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50 Years Of Chargeman Ken: When The Clock Strikes 65!

Reviewed: 04/03/2015
Updated: 08/04/2017
Additional Commentary: 05/02/2024

Karma (Doesn't) Strike The Murderous Babyface!

Source: Cartoon Research. "Worst Anime Ever: “Chargeman Ken” (1974)"

We finally wind down to the final episodes as we have Ken and Clipper going to Egypt! A teenager beats up little kids to force Ken into a motorcycle race! Ken saves orphans! Clipper has a robot friend...allegedly! Wax figures try to make dorky ushers get fired for burning the place down! And more farm complexes get terrorized! Oh yeah; there is lots more insanity left to observe and rant on. (Here is Ken's kill count after 48 episodes: 225 Juralian aliens (almost five Juralian aliens per episode), a spieces of butterflies, eighteen horses, and four humans.) So, let's rant on shall we...?

Episode #49 - The Juvenile Delinquent's True Form Is...?! (Officially Translated As: The Delinquent's True Colors): Episode opened at Ken's school with more spooky drum music and a great title card when translated into English. Jump cut to Ken walking which at least looks like there is a walk cycle, and then he stops and hears someone in pain. We jump cut to a bunch of students as two girls in a red and pink dress in that order. One of them is wearing glasses and sock boots like Caron. The girls are wrapping bandages on the heads of two boys all wearing matching colored jumpsuits like Ken Izumi; only not personalized. Some of them have casts on their arms and some arms are in slings. The guise of this is that they are selling injuries. Ken asks what the hell is going on here and the red dressed girl -- who has a paintbrush on her person for some reason -- explains that Yamamoto and his friends were playing behind the warehouse when they were beaten down by some juvenile delinquent. The Pink dressed girl has a red cross on her pink shirt and a first aid kit with the Red Cross on it. Normally; the symbol is edited out of productions because the Red Cross has been much more protective of that symbol in recent years. Maybe this is the archive rule WWE must follow. (In that all WWE footage from before the World Wildlife Fund won their lawsuit is under a new deal to be allowed to show the WWF logo and letters; but cannot use the logo/letters after the lawsuit was won by the World Wildlife Fund. I think the Jim Cummings/Louie L'Amour situation is under the same archival deal with Disney and the Prima estate since all of the TaleSpin episodes are on DVD and Louie was never cut out nor voice was altered. I think King Larry for House Of Mouse came about because it was new footage instead of archive footage.) Anyhow; the girl wants Ken to stop this madness and you would think Ken would transform into Chargeman Ken right now; and of course this does not happen. The girl also admits that Tanaka and other Class B students have already gone to the warehouse to get their revenge on the poor students and they of course refuse to listen to a bunch of girls, even though listening is the reasonable thing to do.

One of the injured students stands up -- wearing a spotted brown jumpsuit with a blue vest -- and want to kick someone's ass. (Ironsharp used damn as the curse word here, Discotek Media did not.) Ken asks how many thugs are there. The boy claims that there is only one and the kids did nothing wrong. Maybe this thug was a guy who was getting people off his property. Have you ever thought of that you moron?! Anyhow; a large black haired man arrives out of nowhere wearing a blue vest with white shirt as the vest has the letter T on it. I assume that this guy is Tanaka from Class B. He wants revenge and we see two smaller boys in jumpsuit welding wooden baseball bats. One of them has a #5 on his shirt; so I assume that his name is Five. All the injured kids cheer and raise their fists in rage as Ken tells them to wait up because he's coming along as an "objective" observer. Jump cut to shot of black boots with actual walk cycles on the ground walking. Jump cut to a bad camera shot of the warehouses. Pan down to ground level with Ken, Tanaka and the brown suited injured dude -- as I'm assuming that he is Yamamoto all along -- bring in nine transparent shadowed kids. Yes folks; it's 12 on one advantage babyfaces, with three of those babyfaces are welding baseball bats. (Why twelve of them?! Ken is OP'ed and Yamamoto has the biggest stakes in the episode because he was hurt badly. I'm watching The Golden Boots finish all over again. Thankfully, Ken is the only one who actually fights here.) At least in the closeup of Tanaka yelling for the hooligan to show his face; we see two of the shadowed kids fully drawn and colored, so there you go. No one shows up as Yamamoto and another injured kid look at each other looking confused. Closeup shot of Tanaka looking up and he finally finds our thug on top of the roof of a hanger driving the same motorcycle Hoshi was riding in episode #4. I wish the Juralian alien in disguise was Hoshi, because that would be a perfect double take for Ken Izumi. Of course, this alien is disguised as a black haired man with a wierd face dressed up in a green jumpsuit and white tie with dark green boots. (Yeah, "woman's face" is a horrible description, so it had to go.) He laughs and they literally used two shots of his face to animate it. Worse; in the far shot, the thug is on top of the hanger. On the closeup; it appears that he is already on ground level.

Jump cut to thug popping a wheelie in midair in the sky. The kids from Class B are shocked and panicky as we get a jump cut of the shot of a wheel landing on the ground, and the sound effect used here sounds like the motorcycle got totaled. (Former self was paying attention a lot more than I used to even in these rants of this very show.) The thug asks what business do they have with these dozen or so "babyfaces". Ken demands to know why he is so hostile as Tanaka looks like he wants to weasel out of this judging by the look of his kisser. (Discotek Media had Ken asking why the thug is so violent, which actually makes more sense since the thug clearly beat up Yamamoto.) The thug basically doesn't answer his question and asks if he has a problem with that. Ken claims that he doesn't want to pick a fight with him, which of course is a stupid thing to say if you are Ken Izzy. The thug basically tells Ken to get lost; which I'm sure a million people who saw this show would agree with the heel here. And I don't mean Ken Izumi. The thug then throws the least animated punch right into Ken's kisser that I have ever seen and Ken falls flat on his back with a trickle of blood coming from his mouth. Why yes folks; this children's cartoon has characters bleeding a little, most so kids, why do you ask?! Tanaka and his classmates are shocked and appalled as Ken gets up and orders the thug to stop fighting. Yes; in Ken's mind, one punch to the face is fighting. Ken would make the most hilariously hypocritical fan of "zero tolerance" school policies the world over. (Discotek Media had it as "stopping being so violent", which makes more sense, but it ruins the buzz because when you translate the show worse, it makes it better since Chargeman Ken is the worst show on the planet!) Oh; and apparently; Ken has lost his bleeding and gained a bruise on his right cheek for no good reason. Sadly; this happens all the time in good anime, so it's not just a Knack Productions motif. The thug laughs it off while saying: "Don't make me laugh." Well; Ken just did sir. (For all the wrong reasons, but I laugh so I lose.) Then we get the next three shots of Ken getting punched in the gut, knee strike in the gut and punch to the face as the blood from his mouth returning. All three shots are not animated. I would say that this is Knack Productions logic, but Yu-Gi-Oh uses this logic too; so there you go.

Ken gets dropped on his back and has both a bruise and blood from his mouth. Yamamoto looks horrified along with the other injured students. Tanaka and his two club welders -- three on one advantage babyfaces -- are pissed off. So much so that the blue suited kid behind Tanaka suffers from MS Paint bleeding. Yeah. Tanaka almost calls the thug an SOB. (Ironsharp does use damn as a curse word here, Discotek didn't use a curse word here and Tanaka call him a "good for nothing".) Ken gets up and orders Tanaka to not get involved; causing the thug to call Ken a goody two shoes. Problem is, (a) Ken is a failure as a babyface and (b) Ken is wearing leather boots. So, it should be "baddie two boots". It's comedy. HA HA HA! (Discotek kept this line though, and good for them! Instant comedy gold to me!) More still shots of Ken getting punched in the face again, knee stike to the gut and kicked in the gut before Knack Productions finally animates Ken literally getting faceplanted onto the ground. All this needs is a heel drop to the back of the head and Ken getting his face rubbed into hot coals until he is a bloody mess or dead; and we would have a perfect visual aid of one reviewer of TV.com who hates Fanboy so much that he wants to kill him and leave him a bloody mess, simply because Fanboy is so annoying. I have seen and heard many irrational reactions to modern and ancient cartoons before; but this is dangerously close to making actual death threats. (Oh, you should see how modern cartoons and even ancient ones are treated today, former self. Their reviews make this irrational statement look like foreplay with a feather in comparison.) Fanboy is damn annoying; but I would simply send Fanboy and Chum Chum to Bray Wyatt instead. Dean Ambrose should try that; it might be enough to stop that cult leader. Sister Abagail would get quite a workout methinks. (Bray Wyatt is dead, Sister Abagail might as well be and Dean Ambrose is Jon Moxley doing stupid stuff in another wrestling company, but still having great matches.) Of course, Ken has to grunt to create an impact sound effect. Tanaka has had enough of this nonsense and the three Class B members run in with their clubs. (Ah, that's why Ken Izumi had the numbers game. Coward!)

We get three more still shots: Tanaka gets his cheek sliced and blood sprays out with no animation of course, Blue suit kid gets blood spraying out of his right arm which is sliced open and then gets it again from the left arm. I'm certain that this was supposed to be other clubber; but that one was not wearing the same outfit as the second one like this third one is. Jump cut to thug showing off a dagger which magically came out of nowhere. It sparkles and he giggles as Ken comes up with blood from his mouth saying that he'll fight the thug after all. I thought you were already fighting him; and he kicked your ass in six moves! (Sick burn strikes again!) After all of this fighting; guess what happens next?! The thug agrees to challenge Ken to a motorcycle race and shows a magically out of nowhere motorcycle. Yeah; this show sucks! (Yeah, because even this show is not immune to Cartoon Duck Syndrome.) We waste time with the thug and Ken starting up their motorcycles; showing the thug reving up one and one of them showing flame coming out of the exhaust. The thug is shown on motorcycle along with Ken and it's time to go. Ken says okay and then we jump cut to a wheel running on gravel. Side shot of Ken and the thug driving motorcycles using the background to move and actual motorcycle sound effects. Then a far side shot of them driving with slightly more animation than the closeup shot. Pan shot to the bottom right of the screen as Tanaka, Yamamoto and company cheering Ken on behind some bunker like wall. Repeat shot of background moving motorcycles from side shot. Jump cut to cliff from the ground as Ken and thug jump off cliff with motorcycle and land on ground safely. Slightly more animated than the far side shot earlier. More background moving footage only from a sky shot as Ken has a slight lead over the thug. The motorcycles, despite being in 2074, move much slower than motorcycles in the 1970's. BAD! Ken seems distracted for no reason as we repeat the footage of the wheel riding on the ground shot. Then a repeat shot of the background moving side shot; then two wheels on the ground running closeup shot. Then a closeup shot of Ken's face with a red mark on both cheek as he demands to know what the hell the thug is doing now.

Now this usually signals that the heel is going to cheat and Ken is going to take a tumble onto the ground. However; Knack Productions is so stupid as we jump cut to the wheel hitting the side of a small rock, and the thug flips over -- all still shot animation mind you -- and falls off the motorcycle and faceplants onto the ground. Yes; the heel tries to cheat and screwed up, thus killing what little tension and drama this low speed chase might have had. Ken stops the motorcycle and goes over to the thug asking if he is all right. The thug has his ninja dagger of death with him; so the answer to that is yes. He throws the dagger like a ninja and it slices the right shoulder of Ken, causing Ken to hold onto it like it was hurt. Ken looks horrified. (I guess he was knocked out when the thug did the same thing to Tanaka and Class B; otherwise, him being shocked makes no sense.) The thug then addresses him as Chargeman Ken and Ken is now shocked to see on the cliff five Juralian aliens on motorcycles. At least the heels know how to be heels even when they act completely stupid as this is six on one advantage heels. They laugh as Ken runs to the motorcycle; but one of the aliens uses the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH to vaporize the motorcycle. This had to be filler because the aliens already know who Chargeman Ken is; so what was the point of Ken trying to bail, other than to make him look like a chicken?! One of the aliens on the closeup orders the five other aliens to ride the motorcycles and kill Ken Izzy. They ride down and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Of course; we get the repeat footage of the Skyrod flying away from the hard camera out of nowhere like in episode #47. Jump cut to Ken in the Skyrod at the controls and we discover that the Skyrod's laser attack is called the Alpha Beam. LAME-O! We already have an Alpha Gun which is Ken's hand weapon. Call it the Beta Beam or something along those lines, you moron! Apparently; the Alpha Beam is basically the exact same colored beam as the Juralians weapons; because it fires the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH and vaporizes a Juralian alien on the motorcycle. Apparently; it's like Rescue Rangers where one shot spreads to all six heels and vaporizes it. One of the alien is on his belly on the ground screaming in pain as the color changed to pink for no reason at all. Of course!

The other three aliens die from spinach beams of death on their bellies; yee-haw! (Six more aliens die for our Chargesociopathic Ken, that brings the kill count to at least 231 Juralian aliens.) We do a pan shot of Ken's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR complete with crescent moon in the sky. We hear the family talking to Ken as Ken is wanting to come inside. Caron wants to play with Ken and then we jump cut to inside the lobby as the sliding doors come in and it's Ken looking like a mess; although all the blood is gone from him now. Mrs. Izzy, Caron and Clipper watch on in stunned silence as Mrs. Izzy says good heavens. Then she and Caron do Gruffi poses in stereo and I cannot take these two seriously in acting angry about Ken getting into trouble after episode #37. Clipper does his version of it with closed eyes five seconds later because he's useless. Basically; Mrs. Izzy demands to know where he was playing. Ken simply apologizes with the most obvious non-pology giggle ever and then slaps his hairstyle causing dust to fly on Ken. Even though the dust come nowhere near Mama Izumi, Caron and Clipper; they still oversell it as if the dust is engulfing their breathing. Clipper is holding his mouth doing the pee-yew sound; implying that Ken Izzy stinks. Cue Marsupilami yelling at Maurice that he stinks! (Yeah, I finally remembered that Marsupilami episode where Maurice refused to take a bath! It was better than this episode, although not as funny as this episode thought.) Ken is looking at himself and then we get a still side shot photo of Ken laughing as everyone laughs with him while Caron and Mrs. Izzy are wearing red slippers for no reason. Caron wearing red slippers is dumb when you can clearly see that she is still wearing her sock boots on camera. Pan shot up to the moon outside and that ends the episode at 5:21. This was a *** on the trainwreck scale for Ken's amazingly bad fighting skills, some blood pouring, still shots, and a lot of hideously hilarious animation. Also of note: Ken's school has no professional nurses and thus the female students are the nurses. Yeah; more rigid gender roles everyone, welcome to 1974! (Another example of the future not being predicted well.) Call it -** (-40%).

Episode #50 - Save The Orphanage! (Officially Translated As: Save The Orphan Center!): Episode opens at a park outside some buildings with windmills, white flags and a dome. It looks like a moden campsite as we pan west to a narrator informing that this place is an orphanage. This is where little children live after being left alone because of the sudden passing of their parents. Pan shot of the kids in a still shot laughing and playing on the slides, swings and other such toys. There is a girl in a red shirt who has no skirt on and we can literally see her bare ass on camera. Knack Productions is so cheap in animation that no one spotted this. (Personally, former self should be careful when making accusations like that, but seriously: That girl was not wearing anything underneath her groin area. That was creepy on Knack Productions part. They are not furries where you can get away with it as the Wuzzles did with Butterbear and Hoppo, they are suppose to be human beings. Also, underage as well. I'm shocked Discotek didn't have this scene edited a bit.) Another girl in a green dress is dangerously close to this although her ass is to the side. The pink dressed one with orange hair is also very dangerously close as well. Some are playing in the sandbox which has some contrived animation. Jump cut to a green haired woman; and she uncanny looks like Terra/Tina from Final Fantasy VI. Ironically; in FF6, Tina was looking after orphans after Mobliz was destroyed during Kefka's reign of terror. I think a lot of us do not want to admit that Squaresoft stole from this show. She introduces us to Haruo and Yumiko. (Discotek Media had it as Yomiko I do believe.) Haruo is the brown haired boy with a green shirt and a G on the front in dark green colors. Yumiko is the girl with red ribbons in her hair and wearing all pink. Tina is wearing a belt with a golden infinity symbol in the front of her chest. She is introducing these kids to a man in a blue business suit with glasses on and a blue tie; along with an old man with a grey mustache and matching color suit with vest, white shirt and purple tie. They are having coffee and like the kids. We discover that the man in the blue suit has a last name: Mr. Fukada I do believe. (I think Discotek Media had it as Mr. Fukuda, but the reviewer blocks the entire right side, so it's impossible to tell here.)

The kids smile, Fukada laughs a hearty laugh and wants them to be his children starting right now. The man in the grey suit is happy to hear that, so I guess he is the director of the orphanage. Everyone is happy as we jump cut to outside as Fukada's car is outside on the curb as we see more shadowed characters. The kids and Fukada get into the back of the chair as Tina and the director say their goodbyes and ask Fukada to come back with the kids once in a while to visit. Fukada simply tells his driver -- a white suit brown haired man with a yellow shirt -- saying "yes, sir". He starts the car and gives an evil smile to indicate that main event doom is forthcoming to the children inside the car. Tina and the director wave goodbye as the car speeds away. The Tina lookalike asks the white haired director what Fukada does for a living and the director claims that he is the head of the National Space Development Agency's board of directors. (Discotek has it as the Space Development Corporation, I think.) Tina asks where he lives and the director claims that he lives in a mansion in Greenhead, he thinks. That is not a good sign methinks. Tina sighs and then we see her back and her green hair looking directly at Ken, Caron, Mr. Izzy and Mrs. Izzy who are inside the dining room of Ken's house. Ken asks if the address is fake too. Tina explains that there is a man called Fukada who fits the description of his job, but he looks like a completely different person compared to the "Fukada" that showed up at the orphanage. Shouldn't you be doing background checks BEFORE you show off the orphans madam? That sounds like a horrible breach of ethics and safety there! Ken asks what this could mean; and Mr. Izzy has the Gruffi pose on proclaiming that he's more concerned about the children. The Tina lookalike feels something awful about this man adopting a lot of orphans and pleads for Ken's help to rescue them. Ken does his closeup determination face and says right. Zoom in and then we jump cut to the set of Fist Of The North Star ten years before that production existed. Funny enough; the main character's name is Kenshiro (Ken) and his show in Japanese is Hotoku No Ken. So yeah; useless trivia for a useless show. We pan over to the Juralian alien ship as three aliens dressed up like thugs are with Jural Fukada as we see at least four orphan kids tied up and roped as a chain.

