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The Mighty Hercules: A Shoestring "Success" Story
Reviewed: 04/14/2016
The Mighty Sadisules~!
Welcome to Easter Sadism 2017 everyone! On the Easter weekend; I decide to channel my Mr. Enter (and actually have a fun time doing it) and take on the worst of the worst in cartooning. You know; I always hear from the old farts and people who watch modern cartoons today and say that this is a bad cartoon. I just want to smack them upside the head and say: "No, you watched a good cartoon! THIS is a bad cartoon." Because most of the critics probably never watched the old shoestrinng Z-grade cartoons of the 1960's and 1970's. Yes; you can blame resources and moral guardians for most of it; but kids who defend modern cartoons just don't give a crap about that. A couple years back; I ranted on one of the worst animated series' in Japan; known as Chargeman Ken and to say that I was entertained was a massive understatement. It was the perfect storm of apathy, insanity and stupidity all rolled into one. At the time; it was also the oldest cartoon series I have reviewed. Well; it's time to review a show that hits much closer to home, is at least ten years older than Chargeman Ken and is also a hideous hilarious show in it's own way. Welcome to the rant shack: The Mighty Hercules; also known as Mr. Satan's favorite show! And no; it's not the Disney version of Hercules; nor Hercules Hernandez from the WWE. Here's how Wikipedia describes The Mighty Hercules: The Mighty Hercules is a Canadian/American low-budget animated series based loosely on the Greek mythological character of Heracles, under his Roman Mythology name, Hercules. It was created in 1962 and then debuted on TV in 1963 and ran until 1966 coinciding with the sword and sandal genre of films popular at the time. Each standalone episode runs five-and-a-half minutes, and in syndication were aired either as part of a block with other cartoons, or several episodes together to fill 30-minute timeslots (including commercials). 128 episodes of approximately 5 minutes each were produced. Adventure Cartoon Productions made the series in connection with Trans-Lux Television, the same people who later brought the anime series Speed Racer to U.S. audiences.
Joe Oriolo was producer-director, and many of the animators were veterans of the New York animation scene, including Grim Natwick, Frank Endres, John Gentilella, George Germanetti, Reuben Grossman, and George Rufle. The theme music is credited to Winston Sharples (as Win Sharples) who spent more than two decades at Paramount Pictures composing background music for the Superman and Popeye theatrical cartoons produced by the Fleischer brothers. However, the transformative "ring anthem" frequently used as Hercules slips on the ring given him by Zeus, along with several bridges of music used throughout episodes, are taken from the 1954 film ''The Black Shield of Falworth, the music credited to Joseph Gershenson but really composed by Hans Salter, Herman Stein and Frank Skinner, the long time in-house film composer for Universal Studios. The show also featured two different sets of voices for the characters. There was no gradual change - most of the early episodes had one set of voices, the rest have the second set. The most noticeably different voice was Newton: his original voice sounds as if he has just hit puberty, with his voice constantly cracking, while the later episodes give him a high-pitched Mickey Mouse-like voice. The animation for the "putting on and charging up the ring" sequence also subtly changed with the voices. For an example of the former style and voices, see the episodes "The Minotaur" or "The Chair of Forgetfulness"; for an example of the latter, see "The Nemean Lion" or "The Chameleon Creature". In "Double Trouble", the voices actually change right near the end of the episode, with Newton speaking a line in his original cracking voice, and the very next line in his second high-pitched voice. Hercules's final two lines of the short are likewise in his second voice.
Although there are two voices, Hercules's voice actor is always credited as Jimmy Tapp. Daedalus' voice actor, depending on the episode, is Jack Mercer or Gerry Bascombe. Early episodes feature Jack Mercer voicing Newton and other incidental characters. The series also features a theme song sung by singer Johnny Nash, the American reggae singer-songwriter best known for 1956's "A Very Special Love" and 1972's "I Can See Clearly Now." The theme's lyrics were written by Winston Sharples's son Winston Sharples, Jr. under the pseudonym "Win Singleton" (his first and middle names). The voice actress for all the female voices is Helene Nickerson. The theme song was covered in 2009 by Canadian jazz musician John Stetch on his album TV Trio.[2] In 2005, the series was re-issued to television in a newly remastered version and was reformatted, and in the process, replacing the familiar theme music with new title music by an unknown singer. The version airing as of 2015 on the Canadian network Teletoon Retro, however, uses the original Nash theme music. That alone means "Shoestring Budget" animation at best. Imagine Chargeman Ken that looks finished and you'll get the picture. While the show is pretty obscure outside of Canada; it is considered one of the first animated shorts to get over in Canada as a cult classic, mostly because of how laughable it ultimately is. Although compared to Chargeman Ken; this is Disney Feature. At least The Mighty Hercules; which came ten years earlier and each episode is a minute shorter than Chargeman Ken; the episodes are animated surprisely well enough given the budget and the stories are simple, to the point and most episodes aren't way offensive compared to Knack's abomination of a show. That's not to say that The Mighty Hercules is a good cartoon, oh no. There is still lots to mock and I don't have to worry too much about copyright nor finding episodes on Youtube, many of them still exist (at least one is even in black & white).
In a strange way; this show was part of my childhood and while I can agree that it is a bad cartoon; it was a hideously hilarious cartoon that is way too fun to mock in a short time and not feel dirty afterwards. Now; I cannot rant on every episode since there are 128 episodes to review and they are four and a half minutes long. Since I am only doing four rants of this series (this year; I might do more next year); I have decided to do as many episodes in one full day until supper. Once supper comes, that's it for the rant and it gets posted. All the episode will be ranted at random; so I'll explain where each episode is aired according to the timeline provided. I have already done a dry run and each rant takes less than a hour to complete; so expect anywhere from seven to ten episodes per rant depending on my mood. There will be no tributes as always for Easter Sadism and I'll explain each problem with this show, including the nightmare fuel inducing monsters in this series. It looks comical in hindsight as an adult; but as a child, I was legit scared for Hercules' life in many of these episodes. That is one aspect that has been toned down in recent years in children's cartoons and it's not hard to see why. I hope you are ready for some awesome mythological sidestepping and takes on Greek mythology as am I. So let's rant on shall we...?
The episodes are written by George Kashden and Jack E. Miller. As much as I think this show was animated in Japan; it appears to be animated in house. This is a given for the series, so I won't repeat it in future episodes.
Opening Moment #1: If there is one thing I love the most about The Mighty Hercules was the music and the opening theme song; kind of like Chargeman Ken, actually. Despite being on a shoestring budget, it was short and to the point: Hercules (using his early design with the small straight H on the belt instead of the stylized H he is best known for) fires an arrow on a cliff into the sun and the sun explodes into the EXPLOSION PAINTING OF DEATH! Then we get the title card on Mount Olympus and then the Hercules symbol; which is a huge stylized H on a closeup and then Hercules rises up, does the fist pump and then lighting bolts and thunderclaps ensue. Even as a Z-grade cartoon; this was mighty impressive in Canada in the early 1960's. The opening theme song is also a treat with such lines as "Iron in his thighs", "Winner of Ancient Glory" and one of those lines which today we modern fans would mock to no end "With the strength of ten ordinary men!". Mr. Satan would be like: "I can beat him easily!"; and most would believe him. Remember; it's Mr. Satan from Dragon Ball Z; the guy who is just outclassed by almost everyone in that show. And in 1990; Kit handles someone with the strength of six guys at 12 years old. Times change.
Hercules Comes To Earth: Well; it took some doing, but I found the original pilot on Youtube and it's very different from most of what you will see in this series. For one; only Helena, Hercules and Zeus appear in this episode and it's mostly an origin story about how Hercules came to Earth. Since this was produced first; it also used the first set of voices, although Hercules was voiced by the same person in both sets. If Hercules sounds different here than he usually does in this series, that's why. So we begin the series with Hercules and a brown haired version of Hercules (wearing purple trunks) running a race on Mount Olympus as the narrator's voice is different as well, it sounds like a more subdued radio voice than the narrator we normally see. The brown haired guy's name is Theseus by the way; and they are so neck and neck that the Helena voiced woman in the background has to alert us that somehow, Theseus is ahead of Hercules in being the "mightist of them all". They approach the bridge as Hercules stops at the bridge to let Theseus run on the bridge. Theseus thinks Hercules is done; but Hercules responds by jumping over Theseus with ease and makes it over the bridge. This is so awesome of a feat that Theseus comes over and hugs and shakes Hercules' arm. Aww; it's so nice to see good sportsmanship in such a brutal tryanny like Mount Olympus. Theseus claims that he'll beat Hercules in the wrestling match and Hercules is all "Uh-huh"; so it's clear that he's not. Scene change to the GREEK ARENA OF DEATH as the crowd watches Hercules and Theseus have a wrestling match. Note that Hercules' belt is banana yellow with a generic H on it. This is used in the opening and a number of early episodes use this style as well even after the pilot aired. I'll let you know which is which in the beginning of each episode. Theseus grabs Hercules' arm and gets him into a wrist lock as we get the martial arts zoom into a red haired woman saying that Hercules is beaten. From a wristlock? Are you kidding me? Hercules hip tosses Theseus onto his back and holds his shoulders down for the pin; and then helps him up. Theseus accepts Hercules as the champ while the crowd pops. Scene change to outside the Palace of Zeus as Theseus and Hercules bow down to Zeus on his throne and the pilot uses a normal FPS shot of the scene while most scenes in future episode would use a side shot of Zeus sitting in his throne talking to his subjects. I notice that the pilot's version throne of Zeus is much more interesting than the one we would ultimately get.
Zeus also speaks differently and sounds more subdued than his hulking voice in future episodes and carries a book, like a Holy Bible. Like he's going to thump someone with it. It's very odd as Zeus asks what reward Hercules wants and Hercules asks for the right to descend down to Earth to help the mortals with their problems. Zeus reminds Hercules that if he goes to Earth; his godly powers would vanish; becoming a mere mortal. Hercules feels crushed by this; but Zeus tells him that there is a way for him to go to Earth without losing his powers; and that is to retain the powers of Hercules in one golden ring. This leads to a closeup shot of Zeus' hand as thunderbolts nail the ring while Zeus speaks in tongues for Saturn to infuse power into this golden ring (which has no H symbol anywhere until afterwards; which the ring has a black H in the middle of a metal looking sun image. This was changed in future episodes to the same stylized H as Hercules' belt). Zeus puts the ring on Hercules' finger and tells him to keep it on for all time because once it's removed, he loses his powers...until he wears it again. Strangely; he often in the series doesn't wear it until danger strikes; so even he doesn't believe in keeping it on and abusing it's power. That's some real noble booking there, guys. Hercules thanks Zeus for the ring and we head outside as Hercules is flying down through the clouds from Mount Olympus with a club and some bow and arrows. Apparently; adventure is part of the gig as Hercules lands on a cliff. We get another closeup shot and Hercules scouts the area and sees it as a peaceful area. Then he notices a blond woman in purple with purple boots sobbing on the ground to his left. Believe it or not; this is the pilot's version of Helena. She wears less makeup and a different necklace in this version as we meet and greet. We discover that an evil giant named Cacus who is a terrifying giant with brown hair, brown beard, brown mustache with a face no mother could love and he's much bigger than most giants in this show as he terrorized denizens, steals cattle and sheep from Helena's poor father and stomps on village building poorly. Why yes; this episode tried a flashback; why do you ask?
Hercules sounds bored and asks where Cacus lives and Helena tells Hercules that he lives in a cave on the other side of the mountain. Hercules is about to leave; but Helena doesn't want him to go there; because Cacus might kill him. Do you know who you are talking to, Helena? It's your future bodyguard for Greek's sake! Hercules bails and runs screaming "Olympian!" in the most doubled over voice ever. It sounds really cool; but this is the only time we ever hear it, sadly. The background are so barren as Hercules finally finds Cacus literally seconds later holding a bone sitting in front of his cave. Cacus demands answers to this outrage and Hercules drops his weapons as Cacus threatens to sic a dragon on Hercules. Wait; why would he need a dragon? Hercules dares him to come out as we see the eyes of the dragon in the cave snorting red smoke and out comes the ugliest green dragon I have ever seen in my entire life. And somehow; this dragon is two legged in some respects; despite debutting as a four legged creature. Wow; the later episodes were a lot less cartoony than this. So the dragon rushes Hercules and runs on all fours again; and boy the running is weirder than my sex life. Green dragon bowls over Hercules (I think) as we get the red explosion painting of death and Hercules is crushed (I think). Hercules pops up and does the BOWSER TAILSPIN OF DEATH; and it's almost the exact same spot Mister T would do to the alligator some twenty years later; only with a lot more blurring effects. He tosses the monster and Cacus is so stupid that he just stands there and lets the monster crush him. Cacus would see stars if he was looking at them; and that goes double for the dragon. Helena dives into Hercules' arms and kisses him; causing Hercules' body to blush for a second. That was funny. And that ends the episode at 4:30. Yeah; no going back to Olympus and no meeting Newton, Tewt, Daedalus nor even Wilhemine. No ending catchphrase, nothing. The animation and artwork was much more original and refreshing in this than the other episodes; but it was still laughable all the same. The comparsions with He-Man are clear in the sense that He-Man is a parody of The Mighty Hercules. Anyhow; this was ** on the trainwreck scale; mostly for the stupid dragon. Call it * 3/4 (35%).
