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Kim Possible: The Secret Files

Reviewed: 11/17/2012

Killer Robot Girls & DNAmy Kissing Up To Drakken?! GET ALL THIS NOW!!

Welcome to more of the Fall Assortment as now we are set for the main OAV's of Kim Possible on DVD. The OAV is The Secret Files which basically contain three episodes: episode 1-9, episode 1-5 and episode 2-44 in that order; according to the air date paper. Although to be fair; episode 2-44 was shown on this DVD before the episode actually aired on the Disney Channel. Weird. Anyhow; the first one explains itself in the title; the second one involves DNAmy and a ski trip; while the third one is DNAmy and Drakken stealing a komodo dragon for evil purposes. So how do these episodes do? Let's rant on shall we...?!

Now; an explanation on how we are going to do this rant: Since this was put together as an OAV and the episodes are not separated; I will rant on it as if it is a full OAV film which is 1 hour and 11 minutes long. This is also the plan for the Recess OAV as well as So The Drama (although that movie is considered a legit movie). The only difference is that I will mention which episode is in progress for each scene and also include the CGI spots with Naked Mole Rat. With that said; all credits will be combined as if they were an OAV. It just makes my life easier. So The Secret Files are written by Mark McCorkle, Robert Schooley, Gary Sperling (who wrote Partners), Madellaine Paxson (who wrote Attack Of The Killer Bebes) and Brian Swenlin (who wrote the Downhill episode). The story editing is done by Gary Sperling, Mark McCorkle, Robert Schooley and Madellaine Paxson. Madellaine Paxson started writing for Pepper Ann which is also her DTVA debut. Other DTVA credits besides Kim Possible are: Hercules: The Series, The Legend of Tarzan, Lilo & Stitch The Series and Filmore!. Her non Disney credits include: Maya & Miguel, Unfabulous, Making Fiends, Xiaolin Showdown , Mary-Kate & Ashley In Action, and Gagdet & The Gadgetintis. Power Rangers: RPM is her most recent credit. That's it. The animation is done by Starbrust Animation for the main episodes; while the CGI Naked Mole Rat segments are done by SD Entertainment with additional services from Wang Films and CGCG Inc.

Opening Moment #1: Yeah; we get a CGI sequence involving Tinker Bell and the Disney DVD logo. Nice; but man, Tinker Bell's selling out to corporate interests would become even more absurd later on when she was featured in OAV after OAV with the other pixies/wood sprites. Tagline: Pure Digital Magic. That's not what Disney Afternoon fanboys thought of Disney when they gave us the TaleSpin/Ducktales/Gummi Bears/Rescue Ranger DVD sets. And no one asked for Quack Pack guys. And WE HIT THE OPENING~! And it's slightly different as one shot was replaced with an Anbuis shooting yellow laser beams from his eyes. Now that is cool; and he's a professional wrestler too. Also includes Kim Possible punching a Purple Chin member of Drakken's goon squad on-screen; that was impressive. Oh wait; they are playing the song in full now; and adding additional footage. It's astounds me that this show (not to say that Disney shouldn't have done it.) got all of this anime like treatment and TaleSpin didn't back in 1990. It only serves as evidence to my theory that Eisner in 1990 felt that TaleSpin just didn't matter. Of course Eisner at this point was fending off critics of Disney from within his own company; which only serves as evidence that Eisner didn't give a damn. Clone Bonnies who dress up Kim Possible? A Scottish heel getting his ass kicked? Snowmobile explodes in midair while Kim flees with a snowboard? Can you blame anyone for claiming TaleSpin just got thrown in the trash bin after this? Can you blame anyone for Gargoyles getting the same treatment? Too bad Disney is such a demographics company that the whole future was RIGHT THERE; and then they pissed it all away. Basically; the anime opening which looked great as usual.

So we zoom out to a room which is CGI with Kim Possible's SMART PHONE OF DOOM (might as well go for the cheap shot will I'm nice and warm here) and it gets pushed away and it breaks off-screen as Rufus appears in CGI form. Actually; Naked Mole Rats are better in CGI than in the hand drawn animation style (I'm guessing Toon Boom; but that is an educated guess) and considering how awesome CGI is right now; I have since decided to back away from my NO CGI stance (I shouldn't have ever taken that stance knowing TaleSpin now) when it comes to a TaleSpin remake. Hell; even Toon Boom would be great if they can pull it off with the style of 1990 (And reading about Toon Boom; it's possible since it was around when Lion King 2: Simba's Pride first used it in 1998 I do believe. Then again; Wikipedia is dangerous.) . So Rufus gets a spotlight with purple spots and dances while grunting. I hope he does the Naked Mole Rat Rap at some point; or I'm going to be so disappointed. Sadly; this dancing is interrupted by the SMART PHONE OF DOOM as the red laser cuts a circular hole beneath Rufus' feet and Rufus gets WARNERED~! HAHA! We zoom into the screen and begin the first episode of the OAV; Attack of The Killer Bebes; episode nine in the first season. Only a minute if that.

Attack Of The Killer Bebes: We begin this one at Middleton School (Sadly; no sign of the day. Plus; no flag present except for the pole) as a bus pulls away from the school and the smoke from the tailpipe seems to blast into some of the walking students' faces which they completely no sell. Logic break #1 for the episode right off the bat. So we go into the hallway as Ron is walking out of a classroom begging as the door slams shut. Ron slumps down against a wall and proclaims that his life is over. Huh? So we go to a Mexican Restaurant as we begin one of the biggest angles in the series. This is Bueno Nacho; Ron's favorite stop for eats and treats; and it plays a major role in So The Drama later on. The design of the place is Mexican to the core (Mexican hat, tacos as a sign, jalapeno peppers for trim etc.) as we head inside as Kim blows off Ron's drama and Ron is not hungry. The only drama here is the music Kim. Rufus shows up and starts diving into Ron's bean burritos as Ron asks what can he do. We discover that Ron needs some extra curricular activities according to the guidance councilor (apparently; Open Office doesn't see the proper spelling of it which is supposed to have two L's. Unacceptable guys!) which sadly; only renders Ron to be weaker than he normally is. Kim suggests athletics and the debate team and Ron pounds his fist down and refuses to date the subject while Rufus stuffs his face. Kim shows her cheer leading outfit; and then Ron gets inspired as he wants to be part of the cheer leading squad and become a male cheerleader. As much as I want to see this; America is not enlightened enough to destroy the rigid gender roles that come with cheer leading. Yet. Ron takes the pom pom and cheer leads as he grabs his burrito and Rufus finally pops out and burps. So we head to Kim Possible's house BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (Sunset) as we are in the dining room as Kim as the Gruffi pose on because her life is over now. Yeah; it amazes me that Kim Possible is this gender role breaking female lead and yet when Ron is posed to break the rigid gender role of cheer leading; she starts acting like a reverse sexist. This would be so hypocritical; if false equivalence logical fallacies never existed in reality. Ann calls Ron's decision cute and seems to be more enlightened than Kim is. Kim blows it off because cheer leading is not cute like boy bands and brown backpacks. That's like grasping straws at this point Kim.

Ann brings out her cell phone as she thinks Ron will be in a different outfit; but Kim isn't so sure about that as we find Ann calling James at the rocket station control center as James wants toppings and unintentionally pushes the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and in the background a rocket launches into the air. I see James is channeling the cluelessness of Doctor Sarah Bellum from Darkwing Duck. James proclaims that he'll see her in thirty minutes or less and then turns around and notices the rocket is gone. HEE HEE! James pushes some buttons as the phone rings again and he answers it. We discover that a Japanese scientist with black hair and glasses is on the line from the observatory as he jokes about James launching a rocket. This is Professor Bob Chen and Professor Bob Chen is voiced Gedde Watanabe and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): He was in several dramatic productions in high school, both acting and singing. After graduation, Watanabe left Ogden for San Francisco, where he hoped to make his living as a street musician while honing his acting skills.[citation needed] He appeared on Broadway in 1976 in Pacific Overtures, originating the role of the Boy in a Tree, and has appeared in a number of films and television shows. Watanabe appeared on Sesame Street from 1988 to 1991 and had a recurring role on ER from 1998 to 2002. In 1998 he was the voice for Ling in the Disney film Mulan and reprised the role for the 2004 direct-to-video sequel, Mulan II. Watanabe's acting parts have been mostly caricatured East Asians with heavy accents (he does not speak Japanese).[1] Jason Buchanan wrote for Allmovie, "The character that Gedde Watanabe is most remembered for is Long Duk Dong, the clumsy foreign exchange student in Sixteen Candles.[2] Watanabe's role of Long Duk Dong was decried by Asian-American groups as "stereotypical, racist and part of a long history of Hollywood's offensive depictions of Asian men."[citation needed] "I was making people laugh. I didn't realize how it was going to affect people," Watanabe said in retrospect. "It took me a while to understand that. In fact, I was working at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and I was accosted a couple of times by a couple of women who were just really irate and angry. They asked, 'How could you do a role like that?' But it's funny, too, because at the same time I laugh at the character. It's an odd animal."[3]

He had a starring role in both the film and ABC-TV versions of Gung Ho. The television series was scheduled against the hit show Dallas and was quickly canceled. Watanabe has provided the voice for Japanese characters on TV's The Simpsons. From 1996 to 2003 he made occasional appearances as gay nurse Yosh Takata on the television drama ER. He appeared in the film That Thing You Do as a photographer working for studio boss Sol Siler. Watanabe co-starred as Kuni, a karate instructor, in the 1989 movie UHF starring "Weird Al" Yankovic. He played the abusive host of a TV game show called Wheel of Fish, a cross between Wheel of Fortune and Let's Make a Deal. Watanabe reprised this role on the Weird Al Show. He did soundtrack for Mulan 2 and was Sesame Street as Hiroshi. Kim Possible is his only DTVA appearance. Parental Guidance as Mr. Cheng is his most recent credit. He has 72 acting credits and four self credits to his resume. So they make small talk as the rocket was supposed to launch next week as they will be meeting at the class reunion. We see in the darkness; a pair of red eyes as Ben hangs up and turns around as we see shadows of girls with red eyes hissing and Ben's selling is not all that good. So we scene change to the dressing room as Bonnie and the girls get on Kim's case about Ron joining the cheer leading squad. Kim blows her off because she is as freaked out as Bonnie is; but DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) state that Ron cannot be denied into cheer leading. This is truly the most enlightened school ever; too bad most of the students are anything but. Bonnie calls Ron a loser and Kim blows him off because he's different. And here comes Ron wearing a purple jacket in the style of the cheer leading squad. At least Ron was smart enough to wear yellow pants; but the girls slam the door and barricade it as Ron flies into the pom poms with a wussy bump. It cannot be the fact that these girls are rotten reverse sexists; it has got to be the banana yellow pants Ron is wearing. I call it the Gedo Effect; which causes people like me to be repulsed when someone wears banana yellow in any context.

Ron ignores this anyway and gets up as Kim comes out and we get some stammering from Kim. I don't understand why people complain about Family Guy's stuttering because every cartoon does it anyway? There are many reasons to bash Family Guy; heck you can even make a case that the characters in Family Guy cannot sell the stuttering part properly, but to complain about stuttering per se is like bashing 95% of animation in general; including Japanese animation. Get over it guys. So Kim asks if he wants to be a cheer leader; Ron states that he is not. I CLUB BS&P! Kim takes this as a great sign; but we discover that Ron is going to dress up like the bulldog mascot since the school is called the Middleton Mad Dogs. Well; Ron as a rabid dog would be a sight to see; but come on guys! This is exactly why the 700 Club sucks and should be sent to the very hell they invented. I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader. Anyhow; Kim has the Gruffi pose on (probably to shame BS&P; but they are shameless; so it doesn't work) as Ron models the bulldog head which we discover is made by Ron with his conveniently placed out of nowhere movie making kit. And Rufus is modeling the Kim Possible head; if she was a zombie. Kim grabs the head (I should point out that I have stopped pointing out Kim's outfits and only will do it if it's one I haven't seen before) and calls it impressive. One is a lion's mask which she calls disturbing. That's not disturbing; Ron trying the head which has a blood pressure pump which spews foam from the bulldog's mouth. Now THAT is disturbing. As in SEMEN-T disturbing. Bonnie and Kim gets splooshed and Kim blows off Ron. We discover that the stuff is made of banana cream too. Bonnie blows off the entire thing as Ron will be laughed out of the building. Ummm; that's Ron's gimmick Bonnie; so being laughed at is standard fare. You just think Ron will outclass you; which is not hard at all. Ron blows her off proclaiming that she has lost the right to kiss Rufus who was hanging on Bonnie before getting flinged away by Bonnie. Kim goes over to Ron; and Ron thinks Kim will work with him on the act; but Kim stammers again and admits that she's taking Bonnie's side. Ron claims that he sees; gives Kim eye contact violence and then takes the movie making kit and walks out without further incident. Kim feels bad about this. Well; you should be feeling awful, Ron at least is a glutton for making an ass out of himself; because that is his GIMMICK!

So we head back to Kim's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we are in Kim's living room with Kim sitting down cross-legged reading a yellow book while James is reading the newspaper on the sofa again. It's The Examiner again as Kim finally breaks the ice and has a major problem. James thinks it's boy trouble and claims that Ann is a better expert than him. Kim proclaims that it's Ron trouble and James seems fine with it. See; Kim feels that she should have stuck up for Ron; but didn't. And she complains about Ron foaming at the mouth; which he didn't (the mascot head did) and claims that she's only human. Usually; this kind of behavior is the opposite of human; but what do I know? I'm just a fat, angry white guy. James then relates a story about his posse as we hit the flashback and see Chibi James Possible at the computer with Bob Chen and a black man with a Jamaican accent and a purple suit jacket. I believe that he's Professor Ramesh who is voiced by Brian George who I saw on Fish Hooks as Francis. By the way; this is not the last character Brian George does; and Ramesh appears in two other episodes; one of them on the Villain Files DVD later on. So the trio are complaining about Drew not getting dates for the Science Department Mixer and Bob calls it all folly. James was checking his watch as this era is still in the MS-DOS era; so it's 1980-ish. At least in this show; the 80's references are not hammered into the ground like in Family Guy. Then we see Drew who looks like the nerdy version of Doctor Drakken without the blue skin. UH OH! I think we all know where this is going as he presents their dates as we see three tank robots sparking and looking like stereotypical 1950 girls with blond hair. The trio is SHOCKED and APPALLED (in that order) as Drew offers to dance with one of the Bebes as he calls them. So the Bebe hugs Drew and they do the whirlwind spot and more crushing. HAHA! The trio laughs him off for that one and now Drew is PISSED. Drew blows them off because his genius will be reckoned with as he almost gives the middle finger here; so Bebe crush hugs him again as her neck pops the head out. So yes folks; James Possible is responsible for bringing Doctor Drakken to life as a monster blue faced heel.

So we return to reality (no, not really) as James admits that Drew dropped out and was never seen again. James admits that he couldn't forgive himself because they laughed for days at Drew's expense. James asks if Kim will reconsider and Kim ponders that for about three seconds and decides that the act is stupid. That's your opinion Kim; as we head to the hallway and Ron agrees with me on that one. So we have an argument as Kim invokes the "15,000 Frenchmen Cannot Be Wrong" logic fallacy; which Ron puts the Kim Possible mask on (out of nowhere I might add) and mocks Kim's gimmick with it. HAHA! Rufus does a raspberry after Ron takes off the mask and blows off Kim for not believing in her best friend. And then the FOUR BEEPS OF DOOM (yeah; I thought it was three; but listening to it again, it sounds like four) ensue as Wade informs us that Professor Ramesh called and Professor Bob is missing. Kim proclaims that she'll be there with the man of 1000 masks. And Ron is insulted because he is being compared to Mil Macaras (who was considered unprofessional by a number of workers in wrestling; implying that she called Ron a jackass) and he's flying solo as he throws the Kim Possible mask into Kim's face and storms out. Kim then admits that she really screwed up here. NO?! REALLY?! So we head to a shot of a hill with the observatory in the background AFTER HAPPY HOUR as we get an traffic reporter voice (Rob Paulsen) doing traffic reports and then we see Kim hopping out of a helicopter as a fat black man with a red cap, brown vest and blue shirt as we discover that the traffic reporter is known as Dallas. They cannot be two different guys here since Rob Paulsen does Dallas' voice here. Oh and Kim safely ended a police car chase as Kim calls that no big. I call that no believable. See; he was wanted for a brake light violation. Now that is just being petty. Dallas flies away while waving so long and we have Kim on the transmitter calling for Ron and Ron is now officially being a jackass as we see him climbing a hill on his blue bicycle acting like a dick. Kim calls him out on that and it's hard to argue when Ron is giggling like an evil dick and ignoring Kim afterwards.

So Kim blows him off for being a baby with a kaaaaaaaa...spit sound in response and then we hear an explosion; but do not see any flashes whatsoever. So seeing an explosion is now on the BS&P forbidden list? So we head inside as the place is ramsacked and we see three teenage female robots with blond hair; black skirts and black shirts with pink trim. So close; so close to not being stereotyped there. They stalk Ramesh as he backs away as we discover that they can talk as well; and have the exact same voice; robotic and somehow butch. Their eyes glow and they have come to kidnap Ramesh. Ramesh tries to run off; but is triangle in (boxed in only in a delta formation) as we discover that they are all called Bebes. That name sounds awfully familiar. Bebes is voiced by Kerri Kenney and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): During the early 1990s, Kenney-Silver joined with the sketch comedy group The State. The group was picked up for a self-titled sketch comedy show on MTV, The State, which lasted for three seasons between 1993 and 1995. After the show's completion, Kenney-Silver continued working with her fellow troupe members on other projects. In 1996, she co-wrote and starred in Viva Variety, a parody of variety shows that aired on Comedy Central for two seasons. In 2000, Kenney-Silver followed in her father's footsteps, voicing the character of "Gravitina" in the children's cartoon Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. She has since done a number of voices on the Nickelodeon series Invader Zim. Additionally, she was cast as a regular on The Ellen Show, which aired until 2001. She later found success with Reno 911!, a series on Comedy Central that parodied police reality shows like COPS, which also featured former members of the State, Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant, and Joe Lo Truglio. The show was canceled in 2009 after six seasons. Kenney-Silver also appeared on the TV series Still Standing. In July 2008, Kerri Kenney-Silver made her debut as "Dame Delilah", the title character in the web series Dame Delilah's Fantasy Ranch & Gift Shoppe. On the site various comedians give video testimony as characters working at or otherwise visiting the fictional Cat House. Kenney-Silver created the series and it was produced by her husband, Steve Silver, and Jared Mazzaschi.[2] Kenney-Silver was among the cast of Suburban Shootout, a pilot episode directed and executive produced by Barry Sonnenfeld for HBO. The pilot filmed completely in The Hamptons, Long Island, in September 2008. HBO has not announced if it will pick up the pilot for a season. The pilot is based on the British comedy of the same name.[3]

Kenney-Silver has appeared in films such as All About Steve, Reno 911!: Miami, National Lampoon's Pledge This!, Balls of Fury, The Ten, Role Models, and Wanderlust. In December 2011 it was announced that Kenney-Silver and actress Jamie Denbo are currently developing a new series for Comedy Central called "Dame Delilah’s Rabbit Hole Ranch" based on a web series they previously created and starred in. In March 2012 it was announced Kenney-Silver had been cast a lead role in the upcoming ABC comedy pilot Counter Culture about three aging sisters (Kenney, Delta Burke and Margo Martindale) running their family diner together in West Texas.[4] She started in "You Wrote It; You Watch it" as various characters in 1992. The Weekenders as Tish's mother is her DTVA debut and appeared in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command as Sally and Mama Croc in Brandy & Mr. Whiskers. Hell & Back is her most recent credit. She has 57 acting credits, 6 writing credits, nine self credits and two producer credits, both with Reno 911. And in comes Kim Possible as the Bebes have Kim locked on target now. They call Kim a minimal threat. Ummm; OW! Even Kim agrees with me as she springs into action and tries some backflips and the flying kick; but gets her leg grabbed by Bebe #1 and thrown towards the telescope. Kim grabs the wheel; twirls around and backflips to the ground without further incident. Kim calls this not bad. I agree; it's so much better than seeing Ron act like a jackass. The Bebes go all Go-Go-Gadget BRICK BREAK on Kim; but Kim dodges and lets them destroy the computers. Kim grabs Ramesh in the chair and we go down the steps; only for the Bebes to rumble and triangle Kim/Ramesh in complete with blur effect. Then they get on all fours and do some creepy stuff as even Kim is confused as to what is going on. Oh; and here comes Ron Jackassable almost out of breath. Ron calls Kim out for calling him a baby and then sees the robot and faints face down. HAHA!

Kim goes to console Ron; but Ramesh is caught by Bebe #1 and the Bebes run out the door. Ron recovers and Kim blames Ron for letting them escape. WHAT? So Ron fainted; so what? He saw killer robots with red eyes; stuff like this happens. Give him a break there Kim. At least it wasn't KIM who fainted; that would have gotten BS&P so pissed off. Sadly; Ron does the Gruffi pose and blows her off because he's so happy even though he looks angry. At least the writers have won me over and justified Ron's jackass behavior now that Kim is basically becoming even worse of a jackass than Ron ever was. And then he recoils and it sounds so contrived that it's made worse by Rufus' mimicry of the situation. HAHA! Kim blows off Ron and storms off stage left as Ron steps on the glass of a picture frame and we see Ron looking at it as it's Ramesh in his college days. Rufus notices James in the photo and Ron is claiming that Bob Chen is in trouble. Rufus blows it off and Ron notices that it's Kim's dad in the picture and now Ron is concerned for his safety and well being. Because he's wearing a 1980's style. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Only Ron could make that sound incredibly funny as Rufus points out that those three are friends and two are missing; thus James is in danger. Ron wants to inform Kim; but Ron slams the picture into Rufus and his chest (And how Rufus isn't bleeding is so BS&P of them); and blows her off because he can do it himself. So he grabs his bicycle and rides out as we head to Kim's house as James goes to his orange car and uses the key door opener to start the car. He climbs in as we see from a neat angle; the Bebes targeting James for capture. So James is starting his car again and the Bebes punch right through the roof of the car and they have come for James on the ground to sky shot and that ends the segment 13 minutes in. Well; this has been a slow episode to start but at least it's picking up now...

After the commercial break; we head to Middleton school and we head to the gym as the cheer leading squad is doing practice and Kim is with them. Oh come on guys! You expect me to believe that Kim is so dense as to not realize the connection when her own DAD told her about his college days? Man; this episode is so not jelling; and not in the jealous context this time around. And then the doors open and it's...James Possible. WHAT THE HELL? And he's PISSED. Kim is shocked as the girls mock Kim for bringing her dad into this. Kim comes over and hugs Daddy Big Bucks as James proclaims that they destroyed his car and that grinds his gears. See; he wants to know where Ronald is and Kim states that he's not here and then states that Ron vandalized his car. Oh come on Kim; this is so stupid. We then scene change to a dark room as the three Bebes are in a circle surrounding a circular electric beam cage holding Bob, Ramesh and "James" who looks like he's wearing a mask made by....Oh, I get it now. HAHA! So that WAS Ron's Krackpotkin plan. No one ever accused Ron of being a glutton to run interference that is for sure. And then the villain turns around and it's Doctor Drakken proclaiming that he's the only genius around. Then the mask comes off and it's Ron throwing the mask right into Drakken's kisser. HA! Some genius you are Drakken; if you were a genius then your Bebes would have noticed Ron right away. Drakken proclaims that Kim must be near. Ron states that she is; and then he recoils and admits that she's not and Drakken has the evil grin on full blast. So we head to a road as Kim is on the transmitter and Wade's case as Wade admits that he micro chipped Ron. So he can be tracked as Kim wants James to drive the car (with a ripped off roof mind you) faster and James blows him off because it's a school zone. Translation: Sod off you uncaring for Ron because Bonnie hates him jackass!

So we head back to the DARK ROOM OF DEATH as Drakken continues talking about putting human emotions into the Bebes and blows them off for failing. FEEL THE SEXISM~! And the Bebes ball their hands and give Draken eye contact violence in response. HAHA! Drakken is forced to recoil and I see why Shego isn't so happy to be working for him either. Drakken gives them another chance though as he wants James Possible and the Bebes make like Flash and blur out. Ron wants to know why Drakken is after Kim's dad and his friends and Drakken wants revenge. And then he recoils asking about Kim being related to James and Ron goes all DUH on us. Drakken proclaims that Possible is a common last name. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Riiiiggggghhhhhhtttttt. Are we on Candid Camera or something? Ron gleefully blows him off and we get the playground level insults to amuse me. Thankfully; the electric beam cage prevents them from going all Dexter/Murdock on us. For the moment. Drakken blows him off and runs off to find the phone book and prove that Possible is not a unique last name. He's going to be disappointed I see as we cut to an outside shot of a motel with a water wheel and a wooden log canopy called the Middleton Motor Lodge. I like the mountain design on the sign too. Very professional in a B-movie sort of way. The orange car comes in and man; the animation of the driving car looks off-model for some reason. Kim and James climb out as James goes over to the podium and the valet is sleeping on the job. James offers the valet his keys; but Kim points out that he's knocked out. So the babyfaces go in and James gives the valet a neat raspberry on the way in. So Kit Cloudkicker of you James. So we head into the lobby and there are about 20 people in chair and slumped over desks asleep. James hopes this gets ironed out before the big reunion this weekend; implying that the event is taking place here.

So Kim and James walk off stage right as Drakken makes it to the desk (and somehow doesn't notice Kim at all) and goes through the BLUE BOOK OF DOOM and flips through the pages. I have a theory that Professor Doofenshmirtz is the bastard offspring of Doctor Drakken and Shego; who could be labeled as a demoness; since she is the only one who would pro-create (against her will) with Drakken. I still have to explain how Doof got the flesh colored skin; but otherwise; very accurate. (Shego: Oh lord; Greg! Stick to fantasies about Kit Cloudkicker being the next successor to God.) So we scene change to the dark room as we discover that the room is basically a meeting room which contains the Class Reunion stuff. I know this because there is a nuclear picture on the wall that sezs Welcome Scientists (To The Best Day of Destruction Ever!) as Kim turns on the lights and notices Ron right away. Ron proclaims that Drakken is behind this. NO?! REALLY?! As if the robot Bebes didn't give it away. Then Drakken comes in with the phone book and admits that there is only one Possible family in Middleton. HA! And then he catches himself and notices Kim right away. Sadly; he doesn't know who James is. The problem with this is that he programmed the Killer Bebes to find James; so how does James suddenly not know what James looks like when the Bebes at least know what his face looks like. Bad logic break there guys. So James notices that Drakken is Drew Lipski; the guy he made fun at. Oh I get it; this is the anti-bullying episode. This is not terrible; just silly. Drakken goes over the whole revenge thing for being bullied and brings out the invite which James steals because since Drew dropped out; he's banned from the reunion. I guess he stole it from Bob or Ramesh. Kim is confused as Drakken recalls the Bebes and they blur in.

Drakken calls the robots perfect because they obey only him see. Then the Bebe ask the question: If they are perfect; then why should they obey Drakken who is not perfect? UH OH! Ummmm; Drakken, Martin Torque would like to have a word with you about robots. The Bebes conclude that Drakken is unfit to command and back up Drakken who protests this outrage. Kim calls this too weird and gives James the transmitter and we have round two between the robot Bebes and Kim. Kim backflips over Drakken (and remembers to klonk Drakken in the process) and then she does the double noggin knocker the sideways edition. Bebe #1 and #2 spark heads as James answers Ramesh question about Kim kicking ass. Sadly; she jumps up and lands in the arms (ass first) of Bebe #3. She throws Kim and Kim slides on her back and we get that moment of Kim feeling like she got dumped by a boyfriend. Or something like that. There is a conveniently placed table of golden trophies which are so badly drawn that it partakes the problems of the new Disney that was starting to creep in. And the table is completely broken which Kim dodges. Kim back-flips on stage and plays quarter staff with the microphone stand; which has a wireless microphone. And she tries to play baseball bat on the girls and it fails badly. So Kim is forced to dodge and backflip off the stage as the Bebes are in delta formation; and we have more dodging. One advantage to Kim Possible: The fights allow me to write less and enjoy the show. So Bebe #1 grabs the wrist of Kim and it seems over now. Ron calls for the geniuses to come up with something; but Bob and Ramesh cannot because they are in astrology. Ron asks for Drakken's help; but Drakken would prefer the ladies to work out their differences. James then gets inspired and goes to the transmitter to inform Wade that he needs a sonic sound right now. Wade is surprised that James is calling him (which is pointless because Kim's cover has been blown long ago.) and goes to the keyboard.

The Bebes are all moving in for the kill on Kim; but we hear sonic sounds as everyone covers their ears. Except for James who apparently is completely deaf in his right ear because that ear is uncovered. The Bebes now consider the transmitter a threat now and they stalk James who tries to run off stage right; but is delta blocked by the Bebes. Ron calls for the transmitter and James throws it to Ron; but Bebe #1 catches it. However; the Bebes crash into each other and into the electric cage which causes the transmitter to fly right at Drakken's feet. So then Kim slides in; grabs the remote; gets in front of her and points it at the Bebe as apparently Kim has the same deafness in her right ear too. Finally the Bebes start selling that they are screwed as Kim gives James the transmitter and James doesn't approve of violence; unless they are deadly robot. Then it's you go girl. Kim backflips and dodges the chops which one lops off Bebe #3's head; then Bebe #1's head. Then Kim kicks Bebe #1 into the other Bebes and we get the explosion of doom (which is badly animated since they use the same body part in the exact same sequence about four times before cutting to Drakken. Drakken realizes that he's screwed so he tries to leave as we get the "I can't hear you" spot I hate so much as Kim turns off the transmitter and thanks James. Then she sees Drakken doing the foot grabbing spot after hitting one of the robot parts off-screen and Kim backflips and blocks the door. Kim taunts Drakken as he brings out the OUT OF NOWHERE rocket pack and blasts off to the speed of light. And he must surrender now; because the low ceiling wants to screw, screw, screw him. HAHA! Yeap; he's still old Drew; only with blue skin. So we head to Kim's kitchen as James, Bob, Ramesh and Ann are having pizza together. So they exchange notes and talk about the cyber-link which none of his friends get. And neither do I. James admits that if he didn't laugh at him; maybe there would be one less mad scientist.

We see Kim is looking on from the living room (that must be one long neck Kim has) as she's on the sofa while Ron has the bulldog mask on the floor. Kim asks if Ron would turn into a mask welding villain and Ron claims that he will say no if Kim sezs yes to him being the mascot for the Middleton Mad Dogs. Kim proclaims that this is not a good reason for her to say yes to it; because he's her best friend and that's enough for her to say yes. Ron cheers and tries on the bulldog mask as we head to Middleton Gym as we see some basketball playing as Middleton gets a buzzer beater to have Middleton lead Away 32-30 as we go to the half and see that the same stock guys inside the hotel being knocked out are attending the game. So we go to halftime with the cheerleading squad doing their usual moves as the lights darken and we go to some spotlights to the double doors and here comes Ron Stoppable with the bulldog mask on. Sadly; he forgot to create a costume of a bulldog to go along with it. He hops in and grabs the basketball; dribbles it and throws it into the chest of the referee who flies off stage left. The crowd does a weak pop; which surprises Bonnie as Kim does the Gruffi pose and is surprised too. So Ron sprays banana cream whip topping all around and it goes into the screen. Another example of why we shouldn't be so hasty when we condemn Kick Buttowski for doing the same thing. (Kit: Don't you dare rant on old farts who like old Disney again!) This ends the episode at 23:11. Well; it was just okay, but the whole Kim and Ron jackass stuff wasn't all that funny, and the logic breaks were apparent in this one. Call it ** 3/4 (55%).

CGI Rufus Segment #2: So we zoom out to CGI land with Rufus and the transmitter as Rufus pushes some buttons on the Gamecube like setup and the screen does a countdown and rockets into the air out of sight. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. Rufus thinks he's safe; so he snaps his fingers and brings out the spotlight and microphone stand with microphone as I wait with baited breath for the Naked Mole Rat Rap; but the transmitter came back; the very same minute. The transmitter came back; we thought it was a goner! The transmitter came back; it just hate Rufus rapping as much as Curt Henning! And it crushes Rufus' back. OUCH! Rufus struggles as the transmitter actually beeps three times this time and we zoom in as we have started Downhill; which is episode five in the first season...

Downhill: We begin this one at Middleton School (Sign of the day: Mount Middleton Ski Trip) as it's winter and it's cold and there is a school bus as we see a stern male who is big and tall and wearing winter clothes doing checks on the students. We discover that it's Steve Barkin who is a school teacher with the gimmick that he's a sub teacher for everything including class field trips. He has a military background; think Doctor Slicer from Recess with a heart and think Griswald but more netural and less of a heart. Mr. Steve Barkin is voiced by Patrick Warburton and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Warburton's acting roles often rely on his deep, booming voice and large physique. In the mid to late 1990s, he was known for his role as David Puddy on Seinfeld, the indifferent on-again, off-again boyfriend of Elaine Benes. Warburton also had a small role in the 2002 movie Men in Black II as J's new partner, T. He also starred in FOX's short-lived, live-action series, The Tick, in the title role. He played Nick Sharp in 8 Simple Rules and joined the cast of Less than Perfect in 2003, as anchorman Jeb Denton. Warburton has put his voice to use for several animated films and TV programs, including a lead character in Game Over, Buzz Lightyear and the Little Green Men in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, and Kronk in The Emperor's New Groove. Warburton reprised his role as Kronk for the direct-to-video sequel, Kronk's New Groove, and the subsequent TV series The Emperor's New School. He is also the voice of Steve Barkin in the Disney Channel show Kim Possible. Warburton was also cast in The Venture Bros., under Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming block. In this show he voices Brock Samson, the Venture family's brutally effective bodyguard and former secret agent. Warburton voices Joe Swanson on Fox's Family Guy and Detective Cash in The Batman. Warburton lent his voice talent to the computer-animated feature films Hoodwinked, Chicken Little and Open Season. He also voices Lok in all 3 Tak games and Lok in Tak and the Power of Juju Nickelodeon series. Warburton appeared on GSN's Poker Royale Celebrities vs. the Pros tournament in 2005. He made it to the Grand Finale and won the $1,000 grand prize. Warburton's enduring identification with his character in Seinfeld was evident on January 13, 2007, during an NFL football broadcast.

An advertisement for his new series, Rules of Engagement was played, and when the telecast returned to the broadcast booth, one of the announcers exclaimed, "Puddy!" Warburton played a cameo role as a car salesman in the video of the song "Online" by Brad Paisley. On November 8, 2009, Warburton appeared as the wild west character Cal Johnson on Seth & Alex's (Almost Live) Comedy Show, hosted by Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein, on Fox. He was also cast as the sheriff in the Cartoon Network series Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated.[9] He appeared as Bowser in a video by CollegeHumor entitled "The Roast of Mario".[10] He appeared on the American version of Top Gear on February 21, 2012. He set the "Big Star, Small Car" lap record, beating previous record-holder Arlene Tur.[11] In the commercial and advertising world, Warburton is the voice in the Carrier Corporation commercials for their air-conditioning and HVAC units, and was the voice of Superman in The Adventures of Seinfeld and Superman for American Express. He is the voice of "Lewis" in the "Clark & Lewis Expedition" radio commercials for Horizon Air with Richard Kind as "Clark". There is a current radio advertisement for the United States Forest Service in which Warburton plays a park ranger, delivered in his typical deadpanned voice. During the 1990s and early 2000s, Warburton appeared in several M&M's commercials with the "spokescandies." He appeared in another M&M's commercial about 10 years later when Pretzel M&M's were introduced. In August 2009, Warburton played a high-end PC in a "Get a Mac" ad for Apple Inc. [12] Warburton also became the spokesman for Japanese automaker Honda's "Good Reasons" advertising campaign in September 2011.[13] Warburton voiced the role of the forest ranger in a "Smokey Bear" radio ad campaign sponsored by the U.S. Forest Service and the Ad Council.[14]

Warburton is featured in the "preboarding" film shown to guests at "Soarin' Over California" in Disney California Adventure Park and Epcot at the Walt Disney World Resort. Warburton delivers all of the instructions in his typical deadpan style. He lent his voice to the droid G2-4T in the queue of the updated Disney attraction "Star Tours: The Adventures Continue", which opened in the summer of 2011. He started in 1986 (!!) in an episode of Paper Chase and was production associate of Salsa in 1988. His DTVA debut was the titular character in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, was Kronk in the Emperor's New School (along with the Emperor's New Groove movie and sequel). Behaving Badly, Movie 43, Milo as Phil, Rules of Engagement as Jeff are his most recent credits. He also appeared in Ted as Guy which was hilarious not in the movie itself; but TMZ's really poor attempt to make Ken Frosse look like he hated the movie; despite the fact that Ken didn't give two craps about the movie anyway. This was spun as some storyline because Ted was a teddy bear who many thought was the NC-17 version of Teddy Ruxpin. Cue rolling eyes on that one. So he calls for Ron (did I mention that he refers to students by their last name?) as Ron brings in the aqua blue skis and starts flinging them around and nearly kills Josh in the process and then nearly takes Kim's head off as she is wearing the Rebecca Cunningham in winter clothing interlude. Kim is happy because she gets to ski without dealing with maniac henchmen; only she has to ski with a maniac goofball. Ron checks on Rufus who still hasn't enough clothes; but still no selling the cold. Then we see two sombre kids (nice looking kids too) as Kim and Ron feel sorry for them. See; they are the Platts and both of them have their mothers and fathers attending as chaperones for the ski trip. Then we see Ann Possible wearing the biggest orange fur coat she could find (and winter cap to match) as Kim is surprised to see her. James also arrives with a case that looks like a mini-coffin. Why?

I don't know; but we find out that the Platt parents are ill and cannot make it (which the kids cheer? Why?) which Bonnie (wearing a banana yellow ski coat just to annoy me); so the Possibles decided to drop off Tim and Jim at Nana Possible's house because they are the chaperones BABEE! HAHA! This should be good as Kim and Ron are not happy at all. (In the television version; like the other episodes, this would be the point to HIT THE OPENING~!) So we go back to the school on the same shot angle as we see Kim, Ron and Bonnie outside the bus as Bonnie continues to taunt Kim about her parents and Kim accuses Bonnie of calling them on purpose. Bonnie blows it off as paranoia and thinks Kim's parents are cute. So we see Ron and James exchange notes on the mini-coffin which contains James' snowboard and he is going to be shredding. Kim is upset and proclaims that James is going to doom her to embarrassment. At least Kim isn't as nearly dramatic as Bea. So we drive on the icy road up the hill to fetch a pail of Funnyio nuts as we head inside the bus as James has matched Ann's outfit in terms of big and fat. James and Ann relate a story about a game Kim played when she was a kid that didn't involve a rest stop and everyone laughs. Wow; I didn't expect the writers to insert a implied "She's have her period reference". Kim is in the backseat with the Gruffi pose on as Ron is reading the newspaper. Ron calls this incredible and Kim takes it as being embarrassed by her folks and Bonnie is on the revenge list. Well; Kim's implied list anyway as Ron shows her the newspaper of a photo of tracks and snow as apparently there is a Yeti (Snowbeast) in the Middleton Bunny Hills. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kim blows it off because this is the same newspaper who broke the Frog Boy story; which Ron was touched by. HAHA!

Kim sticks the newspaper in Ron's face and is not buying this crap. Well; that's fitting because I'm not buying this chaperone hating crap either. Ron proclaims that there is a $5,000 reward for a photo capturing the beast. That's right; no catching it, just his fugly mug. And of course the entire student body catches wind of it and Steve blows it off as unbelievable. Kim hating her parents because they want to be chaperones is not believable; most so when they are awesome parents in important science fields. And even if James and Ann didn't come; she would still have to deal with Ron's goofy antics since Ron is perfect in embarrassing himself thank you for small favors writers. Kim takes Steve's side on this because she has bigger issues which Ron points out her parents are about to do a sing-along. Oh goody! This should be fun to mock. James proclaims that Kim has a beautiful singing voice. HAHA! Nice fourth wall breaking there James and it didn't feel contrived or forced. See Professor Buzz waving hello to the camera in Bullethead Baloo. Sadly; James and Ann do not channel Binkie from You Sweat Your Life and sing the "99 bottles of pop" on the wall ; which at least flows good compared to some BS&P decisions on that song (no; 99 bottles of root beer on the wall doesn't work because you need an extra word and it disrupts the flow of the song), but it doesn't make me want to feel bad about Kim Possible which is the whole point of the scene when Kim covers her eyes. Just because James and Ann are perfect parents doesn't make them funny or compelling. This doesn't make me laugh/feel empathy for Kim. Ron does save the scene somewhat as Kim slump below seat level and we continue up the spiral mountain. Kim slides down some more and we head to Ski Middleton (I don't get the joke here: What is the iunt part supposed to be?) and it's the exact same lodge we saw in the previous rant; only with a green sign.

So we cut to James telling everyone to collect their personal belongings from the inside of the bus storage which is open. Ron collects his skis and backpack stuff as Steve ribs him on the Snowbeast. Ron stammers and then we discover through his insistence that the kids don't find out about this meeting; that Steve is on Ron's side because he wants the $5000. Oooookkkkaaaaayyyyyyy. Ron asks about Rufus' cut and Steve proclaims that he'll give Ron 2% of the profits which is $100; which is a reasonable sum of money. Ron accepts the deal cart blanche and Rufus is not amused at all by it. Ron tells Kim that he is off stage left as he walks out. Kim asks why and then hears Ann over with Bonnie and two other students talking about Kim's younger days. She was two years old; and we discover that she became a two year stripper. Ooooooooooookkkkkkayyyyyyy; even I have to agree with Kim Possible barging in. You DO have to draw the line of bad taste somewhere and that was really in bad taste writers. Yes; she was naked as a two year old; but there is a time and place for such booking and it's in Dragon Ball or something among those lines. And I mean the original Japanese version. So Bonnie is liking this story and takes Kim and Ann's picture. Which is a segue flash scene changer to Steve and Ron hiking in the icy mountains. Ron complains about backup and Steve blows him off because he's traveling and earning his two percent. So we see trees knocking and rumbling along with a Yeti scream and we have our snow beast. At least in theory as we run around the forest for a while; and we play misdirection which leads to them somehow finding a cliff and sliding down the cliff for a long while. This leads to Steve and Ron taking the snow bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON into the deep snow.

Rufus is fine and Steve is on bottom. He should be used to that position by now. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Anyhow; Steve claims that it got away, but Ron hears the scream and the trees shake like leaves as Ron shakes in kind. Steve brings out his trusty camera as we see the shadow of the beast and Steve stops before he takes a shot because it's just a woman. We finally pan up and the snow beast is DNAmy Hall of course because only she could be mistaken for a Yeti in this cartoon. She is also wearing a necklace of a snow bear angel which makes her the only one in history who still likes the Wuzzles more than me. Ron rips Rufus off his face and we exchange notes and names and handshakes as Amy Hall (she was actually a NORMAL fatass at this point) has the hots for Steve Barkin. Amy wants someone to help her back to the lodge and Steve stammers before Ron butts in and is tickled pink about it. Amy is so happy because pink is her favorite color. Geez; I wonder why? She also punch buggy's Steve's arm; forcing Steve to bail with Ron in tow for a meeting of the mind. And it wasn't at the hot chocolate machine. Although Ron wishes it was. Steve asks about the photos; but Ron states that they can wait because there is a lady present. Steve goes over and Ron calls him a chick magnet. HAHA! Steve blows him off in kind as everyone walks away stage right while Amy continues to enjoy putting the hots to Steve while that porno music is playing. So we pan west to a stand of pine trees as we get more rumbling and we discover that the Snow Beast of Middleton exists; only it's a fusion of a rabbit and a rhino. And it has the most painful roar ever made in history. Ooookkkkaaaayyyyyy...

So we get a shot of some kids riding a metal circle snowboard enjoying themselves while some kid is making a snowman in the background. We pan right to Bonnie and James Possible exchanging notes as James puts the mini-coffin down on the ground as we discover that the snowboard is made of odds and ends from the space center. Bonnie is so giddy to see it as she has her camera ready; but Kim slides in with her snowboard and jumps on top of the mini-coffin. WHAT THE HELL IS HER PROBLEM TODAY?! Kim drags James away and states that she thinks James snowboard is so cool that it will bum out the other kids. Sure Kim; sure. James buys it anyway as Ron screams and is on the blue snowboard and sprays snow right into Bonnie's face. HAHA! I see it only took five episodes for him to learn how to snowboard properly. Bonnie blows off Ron for doing that on purpose. Kim mocks Bonnie for being paranoid and calls it an "accident". Sure Kim; sure. Bonnie storms off in a huff as Kim thanks him and asks about the Yeti. Kim asks how she knew and in comes Steve with Amy Hall as Amy continues to seduce him which is funnier than anything in this episode thus far. Steve's no selling reaction is hilarious; and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Amy is cuddling for hot chocolate with mini marshmallows as Steve is trying to act nice and all. Kim notices the necklace and we discover that Amy collects those Cuddle Buddies (an Otterfly by the way; so it wasn't a bear. Damn.) so this must be Amy Hall's origin story. The kids making the snowman listen on as Kim saw them at the mall all the time and it's no big. So Ann comes in and tells us that Kim was an avid collector of the Cuddle Buddies. For those of you who think I'm kidding about the Wuzzles references in this show: Kim was 16 in 2002; so she was born in 1986 (!!) when the Wuzzles ended their run as a bomb on CBS. Also Otterfly is half otter/half butterfly. I'm guessing that they had to make it an otter since a bear would be Butterbear and would be infringing on a copyright which I thought Disney owned (Ummm; Wikipedia claims that they still do; so I'm baffled here). Kim is stammering like an idiot as Bonnie takes her picture again for her own amusement.

So Amy talks about Cuddle Buddies some more as she is the president of the Cuddle Buddies fan club. Kim continues to struggle on remembering her childhood memories. Ann does remember one that Kim wouldn't allow her to wash which is a Pandaroo; a Panda and a kangaroo. In other words; the copyright safe version of Eleroo. Ann even claims that she sleeps with it. Kim is ashamed and I say screw her! I would be more than willing to sleep with a Cuddle Buddy; most so one who is half bear, half Illiop with a green sweater and backwards baseball cap. (Kit: You're implying that I'm Teddy Ruxpin's little brother again? Oh lord; that is more absurd than me being the next God.) I'll explain that in June; right now, we have Bonnie taking Kim's picture again to amuse herself. So we have Ron come in as Kim is looking out on the look out part of the lodge where the picnic tables are as Ron sees Kim is sulking. Kim talks about all hope being lost since Bonnie knows that she sleeps with Kit Cloudkicker. POW! OUCH! Okay; it's Pandaroo plush toy. So Ron wants to borrow the communicator (which is what the transmitter is) and Kim sarcastically mocks him for having no empathy. You have no empathy towards cute and cuddly things; so buzz off KP! Wow; I'm bashing Kim F'N Possible of all characters. Ron calls up Wade about information on the Middleton snow beast and there is nothing of note. However; he's going to continue because he's getting $500 from Steve. So Steve and Wade are friends? That doesn't sound good. Anyhow; Ron offers to let Kim come along; but Kim no sells because she is going to stalk her parents now to invoke damage control; because if she doesn't, she'll never show her face ever again in school. At this point; the rational thing to do is get some new friends; but she already has Ron Stoppable, so rational thinking is not going to get her out of this mess.

However; we discover that James is overhearing everything and feels ashamed about this. Steve comes over and wants Ron to come with him before Amy really makes his stomach explode. So we head out into the winter wonder hell again as we see the big ass circle paw prints everywhere; and then we see the snow beast scream again. So we get some more rumbling and snow flying as it's only a dog. Whatever. Steve goes to console the dog; and it lashes out with...lobster claws? Ron calls this a mixed breed. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Memo to Steve: Take it's picture! I know it isn't the snow beast; but a Lobster Dog must fetch at least half the money for a snow beast picture and at least twice as much as a picture of Kim Kardasian. So Steve tries to take it's picture as I want him to; but here comes the rumbling and it's Rhinoppo. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! SQUIRT! OUCH! HEY! Ummmm... Ron panics and then here comes Amy Hall blowing off the snow beast as she has two henchmen completely covered with ski masks and winter gear (red/yellow and purple). The Rhinhop slumps and whines as Ron thanks Amy for taming the beast. He hugs her as Steve advances forward asking question because Amy calls herself mommy and she calls him clever; and then turns all heel on him as the red/yellow ski mask guy grabs Steve and his camera. Ron accuses Amy of wanting the reward and the guy crumbles the camera. So Steve takes the mask off and it reveals...a pig's head. Oh boy; now I know why Drakken didn't take up cloning. Do you see now that Amy is behind this? I mean she loves hybrid animal dolls; so she's fusing animals like she is the Goddess of the Wuzzles. Ron unmasks the purple one and it's a Tweety Bird head only evil. Oh man; how many times do I have to tell Eisner that mocking Warner Brothers makes your company look weak?! So Pig Beast grabs the SNOWBALL OF DEATH and kills Steve dead with it. Now to be fair; frozen ice with snow (and rocks) can do a lot of damage to your head and face, so BS&P isn't so smart.

Canary Beast kidnaps Ron and Steve is dragged out by Pig Beast. DNAmy (might as well call her that now) hops on Rhinhop (how fitting?) and they all bail stage left. Apparently; the communicator is buried underneath the snow on the way down and it creates a periscope showing the babyfaces being taken away. Wade uses the keyboard as he has to warn Kim; and Wade turns the communicator into a sled and races down the hill towards the Middleton Seasonal Lodge of Doom. So we see James putting a carrot on a snowman as two kids praise James's fashion sense when it comes to big ass red coats. The two kids giggle and walk off as Kim arrives and James blows off Kim for her hating his small talk with the kids. Ann comes in and they both walk off in shame; lest Kim goes into humilation nation. Kim cannot believe that they heard her. It's a public ski resort; you expect them not too?! Kim blows herself off for being a narrowed minded jackass (twice in the same OAV too) as the communicator sled shows up and Kim actually feels relieved as Wade tells her that there is a situation going on here. So we head to some lab as the male babyfaces are strapped to diagonal tables. So DNAmy scolds Rhinhop and Ron asks where they are. DNAmy proclaims that this is her bio engineering lab as she does some spotlighting to blind the babyfaces. Steve calls this sweet mother of pearl as we see every plush Cuddle Buddy she ever found. Steve calls this a lot of plush. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. She tries to go into her promo; but then hears a ping sound and goes to the oven because she baked cookies. HAHA! I love it when the villain has to waste time enjoying the spice of life. Ron asks about the Wuzzle creations she made and she takes the cookies out and she wanted life real Cuddle Buddys. Now THAT'S an awesome way to be a petty heel. Steve calls this a huge leap as DNAmy proclaims that the Cuddle-con thought she was insane. Hey; you only have The Wuzzles to blame for this guys; so don't question Amy's sanity. Maybe her sobriety; but certainly not her sanity. Steve calls her SICK and WRONG which would become Ron's catchphrase FOR LIFE~! I prefer Ron's version over Steve's by the way.

DNAmy blows him off for being a meanie and she'll fix his cookies if you catch my drift. And yes; DNAmy did toss the cookies off of the pan as Steve calls this sick and wrong. Nice touch with Amy asking if he meant special. She is MURDERING Ammonia Pine; and I mean that in the nicest way possible. So we head to a cliff area where Kim is snowboarding and makes it to the edge. She is on the communicator with Wade as we discover that Kim was logging onto the Cuddle Buddy's website a few times in her teenage years. Ummm; yeah, Kim. So we look at the website which is nice for 2002; and then we see a photo of Amy Hall who we discover is a bio engineering crazy person who got kicked out of university for unor---oh; who am I kidding? Illegal experiments with DNA and that's why she's DNAmy. Kim admits that she should have gone with Ron on the snow beast hunt instead of making her parents hate her. Kim asks for area abnormal activity near by and Wade discovers that Kim is on a roll because DNAmy has reinforced steel and an obvious in the clear cave. Yeap; sad heel who just wants to be accepted for who she is: A crazy insane Cuddle Buddy collector who has a Wuzzle fetish and Ammonia Pine personality disorder. I like that. POW! OUCH! (Shellsea: Ahem!) So Kim snowboards down the hill and we get some silent scenes involving Kim arriving at the reinforced ice cave while Kim is checking with her X-ray binoculars and notices a video camera tracking. She then snowboards down and times the moves so perfectly around the footprints that the camera doesn't even notice her at all as Kim goes into the cave easily. Kim takes off the helmet as we head back to Steve and Rufus being wheeled to two domes with submarine hole doors as Ron asks why she is punishing Rufus because it's all Steve's fault. HAHA! Ron has a point there Steve; 2% be damned. DNAmy puts on the gloves and goggles as she is going to fuse Steve with Rufus. Yes folks; Steve is going to become Naked Humole Rat. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nah! Nah! Nah! Nah! Steve cannot punch me in the kisser. I don't think $100 is worth this kind of punishment anyway.

So Rufus and Steve get shoved into the tanks and the lids are shut. Nice touch with Rufus and Ron having a tearful moment of goodbye before DNAmy throws...THE SWITCH~! So we get a long sequence of liquid pouring through tubes as Kim hides behind a control panel; but then a Snakat (half snake, half cat. My goodness; I thought I would never be doing The Wuzzles again. Only DNAmy could make this possible and me to enjoy it more than that show.) wraps around Kim blowing her cover as she trips and bounces down the steps off-screen. I don't get how BS&P can see that as a dangerous thing; but then again, I'm not in charge of a mega company I guess. This leads to Kim destroying the shelves of Cuddle Buddy's (thus turning DNAmy babyface right on cue) and then she threatens to do something with the Cuddle Buddy's. However; she gets distracted because she found the Pandaroo. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. Apparently; only 12 star editions (the star emblem on the Pandaroo gives it away) as the Pig Beast and Tweety Beast run in and Kim throws the Cuddly Buddies in their faces and they collide right into the shelf of Cuddle Buddies and get entombed in them. HAHA! How ironic eh?! Kim runs towards DNAmy; but is blocked by Rhinhop. I think it has a fighting chance against KP; but KP slides underneath it and stops on a dime. HAHA! I see DNAmy slip-proof the floors. Kim panics and bails; but gets caught by Rhinhop and Kim cannot get the grip loose. So DNAmy has a surprise for her as she throws; THE SWITCH~! Much more effective than when Negaduck does it isn't it? And people are suddenly surprised when kids don't take us old farts seriously. So the equipment literally catches fire; but it burns itself out on the next shot to please BS&P as DNAmy comes over to the tanks and opens it to reveal Naked Mole Man in brown shorts. BS&P RULEZ~! So DNAmy hugs him as Ron is horrified. Kim then tells Snowy that he just got demoted to collectable status since DNAmy doesn't give a damn about him and loved Naked Mole Man right now. And Rhinhop is PISSED!

So Rhinhop tackles Naked Mole Man down and we have a **** fight. It was great as Kim runs in and shuts Ron up as she tries to release him from the straps. DNAmy tries to be the mediator; but no go as Rhinhop throws Mole Man into the bio machine. Freddy Jones would have a field day with this scene. So Rhinhop tries the headbutt; but Mole Man dodges again and apparently throws Rhinhop into the shelf of Cuddle Buddies again. Man; those dolls just cannot buy a break in this episode. So Naked Mole Man suddenly turns on DNAmy and tries to destroy the machine. DNAmy obviously forgot that Steve is HUMAN and therefore can tell right from wrong. Like all fetishes; it's that one little error in judgment that turns hobbies like DNA splicing from slightly creepy to downright horrible. So Naked Mole Man continues to destroy the place (and Kim wants to save Steve and Rufus; Ron just wants Rufus); throwing a beam into the liquid tubes tank as the liquids are unstable. And the electric sparks are not helping anyone as Wade basically wastes time in something that we already know. So Mole Man grabs Ron and Ron tries to play peacemaker to get into Rufus; which works for about three seconds and then he's mean again. Why can't Steve stay out of official pet to human business here? So Kim shoves Naked Mole Man into the tanks and it closes. Kim goes over to THE SWITCH and we get the sequence again which causes the tanks to be on fire (and put out magically seconds later). So Kim stops the machine and we go over and see Rufus wearing Steve's clothes which have shrunk. Yes folks; they WENT there as Steve is stark naked; but we don't see his lower torso. And the magic of BS&P meddling; we have Steve magically into a purple robe and slippers. I realize that Disney wants to be edgy; but if BS&P has to step in every time; why not just book another spot?

So the place crumbles as everyone has to bail; and Kim would just like a heel lab to not blow up for a change. At least DNAmy agrees with that at least; but blown up labs equals action equals rating equals selling toys to the execs. So DNAmy goes all El Captain on the Cuddle Buddies; and the babyfaces have to bail stage left as they jump down from the cave and hang onto the trees and the place completely blows up killing DNAmy. Riiiigggghhhtttt; good luck on that. DNAmy is the female Jackie Fargo in my view. The Cuddle Buddies fall from the heavens (while Kim now seems so upset about apologizing to her old man) as then we hear more rumbling and it's run from the avalanche spot. The avalanche is winning and here comes James Possible with the rocket snowboard. HA! So everyone gets on the snowboard (as Kim calls her dad so cool; she's sucking up to him already) and we snowboard down the hill with the avalanche. James jumps over a gorge as the avalanche loses to gravity and we do some more jumping as we notice Ann noticing the babyfaces on the snowboard at the lodge. So we bounce off a tree top and Steve panics; but they bounces three times on the snow and stop on a dime as no one is hurt. Except for Steve's pride as a no-nonsense military figure. They also flop like Kit and Molly in the finish to It Came From Beneath The Seaduck for fun. Kim sucks up to James and James instantly forgives her and embraces. Now this would be great...and then BS&P gives us all the middle finger as we head to outside the doors of the lodge as the police has DNAmy in handcuffs. WHAT THE BLOOD F***?! How do you go from being killed in an explosion of falling Cuddle Buddy; to being alive and arrested? And they don't explain how the hell they found DNAmy alive. If you are going to please BS&P; SHOW US HOW DNAMY GOT OUT OF THAT EXPLOSION?! UGH! UGH! UGH! This ruins an otherwise really good episode. So DNAmy gives Steve the willies which is funny; but it's too late to save the ending. I do commend the effort though as she kisses the window and she is driven away by the police. What a stupid way to end the episode?!

Kim apologizes to Ann which is perfectly fine; but god that ending sucks. Ann and Kim embrace as Ann admits that she forgot about what she was like as a teenager which is really a sweet moment...ruined by BS&P for the protection of kids...as usual. Remember that this is the same guys and gals who gave American Dragon Jake Long a bicycle helmet as a flying dragon despite the fact that he's in the air and no helmet is going to protect you from the other deadly injuries you will get falling thousands of feet in the air. And the helmet they gave was uncool too. Bonnie takes a photograph of them to mock both parents and then here comes a slender female mother wearing all purple winter gear; purple glasses, purple earrings and has curly brown hair. She is calling for Bonnie is Bonnie shudders violently. Yeap; this is Mrs. Rockwaller who is the mother of Bonnie and she's more annoying than Ann could ever be. HAHA! She's also voiced by the same voice who did Hoppo in The Wuzzles too; which just puts another knife in the dead corpse that is 1985. Well; kids love overkill; so it's to be expected. She hugs (I almost said bugs and that would be more fitting) Bonnie and Bonnie is all repulsed by it. Mrs. Rockwaller proclaims that she's here because they need more chaperones; probably because Steve is returning for repairs to his winter clothes. Bonnie gets offended and Mrs. Rockwaller doesn't want her to fly off the handle because she hates her pet name which is Bon-Bon. HAHA! We also discover that Ann and James couldn't handle this all by themselves; so they called Mrs. Rockwaller since Bonnie called them. SCORE! Ann even winks at Bonnie just to rub it in. HAHA! BS&P ruined the finish; but this ending is wonderful. Kim and Ann hug as Mrs. Rockwaller walks with Bonnie as she wants Bonnie to introduce her classmates to her mother. HA! More embracing from Kim and Ann and that ends the episode at 44:51. Much better episode as it got really good when DNAmy started turning heel on us. Sadly; the finish was meddled like crazy. **** (80%).

CGI Naked Mole Rat Segment #3: So we zoom out with the short KP logo as Rufus is now pissed off at the communicator. He bounces the communicator with his ass and it goes flying stage left; but the communicator screws Rufus and trips Rufus up. So the communicator turns into a race car and Rufus lands on top of it and we race stage left for a while. Man; those smoke effects look hand drawn and then cell shaded into CGI; or something along those lines. This goes on for a while (and includes close ups of Rufus making mouth faces at me to simulate speed) and then gets bumped and falls flat on his face. Rufus struggles to get up and staggers like a drunk; misses the POWER OF THE PUNCH by a country mile and then drops dead on his back. The communicator zooms in and we head into the episode that hasn't been shown on television yet. I know this because it's in season two and #44 overall on the air order paper. So some time has passed in the first season...

Partners: We begin this one in a dark lab as DNAmy shows up in the foreground. She practices the fine art of not being seen in towards the lab as a female DNA splicing doctor is testing the DNA of a hamster on a wheel with some device with a lime green ray which checks the DNA of animals. DNAmy sneaks in shadow and then appears at the front door as the female doctor which I just realized has orange curly hair and glasses. So the female doctor takes out a glass with green slime on it and checks it as she proclaims that the DNA sequencer works to perfection; allowing DNAmy to steal it right on cue proclaiming that this is good because it would be pointless if it didn't work. She proclaims that DNAmy is crazy; or at least that what they told her. DNAmy proclaims that it's all true and pulls the plug on the DNA sequencer and attempts to leave; but someone blasts a hole into the wall in an explosion and we see Doctor Drakken. We make small talk and DNAmy has no clue who Doctor Drakken is. HAHA! No wonder Ron got pissed at the end of So The Drama. So Drakken blows her off and wants the DNA sequencer as he calls in Shego and Shego comes in and kicks DNAmy with a really good flush kick on-screen which sends DNAmy flying into a control board. Shego grabs the device as DNAmy calls Drakken a meanie. HAHA! Drakken proclaims that she does know him and leaves. HAHA! I'm guessing the opening occurs here in the Disney Channel version of this episode; so we head to Middleton High School (Sign of the Day: Science is cool (No, really.). Boy does Fish Hooks look stupid now?) as more smoke gets blown in the kids face while walking. And Starburst demonstrates their silliness by making the stars of the American flag golden. So we head inside the hallways as Kim greets a stray boy and makes it to her locker. Monique shows up and we exchange notes as Monique wants to know if she talked to Ron. Kim basically states that she hasn't broached the subject as today is picking partners for science projects. See; Kim wants to work with Monique as she opens the locker to reveal the computer with Wade; but there is the RON FACTOR OF DOOM. Wade proclaims that Kim has a vow to NEVER work with Ron again because apparently; Ron screwed up last year's science project.

Kim claims that it was hyperbole; so Wade replay a tape from last year as Kim is wearing all blue at 15 and proclaims that she'll never pick Ron again because Ron is lazy. Huh? I find that hard to believe; considering all that energy Ron has most of the time. Monique tells Kim that this year; Ron has to be shown some tough love and Kim agrees just as Ron shows up to turn Kim into a zombie. HAHA! Ron calls last year's effort weak as Kim gets mad. So Ron stammers and then states that it was solid; but he knows she can do better, and Kim is almost into PMS mode; but the bell rings and Ron exits stage left. Talk about end around-ing the girl who can do anything. So we go to an island beach as there are enough keep out signs to make it the biggest target for evil doer slayers the world over. HAHA! So we zoom up and see the DARK LAB OF DOOM on top of the cliff as we head inside as the Crimson Chin goon of Drakken is encased in a glass chamber which is connected to the DNA sequencer. Drakken calls him hapless; but plans to turn him into a blood thirsty heel. Drakken "pushes" the red button on the device and nothing happens. Ummm; Drakken, you missed the red button by a mile. Drakken shakes the device and calls it a piece of junk as Shego acts bored and is pushing a button on the computer control panel in the background. Shego blows off Drakken for being such a meanie to DNAmy which she is looking at in some profile section on the screen. So Drakken brings out a DNA glass sample of a komodo dragon (which Open Office doesn't see as a word) and pushes the button about a dozen times; but no go. So Drakken changes the wire plug around and tries to push the button off-screen; but gets fried instead. HAHA! Drakken is shown with a gray head now and not much hair as he finally concedes that he needs to seduce DNAmy to do his own bidding. Shego has no comment; but Drakken keeps getting on her case because he's a genius and he'll be making a house call to prrr like a kitten. HA! So we return to the hallway as Monique is blowing off Kim for not laying down the law on Ron.

So Kim tries to go to the door; but Ron rushes in and opens it for her anyway. Kim proclaims that they still need to talk; but Ron doesn't seem to notice. So everyone goes in and sits down in the desks in the classroom as Steve Barkin is back in a brown suit, lighter brown shirt and darker brown tie. He tells everyone to listen up because he is the sub for the science class today. He checks his watch and he is taking over this class as Monique asks what happened to Mrs. Fitizgerald and Steve flips through the folder of paper telling us that a fugal experiment went horribly wrong and he didn't press for details. So Ron asks about the partners and Steve yells in his face because Steve picks partners and they can ask for a change; but Steve will refuse because life is unfair is a theme in his work. Good to know Steve as he goes through the assignments and he picks Bonnie to work with Brick Flagg who is the blond haired big guy wearing a matching jacket. I don't get why Bonnie wears her cheer leading outfit all the time. Her mother must be cheap or something. Brick fist pumps with the students for fun as Steve comes up to Ron and his partner is (Ron hangs onto Kim who was pulling the desk closer to her before hand)....wait for it...Monique. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Monique is not happy to hear this time at all. I'm not happy with the writing here because Steve's gimmick is to always refer to kids by their last names; but Monique is a first name. So what is her LAST name? Ron is inspired by the choice because she has Kim Possible gradage. HAHA! Steve brings up Kim Possible's name and she is paired with Justine Flanner who looks like the blond haired version of Gretchen only even more of a robot than version. Justine Flanner is voiced by Mayim Bialik and while I mentioned her before in the Recess rant (Mayim equals water in Hebrew in case you didn't read the previous rant; I didn't give her a proper tribute I don't believe. So according to the USIMDB: Mayim Bialik grew up in San Diego and got her first acting job (Pumpkinhead (1988)) when she was just 12 years old. A number of TV roles followed until in 1990 she was cast in "Blossom" (1990), the role which made her famous.

By 1993, while Blossom was still airing, she had already won a deferred place at Harvard and was also accepted by Yale but chose in the end to attend UCLA. She was awarded her Bachelor's degree in 2000 and began reading for a PhD in Neuroscience (studying Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in adolescents with Prader-Willi syndrome) which she eventually completed in 2007. She continued working throughout her studies and was a regular on US TV screens, becoming a Prime Time face again in 2010 when she began her regular appearances as "Sheldon's friend who is not his girlfriend" in the hit series "The Big Bang Theory" (2007). She started in a cameo of Beauty & The Beast the series in 1987 as Ellie. She was also a field producer for What Not To Wear in 2009 and was Frieda in Webster, Molloy Martin in Molloy and Nancy in The Chicago Eight. Recess as Kristen is her DTVA debut and Katbot as Paula (three episodes of Katbot ever aired by the way). Besides The Big Bang Theory (as Amy); The Dog Who Saved Halloween as Medusa is her most recent credit. She has 38 acting credits and 48 self credits to her resume. I see her time on Recess was not in vain either. Justine goes way over me and Kim's head as Kim gives the thumbs up and calls it spanking. Ooookkkkaaayyyy. So we scene change to a shot of blue birds taking a bath in the fountain. Man; the drawing of the blue birds here appeared to be smudged for some reason. Must be the remastering of the DVD disc as we zoom out and notice a white house on the meadow. We see Shego and Drakken walking to the front door of said house. Boy the backgrounds for the house are AWFUL here. Drakken proclaims that he wants Shego to note the expert as he re-arranges his face with the most contrived and forced teeth grinning smile ever and rings the doorbell. DNAmy opens it and tries to speak in the most unconvincing manner possible and DNAmy slams the door in his face. HAHA!

Shego asks what did we learn from this. Well; we learned that you can easily break your nose when a door is slammed in your face. Drakken rings the door bell and DNAmy blows him off because he stole the DNA sequencer. Drakken stammers like an idiot as he apologizes for Shego's kicking her in the face and sorry if she was injured. DNAmy does open the door and Drakken proclaims that she fell from heaven (Wow; I'm shocked BS&P didn't change that line) and DNAmy is happy as she invites Drakken in. So we head to the hallway as Justine is at her locker while Kim is watching on. Kim asks about the project idea and Justine proclaims that it's complex and Kim wants her to try her because she's hear to help. So Justine gives her the "To Do list" which is nothing more than a blank piece of paper. Justine just wants her to disappear and let her do the project while smiling at the presentation. Well; that is just sad folks when GRETCHEN has more empathy than her. Methinks this is a huge rib on the critics who blasted Recess for having no heart. To be fair; it was Prickley and Finster that most critics hated and they really put a damper on the show as a whole. Without that; Recess would have been tolerable enough. So we head to the lunch room or library as Monique is giving Ron a lecture and refuses to work if Ron refuses to work; which Ron refuses while putting his feet on the table and feeds Rufus and himself chocolate bars. Considering that Kim/Justine has ended rather suddenly (I mean; what can Kim do against Justine?); I hope Ron/Monique ends suddenly instead of being the running joke for this series. I find Drakken/DNAmy more compelling than this crap as Ron relaxes and proclaims that Monique will work because of four words: Grade...Point...Average...lick chocolate from thumb. HAHA! He got ya there Monique and Monique knows it as she is flustered and pissed; and then just storms off stage left. Ron calls this game, set and match and thank goodness for that. I want more DNAmy and Drakken.

And we head into DNAmy's living room which is much more compelling than outside her house. She also has a Wuzzles clock skin over the clock on the coffee table. HAHA! So we exchange pleasure thoughts and tips on how to be a Wuzzles fanboy. Okay; maybe not a Wuzzle; but Cuddle Buddy fanboy just doesn't have the same ring to it. Remember that Eisner was an evil genius from 1984-1994; after that, he was just a senile evil goon. Great promo: Flatterly will get you anywhere (PUNCH BUGGY!). Yeah; Drakken hurts his arm; join the club along with Steve and Lord Monkey Fist. Drakken asks about her lab and DNAmy goes to a door and opens it as we have a dark basement. DNAmy tells them to watch their step as Drakken taunts Shego and Shego acts bored as usual. So Drakken does the BS&P version of "damn straight" as straight up and he falls straight down the steps. HAHA! Irony is such a fickle muse isn't it? So we scene change to Kim's house as James comes out in green shorts and has a bucket of soapy water and a garden hose. He calls for Tim because he promised to scrub the worst looking car I have ever seen. So Tim comes in with a rocket pack and a big ass sponge attached to his belly (!!!) and we wash the car. Okay; that's the first good thing the twins have ever done. Kim looks like she's pouting on the way in just as I said that. Jim is riding a helicopter pole with a box of soap as Kim and James exchange notes on science project. And then Tim washes away my good graces of him by wringing the sponge right above Kim's head. Kim calls him a dweeb and storms off stage right to squeeze her hair out. James asks about scientists and Kim thinks that they are rock stars to Justine. James then tries to display himself as an awesome scientist and Kim decides to pick Professor Otto Allenford and James calls him a good egg. Jim and Tim uses the blow dryer of doom to blow the soap over; hoping to soap up Kim; but Kim hugs James and walks off stage right; allowing James to get annoyed when he gets the soap bubble bath. HAHA!

So we head back to DNAmy's house as it's pitch black in the basement and we get the green eyes of Shego and the black eyes of Drakken. Drakken slowly gets up as DNAmy's eyes walk in and she apologizes and then we HIT THE CLAPPER~! HAHA! The lights turn on and we see DNAmy's new lab which is similar to the one in Downhill; only with more flasks of green liquid; minus the Cuddle Buddies. Drakken is in awe and calls it the lab of his dream; so DNAmy gives him the embrace of her dreams, his nightmares and my amusement. HAHA! Drakken asks if she can call him something else and DNAmy wants Sugar Bottom as she lets go and Drakken slumps. So we head to the hallways as Ron is putting a book in his locker; which is blue of course. So Monique slams the locker door shut and we walk and talk for a while. Monique wants Ron to do half of the work and she'll more than do the other half. Ron is calm and just ribbing Monique at this point. Ron walks away as Monique decides to refuse to work until Ron does half of his work. This is not going to end well for Monique; although it does make Ron into the biggest dick in this episode as we return to DNAmy's lab as DNAmy puts a komodo dragon DNA sample glass into the DNA sequencer as it scans and the green beam hits the tanks and it opens to reveal a big ass cuddly dog anthro with a fur purple coat. DNAmy rubs it in to Drakken by touching noses with the dog. HAHA! Drakken blows this off because he wants blood thirsty, mean mutants; because cute and cuddly will not take over the world. That's not what the critics of Nintendo would say. Drakken asks if she would want some meanies and DNAmy asks if she would like it. Drakken proclaims that he does; so DNAmy goes to her DNA sample cabinet which sadly doesn't do MOLLY VIOLENCE on Drakken (and wouldn't have since he's too far away) and throws DNA samples out of it. Man; she needs to learn that glass shatters and can cause massive infection to her cuddly dog man if she is not careful. So DNAmy has no samples of meanies; but she knows where to get some and looks evil. Oh; this could be good.

Sadly; we head to a building called the Institute of Technology which has the planet Saturn on the sign for no reason that I can think of. We head inside to a room where two students are at a computer making storm clouds inside a room which Kim points out to Justine. Okay; I hope this is the last one because I don't care about the damn science fair. I want you know what to cause you know what. Kim likes it; but Justine doesn't give a damn and sounds very annoyed that Kim is wasting her time. So we head to a sliding door and it opens as Kim and Justine walk out. Kim has a friend of her who has given her clearance. So we head to an green walled office as a old male doctor with side white hair wearing a blue suit, pants and a purple tie greets Kim. I'm guessing that this is Doctor Otto Allenford as Kim mentioned earlier. He's voiced by Frank Welker who IMDB claims has 683 acting credits; which is coming a long way since being a bit character in The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes. I betcha most kids today don't even know what tennis shoes are; or that computers were once as big as a house. Kim and Otto shake hands and we discover that she gets the connection because she protected one of their satellites. Kim uses a fray wire and a blown up oxygen tank to boot which makes it more big than most of her no big. She calls it so not the drama which got a lot of critics upset because it implied that Disney hates drama now (Kit: You are speaking from experience then Mr. Weagle.). After So The Drama; we old farts should take Kim's advice and stop being "so the drama". Anyhow; Kim introduces Justine and Otto is so giddy because he not only knows her; but has a picture of her for inspiration. HAHA! So total backfire there KP! See; I can talk like a valley girl, even though it makes me look like a total chump. Yes; she's in eighth grade and she made breakthroughs in particle physics. Kim has more luck in discovering how to make Nintendo of America be a well oiled machine instead of being a clown for Iwata's fun. Sorry; if I seem distracted, Wii U just launched this morning as I type this. Not that it matters since I'm not buying it until the buzz dies down enough that I can buy the 32 GB console without having to see "Sold Out" signs all over town.

So Otto brings out the pen and wants Justine's autograph and Justine kindly accepts while weasel wording Kim Possible down. HAHA! So Kim and Justine both leave; with Kim cringing when Otto closes the door; goes to his phone and gets all giddy about meeting Justine with Ted. HAHA! Justine walks away without saying a word; but Kim stops and notices a shadow of Drakken on a rope ladder (which leads to a helicopter no doubt). Boy; the place must be sound proof because there is a hole in the ceiling; but no feeling that there was one. So we go into the cabinet area where the DNA samples are kept as DNAmy searches the cabinets and finds a cute green sample. HAHA! Drakken blows her off because they are hear for nasty DNA. DNAmy decides to throw it away and look in the folders; but the door opens and here comes Kim Possible. I don't like the banter here because Kim notices that Drakken and DNAmy are together and forgets to say the question: "Is that possible?" and then have the villain say Kim Possible. That would have been funny as a one off joke; but they didn't do it here so it's just there. DNAmy makes up for it by squeezing the cheek and proclaiming that the enemy of her enemy is cute. HAHA! So Shego drops in and agrees with Kim on the weirdness. Oh sod off you green aura sociopath! But it does lead to Shego Vs. Kim round two which should waste some good time here. Man; the twirl spot by Shego on the rope ladder would have been fine; if the kick made contact with Kim's face. But it is nice that you can still kick teenagers in the head on-screen. So DNAmy and Drakken search for DNA samples (Amy would make this the ultimate past time if she wasn't into Cuddle Buddies) and DNAmy finds one that she thinks is nasty. So DNAmy climbs up and Drakken has to push her up because she's TOO FAT. DNAmy manages to almost break Drakken's back in the process; but Drakken and DNAmy climb up. Shego notices this while parrying Kim and then jumps over Kim and grabs the rope ladder and the helicopter flies away. Shego even remembers to insult Kim by calling her princess on the way out. HA!

So we head back to DNAmy's lab as DNAmy puts the DNA sample into the DNA sequencer and Drakken calls DNAmy the best which prompts Shego to call Drakken out for having eyes for her. HEE HEE! Drakken goes back to being miserable; lest he shows that he is not a misunderstood mad scientists. Shego is not buying this "she's merely a pawn" thing and Shego and Drakken hurl insults at each other. HAHA! Shego is actually smiling here when she does the kissing promo on Drakken. So we try again with DNAmy at her computer plugging in the sequence with the DNA sequencer and we get the dramatic opening of the tank spotlight to reveal a shadow of a dinosaur. UH OH! DNAmy and company back away as Drakken wants to know what is that thing. See what happens when you want nasty, mean and blood thirsty Drakken? I was hoping that DNAmy would say that; but we quickly cut to Bueno Nacho AFTER HAPPY HOUR; as Kim calls Justine annoying. Monique counters that she at least does something and Kim counters that she does everything. Monique sighs and ponders starting her project for real and Ron just rubs it in on her sitting at the next window seated table. HAHA! Kim is about to blow off Ron; but we get rumbling which takes up some table as Ron admires his pillar of melted butter. Ron thinks it's an earthquake; but the timing clearly sounds like footsteps; caused by really big feet. So the babyfaces all run out and they see a big ass purple komodo dragon with sharp, pointed teeth. He chews on the Taco Sign; but hates it and spits it out forcing the babyfaces to dodge it. The Dino-Thing (vocals by Frank Welker; DUH!) stomps away as we hear the FOUR BEEPS OF DOOM and it's Wade on the communicator. Drakken has not been sighted; but there is a huge dinosaur on the loose due to various phone calls. Kim tells him that she knows because it's not hard to miss.

So we see DNAmy driving a ship which looks like a hallowed torpedo. HAHA! This trumps the MANILLA VANILLA UFO CAR OF DOOM Gyro drives right there folks! We zoom out as they are already in front of the Dino Thing. They notice the babyfaces running with the dino as DNAmy calls Kim a meanie. HA! Drakken shows concern about Kim getting mauled; but wants to see it anyway. I see the Shego sociopath program is working to perfection. So we get a sequence of Kim shoving a green shirt boy away as the Dino chomps on a doughnut sign and dips it into the coffee sign which contains actual coffee. Yeah; it makes no sense; but it's a funny spot so whatever. So he kills another restaurant; then chews on a slice of pizza sign and throws it at the torpedo ship and they go into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as Shego jumps off and lands on her feet perfectly. The ship crashes into the burger joint sign and the top goes straight into the air as DNAmy forgot her seat belt and goes flying. Geez; no wonder BS&P became a pimple and a pain in American Dragon Jake Long. Drakken remembered his; but gets MURDERED by the top of the burger building. HAHA! The dino slowly walks stage left as Kim proclaims that she has a plan and Monique and Ron have to run interference. So Monique mocks Ron for this being hard work and Ron blows off her hurtful sarcasm (despite no selling the sarcasm) and grabs her and we go exit stage. So the dino thing goes to the burger joint as Drakken pops from underneath the lettuce. Oh man; that was a lot more disturbing than I had intended as DNAmy stomps on the dino's foot for fun. HAHA! DNAmy rocks; seriously. She is making Ammonia Pine look fourth rate; she would be third rate if it wasn't for Ample Grime. She also punches like Katie Dodd; only her shots actually WORK and the dino thing walks away stage right after chewing on another sign; but no other damage caused.

So DNAmy drags Drakken from the carnage and Drakken is in shock because he got saved by DNAmy. Did the writers ever do a DNAmy love triangle episode with Drakken and Monkey Fist? Because I would pay $29.99 to see that on Pay-Per-View. Or DVD since PPV is too expensive for me in Canada. Drakken loves this because no one has ever saved him before...and then the fries sign tumbles and sticks to the pavement creating a makeshift cell. What a time for the Marsupilami reference to rear it's ugly head again? Still better than the stupid BS&P finish in Downhill though. So we head to somewhere; and I'm guessing it's the doughnut shop because Monique and Ron have the doughnut making machine making doughnuts. Yeah; this is the distraction; just accept it. Ron is still doing nothing while Monique is doing everything except using Rufus to tighten a bolt. So we head near the coffee house as Kim brings in Justine and her disruptor device as Kim needs it. Justine states that it hasn't been properly tested AND there is no place to plug it in. So Kim plugs the device into the communicator. So we get the distraction as Ron finally does something which is use a tray to deflect the doughnuts into the face of the dino thing as we cut back to Kim proclaiming that she knows the science is sound because she read all of Justine's note and Justine asks if she understood them. Kim claims she did and then weasel words that she had to look stuff up to cross reference everything properly and understand them perfectly. Justine calls that spanking and gives her the thumbs up. That's called peer review, sort of Justine. You'll find out when you are older as the doughnut machine runs out of doughnuts and burns out causing dough to gum up the machine. Ron gulps as Monique and Ron are being stalked by a dino thing; so Kim and Justine pull the lever (WRONG LEVER) and we get a sequence of the device being operational (as Justine would say here) and it creates a lime green/blue wormhole. I told you Microsoft was up to no good; but did anyone listen? Nooooooo.. (Kit: Speaking from experience again eh?)

So the dino thing looks at the wormhole and gets sucked up and the wormhole disappears and never shows up again. Justine cheers and Kim proclaims that they did it; well mainly her, but she helped as the denizens magically come out of nowhere to cheer as Justine and Kim shakes hands. Well; for all the crap I went through; they booked a really good finish. Monique and Ron shake hands anyway despite looking contrived and forced since Ron did nothing other than deflect doughnuts. We cut back to the Freedom Fries Prison of Doom (well; it's 2003 so Freedom Fries should be in the lexicon by now.) as DNAmy and Drakken are having a good time as Drakken gets down on his knee and speaks sweet praises into DNAmy's ears and DNAmy is flattered; but he already has a man she wants to merry and we get a scene of Lord Monkey Fist looking at himself as it was DNAmy who is responsible for making Monkey Fist a monkey. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We go full circle. Drakken is cringing at all this as DNAmy just wants to be friends with Drakken as Drakken goes to the fries and screams for Shego. Ummm; yeah. Sadly; we need to payoff the science fair angle; so we head to Middleton School (Sign of the Day: Science Projects due today.) as we head to class showing various projects on the partners desk and Steve walks down and likes the projects; most so Ron and Monique's baking soda volcano; which he calls a classic. Then he invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH on Justine and Kim because he doesn't believe for one second that the disruptor can rip the fabric of time and space by pushing the lever (WRONG LEVER!) which he does and walks off. Kim and Justine yell no and we go to the outside shot of the school as the device works and brings back dino thing which breaks through the school. HA! Steve yells at Kim and the DVD breaks up a bit audio wise to end the episode at 66:30. Steve's promo there was cute and dramatic by the way. I felt the "Ron is 100% lazy" angle was dumb; but the rest of this was funny, and DNAmy carried this episode kicking and screaming; which is her favorite position I might add. Kim was much better here and Justine was okay once she stopped acting like a know it all. **** 1/2 (90%).

CGI Naked Mole Rat Segment #4: So we have four and a half minutes left; so this should be quick as we zoom out as we have a stare down between Kim Possible's Communicator and Rufus. Rufus backs up the communicator and communicator stops and shows a light bulb on the screen. He then uses a laser and create holograms of Rufus. Then we get very familiar music as rainbow circles shine about and a disco ball drops down slowly. Could this be the moment I have been waiting for? Oh yeah, oh yeah, OH YEAH~! It's time for the...wait for it...wait for it some more...the NAKED MOLE RAT RAP~! Now THAT is a perfect way to pay off these segments. So we dance with the communicator for a bit as Rufus goes all boo ya on us and winks to the camera and we fade to black...and then we HIT THE ED~! Normally I don't do the ending credits; but I must here because the Naked Mole Rap is now officially playing. This rap is absolutely drop on the floor laughing comedy for me. And Ron is rapping which makes it even funnier. Ron even relates the back story in this rap about Rufus in full which makes it have substance as well as style. Easily the best moment of the entire DVD set at *****. Too bad they didn't include a video to go along with it since even footage of the show would have been enough to send this into the "OH MY GOD" awesome rarely seen outside TaleSpin and Gargoyles. Total Time: 71:02. I'm going to look on Youtube for a video tribute to that song because Rufus doing awesome stuff to that song is AWESOME! We fade to black and in one of those Debbie Downer moments; this video was made after Gary Sperling passed away. I just wish they ended it there instead of showing the Disney Channel logo screen with music. That just sounds disrespectful in my book. Since it's too long to print out in full; here's the full lyrics of the Naked Mole Rat Rap: Naked Mole Rat Rap Lyrics.

Note From The Future: Ah; here's one: Youtube Video! Hopefully; it won't be taken down; although it has been around since 2008; so Disney doesn't seem to care about it.

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; our first OAV is in the books and we got 2/3 great episodes and one so-so episode. Attack Of The Killer Bebes was neat in theory and looked good on paper; but the whole angle involving Ron and Kim at cheer leading was silly and the logic breaks were in abundence. I get that Kim is supposed to be your basic average girl; but it's difficult to LIKE her when she's acting the worst parts of that gimmick. Ron wasn't much better either in the jackass department so the Bebes and Drakken had to carry the load and they did a fine job. Drakken is good; but DNAmy is even better. Downhill is DNAmy's origin story and it was great. The Steve/Ron connection was pretty cute; although the Kim/parents as chaperones thing was silly and contrived. Still; this was a great episode until the big logic breaking finish of DNAmy somehow living after the big explosion when Cuddle Buddies rain from the heaven (and the avalanche would have done her in too); but was alive and arrested by police. I get BS&P is a pain; but you could at least explain how DNAmy lived through that explosion. It's not rocket science James! As for Partners; I'm glad they didn't make it almost all Monique/Ron and Kim/Justine science project mania because neither one looked believable (except for the finish and ending); and Ron's lazy routine just doesn't work when we see enough of Ron to know that he CAN do anything; just not as well as Kim Possible. DNAmy and Drakken was awesome by the way; and I hope this show had a love triangle between Monkey Fist and Drakken for DNAmy because they seem to be building towards one at the finish. Dino thing was cute, Otto was cute and Justine was good when she goes out of character. The ending was downright silly; but whatever. As for the CGI segments; just there until the finish when they paid it off with the communicator and Rufus dancing as a lead into the ending with the Naked Mole Rat Rap which is easily the big highlight of this entire DVD set. Ron Stoppable rapping about Rufus is AWESOME.

So next weekend; we have an even longer DVD known as The Villain Files since this one has a music video AND four episodes instead of three. The debut of Global Justice! Blushing with Josh Mankey makes Kim disappear! Kim in Montana (not seeing Hannh)! And a love crazed Spanish teenage villain and his grandfather use junk science to make Kim the teenager's soul mate! So sadly; I will not be ranting on The Ron Factor this year. Still; there is lots left in store before So The Drama. I'm also pondering on ranting on A Very Possible Christmas on Christmas Eve too instead of waiting until next year. But I'm not doing live action holidays on the Disney Channel this year. So....

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.

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