One of them in a green sweater demands to know where they are being taken and Fukada punts the orphan down onto the ground as the orphan tumble like a bunch of kids. Fukada also has a whip to use on retainer just in case. The thugs claim that Satan is taking them to his home base to take care of them. (Discotek told the children not to lollygag and used the term Devil King here. I realize that it's unethical to change the title of Maou in the middle of this show, but you know what: Chargeman Ken is so bad that if Discotek didn't do that, it would ruin the buzz this show was unintentionally shooting for.) All the children cry except for the brown haired kid in the green sweater. I'm guessing it's Haruo since I can barely see the dark green letter on his sweater. The crying was not animated well at all. Haruo demands answers to this outage and all the thugs change into Juralian aliens. The group shot of kids looking shocked seriously needs to be shown for all horrible shows ever made when someone on a crappy show does jaw dropping stupidity. I would sweat too and them being tied up makes it work so lovely as well. Fukada somehow stays in his human form as he tries to poison the well by claiming that they are unwanted orphans anyway and no one will save them because humanity has no empathy. Look; just because the #1 babyface is an insane, evil monster most of the time doesn't mean everyone on planet Earth is Fukada. (There's only one truly lovable character on the show and he's a technophobe. Professor Volga is a good human being, but he was killed by Ken Izumi. The aliens do have a point there.) Harou no sells and Fukada yells at him to shut up and does the CURB STOMP OF DEATH right on Harou's face, ala Seth Rollins. (I'm not walking back the Stomp even if it now called that in WWE. The aliens are supposed to be Nazi-like heels in storyline, despite being the worst at it.) The kids tumble in a repeated shot in a heap. They cry on cue as Fukada brings out the whip and calls them wretches and worthless as he wants to make them suffer. Harou's scream is so weak on the next shot that Harou's acting license should be revoked. Then Ken arrives out of nowhere from behind -- like a heel; but blows his cover right away. The Juralian aliens and Fukada turn around and are shocked. Ken tells them to prepare themselves and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~! Group shot of the kids doing the weakest cheering I have ever heard, then jump cut to Fukada ordering the aliens to kill Ken as alien #1 does closeups of him. Ken shoots the alpha gun and they combine the alien with the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH. The kids look shocked as the alien drops dead and then vanishes seconds later.

More shooting and vaporizing as all three alien heels are vaporized with animation and EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH! Apparently; Fukada magically changed into a Juralian alien because he sneaks up behind Ken and invokes the tentacle of choke to strangle Ken. The animation Ken uses is so goofy when strangled; it's like a gentle nudge. Closeup of Ken struggling to stop the strangling as he sweats. The alien invokes the SPINACH LASER BEAM OF DEATH and Ken leaps high in the air. Why bother dodging it? It's not like you ever sold that move in previous episodes anyway. The alien is shocked as Ken yells Bijoum Belt as his upside down green triangle spinner buckle rotates into a record and then we get a direct closeup of the buckle spinning and it basically create a torando wind attack on Fukada Jural as Ken wiggles free, lands on his feet and watches Fukada fall flat on his face. (Called Vizum Belt by Discotek Media, more on that later.) Fukada disappears seconds later and that is that. POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Oh wait; it's not. Ken is in shock because Fukada is still in human form. Wait; there were five aliens instead of four?! He is in the meatgrinder space ship as he curses Ken and flies away. At first; I thought Fukada was really Satan in disguise, but it isn't. Jump cut to Ken in the Sky Rod chasing after the Juralian spaceship as Fukada is pissed off as we jump cut to the alien ship firing the COTTON CANDY BEAM OF DEATH; which Ken dodges easily. Ken pushes the white button on the joystick and it fires the BANANA BEAM OF DEATH which hits the ship and makes it rumble. Jump cut to a close up of Fukada who transforms into a Juralian alien and then we get the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH which causes the jump cut to Ken looking happy inside the Sky Rod. (Five more aliens have been murdered in the first degree by this horrible murderous babyface who thinks he is god, to bring the kill count up to at least 236 Juralian aliens. After 50 episodes, this is 4.72 Juralian aliens per episode!) Jump cut to the orphan kids, Tina Clone and the director waving at Ken for a job well done. None of this is animated. Oh wait; one girl is waving goodbye to Ken and it's animated. Ken is shown in the Sky Rod waving at the kids and it's a still frame shot. The final shot shows Ken leaving in the Skyrod as it flies away from the hard camera; still at the Fist Of The North Star set. I guess the director and Tina Clone have cars, but still. That ends the episode at 5:21. This gets ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale because of all the child abuse in this episode, the overuse of the explosion painting and giving A-Team a recurring plotline to steal. Yeah; this was a load of hilarious stupidity. -* 1/4 (-25%).

Episode #51 - Stray Dog Koro: Here's your "I cannot believe this" Wikipedia moment: Koro is a culture-specific syndrome delusional disorder in which an individual has an overpowering belief that one's genitalia are retracting and will disappear, despite the lack of any true longstanding changes to the genitals. Yeah; they named a dog after a mental disease found in southern Chinese males. (You wonder why some countries do not like Japanese in their media?!) Episode opens with sad music near some broken down construction site. Pan over to a girl with brown hair and a pink dress tending to a brown shaggy dog tied to a post with rope. Oh great; Ruff from Dragon Quest VII suffered the same fate when he was introduced. The girl is in tears as the dog is clearly Koro; our guest character for this show. She apologizes to Koro because her father has transfered his job to somewhere else and Koro is too much of a burden for him to take with them. Apparently; the landlord doesn't allow dogs, because reasons! The girl looks absolutely distraught as she bails stage left crying. I know that humans deserve more compassion than dogs from other humans; but come on, now! This is tragic, and it's going to get worse now as Koro is wailing while the girl yells her goodbye as she's running away. Koro looks down, probably wondering if he has the same disorder as his namesake and then we do the always rinky-dink blue construction paper scene changer to Clipper walking stage left in the same broken down contruction site. Yes folks; they don't have enough in the budget to fade to black anymore and they are using blue construction paper to overcompensate. Clipper is humming a tune and sadly, Discotek Media doesn't translate it, for whatever reason. (If Ironsharp is still around, can you please translate this tune?) Koro is wailing in the background as Clipper turns around to see three kids in matching outfits, only one of them is in pink and one of the blue guys has a baseball cap. All three have baseball bats and are beating down Koro with them. BS&P?! What is BS&P?! I betcha Knack Animation is asking that question right now to whatever PTA is complaining about this show. (I doubt any PTA cared about television at this point, but I would ask: Why not just taunt the dog and only hit it once or twice? Sure, that's still animal cruelity, however; that dog should be dead by now.)

Worse; they are bashing Koro in the head and I'm shocked he's not dead since they whacked him at least eight times in this scene. This scene is so curel and disgusting that one of the boys's outfit changes from pink to green, and another one has a yellow streak on the front. Sadly; there is clearly none running down his back. Clipper runs in to try to break this up and demands they stop this instant. The boy with the yellow streak around himself -- and not just the back -- turns around and bashes Clipper in the head with the baseball bat. Yes; not only do these kids hate Koro; they hate Clipper as well. (I guess they heard Barican's harmonia playing and this was a pre-emptive strike. I'll get my coat...) Boy kicks Clipper in the head and this was completely eighth-assed; despite Clipper being thrown like a lawn dart on his chin. (Barican at least was trying to sell this shit like the biggest geek in the land, since he is supposed to be the comedy geek in storyline.) Sadly; this one isn't nearly as funny as the one in episode #62 later on. Clipper is forced to bail saying that he won't forget this. However; he doesn't say if he will never forgive them for this as we cut back to Koro getting beat up by baseball bats as the kids want to hit him even harder. Why are they doing this?! I don't care if it doesn't matter; I want to know why?! Are you afraid that I'll somehow have total sympathy for them? Listen; wanting to know why they are doing this is not sympatizing with them! If you believe that, you are a "holier than thou" asshole with a misguided sense of justice and has no interest in actual prevention. (TESTIFY~! By the way, the one time Barican could have said "I won't forgive them for is" was much needed and it didn't happen. Just peachy!) Thankfully; Clipper brings in Ken Izzy to break this one up as one of the kids is now wearing an orange shirt with green pants on now; and he proclaims Ken that he is bad news. Yes; this kid is the most intellegent human in the entire show now. Just peachy. Yes; they ran away like scalded dogs as Koro slumps down almost looking like he's relieved. (What former self said is ironic by the way.) Ken and Clipper cannot believe this cruelty as Koro looks at Ken and we do the blue construction paper scene changer of doom and return I believe is Ken's front lawn, which is mostly concreate.

Ken, Clipper and Caron watch Koro eating food from his doggie dish. Yes; they adopted him as a pet. Awwwww! My heart melted and really; if Ken is your ally, Koro really has nothing to fear anymore. Or does he?! (Sadly, former self would prove to not be joking about this ordeal, even though it wasn't Ken's fault this time around.) Caron's face looks unpolished here, as in slightly off-model. This problem occurs in many 1980's/1990's animation when Disney and other major studios around the world use different overseas animation houses. It happens a lot more than you think; but at least it can be explained away with the use of multiple animation houses. Also, there is enough coordination to make the animation look somewhat on-model. TaleSpin for instance had three studios that were bought out by Disney and then you add the ones who worked with the French unit (Walt Disney London, Lapiz Azul, Jaime Diaz, Sean Newton, and two others), the ones who worked with the Japan unit (Hanho Heung-Up, Tama Pro (Oh lookie, the one who did all the animation for Chargeman Ken), Jade, maybe Kum Young), Sunwoo and Wang Films. That's fourteen animation houses in total. Trying to keep the show reasonable and looking similar to each other is totally impossible, even with proper coordination. Chargeman Ken had exactly one animation house: Tama Pro; and this show screws up like it has over thirty animation houses working on it. This is not the animator's fault; this is the pre-production staff having no idea what they are doing. (More like Knack Productions simply not giving an elf.) Then we get a pan shot towards black shadowary figures hiding behind a house, and in that shot, you can plainly see the paper edges bleeding into the frame. Jump cut to a close up shot of two men in green telling Koro to keep on playing like an innocent dog because that accursed, wretched Ken Izzy dies today. Yeah; I'll bet. Then they fade to black. Yes; they actually had enough in the budget to do that. Don't ask; this cannot be answered. We return to outside Ken's residence as Koro runs out of the gate; so Ken wants to free his free spirit. At least he and his family are treating Koro better than everyone in this show; which at least gives Ken some of his babyface heat back. Koro runs towards Ken's school in the back. Koro growls as he notices the two thugs in green, looking totally transparent and unanimated. Oh; and one of the thugs's trenchcoat changes to banana yellow on the closeup shot. The thugs are stating that Ken is coming home now and they have a Krackpotkin plan to kill him. This plan is so going to work. Not.

One of the thugs actually says "okay" in English and walks stage right as the dog runs in barking. Jump cut to a shot of a church bell ringing outside a church. Out comes the worst cheering that school's over sequence in history at Yoi Elementary School. Yes; Ken Izumi's school does have an official name; so Ken is about ten or eleven in storyline. (I liked my idea of Yoi Elevator School better, since it's a tall building that needs an elevator to get to the top.) The animation sequence of the boys in blue running out is hilarious: no animation, then choppy animation and then jump cut to Ken running better than any of them. Ken wonders where Koro is and Koro arrives as they are about to do the running to each other and hugging spot. This always works to get an emotional response out of the audience; and this one was decent enough as Koro is growling at Ken. Ken is then stopped and cut off as a net is thrown on top of him. Koro growls as the two thugs approach Ken. Three guesses who they really are; and the first two don't count as Ken struggles and cannot get free. Just transform already! You don't have to kill the thugs, Ken; it's okay. (Especially when the light gimmick and voice gimmick still are in play! Is this net made of iron and Ken's weakness is iron chariots?! Damn this show to hell!) Then Koro gets nasty as he jumps on the green suit thug and tries to literally bite his head off. Koro is shoved off and it's the yellow suit thug's turn to deal with Koro's head biting fetish. Koro is awesome now! (Dog is God spelt sideways and they are not leopards! Awesome!) Koro gets thrown and takes a vicious back bump into the wooden fence. The thugs turn into Juralian aliens in the most grostestque way possible and someone forgot to color the poor Jural's eye. Koro stop selling and barks. The alien then invokes the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH on the dog and he is cooked to death, after Koro sells the beam about eight different ways. This somehow is enough for Ken to get out of the net. Colorless eye Juralian alien turns around giggling and now you have done it! The Juralian aliens with colored eyes surround Ken as Ken gets it that they were trying to kill him. Also, his eyes are now discolored.

CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Ken shooting his Alpha Gun. Shoot, shoot, kill, kill, scream, scream, end, end, yee-haw! Yes; I have totally given up at this point. Yes; they repeated the exact same sequence for both kills. (Two more aliens die, but they deserved it at least for killing poor Koro who was defending the only family that actually loved it. Kill count now stands at least 238 Juralian aliens. This is the fewest amount of aliens in one episode in a long ass whomping time, too!) Ken puts the Alpha Gun on his left arm as the music stop and the sad music slowly plays in the background as we see Koro is on his belly, dead as a doornail. Ken comes over and cradles Koro pleading for him to hang on and in tears as we HIT THE FLASHBACK to Ken and Caron laughing at Clipper's expense when Koro chases him; which is in fact funny. Blue construction paper scene changer of death as Ken, Caron and Clipper have already buried Koro and put flowers in front of his gravestone. Again; it's kind of disgusting that Ken now cares about this dog; but didn't give a damn about J-17 or X-6 after those episodes were over. (Don't worry, he'll forget about this dog after this episode is over because it's as episodic as it gets. Many cartoons forget their own material as well.) Ken gives Koro his last rites and walks off with Caron and Clipper as we zoom out to a shot of the front of Koro's grave stone; then a BEFORE HAPPY HOUR zoom out shot of the same gravestone which is near a cliff now. I would like to say that this is Knack Productions' stupidity; but Sonic X did this too, so it's not a Knack Productions motif. Yes; it really did happen, but 4Kids Entertainment hates death of any kind, so there you go. This ends the episode at 5:20. In any other show; this would have been a decent emotional moment; but this is Chargeman Ken, and it comes off tacky and gross. This gets **** on the trainwreck scale for animal violence beyond the pale, the ending and the unfinished, unpolished animation. The Juralian aliens really got their heel heat back in this episode when they not only killed Koro; they didn't vaporize him into thin air. Koro was shown dead right in front of Ken! "Kill the puppy" always works to get your monster heel heat back and this is no exception. -*** 3/4 (-75%).

Episode #52 - Blow Up The Undersea Oil Field!: Episode opens either underwater or in the stormy skies. I'm not sure which. Oh wait; there is badly animated grey fish swimming around, so it's underwater. Yellow fish swim and they are similairly transparent. Pan down to underwater's ground level as we are at the oil field as explained in the episode title. Lots of domes and discs litter the area. Jump cut to a tower shining a light like a turntable around the area above the oil tanks. There are about 5020 oil tanks in this area, at least as shown in white letters painted on the tanks. Each have ladders as we jump cut to a sky shot of an orange rocket car piloted by a guy in green sucba gear with a rifle and goggles. I discover that the thing is a robot because it's humming for no reason. More sky shots of the crossroad as the narrator explains that this is an undersea oil field as we pan up to show more oil tanks. Narrator claims that in the future there are shortage of petroleum and other resources. At the rate we are going; the shortage will occur much sooner and probably within my short lifespan. (Wow, that was more accurate; plus corporate greed to boot!) More badly animated fish swim around as the narrator continues his spiel that they are extracting oil hidden at the bottom of the sea. More yellow fish swim as we jump cut to a green robot guarding tank number 9051, so there's ten thousand tanks of oil. Jump cut to a giant undersea cruise ship connected with a hose to a robot shaped undersea plant; looking totally pale white. Now this is turning into an episode of "How It's Made". Those cruise ships are atomic submarines, according to the narration as the oil rig is pumping and animated; while the robots with flesh colored faces watch on from various positions. Jump cut to the control room with humans wearing a lot of purple and white at computers controlling the operations with headphones on. Jump cut to a tower underwater with yellow fish swimming again, badly. Space sounds ensue and then we head inside with Ken and Clipper stunned at the revelation that robots are disappearing from the oil field. Okay; I skipped most of the narration because there was nothing of note that was stupid or even amusing to me. We look out the window with the robots working their asses off on the oil field as a large man with his hands behind his back wearing the colors that signal that he's a Juralian alien, but has brown hair, glasses and a brown tie. He asked Ken Izzy as Chargeman Ken who defends the Earth. Yes; he does in fact reference the end to the opening theme song. The man asked Ken to come here as Ken asks what is going on. Umm; the robots have disappeared and it's your job to find out why and stop these disappearances.

Also; it probably is caused by Juralian aliens; because that is what happens in every episode in this series. Apparently; fifteen security guards were missing just like that; out of the fifty the oil field employs. Ken tells the director he accepts the mission and will patrol the area with the Sky Rod. Ken and Barican bail stage right and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~ barely two minutes in. (This is a nice change of pace, since the more recent ones start four minutes into the episode. (I think this is the first time they have done this since "We Cannot Eat Vegetable Salad!" too! Sadly, this episode is not as memorable as that episode though.) Jump cut to Sky Rod flying away from hard camera and stage left. Ken's helmet is now red and white for no reason whatsoever on the next shot with Ken and Clipper sitting down in the Sky Rod. Jump cut to Sky Rod using it's headlights to scour the area as more transparent colored yellow fish swim in the foreground. Pan shot east of the oil fields to a rock with slits cut into them as there are four Juralian aliens hiding and giggling inside of them. Basically; they are going to blow up the oil fields in order to causes chaos and mayhem with oil shortages at homes. Why they need to destroy fifteen security guards and hide before this, is a mystery to me. Oh wait; I know: these heels are very stupid as well as vile. This is also the first time Discotek Media has reference Satan as the "devil king" instead of the "demon king" by the way. (Nah, there have been several Ironsharp translationed episodes that references Maou as "Devil King" in the Discotek Media version.) One of the Juralian aliens notices guard robot number sixteen on the orange rocket car and alien #1 proclaims that he wants a bloodbath. They cut off #16 as it aims it's rifle at the three Juralian aliens shown and demands answers to this outrage. Aliens tell truth and invoke the BUTTER BEAM OF DEATH on him; vaporizing him. Another robot guard runs in and invokes the CIRCLE BUTTER BEAM OF DEATH and actually kills one of the Juralians. That's the first time someone other than Ken has killed a Juralian alien. (Nope. A criminal killed two aliens and Hiroshi Izumi killed Juralken earlier in this series.) Sadly; it's still three on one advantage heels and the BUTTER BEAM OF DEATH kills #17. However; #17 manages to falls in the convenient location of the alarm button on the oil tank wall, and pushes it. Why didn't the department store have this when that kid stole a robot..Forget why I asked. Alarm sounds roar as the alien wants a tactical retreat. I don't blame them; the robots are armed with the technology to kill Juralians now. They jump up into the water as the Sky Rod arrives with Ken noticing the alarm is on full blast.

Ken pulls on the stick to fly the Sky Rod as the three aliens notice that seven more robots in orange underwater jet skis swimming in to cut them off. Only three are fully painted by the way as the aliens invoke the BUTTER BEAM OF DEATH on #18 and he dies and the aliens have finally masters the La Purfect Crime way of nailing targets as #19 and #20 die as well. Then #21 joins in the death beam "fun". That leaves it four on three -- not including Barican -- advantage babyfaces; but the aliens manage to retreat into the convenienly placed wacky meatgrinder ship of doom and enter. Ken notices it right away and you know what's coming...you know. It's the undersea dodging of COTTON CANDY BEAMS OF DEATH~! Clipper hangs on for dear life in the Sky Rod. He looks like he has a concussion. More dodging and shoot makes Gregory Weagle something something as they rise out of the water for no real reason as the aliens curse Chargeman Ken again, and Knack animation had the gall to include water details on the window. Too bad none of this was animated as alien #2 checks the target as they want to kill him. Of course! Then we get a logic break: Shoot cotton candy beam of death with no animation, Ken dodges...umm..nothing at all. They didn't even bother to do the repeat shot of the beam turning yellow and Ken being underneath it. How does Knack Productions do it?! Ken tells the Sky Rod to go in English and then shoots the Alpha Beam at the ship; which causes little damage to it. Smoke, shaking and panic ensues on the aliens as Ken shoots the Alpha Beam; which turns into pink when it hits the top of the meatgrinder ship. Cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! (Three more Juralian aliens die for the lord of evil good, now the kill count stands at at least 241 Juralian aliens.) Jump cut back to the undersea tower with more transparent yellow fish swimming badly and then they repeat it. Jump cut to inside the tower with Ken, Clipper and the director as the director thanks Ken while Ken and Clipper look out the window. Several robots are inside thanking Ken as Ken wants to tour the place next time. We say our goodbyes as a Sky Rod clone with separate driver -- I don't know why since Ken can drive the Sky Rod without being Chargeman Ken in this show -- swims away from the oil field and we zoom out to a far sky shot of the oil field and then the next shot; the thing turns into the Sky Rod! What was the point of the clone? Just have Ken drive the Sky Rod; it's not like he's hasn't driven a freaking car at this point anyway and been called out on it. And people are surprised when I call this show a horrible joke, a cruel joke?! Orange transparent fish swim in the foreground to end the episode at 5:20. Not much to see here; no rating on the trainwreck scale, 1/2* (10%).