The Centaur On Mischief Day: Believe it or not; this is one of the final episodes of the entire series (Episode #124) as we begin this one with our purple tunic blond haired female lead of the show known as Helena; whose gimmick is that she does stupid things and Hercules has to save her. Basically; every 1960's attitudes towards women you have ever seen. She is also completely useless as you'll see here as she's sitting on the river near a rock and a small sailboat. She also has something in her hand and wears green leaves on the sides of her head as the narrator explains that she's waiting for two friends. One of them is supposed to be The Mighty Hercules, a blue tunic warrior with black hair and a black belt with a stylized H symbol in the front of it. It goes without saying who Hercules is supposed to be of course. Helena also thinks it might be Newton; who is a centaur (who has a red body like a deer, red hair, elf ears and a really annoying voice); who is Hercules's really stupid and annoying sidekick. His gimmick is that he cut promos twice in a row and says it in the most Z-gradish Mickey Mouse voice ever made. So Helena is looking in the bushes and then the red devil's head arrives roaring at Helena, causing her to scream. Helena covers her eyes; because even this animation company cannot re-produce the animation for the 1960's horror film scream; and it's Newton neighing with the devil's mask and a horn blowing it. Helena is not impressed; but Newton is only a silly centaur rather than a stupid one like the heels love to mock him with in storyline. Newton explains that today is Mischief Day and they play pranks and jokes on this day. Of course; this is a precursor of April Fools' Day which include the Roman festival of Hilaria. So this is not all that inaccurate with the mythology of this world in storyline. Helena likes this and giggles as Hercules is standing right there in the bushes watching Newton proclaim that he is going to play a trick on Hercules (nicknamed Herc; which is quite common I see) which involves having Helena in a boat heading towards a small stone filled island while he plays the horn. All Helena has to do is scream loud and Herc saves her.
You know; this would work a lot better if Hercules isn't hiding in the bushes overhearing this; making Helena and Newton look like stupid idiots. Hercules decides to play along, because he's in on the prank now as Helena and Newton get into the boat and sail onto the island. I think; because the shoreline in the next scene is the exact same one when they left. Newton Two-Two (the precursor to that Canadian legend of fiction; Jacob Two-Two) tells Helena to put on a good show and he'll come back to get Hercules involved. So Helena decides to be stupid and walk into the forest on the island (making the island look larger than it actually is) as birds are chirping and we see a black haired woman with a purple robe and elf shoes. The only thing she needs is a hood and a black mask and she could be Daedalus' sister easily. Her name is Wilhemine; the sea witch and number one female heel of the show. Now that I really think about it; there are exactly three women in this show tops; so it's clear that this is the boys boner show all the way. Wilhemine absolutely hates Helena and is jealous of her because she's beautiful. On the outside; I think Wilhemine's being dumb since she appears to be as cute as Helena is, but this is the 1960's, an era I wasn't even born in, so what do I know? Now; if it's in the inside, yeah; I can see why Wilhemine is jealous of her. Wilhemine is a terrible heel at best and wants revenge on Helena for being pretty. Apparently; this island belongs to Wilhemine (Boy, would I love to see how the deal for that went through?! That would be a riot to see; and I mean that in the nicest way possible). Wilhemine wants to give Helena a fitting welcome and blows a flute as we see the MONSTER OF THE DAY; which is a red dragon who roars. Simple; but effective. I will say this in favor of this show: The monsters are legit frightening and look so ugly that you could believe that Hercules could in fact get killed in these battles. They looked believable as threats. They weren't; but that was due to time constriants more than anything else; and of course, there was always the shoestring animation that didn't help them either as you'll see in many of the episodes.
Don't expect this level of fright in modern shows today; because moral guardians have ruined it and let's face it, these monsters do legit scare kids. Nice continuity to using the same roar as Newton's flute which is something Chargeman Ken would have screwed up royalfully. As in; no sound at all. Helena screams on cue as we jump cut back to the shoreline overlooking the island with Newton watching from said island. Helena is screaming for help as Hercules arrives from the bushes as he makes small talk with Newton. Newton is pointing out that Helena needs help and Hercules claims that she can handle it. Okay; here's the major problem with this: Hercules knows Newton's plan and part of the plan is that Newton blows the horn to make monster noises. Newton NEVER blew the horn when he got back! Ummm; hello Hercules: YOU KNOW THE PLAN! You cannot pretend that Helena is faking it because Newton NEVER blew the damn horn! How stupid do you have to be?! So we get the SCOOBY-DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE RED DRAGON EDITION. No Hanna Barbera sound effects; but the roar would have drowned those out anyway. Wilhemine is pumping her fist in outrage or victory. I cannot tell with her face as Hercules is laughing it up like a stupid idiot and then he notices the horn on the boat claiming that Helena forgot the horn. Wait; I thought Newton was supposed to blow the horn? Which by the way; would make this scene make more scene with what Hercules was saying. Hercules realizes that this is real and instead of taking the boat; he dives and swims. Now; if they had mirrored the shot; the shot would have made sense with the scene. He dove east and swam to the west. More red dragon chasing Helena ensues along with more Hercules swimming westward until he reaches the island as Helena hides behind a bunch of rocks; where the red dragon has to pretend to not bite her. Like her defense hands of gods would stop that thing. Riiigggghhhtttt. Hercules runs into the forest and tells Helena to get out of the way as he dives in and invokes the MISSILE OF DEATH on the red dragon's nose.
Oh; and speaking of the "fights" on this show: Since the animation studio has a budget of near zero; there are only two effective methods of fighting in this show. One of them is to have the whole fight behind an object so we can only imagine what is going on. That takes away the heat and emotion of the fight; but it is a better alternate than the method we got for this "fight": Hercules and the red dragon tumbling like they are in a dryer. I am not making this up. They are like in a washing machine, making zero contact with anything and it looks so contrived and forced that it exposes the show's cheap animation budget. One of the things about Scooby-Doo and Hanna Barbera was that inspite of it's limited animation, it was so effective that they highlighted the good stuff; while hiding the negatives. The good animation was the focus and it made the animation look high class even though it was not. This is what I mean by "cheap; but effective". Only purists hate this. Your average viewer; regardless of age wouldn't be able to tell the difference. There are moments where you can sort of see it; but most often don't. Now, imagine a show that doesn't hide the negatives and you get The Mighty Hercules in a nutshell. And this is not a one-off thing; every fight is this goofy. Just wait until the fights become awkward dance numbers; that is hiedously hilarious and one of the most notable charms of this show in general. Also, Hercules teleports and puts a front facelock on the red dragon right on cue. Red dragon hates this and Hercules gets tossed into the air and lands with a resounding thud onto the ground. This show doesn't know any bump other than a MAN-SIZED bump. If it wasn't for the lack of animation; Hercules would have landed on his head everytime and no sell it five seconds later. Hercules is sitting next to a rock as Wilhemine comes in to taunt Hercules as the red dragon rushes in. Hercules stands there, goes into his belt and brings out a large ring with the same stylized H as with his belt and puts it on his finger as it sparkles in an awkward fashion. He raises his arm into the sky and we get explosion noises, thunderclaps, bolts and white waves coming out of the rings.
Let me describe the sounds for you: BOOM! BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! BOOM! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! This took literally twenty seconds as the red dragon proceeds to headbutt Hercules right in the face literally seconds later. HA! He is Pharoah Man from the Mega Man Ruby-Spears cartoon. So we repeat the WASHING MACHINE FIGHT OF DEATH and then we go forward and backwards. Then we spar and the red dragon is literally trying to sell the punches like he got hit despite Hercules' punch not being anywhere near where they could make contact with the monster's face. It's easy to say the moral guardians are behind this; but this is the 1960's in Canada and Canada isn't nearly as rich as a government, let alone compared to even Hana Barbera when it comes to animation. Thankfully; Hercules nails red dragon in the face complete with thunderbolt effects and of course, gravity takes a hike because the red dragon flies about two kilometers and crushes a pleading Wilhemine. So yes; male on female contact is allowed, even for humans. This was all on-screen and Wilhemine gets hit in the face with the red dragon's ass and somehow she's underneath the red dragon and isn't killed at all by this. Wilhemine's the toughest woman on this show already and that effectively turns her babyface. Be jealous, Helena! Wilhemine looks shocked and confused; probably wondering how she didn't die from that shot. Scene change to the shoreline of the island with Helena as Newton has already arrived with the boat. Newton asks what happened as Helena giggles, claiming the joke is on Wilhemine as we hear Hercules at the end yell out "Olympian!" to end the episode at 4:33. In the early episodes; Hercules would say this catchphrase much more often than in later episodes and thus it got a lot less annoying than Newton in general. This was *** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the washing machine fight, Hercules and Helena being stupid and Wilhemine taking her defeat like someone who had too much sex with Bill Clinton. - 1/2* (-5%).
The Belayest Beast: I cannot find the episode number for this (I think it's Episode #36: "Hercules Protects Helena and Newton" officially; but the Youtube video names it "The Belayest Beast" which isn't on the episode list Wikipedia provided me; so I don't know what the story is.); but it's the second set with Newton having the Mickey Mouse voice. Episode opens with a pan shot of a very thin forest with the narrator telling us that this is the Lernaean Forest and three friends arrive which are Helena, Newton Two-Two and a green haired satyr with two flutes named Tewt. The gimmick of Tewt is that he's a deaf mute who communicates through a double piped flute known as a syrinx. Like every episode; it seems that they are waiting for The Mighty Hercules. Newton is worried twice over as Helena walks away stage left talking about not being in this part of the woods before. She then falls into a pit right on cue crashing off-screen with a nasty bump; because shaking the camera hard makes it so. Newton panics and at least one time, he doesn't double his promo. We discover that Helena is in a chasm that is literally twenty feet on the east cliff and six feet on the western cliff; and appears she could easily climb over the western side. This makes her look like an idiot by the way. Of course Netwon has to pretend that there's no way he can get her out and so Hercules has to get her out; because in the 1960's, women in cartoons were completely useless, you see. Tewt toots and we have our MONSTER OF THE DAY: A green dinosaur, with a lion's tail, an elephant nose and tiger legs complete with the infamous HISSING SOUND OF NIGHTMARES! The Belayed Beast then starts to use it's trunk to poke Helena off-screen and make her scream. And then we get the most surprising moment ever: The beast grabs Helena and just walks over and puts her on the eastern cliff safe and sound. Yes folks; the nightmare fuel beast turned babyface! Helena pets the trunk as Hercules walks in bopping in and out; because this cartoon is cheaper than my rants. Hercules comes over and grabs Tewt and Tewt is scared; but then pets the trunk and everything is fine. Apparently; they laugh at Tewt for doing this despite being a happy scene and not a funny scene. Is there some obscure CRTC rule for children's cartoons in the 1960s where saying "Awww" is considered sexually suggestive dialogue? Just asking.
Narrator then focuses on a part of the forest where the evil sea witch Wilhemine and Elvira watch on because she wants revenge on her enemies; most notably, Helena. Wilhemine is not amused by this; but then notices a baby Belayest Beast sitting in a nest in near the cave entrance. The baby is crying as the tear literally disappears and reappears every second frame or so as Wilhemine is hellbent on making them change their minds. So the evil witch grabs the trunk of the baby beast and bails stage left as she puts the beast in a rotted tree. Wilhemine bails in order to get a good seat to watch the fun. Jump cut to the babyfaces as the mother beast bails stage right within seconds. Newton is confused times two and Hercules points out the obvious for us. Jump cut to inside the cave as the mother is shocked and appalled because the baby is missing. She sniffs the nest; turns around and invokes the HISSING SOUND OF NIGHTMARES; which is the signal that she's pissed off. Newton cannot believe this and it seems Newton's gimmick of speaking twice is wearing off in this episode. Jump cut to Wilhemine loving this because the beast thinks the babyfaces kidnapped her baby. Helena panics as we get a lot of crashing sounds off-screen because they cannot animate Hercules being coiled by the beast's trunk, so they showed Hercules tied up by the trunk of the beast. Hey; at least the logic in this show is consistent, unlike Chargeman Ken and Rocket Robin Hood was. Hercules then gets flipped into the air and somehow crashes off-screen behind the beast as Hercules sees stars in front of the cave. The mother beast rushes stage left towards Helena and she screams for help instead of running...you know...any direction! Anime background sequence moves the monster who hisses like mad. Then we get a classic moment: Helena yells for Hercules; Hercules rushes in and saves Helena; and manages to go under and then jump up in a way that would be a violation of the laws of cartoon physics. So the beast turns around and hisses as Hercules stands there and goes for the ring. It's OLYMPIA THUNDER CLOBBERING TIME~! The ring sparkles even after this; just to be cocky. Heh.
Helena points out the obvious as the mother beast charges with a sky background this time in the opposite direction as Hercules grabs the trunk and we get a tug of war where in this universe; Hercules should have done the BOWSER TAILSPIN OF DEATH; but of course he cannot. Although it's understandable in this case because the monster is not supposed to be the heel. If Chargeman Ken was here; that monster dies in ten seconds flat. The useless friends of doom stand in front of the cave as Newton neighes and makes really ugly faces because he's scared of either what Hercules might do to the beast; or the beast might kill them all. I'm unsure which at this point. More ugly faces from Newton Two-Two as Tewt runs stage left and heads to the rotten tree and overhears the baby crying. Jump cut to Hercules holding onto the beast as the mother is flat on her back; so I assume Hercules subdued her. Helena points out that he cannot continue this fight forever; so she does have some intelligence to go along with her "pretty by 1960's standards" face. Hercules admits that he doesn't want to hurt her; but if he lets go, she'll attack again. More like: "I'll kick her ass again and punch down more on her" considering how easy it was for Hercules to subdue her. Tewt finally ends this nonsense by showing the baby in the rotted tree as the mother beast is let go by Hercules and she runs over to pet him on the trunk. Awww; my heart melted. Then we get a logic break: Somehow; Tewt points stage left and Wilhemine is RIGHT THERE standing behind the tree like a complete moron. The mother beast hisses at her and Wilhemine bails stage left screaming as the baby beast is riding on the mother's neck having the time of it's life. The babyfaces are happy as Hercules bails stage right; does his Olympian catchphrase off-screen and that ends the episode at 4:30. This was ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale mostly for Hercules save on Helena and Wilhemine's pathetic attempt to get heel heat on herself. Call it * 1/4 (25%).
The Giant: Okay; this is deep into season two at episode #81. Episode opens with Daedalus flying into the skies with creepy music as he is heading straight for the ancient greek city known as Caledon (sometimes spelt Calydon). Mighty Hercules' other advantage: most of the backgrounds are much better than Chargeman Ken ever was. So we look around the area with some of the denizens in greek clothing making small talk and then we jump cut to a goofy looking man looking through the window of his prison cell. He looks around as we jump cut back to Daedalus in the air, who proceeds to spiral down and we scene change to Daedalus landing in front of the jail cell. I should note that the man in the cell has the exact same voice as the narrator; so does that mean Anteus is the real narrator of this show? I hope so. Anteus of course has a criminal record for crimes against King Dorian and the kingdom of Caledon as Anteus wants revenge on them. Someday. Daedalus offers Anteus a way to get his revenge today; because saying right now is too inaccurate for this show, am I right? Daedalus shows off a bulb bottle containing a purple elixir (which looks like grape juice) and gives it to Anteus; which is supposed to make him taller than the tallest tree. Well; that ain't saying much; so Anteus asks what is the catch to this because Daedalus has NEVER helped anyone because he's an evil person of course. Well; in this show. In the myth; he's supposed to be a babyface. Daedalus claims that he'll see and gains pupils while doing this. He laughs and bails as Anteus looks at the bottle and it's bottoms up. He grows in a weird way as he breaks through the roof of the prison and then we cue the most animated EXPLOSION PAINTINGS OF DEATH. Remember; Chargeman Ken's version is only a still painting and then the camera moves to simulate movement. This one has actual animation of explosions and thunderbolts. Plus; Hercules came at least a decade before Chargeman Ken. So we finally see Anteus in full as he has Kappa style saucer hair, the Bert style face, red trunks and sandals. He laughs like a jolly green giant as the prison is blown into bits of stone.
Scene change to a teenager like guy with roman brown hair, and green/red styled robes demanding answers to this outrage overlooking a look out of his castle I do believe. For no reason that I can think of; Newton is there as Daedalus comes in to taunt King Dorian, the former prince Dorian who took the throne of Caledon. This is basically the same role Prince Arin would have had if Teddy Ruxpin continued past 65 episodes I do believe. Dorian is as bland and generic of a character as you can get. He barely has any personality to speak of and he's more useless than Helena is, if that would humanly possible. I do love that evil creepy music in the background and I think it's reused a lot in other cartoons in Canada during that period. It's not unusual even in the 1990's/2000's since a lot of Monster Rancher's North American music was recycled into later episodes of Dragon Ball Z. Or some of Digimon Frontier's music was used in a Digimon Tamers movie (since Disney had the broadcast rights to that Tamers movie at the time; they couldn't use the original Saban music cues). Basically; Daedalus wants to demolish their kingdom, in the same way Don Karnage wants to plunder Cape Suzette, only Daedalus wants Dorian to give the kingdom to him. Of course; Dorian isn't because he's not a corrupt king or anything, even though any peasant worth his salt would be a better choice than Dorian ever would. Oh; and they have Hercules on their side as Newton is now wearing Hercules' belt. Well; not really; it oinly contains a stone that flashes beams into the sky to call Hercules, the same way the Bat Signal in Batman calls for Batman, natch. It's even called the Moon Stone. No word yet if it can evolve Pokemon since Pokemon wasn't around until 1996. I should note that Mount Olympus is very tall; but there is no cloud cover there to make it look like a very high area; so it just looks like any other mountain in this show. Here comes the Mighty Hercules and his moving background dive. Why did they need to fade to black there? Why did they do that? We return in a really badly drawn background of trees as Hercules lands. I should note that the far shot background nowhere near matches the background of the closeup when Anteus is shown against Hercules for the first time. So stupid. Anteus laughs and threatens to stomp on Hercules with his foot; and Hercules blows him off for that. Hercules stomps on Anteus' foot and Anteus screams in pain. Oh, come on! What a chicken Anteus is?!
Anteus does the punch pound; but Hercules dodges that easily as Anteus is moaning big time. Hercules dares him to do something and Anteus bails to wreck the whole city as Anteus slowly goes over and grabs a white stone building. Hercules panics and then stands there to take out his ring. He puts it on and it's OLYMPIA THUNDER CLOBBERING TIME~! Raising the fist there looks awfully awkward, more so than usual anyway. No EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE sound waves effect? That's awfully sloppy there, guys. Hercules rushes in as Anteus is dislodging the building as screams of help ensue. Anteus lifts the building and laughs out loud. Anteus throws the building away as Hercules runs in and manages to grab it and put it down softly within two seconds of each other. That was cheap; but it looked cool. Hercules turns around and proclaims that Anteus is dead basically; as Anteus blows him off. Hercules jumps up and does the E HONDA HEADBUTT OF DOOM to subdue the giant as he is knocked over another house and somehow doesn't do any damage whatsoever. Anteus begins to shrink slightly as Daedalus somehow gets on the roof and gives him another bottle of the elixir; yelling at him to hurry. Anteus is about to drink; but we jump cut to Hercules firing a bow and arrow and this nails the bottle and breaks it. Anteus is confused as he shrinks back to normal size and then we scene change to Daedalus groaning on cue as Hercules grabs him with the ring sparkling hand and we fade to black. We return as Anteus is in prison again while Newton taunts him with neighes along with King Dorian. Why is Tewt here? He never was in the episode at all until now; so what is the point of him being there? So everyone laughs and claps as Newton points out that his body grew big; but his brain grew small. To paraphrase John Cena: "Me called Anteus; here comes the pain! Gods built me strong, forget to give me brain!" So Hercules does his catchphrase while flying northwest into the sky with Daedalus in tow to end the episode at 4:30. Nothing says stupid like a giant who makes a deal with the cowardly wizard. This was ** 1/4 (45%); no trainwreck scale rating because it was fine for what it was.
The Fantus Beast: Okay; this episode is clearly in Season 3 terrority (episode #108) and the episode opens exactly the same way as The Balayest Beast as the narrator basically tells us that Newton Two-Two is waiting for The Mighty Hercules. Oh wait; it's the Mighty...Tewt. Okay; that was amusing as Tewt comes in playing his syrinx, which sounds pleasant at least. I should note that the background almost made it appear that Tewt was going off a cliff. Newton does an awful slow clap on the jump cut and calls it very good as Tewt blows sad tunes now and sheds the most obvious tacked on tears I have ever seen. Newton asks what's wrong and Tewt blows more sad tunes in the gist that he wants to hold onto Hercule's ring. Why does Tewt even want the ring? I have no idea and if this show was Chargeman Ken; they would have an extra minute to explain that. Newton blows him off as silly because Hercules would NEVER let Tewt play with his ring, causing Tewt to bring on the tacky tears again. Jump cut to a tree as the hideous wizard Daedalus (a purple hooded robe wearing male with elf shoes and a black mask with no pupils in his eyes, who is a scummy heel (and number one heel of the show by the way) in this take on Greek mythology instead of The Glory of Heracles on DS; which he was a babyface who was treated like a sad heel.) as Tewt blows more music and Newton decides to call Hercules anyway. So yes; even in the 1960's Newton can understand what Tewt is talking about even when the audience cannot. So Newton brings out a mirror like device that flashes laser beams. That is exactly what I thought it was as we jump cut to the sky to see The Mighty Hercules in a chariot with his winged horse Pegasus. Who's neighing is the same five second sound over and over again. Jump cut back to the ground and Tewt is amused for no reason as it appears that the beams caused Pegasus to crash off-screen since the ground was shaking, for no reason. Newton runs in and whispers to Hercules about Tewt wanting to hold onto the ring. Newton claims that the ring won't fit him, as if that means anything and Hercules doesn't see the harm in it. So naive this Hercules is!
Daedalus is pondering things over as we jump cut to the babyfaces as Tewt has his left hand outstretched as Hercules gives him the sparkling ring and tells him to take good care of it. Tewt teleports onto Newton's back and plays a musical tune while Newton walks away stage left. Hercules might as well dress himself up as a stupid idiot because we hear Daedalus laughing in the background and then jump cut to him carrying a giant steel chain. He tosses the chain and it ties up Hercules; as Daedalus claims that Hercules requires his ring to break it. Yeah; what an idiot Hercules is?! Daedalus chuckles and walks over to a cave entrance blocked with giant rocks as we pan out to see Newton and Tewt watching on from the rocks. Oops! Maybe Daedalus should have kept the volume down on his promo to make sure no one could hear it. One of the favorite swears of the show is known as "Suffering Psyche!"; which I'm shocked has never been used since this show aired. Because there are certainly a lot of hyper-titled white males who have suffering psyches, that is for sure. Newton explains that the sealed cave is home to the dreaded Fantus Beast and King Zeus was responsible for sealing up the cave. I wonder why?! Considering that Daedalus states that the forest would be safe for no one after the cave is unsealed, you can easily guess this. Tewt's expression is priceless as Daedalus brings out a white vial as I discover that this show did have enough in the budget for Daedalus having pupils in his eyes during this which kind of kills the gimmick. Daedalus throws the vial over his shoulder and then bails stage left as it hits the sealed cave and explodes into three puffs of smoke replayed five times. The cave is open and out comes a giant snake like dinosaur with fangs and a triangle mouth roaring. Newton panics, Daedalus feels his patience will be rewarded (hilarious considering we're almost 75% through this episode already) and Hercules is doing the weakest struggling of the chains I have ever seen. He's not even trying. Hercules breaks the chains; so Daedalus was a lying bastard as we see the monster has completely changed and has scales on the head and back and black claws. D'oh!
Still better than Fair Tuck from Rocket Robin Hood though as it runs in and we proceed to have a "fight". Scare quotes intentional since it looks like they are bopping, weaving and sparring without making contact at all. At least Hercules is trying to make contact with the punches and failing badly. Fantus beast headbutts Hercules in the midsection and Hercules goes flying and takes a sick bump off-screen while we jump cut to Newton and Tewt looking on in horror. Tewt and Newton run in and take Hercules' right arm and insert the ring onto his finger. Then they raise it into the air and it's OLYMPIA THUNDER CLOBBERING TIME~! Hercules literally recovers three seconds later and runs in and we resume the sparring match of death as Hercules is trying to put the thing in a headlock; but fails. Closeup of the beast roaring and as anyone with two clicks in the making of a clue knows that this has to end with Hercules winning; so Hercules invokes the POWER OF THE PUNCH which in real life would make you crumble; or fall backwards onto the ground within three feet. However; this is Hercules we are talking about as he flies about 500 meters; bounces off it's ass into the cave with Daedalus watching on in horror as Hercules comes in and seals the cave with rocks again. Then Hercules turns around and notices that Daedalus has teleported to an area that anyone can see him and he panics and bails stage left. Hercules chases after him and apparently tackles him off-screen in a loud crash. Yeah; this show uses a lot of Cinema 101, since it's animation budget is almost zero. Newton and Tewt watch on happy as Hercules yells out his catchphrase as the final shot is Hercules returning to the skies with his chariot and Pegasus with Daedalus tied up in the corner and that ends the episode at 4:28. I give this ** 3/4 on the trainwreck scale for the Fantus Beast fight and Hercules being a stupid idiot in thinking that giving Tewt the ring was a good idea. 3/4* (15%).
The Chameleon Creature: Okay; this episode is from season two episode #67. So we head to Mount Olympus and is home to the Mighty Hercules as we scene change to a cliff containing a crystal stone watched by an old man with full on white hair, a brown headband, sandals and a brown robe sitting in a stone chair. He is Dodonis, the seer of Mount Olympus and his gimmick is to see all and let Hercules do all the work. Hercules and Newton watch on as the crystal rock emits red waves with the same sound effects as the brainwashing effects on Caron in Chargeman Ken. We see an open vault and out comes Daedalus with a huge sack of treasure walking out as the narrator is trying to add suspense to this; but it's clearly Daedalus even on the far shot. We also see a some gold coins in the hallway as the CHEST OF DEMONS has been opened. This is the treasure of King Dorian's treasure vault. Dorian is one of the most generic kings/princes you will ever see in this show. Even Timon has more personality than this guy, why isn't he king? Oh wait; nepotism, never mind. Dodonis points out the obvious to us and Hercules proclaims that Daedalus hasn't beaten him yet as he bails with Newton. Newton does his double over "That's Me!" refrain and we dive down as the background is moving Hercules; which at least works well here and it has the anime hair effects; which only serve to make me think this show was animated in Japan. Hercules lands perfectly; Newton doesn't because he's worse than Grubby in balance. Although; that smackdown has got to hurt. Jump cut to Daedalus walking in the forest with the goodies and then hides underneath a rock; which I betcha Hercules finds him within ten seconds. I check the video...Damn; I'm so good. Hercules orders Daedalus to hand it over. I know what you are all thinking: Why would Daedalus steal the gold? Answer: The pay off his creditors. Easiest answer that makes sense without defaulting to: "I'm evil!". Daedalus of course no sells and brings out a lime green egg; which he crushes. Pink smoke comes out of it and it's time for the MONSTER OF THE DAY; a giant ass pink worm with scales on the back.
Daedalus giggles on cue and you have to be insane to have a giant earthworm as your monster of the day. Time for our psyches to suffer because that worm is known as the Chameleon Creature. Coloring mistake: Some shots have the Chameleon Creature with black scales; and sometimes they are pink. The coloring errors are minor (read: almost non-existent) compared to Chargemen Ken; but this annoyed me just the same. Daedalus orders the creature to run interference while Daedalus bails to bury the gold in a safe place. Sounds like a reasonable plan to me. So the creature floats into the air and changes into a brown boar with a giant spike like black horn. Anyone who saw my Mighty Ducks "Bringing Up Baby" rant will be very familiar with this transformation sequence as Newton is in shock as the spike boar rushes towards the ground. Hercules just stands there and goes for his rings. He puts it on and it's OLYMPIA THUNDER CLOBBERING TIME~! This one was much shorter on the white waves version this time as the boar beast is free falling straight down now. Hercules asks for his club as Newton slowly walks backwards in dragging the club with two hands. Of course; this is taking too much time; so Hercules rushes in and steals the club from Newton and runs back to bash the horn of the beast for a double stage left. The boar hits the rocks on the way down as Hercules smiles like a scoiopath and Newton neighes like one, too. So the boar is like "F*ck you!" and turns green as we get another transformation sequence. So much for stopping Daedalus as Daedalus is telling the monster to hang on; like a babyface would. Newton cannot believe the look of this now as the monster looks like the most deranged Gumby figure in history. Seriously; it looks like a hissing Gumby! Gumby Hisser rushes Hercules and tries to bite him; but Hercules dodges all. Newton is frightened as Gumby Hisser swipes it's arms; but Hercules dodges them as well. Geez; this monster has nightmare fuel written all over it; and it cannot make contact once on someone? Wimp! Newton covers his eyes and cannot watch this. Wow; way to bury the show there you stupid centaur!
Oh; and that's not just me insulting him, heels do in fact call him a stupid centaur in storyline! More hissing and rushing make Newton Two-Two neigh something something as Gumby Hisser grabs Hercules and we get Hercules sparring, bopping and weaving. Then we get the biggest shock of all; Netwon invokes MOLLY VIOLENCE on Gumby Hisser and those shots make contact. Gumby Hisser no sells anyway and boots Newton stage right. That'll teach him to mess with Gumby Hisser's heel heat! Daedalus praises Gumby Hisser and tells him to keep it up a little more as he bails stage left. Hercules then pushes on Gumby Hisser's chin and this causes Gumby Hisser to weaken according to Hercules; but Newton points out that Daedalus has won. No he has not, Newton as Hercules grabs Gumby Hisser by the neck and does the most awkward throw I have ever seen. Seriously; the animation made it look like he lost his grip during this! Gumby Hisser flies into the air and Daedalus of course stops right there, shows pupils and panics instead of just sidestepping the beast and gets crushed on screen. Then we get the most awesome way of avoiding killing the beast and still make Hercules look great sequence: Gumby Hisser turns white and transforms into a giant chicken and runs away like a scalded dog. That was in fact funny as Hercules laughs on cue. Daedalus sells it like he's dead as Newton takes back the golden sack as it is returning to Caledon (the kingdom Dorian rules by the way) as Daedalus stops selling two seconds later asking what happened. Hercules does his catchphrase off-screen and we stand around doing nothing to end the episode at 4:30. Oh wait; Newton winked to the hard camera, my mistake. ** 1/2 on the trainwreck for the usual crappy fight and Gumby Hisser doing most of the work to being legit threatening and awesome for me to mock at the same time. ** (40%).
Hercules VS Silly Overgrown Insect: If anyone knows the official episode title to this; let me know because I don't have a clue here. This version is in total black & white by the way as we open with a pan shot of Caledon's outskirts and a small cottage marked for doom. Giant explosion waves engulf the scene; destroying the cottage as it is pieces of wood and stone on the ground. Fade to black and return to the castle of Caledon as thunderbolts and noises ensue before the place suffers the exact same fate as the cottage. Okay; now it's getting serious here. Even more so; the destroyed background nowhere near matches the original background and looks like a different area altogether, only destroyed. So we pan over to the entire place in ruins with thunderclaps in the background as the narrator explains the obvious to us and then we fade to black and return to a look off from a palace with Helena and Newton Two-Two. More suffering psyches ensue as Helena accuses Daedalus of these fiendish actions; but Newton blows that off as they walk to the dungeons as we notice Daedalus, Murtis The Iron Mask (more on him soon enough) and Wilhemine are in prison, for no reason. The heels all laugh with only Daedalus' voice heard loud and clear; so I call BS on Newton on Daedalus being locked up with him being powerless. Helena and Newton notice more thunderclaps which we don't hear and Newton assures Helena that Hercules will take care of it and here comes Hercules who literally teleports out of nowhere without any fanfare whatsoever. This might be the worst episode ever in this series. Daedalus proclaims that he knew Hercules would come and admits that he's behind the whole thing and that he sets this all off before they were locked up. Oops! Maurdis admits that this can all be stopped with a special wand that Daedalus hid in his secret cave and offers to stop this if they are all released. Hercules of course no sells this and Welhemine tells Hercules he'll regret it. Newton hears more thunderbolts in the background and then Hercules listens to the ground and hears energy beam noises. Why? I have no idea. Hercules tells the useless sidekicks to stay put and then Hercules runs stage left and climbs over the fence and then is shocked and appalled to see a giant ass ant with electric balls on it's antennas and the most stoned out eyes I have ever seen. The balls hit each other and somehow this causes Hercules to fly backwards and land on his ass in front of Newton.
More suffering psyches ensue as the heels warned them and Daedalus claims that they have time to change their minds. Murtis claims otherwise as the giant ass ant of doom breaks through the breach and the heels panics. Oops! Now the heels are kissing up to Hercules now like a bunch of cowards as the ant comes closer and my god; it's the creepest looking thing I have ever seen. Daedalus thinks Hercules can win as Hercules gets up and dodges the balls of pain for a while as Wilhemine tells him to stand his ground; which would be the worst idea ever now as Helena cannot bare to watch. Even Newton is shedding a tear as the giant ant flings Hercules into the air with it's attenna balls and tosses it down to the ground hard. OUCH! It's squees sound worse than my screeching and that is saying something as we see Hercules stand there and puts on his ring because it's OLYMPIA THUNDER CLOBBERING TIME~! Strangely; no explosions; but there are thunderbolts; although that might be due to the lack of color in this episode. So Hercules grapples the ball attennas as this is turning into the worst black & white soft corn porno in animation reviewing history. And to think; this is the first time I have ever reviewed anything in black & white that wasn't done on purpose. The ant grabs him as Daedalus tells Hercules to hold on. Why should he; the stupid ant was stupid enough to do that for Hercules; you stupid idiot?! So Hercules pushes the balls to touch each other and this stops the ant in his tracks and sets it's balls on fire. Geez; and I thought I had a dirty mind. The antennas are burnt to a crisp and Hercules drags him away stage left far away so he cannot hurt anyone. So yes; the so called secret wand didn't play into the episode AT ALL. So why bother with that angle? It doesn't matter because the heels cheer for Hercules anyway as Newton neighes in glee. Hercules does his catchphrase to end the episode at 4:30. This was **** on the trainwreck scale for the worst McGruffin weapon in history, the worst monster of the day; which was describes by one Youtuber as a truly laughable aphid with a thyroid condition. And despite the whole thing built on the wand; they never brought it up again and Hercules still won easily. STUPID! -** 1/2 (-50%).
The Mask Of Vulcan: And speaking of Murtis The Iron Mask; this is sort of his origin story. Madius is basically Dadaelus without a black mask and has pupils for eyes; but with curly hair and some facial hair. However; he is a master ironsmith in storyline and his gimmick is that he created a dreaded iron mask that protects him from harm known as The Mask Of Vulcan. It looks like a giant fruit punch steel can with the tiniest holes made; making it look like the poor guy cannot breathe well in it. This gimmick is also extremely stupid for another major reason; but I'll address them when we get to the next episode featuring him. Anyhow; episode opens with Murtis tinkering with what appears to be a railroad spike on a giant tin can as the narrator calls him sinster for no reason. Murtis raises the iron mask and it explodes with thunderclaps and lights. Geez; it's just an iron mask, get over yourself cartoon! And just like Daedalus; he is putting it on to take over Caledon. So why bother with two villains you have the exact same motivation for evil? Just have Daedalus double up with the iron mask; and it's basically the same heel. There is an echo voiceover of course; because the iron mask is supposed to make everyone sound like a bad 1960's Kung-Fu movie dub. So Mask wants a test and that logically leads to an area inside Caledon with six guys dressed up in armor and helmets. The only way you can tell who the captain is is the feather hair on the helmet which is not present on the mooks. Also of note; this is the second episode in this series alone that I have reviewed in black & white. The captain tells Murtis to begone; or taste their spears which Murtis dares them to throw. So they throw the spears; but due to the MASK OF VULCAN, they bounce off of him. In real life; they stick to him and he dies, because that mask won't save you dood! Wear a bulletproof vest, that what police officers do. The captain is shocked and appalled as Murtis pumps his fist in either outrage or victory or both; I cannot tell which. He yells that no one can stop him as long as he has the Mask Of Vulcan and dares Hercules to try.
So we get a shot of Mount Olympus in it's glory; and then scene change to Hercules diving down while the background does the animating. Then a different shot with his back to us for no reason with fog effects in the foreground. Hercules lands near a bumpy plain as we hear the styrinx of Tewt who is on Newton Two-Two's back being annoying as Newton tells Tewt to shut up and points to the direction where Murtis is. Man; Newton is awfully bossy today as he's ordering even the Mighty Hercules around. Which sounds like a bad idea. Hercules puts on the ring and it's OLYMPIA THUNDER CLOBBERING TIME~! Hercules proclaims that he's ready and they walk towards each other. Mask stops and stands his ground as Hercules punches him over and over again; Murtis no sells everything. He's like Zeus The Human Wrecking Machine with a mask on or something. Newton is shocked and appalled as Tewt bails and runs like a cross between Sonic The Hedgehog and the Roadrunner, before either one of them was cool. Tewt hides behind a dead tree as we have more suffering psyches for fun (again; I'm shocked that this is the only cartoon who says this) as Hercules feels his fist and stops as Murtis walks away stage left acting all cocky as hell. Hercules calls for Newton and that's him, that's him. I told you he was annoying. So Hercules whispers to Newton for a while and I have no idea what they are saying because they are legit whispering, all I know is that Hercules is counting on Newton. Hercules bails stage left as Newton goes over to Tewt and they have a whisper conference as there is only one way to stop him now. So we scene change to Murtis walking around to the west as we hear Tewt blowing his catchphrase music of doom as this annoys Murtis; who is wearing sandals by the way. Tewt stands in front of Murtis and then points to his ass in the universal signal of daring Murtis to kick it. Keep in mind; this cartoon was released in the mid 1960's. Murtis is angry as he tries to kick Tewt's ass; but Tewt bails and hides behind a rock and really blows his styrix just to annoy him some more.
Then we get some of the scariest closeups of Murtis with the Mask Of Vulcan on as Murtis goes after Tewt with the worst music I have ever heard not named the Spring Accordin music from Chargeman Ken. Buzzsaw effects ensue as Murtis somehow manages to catch up to Tewt as the Hanna Barbera running effects are in full force here. So here's the finish: Tewt then stops; trips Murtis (mind you Murtis completely no sold Hercules' punches, but he still sold a trip from someone a quarter of Hercules' size for no good reason), Murtis goes flying, the mask flies off Murtis' head and Murtis freefalls off the cliff. Murtis panics because he'll be killed. No; you it's worse than that Murtis; it's being in the arms of the Mighty Hercules. Jump cut to Newton proclaiming that he did it; sounding like a complete asshole who did nothing and took all the credit as Tewt is pissed off on the cliff and calls him out on it. Newton looks like he got his hand caught in the cookie jar and proclaims that "maybe" Tewt did it...and Tewt forgives him anyway. I would have tweeted into his face again for saying "maybe". There was no maybes about it; it was all on Tewt, you selfish prick! We end with Hercules doing his catchphrase and running away on a path stage right to close at 4:25. This was a fine debut for the Mask Of Vulcan, but if you noticed the finish, this gimmick is going to get much stupider as time goes on. This was ** 1/2 on the trainwreck scale for the gimmick in general and the finish. Call it * 1/2 (30%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; what more can I say? Mighty Hercules is a fun cartoon to mock and nothing in it is so offensive that it makes my head hurt. It's the perfect cartoon for Easter Sadism. Lots of bad animation, annoying characters, stupid useless females and a lot of legit threatening monsters buried due to time constraints and Mighty Hercules being overpowered as hell. The stories are solid enough that I understood what was going on; but they were all simple and to the point, since they had less than five minutes to tell those stories. At least the show feels polished unlike Chargeman Ken was. I would have enjoyed this a lot more if I wasn't under the weather today; but it was fun enough and I look forward to part two of this trainwreck of a series from Canada. So...
Thumbs down for every episode here (on the trainwreck scale; most of them were in the middle, the ant one was a thumbs up and a few were down) and I'll see you all next time.