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Fanboy & Chum Chum: Frosty Bus/Jingle Fever
Reviewed: 04/13/2013
The Wheels On The Bus Have Jingle Fever! Jingle Fever! Jingle Fever! All Through Galaxy Hills!
So we continue with Day 2 of Easter Sadism as the goofballs annoy Boog and Lenny as many times as humanly possible. Let's rant on shall we...?!
The Frosty Bus is written by Scott Kreamer and the direction is done by Russel Calabrese . Jingle Fever is written by Scott Kreamer and Eric Horsted and the direction is done by Jim Schumann .
The Frosty Bus: We begin this one with the kids playing on the school playground stuff as finally Chris Chuggy speaks like Pac-Man. So we pan west and zoom in on the picnic table as Fanboy & Chum Chum are eating lunch. And trying to see who can belch the best. Chum Chum is drinking Melodic Ginger Ale and his belch lasts about five seconds. Fanboy praises him and he brings out the egg salad and dill pickle for this and he sounds like a jingle. Chum Chum thinks Fanboy sounds more melodic than usual. Fanboy claims that he knows that tune as he cleans out his right ear and then proclaims dramatically that the Frosty Bus is here. And we sing complete with rainbows, Lenny driving and Mr. Mufflin rapping. Okay; that last one was cute. Everyone stops doing playground stuff and goes to the bus and they bring out their money and they fill up. Chum Chum wants to come in; but Fanboy stops him by grabbing his cape. Why? Because he claims that they are not thirsty enough and thus he wants this FFF to mean something. Translation: I'm really stupid because I have to be an idiot; otherwise the short is over in 30 seconds flat. Chum Chum has to agree with him because his IQ is lower than Fanboy; and Fanboy wants to work up a thrist. So we HIT THE MONTAGE~! Seesaw, swing set, running like Scooby Doo, and down the slide. They then fall onto the ground and their tongues stick out. Then Fanboy licks a fire hydrant and the tongue literally takes the red paint off like sandpaper. Ummm; yeah. Chum Chum shows his class level by showing a desert complete with bull skull, hay bail and CACTUS JACK OF DOOM.
So we head to the Frosty Bus as Fanboy asks for two FFF's. Lenny asks if he wants pink or blue and of course Fanboy cannot decide; which is dumb because Fanboy and Chum Chum love Berry pink. It's only serves to waste time showing pink or blue backgrounds. So after about a minute of this annoying stuff; Lenny yells at them to hurry up and so Chum Chum whispers into Fanboy's ear (I would love to hear that conversation. NOT!!) and Fanboy decides on blue, Chum Chum yells pink and then Fanboy picks pink for real. The joke is supposed to end with purple since they mix together; but we have already seen what happens when you mix the two, so it's another book yourself in a corner type of booking. Idiots! Fanboy is about to give Lenny his money (so the unlimited refills deal has been nulled and voided I see) and Boog magically shows up grabbing it. The goofballs asks where Lenny went as Boog claims his shift is over; as we see Lenny run away pulling out half of his curly hair in his insane running rage. And he bounces on his head and none of the bumps are MAN-SIZED; although he does do it on pavement, so it should have been sick bumps at least. Fanboy asks why he is here since he hates work and Boog proclaims that driving the bus is work; but for the looks of kids' faces; it's all worth it to him.
So he offers to turn on the FFF machine as the idiots put the FFF cups under the spouts as Fanboy is so touched by Boog's words. Chum Chum thinks Boog has turned babyface and they get sprayed in the face with the FFF. Boog feigns that he is rusty so we do it again and this time; it hits them in the groin. Well; this show is one big low blow to taste; so no one should be shocked at that spot anymore. And then the FFF shoot right through the goofballs ears, mouth and nose which is the old shoot milk from your nose spot. It's much funnier when Gunther did it in Stumped; trust me on that one. Then it's short controlled bursts that create some neat lines and then hits the ADHD goofball faces causing them to be literally tied in knots. Fanboy thinks Boog isn't giving them what they want. YOU THINK?! You ruined his car last episode you dumbasses! Why should he serve you? Boog finally proclaims that this bus will never give the goofballs FFF and he got his own smile; showing his somewhat pearly whites off. Then he drives off as Fanboy goes on about Boog not beating them as Chum Chum has no idea what he is talking about. Chum Chum's promo on being a pretzel makes you more thristy than eating one was much more interesting as Fanboy crawls away stage left to try to walk off the cramp in his leg somewhere. So we head to the Frosty Mart as the Frosty Bus stops in the parking lot and Boog walks into the store to play Chimp Chomp. And out comes a seagull stealing a packet of peanuts. Which is much classier than Fanboy and Chum Chum hiding in the trash cans in front of the store. Yeah.
So the goofballs tiptoe to the bus and then turn on the machine and drink out of the spout. UGH! However; Boog comes out and admits that he switched out the tanks with hot air. Remember that because there is a logic break to this as the goofballs fly around and drop on the ground like two quivering bodies of goo on the pavement. Fanboy asks why he is doing this and Boog claims that he likes messing with a bunch of dweebs. Well; I know why, because they ruined your car Sandy. However; Boog likes balloons as they come out of nowhere and he floats away and goes about the same place. Yeah; he said hot air, and even hot air doesn't make you float. Helium does though. I don't understand why they had to censor that since this show has so much contempt for good taste anyway. And most critics of the helium spot hate this because they got high on hot air the same way anyway; so it was pointless to edit it out. There was no safeguard because the premise of doing it is what they hate; not the stuff. Anyhow; we head to the road on the Frosty Bus as Boog is singing. Oh lord; and I thought Hoppo singing was going to crush my eardrums? The scary part is; Boog is a better singer than Fanboy & Chum Chum combined. And here comes the BAD EPISODE POLICE~! In this case; it's Chum Chum with a microphone and Fanboy on a motorcycle (Did I mention that Chum Chum is the motorcycle and sound effects guy) being the bad cop in this one. Boog is forced to pull over even though the goofballs entire outfit clearly gives them away. Fanboy hops off as Chum Chum does footstep sound effects just to overkill an already stupid scene.
So Boog whimpers and Fanboy knocks on glass as the window opens. Fanboy demands his license and registration sounding like a bad Cartman as Boog gives them his license as Chum Chum does more crashing car sounds which is proof that this is a setup; and Boog is too stupid to notice. Apparently; Boog ran over some gmones which he claims Fanboy & Chum Chum caused. So what?! I approve of running over gmones; they are not special enough to warrant any television time nor as a plot device. The Travelocity ads are no longer funny anymore. Get over it and move on to something else. Fanboy then gets onto the FFF stuff as Boog tries to explain his job; but Fanboy blows him off for back sassing him. Oh lord. He proclaims that he is going to confascate all the FFF in the bus as then Chum Chum gets a 01-Adam-12 call from the chief of police and Fanboy goes back on Chum Chum's back and calls him lucky and then drives off. WHAT?! Boog then breathes a sigh of relief and then turns to his right as we notice a gnome tied up and gagged in the passenger side. WHAT?! Boog laughs. What is the point of this?! So we scene change to further up the street as Agent Johnston arrives as the goofballs give him the seagull who was stealing a potato chip bag from the Frosty Mart earlier. Okay; there's one joke paid off in this show. But there are 40 setups that we still haven't paid off in this episode, and most of them make no sense to begin with. Chum Chum then asks Fanboy about doing something else before this and Fanboy finally gets the fact that he screwed himself. So Boog drives in and sprays the losers with FFF from the machine and drives off smiling. Well; you have no one but yourself to blame for that one, you Katherine Victor rejects.
So we head to the Frosty Mart as Fanboy and Chum Chum whine about Boog winning and heading to the FFF machine as they blow off the giant machine and it sheds a tear. Oh my heart is bleeding for thee. NOT! Fanboy and Chum Chum wish they could take something of value away from Boog; so he can feel their pain. I think we all know where this is going now don't you. It involves Chimp Chomp and probably his car. They then look around and yes; the arcade machine with Boog's photos on it is going to be involved in this. Fanboy proclaims that Boog is going down and then they notice Lenny snoring at the counter. Yes folks; they could just wake up Lenny and get their FFF without fail. And if Boog interferes, then they would have justification in actually stealing and vandalizing his arcade machine (or car, same thing even if the justification is too poor to be worth it). This only serves to make Fanboy & Chum Chum look like complete jackasses and thieves with no sense of sympathy for them. Oh wait; this is Nickeledeon, empathy is for old farts and that's not their target audience anyway. So we cut back to Boog on the sidewalk as he notices a letter on the windshield which he whines because he thinks it's a ticket and he put gumballs into the parking meter. So you pay for parking spaces via gumballs? That's really...odd. So Boog grabs the letter and opens it to reveal a broken joystick. And he screams and drops down in pain and agony. Oh come on Boog! That joystick could have come from any machine. Chimp Chomp cannot be THAT rare.
So Boog goes to the transmitter and calls for Lenny; but it's Fanboy on the transmitter in the Frosty Mart on the counter as Lenny is tied up to a chair as he doesn't give a crap about the arcade machine; so Chum Chum stuffs two hotdogs in his mouth to shut him up. Pffft. Fanboy asks if he got the present and Boog calls them a bunch of animals. Calling them a bunch of animals is an insult to the animal kingdom. A grave, felonious insult I might add. Boog wants Fanboy to patch to Chimp Chomp and he just holds the transmitter and we hear the arcade sounds of the machine which makes no sense since the arcade machine is about 25 feet from the counter where Fanboy is. And then down to ten feet as Fanboy calls her fine for now; but if he ever wants to see her again, is to meet them at the Frosty Mart in one hour and bring "the stuff". So the writers have finally conceded that FFF is an illegal substance? Probably not. So Boog climbs into the Frosty Bus and drives away as Fanboy ends the signal and claims that this went really well. So we head behind the Frosty Mart AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and speaking of logic breaks: There's no way it can be dark one hour later since it was noon sunlight when Boog and Fanboy last spoke via the transmitter. So Boog stops the bus and goes out the back end complete with heavenly white light and sound, for no reason. He looks frightened as Fanboy's voice beckons and he gets the spotlight, again with no rhyme nor reason. Fanboy is in a trenchcoat and fedora hat asking if he brought "the stuff". Boog claims that he did and Fanboy asks for cups which is a clear indication of a clear setup.
Boog asks about Chimp Chomp and Fanboy points to an obvious crappy cardboard cutout of an arcade machine as Boog goes over; but the sounds go in such a way that Boog realizes something is wrong. He lifts the arcade machine and it's Chum Chum making 1980 video game sounds with the microphone. Boog's IQ is about a 3 or less at this point because anyone with an IQ of 12 or above would have seen right through this in ten seconds flat. So Boog destroys the cardboard cutout and in the bashing, Chum Chum somehow teleports to the back of the Frosty Bus and waves goodbye promising to save some blue just for him. So Boog is running to the back as Fanboy gets in the driver's seat and Chum Chum mans the pedals. Why yes; Fanboy is going to drive a complex piece of machinery, why do you ask? And they crash into the conveniently placed brick wall in three seconds flat. They get splattered into the window thanks to the fabric physics air bags as they claim this went over really well. Riiiiggggghhhtttt. Boog gets in front and is ready to murder these two brats to hell. Ummm; Galaxy Hills is HELL Mr. Weagle; what are you saying?!
So Fanboy and Chum Chum somehow manage to open the door out back (despite being squished against the window natch) and they pop out; but Boog grabs them and then the Frosty Bus roof explodes somehow and the sign goes up into the air as Boog just stands there and swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (holy burrito!). Yeap; he is THAT dumb. He is really stupid. And no one has learned anything; which is apporos for such a pointless show. The goofballs escape stage right as Boog tries to move by he takes the sign right in his fatty chops and he's in pain. We get the fountain of FFF colors as Lupe, Chris Chuggy, Michael Johnson and two others bring cups in and cut the Frosty Mart Jingle song as Fanboy and Chum Chum mug for the camera with cups. And Mr. Mufflin at least puts a smile on my face by rapping badly to end the episode at 10:50 approx. I give this a ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale; mostly for Mr. Mufflin's rapping and Fanboy's really bad attempt to act like Cartman. Without the "YOU RESPECT MY AUTHORITY" line; the act doesn't work sir. Call it - ** (-40%).
Jingle Fever: We begin this one with a zoom in shot outside of the Frosty Mart as we go to the window with Lenny having a drink and then he notices a purple poster with lots of money and happy kids proclaiming that the winner is the one who writes the best jingle for FFF. Even more amazing, the grand prize is one million Frosty bucks. Why yes folks; the Frosty Mart has it's OWN currency. Now this is not as absurd as it sounds because in Canada, we have Canadian Tire and they have their own currency for their store. And no one should be surprised by this because in the previous rant; the parking meters are paid with gum. Anyhow; Lenny calls all of his customers idiots. And here comes Lameboy and Dumb Dumb rapping at the enterance of the store showing a crisp dollar bill. I know this was counterfeited because only Fanboy would be stupid enough to put his mug on the dollar bill. No amount of white hair is going to fool the police on that one Fanboy. And they rap to the dollar dance which is so insipid that Lenny's left eye twitches on cue. And we HIT THE "DREAM" SEQUENCE as Agent Johnson is under a purple spotlight as money falls and the goofballs have won the contest. They roll around the falling money because they hate waiting for all of to fall; or something. Oh; they will spent a dollar a day for a million days at the Frosty Mart with their good friend Lenny. Spotlight to the counter and Lenny is frozen like a statue staring at the hard camera as Fanboy and Chum Chum dance and party on his counter with confetti like money. Now one million days is equal to over 2700 years; so it's basically forever. 1350 years if Chum Chum gets to spend too. Same deal.
So we return to reality (not at all) as Lenny seems panicky and whimpering as Fanboy does the John Cena promo on Lenny. See Fanboy and Chum Chum have an issue as they have only one lousy dollar and they don't know what to spend it on. Then they notice the purple poster and are about to read it; so Lenny throws the cash register into the window and the glass shatters off-screen. No sharpnel? That's awfully sloppy guys. Fanboy asks why he did that and Lenny claims that he did it so they can get some fresh air. Then the coveniently placed radio turns on somehow and the radio DJ talks about Wednesday being whacky and offers a million dollars; but Lenny invokes the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM to crush the radio. From a mop? FACKING BULLSHEET! Chum Chum asks why he did that? I don't know; Chum Chum, maybe the writers have no sense of logic? Lenny claims that he thought they would like some Muzak which is elevator music. Which sounds a million times better than Fanboy's Dollar Dance routine. They like it though; so it's now only five times better; and then that is stopped as they want to announce the Frosty Mart Jingle Con---, speaker gets destroyed by the wooden end of the mop. Well; that makes more sense at least. Lenny is panting on the counter; but then the second speaker explains the whole contest as they have to submit the jingle by 5 PM as Lenny destroys another speaker. The goofballs just stand there staring as Lenny destroys every single speaker as most of the promo from the DJ is legalise anyway; and even I don't give a crap about it. Sadly; this plotline is so stupid because win, lose or draw, it's not like the goofballs don't see Lenny everyday for the FFF. After all; that is their addiction see. Again; this is what happens when you don't think out your premises and decides "KIDZ ART DUM!" is reality. And remember; we live in an age where you can get renewed with less than one million viewers; so it's not like they have to put an effort to get it over.
So Lenny returns with the speakers down and throws them out of the window. He wants to ring them up and get them out of here. He pushes on the losers as Fanboy points out that they haven't paid. So Lenny bails and bowls them over with a shopping cart filled with two of everything. Chum Chum points out that they didn't pay yet; so Lenny gives it to them free and pushes the shopping cart out of the door. It crashes off-screen and the doors close. Lenny breathes a sigh of relief; but the doors open and in comes Lameboy and Dumb Dumb thanking him for the snacks. And eating while talking. They thank Lenny because now they have the energy to write the jingle for the contest and then fly up into the air with lots of smoke to apparently; smother Lenny to death. I love shoot spots that aren't supposed to be shoot spots. And then we segue to Dollarnator on microphone and we RAP! Fanboy does letter flex spots to annoy me and Lenny who groans at the counter on the far shot. And then we continue rapping and messing up the store as we do the day to night to day shot. Wait; if the contest said 5 pm; shouldn't the contest already be OVER?! Am I missing something here? And Fanboy screws up so badly of course which annoys Lenny to no end. So Chum Chum goes through his notes and sings Frosty Mart and does a decent job of it too. Fanboy wants to hear that again and Chum Chum repeats it. Dollarnator adds a sound for no reason. Fanboy isn't convinced yet; but the doors open and in floats Mr. Mufflin who claims that he heard the jingle from 10 blocks away and feels compelled to shop at the Frosty Mart...and float like a character from Fish Hooks.
However; the funniest part of this is: Mr.Mufflin puts his fingers to both sides of the face; cuts the promo and then hip shoves Fanboy stage right and Fanboy takes a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen. That's the best spot of the show right there! Mufflin asks for where it is as Fanboy asks Dollarnator about recording this and indeed he has. Far shot from the counter as Lenny realizes that this is catchy and it brings in customers as Mr. Mufflin doesn't know what he is doing; but throws some boxes of food onto the counter anyway. Lenny on the closeup proclaims that he has to destroy the jingle as Fanboy and Chum Chum continue to do the jungle and Lenny comes in calling it a "great" session. He offers to let them take five and offers FFF to them. Before they can respond; he grabs them and throws them stage right off-screen with more wussier bumps this time. Sigh. So Lenny sees Dollarnator sipping on FFF and gets rather cozy with him. He brings him over to show him a microwave; and Dollarnator panics because he has a pacemaker. Oh lord; this is so moronic that only the grace of seeing Lenny with a jackhammered background from hell and wanting to evily set the microwave to baked potato was the saving grace of this spot. Needless to say; Dollarnator burns up, erases memories, circuits misfire and his hotdogs defrosted and fell to the ground before he drops on the ground with gross memory loss. And I do mean GROSS! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So the goofballs return with their FFF cups of FFF as they notice the hotdogs and they eat them. Fanboy wants to do the jingle again and even Lenny wants them to try it again. So they call for Dollarnator; but Dollarnator is screwed up so badly that he has total recall and must get his ass to Mars. He sezs this about four times before finally dying and then does a faceplant right into the remaining hotdogs. Sadly; it misses squashing the goofballs. The goofballs are not happy to see this as Lenny proclaims that you cannot trust these machines from the future. Now if the writers didn't have such contempt for the kids; there would be a ending where Boog comes in and notices the machine is dead and then kicks Lenny's ass. That would be neat. However; considering the audience and the writers point of view of them; I doubt that will happen. Anyhow; Fanboy & Chum Chum try to remember; but Fanboy cannot sing to save his life of course as Lenny dings them with a push of the cash register. This show chews me up and spits me out too Lenny! The losers groan and we head back outside the Frosty Mart and then inside (why they needed to do that when it's the same scene?) as Lenny wipes the counter clean and then the Katherine Victor rejects sit on the counter sighing. Lenny goes outside and sweeps which causes the goofs to hang onto the blue handle of the broom. And they sigh. And they sit on the shelves and scare Lenny again. Lenny blows it off because it's just a stupid jingle. We discover that they have another song which cheers them up. So Lenny tells them to sing their cheer up song and cheer up.
So the goofballs drop down and we get a piano introduction with blue curtains. We open them and we do another song to waste time and give me an excuse not to say much about it. So they annoy Lenny with the dinging of the doors sounds as Lenny blows them off and sing already. Fanboy & Chum Chum are offended and they tease walking out of the store; and then they slide in and they sing the Frosty Mart Cheer Up Song for real. Whatever; it's stupid, it makes no sense and we all know the predictable finish coming anyway; so let's just finish this crap and move on. And they blow off Boog who is playing Chimp Chomp solo. Now remember that Chimp Chomp is the Dollarnator and Dollarnator was killed by his own pacemaker being too close to the microwave, so...WHAT?! So we get video game sounds as Lenny proclaims that they practically live here every day, thus showing the contempt of the writers right there. We end with them on top of the roof of the Frosty Mart; and then on the counter as the Dollarnator somehow is alive and well. FACK LOGIC~! Dollarnator goes ding and the doors open with heavenly light again and in comes Agent Johnson clapping because he thinks that it's perfect jingle for the Frosty Mart. Fanboy thought it was pretty good and they wonder why they didn't submit that. So they decide to submit that one; but Lenny blocks them and points at the clock because it's 5 PM and the contest is over. Well; it's was over when they were practicing the rap three minutes into this thing. Did I just...Oh forget it! It's 5:05 pm see. However; Boog points out that the clock is fast because he sets it up to two hours early so he can catch a movie. Did I mention that Johnson is head of security for Frosty Mart? He's not amused so Boog stammers and bails stage right.
And so they won; we repeat the dream sequence from earlier; almost word for word and that ends the episode at 10:50 approx. Lenny got dinged in the most pointless short ever. My lights went out as well. Okay; the last part was different, but the dialogue was exactly the same actually. ** on the trainwreck scale for Mr. Mufflin again and the pacemaker spot. Oh; and Boog screwing Lenny at the end because Lenny did screw up Chimp Chomp earlier. You have to admit that in spite of the logic breaks that followed. Call it -* (-20%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Another two short down and it was hellish still. I am warming up to Mr. Mufflin's spots which are cute and I did love it when he hip shoved Fanboy out of the screen. And they did a finish which was closer to the one I had in mind with Boog setting the clocks way too fast so overall; this was unbelievably stupid and sometimes vile; along with a touch of pointlessness, but these are not the worst nor gruesome train wrecks within the show. So next up is Back From The Future and Norse-ing Around. Which means more Lenny trying to stop Fanboy and Chum Chum; and a viking found in their icebox wants to go to Vallahalla. That last episode might be interesting at least. So....
Thumbs way down in hell for all three shorts (although thumbs in the middle for Frosty Bus and thumbs down for Jingle Fever on the trainwreck scale) and I'll see you all next time.