Episode #53 - The Suspicious Bride: Episode opens at a real Christian chruch complete with crosses and a chruch bell, complete with wedding music. (One of the crosses literally has Jesus crucified! It's badly drawn, but it's there! Holy crap!) I love that the bell sound is used; but the bell ringing is not animated at all. Jump cut to a bunch of wedding observers are surrounding our new bride and goom, wishing them good luck and taking care. Including Mama and Papa Izzy as Mama is decked out in blue; but Papa Izzy didn't even bother to change at all. What a cheapskate?! I discover that the blushing groom's name is Yamada as the bride is holding red circle flowers, with clovers in her hair and a pink clover on the left ear. Yamada is in a grey tuxedo and has one white glove in his right hand. Why?! I have no idea. I discover that Yamada works for the Undersea Agency and Papa Izzy recommends that he take a vacation and enjoy the honeymoon. Jump cut to Ken, Clipper and Caron blushing. Yes folks; only Mama Izzy bothered to actually change clothes for this wedding. I discover that the bride's name is Yoshiko; and Caron wants to be a pretty bride. Surprisely; Ken and Clipper do not do a zinger on her this time, so yes; they are on their best behavior here. More blushing from everyone as Yoshiko nods to someone in the crowd who is a brown haired man in purple and pink nodding back. Oh; look who makes a cameo here: the green tuxedo guy with a green tie is none other than Otokichi and his episode is up next!

Church bells ring in the background as Ken notices the dude; but the construction paper scene changer of doom cuts this off and we return with Clipper and Ken walking. Ken has the Gruffi pose on. Let me guess; he lost to another football player...AGAIN! Oh wait; he thinks Yoshiko was acting suspicious. I'm shocked he didn't just flat out called her a Juralian alien, since it's always them causing trouble. It's never someone else; even if humans conspire with them. Clipper thinks that Ken is overthinking this. I doubt that very much as Ken notices the thug from before and hides with Clipper in the bushes. Jump cut to the man walking around and we get a logic break: When the man was walking in the foreground, Ken and Clipper hid behind the building. Next shot: Clipper and Ken are shown hiding behind a tree. Ken wants to follow him, Clipper wants him to cut the act out. I think we know who wins this battle as we jump cut to outside a hallway in front of an elevator counting down the floors. Elevator opens to reveal the thug as Ken and Clipper are spying on the man as Clipper is calling out Ken on spying on him and probably thinks he's a friend of Yoshiko. You would think that after dozens and dozens of episode of the Juralian aliens dressing up exactly like this man would convince Clipper that this has to be taken seriously. Clipper of course is using this as an excuse to want to go home. Ken then gives up and goes back down to ground level and leaves the building. Yes; this happened! Thug #1 looks out the window to see Ken leaving and calls him an awful brat.

Captain Obvious: That is the understatement of animation history! Even Johnny Test was never this bad and I stand by that claim!

Of course, Captain Obvious; of course! Although Johnny Test is one of the worst babyfaces in history in his own right. (There are times where I feel bad for Johnny Test.) Jump cut to a far shot of #1 looking out the window as thug #2 (same outfit; different face) at the table sounding concerned about Ken's presence. So yes; he takes this job and Ken more seriously than the Devil King himself. So they are Juralian aliens in disguise because they want to blow up a submarine in the Undersea Agency before it's completed, because it might find the Juralian's secret underwater base. We discover that thug #1's name is J-1 and that X-7 is Yoshiko in disguise and was merrying Yamada. So Ken was right all along that something wasn't coming out of the wash. I'm guessing thug #2's name is J-2. So the men are labeled J and the woman are marked X and both are followed by a number. Except for the Devil King of course. I always wondered why people almost never want to be treated like a number; and now I have an answer. X-7 will take care of this as we get the blue construction paper scene changer of doom and jump cut to Yamada tying his shoes on the steps with Yoshiko wearing a green shirt, apron, blue skirt, sock boots and green slippers. She now has blue ribbons in her hair as Yamada is returning to work; so the honeymoon was a good one, I suppose. Yoshiko attaches a clip cufflink to Yamada's tie as he tells her that he should have the submarine completed soon and Yoshiko drops a white engine part into his pocket. She also asks if he's working late; but Yamada does a roundabout answer and leaves as Yoshiko is deep in though, looking evil as we get another blue construction paper scene changer of doom as we head to the Internatinal Undersea Agency. And no; I didn't misspell it; this is what the sign said. (Discotek subtitled the name correctly though, but didn't remove the writing like 4Kids Entertainment often does.) Sadly; this happens all the time in Japanese anime and gives rise to the Engrish meme. Even North American cartoons animated in Japan do this; as seen in several TaleSpin episodes I reviewed. (Check out Captains Outrageous and the shipment list Rebecca is holding during the scene where Kit is trying to convince Rebecca to let Oscar join Baloo in the shipment delivery.)

Pan up to the top of the building which looks closer to an air traffic control tower. Jump cut to inside as staff are attending to computers and other such stuff. Jump cut to Yamada inside a room at a piano like keyboard. I assume this is his own office. Jump cut to J-1, J-2 and Yoshiko already looking on a monitor at a large mainframe computer. I'm guessing that they are inside their ship; because that would make sense, but this is Knack Animation, so you just never know. The aliens exchange notes on the situation as the clip cufflink is a micro camera and in his pocket is a micro bomb. Monitor shot of the building of a submarine ensues and they are in awe of it. Jump cut to Yamada looking at blueprints in the computer control room as a man with brown hair, a cheese colored shirt with pockets and a red sweater underneath asks if the submarine is almost ready. Yamada says yeah; but his mouth doesn't move as we jump cut to a shot of the submarine with shadowed denizens shown. Two are on the submarine and the five on the right are clearly shadows of Ken, Caron, Clipper, Papa and Mama Izzy. Not fooled at all as we jump cut back to the aliens as Yoshiko wants to blow up this submarine. Good idea; because you can kill Ken and his family as a bonus! J-2 brings out transmitter and Ken and Clipper teleport right into the room to catch them red-handed. Dammit! Ken now has teleportation powers! And to think; X-7's plan was actually a good one! Ken was right all along and the aliens transform. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to Ken telling them to have at you; as the shot was behind the alien's legs. Giggling ensues as no animation is present, eyes flash; but no beams come out; but Ken dodges a magically out of nowhere spinach beam of death anyway. Then a cotton candy beam is dodged by Ken as Ken shoots the Alpha Gun. You know the drill, I'm broke watching this show. Not as broke as Matt Hardy, but I'm getting there. Logic hole: Sky background used during beam shots. Logic Hole #2: Two Juralian aliens die; next shot all three are still alive flashing their eyes. More dodging and Ken does the barrel roll; at least this one made contact with the ground this time. Juralian alien dodges beam by moving an inch to his right. Wow; they finally figured him out.

After all this insanity...Oh crap; forget it! They are dead; even though two of them should have died before. (Three more Juralian aliens die means kill count stands at 244 Juralian aliens.) Then we get one of those moments that defines the series: Ken stands there staring for seven seconds before jump cutting to him wiping sweat off his forehead. Which doesn't come off and then we fade to black. Jump cut to a more Japanese tradition of opening a giant paper ball spilling confetti out and this was probably the best animation in this entire series. Jump cut to shadowed workers working on the submarine. Jump cut to Yamada in a white marine uniform saluting and thanking everyone for coming. Everyone except the Izumi family dressed for the event as Yamada is the captain of the maiden voyage; so I assume Ken defused the bomb since we never saw it ever again. Everyone claps and offers good luck to Yamada. I hope so; because his luck with beloveds took an absolute nosedive in this episode. Laughable logic break: The pan shot of them clapping has the denizens clapping and then when the family is shown, the clapping animation simply stopped. What the hell happend to Papa Izzy's hands? He's got the inflatable feet syndrome I suffer; only it's his hands. Mama insists on getting this guy married again; but thankfully Yamada kindly tells her that he has had enough of Juralian alien brides. Sad; because X-7 didn't really harm him; outside of using him as a pawn for another Juralian alien scheme. Papa Izzy understands that he has had bad dreams; but insists on introducing him to someone who is not a Juralian alien. Does Japanese culture dab in arranged marriages? Yes; I'm asking this as a real question. Yamada agrees to it in a way to say "Okay; I will. Now please buzz off and let me do my job." as he calls for the launch of the submarine. Everyone laughs at his expense with no animation whatsoever and we get another blue construction paper scene changer of doom as the submarine is shown in a still image on top of the water. No background moving at all, no animation at all. Pan up to the sky to end the episode at 5:20. Wow; these late episodes have few animators now. This gets *** on the trainwreck scale for the worse than usual animation, Papa Izzy's giant hands, Ken's teleportation powers, X-7 being good as a heel and one of the most badly animated fights in this series to date. -** 3/4 (-55%).

Episode #54 - Mystery & Wonder! Wax Museum (Officially Translated As: Spooky! The Waxwork Museum): Episode opens with a shot and pan down of an apartment complex that looks like street light poles with upside down tea cups. We pan to ground level showing the midair roads and then we do the worst scene changer ever in that it fades to blue and then the blue gets pulled down. As if they filmed it with someone pulling the blue piece of paper down. Cut to some brown haired person sleeping in bed with a solar roof shining bright light. A clock springs out of the wall and rings as the brown haired, brown pj wearing man wakes up and slams the alarm clock into the world and then starts pounding it as this is the strongest alarm clock in history. He wants the alarm clock to shut up because he wants to sleep in. He invokes the DESK LAMP OF DEATH on the clock and the alarm clock finally stops dead; despite no signs of being broken. (At least he didn't kiss the clock like in order to stop it in the Bubsy pilot.) The man goes back to sleep and the door slides open to reveal an old woman with grey hair wearing a pink dress with blue apron walk in and we discover that this sleeping man's name is Otokichi which the kichi part became another meme since that was used for episode #16. You know; the one with the insane record that ages people and somehow burst into flames and teleported out. (Sadly, Discotek Media fully translated it properly, so the meme doesn't work anymore.) She demands Oto to wake up right now; but Oto no sells because he's staying home today. The woman blows him off because she doesn't want the boss to get angry at him. Memo: If you want him to move; tell him that she is going to say that his boss is going to fire him. That'll make him sell. This somehow does not convince Otokichi. Oto says "I don't wanna..." like a baby and the woman slaps him in the face in the most contrived manner possible. She also blows him off for not growing up. I don't blame her for that; Otokichi needs to stop watching modern cartoons and start actually acting his age. (Discotek changed it to him being lazy.) We get the FADE TO BLUE OF DOOM scene changer and head to the wax museum as there is a decent crowd outside in shadow. Yes; even in 2074, wax museums still have an audience. I thought man-made climate change would kill that industry off.

The narrator tells us that this is a wax museum and asks if anyone has been in one. Cut to Dracula with blood in his mouth. Yeah; actual blood. We see a Abe Lincoln statue with a purple top hat and a white beard; along with Knack's version of Tarzan, king of the small monkeys. The crowd pops weakly for this as we pan over to see a cowboy, a football player, "Glamour" and a serial killer in purple doing the worst strangling of a woman dressed in pink. Glamour is simply a blond woman in a green bikini; as the crowd thinks that they are lifelike. I guess they are by Knack Productions standards, which is saying nothing and everything at the same time. Ponder that one for a minute. Cut to a shot of the crowd with their mouths moving; but nothing else. Pan over to Otokichi in a blue suit and blue tie propped against the wall blowing this off because it's clearly boring. Otokichi has never learned that the reason kids like this is because they have yet to see the cliches in the first place because they are children. We discover that Otokichi is a lazy, sleepyhead "usher" as written in kanji on his armband. We see Ken and Clippers looking at the Glamour figure and Clipper asks Kenny (Kenbo if you have been following the audio). I also discover that the closeup of the girl in a green dress has her skirt up and you can just see some of her undergarments. That is just peachy. Ken asks Oto about it and he claims that it's no one special. Whatever. So Ken notices another statue of a man sitting cross-legged with grey pants, white shirt, shoes, brown hair and a blue tie. Clipper asks who this guy is and Otokichi nicknames it "Kabagon", has no idea what he did and states that he's ugly. (Discotek media claims that Susumu's face is hideous! What a dick?!) Ironsharp actually has an explaination for this nickname and I quote Ironsharp from the footage it translated (Sadly, all of his videos are gone as if this writing.): "Kabagon" was the nickname of Susumu Abe, a critic of the Japanese education system in the 1970s, when Chargeman Ken was first aired on TV. Now; I have been trying to figure out what Abe's point of view was on the educational system and why he was criticizing it; however, I have found nothing of note. Is he a moral guardian or a creative guardian?!

I have no clue who Abe is either, so I don't really blame Otokichi for being igorant. (Susumu Abe's views on same sex couples are pretty good, and Abe loves musicals if this Youtube song is any indication. If anyone has any more details, you know my email address. I'm always willing to learn stuff. I'm actually playing the music as I write this, too.) I think the Glamour statue is supposed to be Marylin Monroe. So we get a shot of the floor with the buffer and this actually has sound effects. Sadly; it's not Michael Buffer's voice, that would have been MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! I want Knack Productions to be sued out of existence, so?! Otokichi is also a janitor as well because he has changed clothes. He looks at a statue of a woman in a green dress handling a pink umbrella and there is Adolf Hitler in the background! This show just got Godwinned out of another season. No, not really. He whines about these same statues and is sick of them. Why don't you just quit your job Otokichi?! I realize you like being paid; but it's not worth being miserable over it. Find a new job; one where you can actually find some happiness. We hear a voice telling him to burn the wax museum to the ground. Otokichi responds and then catches himself as there is no one in the room; and Otokichi orders them to show themselves. We then discover that all the wax figures are in fact alive...or Juralian aliens. I realize that I sound like Freddy Jones blaming Red Herring for every criminal act known and unknown to personkind; but come on! Juralian aliens disguised as wax figures is not all that absurd; even if those poor heels must have stiff joints standing there all the time. Ironsharp call this plan so roundabout because the Juralian aliens could have just burned the place down themsleves. (Well, they are probably doing this to lure Chargeman Ken out of hiding, even though Ken was already in the musuem earlier. I don't know why these aliens bother with someone who is literally God on this show.) These are the same aliens who couldn't kill Osamu's papa in "My Papa Is Old Fashioned?!", and they are the dumbest heels in anime history. One of the wax figures (I'm guessing it's Little Red Riding Hood) throws a book of matches at Otokichi's feet as the Jurals taunt him into burning the wax figures.

Spooky drum music ensues as we get a shot of Dracula as the voice proclaims that they want to see beautiful red flames and melt into goo. Wow; these wax figures are suicidal. Then a shot of Cleopatra's face as she proclaims that if he succeeds, he can sleep every day. Which implies that they are going to kill him. (Ironsharp's translation made a lot more sense than Discotek Media's version of it: They want him to sleep in late tomorrow, which is dumb.) Otokichi is horrified and sweating like Oscar at a nerd convention; and he takes an axe from the wall -- conveniently placed where he can grab it mind you -- starts swinging after about three more shots of the wax figures faces and chops the wax figures into pieces. He drops the axe in mortal fear and runs off. Cut to outside of Ken Izzy's house. Jump cut to inside the living room of Ken Izzy's house. We see Ken Izzy inside Ken Izzy's house. POW! OUCH! Ummm... Ken is talking to the old woman who slapped Otokichi in the kisser earlier in the episode as Ken is in shocked that what she is saying is true. The woman informs us that Otokichi was fired suddenly and he finally confessed to the deed after she kept asking -- nay -- annoying him to why he was fired. (Discotek has the woman admit that she was annoying him by claiming that she was badgering him!) The old woman wants to believe his son's story. Yes, she is his mother. What a dork Oto is?! (Speak for yourself former self! I can speak from experience, you see.) The old woman asks Ken to get to the bottom of this and Ken has that look on his face, meaning that he has accepted the terms. We head back into the museum as another usher (who has brown hair and glasses on) has the book of matches and is about to light up the place while being taunted by the statues in shadows in the background. Yes; somehow, these statues rebuilt themselves. So, Juralian aliens have Cell's regeneration techs on hand. (Which is funny considering that they are so weak against the Alpha Gun.) He lights the match and as I expected, Dracula is back to normal as if nothing had happened. The usher is about to place the lit match at the feet of Dracula; but then the wind blows the match out, and out of nowhere. The usher runs away as we go to a sky shot of the room and we see that Ken Izzy is at the door. He demands the Juralian aliens to show themselves and the Juralian aliens expose themselves by cursing Chargeman Ken.

Suddenly; we discover that the Juralian aliens are NOT the statues, they were hiding behind them. This makes no sense at all! How did the statue eyes move?! Why am I asking for logic in this show? I don't know! Their scheme was to burn the wax museum and kill humans. I don't know how you can kill a mass amount of human beings when only ONE guard is in the wax museum. This makes no sense either! The Juralian aliens luring Ken into an airplane with the Juralian aliens disguised as humans to kill him made more sense than this! Ponder that for a moment. The Juralian aliens are ordered to kill Chargeman Ken. Why didn't you just do that when he was in the wax museum earlier in the episode?! DUMB!! CHARGING GO FISH~! Whiplash sounds are used here; so it's a late season episode. We get the fight of doom as Ken does the Astroganger Kick Of Death onto one of the Juralian aliens. Juralian aliens invoke the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH; Ken jumps down, shoots the Alpha Gun, Juralian aliens die, yee-haw. We get a pan shot of the wax figures and somehow, not one of them got a scratch on them during the fight. Yeah. Ken stares for about five seconds. (Three more Juralian aliens appeared, so the kill count stands at least 247 Juralian aliens.) Then we come to the ending as we see Oto's mother outside tending to the stove and a pressure cooker as she hears noises. She opens the bedroom door and notices that Otokichi is already up and asking for breakfast because he doesn't want to be late for his first day on the job. Otokichi is wearing a suit in this scene; but in the next scene which I assume is either Ken's school or Professor Pantless' science center (I can't tell; the staging is horrible here.); Otokichi is wearing the janitor clothes. Otokichi is watering plants as Ken notices him and they do a meet and greet. They tell each other to work hard and study hard; and really, that's fine. Closeup of Ken's face looking determined and that ends the episode at 5:21. Once again; the Juralian aliens are the most dumbest heels in anime as they learned nothing from "My Papa Is Old Fashioned?!" in that if they want something done right; you do it yourself. Idiots! This gets ** on the trainwreck scale for the Hitler reference, Susumu Abe reference which no one is going to get and no one wants to get either and of course the Juralian aliens being stupid jokes yet again. Call it - * 1/4 (-25%).

