes any sense! Somehow we jump cut to a guard getting punched in the face by a convict. WHAT?! Guard spits water out of his mouth. Another guard gets stomped in the back by a convict. Same convict or different convict?! I don't know! They only show their arms and legs. The next shot make even less sense: Apparently; the big convict magically produced a lead pipe and sideswiped a guard in the chin with it since there is a circular type yellow line showing how he swung the lead pipe.

I know it's a pipe because there is a black metal object shaped like a nightstick/pipe in his left hand and it's drawn poorly like most of this show. Then a guard wearing a beret with the purple letter V on it gets decked on his face by something. I'm guessing it's a 2X4 since there is one right next to him on the ground when he impacted. Oh; I don't need to tell you that no sound effects occured in any of these shots, do I?! Two more guards get pink lasers of death as they are holding rifles as we see the purple haired convict is shooting the laser gun. This is the only shot that made sense; and even that isn't saying much. He motions the convicts to escape and the convicts -- all three of them -- run out of the prison and we jump cut to a boat tied to the docks. Jump cut to closeup of the convicts talking to the purple haired convict and then we see in shadow animation of the convicts entering the ship and apparently, they went from three to three dozen shown in a matter of seconds. Just poor continuity shown by these animators. The ship looks like a cruise liner, so at least the heels are getting more and more of the message of blending into humanity now. (Even then, the design on top gives away the fact that it's a Juralian ship.) Jump cut to brown haired man in a suit with yellow tie reading the news on television. He calls this an emergency bulletin as he claims that one hundred prisoners have escape the island prison which is named "Izu" about two hours ago. How would they know this quickly when the heels knocked everyone out in the prison?! They are also wrecking havoc in the Shimoda area as we jump cut to Ken and some guy wearing glasses, a cyan blue shirt and blue pants watching on from the streets from a television. (Discotek Media never actually mentioned the name of the district like Ironsharp did. It only says "downtown". Why? I don't know.) The convicts are acting with extreme aggression. You don't say?! Side shot of Ken sounding worried and then we jump cut to the monitor as four denizens are running away from the hard camera. One of them dresses like Mr. Izumi by the way and all four of them get shot in the back and vaporized. So it cannot be Mr. Izzy in that group; because he will be back in future episodes of this crappy shot anyway.

Jump cut to half a dozen convicts shooting with rifles and only one of them knows the proper way to be a sniper. They are shooting at the denizens as we pan over to the purple haired convict yelling to kill them all. They chase the denizens and these convicts shoot so poorly that all bullet shooting shots missed; but the vaporized gun doesn't as demonstrated with a man and then two armed guards with rifles who just showed up for no reason. Here's something that doesn't make sense either (and this should demonstrate that even anime studios have standards and practices): They killed four unarmed civilians, two armed guards, but didn't kill anyone in the prison. That makes no sense! So, it's okay to kill unarmed civilians, and a few police officers; but it's forbidden to kill guards in prison! STUPID! Oh; and we get CHARGING, GO FISH~! That made sense at least. (Except that there is no heroic theme music during this sequence as it's done in silence and then they used the Juralian evil music theme, for no reason. It's "We Can't Eat Vegetable Salad" all over again!) Then more confusing shots: Jump cut to laser gun firing pink lasers. Jump cut to man in orange trenchcoat shot in the back and vaporized which bring the death count of unarmed civilians to five. Then a senior citizen and a teenage kid bail stage left; causing the purple haired convict to point the gun at them. The orange haired big guy grabs the laser gun from him and tells him to lay off because the convicts don't kill kids. Yes folks; these convicts have standards, you know. You can kick a kid's ass, you can make them into zombie killers, you can beat them up to within an inch of their life, but you cannot kill them. Even the convicts hate killing kids outright. Never mind that there are a number of things that are much worse than death. (Like torture for instance which apparently is one of the strong points of this entire show. Or so I have been told.) No; taxes and public speaking do not count, you cocky fools! Ironsharp used damn it as a swear here. (Discotek never uses the word "damn" here, which is very odd. Also, a thought: If the Juralian aliens were killing exactly like this even with the humans "helping" them, much more often than when Ken was killing Juralian aliens, Ken would look a lot less vile in hindsight.) The purple haired convict stops; laughs, turns around as the big convict figures out that this convict is not human.

Then the convict gets shot in the chest and dies; causing the convict to finally expose himself as a Juralian. The alien finally admits that the whole story was a complete lie to cause a lot of death in the city. Keep that mind for the ending to this as the Sky Rod lands and out comes Ken, which is funny since we never saw the Sky Rod until now. Ken proclaims that he would never forgive them for this. (The audience is basically doing the same thing when it comes to Ken Izumi at this point.) Ken jumps down to ground level and we have the dumbest staredown I have ever seen. SHOOT!! FOR GOD SAKES, SHOOT HIM! Who?! I don't care at this point! (Say what you will about Chargeman Ken, this is the one time, Ken killing the Juralian alien is understandable. As someone once say: "Sometimes, people just need killing".) The sun rises, they shoot each other and both get hit clearly on the side shot. Logically: both shooters get vaporized and die, right?! Nope! Here's what happened: They stare at each other and than the Juralian flops on his belly and dies. No vaporizing at all or disappearing. The alien simply drops dead and Ken absolutely no sells the shot. Keep in mind that Ken is twelve years old and he got shot clearly in this episode! STUPID! (No, they didn't shoot each other. Ken is the only one who successfully shot his Alpha Gun, so the alien dies just like that! This made sense actually.) Jump cut of the sun rising as the Sky Rod drives away, the end at 5:21. That's how it ends! (Ken's kill count is now 53 Juralian Aliens, although the alien killed at least five humans.) Now, Ironsharp noted about there being no indication that Ken stopped the rest of the convicts, but I blame that on time constraints. Besides; the convicts already found out that the Juralian alien was lying at them about them being subhuman in the eyes of the police and denizens, and being put to slavery on a made up planet. Plus; they hated killing kids, so they already realized that they were had. I'm guessing almost all of these convicts gave up because that makes the most sense. Ken probably figures the police can handle the convicts, because I know that none of them could kill anyone with bullet shooting guns and none of the guards in prison died. Only two police officers got killed, and all deaths were caused by the Juralian laser. None of them from the convict's bullets! This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the most confusing shot continuity in the history of mankind and the finish/ending. - 1/4* (-5%). The story was merely riddled with logic breaks and spots that made no sense.

Episode #19 - Bank Gang - Caron's In Danger!: Oh no; this cannot end well for Caron. Episode opens with a shot of pink/white roller blades with legs on the sidewalk. Why would they need rollerblades when most sidewalks in this city are automated?! See "My Papa Is Old Fashioned?" review for more details. Oh; and would you be shocked to know that the background is doing the animating?! We see various kids rollerblading with the top half being shown. One of them is wearing glasses and all purple gear with circles. Jump cut to Caron rollerblading like she's skating on an ice hockey rink with Clipper hanging all over her. We soon discover that Clipper is hanging onto her because he's trying to rollerblade and hilariously failing at that. He slides on his back; which is the worst rope burn spot ever. I don't care. The animated far away shot looks piss poor by the way and so was Clipper's sliding. In comes two way too well dressed thugs; clearly they are Juralian aliens since they mention Caron as Ken's sister. They want to kidnap Caron and the two kids in order to kill Ken or end him as they say in this translation. One of the Juralian alien thugs appears to be checking for a watch that doesn't exist at all, and wants to let this play out. Probably a smart move, knowing that Ken is supposed to be God in this show. (Considering the Christian references on this show, I'm shocked this didn't get a 1970's release in America. It might be the only anime that was improved on purpose. Samurai Pizza Cats was more unintentionally improved due to the fact that the localizers didn't get the scripts from the original company. Sadly, this gaslit localizers into believing that they can make better localizations than the original. More often than not, they couldn't.) Jump cut to inside a room with green walls and a white speaker as a cheap 1970's alarm sounds. Jump cut to a woman's face gasping and screaming. Then a jump cut to a brown haired man in a brown suit and cyan blue tie doing the exact same thing. Oh wait; he's looking towards the left instead of right and to the hard camera like the woman's face was. More jump cuts as we see the most ridonkulous looking bank robbers I have ever seen holding guns. They look more like Juralian aliens then the Juralian aliens do in their true forms, and these clearly do not look like them. (Yeah, because they are using bullet shooting guns.)

Then they proceed to kill everyone by shooting them to death and people accuse Discotek Media of making this show look more adult than it is?! I would think adding a few damns and hells here and there would be less problematic on a show that has humans legit killed, blood and violence marketed to kids. I'll never understand moral guardians, I really cannot understand them. Somehow; this is enough for everyone outside to gasp in horror. (I think in storyline, they are employees of the bank that just got robbed and they escaped. This makes sense in the end, but former self thought it was staged poorly. I have seen worse staging on this show than this.) These bank robbers do not screw around, BABEE! The bank robbers run out of the store with sacks of money labelled "Bank" and of course, they all get cut off as police officers with guns, which should have the Alpha Gun technology, but don't. Somehow. (Why? Simple, Chargeman Ken couldn't play hero anymore and that world would be a better place. That's more distressing than where Ken gets his gimmick of shooting aliens in the back later on.) The police orders them to surrender. The bank robbers basically say :"Fuck the police!" and we have a gunfight. (They didn't actually say "Fuck the police", but might as well had said it.) One of them gets shot in the back. Ah; now I see where Ken gets his Alpha Gun training from! That is distressing. It turns out to be a decoy move since the other two bank robbers bail into the alley after threatening to kill everyone. Cowards! Gunfight ensues and this actually has sound effects. I wondered where they wasted the audio budget on. Ken appears out of nowhere during this and ducks a bullet that almost shot him in the head. Almost as dangerous as Kit coming within one inch of getting shot in the head, too! What an idiot Ken Izzy is?! Jump cut to a hill of pavement which looks poorly drawn as Caron and Clipper are sliding down the hill to fetch a pail of kidnapping nuts. Okay; that sounded really wrong. Lots of screaming and jump cuts of building and people looking shock ensue. Caron bumps into the crowd in the most contrived manner possible as she bounces chests with someone, then an animated explosion. Yes, an animated explosion! Not an explosion painting of death!

Then Caron goes through the crowd without any animation whatsoever, and then a jump cut of Ken. (I believe Barican let go of Caron somewhere at this point, I don't remember exactly when and I'm not rewinding the footage to check it out.) He notices Caron and then we get the dumbest capture of a damsel in distress in history: Caron skates past the bank robbers in the alley. Bank Robber does the motion to grab Caron despite Caron being totally off-screen and stage right in such a position that she could never get caught. Next shot; closeup of the bank robber with Caron in his grasp putting a gun to the back of her head and threatening her. WHAT?! That makes no sense! They might as well played Barican's theme after this; because this is a horrible joke. A cruel, horrible joke! Oh; stay tuned, because this trainwreck is really going to go off the rails now. Caron screams for help and according to the bank robber; the gods are on their side now. They use Caron as a bargining chip to get the police to stand down; the police comply. Jump cut to Clipper telling Ken to transform and Ken no sells because no matter how bad they are, he cannot use the Alpha Gun on humans. This is the same guy who trapdoored Professor Volga to death in "Dynamite In The Brain"! So; as long as he doesn't use the Alpha Gun on them; Ken can kill humans if he wants. What a sadist monster Ken is?! Not just to everyone, but also his own flesh and blood. There are no words in the English language that can say it all successfully. Ken is horrified when Clipper asks about Caron as we go to a sky shot of the two bank robbers forcing Caron to walk and everyone is transparent, except for the bank robbers who are painted all blue. (Even funnier, the position of Caron makes it look like the gun was pushing Caron's head, like Caron is a gun version of a puppet when she walks. As if she is not walking on her own. Former self actually missed that one.) Now; Caron got kidnapped two minutes into this episode. Why do I mention this? Well; here comes the two Juralian human thugs cutting them off and calling them damn weaklings. I think, it's hard to tell. (Actually, it was the bank robbers calling the police damn weaklings after walking Caron away, which makes sense actually.)

The two bank robbers threaten to ventilate Caron's head. If this was Ken; that would be considered an improvement. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... (Wow, I wonder how many criminals will be made from that fanclub. Probably, zero. The holy bible doesn't have that excuse.) The Juralian thugs stand there; and the bank robbers shoot to kill as Caron disappears completely. (The most understandable and laughable written out by teleport ever.) The thugs jump up and do a double jump kick into the bank robbers' faces complete with EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH! Then a jump cut to the officers running in as they cuff the bank robbers and that is that. Ken and Clipper ask about Caron to the police and the police don't know where she went. The bank robbers calls the two thugs a bunch of bastards who took three bullets and didn't bleed. I don't recall Ironsharp ever using the word bastard when he was fansubbing the show. Come on, Discotek Media~! Ken gasps and bails as it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Strangely; Discotek Media did not subtitle this one. Oops! Jump cut to Ken in the Sky Rod out of nowhere, AGAIN! (To be fair, the show is about to do a car chase scene, so it made sense. However, Knack Productions doesn't give an elf about quality, so whatever.) Jump cut to a street with a yellow/white limo riding west as we head inside with the brown haired thug driving the car, while the purple haired glasses one has Caron in the back gagged. Yes; folks, Caron was kidnapped in a span of literally two minutes! This! I cannot take this; but this trainwreck is far from over! The driver notices the Sky Rod coming straight at them and once again the mouth moves two seconds BEFORE sound actually comes out of it. The driver pushes some buttons on a console and out comes two guns shooting cyan blue lasers. Which turn yellow when Ken dodges them; although it's for the best since the cyan blue lasers clash with the sky and we wouldn't have seen them. (Why not just keep the lasers pink for the Juralians and yellow for Chargeman Ken throughout?! Damn you, show!) More shooting and dodging make Gregory Weagle something something and it's such a mess that the animators have clearly given up at this point. The driver panics and stops the car with the brakes as the Sky Rod lands in front of the limo. Out comes Ken and the thugs at the four and a half minute mark at 5:30 on the video.

Why am I mentioning the running time in this episode?! Well, we proceed to have a lovely pre-fight chat. Basically; this was a trap to draw Ken out of hiding. The thugs jump upward off-screen and then appears below the screen as Juralian aliens. Normally; this is a Fanboy & Chum Chum motif; but here it's just terrible animation. (After all of the smack former me has said about Fanboy & Chum Chum in previous Easter Sadism rants, former self is calling what Fanboy & Chum Chum did was an artistic choice?! Fuck you! Worse, the Jurlians actually come below from the top of the screen, so the motif never happened. Again, fuck you!) They transform at 5:39 and shoot their yellow beams at Ken at 5:40. Literally two seconds later; the aliens get shot back at 5:42 and literally die at 5:44. Yes folks; this battle literally ended in FIVE seconds. In fact; the pre-fight promo lasted FOUR seconds longer than the actual fight! (Even worse, the aliens somehow got OFFENSE IN! They could have beat Ken right there and their shots missed. Hideously hilarious! Even funnier, we never see Ken shoot his Alpha Gun and it looked like the alien's shots were deflected back. Wow, Ken is much more OP'ed than nemo37 succesfully deflecting Link2Metroid's poopy posts!) You wonder why the Juralian aliens are the worst heels in animation history. This sucked! Also, it's not like they didn't have time since they had at least twenty seconds left in the episode! This show's a horrible joke, a cruel horrible joke! (Ken's kill count now stands at 55 Juralian Aliens, although he is not responsible for the human robbers killing four humans in same episode!) Ken and Caron have a bonding moment and Ken's hands are fleshed colored instead of wearing white gloves. The ending of this episode is the kids and Clipper rollerblading with actual animation as Clipper slides on the rollerblades. Somehow the rollerblades come off and Clipper doesn't WATCH OUT FOR THAT BUILDING~! Kids laugh at his expense as Clipper is concussed and faints dead. Clipper says to hell with this (Discotek said "heck" here, that was my embellishment) and that ends the episode at 5:21. This was Chargeman Ken at it's sorriest, sickest best: **** on the trainwreck scale for a lot of killing humans with real guns, Caron getting kidnapped twice in two minutes, the worst grabbing someone in history, the most deadliest and unanimated bank robbery in history and the worst fight in the history of animation. Perfect! -*** 1/2 (-70%).

Episode #20 - I Got A Girlfriend (Officially Translated As: Ken Gets A Girlfriend): Oh no, this cannot end well for Ken. Episode opened with a shot of the barren city with goofy buildings. Pan shot to a far shot of Ken and Clipper on a bicycle and the camera positioning to start the episode is terrible as the bicycle goes far left of center before repositioning itself perfectly. Jump cut to countryside and now they are bicycling on a country road for absolutely no reason at all. Barkian humming is extremely annoying at this point. (Nah, Barican's humming here is fine, especially what is supposed to come later on in this very episode.) Ken is whistling as Clipper is being a total backseat driver because Ken rides so slowly that it'll be sunset at this point. Ken decides to floor it and Clipper loses his balance on the bicycle. Serves that hamster ball with head and feet right! I hate backseat drivers too. So, me and Ken finally agree on something. That's horrifying. Jump cut to far side shot and Clipper regains his balance. Jump cut to closeup of Clipper holding on for dear life. Can you spot the logic break here? I knew you could. Only Clipper's teeth and two pink balls are moving in this shot. Jump cut to Ken taunting Clipper; jump cut to Clipper hanging on saying that he is okay. I don't care if he's lying or not. I hate...you guessed it. Jump cut to side shot where the continuity is fixed. Yeah; they have no clue what they are doing here. Jump cut to animated bicycle wheel. Jump cut to Ken laughing and Clipper's head in the hamster ball while being taunted by Ken. Side shot of more cycling and then we jump cut to a woman holding a book wearing a green dress and orange hair. I realize on the closeup shot of her that she is holding a bag of what appears to be pink punch. Ken panics and puts on the brakes; which we only notice because they dubbed in a screeching wheel sound effect which sucks badly. Woman panics and of course the dress on the closeup doesn't match the far shot. Jump cut to animated wheel kicking up dust. (I just love how they BS&P'ed the shot of Ken literally running over a girl with his bicycle. That angers me a lot more than Ken having a girlfriend because the relationship is going to be platonic no matter what. Only a sex-obsessed creep is going to see this as a form of sex. Also, Kit Cloudkicker in "The Girl From Pango Pango" comic book story. I'm just saying. Only that girl had no name and the villain probably did something far worse to her judging by Kit's question at the end of the story.)

Then we see apples flying on a jump cut and then another jump cut with the woman kneeling on the ground as the apples land on the ground. Apparently; Ken's bicycle is also down; but Ken is on his feet. I think Ken rammed into the woman unintentionally; but the lack of animation made it look like the woman simply fell on her knees and drop the bag of apples. Worse; her dress has gone from totally green to yellow top, green skirt with red stripes on it in a matter of three shots of her. That is bad continuity there. Ken's apology is lame as he stammers like an idiot because the woman's face looks like a brown haired version of Caron. They all look like they are modelled from faces of dolls. Screw that! Give me Moeish style over this anyday of the week. (Wow, I don't think the face models in this show were that bad, former self. The Moe style has pretty much died out for me at this point of my life.) She also has a green daisy in her hair; which is many buys! The woman is picking up her apples to put into the clear bag when Ken touches her hands and after some jump cuts, they have eyes for each other. So much so that they blush and it looks like they are bleeding from the cheeks and in Ken's case, the side of the eyes. Jump cut to Clipper looking mad for absolutely no reason at all. (Oh, Clipper is jealous that he cannot at least get a platonic relationship with a friend that is not part of the family? That's Clipper's problem, not Ken's.) Ken offers the woman a ride on the bicycle and she doesn't really sell at first, but then decides to accept because Ken insists. I'm fine with this; Ken did almost run her over, so he's trying to make it up to her. Of course; doing so must mean that Clipper is kicked off the bicycle and chashing said bicycle. He fails badly in catching up by the way; as I have seen this spot before in The Wuzzles with Hoppo. (Also amazing, the girl apologizes to Ken for the trouble even though this was ALL KEN'S FAULT~! Ken should be the one apologizing for the trouble! This is so stupid!) The woman actually asks about Clipper and Ken lies that he wanted to be let off. (Discotek had the girl call him Mr. Robot. I wonder why?! Heh.) Geez; I think saying that he was a backseat driver would have been better, because no one is going to defend Clipper in this show anyway. (Hard disagree. Clipper is a lot less vile than Ken Izumi, trust me on that one former self!)

Jump cut to Clipper jumping in contrived fashion blowing off Ken for lying. (Huey should be jealous because Barican literally jumped twice like he had a superball up his ass.) Jump cut to shadow bicycle driving away as Clipper swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (darn it!) and that is that. Jump cut to what appears to be a cream yellow building as we pan down to in front of a white solar panel as the bicycle is parked. Ken and the woman are exchanging notes and pleasure thoughts because Ken has a new girlfriend now at 12 years old! (Kit Cloudkicker in "Girl From Pango Pango", TaleSpin comics. Again, just saying!) Apparently; her parents are still in the countryside and they have recently moved to the city. This makes no sense! (Children being left unsupervised in cartoons happens all the time even in modern cartoons because the children want to breathe againest the choking powers of the adults. Even though the cartoons are made by adults. Irony!) Ken is amazed that she might be lonely; even though she clearly doesn't look like it. By the way; that statement she made completely gives away the fact that she is a Jural. Who in god's name would allow a child to live alone when they just moved. They are asking for trouble here if she wasn't a Juralian alien. (The storyline is that she's waiting for her parents from the countryside to complete the move, as per Discotek's translation. Which does make this supisious. Ken don't care either way because Ken now has a girlfriend and that's all that matters.) The girl's shirt is yellow with a red circle in the middle, and a green neck. Ken offers the girl to come to his house on Sunday to meet the family and they shake hands on the deal, via the closeup shaking hand spots, so you know where the Teddy Ruxpin producers got the spot from. (Discotek Media had it as Ken offering the girl to spend the night at his place, which actually makes more sense since the parents haven't arrived yet. Ironsharp's translation actually is a little less creepy.) The girl walks away stage right as Ken looks at his hand and then jumps up and down with glee before bicycling away. YAY! He's so happy! (Hey, more power to him! Too bad he's about to get screwed.)

We then get a jump cut of the girl looking out of the window as the bicycle is clearly being moved by some sort of sliding panel because the wheels do not animate here. The girl is looking on from the top floor; but the artwork makes it look like she's looking from the bottom floor. (You know what, I have a theory on this: I think the original plan was that Muyuki was actually a real human being and when Muyuki comes home, a Juralian alien shows up, kills her and takes her identity, including her weakness to hating harmonica music. That would make a lot of sense here. But we never see what happens inbetween scenes, so that might have confused everyone into thinking that a Juralian alien was in real love with Ken.) We head inside the living room of the Izumi's residence and pan over to the entire family wearing green slippers, including Ken; but not Clipper. I realize that this show is in Japan and it's usually a custom to take their shoes off outside the house. I don't get why they need to change that in localizations -- one Pokemon game comes to mind -- since most kids take off their shoes when they are inside the house anyway, just they do it inside since there is usually more open space in an American home; but why wear slippers. It's okay to show bare feet on this show; as demonstrated in episode #45 later on. I don't think Ken has worn green slippers until now either. (Strangely, his suit covers his feet for some reason.) Caron has in episode #4, so what is the point of this?! I don't know! I then discover that they are in the dining room and we get another classic example of no continuity in the show. On the back shot; the chairs the family and even the girl were sitting in are green. Now jump cut to Ken and the girl on the closeup at the table with tea cups and a slice of cake, and the seats are now orange in color. Where the "FUCK LOGIC~!" picture meme when we need it?! If that ever gets royalities, that person is going to be super rich. The girlfriend is wearing the exact same clothes as before. Now; I know some are angry that I'm using the word "woman" to describe her; but the problem is: She has not been named in this show so far. You would think the Juralian aliens would be smart enough to know to give out a name so it doesn't risk in blowing in said cover when the family starts asking questions.

Of course; Ken introduces Caron and his parents, but totally ignores Clipper. Memo to Clipper: Don't act cocky like he is going to introduce you because it makes you come off as a jerk. Don't stoop to Ken's level Barikan?! You are made of better material than that! (No, he is not of better material than anyone except maybe Ken Izumi.) Then I discover that she in fact does have a name: Miyuki. Would have been great if you spitted out the name a minute ago, you moron! (Thank goodness we are not going to have a TaleSpin situation here.) No; I'm not talking about Clipper here, nor Miyuki for that matter. (At least Ken is referencing Miyuki as a friend and not something less platonic.) She nods in response as Clipper is trying to grab Ken's attention and he's failing badly. Jump cut to Ken offering Miyuki some cake; then jump cut to a shot of Caron and Mrs. Izzy as Mrs. Izzy tells her that she can have as much cake as she likes. Caron says "please do" and that is enough to make Clipper blow off literal steam on the next jump cut. (Discotek's translation is different: Mama Izumi is actually asking her how she likes it and isn't trying to tell her to eat as much as she wants. Caron says "go ahead".) Clipper bails and walks stage left almost calling Ken a "son of a bitch" because he's ignoring him. (Discotek has Clipper saying "darn it" here.) Well Clipper; you are a useless bigoted robot; and a backseat driver. You are now just acting like an asshole now. Which may have been learned from Ken because Miyuki declines cake because she thinks that it'll make her fat as I see that she is a victim of stereotypical body imaging. Ken insists that she has some cake so she doesn't turn into Caron. That is exactly what he said. What an asshole?! Why is it bad to look like Caron?! (Ask every woman in 2024, former self and be prepared to listen for a really long while. Surprisely, Discotek kept this almost 100% intact.) Caron is angry that Ken acts like a jerk; and everyone laughs at Caron like it's a joke. Yeah; it's a joke that Caron has the body type of a doll. Assholes! All of them! (Body shaming, as usual.) To be fair; as you'll see in the end, Miyuki laughing at this makes sense for the obvious reason.

Then we get the most assholish moment in the entire episode: Clipper playing the harmonica. (Okay, time for me to rant: If Knack Productions actually cared and had a clue: The murderous record in episode #16 should have been the harmonica music that Clipper is playing here. Why? Because then when Clipper plays the harmonica here, the exposure of Miyuki as the Jural would make actual sense and a perfect payback for the Juralians using that damnable music on the humans. Instead, they used background music from the show. Also, harmonica music makes sense because the Jurals used human technology to try to kill Ken Izumi. Why not try it again, only put a poisonous spin onto it? I love this idea for a finish and yet, they screwed it up as usual.) Why you may ask? Because Miyuki sweats and then holds her head while standing up screaming that this is causing her pain and suffering. I don't blame her. Clipper sucks at playing the harmonica; and he's being a total asshole while doing so. The family acts like Clipper is doing nothing wrong as if the music is coming from some magical place -- even though on the next shot -- it's clear Clipper is playing the harmonica with his feet up. What does Ken do here?! Instead of taking the harmonica away and throwing Clipper out of the room; he yells at Clipper to stop playing the harmonica. Somehow; Clipper no sells this deal. I wonder why?! Apparently; taking the harmonica away is too much of an assholish move for Ken to do. Hideously hilarious! Miyuki covers her ears and runs away stage left; I'm guessing to the door. Then we jump cut to Ken failing in stopping this horrible music. (Even the Beagle Boys play bagpipe music much better than Clipper does the harmonica and the Beagle Boys were trying to torture the nephews; not grab attention like an asshole.) Miyuki just turns around with her ears covered, screams and stops. The moment she does that; she instantly turns into a Juralian alien. Yeap; Ken was a girlfriend to a Juralian alien because he's an idiot. What a shocker?! The alien has his green eye bloodshotted for some reason as he curses Ken and calls Clipper's music damnable. Absolutely true!

Even the lunacy record in episode #16 was better music than this; and we accuse that being insane?! Screw you show! Screw you in your ass, please! (Discotek Media ruined the scene by merely calling it awful music. Also, Maou could have used the harmonia to torture Juralians and make them forget their emotions! Wow, even I'm still amazed by how big this show is because I came up with a way to pay off two angles better than Knack Productions. Just, wow.) The family is shocked and appalled, including Clipper, which is perfectly fine because Clipper didn't know it was an alien until right now. He was more concerned of getting Ken's attention for no reason because he's trying to be a bigger asshole than Ken Izzy. If it wasn't for "Dynamite In The Brain", he might have won this battle. The alien crashes through the window after yelling about being victorious against Ken; so yes, he was trying to kill him and Ken runs after him. CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Then we get the usual gaping logic break jump cut of Ken doing the Astro Boy jump kick of death and then a jump cut to the alien running away with his ears plugged. Ummm; the harmonica music has stopped sir. At least this alien got a run cycle against a solid green background. Ken appears from behind him and the appearance looks ass backwards for some reason. Jump cut to Ken shooting his Alpha Gun against a sky background and the laser hits the alien in the back and vaporizes it. YEE-HAW! Jump cut to Ken deep in thought about thinking that he got a girlfriend. (Ken getting a maiden is a fools errand at this point. Ken's kill count now stands at 56 Juralian aliens.) Ironsharp is wrong; I don't blame Ken for this because a Juralian alien decieved him as playing a girlfriend -- really well I might add --; in order to kill him and maybe even his family. Ken killing the alien in the back with an Alpha Gun was far more merciful to the alien than Clipper playing the harmonica. That was torture that should be on the same ban list as waterbroading. Here's the ending to this charming like episode: Jump cut to inside the dining room as Clipper still has his feet on the table like an asshole. Ken wants Clipper to remember the song he just played a minute ago. No! I do not want to hear that song again! Stop asking him! I do not care if it's a weakness of the Juralian aliens! It's not worth it, full stop! It is a nuclear weapon! It's a weapon of mass destruction! (Wow, former self is not holding back on that harmonica playing spot, no siree!) Is Caron wearing a rubber glove or something; because the hand color doesn't match her skin color. (Knack don't care and I don't anymore.)

Then Clipper proclaims that this is impossible to remember as he calls it the Barikan Anthem. Yes; this horrible music is titled! I AM WATCHING IMPACT! (Discotek Media calls it the Barican March, which is not an improvement. I'M STILL WATCHING IMPACT!) Ken is as confused as I am as Clipper claims that he just made up the anthem. Geez; what a shocker that was?! He also proclaims that he cannot play the anthem ever again and what is Ken and company's reaction to this?! (Discotek went one further, claiming that Barican was just joking about the name. Whatever, Hair Clippers, whatever.) Ken is not happy at all with this because the "Clipper Anthem" is a weapon of mass destruction --to the eardrums at least -- to the Juralian aliens and Clipper exposed their weaknesses. The problem with this is: These aliens are so stupid to have such a weaksauce weakness to begin with; but they get killed on a regular basis by the Alpha Gun. Shouldn't the Alpha Gun alone be a weakness?! Also, to top this off: What an asshole Ken is?! Memo to Ken: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR CLIPPER PLAY THE HARMONICA! IT'S WORSE THAN WATERBROADING AND TICKLING BARE FEET PUT TOGETHER! SOD OFF! (If you think former self has gotten soft in his rants and cannot go John Enter on an episode's ass anymore: Wait until episode #23, then you will be really sorry!) Clipper claims that he'll remember it in the end; and I hope he doesn't as Ken calls him unreliable. Yes; we had THREE episodes in this rant alone where if it wasn't for Clipper, Ken would have lost! Sure; this one made Clipper look like an asshole; but at least he was useful in saving the day for Ken. It's amazing that everyone complained about Ken shooting an alien in the back and killing it; but is perfectly fine with Ken belittling Clipper for being useless despite saving Ken's ass in THREE episodes in this damn rant alone! (Yeah, that offended me a lot more than Ken shooting aliens in the back. In a later episode though, I was grateful for him only shooting aliens in the back.) Thankfully; this episode is over at 5:20 with an outside shot of the house. This is the worse episode so far in the series. (If only former self didn't rant on episode #23... which I am not going to watch anyway.) This gets **** on the trainwreck scale for the worst run over spot in the history of mankind, the worst fat joke that makes Rhinokey's jokes on Hoppo subtle, Clipper playing the worst harmonica music of all time and Ken being an asshole for reasons that Ironsharp got incorrectly. -*** 1/2 (-70%). (I have ranted on twenty episodes so far and Ken has averaged almost three Juralian aliens killed per episode. Maou's kill count is higher than Satan's, but still nowhere near Chargeman Ken, so God's sadist win streak over Satan continues.)

Episode #21 - A Present For Caron (Officially Translated As: Caron's Present): Episode opened with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM and decent music which is ruined by a jump cut of an intercom buzzing like an annoying buzz. Caron answers the door and there is a man in a blue trenchcoat and blue pants with a present that uses white and pink poka dot paper, and a green bow. The man claims that this package is for Caron Izumi/Caron Izzy. (Discotek literally called the man a messenger boy. That was insulting.) We finally get a shot of the delivery boy and he looks like a teenager with a triangle shaped nose. Caron accepts the present; but asks who is it from and the instant she says that, we cut to the opened present and it's a doll who I swear on a stack of bibles is the Japanese answer to Anne Shirley from Green Gables, complete with pink sunflower hat, green dress and purple hair. (Since Anne of Green Gables is now public domain, this is no longer a problem, although it is still funny for different reasons.) We then pan up just to see Caron's reaction as she simply lifted the box top off the present. She calls this the perfect doll. Yeah; the perfect doll to get a letter from the legal department. (Not anymore, former self since the character is now officially public domain. Although trademark is a different story...) Jump cut to Mr. and Mrs. Izzy sitting down in orange chairs near an small table having tea. Mr. Izzy is holding a smoking pipe for no reason; which is even more hilarious later on. (Sadly, Ducktales 1987 also had actual smoking scenes that Disney didn't edit out. Although one of them needed to stay since Huey Duck had to cut an anti-smoking promo.) Mr. Izzy claims that it is merely odd to get a package from a total stranger. Cue laugh track! This show should have a laugh track, it'll make this show even more unintentionally hilarious than it already is. Mrs. Izzy asks Caron about this and Caron claims that there was no return name and doesn't give a damn who it is from because she loves dolls. Cue the horror track! Ken wants to check the doll for defects and grabs it and inspects it with his ears. Seriously. Caron protests this outrage and for once I agree with Ken. No name; no return address equals massive setup here. (Turns out, Ken was right; just the you know whats were smarter for a while.)

Caron somehow steals the doll back; by jump cutting to her hugging it. Caron's justification for this is that she got this from one of her fans. WHAT?! (Now cue multiple laugh tracks!) Since when did Caron have any fans IN storyline; let alone IN real life?! (I don't care what trolls say; this is a valid question and the answer is...not until 2007 and even then, no one was going to send a package to Caron. This is a Juralian alien plot and everyone knows it!) This show lasted three months tops and then stop running and no one show it again until it was released on DVD just a few years ago. Caron has no fans; even in this storyline! Who's booking this crap?! (Even funnier, Discotek media KEPT the entire fan angle because they know it's bullshit, and that makes it better on this show. By the way, Capcom's Twitter account on localization of course got the bigots into angry mode even though what the threads said was consistent with localization for decades now; regardless if it was video games, anime, cartoons, live action television, etc. etc. etc. Nothing they said was different from what has been done for ages now. You can argue weither the localization was good or bad, or if they made mistakes or even if their BS&P is horrible. But don't tell me we never seen this before ever in the history of localization. I have been through enough of the SNES to know better than this.) Even Ken is questioning this; so you know this is a load of bullshit. Caron then proclaims that they are fans of her beauty. Cue laugh track, again! (Discotek had it as pretty, which is more or less the same and still deserves the laugh track. Should I mention that this is another episode I love to mock?!) Jump cut to Caron walking up the stairs humming. In a shock; there is an actual walk cycle here and the background is only moving the stairs. Okay. Jump cut to Ken not looking amused and calling for Mr. Izzy so has lost his pipe and is holding a tea cup. What was the point of the smoke pipe, then?! (Tea is a perfectly fine sub, but of course Knack Productions don't care, again!) Mr. Izzy claims that there is no harm done and deduces that it's a fan of Caron. Since when did Caron have fans?! None of this makes any sense! (If they stated that it came from a friend, this would actually make sense; but fans?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Clock scene changer of doom and we fade to black and then jump cut to Caron running outside. Knack animation cannot even do scene changers properly without screwing them up. At least she has a run cycle and humming during this sequence as we jump cut to Clipper reading a book with Japanese writing on it propped next to the tree. (Actually, the first shot shows Barican reading a green covered ABC book. Yes, the continuity on the book was actually fine outside of the fact that the book turned white when Barican threw it up in the air and it hit the dumb robot in the head.) Jump cut to Caron and Clipper exchanging notes for no reason. Caron reveals that the doll is named Jane and she is going to play with it. Jump cut to Caron running east; which makes no sense since she was running west before meeting Clipper. This show has no sense of continuity nor reason. Jump cut to Clipper at the tree looking awfully confused. Join the club, hamster ball with legs! Clipper throws the book away and asks what does she see in that doll anyway. I would like to ask how Caron has fans. At least I know why she loves the doll, she considers it a thing of beauty. Then we get that moment where it's obvious no one in this show knows what their doing: The book slams on Clipper's head and they sell the bump like Clipper get hit with a cinder block. That is fine in itself; except the book that slammed on Clipper's head is now a white book and had the letters ABC on it in English! (Which it was always an ABC book, Knack just forgot to color the book. Miscoloring happens all the time in old animation productions. Even TaleSpin is not immune to this.) Jump cut to AFTER HAPPY HOUR to a shot of the crescent moon near a window of a house and some bushes. Jump cut to Ken's room as Ken is having trouble sleeping in bed and wearing white/lavander striped pjs instead of the white/cyan blue he usually wears at night. This is ruined on the closeup as he's wearing the usual pjs scheme and hears Caron screaming. (Are you sure, former self? It sounded like a cat. By the way, more coloring problems.) Jump cut to Caron's room with Caron sleeping with her doll Jane in bed. No; I'm not making Bea jokes here. Caron is much less of an asshole than Bea will ever be. In the background; the door opens and we see a shadowed figure who is clearly Ken invading her privacy yet again. (Whhhyyyyy?!)

Ken goes over and looks at the doll who is sleeping and then Ken suddenly bails out of the room as he is wearing green slippers. (By the way, the doll's face has turned completely purple like her hair. In the detective business, we call that a clue.) Jump cut to Caron and the doll sleeping in bed. Caron suddenly wakes up as she asks Jane if she wants to begin something. Jane wakes up and looks at Caron stone faced. Then we get a shadowed side shot as seen with the scenes with X-6 and Ken in the previous rant. Shadow Jane gains fangs and bites Caron right in the left side of the neck, and they keep that shot going for a long ass whomping time. Those doll eyes are creepy as we jump cut to morning inside some room as Ken is exchanging notes with Mr. Izzy. (Hey, I'll give them credit, the designers made the doll look somewhat scary. Sadly, the lack of care really couldn't get it to The Mighty Hercules levels of scary.) Mr. Izzy is seeing problems with this relationship with Jane and Caron because Caron is getting paler and losing weight. Are you sure that it's not Caron's vegan diet there Mr. Izzy?! (There is no vegan diet since Discotek Media confirmed that Caron was not a vegan. Considering Knack Productions "knack" for not caring, I betcha Caron will be the exact same looking design we see in the show. Question: How do these idiots know?!) Then we get a hilarious exchange between Mrs. Izzy and Mr. Izzy as Mr. Izzy is holding the smoke pipe again. Mrs. Izzy asks if they should take her to the doctor, and Mr. Izzy's response is to say in roundabout terms that he is a doctor. Remember that as he is saying this, he is holding a smoking pipe. I realize that in 1974; smoking was much more acceptable by doctors than it is today. Except this show is suppose to take place in 2074 according to storyline. That means no progression has been made to make smoking unacceptable in the Chargeman Ken world. What a moronic world to live in?! Jump cut to a shot of Mr. Izzy sitting down in an orange love seat telling us that Caron has been acting strange after dark. Pan over to Clipper sitting down on an orange circular seat blaming that awful doll Jane right from the start as Ken proclaims that he is going to keep an eye out for that doll tonight. If they hadn't shown the doll biting Caron's neck; this would have been suspenseful, but I don't count this show getting anything right, as usual.

We jump cut to Ken outside Caron's room peeking through the keyhole -- that door looks a lot bigger than it was last night -- like a peeping tom. Jump cut to a keyhole shot of Caron sleeping in her room and she looks perfectly fine, with no notable changes in her appearance. Jump cut to Ken looking on as a shadow of Jane appears from behind which makes no sense at all since the doll was with Caron during the keyhole shot, and even if it wasn't there, Ken would have noticed this little detail. We then jump cut to Caron who has suddenly teleported to the window in her white/pink spotted pjs. Oh look; her pjs match the color of the present that was sent to her. Wow; she really was enthralled by that gift. She jumps out of the opened window -- which was already opened before she teleported -- and the animation had her simply tipping over and falling out of the window. Ken panics on cue and I don't blame him. That animation sucked! (You don't say, former self?! Caron basically acted like tea pouring out of a spout when she jumped out of the window. Hideously hilarious!) He sweats and then he gets MURDERED in the back of the head with what appears to be a frying pan, but the way it was drawn made it look like a unfinished black pipe. We actually get an impact sound effect and visuals to show that Ken took a really MAN-SIZED shot to the back of the head. This is the first time that Knack Animation got the spot down good. The next shot showed that Ken was whacked in the back of the head with the smallest lead pipe Jane could find. Apparently; the doll has no legs too. Jump cut to a zoom in closeup shot of the doll who has lost her pupils in her eyes and they are green; completely giving away the fact that the Juralian aliens are behind this one. The eyes flash sharp symbols and then we cut jump to a shot of Mrs. Izzy in bed wearing a blue nightgown. (Actually, it is flashing X signs in said eyes, which means that people are about to die in the most hideously hilarious attempt of a horror movie on this show.) Mama Izumi looks towards the sliding window and she see Caron walking away as the zombie doll has not only taken her mind, it has reversed the color scheme of her pjs. Amazing!

Jump cut to outside near a tree as Mrs. Izzy calls for Caron and Caron just smiles as a white ghost is watching on. (Okay, not only is this one of the most infamous shots in the history of this show because we never actually know who is playing the ghost and it just exposes the unfinished nature of this show. The jump cut has Mama Izumi going from the bed literally to outside. This makes no sense! Also, this is where I got the "changes colors when wet" reference to Caron's pjs. You wonder why this show is so easy to mock?! The creators didn't care so much that it was just easy material for me. Even Fanboy and Chum Chum put a lot more effect into their show and that one was easy to mock!) Caron basically asks Mrs. Izzy to come with her; and then we jump cut to a back shot of Caron and Mrs. Izzy walking. Mrs. Izzy apparently got dressed inbetween shots because she is not wearing her night gown here. Mrs. Izzy asks where they are going this late at night; and then we jump cut to Clipper watching from a tree and then ducking down. What was the point of that?! I don't know. (Actually, I just figured it out. The white ghost is clearly Barican who was hiding behind the tree, but the creators didn't bother to finish the scene or the wrong background was used. Either way, hideously hilarious!) Jump cut back to Ken on the floor knocked out as Clipper has apparently found him and is trying to wake him up by calling him Kenny. By the way; Clipper is calling him "Kenbo" for absolutely no reason at all. Kenbo is a funnier name than Ken by the way. (Discotek Media didn't even bother to call him "Master Ken" or even "Kenny". It's not like the show is even be dubbed, so I guess they ran out of space.) Ken wakes up and he looks like he is laughing while rubbing his head. He stops selling the second after Clipper informs him that Mrs. Izzy and Caron went into the woods. Jump cut to a shot of trees and storm clouds as the clouds bail stage right to reveal a crescent moon. Don't know why they did this; but it was animated well enough until the end when the clouds slide slightly at a ten degree angle down. Jump cut to a field of trees and then pan down as we see Mrs. Izzy and Caron knocked out on their backs on the grass. Caron's pj's have return to the white/pink spots scheme, where they were the reverse in previous shots. How about that?! Jump cut to a shot of two Juralian aliens standing behind trees. I assume the white ghost was a Juralian alien in a ghost disguise, which makes more sense for suspense than anything else. However, the suspense is gone from this episode, so no one cares. (It wasn't. It was clearly Barican since they showed Barican jumping from the same tree in a different shot.)

The three Juralian aliens surround Caron and Mrs. Izzy as they smirk and think that they have won. Pan down to the doll standing there. The aliens proclaim that they will capture Ken and his father, and burn them at the stake. Oh my god! Shit just got real here! No, not really! (Discotek didn't say that directly, but setting them ablaze is close enough.) The doll states that she'll leave to get them now; but Ken and Clipper run in to stop that. Ken calls them out; as we get a shot of one of the aliens cringing for no reason. CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Here is the finish: Ken gets in front of Caron and Mrs. Izzy. Ken shoots Alpha Gun on all three aliens and they all get vaporized. Jump cut to doll turning into a vampire; which is the best thing about this doll so kudos to her. Ken simply shoots her in the chest and she gets vaporized literally three seconds later which causes her to burst into flames and burn to ashes. Hilariously; the fire teleported into a small flame and then disappeared the same way. Yes; that was the finish, live with it. (I'm counting the doll as a Juralian alien; so four more to the kill count to bring the total to 60 aliens.) Double clock scene changer of doom with black slug and we jump cut to the intercom buzzer from the beginning of the episode. Caron answers the door and it's Ken Izumi with a white package and pink ribbons under his arm. We head into the living room as Ken puts the package down on the table proclaiming that he has a special delivery from Mr. Izzy. Keep that in mind as Ken opens it up, it's the exact same doll Caron had that made her into a zombie and almost got her and Mrs. Izzy killed. What an asshole this Mr. Izumi is?! For goodness sakes; buy a different looking doll for her if you want to give her a present! Caron squeaks in horror when Ken shows the doll as he claims that he was the one who bought the doll from a store. Yes; Ken Izzy is the asshole in this outfit! What a shocker?! Caron grabs the doll; it says "mama" and she instantly hugs it, calling it perfect. (This is like Petty Williams being Scott Steiner again after Scott Steiner destroyed him in TNA! This will not be the last time Caron will act this way.) Jump cut to the rest of the family laughing at this, none of their mouths are moving and Mr. Izzy has his smoke pipe back. What is so funny about getting a doll?! I don't get it even more than the white ghost earlier in the episode. This ends the episode at 5:20. This gets *** on the trainwreck scale for the whole entire plot which is beyond the pale absurd, Caron's "changing colors when wet" pjs, the doll being a vampire and wanting to burn the family at the stake. Completely overwrought bullshit in this episode. -** 1/2 (-50%).

Episode #22 - The Bomb Fax TV: Episode opens with an watershot shots of green mushroom like buildings and a large porus dome. Jump cut to inside the dome and into a room containing a spotted pink egg like thingy on top of a pedstal. It looks like a wacky control room. Jump cut to Satan and his drainpipe finger proclaiming that this is the latest creation of the Juralian science division...wait for it...wait for it...physical fax television. Ummm; where I come from, we call that a computer. (It's a good thing this show never got over in 1974, because who knows if the technology industry would ever be as big as it is now.) But wait; Satan claims that this invention can be used to blow up Japan's vital facilities. Yeah; just Japan, because these aliens are so weak that they cannot even take down Western Japan's food supply. Heck; I would believe human terrorists taking down Western Japan's food supply before I ever believe these aliens could. Jump cut to the coast of Japan to a town containing three orange like domes. Jump cut to EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH; only it actually shows the area being blown up instead of the usual gibberish images this show is known for. Jump cut to a national airport with three really poorly drawn airplanes with the Japanese flag on them. Jump cut to EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH, same thing basically. Jump cut back to Ken's house, which doesn't blow up with the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH, sadly. (Ken and family are gods who have already killed one Juralian alien, there's no way that they are screwing with...Oh wait...) These aliens are so stupid that they don't consider Ken's residence a vital facility. (No, not really.) Jump cut to Caron and Clipper watching the city burn on television and this fire is more animated than anything else in this episode thus far. The announcer states that this is from Tokyo Bay and these explosions occured yesterday. Jump cut to my favorite reporter of all time -- also known as the cheese reporter -- at his desk, explaining that Japan International Airport #2. Yes, #2; but not the original airport, for some unknown reason. JIA #2 was bombed today by someone. I wonder who would be stupid enough to bomb an airport. Even the 9/11 terrorists were not stupid enough to do that at least. (Time to walk back this, as I'm certain this has already happened at some point even before former self wrote that!)

Jump cut to Ken accusing the Jurals again cart blanche. (You know Ken is a god, when he knows that the creators do not care about having a villain other than the Juralians.) I realize that cartoons almost never adhere to Occam's Razor; but this is beyond silly now. Caron and Clipper -- in a rare moment of realism in this show -- are shocked by this revealation. Yes folks; Clipper and Caron cannot believe that the Juralians are behind this and are actually trying to apply Occam's Razor to this show. Sadly; cartoons rarely adhere to that anyway. Ken's evidence for this is that JIA#2 has an automatic defense system. But not JIA#1, somehow! Ken claims that there's no way to sneak anything dangerous into it. Does that mean Ken has been barred from the airport?! Of course not! This is his brilliant deducting reason for the Juralians to be behind this; instead of using Occam's Razor, which is: it's always the Juralians because the premise of the show says so! (Yup. Knack Productions don't care. I have seen George not caring and being more entertaining than this; and he's not trying to be a murderous babyface.) Caron and Clipper are still stunned; either by the reasoning or the fact that they figured out that they are on a really bad show. I cannot tell which anymore. Ken then asks how did they sneak into the area in the first place. Ken proclaims that they need to figure this out before all communications are destroyed in Japan. Jump cut to horn shaped buildings shown over the city in complete silence and then jump cut to what I believe is in fact JIA#1 with three poorly drawn and staged airplanes on the circular runway. Jump cut to the side of one of the planes which has turned green on the next shot and has portable stairs with half blue and white circles painted on the rails. The door opens and out comes Ken, Caron and Clipper! WHAT?! Two more jump cut shots as Ken explains that this is an airport building landing tower. Geez; I cannot see what could go wrong with this idea?! Then we get a lot of shaking on the next far shot causing Caron to hug Ken and scream. Clipper hides in his hamster ball like a coward as Discotek Media's subtitling of Ken here flickers in and out within a split second. Basically; he proclaims that he's going to check this out after wondering what is going on. Geez; this show is now infecting Discotek Media's subtitling here. (This is the second mistake by Discotek, in episode #19, they forgot to subtitle "Charging, GO!!")

Jump cut to inside the building's computer room with a generic computer expert in a white coat, blue shirt, blue tie, brown hair and glasses working on repairs to the computer with a screwdriver as Ken, Caron and Clipper notices this. Ken deduces that a television monitor blew up. Ken Izzy actually applying Occam's Razor?! Don't make me laugh! Get out of town! Oh, shut up! As the guy is repairing the monitor; an orange tie scientist is carrying a large cylinder container with the X circular rings and a planet in the middle symbol we see in a lot of these shows. Next shot; the two scientists meet and the container is now a television set. WHAT?! Basically; it's the replacement television as the blue tie scientist wants to test out the television he just fixed. The orange tie scientist agrees and twists the knob on his own television; it might have been the old one. I don't know, the scene is staged poorly, as usual. Jump cut to underwater in the most blandish Juralian submarine ever. Jump cut to inside on an island monitoring system with three Satans on said monitors ordering unit 101 to commence operation. Jump cut to a closeup of one of the Jural aliens saying "right" and sounding like he's sarcastic. Then a white screen projection screen rise up to reveal a robot with a red eye and three red trim horns in the shape of a cross. At least this robot stays on model in each shot. Sort of. We discover that the robot's name is Black. (THAT'S RACIST~! I think the robot's name was originally Blackface and the protoype to Metalface from Xenoblade Chronicles now that I'm overthinking this...) This robot must destroy the airport building completely. Jump cut to the computer shooting orange and yellow cheese beams at the robot complete with robot sounds as the robot teleports from the submarine to the computer building, right in front of Ken, Caron and Clipper. I think that is what the plan was; but the teleportation sequence is incomplete as the robot is still not in the building when Ken panics. Ken orders Caron and Clipper to bail; they comply. Jump cut to the robot finally in the building and stalking Ken. I think. The animation here is so poor that the robot is literally walking backwards. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to robot raising the roof. Seriously! I am not making this up and this look stiff, poor and quarter assed.

CIRCLE BEAMS OF DEATH fire as Ken runs in with Alpha Gun as he jumps into the air and goes into a different location despite the fact that he could never be hit even if he didn't move. Ken shoots Black in the face proving that he's a racist, hyper-entitled white male, but I repeat myself. The robot falls back on his back dead exposing his chest. Geez; the Juralian craftsmanship on these robots is getting crapper and crapper as this show goes on. Ken runs in and examines the block clock in the robot's stomach and deduces that the Juralian are sending cassettized robots via a fax machine to blow up communications. What the hell does cassettized mean?! I have no clue; although this is an actual word. Anyone know?! Furthermore; why not just send the robot to Ken's house since Ken is the biggest threat to you?! Ken notices the conveniently placed television and decides to use the Juralian fax machine to enter their base. Caron claims that this is too dangerous. She's right; it's too dangerous, for the Juralians! She is actually showing concern for the Juralians well being. No wonder she was easily taken by the vampire doll in the last episode! No, not really. Clipper tells him not to do it, Ken of course no sells this deal, because there are evil aliens to kill, you see. Ken stands in front of the computer as we jump cut to a bunch of orange buttons and gauges on the computer and notices the power switch. Caron is ordering Ken not to do this; and that only shows that even Caron is showing sympathy for the Juralians, now. No, not really. Ken no sells and tells her not to worry as we get a repeat shot of Ken putting hands on the stomach of the robot again. He pushes the right orange button and we jump cut to Ken with his back turned and facing the computer as he is teleported as we jump cut to Caron and Clipper praying to God. I am not making this up! This shot would have been cut out if this show was localized in the 1970's, without fail. Discotek Media made no attempt to tone it down to eliminate the fact that they are praying for the Christian god! (I completely forgot about this religious moment until I went through it.) Jump cut to the shot of the submarine underwater and then inside as three Juralian aliens look on from a monitor as it flashes orange and sun shines from it:

Bray Wyatt: Run...

Oh wait; they cannot. They are screwed. Now we have four Juralian aliens as one of them figures it out that it's Chargeman Ken. Somehow; Ken appears out of nowhere -- showing that Knack cannot animate a teleportation sequence at all -- to shoot the aliens to death with the Alpha Gun, yee-haw. I don't see why Ken landed on his belly on the fourth shot, it's not like he was losing the fight or anything. (Four more Juralians die for our lord and "savior" Ken, thus up to 64 Juralian aliens now.) Jump cut to Ken with a meter which is a square box with knobs and horns on it. He kneels down in front of the television. (Yes, that wacky thing is a fax machine. So you can add: No sense of scale for fax machines to the list of thing this show got wrong compared to the present day.) Ken places the device on the ground, buzzes the fax machine orange button and does the usual crappy teleportation sequence back to the computer building with Caron and Clipper. I then realize even before it happened that the device is designed to create EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! We return back to the airport building landing strip of doom and there is a logic break: Jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper watching the television. There are so many things wrong here: #1 Ken is no longer Chargeman Ken. That's fine. #2: They appear to be in their living room now. #3: They are watching three aliens shaking and panicking despite the fact that Ken killed ALL FOUR of them in the submarine thirty seconds ago! Jump cut to a far shot of the submarine which finally explodes into the EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! Why bother with that shot at all when cutting it out and extending the next shot would have made much more sense?! Of course; they are back at the computer room of the airport landing. What a stupid finish that was?! In terms of making sense. Clipper thinks they are safe; but Ken disagrees because until the Juralian main base is annihilated, we'll never be safe. So, he's admitting that this feud must continue; but at least this show finally has an endgame for Ken Izzy at this point. Ken proclaims that they need to find the stronghold and wipe them out and that ends the episode at 5:20. This was * 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the usual animation botchery and Ken applying Occam's Razor in a show that has none to spare. * 1/4 (25%).

Massive Trigger/Content Warning #1: Well; we have finally made it probably the worst episode in the history of animated television. The following episode contains scenes of intentional attempts to belittle mentally disabled people, and a plot that is so absurd that it becomes patently offensive to everyone, even to the bigots in this show and out. You have been warned and I'll explain every single offensive and wrong moment segment by segment as we go along. So; here we go...

Episode #23 - Terror! Mental Hospital (Officially Translated As: Mental Hospital Terror): We begin this one with a shot of a building. Zoom down and the Japanese sign says "Mental Hospital". Blood pressure is starting to rise. Space car with wheels arrives at building and out comes Clipper, Caron and Mr. Izzy with Rocket Robin Hood style movement. The music in this scene uses spooky ghost music with drum beats; which is so overbearing that it makes the scene even worse. Jump cut to brown haired guard wearing all blue with no hat holding a ring of keys; as if he is a jailer. I hate where is episode is going now. Jump cut to clean hallway and zoom in. Jump cut to inside a prison cell -- with metal bars in the window -- as it opens and the guard is shown. Yes; this show thinks that mental hospitals are prisons. Worse; this takes place in 2074 and I can tell you from past experiences when I was admitted into the Nova Scotia hospital that it is not even close to what this scene is implying in 2001! I'm certain that it's even better now; although I have not visited the hospital for many years since that fateful day I had voices in my head and couldn't stop them. Then we get what I consider to be the most intentional attempt to belittle the mentally handicapped: Turn to a pan shot of all the mental patients and they act like zombies. That was bad by itself; but as they pan to the right and there is an old man wearing a white/red spotted bra and a pink singlet with grey hair. I assume that he is an old washed up wrestler. Here's why this is offensive: The writers clearly knew that this was horrible to show; so they decided to put in a washed up pro wrestler with a bra on in order to make us laugh at him. Except that many people consider this and pro wrestling to be only for the mentally unstable. We are actually laughing at the mentally handicapped as splash damage even though a pro wrestler wearing a bra is actually funny out of context. However; in the context of the episode, this is ableist, horrible assholish chickenshit! It's also really lazy and I was SHOCKED that they didn't take it all the way and show straightjackets on these people. The guard asks for Ken Izumi and we see Ken looking like he's sleepwalking. I should also note that their protrayal of Ken's mental illness was horrible as well. It's completely unconvincing and it tells me that he was on drugs.

Why isn't this episode in a detox center?! At least that would be less offensive then this because then you can blame the person taking the drugs for being stupid. At least that is believable. The guard tells him to get out because he has visitors. More offensive BS as the visitation rooms are like what you see in Hollywood movies and television like they are in prison. In 2074! Again; it's nothing like this in 2001 in Nova Scotia! We jump to Caron trying to connect with his brother at the booth and Ken can only respond by saying "yes I do"; like a sleepwalker. AlphaIronchew's parody sub makes much more sense because Ken's response was "feels good, man!" because the next shot after Ken says this is Caron and Mr. Izzy looking shocked. That makes sense. Jump cut to a shot of the back of Caron and Mr. Izzy's legs as Clipper is laughing at Ken; so yes, he is making fun of Ken being "mentally ill". Oh; but this episode is going to get much more gruesome as Caron back kicks Clipper and Clipper gets at the window and starts taunting Ken. AlphaIronchew has Clipper saying that he wants some of what Ken is smoking. The guard comes in and orders Clipper to shut up. This guard is the least assholish person in the room right now. Clipper no sells and keeps taunting him and then we get the second intentional belittlement moment: Clipper sings a song about a trip to Suruga. Which out of context, Clipper's singing is so bad that it would be funny. But we are in a mental hospital. This is chicken poop, assholish bigotry because everyone is treating mental illness like a joke played for laughs, UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The guard chases after Clipper and becomes the biggest babyface of the show. Jump cut to Mr. Izzy as we get more "charming" shots of the guard chasing Clipper and instantly becoming the hero to mentally handicapped patients the world over. Jump cut to Mr. Izzy talking to Ken as we discover that Ken is faking it all along. Yes; Ken Izzy, the #1 babyface of the show is treating this like it is a joke. FUCK YOU KNACK PRODUCTIONS! Ken tells us that there is a secret factory beneath this hospital. So, the guard was in on this?! How did Ken manage to find out about this without the guard noticing? Mr. Izzy then explains that this was the police commissioner's idea to put Ken in the mental hospital as a patient.

Yes folks; the police are using Ken as part of their police work and in the process, make the mental profession look like a joke. Don't these assholes know the consequences of demonizing?! Probably not, and neither do the writers. They exchange notes and Ken says that he is going to infliterate the factory tonight before going back to looking like he's sleepwalking again. Jump cut to the guard with Clipper grabbed around the neck (YAY!) as he demands that Clipper be removed from the property at once; which Mr. Izzy apologizes for, which we all know is BS. Now I understand why Caron did a back kick on Clipper; it was so Clipper could set up interference on the guard. Yes; the entire family knows that Ken is faking it, not just Mr. Izzy. Jump cut to Ken's legs walking down the hallway. Ken practices the fine art of not being seen and goes upstairs shown in a zoom in shot of stairs. More repeat shots of a hallway and then a full profile sky shot of the factory which consists of a lot of scientists and a giant rocket ship. It looks so goofy as we hear a male voice saying that with this rocket, half of Europe will be obliterated. Yes; someone wants to blow up Europe. Why?! Believe it or not; we actually find out. Pan over to window as we see a grey bearded man wearing a brown suit with a pink tie along with clearly a Juralian alien as the animators are so lazy now that they only gave the alien a human head with purple hair and a purple goatee; because the body is clearly the same one the average Juralian alien has. According to the dialogue; the grey bearded man proclaims that he is doing this to create a great empire from the ashes of the world. Apparently destroying half of Europe will be enough to bring the world to it's knees in surrender. This is much more believable than James J. Dillion claiming that Iran is the only nation in the world to bring the USA to it's knees. Ponder that one for a moment. Yeah; the alien claims that the Juralians are helping him towards this goal. Which is carny talk for "I'm going to screw you once the deed is done". I swear that if you add an eyepatch; the grey haired guy looks like the scientist who we have seen with Professor Pantless actually, in episode #11.

We jump cut to an intercom and we get Ableist Moment #3 for the episode: The male voice tells us that the missile is ready, but the voice addresses the man as "director". Yes folks; this grey haired bearded man is the director of the mental hospital. WHAT THE FUCK?! Yes; the guy who is suppose to be a model of how the mentally handicapped are treated has created a missile designed to destroy half of Europe. FUCK YOU SHOW! You wonder why moral guardians hate anime?! Here's a perfect example of it right there. Also keep in mind; this is a show designed for children. The buzzing noise ensues as the director of the mental hospital orders the staff to commence the launch of the missile and in a meme worthy moment says and this is a direct quote: "Our TARGET is Europe!" GOD!! We get a far shot of the rocket which has the target symbol of the Juralian aliens as the holder for the rocket slides down into the floor with no sound effects. We see Ken hiding behind a pipe as he panics and we jump cut to some guy wearing a green cross like helmet and a purple/cheese jumpsuit with white gloves about to pull a lever (JESUS~!). The lever (JESUS~!) looks like a crowbar by the way; so I assume that he saw Ken and was going to hit him with it. AlphaIronChew's sub I think was what I said in roundabout terms. Problem is; the worker acted like he didn't see Ken as he states that all launch prepartions are complete. You were expecting logic to suddenly appear in this show?! The director orders the aliens to start the countdown. At least now; all the ableist spots are out of this show's system right?!

Chris Jericho: The worst is yet to come!

Jump cut to Ken popping up from his hiding spot using a camera angle that makes it impossible for this scene to make any sense and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Also, just to further insult me; the children are singing the victory song. Way to go Knack Productions! You somehow found a way to make me hate that song now! Then the Sky Rod appears out of nowhere for no reason at all. So, every episode involving it and they took the time to animate the metal ring on top. This company is seriously trying to find ways to kill off anime before it makes a big splash in the USA; which thank goodness it failed badly. Jump cut to Ken calling the director "mad" and keep in mind, this episode is inside a mental hospital. Then we get another gaping logic break and I refuse to call this laughable given the context of this episode: Ken pilots the Sky Rod towards two men in the room controlling the rocket and they are at least three floors up. Next shot; Ken shoots directly at the control room of the rocket and it's now on the bottom floor. Got that?! The control container sparks with thunderbolts and then we get the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH as apparently; the control container exploded and two men died; who we have no evidence that they were Juralian aliens. Yes; Ken may have killed actual human beings. You think this trainwreck is gruesome enough; it gets even more gruesome. Ken brings in the Astroganger jump kick of death again as the alien with the purple hair human head curses Ken which is turning the Juralians babyfaces in the eyes of the audience. Ken lands on the ground and uses the Alpha Gun to shoot the gun from the Juralian alien. Remember that for the finish because I'm going to reference it in a moment that will leave your jaw dropping straight down to the floor. We get a long staring contest to waste time and then the alien finally transforms into the Juralian alien we knew about two minutes ago. Alien shoots his yellow laser from his eye; Ken dodges the shot, then shoots the alpha gun and vaporizes the alien to dust, now we come to the finish and before we reveal the beyond the pale horrible finish this show pulled off; it's time to do a skit which I name: BOOK THE FINISH~!!

