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Hey Duggee Series One #5 Rant

Reviewed: 05/13/2026

Kyle? Isn't It Time For... DUGGEE~!

Well, my hunt for some perverse entertainment struck again thanks to Family Junior up here in Canada. I had considered revewing "The Fabulous Show with Fay and Fluffy", but the cross-dressing angle is just there and it's just a storytime segment show for the most part. It's a fun show, but it isn't qualified to be an Easter Sadism show. You need perserve, creative entertainment, where the creators just don't give an elf. That's when I saw our following subject from the UK, only this time it's a BBC show. This show is an awesome fun mess of an episode that intentionally is trying to get onto the trainwreck scale. Welcome to the Rant Shack, Hey Duggee! Just watching this show made me giggle in an amusing way because the characters and everyone making the show is fully committed to make this story stand out. Hey Duggee started out in 2014 as part of a Christmas special for the BBC and then was made into a show. The premise according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!):

The programme's characters are talking anthropomorphic animals, with Duggee communicating in woofs. The episodes are based around The Squirrel Club, an activity club for children that Duggee leads. The children – the club's Squirrels – take part in all kinds of activities, have adventures and earn badges for their accomplishments. Each episode shows the Squirrels completing an activity or adventure relating to a badge that they earn at the end of each episode. There is no set formula for every episode, with many referencing or parodying pop culture.

I disagree with the last sentence as there is a sort of set formula to the episodes, but they often would go off-script in certain ways. For example, there are always at least FIVE opening sequences in the series, each assigned depending on the Squirrel member. Like Peppa Pig, the endings are sometimes different, although more visual than audio this time around. The finishing sequences are mostly similar, but the middle is clearly like a Peppa Pig episode even with the structure of the stakes being exactly the same in all episodes: The Squirrels do stuff to earn badges. Then you have the narrator who is voiced by Alexander Armstrong, the voice of Captain Dog, who talks to Duggee, despite Duggee being a full on anthro dog with clothes on, doing human things, but talks literally like a real dog. It's Koi Fish from Fish Hooks all over again, and yes; everyone in the show somehow understands him. To be fair, at least it's not Molang where every character does the Duggee/Koi Fish speaking and you have zero way of understanding what the hell they are saying regardless of language. I've been wanting to review a bit of this show since it looks perversely entertaining to me and finding episodes on Family Junior is easy, but those episodes are more recent. I want to do the early episodes and finding them is another matter. It's not as easy as Peppa Pig, let me tell you. The episode titles speak for themselves, except for the pilot episode "Chop! Chop!" which I couldn't find even partial footage of it. Believe it or not, there were supposed to be SIX Squirrels in the group, but that got cut down. Also, the hippo Squirrel was originally supposed to be an anthro pig. I wonder who was responsible for rejecting that one?! Anyhow, this should be a fun ride. How do these episodes fare?! Let's rant on shall we..?!

All episodes are directed by Grant Orchard. Grand Orchard wrote "The Circus Badge", "The Egg Badge" and "The Football (Soccer) Badge". Jo Clegg wrote "The Puppy Badge". Sam Morrison wrote "The Tidy Up Badge". Myles Mcleod wrote "The Sandcastle Badge" and James Henry wrote "The Cardboard Box Badge" and "The Caterpillar Badge". I'm not going to do tributes here. The animation is done by Studio AKA.

Opening Moment #1: This opening features Roly being amused by a pinwheel as per a previous episode. The title card features a badge with a ice pop like feather duster against a sky blue background with clouds and purple/yellow trim..

The Tidy Up Badge: Short opens in the clubhouse with the kids doing the usual. Outside of some blocks and a model rocket ship launcher setup and some building blocks left out, the floor is otherwise no more messy than in previous episodes. Enid is in the middle of the room sleeping on a rug as the narrator asks what Duggee has planned for them today. The kids bail stage left with the usual as Roly's top has pushed the red button on the model space ship launcher. Uh-oh! Red button means danger, you see. Basically, this sets up an impossible marble run-equse sequence of stuff falling down and it all messes up the room. Enid looks at the top wondering where all this went wrong. There is paint splattered on the walls and floors as we jump cut to Duggee feather dusting some stuff on the wall which seems to turn white when it happens. In runs the kids asking Duggee what he is doing. Betty actually gets this before anyone else does and hums a tune about dusting while Duggee is looking confused for some reason. Oh wait, he sneezes because white dust causes sneezing, you see. Then the kids cough and sneeze, which sounds like acting then legit dust getting into their senses. Roly calls this messy. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments as we get the doorbell. Duggee answers the door as there is a parcel waiting for him from Eugene The Post Chipmunk. I know this because Eugene's gimmick is to mispronounce names worse than George Pig, and have less excuses for why. Thankfully, Eugene actually corrects himself on the second try and Duggee is happy. Eugene tells Duggee to sign on the clipboard paper and Duggee signs by an ink paw. Oookkkkaaayyyy. Eugene leaves stage right and Duggee has the parcel. Duggee slams the door with the most botched ass whack in history as the kids are giddy to see what is inside the parcel. They open the parcel and it looks interesting, but the kids groan anyway despite not knowing what it is. Duggee woofs for a while as he unpacks the blue thingie with a thunderbolt on the side, and we discover that it's a vacuum cleaner. Now this episode is really going to suck! HAHA!

Ron Sparks: It will suck more than Sean Desmond.

No, not really. In fact, it works too well. The narrator calls it a TX-9000, which sounds like super sucking. Almost like Winston Rothchild's sewer and septic sucking services, methinks. Roly wonders what it is and the other kids explain what it is and they have one at home. Norrie asks if he is going to clean the floor with it and Duggee woofs "yes" because he points to his chest to reveal the Tidy Up Badge. Roly is so offended by this that he stomps his foot while asking the question because he knows this is not good for some reason. Duggee demonstrates stage left that it's tidy and then Duggee demonstrates stage right (where the kids made the mess earlier) that it's not tidy. I just love how Duggee is not only not mad that the kids messed up the place; but the fact that the untidy place is the perfect demonstration for his new vacuum cleaner. He was HAPPY that the kids made the mess. I howled with laughter. Enid somehow either denies it, or is parroting Duggee. Either way, funny. Then the kids decide that they love tidying up, including Roly; whom was mad about this tidying up stuff earlier. Now he loves it. That amused me as we head to the badge scene changer of Duggee featherdusting himself, ala Sid doing chokeslams on himself in WCW. We HIT THE MONTAGE~ and Roly still needs help in cleaning up. It involves the parking lot and the toy car, I should note. Thankfully, Norrie steals the parking lot before Roly can make himself look like an absolute dork. They basically put all the stuff in the middle, and somehow, all the paint stuff is gone for no reason. SUZY SHEEP~! Time to demonstrate the vacuum cleaner. 2:1 odds that the result will be a bigger mess than the kids ever made, just a hunch on my part. The kids do the power suction resistance spot for a while, which makes them giggle. The narrator has to shout over everyone to sell the point here as we clean up for a while, and the kids follow Duggee for the same amount of time. I should note that the cleaner is wired, which is trouble in my opinion. Wireless vacuums are better, methinks. Sadly, even wireless vacs are no match for Roly pushing the thunderbolt button of doom. This sucks up all the toys into the cleaner. Well, you have no one but yourself to blame for that one. Roly? Duggee?! Actually, both; mostly Duggee. By the way, just to make Duggee look like a bigger tool, Duggee's ears turn bunny. Norrie was right in the first episode, and this scene proves it. Then to make matters worse, the vaccum cleaners races stage right like a race car. Of course!

Yup, this is all on Duggee buying this stupid vacuum cleaner. The vacuum cleaner races and sucks everyting into it, and apparently, the cleaner's bag also has TARDIS powers. Duggee panics and runs off with the kids who are smiling and giggling. I love this, the kids do not gave two fucks about this. And why should they?! Duggee was stupid enough to buy this over-powered vacuum cleaner! The door somehow opens and we go outside because it's time to suck up animals and other things outside. This is the Duggee I want to see: Just pure chaos from simple objects like a vacuum cleaner. Sean Desmond, be jealous! Or not. The Delta Chickens are wishing that they didn't have that clause in their contracts now as they stand in front of the tree in a human ladder spot; but the vacuum cleaner unplug itself from the wall, and that ends the entertainment. Ah, shucks! This vacuum cleaner uses a four pronged plug I should note. Then the chickens stop selling and then jump down to peck the ground. HAHA! Everyone runs in and I think Duggee is totally blown up. The kids are fine and don't care. They are happy, and I don't mean Happy. The narrator says it all and Duggee looks at the narrator like "Are you kidding me?" We head back into the clubhouse as everything is empty and now the kids are realizing that this was a bad thing after all. HAHA! Happy checks the nozzle of the vacuum cleaner and finds the stuff, somehow. How are they going to get the stuff out of the vacuum cleaner, you ask?! Duggee has a plan: I'm going to press the reverse suction and just let the stuff come out. Basically, Duggee shoots the stuff out of the nozzle like a marksmen, and somehow, everything is in perfect place without breaking nor damaging anything. The kids assist in the restoration of the clubhouse as everything is finished. Yawn, it's not as funny as making a mess. Still, the badge is important as the narrator says it all. Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge. The kids cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicles. DUGGEE HUG~! Duggee hug. The kids bail giggling as they present the parents with the badges. The kids hug their parents and then leave with the parents in their vehicles. The narrator asks if this was fun as we get a mini police chase with the Naughty Mice stealing another car and messing up the scene. The narrator is not happy and then he and Duggee both laugh to end the episode at 6:45. A fun episode with a lot of chaos and mess. Although that ending was out of place. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #2: This opening features Norrie playing her guitar as per a previous episode. The title card features a badge with a candy cane striped cricus tent against a dark blue background with pink/white trim.

The Circus Badge: Short opens with the kids working with building blocks in the clubhouse as usual. The narrator asks the usual and the kids bail stage left knocking over blocks as usual. Jump cut to Duggee literally looking like a clown with yellow curly hair. The kids run in asking the usual and Duggee turns around and we hear honking horn sounds, because Duggee is now a clown. Considering what happened with Officer Panda and Officer Grey Squirrel, Duggee really knows how to make fun of himself and doesn't care. Unlike the police officers, who don't even try and look like clowns. Tag and the kids are shocked and appalled as Tag demands answers to this outrage, that made me laugh. Oh TAG, you are such a geek! Betty thinks this is sus, so Duggee woofs to prove that he's Duggee. Happy then asks "are you his mom?" I died and Duggee's reaction to this is like total shock. This forces Duggee to take the yellow wig off, which with it, Duggee looks like Colin Baker. The kids finally get it because Duggee is dressed like this because he works at the circus once in a lifetime, or at least a year. Duggee steps back to show off the poster and it's apparently, the 26th annual circus. Considering that everyone is an anthro, this would not contradict the "abuse of animals" problem in all circuses; so this is okay. Naughty Monkey being an usher is so dumb and Mole is a stunt biker, so he's playing Kick Buttowski's role in this circus. The deranged weasel is himself, and there is a second clown not related to Duggee. Must be the stand in, in case Duggee gets wrecked. Apparently, the kids have zero clue what the circus is and I'm sure there are animal rights activists ready to bury this episode deep within the earth and not in a good way. Duggee is giddy for the circus that he literally pants like a dog, that did make me laugh. We HIT THE MONTAGE~ as Duggee Clown features the tent and we head inside for the usual trappings of a circus, with two Naughty Monkeys juggling fruits, bear plays the strongman as he has literal weightlifting issues, only he's not indecisive. Yes, there are artists and acrobats, and all of them are wild animals acting like tame humans. Probably why this didn't get the heat you would expect; although how did this get less heat than Tag being called a fireman in Series Two is a mystery to me.

Yes, the deranged weasel is part of a Clown Firefighting Brigade, whatever. Deranged weasel is bouncing a blue ball off his cone hat, which assures no concussions will take place. Leave it to the gaslighting Hippie Rabbits to be the magicians of this outfits, since their zen is considered magic. Of course, they show off the stunt mole who winks for the camera before performing. It's going over a giant fishbowl with a grey monster piranha who makes no attempt to do anything. I CLUB BS&P~! A lot of circus public domain music is played as the acts all come together and the crowd pops. We return to reality (no, not really) as Duggee is beaming and Tag is talking funny for no reason. Duggee points to his bowtie, which is basically pointing at his throat, to reveal his Circus Badge. He twirls his bowtie and that causes his red nose to light up and make noises. The kids all laugh as Norrie hears the public doman circus music, which means the circus is in town, BABEE~! Duggee is so giddy as he literally bails on all fours stage left and the kids follow him with glee. This is a segueway to the badge scene changer of Duggee juggling balls on a unicycle while dressed up like a clown. Now, that's full commitment to the gimmick! If only the two Officers from Peppa Pig had the same forethought, they wouldn't be laughed out of Peppatown. Everyone runs out and there is no circus as the Delta Chickens are pecking in the far background, not caring at all. Neither does the brown car nor the blue bird as Betty is wondering where that music came from. Tag thankfully finds it and discovers that it's a bug circus instead. HAHA! Then some raisin like character looking like a ring master comes out of the petit tent and address himself as Maurice, and yes, this is his circus. I discover that this is a flea circus, so the spieces of Maurice is that of a flea. Okay, then. Duggee's mouth is agape because he has been denied his real circus and must enjoy the insect version of it. The kids do not care, it's a circus, they are going to get their money's worth out of it. Duggee is so shocked by this, his red nose literally falls off and makes squeak sounds. The entire troupe comes out as Madam Fifi is the tightrope actor who will balance herself two cm in the air. HAHA! The kids do not know what to make of this. I do: Fleas are so small, 2 CM is like falling to your death. The scale of demise is actually high for a flea actually. Sadly, Fifi does it with ease, killing the suspense, but the kids are in awe anyway. Norrie loves this circus and calls it brilliant as we do the next act: The Super Dave Flea Cannon of Doom. I was expecting one of the fleas to light a match, but it lights by itself. SUZY SHEEP~?!

Roly watches on as Flea Cannon get shot out of a cannon and lands in a petit paddling pool. Roly love it, Happy is doing the splash chant, because he loves petit water, you see. The kids love it as the next act is the strongest flea in the world, Bernard, all mustache, no face. This one require a volunteer and Roly volunteers Duggee. HAHA! The biggest one in the circus and the kids don't have to take bumps. That was great. Bernard goes over to Duggee and he lifts Duggee with ease and just uses him as his plaything, that was funny. He also manages to drop him without Duggee landing on his head, but it still makes it dizzy. Okay, then. The kids are easy to amuse on that one. Lots of ROB claps ensue as Maurice asks if anyone else wants to volunteer and all the kids want to enter the circus. Which makes sense since they have to earn the badge somehow. So, we open the curtains to Maurice introducing the show against a stary green background. Fifi gets more daring with Tag and Norrie pulling the rope. The Flea Magician hypnotizes Enid and Duggee with noisy brainwash eyes, causing Duggee to meow and Enid to meow. I wondered where that wandfor The Voice Badge came from?! The flea acrobats do the human chain ladder on Norrie's nose. The magician produces a Betty Bunny out of it's hat, that was funny. Next up, the high diving act with a flea diving into a glass of water sponsored by Happy. Roly and the flea clown dump cream pies on each other, Roly buries them in a big cream pie of course. Sadly, Pedro owns the long clown shoes as Bernard is juggling the kids in a pentagon formation that looked dangerous, but the kids land on their feet and that's fine. Confetti flies during this scene, which is much bigger than the fleas. The fleas are bouncing in glee, they are so happy. Maurice is so happy about the finale as Betty loves this circus as well. Everyone thanks each other, Maurice thanks then in French as the narrator asks if the kids did well today. Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge. The kids cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicles just in time for the DUGGEE HUG~! Duggee hug in white stars and Duggee got his red nose back on. Sadly, he didn't wear the yellow wig, that would have been money! The kids bail stage left to present the badges to their parents. The kids hug the parents and then leave with the parents in their vehicles. The narrator asks if this was fun and Bernard gets another go. HAHA! The narrator and Duggee laugh to end the episode at 6:45. The ending credits feature the public domain circus music with the badge scene changer sequence from earlier being used here. This was another fun episode in a series of them. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #3: This opening features Norrie playing hopstoch as per a previous episode. The title card features a badge with a hatched chick in an egg with a cream background and brown/yellow trim. .

The Egg Badge: Short opens in the clubhouse as usual with the kids doing sort of the usual. They are actually cosplaying cooking fruit again while Betty is literally reading a cookbook. The narrator asks what Duggee has planned for them today as the kids bail stage left smiling and giggling. The fruit is fake, you see. The kids head out of the clubhouse as Duggee is literally watching from the roof of the chicken coop. The kids run in and ask Duggee what he is doing. Duggee shh's them because there are something very important that is about to happen as we pan west to one of the Delta Chickens sitting in a nest reading a magazine. I was hoping it was Ezza Magazine, but it's clearly a chicken magazine, so it's not. Delta Chicken is laying on a giant white egg I do believe as the kids exchange notes on the situation with the narrator as Norrie doesn't see this as major or anything. Which by the way, is 100% true. Betty calls eggs amazing to the narrator as Duggee points to his chest to reveal his Egg Badge. The narrator calling Duggee a big fan of this is comedy gold. Happy has the greatest response ever to this bullshit: Did you lay an egg?! I died, for the second straight time in this series and it was caused by Happy. Duggee is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~! Duggee's look after that while pointing at his badge is like "why are you doing this to me?" I might just shut this show down, no one is topping that. Then I realize, I'm going to be wrong anyway, so let's move on before I completely lose my shit. I then discover that Delta Chicken has three eggs laid and the magazine's name is POK! Oh, and the eggs are about to hatch now. Norrie points out the obvious, Duggee does the ROB clap and Delta Chicken jumps off and watches. Two chick hatch properly, but the third one hatches literally talons first. The kids count along during this as Roly counts to three. The narrator points out the problem as Chick #3 turns onto his talons and is already talking within seconds of birth. Huh?! The other two chicks are like "what?".

Despite the shell completely destroying it's sight, it still is able to identify everyone sort of. SUZY SHEEP~?! Uh-oh! Since I have already reviewed "The Whistling Badge" out of order, I know exactly where this is going and it is not going to end well for anyone. Chick has an issue with Tag's animal spieces though. Yup, Chick just cut promos while naming stuff with surprisely good accurancy I might add. This is amusing, but this is going to go on forever and it ceases being funny. Delta Chicken is not liking this as the kids decide to chase Chick #3 to get it back. They are happier about this angle than I am. They call him Egg as we get a badge scene changer of Egg rising up on Duggee's head. Okay, that was funny. The chick cheeps so, it's clearly not Egg. We return as the chase is on and I'm not going to bother calling it. What do you expect?! It's Egg naming stuff and running while the kids chase it, that's it! Roly decides to mimic Egg, which is funny at least. Tree climbing, as the kids tell Egg to be careful, despite being a bird itself. They do the mis-direction rotten log spot as Naughty Monkey and a gaslighting Hippie Rabbit make cameos. Somehow, Duggee decides to appear with a straw hat, just for Egg to name it. Worm makes a cameo, along with the rainbow leaf. Delta Frog makes an appearance, don't care. Then, Egg addresses a giant bird with blue and yellow feathers before bouncing off stage left. The blue/yellow bird wakes up and is more confused than I am. She then does the stupidest thing ever: She stands up and walks away, abandoning her own egg. The egg hatches and it has legs, but cannot see it's shell. Let me guess: the kids think this is Egg now and the chase is on...AGAIN! Actually, it's far more crazy: Roly points at the egg, the kids ask the egg to come back to Delta Chicken and Egg #2 accepts! They bounce off stage right, and the blue/yellow bird comes back with Egg #1 on her wing and is scolding Egg #1 in leaving her nest. Egg #1 kindly rebuffs that one for me. HAHA!

The bird is confused and then we have a badge scene changer and this one is a knee-slapper: Duggee hatches from an egg looking confused. Can you not bury this dog any further, show?! First, Happy and now this show is making Duggee look like a complete clown! Then Duggee smiles, and he's over it now. He knows he's wrecked and there is nothing he can do about it. We return with Delta Chicken marching near her nest as the two chicks watch on. Then the kids yell that they found her "egg" right after the narrator tells Delta Chicken that the kids will find it. Delta Chicken is shocked as it has eyes instead of eye brows seeing this giant lavander colored egg with feet. The kids are gleefully liking this, being more clueless than Pedro Fucking Pony here. I admit, this was funny. It makes that stupid chase worth it now. The narrator says it all as Duggee is shocked at this, and this is enough for Delta Chicken to shut down this bullshit nonsense. For once I wanted her to accept this like a stupid idiot, and now she becomes smart. Damn you, Delta Chicken! You are such a...chicken. Duggee and the kids gets this martial-arts zoom in of shock and appalled. They cannot believe that Delta Chicken went into business for herself here! By the way, Egg #2 says "Crikey!" a lot. Betty wonders whose egg it is and the yellow/blue bird finally walks in with Egg #1 and that is that. The eggs finally fully hatch and hug their correct moms. Awww, my heart melted and the Squirrels did the same as well. Chick #1 and chick #2 join chick #3 in cheeping during the split screen spot as the narrator says it all. Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge. The kids cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicle. It's time for the kids to get their hug, which is the DUGEEE HUG~! Duggee hug. Then the parents hug the kids in unison after the kids show off their badges. The kids leave with their parents in their vehicles. The narrator asks if this was fun as the bird kids bounce in front of the narrator and Duggee, as they laugh to end the episode at 6:45. That female bird's name was Emu, by the way. What a whiplash episode this was?! The chase sequence was totally generic and wasted my time for the most part, but everything else was either hilarious or awesome! This was one of the shortest rants I have done with this show. Call it *** 3/4 (75%).

Opening Moment #4: This opening features Happy in the bathtub as per a previous episode. The title card features a circular badge containing a puppy against a pink background with yellow/cyan blue trim.

The Puppy Badge: Short opens in the clubhouse with the kids building the most unstable tower they could build with building blocks. Oh wait, they were building the "best spaceship" ever, according to Tag. Oh, TAG~! The narrator loves the building by Happy as Happy is giddy about this. Then the narrator asks what Duggee has planned for them today and the kids bail stage left, making sure Happy's new model isn't touched on the way out. Jump cut to Duggee at the counter bringing out what appears to be baby supplies as the kids run in asking Duggee what he is doing. Duggee turns around and is taking care of a baby bear in diapers. I think it's a bear, but the kids say it's a puppy as their hearts have melted. Duggee sets the puppy on it's ass as the narrator proclaims that this is Duggee's nephew, Duggley. A play on the word, Dudley. Because everyone related on this show has to be named similar to Duggee. Duggley is acting like the cute puppy toddler that it is, and it's walk is comedy diamond. Look at it's walk cycle when it tries to go over to the toy construction site, it's glorious! Tag points out to Roly that Duggley wants to play with the white truck and Duggley bashes it like Roly often does. HAHA! Roly and Duggley are soulmates now. Roly's merely surprised as Duggley notices Happy's new spaceship model. Uh-oh! This is trouble. It's one thing for Duggley to whack the truck since Roly whacks stuff in his own right, thus Roly's reaction is subdued. This is Happy's creation and Happy is about to become sad and maybe pissed off if they don't play keep away on Duggley. Then it gets funny: Roly points out the obvious to Happy and Happy doesn't get it. Duggley and it's hilarious walk cycle, runs in and destroys the spaceship. Now Happy gets it. HAHA! This must be payback for the last two episodes that made me lose my shit over. Duggley throws the yellow sphere away as he notices Enid sleeping. Okay, this has been hilarious; but Enid is not going to play along with this and Duggley is going to get seriously hurt, physically and mentally. Duggley waddles in, sits down, grabs Enid's tail, Enid wakes up, Enid screams and Enid runs away stage right. Once again, the kids don't get it until after Enid runs away. Lack of reading room is a problem with these Squirrels. The narrator finally decides it's time to find Duggley something else to do that doesn't involve hurting real animals. Unintentionally, of course. Norrie and the kids ponder over stuff that Duggely could do and the kids cannot come up with anything that Duggley could do. Apparently, puzzles are normal in this world, but are literally two pieces in Peppa Pig's world. Sad Caterpillar In The Box~!

Betty suggest a rattle, which Roly had been using for his amusement out of nowhere. Norrie steals the rattle, much to Roly's chargin. Norrie runs in with the rattle with a big smile on her face to give it to Duggley as I betcha Duggley hits her with it. I check the video...Nope, Duggley is happy as he shakes the rattle. BS&P RULEZ~! Understandable though, because they find a way to make sure Duggely assaults someone, via their smell senses. Because you see, you hear a whistling sound, Duggley is blushing because he has soiled himself. Roly and Happy smell the air and it is foul, and they scream for Duggee to make it stop. Sadly, despite being a magical world; this is far more subdued than when Peppa Pig does this spot. Duggee is smiling because he knows he got the kids back for their own trolling in his own way. Duggee tells them not to worry as he points to his chest to reveal the Puppy Badge. Not the Baby Badge as you would expect. However, it makes sense in storyline since Duggee is a legit dog who dressed up like an anthro. The kids breath a sigh of relief and it sounds like poo. Badge scene change ensues to reveal Duggee with a siren hat. Duggee handles Duggley and he's now regretting it. HAHA! There is a changing table behind Duggee as the kids are repulsed by this. Hey, there are worse things to be disgusted off than this. Even Duggely is shocked by this moment as Norrie wishes Duggee good luck. Duggee turns around so his back is to the hard camera. I don't know why they bother since Betty is mostly naked anyway. BS&P doesn't know what they are doing as Duggee is changing Duggley for a long ass whomping time. They did show a Brady Bunch-equse sequence of Duggee disposing Duggley's diaper into the trash bin. The result is Duggley is all clean and that is that. The narrator suggests that everyone go outside for fresh air and Duggee woofs in agreement. Another badge scene changer as it's the same time as The Sleeping Badge later on. They head outside as Duggley is well behaved and sitting down as the kids introduce Duggley to their world. Showing off the sky and the trees. Enid is sleeping outside, the Delta Chickens are pecking and the birds are hiding from Roly. That last one might be possible, but not officially confirmed. Roly points out Enid sleeping near flowers and Duggley sees this as it's chance to do his funny waddle and tug on Enid's tail...AGAIN! I check the video...Norrie gets it before and blows off Roly for his words. Not quite, but Enid smartens up to it, wakes up and runs away stage left as Duggley faceplants on cue.

Norrie runs in all concerned for Duggley's well being as Duggley sits up, waits for his cue and bawls his eyes out. That screech makes me happy about George when he bawled his eyes out. It was so amusing. Here, it's awful. The other kids are not happy about this as Norrie tries to cheer Duggley up with a raspberry. Duggley teases and then bawls his eyes out some more. Roly tries some mouth spots, but no dice. Happy just repeat Norrie's raspbery with nose squish, no dice either. Betty tries to blow bubbles, no go. Tag dresses up like a fitness instructor and does jumping stars. OH TAG~! That doesn't work either. Closeup shot of Duggley's mouth as it sounds like the creators are literally using a stock sound of a baby cry, which is really stupid when George actually uses voice talents to create a unique sound, even if it sounds cartoony. Then we HIT THE MONTAGE~! Basically, everyone is doing something. The funniest one is Delta Chicken reading POK! in her nest while tending to an egg. Delta Chicken does not give a damn about this crying. Deranged Weasel gets involved, Naughty Monkey feels Duggley's pain, Hedgely is on roller skates, the sockpuppet show returns, and nothing works. There were like 28 cameos and I'm not going through them. Except, Delta Frog ribbits and Duggley stops crying. I was hoping it would end with Enid returning and meowing and that stops the crying. Delta Frog and Duggley shoot the breeze in a toddler's way as the kids are loving life. Then the Rock A Bye Baby music plays in the background, and this is enough to make Duggley nod off into the sunset. The kids rock on their knees while this is going on as Delta Frog looks at the hard camera and smiles. The narrator whisper yells during all this as Duggee presents the kids with the badge. Yes, Delta Frog joins Naughty Monkey as the only two animals whom have earned a badge on this show officially. The kids whisper cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicles without honking their horns this time. That was funny. The quietiest DUGGEE HUG~ ever! Duggee hug. The kids bail quietly as they present the badges to their parents. The quietiest stereo hugs ever as they leave with the kids in their vehicles. The narrator asks if this was fun and Duggley cries back, just to make the narrator look awful. HAHA! This ends the episode at 6:45. Duggley is sleeping while Delta Frog ribbits and guards the puppy on the end credits. This was a fun episode with a silly climax. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #5: This opening features Betty writing something on a chalkboard as per a previous episode. The title card is a hexagon badge on an angle with a cardboard box against a yellow background with royal purple/white trim.

The Cardboard Box Badge: Short opens with the kids in the clubhouse playing with building blocks as the narrator asks what Duggee has planned for them to...Oh wait, the doorbell rang and the kids gasp in response. The kids speak in unison and then run stage left smiling, giggling and knocking over blocks in that order. Duggee opens the door revealing a cardboard box. Up pops Eugene The Post Chipmunk, and calls Duggee, Duggley. Okay, that was funny since Duggee's nephew is Duggley. The kids correct him of course, making Eugene look like a moron. Eugene calls him Buggee and gives Duggee the parcel anyway. It must be awful since they don't bother to do the paw signature spot since Eugene leaves before he can bury himself and the writers anymore. The door is closed as Duggee opens up the package and it has a lot more packing peanuts than the actual package, which is a box of high quality envelopes. Not as funny as a lightbulb nor a stamp though. The kids don't care because they love the cardboard box more than the actual item. HAHA! The kids are replaying that Spongebob Squarepants episode and Nickeledeon's lawyers on the seventh floor are ready to shut this one down. Or not. The kids want to know what Duggee does with them and Duggee doesn't throw them away, actually. He stores them in his massive cardboard box shed as he shows off the double red wooden doors. The kids are in awe as Betty claims that Duggee loves boxes. Duggee then points to his chest to reveal the Cardboard Box Badge. Betty wonders what Duggee does with the boxes and we get a blueprint sequence of Duggee showing off ways to use them. Nope, I'm not doing the 1004 holds joke here. Duggee is the height of three cardboard boxes and is 307.15PX by FSL01.A. Don't ask, I'm just reading the blueprints. Why need the 23 degree angle is a bigger mystery to me in this sequence. Roly cuts this off because he made a car out of it and it's already printed in colored chalk. HAHA! I don't know when Nintendo started development on Nintendo Labo, so this might be just a coincedence; but this episode would have at least encouraged them to see this project through. The narrator says it all, and the other kids cheer. Badge scene changer ensues featuring King Tiger and Duggee's head in a rubix cube spot.

We return as we HIT THE MONTAGE~ with the kids making stuff from cardboard boxes. Happy makes an ocean boat, Tag makes a tunnel, Betty makes a window, Norrie mades a door, and Roly made some steps after pondering about what to make. HAHA! They are making a giant fortress out of cardboard boxes, I should note. They do a mini version of Hollywood Squares with Roly and Norrie. The fortress blocks out the sun as they yell for Duggee as we jump cut to Duggee watering the flowers. The kids are informing Duggee that they have made something. Yup, they made a giant cardboard castle that looks like it is from the remakes of Super Mario Bros.; complete with flagpole on top. Two Delta Chickens are pecking the ground and do not care, unlike Duggee who is in awe. This logically leads to the kids dressing up as knights of the Duggee realm, complete with long horn fanfare. Sir Happy is the best name for a knight of the round table; I will not be denied of this opinion! Sir Norrie - the daring, not so much. Sir Betty - the terrifying. Look, Betty makes the funniest face possible, narrator. I cannot take anything you say seriously. That promo sucked! Sir Tag - the tough. Riiigggghhhhttttt. Sir Roly is - the square. HAHA! At least I can take his gimmick seriously since he is literally a cardboard box with arms and legs and eyes. And an upside down paintbrush on his noggin. The flag is of course a coat of arms featuring two squirrels with an acorn because the troop is The Squirrels, you see. Happy's shield contains a rubber duckie, which is funnier than the usual Christan Cross on it. The kids think they have won and head to the castle. However, someone has raised the Swiss Cheese flag. Uh-oh! You don't think that those Naughty Mice are back to wreck havoc again?! Outside of Hedgely, the Naughty Mice are the only real heels on the show. Naughty Monkey is a naughty babyface prankster, King Tiger is a benevolent king at worst, and that's it. Johnny and his cheese knights pop up as it is the Naughty Knight Mice, who are not nice. Johnny claims that this is their castle, a perfect heel move. This is the second time the Naughty Mice have been involved in a castle themed episode. Happy and the kids blow this off as the narrator thinks this is a misunderstanding. Yeah, I'll bet! Okay, so they exchange hostile promos for a while as the argument is reduced to: Give us back the castle! Naughty Mice: No! Betty is the worst hostage negoitator ever, I should note. It was built by the kids, so the Gruffi pose is justified.

However, the heels don't care because they are naughty heels, so Betty is hosed. Betty doing a Gruffi pose after that funny face earlier and she expects ME THE VIEWER to take it seriously! Not happening, Betty; not happening. The naughty mice surprisely no sell this deal from Betty. Norrie ponders this over and asks what these mice like and Happy responds "cheese". Norrie has an idea as Duggee arrives with lots of boxes. Yes, there are stacks of them! Why not just build another castle and then you can feud with the naughty mice over property lines like they do in Neighbour Wars. Norrie wants a bucket of yellow paint and Duggee has that. The kids cheer and how could the mice not hear this?! Because the mice have to lose the castle, silly since the kids must earn the badge despite already doing more than enough to earn it. Anyhow, cut back to Johnny and the naughty mice knights shooting the breeze in a G-rated way. Apparently, they are bullying Enid...AGAIN! Then they notice a giant wedge of Swiss Cheese wheeled in outside the castle. Yes folks, this is Trojan Horse Cheese, when progress become the enemy of the decent. I'd say "good"; but that is god with two "o's", so I won't. The mice fall for it as they lift the gate and wheel the cheese inside. The mice try to eat the cheese and I hope they get lead poisonning from the paint. They hate the taste of it because it tastes literally like cardboard. Remember that next time when someone compares food with cardboard. They are likely lying about it. Yup, the Squirrels pop up from the Trojan Cheese of Progress~! The mice are screwed, and they bounce off stage left and that was that. The cheese flag is replaced with the Squirrel's flag as the kids are happy and so is Duggee. The narrator asks if the kids have done well today as Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge. The kids all cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicles. DUGGEE HUG~! Duggee hug. The kids bail stage left giggling to present the badges to their parents. The parents hug the kids and leave with them in their vehicles. Sadly, they didn't leave wearing their knight stuff on because Roly The Square was hilarious on his own during this sequence overall. The narrator asks if this was fun and Duggee drives Roly's car box away stage left as we finally get an episode where the narrator is asking Duggee to stop. HAHA! That ends the episode at 6:45. Another fun episode with one of the few good guys VS bad guys dualism fights that was funny. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #6: This opening features Roly blowing bubbles as per a previous episode. The title card is Tag's caterpillar against a white background with green trim on the circular badge.

The Caterpillar Badge: Short opens outside the barn as Duggee in his farming gear is watering veggies and fruits hanging on the vine so to speak. Blue bird is watching on a wheelbarrow containing a watermelon and a pot of sunflowers. The narrator is impressed by this moment somehow. The kids are shown near some tomato plants as they claimed they helped as they are watering their own plants, which haven't progressed much lately it seems. Happy waters plants because he's happy to water them since he is happy about water, as per his gimmick. They are planting pumpkin seeds as Norrie has shown with the seed packet as Roly is loud as usual. Tag is picking up spinach leaves and Tag asks if he can eat them. The narrator is like "yes, as long as you wash them first." Tag is so happy, he runs stage left, trips over a rock and faceplants down right in front of a caterpillar. I would laugh at this stupidity, but I have already seen the First Aid Badge, so this humor has not aged as well as it should. The leave dropes on cue with whistling sound effects and Tag is okay because he is happy to see a caterpillar. A rainbow caterpillar to boot! This could be interesting. The caterpillar sucks up the spinach leaf like a suction, loves it and Tag doesn't care. Tag is actually amused by this and makes small talk with the caterpillar in a very friendly way, probably causing Grandpa Pig a heart attack somewhere in Peppatown. Tag then bails to Duggee and asks for some lettuce. Duggee is surprised and gives him a large set of leaves and flowers, which is clearly not lettuce! What happened there?! Tag returns with the giant flower/leaves combination and sets it down in front of the caterpillar. The caterpillar shreds it with ease and then burps and blushes. Tag excuses it for caterpillar. Then the caterpillar's tummy has water and rumbles, indicating that it's still hungry. Tag bails once again and this time he asks for some pok choi (which is Chinese cabbage known as Bok Choy), and Duggee gives him three leaves...Tag realizes that this isn't enough and asks for some basil. Tag returns and feeds caterpillar who eats this with ease. The caterpillar is acting like a dog (oh, the irony?!) as Tag calls on the other kids for help. Betty provides cabbage leaves, beet root leaves from Norrie, spinach leaves from Happy, and one carrot top from Roly eating a carrot which annoys Tag for some reason. I don't think the caterpillar cares where it comes from as everything is in this basket. Tag returns to the caterpillar as there is a yellow straw in the basket. The caterpillar sucks up the meal through the straw and then runs around chasing it's tail. This caterpillar is growing up faster than a dog, how amazing.

Tag decides to play with Caterpillar for a long ass whomping time as we hit the montage complete with flowery border as Tag is playing with caterpillar like it's a pet and handling caterpillar really well. I thought this was going to segueway into Duggee seeing food missing, but this is much better in the long run. Good writing decision there, team! They play fetch, they run and hide in tall stuff for a while. We get our first tickling spot of the show with Tag tickling the caterpillar, that was funny. The music timing in this scene made this even better I should note. By the way, Tag puts an end to the "Peppa Pig would have four eyes if it was 3D" stupidity by twirling around in a circle as there are no eyes in the back of the head. Keep in mind that this is exactly what would happen if Peppa Pig did this spot, since the art styles are similar and the eyes to the hard camera are almost identical. Just say you hate Nickeledeon because they are run by the hyper rich doods you hate and get it over with. This stupidity doesn't make you better, it makes you look like a petty whiner. Tag rides caterpillar like a horse, probably as bareback as you are going to get on this show. They should have done this until the five minute mark and do a finish from there because this sequence is great. Having the birds in the trees hum in line with the tune made this even better. They end it on a hill with a sun that looks like the Japanese Imperial Flag. Please do not do that spot ever again! Even if it's different colors, the shapes will not fool the ones who see it as a oppression symbol. Thankfully, it only lasts three seconds. Tag hugs the caterpillar and loves it and really, after that display, how could Tag not?! This leads to the badge scene changer of Duggee faced hearts popping up. By the way, when we return, Duggee and the kids were watching the entire thing and they liked it. That was funny. There is a giant green button with a minus sign on the front of his overalls. If you cannot guess where the badge is, you have no business reading this rant. Then they turn around and there is Tag on caterpillar and Duggee and the kids are shocked by this. HAHA! What were they looking at from the east?! This is the most silliest misdirection play on this show since Happy asking Duggee if he laid an egg on "The Egg Badge". The kids gasp, and then they run in smiling and giggling. That was funny. The kid pet the caterpillar and want to play with it. Tag agrees, but caterpillar is yawning and is tired. The caterpillar somehow has blown itself up. Oh, TAG~! The kids then bail and return with pillows and bed cushion to allow the caterpillar to be cozy. The caterpillar is tired, but happy. As happy as Happy's emoji style nose.

Caterpillar falls asleep and this causes the kids except Tag to fall asleep in a pile. HAHA! Tag then faceplants himself gently to sleep, which is even funnier. The best part of all this is: We pan over and Duggee is reading the newspaper with glasses on on a beach chair. Duggee does not give a fuck! I cried with laughter! The narrator proclaims that it's nap time as Duggee agrees. This is the best and sadly, it must go downhill from there. Remember what I said about extending the Tag/Cater segment to the five minute mark?! Well, we jump cut to Delta Chickens peaking the ground. Jump cut to Duggee snoring. Jump cut to the kids and Caterpillar in a rainbow shell. Okay, now the real fun begins. Tag wakes up and notices Cate is not right in his own mind. Tag asks what is that as the kids and Duggee wake up on cue and Duggee finally points to his chest to reveal the Caterpillar Badge with one minute to go before presenting the badge officially. Oh, and the caterpillar is completely green despite being rainbow colors in the episode card. Ooops! That's one logic break that I cannot accept. Duggee explains via the narrator's translations that this is a cacoon and the narrator tries to explain that caterpillar changes into a butterfly in roundabout terms because it's better to see than say, you see. The cacoon hatches in dramatic fashion and it turns into a giant rainbow butterfly with rainbow sprinkle wings. Tag wonders where caterpillar went after the kids are in awe and the narrator not only explains that caterpillar and butterfly are one in the same, the narrator even says "Oh, TAG~!" I was the happiest ranter on this show up to this point. Tag is still confused and Caterpillar flies down, turns into a flying dog like creature and licks Tag in the face to signal that it still sees Tag, and Tag is happier than I am. This episode is AWESOME~! I love this! There's the next full monty episode right there. The narrator asks if the kids did well today, as Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge as Catepillar becomes the third animal to earn a badge. AWESOME! The kids all cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicles. Another DUGGEE HUG ensues, the kids are in happiness. Sadly, Caterpillar did not join in. That would have been money! The kids bail to present the badges to the parents, they hug the kids. The kids leave with the parents in their vehicles. The narrator asks if this was fun as Caterpillar is on top of the roof eating the roof of the barn. Duggee and the narrator are shocked and then they laugh to end the episode at 6:45. This is the best episode in Series One, and maybe the most heartwarming episode of the series thus far! You know what this episode is getting. ***** (100%).

Opening Moment #7: This opening features Tag playing with his toy train as per a previous episode. The title card features a rectangle badge with a sandcastle against a sky blue background with sand like trim.

The Sandcastle Badge: Short opens outside with Duggee and the kids in their swimming gear as Duggee is the dog who carries the kids. Duggee is the horse to the cart of stuff, and Enid as the kids say that they are going to the beach today. Enid looks into the hard camera smiling as the next cart features the Delta Chickens and Delta Frog. Of course! Got to get their contracted appearances in somehow. We make it to the beach as a red ship is sailing in the background, this causes the kids to cheer. The narrator says it all as we jump cut to the sun in the sky. Jump cut to Duggee in his striped blue trunks sitting down applying sun cream to his belly. Jump cut to the Delta Chickens relaxing and shooting the breeze in a G-rated way. Jump cut to Delta Frog enjoying a glass of water with a straw on a beach chair. Jump cut to Enid looking nervous while playing with water. He touches the water and then flees stage left. That sea is cold today, I see. Jump cut to Duggee lying down on a towel showing off his chest hairs. Yes, he has an upside down triangle pattern of chest hairs! Then the music stops instantly because we jump cut to Roly digging while yelling "dig" over and over again. Roly is burying himself slowly as he declares his pile of sand, a sandcastle. The kids aren't buying what Roly is selling this time. HAHA! Betty pretty much kills the facade seconds later, as we discover that it's actually a sand tomb because Roly literally buried Duggee deep within the sand. That was funny! Duggee pops out of the sand carnage spitting sands like Happy spitting beats, except Happy's beats are actually more entertaining. Norrie asks Duggee for help on creating a sandcastle, and Duggee agrees to it. After all, he points to his chest to reveal the Sandcastle Badge. All the kids except Roly cheer, Roly just smiles as we jump cut to the Delta Chickens surfing on a wave with a surfboard. They did not wipe out and it was a scene changer to the beach with Duggee and the kids listening to the narrator cut a promo.

Duggee shows off a bucket and a shovel. Then we get a Brady-Brunch-equse sequence of How It's Made with the kids doing the deed according to the narrator in sequence. It is what it is as the sandcastle is shown. I'm certain that real buckets, even plastic ones are not shaped like sandcastle moulds. Next up, the kids decide to make a bigger sandcastle, because we have to kill time in a nearly seven minute episode somehow. Duggee watches on beaming to the hard camera as we jump cut to the Delta Chickens doing barefoot skiing with a motorboat on the water. Next up, a pelican with a captains hat and glasses swoops down towards two rocks, one orange and one pink. The white bird pecks on one of them and we discover that the orange rock is none other than Mr. Crabs protesting this outrage. Mr. Crabs is pissed off at Nigel as the bird flies away, so I guess this is where Roly got his bloodlust from. Nigel is the pink crab with blue-rimmed glasses on and he wants out of this beach because the birds are peaking on him for no good reason whatsoever. Then Mr. Crabs whines about the kids making noise, but then sees what they are doing and gets inspired. He and Nigel have a plan. Stay tuned. The crabs do their crab walk twinkletoes style as Roly is patting down on the bigger sandcastle. In comes Nigel and Mr. Crabs loving their work, as I suspect there is some evil intentions on those crabs. At least Mr. Krabs' motive is money, what is this Mr. Crabs' excuse?! Mr. Crabs has a proposition for them: They are looking for a new home, and would like the kids to built them a sandhouse. Not a sand castle, because maison is french for house by the way. Everyone agrees to the terms, the kids cheer and then Mr. Crabs cheers like a geek. Nigel does nothing as usual. Jump cut to the Delta Chickens riding a colorful wave for fun and I don't care. Oh wait, they are doing the funnel ride with a whale. Okay, that was amusing. Jump cut back to Nigel and Mr. Crab as Norrie demonstrates the vision of the crabs' new home. If he thinks sandcastle will protect him against that bird, he's hosed. I'm just saying, Nigel. Basically, Tag is making a sandcastle wall, which I'm sure gives MAGA a boner and a half. It's basically Norrie showing off the sandprints on the sand to the crabs while the other kids build the sand house with property gardens.

The water features Delta Frog rising from the pool of water made by Happy, which is clearly implied that Delta Frog was in the bucket and it's a SUZY SHEEP~ moment. The final result looks like a sand version of a rich dood's apartment complex, complete with seahorse statues, a ship wheel window and a lot of plants on the ceiling. Betty explains it all as Mr. Crabs asks what the theme of this house is and Norrie has zero clue what he is talking about. Norrie improvises by calling it sand, and the crabs don't care, Mr. Crabs loves it anyway. Just made a complete geek out of Norrie! The crabs open the door and waddle inside as we hit the montage on the kids showing off the inside of the house. I got to admit, the kids doing an open house from a sandcastle is really great. They used live clams for this I should note and yes, a dolphin does the swear sound during the window dressing spot. Yes, Betty made a piano out of sand. Take that, Nintendo! Yes, a working sand piano as Mr. Crabs demonstrates. Nigel doesn't seem amused as we head to the roof for some good old fashion lookoffing. Nigel likes it, but seems distracted as Mr. Crabs blows him off for that. The kids cheer with their arms in the air, and guess what, I do not care. The kids giggle as the narrator asks if the kids have done well today. Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge as the kids all cheer. Here come the parents in their swim gear in their vehicles. It's time for the DUGGEE HUG~! Duggee hug. They have exited the home by the way. The kids bail to present the badges to the parent and get their second hug. Then the kids leave with their parents in their vehicles. Only this time, Mr. Crabs gets to say goodbye over the narrator this time. Jump cut to Crab and Nigel exchanging notes on the moment and then the tides come in and start to slowly destroy the castle. Nigel and Crab hold hands and do not care to end the episode at 6:45. Nigel is a male crab I should note. Yes, they actually introduced a same sex couple BEFORE Peppa Pig did and no one noticed. The end credits feature Duggee relaxing as he did earlier in the episode. This was a fun episode and literally not much else. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #8: This opening features Norrie playing hopstoch as per a previous episode. The title card features a soccer ball against a green background with cheese orange trim on the circular badge.

The Football (Soccer) Badge: Short opens in the clubhouse with the kids doing the usual. Norrie is having a tea party with the white bear plushie as the narrator wonders what Duggee has planned for them today. The kids put everything down and bail stage left giggling as we jump cut to Duggee checking out his sport closet, and somehow Delta Frog is in there for no reason. The kids run in asking Duggee what he is doing. Duggee turns around and shows us the infamous spotty ball from Peppa Pig. Uh-oh! Don't tell me Peppa have been abusing this object like she does Teddy all the time?! Roly is easily amused as Duggee twirls the ball on his finger, like a basketball. Even Tag is thinking along the same lines as I am, but Duggee woofs that they are not playing basketball, despite not getting a badge for that sport. Duggee then drops the ball and steps on it gently with his foot, giving away that it's football. Even more obvious when he points to his chest to reveal his Football Badge. Yes, I have to remind people in North America, that this is soccer and not American Rules Football. Considering how magical Duggee's world is, I wouldn't put it past them to do tackle football and get away with it. Norrie asks if they are playing soccer and Duggee woofs yes as he plays some kicks for a while, after the kids cheer of course. The kids are in awe as Duggee unintentionally kicks it away stage right. I don't know why he's shocked, his form is otherwise fine. Oh wait, the ball somehow crashed into stuff and bumped into Enid. I know this because Enid meowed off-screen. At least this makes sense, unlike the other times it's used for random humor in certain kids shows. The narrator tells them to do this outside and then we see a bunch of blocks next to a stool (NOT THAT ONE~!) with Enid on it, where there are no way Enid was harmed. Enid was playing us, dood! Badge scene changer ensues with Duggee being a referee and blowing the whistle. We return as Duggee is in his soccer uniform and shoes for no reason whatsoever, in front of a small net with the ball, and with the kids looking at him. Duggee is playing goaltender as the kids get to kick the ball past Duggee as per DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!). I have been waiting to get that cheap shot in for a long ass whomping time. Betty is confused and she is now channeling George and the rain hat. Oh, you geek! The narrator is stuttering and stambling because Betty has completely confused everyone, especially me. The narrator then says, because it's fun and the kids all jump and cheer. I howled with laughter. The narrator is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~! Now, they change it to Duggee kicking the ball to them, and then the kids kick it back to him. Okay, that is less painful, I think.

Duggee kicks the ball to Roly with perfect form, and nice extention on the legs. Roly points and laughs at the ball, for no reason and the kids giggle in response. Duggee shows off his kicking form as that leg is like a 90 degree angle. There's no way a real life kicker kicks at that angle. It's not possible. The kids are pondering this over as Norrie I think gets it and runs in. The kids are chanting for her to kick the ball. Norrie then turns around and kicks the ball in the opposite direction and this was a good kick as well. It's just that she forgot -- or she's trolling on Duggee -- that she was supposed to kick to towards Duggee, not away from Duggee! These Squirrels are in full "The Drawing Badge" troll energy now. Norrie is so proud of herself and even the narrator is impressed, just to make Duggee look like a geek, and the narrator into a bigger geek! Thankfully, the narrator points it out, Duggee points it out as well. Norrie is like "whatever" and the kids run stage left smiling and giggling. That was funny. The narrator then asks Duggee if he is ready and Duggee woofs and gets into soccer goaltender position. I betcha that either, the ball is kicked so hard that it hits his belly and he and the soccer ball go into the net. Or. multiple soccer balls are kicked and the same thing happens. This is just daring Duggee to look like a complete fool. But, first, the kids are chasing the ball stage left. The purpose is to get the contracted appearances of the Delta Chickens. The ball lands in a hole like a golf ball, except the ball is bigger than DA...HOLE! SLURP~, so they can clearly kick it out with ease. The kids run in as Worm pops up, looking like a cartoon bump on the head, except it's really a worm and not some assclown trying to draw a penis. They still greet Worm as the ball falls off Worm's head and Worm is confused. I am too, that is a SUZY SHEEP~ moment if I ever saw one. Speaking of SUZY SHEEP~ moments: Worm is happy and goes underground. The kids bail stage left and the hole Worm was in is teleported out. SUZY SHEEP~ is laughing her ass off seeing this logic break. I am too, it is so obvious! It's the Kit Cloudkicker Hat Slam from Plunder and Lightning Part 3 all over again! Except, I can believe that Kit could disappear a hat with his power. The kids didn't do anything, the hole just disappeared for no reason. The ball continues down the hill, the kids follow it as the ball stops in front of Hennie somewhere outside the mountains. Hennie and kids make some small talk for a while and Hennie kicks the ball. I'm mocking this because her leg spins almost 360 degrees in order to kick the ball westward. This was so stupid, but I laughed my ass off because it was worth it. That was one impossible golf shot there by Hennie.

The kids giggle as the narrator reminds Hennie to kick it in the opposite direction, which is not as cool as doing it the other way. Making the narrator look like a bigger geek. Maybe time for the narrator to shut up here, he is getting more wrecked than Duggee here. Hennie still sells it like a mistake as the kids chase after the ball westward as it grazes a bush with a butterfly on it. Happy stays to check on the butterfly while the rest chase after it. The butterfly is fine as it flies away, Happy is happy and runs in the opposite direction. Okay, then. The kids notice the ball has bounced onto a grey elephant's trunk, whom is not Ethel. Roly screams "ball", the elephant awakes and slaps the ball westward again. Why is Ethel not doing this spot?! It's not like the two have different voices anyway. Somehow, the soccer ball is stuck in the blowhole of a whale in the sea. Yes, the kids row a boat towards the whale. This is exactly what I want from Hey Duggee: Just do a spotfest to make the kids earn the badge. They stop at the whale. Here is the finish: Roly yells "ball". Whale does the water spout spot that causes the ball to shoot eastward, so whale is the only one who got the direction right. They do a WWE long awkward pause and then row eastward. Duggee is still waiting for the ball, and then a buttefly shows up. Duggee gets distracted like a total fool, and lets the ball go into the net. Okay, this was better than my idea for the finish and it was safer. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! They even have the kids scream goal with ball and explosion stars of doom. Duggee is looking at the hard camera confused as I am laughing. The kids all run in happy and laughing despite the fact that none of them kicked the ball into the net. Betty points out that they scored the goal and the narrator agrees with them. Normally, I should bury this; but Duggee was the one who was supposed to defend the goal and he managed to out Pedro, Pedro Fucking Pony! So, screw the critics and screw Duggee; they have earned the badge as far as I'm concerned. Duggee finally agrees and the kids all cheer. The narrator asks if the kids did well today as Duggee bails on all fours and returns with the badge. Which Whale should have gotten as well, but screw that Whale! The kids all cheer as the parents arrive in their vehicles. Now it's time for the DUGGEE HUG~! Duggee hug. The kids bail to present the unearned badges to their parents. The kids all hug the parents and then leave in their vehicles. The narrator asks if this was fun and Worm's hole reappears as Worm bounces the ball on his head and even Duggee and the narrator must laugh to end the episode at 6:45. That finish is so dumb, but it makes them not earn the badge seem great since the episode was really hilarious otherwise. **** (80%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, another eight episodes down and two of them were great! The Catepillar Badge started off dangerously close to me burying them for doing the animal pet angle and having Catepillar being a vampire food eater, but once they focused all of it on Tag and his relationship with Catepillar, it was probably the most heartwarming episode of the series bar none! I love it and while the finish and ending were rushed, the most important aspect of the episode was done perfectly. Sure, there were a few coloring errors, but I didn't care. It was one of the best episodes of Series One to date! The Football Badge might be the first badge the kids didn't actually learn in the series, but it made up for it by being a hilariously logic breaking spotfest, which is this show strong point, I should note. From Hennie's kick, to Duggee's form, to that Whale finish; it was funny from start to finish. The Egg Badge and The Circus Badge were fun, but they almost made me lose it with Happy's interactions with Duggee. The "did you lay an egg" promo just killed me right there. Every episode was fun at least and I enjoyed these set of shorts. Now, there is only 12 episodes left in Series One to do as my source is random once again. So...

Thumbs up for The Catepillar Badge and The Football Badge. Thumbs in the middle for the rest, and I'll see you all next time.

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