Episode #55- The Guys I Ran Into In Egypt! (Officially Translated As: The Ones They Met In Egypt): Episode opens with a shot of the wild plains of Africa. We get a bunch of giraffes running in the worst looking run cycle I have ever seen. We also get that ultra goofy spooky drum music playing here while we watch closeup side shots of two elephants running. Then a sky shot of eighteen zebra's running with a terrible run cycle. I'm more shocked that Knack Animation was able to animate eighteen objects at all, let alone badly. Then they animate seventeen birds flapping their wings into the sky. Jump cut to a shot of a lion growling and then a jump cut of a cheetah running against an anime background. Then two brown aligators rolling above water like a wheel, and then a repeat shot of the lion growling. Fade to black and then return to Ken's living room as Ken and Clipper look shocked. The television screen is out of whack and then a picture of Mrs. Izzy against a purple background telling Ken that it's late and it's time to go to bed. The television turns off on it's own as Ken has the Gruffi pose on and is upset. Ken is upset that a educational documentary was interrupted by his mother. Like I'm buying this crap. Ken wants to run away and discover Africa firsthand on his own; which Clipper doesn't like because Mr. Izzy will be angry. Ken then points to his head and claims that he has an idea. Fade to black and then return in the sky as Ken is piloting the Sky Rod. Note the helmet is on his head already. Then we head inside the cockpit as Ken is not wearing the helmet for no reason at all. Wait; so Ken doesn't have to transform in order to pilot the Sky Rod. Really show?! This show is like the ultimate "FUCK LOGIC!" punch to our brains. Clipper is inside proclaiming that they slipped away perfectly. I was half expecting Caron to appear at any time to screw Ken Izzy good; but I have seen this episode (Alphalronchew's parody sub of this episode was HORRIBLE by the way, and shows that he has only three jokes: swearing like a sailor, drug references and gay jokes.) and she doesn't show up at all. Ken claims that with the Sky Rod; they will come back before bedtime. Wait; wasn't it bedtime ALREADY?!

We see shots of the Sky Rod flying. Side shot of Sky Rod over water; then repeated shot of the Sky Rod as Ken has his helmet on again. The silver ring is still not animated as we jump cut back into the cockpit as Ken has the helmet off again. Clipper comments about the speed of the Sky Rod as the annoying spring music comes back as Clipper wants to drive the Sky Rod. Why? WHY NOT~?! Ken no sells the deal because he claims that it is harder than it looks. Yeah I'll bet. Clipper prays for forgiveness and begs Ken to let him drive the Sky Rod and Ken no sells. (Barican?! Ken has seen your harmonica playing and has judged you incompendent to pilot the Sky Rod. Ken's not wrong, so buzz off!) Clipper finds the transmitter and threatens to tell on Ken for flying the Sky Rod to Africa. Molly Cunningham was much better at making threats than you are Clipper. (Pre-production artwork had Molly Cunningham being more obssesed with piloting than Kit Cloudkicker ever was. I'm so sad they toned down that aspect of her in the final product, because seeing Molly outdo Kit in that department is hilarious. Again, burials of Kit by Molly (and Della Duck for that matter.) will never fail to make me laugh.) Ken gives up and lets him fly the Sky Rod as Ken is now the backseat driver of this outfit. Clipper does all right as he is flying over mountains and then he sings and drives which causes the Sky Rod to shake and stagger like crazy. Jump cut of closeup shots of Ken and Clipper panicking as Clipper has no idea what to do and then the Skyrod shakes and staggers backwards. It does a million barrel rolls as Ken is absolutely paralyzed with fear while Clipper is panicking. Ken tells him that he told him so. Told him what Ken Izzy?! Please explain in your own words Ken! The Sky Rod finally crashes into the desert sand and it doesn't explode sadly. The glass windows open for no reason as Ken and Clipper rise up and look around the area for a bit. Jump cut to shadowed Ken and Clipper ten feet away from the Skyrod as Ken claims that they are in Egypt. Clipper claims that a lion has shown up and we pan over and we see the Sphinx looking horrible. To be fair; the show does take place in 2074, so the Sphinx's quality going to crap makes perfect sense here.

I'm shocked that the writers actually put some thought into what would happen to the Sphinx one hundred years after this production was released, and it looked believable. Clipper asks what a sphinx is and Ken is about to explain this mystical beast when suddenly, we see a uprooted container showing a door of shadowed Juralian aliens giggling for some reason. The alien at the door still acts shocked despite giggling at Ken beforehand. Logic sucks! I can hear Knack Productions saying that right now. Ken does his determination face as the open CHEST OF DEMONS filled with treasure is dropped on the sand. Jump cut to alien cursing Ken for being here of all places. Ken demands to know why the aliens are all here; which is a perfectly reasonable question to ask, even though them stealing the treasure pretty much gives a first impression of what they are doing. The aliens gets mad and invoke the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH which Clipper and Ken dodge easily. Now; Ken dodging this shot is perfectly acceptable because he has not transformed into Chargeman Ken. Still doesn't explain how Ken can pilot the Sky Rod without transforming though. No; there is an explaination of why Ken wears the helmet and takes off the helmet in various shots in this episode. It's because Knack Productions has no budget for continuity. (Nor a bunch of creators who care enough to care.) Clipper gets behind Ken and Ken is angry. CHARGING, GO FISH~!! Jump cut to alien shooting the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH and slightly clipping Clipper's right shoulder causing Clipper to panic. Clipper drops on and buries his head in the sand while kicking his legs. Ken shoots the alpha gun of doom and manages to make history by causing three Juralian aliens to come out of nowhere just to be vaporized again. COTTON CANDY BEAM OF DEATH ensues as Ken dodges it and shoots the alpha gun again. Why the hell are you dodging it; you never sell the shot when you turn to Chargeman Ken?! SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH and for the first time in this show, Ken narrowly dodges this one. OMG! This Juralian alien has a shot because Knack Productions is finally starting to get a clu....Ken shoots his alpha gun and the alien gets vaporized literally ten seconds later. (Three more Juralian aliens died for Kenjesus, so the kill count now stands at least 250 Juralian aliens.)

Jump cut to Ken looking stoned out of his mind while standing looking at the hard camera. WHAT?! Closeup of Ken's face turning around to notice Clipper has buried his head in the sand, trying to deny that he wasn't responsible for crashing the Sky Rod. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! For once, Ken's psychopathic laugh would have been perfect, but he restrains and there's no animation. Dammit show! Then we get the most messed up scene changer in the history of scene changers: The typewriter fade to solid blue and then lift the blue thing like a curtain. What?! We see a far shot of palm trees and a pyramid and then a pan shot to the Sphinx. What was the point of the scene changer then; other than to kill time?! Then an orange globe flies in front of it and then we jump cut to a mirrored shot of the Sky Rod flying on the far side shot. Jump cut to the cockpit as Ken is piloting the Sky Rod without the helmet and Clipper is the backseat driver again complaining about returning home before dark. I thought it was night time already?! Ken asks if Clipper wants to pilot the Sky Rod again and Clipper no sells the deal, hoping to never do that again. Ken giggles and then is deep in thought as he claims in his mind that the Juralian aliens are stationed all over the world. I guess tomb raiding is a part of their grand scheme. I would call this Knack Animation logic, but it's Doctor Who logic as well during the Colin Baker era with Davros. Clipper tells Ken to stop mumbling and being distracted as Ken apologizes. Now this should have led to Ken crashing the Sky Rod right into his house and the family catching him in the act; but nope! Sky Rod flies away from the hard camera and that ends the episode at 5:21. LAME-O! This is a DUD on the trainwreck scale and a DUD (0%) on the regular scale as well. It was basically a nonsensical plot of Ken disobeying his mother/parents -- done in 99% of all cartoons with kid characters -- and seeing Africa with Clipper. Juralian aliens stealing treasure is the lowest point of their career, they might as well be Air Pirates without the flair of Don Karnage to save them as heels. This was mostly long sequences of nothing, which explains why this took only four paragraphs to write. Amazing! (Sadly; there are episodes that took less than that.)

Episode #56 - Runaway! Horseback Ken: This is for rant purposes; the final episode in the series that I reviewed. (Keep in mind that I was reviewing the episodes out of order since there were many episodes fansubbed in English before Discotek did a localization of this show.) So; deep breath...here we go. Episode opens outside of an arena with a chess piece horse logo and a sign in the foreground that reads "Horseback Riding Club". Pan shot to the horse track with horse hoove sound effects in the background. I was hoping to see unicorns; just to prove that Osamu's father is not insane as everyone thinks he is; but sadly, they are normal horses. I should note that horse racing is popular in Japan and horse racing simulations are also a part of the video game diet in Japan. (I should have done my version of Fact Hunt only with obscure animation and Chargeman Ken would get it's own video. Sadly, the market is flooded with these videos, so I'm too late as usual.) Then, for no reason whatsoever, Papa Izzy's car arrives in the race track with Clipper, Caron and Ken. Wait; what?! I'm pretty sure cars are not allowed on the race track. I think the car was supposed to be parked in the foreground; but it isn't Knack Animation unless something in this show is screwed up royalfully. Papa Izzy tells Ken to be careful on the horse and check the horse's condition. Caron ribs Ken on looking silly falling off a horse and I don't know what Discotek Media was translating here; but the promo Clipper cut went like this: "Doesn't driving a rover suit Ken better than a horse?" That makes no sense at all. I think Discotek Media meant: "Ken, isn't riding a rover suit better than a horse?" because that makes sense. Knack Animation has made a lot of errors in this show; this I don't think is one of them. (Actually, I think former self got it wrong, too: "Doesn't riding a rover suit Ken better than a horse?" because it means either a car or a dog and that was the joke. It certainly expains why Ken blows them off after this line.) Caron and Clipper giggle at each other as Ken blows them off for being jealous that he gets to ride a horse and they cannot. He'll show them! Hee hee! I can only imagine where this one is going. Papa Izzy tells him to be careful as they'll watch from the car.

I don't know why as Ken proclaims that he'll be careful as we jump cut and pan west to a shot of Ken and the horse jocky from the beginning of the episode in front of the horse stalls looking at three horses, two brown, one white. Hmmm; which one will he pick? If you guessed the white one; you are correct and Ken is a racist prick. It's so gentle and easy to ride. So, the brown ones are nasty and hard?! Screw you! Yeah; Ken picks the white horse and rides it away on the sky shot. The horse jocky giggles and that's carny talk for "I'm a Juralian alien" because that's what every episode has been about. There is no villains in this show that aren't Juralian aliens nor humans who conspire with the aliens. The closest might have been episode #5 and that's pushing it. (The one time Knack Productions at least tried a different look for the Juralian aliens and then discard it as too much work. Typical!) Jump cut to the wooden rail with Clipper sitting on it calling Ken, "Kenbo" for one last time I do believe. Ken is sure taking his time; which even in this cartoon seems like an enternity despite being less than five and a half minutes long. Caron and Papa are behind the fence as Ken comes around the bend and waves to the family and have a swell time. So much so; that Knack Productions forget that they are on a horse rack track, and that horse race tracks are not paved streets! Ken doesn't look where he is going as Clipper calls them a Westerner. I'll say; he as idiotic playing as one. Then, the horse jockey brings out a circular microphone and tells the horse to run wild. The horse hears it and the horse runs much faster stage left. Horse jumps over the wooden railing as Caron, Clipper and Papa Izzy are shocked and appalled. Papa Izzy proclaims that Ken is in trouble. You don't say?! I would believe that since the horse is running in the street again. Ken sweats and struggles to hang on for dear life as we jump cut to the shadows of Papa inside his car starting the engines, with Caron and Clipper sitting in the back. Suddenly; three horse jockeys on horse cut Papa Izzy's escape route and Papa Izzy is forced to stop in front of them. They have split the DNA on horse jockeys folks! Oh wait; they are Juralian aliens of course.

Shots of Caron, Clipper and Papa Izzy looking shocked and appalled. Papa Izzy backs up the car and then turns around and drives out into the street. These Juralian aliens are fucking idiots. At least have the fourth Juralian alien block that street. More shots of white horse running in the street as Ken jumps up and finds an out of nowhere tree branch to hold on; and it breaks right on cue; but Ken lands on his feet and looks ready to do some karate. The white horse runs towards the hard camera and straight at Ken and you know; if they really wanted to make him a cold blooded assholish killer, they should have had him karate chop the horse in the neck and he died that way. (Ken is a surprisely good horse jockey all things considered, so Ken will easily have the last laugh on Caron and Barican. Now, I need a drink to eliminate the taste of vomit in my mouth saying that.) That would have been a hideously vile; but hilarious visual of Ken's ungodly power. Nope; Ken ducks and horse jumps over him. Horse turns around and is about to stomp on him from behind -- which Ken wasn't even hurt and thus could have dodged the horse easily -- and you will not guess what happens here: Papa Izzy drives in, bonks into the white horse, the white horse flies stage left off-screen and dies. That's like doing a rollup in pro wrestling; it's the most dangerous move in both worlds. The horse gets on it's legs and then vanishes into thin air. WHAT?! (Papa Izzy's kill count stands at one Juralian alien and one horse. That we know about.) Ken gets up and proclaims that this is nothing. To hell with Ken's vileness, how about Papa Izzy's?! (False equalivence logical fallacy much there, former self. Bad whataboutism, bad, bad ,bad!) Ken has a red bruise on his left cheek as the Juralians on horseback run in while Papa Izzy realizes that the free horseback lessons was a Juralian alien trap. Caron is panicky as Ken does his motions and for the last time for rant purposes, it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!

Jump cut to Ken in the Sky Rod piloting to the east this time. Wow; this is different. /sarcasm. The background repeats five times in five seconds as the Jurals on horseback shoot their SPINACH BEAMS OF DEATH at the Skyrod as the green beams should have hit the Sky Rod; but it takes forever and Ken dodges them with ease. More shooting and this one was quicker as Ken calls checkmate and shoots the Alpha Beam right into the front Juralian alien's face. Cue EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH~! Horses and Juralian aliens vaporize on the ground, Sky Rod flies away from the hard camera. (Since this show hates horses more than butterflies, Ken's kill count now stands at least 254 Juralian aliens and 21 horses.) Jump cut back to the horse racing track club as Papa Izzy watches from the railing while Ken tends to a brown horse, in which Caron and Clipper are saddled on. (Want to walk back your racism accusations there former self?!) Caron calls this boring as Clipper claims that this isn't a wooden horse in an amusement park. Ken decides to dare her and Caron accuses him of making fun of her; claiming that she can handle a horse. Ken accepts dare and warns them about falling off as he goes to the back of the horse and uses the riding crop on it's ass and the horse begins to run. No shock; Caron and Clipper cannot control the horse. Well; you have no one but yourself to blame for that one, Caron. They fall off the horse and Clipper is rubbing his ass. Papa and Ken Izzy laugh at their expense while Clipper gets licked by the horse and Caron starts laughing. Caron somehow is standing in the closeup; but on her knees in the zoom out far shot because we cannot end this series for rant purpose without screwing it up. Her sock boots are also the same color as her flesh and that ends the episode at 5:20. This is **** 1/4 on the trainwreck scale for Papa Izzy killing a horse with the car. That's all you need to know and I'm done at last! -* 3/4 (-35%). (Sadly, current me still has nine episodes left to review!)

Episode #57 - The Antarctic Amusement Park: Yes; you read that right. How is that even possible?! Let's find out if they explain this; I betcha they won't. Episode opens in the blue with a badly drawn and animated green helicopter flying as we jump cut to the window with Ken, Clipper and Caron looking out as the sky for aurouas and whales. Sadly; there wasn't anything in the budget to use for stock images as we jump cut to Papa Izzy piloting the helicopter and Mama in the passenger side. They exchange notes as they are head for the Antarctic Amusement Park. The coldest place on planet Earth; where it's almost impossible to move without proper protection is turned into an amusement park. Really?! I cannot wait to see how Knack Productions books this; this could be off the chain in terms of being hideously hilarious. (Guess what former self, it was hideously hilarious and Suzy Sheep suddenly gets inspired and apparently wants to make a hockey team out of penguins to counter the Pittsburgh Penguins and Sid The Kid. Too bad the team sucks now.) More repeat shots of the helicopter; and then a far shot where the background is animated. Then we get the blue construction paper scene changer of doom and head to the frozen ice of Antarctica and there is a lot of penguins sliding and slipping and being penguins. A few kids are dressed; but are wearing no hats nor gloves. Ken and Caron are wearing the same outfits as they always do and Caron is sliding down the ice on her ass with bare legs! Seriously! Yes; they are booking this as if the ice is really, really warm. This must be the warm ice Jim Cornette was demanding back in 1993. (Ah, that angle in Smoky Mountain Wrestling where Bob Armstrong almost killed Jim Cornette in the ring and Jim Cornette wanted to be the commissioner of SMW because if Bob succeeds in getting his former job back, Jim Cornette's camp is screwed royalfully. By the way, I watched Summerslam 1993 and because WWF doesn't care what is going on in other promotion, I didn't know why Jim Cornette was wearing a neckbrace at the time until decades later!) Caron is holding a penguin while sliding. Clipper rolls head over heels and honestly, is the only one who makes even remotely a lick of sense.

Papa and Mama Izzy are amused and they aren't wearing any winter clothes whatsoever! Papa giggles at the ice rolling, which is basically skeleton in the Olympics actually. Clippers is so awkward as he blows them off for laughing at him. Trust me; we aren't laughing at you Clipper; we're laughing at how hideously hilarious Knack is in booking this episode! Ken and Caron giggle and than bail stage left because, reasons. Clipper is confused and calling him Kenbo and I was begging for them to screw up an ice slipping spot; but they didn't, so I'm more pissed than usual. Clipper falls on his back with impact as the parent giggle at his expense. Jump cut to a brown haired boy with a pistol wearing a brown sweater, orange scarf, blue pants and cyan blue boots; making him the most prepared person in the area and it's not nearly enough to withstand logic and reason. He shoots a starter's pistol (Ken and Caron played with guns in episode #7, so...). Jump cut to the kids riding on brown seals. Two of them are wearing Mickey Mouse gloves drawn poorly and Barican's theme song starts playing again. Because this show loves to troll me. Ken is riding one without gloves as Clipper, Caron and two other kids cheer them on. One of them is wearing cyan blue mittens as the seals also have spots which change colors when wet. Everyone has a good time; until Papa and Mama Izzy start to panic as we jump cut to Caron being grabbed by an obvious Juralian alien. HAHA! Even they think this booking sucks a cock. Caron screams for help and looks like she's doing exercises as Ken turns around as kids are bailing and Caron is screaming for help. Everyone is shocked and appalled as we jump cut to a shot of ocean waves and out rises a Juralian alien giggling. This is where Ken realizes that the Juralian aliens are behind this; not the second Caron was kidnapped! The freezing cold really does slow the logic senses in someone's brain. Pan shot to four or five Juralian aliens in the scene giggling. Jump cut back to the family minus Caron unable to do anything. I don't know what Ken actually said; but I'm pretty sure "on the sea" is a mistranslation. (I think Discotek Media meant "In the ocean.")

Clipper is pissed off and cursing the Juralian aliens and then rushes in; because he's a stupid idiot. Even Ken is shocked by this; so you know it's really stupid. Clipper then jumps up and invokes the HAMSTER BALL OF DEATH right underneath the left side of the alien's chin. This is enough to release Caron from the alien's grasp and everyone is shocked because Caron takes a sick bump into the ice with the side of her face and neck. That look like it sucked; Caron probably hating life now. Clipper falls into the ocean water on the next shot and if this were done today; they would trade places, because BS&P RULEZ~! Papa runs in; grabs Caron and retreats back to the family. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to reverse pan shot of aliens giggling. Ken is appalled and jump up as the alien runs in like a stupid idiot as Ken fires the Alpha Gun. Shoot, shoot, kill, kill, done, done, yee-haw. Barrel roll on the ice! I just described a minute of action in four sentences. (Four more Juralian aliens die for Ken's bloodlusting heart, as the kill count now stands at about 258 Juralian aliens.) Repeat shot of the kids petting and having fun with the penguins with Barican's theme music playing as Caron thanks her big brother again. Papa Izzy asks if Caron was scared; but Mama is more concerned about where Barican is. Ken and Caron turn around to notice Clipper in the water struggling because he cannot swim. Ken giggles on cue and Mama blows him off for that. This is no joking matter since Clipper cannot swim, which I believe was addressed at the end of episode #46 I do believe. Clipper somehow manages to get himself onto the icy edge and is blowing off Ken for not giving him any credit for saving Caron. Ken apologizes and Caron thanks him for saving her. Clipper forgives her without question and then pratfalls on his face with actual sound effects. Wow; just wow Knack. Clipper shivers after that; the only one selling the cold in anyway as we end the episode at 5:20. Yes; the robot has the most clicks in the making of a clue in selling this; and it required a dip in the icy ocean. Just beyond hideously hilarious! This gets **** on the trainwreck for the whole thing. -**** (-80%).

Episode #58 - Circus Of Fiends: Episode opens with a shot of a giant white circus tent with bright colors and actual public domain music I have never heard of before. Heck; the music sounds nothing like stereotypical circus music. Awesome! Music is one of the few things this show does good at most of the time. (Even the horrible Barican theme song is better used with Osamu's father than with Barican.) The name of the circus is "Piropiro Circus" and fun fact: there is a studio called Pierrot in Japan that does animation on a regular basis even right now. Speaking of Pierrot; (Discotek Media did a mindfuck on me to boot here...); we jump cut to a clown whose entire body is white with pink spots wearing a matching hat, yellow tank top and blue spotted ascot which he wears better than Ken does. He looks like he just drank water from Rainbow Falls in The Adventures Of Teddy Ruxpin. This is the last chance to see the Pierrot Circus, before it becomes an anime production house five years later. Yes; I know this show takes place in 2074; but the production of this show was 1974, so my joke works. There is some woman named Erika who rides tigers and lions. Sadly; no bears, so color me unimpressed. Pan up to Erika who is a blond haired woman dressed in pink with headband standing next to a lion in the poster. Jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper out of nowhere as Ken is charmed by this whole thing. I find circuses to be too cruel and tacky for my tastes; although Ken's charming does have some logic to it; somehow. (If a circus has no animals and is over the top with the humans doing stupid stuff, it's a lot less tacky and certainly not cruel. Unless you are Dan Dawson owning an air circus in Stormy Weather. Holy crap, that episode has entered memorable status in a different way since the infamous "Dark Side Of Kids TV" series has started.) Also somehow; there is a whiplash jump cut inbetween this scene despite being the exact same shot only different poses. Ken sadly only has twenty yen on his person; which is more or less twenty cents; which would have been enough for admission in 1874; but not even 1974, let alone 2074! It's not enough for even one person to get it; but the Clown Pierrot (I know this is redundant; but whatever.), notices him as Chargeman Ken. Geez; is there ANYONE who is not onto Ken's "secret identity"?!

Pierrot claims that he's friends of good children. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry; I couldn't resist. That is so wrong it's not even wrong! The clown is a fan of Ken, so it says; so he, Caron and Clipper are pushed inside and get free admission on him. Yes; the clown allowed them in, not Ken and company sneaking in. Okay; fine. Although, if Ken and company sneaked in; it wouldn't be any different than most cartoons I have ever seen doing this spot. Ken isn't sure about this, which means Ken is actually trying to be on his best behavior. That is laughable in itself, I might add. (Or he thinks the clown is a Juralian alien. "Stranger Danger" only works if the "stranger" is in fact someone you don't know.) Caron and Clipper don't care about the clown doing the freeloading on them and neither does the clown waving at them. Ken decides to play along as we get shots of the trapeeze act, it looked fine although the hand grabbing spot was louder than it should be. Ken and company are in awe of this; I don't care. Jump cut to the two acrobats as a woman is in a red singlet with red pumps while the male is in a cyan blue singlet with pants and blue boots. (I changed the bathing suit to a singlet for obvious reasons here.) He looks like Papa Izzy and makes me wonder if he's having an affair with the woman. His right arm is much longer than his left arm by the way. There is clapping abound; but the animators forget to show any animation of clapping in the crowd; including the main characters. It looks like they are teasing the clapping; but not doing it. Jump cut to a well dressed ringmaster on stage under a spotlight as he introduces the star attraction; which is Erika and her lions and tigers, but no bears oh my! Apparently; Ericka can control a lion to her will and there will be chills and breathtaking thrills. I'm sorry; this is already a disappointing act and it hasn't even happened yet. Poor Ken made this so! Jump cut to a green curtain, which looks like fabric shutters and it rises to show Erika armed with a whip. She is also wearing green boots as the crowd pops with zero animation whatsoever. It's the exact same shot and pan they used for the clapping spot. Erika is happy and her waving is animated as well as a drum roll with the drum sticks beating the drum. Choppy; but whatever as the crowd shot is different and makes sense with the scene now.

Drum roll stops and we jump cut to the lion's cage with two lions looking bored. One lion roars, it don't care and neither does the other. Apparently; the cell door is opened off-screen as we jump cut to Erika whipping it as the lions walk out of the cage stage right. Center strage whipping ensues on the sky shot; showing a giant pink star in the middle of a ring. No lines; so no pentagram. More whipping, one lion moves and roars on the closeup shot. Jump cut to Clipper being scared and Ken giggling at him for that; telling Clipper that this is fine. GFW is more fine than this show, natch! Erika turns around and curses Ken while staring at him. Wait; what? Again; is there no one in this show not onto Ken's so called secret identity? The two lions roar and move according to the whip; as I think Erika has ordered them to kill Ken Izzy! Of course! Because we need more animal murder at the hands of the evil babyface anyway; and killing horses is not enough. The entire crowd is shocked and horrified by this as Caron might have unintentionally yelled "Seacucumber Doggy~!" during this as the money shot for this episode was a glasses wearing man in green horrified at the sight and I don't think we ever seen him again after this. Lion roars; denizens run out of the circus, Ken tells Clipper and Caron to bail, Erika invokes the pointy finger of death because he is not escaping this time. Everyone gets out of the circus tent; including Caron and Clipper. Although they stay at the entrance to yell at Ken to get out. Ken deduces that Erika is a Juralian alien; which Occam's Razor suggests that she is probably someone who hates Ken and went undercover to stop him from adding to his kill count. But this is Chargeman Ken; and even the animated version of Occam's Razor misses all the time, so it's a Juralian alien. The motive is revenge and she wants to kill him by feeding him to the lions. I think this is the first time that Christians would not feel sorry for a Christian looking boy like Ken being thrown to the lions. (Wow, that was the coldest sick burn on Ken Izumi yet!) Erika invokes the whip and here comes lion number one running towards the hard camera; which leads to CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to lion jumping as the background is moving him now; instead of choppy animation, and you wouldn't guess what Ken does here: Ken shoots both lions dead. That's right folks; Ken killed two lions dead. GOD! (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Watch Knack Productions screw us over...)

Lions drop dead in a cross; and in a shock, they do not vanish. Erika curses Ken and the entire audience cheers her and turns her babyface in the eyes of the audience as she transforms into a Juralian alien. Ken proclaims that she has revealed her true form and shoots her dead. Just like that. Worse; Ken shoots a red something out of the Alpha Gun; the beam doesn't even appear, but the alien still oversells it like she was just shot and then the special effects turn on three seconds later. She vanishes and then Ken turns around and shoots the clown dead! This is straight out of Powerpuff Girls and the clown; except the clown turns into a Juralian alien. Of course! That explains why he was a fan, then. I'll never understand these alien; they have worse Stockholm Syndrome than most human beings do. Yes; the ringmaster is a Juralian alien as well and he's shot dead as well. Then he shoots two more Juralian aliens who appear out of nowhere and go the same place. Surprisely; the trapeeze act was not shot dead; so they were real humans?! (I'm guessing that the trapeeze act was those two Juralian aliens but they weren't shown transforming. Five more Juralian aliens die for the boygod Ken, which increases the kill count to at least 263 Juralian aliens, and two lio...) Oh; who cares, yee-haw, in comes Caron and Clipper. Then Knack Productions mindfucks us all by revealing that the lions are sleeping and not dead. You idiots tacked that on, because of complaints that Ken drowned a bunch of horses in episode #5. You are not fooling anyone; those lions are dead. (Gaslighting?! This show?! This production is too stupid to gaslight anyone!) They at least explain the red beam being a stun beam and of course one of the lions roars when Clipper touches them, so they are not dead. There are standards and practices on this show?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHAD UP~! SHAD UP~! Clipper falls down backwards on his ass, is dizzy as we get another shot of the lions, Ken and Caron laugh at Clipper's expense, end episode at 5:20. Somethings never change. This was ** 1/4 on the trainwreck scale for bad animation and a really lame attempt to make Ken less of a cold blooded killer and failing for my pleasure. -* (-20%).

Episode #59 - Forest Of Terror: We begin this one in the forest as we pan north to a white tent in the middle of the woods. Logic break ensues as on the far shot; there was no campfire nor Papa Izzy present when we jump cut to him blowing on the campfire with two cauldrons on a makeshift spit. Papa is wearing a black vest, white shirt and jeans for this special moment. And he's blushing as he's become the SPORTSMAN OF MAN today. He blows a lot and sweats because it's hard to start an actual campfire. In comes Mama Izzy wearing a yellow cloth around her head carrying a bucket of water; which is labeled "For Water". Mama giggles at Papa's face as Ken, Caron and Clipper are amused by this. They laugh; and Papa Izzy blows them off angerly; ordering them to find more firewood. Ah; I see the SPORTSMAN OF MAN toxic stew is working perfectly now. The kids and Clipper bail as Mama Izzy orders them not to wonder too far, which means they will wonder too far. Pan shot east to Ken, Caron and Clipper collecting firewood with no animation whatsoever. Jump cut to Caron covering her ears instantly as gunfire ensues as we jump cut to the most poorly animated blue jay of all time looking like it has been shot; but the wound looks like it was beaten to death. (Which makes it look even worse in hindsight.) It flops on it's back and dies. Caron picks up the bird, which sounds like a bad idea due to diseases, but no one cares about this show anymore. Ken calls this shooting cruel. This is the same guy who guns down Juralian aliens on a regular basis; like you know the definition of cruel, Kenbo! (I hope Ken Izumi has lots of insurance for treating all these sick burns former self is giving on a regular basis on this rant.) Somehow; the blue jay in Caron's hands is still alive, which is a lot more than I can say for the 2017 Toronto Blue Jays baseball team at this point. (This works a lot better with the recent Red Sox teams at this point, so karma can even strike me.) Caron wants to return back to camp to treat it. Ken agrees and they are about to walk back to camp; when suddenly two hunters wearing brown vests, hunting caps in red and green cuts them off. One of them is wearing a cyan blue shirt and the other is wearing a green shirt as the green shirt hunter is pissed off because they shot the blue jay.

Geez; you hunters are such cowards going after a small blue jay. You couldn't go after a deer or a moose or even an ostrich. The cyan blue hunter demands that they hand over the blue bird now as Ken gets in front of Caron and tells them to buzz off because the blue jay is not dead. Oh; and apparently, hunting is illegal around these parts. Okay; I can accept that as an excuse to tell the hunters to sod off. The green shirt hunter don't care because he's a coward and probably knows Ken won't use the Alpha Gun on him. Ummm; you do realize that Ken killed Professor Volga by basically throwing him off a cliff?! I would bail right about now. Cyan blue hunter is pissed off as he lunges at Ken and Ken does a judo throw on him and it looks like he fell off a cliff and does the Ron Tussin spot right in front of a tree. Ken is pissed off now; and that's a bad sign for these hunters. the green shirt hunter points the gun straight at Ken's head; a move that localizers would edit out without fail. Clipper don't care as he rushes and invokes the HAMSTER BALL OF DEATH right in the hunter's left cheekbone. OUCH! That is going to leave a mark. Ken then proceed to do a judo chop on the gun; and this somehow causes the hunter's right hand to be bruised. Explain THAT one, kids?! (This is supposed to be a deadly serious situation, but the whole thing is so hilariously awful that we laugh about it and it makes me feel dirty afterwards.) Gun falls to the ground and then it teleports back right onto the poor guy's backpack as they swear revenge and bail stage left. Clipper literally does the Japanese taunt for fun; and at least he does in such a way that there is no sign of a middle finger, so it probably wouldn't be edited out. Ken wants to return to treat the blue jay. More taunting from Clipper on the way stage right as we jump cut to the two hunters behind the bushes on the far shot, looking pissed. The hunters think they are safe from the wrath of Chargeman Ken; but then they notice a large base like dome with opening on it. The hunters hide behind a tree in awe as the cyan blue huinter thinks it's a lab of some sort. Jump cut to a zoom in pan shot of two Juralian aliens talking and exchanging notes.

The hunters deduce that they are monsters and want to bail stage right. However; one of the hunters trips a red beam on the ground and this causes a red alert to sound as the hunters are shocked and horrified by this. Jump cut to a Juralian alien looking from the computer center and orders their capture. Jump cut to three Juralian aliens already on the scene, so the third one clearly came out of nowhere. The hunters are surrounded and screaming for help. Jump cut to Ken and Caron as the tent now looks like a small white house and I don't mean The White House; which is now The Hell House of America~! (Yup, this was written when Donald Trump was president. Time to walk that one back completely former self since Joe Biden is now president and almost as good as Barack Obama is as president. Almost.) Papa Izzy wants to Ken to check this out and Caron gets to stay and care for the bird; which Caron agrees. The blue jay looks deader than my sex life at this point in the nest. Considering that Ken and Clipper took down two hunters with guns with chops and throws that no sane person would even try; I'm not surprised that Ken is going in alone. The hunters are begging for mercy; which with the Juralian aliens is probably more probable that they can get out alive than begging for mercy from Ken Izzy! Only slightly more probable though. The aliens admit that they built the base deep in the mountains to further cement their future plans for world conquest. The hunters beg some more; Juralian aliens no sell the deal and tell them to die. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Discotek Media also got another typo in; so they have completely given up on this show too. (Discotek Media had "won't" as "won;t" by the way.) Ken tells them to hold it and they are not getting away with this and it's from behind, like a heel. What a shocker?! Then two Juralians vanish into thin air as Juralian aliens pounce on Ken. You know the drill: Shoot, shoot, kill, kill, scream, scream, end, end, yee-haw. Hunters huddle on the ground in fear; don't care anymore.

Ken panics as there's five more aliens protecting the base. Oh, come on Ken, like we are buying that you cannot handle five aliens by yourself. By the way; the "Bijourm Belt" has been retranslated to "Vizum Belt" by Discotek Media! Which is Czech for "visa"; or "passport". Yes; the name of the belt is called "Passport Belt". This show is implying that the Juralian aliens are in fact illegal aliens. Can this show get anyone absurd?! Yes, yes it can my friends; because this show is a horrible joke, a cruel joke! (Who says this show cannot get political. Absurdism Politicialus at it's sorry, sickest best!) Massive tornado comes out of it and now the aliens are in the spin cycle. So, the next episode is the aliens getting their revenge with a water/wind version of this attack. Lovely! Shoot, shoot, kill, kill, done, done! I'm so done here. Shoot tower antenna, cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH, yee-haw! Oh and they had the gall to jump cut to Ken forcing the hunters to duck onto the ground before the explosion. FLASSSSHHH~! (Eight more Juralian aliens have died for our future king of devils, Ken Izumi, which brings the kill count up to at least 271 Juralian aliens!) Jump cut to guns being burned and I'm sorry, I don't think that is how to destroy deadly weapons. The hunters are on their hands and knees begging for mercy in front of Ken Izzy and promise to never shoot animals nor birds ever again. Ken forgives them as the family spots the blue jay they treated flying around and damn; that was quick! The hunters look relieved as the family wishes the bird farewell on the next shot after a repeat shot of the bluejay flying; and that ends the episode at 5:20. This gets *** 1/4 on the trainwreck scale for Ken and Clipper taking down two hunters with no weapons, the hunters being stupid idiots and the blue jay who has more life than the baseball team ever had. (Well, until 2021 at least, then all bets were off!) -** 1/2 (-50%).

Episode #60 - Tsunami Attack: Episode opens with a shot of the sun that is not animated at all. (The episode title sounds like I am about to see Bronson Reed at any moment.) Jump cut to various denizens on the beach and in the water enjoying a day under the cancerous sun. (Why does hell have to be this convoluted place when you have a perfectly functioning sun that can do the exact same thing. Free, it's actually real and it pisses off the sun worshippers. Tons of funs!) Apparently; one of the woman beach goers had their red bra strap broken while lying on her belly in the sand during the western pan shot. The crowd audio sounds so bored during this as we jump cut to Ken and Caron swimming together as they taunt Clipper; who is struggling because he has a stupid green/purple ring inner tube around his body. Clipper declares that he will not be beaten as we jump cut to Papa and Mama Izzy in cheese crossed beach chairs shooting the breeze and telling Ken not to swim too far. So, Caron can swim as far as she wants to. Okay; good to know. Mama's outfit has a silver ring which attaches the upper swimsuit with the lower trunks, while Papa has blue trunks. Jump cut to repeat shot of Ken and Caron swimming along with the shot of Clipper looking like a complete doofus as usual. Clipper appears to be trying to grab the water as a giant wave swamps him, causing a jump cut to Clipper upside down kicking his legs being stuck in the inner tube. Before I go any further; someone actually wrote about the history of Knack Animation; and yes, the company is still around today, albeit it changed it's name to Ichi Corporation. Knack Productions as a company sucked; but they did have some hits, including "The Adventures Of The Little Prince", which Knack Animation also produced and animated. It's not like Coleman Francis (of Skydivers and Red Zone Cuba fame) where everything he did looked like they had total contempt for the audience, it was only this show where it went well beyond the call of duty. Back to the rant; as Ken flips Clipper and giggles at his expense as Clipper thought he was going to die. Jerk! Caron claims that Clipper is overdramatic. Speak for yourself there, Caron! Caron then gets swamped seconds later. That was funny as Ken is shocked, appalled and then swamped by the wave.

Caron's struggles in the waves, involves her literally rising the roof and screaming for big brother. I swear this is what happened. The wave animation is so choppy that it's not funny. It stalls a lot. Ken panics, Caron screams, waves chop along, nothing of note to see here. Then a tsunami wave approaches Caron from behind. Who knew Mother Nature was such a heel?! (To counter the real heel known as Ken Izumi. Next!) Jump cut to Papa and Mama Izzy up noticing this. More waves and more Caron screaming make Gregory Weagle something something as more swimmers -- all three of them are men by the way -- engulfed in the waves. Then a man and woman struggle in the waves screaming for help. Then at least seven more get swamped and disappear under the waves, I assume they all drowned. More repeat shots and then jump cut to Ken and Clipper holding onto some jagged rock as Ken is yelling for Caron. Then Clipper and Ken get swamped by waves. Jump cut to the beach as everyone panics; because here comes the great tidal bore. Everyone gets swamped; including Papa and Mama Izzy as they seem to be in a whirlpool now. Then the tidal wave dies and heads back to sea as we hear Juralian aliens giggling in the background. Jump cut to Ken -- who is wearing yellow trunks -- and his face is kissing the Jagged Blarney Stone of Doom while Clipper is kissing sand. (Okay, that is one of the funniest moments in this series and there's one more to follow. I need an animated GIF of this moment too.) Juralian aliens laugh out loud in front of him; like Big Show laughing after destroying Hulk Hogan's motorcycle with a truck. Ken turns around and I'm guessing Satan is speaking to him now with a really cringeful echoy voice, claiming that Ken is no match for the great tidal bore as Ken and Clipper watch from the store. Ken claims that it's a Juralian alien once again with no evidence. It could be Kit's great great great nephew doing voice mimickry, Ken. I'm sure of it. (I'm shocked former self didn't get punched in the kisser for that from Kit Cloudkicker. I guess Kit is fed up with this show as all of us are.) Clipper asks where the rest of the family is and the voice laughs in Ken's face. Jump cut to lots of shots of denizens getting whirlpooled underwater. They get sucked into a giant pipe with repeat shots galore. We discover that the pipe leads to a room which somehow has no water in it and denizens get dropped on their asses inside.

Pan shot to the denizens in swimsuits and then jump cut to Caron looking around as this is the first time I see her bathing suit in this episode. She's in tears as she hugs Mama Izzy seconds later; and Papa Izzy is with them. Caron has no idea what happened to Ken while crying and the Juralian alien acts like an assholish heel, laughing at the crying. The top of the dome seems to be where the speaker is as the alien proclaims that this was an artifical tsunami, or alien-made tsunami. Okay; what is the difference between this and one man-made; besides climate change?! Papa Izzy demands answers to this outrage as the alien tells them to take this and pipes of steam shoot out of the pipes and engulf the denizens. The second shot looks so stupid; it's not believable as Papa Izzy covers his mouth and nose, because this is the tell tale sign of knockout gas. Seriously; the nozzles on the second shot are shooting southwest at a forty five degree angle. There's no way that makes any sense. Everyone is holding their necks and mouths; and claiming that they cannot breathe; with no animation whatsoever. Jump cut to outside to the beach overlooking the water as Clipper deduces that there is something under the sea. You don't say?! Ken agrees and we get a horrible logic break as they don't even have enough in the budget to let Ken dressed back up into his regular clothes. CHARGING, GO FISH~! It uses the exact same transformation sequence as in the series. You get the feeling even Knack Productions has stopped trying at this point. (They have stopped trying since the very start.) Jump cut to Sky Rod in water as I should note that the Juralian aliens are now turning into Nazis in this episode; which I'm shocked that it took so long. Jump cut to Ken looking shocked and noticing the wacky meatgrinder as we get a horrible logic break on top of it. The ship is in front of a main Juralian alien base which we saw in episode #1! How about that?! Jump cut to the dreaded gas chamber of death and then more Sky Rod piloting shots; then jump cut to Juralian alien in the ship noticing Ken while controlling the ship. More shots of each ensue as the alien curses Ken, AGAIN! BUTTER BEAM OF DEATH ensues and it goes underneath Ken without the Sky Rod moving at all. Ken is shocked and appalled as he shoots the Alpha Beam and it hits the wacky meatgrinder ship.

Jump cut to alien screaming and panicky, which lasts about ten seconds, then we see the ship with an explosion background and then explode. Cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! Blue construction paper scene changer of doom and we return back to the beach where everyone is safe and sound. (I'm going to count at least four Juralian aliens in this scene to bring the kill count up to at least 275 Juralian aliens in sixty episodes. That is 4.6 Juralian aliens per episode.) Wait; WHAT THE FUCK?! Wait a second...Ken blew up the Juralian alien spaceship. Where were the denizens?! So; the whole point of the main base being there, was to make sure no one thought Ken destroyed the base and killed everyone, even though the final scene shows them safe and sound. So what happened to the main base?! Did Ken just ignore it?! Did Ken destroy it after he rescued everyone off-screen?! Goddamn this show to hell! Jump cut to Papa and Mama Izzy in chairs as Papa Izzy proclaims that the Juralian aliens were trying to kill mankind. Geez; I wonder why, Papa?! Maybe it has something to do with Ken killing Juralian aliens. Have you ever thought about that?! Oh and Barican's theme music is playing during this pondering over stage; rendering it into a complete and horrible and cruel joke. Mama calls this dreadful; but the day is saved, thanks to The Chargeman Izzys~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...I mean, Chargeman Ken. More repeat shots of Ken and Caron swimming and taunting Clipper for being a weakass. Clipper of course sucks at swimming some more and hating this taunting; He gets swamped by a wave and is upside down yet again. Ken turns him around as Clipper looks like he has had enough. So do I; but I still have five episodes left in this show to review, so there you go. Caron taunts Clipper as everyone giggles at Clipper to end the episode at 5:20. The Juralians finally go full Nazi; which is perfect for monster heels like them, instead of Ken who has been almost acting like one throughout this entire show. (Way too little, way too late show!) This gets * 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the transformation sequence and the aliens going full Nazi. -* 1/4 (-25%).

Episode #61 - Clippers' Old Friend Has Come To Visit! (Officially Translated As: Barican's Old Friend Pays A Visit): Episode opens with a shot of some wacky roof complete with that stupid spring flute music I hate so much. (So, after all the BS about it being a harmonica, it's now a flute?! You suck, former self!) Here's a funny episode title error according to Ironsharp: The word "尋ねる" (tazuneru / to ask; to search) is used when they probably meant to say "訪ねる" (tazuneru / to visit). In essence: the episode title is originally: Barikan's Old Friend Has Come To Ask/To Search. Typical dumb Knack Animation. (Can Knack Productions do ANYTHING RIGHT?! DON'T DEFEND THIS!! Sadly, Discotek Media got it right, because getting it wrong makes the show awfulness more profound, you see. ) I discover that this takes place in a museum as we jump cut to denizens inside looking at a picture of a dinosaur floating in the water as a woman announcer states that as Earth's volcanic activity gradually decreased the microorganisms in the oceans began to evolve. Like Pokemons?! No. (Actually, it's abiogenesis, not evolution. Don't worry, I got it wrong the first time, I understand.) We discover that Ken and his classmates are at school. Yes the school they showed doesn't match the one we often see, what a shocker?! (Actually, it's a poorly staged shot of the same school. Not your fault former self, Knack doesn't give an elf.) The kids are sitting down in a movie theater as we are supposed to hear helicopter sounds; but no sound effects for them is present and this music isn't helping it's cause either. So, I was confused when the kids were shocked for no reason. It's like these kids minds were blown that the Christians were lying to them all along about how the world was created. (Now that's a sick burn worth telling! Now you are going to hell, which I'm fine burning in. No worse than being tortured by wannabe devil gods being alive.) Jump cut to a window and we see a blue chested robot with a red head, arms, legs and a properller for a top flying and hovering at the window. It looks like Clippers' prototypical cousin, it looks so goofy. It's head spins on the closeup and he sticks out his tongue like the devil, thus giving him away that it was sent by the Juralian aliens.

The kids all laugh on cue; and I did a shot of that picture of the kids laughing. (Sadly, gone because VLC is bad.) It's so goofy the way it is drawn that it needs to become a meme on it's own. It has springs for limbs and he's goofy as the kids laugh some more. Then jump cut to sliding doors and in comes Mrs. Nasiga with two cheese colored books and a SWANK yellow daisy in her hair. (Must be the cheese reports from the cheese reporter.) She then teleports to the window and blows off the flying robot for disrupting the class. Yes, they are indeed at school. Remember old farts; this show existed in 1974, long before Disney decided to use kids in the main event and at school setting. (Which has been happening since at least 1990 in Disney when they approved TaleSpin on Kit's cloudsurfing and rejected the ultra cool adult Ricky The Rat becoming a star in the backlot of a Hollywood set.) Robot doesn't care, kids laugh, Nagisa does the Gruffi pose, yee-haw. (That one sucked and it's on Knack Productions for that one.) Jump cut to Ken leaving as the robot cuts him off at the pass. Ken asks who is he and the robot points to Ken Izumi. Ken asks how he knew he was Ken and the robot claims that he is famous. Yes; this so called dirty little secret isn't so secret anymore nor ever was a secret. This robot claims that he is friends with Clipper and Ken agrees to let him come home to see Clipper. We head inside Ken's house as Clipper is inspecting the robot remembering to teleport about a half dozen times in the same scene; claiming that he has never seen this robot before. Ken acts like he isn't buying what Clipper is selling. So, where is your evidence that this robot is Clippers' friend, o'smart one?! Clipper keeps insisting that he has never seen this robot before. Ken has teleported out and Mr. Izzy appears with pipe had taken his place. Caron and Mrs. Izzy keep egging him on as if they have seen this robot before and acting like Clipper is in denial. Mrs. Izzy offers the robot to stay for a few days since he took a long trip to find Clipper and the robot is so happy that this family is so friendly. Outside of Clipper of course. (Aw, my heart melted! Sadly, their hearts might explode and not in a good way I might add.)

Then we get a really dumb segment: Scene change to a playground as the blue/red robot of doom is blindfolded and walking around like a total goofball. (I discover that during this scene, the robot is addressed as Oni. At least according to the Discotek Media version. I don't think Ironsharp ever gave the robot a name.) Caron and Ken taunt the robot and then bail as he was about to grab them; so they are playing blind fold frozen tag basically. Jump cut to Clipper with the Gruffi pose claiming that the robot is a jerk who thinks he owns the place. (Discotek has Barican calling Oni shameless. Jealous much there, hamster ball with feet?!) Considering that Clipper never addresses the robot, I first thought he was calling Ken a jerk and after seeing this game, Ken is a jerk. (Calling Ken shameless makes more sense here.) Clipper bails and then hides behind the bushes as two twin trenchcoat males with brown hair and purple shades proclaiming that something will blow up at 7:00 PM tonight. The second thug states that Ken and company will be blown to smithereens and no one will suspect a thing. Wait; how would no one suspect an explosion at Ken Izzy's house if he was famous?! DUMB! Yes; these thugs have planted a bomb in the robot as this is "Dynamite In The Brain" all over again; only with a robot. Clipper of course panics and blows his cover like an idiot, although how the thugs didn't notice him instantly is still a mystery to me. So, the thugs shove Clipper down onto the ground as Clipper protests this outrage. Jump cut to inside a spaceship with lots of blue walls as an image of the thug's torso is transformed into three Juralian aliens. Geez; the alien budget for disguises is running so low that three aliens are needed to maintain one disguise. We jump cut to Clipper held in a glass capsule protesting this outrage. The aliens then decide to let him go after thirty minutes have past and Clipper calls them dirty Juralian alien as we jump cut to a blue clock on wall which reads 6:30 pm. Yeah; good heel move there Juralian aliens. Jump cut to dinner table as the family and the Bomb Robot of Doom are at the dinner table having supper with lots of champagne, fruit, meat and potatoes. (The bottles say Hiro and Kuzu. Hiro is a brand name for sake, and Kuzu-yu is a syrupy, sweet Japanese beverage, made from fine-powdered roots of kuzu (or kudzu,) the Japanese Arrowroot plant. In Japan, kuzu-yu is served as a hot dessert drink and an herbal remedy for colds, sore throats, headaches, hangovers, and upset stomach.)

Mrs. Izzy wonders where Clipper went and Caron claims that he's still pouting because Clipper is jealous. How can you be jealous of a robot you don't know?! If he knew the robot was no good, then him being jealous would make sense. Mr. Izzy is smoking his smokeless pipe during this and the Bomb Robot waves his arms and wants to eat right now. Why?! You are a bomb robot. Why not have the family wait until Clipper comes back?! Unless he wants Clipper to come back to blow him up too. Like it matters since Clipper is the dumbest sidekick in the history of anime sidekicks. Ken wants to wait a little longer and Mr. Izzy agrees with that. The bomb robot is sweating and cringing. Why?! You are a bomb. It doesn't matter when Clipper comes back because you are going to blow up the place in less than a half hour. (So, it can kill Barican, too. Remember, Barican is probably the second biggest threat the the Juralian aliens. Or would be if Barican wasn't such a comedy geek.) Jump cut to the clock as it's now ten minutes to the seven o'clock explosion painting of death. Jump cut to Clipper looking at the clock on his knees. He then starts praying for Kenbo saying random words about robots and such as we jump cut back to Ken getting a pain in his head. I refuse to believe that I stole Gregory Aerostar's gimmick from this loser! (At least Barican was praying for Ken instead of Go...oh wait. Barican was praying for Ken to figure out Oni as the robot bomb!) Jump cut to Mr. Izzy looking at Ken with his smoke pipe and asks what is wrong. Jump cut to Caron asking the same thing as Mrs. Izzy says Ken and then we jump cut to the robot looking like as if he realizes that this is awkward and not going to end well for him. He's right of course; because he's in the house of Ken Izumi. More selling of the head from Ken and then jump cut to the clock reading two minutes to go before seven o'clock. Clipper is still praying for Ken to notice the robot as a bomb and to hurry right now. Jump cut to Ken emmitting white waves of sound using the Mighty Hercules sound waves sound effect as the robot gasps in horror; effectively blowing his cover. CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to the Skyrod outside in the sky AFTER HAPPY HOUR and then jump cut to inside the cockpit. Ken is piloting the Sky Rod one handed because he has the robot bomb in his left arm. The bomb robot protests this outrage, claiming to be Clipper's friend.Ken blows him off as a liar working for the Juralian aliens. (Discotek used dammit here.) Yes; Ken believed everything Clipper said in that prayer meeting cart blanche after not believing that the robot bomb wasn't Clippers' friend. WHAT?! The slide door opens and Ken throws the bomb robot out of the door to show that he doesn't discriminate when it comes to killing aliens, human nor robots. Can you smell the logic break commencing here?!

You would think: The bomb robot has a propeller; he'll use it to gently touch down and then explode on the ground right?! Nope; he splashes into the ocean. Jump cut to clock ringing seven o'clock. Jump cut to ocean as water rises from the explosion underwater and somehow this still causes the EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH anyway! Ken looks on and then turns around to notice the Juralian aliens spaceship has arrived. (Yes, why not Cartoon Duck Syndrome this episode since we have to up the kill count some more.) Ken wants to fight them and we get the usual COTTON CANDY BEAMS OF DEATH to waste time. Ken dodges and shoots the laser beam from the Sky Rod and it misses the ship. Jump cut to Ken jumping. WHAT?! Jump cut to Sky Rod zooming past Meat Grinder X3! Ken lands in front of window outside Meat Grinder X3. Ken shoots the glass window with the alpha gun. Jump cut to three Juralians using the wrong background (AGAIN!) and they get vaporized instantly before even having the faintest idea what happened. (They got killed literally saying "Cha--" in Chargeman Ken.) They also melt to steaming piles of goo in the process too! What a bastard Ken is?! Ken finds Clipper in the glass capsule and uses the Alpha Gun to melt the glass and free Clipper. Two more Juralian aliens charge at Ken. See what I did there?! Ken uses Alpha Gun and one of the aliens gets vaporized on a solid green background with a pink cotton candy border. One is vaporized flat on his belly -- of course -- as Ken is shown with a drop from his head as the alien disappears. Jump cut to Ken and Clipper in the Sky Rod with the wrong background yet again, and this happens at least three times when this is shown. They do the repeat shot of the far side shot of the Sky Rod and then we see the Juralian spaceship shown on camera and it explodes for no reason. But that's not the most noteworthy thing about this explosion. The most notable thing about this explosion is: NO EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH! Yes folks; Knack Animation actually animated an explosion on camera. Sure; it was poorly animated, but it wasn't a painting of an explosion with the camera moving to simulate movement. This is a special day! Yeah; who cares anymore?! (Five more Juralian aliens died for our shittysaviorken, now the count is at least 280 Juralian aliens.) Clipper does the Chun-Li victory promo inside the cockpit and then we jump cut to the Sky Rod using the background to move itself to end the episode at 5:21. (Discotek translated as "All right".) This is ** on the trainwreck scale for all the logic breaks and Knack Animation actually having the budget to animate one explosion after 61 episodes of showing paintings of explosions. Lovely indeed. The storyline was dumb and it's a -* 1/2 (30%).

Episode #62 - Crisis At The Agricultural Complex!: Episode opened with a far shot of a small town on a plains with one paved road going in. We get the male narrator voice saying that in 2074, agriculture has become remarkably more efficient and less labour-intensive. All I say is that if it's true, GREAT! If it's false, they need to WORK IT! Jump cut to a shot of the sun in the sky and a pan shot down to ground level showing a satellite dish designed as a solar power generator. The narrator points out that the thing absorbs and distribute the proper amount of sunlight to crops. Jump cut to a banana yellow helicopter with a giant clear funnel like device underneath as the narrator points out that these are designed to create man-made rainwater. Apparently; ordinary water nor natural rain water is quality enough, it must be man-made rain water. Jump cut to the fields of orange laser like turrent sprinkers on a grassy field. The narrator proclaims that farmlands in Japan have greatly expanded, just to show that no matter how Americanized this show looks, it was still made in Japan. This allows everyone to eat produce and rice. Fade to black and then we get a blowing sound effect as we see the helicopter down and undamaged, a tractor off the road and one in the middle of the road. Jump cut to the off road tractor and pan down to a pair of leather shoes. Jump cut to a shot of a hat on the ground. Jump cut to shot of the road as there is dust blowing far away from the hard camera. Jump cut to sky shot of a black jeep and since this is Japan, it's riding on the left side of the road instead of the right side like in America. If this was released in America in the 1970's, this shot would be mirrored. Which is funny because this show uses mirrored shots all the time. The people in the jeep are shadowed of course. Jump cut to closeup of Ken, Caron and Clipper in the jeep with a brown haired male driver wearing a blue hat with purple overalls and cyan blue trim, who the driver side is on the right side. So, the Sky Rod is Americanized, but this jeep is not. The driver explains that he patrols 10,000 hectares of land (Japan uses the metric system like we Canadians do half of the time.). He also states that these are assigned by the Legal Affairs Bureau and this area is his assignment. (Discotek has it as the Agricultural Agency which makes a lot more sense here.)

The driving shot looks like a video game in the 1980's from the PC's. The driver claims that he cannot keep an eye on 100% of the area at once as we jump cut to Ken asking what happened over there. Jump cut to camera windshield shot of the driver and Caron as the driver points out to us that no one is returning his calls in this area. Plus; no one has showed up in the past seven days or so. Caron asks if they are on vacation and the driver points out that this is not possible since this is the busiest time of year and the co-workers have not seen nor heard anyone from the area for the past seven days. So, trouble is coming my friends! They make it to in front of a white plastic building that looks like a toy top of a battleship on the sky shot. The car is shadowed and transparent on that shot as well. The driver gets out on the closeup shot showing part of the jeep. The driver turns around and tells Ken to wait here and he walks into the building as Ken agrees to wait. Jump cut to a pan shot as we see one leather shoe on the ground and then the jeep as almost 95% of Ken's body is completely transparent. Clipper isn't sure about this as Ken admits that it's too quiet and he has a bad feeling about this as we pan over to the road; and in comes the rain making helicopter we saw earlier complete with sound effects (YIKES!) and then we jump cut to the building and hear the driver screaming. Ken and company are shocked and appalled. They run into the building; or more accurately, their shadows. God; I'm going to miss this show when Easter Sadism is over. Jump cut to the shadows noticing the driver is down on his belly with blood stains on his suit and on the ground looking dead. Ken panics as he addresses him as Mr. Matsumoto. Yes; the driver had a name. Would have been great if we heard it before he got murdered. Ken goes over and grabs onto Matsumoto and he's sweating and not dead somehow. Ken demands to know what happened to him and Matsumoto points to over the doorway. Ken, Caron and Clipper rush to the doorway that he just pointed and...Oh; the horror! Oh; the horror of dead people in shadows. There is shadowed blood and dead shadow bodies everywhere laced in the room. Caron screams and one of them is wrapped on the green sofa in the background.

Jump cut to a shot of Clipper and Ken's legs as Matsumoto is crawling on his knees as he yells at Ken to get out of the building right now. He gags and then flops down dead for good this time because he doesn't respond to Ken's commands. So, in other words; Ken couldn't save him anyway because he was already dead before the building started to even rumble. Just want to point that out. The ending was more insulting to my IQ than Ken not saving Matsumoto. More on that later as the babyfaces panic and slowly run out of the building. They get into the jump and I guess Ken is driving the jeep out of harm's way. Yes; even in 1974/2074, 12 year old kids can drive complex pieces of machinery. (Kit Cloudkicker, Pizza Pie In The Sky, I'm just saying former self. Also, Ken has driven a car many times before this episode occured!) I realize that the Sky Rod is complex in itself, but come on! Caron calls on big brother and we cut back to the plastic white building of doom rumbling and it crumbles and collapses managing to animate for three seconds before the background and camera took over to complete the animation because the top of it was still floating in midair. Jump cut to Ken driving the jeep as he wants to hurry back and warn the authorites. Yes; Ken now gives a damn about getting the actual adults involved after many episodes where no authorites could be involved because they were much less useful than Ken Izumi. Also, Ken is wearing flesh colored gloves now. Sky shot of helicopter chasing black jeep; looks like a 1980's video game on Commodore 64, like Motor Mania. Jump cut to closeup of helicopter shooting a yellow beam at jeep. The shots hit the road and wouldn't have hit the jeep even if the jeep didn't move. (Second time a wrestling spot goes bad.) Jump cut to windshield shot of Ken driving and Caron noticing the weird helicopter (her words, not mine) as Ken claims that they shown themselves. Jump cut to inside the cockpit as three Juralian aliens are piloting the helicopter. What a shocker, eh?! They claims that they have Chargeman Ken where they want him. Yeah; I'll bet. The Juralian pilot proclaims that anyone who gets in their way of destroying the agricultural complex's destruction must die. YAY! Like I'm going to boo these guys after Dynamite In The Brain, are you kidding me?!

More shooting yellow beams from the helicopter and on the sky shot with the jeep; none of the shots would hit even if the jeep doesn't get moved animated or background moving otherwise. The impact looks like the Bat Signal from Batman shows. Only with star power you see. The kids and Clipper are shadowed on this shot too by the way. Another yellow beam shot and this one completely disappears on the next shot with a closeup of Ken looking worried behind the wheel of the jeep. Jump cut to side shot as the helicopter flies low over the jeep. If they were trying to bash Ken in the head with the transparent funnel; they failed badly because the shot missed by twenty feet. Even Mallory's kicks come closer to making no contact than this funnel, let me tell you. Shot of the helicopter flying around and then a closeup of the laser gun on the helicopter and it shoots yet again. Jump cut to Ken sweating and looking worried. Apparently; he cannot transform in the jeep despite being able to transform despite having TWO broken legs and other assorted spots. Caron panics on the closeup because Ken is heading straight for the orange tractor on the road. Wow; they actually set this up and paid it off! And it took 62 episodes to do it properly! Of course; Ken speeds up the jeep on the next shot and then we jump cut to Ken as he somehow has teleported out of the jeep trying to do the slow motion "leap of explosive faith" which looks like something out of a Ted E. Bear special/Bringing Up Baby from Mighty Ducks. This ends up with Ken, Caron and Clipper literally letting their chins break their fall on the grass, like they were thrown like lawn darts. That was the funniest thing I have ever seen. I need an animated GIF of Ken and company lawn darting themselves. (The only reason to watch this episode right there, everyone!) The jeep crashes into the orange tractor and it explodes into a nuclear smoke cloud and bursts into flames; while at the same time, the orange tractor is clearly a painting because it doesn't move at all. SOMEONE FIRE THAT TRACTOR~! I AM THE TRACTOR~! Might as well get the Botchamania jokes out of my system.

Jump cut to Clipper in shock and sweating as he is ordered to get down as the babyfaces lie down on their bellies as the helicopter flies over them and misses by ten feet. They could have stayed upright and not get hit at all. They fly around once again in a repeat shot as the helicopter goes half transparent during this sequence. Cut to Ken face down on the grass grunting as he looks up and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~ for the last time in Easter Sadism 2015! Unless I find more English subbed episodes; as there are about thirty-eight of them left in the series. (Discotek Media localized them all and this is the final Ironsharp translated fansub!) Of course the Sky Rod appears out of nowhere and Ken, Caron and Clipper are already in the cockpit for no reason. HOLY TELEPORTATION BATMAN~! The Juralian alien cringes as he shoots the BANANA BEAM OF DEATH and misses by thirty feet now because he's the worst crack shooter in anime history of course. Repeat shot of the Sky Rod ramming into the hard camera and Caron and Clipper disappeared for no reason at all. Cut to Juralian alien screaming that he is going to ram them. You would think that is what Ken is actually doing. Except on the next shot; we see the helicopter shoot a yellow banana beam of doom and then we get the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH! Yes folks; they animated it as if the laser on the helicopter overheated and exploded without any indication of overheating of said laser. While booking the spot to be Ken ramming into the helicopter. The writers and the animators are literally working in two different universes here; forget different pages. Yes folks; that is the finish to this episode because the music stops and the final scene begins. (Two more Juralian aliens died for Kensus, however; more humans died than Juralian aliens did this time! Kill count now stands at least 282 Juralian aliens.) Jump cut to a field as there is the jeep Ken was driving as we pan west to an open field with Ken, Caron and Clipper in shadow. Then on the closeup; we see Ken, Caron and Clipper in the prayer position, praying to TWO posts mounded with dirt.

Now seeing this; I realized that they are praying for the people who died in this episode and these two posts are supposed to be wooden crosses; but I guess they were planning to get this show dubbed in America because they were altered. After all the episodes of BS; NOW Ken is trying to act like he gave a damn about someone being dead. Granted; Matsumoto's death wasn't his fault and he died before Ken could be in the position to save him. However, this is awfully selective of Ken after causing Volga's death. Closeup to Ken praying as he proclaims that the people became the victims of what the Juralian alien had done here today. True; I'm afraid. Cut to Clipper crying and saying that this is horrible. You are not Astro Boy Clipper; get over yourself, even though what you say is in fact true. Clipper even sheds a tear for good measure and wipes it as Caron is trying to cry and almost gets a tear in her eye; but the still shot of her crying looks unconvincing. Ken is shown standing up and he swears revenge and proclaims that he will defeat them; which is hilarious because he has killed Juralian alien after Juralian alien and still hasn't won yet. The final shot of this episode is a zoom out shot of the beginning shot of the episode; only the shadowed Ken, Caron and Clipper are placed on a cliff on the bottom right of the screen and that is that at 5:20. This was a ** 3/4 on the trainwreck scale for all the animation, most stars for the lawn dart spot, and the dumbest finish I have ever seen as the writers and animators were clearly on different planets at the time. (Outside of the lawn dart spot, this episode was just there to suck, and by this point; even I'm not seeing much upside to watching this further, outside of finishing the series proper.) Call it -** 1/2 (-50%).

Episode #63 - Defeat The Murderous Boxer: This one also gets a lot of attention; mostly for the boxer. Episode opens with a poorly drawn and staged shot of a boxing arena as a boxing match is in progress. Somehow they did the worst bopping and weaving animation I have ever seen. Three of the members of the crowd are blue haired; I smell Juralian aliens nearby. There is actually a ADR crowd cheering sound effect in the budget I see; as we jump cut to a closeup of a boxer with purple trunks and boots; punching a boxer in cyan with red trim with red boots. The gloves look like they are modified baseball gloves. Purple trunks boxer punches red trunks boxer's brains out. Jump cut to the announcer on the microphone reading from his notes as apparently; one of the boxers in question was born in Japan and raised in Arizona. This has to be a Discotek Media embellishment; this sounds totally like real life now. (After all the times you accused Mega Man of being in Colorado?! For shame, former self.) The boxer's name is Tsuyoshi Mattaku, nicknamed "Tiger M". Yes; this is the episode one Youtuber on Ironsharp's channel wanted subtitled. Well; he finally got it; but not from Ironsharp. The terrible Tiger M has fifty knockouts in fifty matches and thirteen boxers died as a result of his punches. What kind of boxing commission allows this guy to continue fighting after killing thirteen people. Sure; I don't think he comitted murder or anything, but come on. He has thirteen counts of involutary manslaughter on his resume and no one bothers to at least arrest him?! Twenty more are mimed and disabled forevermore. Yes; seventeen boxers somehow have not been killed nor disabled by this henious boxer and he's still allowed to box after all this?! No wonder people hate boxing so much. The boxer suffering the wrath of Tiger M's name is Jirou Kumatora and he's going to be number fourteen on Tiger's M's death chart. Jump cut to Ken, Caron and Clipper watching and cheering for Jirou to win this match. I would throw in the towel before he ever makes it to the ring. Heck; where are the police?! Even Clipper isn't liking this at all. I'm guessing Papa Izzy is around since there is an empty seat to Clipper's right. Suddenly; three too welled dressed men show up out of nowhere.

They confront Ken asking him if he's Chargeman Ken and they want Ken to defeat the murderous boxer right here, right now because they can never forgive themselves otherwise. Clipper wants Ken to get in the ring to take Tiger M out. Yes folks; Chargeman Ken, twelve year old (and I'm being generous on the age here) kid, a hundred pounds soaking wet (and I'm repeating myself on the generous thing here) with little experience in martial arts, let along boxing is going to get in the ring with Tiger M; three hundred pounds (at least), twice Ken's height, has KO'ed fifty grown men, killed fourteen of them and injured beyond repair twenty of them. He reads like a bus crash. Jirou is bleeding a 0.2 Muta; gets uppercutted and falls flat on his face into the mat. He's dead. Yes, he is as crowd is shocked and Tiger M acts like a psychopath who growls. The boxing match was animated surprisely well compared to the rest of the show in general. Sadly; Papa Izzy didn't run in to check on Jirou, which surprised me since he is a doctor. (I'm convinced that his title is fake now unless the manga can prove me otherwise.) Someone in a grey suit and cyan blue tie with black hair checked on the poor dead boxer and yes, he's dead. Everyone is shocked and appalled as the crowd is coming him a murderer and yelling at him to go home. Call the damn police already, you stupid idiots! Plus; are they yelling at Tiger M; or Ken Izzy?! It's hard to tell nowadays. Commentator at the microphone repeats everything we already know. Repeat shot of the first shot of the episode; only one boxer is lying down and one boxer is raising his arm in victory. Cut to Tiger M demanding more competition. A photographer is trying to take his picture and acts all shocked because the camera cannot see him; so yes, the boxer is a Juralian alien. I wonder how many people this alien killed in addition to the boxers?! Hmmmmmm... Ken gets up and realizes that it's a Juralian alien; the instant Ken says that, it's like yelling "Fire" in a crowded theater as everyone panics and runs out. Even funnier; they use the exact same three characters, over and over again. Geez; that DNA splitter is awesome! Place is empty except for the kids and Clipper as Ken runs in and goes over the ropes into the ring.

Ken proceeds to pick up Tiger M's punk card and does it from behind, like a heel. Tiger M turns around looking pissed as the three guys who were insisting that Ken get into the ring, proclaim that Ken has fallen into the trap. I was wrong in the sense that the blue hair was a dead giveaway since they are red haired in this shot; but it's Knack Animation so all bets are off at this point. One of them proclaims that this is it for Chargeman Ken. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, sir. Tiger M tells Ken to die; Ken tells him to reveal his true form. I don't know why; the photographer can back up evidence that Ken didn't kill a human being in this one. They don't even bother having Ken transform; nor give him boxing gloves. Also; this is a spoiler: Ken kills the boxer and wins this fight. Ken dodges two to three punches and then punches him in the stomach and then in the face. I was shocked that this didn't kill Tiger M; because then Ken can call himself "Two Punch Boy" and be "One Punch Man"'s sidekick. Oh come on, now! You should have seen this one coming a mile away! (One Piece still beats this anime's ass, sadly. I'm not talking about Chargeman "Two Punch Boy" Ken either.) Tiger M curses Ken and finally transforms into a Juralian alien as Caron and Clipper embrace each other. The three thugs at ringside also transform into Juralian aliens. Damn; and this boxing match was actually getting good, too. Damn you Juralian aliens! Lots of laughing ensues as one of them gets into the ring. Geez; I went to a killing spree and suddenly, a sports entertainment match broke out! POW! OUCH! Ummm.. I mean; a professional wrestling match broke out. Damn you double-double E! Ken is glad they revealed themselves. Yes, they couldn't even get Ken's crowning moment of awesome right! Damn this show to hell! CHARGING, GO FISH~! Jump cut to repeat shot of ring; only Ken is now Chargeman Ken. Giggling ensues and this still shot lasts nine seconds; jump cut to Jural against a yellow background as he shoots first with the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH. Ken dodges and it's Alpha Gun time, you know the drill. Somehow; the beam didn't hit the Juralian; but the Juralian sold it anyway and died. Ken lands on the ropes. Jural fires and Ken dodges; and this breaks the ropes as Juralian alien number two dies from the Alpha Gun and at least the beam hit the alien this time.

Ken jumps down onto the floor as the final two Juralian aliens get into position as we dodge spinach beams, Ken counters with the gun with the still shot lasting ten seconds; Juralian aliens get hit and vaporized, yee-haw. Caron and Clipper run to the apron praising Ken as Ken does the twirling the gun on the ropes and being proud of himself. (Four more Juralian aliens die for HelltoKen as the kill count now stands at more than 286 Juralian aliens.) Ken puts the gun on his left arm while giggling and we get another blue construction paper scene changer of doom and return with a shot of the sky complete with "wah-wah-wah" music as we pan down to Clipper shadow boxing with Ken as Ken defends the shots with his bare hands while Caron is giggling in amusement. Clipper actually has boxing gloves on and is actually hitting Ken's hands; and he's selling it like Clipper is tickling him, only Caron is the one selling the torture by laughing. Then Barican's theme song starts playing as Ken is blowing off Clipper because he can never win in a fair fight. You know what would make me laugh here: Clipper punching Ken in the groin. This is the only payoff I will accept in this hideously hilarious show. Sadly; this is Chargeman Ken as Caron distracts Ken; Ken turns to his left like a goddamn idiot and Clipper punches him in the face. Too high! Way too high! Lower! Much lower! As in right between the legs low! Caron is shocked as Clipper raises his arm in victory as Ken holds his jaw sitting down cross-legged. Now; take one guess what happens next: I betcha Ken chases Clipper around the area to end the episode at 5:20. I check the video...Damn; I'm so good. If only Clipper had punched him in the groin, this would have been many buys! As is; not so many, sadly. Caron runs after laughing away from the hard camera as we pan up to shot to end it. Damn; they came so close to a thumbs in the middle episode and they screwed it up royalfully. **** 3/4 on the trainwreck scale for the whole thing, call it ** 1/4 (45%). This is the best episode quality wise; but not the best in terms of being hideously hilarious. That would have happened if Ken had killed the boxer with two punches before he turned into an alien and if Clipper punched Ken in the groin at the end.

Episode #64 - Explosion! The Mammoth Control Center: Episode opens with a shot of the city and a pan shot of said city. This lasts seventeen seconds; and then blue construction paper scene changer of doom to... a closeup shot of the city. What was the point of that? They don't have enough in the budget to zoom into the shot anymore. Pan west to a airport terminal with green tubes coming out in two directions. Jump cut to mobile sidewalk moving five people and a dog with the background animated. Sadly; the shot is moved way too far up north and so their heads are cut off. Well; four of them anyway. The foreground has two woman looking at each other; well, their heads are looking at each other. Jump cut to shot of the mobile sidewalk with denizens in shadow and transparent on it. The narrator explains to us that the future of society has become convenient, logical in every way and easy to live in. YOU FUCKING LIAR~! There is nothing logical, convenient, nor easy in anything this show shows. In fact; it's dark and horrible because the ruler of this show is Ken Izzy! (Considering what 2024 has turned out to be in the real world, Ken's time is sanitized compared to the real world.) Jump cut to a building with the nuclear symbol on top of the tower. We discover that this building is called the Mammoth Control Tower; because it's the central computer center for the entire city. Jump cut to inside with the whacky computer mainframes; and this is the most animated part of the episode thus far. The narrator tells us that if there is any chance that this control center breaks down, all domestic and municipal system would grind to a halt. But not Chargeman Ken; oh no! He's the ultimate Luddite and this show seems to take joy in making us love luddisim to boot! Jump cut to a shot of the tower with the symbol and then jump cut to Ken's house, which would prove to be the final time in the series. Jump cut to Ken lying on the floor in the living room tossing Clipper into the air and where he lands, do we really care?! (Ahhh, no.) Lots of laughing ensues as we jump cut to Mama and Papa Izzy at their computer which even in 2074 is still bigger than a fridge. (There was no computer that I could see former self. What are you talking about? There is a television nearby though.) Mama tells Ken to shut up in a nice way because the news is on as we jump cut to a reporter who is sadly not the cheese reporter.

Furthermore; what was Papa Izzy watching on television?! That will never be answered and it's much more compelling than this show. Anyhow; the blue suit reporter interupts this show for a special reporter as Ken and Clipper stop giggling the second they hear that the central Kanto region was blown up by someone, and all civic life has been paralyzed in every area in Japan. (And Pokemon purists who think the first generation was the only one that matters are furious!) But somehow the television still works! What?! Is this family off the grid or something?! (This family is the defintion of sovereign citizens, which is a six dollar term for "wannabe gods", with Ken as their one true God. This has to be a Christian cartoon, I just cannot...) I should also note that Caron has joined us out of nowhere and Clipper was thrown into nowhere by Ken. Off-screen, stage left everyone. Then literally the second after he cuts the promo; he REPEATS it exactly the same way. What was the point of that?! Ken calls this a major disaster. I'll say. Blowing up the control tower causes news reporters to act like Newton Two-Two from The Mighty Hercules. Discotek Media does the usual "if/it" typo on their subtitles when Ken talks about gas, water and power being gone. How is Ken's house okay?! Jump cut to what appears to be parts of a destroyed city as Ken claims that there is also tons of data from those centers. Some things never change even in cartoons. (Some treat ficition as entertainment, some treat it as art, some treat it as politics, some treat it as a lesson and a good chunk treat it as a "how to" manual. All treatements pander in some way. Only the "how to" part is considered equalivant to pornography.) More shots of destroyed buildings as Caron asks who could do this. Come on now; Caron, asking that question is useless. Because you see, these writers cannot even come up with any new heels other than Juralian aliens or humans who conspire with Juralian aliens. Ken surprisely doesn't accuse the Juralian aliens outright, even though it's obvious this is their handiwork. Ken still acts like he doesn't already know as he's going out to check this out and Papa Izzy tells him to be careful. Shots of the family looking excited as Ken calls for Clipper to come along, I don't know why. Clipper agrees and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~!

Jump cut to outside Ken's house and somehow the Sky Rod comes out from the house and flies away. Jump cut to Sky Rod flying stage left with background moving the darn thing. Jump cut to closeup of Sky Rod with Ken piloting and Clipper being useless...ERRR...I mean cosplaying Ken's piloting. (You could have said backseat driver and no one would have noticed nor cared, former self.) Jump cut to Sky Rod flying away from the hard camera. Repeat shot of shot of Sky Rod flying stage left. Jump cut to repeat shot of Ken and Clipper in the Sky Rod as Clipper notices something on the ground. Repeat shots of destroyed building; so they are in the Kanto region. Then we get a whiplash teleportation of the Sky Rod entering the area. Sky Rod circles around as we jump cut to behind some golden building as smoke is literally the most animated thing in the background. Yes; the smoke does have sound effects, somehow. Pan left to more undamaged buildings with smoke coming out in the background. Repeat shot of Ken and Clipper in the Sky Rod as Ken calls this terrible. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there, Kenbo~! Jump cut to more circling above buildings. Finally; Ken blames the Juralian aliens for this and then bails to look for them, not even bothering to help put out the fires we saw earlier. What a hero, eh?! More repeated shots of the Sky Rod heading west, then jump cut to Ken in the Sky Rod piloting on the windshield spot. He's shocked as metal clangs right on cue as we see the meatgrinder ship; which doesn't work as suspense since (a) Juralian aliens are the only heels and (b) the animators didn't even bother to animate it in such a way to make us care. No martial arts zoom in, no repeat shots, nothing. Jump cut to inside the ship as one of the Juralian aliens wants to blow up another building. Ken notices this as the meatgrinder fires the SPINACH BEAM OF DEATH. Ken counters with the BUTTER BEAM OF DEATH and butter beam trumps spinach. Sora's blood pressure is rising. (I'm certain Sora is not watching this show and it doesn't matter which Sora it is.)

Juralian alien is unconcerned; until he turns around and somehow sees the Sky Rod coming towards him. Jump cut to a different windshield shot of Ken and Clipper as Ken tells them to hold it. I would do whatever he says, Juralian alien. There is no hope for you now! Juralian alien of course curse him and we shoot the COTTON CANDY BEAM OF DEATH and Ken panics and pushes the Sky Rod up to dodge it. Dammit! Two more beams are dodged, then a third one as the Sky Rod was animated by the background and then animated itself when it dodged. Closeup shot of Ken yelling, Clipper cannot watch this anymore and who can blame him. They show the same Sky Rod shot for the fifth or sixth time in this episode alone, I lost count. Jump cut to zoom in shot of Juralian aliens moaning. Jump cut to outside as Ken shoots the antenna on the top of the meatgrinder with the Alpha Beam. Ship glows pink, and then cheese colored; I'm guessing the cheese reporter also invest in colored dyes for the Alpha Beam. Cue sparking, screaming by one Juralian alien and then cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! (Amazing, only one Juralian alien showed up here, so the kill count now stand at 287 Juralian aliens, with one more episode to go and since Satan is finally going to get it, I expect a massive bloodbath when that episode is over. Yes, Chargeman Ken had only two episodes where he didn't kill someone.) Jump cut to Clipper jumping up and down and yelling that Ken did it. I'll say! Ken wants to go home; so yes, he doesn't return to help put out the fires in the background. Sky Rod flies away from the hard camera in a really unique sequence for this show. Jump cut to pan over of the city, looking undamaged as the Sky Rod is moving via the background and we do one more jump cut to the Sky Rod flying away from the hard camera which that ends the episode at 5:20. This is ** on the trainwreck scale for repeat shots of the same animation, or lack thereof and a lot of Ludding. -3/4* (-15%).

Episode #65- Victory! Chargeman Ken: Yes folks; this show lasted literally less than six hours! I calculated it. You can put this on two DVD discs and be done with it. Yes folks; this is the finale of Chargeman Ken and yes, the Juralian aliens finally get theirs for good this time. (Along with Maou, the dumbest heel on the show.) We begin this one with five flying meat grinder Juralian aliens saucers flying in the air stage west with the background moving them. Satan's plan of the episode: KILL YOU...~! Basically; MURDER everyone! Why he didn't do that at the start of this series?! This just shows you how stupid the Juralian aliens are because it took 65 episodes for them to figure this one out. We jump cut to New York City and the saucers invoke the COTTON CANDY LASER BEAMS OF DEATH and vaporize the Statue Of Liberty. EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH ensues eighteen seconds in, a new record for this show. Yay! Jump cut to Paris, France and the another visible landmark of the day gets vaporized and we get our second EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH seven seconds later; but this one at least showed the landmark getting destroyed in the process. Geez; I didn't realize the Juralian aliens were decendants of the Agony Booth. Jump cut to Vactian City complete with a half dozen crosses on the roofs and it gets destroyed with the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH. Wow; it exploded by itself before the Juralian aliens could bring out the lasers. That's really sad, folks. (This would be the final Christian reference in the show.) Satan laughs hard as we jump cut to Athens, Greece and another visible landmark gets an EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH for a second before getting a unique version of it. Pillars crumble as we jump cut to Tokyo Tower as it gets the pink laser treatment and it bends; but somehow doesn't break. Someone is slipping. Then we jump cut to a woman wearing a green apron and white shirt with red bow on the front with blond hair in pain as we get the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH in the background. Then jump cut to a man with brown hair, green shirt and leather jacket in shock getting hit with the same thing. Sadly; I don't have an English translation of what Satan is saying; although I'm certain that he's telling them to die and crumble basically. Five more males get lasered and exploded in that order. Then a blond woman with matching shirt and green dress gets the same treatment.

All of them are jump cuts; and they cannot even get the ADR to do screaming sound effects in the background as Satan is cutting this promo. Satan laughs some more as another male in blue gets killed as we jump cut to a far shot of the city as the foreground shows fire and smoke flying around while the background shows the five poorly drawn meat grinders of Juralian alien death dotted in the sky. Jump cut to inside a conference room with Professor Pantless and his motley crew of scientists at a table. Jump cut to closeup eastern pan shot of Pantless and Mr. Izzy exchanging notes on the situation along with the other scientists in the room. Of course, Ken Izzy is there, because this is his show after all. I have zero idea what they are saying (because I have no English sub for this); but the guise of this is that Satan is on the loose and he must be stopped as we hear someone on the radio in front of Pantless on the table (which at least was there the whole time) and informs Professor Pantless of something which causes Ken to say "What?!" I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this means Satan isn't holding back anymore because Ken panics and basically proclaims that he's going to stop him. Jump cut to the airport as we pan down towards the pavement as the "babyfaces" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, guys!) as Pantless is holding hands with Ken Izzy as the good professor basically wishes Ken good luck on his mission and to come back alive. Ken says "Yes, Professor". Mrs. Izzy talks, Caron calls him "big brother", Clippers calls him Kenbo for fun and my amusement.Yes; I get it means Kenny; but Kenbo is much, much funnier. Ken cuts a promo, Mr. Izzy says "Ken" and it's CHARGING, GO FISH~ for one last time. Well; for this show at least. For me; I still would have about 35 episodes or so left as I write this. (Not anymore.) You know it's a late episode when the whiplash sound is used during this. Let the opening theme music commence for one last time. Jump cut to Sky Rod flying in the sky. As expected the song has lyrics as it should be. I'll give the creators this; they are trying to make this as epic as possible, but this is Knack Productions we are talking about. This is a fool's errand. Jump cut to a pan shot of the "babyfaces" (HEE HEE!) as Mrs. Izzy looks completely bored.

Jump cut to Ken flying the Sky Rod as they didn't even have enough sense to animate the silver ring here. Why doesn't that surprise me?! Jump cut to a closeup shot of Ken in thought cutting a promo. Jump cut to the Sky Rod over the ocean as the silver ring is animated poorly this time. It's Knack Productions; who cares?! Jump cut to underwater with another eastern pan shot as we finally see the main base of the Juralian aliens as it looks like Astro's house from Astro Boy 1980's expect in a toy-like form with white missiles on the bottom and red jewels in the middle. I swear this base is going to crumble any second now. Zoom into base; jump cut to a blue door opening revealing dozens of Juralian aliens being addressed by Satan. At least Satan's plan makes sense this time. (Too little, too late show to try to increase Maou's kill count.) Satan is on stage and of course there's no animation shown as we jump cut to the PA System made of three pieces of clown horns informing us that Chargeman Ken is on his way here to try to kill Juralian aliens, like he has in every episode in this series. Satan cannot believe this despite the fact that his entire plan was to lure Chargeman Ken out here by killing everyone. Now I don't care about him killing Chargeman Ken either even if Ken deserves it. Oh well; it's the last episode, no one cares. Besides; as I said many times before: If it wasn't for the fact that this show is such a perfect storm of stupidity, apathy and insanity, there would be zero incentive to watch this show. Satan orders his men to kill Chargeman Ken. Yawn. Jump cut to the Sky Rod in the sky AFTER HAPPY HOUR (how fitting indeed?!) as I discover that the Sky Rod is underwater. Doesn't that contradict the purpose of the Sky Rod?! Shouldn't it be called the Aqua Rod or something?! (You are putting far too much thought into this episode, former self.) Ken gasps as he notices Satan's base of operations. Geez; you just noticed it now?! The Sky Rod flies towards the base as we jump cut to inside the base with Satan seeing the Sky Rod on monitors. Satan orders them to kill Chargeman Ken again as we jump cut to a circle opening inside the base and out comes the wacky meatgrinders, which is basically leading the lambs to the slaughter at this point.

Ken talks in the Sky Rod as we get about ten on one advatange heels; which is fine except, Ken is also basically a monster, evil heel in this show. We get the COTTON CANDY LASER BEAMS OF DEATH and some dodging from the Skyrod. Then eight white airplanes show up out of nowhere, making it ten on nine advantage heels, eleven if you include Satan's base. Okay; that's fine, although I don't see the point since Ken is God in this show. He don't need no help here, if you catch my drift. I'm assuming it's Professor Pantless' doing. It's such a shame that Ken cannot even have his moment of truth without having help. Ken greets them and then spirals around the ships as we jump cut back to Satan with his drainpipe fingers near the button inside his base. Button is pushed as we jump cut to the base rising up from the ocean complete with shaky camera. At least this makes sense this time. The animators even had the gall to animate bubbles and water during this. Jump cut to the Sky Rod with Ken at the controls as he chases after the base. You base are belong to Ken Izzy now, Satan! (Yeah, I got the CATS meme in. I'll get my coat...) Jump cut to Satan as I saw Ken's eye flash for no reason. Jump cut to meat grinders getting hit and cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH! Geez; these Juralian aliens truly suck when a bunch of humans not named Ken can kill these dudes. No wonder they were in the ocean and they might as well have stayed there because their five hundred year old technology with their barbarism, sucks! More ships get slaughtered and those get smoke explosions animations and nothing else. Damn; even Knack Productions thinks setting records is a bad thing, even if it's a hideously hilarious record at that. The Sky Rod and Satan's base fly into the sky and then it stops, jump cuts itself and a needle sticks up from the top. I assume it's an antenna; but knowing this shows inability to stage something properly and position the camera properly, it could be anything. It's an antenna as we shoot and dodge for a while. It's banana flavored beams this time as Ken pulls the lever (JESUS~!) as Ken shoots and the laser beam misses the base as the base actually moves. The base then I think spins around and invokes the whirlwind on Ken because we jump cut to Ken screaming on cue. Whoa! They are teasing that Ken will die on this show?!

Now granted; in Japan, it's very possible even in a kid's cartoon for this to happen. The Sky Rod goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A hundred fold since Ken is the one getting it.). Then Satan's base does it again and Ken screams again. This is the smartest thing Satan has ever done in this series. Seriously; I mean it. Then we get a laughable logic break: The Sky Rod was positioned towards the right side; but the pink laser -- which was originally yellow; but whatever -- fires towards the west. Explain that one, kids?! Oh; and it must not default to: Because, Knack Productions (Challenge Impossible). Then the laser turns spinach green and there's two of them. Yes folks; TWO! Ken; then basically checkmates Satan; shoots the yellow beam, it hits the base exactly one minute before the episode officially ends. Jump cut to Satan in the base screaming and this scream is a thing of beauty; but then the sound editors instantly cuts it off barely two seconds in (It sounds like a badly programmed video game on the Playstation 1). Cue EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH~! The base falls into the water and we get an animated explosion right when it makes contact with the water and Satan is finally killed after all his beyond the pale stupid leadership. Yawn. (I was expecting a bloodbath and I got one. However, Ken didn't down a single alien ship, except for the one that matters. Satan is dead. Final kill count: 287 Juralian aliens (almost 4 1/2 aliens per episode), four human beings, 21 horses, a speices of butterflies and Satan himself! In fact, the white knight air force I think killed at least 40 Juralian aliens by themselves. Wow! Knack Productions didn't even bother to make Ken a one kid wrecking crew and get over 300 kills! I should have known!) Jump cut to Ken looking on basically saying that it's over as we hear on the radio from Professor Pantless as the airplanes have taken care of the Jurals as we see them on the next jump cut in the air. Ken breathes a sigh of relief. The singing in the background with the music is the best thing on the show by a mile, as usual. Jump cut to Ken waving at the airplanes. Yee-haw. Then suddenly the sun begans to set as the Sky Rod flies away as we pan towards the sky.

We hear the narrator wrap up this story and the series. Jump cut to a sunset shot of the city and then we pan west. Sadly; they didn't pan to Ken's house to end this episode and the series at 5:21. The amazing thing about this episode is; this was by the show's standards, as close to good as it was going to get. The motive of the heels made sense; but by this point, it's impossible for anyone to care and it made Ken's win absolutely pointless. At least Chargeman Ken got closure, unlike TaleSpin did, but TaleSpin was a much better show in spite of that fact. (Ah, but the manga is still in evidence and in the eyes of the audience, Ken's war with the Juralian aliens must continue because the Juralian aliens got the perfect disguise. Horror show, indeed.) This is no rating on the trainwreck scale, and a ** (40%) on the regular scale. It did the job it was supposed to do. (2017 Gregory Weagle Says: I finally got to see the Discotek Media subtitled version since the review was done with zero English subtitles; with a few exceptions, it would have been pretty much the same regardless if it was subtitled or not. It was so refereshly straight forward. The exceptions were mostly with PA announcer during the scene with the scientists proclaiming that they found the base in Sector Z in the Japan Trench. Also of note; Discotek Media finally called Satan the Devil King twice! Also of note: The ending song is hilarious in it's own way as Ken was wondering if Satan was actually dead. The song is a song of the Earth being a utopia; which is ultra, ultra creepy in hindsight, along with mentioning the silhouettes of Ken and Caron. Are they implying incest or something here; because why is Caron mentioned in the song? Sadly; we never got to see Ken nor Caron's silhouette, so this show couldn't even pay off the finale song properly without screwing it up. And the fight didn't last long enough for us to hear the entire opening theme song either. Story of this show in a nutshell everyone.) Now that the series is done for Knack Production; I did unearth the epilogue for this episode from my "secret vault of stuff people sent to me for no reason" and here's the epilogue to this entire show (You all know this is BS; but the fact that this poem of sorts is shaped like a Juralian alien spaceship is the ultimate chef's kiss.):

Jump cut to Ken in the kitchen.
Jump cut to Ken making a sandwich.
Jump cut to Ken eating the sandwich.
Jump cut to Ken making love with the sandwich.
Jump cut to Ken slipping the tongue with the sandwich.
Jump cut, yes!
Jump cut, no!
Jump cut, yes-no!
Jump cut, (recated by Don Karnage)!
Jump cut to family looking mad at Ken.
Jump cut to Ken with the sandwich being chased by his family!
Jump cut to outside to a shot of Ken's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR as Ken laughs out loud.
Epilogue over!
A perfect rating!

#Itsonlyfitting

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; the last seven episodes of this Easter Sadism rant weren't much to write home about and most of them were just crappy. That being said, Family Guy wishes it was this gruesome. Overall; this was just a bunch of trainwreck that were not really fun outside of #45 (Oh; Papa Izzy killing a horse, Ken nearly killing a Juralian alien boxer in two punches and going to an amusement park in the coldest landmass on the planet was as fun as episode #45, mockery wise), but at least most of them were inoffensive and mock worthy, so no complaints from me. That officially ends Easter Sadism for 2015; although I officially wrote all these rants in December because I injured my back and was out for the rest of 2014. So why not rant on these and have fun mocking anime purists with something that deserves to be mocked. Anyhow; I want to say this: This show is a godawful, useless television program. However; with the exception of Terror! Mental Hospital! and the ending to Dynamite In The Brain, this was hilariously bad on a Urban Wrestling Federation scale. Sure; the production values are horrible, the sound is barely there, the continuity is literally messed up from shot to shot, there is overt bigotry and Ken is an asshole. However; the show is so messed up that it becomes hilarious just for that. I was laughing my ass off for almost sixty-three episodes and I don't give a crap. I realize that the show is awful and even I had pointed out the flaws, mistakes and general stupidity of this five and a half minute show. However; I laughed at them for being so cheap and crappy because it was a perfect storm of low budget stupidity, apathy and total insanity. Episode #23 and episode #45 are the peak of the insanity and everyone needs to see those episodes once. (In Episode #23's case, only once and never watch it ever again.), Hopefully; enough people who complain about modern animation will see this and realize this: If you think the modern cartoons are crappy and cheap; remember: Chargeman Ken style anime can come back at anytime! I said this during Ransom Of The Red Chimp in TaleSpin when critics were complaining about how cheap the animation was. Again: Rocket Robin Hood might come back at anytime and you'll all be waxing for TaleSpin's animation. In fact; most of you old farts and nerds already do that without thinking, so there you go. As much as I like to mock Fanboy & Chum Chum, not even they can be as hilariously Z-grade bad as Chargeman Ken. So; next up is Teddy Ruxpin and more 25 Years Of Spin which will remind us of being happy with what you saw in your childhood sometimes. So....

Thumbs down for all the episodes in this one. Thumbs up for #51, #56, #57 and #63, thumbs in the middle for episodes #49, #50, #53, #59 and #62, no rating for episode #52 and thumbs down for the rest of them on the trainwreck scale. I'll see you next Easter Sadism. (Well; there's always The Mighty Hercules...)

(2017 Gregory Weagle Says: Finally; the series is completed and I'm completely broke. That being said; this was the funniest show I have ever reviewed and I'm buying this show on DVD. You need to see this show from start to finish and without bathroom breaks; and episode #45 needs to be watched on a Friday, just to complete the cycle of life. You'll never see another cartoon as awful as this, ever! You'll never see a show as awful as this, ever! Live action or otherwise! If Teen Titans Go's plan is to be worse than Chargeman Ken; then give those plans up writers; because the second you even come close to trying, execs will fire all your asses on grounds that you finally overdrank the piss. So yeah; never again will we ever see a perfect storm like this show. I recommend it for anyone who thinks that modern cartoons are the worst of all time; because this will change your mind in less than five minutes, easily. You won't see Mr. Enter review this; because it will destroy his creditability as a reviewer without fail. I have seen the alpha and omega of the worst; and it is this show. Learn to love it, learn to live with it. Garbage doesn't smell 1/16th as much as this show; thus Chargeman Ken. I hope you enjoyed this review and I'll see you in the fall with Kick Buttowski and Teddy Ruxpin. Cheers!)

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