Reporter: Mr. Weagle; how would you actually book this finish?
2014 Me: Well fellow reporter; here's how I would book this finish: Ken would shoot the Alpha Gun directly at the director's pistol which he was clearly holding as he is shocked proclaiming that this cannot be and asks if his dream ends here -- which I say yes-- ; shoot the gun out of his hands and arrest him. End scene. This allows Ken to be a "hero" and it's the most humane finish you can do while focusing on the criminal act. Remember that this show is marketed to children and not to scumbags like this episode was on track to be.
Reporter: But, that is not what they booked Mr. Weagle.
2014 Me: I know fellow reporter. This finish is a hate crime!
Reporter: I see. Tell us all. What did Knack Productions book as a finish to this horrible tale?!

Okay readers; here is the finish Knack Productions went with: The director has his pistol and he cannot believe what has happened. He asks if the dream has ended as Ken lands on the ground and has his Alpha Gun ready to shoot the gun out of his hands. Sounds like they are going for the finish I had in mind, right?! Nope! Jump cut to the director of the mental hospital, the guy who is suppose to be a role model for how mentally handicapped people are treated, who has already sullied the reputation of those who work with mental illness in this episode alone, puts the gun to his temple. Jump cut to Ken Izumi looking in horror as the we hear a gun shot -- yes; they put an actual sound effect into this spot --, the next shot shows the director lying on his belly, face down and he's dead. Yes folks; the director of the mental hospital, yadda, yadda, yadda, committs suicide right in front of a child. WAY TO GO KNACK PRODUCTION! You have far surpassed the finish of 1950's Daisy eating her diary in the comics. This was a hate crime: it was horrible, it was ablest, it was the ultimate horrible stereotype of the mentally ill. And, what is Ken's response to this: strike a pose which at his face looks like he is calling the director a coward without saying it. No sadness, no feelings for the director committing suicide, no anger and hate for him for putting mentally handicapped people at risk of further demonization. Nothing. Again; you wonder why anime has a bad reputation in the USA?! You wonder why today's anime has been toned down over the past decade?! This finish is a hate crime; and if Knack Productions went out of business, they damn well deserve it. What a horrible episode this was and it's NOT OVER YET?!! One final note: the bullet shot sound came just as we saw the director pulling the trigger and they shook the camera to simulate impact which had no sound effect. Of course! Did I mention that they shook the camera three times during this too?!

Yes; there is an ending as we see the space car driving on the street with a wheel shot rotating and then to the "babyfaces" as Clipper asks if he can recognize him and Ken says yes. Okay; here's a logic break: Clipper is acting like Ken was not faking it; and yet he was laughing at him before he was running interference at the beginning of the episode; implying that he knew Ken was in fact faking it. Ken decides to belittle mentally handicapped people once more -- as if he wasn't the biggest asshole in the series already -- by acting sick and saying that Clipper is a Juralian. AlphaIronChew's parody again was much better because the drug references made more sense with the faces made by Ken and Ken says "The devil made me do it"; which actually makes perfect sense because the Juralians are lead by an alien named Satan; who is known as the most notable devil in Christian mythology. This original sub makes no sense and it only makes the babyfaces look like demonizing assholes once again. This ends with Ken grabbing Clipper and laughing out loud which insulted me even more. AlphaIronChew's sub parody has Ken saying "I was only faking it you doofus!", which again; makes more sense and is less offensive since the parody treats it as if Ken is in a detox center instead of a mental hospital. Everyone laughs except Mr. Izzy as we see the white car driving away from the hard camera to mercifully end the episode at 5:20. This is the worst episode in the history of animated television. All I have to say about this is: Watch AlphaIronchew's fake sub version of this episode if you want to see it. AlphaIronChew's parody sub on this episode was much better than the real thing because the user made it feel like a detox center and used drug references which rendered the episode to be much easier to take and believe as a whole. Sure; it is still a horrifying episode, but it's more tolerable, I guess.

Listen Future Animators: Making fun of the mentally handicapped does not make you edgier and clever; it makes you look like assholish pieces of chicken poop who should be fired and never be allowed to seek employment ever again. Learn from this horror show and don't do stupid crap like this ever! Before this episode came; this show was a laughably bad, funny for the wrong reasons trainwreck that was me laughing my ass off for five minutes plus at all the mistakes and silliness that comes with this show. It is one of the worst shows in the history of anime; but it was a FUN worst show that I could laugh at. This episode was NO FUN AT ALL! All I can say is: Okay Knack Productions; you got this out of your system, do not do this sort of thing ever again. Don't cater to bigots. Cater to people like me who want something different. Just write nonsensical plots, funny for the wrong reasons moments and show characters like fucking Hoshi! AlphaIronChew's sub did exactly what this show was supposed to do and it was believable and it was awesomely bad. As Vinny once said about the UWF Empty Arena Match at the Street King PPV: If they are scummy enough to cheer this crap; they are probably scummy enough to pirate your product. Okay?! MINUS FIVE STARS~!! -***** (-100%). Both on the trainwreck and not on the trainwreck scale. First one I have ever given and it legit deserves it too. Finally; to paraphrase Vinny from Victory Road 2009; I'm going to quote my notes verbatim, it's all capital letters followed by an exclaimation mark:

KEN'S IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL!
KEN'S FAKING MENTAL ILLNESS!
IT'S HORRIBLE!
IT'S GETTING WORSE!
KEN IS #1 BABYFACE!
WORST FINISH EVER!
WORST EPISODE EVER!
THUMBS DOWN!

(2017 Gregory Weagle Says: Who says I have gotten soft in the ranting department all these years?! Thankfully; this show does get better...)

(2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Even though I will never watch that episode ever again for as long as I live, I do remember the kill count: 65 Juralian aliens, eighteen horses, several robots, a whole butterfly spieces and officially two humans that he directly MURDERED legit on this show and was responsible for the suicide of another one! Holy crap, this is so wrong; but holy hell, is this erotic!)

Episode #24 - An Invitation To The Robot Club: Episode opens with BARICAN THEME SONG OF DEATH~! FUCK THIS SHOW~! Anyhow; we are io a plain as Clipper is bouncing around, acting like a dork. A woman's voice is heard and she wants Mr. Barican. Jump cut to a far shot of Clipper noticing a green haired princess like woman wearing a lot of yellow and white with a rose in her green hair. Clipper sounds confused that she knows his name; but the next shot shows Clipper's eyes blinking and is in awe. There are no sound effects in the blinking and that's the way I like it, thank you very much for nothing, Knack Productions. The woman walks to Clipper and she literally has no eyeballs. That is a bad sign that this woman is a Juralian alien. Even more so since the woman knows Clipper as Chargeman Ken's great advisor. Look; Ken's secret identity is not secret, but how many people in storyline know about Clipper being the advisor to Ken?! Very few, if any. Mostly the family and the Juralian aliens. The woman then claims that she's a robot and Clipper is the greatest of them all. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I think Atom might have something to say about that. (Astro Boy, everyone. I think 99.9% of the robots in the world of fiction would have something to say about that one.) Clipper of course is blushing, because he's a stupid idiot. The woman robot has a favor to ask him and she wants Clipper to invite Ken to the next meeting of the robot club?! You know; if they were Juralian aliens, this is very, very stupid of them. Apparently; this club features dancing and playing chess. Apparently; they teach how to raise the roof in a quarter assed fashion, too. Clipper is still blushing and calling Ken, "Kenbo"; which Discotek Media has completely given up in translating as the woman gives him a map of the area. She tells Clipper that she'll be waiting for them and walks away stage left. Clipper is so giddy that he's actually only half-assing it rather than the usual quarater/eighth assing this show does on a regular basis. Jump cut to Clipper, Ken and Caron walking behind the meadow with flowers as Clipper is still giddy. (In 2018, there would be signs reading "cuck" and Barican would be the defacto definition of it. Even Kidman is cooler than this dork of a robot.) Ken grabs the map on the next shot and checks it out, claiming that it's around here. Caron calls this strange as it's further up ahead.

The kids and robot child arrive far away from the stone fence and iron gate leading into some forest. Clipper is just beside himself as he's bouncing around like he's got a superball up his ass. Ken claims that the iron gates look closed as Clipper thinks the chess game and dancing has started. Somehow; they teleported into the forest with no indication that the gate was opened. Everyone is confused and then shocked because the area is basically a graveyard with at least three grave stones have a cross on them. (Again, why do I suspect this cartoon was going to be localized outside of Japan and someone in the executive board got cold feet?! Not that I blame them for having said cold feet, but come on now! It's the 1970's! Where nothing went right, at least according to old farts like me.) Caron is scared and out comes the woman robot who welcomes Chargeman Ken. Jump cut to Ken asking who the hell is this woman. The woman bails into the graveyard and the kids and robot child chase after them. Where vile idiots whistle past a graveyard; Ken and company run into it. Somehow; they step onto a Team Rocket trap of doom; which causes the "babyfaces" to spin around in a washing machine effect before landing on the ground in a dark area, where the animation team is so bad that they couldn't even do a cartoon spot with just their eyes showing. Thankfully; the door open to reveal light as Ken wakes up and we jump cut to the woman standing at the opening showing actual steps. The robot woman admits that this was a trap to lure Ken in and calls Clipper an idiot. Clipper is gravely offended by this actual fact as we get a closeup of the robot woman with white skin and fangs. She tells them to die and then the enterance gets darkened as Caron hugs Ken and is scared once again. Discotek Media actually has Clipper say "damn" here and we jump cut to an out of nowhere coffin with green German iron cross on the front and is peach colored. Why? Why not?! The top opens and out comes various zombies with clothes on. Yes; there is more than one coffin in this grave, why do you ask?! Everyone alive is shocked and appalled as it's seven on three advantage "heels". The drawing of the two in white look 1/16th-assed to me. Next shot is a sky shot of them in black shadows, and one of them disappears into thin air. WHAT?! Just cut to a goblin type zombie with a red sweater proclaiming that Ken will sleep here forever.

He looks nothing like the zombies from the team shot ten seconds ago! They are moving with the background moving and their mouths aren't moving either. One of them looks like a stereotypical banshee as Caron and Clipper bail stage right; but Ken gets caught and bit in the brown hair. (The banshee tells Ken to die quietly. Good luck on that one, Miss!) Then the banshee puts on a triangle chokehold; which would legit kill a man. Jump cut to Caron and Clipper looking on in horror as Ken is screaming that he cannot breathe, which is a lie of course. GO TO THE LIGHT WRAPPED LIKE A CAGE~! (Yes, this is the second time in the entire series that the light was used as a gimmick after getting killed in episode #5. Screw this show!) Ken swears in dubbed anime style after Clipper legit said damn earlier and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! (Worse, he did this sequence and didn't even try to move towards the lamp. Hideously hilarious!) Then we get the worst throw away of a heel ever: Ken is now raising the roof; and this causes the banshee to fly away stage right. Banshee comes back and Ken shoots her with the Alpha Gun. Yes; after claiming in episode #19 that he cannot use the Alpha Gun on humans; he uses the Alpha Gun on them. Apparently; if you are a zombie, then that is an exemption. Also, the special effects during this was hideously hilarious. It's like the team used a lamp that flickers like crazy. One of my LED lamps did that once. Ken is shocked and then the zombies change into Juralian aliens. Well; that means the banshee was an alien as well; so what Ken did was perfectly okay then, am I right?! Suddenly; the woman comes back and the outside is still dark. In other words; the "babyfaces" could have simply run out of the trap and destroyed her instead. This show is a...you guessed it! The woman orders them to kill Ken and we jump cut to Ken looking stoned against a night background. WHAT?! Juralian run in and it looks horrible, so Ken responds with the Alpha Gun, yee-haw! The aliens are vaporized as the robot woman dracula floats down the steps; which is more believable than anything else in this episode. Ponder that one for a moment, and despair!

Ken turns around, looks shocked because the robot actually swipes the Alpha Gun from Ken's hand. CRUSH IT, NOW~! CRUSH IT LIKE LANA HAVING SEX WITH RUSEV~! CRUSH IT~! (Or nowadays: CRUSH IT LIKE C.J. PERRY HAVING SEX WITH MIRO~!) Of course; he just swipes at Ken and hits nothing but air. God; even the Juralian robots are dumb! (Still smarter than Cut Man. Somehow.) The background is moving Ken as Ken is looking up for far too long as the woman robot stalks Ken; so Ken uses the Bijourm Belt of Doom -- which is basically John Cena's spinner belt; only it shoots electricty -- to fry the woman robot to look like she's literally having a bad hair day along with a bad dress day as well. (Discotek Media has it as Vizum Belt, which is dumber as I'll explain later.) She then flashes green and then disappears. Damn; I was hoping she stayed green and then we discover that the robot was made from grass. That would have been a neat sight gag; but this is Knack Animation we are talking about. That would require them having a clue. (Okay, eight more Juralian aliens got killed here since I don't believe the green haired robot was ever an actual robot, which brings the total to 73 Juralian aliens.) Somehow, Ken teleports to the surface staring as Caron comes in as we walk back to the meadow with floors as Ken tells Clipper to watch out for strange robots. Geez; insult poor Clipper while you are at it, why don'tcha?! Clipper admits that she was pretty and couldn't help herself. What a Haro pig?! (See what I did there?!) Caron and Ken do the most hideously hilarious smiling ever and then they walk away from the hard camera and background zoom out to do the animating to end the episode at 5:20. Remember kids: Whistling past the graveyard is awful; but Ken and company running in the graveyard is manly! (Toxic masculinity in death form. I would call that lethal musculinity! I'll get my coat...) This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the plot and the usual animation botchery. Call it -1/2* (-10%).

Episode #25 - Rescue Little Yuichi! (Officially Translated As: Save Young Yuuichi!): Episode opened outside a building surrounded by a concrete barrier AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and then pan shot west with the title card. Now; I realize that it's supposed to be Yuuichi; but the second u is silent anyway, and most professional translations would not add more letters than needed, so that's why I'm referring to the guest character as Yuichi, which has no meaning in English anyway. (Discotek Media has it as Yuuichi and it's supposed to be an official localization. Should former self walk that back or not? You the readers can decides on that one.) I have zero idea where this is as we jump cut to a shot of the side of the building with the concrete wall and a brown haired boy -- who might be the same age, build and almost same look as Ken, wearing a white sweater with a green shirt -- pops up from the concrete wall as we see a light in the window and shadows of people holding up a little baby. (This looks straight out of the Astro Boy 1980's cartoon, only with less detail nor design sense.) Now; what happens in the next two minutes, I hope someone who was in the production team sees this, because I have zero idea what is going on here, or what the point of this was: Jump cut to the kid behind the building looking angry so at least I know that the kid is angry at these people. Why? I don't know! That's been a popular sentence I have used in the rants for this series. He shows a match at the hard camera and it is lit; and those matches have advanced so much that we never see him light the match. Jump cut to a trash bin filled with papers and the kid puts the lit match into the trash can. The trash can is set ablaze and we jump cut to a shot of the building with fire in the foreground and everyone is screaming "Fire!" in Japanese over and over again. Here's the problem with this: I do realize that there might be a danger of the fire spreading to the building and the can was close to the building. However; if this is 2074, don't you think that the building would be fireproof since technology would be well advanced by that time. Seriously; this is stupid anyway you put it. Remember this for the finish though because I'll come back to it at that time.

Jump cut to the kid smiling like an evil monster who has committed...I think they were shooting for arson, but at worst; this would be vandalism and mischief, which are lower on the crime scale than arson. (This might have worked as arson in the 1970's when houses were not as up to code as they are in 2024, but for goodness sake, at least have a can of gasoline to spray on the house. Then I can take this seriously as arson. This alone pisses me off because I shouldn't be laughing at this and yet I am and now I feel like a shithead when I wasn't trying to be. Idiots!) Jump cut to a thrown match onto some nest as that is set ablaze. What exactly has this to do with the previous shot? I don't know because the next shot repeats the footage of the fire in the foreground and then jump cut to the kid smirking like a heel would. He looks like Ken if he truly acted evil instead of being unheroic thinking that he's a babyface. Now; I first thought that this story was that this kid was supposed to be a fake Ken Izzy; but the clothes he is wearing clearly indicates that this is not the case. Jump cut to more repeated footage of fire and the kids smirking like a heel. Now; you would think this made no sense, the next series of shots will enrage thee. Jump cut to some room as a man is literally slapping a brown haired woman with a pink shirt in the right cheek and her cheek is swollen. We have now seen the worst animated domestic abuse and assault moment in the history of entertainment. When we finally see his face and body on the next shot; he looks like Ken if he was an adult; wearing the same color sweater as Ken. Just lovely! They are all wearing green slippers as we see that the two adults are at the dining table; and there is a shot of the evil kid propped against the wall with a blue car on the floor. The man is telling her to get the hell out of here. Yes; that is almost word for word what Ironsharp had translated. (Discotek had it as "Damn you! Get out!", and I can almost hear it in Gorilla Moonson's voice and cadence.) The woman basically tells him to get out. The man calls her an old hag like the sexist piece of shit that he is and she calls him someone who speaks like a lowlife. (Discotek Media basically reveals why they are fighting: The father is basically not keeping up his end of the relationship in terms of finances. Which explains why he's a lowlife actually. Discotek not only kept the "hag" part, he literally calls the woman a bitch. Dave, I'm just reporting what Discotek localized. Go punch them for that word!)

Jump cut to kid kicking the blue car on the floor; which indicates the only reason it was there. Now; the kid was wearing green slippers on the far shots and had no socks on. When he kicks the car; he lost the slippers and is wearing socks. The woman is shown having a headache and wants to go to bed and then for no reason screams at the kid to go to his room and the enterance way is closed by wooden planks. What?! (Discotek actually states that the father was the one who ordered the mother to go to bed, and the mother gets offended and blows him off. She wasn't blowing Yuuichi off at all, Yuuichi misunderstood that which makes sense and explains why he was setting fires.) Jump cut to the kid looking like he wants to cry and then to the blue car as tears drops on said car. Then we see him get up and apparently; the car has moved to the far left even though it was right in front of him; and he has lost his slippers and gained socks. For those who mock TMNT 1987 for this BS; this is far worse. Even worse than that; the planks on the doorway are gone. WHAT?! The only thing saving this is the music as we jump cut back to the repeated footage of the fire. So, let me get this straight: the boy is angry at his parents for whatever reason; because his parents are fighting and came to blows at one point. Why are they fighting?! Why are they mad at the kid?! (Discotek cleared up the answers in their localization on why they are fighting and they are not mad at the kid, they seem to not care about him. Which makes Yuuichi's decision to set fires even more tragic in hindsight.) I'm asking too many questions here; but please explain to me what the point of this was?! (Thanks to Discotek, I know what happened now. On the one hand, it makes Ironsharp's translation look really awful, but on the other paw; this is Chargeman Ken, so it makes Ironsharp's translation better than Discotek's localization! Yeah, this show loves to gaslight us on everything at this point.) Jump cut to the kid telling the flames to keep burning and this makes no sense. If I was booking this, I would have this building be the kid's house and the kid is angry because his parents are paying too much attention to the baby in the opening scene. Then the kid does something stupid, then the two get into a fight and then blow off the kid for being stupid. Then have him light up a trashcan outside as revenge. That makes sense.

Two too-welled dressed men come in via Rocket Robin Hood background movement behind the kid. He turns around and then we get a jump cut of the large man's leg and leather boot with white pantleg stuck out to trip the kid; and of course there are no sound effects, making the music in the background turn the scene into comedy. I cannot take this bump seriously, even if I tried. I just realized that this kid is wearing banana yellow pants; which in a rare moment of continuity, played into the finish later on. (Knack Productions caring about continuity on this show?! Surely you are going to say "sike" on us, aren't you former self?!) Sadly; he should have also been wearing the same colored boots as Ken; which would have been even more convincing. The white haired man is wearing a blue trenchcoat, pink shirt and blue tie; while the other one has green hair with a yellow turtleneck sweater and white trenchcoat. They looked too well dressed to not be Juralian aliens in disguise. Jump cut to the kid in tears stammering as the large man in shades calling this quite a show. Riiigggghhhttttt. The white haired man teases calling the cops; and the kid panics and begs for mercy. The two aliens in disguise inform him that they won't turn him in, on one condition that he sets more fires every day with them, so the two men are not hiding the fact that they are heels. The kid cannot believe this and the white coat wearing man tells him to quit complaining or they'll call the cops on him like they said before for real that time. The kid is on his knees telling them to wait; but the two men leave and tell him to meet them tomorrow night for more pyromania in roundabout terms. The kid is in tears; and then we see him walking down the street with the background moving him once again. Then we hear one of the thugs say in his mind that from now on; we'll burn houses every day. Okay; Ironsharp claims that this was never said and in those exact words, he is right. However; the guise of what was said here was more or less the same as what they said in real time, so I'm not calling this a logic break. I have seen this sloppiness in modern cartoons and even anime dubs that are far better than this show. I'm more angry with the confusing setup and poor staging of the "arson" at the beginning of this episode than that one line.

The kid has a massive headache, admits that he cannot take this anymore and cannot keep doing stuff like this. THAT deserves a meme! Someone needs to do a drop of the audio and animated GIF of this kid holding his head proclaiming that he cannot take it anymore. (Sadly, Discotek Media killed the funny meme, so Ironsharp's translation will have to do, sadly.) Jump cut to the kid exchanging notes with Ken, Caron and Clipper. What?! Ken has his hands on his hips and proclaims that the kid did the good thing here. Fair enough I suppose; but what is Ken going to do about it?! (Find the villains and beat them! Obvious!) I find out that the kid's name is Yuichi. They hold hands and Yuichi brings out the waterworks on full blast this time; they are literally using the same background and footage, only different dialogue. He said that he's having a terrible time. What is this terrible time? I don't know! (Discotek said that Yuuichi was falling on hard times and really he was. I don't get former self's stupidity, it's obvious why Yuuichi was having a terrible time: His parents hate each other, he think they hate him and Yuuichi is almost at the end of his rope at this point. This all makes sense regardless of translation. I get that talking to Ken Izumi is not exactly a good look, but considering the police in this show are no better as seen in Episode #19, why not talk to Ken?! Ken's not going to harm Yuuichi nor his parents.) Ken basically tells him to stop setting fires and Yuichi agrees to; causing Ken to tell him that he will take it from here. I'm not surprised that he didn't call the police; but I don't care because I see this in many modern cartoons as well.

Fade to black and then we come back with a shot of the shades man's legs walking and then his leg is shown to the right as we clearly see Ken wearing Yuiuchi's white shirt. Now this would be perfect if Ken was wearing green boots instead of brown boots; but kudos to the writing team for making something in this show make sense. This is still more convincing than Baloo's disguise in "All's Whale That Ends Whale", so I'm perfectly fine with this. (Sometimes, Knack Productions loves to gaslight me. Okay, all the time...) The men notice Ken Yuichi and order him to come with them. Jump cut to what appears to be a hanger as the two aliens and fake Yuichi arrive in shadow. The white haired man brings out what is clearly a Juralian laser gun which looks like a rocket attached to a handle. He fires at the hanger with blue flames like the ice fire attack Koan does in Sailor Moon R; only it doesn't spiral because the animators are not cool on this show.. Now; this building does not burn despite shooting the thing for thirty seconds. Both aliens in disguise are shocked and appalled as we hear Ken laugh as he turns around and blows him cover. (Even funnier, a far shot of this scene clearly show that Ken is wearing his costume with the giant letter K right to the hard camera. Can Knack do ANYTHING RIGHT?!) He claims that he equipped the home with special fireproof materials. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Discotek Media has Ken claiming that the houses in the area has special fire prevention systems. I howled with laughter! Sadly, this eliminates the obvious hilarious moment of one hanger being a literal house. Although, this show was more on the pulse of the future than they usually are, so even funnier.) First off; the fact that he called that building a house is hilarious in itself. Now; I can believe that special fireproof materials existed in 2074; but this makes Yuichi's attempt to burn the houses down at the beginning of the episode even more laughable. Keep in mind; these scenes were so poorly staged that I cannot take the arson nor the arsonist seriously even if I tried. This is a Chargeman Ken classic in being hideously hilarious. The men change into the Juralian aliens and Ken is shown laughing as they are shown their true form; like a heel. He throws away the white shirt and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!! (I think the voice actor is finally getting the hang of this catchphrase, 25 episodes in!)

Jump cut to aliens looking mad and we get a sky shot of the staredown and the aliens charge Ken causing Ken to be shocked. The alien charge looks awful by the way as he invokes the TENTACLE OF CHOKE on Ken; but Ken jumps out of the way with ease. Ken uses the jetboots to escape and the alien snags his right ankle with the tentacle. Woah; the aliens are putting up a fight?! They learned from the Hoshi fight somehow? Keep in mind; that it has been 21 episodes since Hoshi's appearance. These aliens are so goddamn stupid. They throw Ken down and Ken takes a really sick bump onto the pavement with his back; that in any sane universe would have him have a broken back in five places. In this world; we get a still shot of him impacting the ground and his right arm instantly goes transparent. Aliens stalk Ken on the dark sky background and they shoot green lasers directly at Ken's head and helmet and he takes it. Woah; the aliens actually hit Ken. One problem; we saw Ken get shot clearly in a previous episode, and he instantly no sold it and the alien dropped dead. (Nope, never happened. Ken only shot the alien and the alien died since only one laser was shown.) So, what happens here?! Before I reveal the answer, a translation note to Ironsharp: Your translation was "Take this, Chargeman!". Incorrect! The alien clearly said "chie" in Japanese which clearly means "die". It's one of the few words I clearly know in Japanese. It should be "Die, Chargeman!".(Ironsharp Says: Chie is a given name for girls. It means 1000 graces or sometimes 1000 branches, among others, depending on the kanji used. You probably thought the alien said "shine" which does mean die. However, he does not; (if you look this up on Japanese fan sites you will find I am vindicated) the alien is saying "kurae, charge man" which means literally "eat this, charge man." Translated smoothly it is "take this." There were a couple other times you "corrected" my subtitles but this one made me want to set things straight. I know there's probably no way to say this without sounding like I'm lecturing you, but you shouldn't assume things about a foreign language when you admittedly don't speak or understand a great deal about it.)

(2017 Gregory Weagle Says: Yeap; I screwed this one up badly. Sorry about that. It's even less excusable when I know a few people who worked on TaleSpin who worked on both the Japanese animation series and movie Chie The Brat. What the hell was I thinking at the time?! Thankfully, Discotek Media didn't fall for the same trap I did, although knowing this show...Never mind.) Anyhow; Ken jumps into the air; fires his alpha gun causing the screen to go black with a white laser in the middle cutting the screen in half and vaporizes the aliens, yee-haw! The second alien gets shot in the chest the exact same way as the first one; but was clearly running towards Ken from the east; thus should have been shot in the back. (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Chargeman Ken not shooting aliens in the back?! Despite being put in a position to do so?! Knack Productions doesn't...you guessed it.) Ken lands on the pavement with his back to us. What symbolism, eh?! Then a closeup of Ken's face looking determined to do eye contact violence on me, but the camera screws that up and so it fails. Jump cut to Yuichi with his mom and dad as Yuichi thanks Ken for saving his ass from being a future criminal. Mom and Dad tell us that they will from now on be good parents for his sake. Aw! My heart melted, and it took the worst staged "arson" and the worst staged domestic violence scene in the history of television! It also took Chargeman Ken and his Alpha Gun to kill two aliens who had NOTHING to do with the "arson" nor the fighting! Even Vince Russo couldn't write this crap! (Well, the aliens did have something to do with the arson since they not only agreed with Yuuichi setting the fires, but also wanted in on the fun. Even the police would have arrested those two aliens for arson anyway. Along with Yuuichi for that matter. Chargeman Ken's kill count now stands at 75 Juralian aliens.)

Speaking of stupidity; why are Caron and Clipper in this episode?! They did absolutely NOTHING...AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING in this episode! (WildCat Puma, The Golden Sprocket Of Friendship, I'm just saying former self!) Even funnier; the "babyfaces" are all standing right in front of the building where the crime took place. Yuichi proclaims that he'll never do anything wrong ever again, which he lied because he's doing something wrong: Taking advice from Ken Izzy! Bad career move there dude! (Discotek had it as Yuuichi never setting fires ever again in roundabout terms and now they are all friends. Aw! My heat melted! Former self isn't wrong about taking advice from Ken Izumi though.) Pan up to the sky on the far shot and that ends the episode at 5:20. This is **** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the most poorly staged arson attack in the history of animation; the most poorly staged domestic dispute in the history of animation, the deus ex machinia setup to the finish that made the arson attack even more hilarious, the aliens getting actual token offense in, and the ending which put it all together in a neat little package. THIS is the kind of Easter Sadism I love: It's so hideous, but I laughed so hard at all the bullshit. I was laughing so hard; I might have done more damage to my injured back watching this. -**** (-80%). (Ah, so this was an early episode I ranted on before I officially did the Discotek versions of the show.) This is Chargeman Ken at it's sorry, sickest best here, unlike "Terror! Mental Hospital" which enraged me in so many ways. (Which I will never watch again, even in parody subs. If I ever get enraged, I'll watch something else and you really have to offend me to enrage me nowadays.)

Episode #26 - The Girl Who Lost Her Memory: Episode opens with a cozy drive in the white Thunderbird with Mr. and Mrs. Izzy in the front; and Ken is the backseat driver of the trio. (Literally seconds in and the Rocket Robin Hood animation is clearly in evidence with the background moving. It's so obvious, it's silly.) That is just asking for trouble. Mrs. Izzy wonders if Caron and Clipper are staying out of trouble. Answer: Yes. Why?! Because the real troublemaker is your current backseat driver! (No lies detected on the polygraph...) Lots of driving ensues and then a green haired teenager in a white/pink/red skirt with sock boots runs right into the middle of the street and witness the poorest staging of Mr. Izzy's car bonking into the teenage girl and leaving her lying on her belly on the road. (This is the second time the Izumi family has run over someone and this one makes Ken's running over Muyuki much less vile than it should be. Who is enabling who in this show?!) Everyone is shocked and appalled; and I don't know why they really are. It's hard to tell with the staging of this being so poor. Here's how they staged it: Shot of Mr. Izzy and Mr. Izzy in shock; shot of woman in shock, shot of the car's wheels, shot of girl down in front of car as the three in the car are out of the car looking shocked. Mr. Izzy cradles the woman in his arms; which if this were today, Dad would be charged with attempted vechiular manslaughter or criminal negilance causing bodily harm and probably go to prison for it. (One problem: Later on, he decides to go to the police anyway. If Papa Izumi decided to never go to the police, I'll hear former self out on the charges. Here, not so much.) They are pleading for her to wake up as we jump cut to inside what I would think would be the hospital; but I'm betcha it's inside Ken's house as Clipper and Caron show up. Thank goodness Mr. Izzy is a doctor as he leaves to go see the police about this as he walks out. (A doctor of making murderous babyfaces, perchance?! Too soon?! Ah, no.) He also claims that the girl is going to be all right and recover from her injuries as she is out of danger now. Whew; that's a relief! I discover that the girl has red bows and pigtails as she wakes up; much to the relief of the kids.

Yes folks; Caron herself confirms that they are in fact in Ken's house and not the hospital. I am watching Monster A Go-Go! (Oh, the story of that movie...Hideously hilarious! Maybe I will review some of the movies the Agony Booth once reviewed, but I'm having too much fun mocking this show to care about it at the moment.) Ken apologizes for Mr. Izzy nearly killing her with the car and the girl is confused. She doesn't know her name or where she goes to school as Mrs. Izzy politely tells them to sod off on the questions for now. (She was kinder than I was, but yeah, it's a good idea to let the poor girl rest now. I'm shocked she didn't suffer worse injuries than this considering what happens in these situations in real life.) She tucks the woman into bed, tells everyone to get out of the room and be quiet. (A perfectly reasonable thing to say.) Everyone complies and we jump cut to later on as the teenage girl and Caron are playing with alphabet blocks. (I thought Caron was ten years old, but I don't care anymore.) Pan over to Mr. Izzy, Mrs. Izzy, Ken and Clipper exchanging notes on the situation. Papa Izzy deduces that she lost her memory completely and this shocks Ken. Papa Izumi reveals that he went to the police to file a missing person's report and has circulated her photo to the newspapers and television station. Wait; they took her picture?! When did they do that?! Because Papa left for the police afterwards. (Probably before we saw them in the bedroom so it's Cinema 101 striking again. That being said though...) I hope it's a sketch of the girl and not a photograph of her sleeping in bed because that's awfully creepy. Sadly; I put nothing past this show. (Exactly, former self!) So basically; in the meantime, the girl can stay home with Ken's family. Jump cut to the girl looking shocked as she is putting up a pink cylinder box with the number five painted in black letters on top of a white box with the number two painted on it. It should have been "2" and "6" since this is the episode number; but expecting Knack Productions to figure that out requires mind-altering substances that haven't been invented yet. More on those in the next episode. Ken loves this; but Clipper is kind of fine with it, he's calling shennigans on this already.

Which shouldn't be surprising considering Ken's first girlfriend ended with a Juralian alien being shot in the back after getting tortured by the Barican March (Discotek's translation of the Barikan Anthem). The adults stare at each other and then fade to black. We return outside with the family looking way too transparent; both literally and figurally. Trust me when I say this: This lack of painting of cells happens ALL THE F'N TIME on this show! They don't even bother to do the Wang Films black shadowing techinque here. Ken wants to take her to the Space Station; but apparently, you need a name to enter. Don't ask me why; this show rarely makes sense. Speaking of rarely making sense: Caron decides to call her Naoko. That is normally Nara in English and often translates to obedient, esteem child with green cords in her hair. Yes; even Knack Productions can get stuff right. (If only they cared enough to get a lot more right...Nah! That would kill the charm of this show!) Nara is fine with the name and Ken has to keep an eye on the kids; lest stupid stuff happens. I wish someone would keep an eye on Ken and stop him from being and doing evil monster heel stuff; but we're still waiting on that. (Ken is going to need some ass cream after that SICK BURN~!) Mama Izzy hopes her memory returns and Papa agrees as we jump cut back to the Space Fair from episode #1. Yes folks; this show has gone full circle for no reason. (They could NOT even get the name right, or Discotek Media translated it incorrectly. Although Discotek getting it wrong would have made it an improvement, so I hope Space Station was correct here in the original. Also, since television at the time in Japan and even the USA goes by each season having 13 episodes, this would be the final episode of season 2 of this show! Nowadays, the seasons are as long as the producers want it to be and it varies from company to company. How very Nintendo of you!) Jump cut to Ken inside the gumball ferris wheel thingie with Nara as they enjoy themselves as the chairs have no barriers, nor seat belts; and have a look similar to sitting on a regular cushioned chair watching television. Then the woman's skin turns purple; her eyeballs disappear and grows fangs and claws. Exactly the same way as in episode #24.

Yes, she is the child of the robot woman from two episodes ago! (Huge if true. It isn't sadly; but former self's wet dream should have been reality in storyline.) I also should note that Nara's sock boots have red bowties on top. Ken of course does not see it at all, then turns around, Nara is normal and Ken doesn't suspect a thing. See what happens when sexism infects the rational side of your brain?! Come on, now! (Before anyone gets any ideas, only Ken could have a chance to see the Juralian alien and no one else because they were either too far away or couldn't see the glass from above. This all makes sense. Ken's an idiot though, but whatever.) Ken comments are how small the people on the ground are as we get more repeat shots. Jump cut to Caron looking at Ken through a telescope that is way too cool to be on this show, while Clipper whines and protests because Caron is hogging the telescope. Sod off; you robot hamster with feet! This is your punishment for unleashing the "Barican March" on those poor widdle kids in 1974! Which will never be enough, by the way. (Like I said, former self was not humble in those days. Not to say that I cannot rage today.) Caron turns the telescope around and blows off Clipper as she discovers that she can see Ken, but not Nara, even though Clipper claims that he can see both of them just fine. (I think either Discotek Media made a mistake or the voice actor had a "Sea Cucumber Doggy" moment, which is fitting since it involves Caron, AGAIN!): When Caron notices Nara has vanished in the glass dome of the ferris wheel, Discotek has the line as "That's true!" That makes no sense with the scene. I think Discotek was supposed to have the line as "That's strange!" Either that, or the audio made the translation like this and the localizer forgot what it was doing. Granted, this line actually makes the show better because it is Chargeman Ken, but we have not heard the last of funny lines that shouldn't have been funny lines.) Huh; if a robot can see them, shouldn't a telescope show it too; since robots eyes' would work differently than a human's and thus he couldn't see them?! Of course; this makes the episode have even less sense, but it's still laughable either way.

Maybe Caron should not look in the telescope and deduce that shennigans are taking place here, which would make more sense and give us relief from Barican's lack of harominca playing talents. Caron then realizes that Clipper is telling the truth as the telescope shows that Nara has disappeared. This isn't a logic break; this is an angle...and one that actually is really important. Because you see; Juralian aliens cannot be seen in a mirrored image. That explains the spot in Dynamite In The Brain when Ken used the mirror and it showed the image of Professor Volga, thus proving he was not a Juralian alien. Which they proceed to break logic on: Clipper whines and complains; and then jumps on Caron's back and bops her to the ground. Yes, man on woman violence is fine in this show as long as the male is a robot, I guess. That's not the problem. (Progessives would like to have a word with you...) The problem: Clipper looks in the telescope and still sees Nara with Ken; who turns purple skinned again. Now; if you believe that Clipper's eyes are human; then Clipper shouldn't have seen Nara in the telescope. If you believe that Clipper's eyes are glassy and believe that two mirrors equals him actually seeing Nara; then that makes even less sense since Clipper saw her WITHOUT THE TELESCOPE! None of this makes any sense! STUPID! This angle is already screwed up from the start now. (Somehow you are surprised by this?! It's Knack Productions and they don't give an elf.) Caron panics and knocks Clipper off her back and does the run in screaming for big brother. Clipper follows and the specks are somehow animated! Wow. Jump cut to a closeup of Ken amused by the two specks of dust on the ground known as Clipper and Caron, then turns around and Nara forgets to change back. Oops! Nara jumps Ken and begins to choke him out! YES! YES! YES! YES! KILL HIM! KILL HIM, DAMMIT! (Wow, former self is really pre-emptively striking after Professor Volga's murder now isn't it?!) Somehow; Ken's head manages to get the glass dome open in half, I don't know how. I don't know why as Caron proclaims that she is a Juralian alien. Geez; now Kid Freddy's conspiracy theory promos have infected Caron as well as Ken. I know; I know, she's right about this; but come on, now! Occam's Razor is your friend, for goodness sakes! More choking from Nara onto Ken and Ken's selling is hideously hilarious as usual.

Ken lightly shakes and I think he was twerking for a second there in 2074 mind you! (At least I would think that it's getting old and the problematic racial overtones would have made this die, but of course not. It's always about sick sex.) and freefalls over the glass dome as Caron does the worst covering of the eyes ever. I thought she was having a headache during this. Join the club! Clipper screams and Ken somehow grabs onto the edge of the glass dome as Ken tries to climb up; but Nara does the most fakest stomping of the hands with her foot I have ever seen. Ken's whincing was slightly more convincing then this as Nara rubs the sole of her boot onto the hands; which at least looked more believable, so even Knack realized that this animation sucks. (Somehow during this sequence, Nara's right leg was not colored purple, because of course!) Ken screams that he refuses to be beaten and looks up into the sun. Now; I believe the gimmick of the show was that Chargeman Ken transforms when there is light present and they have teased this quite a bit in this show; but it's so poorly staged that the gimmick is absolutely pointless since light is present like 99% of this show. Episode #24 was literally deus ex machina in terms of unbelievability. (The gimmick was literally killed in episode #5, so no one cares anymore and the sun looking was done to kill time in a six minute episode.) CHARGING, GO FISH~! At the 4:08 mark by the way. Jump cut to closeup shot of Ken's jet boots and then the jump kick into the air as he somehow lands in the glass dome. Nara's skin is now dark purple as Ken calls her a damned Juralian. (My embellishment as Discotek used darn here, the second time Ken cursed the Juralian in the last minute mind you.) Nara curses Ken for blowing her cover. Never mind that she blew her cover on her own BEFORE Caron and Clipper even noticed to the audience. Maybe if the writers had her stay human until the big reveal by the telescope; this would have worked better for suspense, but that would require Knack Animation to have at least one click in the making of a clue. Then we get a really confusing moment: Ken jump up away and Nara simply tips over and free falls off the glass dome. That looked awkward and I was expecting Ken to turn around, shoot her with the Alpha Gun in the back and that would be that. Nope; she freefalls, crashes into the pavement with a smoke explosion that was animated and bursts into flames before disappearing. Wow; just wow. (Ironically if this happened to Ken all the time, at least you can say that the Juralian was stupid in the end. I'm still counting this as part of the kill count, which is now at 76 Juralian aliens, but holy crap, they are gaslighting me into believing that shooting someone in the back is merciful!)

Knack Animation found a way to make this look like it was unintentional on Ken's part and it ended up being even MORE gruesome than Ken coldly shooting aliens in the back. Way to go, Knack Animation, way to go. (What a heinously hilarious team this show has?!) This company really is cursed! Jump cut to Caron and Clipper cheering Ken for doing this. What a bunch of scoiopathic monsters?! Jump cut to Ken standing on the green chairs inside the half opened glass dome as we jump cut to the family in Papa Izzy's white car as we go for another drive. Yes; they didn't suspend Papa Izzy's license, although this is the least of this show's worries at this point. Papa actually teases wanting to run her over and kill her if he had know she was a Juralian; but Mama calls him out on it because he would have a terrible blight on his driving record. Really, Mama Izzy?! You really think the police would have sympathy for the Juralian aliens?! If they did; Ken would already have been arrested for capital murder dozens of times already! He even killed two humans and allowed the suicide of a third; who was the director of a mental hospital! (You don't even have to bring the Juralian aliens into account. He also killed eighteen horses and genocided a butterfly spieces. Plus, two humans murdered! At least two capital murder charges and a death penalty case in the USA if I ever saw one. Everything else is just pile on.) It's clear that the police would clear Papa Izzy and give him the Nobel Peace Prize for 2074; and completely kill that award dead for good! Papa still sell it like "Yeah; that would be a bad idea". True; but everyone in his show would still look the other way, because Knack is is what Knack does. The kids giggle as Ken proclaims that the Juralians were sneaky and invites them to come get him at any time. Not because he has one of their exposure weaknesses because goodness knows Knack didn't already screw that one up; but because he'll defend the peace of Earth in a fair fight. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Even laughable using the word "peace" in this day and age. WEID: When Everything Is Dead!) Yeah; I thought so, patrons of this website. This ends the episode at 5:20. By the way; Ken was supposely talking in thought; but the volume was the same volume as he is speaking. It makes it like Knack Animation screwed up the mouthflaps completely; instead of using an echo effect. That's why you use such sound effects. It's done to avoid confusion. Yeah; what a trainwreck this episode was, eh? *** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the entire plot; and poor Nara's death which makes me say: "Okay Ken; go back to shooting Juralians in the back again!". -*** (-60%).

Episode #27 - The Burning Poison Mushroom House: Episode opens at Ken's upside down T school house and then jump cut to the closeup shot of windows with students tending to their work. (Aoi Elevator School, former self. Don't worry, I didn't know this until I checked Wikipedia recently.) Then inside with students working with books and computers. Ken of course is listening to the computer and not writing down anything; because he's a slow learner. Nagisa is explaining the area of the following triangle, which is to multiply the base by height then divide that in half. Which is actually correct; but since it's an educational line, kids will change the channel within seconds, am I right?! (Al Khan, call your office! Oh wait, he can't. He's dead.) Everyone looks bored and Ken is surprised by this. Apparently; in Japanese culture, the stereotype is that most students are excited to be educated, because in North America; this would be the normal look for students at school. This is not a sign of mind altering substances at all, Ken; no siree. Pay no attention to the Juralian alien behind the curtain. We go outside and the kids have such a far away look on their faces that now I'm starting to believe Ken here. That's horrifying. One of the students is in a pink dress with a red circle cross on the pink shirt. I mention her because we'll be seeing her again later in the series. Basically; they are going somewhere as apparently, someone is lacing nicotine in ice cream because they are claiming that this thing is tasty and that's why they are going to this place. (If only the ice cream laced with nictone was true, because what actually happened is so hideously hilarious that it might have been more effective as a PSA then that anti-drug special featuring the 1980's cartoon characters acting like assholes. Trainwreck getting more gruesome is a mantra on this show.) One of the students claims that he cannot concentrate on stupid schoolwork, so he might be an ancestor of Johnny Ass...ERR...I mean, Johnny Test. (I have got to rant on that show. I keep putting it off even though it's available on WildBrain and the show has been rebooted at least twice since the original edition. If you thought Kit Cloudkicker was a little shit, he's NOTHING compared to Johnny Test the character. You'll wish you were dead, or have no self esteem anymore.)

The students decide to walk off as Ken is hiding behind a lamp post and ponders where they are going. So there's a lot of walking and legs animating as Ken is hiding and a transit bus which looks completely unfinished pulls up and the students notice it. So, this is the Druggie's School Bus then. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ken claims that he's never seen this bus before as it turns blue and pink when it leaves. Ken is confused and then Mr. Izzy appears in his SWANK white Thunderbird blowing him off because there are no side trips after school. Wait; so there are ground rules for Ken to follow after school? Riiigggghhhttt. Ken claims that he's not taking a side trip; but wants him to follow the bus anyway. I'm shocked that he didn't say the Juralians were responsible for this. Jump cut to the pink & blue bus with a red missile like fin on top; so the Juralians are responsible for this. They are in the forest as we have a sky shot of the students shooting the breeze. I would say "In a G-rated way"; but I put nothing past Knack Animation to make this dangerously close to NC-17. Which is no cuts for seventeen days. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Yeah, this needed death by seventeen cuts. The cold sores joke was horrible.) Jump cut to the bus driver with purple hair, a yellow star in said hair and is wearing an orange dress with purple middle belt. Jump cut to on the streets in the city with Mr. Izzy's white car driving. I'm guessing Mr. Izzy no sold this and is returning home to ground Ken. Oh wait; this is Chargeman Ken we are talking about! Of course! This has to not make sense! By the way; nice way of admitting that your writing team is on mind altering substances with this episode, guys! Jump cut to closeup of Ken and Mr. Izzy as Ken wants the car to go faster. How about ordering the writers to stop taking drugs?! Oh wait; that would make this episode not be laughable! Silly me; why do I try?! We get a sky shot of a poorly drawn forest with dirt pathway; and then we jump cut to in the forest with the Druggie School Bus stopping and opening it's doors. Everyone gets out and is giddy; and somehow they act a lot more sober this time around. More shots of people's legs running; then a jump cut to the bus driver calling the children clueless and adorable. What did Satan tell you Juralian alien to discard, again?! (They're supposed to be the villains, so hypocrisy is a virtue, former self.)

Then she looks around and then thinks this is her imagination running wild. No; it's not Ken; it's Satan doing a subtle warning to discard those emotions right now; or get whipped like X-6 did. Oh come on now; that makes more sense than Ken appearing, for goodness sakes! Bus driver walks stage right as we pan over stage left to see Ken and Mr. Izzy exchanging notes. Ken tells Mr. Izzy to wait in the car as he practices the fine art of not being seen; which should be much easier in this show since this show's audio budget is near zero at this point. Ken is then shocked and appalled as we see the various students eating yellow mushrooms with black spots on them. Wait; what's so bad about that?! Are the mushroom's poisonous or something?! I couldn't find anything on Google; so I assume it's posionous. Not that it matters; since the mushrooms change brown on the next shot of kids eating them. There are also blue ones as the bus driver watches over them, tells them to stop eating mushrooms and let's go eat a conveniently out of nowhere candy house. This is usually a sign that she's trying to fatten the kids up to be murdered and eaten because why else would you feed them candy?! These aliens are so weird and stupid. Kids are giddy because the out of nowhere candy house is basically a candy mushroom house that even the Smurfs wouldn't be caught dead living in, complete with white icing on the top. Geez; the aliens are spreading liquid crack on top to boot. Ken is so pissed off that he appears in blue shadow transparent colors. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Ken looking mean as the fat faced student is asking if he wants to play too. Me, play with a stoned fatass like you?! Oh; hell why not?! Still better than Ken Izumi that's for sure. Ken claims that they have been tricked. Don't listen to him; he's an evil person and the kids actually listen to me! HAHA! (Nelson Mutz would have been proud of this moment.) Ken then turns around and shoots the Alpha Gun into the house and melts it completely as it disappears seconds later. Wait; what the hell does that prove?! (Damn, I was so looking forward to see this mushroom house turn into a Juralian monster that eats the kids because that has to be the payoff, amirite?! Damn you, Knack Productions, just damn you!)

Shoot the damn bus driver; if you want to prove that she's a Juralian alien, DAMMIT! What a sad waste of perfectly good liquid crack there?! (Fanboy & Chum Chum have every right to kick your ass after you called their favorite treat, liquid crack, in previous rants. That being said: I still hate the brain freeze gimmick!) Everyone is shocked and confused as the bus driver finally admits that this was a trick and turns into a Juralian alien anyway. So, instead of Ken shooting the alien dead like the mushroom house; he actually allows the alien to explain the evil scheme. Which everyone should have caught from the outset when everyone looked stoned! Also; the motive for this is beyond lame: I made them eat mushrooms in order to make them lazy fat pigs who refuse to study. Of all the legit ways to make kids refuse to study; they picked yellow mushrooms with black spots. STUPID! STUPID & FAKE~! (For goodness sakes Knack Productions, at least add that they are going to make the kids their food. Like in a "I am God and you're my food! Feed me, worm!" type of way, so Ken would at least have a great excuse to off you, like the monster heels that you are supposed to be in this damnable show!) The alien curses Ken and this curse somehow teleports about eight to ten Juralians into the scene right on cue. Wait; what?! The students are scared and their acting sucks so much that they should get their licenses revoked. Ken gets in front of them to prevent any more humilation on their future acting careers and brings out the Alpha Gun; shoot the Juralian aliens to kill, yee-haw! Second Juralian actually uses his tentacle to grab into Ken's wrist and Ken is forced to drop the Alpha Gun. Of course the aliens forget to crush the Alpha Gun and simply blitz Ken like the stupidest heels in animation history. Ken wiggles free and drops on his ass; which causes his jet boots to turn on and this shoots fire right into the aliens as they shake the camera with a red background present. Yes, fire merely stuns them and no burning happens. Ken of course grabs the Alpha Gun and we resume the alien slaughter, yee-haw! There were five aliens killed with the Alpha Gun; so what happened to the other three to five aliens left? Don't ask; this show never tells. (I'm going to assume that eleven aliens were on the scene, so the kill count now stands at 87 Juralian aliens due to Cinema 101.)

Fatface kid points out the obvious to us which is the mushrooms vanish into thin air just like that. Fatface kid thanks Ken as he claims that the Juralian actually cast a magic spell on them. Wait; what?! Wasn't the poisonous mushrooms the cause of them being stoned?! Geez; I cannot make sense of this show at all. The students promise to study hard from here on out; which is kind of dumb because that means that they were lazy all along and the mushrooms did nothing. STUPID! We head back to Ken at the computer at school watching a dinosaur on a beach. Nagisa narrates that the Earth they live on was home long ago to many types of insects and dinosaurs. This time the students are paying attention; except for him. Ken rubs the back end of his pencil with his nose proclaiming that they are paying attention. (Yeah, sure. I wouldn't be surprised if he is thinking up ways to up his kill counts. Every critic who watches this show says this in doublespeak, so it must be true.) However; Ken has violated the "Don't talk with your mouth open" policy, which is Knack's policy in 75% of this show. Nagisa catches him; ordering him to pay attention and stop being an evil babyface. Okay; I made that last part up as Ken looks like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar...AGAIN! Ken rubs the back of his head giggling to end the episode at 5:20. The fat faced kid was also a meme; which I didn't get until someone mentioned it on Crunchyroll. This gets *** on the trainwreck scale for all the drug references. Also, to think; this episode did a better job in making me want to avoid drugs than any PSA I have ever seen. Wow; just wow. -** 1/2 (-50%). (My idea for this angle was to have the mushroom house turn the kids into food for the Juralian aliens to eat. That not only makes sense and makes the Juralians the evil monsters that they are supposed to be, but make an even better PSA anti-drug message than the infamous 1990 PSA Anti-Drug (Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue) special that I reviewed! Plus, they would only need six minutes to pull it off instead of 25! They had a decent angle, and Knack Productions factored themselves in and killed it! Typical! Very Typical!)

Episode #28 - Space Rocket Z9: Episode opens with a shot of outside a miltary base with circluar domes AFTER HAPPY HOUR as we pan south to a shot of a paved road which proves to be pointless. Jump cut to two wiener shaped station featuring pink robots with green eyes, red triangles on their forehead and are welding stylized rifles. They look like badly drawn and colored storm troopers from Star Wars; now that I think about it some more. Closeup shot shows that they change colors when wet as well as they are beige in color now. (Even more hilarious than Caron's pj's changing colors in hindsight. This is why I laugh when video games have these buggy issues, because this show has given me lots of practice to mock them! It's only when they causes crashes or erase stuff that I get pissed off!) The guns also have this effects in some spots. as we jump cut to inside to the hanger where a white rocket with red fins are shown. A narrator explains to us that this is a rocket factory which is so big that many can be made at a time as we jump cut to a robot at the computer controlling the operation. There is a lot of "How It's Made" shots with scientists watching on and writing down what they observe. ("How It's Made" is a Canadian show showing how products are made. There are several episodes in the series that I laugh my ass off due to BS&P having to say the product in certain terms in order to make it on television. Blow up doll is one example. Sadly, the show was finally cancelled in 2019 after eighteen years of great moments. Including showing alternate ways to use gullotines. Check out the first season starring Olympic gold medal swimmer Mark Tewksbury as the narrator, who is still alive and still a big adovacte for LGBT rights as he is gay, and also took a stand against corruption in the International Olympic Committee. All around great person.) Still shots of rockets flying towards space stations in space ensue. Although some of the satellites move awkwardly in the shot as the narrator explains that the robots also do quality control. Background animation on a larger rocket ensues as the narrator tells us that the rockets are used for the peaceful development of space. (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Again, I laugh at the word "peace" because it means "death" to me now. Discotek's fault this time.)

However; we jump cut to outside near a mountain as two too-welled dressed up men in blue hats, trenchcoats and pants carrying a metal briefcase are shown. They also look like identical twins in every single way. (Here's a little clue to the Juralian aliens: Dress differently more often!) Oh wait; one of the guy's chins are different from the other, my mistake. Jump cut to shot of the robot holding the gun as we jump cut to a white haired scientist with glasses, penis nose and a really stuck out chin. (I have stopped using the word "Jewish" for the nose (or any part of the body), for obvious and not so obvious reasons. Besides, penis nose is much funnier in hindsight.) He's also wearing a purple bowtie and approaches the two men as the men address him as Mr. Yamamura. Yamamura was waiting for them; so he's a heel scientist which is the second guy to turn heel on the humans outright and this one is much less offensive actually. (Outside of his nose, it makes Lance Russell's banana nose look classy!) Yamamura shows them white blueprints as he admits that the guards were on high alert, making this rather difficult. There is an exchange of money; which is ten billion yen which is $90.39 million dollars; which is a lot of scratch, even in 2074! The thugs give him the briefcase, and Yamamura gives them the blueprints claiming that the price is not high to him. The thugs signal victory as they look at the blueprints; as Yamamura brings out a gun and shoots at them. (Wait, what?! Looking back at this, I thought Yamamura WAS a Juralian alien and the two thugs were real humans. That would make more sense, but then later I find out that is no longer the case.) At first; I thought it was to burn the blueprints and screw them out of their money; but the blueprints drop to the ground and Yamamura teleports over and grabs them. Yes; Yamamura screwed two Juralian aliens. Remember that one for later and why I have no sympathy for him. How stupid do you have to be to screw with aliens who have organic laser beams that can kill hundreds of people in seconds?! Seriously; Yamamura is literally daring them to award him a Darwin Award for 2074; and as we'll see in this show, there are a lot of people and aliens in line for that award for sure. This comes close to topping it! (Former self has amazing foresight here because I rewatched this and thought it was the other way around!) Jump cut to more How It's Made shots of the factory in complete silence; at least How It's Made has decent music during these shots. One of them is in fact Yamamura as he turns to a female robot with red hair and is wearing a green uniform as Yamamura wants it -- called number two -- to fire the rocket.

We discover that Yamamura is the chief engineer of this rocket factory and members of the Aviation Bureau are here to see him. Yamamura is confused because apparently, they usually inform him in advance, but he accepts to meet with them right away. Jump cut to the most poorly done subway sequence ever and then a shot of Yamamura inside a blue subway which are single seating only. Jump cut to an elevator door with a blue V in the middle as it opens to reveal Yamamura as he's shocked and appalled as it's the two thugs from earlier and they have split the DNA and there's four of them. This proves that they are Juralian aliens as they want the plans; but Yamamura blows them off and threatens to call the robots on them if they don't leave. The thugs blow him off and accuse him of killing their people; so the show is treating Yamamura as a "babyface" who knows who these people are. Yamamura bails and is being chased by the Juralians as Yamamura screams for the robots to help him. Three robots run in with guns; but the aliens in trenchcoats invokes the DOUBLE COTTON CANDY BEAMS OF DEATH and despite only two beams are going towards the robots; the next robot makes it if it was THREE beams coming towards them! The robots are vaporized in pink television scrambling vapor as Yamamura runs some more. (I thought they were going to have the robots turn on Yamamura, but Knack Productions doesn't give an elf.) More running, chasing and robot killing makes Gregory Weagle something something. Most of these shots are repeat shots as Yamamura runs into the warehouse and is trapped like a rat. Another damn reference from Discotek Media as the scientist panics some more about being killed and then turns around and who's sitting on the boxes. If you guessed Ken Izzy; you win a no prize. WHAT?! Yamamura pleads for help as Ken accuses Yamamura of betraying humanity. Wait; what?! Okay; so he screwed two aliens dressed up like human beings who want to enslave your planet. How is THIS betraying humanity?! Betraying Juralian aliens, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! But you HATE the Juralians, Ken! Seriously; how do you sleep at night?! Oh and Ken claims that he got word from the factory manager that Yamamura has been demonstrating suspicious behavior. WHAT?! Yamamura panics as Ken points out that he screwed the aliens whom the ten billion yen was stolen from a bank robbery. Wow; Ken really has Bill Dundee's idealism for accessory after the fact charge down to a science. Something Yamamura would have never known! The Juralian alien mobsters enter the building and surround Ken and Yamamura as they demand the blueprints right now. (Oh, and let's increase the number of Juralian aliens to five! Why does Knack Productions do this?! It only makes Ken look even more blood thirsty!) Ken no sells of course and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!

Jump cut to Ken jumping with jet boots on as we get a lot of Alpha Gun shooting on the aliens, yee-haw! Ken also does a throat kick on one of them to boot! OUCH! On second though; shoot them in the back, that is much more merciful. One of the aliens falls down and transforms into an alien before turning into vapor just to make sure to inform the audience that he was not human. Then we get one of the most confusing moments ever and that's saying something: Jump cut to Ken looking in one direction as one of the heels is behind him. Yamamura sees him and tells Ken to watch out. Yamamura throws a box to the east, well away from the heel. The heel still gets nailed anyway and Ken somehow turns in the other direction in the very next shot. WHAT?! Ken turns around in the direction where he wouldn't have seen him and shoots the alien; which hits anyway. WHAT?! (Ken's kill count is now at 92 Juralian aliens. Also, and this just occured to me: Yamamura is the FIRST human outside of Ken Izumi to successfully murder Juralian aliens, and has the weapon to pull it off! Why not just sell the guns to the military and have them off the aliens instead of putting all the pressure on one boy who literally shouldn't be involved?! This is the defacto definition of a "white savior". Fuck you Knack!) Yamamura is shocked; but for the wrong reason of course. Jump cut to outside as the police have arrived and Yamamura is handcuffed as the officer and the factory manager are in shadow. Yamamura actually admits his guilt and Ken proclaims that once he's out of prison, his job will be waiting, so yes, he has forgiven him. Ken even offers to give him good stuff to eat in prison as Yamamura says his goodbyes and enters the police cruiser. The cruiser drives away, so yes, Yamamura went to prison because the accessory laws in 2074 are much worse than today! Ken then hears hissing as we discover that one of the rockets is the Z9 itself; which played abosolutely no role in this entire story! The Z9 rocket flies in the sky and that ends the episode at 5:20. (To anyone who works on this show: What was the point of the Z9 Rocket?! I would really like to know.) Ken truly is judge, jury and executator in this world. Thankfully; Yamamura is merely a petty scumbag who did a stupid things and thus Ken actually gave him actual mercy. This was ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for Ken's appearance mostly and the usual BS. -* 1/2 (-30%). (You forgot Yamamura teasing being a Juralian alien and ended up being a human being with a Juralian laser. Hideously...you guessed it!)

Episode #29 - Eliminate The Fashion Model! (Officially Translated As: Rub Out The Fashion Model!) : Episode opened with a shot of a arena which is shaped like a brown helmet with a gray middle. The title card here is awesome! (Discotek Media's version is even better!) Jump cut to a shot of spotlights shining down. A male voice says they are presenting the latest in swimwear from Aurora. Jump cut to a woman wearing a blue cape with a green inside cape, green horned plush hat, pink bra and panties with pink cuffs. Her left arm looks to be twice as long as the right by the way. The announcer states that it lets you swim with the grace and the elegance of a ray fish. (Discotek media makes it sound like just ray-like elegance without the fish.) Then we jump cut to another woman -- I think -- with green hair dressed up like an alien type fish. She has jetpacks on her hips, and eye on her navel, a gas mask shaped like an insect's head, icy blue wrapping on her arms and legs, and a red swimsuit with pink elipses around where her breasts are. She's completely flat chested here. The announcer tells us that the switch is in the navel and it allows you to stroll along the deepest ocean floors. Why?! I don't know! The most heinous one was a woman with brown hair in a green two piece swim suit with a boat motor literally stuck up her ass. I am not making this up! The announcer proclaims that this is called the "Screw Suit"; for those who find swimming a chore. Designed by sexist men no doubt! (Discotek called it a motorized swimsuit and that just ups the creep factor more in my humble opinion. Okay, not humble at all.) Jump cut to crowd with decently drawn grandma who is huge, a nerdish kid with glasses on his knees and we see Mrs. Izzy with her right hand on her chin as if she couldn't care less what was going on. Caron is with her and loves all this, jump cut to Clipper eating a bag of popcorn and Ken sighing proclaiming that this is boring. (Discotek literally has Ken taking God's name in vain here, even though Ironsharp never embellished the script like that. Sadly, Ironsharp never got to translate the earlier episode of Caron and Barican literally praying to God!) He does not get the "comedy" of the "Screw Suit" and that is probably for the best. (He should get it and condemn it, former self! He won't because he's a murderous babyface.)

He steals a kernal of popcorn from Clipper; causing him to blow off Ken. Barican is still calling him Kenbo/Kenny for no reason. (I don't care what the reason is, hearing Barican say "Kenbo" is pretty funny and it's not due to the honorifics of Japanese culture either.) Ken is blowing off Clipper because Clipper already ate all of his popcorn earlier. This leads to them having a tug of war with the bag of popcorn, which might be the best thing these two have ever done together. Mrs. Izzy orders them to be quiet and both stop; and act all embarrassed with Ken holding his hands on his chin. Jump cut to the stage as a brown haired man only wearing a red cape and blue trunks with rocket anklets shows off with a green haired woman wearing a butterfly colored cape, rocket anklets and a one piece red swimsuit with the hole in the middle; which sadly is all red and not flesh colored. (The only male swimsuit model of this whole demonstration, mind you.) The announcer claims that Aurora proudly presents Capsule's latest design which is swimsuits that allow you to wade through the skies. (I should have realized that Aurora was the woman who was modeling the swimsuits in the previous shots. Thanks Discotek, that was my mistake and I will own up to it. Also, Discotek Media called it "Capsule Summer", so it was the name of the theme of swim wear or the company. Whatever.) Birdwoman was my first thought of the success of this invention. (Discotek called them Sky Swimming Suits! Yeah, this will so take off in 2075. Not.) Repeat footage shot of the crowd as Caron calls this great. Mrs. Izzy still has that look of she couldn't care less. It was like she was trying to punish Ken Izzy for some crime he didn't...crap. Ken and Clipper both off-screen decide that they are going to the bathroom. Probably to play hookie knowing them. (Or if you believe AlphaIronChew, use drugs and have a knife fight since it's Friday. I think.) Caron is not amused; so she sees through it while Mrs. Izzy tells them to go out to the lobby. I think she just punished them for speaking out of turn and have been barred from the presentation. Which is hardly a punishment since Ken hates modeling.

Jump cut to hallway and we see Ken and Clipper walk into the camera view and this was the most unintentionally hilarious walk cycle I have ever seen. (This is like a Game & Watch LCD game, except with slightly better animation and is in color.) Sadly; this ended three seconds later with a woman screaming. It came from the dressing room as we head to the door leading to the dressing room; then inside as the door opens and there is your typical McGruff street thug-ish type dressed like a noble man with white glove. He looked like Don Tourtelli now that I think about it. (He looks nothing like him, come on now!) Then we get the most hilarious spot I have seen as we get a still shot of the man's hand impacting the face of Clipper and he flies into the wall. The camera work made that bump look sick by the way, and even more so because there was no sound effects here. (Oh, just wait until the cuckoo clock strikes three, former self. There is one moment in that episode where it was so brutal that I thought Caron was deceased.) The thug runs out the door and out of sight. Jump cut to inside as we see Ken attending to a blond haired woman in a two piece pink swim suit and a cotton tail on her ass. She might be what Caron looks if she were an adult. Ken wants to know what is going on; but the woman refuses to speak about it because she was spotted and is afraid of getting killed. Apparently; the door got locked behind them even though the door was clearly open when they got in. Someone is at the door trying to open the door. The woman panics for a bit and then it open to reveal a really racist Chinese stereotypical man with a metal lunchbox proclaiming that he works for Jingtong Palace; and he's delivering three chashao ramen. (Discotek called it Jingtong's Resturant, which is fine and the chashao ramen is called Char Siu Ramen. ) It's basically a Japanese noodle soup made from Chinese style wheat noodles with meat or fish broth and flavored and topped with various toppings and sauces like miso or soy sauce. (Okay, Char Siu Ramen is translated as Chashu in Japanese and is an adaption of the Chinese version of barbecued pork. Unlike the Chinese version which requires roasting over high heat, you prepare the meat by rolling it into a log and then braising it over low heat in a sauce seasoned with soy sauce, sake, and sugar. The noodle soup part is for the most part, correct however.)

Ken turns around and acts worried as then we get more confusing shots: Jump cut to a shot of a window which is open, then a jump cut of the stereotype delivery person asking what the hell is happening. I don't see how you can make a meme of Ken saying "Huh? Just a ramen delivery..."; it sounds like grasping at straws. (Apparently, the woman in question literally jumped out the window and escaped. It's probably a one floor arena, so maybe she's okay physically. However, she is clearly terrified. Also, Ken in the Discotek Media version calls in "Just the ramen guy", which cracked me up for all the wrong reasons. Good job, Discotek, good job.) Jump cut to outside in the city. Jump cut to the woman running like the wind...a south western wind in this case. She is wearing sandals; and they even gave her a run cycle that isn't nearly as goofy as the walk cycle in the lobby earlier in the episode. She hides in the alleyway as a number of denizen mumble and notice her running looking stunned; as if they never saw a woman in a swimsuit before. (I wonder if the creators ever saw a woman before, let alone one who isn't a porn star...Yeah, this episodes is giving me Stellar Blade vibes now that I'm watching this and taking better notes.) All the woman is saying as she is huffing and puffing that someone is trying to kill her. (Hey, I give credit where credit is due: Knack is actually trying to create suspense here. It's failing though.) She holds her hands over her mouth and runs stage right; but then teleports to sitting down right in front of a trash can in a position where she can be easily seen. She yells that it's no use and then we fade to black. We we return; we get a periscope shot of her in the park wearing a full pink dress and red wrestling like boots; sitting on a bench reading a book. (They are clearly doing a flashback here, but watch Knack Productions screw this up in hideously hilarious fashion.) Closeup of her shows her now wearing a pink shirt with white overalls yawning. Here's a prime example of the lack of continuity this show pumps out on a regular basis: When she stops yawning; she literally looks to her right in a whiplash like jump cut. Yes; they jump cut to her looking to her right after yawning. It's so jarring that it looks like they literally cut three seconds out of the episode in any other cartoon. This show has no inbetweeners; which makes the Ted E. Bear specials look like Disney Feature.

There is also a yellow circle in the middle of her overalls too. She then instantly teleports to behind the bushes and screams as she notices two Juralian aliens transforming into too well dressed humans. The transformation features a lot of blood sucking worms by the way. (It's just an red/yellow aura drawn badly. Although I can see why former me thought they were blood sucking worms.) One of the trenchcoat dudes has vampire fangs for no reason whatsoever. Nice blowing of your cover there dood! Then the woman bails stage left as the goon squad chases her. Now; what I said made sense, but the problem is: None of this was animated at all. We saw a still shot of the woman turning around and bailing and then a still shot of the goons running. No background moving the characters; no nothing. The budget is so blown; they cannot afford to do even Rocket Robin Hood walking sequences. Then we get a pan shot of the most transparent denizens in the history of animation. Seriously; this looked so unfinished as a sequence that only ONE blue sweater was ever colored. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! The pan shot ends with the woman in the background bailing on the far left and no animation still. The two goons pop up on the next jump cut and they get Rocket Robin Hood style movement as they curse themselves for losing her in the crowd. HOW?! THEY WERE ALL TRANSPARENT! How could you miss her in that case?! (This is the painter's fault for not painting anyone and Knack's lack of fucks given in this show in general. Again, the idea makes sense; it's the execution that is hideously hilarious here.) Ironsharp uses damn here as the curse word by the way. (So does Discotek Media by the way, saying that she blended into the crowd, which also cracked me up for the wrong reasons as well.) Fade to black and return to the woman with her hands on her chin huddled against the trash can looking fearful. Yes; that was the flashback of doom; the least animated flashback I have ever seen. She panics and sweats as the two Juralian alien thugs surround her like a bunch of stalkers. I should note that they are wearing delta white skeleton triangles on their belt buckles which is the exact opposite of Chargeman Ken's upside down solid green delta belt buckle, which is a nice contrast.

The vampire fang thug proclaims that she was not meant to see their transformation from aliens to thugs and the woman lies about not seeing anything. I don't blame her for that; but it means nothing because the thug is still going to kill her anyway as he brings out his white glove hand to grab the woman by the throat. (Hey, at least the Juralian aliens motive in this episode makes sense. Not that it matter anymore...) Then we hear Ken's voice ordering them to stop; which they do. Again; these aliens are the dumbest heels on the planet! We see Ken is in the alleyway along with Clipper who appears ready to box. Oh yeah; like I'm buying Clipper being a good boxer here. The aliens stammer like idiots -- because they are idiots -- and still little animation until CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Jump cut to Chargeman Ken's knockoff Astroganger jump kick of death and apparently; he leaped about twenty feet in the air during this on the sky shot of the vampire fang thug looking up at him. MOVE YOU DUMBASS~! Nope; he took the jump kick of death right in the throat and splats on the ground like he was pancaked; right in front of the woman. They used a mirrored shot which I have no problems with since it made sense, although it would have made even more sense if they mirrored the Astroganger JUMP KICK OF DEATH shot as well. The thug screams "damn it" and struggles up to stalk the woman again. (Discotek has it as "Curse you!") You cannot tell me Ken did this unintentionally; this was by design to make her scream. GOD! Ken uses the Alpha Gun and vaporizes the aliens; the first one was with the alien still in disguise, while the second one was out of disguise despite the fact that neither of them transformed back into Juralians. Granted; we know that they are not actual humans, but COME ON! Show a little continuity for once in your life show! I'm asking for way too much at this point. (Ken's kill count now stands at 94 Juralian aliens.) The Juralians aliens are dead and dumb once again, yee-haw! We don't even get to see either alien disappear; so they might be still alive. Mercy? From Chargeman Ken? Are you on drugs Mr. Weagle? Yes, yes I am. So Ken goes over to the woman and tells her that it's all right now. His face makes it look like he's pissed off at her.

The woman says thank you and informs Ken that she needs to be on stage right now. Ken offers her a ride on the Sky Rod, which we proceed to see a side sky shot of the Sky Rod Ken is piloting. (You missed one really heinous detail: When Ken Izumi tells the woman that she's giving her a ride on the Sky Rod, he gives the "white power" backwards six sign with his hand. Which also happened in Speed Racer. Fuck you, Ken Izumi!) Jump cut to spotlights as we pan down as the male announcer proclaims that this latest swimsuit lets you shine as bright as the sun when you swim on the beach. (Discotek Media has it as "making you blaze like the sun as you swim in the sea, which makes Ironsharp's translation look wrong; but since this is Chargeman Ken, Ironsharp's translation is all right.) We pan down to all the models on stage except for the blond haired woman. Jump cut to Mr. Izzy and Caron looking at Ken who looks embarrassed because Mrs. Izzy is questioning this long bathroom break. Then the blond haired model comes on stage and this space age swimsuit is basically the exact same thing she was wearing during this entire episode minus the "animated" flashback. They do the Ted E. Bear style jump cuts of death when she is posing because this show has fewer inbetweener than the specials; and then a closeup shot of her winking at Ken; causing Ken to blush; which Clipper is amused by. Once again; the opening theme song saved this sequence by the way, because the music in this show is the only thing I truly love. (What a sexist, white nationalist Ken Izzy is?! Luckly, that sign can at least be cut out if the show was ever planned to be dubbed to North America.) Then we get the most pointless ending of the entire series: Jump cut to the lobby and we see Clipper being chased by Ken Izzy for absolutely no reason at all. Yes; Ken is chasing Clipper because Clipper merely pointed out that he was blushing at I'm guessing that she is Aurora; but she was never addressed by name at anytime during this episode. What an insecure jerk?! Jump cut to outside the football helmet shaped arena and that ends the episode at 5:20. What a whiplash episode this was?! I give this *** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the Chinese stereotype and his ramen delivery, the most unanimated flashback in the history of flashbacks, the pointless ending and Ken's jump kick that was designed just to put the model in further danger and make her scream. Lovely move there, Ken Izzy! (I'm adding a -1/4* for the "white power" hand gesture. Fuck this show!) -*** 1/2 (-70%).

Episode #30 - Save Caron From The Top Of The Tower: Speaking of not ending well; this was considered one of the more evil moments from Ken Izzy. Episode opens with hammering sounds and a sky shot of a steel tower skeleton being made. Pan shot north and then jump cut to three hard hat workers watching a helicopter pick up steel pillars tied by rope. This goes on for a long ass whomping time as we jump cut to an ugly looking man with an oversized blue two-way radio, motioning the helicopter to come a little closer. (Whose mouth almost never moves until he panics.) Suddenly; one of the pillars somehow shoots out of the rope and free falls down as it heads straight for two Juralian aliens -- check the targets on their bellies; I'm not fooled -- in orange bodysuits, grey boots and purple hair. One of them is carrying a steel briefcase; and both look shocked and cannot move. Then, the helicopter lands and it's completely different than the one we saw in the opening shots. WHAT THE HELL?! The three workers come down shocked and appalled as one of the Juralians is glowing pink and vanishes; basically getting killed. Yes; folks; dumping a large piece of steel on them can also kill them, inspite of the fact that bullets cannot kill them. WHAT?! (This is the point where everyone should have realized why Ken Izumi, the evil babyface, won this war in the end. So, three Juralian aliens were killed by someone other than Ken Izumi and yet this one was unintentional!) The bigger one still lives on though as he crawls out of the carnage as the workers proclaims that this guy isn't human. You don't say?! The alien slowly gets back up and walks stage left not wanting to die looking like a human. Workers go after him as the alien appears to be gaining the chicken pox; making him look more like a babyface for at least wanting to get away from humanity and not infect them. The workers want to stop him; because they want to vaccinate him; and that sounds like a bad idea when there is no evidence of the benefit outweighing the risks for Juralian aliens. (I'm shocked no one has done a parody piece using COVID-19 as a base. I guess that they don't want to suffer the wrath of Orac.) At least not yet; although with Ken around, it's difficult to do research on their bodies.

The alien decides to lose them in the amusement park of doom and makes it to the gate as a woman ticket taker wants to see his admission; so the alien gives her his face; and she screams. The alien enters as we jump cut to the PA system yelling that they believe a Juralian alien being a human is on the loose. The PA system orders everyone to leave the park at once. That sounds like a good idea as we jump cut to the PA Announcer with a really stupid looking hat on the microphone looking panicky as a woman in green with a swimcap is holding her mouth like a 1960's horror flick. (A Z-grade horror flick and if you thought this cannot be Chargeman Ken, then you haven't seen the infamous Z-grade move this show did that might put Manos to shame. Oh, and that episode is coming up next! Also, can anyone translate the white band on the PA Announcer's left arm because Discotek Media didn't even bother to translate it here.) Jump cut to a woman sitting on the bench with a blond hair baby boy; who loves ice cream so much that she's got one in her mouth like a cigar, four in her hands and one held by the toddler; all while carrying a purse with a picture of an apple on it. She's even wearing a whipped topping cap on top of her head to boot. She has a giant ice cream cone fetish and she smashes the cones into the baby and somehow no mess was made when she grabs the toddler and runs away stage right. (Sadly, I don't think we ever seen her again because that was a funny sight gag if nothing else.) Somehow; people teleport out of ferris wheels and we jump cut to two lines of people running stage left. The foreground is painted; the back is not. Son of a fish; I'm disappointed in you, Knack Animation! It should be the opposite of that. More running in transparent shadows as we jump cut to a line leading to what appears to be a bus ride; but they are showing tickets to a ticket master. (By the way, in the running sequence when they sort of run into the hard camera, they literally use the same two models over and over again.) I'm guessing that it's an amusement park ride. Pan over to Caron and Clipper as Clipper blows off Caron because Ken will be pissed off at them for no reason that I can think of.

Let me get this straight: Caron and some others want to ride this ride AFTER the PA system ordered them to leave the park due to the Juralian alien. Something tells me this was supposed to be shown BEFORE the alien showed his chicken pox face to the woman. (You're expecting this show to keep anything straight. You're better off playing Russian Roulette, former self.) Then everyone else bails with their kids in awkward and not funny ways as Caron is now confused. (Oh, I don't know about that one former self. The woman carrying what looks to be a toddler version of Ken Izumi upside down did make my laugh.) Yes; Clipper was paying attention, making Caron look like a stupid idiot. One of the blue uniform guards runs stage right in front of Caron and it was the best animation ever, as Caron and Clipper have no animation whatsoever. Yeah; I laughed at it; so shoot me. (I don't have a gun, but I'll shoot my mouth off like you do: It was legit funny.) The alien teleports out of nowhere behind Caron and Clipper and they turn around like morons. Alien giggles, Caron screams, I don't care. Clipper protests this outrage despite no evidence that the alien has grabbed her yet. Geez; these characters sure know how to screw this one up! (See episode #19 for the worst kidnapping sequence ever made.) Clipper gets kicked in the face and is knocked down on his ass in a another brutal bump that shouldn't have looked brutal. And here comes the BAD EPISODE POLICE~! I've been waiting to get that cheap shot in and Knack has zero problems throwing me a bone there. I wish the police were dressed up like The Mountie in WWE; that would have made this all the more absurd. (One of the guns looks like a laser gun.) The chase is on as the alien carries Caron stage left, police follow and we jump cut to Ken poupting on a bench like he lost another football game to someone who plays better than Star Hoshi! (At least the kidnapping sequence was more believable than in episode #19.) Ken is blowing off Caron and Clipper as being hopeless because they ran off without him knowing. And to a certain extent, I agree with him because there is a Juralian alien on the loose and that's why Ken wanted Caron and Clipper to stay with him. To prevent moments like this! (You wonder why modern critics hate the concept of children being unsupervised? Because of moments like this! They take kidnapping very seriously you know.)

Ken is pissed as Clipper arrives and acts like he's concussed. Why? Clipper was thrown on his ass; not his head! (It's not like Caron wasn't lightly touching her ass doing exercises on her bed in episode #12. Bigoted devils!) Clipper tells Ken that Caron has been kidnapped and this pisses off Ken. Jump cut to the workers and a large crowd looking up and in shock as the alien is climbing the ladder leading up to the top of a saucer like tower. Ummm; I don't get why this channels King Kong; since King Kong didn't need ladders to climb up. (Yeah, the alien lost his boot in one shot. Let's see King Kong do that, slapnuts!) Jump cut to a closeup shot of the alien with Caron in his arms; who appears to be knocked out. The wacky meatgrinder spaceship arrives as it's over the tower, the alien and Caron as the crowd is shocked and appalled on the ground. Jump cut to another shot of the alien with Caron in his arms, laughing; and then jump cut to Clipper yelling at Ken as Kenbo again. Ken puts out his arms; crosses his arms and jumps into the sky; because it's time for CHARGING, GO FISH~! Sky Rod arrives in the sky; and at least this makes sense this time. Jump cut to Ken piloting the Sky Rod with the background moving the ship. Jump cut to closeup of Ken piloting the Sky Rod and then jump cut to alien with Caron looking up at the meatgrinder as red/green ramp stairs with white rails come out. Then we get another classic Knack Animation moment: The alien turns to the hard camera; gets an uppercut punch and disappears. What I said was extremely generous. (We literally never see Ken punch the alien, even though this show allows punches to the face!) Jump cut to Ken with Caron in her arms standing on the Sky Rod in a position where he shouldn't be. (Ken is a literal god if he can...oh wait.) Alien free falls and if you recall episode #26, this also happened to Nara. Except this alien doesn't burst into flames: He splats on the pavement, glows pink and green and then vanishes. I don't get how this can be more brutal than episode #26. (Keep in mind, when the alien splats on the pavement, they didn't bother to give it an impactful sound, nor shaking the camera. This made it look like he lightly fell onto the pavement with little impact. This is the defacto definition of a wussy bump. Seriously! I've seen wussy bumps on DTVA that had a lot more impact than this. This is why I cannot buy Crunchyroll saying that this is the most brutal death of all time. Episode #26 had a much more impact in the bump and it burst into flames. It made me literally want to see Ken shoot someone in the back, and that free fall started by Ken simply moving in self-defense! Amazing!) Methinks Crunchyroll has mixed up the episode numbers. Not that it matters; Ken is brutal no matter what episode he is in. (Stop! Stop! He's already burned!) Everyone is shocked and appalled in the crowd, only five people -- two young man, two kids and a grandpa -- are painted in this shot.

The wacky meatgrinder rises up into the air and chases the Skyrod as it shoots the COTTON CANDY BEAM OF DEATH and in a huge miracle, this has sound effects! Sadly; this leads to a logic break: The Sky Rod is heading towards the meatgrinder after it was being away from it and the beam changes to butter color. Ken turns around the meatgrinder as Ken is shown saying he is coming and gets in from behind as the yellow beam of death is shot from the Sky Rod. The meatgrinder flashes yellow and red and then it stops flashing and the animation is so poor that it was a complete waste of time. They did so they could show the ship exploding for one second, and then cue the EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH! (Okay, I realize that we didn't see any Juralian aliens in the spaceship; but due to the Cinema 101 and "2 adult minimun in ships" rule, that means Ken's kill count is at 97 Juralian aliens. This means that on average, Ken has killed 3.23 aliens per episode! The other humans combined for just three of them! White savior, indeed! I'm out of you know what to give at this point.) Jump cut to a shot of rollercoaster tracks; so the ride Caron wanted to be on was a rollercoaster. Okay; good to know. The music is like "wah-wah-wah" music; even though no funny stuff is occuring. (And it uses a harmonica! How about that for a music callback!) Yes; the kids and Clipper are in the rollercoaster. Why is there a robot driving it?! I don't recall rollercoasters requiring an actual driver in the front. Clipper's eyes are more animated than his body as he's dizzy. Jump cut of a shot of the rollercoaster pillars, I think. Then jump cut to Clipper in his seat looking like he's ill and crying. Caron screams and both she and Ken laugh at his expense like a bunch of jerks and this ends the episode at 5:20. This episode was less brutal than episode #26; so Crunchyroll doesn't have a clue. (Crunchyroll is still around and is now owned by Sony. I don't think Chargeman Ken is on the streaming service anymore and I'm not going to bother to check. Aniplex is also owned by Sony, but does publish and make games for the Nintendo Switch! Sony also once owned Phoenixx (formally Unties), which was part of Sony's music division, like Sony Imagesoft was before PlayStation was born. Although Sony has not put any of their games under the SIE label outside of MLB The Show, which was Major League Baseball realizing that their RBI Baseball games sucked, considering the position Sony is in now that Jim Ryan is gone; I think Sony is finally getting theirs for their revenge fantasy that was started in the 1990's after Nintendo told them to go pound sand. Hiroshi Yamaguchi is laughing in his grave somewhere, I can just hear him.) This gets ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for bad animation, bad music and a lot of bad laughing. -** (-40%).

Episode #31 - Crisis! One Second To Blast: "Blast"?! Really, Discotek? I thought "Death" was allowed?! (Actually, considering the plot, this makes sense. Although the literal translation of the title is "One Second Before Explosion!", which gives the plot away, but subtley is an improvement, which we don't want because making it worse actually means it's better. It's the Chargeman Ken way, dammit! Okay, I'll get my coat..) Anyhow; this episode is famous for an animation glitch that is more laughable and Z-gradish then Ken barrel rolling two feet in the air in the first episode and the white ghost thingy in episode #21. Episode opens with a large orange building with two red flags on it. Jump cut to a woman with a yellow hat, pocket yellow shirt, red shorts, yellow socks and shoes scrubbing the steps with a yellow rag without a bucket of water; making her the 2074 version of Cinderella. Her hairstyle reminds me of Uran/Sara from Astroboy now that I think about it; although Japan seems to be more lenient with trademark laws for their animation than the USA is. At least; that is my first impression. (Not anymore, but yeah.) Then literally out of nowhere; we jump cut to a large human leg with blue pants and leather shoes literally kick Cinderella 2074 in the ass with no animation whatsoever. Since there are no sound effects, the woman has to whince to make the sound, while we jump cut to a shot of the ass kicker; a fatass, angry, white hyper-entitled male with a blue bowtie which should violate the Fashion Police Of Law, white coat and blue shirt with blue buttons on the coat. He looks to be a full head of hair version of the Kingpin from the Marvel Comics. The fatass blows her off as a dimwit; claiming that her eyes are on everything, but the task at hand. She was doing the task you told her and then you kicked her in the ass intentionally; you stupid, bigoted, bald faced scoiopathic douchebag! (Yeah, former self is back in midseason form here! Although I should speak for myself after I discovered the "white power" symbol even former self missed.) We discover that the fatass is the woman's foster father since she was three years old, and clearly abusive to the extreme. (I'm more shocked that he's not a Juralian alien in this episode, although that would make it's actions not shock anyone after Maou's treatment of X-6.) The woman is in tears as I soon discover that she's not only an orphan; she's dressed like one too. Check the patches on her yellow shirt and red shorts on the next shot when she's cleaning.

Jump cut to her scrubbing the floors; and then stops to turn around, still in tears; and it's Ken Izzy and his family; which I honestly don't know which is worse. Ken thanks her for the hard work and the woman blushes, because you see; only Ken Izzy gave a damn about her work. Awww! My heart melted! Sadly; the family in shadow walks up the steps afterwards as there is more Rocket Robin Hood style animating going on when the woman is walking upstairs carrying a broom like buffer and her Gedo-style scrubbing brush. as she walks in the hallway. (Ken loves her work, but don't seem to care about her. At least for now.) She then stops and notices three men in the hallway end talking about setting a bomb inside the tower and it's set to blow in thirty minutes; which is a motif in this animated series. They are planning to kill thirty thousand people in the audience; which also includes Chargeman Ken and his family. Wow; an actual plan that sounds believable! (Not to mention, it's actual genocide and that helps with the Juralians being the monster heels here. Even their motive actually makes sense!) Too bad the Juralians are screwed as the woman is shocked and appalled. (Yeah, there is that problem to consider, former self.) Jump cut to a closeup of the thugs, who still look too well dressed to be anything; but Juralians, but at least they look ugly enough to not pass as them. Apparently; the Juralians objective is to gradually decrease the human numbers, which is a great way to induce terror into the populace; although with Ken Izzy around, it's not going to work. Then we discover that the man who kicked the woman's ass is among them as he calls one of the aliens master and comments about the surplus population. (Yes, this is the third time at least that a human has turned on the humans.) The aliens ask if he's part of humanity and the fatass Kingpin with hair claims that he don't care as along as he gets money. This prompts the Juralians to bring out a gun and shoots him dead with the yellow beam of death, vaporizing him. Now; this is great continuity from episode from #28 because if you recall, Yamamura gave the blueprints for ten billion yen to the Juralian aliens; only to use a laser gun to screw them over and turn on the aliens. (Not only that, Yamamura killed two of them with a laser gun!)

I see the Juralian aliens have learned their lesson well this time; and decided to shoot the money guy first! (Also, they basically unintentionally made sure the abused and battered woman from earlier will not be abused anymore. Doesn't matter since the Juralians are going to kill her anyway.) Who said these Juralians are the stupidest heels in history? (DTVA Characters: YOU DID~!) Sadly; the woman blows her cover by dropping her cleaning products. That came off really wrong as she is shocked and appalled. Torture god tactics in a nutshell, everyone. (Yeah, Stockholm Syndrome is dead wrong and sexist here, former self.) The heels notice her and apparently; the woman's running almost sucks as much as Caron. Almost. Somehow; the heels are way behind as the woman hides inside a giant hollow pink gumball with a hole on top. In come the heels in the room and we come to that point where the show goes from near Z-grade status to full on Z-grade status. (Oh, here we go, I have been waiting for this moment since I mentioned Manos: The Hands of Fate...) At about 2:46 into the video; the heels come up from below and then there is a jump cut to a blue background containing a white message which has "R-1 23..." and some Japanese writing on it. According to Crunckyroll; this was the camera operator's hands, which was clearly not the case. (Considering that Crunchyroll thought the last episode was the most brutal death Ken ever did, even though it was not, Crunchyroll's credtibility is very "sus" if you will. Being Sony's little playtoy adds to my theory.) It's a white note that somehow got caught in the shot and wasn't edited out completely in post-production. Considering how off the show has been to this point; I was shocked that this is the first time this has happened in this series. This is similar to an incident happening in the movie called "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" where there was a scene in which two teenagers were making love with each other and suddenly a clapboard flies through the screen. A clapboard is used to synchronize the audio and video recorded on location, which is laughable since the camera in that movie couldn't record sound anyway and is usually edited out in post-production, but was left in the movie for a few frames. If anyone wants to translate the note; feel free to do so. Worse; after the note, we jump cut to a repeated shot of the heels rising up, only in full bloom this time. (This was an absolute trainwreck of a sequence that gives Chargeman Ken it's status as the greatest worst cartoon ever. Outside of one episode, I am howling with laughter at this.)

Then the woman climbs out of the pink gumball and bails stage left anyway; even though the heels would have spotted her. Jump cut to Ken looking at what appears to be a magazine shop; or candy shop. I cannot tell. I assume he was at a counter that doesn't exist since the red part appears to be a floor. The woman runs in and starts to do sign language because she's mute you see. Ken tells her to sign language away and he'll use his telepathy to translate. Because that's how you talk to deaf people in this world, I guess. (Hey, at least Ken was trying to translate her, which means he has more empathy for her than anyone else on this show and even many of those outside of it. It's the spots that crack me up for all the wrong reasons.) By the way; the sign language spots are so stiff and horrible that it turns into ableism; although not nearly as bad as episode #23. (If anyone knows ASL sign language or any form of sign language, can anyone translate what the woman was trying to say to Ken. Because Ken Izumi somehow understood her in spite of that. To be fair, this happens all the time in cartoons where the characters understand each other, but the audience doesn't. There's no excuse to not translate a deaf mute's speech even if you are giving it subtitles. Deafula at least did an English dub of their sign language, even if it was hideously hilarious. At least they understood that it makes you look ableist if you don't translate the sign language. There's a lot of reasons to hate Deafula, but them going the extra mile to let the audience understand what is going on is not one of them. In fact, it's really progessive on their part! ) Ken stares at the floor for ten seconds and then jump cut to Ken being disgusted and states that they are in trouble. You don't say?! Anyhow; we head to the stage which means that they are at a classical music concert; which is all Knack could afford since the music is in the public domain. I should note that the conductor is painted; the musicians on stage are not. I love the music here; but I have no idea the name of the music. Jump cut to sky shot of a crowd which looks like black and grey dots on steel plates. This lasted about ten seconds as we jump cut to more transparent colored shots of the crowd on the closeup as four seats are empty on the middle left side of the shot.

Jump cut to a sky shot outside in the lobby with Ken, Caron, Clipper, Papa, Mama and the woman huddling together as this is poorly drawn. Papa Izzy asks Miss about this bomb in the tower and the woman nods her head. Papa proclaims that they cannot evacuate the audience in ten minutes because it will cause a huge panic. Apparently; yelling "bomb" in a crowded theater has the same effect as yelling "fire". (Which is laughable since Ken said bomb anyway.) Okay; good to know. Ken decides to channel Freddy Jones. The adult one who wants to do split up to cover more ground; not the kid one who accuses someone of all crimes without evidence and has wacked out conspiracy theories. (While showing the most panicked face of all time. These dipshits at Knack Productions!) Jump cut to shots of the "babyfaces" checking out trash cans and pink boxes. Discotek Media forgot to subtitle the pink box by the way as we get a still shot of Ken startled after a white cat with brown spots jumps out of the trashcan and trash flies all around. (Which lead to nothing at all.) Jump cut to Papa and Mama Izzy looking at wooden crates and under blue seats and pillars. Then outside in hedges and shurbs. If it wasn't for the classic public domain music, I would have fast-forwarded this crap. Caron runs into the theater; and despite making almost no noise; the conductor blows her off away. Now THAT'S a meanie, Caron! Then Clipper goes inbetween the legs of a green dressed woman sitting in her chair as she screams. Oy vey! She calls Clipper a pervert and kicks Clipper right in the face with no animation whatsoever. That kick looked awfully brutal by the way. Caron is concussed and half dead as he claimed he didn't see anything. Riiiiggghhhhtttt. Jump cut to a shot of the tower outside. Apparerntly; Papa Izzy claims that they cannot find the bomb as we jump cut to an animated shot of the hallway with Ken and the woman as we hear Ken ordering them to not quit! I wish Ken would quit being a monster; that would be better for this world. But alas. By the way; they wasted seven minutes in their time searching as Clipper calls Ken, Kenbo again. (Considering that the episode is six minutes long, compression was sadly needed here.) Caron wonders what to do as I should point out that the voices are in Ken's head during this while they are running in the hallway.

We get one more shot of the tower from a much different angle and then ten seconds of running; then Ken stops and is shocked because we hear ticking sounds. (Please remember this spot for the next rant because they will be bringing up the gimmick of Ken being able to hear ticking time bombs. By the way, Foresnic Files would laugh most cartoons out of the building since most bombs are pipe bomb that don't use timing devices.) Jump cut to a shot of a diamond-equse chandelier as Ken invokes the pointy finger of death on it. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Ken grabbing the bomb; which is literally a radio crossed with a lunchbox with red poles on each side. Jump cut to the Sky Rod entering the building from a window which somehow doesn't break the glass. Why do I even bother to be outraged by this?! (Former self has officially given up!) Jump cut to a repeat shot of the villians rising up; only with a sky background this time as they watch the Sky Rod flying away from the hard camera and then flying stage left. Then we see a shadowed object fly out of the Sky Rod. (Former self deserves a donair plate for managing to actually see the black dot falling.) It goes off-screen as we cue the EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH! This one causes a lot of whiplash as we jump cut to Ken opening the front of his helmet and then putting it back down. That was the epitome of pointless as we jump cut to Ken flying the Sky Rod. Now; at this point, the episode should be over, but we still got thirty two seconds left. Jump cut to three Juralian aliens cursing Ken and showing off their red eyes. Ken tells them to shut up and suck on this. The Sky Rod fires a white beam from it's antenna and we cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH! (Ken's kill count now stands at 100 Juralian aliens and we are not even halfway through this series.) We end this tale with the family and the woman sitting down at their seats enjoying the concert. The final shot is Ken and the woman having eyes for each other, while their eyes are closed to end the episode at 5:20. Yes; the mute woman had no name at all. Screw this show! (Yup, this is "Girl From Pango-Pango" all over again, only we know the woman in this episode was abused by her abusive guardian. I'm not sure if that is the same for the girl in the TaleSpin comic, and we probably would have gotten an answer if FUCKING BALOO didn't crack a sexist joke!) This gets ** 3/4 on the trainwreck scales for the clapperboard moment, little animation and Clipper being a pervert. -** (-40%).

Episode #32 - The Master Safe Cracker: Episode opens with a shot of the city and a white pawn chess tower wrapped in blue windows. Jump cut to street level with more shadowed transparent denizens. Jump cut to a guy wearing a blue bodysuit and green boats running stage left as we discover that he has brown hair and red trim on the sleeves. He's meeting his father and has to hurry. He turns the corner and bonks into a green car driven by Ken Izzy! I think; since he's the only one who we see in this scene. Yes; a 12 year old is allowed to drive a small car in 2074! (Phineas is just howling with laughter, as is Kit for that matter. Also, this is the third time a family member has run over someone. Worse, this kid run over is not a Juralian alien!) Yes; children can give informed consent in this era! (This is beyond horrifying now, because it just gives groomers an excuse to groom now. I could only imagine how bad it would be if this show's popularity surpassed any holy bible from Christianity! Oh, and the Christian references aren't done yet. We still have the "preacher pilot" coming up in the next rant!) Ken goes over to the kid as the kid gets up and he's fine and even blames himself for not looking where he is going. (Which is true, but the car driver is liable since he has a car that can be used as a dangerous weapon. I'm not saying the kid is not an idiot though.) Ken asks why he's in a hurry; but the kid says it's no problem and says his goodbyes. Ken offers to give him a lift in his car. Now; would you trust Ken to do anything for you, let alone let him drive a car?! The kids wisely declines because he's almost there anyway as he bails. Jump cut to XY Prison as a blue trenchcoat, blue pants man with brown hair and a steel briefcase is standing in front of said prison. (This is so Pokemon of you, and keep in mind: Even if the show was created in 1974, the storyline is that the show takes place in 2074.) he is looking to someone named Akio. I'm guessing the kid's name is Akio and this must be his dad. A yellow car pulls up in front of him. Two purple haired guys in green are inside and address the man as Sousuke Furuyama as they want him to hop into their car and they'll exchange notes.

By the way; the stranger danger rules apply to adults as well as kids. Most so in 2074; with many of the Juralian aliens in disguise. Not saying that this guys are Juralian aliens; but you never know. The driver claims Akio sent them; which is clearly a lie, but that doesn't make them Juralian aliens, does it?! Sousuke falls for it anyway and gets in. The yellow car speeds away as we get a shot of a bunch of lamp like towers. We zoom in and then jump cut to Sousuke being tossed into a black chair. He has to make sound effects to make up for the fact that there's almost no sound effects on the show. Sousuke is pissed because they lied to him. You don't say?! The thugs toss stacks of money in his lap as the two purple haired thugs admit that they are paying him for his master safe cracking skills. Sousuke is shocked and appalled because he promised himself to never do that again, ever. They threaten to basically do bad things to Akio and Sousuke gulps and complies. The thugs are going to arrange for him to sneak inside and crack the safe vault at the Space Agency. (This would have been a lot more effective if Akio was kidnapped by these two thugs and we actually saw him in distress.) The second thug claims that the Space Agency is no match for a safecracker like Sousuke and Sousuke is going to help him, weither he likes it or not. Kind of like the British Bulldog winning Summerslam 1992 actually. (That kid at Summerslam 1992 was hilarious and to see all the critics try to paint this as a spoiler even more hilarious. I get it, wrestling is fake. So what?! People like you started this "this sport is rigged" crap because WWE gaslight you all into believing that sports are fake because you thought wrestling was a sport, even though if it was it would have been banned a long time ago. As Segata Sanshiro would say "Use Your Head!") Sousuke looks down in defeat and so does Akio outside walking in despair and it gets worse because Ken arrives in his green car. Ken then apologizes for running him over; despite Akio apologizing first. (I guess Ken remembered that he has the weapon of an automobile, so he's liable.) We exchange notes as we get a logic break: Ken was in the left seat when he ran over Akio; now he's driving in the right seat when he invites Akio into the car and Akio complies.

Akio decides to tell his dad's life stories in spite of this being difficult for him as we head to the Space Agency AFTER HAPPY HOUR. We pan up to the most unanimated and poorly drawn artwork of a building I have ever seen. Jump cut to inside a lit hallway as the door in the back has a diamond-equse cross on it. Jump cut to an out of nowhere night guard in a grey uniform holding a flashlight. Why the hell do you bother with that; the whole hallway is completely lit?! Then we get a logic break as the door is now a double doors with orange and peach colors instead of blue and cyan blue. Jump cut to the thugs in green staring and appearing in the frame as one of them is sweating and holding Sousuke. The double doors is the entrance to the vault. Jump cut to the panel where you insert the WCW KEY OF DOOM. One of the thugs has the WCW KEY OF DOOM and inserts it into the keyhole on the panel on the wall. A red light flashes and this has sound effects along with the doors opening to reveal a old school wheel twisting safe door. The thugs -- wearing white gloves -- push him into the safe room as Sousuke is now wearing Mickey Mouse gloves. HA! Then we have another logic break; the safe door's wheel is gone and is replaced with white button and a combination lock similar to locks at school lockers. Because; Knack Productions cannot do anything right. Jump cut to a conveniently placed door as it slides open and out comes Ken and Akio looking inside a room with a cross table containing a note which Ken notices. Ken grabs it and reads it as he is shocked and appalled because it's a sketch of the Space Agency. I'm guessing this is either Sousuke's apartment, or the thugs. It's hard to tell because there's zero indication of where Ken and Akio are. They could be in the Space Agency for all I know; nor care. (They are clearly in Akio's residence, but it doesn't matter either way.) Akio sweats and cringes because Sousuke is doing evil things again. Jump cut back to the safe with Sousuke still trying to crack the safe and sweating even more. (Sadly, DNA wasn't a thing until about sixteen years after this show aired, so having the gloves is pointless in 2074.) The thugs watch on and this goes on for a long ass whomping time; which is laughable even by this shows extremely low standards. Then they lop off the logic break as the lock is separate from the actual door! Wow; I was proven wrong again! Although it would have been better if we saw it next to the door before he started cracking the safe.

Finally; Sousuke is relieved and the door opens as he is shoved aside by one of the thugs and onto the floor. The thugs check the safe and find papers which documents the Venus base as we discover that their motive is to invade the bases on Venus. Why?! I don't have any clue why. (How can anyone make a base on Venus knowing that planet's surface and atomsphere shows how stupid the writers are. Even Captain Planet's take on Venus and climate change made more sense than this.) Sousuke demands answers to this outrage and if you cannot guess who these two thugs are, then you shouldn't be watching this show at all. You need your brain examined, it might be fried. (Sousuke actually says hell here.) I should note that the thugs are much into the pantless thing as Professor Pantless is as they decide that he's useless now. In comes Ken calling them Juralians as the aliens are in shock as Ken jumps in with anime background and the most distrubing look he could provide. CHARGING, GO FISH~! At the 5:20 mark; so this will be a really short fight. Jump cut to the aliens looking shocked and appalled as Ken lands and we have a staring contest. This somehow makes the aliens appear without any signs of a transformation. Damn you show! (As much as the aliens say "Damn you, Chargeman Ken!") The aliens shoot the SPINASH EYE BEAM OF DEATH at Ken; which Ken dodges with ease. Ken shoots the Alpha Gun, vaporizes the aliens, yee-haw. (Ken's kill count after two rants and almost 50% of the way through the episode: 102 Juralian Aliens, eighteen horses, three humans, and a whole spieces of butterflies.) Sousuke is shocked and appalled by this as we head down to ground level of the Space Agency outside as we head inside at a desk with Sousuke dressed as a general of security. Yes; despite being an accessory to the Juralians in stealing blueprints, Sousuke not only doesn't go back to prison, he becomes the director of security at the AB Company. Now; who says Ken Izumi doesn't believe in Restorative Justice?! (I'll admit. The sight gag of being from XY Prison to AB Company as a rags to riches gag was funny.) Akio arrives with Ken as Sousuke comes to the door and Ken invites him to Sunday dinner tomorrow; so Sousuke works on Saturdays too. Sousuke agrees to that as Ken and Akio get back into their car, wishes Sousuke good luck and drives away to end the episode at 5:20. This was no rating on the trainwreck scale and outside of one really confusing scene, this was mostly the usual BS. * 3/4 (35%).

THE REVIEW LINE

32 episodes down, 33 episodes to go in this beyond godawful show. (Damn, this is like halfway through a Vince Russo WCW 1999 show now.) This show is getting more and more redonkulus as it goes on as the seeds of Ken's assholism are slowly coming to fruition. Whatever good graces this show had are since past as the plotlines are getting dumber and the spots are gettting even more hideously hilarious. Do yourself a favor: Don't watch Terror! Mental Hospital unless it's Alphalronchew's version of it and even then, you should only see it once and never again. (Sadly, former self had to watch it twice. Never again!) Sadly; this show is not over yet in terms of a gruesome trainwreck, as one of the most funniest episodes ever conceded: Caron tries to murder Ken after being brainwashed by a piano teacher (Which I am doing next Friday, because there is a great reason for it.); along with old fashion fartdom (A sad tale featuring maybe the most likable babyface on the entire show. His answer to the moon bases was legit funny and Knack Productions did this clearly on purpose.), food that gives birth defects and of course, that episode with what I think is the most replusive and offensive finish in the history of television. (Featuring another lovable character: Professor Volga. Why do the lovable characters have to be so tragic?!) It's going to be rougher than Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue now! (Maybe so, but the worst is actually over and this is rough in a erotic way. I'll glady take that than what Episode #23 ultimately was.) So...

Thumbs way down in hell for every episode on the normal scale. Eight thumbs in the middle, four down, one not rated and three thumb ups on the trainwreck scale. I'll see you all next time.

Back to Other Rants Index!

Return to the Rant Shack!

Return to the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage