Return to 50 Webs

Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.

Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.

Chargeman Ken: Terror At The Dynamite Brain!

Reviewed: 04/03/2015
Updated: 08/02/2017

It Looks Like The Entertainment Might Be Over!

Source: Cartoon Research. "Worst Anime Ever: “Chargeman Ken” (1974)"

It had to happen sooner or later. If you thought the years of Easter Sadism were awful...The first 10 episodes of Kick Buttowski? Child's play!...The anti-drug PSA cartoon special with all the 1980's cartoons acting like assholes? No; there is something worse!...Fanboy & Chum Chum? Cannot even hold a candle!...Ducks By Nature? Close; but no!...

...There is a cartoon worse than any of these. Worse than The Cramp Twins! Worse than Detention! Worse than Ren & Stimpy's Adult Party Cartoon! Even American Dad and Family Guy are better than this! Even Fighting Foodums cannot touch this! Welcome to the Rant Shack; the alpha and omega of internet memes the world over; the show that makes Rocket Robin Hood look like a Disney production; the show that has the most evil babyface in history! Welcome to the rant shack: Chargemen Ken! CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Which should have been his English dub catchphrase...if this was dubbed into English, which it isn't. This is actually the third show I have done where I watched the show that wasn't dubbed into English (Kick Buttowski I have watched several times in Spanish and Raw Toonage to a certain extent); and the first one that never made it into America. This at first would be strange because this show looks so Americanized that it could have easily made it to the states ready to be dubbed. However; there is a good reason why it never came here: This show is godawful, even in Japan. The premise of the show is decent enough (kind of like Breadwinners where they had a decent premise in Buhdeuce and Sway Sway (so Chum Chum of you Nick!) delivering bread on a rocket van; only marred by the fact that feeding real ducks (their buyers) is not a good idea in real life.) and it's really simple enough: The show takes place in a futuristic city, where science has greatly progressed. A race of aliens called the Jurals invade the Earth to steal its resources, and Ken Izumi must become the superhero Chargeman Ken to stop them.

That is simple enough that even the worst of the worst cannot screw this up. Can't they? Sadly; this show was created by Knack Animation, considered the crappiest anime house in Japan at the time. They also created Astroganger which is also awful, but unlike Chargeman Ken; it had a much bigger budget and thus wasn't the meme inducer this show is. The animation was sub-contracted by Tama Pro; which TaleSpinners should be familiar with since they did finish animation for in Vowel Play (IMDB claims that Tama Pro was also involved in two other episodes; but there is no evidence from the credits nor Tama Pro themselves that they did three episodes.). Tama Pro can do good work; but this is not one of those shows. The show aired on TBS in April 1st, 1974 (Oy vay!) and after 65 episodes aired on June 28th, 1974; the show never re-aired on reruns ever again. In fact; After its initial broadcast, the show remained obscure until 2007, when it was released on DVD and uploaded to the video sharing site Nico Nico Douga. Then Chargeman Ken got a lot of exposure; but only because of how awful it is. So how awful is this show? I'll explain each problem one by one as we go along. Trust me; it's better this way. Your jaw will drop at about half of the stuff you are about to read. Chargeman Ken even got an original soundtrack in 2010; which is hilarious considering that only six pieces of music are ever played in the entire series. So; yeah, welcome to hell guys! Anyhow; this is the perfect target for Easter Sadism because unlike the PSA cartoon special last year, there is lots of places where I can laugh my ass off for five minutes 20 seconds (the average time for a Chargeman Ken episode; and this plays into how awful the show is). I don't give a crap. There are two episodes in this show that I would call the most offensive and worst episodes in the history of children's anime; but inbetween these, I laughed so hard at all the bullsh*t.

Now we come to the real meat of the show as today's lineup is as follows: Someone's dad tries to off himself because the world hates him for being different! Juralians plant bomb in scientist head to blow up other scientist at special reception! Juralians pour toxic waste on hospital food to create birth defects and expose ableism! Hijackers board a plane that is piloted by a priest! And the ultimate: Caron gets brainwashed by a piano teacher! Yeah; all of these thing I have said are in fact the plotlines for the next episodes of the most hilariously bad anime series of all time! So let's rant on shall we...?

Episode #33 - My Papa Is Old Fashioned? (Officially Translated As: Is My Dad Old-Fashioned?): Episode opened with an upside down T building which I discover is where Ken goes to school because there are students entering the grounds. Jump cut to Ken looking at someone stunned as we jump cut to a brown haired boy propped against the wall wearing a red/green/yellow flag colored vest with a blue shirt underneath, blue jeans which exposes his lower legs and yellow shoes. Ken addresses him as Osamu and asks what is wrong. Ken comes over to yell at him that class is starting (JERK!) and Osamu no sells and looks depressed. Osamu claims that he is sick and tired of school. Ken asks how come and apparently; Osamu has been bullied in the past by someone named Mamuru. I realize that I missed some episodes; but what the hell? Osamu turns away and proclaims that he wishes people like him were dead. Ken asks why he thinks that and we discover that Mamuru is not bullying him, but he has daddy issues. We hit the flashback with sad music as it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR as we pan down from a shot of the city to a shot of a small house with a purple roof on it. Osamu proclaims that his dad hates the era they live in. I realize that Osamu's dad is a technophobe and that was what they were shooting for, but we have seen enough episodes to prove that this era is littered with insane babyfaces, thus it makes Osamu's dad look like the sanest person on the planet. Which is not suppose to be how it's done as Osamu's dad is a fat guy wearing purple pants, a white shirt, wooden sandals and a white cloth on his behind. I cannot take this guy seriously as old fashioned, I just cannot. He and Osamu are looking at the moon and daddy is talking about what is on the moon. Osamu rightfully answers that there are space stations on the moon; and Osamu's dad is pissed off at him because according to him: There is a rabbit making rice cakes on the moon. HAHA! For the first time in this show; they did something that was supposed to be funny. (2017 Gregory Weagle Says: This is a really popular myth in Japanese culture actually. The funniest thing is that, you can localize the joke and it is still funny, even in 2074; because the whole notion of a rabbit willfully making rice cakes or growing carrots, or anything for that matter on the moon is completely absurd.) The denizens next to the lamp pole laugh at his expense and this gravely offends him. Yeah; he's protrayed as a guy who if he heard hoove sounds outside, he thinks unicorns.

At least the flashback made sense here as the yellow sweater man laughing has on leash a white poodle. Osamu's daddy does the Gruffi pose (joining Gruffi, Rebecca, Kit, Molly and Mabel as doing the spot well); and Osamu himself is blushing and looks like he is on the same drugs Ken was on in the parody sub of episode #23. Then we get the spring sound music that I hate so much as we see denizens riding the vertical escalator and to be fair, Osamu's daddy does have a point of being old-fashioned. I like technology even at my age; but this invention is the laziest invention in this era. Useful for the disabled, true; but for general use? No way, no how. Of course the denizens on the ride are clearly transparent. They do not even have enough of a budget to make them into shadows. At least the Rocket Robin Hood background moving the characters spot works here as they repeat the spot and reverse it. Jump cut to the top of the ride as everyone has taken the ride except for Osamu's dad who is walking like me. I like this fellow. Not because he's a technophobe (that part I don't like about him), but for at least proving that this piece of technology makes people lazy. It also helps his case when the denizens in the background are completely transparent. Osamu's dad has a piece of luggage on his person and the goofy music for once actually made this funny. Sadly; he is so cheap in buying wooden shoes with defective straps that one of them snaps and he trips and pratfalls on his face. No sound effect for impact of course; but at least here, the bouncy spring music helped the scene. The transparent denizen laugh at him while looking at the fat man. Yeah; let's laugh at the fat man who at least is trying to get in shape. The denizens in 2074 are bigger jerks than in 2014 on weight issues. Then we jump cut to Osamu's dad walking in the rain with a cheese color umbrella. Chop-De-Chop, LA, LA, LA! That's what he was humming in Japanese and his walk cycle is so funny.

And he's shocked that the denizens in glass containers are laughing at him? A lot of white and pink is being used here too; and then we jump cut to the umbrella already destroyed. How?! We don't know. I assume it was a lightning bolt; or the wind, but there was no scene to show that either way. This studio is so cheap that they cannot do a still shot of a lightning bolt. Yet they had enough in the budget to do the next shot which is a pan sky shot of an overpass showing space cars animated. Jump cut to daddy holding his head and having a headache as a space train touches down in the background behind him, and it looks so poorly staged once again. Then a giant ass robot which looks like Clipper; only bigger, with a green swim cap head, brown metal body and a robotic voice that basically yells at Daddy to get off the street because humans are not allowed. Then we get the worst sky shot sequence in history. Now; Osamu's daddy get pushed onto the walkway by the robot. Now; here's why this sequence sucked: #1: The push was screwed up badly. #2: The robot and daddy looked crappy. #3: The robot's arms changed from brown to grey on the shot. #4: This scene implies that walking on your own on public streets is illegal. This only makes Osamu look like a sane human being. It's one thing to create new technology; but to force someone to use the technology when the technology is not healthy for them is total BS. It makes the technology look bad and it makes the government look like heels. Also it makes daddy into a babyface whose technophobia is totally justified. Then we get a completely confusing series of shots: Daddy kicks the ground and his wooden sandal goes flying. He was screaming that he can walk where ever he pleases (can you blame him for acting like this? HE WANTS TO LOSE WEIGHT AND YOU WON'T LET HIM~!) and the wooden sandals in the next shot, hits a vending machine spitting out pink boxes which in the next shot completely bury Osamu's daddy in a box tomb. Except that we got to see his head; so they cannot do a burial tomb spot properly! One of the boxes bounces off the poor man's head giving him a concussion of course.

Jump cut to the park as Osamu's daddy is in the park and in a shock of shocks; no one laughs at him (the man with the poodle makes a return appearance). They don't need too because we then see at least a dozen men and women in blue and red jumpsuit in the sky parachuting down onto him. Yes; you read that right folks. They are parachuting and landing in the park in front of a terrified father who loses his sandals and is on the ground stunned. Luckly, no one landed directly on him. The parachuters mock him as Grandpa as their suits change to looking like pantless football players. I swear to god this is how they looked. Apparently; in 2074, there is a hip new parachuting game which apparently involves parachuting and scaring old geezers who are behind the times. Now granted; Osamu's father is way behind the times, but it doesn't help the geezer get with the times if you do insane, dangerous stuff of the future. Like this moronic parachuting game! No one can walk away from this and not feel bad for Osamu's father and hate the young whippersnappers. He came off like a victim, they came off like a terror! Everyone in the park laughs it him and Osamu's father is shown on a closeup as laughing mouths magically appear out of nowhere on the screen laughing at him. One of them is cutting his right cheekbone as then we jump cut to a pan shot of a tree and there is a noose tied to one of the branches of the tree. We then see Osamu's daddy on the bench holding his knees with his hands on a closeup shot of said knees. Then a close up shot of his face and they repeated the same footage of him having a headache and holding his ears as a space train zooms in the background; only the shot is mirrored. He screams that he cannot take it anymore! So he has watched episode #23 then. Oh wait; it's just the machines and technology. Cyanne's hatred for machines was much more subtle than this. He asks if machines are better than humans which is silly because humans still have to build the machines, so that question is easily answered.

He proclaims that he cannot live in this world and then proceeds to...ummm...put his neck in the conveniently placed noose claiming that he has no regrets and tells Osamu to grow up big and strong. Yes folks; he is hanging himself and committing suicide for drama on a children's show. Why are you shocked by this? Now; what he is doing is absolutely insane, but the problem is: This is less insane than everything else in this show. There is no way that we cannot feel bad for this old fart. Then we get swevered because the tree branch snaps; he falls down flat on his back and he's not dead. Yes; even the trees in this show are mocking him! Good grief indeed! It's worse because the way they animated this; it appeared that as he went down, the noose dislodges from his neck and then teleports back onto his neck on the sky shot. The animation here is so hilariously bad that I was laughing my ass off. This is the most brutally bad animated hanging scene in history. He also knocked the blue bench over by the way. So daddy takes off the noose and yells that he needs a stronger branch to hang himself, and then we see a tree with a noose on it and daddy panics like mad demanding answers to this outrage. Suddenly; out comes the Juralians who tell him that they'll help him commit suicide. You know these heels are so awful as heel when they are stooped to assisted suicide in order to gain heel heat. Daddy is shocked as it's basically seven on one advantage heels as they yell at him to hurry up and die already. Why don't you just vaporize him now? You are such stupid heels as Osamu's father blows him off because he can kill himself just fine, thank you. One of the aliens asks if he is afraid to die and dad proclaims that he has changed his mind and refuses to die. Apparently; seeing a bunch of aliens is enough for him to want to go on living. WHAT?! Jump cut to close up of Juralian alien's face tells him to die already. Then vaporize him with your lasers already you dumb assholes! So Ken arrives of course because these aliens are so goddamn stupid, and you wonder why we cannot take any of this show seriously?!

They see Ken on a tree branch in the tree and then he crosses his arms and jumps high into the air as the aliens are shocked. CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Astroganger jump kick of death ensues; green lasers shoot from alien head, Daddy is scared, Ken is jumping on tree, multiple yellow lasers, Ken shoots with alpha gun, aliens get vaporized, yee-haw! Of course we get the always logic breaking Rescue Ranger shot of two aliens getting killed with one shot to one alien's chest and then the music stops as one of the aliens is belly first on the ground so he got shot in the back. Osamu's father is shocked as Ken looks down at the ground calling for Osamu and we see him appear from the tree calling for daddy. Daddy sees him and they both embrace as Osamu's father hugs him and apologizes for ever considering hanging himself. Osamu then asks the question: Will you stop being old fashioned? And Osamu's daddy goes crazy and gets pissed off because he hates being called that; causing Osamu to laugh. Ken also laughs and then they had the gall to do a flashback of all the embarrassing scenes Osamu's father was in complete with Osamu commentary as Osamu claims that he has the best dad in Japan. Yes folks; even Osamu thinks dad's the most sane person in Japan! Osamu claims that people can laugh at him; but he likes his dad the way he is. Jump cut to Osamu's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR, zoom out and that ends the episode at 5:21. Osamu's daddy was a funny character and it was all intentional on the writer's part. Good job! Everything else was the same old hideously hilarious stuff. No rating on the trainwreck scale; call it 3/4* (15%).

(I should note something about this episode: It's very unlikely children's animation will produce an episode similar to this. According to emporbooty on Youtube: The national suicide rate in Japan is the 7th highest in the world, but the epidemiology of depression places it at last place. Osamu's dad is certainly happier and more willing to leave the house at any given time than I am, so I guess this is a somewhat accurate reflection of that statistic, but given how in recent years the suicide epidemic has become a legitimate government concern, I doubt that a plot like this would fly nowadays on TV. So yeah; this might fly in North America (and there is a television show on Netflix that might be a thousand times worse than this called 13 Reasons Why that is causing problems even today); but in Japan, highly unlikely.)

Episode #34 - Sky Rod; Burrow Into The Earth's Depths: Episode opens with a shot of a helicopter flying in the air with a pink underbelly. Jump cut to inside with Ken and Professor "Pantless" Yoshizaka sitting behind the helicopter driver. Ken seems to have a fish hook in his right eye, for no reason. Sky shot of the forest is shown next as Ken asks Yoshizaka if he can build a factory in these mountains.We then see a small town up ahead as Pantless explains that it is possible to do this as we get a shot of a model of how a volcano works. Apparently; the use of this geothermal energy makes this all possible now; where it was impossible to do in the past. Out of nowhere appears a transparent artwork of a geothermal factory burrowing into the earth. See; in Japan, there are a lot of volcanoes; thus a lot of geothermal energy. Ken brings up the hot springs (a staple of a lot of sex scenes in anime by the way) as the building grows bigger. Pantless explains that they bore into geothermal vent sites and use the steam to spin trubines, so this show is trying to act like they like Steampunk culture and are failing badly. Basically; they want the energy for industrial use; such as iron sand processing. This sounds like blast processing; only more useless. Shot of forest on the sky shot as Pantless proclaims that this will allow Japan to make great advances; because god knows there is a use for Iron Sand. We hear an explosion sound as Ken asks what this is all about and Pantless claims that it's atomic explosions which are intentional by the science team; so there's nothing...AND THE PANTLESS ROCK SAYS NOTHING to worry about. I'm worried; but that's because this is Knack Animation we are talking about. They are doing this to spin the trubines and make electricity. Then we get explosion sounds and shaking as Pantless is in shock because this one is more violent than usual. He orders the pilot to land because he's not amused that someone set up two explosions at once. He calls this insane as we jump cut to the turbine generator and it's starts flashing yellow, then crumbles and then explodes. No animation; but it's not the typical explosion painting of death we see in this show.

Then animated smoke flies into the air and engulfs the helicopter somewhat. Jump cut to the pilot in the helicopter informing Pantless that landing the helicopter is impossible. Pantless agrees and wants to land on the mountain's summit for now. Smoke engulfs the outside of the helicopter and then we jump cut to the mountain's summit as the helicopter has already landed and out is Pantless and Ken looking down as there is smoke coming out of the building in the middle of the industrial area. More shaking and rumbling as we jump cut back to Ken and Pantless as Pantless has no idea what is going on. Cue repeat shot of the turbine generator exploding again! Jump cut to Ken and Pantless running; well mostly Ken's legs as we see the convyer belt and ripped pillars of steel as six dead people are laid onto the rubble. At least one dead guy has blood coming out of his nose and chin; everyone else is bloodless. Geez; Japan's standards for children's television are so loose it's not even funny. Jump cut to five alive workers looking in a well as Pantless's pantless uniform comes in and demands answers to this outrage. The workers have no clue what is going on as we exchange notes on the situation. Okay; here's what I got out of this: They were triggering atomic explosions and this causes more unintentional denonations caused by some weirdoes who has taken some of the workers hostage; which one of the workers with glasses on actually saw. So we head into a cave as a bunch of Juralians in their usual McGruff the Crime Dog stereotype gear pointing guns as the workers. Four of them are sitting on the ground and one is standing with a pickaxe. They giggle as the Juralian with the gun proclaims that they will never allow this factory to be built. Even though 90% of it is already built. These heels are so ineffective that it's not funny. Another worker with a pickaxe shows up with the other workers as they demand answers and the thugs all turn into Juralians. One of them literally has to corkscrew his arm in order to hold the gun. Very, very awkward. There is also a giant air bubble not cleared out by the animators at this point. Workers are sweating as expected.

The Juralian aliens admits that they are going to kill every human on the damn planet and destroy their civilization in the process in order to control the Earth. So basically; they are terrorist thugs now! They will burn the planet to ashes and become rulers of the Earth. Nice to see them act like monster heels now as one of the workers is pissed at the notion as the Juralian basically shoots his helmet off with the gun after a hell of a promo about not being able to kill them that easily. Again; it amuses me that they are using 1000 year old technology here despite having organic laser beams that can kill almost anyone (and we know who the exception is now, don't we?). Just drole. Speaking of old technology; they are going to use grey sticks of dynamite to cause an even bigger explosion and kill people. Yes folks; somehow this 1000 year old technology trumps their organic laser beams. Geez; these Juralians are both stupid and dickish. The workers are scared stiff; as if the animation wasn't doing it to them as the dynamite sticks are on the ground and the Juralian lights the fuse by shooting it with the gun. And somehow; the workers are magically tied up with rope as well. WHAT?! Juralian alien laughs at these logic holes, admires his handiwork and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Ken piloting the Skyrod with the background doing all the moving of course as the Skyrod flies into the well and it fits perfectly. Jump cut back to the Juralian with the gun admiring his handiwork as the rest of the aliens want to get the hell out of there. And I don't blame them; because take one guess who's coming to get them? Nope; it's not the Boogeyman; although they wish it really was. Then we get a really dumb logic break as out of nowhere; Ken busts through the cave walls unanounced. Why did he need to do that? Why did he? Oh wait; it was to pay off the episode title! Silly me! Alien curse the monster Ken; Ken jumps down with his jet boots, alien shoot the SPINACH BEAMS OF DEATH; Ken gets in position to shoot; and then repeat shooting and then Ken simply dodges anyway.

More repeat shots of the dynamite and tied up workers panicking as Ken is punching and kicking the Juralians. Why would he need to do that? Just shoot them in the back like you always do; and then defuse the dynamite you stupid idiot! Then he starts shooting them in the back! Of course! One of them was on his belly when this occurs as Ken looks around and simply stomps out the fuse; and that defuses the dynamite. Oh; now I see where people were getting this idea that Ken could defuse the bomb in Professor Volga's brain. Which shows just how stupid viewers can be sometimes..and that episode is next! Oh lord; that finish! So the workers are so happy to see him as we jump cut to the helicopter taking off from the summit. Jump cut to the workers waving goodbye to Ken and thanking him. Jump cut to Ken waving back and then more shots of the factory town as we reverse the shot from the beginning of the episode before jump cutting to inside the helicopter as Ken is worried about something as he worries about building a factory and what it does to the streams, birds and forest and Pantless tells him not to worry because the plant waste is recycled. Ken informs the birds and we get the funniest fart joke I have ever seen as the birds poop on Ken's head. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Even the birds hate him! Those creatures are the smartest of us all. Be afraid humans and Juralians, be very afraid. Those birds have an actual IQ. Ken can only giggle and be embarrassed as the episode ends at 5:20. And people say this show is marketted to children. Bah; idiots, all of them! This gets *** on the trainwreck scale for the whole stupid idiot plot, blood being shown, this alien's corkscrew arm and of course, Ken literally getting sh*t on by the birds. And unlike Goof Troop; they showed actual poop. That's a parental bonus! -** 1/4 (-45%). And speaking of memorable finishes...Oh dear...

Episode #35 - Dynamite In The Brain: Here's probably one of the two top memoriable episodes in the entire series; but it's mostly for the finish than anything else. Oh god; I HATE THIS FINISH! Episode opened with a shot of a brown dinosaur roaring and stomping on shadows of denizens who go flying on contact. The dinosaur breathes fire (of course!) and burns a building for fun. Speeding bullet train comes into the hard camera with awkward camera work (of course!) and dinosaur crushes said train in such a way that the train seems to teleport to a mirror shot. Wonderful! Dinosaur grabs train and bites into it. It's a T-Rex by the way as we see another gray dinosaur (with black shell spikes on it's back) roaring at brown dinosaur with it's mouth open. T-rex stalks other dinosaur and proceeds to bite it right in the right side if the neck; which causes blood to flow out on the very next shot. Then the dinosaur claws the other dinosaur in the face and blood comes out again. Jump cut as we discover that this is a movie since we see Clipper, Ken and Caron watching it. Caron is scared because there is bleeding going on (of course!); and apparently, the censor boards in Japan are pretty much the same as in 1974. What a shocker?! Jump cut to Ken and Clipper in the hallway wanting to pig out of the vending machine. Jump cut to old man with an English eyepiece on his left eye, grey mustache, grey beard, grey suit, black vest, red tie and holding a cane at the vending machine. Ken and Clipper of course do not respect their elders and take a MAN-SIZED bump into the back of the old man; and the old man no sells it. Old man is cool with that and Ken's apologies (which I wouldn't trust at face value) as we talk about snacks for a while. Then two men who look like identical twins who like dressing the same purple/pink hat, yellow shirt, red tie, purple trenchcoat come up from behind as they address him as Professor Volga. They grab Volga and order him to come with him. Clipper yells at Ken to come back to watch the rest of the movie; but Ken refuses. Ken goes to the window outside as we see Volga dragged outside to the parking lot as a third man arrives with a gun.

Apparently; this group of thugs loves the color purple for some reason as Volga is struggling badly and demands to be let go. So they put the gun to his chest, thump the gun and Professor Volga is knocked out as they put him in a banana yellow space corvette. Ken tries to get outside; but the car is long gone and he stops. Jump cut to television screen as a brown haired man wearing a green suit, white shirt and green tie tells us that Professor Volga is from West Germany (yes; in this world, West and East Germany never came together even in 2074!) who has designed the industrial city being currently built on the Tokyo Bay Waters and has invited the authority of science and director of construction who is Professor Pantless Yoshizaka. I wonder what Volga thinks of Yoshizaka's way of dressing himself? That was an angle that in a 22 minute show would be explored even if it takes less than thirty seconds; but I doubt we will talk about it in this show. We see Clipper and Caron watching the monitor as Caron is sipping a drink from her straw. Pan over to Ken watching as there is going to be a reception tonight at the space station hall. Jump cut to the television set as we see the Space Station Hall which looks like a dome with a track on the side shaped like Saturn's rings. Jump cut to footage of Professor Volga speaking at a poduim surrounded by a round table of shadow transparent people and pink curtains. Ken in his mind is saying that this is a lie (even though there is no evidence that anyone has found out about the kidnapping/"murder" of Professor Volga. We repeat the footage via a flashback literally thirty seconds after we saw it; just to insult the smart marks out there. Personally; I find this laughable because will all know this was there to pad the running time. Jump cut to Clipper and Caron looking worried about Ken being pale; and Ken simply runs out of the water causing a jump cut of Caron and Clipper looking shocked. Jump to Juralian alien ship (the triple wacky meat grinder) BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as we cut to two Juralian aliens inside the ship looking at their computers. The aliens exchange notes on the situation of the reception beginning.

The aliens inform us that the scientists will be blown away in thirty minutes. They claim that they restructured Professor Volga. So wait; is the professor dead or not? They laugh as we jump cut to inside the reception hall which looks like something out of a 1960's show from Toei complete with pink globe showing the time as 5:30 PM. Note the time because I'll be coming back to that shortly. Pan down to everyone invited seated at the circular tables; and of course, the animators cannot afford to make them shadows, so they are transparent drawings yet again. I never thought I would be waxing for the days of Wang Films doing shadowing of characters; although that means dealing with a million scene changers for no reason. Even their seats are transparent as we see Professor Volga is sitting with the scientists and one of them looks like a Chinese stereotype and might have been the ramen delivery man from episode #29 for all I know. Geez; they staged it to look like Volga is nothing as a professor even though he is suppose to be the guest of honor. Then we hear Ken's voice address the gentlemen as Ken barges in telling them that this Professor Volga is a fake. Everyone is stunned as Professor Yoshizaka doesn't know what to make of this; as Ken points out that he saw Volga being kidnapped by the Juralians (which is true by the way; so Ken at least is not lying) and he'll prove it as Volga goes to a conveniently placed mirror (yes; they kept a mirror for some reason) and the mirror shows Volga's reflection. Now I don't what episode this started; but apparently, the gimmick of the Juralians is that they can be exposed if the human in question has no reflection. That is a fine gimmick; but whatever. Ken looks like a total idiot (even though he was right about Volga being kidnapped) realizing that this is the real Professor Volga. Volga tells Ken to stop scaring people and the scientists all laugh him out of the building. Ken got punked out there! The green suit scientist in ther laugh group has a smoke pipe and apparently; scientists have the most contrived laughing I have ever heard. It makes Chip's laugh sound great in comparsion. Professor Yoshizaka orders Ken to go home.

However; both Volga and Ken have a staredown at each other and we get sound waves coming out of Ken's ears and ticking noises. Pan shot of a full profile shot of Professor Volga and then a closeup of his face, and then jump cut back to Ken saying in his mind that he has a bomb in his skull. Oh COME ON guys! Are you going to tell me that there is a bomb inside Volga's brain or something. That ticking sounds like Volga has an old watch since he looks more old fashion than Osamu's father for crying out loud! Remind me never to expose these writers to the concept to Occam's Razor; they would think it's a razor blade owned by some jaboroni named Occam. Never mind that we NEVER see inside his skull to show evidence that there is a bomb in his head! CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Jump cut to outside and down comes the Skyrod from the sky in a rare moment of logic for this show. Then we see Ken kidnapping Professor Volga and flying him away on his jet boots! Yes folks; Ken kidnapped the professor from the conference. WHY?! WHY NOT~?! As you will see; this is not the worst crime Ken has committed in this episode! Jump cut to Ken piloting the Skyrod; and of course the silver ring is not animated for this episode, so it's back to non-business as usual for the animators. Jump cut to close side shot of Ken piloting the plane as Professor Volga on the passenger side is demanding answers to this outage. Ken then proclaims that Volga was murdered and then someone planted a bomb in his head and turned him into a robot. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE! The murder part must be a mistranslation; no one can be this illogical. Volga was knocked out and they planted a bomb in his head and he returned as if nothing had happened. That actually makes sense. Jump cut to the globe clock as it's nearing six o'clock; so yes they didn't screw up the time at least, unlike Kick Buttowski. Sadly; the pink globe is now green; but that's minor at this point. The Juralian alien ship chases them for a while and shoots their COTTON CANDY LASERS OF DEATH; which the Skyrod dodges very easily because the aliens are poor shooters. Clock is five seconds away...

...and now it's time to play "BOOK THE FINISH~!" Okay; I'll play the game after I reveal the finish this time around because the actual finish is important in order to explain how I would book such a finish. Okay? So; here's what Knack Animation gave us as a finish: Jump cut to clock saying that there is less than five seconds left on the clock before the bomb blows up at six o'clock. Jump cut to a closeup of Ken sweating in the Skyrod and he says the following and this is a direct quote: Professor Volga, please forgive me! Jump cut to Ken's arm on the control panel as he pushes a white button on the panel. Jump cut to below the Skyrod as a trapdoor opens and Professor Volga falls through the trap door and free falls. Jump cut to Juralian alien looking stunned beyond belief (can you blame him? Even the Juralians showed more mercy to this poor guy then Ken did). Jump cut to side shot of the Juralian spaceship as shadow Professor Volga falls directly and splats onto the front of the ship. He explodes giving us 25 jump cuts of four different EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH. Finish over. Ken Izumi; the #1 bouncing babyface of the show, who is suppose to be the hero of this show, murdered Professor Volga just to kill two aliens. I F'N HATE THIS FINISH~! Way to go Knack Animation! How can anyone get behind him as a babyface now after this? Volga did nothing wrong; he only had a bomb in his head and that can be laid at the feet of the Juralians aliens (anyone who thinks the aliens are blameless for this are kidding themselves too) anyway. Now; I have read a lot of comments on this episode from Youtube and one commentor said that Ken had no other choice because everyone felt that Ken could have defused the bomb in time to save Volga and this commentor (rightfully I should note) pointed out that no expert surgeon could remove the bomb in thirty seconds and thus Ken had to dump him in order to save dozens of scientists. Now; this sounds reasonable on the surface; but there is one problem with this: It assumes that the writers had absolutely ZERO out to book something else to save face. And here's where I come in for "BOOK THE FINISH~!"

Here's how I would book this finish: Instead of Ken saying "Professor Volga; please forgive me!"; I would have Professor Volga say "Chargeman Ken; please forgive me!", then have Volga push the white button (illogical as it might be; but this wouldn't be the worst offense of logic breaking in this show) and have him fall on his own choice to his death. You only have two literally change TWO SHOTS of animation to pull this off and one line of dialogue to make this work. You can even be cute and remove the thirty second flashback and have Ken trying to stop Volga from killing himself but he failed; although that is pushing it. The point is: The finish I booked allows Professor Volga to go out as a hero because he forfeited his life to save the project and the scientists (and the dialogue claims that he was already dead and a robot anyway so...); and give a giant middle finger to the Juralians for kidnapping him. Ken's heroism was already done when he kidnapped the professor in the first place and steered him away from the hall saving them. By booking the finish the way Knack Animation booked it; any of Ken's heroics (such as getting Volga away from the scientists) is overshadowed by him killing an innocent man, and Professor Volga never goes out as a hero because he was forced to die by Chargeman Ken. Even letting him explode in the Skyrod would have been more heroic; but that would kill Ken (at worst) and destroy the Skyrod (at best; although it breaks logic every episode, so whatever...). The point is: There was a way to book this without making Ken look like a horrible, evil monster and Knack Animation didn't go for it. It is a shameful move on the writers part; however, compared to Terror! Mental Hospital; it wasn't the worst thing I have ever seen. Another reason why the finish Knack Animation chose is disgusting? The final scene. And here's how this episode ends: We see Ken and Professor Pantless on a cliff watching the completion of the industrial city Volga and Pantless were building. Ken acts so sad as he says (paraphrasing here): "Poor Professor Volga; but we built his city well." I vomited in my mouth hearing that. (Discotek Media's translation was less disgusting though.)

Professor Pantless says that he is certain that he is looking from the skies above. If my finish was used here..this would be great in spite of all the problems this show has in general. However; since Volga died by Ken's hand (and not by Volga's own) this last scene came off as disgusting. Volga would be angry and pleading for God to kill Chargeman Ken for murdering him for goodness sakes; even though there is no god to be had in this show. Jump cut to closeup of Ken saying yes without his mouth moving and then jump cut to far shot of the new city with sad music playing and that ends the episode at 5:18. Before the disgusting finish; this was no rating on the trainwreck scale. After it; it's * on the trainwreck scale and a -*** 3/4 (-75%). Almost all the negative star rating is for the finish alone. Without it; it's a one star episode. So it's a one star episode with a minus four and three quarter star finish. Volga was okay; the plot was okay for Chargeman Ken standards and even the setup to the finish was fine. Again; Ken kidnapping Volga was fine because he was saving the scientists from being blown up, but it is completely overshadowed by a thoughtless finish on the writers part. If Ken was an anti-hero character and Knack was booking him as such, this would have come off as less disgusting, but Ken is supposed to be a straight-laced babyface in this show. Way to go Knack Animation! No one likes Ken anyone, the Juralians can kill Ken and we'll cheer for them instead, because they come off as more honest than Ken Izzy! That said though: The finish is not the worst finish in the show; I think Terror! Mental Hospitals is far, far more offensive and disgusting than this one.

Episode #36 - Tremble With Fear! The Devil's Hospital (Officially Translated As: Shudder! The Devil's Hospital): Episode opened at a hospital which looks like an ear plug; the type you wear while going swimming. It's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and we jump cut to a shot of the floor and a legs walking and they wear the same pants and shoes. I'm guessing this is supposed to be someone pacing back and forth; but it looks so poorly staged. Then we hear a baby cry (which almost sounds like a chicken) as we jump cut to a closeup shot of a brown haired man in a blue suit and cyan blue shirt looking almost ready to shed tears. He's so happy that on the next shot; he does the most absurd dance I have ever seen. I swear he was wiggling and and looking like a complete dork as his hands got bigger than his arm at times. Apparently; his beloved just delivered a baby and then the music stopped and out comes two nurses all dressed in white with brown hair and facial masks, and white skullcaps as the man asks what gender is the baby. Nurse #1 is sweating and stammering in shock that something bad has happened. They run off as the man runs into the delivery room as the doctor looks as shocked as anyone, as the man goes over to the basket where I believe that the baby is sleeping and he looks into the basket. We....never actually see what happened to the baby; we see the man's reaction which looked so goofy and without showing what actually happened to the baby. I cannot take this seriously as we jump cut to the industrial hospital kitchen as we get the How It's Made shot of a bunch of women dressed all in green with white facial masks tending to the machines. Jump cut to show three of them attending to some giant cream depenser which pours a small amount of liquid onto what appears to be the hospital version of a TV Dinner. All of them have the Japanese Karn face from Breath Of Fire (ash like skin) and have purple hair; so they are clearly Juralian aliens in disguise because this is what always happens in this show. The TV Dinner consists of a slab of liver, mushrooms, onions and banana chips; which is the most depressing meal I have ever seen.

Then we jump cut to a old man in a white lab coat with male pattern baldness opening the door and demanding answers to this outrage because the cooks are disobeying orders on how to cook meals. The grey ash skin, purple women cookers in green turn around and giggle at him as the doctor is pissed of because there is something wrong with the patients and the mothers of newborns. He wants to know what the hell are they putting into the food and demands the head chef of this outfit. They continue to giggle and stare at him and the doctor demands answers to this outrage. The cooks have pink whites in their eyes and proclaim that humanity no longer requires an increase in offspring. Which is actually true! Sadly; since they are monster heels; they are doing it the evil way instead of giving woman full and equal rights under the law and telling the men of the world to go pound sand until they learn their lesson. Which is to pour toxic waste on the food and give the offspring birth defects. I'm shocked the anti-vax groups haven't done this tactic yet. Juralian aliens are of course ableists; except that they are supposed to be monster heels anyway, so at least they got this right. Again; this show knows how to make bad guys. It's the hero that they have no clue in making. Basically; they want to render the defective babies as waste that they dispose of and make everyone easy picking to depopulate the earth. I swear to god, every conspiracy theorist on the planet watched this and thought it was a documentary. Although that would require at least one of them to actually understand Japanese. So the doctor is angry and tries to leave; so the alien cooks invokes the PINK COTTON CANDY LASER EYE BEAMS OF DEATH and this vaporizes the doctor into globs of melted flesh before dying. That one was gruesome in some ways and hilarious in others. So the cooks put the tainted food on the trays and wheeled them towards the hospital room. They open a door; and there is no one there. Huh. The cooks look pissed off and they open up room #203 and no one is there. Huh. I wonder what has happened here? Did the toxic waste melt them into vapor? They better hope so.

I should note that every room looks so barren with one bed and a sliding door that I swear to god that we were back in the mental hospital in episode #23. Sadly; we are not. The cooks are angry because no one is in the rooms; and then we hear Ken's laughter out of nowhere. Yes; somehow, Ken knows what is going on here. Then again; Ken does have huge connections with the police chief so we shouldn't be shocked. CHARGING, GO FISH~!! I think this is the earliest Ken has transformed to date so far. Jump cut to zoom out of Ken staring at the hard camera informing us that he has moved the patients to a safe place and he calls them Juralians without them shown as such. Then again; the ash skin pretty much gave them away anyway as Ken tells them that their evil scheme is over. Then we get one of the most charming logic break exchanges you will ever see as the cook proclaims that she is going to kill Chargeman Ken; and Ken's response is and this is a direct quote: That's MY line! We never hear him actually saying that he is going to kill the aliens in this series; only that he'll never lose to them. Worse; if you think about the line the cook said and then Ken's response to it for more than five seconds, Ken is basically saying "I'll kill myself!". This company is cursed! Ken of course will never forgive them for causing innocent children to be poisoned. This at least makes sense as the cooks invoke the PINK COTTON CANDY LASER EYE BEAMS OF DEATH; which miss Ken by a country mile, and Ken does the Rescue Ranger type shot where he hits one of the cooks (who hasn't transformed into a Juralian alien mind you) in the chest; but this still causes two of them to get hit anyway. They melt into slimy green goo on the spot with pink edges. Wow; that was kind of gruesome there and of course they are women.

Here's what happens next: Jump cut to Ken flying with his jet boots. Jump cut to Ken flinging the door open to the kitchen and demanding that food production be stopped. Jump cut to three or four cooks in shock that Ken is here. Cue Astroganger jump kick of death as he catches one of the cooks right in the throat and then punches another cook. Remember that they are protrayed as women in this episode. PINK COTTON CANDY LASER BEAM OF DEATH destroys a pillar but plays no role in the scene as Ken shoots the alpha gun and vaporizes ONE cook and then we cut to outside as Ken is piloting the Skyrod. So he left THREE Juralian alien cooks alive in that scene? What a dumbass?! The background is moving the Skyrod by the way as we jump cut to Ken looking panicky as he proclaims that he has to hurry because the other hospitals are in danger too! So yes; we play Cartoon Duck Syndrome 13 years before cartoon ducks were cool. Sorry comic book lovers; the comics don't count, as much as you want them to be. So we head to another space punk hospital as we see three more alien cooks (this conspiracy is more contrived than even the most contrived conspiracy theories I have ever seen) as they are pouring toxic waste into beer mugs. What?! Ken breaks right through the glass window and they made it look like the glass completely melt like an ice cube as it was shattered. Ken shoots alpha gun and it vaporizes all four cooks and two of them melt like green slime again in a repeated shot. Jump cut to outside with side shot of Ken piloting the Skyrod and then jump cut to the next hospital which looks like a normal hospital in this era. More repeat footage of the cooks pouring waste onto the TV Dinners. Then jump cut to one cook looking at the gauge with the toxic waste in the large vat. She glances to the left and out of nowhere comes Ken doing his Astroganger jump kick of death complete with anime background which is a mirrored shot of the same kick from previous episodes. I thought he was aimming for the cook; but he actually nailed the cauldron of doom as it topples over and sprays toxic waste all over the cooks somehow.

All the cooks melt into steamy piles of green slime which disappears on the floor despite the floor being completely water and air tight and this is enough to cause the music to die on us. Then we get another logic break: We jump cut to a shot of Satan cursing Ken in the kitchen. Wait; what?! This attack on patients and babies is called Operation Mad Green which has failed. He proclaims that he hasn't seen the last of him and then we jump cut to the Juralian alien spaceship on the zoom out. This would have made a lot more sense if Satan was put in his ship instead of using the same background as the hospital hallway. Jump cut to a baby crying and other than having no toes or fingers; he's perfectly fine. To be fair; a lot of anime use this style, so it was probably the artist's idea to draw the baby like this. He is also wearing a cyan blue diaper; which I do like by the way. He has blond hair as Ken picks up the baby and talks to it in baby talk. I wouldn't trust Ken to hold a doll of a baby, let alone a real one. He makes funny faces at the baby and the baby likes it; and I'm sadden by this. Jump cut to the babyfaces and a woman with red hair wearing a pink nightie as they are laughing and of course there is no animation here at all; even though Ken's scene with the baby and the baby was animated. Jump cut to Mr. Izzy talking as everyone is glad that he worked so quickly as Ken apparently heard reports about birth defects on the news, which makes no sense whatsoever! The baby is growing small toes and fingers as we speak while Ken is holding the baby. Apparently; Ken can heal babies of birth defects, which if true; GREAT! If not; they need to work it! Clipper wants to hold the baby and Ken lets him as he holds the baby as if he is shaking him. That is a horrible thing to do Clipper; and the baby counters by drooling on him. I'm certain the baby did not take a whiz on him, although that would be more fitting. Everyone laughs at his epic fail and what the hell happened to Caron's face at the five minute mark? She looks like she was eating the nose off her face! They tease fading to black and then we get a zoom out shot of the first hospital and that ends the episode at 5:17. Why yes folks; they screwed up the fade to blacks as well. This gets a ** 3/4 on the trainwreck scale for the gruesome deaths of women chefs by Chargeman Ken and the toxic waste; Ken's "That's my line!" moment and the moment where Caron is eating her nose. Call it -** 1/2 (-50%).

Episode #37 - Stop The Hijackers! (Officially Translated As: Beat The Hijack): We begin this one with a jet plane flying way too low over the city to be safe. More obvious in the second jump as the plane is clearly touching poles. More jump cuts of the city as the fourth shot has the plane's back touching a towering building and nothing comes out of it. Wow. Jump cut to over a suspension bridge. Jump cut to shot over tropical island with buildings. Jump cut to in the sky as we got seven jump cuts in 35 seconds before we go to the sky shot inside the plane of denizens talking; but no animation. Until we pan slightly to the left to show Ken, Caron and Mrs. Izzy sitting down in their seat exchanging notes. Then Caron's mouth begins to move as we discover that they are returning back from Grandma's house. Caron seems to be smiling and bored at the same time as Ken asks if when they could return again and Mr. Izzy would like to return on summer vacation bringing Clipper and Mr. Izzy. So why isn't Clipper with them onboard? What excuse does Clipper have? At least Mr. Izzy is supposed to be a doctor and thus has an excuse to work as such, but Clipper? Then Ken almost blurts out the reason why Clipper is not onboard; and then gets cut off mid-sentence by a male voice. Ken turns around and there are two men wearing shades, sharp V blue suits, and one of them is wearing a pink shirt with triangles on it. An obvious sign that this is a Juralian alien attack; even though they have legit pistols. They order the passengers to be quiet if they value their lives as this causes everyone to talk because there is a hi-jacking. Jump cut to the men as his shirt has changed from white to pink on the closeup as he yells at them to shut the hell up or die basically. Then we get a meme worthy moment: Cut to Caron yelling: "Mama, I'm scared!". Now the line itself in English isn't memorable; it's how the voice actress said it. If you listen carefully; it sounds like she's saying "Sea Cucumber Doggy!" which is "namako wan-wan" instead of "Mama, I'm scared!" which is "mama kowai wa". AWESOME!

Ken yells at them to shut up and let them do their thing; which would prove to be really awful advice on September 11th, 2001 when those hijackers didn't give a crap about living humans anyway. Cut to hijacker pointing his gun as his pink shirt now has circles instead of triangles; saying and this is a direct quote: Remember; we'll shoot anyone who tries to be funny! (Sadly; Discotek Media changed this line! Damn you Discotek Media; Ironsharp's translation was much funnier!) Keep in mind; his shirt changed during this. I need a drop of this line in English! This show deserves to be dubbed in English; not because it's any good, but it brings so much amusement to me. Cut to Ken claiming that there are three hijackers. Wait; what?! I see only two hijackers Ken Izumi! So the hijacker blows him off pointing his gun as Ken curses himself for being spotted (Ironsharp uses damn here); and then we get a closeup of the shooter's face as he proclaims that they are members of some nameless revolutionary army that has five leaders who are being held at Izu Island Prison. Wow; they actually remembered episode #18? I wish they didn't because that episode sucked, so who cares?! So we cut back to the Izumi family as Mrs. Izzy tells Ken not to get involved because it's too risky and Ken agrees with her. So then I discover that there are indeed, three hijackers on the plane, so Ken was right all along! That is a rare moment where the characters prove me wrong in this show. So the pink circle shirt terrorist opens the sliding door into the cockpit as ordered by the other two hijackers who I guess are guarding the back of the plane. So the terrorist who went into the cockpit stumbles out of the cockpit and looks like a frightened bunny rabbit. Wait, WHAT?! Then we jump cut to a white robed priest wearing a rosary with brown hair with his bible in his hand. Am I watching Left Behind disguised as Chargeman Ken. Knowing the creators of that sick hate fiction, I wouldn't put it past them to somehow take over this production. Ken watches on from a position that makes his suit look brown. The priest orders them to stop this senseless killing. WHAT?! The terrorists have not killed one person on board this flight, unless he is talking about the revolutionary army in general which there is no evidence of that yet.

So the terrorists are pissed off as the pink triangle shirt wearing thug rushes the priest as the terrorist claims that he's the pilot of the airplane. Yes; a Christian stereotype is the lead pilot of a jet plane. Who carries a bible and wears Christian priest gear. What kind of standards do these airlines have in terms of pilots? Ironsharp uses damn freely as Ken sticks out his leg and trips up the thug as he falls flat on his face, causing the solid pink shirt terrorist to aim his pistol (I assume it's at Ken, but you never know in this show.) cursing Ken (I think) for trying to be a hero. Why are you so concerned about that? Ken always fails at playing the hero of this show, so why so defensive about it? The terrorist shoots his gun and the Izzy family drop down onto the floor, none of them hit with bullets. Somehow; everyone has vanished from the scene. HOW?! Sure; it means Ken's recklessness didn't result in actual deaths; but that makes no sense! The priest calls the terrorist out on this and walks forward as the man with pistol doesn't pull the trigger yelling at him to stay back. Some terrorist this guy is; what is the priest going to do, thump his bible or something? Does thumping the bible cause any real damage? Ken calls him reverend on the next shot with him and Mrs. Izzy; and then the terrorist shoots his gun and it hits the preist in the chest. More cursing from the terrorist because the priest absolutely no sells the bullet shot. HOLY NO SELL, BRUTHRA~! The terrorist shoots more invisible bullets into the preist because we never see the bullets; just him shooting the gun wildly. Jump cut to Ken in shock because the priest no sells those bullets; and then a close up of the priest as his eyes turn green and his ears become elf ears. He invokes the CHEESE WHIZ EYE BEAM OF DEATH on the terrorist and vaporizes him. Yes folks; the terrorists are not Juralian aliens. Jump cut to the two remaining terrorists shooting at the priest and all their shots miss as Ken & company look on in shock & no one is in the plane as I expected. The preist invokes the Cheese Whiz Eye Beam Of Death on the two and that vaporizes them; prompting Ken to say that they melted. No they didn't Ken. They vanished!

Caron's lips moved; but nothing else happens as they turn around and the priest proclaims that Chargeman Ken's life is his. Now; I thought he would transform back into a Juralian alien and they tease it; but then he stays looking like priest with Count Dracula's powers. Ken pumps his fist on the next shot; and then Caron and Mrs. Izzy scream and panic in that order as all the passengers rise up out of nowhere and have green eyes. Yes folks; the entire passenger core in this plane were Juralian aliens, and I betcha the flight crew was as well. So the priest alien talks forever basically telling us that they bought tickets (in disguises no doubt; or they stole them from killing passengers, either way it makes sense) and disguised themselves to take over the plane. The terrorists were not part of the plan; but an unforeseen setback, which is hilarious because the terrorists were completely useless against them to begin with. So Caron is scared again and probably said "Sea Cucumber Doggy" for my amusement here too. The alien passengers stalk the Izzys and then it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Jump cut to a closeup of priest alien's back leg as Ken yells at him to come get him. At this point; I would refuse and go after Caron and Mrs. Izzy because I'm a monster heel and I can use them as bait to stop Ken from winning. But these aliens are so goddamn stupid (fitting in this case) that they'll go after Ken only. So the aliens do the CHEESE WHIZ EYE BEAMS OF DEATH and Ken uses the helmet to no sell the shot and the priest alien is angry. Hey; if you can no sell bullets, Ken can no sell your laser. It's a rare fair trade in this show. So Ken flies around in his jetboots and vaporizes two alien passengers despite not transforming into Juralians. So then the Skyrod somehow appears out of nowhere and I assume that it broke through the roof of the jet plane. WHAT?! So Ken orders Caron and Mrs. Izzy to get into the plane while Ken holds the aliens off; and then we see the Skyrod flying out of the roof of the plane as the tailsection is on fire...and we get the EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! Three of them!

Then we jump cut to a shot of the window with Mr. Izzy and Clipper as I discover that the Izzy family is on the tarmac in front of airplane hangers; thus is at the airport. This all happened in a span of thirty seconds. Mr. Izzy is wearing pink pearls on his hands for no reason at all as we exchange notes on the situation. Mr. Izzy heard it on the news, Caron explains that the Juralian aliens and Mr. Izzy calls this a job well done. This spring sound music is KILLING me as it's the defacto worst music of the show. This fits in with Breadwinners more than this show! So Mr. Izzy wants to talk about it inside the airport as they are about to leave; Clipper just stands there. They ask what is wrong and Clipper asks where his souvenir? In any other universe; Clipper would be told to sod off because the family almost got killed in an airplane by terrorists. Not this show! We jump cut to Ken looking embarrassed because he left it on the airplane which in fact blew up. I don't know who the bigger asshole is in this setup: Clipper for asking, or Ken answering him?! Okay; it's Clipper because Ken is now on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness; and Clipper has the Gruffi pose on full blast and refusing his apology. This episode is living proof that Clipper can be a much bigger asshole than Ken is. Luckly; Clipper has never killed anyone on this show. Yet. Mr. Izzy rightfully takes Ken's side and tell him to let it go, which is far too nice to say to him. The girls giggle as Ken continues to beg for mercy and forgiveness, and Clipper just stands there Gruffi pose mad and that ends the episode at 5:20. This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the 9/11-ish plot (although it was 1974 when this was released, so whatever), the Juralian priest, cheese whiz laser beams and Clipper being an asshole at the end. That finish also was dumb; but at least the plotholes in this one can be explained away. Except for the Skyrod appearance and the plane exploding of course. -* 1/2 (-30%).

Episode #38 - Operation Juralian Fake Friendship: Episode opens with a baseball game in a baseball yard with Ken as the batter and Fatface from episode #27 and there is no pitcher's mound in the shot; nor the place for the pitcher to pitch. Jump cut to a wooden bench with Caron, Clipper and a bratty kid in orange wearing a glove on his head and his nose is tear dropping itself. Apparently; Caron is cheering Ken on this time, goodness knows why. I guess she got over her sibling issues in episode #4; even then Ken killed poor Hoshi in a fair fight. Wink! So Fatface throws the pitch and it's animated as well as you can expect from Knack as Ken hits it high and deep, much to the delight of Caron's praying. The baseball travels so far that it finds a building and breaks a glass window off-screen as Ken cringes and walks to the gate as a brown haired boy in blue has the baseball and asks Ken if this is his. Ken states that it's his, apologizes and even offers to help pay for repairs. I don't have much sympathy for Ken here. You get caught, you pay for it. That's the problem: Everyone someone pays for it; he never gets caught! The boy tells him to forget about it and is more interested in this certain game of baseball and wonders if it's fun. Hmmm; nah! Ken offers to let him play; but the boy declines because he's ill and has to stay at the house all the time. Can you spot the obvious logic break and lie in his story? I knew you could. Ken offers to cheer him up and visit next time they meet. The boy is surprised by this and they wave goodbye at each other, resuming whatever the boy was doing, while Ken decides to play some more baseball. Jump cut to Caron and Clipper in a swimming pool playing with the inflatable inner tube laughing their asses off and having a great time. Apparently; Clipper is tickling Caron because Caron is yelling at Clipper to cut it out. This surprisely might not be the worst tickling scene I have ever seen. Jump cut to sky shot of the pool area as the boy and Ken are sitting in pool chairs and shooting the breeze. I would say "In a G-rated way"; but this is Knack Animation we are talking about here.

Logic break: Ken is wearing yellow trunks and I believe the boy is wearing colored trunks; but on the closeup shot; they look like they are wearing towels on their groins. And the boy's face had pink makeup for no reason. Oh; for those of you who complain about modern cartoons or even 1980's cartoons not matching mouth flaps... Okay; rant time: Many cartoons at times do not have perfect syncing from the mouthflaps. This happens even in great cartoons like TaleSpin for instance. However; it occurs really rarely and most times; it's because in TaleSpin's case, it was because they changed lines; but forgot to change the mouthflaps to suit that. That's one big reason (and this is going to piss off ToonEGuy even more) computers are now used for track reading. Because it's cheaper to animate the mouthflaps this way, it's more accurate (not perfect, but it's not as noticable and most good shows rarely make mistakes even without computers), and you can make a more accurate translation when releasing the show in another country since the mouthflaps are CGI'ed and not done manually. I hope Japanese animation is doing this because it is perfect for accurate translations. Localization will still occur due to cultural differences of course, but that's a social construct, not a natural construct. In most shows; the lip sync is never perfect with the mouthflaps because it's done manually. To err is human. However; in most shows, it doesn't happen all that often. In Chargeman Ken; this happens ALL THE TIME! Every episode is littered with mistakes like this. Ken's mouth is two seconds off from the audio here. Before? After? Doesn't matter; it's way off. And these assholes who review modern cartoons talking about lip synching being off; they have no idea what that means, nor have watched a show where the lip synching is so off like Chargeman Ken. It's amazing! So the boy claims that his dad and mom are overseas as only the butler is left to tend to things. Jump cut to the butler wearing a purple coat, blue bowtie which is barely within fashion police of law standards, blue pants and shoes addressing the boy as young master as he has the tennis court ready.

The boy wants to play as Ken questions if he can in his condition. What is his condition exactly? Excessive Piggy Pigment Syndrome. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Boy claims that he's fine and ready to go. I don't understand why no one wants to be friends with him. The boy is a perfectly fine person and he hasn't been spewing any toxic ideaology that I can notice. Is it just because he's a rich boy with a pre-existing condition? Geez; that makes everyone a heel and Ken to be the babyface. I get that Ken is supposed to be the number one babyface of the show; but after episode #35, everyone sees him as the worst monster heel in history. So the tickling stops as Ken and the boy magically dress off-screen and Ken tells them that he's playing tennis and even implies that he would like to do a mix doubles match; although that would imply that Clipper is a woman. Caron says yeah and the tickling continues. Jump cut to the tennis match as this one might be only slightly worse animated than the tennis match with Baloo and Kit in Save The Tiger! At least Knack Animation didn't try to have any of the characters do the splits here; that would have been a disaster. By the way; they are playing on clay courts, the butler is the referee of the match and the game plays more like ping pong then a tennis match. So the boy replaces the tennis balls; which look like unfinished baseballs, natch. Then the boy smashes the ball to Ken; Ken returns serves and red dust overwhelms him complete with Mighty Hercules sound effects. Ken has a splitting headache and is knocked the F out! He even faceplants into the clay court. Sadly; there was no shaking as we discover that the boy and the butler are giggling, which means they are Juralian aliens. Of course! The aliens proclaim that this worked as we jump cut to Caron and Clipper in front of a butter background saying how fun this was; dressed up again. They want to play tennis and suddenly a Hell In The Cell; circa WWE-1986 style falls on top of them. Clipper protests this outrage and he and Caron pound on the iron bars. I love it when one of them said that they didn't do anything. In Juralian alien code: If you are with Ken; you are doing evil!

And then Clipper channels Kit Cloudkicker and somehow squeezes through the bars and pratfalls on his face. Kit laughs in Clipper's face for that one. Clipper bails to find Ken and Caron's mouth moves, but no sound comes out. Again; read my rant on track reading earlier in the episode. Background is moving as Clipper looks around and the background is now blue. Clipper turns the corner and then bails as we see Ken lying on the same white table the Juralian placed Nagisa in episode #13 being surrounded by five Juralian aliens and Clipper is in shadow in the background on the far left. Thankfully; none of the Juralians can see him; the only one that comes close is blocked by one the Juralian bodies. They want to dissect Ken; probably to see if Professor Pantless was lying about him having any weakpoints. One of the alien raises his arm and I believe he either turned on a buzzsaw; or his arm turned into a buzzsaw, like a rejected gimmick for the Battletoads. The buzzsaw approaches Ken's body as Clipper is screaming for Kenbo to wake up as he runs in, and Ken wakes up anyway. Geez; I wonder why. Memo to Juralians: Put a silencer into your buzzsaw next time! Stupid idiots! Two Juralian aliens turn around as Clipper climbs onto the control panel and pushes the lever (JESUS~!) and the buzzsaw rises up and Ken is out of danger. But the Juralian aliens will not be. Ken gets up; joins Clippers and blows them off for tricking him as we get space sounds and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to alien trying to say it's Chargeman Ken (despite already knowing who it is BEFORE dissecting him) and the alien couldn't even get to the "n" in Chargeman before he gets vaporizied. That is just cold, folks! Pixelization occurs (which is a video compression problem, not Knack and probably not Discotek's fault either) as Ken jumps up and shoots the Jurals dead, yee-haw. But wait; one of them grabs Clipper by the throat as Clipper wiggles in protest. Juralian orders Ken to drop the gun; or Clipper dies. Ken drops the gun anyway; despite Clipper being a replaceable robot and calls the alien a coward. The alien laughs...

And then we get one of the most stupidest finish I have ever seen in this show (and that is saying something): The Skyrod breaks through the wall and bonks into the alien. Ken shoots alien with the Alpha Gun and the alien is vapor. Okay; #1: The gun magically returns to Ken's hand, how? #2: How did Clipper escape? #3: Why the Skyrod of all things? #4: Why am I bothering to ask these questions when I already know the answer? Ken and Clipper stare at us as Ken realizes that the boy and servent were Juralians after all. Oh; and by the way, you would think that we would see Ken free Caron from the prison cell, right? Nope! We are back on the baseball field playing baseball again. And it's the exact same footage from the beginning of the episode. So; Caron was freed. I was hoping we didn't see that repeat shot, that would have made the finish look even worse than it did already. Other than the dialogue and a few missed shots; it's the exact same spot and it ends the exact same way: Ken hits a home run and it breaks the glass window of someone's house. Of course; the old woman this time refuse to forgive them and orders them to pay for the window; or she's not giving them the baseball back. HAHA! Ken and his friend sulk in defeat (never mind that Ken was willing to pay for the window when this episode started; so Ken has completely forgotten that. What a selfish moron Ken is?!) to end the episode at 5:20. This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the ultra stupid finish and Ken being an idiot for my pleasure. -* 1/2 (-30%).

Episode #39 - The Pretty Robot Is A Hearld Of Death: We begin this one at Ken's residence and inside the dining room with Caron running with green slippers on; which is funny because you can clearly see her sock boots are on as well. She's holding a green purse with a heart button in the middle. Next shot; the purse turns cyan blue when she is with Mama Izzy at the door. Mama calls this the usual rules and they will be back by evening. Ken and Clipper are sitting on orange chairs as Ken is reading a peach covered book; as Ken asks Mama Izzy for a present; so Caron blows him off because he's going to the beauty parlor. What a jerk?! Clipper then proclaims that a beauty parlor won't help her in the least; so yes, the "Caron can never get pretty" angle is still on going with no hope of a payoff. Ken agrees and they giggle; as Caron calls them both awful. I don't doubt you for a second there, Caron! Caron claims that they won't notice her when she gets back as she leaves with Mama Izzy. Ken and Clipper are shown bored out of their skulls; because mocking Caron is the only thing they brings joy into their lives. Making Caron's claims of awfulness to be accurate. Then Clipper wants to do some karate. See; this is why "Knife Fight Friday" is so believable in this show. Ken agrees to it and here we go. Oh; this is way too easy for me to mock as Ken gets in position and calls himself a dragon. Add "god" and it would be more accurate, knowing this god foresaken show. Clipper is on top of the sofa claiming that he's the tiger. Riiigggghhtttt. And I'm the pig, right? Clipper jumps and Ken simply bails allowing Clipper to splat into the wall and he's flatter than my sex life. OUCH! Clipper slides down wall and Ken laughs at his expense with the pointy finger of death. Clipper pops himself and blows off Ken for mocking the invincible tiger. Yeah sure, hamster ball with legs! I have yet to see your hairstyling skills in action. Clipper proclaims that Ken will taste his deadly Tiger Chop. Betcha it tastes like chicken and probably doesn't kill you. Clipper jumps in and we get crashing and shaking off-screen; and we cut away to the street with Mama Izzy driving the white car with Caron. So the white car speeds and stops in front of a building in the shape of a snail. Jump cut to inside with a orange diamond double door entrance as a green haired woman with a yellow dress, purple sleeves and red boots with a tiara on her head bowing down already. She looks too well dressed, natch. The double doors open as she welcomes Mama and Caron Izzy and apparently they split the DNA because three more woman look exactly like her. Must be that same diet plan Jay Leno made fun of in 1999. They pan over to show the hairdryer chairs decked out in orange and green as Caron is excited. Oh; and they are coin operated as Caron or Mama Izzy inserts a coin into the arm railing of the hairdryer chair and we get into the chairs; as they have plastic shields in front. Why? Why not?!

Also of note the back line of the hairdryer chair bleeds into Mama Izzy's face as the wacky maid brings out a tray containing two glasses of orange juice with straws. Mama and Caron take them and drink up from the straw as one of the maids presses a yellow button on the wall. Pan over to a green double door with a green spade on it and in come at least five Juralian aliens. Because; why not? We discover that at least three maids are tied up and gagged in the back along with a doctor in a white coat. Why? Why not?! Jump cut to glasses of orange juice shattering to the ground and then jump cut to Caron and Mama Izzy slumped in their chairs knocked completely out. They used a sedative as they intend to modify them as they wish; which is carny talk for "maim them". Oh wait; they are going to brainwash them and make them kill Ken Izzy. Yes folks; this was a "test run" for the upcoming episode #45. I now realize that "Cross loader" is Japanese for "kill" as the maid carry Caron and Mama Izzy away. Juralian alien admires this and then invokes the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH on the hairdryer chairs; making them burst into flames. Superimpose Juralian alien's face laughing during this to waste even more time. How can you waste time in a show that lasts less than six minutes? Knack Animation always finds a way. Jump cut to Ken driving a cyan blue car with blue trim with Clipper in the passenger seat. Because; why not? Clipper and Ken cannot wait to find them and mock Caron to no end. What assholes these two are?! They giggle and then stop laughing as a old fashion fire truck arrives; so yes, firetrucks have not evolved since 1974. Jump cut to a red helicopter with laser beam devices on the wings and the underbelly. There is a fire at the beauty parlor as it's an raging inferno. So yes; the Juralians aliens commit a random act of arson and probably murdered four people in the back as we get shots of the fire trucks and firefighters spraying water on the fire. There are water sound effects here and the firefighters look like sultans with helmets on. The helicopter is also spraying water topside as it was called a Firecopter; so you know this is serious. Transparent crowd is in shock as Ken arrives; and I'm not sure if it's because of the fire, or Ken is fully painted and they are not. Ken is sweating and panicking and Clipper looks like he's cheering for Caron instead of yelling for her. Suddenly; there strectcher comes out with the doctor wearing a blue bowtie and he suddenly is alive and looks all right as he addresses Ken telling him that Caron and Mama Izzy were captured by the Juralian aliens.

Ken is gulping in horror as we jump cut to a zoom in shot of the wacky meatgrinder ship. Jump cut to Mama and Caron Izzy lying down strapped to iron tabled with brainwashing helmets on. Blinking lights ensue as they are going to perform brain surgery on the two. Juralian alien #2 switches on (the promo is half in English by the way) as the poles switch on to two giant needles coming down towards their mouth. Ummm; I'm certain the brain is much higher than that, natch. Basically; the aliens' motive for this is to turn Caron and Mama Izzy into slaves that will kill Ken Izzy! And we are supposed to boo this moment?! Not happening folks, not happening. This would get a huge pop and a "Thank You Jurals", clap, clap, clap, clap, clap! The needles come near their nose and mouth as we jump cut to Ken and Clipper in the car noticing the meatgrinder spaceship. Clipper invokes the pointy finger of death on it as we get a shot of the ship in the sky again. Ken tells Clipper to hang on and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Skyrod coming down and then jump cut to Ken piloting the Skyrod stage left. Jump cut to Mama and Caron waking up and screaming, so that sedative either sucks, or they are going to needle them alive. What murderious bastards?! And I see how Professor Volga was murdered too! Then we hear a crash and this surprises the Juralians who turn around to see Ken enter the building from a white tube. Ken calls them sneaky aliens as the Juralian curses Ken and shoots the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH at him; which turns cotton candy when Ken dodges it. Ken jump kicks Juralian in the chest and it's so awkwardly staged that the continuity is completely shot. Punch, kick, punch, shoot, shoot, kill, end! Jump cut to outside the spaceship as we hear another crash and the Skyrod flies out. Cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH! Jump cut to Ken in the Skyrod with Mama Izzy and Caron watching on in shock. Cut to Skyrod flying away from the hard camera. Jump cut to a purple building with glass door which is called "Mami Beauty Salon" as Mama and Caron Izzy are enjoying themselves in the hairdryer chairs as the maid forces Ken and Clipper to watch from the window. I think; it might be because Ken and Clipper were peeping toms; but it's hard to tell with the poor staging of this scene. Caron and Mama Izzy laugh and that ends the episode at 5:20. This is just your usual Chargeman Ken alien killing fest with a pointless roughhouse scene near the beginning. No rating on the trainwreck scale and I call this a DUD (0%).

Episode #40 - Race On Murder Highway!: Episode opens with a shot of a street in the middle of the city. Jump cut to Ken driving a yellow car with Caron in the passenger seat and Clipper in the backseat. Yes; a ten year old kid is driving a car with a seven year old in the passenger seat. Let's all ignore episode #32 when Ken was driving a green car. So yes; Ken can legally drive a car. Then again; he also can pilot a ship called the Skyrod; so there's that. No one questions this because they all know he's Chargeman Ken; thus they are all in on his secret ID. So a blond haired woman with pink glasses in a pink car (which was originally red in the first shot); wants to do street racing. Now this is questionable since street racing carries much more stiffer punishment legally than just old fashion speeding. Ken is not liking this attitude from her; because it's not a race track. Here's a question: Why is the ten year old kid the reasonable driver of the two? He no sells the deal; and the woman calls her a coward and basically claims that he's not a boy. That sounds like bad localizing decision there; she should have said "And you claim to be growing up to be a man?" Doesn't that mean; Ken is an adult and the adults are children? Geez; this sounds like a prototype for John Enter's fanfic show he's pitching. Ken claims that this has nothing to do with being a man/boy; so he's a feminist. A really horrible one at that as Caron points out the pragmatic reasons why you shouldn't be street racing. Ken speeds away to get away from her as Ken claims that it's grown-ups like her that cause all the trouble. Now THERE'S a meme that should apply to Disneyphilip, ToonEGuy and others like them. It's the ultimate blow off of manchildren. Caron agrees with him and then looks back and there's nothing except for the usual "I don't have enough in the budget to paint anyone but the car" spot. Closeup shot of the car with the "babyfaces" in it as Ken refuses to race her and here comes the pink car with a lot of red trim beside Ken. The car also has an arrow front on it; so it must be made by a Juralian. Caron notices it and Ken ignores it like a bad troll. So we get shots of the highway as we discover that it's an eight lane highway; and of course the cars are drawn and animated poorly. Somehow; the pink arrow car gets behind Ken as Caron and Clipper notice this right away. Pink arrow car bonks into the back of Ken's car (so Ken better have no fault insurance or he's going to get sued by Papa Izzy.)

They proceed to do the worst selling of getting nailed in the car I have ever seen. There's no way I can take this seriously, even if I tried. We proceed to get the worst attempt of turning on a dime and braking in the history of animation driving. Even the Wuzzles School of Driving taught better skills than what has been seen here. Ken then stops the car just like that. As if he stopped the car normally. Then he restarts as Clipper notices that the car is heading straight for them again as Ken is pissed off and puts on the gas as the pink car is bonking into the yellow car from the side; but the animation is so horrible that the yellow car is bopping up and down and there is no sound effects other than engine noises. Ken thinks this woman is trying to kill him and he's not falling for that; and of course his mouth continues to mouth two seconds after he finishes talking. It's almost like they either don't know what they were doing; or they were planning to release this episode outside of Japan. Woman giggles as we repeat the horrible sideswiping sequence again. Clipper wants Ken to do something and Caron calls the car mean. Sod off Caron; it's not the car's fault that the driver is such an asshole! And no; I don't mean Ken in this case. Ken blows off the woman driver; but the woman driver don't care. Ken speeds off and I should point out that this was street racing to what the OJ Simpson white bronco chase was like. That chase might have been faster in fact. Ken is pissed off and then he looks in the rear view mirror and sees the car; but there is no woman. Yes folks; she's a Juralian alien. The instant Ken says this; the front of the alien's car opens the headlights and starts shooting cyan blue lasers at Ken's car. This causes Ken's car to spark and go into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as we get more repeat shots of shooting, tailspining and Ken failing to get control of the car. Ken sweats as there is a turn in the road and Ken tries to put on the thing into park; but no go. The yellow car crashes into the side of the concerte railing. Thankfully; no one was killed. Oh wait; Ken is alive. I shouldn't be thankful for that. Ken breathes a sigh of relief as Caron is sweating and Clipper is concussed; but here comes the Juralian aliens in their cars in shadow as Ken has been flanked. Ken goes into his pose and jumps up because it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Ken jumps down with the Alpha Gun. Jump cut to the aliens shooting the SPINACH BEAMS OF DEATH from their cars.

Sadly; this is the wrong show to be doing that cool spot. Ken and company dodge by Ken flying into the air with them in tow. Skyrod of course, appears out of nowhere; but this makes sense this time. Skyrod dives down as the Juralians continue to shoot spinach beams at Ken as Ken shoots the Alpha Beam at the Juralian aliens; I drink a soda. Cue explosions; but these paintings actually have the cars exploding instead. None of it is animated and it's done without any music whatsoever. A lot of screaming ensues from the Juralians; but Caron and Clipper cheer on big brother, as usual. Skyrod rides away and we jump cut back to Ken, Caron and Clipper in the yellow car as cars speed by as Caron claims that there is more to driving than merely speeding. You don't say?! Clipper accuses Caron of wanting Ken to drive faster and Caron blows him off for it. So here's the final sequence: Ken and company drive past two men with a cyan blue car which is broken down. They laugh as the car drives away from the hard camera to end the episode at 5:20. Why did they do that? That was awfully assholish of them. What's so funny about a car breaking down? There's no evidence that the two adults did anything to deserve being laughed at. Anyhow; this was *** on the trainwreck scale for the slowest street racing I have ever seen, the worst braking spots I have ever seen, the worst sideswiping in history and the worst drivers in history not named Ken. So stupid. -** 1/2 (-50%).

Episode #41 - Cinderella Girl: Episode opens with a green haired girl with green overalls and an orange shirt cleaning the floors like Cinderella. In comes two of the evil stepsisters; one of them is wearing a cyan blue dress, which looks like it's made of glass as the fatter stepsister is wearing a pearl necklace and green dress, yelling at her to get out of the way. They are complaining and yelling at her because they'll be late for Saburo's birthday party. The green haired Cinderella apologizes; and the two stepsisters simply walk into the room without further incident. Wow; I was half expecting them to slap her for a second there. Never underestimate the attitude of Knack Animation when it comes to woman on woman violence. Nor man on woman violence for that matter. The Mother is also wearing a green dress and has an incredibly fat face with red hair and lips as she calls them both lovely as Master Nakamura is sure to like them; so I assume his name is Saburo Nakamura, whom in real life was a Japanese ace pilot. The stepsister leave with disdain on their faces, as the mother blows off Cinderella because her parents left her with no money and that seems to be a rule in the house that more money equals being treated better. What an fatasshole she is?! Basically; she orders her to get supper ready and tells Cinderella to be grateful that she even has a place to live. Jump cut to Cinderella eating one strawberry from her plate; while the mother is pigging out with chicken legs, fruit, beans and various breads; just to drive the whole Cinderella plot home as she yawns showing off her green dress with purple skirt as she orders Cinderella to clean up the place and do the wash. The mother leaves as Cinderella sulks in defeat. Suddenly someone is giggling from the door; and there is another shadowed blue man who looks too well-dressed to be anyone but a Juralian alien. Cinderella asks who the hell is this and the man offers her to come to a party. Why yes folks; the Juralian aliens have read the story of Cinderella and one of them is cosplaying the Fairy Godmother and even changes Cinderella clothes into a ballroom red dress with white trim and she has red earrings on. Then the fatasshole comes back in her pink nightgown and green slippers wanting something to drink as I discover that Cinderella's real name is Rumiko and mother demands answers to this outrage as the Juralian Fairy Godfather offers Rumiko to come with her as fatasshole calls Rumiko her precious niece.Yeah; she's the number #1 niece...for fatasshole to sh*t on! JFG then magically produces an out of nowhere bag and gives it to Mommy Asshole as she believes that they have come to an understanding. Yeah; I'll bet!

Her name is Auntie according to Rumiko as JFG wants to get to the party on time as Rumiko says farewell and the bag magically opens to reveal bees as they sting Auntie and she is allergic to bee stings as there are bumps all over her face. Then she falls on her back, dead. That was kind of cruel. Then we jump cut to a shot of a birthday cake on the table and right there...BARICAN THEME SONG STARTS PLAYING~! Why wasn't it playing when Auntie was stung by the bees? That would have make it more fitting. This show is a horrible joke, a cruel horrible joke. So everyone is at the party as Saburo blows out the candles and he's the son of the president of some airline as Ken and Caron have made it to the party; and the show couldn't even be bothered with giving them dresses nor tuxedos to dress them. I expect this out of Clipper; but Ken and Caron? Come on, now! The stepsisters are there as well as six others as everyone claps. Saburo thanks them for coming to his party to no animation whatsoever. And now it's time to dance, dance, dance to their doom. HEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Yeah; what dance party? This is just daring me to mock it to no end. Caron wants to dance with Saburo as Clipper doesn't give a damn about dancing; because he knows it's gonna suck. Or maybe not. Clipper bails stage left as the stepsisters are oddling all over Saburo and wanting to dance with him. Of course; the two evil stepsisters blow each other and tease having a fight; all while Saburo just stands there like a statue. At one point; someone got called a big black burdock. A burdock is a pickly plant by the way. Caron is not amused; but Ken is. Why? Why not?! Caron is bored, Ken claims Caron has no chance in hell of dancing with Saburo, and he's right because in comes Rumiko as the entire crowd is giddy when she walks in. With that outfit? Talk about having no lives there, sirs?! The stepsisters notice Rumiko right away and so does Rumiko as she is slapped off-screen and thrown to the floor on her face. Saburo comes to her aid and blows them off for being so violent. Geez; he's generous since that is often grounds for calling the cops and filing assault charges. This stops the evil ones in their tracks. Rumiko thanks him for the gesture and Saburo blushes and wants to dance with her. Rumiko is so giddy that the stepsister are mortified by this as the blue dressed sister is eating her gown which causes Caron to giggle at their expense for being shot down. Well; they did slap Rumiko in the face, so they were screwed just on that count.

Ken tries to inform Caron that she got screwed; but we cut away to Clipper walking like a penguin and noticing in a room where two Juralian dressed up like human beings grabbing a box and proclaiming that Rumiko is a distraction. Clipper deduces that they are robbers and runs into the hallway as we jump cut to the most silliest dance sequence ever. Rumiko is holding the dress like she needs to (Read: she doesn't need to.) and they giggle and blush at each other. This was so beyond silly as Ken, Caron and Clipper are watching with glee. Well; only Caron as Ken and Clipper have a whisper yell conference and this causes Clipper and Ken to bail stage left. Jump cut to the Juralians finding a piece of paper in the drawers as we discover it's blueprints for a new passenger plane number eight. Why? Why not?! Apparently; they are going to modify the plans and turn the plane into a weapon for disaster; however, Ken catches them with their hands in the cookie jar. Of course! We discover that the drawers were a messed up filing cabinet as the aliens curse Ken and jump him as aliens without a transformation sequence. And without music to boot. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Juralian alien showing off his screaming skills and they suck badly as he tries to whip Ken; but Ken dodges and shoots the Alpha Gun. Eat, sleep, kill Juralians, repeat, kill Juralians, repeat...Sorry; it only works once in this episode. The only thing of note is that the alien who was screaming managed to snag Ken's jetboots leg and Ken takes a sick bump on his back onto the ground. Giggle, rush, shoot, kill, end! Clipper goes over to Ken and asks if he's all right, Ken is as we jump cut to the blueprints on the floor and then we jump cut to the stepsisters being violently thrown out of the house by a butler who looks like the same butler from episode #38. So yes; Saburo did in fact have these trashy stepsisters thrown out of the building after all. So much for his generosity. He slams the door behind them and the stepsister cry and moan, calling it mortifying. They should be thankful the police were not called in. Jump cut to Saburo and Rumiko dancing as we jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper along with one other friend watching on as we jump cut to a stary sky to end the episode at 5:20. I assume Auntie died from the bee stings and I don't feel bad about that one bit. This gets *** 1/2 on the trainwreck for the entire take on Cinderella, the worst bee sting death ever, the worst dancing in history, Ken's sick bump on the floor, and the stepsisters getting exactly what they deserved. This show is downright mortifying, isn't it? -*** (-60%).

Episode #42 - The Air Force Base Is Targeted!: Episode opens with a gate shot of an air force base with a blue uniformed guard wearing a white helmet with rifle standing guard and then pan over to more guards as the spooky ghost drum music plays. Jump cut to a tower with three more guards in shadow and completely transparent; then closeups of two of them holding guns. Jump cut to a large hanger with five planes inbetween the entrances as one of the red coned jet planes is coming out of the hanger. Then it stops to get another jump cut shot of the front. This looked poopy. Jump cut to the back as the back of it breathes out fire and we zoom in and then jump cut to three airplanes in the air; looking like badly animated paper airplanes painted red on the cone tips. Jump cut to inside a control room with an orange shirt, black haired kid in a chair sweating as we pan over to a green trenchcoat guy with shades and a crew cut hairstyle and another one who looks thinner as the bigger guy wants someone to get this through their heads. I was hoping he was saying this to Knack Animation; but he isn't. We discover that they are criminal thugs who used a kid to force the guard to stand down; as the boy proclaims that he cannot do it and his panic sounds like he really cannot do whatever the hell these thugs want this boy to do. The boy is wearing blue shorts as they grab the boy and threaten to tattle on the base personnel for some petty thing the boy did. Boy sweats and gulps as we HIT THE FLASHBACK~! Jump cut to the toy department in a department store that has at least one hundred seven floors in it. Pan down to the actual toy store; and in a major shock, there is no animation to speak of; but everyone is painted. Jump cut to a shelf filled with red robots with springs out of their heads with wings on the back; making stupid noises. And they look concussed as the kids are amused by this. So the kid comes in and steals the winged robot and puts it under his shirt and I cannot for the life figure out how no one saw it. I guess the kid used the SHADOW TRANSPARENT SOMETHING OF DEATH to make everyone not see him. But the green trenchcoat guy with shades notices him anyway and somehow, the boy bails and there is no security system in the store because he's outside admiring the toy robot on a wooden box well away from the store. The robot does a flip and it sucked; but this shoplifting kid is too easily amused and claps. So the boy wants to be friends; as if that robot is Teddy Ruxpin and then props himself againest the alleyway wall claiming that his father and mother work all day; so yes, they are even more absentee parents than Papa and Mama Izzy are. Ponder that for a moment. So the boy has no friends. Why? I don't know! So the boy goes over playtime activites, I'm certain one does not involve Juralian aliens; but it's the one he's going to play and be forced to like it.

And speaking of the green trenchcoat guy; here he comes to squash the robot flatter than my sex life. The boy tries to bail; but he's surrounded and now the kid is praying and begging for mercy; because he shoplifted. Yes folks; these writers truly want you not to shoplift; because then they'll make you go to an airforce base and cause a disaster~! So; the guy threatens to go to the police, the boy begs for mercy, and the guy tells him to do what he says and he'll look the other way. This is the same plot they did with Yuuchi; and I assure you this one will not be as hideously hilarious as that one. Back to reality (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as the boy is lying about not being able to breathe. If you can talk; you can breathe. And he's no where near the throat anyway. Thug ain't buying this as we jump cut to a shot of the fighter jet in the hanger with the nose cone pointing down as I believe the narrator, or thug #2 is stating that the fighter jet is equipped with a Patoral Ray and ready to repel an alien invasion of Earth. That explains the P-1 on the tailsection of said plane. Then I discover that there is a guard with a black beard in a grey uniform beside the plane with Ken Izzy. The guard also has a grey mustache and now a grey beard as Ken is giddy to see the P-1 fly; but when it's shown is a secret and it's on Professor Pantless Yoshizaka's watch. I think Discotek Media meant "fly in it"; because Ken has already "seen it". However; I put nothing past Knack Animation to screw this one up. Ken proclaims that he needs to go home and the guard tells him to mention his name at the gate; then asks where Caron and Clipper are. Ken claims that they are around here and then runs out into the airforce base BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) calling out for Caron and Clipper. Ken looks around and cannot find them. Then he notices the electrical room door is open and looks inside. Pan shot of the electrical room as Ken walks over and notices the boy at the mainframe computer; which looks horrible by the way. Ken notices him welding needlenose pliars and demands answers to this outrage. The boy stammers and then gulps as Ken notices that he has done some bad things and wants the boy to confess. Jump cut to a sky shot of outside the airforce base with an orange limo as there are four thugs with shades on and green trenchcoats inside the car. The driver checks his watch; which actually exists this time as the power is cut off from the airforce base. The thug then invokes the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH on the gate to melt the chain-linked fence; so yes, all four of them are Juralian aliens.

Everyone runs into the hanger where the P-1 plane is as the Jural #1 tells Jural #2 (who's holding a white box) and claims that this is it and set up the box. The Jural sets the white briefcase down and it opens to reveal a bomb glued to the inside foam inside the box. Basically; they place the bomb on the P-1; which takes four aliens to do. I'm guessing it takes four aliens to screw a light bulb, too. Basically; the bomb blows up the airplane, and blows up the Patorl Ray which blows up the entire airforce base. Yeap; they want to kill everyone, including the kid who cut the power. Of course; Ken does his run in claiming that they will never get away with this. In today's cartoons, this is a bad promo. In this cartoon, it's totally true! CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Ken and the aliens having a staring contest. Ken tells them to say their prayers as one of the Jurals exposes himself and creates cheese sound waves. Oh lord; they even got to the cheese reporter! Or maybe not. Jump, Jump, Shoot, Shoot, Kill, Kill, Scream, Scream, End~! Oh; and Caron and Clipper conveniently show up for no reason at all, just to cheer Ken. What was the point of this...Oh wait; it's to have one of the Jurals go after them so Ken can shoot him in the back. Of course! It wouldn't be Chargeman Ken; if there wasn't at least one episode of Ken shooting a Jural in the back. So Jural alien #3 whips Ken in the back of the head at least four times as he jumps for joy three straight times; or he splits into three. I have zero idea what happened there as Ken just stares there and the three Jurals fry on cue and die. WHAT?! So Ken can now kill them by staring. WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?! I WANT TO GET OUTTA HERE...~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... So the music cuts out and we head outside with the guard and the riflemen guarding along with Ken, Caron, Clipper and the kid and they are now playing the final theme music right when they mention Ken and Caron's silhouettes. So that's why Caron even showed up?! Clipper cannot even buy a break since he's nowhere in the song! So we exchanges thank yous as the guard invites everyone to come back and the boy promises to never do anything bad again. This episode sure disilluisoned me from shoplifting, that is for sure. Teddy Ruxpin handshake of doom ensues right before they sing "The Earth Is Our Utopia"; which is super creepy in hindsight. Lots of staring and giggling as the shadows walk away from the hard camera with no animation whatsoever to end the episode at 5:20. So kids; never shoplift at all! It's much worse than going to jail. Trust Ken Izumi, he don't lie. Sadly; this episode isn't as funny as episode #25 though, ** on the trainwreck scale for the usual stupidity. -3/4* (-15%).

Episode #43 - Peer Through The Camera Viewfinder: Episode opens with a shot of wooden floorboards. Pan up shot to as a kendo demonstration is in progress. Think of it as similar to fencing; only it's the Japanese take on it. And yes; Ken is one of the demonstrators. I'm not going to bother going over this because I don't believe a Japanese company like Knack Animation can screw this up now. Can't they? Pan shot of the other kendo students semi out of gear as Clipper is sitting down with them at the front of his armor has a cat's bell on the front. In Japan, that bell is considered an ordinary bell. I mention this because localization teams often change it to something like this. Clipper hopes Ken is all right doing this; because Ken has only had a month of training. Ken apparently is so cocky that he is challenging the assistant instructor. Why? I have no idea why. Ken is wearing orange on his own armor, while the AI is wearing red; although he's wearing a lot more blue than Ken ever was. I guess it's a Japanese custom. As choppy as this match was, it was animated surprisely well for this show's really low standards. Clipper is panicky and telling Ken to watch his head. Watch your mouth, Clipper; you distracting piss ant! And of course Ken gets whacked in the head with the stick and loses. Yes; they are wearing kendo masks to protect their faces, so there is nothing to worry about. Jump cut to a brown haired guy who looks like the samurai version of Papa Izzy yelling at them to break it up. I assume Ken was dropped on his ass; because he was sitting down when the AI dragged him back up and took off the mask. They both exchange praise and Ken admits that he has a lot to learn. You know; if Ken had just said that his weakness was not doing well in kendo in episode #17; this would have been a great payoff. But Knack Animation has no idea what they are doing, so it's not. The AI laughs out loud tells Ken to keep up; and the laugh clearly sounds like a Juralian alien. So we head outside BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as Ken and Clipper follow the AI with his kendo stick as a clothes on a stick. They all have a really choppy walk cycle and are transparent shadow again, although in this case, the sunset makes it make more sense. AI is shown wearing a cyan blue shirt as Ken hides behind a power pole with Clipper as Clipper is accusing Ken of getting revenge on him for losing to kendo.

Ken shows Clipper a really whacky camera and Clipper looks through it; and sees nothing...AND THE ROCKS SAYS NOTHING~! Yip; the AI is also a Juralian alien. Ken explains that the AI drifted in and got accepted by sensei (not translated by Discotek Media I might add), whom we discover is friends with Papa Izzy. We discover that Ken was forced to take these lessons to spy on the Juralian alien disguised as the AI. Notice again that the mouthflaps are way off here. You never see mouthflaps this off in 90% of cartoons, modern, anicent, present, classic. Never this bad! Ken does admit that he was acting nice and then suddenly, Ken notices something wrong and bails stage left as we head back to the AI Juralian in thought as his mission was to kill everyone in Japan basically. Just him? Wow; that's an almost impossible task, even without Ken Izzy around. However; he has not discarded his emotions I see, and after what happened to X-6; I think you know where this is going as five Juralian thugs dressed up in lavander bodysuits with red trim and the target painted on the chest, so there's no way that they cannot be Juralian aliens. We discover that he's officially J-7 as J-7 is shocked when they demand answers to this outrage. J-7 finally decides "F*CK THIS LIFE~!" and blows them off for losing something they once had in spite of all the technological advances. The Juralians call this immature nonsense; which is hilarious considering how immature it is to discard emotions that make you something other than a psychopath. We also discover that J-7 actually has feelings for humanity and this is enough for the Juralians to declare him nuts. And probably projecting, too. So the Juralians decide to kill him as J-7 points out that this is a bad idea because they need all the help they can get. Juralians basically say "You say "f*ck this life"?! Then f*ck you!" (no, not at all) and we get four SPINACH BEAMS OF DEATH on J-7 and he's vaporized to death. Such overkill, man! Ken comes over and I don't know if this is a mistake by Discotek; but Ken called J-7 his big brother. Wait; what?! So J-7 is Ken's brother? If that's true; then Ken is...OH MY GOD! He's a Juralian alien, too! My mind is now officially blown! They notice him and want to kill him too. Ken curses the aliens and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Pan shot of Juralian aliens ready to suffer death at hands of Ken. Ken bails stage right and leaves Clipper hanging as Clipper hides in the hamster ball. Bastard!

Juralian alien runs in because why not?! Ken does the barrel roll and this time, the animators get it right complete with sound effects. This is a special day! Shoot, shoot, kill, kill, scream, scream, end, end, yee-haw. He even yells "Alpha Gun" at some point. One of the Juralians comes up from behind and wraps the tentacle around Ken's neck to choke him. He screams for them to let go; alien no sells. I would sell if I were you sir. Ken uses the jetboots to fly up and it's more shoot, shoot, kill, kill, LA-DE-LA-LA! Yes folks; this show has officially broke me! Ken stares on the ground for a while. Clipper hops in and wonders what is wrong. Knack Animation's animation is f*cked up; that's what is wrong, Barican! Ken explains that J-7 was more than a nice person, he was like a big brother to him. You know; this would have been great in a show that had 22 minutes to tell a story; but it doesn't work in this show at all. Not at all. All this does is make us believe that Ken himself is a Juralian alien or at least a half breed. Maybe Mama and Papa Izzy didn't give birth to Ken, maybe Ken was an orphan. We'll never know, because this show don't care about that. Shot of Ken staring at the moon with J-7's face on it, which is a staple of a death scene in anime, so it isn't just a cheap Knack Animation motif. And yes; they are singing the finale song again. Ken and Clipper stare at the sky with their backs turned away from the hard camera to end the episode at 5:20. If this was supposed to be a big turning point in Ken's attitude towards the Juralians, you would be dead wrong. Somethings never change. This was *** on the trainwreck scale for the kendo match, J-7's backstory, awkward animation and the mind blowing revealation on Ken. Okay; I kid on Ken being an Jural; but come on, now! It's not my fault they couldn't tell a proper story in five and a half minutes. -* 1/2 (-30%).

Episode #44 - Beat The Fake Ken!: But here's the question: Is he worse than the real thing? I doubt that very much. Episode opens as Ken's upside down T building school and then jump cut to inside the classroom with Nagisa taking attendence as two students respond; but when Izumi/Izzuy's name comes up, there's no response. Uh oh! Anything who watched Foresnic Files knows that if someone doesn't show up for school nor work, they might be murdered. The pink shirt with green clover wearing girl with glasses on (for goodness sakes show, give her a name) points out to the empty desk and claims that Ken is out; which Nagisa is surprised because she always figured Ken was too healthy. Jump cut to outside on the street as Nagisa is walking with her green book looking for Ken Izzy's house and then notices Ken Izzy! So yeah; he's fine. Or is he? HEHAHAHAHA! Anyhow; Nagisa asks why he isn't at the house and Ken claims that he's not sick; and then Ken proclaims that he cannot let her go into the house. Nagisa asks why and Ken stares at her and the YELLOW STAR EYE SPARKLES OF DOOM with hot flashes with a pink background containing the feminine Christian fish symbol. This completely knocks Nagisa out on the sidewalk; and the bump in real life would have killed her. Ken is smirking evily as another blue trenchcoat thug with a blue/red spotted tie and goofy hat with green/pink spotted trim shows up smirking. So yes; one of them morphed into their sworn enemy, Chargeman Ken. There's Stockholm Syndrome and then there's THIS! Juralken proclaims that they will lock her up with Ken Izzy; so yes, somehow Ken Izzy was kidnapped. WHAT?! How? I don't know! Head into some bricked wall dungeon with spider webs and drops of water pelting Ken's face. Ken is out; but wakes up seconds later and is in shock as he goes over to the window with bars and grabs onto them. He then starts to remember and we HIT THE FLASHBACK~! Jump cut to Ken's legs walking on the sidewalk away from school. Ken narrates that he was headed home from school, so I'm guessing this was from the day before. That would make sense.

Ken notices a transparent shadow crowd of kids surrounding something I cannot see as they all giggle at the smallest clown I have ever seen. The most amazing thing about this clown: This clown looks less generic than the clown Beast Boy and Cyborg hired in Teen Titans Go! Ponder that one for a moment: The worst show of all time had a better clown than the modern critics proclaimed worst show of all time. And they wonder why TTG goes after them? You wonder why? Good thing TTG screwed themselves by having Wally T as their only fan, wink, wink, nudge, nudge! So it quacks like a duck, spins it's body and then just it's head. It then sticks out it's tongue and does the splits. Everyone laughs, including Ken; when suddenly a hand with a cloth of ether is used on Ken's mouth and he's knocked out. Then we discover that the kids and the clown are really Juralian aliens in disguise because they all giggle with evil intent. Geez; Ken, you are such an idiot as we return to reality (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) with Ken at the prison bars, and then Ken starts yelling and pulling on the bars. Now we accuse the aliens of being stupid; but why doesn't Ken just transform?! It's like the writers cannot decide if he has a secret ID or not. Jump cut to a shot of stairs and the door outside as we see two Juralian aliens bring Nagisa down the steps. Jump cut to close up of alien giggling before throwing Nagisa into the prison cell next to Ken. Ken and Nagisa are at the barred windows exchanging notes as there is a fake Ken Izzy running around and they are in trouble. Really?! How in the blue hell can a fake Ken Izzy be worse than the real one?! Jump cut to fake Ken in the house eating soup at the table with the family doing the same. Clipper only speaks as Juralken looks evil, as Mama Izzy is shocked for no reason. Jump cut to Juralken drinking fruit punch with full animation. Sadly; they forgot to animate the juice in the glass as it was the same amount of juice before and after he grabbed the glass and put it down in that order.

Juralken calls this tasty; and then suddenly, jump cut to Clipper with a baseball bat with anime background. So these guys actually play baseball in the house on weekends? Oh; that's nothing. Apparently; this family also has Knife Fight Friday, too. And that episode is in fact, next! Oy vey! Clipper bashes Juralken in the head with the baseball bat. Juralken backs up to the wall as Caron has a baseball bat and Papa Izzy has a gun which he calls a special beam atosmith, which is used to destroy cancer cells. Wait; how did they figure out that Juralken was a Juralian alien? Juralken is sweating like mad and cannot believe this as Mama Izzy...Oh lord; this is so stupid: She claims that Ken Izzy always washes his hands before he eats. You couldn't just have a mirror and Juralken is in front of it; because all Juralken has to say is: "Listen, mom; I made a mistake. I'm not an alien." Who is going to be convinced that this is an alien when lots of kids Ken's age don't wash their hands before they eat?! This is so goddamn stupid. Oh; and he hates tomato juice and never skips school. Only one of those is remotely plausible for a stereotypical kid and I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader. And Clipper finally shows the damn pocket mirror and Juralken has no reflection. Why didn't you have that at the beginning of the scene?! Juralken is screwed as Papa Izzy brings out the gun; which is basically a pale fire flamethrower as he demands Juralken tell him where Ken is. So yes; Papa Izzy totally disagrees with the Geneva Convention on torture. And he calls himself a doctor? Jump cut back to the dungeon as we get a shot of the wall with a pipe opening; which is the signal for water to pour out of it. So yes; this is the old "drowned rats" death trap. Ken then proclaims that there's no light, so he cannot transform. If there was no light in the room; it would be pitch dark and no one can see anything, so there you go. Never mind that there's clear light behind the Juralian alien when we see him at the entrance. So once again, logic is completely out to lunch in this show. Another Juralian alien runs in to tell the giggling alien that the police are on the way. Why would they be afraid of the police now?

Unless they now have Papa Izzy's pale fire flamethrower that kills cancer and Juralian aliens, who are Ken's ultimate cancer, I guess. Jump cut to the police arriving at the most broken down prison ever, and the police car sirens sounds like badly audio versions of the British police and emergency response sirens. Do Japanese sirens sound this way? That's not a stupid joke; I'm being serious here. Jump cut to Caron and Clipper calling out for big brother and in a shock, Clipper doesn't call him Kenbo this time. Jump cut to the aliens looking out as Juralken's official name is K-11 and that he was killed off-screen by Papa Izzy's pale fire flamethrower. Juralian alien number two don't care because they can kill Ken (and notice that they never mention Nagisa?! That's awfully cold.) Jump cut to Nagisa screaming as her head is barely above water, then a jump cut to Ken nailing a rock onto the prison bars as Ken is cursing because the rock is wet. So; I think he's trying to make a fire from the iron bars; which is dumb since he should be rubbing the rock against the bar, not banging it. Ken then bangs it some more and we get a spark with flashing lights...UGH! I know it's 1974, but for goodness sakes; slow down the flashing lights. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to the brick wall as Ken breaks down the wall with the most unanimated jump kick ever; the water was more animated than he was. Water completely drains as Nagisa is in shock as we jump cut to Ken doing the Astroganger jump kick of doom and kicks Juralian alien #1 in the chest again. I don't know why. Shoot, shoot, kill, kill, end, end, yee-haw! Wait; there were four Juralian aliens in this scene?! I realize that Juralken might have been one of them; but that doesn't explain the fourth one? Goddammit! Music is cut off as we head back to Nagisa's classroom with Nagisa taking roll call as Izumi isn't at his seat again. The entire scene is exactly the same as the beginning of the episode; except the classroom slides open and in comes Ken late to class. At least he didn't skip classes this time as Nagisa does eye contact violence and Ken looks like his hand was in the cookie jar...AGAIN! Everyone laughs at his expense to end the episode at 5:20. This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the seizure inducing spark spot, the ultra stupid way of exposing K-11 and a clown that was better than the TTG clown in every possible way. Shudder! -* (-20%).

...And now we come to the greatest episode I have ever seen, all time, all my life!!

Episode #45 - When The Cuckoo Clock Strikes Three!: By the way; this episode has a parody sub called 3 Steps To Homicide; which is the best joke Alphalronchew dished out. It would have been dead perfect if it was 3 Minutes To Homicide, because the actual attempted murder in this show took place at the three minute mark of this episode. Oh well; he tried. We begin this one inside a building and it's clear the the builders realize the the right roof was way over the edge of the wall; so they built a beam on the right side to prop it up. So we hear probably the greatest bad piano playing music in history and then jump cut to inside a classroom with a male, brown haired teacher dressed in a blue suit with a green bowtie and glasses playing the piano. Caron is sitting with three students with equal genders watching on. So the man finally stops playing and offers Caron a mission; should she choose to accept it, to play the song he just played on the piano. Caron gleefully accepts and the man stands up while Caron sits down in front of the piano. Caron plays the piano and I'm not going to be hard on the animators on mistiming the animation here because we never saw the teachers fingers playing the piano on the sky shot like Caron's are shown. Caron actually plays the piano pretty good, and then screws up one mere note. Caron's piano playing is not good; but it's still better than Ken playing a hero. By the way; the song she played was slightly different than the one he played even without the screw up; but no one noticed nor cared. Even the writers have realized that Caron's piano playing is still leagues better than Ken playing a babyface. Caron apologizes for the error; but the music teacher forgives her; telling her to not be afraid of failure. The teacher tells her to look at some cuckoo clock above the piano and this is where the plot goes from fine to absolute insanity. Someone claimed during the parody; that this plot might have come from a warped mind of a four year old kid. She looks at this cuckoo bird who has a red crowned forehead, brown face and white cheeks with a cyan blue body. Why? WHY NOT~?!

Sound waves and the usual wacky sound effects to inform us that Caron is going to be brainwashed ensue. Now; I'm shocked here because they actually used a good sound effect on this show. Too bad it sounds similar to something you hear in a Mighty Hercules cartoon. I would NOT be shocked if I discovered that The Mighty Hercules was animated in Japan. Caron gets engulfed in sound waves as the piano teacher looks on and in his mind says that this is working perfectly. Cut to stunned Caron getting overwhelmed by sound waves as the male voice tells her to heed his words well that tonight at 3 AM, she will kill Ken Izzy! Yes; this is the entire plot folks! I am so digging this! Ken is finally going to get his for killing Professor Volga in episode #35! How can anyone boo the piano teacher and by extension Caron after episode #35 occured? No one! Caron looks like she lost a lot of sleep as the piano teacher asks if she got it, and no response. This is enough for the teacher to tell her to go home and then Caron says yes and walks out looking like she's depressed. Jump cut to the kids and the piano teacher smirking like heels; which means that they are all Juralian aliens in disguise. Because that is what happens in every episode; except for the scientist who wanted to destroy Europe. That was a real human being. So we head to Ken's residence AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) with a zoom in shot and then jump cut to inside Caron's room as Caron is sleeping in her bed. Then we get weird alien sound effects and then jump cut to the piano teacher playing the awesomely bad piano music from the beginning of the episode; although with spliced footage of a closeup of Caron sleeping peacefully. Jump cut to a stylist cyan blue watch showing that it's almost 3 AM; then the closeup shot of Caron's face now sweating and the piano teacher does the "DOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG!" sound on the piano; and the clock cuckoos three times as we jump cut to a sweating piano teacher proclaiming that it's three o'clock. Then we get the greatest line I have ever heard from the piano teacher and I quote from Ironsharp's translation:

Juralian Alien Disguised As A Piano Teacher: You will kill Chargeman Ken! Your big brother is a bad person, Caron!

Someone get me a drop of that line. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments! Why? Because Ken is supposed to be the #1 babyface of the show and yet about ten episodes ago; he killed Professor Volga even though the writers had an obvious out to save face for Ken. We are supposed to boo this piano teacher and Caron by extension for wanting to kill Ken and the demonization of him being a bad person isn't really demonization because it's true. Ken does a lot of bad, unheroic stuff. The aliens and denizens alike need to be protected from this batsh*t insane, assholish babyface! If you can call Ken a babyface to begin with! So the piano teacher orders Caron to murder her brother with her own hands. At least the piano teacher is supposed to come off like a sleazy cowardly heel; but no one is buying him as any heel to begin with. Caron slides out of bed and walks out of the room as we jump cut to Clipper on the floor eating snacks from a yellow bowl. Since when do robots eat from the fridge? This makes no sense! Jump cut to a shot of the door opening and Caron is in shadow with her arms to the side. The next shot of her on the closeup shows her welding a knife like a sword. Yes; somehow, this brainwashing gives her the powers to make objects teleport into her hand. How are we suppose to boo this? Her evil smile is like her regular smile as only her lip moved down slightly. She runs and Clipper hides literally behind the wooden trim on the ground. How is THAT possible?! I guess it was supposed to be a wooden pew; but they are not in a church so this makes no sense. Clipper decides to follow her because she's up at this hour. Maybe she has the same bowel movement problems that I often have. Have you ever thought of that one Clipper? Of course not. Jump cut to Ken's room as we see Ken sleeping in his bed. Caron comes up and raises the knife above her head. Now remember; X-6 tried this and failed because X-6 had not discarded her emotions and thus couldn't do it despite Ken being absolutely powerless to do anything. Here; Ken is like a spring chicken as Clipper panics and screams while running on the spot in another shot. Sadly; 3 Minutes To Homicide took place about thirty seconds too early, but it's the thought that counts as Ken wakes up and rolls out of bed. Caron stabs the bed and she wouldn't have nailed Ken anywhere even if he had not moved. Hilariously; the covers were cut on the closeup; but on the next shot, they are not cut and folded up as if Ken threw the covers forward and got out of bed normally. Ken yells at her for doing such a dangerous thing. After all the use of the alpha gun and the Skyrod, this is in Ken's mind, much more dangerous. Now Alphalronchew's parody sub line for this would have been the funniest line in the entire parody sub; but the poor Youtube user doesn't realize that when you use the F word way too many times in an episode; most so to a character who would rarely say damn, that people don't think you are edgier and clever, we just think you are dumber. Now if you watched the parody sub; I think before this line there were at least a half a dozen F bombs and there was at least one F-bomb on the line alone. Now I'm going to paraphrase the line that the parody Ken Izumi said without the F word...

Ken Izumi: C-Caron! This isn't "Knife Fight Friday!"

See; that is actually funny because Caron has a knife and knowing Ken as an unheroic babyface, having knife fights with his family sounds "fun". And I mean that in the nicest way possible. However; the subber had to put f*cking in the line, and had a half dozen f*cks in the episode before this; thus hurting the funny joke that he was ultimately shooting for. Three Steps To Homicide was great because it was like...Step One: Caron plays piano, Step Two: Show Caron the cuckoo bird, Step Three: Kill Ken Izzy! Step Four: PROFIT! Even with four steps this joke works because the third step is to commit homicide and the parody episode title still works. At least we finally got to see the kids without green slippers on. At least Ken's voice actor is trying to make this feel like a serious, dramatic moment; but there is nothing he can do about the hilariously staged knife stabbing as Caron responds by saying and this is a direct quote: I WILL KILL BAD PEOPLE~! This episode is quote-tariffic! Caron jumps over the bed and chases Ken; and then stops to whip the blade around yelling and this is also a direct quote: Big brother is a bad person! This is so hilarious on SO MANY LEVELS that it would easily cause this rant to go over the 50webs limit so I won't bother explaining it. Ken is dodging the knife shots and calls her out of her mind. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Ken Izzy?! You just don't like it when you might be killed by your own sister; but you had no issue with killing Professor Volga in episode #35. Karma is a fickle muse isn't it Ken Izumi?! Mr. Izzy and Mrs. Izzy are outside the door looking rightfully shocked at this as Caron has Ken in the mount position with the knife pointed right at his throat. YES! YES! YES! YES! KILL HIM! KILL HIM FOR THE GOOD OF THE REPUTATION OF ALL REAL BABYFACES DAMMIT!! Ken calls her crazy (a word that would be edited off television today; so Don Karnage is a censor in Japan now.) as Caron threats to kill him. And we are suppose to gulp and boo Caron for this?! Mr. Izzy puts Caron in a gentle half-nelson and peels her off of Ken yelling at Caron to stop this but Caron blows him off because she is going to do this world a public service. I wish that the parody sub and the real one said the exact same thing I just said.

So; how does the family stop Caron's reign of terror? Mrs. Izzy winds up and smacks the holy living sh*t out of Caron's left cheek. The still shot made the impact shot look like she almost tried to break Caron's cheek bone. Anime sure love women slapping the stuffing out of cheek bones. Yeah; this is how Caron came to her senses. Miss Izzy is even worse than Yuichi's dad because Miss Izzy slapped her daughter hard in the face. Mind you; Yuichi's father slapped his beloved in the face which was awful enough. This is child assault; which maybe worse than verbal child abuse. Not as bad as forcing emmas up a child's asshole; but it's close. Jump cut to Caron's face (which the swollen cheek disappears right on cue), then a jump cut of the knife on the ground. The babyfaces are shown surrounding Caron as she is kneeling on the floor, sobbing on the carpet as they ask what the hell possessed her and she sobs that she doesn't know. Then she admits that she heard a piano playing and her piano teacher ordering her to kill Ken. Ken in his mind proclaims that she was controlled by her teacher like a puppet and the Juralian aliens are to blame. And people are suddenly shocked when Wildwing jumps to a similar conclusion and no one likes him? So we jump cut to the piano teacher playing the piano and it's still awesomely bad as ever. The teacher thinks that Caron has murdered Ken by now. If only that were true sir; if only. He laughs and then apparently Ken can read minds because he laughs the second after the man finishes laughing in his head. Jump cut to Ken and Caron at the doorway. Caron looks like she is being held by an invisible wire judging by the stance that she gives. Ken mocks the teacher for thinking that he would be killed so easily. The piano teacher has underestimated the power of child abuse; which makes Mrs. Izzy look like a heel. Jump cut to the piano teacher and the three kids glaring at Ken as Caron says that she could never kill her beloved big brother. She almost did one minute ago; so she is lying. Jump cut to piano teacher looking pissed off and orders the kids to kill them; as they transform into aliens. We pan to the other aliens and I swear that they showed five Juralian aliens in that shot even though there are supposed to be only three not including the former piano teacher. Then we are CHARGING, GO FISH~ exactly four minutes in. PROFIT~!

After 21 seconds we jump cut to Ken against an animated background which is moving him doing a modified version of the Astroganger jump kick of doom and land on his feet. So here is the following finish: Jurals shoot green lasers from their heads. Ken dodges them and shoots one of the alien in the chest with the alpha gun, he vaporizes. Ken dodges pink laser of doom and shoots the second alien into vapor. Repeat shot of Jurals shooting green lasers from heads and Ken no sells the shot with his helmet as they instantly turn cheese color. Ken shoots and vaporizes the last two aliens in succession, yee-haw! Cut to Ken and Caron looking at Ken's handiwork and then they look at each other and Caron calls her big brothers. Aw! My heart melted! Not. Jump cut to AFTER HAPPY HOUR inside the dining room as the see the family sitting down except for Caron as we go over to Caron sitting in front of the piano playing the exact same music the piano teacher was playing. The same piano teacher who used her to try to kill Ken Izzy! She is now the Petey Williams of this show (Petty was dressed like Scott Steiner and formed a team in TNA before getting destroyed by Scott; and then Petey came back two months later looking like Scott Steiner once again. Yeah.) as she screws up a note yet again; and blushes in embarrassment as the family is in shock. Then she giggles; and this causes everyone to laugh. This was funny for all the wrong reasons. Caron's piano playing is still better than Ken being a hero as we cut to outside of Ken's house to end the episode at 5:22. This is once again Chargeman Ken at it's sorry, sickest best: A beyond the pale warped plot that might have come from a six year old, awesomely bad piano playing, the most poorly staged brainwashing in history, the funniest out of context quotes ever, and Mrs. Izzy smacking the living hell out of Caron. The finish was completely anti-climatic after the smack; but that just added to the insanity that this show belts out on a regular basis. This is ***** on the trainwreck scale without question; and I'm calling it -1/4* (-5%); if only because the storyline made sense for the most part; but it was so hilariously bad that it was a trainwreck on it's own accord. This is the best trainwreck in history and I recommend checking this episode out in both it's original sub and the parody sub, as long as you remove all the "F*cks" from the dialogue, it becomes instant comedy. (Also; for the best results, watch this on Friday.)

Episode #46 - Terror! The House Of The White-Haired Crone!: Oh come on, now! That's not very nice, Discotek Media. Episode opens with Ken (with Clipper as the backseat driver...AGAIN!) , Caron, and twoother friends behind them on bicycles in front of Ken's house. Papa and Mama Izzy are in front of the doors and none of this is animated and is also drawn poorly. It's so bad that they giggling and looking away from the hard camera, except for Clipper; because he's a stupid idiot. They bicycle away stage left as Mama Izzy waves and tells them to be careful as we jump cut to the cyclists in shadow pedaling stage left. In the foreground, a brown haired guy in a blue coat with a white 1970's transmitter wearing a yellow ascot and glasses informs someone that Ken has just left his house on a bike ride. So yes; it's the Juralian aliens again. So we jump cut to the sky shot of the kids cycling as Clipper is mad because Ken don't care about winning some race, or some BS as Ken proclaims he cannot compete against a car on a bicycle. Really, Ken? Why not as Chargeman Ken? Or is that against your "moral code"; whatever the hell that is?! The glasses wearing girl with a purple shirt and green clover on there calling Clipper a funny middle-aged robot. Middle-aged? Riiigggghhhttttt. A dirty old man robot; that's more like it. The boy in blue overalls and white shirt claims that Clipper must have been a speed demon when he was younger. Yeah; I'll bet! Caron then notices clouds in the skies and calls this weather weird. Really? I always thought this was normal in Nova Scotia. Ken calls this a pain if it starts raining; but instead of cycling back home, they cycle out of the city and it begins to rain. Jump cut to a house in the woods while it rains as Ken and company find the house and decide to ask whomever is inside if they can come out of the rain. Of course; Ken's mouth is not moving during this promo as we head to the door and there's no knocking as there is a lot of excuse me-ing going on. Geez; these kids are rude. The female friend has a yellow skirt on as they deduce that the house is abandoned. One second later; the door opens and it's an old woman with a brown poncho on and blue underneath. She asks what they want; and Ken wants to get out of the rain. The old woman is like "all right" and invites them in; just like that. Jump cut to a repeat shot of the house and then jump cut to inside as everyone present in blue shadow sits at a table filled with food. Jump cut to Ken surprised at this hospitality as the old woman proclaims that the rain won't stop until tomorrow, so they can sleep over if they wish. The female friend asks if she's lonely all by herself; which is really rude, but the old woman tells her not to worry about that. One second late; repeat shot of the house and it's not raining anymore.

Jump cut to on the floor with Ken and Caron sleeping in sleeping bags. A noise suddenly awakes Caron, and the two friends; but not Ken. Ken really is a heavy sleeper. More noise; and it sounds like wind cross with horse stomps as Caron is scared again. It's like she's seeing the Sea Cucumber Doggy Monster again. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The male friend claims it's just the rain and wind; even though there's no wind nor rain outside just now. Clipper hears skate sharpening sounds; and since it's not winter, I doubt the old woman is a hockey nor speed skating fan. Nor are they in Canada, somehow. Clipper decides to check this out and there is comcial footstepping sound effects with this. Don't ask me why; this is...you guessed it. So Clipper leers into the next room (speaking of perverts...) and then panics and bails. Then the kids notice and we see the old woman in her knees sharpening a turkey knife with an anvil. Oh come on, now! Occam Razor would suggest that she cannot afford a sharpening block and she's sharpening the knives to crave a cooked turkey for her supper. She couldn't possibility be wanting to kill the children now, wouldn't she? I mean; only Ken Izumi would think that way and there's no evidence that she's a Juralian alien. None whatsoever. She's also doing this while giggling and under a candlelight for a nice touch. So she notices the kids and the kids run over to Ken as Caron tries to wake him up; but no go. In comes the old woman with the knife and yes, she wants to murder some kids. Apparently; she gave Ken a sedative to make him go to sleep forever. That's not a sedative, that's a lethal drug. I'm guessing it's succinylcholine in a high dose. This was a Juralian trap; so yes, she's a Juralian alien as she intends to crucify the kids! Yes; crucify them; like Jesus Christ once was. However; the children will suffer that outside because fire regulations, I guess; but Ken dies right f'n now. Three Juralian aliens arrive giggling as they grab the other kids; but Clipper escapes. Also of note; everyone got their footwear back on magically, since the female friend was barefoot before she was caught. They get carried away as we jump cut to Clipper hiding in the hamster ball for no reason. So the old woman goes over to Ken and the closes the door and locks it as Clipper runs to the door; but cannot open it. Wait; I thought Clipper was still in the room.

Then somehow, Clipper is in the room with Ken, yelling for him to wake up. WHAT?! Didn't the old woman want to kill Ken outright? So she thinks she gave him enough succinylcholine in his system to kill him? Jump cut to outside the house as it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and thunderbolts rain down on the house. Then the room suddenly goes dark; but no shading to indicate it so as there are holes in the walls as light shines out of it and this light causes Clipper to be blinded and bonk into Ken's head; and this wakes him up. Not enough succinylcholine in system, woman! Clipper claims that the light is actually poison gas. Geez; this is the definition of poison overkill~! Ken covers his mouth as Clipper states that the old woman is a Juralian alien; which is sadly true in this case. Ken then just ignore the logic of the poison gas to curse the Jurals and then it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Of course! Jump cut to Ken in the Skyrod and apparently; as we see in the next shot of Caron and her friends, they are tied at the stake and there is a ring of firewood surrounding them all on fire. So in Juralian culture; this is how they do a crucifixition. So; it's basically the Joan D'Arc version. Jump cut to the old woman with the three Juralian aliens behind her standing there and enjoying themselves. Caron is crying for big brother; but old woman blows her off and in comes the Skyrod as the aliens watch in shock and appallment as Ken shoots the old woman first with the Alpha Beam and then we jump cut to two of the aliens murdered with the Alpha Gun and then jump cut to Ken on his bicycle in the morning. Yes; folks, one Juralian alien was not seen and was written out by teleport. I would say that this is horrible; but Rescue Rangers has done this before, so it's not just a Knack Animation motif. So repeated shots of Ken, Caron and his friends cycling as they are headed to the ocean. The two friends want to throw Clipper into the water and see if he can swim and Clipper blows them off because he'll catch a cold and die. Don't you mean; you'll short circuit and melt, you stupid idiot robot?! Clipper is ungrateful and everyone laughs at him; with the male friend laughing while his mouth is closed. They bicycle over the bridge stage left and that ends the episode at 5:20. This gets * 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the stupid attempt to murder Ken; the crucifixition attempt on the kids and the usual bad animation. -1/2* (-10%).

Episode #47 - Revenge Of The Juralians! (Officially Translated As: The Great Juralian Counterattack!): Episode opened with a shot of the city and pink submarine helicopters in the air. Pan shot down to ground level and then jump cut to underwater with a pair of glass tubes and animated fish. More shots of tubes and underwater as we see to some fortress like tower with red devil horns, so this show is no longer pretending that the leader of Juralians is merely named Satan just for crap and giggles anymore. More shots of plastic domes and tubing as one of the domes I think houses a Juralian spaceship. Jump cut to inside a golden walled room with lots of those wacky meat grinder shaped spaceships. Yes; they are playing the ultra spooky/goofy drum music again. Pan shot to pointless shot of hallway which I guess the editors forgot to cut out and then jump cut to a stage as Satan is on the podium addressing the Juralians. Satan has blue horns as wings by the wing as he proclaims that it's only natural that the Juralians shall claim the Earth because the humans are 500 years behind in technology compared to them. Sadly; the Juralians are 500 years behind in terms of logic and reason, because they are so stupid. Anyhow; Satan claims that no one can defeat them (which is a lie) and they must call their dying race to conquer the Earth as soon as possible in order to reclaim peace and prosperity. They are supposed to be heels; but Satan just cut a babyface promo. The Juralians all agree; but one walks up and informs Satan that there is a major problem left to solve: Stopping that horrible boy known as Chargeman Ken. These aliens are supposed to be heels; yet they act like babyfaces because this alien is right. Ken Izumi is a horrible boy. He has murdered at least one human being, maybe three and failed to stop the suicide of a fourth human being in two horrible episodes. Satan acts as if he couldn't have cared less because he claims that the humans are desperate; which sounds true because only desperate humans would rely on a horrible boy who would take the "ends justify the means" bit to logical extremes only this show could pull off. The alien points out that Chargeman Ken is not feeable and has defeated their comrades.

Yes folks; this alien cannot say killed because if I'm not mistaken, Ken has killed at least one Juralian alien in all the episodes I have seen him, and sometimes kill up to a dozen in a few episodes. And three known human beings, and indirectly caused the suicide of a fourth human being. How many aliens must die before Satan actually takes this horrible boy seriously. Satan shrugs off Ken as a mere pest and orders the X-Corps to move out to the surface city at once. No wonder the Juralian aliens are crappy heels; they have the dumbest leader in the history of mankind, and Satahn from Snuff must be laughing in his grave somewhere. So we jump cut to one of the spaceships as an esclator moves the aliens into the ship; and they are all transparent as there are no sound effects, and the budget for music is gone because there is no music in this scene either. So the space ships shoot out of the space base and they actually had enough in the budget to use the "PA-CHEW" sound effect as they shoot out. And then space alien sounds as we jump cut to the spaceships rising underwater with the background moving the ships. Sigh. Cut to outside Ken Izumi's house and zoom in. Jump cut to shot of some lamp fixture and once again, no music at all. I then discover that the lamp fixture is a juicer because we see two arms pushing a button and three spouts of grape juice fall into convenienly placed glasses on the table. Cut to Clipper saying "Bottoms Up!" with the glass and Ken insantly blows him off for being greedy, yelling at him to use a straw like Ken and Caron are going to be doing. How is not having a straw a form of greed? They are drinking the exact same amount of grape juice from the same sized glass. Seriously Ken; are you that big of an asshole to get on someone's case for not using a straw? Mr. Izzy of course has to remind Ken that he once drank grape juice without the straw and Ken acts like he has guilt written all over his face. The grape juicer looks like a pink UFO by the way. Caron asks if Mr. Izzy is going to take a day off for fun; but Mr. Izzy apologizes because he has errands to do; since he's a doctor you know and slip happens.

So Ken wants to show Caron the new airport and asks Mrs. Izzy permission to see it. Mrs. Izzy grants Ken the request and tells them to be careful; which is a bad move on her part, because you know this is carny talk for "Ken is going to be reckless at his earliest convenience". Clipper bounces and follows them wanting to join them; and then we see a green space car race right out of some building. I have no idea who is driving it and we'll never know because we jump cut to a front shot of a police car with the license plate reading I-563. Jump cut to a police officer in a grey uniform looking out the window shocked as we jump cut to a shot of a Juralian spaceship above the ocean spraying the COTTON CANDY LASER BEAM OF DEATH to the east. The police get out of their car and go to the edge a second spaceship arises from the water which is animated and the police are shown with face closeups looking shocked at a flying saucer. Ummm; a saucer is a flat plate. These are flying meat grinders sirs! Need better training in what things look like. The spaceship is shown invoking the COTTON CANDY LASER BEAM OF DEATH and the two police officers get hit and vaporized; along with the police car. I'll give the Juralians this; they are smart enough to make sure no evidence is left behind. Cut to sky shot and pan of the airport. I know this because there are a number of planes on the air strip shown in this sky shot. We head to the airport; which looks like a spoke wheel dome and then to another angle shot as a jetplane rises into the sky and then pan down as the launchpad is shaped like a front end of a trumpet. Jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper looking on in the airport terminal in awe; I'm guessing at the window because Clipper has his hands up as if he's touching the glass, but we don't see any indication of glass in this scene. Then we see another jetplane flying into view (one with red wings) as Caron asks Ken what that plane is and Ken states that it's a nuclear powered plane that can fly from Japan to New York in one hour. Bullsh*t!

There is no way nuclear power can fly people from Japan to New York in 60 minutes, even in 2074. Cannot suspend disbelief for this stupidity. Then we jump cut to another plane with white wings as Ken explains that this jet makes flights connecting with spaceships in space. Curse you Ken the SPACE Izzy! I can imagine the voice of Chuckles The Silly Piggy dubbing Satan's voice now without feeling guilty for the character nor the voice. Why is there an echo effect in the voices here? I thought the budget was too low to do such things. Caron thinks Ken knows everything and Ken acts humble because he heard it from Professor Pantless and Professor Freud. Who? Jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper at a table as Clipper is drinking a glass of grape juice from a straw along with Ken. Caron is not drinking her juice from a straw for some reason. Then we hear a crashing sound and the glass of juice Clipper was drinking out of teleports from standing up right to spilling on the table. Ken runs off and sees that a plane has crashed on the tarmac and has bursted into flames. Ken looks up and sees all the Juralian spaceships flying in the air via the background moving them of course. Ken realizes who it is and runs back in to order Caron and Clipper to stay right there and not to move. Ken bails as Caron yells that she is scared, and then it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Complete with "wrupping" sound effects. Jump cut to Skyrod flying away from the hard camera in the sky. Jump cut to shot of five Juralian spaceships; which at least all of them look reasonably on-model this time around. Jump cut to inside as the Juralians are looking on the monitor; the Skyrod being animated by the background. The Juralians are in shock that Ken is here as we jump cut to a closeup of Ken piloting the Skyrod as if the camera is placed on the window of the Skyrod. Then a Top Gun FPS-equse shot of Ken looking at the spaceships; which are like tiny insects to everyone seeing it. So we get dodging via background moving from the Skyrod while the Juralians shoot the COTTON CANDY LASER BEAMS OF DEATH at Ken. Jump cut to Ken in the Skyrod yelling that now it is his turn to shoot.

Jump cut to the control panel as he pushes a red button as we jump cut to somewhere in the front of Skyrod as a panel opens to reveal a laser gun. It shoots blue sound wave like effects at the Juralian spaceships and this is enough to invoke the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH! Ken does the standard "I did it!" speech, which Chun-Li fans in Street Fighter II know that is her victory pose. The Skyrod flies away as we head into the Juralian spaceship where Satan is watching the Skyrod from the monitor. Curse You Chargeman the SPACE Ken Izumi! Satan calls him an impudent little brat; but brat apparently is a bad word in Japan and thus doesn't say brat. And really; after 46 episodes, you would think that Satan would not take Ken Izzu lightly after he killed at least THREE human beings in this show. Nope; Satan still think Ken is a pest and nothing more because Satan is the worst heel leader in anime history. Again; if this show wasn't so hilariously bad that it is funny; there would be zero incentive to watch it. Satan proclaims that he will crush Ken with his own two hands. Yeah, I'll bet is exactly what I thought as we get a repeat shot of the Skyrod flying away from the hard camera to end the episode at 5:22. This is a * 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the lack of audio in this episode and Satan clearly not watching his own show and learning from it. At least now the writers have at least a built in excuse why the Juralian aliens suck as heels: Satan sucks as well. Plus; symbolically, the writers are admitting that Satan is supposed to be a devil. Call it -* 1/2 (-30%).

Episode #48 - Showdown On The Solitary Island!: Episode opens with waves pounding and stormy clouds appearing. Jump cut to an rocky island and then a jump cut of the painting of the burning sun and this has actual sound effects. They don't have enough in the budget to do proper sound effects; but they do have enough for scenes which do not require them. Jump cut to a ground shot of the island and the hot sun as vultures are flying out of nowhere. Jump cut to the ground as a old lady who looks like a white mage from Final Fantasy, minus the hood and is wearing red and blue trim, carrying a hooked staff and earrings. Jump cut to Ken sweating and chained up to a rock. The lady giggles because Ken cannot even speak; because you see,he cannot transform without yelling out the transformation and he cannot even summon the Skyrod. Wait; since when did Ken use a voice to summon that thing?! Every episode I have seen had no indication that the Skyrod is voice activated and it just comes to him whenever the hell it wants. Ken is grunting; so I question that she has taken away his voice. And how did she take away his voice and make Ken fall into her trap? Oh, I see; we are going to do a media-res episode. Oh, joy! I cannot wait to see how they screw this up; since even the best cartoons cannot pull this off without screwing it up themselves. So we get some shots of the vultures swooping in; they want to kill Ken. Of course; the Juralian aliens are behind this as the white mage proclaims that this death is fitting for the comrades Ken killed in every episode before this. At this point; is anyone going to buy Ken as a babyface who doesn't deserve this fate? Yeah; I thought so. Of course; we get another episode where the mouthflaps occur two seconds before the character speaks when the white mage bids Ken farewell. Ken in his mind curses this as the whacky meatgrinder dives down and flies away from the sky shot of Ken chained up to the rock. More shots of the sun with sound effects. Vulture swoops down as we jump cut to Ken sweating and looking at the hard camera. Ken needs a drink and closes his eyes as we HIT THE FLASHBACK~! We head to Ken's school as two unanimated students wave goodbye to Ken carrying a green/white parcel. Jump cut to Ken's legs walking on the pavement.

Jump cut to Ken stopping to notice three men in pants (one of them is fat and wearing a yellow shirt) surrounding the old woman with her back against a concrete wall. Apparently; the yellow shirt fatass is accusing the old woman of running into him. They want payment as the old woman agrees to pay them money as she is wearing a lot of blue and holding something purple on her person. The cyan blue shirt glasses musclesexist blows her off , backhands her in the face and she tumbles to the ground. Again; this show was marketed to children in 1974 by the way. Times change everyone. Ken of course runs in, ordering them to stop and I would do what Ken says at this point. I also find it beyond amazing that Ken would defend this old woman; but he had no problems killing Professor Volga in episode #35. The cyan blue glasses musclesexist either has a sucker in his mouth or a cigerette. I cannot tell; since there is no smoke coming out of it. Of course; the three elderhaters no sell; because like all sexists, they are dumb and stupid. So Ken kicks and punches them in the chest and they bail like the lobster courage sexistageists that they are. See; I can invent new insults that make sense. Ken helps the old woman up as she calls them monsters for attacking her as we jump cut to the three thugs hiding behind something and claiming that Ken fell for it; so yes, they are the Juralian aliens we saw earlier. Jump cut to somewhere in the old lady's house as Ken and the old woman are enjoying orange juice stirring with half bone like stirrers. Ken offers to show Tokyo to her (probably in the Skyrod, knowing this show. I can just hear certain "fans" of this show believe that he would do it just to throw them out and make them explode onto the Juralian spaceships again.) and the old woman thanks him again. So Ken goes over to the phone to phone home and the old woman giggles without moving her mouth and places a tiny orange pill into Ken's drink. It crumbles into the drink as Ken returns and wants to get the tour started; but the old woman doesn't want him to waste his drink. By the way; Ken's present has changed from white with green ribbon to cheese color with green ribbon. Ah; so that present is for the cheese reporter! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ken of course drinks the orange juice like a goddamn idiot as the old woman giggles and we jump cut to outside the Imperial Palace and onto a bridge with Ken and the old woman. So they exchange notes...

...and then Ken holds his throat and gulps as the voice actor sounds like he's drinking a glass of water. I just love how the old woman is still acting in perfect form and sounding like she doesn't know what is going on here. Ken collapases on his ass onto the bridge as the three thugs giggle on the bridge. Ken's body goes numb and we return to reality (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) with the repeat shot of Ken sleeping and chained up to the rock. Ken wakes up sweating more than in an convention filled with Oscars and deduces that the old woman is a Juralian alien. You don't say?! Repeat shot of the vulture swooping in front of the burning sun, which has no sound effect this time. Vulture swoops down and tries to swipe the feathers into Ken's face, but misses anyway. More shots of the burning sun and Ken sweating and looking into the hard camera. Ken claims that this throat feels on fire; which is a sign of acid reflux disease. So that is what that orange pill does?! Usually that goes away, doesn't it? Ken needs water and suddenly the vulture bails, the sun bails, and it starts to cloud over and rain falls on Ken. Uh oh! If you cannot guess what happens next; you have no business reading this rant. And bully on you if you have no business reading this rant. This show is so hideously hilarious that it's too funny not to mock. I should note that they were still using the blue sky when a raindrop fell on Ken; so the animation team is out to lunch. So basically Ken opens his mouth to take in the rain. That rain better not be acid rain; or that acid reflux disease will get worse. Somehow; despite being chained up, it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Yeah; this show never makes sense at all, what a shocker?! Whiplash sounds indicate a late episode by the way. Jump cut to closeup of Ken with helmet on and it's raining. Jump cut to Ken riding the Skyrod and in any sane universe, I would just go home. But this is Ken Izzy we are talking about, and there are four Juralian aliens who are about to get away with justice...ERRRR...I mean, murder on Ken Izumi! We cannot have that happen now, can't we?! The silver ring was animated for two seconds before going stiff as we get pounding waves and an animated shot of thunder bolts. Why this wasn't used for episode #33, I will never understand. Jump cut to the wacky meatgrinder of doom as one of the Juralian aliens notices Ken right away along with the old woman. Old woman curses Ken for his impudence instead of his murder record.

So we bring out the COTTON CANDY BEAM OF DEATH and once again, it has actual sound effects. You get the feeling that this show just sprinkles sound effects where ever they want to now?! Of course; they turn yellow and Ken dodges easily. Ken fires the Alpha Beam from the Skyrod and in a small miracle, the meatgrinder's cotton candy beam of death stays the same color throughout the countersequence. Wow; just wow. So the Skyrod flies away from the Juralian spaceship and the old woman claims that he's going to the front and there is going to be a collision. However; the Skyrod flies away from the ship. Jump cut to the Juralian alien ship getting into position and then...cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! WHAT THE F*CK?! The ship exploded by itself? That makes no sense at all! I think the finish was supposed to be: Ken gets in front, shoots Alpha Beam into the ship and then bails. Or Ken bonks into the ship and bails from the back side. Apparently; at least two or three sequences were missing from this episode that didn't make the final print. Way to go, Knack Animation, way to f'n go! Jump cut to Skyrod flying in clear skies now, so the storm was symbolic once again. Ken proclaims that he'll never be beaten by the Juralians and as long as they do evil, he'll keep on fighting. Sun Tzu is not Ken's master it seems. Then we get a globe shot of the country of Japan, goodness knows why as we zoom in and then the Skyrod flies away from the hard camera to end the episode at 5:20. So yes; Ken is God and we should all be afraid of him. This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the finish and the media-res flashback; not to mention all the young on old violence shown here. -* (-20%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Holy crap; what a headache I just had watching this! All of these episodes ranged from hilariously bad to "so bad; they should be sued out of existence but they won't" bad. Dynamite In The Brain should be seen if only to be disgusted at a finish where if they changed one line of dialogue and two shots, it would have saved Ken's reputation as a babyface. I realize that this show is a lost cause; but still. A piano teacher brainwashing Caron into killing his brother with memoriable quotes about how evil her brother is and in the context of this series, all true. That is beyond comedy diamond in my view. Then it all ends with Mrs. Izumi murdering the crap out of Caron's cheek which had such impact as a still shot in order to make Caron come to her senses. This was Chargeman Ken at it's sorry, sickest best and I recommend checking the real sub and the parody sub (although you might have to get the word F*ck out of your memory to enjoy it).The rest of this was the usual laughable crap that mades Ken and company so fun to watch. Sadly; most of the offensive stuff is done now as we head to the final rant of this series: Juralians kidnap orphans! Satan is the dumbest heel in animation still! Ken and Clipper go to Egypt! Juralians take over more farming complexes! Clipper has a robot friend! Or does he?! And some teenage hooligan (Guess who is behind this?) beat up little kids to force Ken into a motorcycle race! Yeah; this winding road that is Easter Sadism is almost over; and I'm going to be sad that it will be over, too. So....

Thumbs way down in hell for every episode (Thumbs in the middle for episode #34, #36, #40, #41 and #43, no rating for episode #33 and #39, thumbs up for episode #45 and thumbs down for the rest on the trainwreck scale.) and I'll see you all next time!

Back to Other Rants Index!

Return to the Rant Shack!

Return to the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage