Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Fanboy & Chum Chum: Brain Freeze/Berry Sick/Refill Madness
Reviewed: 04/13/2013
The Madness Is Freezing My Brain Sick!
I can see how Nickelodeon advertised this show...
"Do you have the attention span of Spongebob Squarepants with ADHD? Is there a cartoon that you love so much while it makes other people go bananas? If so, then Fanboy and Chum Chum is the cartoon for you! Follow the adventures of two kids with severe Tourett Syndrome and Schizophrenia as they go on adventures such as watching their wizard friend turn into a chicken, trade each other for a Tamagochi-ripoff, and annoy adults to the point that they end up in an asylum! It's a cartoon show for people who have Tourett Syndrome, just like the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Johnny Test, and the Fairly Odd Parents, packed with jokes that would make Fred Figglehorn look like the Three Stooges, story lines that make no sense, and musical scores that would make the songs from Bebe's Kids sound like the musical scores of Jaws, Indiana Jones, and Africa Addio! Fanboy and Chum Chum: A cartoon for people who have no IQ points what-so-ever! Warning: Nickelodeon is not responsible for the psychological therapy and/or decreasing intelligence you and your children suffered while watching Fanboy and Chum Chum."
Yep. That's how the advertisement for this piece-of-s--- is like. - Anthony Rigoni, IMDB.
Oh yeah; this is my kind of show to rant on Easter Sadism because it's so incredibly awful. However; there is a part of me that knows that this show does have a fan following with fans and I have thought about the show in the months leading up to these rants and I once said something to the effect of saying that is probably the worst cartoon in existence. Then I realized that I also proclaimed that this show and it's two lead babyfaces are way too easy to mock. Under that rule; it is impossible to consider this the worst cartoon in existence. I akin this to Manos: The Hands of Fate which had an okay concept on paper; but they were way over their heads doing it that the final product was so bad it's funny. A more recent example is obviously Family Guy; which is fitting when you consider Fanboy & Chum Chum to be a TV-Y version of Family Guy anyway. So yes folks; I'm back and ready to mock the Katherine Victor rejects/Jerry Warren Batman & Robin once again and even though the episodes will stink up the joint, I'm praying that at least it's so bad that it's funny instead of being like Cramp Twins which is so bad that it's just bad.
Now previously; I ranted on both the pilots (one from the show and one from Random! Cartoons which was the spark that got the show greenlighted; despite the fact that the short only worked as a one off joke. See Family Dog.) from Youtube and those videos were reversed to bypass copyright issues (which didn't work). So I had to spend at least $10 getting the Brain Freeze DVD. Oh lord; the "Brain Freeze" gimmick; just what I need. Now this was a bare bones set with one extra which was the Animatic of the short "Brain Freeze" which was a million times more amusing than the final product. Think Stickin Around without the colors and better animation movement. So we will be covering a grand total of seven episodes in this DVD set; starting with Brain Freeze (Season 2, 210/213 which is only available on DVD at the present time and did not air on television), Berry Sick (Season 1, 110) and Refill Madness (Season 1, 127) for this rant. Then the next will be The Frosty Bus (Season 1, 129) and Jingle Fever (Season 1, 152); then we wrap up Easter Sadism 2013 with Back From The Future (Season 2, 206) and Norse-ing Around (Season 1, 117). There will be no tributes in this one for obvious reasons and it will be the true definition of "more rock, less talk"; unless I go on a random tirade on certain topics on this show. So; let's rant on shall we...?
Brain Freeze is written by Michael Caine and directed by Eddie Trigueros. Berry Sick is written by Scott Kreamer and directed by Jim Schumann; while Refill Madness is written by Eric Horsted and directed by Brian Sheesley. And since I didn't mention this on the first two shorts in the previous rant on this show: Wizboy and Pick A Nose are written by Steve Tompkins. Wizboy's direction was done by Jim Schumann while Pick A Nose is done by Brian Sheesley. Animation is in CGI and done by Frederator Studios with additional services done by Nickelodeon Animation Studios.
Brain Freeze: We begin with.....WARNING! WARNING! RANDOM TIRADE COMMENCING! (And yes; Chum Chum's head does come off his body during the last "babababa" sequence in the opening theme song. And to think; I used this song as a paraphrase for the Boston Bruins Stanley Cup win a couple of years back. Yeah. )
Rant #1: Now you have seen the Frost Freezy Freeze drink (the liquid crack of this world; at least for the ADHD goofballs) before in the Random! Cartoons pilot; but this story in a nutshell is that the goofballs drink so much of this that they get a massive case of the gimmick of Triple F which is known as Brain Freeze. You may have heard of the concept since they glorify it in all of it's glory in the title opening. I thought this was really insulting because they have this gimmick and kids have zero idea what Brain Freeze really is. Well; Brain Freeze is caused by drinking very cold liquids like FFF (which is basically a Slush Puppie/Slurpee/flavored shaved ice) way too fast (which is what these two goofballs do best; which is scary in itself) and you get a really sharp pain that goes directly to your head. It is one of the most painful experiences you can ever have. In this show; Brain Freeze is treated more like a fun way of getting a high like a drug; or in this episode, a stroke. That's why I consider it so insulting; because Brain Freeze in this show is considered part of the fun; when in reality, it's one of the painful things to experience. So yeah; I hate the concept and it makes this episode rather uncomfrontable for me to watch.
Opening Moment #1: The title card features a brain being encased in ice with the goofball drinking the FFF way too fast with the tops of their heads being encased in ice. Visually; the title card is decent actually.
So we begin this one at the Frosty Mart as a Africian American man who looks like the most sane guy in the cartoon wearing a fool outfit. Talk about not even trying to hide their sanity levels; which makes him the most sane guy in the cartoon. He is Lenny by the way. He brings out a scroll and reads it like the court jester (contrived and forced) as we unveil a new ad for Frosty Freezy Freeze which is "Radioactive Red" featuring a red nuclear explosion and a ice blue man who looks like the CGI version of the Purple Pieman; only wearing a circus suit and a FFF hat on his head. He seems to like the blue flavor FFF which is a BAD sign for this flavor in general. So the second banner comes down and Lenny blows this all off because he wonders who buys this crap. And then the red carpet comes out along with red strobe lights (out of nowhere as usual) as I realized that this is a 22 minute episode. Doesn't matter; there will still be three shorts done today. So (Lame)Fanboy appears with a headset as he calls for security despite the fact that he doesn't own the store. This brings out the FATASS TOUGH GUY OF DOOM who is wearing a jean like jacket and he squashes Lenny into a ball. Fanboy runs in and tells him that it's a false alarm. Like I'm buying that crap. The bully is Lemul by the way. So Chum Chum runs in and smashes himself on the top of the head with a hammer and blows up off-screen. It doesn't kill him sadly. Fanboy is still on head set as he proclaims that the fans are here. So the ADHD goofballs bring out cardboard cutouts of fans; the drawing are so bad that Stickin Around should be hanging their heads in collective shame.
Then the limo arrives and the bouncer opens the side door to reveal the goofball wearing the most colorful and bad tasting formal gear ever seen. We blow kisses as the cardboard fans (the only ones who would cheer these losers) get knocked off their feet; and the goofball give Lenny an autograph picture of themselves doing pretty boy poses. Whatever. So we go in as Chum Chum comments on the difference of the place which Lenny gleefully blows off. They proclaim that the machine for Radioactive Red is not set up yet; so they'll try some of the old reliable Berry Pink. So Fanboy slingshots Chum Chum to the machine using his legs and tongue and thankfully; he doesn't land in the position to drink out of the fountain this time. So the goofballs get their cups and Chum Chum sips and then spits about three times as much liquid as he took in. Seriously; it was like he was spitting like a cannon. Chum Chum thinks that the stuff has gone bad. My heart bleeds for thee. NOT! Fanboy takes a small sip; and then shoots it like a cannon only with five times as much liquid. Oh wait; it's 20 times as Chum Chum gets murdered by it. He slides down as Fanboy protests this to Lenny and Lenny points out that the ADHD forgot to read the obvious signs that the Berry Pink has been replaced by Radioactive Red. The goofballs jaws drop down into the floor and somehow come down the ceiling and hit them on the head. Yeap; this is going to be a long one folks. Lenny tries to explain that it's the same only with red food coloring; but the goofballs assault him demanding their pink. Lenny explains that the flavor is gone because they retired it. So the losers check the ice machine and Berry is gone. We see a cardboard cutout of him saying that he's retired too.
So the goofballs drop Lenny on his back and demand to know where Berry is and Lenny claims he cannot say. The goofballs keep the pressure on because Lenny is clearly holding out on them. Can you really blame him for that? I mean; the goofballs are basically assaulting him. And don't be shocked that he doesn't call the police on them either. We cannot have kids thinking that this is reality now can we? Never mind that they broke logic about a half dozen times already in this short. Lenny finally relents and states that someone called Agent Johnston has taken Berry and the Berry Pink FFF away. Chum Chum wants a paper trail and calls for Chimp Chomp who is a Donkey Kong parody. Did I mention that he's calling for the arcade cabinet of the game and it suddenly comes to Chum Chum's aid? So the screen shows a GPS of the Berry Pink FFF on the road and Chum Chum elbows Fanboy and he drops like an anvil. Did I mention the Chimp Chomp can talk? Fanboy proclaims that they'll never make it...on foot. So we get a montage of them trying to act cool with shades and gloves; but it sucks. Oh and they have the insane versions of Webby's tricycle. So they somehow bust through the Frost Mart...ummmm...window or wall. I'm not sure; other than the fact that they bust through a poster and that leads to a explosion jackhammer background that sezs "Instant Action Wipe". Okay; that was a neat segueway; I'll give them that much. It's annoying; but at least you expect it since Frederator perfected the concept with Fairly Oddparents anyway.
So we head on the road with the Frosty Mart Bus driving away. Did I mention that the bus is shaped like a Frosty Freezy Freeze cup? So we see the driver is Agent Johnston who has a toothpick in his mouth which is the insult name someone on IMDB gave to Fanboy. He also have grey hair and is the do all authority figure. I should also point out that this town that Fanboy and Chum Chum are in is called Galaxy Hills. Sadly; nothing shaped like Saturn or Uranus are present. Nor shaped like stars. We then zoom out to see Berry in the front seat in a tub of ice looking quite excited for no reason. Berry is basically a baby version of the FFF monster in Fanboy which makes no sense since the berry monster melted in the original Random! Cartoons pilot. Berry is also voiced by the same guy who did the FFF Monster too. Then we get the siren of doom with flashing lights just after Berry mistakes the bus with a moose. Berry mistakes this as a song on the radio as we see Lameboy and Dumb Dumb pedaling and catching up with the bus. Yes; the bus has to pretend that it's slower than two Katherine Victor rejects pedaling. Not even Webby could catch up to a bus. So Johnston straps Berry to the wheel and opens the back because he's giving them the pink slip. Good luck on that; the ratings for this show are too high at this point. Fanboy's threats are so laughable and that high pitched voice makes them even more laughable than they already are. Chum Chum is slightly more serious; but still too laughable. So Johnston brings out the hose (It took them six minutes to do a penis joke natch) and we spray Berry Pink FFF.
Now the smart thing to do is move to the left or right to avoid getting hit in the eyes with it. Sadly; Fanboy & Chum Chum's combined IQ is less than eight and it's time to sell as their counter measure is to open wide and drink all the FFF that they can stand. So we do a spilt screen video game shot as the FFF cups goes to full berry (along with the whites of the goofballs eyes and Fanboy thanks Johnston and calls it refreshing. Then they do the worst yodeling ever; making me realize that Bea's yodeling is not that bad at all. So they catch up as Johnston proclaims that the stuff makes them stronger. However; they are out of control as they get ahead of the FFF bus and Chum Chum flies into the windshield like a big ass bug. POW! OUCH! Ummmmm...Oh right; the big ass stuff is Quack Pack's gimmick. Johnston demands Berry to do something; so Berry pushes some buttons and sprays windshield fluid into Chum Chum's face (which has to burn his face off; but doesn't.) and then gets smacked in the face with the wiper blades. HAHA! That's the first official funny spot of the episode seven minutes in. Chum Chum slides over the Frosty Bus and Fanboy has to stop and get in from behind in order to catch Chum Chum on the way down. So the chase must continue as we head to the conveniently placed barred off section of road where they are fixing potholes. Johnston protests this because the fines will be doubled. Good thing they booked a construction zone; because it could have been worse, it could have been a school zone and children are present. And yes; we do some nice bumping for a while as the outhouse getsd involved as a ramp for the goofball to sail on. Whatever.
So the tricycle of doom drops down and a back wheel gets cut off by the forces of gravity and then they defy gravity by riding under the tunnel ceiling. And then here comes Chimp Chomp with his banana yellow BMX bicycle. This logic cannot be explained; don't think too much. So Chimp Chomp saves the "special boys" and the tricycle manages to bump into something off-screen which might as well be an oil tanker because we get a huge explosion which causes debris and sharpnel to fall on the heroes; but none of them makes contact with their bodies. So Johnston thinks that the threat is gone so he orders Berry to hit the gas pedal. Berry slings down and hits the brakes which is shaped like a human foot. The bus does about a dozen forward rolls and then somehow slingshots Johnston into the air and he flies off-screen and apparently hits an oil tanker because we get another explosion. I'm guessing that he's dead; but that is like inviting death at this point. The bus finally stops as it gets upended on it's ass and Berry looks like he broke some ice bones in his body and then gets squashed by pink crushed ice into the windshield. Pffft. So the goofballs come in with Chimp Chomp and I realize that he sounds like Scooby Doo without learning any English whatsoever. Fanboy gets all giddy and breaks out the female eyelashes for this moment. So they jump onto the top of the window and bring out the straws as Fanboy proclaims that this is the last of the Berry Pink; and not one drop will go unslurped. Never mind that Berry is still in the bus and can make more. Don't try to think about the logic; your brain will fry. So they somehow poke holes through the glass (illogical, but whatever) and we slurp away. We see Berry looking like he is being flushed down the toilet and we circle fade out.
Now; you would believe that this would be the finish, but it's clearly not because we still have 13 minutes to go in this one...Oh boy; here we go with act II of this crapfest...
So we head back to the residence of Fanboy & Chum Chum and their place is a mess; although it's still less of a mess than Gosalyn's room; if you count out the broken wall which shows that this house is not up to code. We pan over to Fanboy sleeping on his face while a seagull is walking on the floor beside him. Fanboy wakes up talking about his coldest dreams and his brain literally falls out encased in ice. What a symbolic thing about this show in general. And the term Brain Freeze is finally said as we see some fried egg on the door as he goes into the unpainted bathroom and there is a bear on the toilet reading a newspaper. Fanboy greets him and then looks in the mirror. And yes; he catches himself and panics. He runs out of the bathroom screaming and we see Chum Chum was sleeping in the dirty kitchen sink downstairs as he blows off Fanboy for screaming because his brain hasn't thawed yet. Fanboy wants to know why there is a bear in his bathroom. Answer: Because the writers think Seth Macfarlane is a genius and that his booking will make this funny. It doesn't of course because Seth is no genius. And then we finally come to the moment that shows the mindset of this cartoon in general: Chum Chum panics because Fanboy is missing his....wait for it...underwear. Fanboy looks down and looks so shocked and horrified that he does a curl against a jackhammered lime green background. The horror; oh the HORROR! Okay; it's not horrible, It's just stupid.
Fanboy notices that Chum Chum's underwear is gone and Chum Chum literally loses his head over this. Then they spawn a hundred eyeball against a NO UNDERWEAR red background. Yawn. Who cares? So we search for underwear and there's no dice nor underwear to be had. So they whine and cry about losing their underwear as I skipped through most of this because it's not worth trying to point out that Chum Chum's ass is so big; he can climb it like a mountain. And then they try to point out that they are nothing without the underwear. HA! So the underwear are magical? When the underwear are better characters than you and took the hint concerning you; you know this show really, really sucks. Fanboy looks at Chum Chum's ass and then panics again as they run around with their heads cut off (which seems to be Chum Chum's gimmick now) and they splat into the hard camera. Why yes; we are halfway through this crap episode. They scream and we end the segment almost 12 minutes in. Wow; doing 11 minute episodes is bad enough; but to stretch a zero plot/all gags all the time show to 22 minutes is a gory car wreck that you want to look away; but cannot.
After the commercial break (which is weird since this episode is not supposed to air on television until 2013 as the season two finale.) we head outside of the residence of the Chum's as Fanboy and Chum have resorted to wearing FFF cups in place of their underwear. Naturally; Chum Chum wishes he paid five cents more to get a medium FFF because he's TOO FAT. I'm shocked that they didn't book him getting a super size cup which would make more sense due to his weight and Fanboy getting a medium. Next we see Chimp Chomp the arcade machine wake up and his screen shows a blue screen of death which he points out. See what happens when you run your emulator on Windows? Anyway; they exchange notes on the situation and Chimp Chomp apparently has junk in his trunk as he shows off his ass and it opens to reveal a giant eyeball which looks like poop. It fires out and land's in Chum Chum's mouth. Apparently; it's a screen with Kyle's mug on it. Fanboy pops it out and we meet and greet. Now we discover that the Chimp Chomp machine's real name is the Dollarnator. What a bad booking name?! Kyle accused them of stealing his giant brown eyeball thingy which would take forever to explain; so he somehow uses magic to white screen the scene and then segueway into the Chum's residence as the whole place is now clean as a whistle. How about that for a logic break?!
Anyhow; he's pissed off because he was one penstroke away from being admitted back into Milkweed Academy as we hit the flashback and repeat the promo with a another humpty dumpty like character named Professor Flan as he is going to sign off of readmittance back into Milkweed Academy (remember that he was expelled for turning Professor Flan into a raspberry flan and slurping it) shown on the scroll and the ADHD goofballs screw this up by just laughing in the background as Flan is literally dotting the i's and crossing the t's. And then he wants to dot the j's as well causing Kyle to grab the scroll. Yeah; let's just take the one decent heel this show has and turn him into the most paranoid weak sauce in history. Flan seems more interesting in talking about booking names that start with the letter j as Kyle sweats profusely and hangs onto the scroll in midair while the giggling continues in the background. And finally; the ADHD goofballs and the drunk bear all break down the door and we have the most purple party in history. Whatever; not calling it. Let's just say that Kyle has been denied readmittance and be done with it. Dollarnator gets involved and we break dance like crazy. How is this Kyle's fault?! Fanboy looks at Flan and thinks it's a birthday cake and anyone who has watched Jim Cornette's booking knows where this going. So they grab Professor Flan and take him outside to be rolled like a log and we return to reality (if only, if only...) as Kyle blames them for being denied.
Fanboy of course doesn't care as he asks Kyle about having underwear during said flashback and Kyle proclaims that they did (I'm not going to bother rewinding to see if they did and break logic; this episode is too far gone in that department to matter at this point) as we go outside and get our first rant apperance of Boog Shilizetti who is basically a worker for the Frosty Mart who is bigger and a bully who cannot bump to save his life. He's mad and no one gives a crap. Boog gets down as the goofballs panic (complete with lime green jackhammer background) and then Boog gets down and hugs them. See; he picked them up after they rolled on the birthday cake, and he burps and red blood comes out indicating that he slurped Professor Flan to death as his eye piece and mustache are spit out. This would be incrediably disgusting if anyone ever gave a crap about Flan to begin with. Kyle grabs the remains and bails to put him together. Wait; so Flan is a raspberry flan mutant? Apparently; Boog claims that they went crazy as we hit the flashback AFTER HAPPY HOUR (oh boy; this is almost a literal version of this; minus the alcohol) as Fanboy is driving FFF drunk while Chum Chum is bouncing in the passenger seat while Dollarnator is the backseat driver; only he doesn't act like one. Oh wait; Boog is carrying the car and running with it. Yeap; they are getting their Brain Freezes from Larson & Gary as I predicted in Wizboy. And yes; they come within ten feet of killing Mr. Mufflin who is carrying his red car over his head. Boog spins out of control (he's drunk with FFF; what did you expect?) and we crash off-screen with sick bumps and lots of sharpnel debris flying onscreen. Pffft.
So we return to reality (if only, if only.) as Boog wonders what they crashed into. Would I be a spoiler if I knew it had to be the Frosty Mart's front door. So the goofballs plus bully run in and we discover that Boog's car name is Sandy. Thus showing that he's a sexist and a homophobe. Okay; maybe not. We get noises as he opens the front engine and Lenny jumps out and tackles Boog down to the ground. He is pissed off because Boog kidnapped him and locked him in the trunk. Does it really matter which side he locked Lenny on at this point? Boog claims that Lenny is not memorable. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So Lenny wants to murder Boog (Riiiggggghhhhttttt) and Boog runs away stage left as we discover that Sandy can ride without his help as it chases after Lenny. After hearing about a vile sexist carrying a woman and treating her as an invalid; this sort of pissed me off considering that he calls the car by a female name. So the Katherine Victor rejects + Donkey Kong reject enter the Frosty Mart and it's basically the same mess from inside the Chum's home; only with more broken glass. They wonder if they are here because we see splattered on the fridges portion of the mart purple stuff that have outlines of the goofballs and it sezs that they were here. Subtley? What's that? How can that exist in this world? Anyhow; Fanboy wants Dollarnator to check the security tapes from last night to make sure that they were there. Dollarnator magically manages to find said tapes without tapping into anything that I can see (I guess they are on a "Cloud" or something.) and we see Fanboy and Chum Chum acting only slightly less annoying drunk; then when they are acting normally. Ponder that one for a while and despair!
So we see the ADHD goofball use the FFF machine stand which contains two big cups for them to sit in and they bounce on them. The thing is acting like an amusement park ride which is stupid; but whatever. Fanboy checks his leotard and he has no quarters left. Ummmm; yeah, this makes no sense at all. They jump down and they have no underwear on. Now this would be the finish in any other universe and the episode would be over thirty seconds later. However; this is Fanboy & Chum Chum we are talking about here; who are the slowest learners in the history of cartoons. Because we still have five minutes to go in this point. So Fanboy orders Dollarnator to zoom in and clear the picture. Fanboy slowly deduces that they entered the machine with underwear and came out without underwear. So Dollarnator scans the machine and finds 30% cotton, 20% elastic and 10% natural juices. So what is the remaining 40%? Asses? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So Fanboy and Chum Chum slowly get it and run to the machines and pop out the underwear which glow gold on cue. Now the episode should be over; but we still got four minutes to go and that means that we have to have Berry Pink and Radioactive Red combine in the machine for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It becomes purple and freezes as the mart loses power and we have the Z-Grade Berry Monster from Random! Cartoons returning for revenge for comitting ice monster homicide on him. Even though; it was all the fault of the monster itself when it got angry over being denied his FFF. Lenny comes in and notices the doors ding despite being gone and then panics and bails.
The goofballs panic complete with jackhammer red background and bail as the FFF Monster Of Death shoots ice breath and freezes Dollarnator solid. It pushes the arcade machine away as Lenny and the goofball hide behind a counter. Lenny demands answers to this outrage and the goofballs proclaim that they got their underwear back and there is an ice monster running amok in the mart. Lenny panics as Fanboy & Chum Chum proclaim that they got their underwear back and that is where they get their superpowers too. Lenny blows this off as nonsense; which in any sane universe would be great; but this world is not a sane universe. So Fanboy demands Lenny turn around so they can have some privacy which makes no sense since their leotards cover them up anyway. They take the FFF cups off and put on their underwear and yes; they have their powers back. Whatever guys. They make ighty jokes which are a million times more subtle and compelling when Baloo did it in My Fair Baloo; while Chum Chum calls this fight "brief". Whatever Chum Chum. So they do the fly in spot with jackhammered anime background as they fly around and annoy the ice monster. Chum Chum gets frozen right into the ceiling. So it's down to Fanboy and the Ice Monster and I suspect there will be no thumb war wrestling match this time. So Fanboy gets into the air and...I cannot believe I'm typing this...pulls the underwear and snaps it back calling it a Sonic Snap. Sound waves ensue and that breaks Chum Chum free from the ice.
Chum Chum thanks Fanboy and then Fanboy gets the SLOW MOTION POWER OF THE PUNCH right in the jaw and he flips backwards in slow motion and then no sells the shot. I shake my head in disbelief because this monster is another monster jobber like the last one; only with less heat. Get it? Oh forget it; let's end this as FFFIM tries to crush Fanboy with his leg; but Chum Chum uses the eye beam heat ray which destroys the crushing leg. Strangely; it simply breaks instead of melting. Whatever. FFFIM falls flat on his face as the two goofballs get into position and Fanboy demands this monster be turned into slush. So he places Chum Chum in his underwear and they spin around with purple light and we combine as they spin around and bring out their fist for the most absurd punch in histroy as they blitz the monster and punch him off-screen as we cut to outside and the roof comes off and flies into the air as purple ice cubes fly all over the parking lot. You call that slush Fanboy?! Whatever. So we head back inside as the roof comes down and there is a mountain of purple ice cubes as Lenny cannot believe that they have super powers. It's unbelievable all right; simply because it's not believable. Even less believable: Fanboy's Spiderman promo which he said in a so unironic manner that he should wear a clown suit. Oh wait; he already is; never mind what I said. So we head back outside as the Frosty Mart is completely clean as Johnston returns the Berry Pink Machine (yes; the Frosty Bus is outside) and places it onto the ground as he admits that the goofballs saved the day. He's just saying that so they don't cause him to explode again.
So we get the victory fist pump with lime green background which Dollarnator ruins as usual. Oh wait... So Johnston grabs Berry from the ice tub and opens up the freeze machine as he should have known better to mix purple with pink as he plops Berry into the machine. Berry complains that he never got to wear pants or go to Paris. I don't know who to feel more sorry for here as he shuts the door. So we pan over to Lenny who doesn't look happy as Chum Chum cannot open a jar of mayonise (which we discover in Trading Day that it's Fanboy's favorite lunch) and neither can Fanboy. Lenny blows them off as Fanboy's response is just laughable in a bad way. So Dollarnator shoves Lenny off-screen and has photo footage of the drunken night they had. Oh joy! Not calling it at all. We get the first appearances of Molly (a smaller version of Lupe with yellow hair bows) and Ben (Chris Chuggy only smaller with little hair like the Dairy Queen whipped topping) fleeing from the goofballs who are playing knight on horseback. Fanman makes an appearance (known as Manartica in this version) and they vandalize Oz and Precious. Did I mention that Precious is Oz's pet pig? Lupe and Yo (FINALLY!) kiss Fanboy, while Chum Chum gets Lunch Lady Cram and the bear. Dollarnator kisses a toaster; Kyle Necrocian gets drunk and we end with Oz, Precious, the goofballs, and the bear in a baby carriage driven by Boog to end the episode at 21:49. Yeap; this is a **** 1/2 on the amusing trainwreck scale; but it loses ** on that scale because it went on forever. So - *** 1/4 (-65%) ; but ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale.
Berry Sick: I won't bother with the title cards from here on out because they are the only things decent on this show; and it's not worth trying to give them the time of day. THINK OF THE TITLE CARDS~! So we begin this one at the Chum's residence and the water effect haze indicates that we have a heatwave. So we head inside as the goofballs are lying on the sofa and cannot take this heat anymore. And yes; Chum Chum's mask is apparently made of candle wax because it's melting. Fanboy calls for action now as they find a leftover pizza slice inside a pizza box and twist it as it brings up a monitor. They show their faces up close and it's rejected; they turn around to show their asses and permission is granted. What a shock?! So the secret vault door opens and they head inside as Fanboy flicks the switch and there is a really big FFF Cup in cold storage complete with jackhammer blue background. We discover that this place is for emergencies in case they cannot get enough ice cream headaches. And then we zoom out and we discover that the seagull is on a box slurping it down with the drink baseball cap hat. I thought those went out of style thanks to the EVIL ONE. Fanboy runs in and shoos the seagull. It flies out of the open window as Chum Chum admits that he opened it because it was hot. Of course they have to cool themselves down because air conditioners are a no-no in this town; so they must go outside. So we segue to a desert as we see the goofballs flop on the sand and cannot take much more of this; and then we zoom out to find out that they are on a playground in the sandbox. Fanboy admits that this was a bad idea. YOU THINK?!
So we make it to the Frosty Mart as the hot sun is causing the pavement to heat up and the goofs are selling it like they are barefoot through hot coals. And then they step back and do it again because subtly is for old farts see. So we head inside to see Lenny cooling himself off with his only fan in the world and then the doors open and in crawls Lameboy and Dumb Dumb much to the disdain of Lenny. The goofballs crawl up and Lenny asks what the hell they want; so the goofballs spit out sand and create a sand version of FFF. Lenny informs them that the machine is dried up and broken and the boys cannot believe this. Lenny then points to the huge lineup outside as we see Lupe, Chris Chuggy, Yo, and the debut of Michael Johnston who might be related to Agent Johnston; but he looks like a kid version of Michael Jackson. Geez; you should have heard the one review of this show from someone who called this a disgrace to Michael Jackson. Who is the same guy who was accused of having sex with boys and dangling babies off of balconies. Allegedly. Thankfully; Mr. Mufflin just wants some coffee. So the coffee machine is busted? That's whack!! So FB and CC go to the FFF machine and try to turn it on and it bounces a bit before depensing one drop of the pink stuff. HA! The goofball dramatically oversell this outrage despite the fact that they are doing this while there is lots of cold juice and soda in the background fridges. Like I said; Frosty Freezy Freeze is the liquid crack of this world. Chum Chum then uses Fanboy's bean pole body and whacks it on the floor and then the machine. Oooookkkkaaaayyyyy; I'm guessing the ROID RAGE is in effect here.
So the thing opens ajar and we see Berry from Brain Freeze looking not so well. You know; the baby pink ice monster with a white FFF shirt on. Chum Chum shrinks literally to show how tiny the monster is. Berry seems to have no problems giving them FFF; but his body cannot cash the checks his mouth cannot cash as he staggers and falls down; forcing the goofballs to catch him on the way down. So we exchange notes on the situation as this apparently is the debut of Berry The Ice Monster. So Berry is dried up and his frosty breath doesn't work anymore. Fanboy and Chum Chum proclaim that they must save the ice monster and get it past Lenny. So Fanboy goes over to the front door and opens it as everyone's pupils are gone. Fanboy invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH at Lenny because he has a FFF on his head and orders them to kill Lenny more or less. And would it be shocking that the zombies fall for it?! Well; except for Mr. Mufflin of course. Fanboy and Chum Chum wheel Berry out of the store and we head to the Chum's residence as they wheel Berry in as we do some hospital spots which includes making Berry fly onto the bed. Fanboy wants 10 CC's of corn syrup STAT! Which is fine since Fanboy and Chum Chum are not eating it...yet. So Berry wants man made flavor; so he sucks through a test tube of pink liquid. His fluid is draining fast and it's spreading onto the bed covers. So Chum Chum is checking on the temperture (sticking his glove finger into his mouth) and he's 5 degrees and is burning up. 5*C yeah; that's a huge problem; but 5*F is -15*C which means he should be perfectly fine.
They panic and then they stop and check the fluid on the bed and taste it. Oh; if you cannot guess where this is going now. Yeah; the goofballs basically let the ice monster lie down at their mercy and use cloths and bucket to collect drops of FFF. And people are suddenly surprised as to why most people want to beat these two vile goofs' faces in?! They drink up behind the curtain where Berry cannot suspect a thing and we do the lemonade though the ice monster straw slurping routine. Why Kyle didn't just turn these two into raspberry flans and slurp them is beyond me. Fanboy calls this "medicine" rewarding. So we see Berry with his eyes closed as he wakes up and apparently; the heatwave is gone now as he had this fever dream of being licked. Ummm; that was no dream. Incriminating evidence #1: Fanboy shows up with a FFF filled straw. Incriminating evidence #2: Chum Chum shows up with FFF all over his face which Fanboy has to force down. Berry doesn't suspect a thing and thanks them for their efforts. He walks down the stairs as CC wants a liquid; but Berry wants to return to the Frosty Mart because he could lose his job. However; the goofballs block the door out. Did I mention that it's shaped like Fanboy's head? And you thought Gusto's ego was out of control?! Berry tells them that they can return to the Frosty Mart and he'll gladly give them FFF without fail. Now in any other universe; that would be the finish and ending, but no in this cartoon. Because we still have four minutes left!
Chum Chum of course uses the long tongue of doom to tie up Berry because they want to keep him by themselves. Remember that they are the babyfaces; the side of right. FACK THIS SHOW!! Fanboy reels him in as he wants to keep him for more tests to make sure he doesn't relapse. Sadly; the subtley was out the window a long time ago; so this is really dishonest on Fanboy's part. Berry insists that he's fine. Ummm; you are not fine Berry. You are hanging out with FANBOY & CHUM CHUM! There's no way you can be "fine". So Fanboy tells him that they found something wrong on the X-Rays and he sits Berry down on the couch. So Chum Chum uses what appears to be a really long straw as we see a picture of Berry's X-Ray and yes folks; ice monster have bones and spine; only pink colored. Fanboy claims that everything looks all right; but there is a finger smudge on the X-Ray (indicating more incriminating evidence of foul play by the Katherine Victor rejects.) . Berry asks what it is and Fanboy claims it might be nothing; but might be something. Yeah; Fanboy is such a genius doctor. NOT!! Berry buys it hook, line and sinker because they all have something. So Fanboy proclaims that he has to stay for treatment as Chum Chum licks Berry with his tongue. Ummm; yeah. Berry asks how long and I was half expecting the Gimmick accordian joke from Teddy Ruxpin. But it's Chum Chum basically blowing their cover about a dozen times complete with FFF cups in plain view. It's only a few days. IN HELL~!
So we scene change to the goofballs chomping on the sofa as Berry comes out of the pink curtains to give them a tray filled with a becker containing purple liquid. Did I mention that they did this routine five times already? Fanboy's defense is so laughable that it only serves to make him even more unlikable than he already is. So they stammer like fools as they back up into the purple closet (Oh lord...) and close the door. We head inside the closet (oh lord...) as we get mature lighting with pink beckor of liquid. Wow; even without random fart jokes this episode is worse than Pick A Nose, if THAT'S humanly possible. Oh wait; I forgot about Trading Day, my mistake. And speaking of bodily fluids jokes; if you can call them that, we drink up and burp and blech about a dozen times in about a minute complete with light blue background. And we get Brain Freeze; although this one is a lot more controlled this time. So after a lot of drinking we scene change to a messy living room as Fanboy and Chum Chum are sleeping on the love seat with a pink strawberry mess on the floor. In comes Berry with an IV talking about a strawberry infusion and then he finally notices the mess on the floor. Now the smart thing to do is just get out of the house and head to the Frosty Mart; pretend this never happened and then screw the goofballs out of FFF when they try to get some from the Frosty Mart. That makes sense and the goofballs get their comeupperance.
However; this is a stupid show and Berry goes over to Fanboy with his clipboard in his hands and Berry takes it and notices that it's drawings of him getting drained of liquid from their slurping. Berry proclaims that they lied to him about being sick. NO?! REALLY?! And then two straws get put in his head and the goofballs slurp away on the couch. Sooooooooooo stupid. Berry bails to the door as Berry blows them off and proclaims that they got FFF fever and it turns them into zombie. Bah! The gold fever was a million times more believable than this as Chum Chum turns his head around and gets the white eyes without pupils. They stalk Berry as he shakes up and then he gets mad and then blows frosty breath right into Fanboy & Chum Chum and they all get encased in ice. HAHA! Best finish in this show ever. Not saying anything at all; but whatever. Berry is happy and thanks them anyway before walking out as only the lips of FF and CC are not encased in ice. Berry then really sticks it to them by proclaiming that he doesn't give money to health converage and slams the door. The goofballs lick the ice and it tastes like FFF; which causes the entire door to come down and the FFF zombies along with Lenny come in and they surround the goofballs and lick them in the brains. HAHA! Mr. Mufflin comes in wanting a cup of coffee; but no one cares about him as this ends the episode at 10:50 approx. Okay; the finish and ending were the correct booking decision so it deserves some praise; but the rest of it was typical crap. - * 1/2 (-30%); only a * 1/2 on the trainwreck scale. Still, the finish and ending deserve a * each.
Refill Madness: We begin this one on the streets of Galaxy Hills on a crosswalk with Mr. Mufflin trying to cross the street. And then he gets whirlwind by Boog's car Sandy. So we get a sequence of Sandy's car with Boog driving it wearing wrist pads that look Iike the French flag and then he nails some seagulls and then turns around as we see the back license plate read Born 2 Bop. Whatever Boog. Boog plops out in his FFF suit and hat and blows kisses to Sandy as he heads inside the Frosty Mart. He heads inside as we see a teen humpty dumpty human wearing a black jacket as we discover that he's Oz Harmounian who has a comic book store; but refuses to sell anything. Lenny is pissed off because Boog's shift started seven hours ago. Boog grabs a bacon stick and eats it (out of nowhere) as he explains that he has to leave early to get his car Sandy fitted; which serves to piss off Lenny some more. So Boog walks stage right as Oz demands service and Lenny has to give it to him. We discover that Oz is a internet geek as Lenny is filling the paper bag and in comes Lameboy and Dumb Dumb as Fanboy has a briefcase on his head. Don't ask why; you'll be spinning your wheels trying to figure out this psychology. So they slowly march to the FFF machine and then open the briefcase to show a FFF cup that has to be the smelliest, fly induced cup known to mankind and Chris Chuggy and they set it on the floor. Then they stand on the cup and it somehow doesn't break despite being over 2000 pounds of pressure on a 16 oz cup. Yeah. And they pour the stuff in their mouths of course because they are disgusting little bastards. At least they didn't suck from the spouts this time.
The best part is that they go to the counter and Chum Chum actually gives Lenny money and then they both walk out. Lenny calls them weirdos. That's the understatement of all of reality there pal! Oz then proclaims that Lenny has no idea what that old cup is for because it's super valuable. See; they won it from an old promotion where they are entitled to unlimited Frosty Freezy Freeze refills! Only in this world where a multi-national corporation would actually do such a promotion like that, and not have the goofballs notice the obvious here. That drink is slurping their brains out if you know what I mean. Lenny panics as we get the dream sequence in B&W as Lenny has to suffer Fanboy & Chum Chum multiplying and annoying him until he commits suicide. Hey; call Kyle, he might help you with that. Lenny glasses drop and Boog picks them up and slams them into Lenny's face and he bumps onto the floor. Boog asks about selling the cup on-line (calling it the internets too) and Oz would steal it himself; but he wants it in mint condition. Problem is; that this would be considered completely out of character for the goofballs; so no go. Oz leaves stage left as Boog ponders this over because he could make big bucks giving Sandy a burrito warmer. Split screen of death as they want that cup loud and clear. So they bring the ADHD goofballs into the shop and plop them onto the counter. So Lenny and Boog notice the briefcase as Fanboy opens it and addresses it as Cuppie. Did I mention that Cuppie is alive and acts like a dog? Lenny and Boog think this is going to be hard. Geez; you THINK? Chum Chum then notices that Cuppie smells really bad; so Fanboy grabs him and decides to give him a bath. Which involves licking Cuppie. I am dead serious about this; that is what they do? And somehow; I'm not repulsed by this.
They lick like crazy and this actually goes somewhere because the cup contains words that prove that they got the unlimited refills. Lenny panics and Boog and Lenny grab their tongue and yell at them to stop licking. Fanboy asks why and Boog stammers like an idiot. IDIOTS! You counter with the answer that they could die from poisoning and don't want to be sued. Did I mention that Cuppie came from a landfill and was recovered by these two losers? Boog has no idea how to answer; so Lenny drops Chum Chum off-screen and talks about the FFF Cup Exchange Program. Ooooookkkkaaaayyyy. Fanboy loses his tongue and then gets it back as Lenny shows him all the shiny FFF Cups on the shelf and they will exchange Cuppie for the new one. Will you be shocked if I told you beforehand that they no sell because Cuppie is their best friend because Cuppie is a cup pretending to be a dog? Will you be shocked that the heels keep super sizing the cups and the special boys of doom no sell that too? Okay; let's move on to plan B. Oh wait; that's throwing a temper tanturm. I mean plan 2: Boog bails and does the Wuzzle toss spot off-screen and rolls out Cupzilla which gives the boys 45 gallons of liquid crack...ERRRR...I mean Frosty Freezy Freeze. It splashes like a fountain of purple crap as Fanboy & Chum Chum tease buying this; but we all know that they will stop selling and say no. Boog throws Lenny into the cup and Lenny freezes. Yeah; they want to see the large cup again. Lenny is flustered as hell as he yells at Fanboy and then Mr. Mufflin comes out of nowhere pushing the cart which Cupzilla is on and throws his thong into Boog's kisser. Well; that is an improvement over him in Pick A Nose. Mufflin wheels Lenny and Cupzilla away as Fanboy and Chum Chum are relieved...both ways.
Boog comes in and does the crush hug as he wants to see them play Chimp Chomp which is the arcade machine we saw with the Dollarnator in Brain Freeze. Yes; it's a parody of Donkey Kong as Chum Chum is playing and somehow manages to get peanut butter all over the control much to the panic and shaking of Boog. See; Boog doesn't like people getting their grubby paws all over his machine. Boog runs out and jumps up and down and whines. Whatever. So Boog apologizes (too late sir) and goes back in as he asks Chum Chum to find some hot dogs; allowing Chum Chum to extend his eyeballs and rocket out with blue smoke. So it's down to Fanboy, Boog and in between them; Cuppie. So Boog tells Fanboy to place the cup on the control panel while he plays and Fanboy slowly sells and puts it down. Boog slowly tries to grab it; but Chum Chum returns with the grill open with hot dogs as Boog has put his fingers into the grill. He sees his hand is burned and swelling and he runs all around the mart and then dips his hands right into the relish. Well; it could be worse. It could be the healing powers of sh**. So the losers lose at Chimp Chomp (well; Fanboy's score has to be better than Chum Chum's since he only got three points in this game before.) and Cuppie bounces around on it's leash because it wants to walk into the park. Chum Chum leaves with Cuppie; while Fanboy gives Boog the broken joystick that he broke out of nowhere in Chimp Chump. Boog is speechless as Lenny hops in with his lower torso encased in pink ice while using ski poles to move. That was cute. Makes absolutely no sense; but it's still cute.
Apparently; Lenny lost three toes to forstbite and demands the cup. Boog shows him the broken joystick; so Lenny bounces up and crushes Boog's right leg and foot. OUCH! That had to leave a mark. On the pink ice cube. So we break the ice which is a segue to the ADHD losers walking their "dog" Cuppie. Chum Chum has a dog walker to carry Cuppie while Fanboy gives it a weird shaped balloon and is wearing a bowler hat. I predict that hat will be used as a weapon or reset button pushing device by the time this episode is over. So we clearly see Boog's car as Boog is in the driver seat explaining the Krackpotkin Plan (Understatement much there Mr. Weagle?) which is to take the cup and put it in the holder. What can probably go wrong here? So the car stops beside the goofballs as Boog offers the goofballs a lift. Fanboy does the "don't take ride from strangers" promo to be a wedgie and no sells. Well; that was different at least. Boog offers a ride in his car which Chum Chum loves and they can also finish their contest later. Boog asks what that contest is and apparently; it's for stepping in the most gum and they jump in and gum up the backseat with their gum on their feet which comes out of nowhere and goes the same place. Yeap; more random humor that makes no sense. Boog is not happy at all as Lenny stammers to tell them that they can put Cuppie in the cup holder. Chum Chum calls this a special seat just for him. So we tease putting Cuppie in the cup holder with the stretch arm of doom and then he stops because Oz has shown up and Fanboy greet him as Oz has a FFF cup.
So they offer him a ride and since he only walks thirty steps a day (FACKING BULLSHEET! He wouldn't even be able to leave the house; let alone go to the Frosty Mart. I get almost 8,000 steps a day in case anyone gives a crap.). And so he climbs into the backseat and squashes Lenny into the windshield while bouncing his ass into Boog's face. I must say that the fabric physics are good for this show; but that's the only good thing I can say about the art in general. So he uses the grease from his fried chicken to shimmy in the middle in between the ADHD losers and yes; he has a bucket of fried chicken. Boog asks if there is anyone else and that's a huge mistake as we segue as Fanboy and Chum Chum invite the entire Galaxy Hills Elementary School kids, the adults and even two monsters including the dreaded gum monster. Sadly; Berry couldn't make it in this one. And they show out of nowhere ice cream cones with strawberry, grape nut and maple with a cherry on top. Could be worse I guess. They lick the ice cream in stereo of course, just to rub it in. And the ice cream melts on the carpet as Boog slams his fist into his palm and demands Cuppie in "Cuppie Holder" now. Fanboy agrees; but he cannot find his arm as we find it above the roof which is mishapened to death with Cuppie and Fanboy being 10 feet above. Fanboy wants to keep Cuppie there; but Lenny demands that he pass it down. So we play pass it on for a long ass whomping time much to Lenny's dismay as we are just two minutes away from finishing the Good Friday part of this rant.
So Nancy Pancy has Cuppie as Boog looks panicky as he wants them to hurry up and we continue on as the Dollarnator actually makes an appearance here. Remember that Dollarnator is the Chimp Chomp arcade machine and he has yet to kick Boog's ass for allowing him to get his joystick broken by Fanboy. Oh dear; that was more disturbing than I had intended. I think Mr. Mufflin uses his stinky foot to grab it at one point too. And then the seagull of doom swoops in and steals Cuppie and flies away. What a sad episode this is as Boog is yelling while Lenny is banging his head on the edge of the car window. And then it somehow goes onto the top of the roof as then Janitor.....wait for it...Poopintine arrives in his toilet like throne which hovers over the street. I'm not going to describe him because all you have to do is remember the Emperor from Star Wars and you get a really accurate and gruesome picture of him at the same time. He grabs Cuppie and gives it to Fanboy which is hilarious considering that Fanboy was responsible for getting Poopintine thrown into a bottomless pit in the episode where Poopintine kidnaps the gum monster because he hates gum and taffy. Or something like that. This only serves to make Chum Chum say poop. Man; Butt Ugly Martians deserves an apology after that. Did I mention that they were stopping for a red light and it turned green now?
So Fanboy tells Cuppie that he'll be safe now as he uses the stretch arms slowly and Boog's eyes light up dollar signs and Lenny's eyes light up no Fanboy & Chum Chum. Okay; here's the problem with this: If Fanboy & Chum Chum don't know about this; then this means nothing because Fanboy & Chum Chum will STILL go to his Frosty Mart regardless of losing Cuppie since they paid for the FFF as shown in this episode. So this is not going to cause "NO FANBOY & NO CHUM CHUM" censor signs Lenny. Which makes Boog's eyes make a lot more sense. By the way; Cuppie is in the cup holder and it thrusts into the glove compartment. The heels slap skin and cheer victory as Oz points out that they forgot to apply the brakes and they are crashing into the Frosty Mart. Ummmm; yeah, they redid the Brain Freeze climax, why do you ask? So everyone panics with each one having their own little box as they crash into the Frosty Mart and Oz takes many of the kids to safety by rolling the axle away into the hard camera. And there's Oz's one good spot he did in this show. So we head in the mart as everyone climbs out of the carnage with Lenny coming out of the front hood as we discover that there is no engine in this car. WHAT?! Lenny kneels in front of Sandy and kisses it while Sandy honks her last honk. Lenny is panicking like mad because the store is ruined and he's going to get fired; or worse he's not going to get fired. Why you might ask? Because the goofballs are looking for Cuppie and he pops from the glove compartment and bounces out of the car and into a janitor's bucket of soapy water. Fanboy & Chum Chum go over to the bucket and Cuppie is cleaned off completely. Boog and Lenny panic as Fanboy grabs the cup and slowly reads as we do the martial arts zoom in and we REPEAT THE DREAM SEQUENCE only in color and that ends the episode at 10:50 approx. I rate this a *** 1/4 on the trainwreck scale for the car spot and Cuppie the "dog" cup. - ** 3/4 (-55%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I have not much to say since the crapiness of these episodes demonstrate themselves. Considering the seven award nominations it got (and still counting I bet); it shows that you can convince the committee that Family Guy was cool and witty; and thus a children's version of it is awesome. Sadly; it's not. I will give points for the finish and ending to Berry Sick; and maybe Oz's rolling out with the kids at the finish of Refill Madness; but everything else is negative stars. So yeah; I did the basically four shorts today and I have four more shorts to go. Thankfully; I only have to do The Frosty Bus and Jingle Fever tomorrow. Man; I need a drink and a walk after this one. So....
Thumbs way down in hell for all three shorts (although thumbs in the middle for Refill Madness and Brainfreeze, while thumbs down for Berry Sick on the trainwreck scale) and I'll see you all next time.